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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23253418">Answered Prayers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/slingzarrowz/pseuds/slingzarrowz'>slingzarrowz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Book of Levi [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Divergent, F/F, F/M, It's about to get weird, emotional love triangles, erurivetra, is that a thing?, kind of, rivetra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:28:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>542,976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23253418</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/slingzarrowz/pseuds/slingzarrowz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Petra are in love and together. They are finally, perfectly happy. But as the world around them falls to madness, their love will change not only their own destinies, but the course of history as well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi &amp; Erwin Smith, Levi/Petra Ral, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Petra Ral &amp; Erwin Smith, Pieck/Hange Zoë</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Book of Levi [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>536</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pillow was sodden with tears, but she didn’t move her head. Petra didn’t think she could move her body. Maybe not ever again. She wasn’t injured physically, but the pain…</p>
<p>She lay on her side, gazing at the castle window. Outside, there were stars. The moon. She could hear crickets off in the woods. The air here was so clean, the silence so complete. <em>I love this</em>, Levi had told her, lying with her in this bed after Erwin sent her along to assist Levi and his squad with the titan boy. Eren. Petra had been glad for time with her lover. They’d lain here, Petra on her side, Levi wrapped around her. <em>It’s quiet and clean here. Tch. The brat did a shitty job on the upstairs, though. Dusty.</em></p>
<p>Petra had come here one month before to help prepare Eren for his first mission as a member of the Survey Corps. She’d spent her days assisting Levi and Hange with experiments, or helping Eld, Gunther, Nifa, and Oruo with…</p>
<p>She began sobbing again. That wretched, full body sobbing that cramped her stomach. Two days ago, they went beyond the walls on their first mission with Eren.</p>
<p>Two days ago, they lost so many to that female titan creature.</p>
<p>They’d lost Eld. Gunther. Nifa. Oruo.</p>
<p>
  <em>No no no no no please anything please I’ll do anything no no.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra had lost friends before. She was known as ‘the weeper’, affectionately. She wasn’t afraid to cry when a soldier was on their deathbed. She wasn’t afraid to tend to them. ‘Angel of the battlefield’ someone once called her. ‘The waterfall’ Oruo had named her, which got him a jab to the ribs.</p>
<p>She had never known a world without Oruo. Their families had been neighbors. Since they’d been little, just toddling through the streets of Calaneth, they’d played together. They’d climbed rooftops, chased birds. They’d trained for the military together. Joined Levi’s squad together.</p>
<p>They just hadn’t been together when that squad had to protect Eren. And Oruo…</p>
<p><em>Tch. Quit nagging me, Petra. You’re not my wife, y’know.</em> That mocking smile he used to give her was fresh in her mind. He’d never give it again.</p>
<p>Petra couldn’t remember much of the moment she’d seen all four of their bodies laid out on the grass. She had snippets; she remembered falling to her knees. She remembered screaming. She remembered people having to pull her to her feet and take her away. Flashes of Levi’s grim face. His clear embarrassment. Here she was, aide to the Commander, a seasoned soldier, losing her mind in front of all the new recruits who’d just faced hell.</p>
<p>Nifa. They’d whispered together in the barracks. Nifa had loaned her a dress for the midwinter ball. They’d fought alongside one another so many times.</p>
<p>Nifa had died in Petra’s place. They all knew it.</p>
<p>“Please give them back.” Petra moaned the words into her pillow like a child, and that brought a fresh round of sobs.</p>
<p>She’d pulled the bloody sheet from Oruo’s face and looked down on him. People looked so flat when they were dead. A shell. A shed skin. He shouldn’t have gazed vacant at the sky like that. He should have been making faces and telling her to quit fussing. Her heart had pummeled her chest. She’d wanted to run fast, run as fast as she could and yell for Oruo. Maybe she could catch him. Maybe he was not gone yet. But she knew that wherever she went in this world, the highest mountain peak, the deepest part of the largest lake, she would never ever ever see him again. He was gone from her forever.</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t know how to be me without you.</em>
</p>
<p>She hadn’t been in love with Oruo. It just hadn’t happened. But she had not realized how badly she needed him until she didn’t have him anymore. Petra sobbed, clawing at the pillow and thinking of them.</p>
<p>Eld helping her oil and maintain her ODM.</p>
<p>Gunther quietly slipping her a heated satchel when she had her period and didn’t want the guys to mock her.</p>
<p>Nifa showing her how to apply rouge, laughing when Petra made herself look like a clown.</p>
<p>Oruo sitting next to her on the roof, ten years old, saying that of <em>course</em> they had to stay together. Always.</p>
<p>They had all been more than comrades. They’d been family.</p>
<p>
  <em>My family is gone.</em>
</p>
<p>Even though she still had her parents and siblings. And Levi.</p>
<p>The door to their room creaked open. Petra lay sprawled on the bed, her eyes bleary with the tears. She heard Levi walk over to the bed. He moved a bit gingerly; he’d fractured his ankle while fighting that female titan bitch.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why didn’t you get there sooner? Why didn’t you save them?</em>
</p>
<p>She’d never said those words, but these last two nights he’d sat up in his office, or the kitchen. Couldn’t sleep. He let her have her privacy to grieve.</p>
<p>They both knew what those unspoken words were.</p>
<p>“You missed the meeting,” he said. Yes. Erwin and Eren and some other soldiers. Petra felt like the pathetic fainting damsel to have missed it. But after the way she’d started screaming after the first night, she’d been given some medicine. It made her sleepy. Foggy headed. She preferred the oblivion to the pain, though.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she mumbled.</p>
<p>“Don’t be. Erwin understood. You’ll need to catch up tomorrow, though. Some big plans over the next few days.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>She felt him sit down on the mattress. She kept staring out the window into the cool night. This room had been a little paradise for them these last few weeks. After days of hard work, they’d had nights of play. Petra loved nothing more than falling asleep in Levi’s arms, her naked skin against his, watching the shimmer of moonlight on the ceiling as he drowsed. He was such an insomniac that whenever she tired him out enough to fall asleep, she felt especially proud.</p>
<p>These last two nights, she’d slept alone.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>The words had been said. She shut her eyes; she wanted to go to sleep. Stay asleep.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t your fault.” The words she’d rehearsed in her mind. She had to say them. He hated himself enough in the day to day, she couldn’t heap this on him. She said the words even if she wasn’t sure she meant them.</p>
<p>Levi placed a hand on her side. She didn’t react. Didn’t move. She felt so heavy.</p>
<p>“I was going back for them—”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to tell me.”</p>
<p>“I want to.” His voice was flat. Calm. Stoic. But she could feel the undercurrent of need. He needed to unburden himself. “I was going back for them, but Erwin had me replenish my gas and blades first. He suspected the female was still out there. Tch. Right as usual.”</p>
<p>Petra felt a hot tear streak down her face. She’d been standing beside Erwin and Levi on that branch out in the giant forest. She’d helped try to clear the titans away from the female as they devoured her.</p>
<p>She’d missed that exchange between captain and commander.</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, even if I hadn’t stopped to gas up, I don’t think I’d have made it in time.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>He said something he didn’t truly mean in order to make her feel better. She did the same for him. The bed sank lower as he leaned over her.</p>
<p>“Petra. Look at me.”</p>
<p>It was a command. The first he’d given her in days. She looked at him. His face was taut, his eyes burning.</p>
<p>“You believe me?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>His thin nostrils flared. “I want it out in the open. No good fixing a broken bone if you don’t set it right. Do you believe me?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said flatly. She gasped when he gripped her arms and hauled her to a sitting position. His gaze held hers. His hands squeezed.</p>
<p>“Tell me the truth. Do you believe me?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she hissed.</p>
<p>“Tell me the fucking truth.”</p>
<p>She broke.</p>
<p>“Fine. They’d still be alive if you hadn’t stopped for the <em>fucking gas</em>!” she barked. “There. There’s the truth. Are you <em>fucking</em> happy?”</p>
<p>He let her go and she collapsed onto her side, weeping into her arms. God, she smelled awful. She hadn’t bathed. She was filthy. She couldn’t lift her head. She couldn’t eat. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be anywhere. Levi said nothing. She peered up at him, his image blurred with her tears. His hands were limp at his sides. He seemed so small.</p>
<p>And that broke her even harder. Petra reared up and grabbed his arms. She tried shaking him, but could barely move him. The man was a block of iron. She sobbed, her hair flopping in her face with the effort.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you do anything? Huh? Why don’t you just <em>move?</em>”</p>
<p>“What do you want me to do?” He was so icy. Petra screamed. It rang off the walls. She was afraid someone would come. Or maybe she hoped they would, so they could bear witness to her insanity.</p>
<p>“I want you to do <em>something</em>.”</p>
<p>“Petra. No one can ever guess how things will work out.”</p>
<p>It was that cold, practical voice again. The speech he gave after every loss. Except this time it was for the boys. For Nifa. For Oruo.</p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p>“They did the best they could with the knowledge they had. We all did. And this is how things turned out.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, shut up!” She tried shaking him again, but he crushed her against his body. She was held in firm place. He could break her in half if he wanted, but he only applied enough pressure to hold her.</p>
<p>“What can I do? What do you want me to do?” he snarled.</p>
<p>“I want you to give them back to me!” she wailed. That was the first time she saw Levi’s expression shift from stoniness to something like heartbreak. The corners of his eyes tightened. His thin eyebrows lifted. His mouth became small. “I want them back. Give them back!” She rocked to and fro in his iron grip. “Give them back! Bring them back!”</p>
<p>“I can’t,” he said quietly. “Petra. Anything else.” His voice wavered only slightly, but for him that was the same as weeping. “What else do you want?”</p>
<p>“Stop. Stop. Stop.” She fell against his shoulder. “Make it stop. Please. Just make it stop.”</p>
<p>“How?” he whispered into her hair.</p>
<p>“Make the pain stop. Make me feel something else.” She looked at him through the ragged tangle of her hair. It was dirty. So was she. Levi hated all things dirty. But she saw something primal in his eyes. “Make it hurt,” she rasped.</p>
<p>She wanted to replace one pain with another.</p>
<p>“Petra,” he growled.</p>
<p>“Make it hurt so I can’t feel,” she said. Then, because Levi was fundamentally a good man who did not like to be too rough with her, Petra launched herself onto him. She clung to him, kissed him as hard as she could. His own iron resolve began to melt as she nipped at him, and he yowled when she bit him on the lip and drew blood. Petra reared back, crouched on the bed as he gazed at her in shock. She was an animal now. If the world was pain, she wanted pain on her own terms.</p>
<p>Finally, the walls around Levi crumbled. She saw in a flash the agony he was living in. He’d suffered as much as she had these last few days, but unlike her he had not indulged it. He’d suffered in silence. He’d been there when everyone needed him.</p>
<p>This was as much for him as for her.</p>
<p>With a cry, Levi threw her down. Petra bounced a little on the springs as he straddled her. He did not unbutton her clothes; he ripped them from her body. Petra squirmed under him, hot delight coursing in her veins as he tossed her ruined dress to the floor in a ball. He tore her underwear away as well. She was naked beneath him now, lying there helpless as he quickly unbuckled and unbuttoned his pants. He did not get naked, only released his cock and grabbed her by the hips. Petra struggled desperately, wanting to be joined. When Levi shoved inside of her, she cried out in real pain. She wasn’t ready at all, and the first few thrusts were a deep, burning agony. She hadn’t known discomfort like it since she’d had sex for the first time. And she wanted it. The pain released her.</p>
<p>“Make it hurt. Make it rough,” she whispered through her teeth. Levi cried out and began thrusting as hard as he could, his fingers digging into her hips as he battered against her. Petra threw back her head, tears squeezing from her eyes at the pain.</p>
<p>
  <em>Make it feel like rape.</em>
</p>
<p>She was free as he used her, finally free as he rammed into her again and again. Levi’s eyes were wild, his gaze fixed firmly on where his body joined hers. Petra wasn’t a woman tonight, or a lover. She was a receptacle for his lust. She was a warm body for him to fuck. That was good. It was what she wanted. It was oblivion.</p>
<p>Petra felt him move faster inside of her. Levi threw back his head, his teeth bared, his eyes fixed on some distant spot in the room. Maybe he was looking back out there into the forest, where he could have saved them if he’d just been faster…</p>
<p>He went faster and faster. Petra felt raw inside with his speed. She felt him stiffen, and then the surge as he came so hard inside of her she swore that it filled her. Petra moaned as she came, his ecstasy tipping her over the edge. After a few more shallow thrusts, Levi came to a stop. His back bent. He sighed, his eyes closed, a deep V furrowed between his brows. Petra shivered as he slid out of her. Her thighs felt chafed. She was sore deep inside. And she could not think of anything else but the pain.</p>
<p>It was wonderful.</p>
<p>With a groan, Levi fell on top of her. She lay there, entirely naked, his entirely clothed body atop hers. Petra wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face against his neck.</p>
<p>“I know,” she whispered. Her chin quivered. “I know it wasn’t your fault. You were just following orders.” She squeezed him. “It was no one’s fault but hers.”</p>
<p>Levi breathed heavily. He shivered.</p>
<p>“All I could think,” he said, hoarse, “was that if we weren’t doing this, you’d have been in Nifa’s place. And you’d be dead now.”</p>
<p>He held her tighter than she could ever remember him holding her before.</p>
<p>“Every time we leave the walls, it could be you,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Or you,” she offered, but they both knew it was less likely. She kissed his cheek. “It’s not your fault, Levi. You did everything you could for them. I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>He gave a great, shuddering gasp. It was the closest he ever came to crying. They lay there, and after a while he rolled off of her and she cuddled close against him. She kissed him. She rubbed the back of his head in the way he liked best. Eventually, she felt him relax.</p>
<p>“You need to rest,” Petra whispered. “You need to heal.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” His mouth twitched. She kissed his lips. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I said—”</p>
<p>“I know. I know.”</p>
<p>She’d been half out of her mind. But now, while she was still in agony, at least she could see clearly again. There was that. He’d given that to her.</p>
<p>She helped him out of his clothes, and tenderly lay down with him in bed. They put out the candle. They lay in the moonlight. His hand stroked up and down her naked back.</p>
<p>“I just can’t stop thinking,” he grunted.</p>
<p>“Me neither,” she said.</p>
<p>But eventually, mercifully, they both fell asleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>Six weeks later</strong>
</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman crept into the room, closed the door gently so he didn’t rouse her. Petra was asleep in their bed, the bedclothes shoved down from where he’d got out before dawn to go running. He smiled as he gazed at the supple line of her naked back. She sighed in her sleep as he slid off his boots. Levi had run the entire perimeter of the barracks twice, letting the pounding of his heart and the burning pain in his legs soothe him as the dawn melted from cool gray to pinks and yellows. He’d showered hastily in the barracks, dressed, and was only stopping in to put on his uniform before the day properly began.</p>
<p>But first, the flowers.</p>
<p>He was a sentimental bitch. He was a sap. But he’d seen the wildflowers growing out of the cracked paving stones and he’d snagged them. They’d reminded him of Petra, bright orange and scrappy, fighting for space in a hard world.</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman padded to the bed and gently eased onto the mattress next to his girl. Petra sighed again as he kissed her bare shoulder, enjoying the light dusting of freckles. She tasted like soap, and subtly of sex. The perfect combination.</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman. Tch. Hard to believe he had a last name now. A family line. A history. He’d never really missed having those things, but it was a whole new identity. An entirely new set of clothes he wasn’t yet comfortable in. It’d been a wild couple of months, no doubt. The female titan. The other titans in the 104<sup>th</sup>. The little matter of toppling a corrupt government and installing that brat Historia on the throne.</p>
<p>Kenny’s death. Levi’s name.</p>
<p>Through it all, at least he’d had her. She was his bright constant. His clean angel. Levi nuzzled at Petra’s naked back, trailing a line of kisses until she groggily moaned, emerging from sleep. She sighed heavily as she rolled onto her back and blinked, her face a little puffy from sleep. But she smiled when she saw him.</p>
<p>“Morning, brat,” he said.</p>
<p>“Mmm. Hello.” She lifted her head and kissed him. He sank back onto the bed with her, enjoying the touch of her lips, her tongue. Wishing like hell it wasn’t a long day ahead, because falling back into bed with her sounded like paradise. But he broke off the kiss, and frowned.</p>
<p>“You sleeping in again? Tch. I don’t like layabouts. Think you can take it easy because you’re Erwin’s aide? Up.” He clapped a hand on her thigh, shook her. Petra stretched and yawned, putting her lithe body on display. He appreciated that.</p>
<p>“Sorry. Tired. You kept me up last night.” She smiled at him, sweet and sly. That kind of look turned his blood molten. Fuck, he had to get out of this bed before he got carried away.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and I was up at five ready to run. Get up. You miss breakfast, it’s on your own lazy ass.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” She pouted, knowing what that would do to him. He nipped at her mouth, then kissed her. Petra’s hands cupped the back of his neck, brushed tenderly through his hair. These last few months, they’d always kept it professional outside this room. You wouldn’t know they were together unless you paid close attention. But in here, Levi had learned to be affectionate. To give and receive. To touch without hesitation. To enjoy.</p>
<p>“Here.” He laid the bundle of flowers on Petra’s chest. He always, even now, got a little uneasy about giving her anything. The old feeling of ‘what if she doesn’t like it? what if she leaves?’ which had been ingrained in him from childhood would return. But Petra’s face lit up in delight as she brought the flowers to her nose and inhaled. Good. She liked them. “Just found them growing. You know. Er. They look like you.”</p>
<p>Petra giggled. “I love them. Put them in the vase?”</p>
<p>He couldn’t help smiling just a little as he poured water in the one little blue and white vase they had, then plumped the flowers. Levi was a world class bruiser, Humanity’s Strongest, the grimmest, surliest man in the Corps, slayer of titans and former underground thug, but fuck if the little things didn’t bring him such joy. Flowers on the table. The woven rug Petra had found to make their room cozier. Her in bed, naked, rubbing sleep from her eyes.</p>
<p>All the little domestic shit he never thought he’d ever experience. He loved every second of it.</p>
<p>“C’mon. Ass out of bed.” He went to haul her up, a little routine that always made her giggle. But Levi stopped when he took another look at Petra. Frowning, he sat next to her. “Oi. Petra. You okay?”</p>
<p>The color had fled her face all of a sudden. Her lips in particular were nearly white. Sweat shone on her forehead, and she had her eyes squeezed shut. Petra began breathing slowly, but she squeezed his hand.</p>
<p>“Ah. It’s okay. I feel dizzy when I wake up sometimes, that’s all.”</p>
<p>Levi had to force himself not to get tense. He’d watched his mother waste away in bed for months as a kid, so anytime anyone looked even a little sick he had an instinctive reaction towards horror.</p>
<p>“How long’s this happened?” he asked gruffly. To that, Petra smiled a little.</p>
<p>“Relax. You know I have problems with anemia.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Right.”</p>
<p>The tension flooded right out of his body. Since the Survey Corps got such shit pay from the government, meat was a rarity, red meat especially. Some of them, like Petra, were prone to ‘tired blood’ as Kenny used to call it. Levi kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“We got medicine for that?”</p>
<p>“Mmm. I need some tablets. They won’t have them in the med, though. I’ll need to go get some today.” She sat up, still a little woozy as she clutched at his arm. “Let me get dressed. I’m sure the Commander will allow me to go before lunch.”</p>
<p>“He’ll allow you now,” Levi grumbled. He nosed at her hair. It smelled of lilac. He loved the scent. “I’ll tell Erwin. You just get dressed when you can and go to the doctor. Tch. Those scummy, shitty MPs probably get steak every night. Maybe I can put in a word with Zackley, get you some.”</p>
<p>“I can’t have some if the Corps can’t,” Petra said. She hugged him. “Though I love you for saying that.”</p>
<p>“I never had this before.” He rested his chin on her shoulder, kissed her neck. This intimacy. This contact. “I need you okay, brat.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get some leeks from the market on my way back,” she said gently. “They have a lot of the good nutrients of red meat, and they’re cheaper.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Lie back down until you’re steady. I’ll go talk to Erwin.”</p>
<p>“Levi. Wait.”</p>
<p>That urgency in her voice, almost like panic…</p>
<p>“What?” He gripped her hands.</p>
<p>“I…I don’t know.” She nestled back into the pillow. “I love you,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Tch. Gave me a heart attack for that?” he grumbled before kissing her. “I love you,” he whispered, like it was a secret he didn’t want to get out. She giggled. There. If she was healthy and laughing, he could survive anything the world gave him. He’d faced Rod Reiss as a titan, all nine million feet of him, and felt nothing. Petra coughing? That scared the shit out of him.</p>
<p>Levi got up and quickly dressed in his uniform. He smirked when Petra ooh-ed and aah-ed and whistled as he got naked and stepped into his trousers, his boots, his harness.</p>
<p>“You’re lucky I got somewhere to be,” he growled, tying his cravat. “Or I’d have disciplined your ass. Twice.”</p>
<p>“Maybe tonight?” She winked as he headed for the door.</p>
<p>“Get your tablets and we’ll see.”</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman closed the door on his own private heaven. He got rid of the last traces of his smile, and walked back into the world as the stone cold killer everyone needed him to be.</p>
<p>But inside, he was still smiling.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra studied the market stalls she passed on her way to the center of town. She eyed those leeks she’d mentioned, only two pennies each. If only the Corps was still in Calaneth, she could get Papa to give her some.</p>
<p>Petra had stopped feeling woozy shortly after Levi left. She walked through the streets of Trost feeling a strange, almost impossible calm. The sky was clear. The warmth of summer was at its peak. The streets smelled of manure and soup, a potent combination. Petra wrinkled her nose as she turned down a quiet lane and made her way to the doctor’s door.</p>
<p>She knocked twice. An older woman with calm eyes and graying hair opened, and smiled.</p>
<p>“Come in,” she said.</p>
<p>Petra removed her clothes with all the easy grace of a dance. She smiled as she thought of her little home with Levi. Captain Ackerman. Even though they’d agreed all those months ago that they would never marry, she’d found herself occasionally daydreaming of Petra Ackerman. Ugh. The incurable romantic, as ever. But really, she had all the joys of a wife, and some of the difficulties. He could be taciturn and crass, but then he brought her flowers. Most men would moan and cry about their lost freedom in being ‘tied down’ to a woman, but Levi looked absolutely blissful in domestic tranquility. Reading over reports together in the evening. Having tea after a long day. Lying in bed while Petra read one of her romantic novels, telling him the plot and laughing when he teased her. Lying in his arms, listening to his heart, feeling his hand smoothing her hair. Levi had been born into blood, darkness, and death. Tea and romance delighted him.</p>
<p>“Sit up,” the doctor said, positioning herself between Petra’s legs.</p>
<p>The big thing now was planning Shiganshina. The operation was coming up soon, and there was an almost ecstatic energy amongst the Corps. Petra had worked long hours at the Commander’s side, coming up with plans. Preparing. Privately, she and Levi both had worried about Erwin. He was down an arm, after all. Most soldiers retired from the field after an injury like that. Petra knew how much the Commander’s potential involvement aggrieved Levi especially. Maybe she could help talk to the Commander. He seemed to respect her, like her.</p>
<p>Soon Petra would ride out to Shiganshina alongside Levi and Hange and Eren and all the rest. She would be a proud soldier in the fight on the front lines for humanity. Even if she had to give her life, she’d give it gladly.</p>
<p>That was her destiny. Unchangeable.</p>
<p>Her whole body began to shake uncontrollably when the doctor had finished.</p>
<p>“Do you need some water?” the woman asked.</p>
<p>“No.” Petra grinned at her, teeth chattering. Must be cold. “I-I’m anemic,” she said.</p>
<p>Tears filled her eyes.</p>
<p>“You’re pregnant.” The doctor did not smile.</p>
<p>Petra began to sob.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The things that weren’t there hurt worst of all. Erwin’s arm, for example—the one that was gone—hurt terribly. The pain of it now was almost worse than the moment it had been chewed off. He closed his eyes, feeling the throbbing ache in the phantom limb. He could <em>feel</em> it, the right arm and his right hand. He swore he could flex the non-existent fingers. It felt like his entire limb was made out of pain.</p>
<p>Things that were gone hurt so brutally.</p>
<p>“Sir?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>As always, her gentle voice was a tonic. Erwin opened his eyes, smiling in relief as the ache began to subside. He was sitting at his table, a cup of half-drunk tea to his left, a plan for Shiganshina laid out before him. He saw the unsteady scrawl of his left hand—he was still learning to write with it—alongside Petra’s looping cursive. His aide, meanwhile, was on her knees on his bedroom floor, piling all of his books so as to give Erwin space to move around. Petra looked at him with concern in her bright eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you all right, Commander?”</p>
<p>“Mmm. The ache gets bad in the afternoon, Petra. No need to worry.”</p>
<p>The sunlight slanted in from the west, stretching shadows along the wall and firing Petra’s hair. Levi would sit here sometimes in the evening and talk about how beautiful her hair was in the light, his fingers unconsciously stroking the empty air before him, imagining her on his knee. Erwin’s captain rarely shared intimate details about his life, but sometimes late at night the longing for his girl overcame him, and he let slip a few sundry details. Nothing ungentlemanly—it would have been awkward for both of them if Erwin knew too much. But Petra Ral excited such a hold over the captain’s thoughts.</p>
<p>“Here, sir.” Petra topped off his tea, a small curl of steam wafting into the air from the cup.</p>
<p>For years Erwin had thought of her as a sweet, competent girl with a lot of bravery and little imagination. Only Levi had seen the real heart of her. The generosity. The spirit. The almost ethereal quality behind the well-scrubbed, chipper exterior.</p>
<p>Ruefully, Erwin thought that if he’d noticed her gracious qualities before the captain, he might’ve been taken with Petra himself.</p>
<p>“As always, you know just what I need. Thank you.” He sipped, cursing as he sloshed a little. His left hand wasn’t dominant, and even sipping tea was a chore now. Erwin tried not to let his weariness show as he put the cup back down. “Sorry. Clumsy me,” he muttered, but Petra had already wiped up the spill.</p>
<p>“Not at all,” she said gently. Erwin looked at his aide. He frowned; was it his imagination, or did Petra seem distant today? Normally, she’d be chatting amiably as she helped organize the mess he’d left during the day. Her lilting voice was such a balm to him in the afternoons. But today, she seemed pale. Quiet. Then again, Levi had told him that her anemia was back.</p>
<p>“What did the doctor say?”</p>
<p>“It’s nothing bad.” Petra turned hurriedly and nearly stumbled over a book. Erwin reached out to catch her, but she’d already righted herself. “Ugh! Now <em>I’m </em>clumsy.”</p>
<p>“Yes. It must be catching.” Erwin chuckled. While Petra tidied up his papers and put them away, he unconsciously clutched at the empty sleeve where his right arm had once been. The pain and the awkwardness were more exhausting than he could have anticipated. Erwin always hated the late afternoon. Soon it would be evening, and Petra would go home to her lover. Erwin would be left to fumble with his shirt, to go through his nightly routine like a clod. He would sit alone at this table and read by candlelight, praying that soon he’d be tired enough to blow out the light and go to sleep. His dreams were his only refuge now.</p>
<p>He’d been dreaming of Marie again these past weeks. He dreamed that he walked into a house and found her painting some landscape in the living room. He dreamed of kissing her cheek and hearing the gallop of children coming down the stairs. When he awoke, he would be happy for a few seconds. Then the weariness would set in.</p>
<p>He pictured himself as an old man shuffling around, trying to light his candle, spilling his soup alone.</p>
<p>The phantom limb ached.</p>
<p>“If you and Levi are free tonight, I have a good bottle of wine. Or tea, if he prefers,” Erwin said to Petra. Hange was too busy with her experiments of late to sit with him, and Mike was…not here any longer. Mike and Nanaba both, taken in the same day. He’d been meaning to talk to them about their illicit relationship, and now there was no need or possibility to talk ever again.</p>
<p>God, his injury ached.</p>
<p>“Oh! We’d love to,” Petra said, spiking hope. “But…”</p>
<p>“You’re both busy, of course,” he said quickly, not wanting this to be awkward. They would have tea alone, enjoying the other’s company. They did not want Erwin getting in the way of their happiness.</p>
<p>“No, no. We just…need to talk tonight.”</p>
<p>Erwin glanced at her. Petra’s back was to him, but he swore her voice had trembled.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>“No.” She took a shuddering breath, the prelude to tears. A few papers slipped from her hands and floated to the floor.</p>
<p>“Petra. What is it?” He had a horrible thought. “Are you seriously ill?”</p>
<p>“No.” She turned around, hastily brushing away tears.</p>
<p>“Sit. It’s an order.”</p>
<p>Head bowed, Petra took a chair.</p>
<p>“Did something happen at the doctor?” he asked.</p>
<p>Petra gave a deep, miserable sigh.</p>
<p>“I’d have to tell you, anyway,” she muttered.</p>
<p>“What?” Erwin felt ready to explode out of his skin. Petra was one of the few solid, happy things in his life these days. He couldn’t lose that.</p>
<p>“I wanted to tell Levi first.” She sniffed, then raised her face. Her eyes were red with tears. “I’m so scared. Ahh.” She hid her face in her hands. “I’m pregnant,” she whimpered.</p>
<p>Erwin blinked. Of all the things he might have heard, he’d truly never considered this.</p>
<p>“Petra…”</p>
<p>“He’s going to be so mad at me.” She was trembling now.</p>
<p>“He won’t be,” Erwin said to comfort her.</p>
<p>“I promised him this wouldn’t happen.” She was weeping now.</p>
<p>Levi was going to be a father. It was the most insane sentence Erwin had ever dreamed of. He knew that Ral was correct: Levi was <em>not</em> going to be happy. But he also would never abuse the girl, or berate her. That wasn’t the captain’s way. If anything, Erwin feared that Levi would sit there in stunned silence and remain that way for the entire night, while Petra whipped herself into a frenzy trying to get him to speak.</p>
<p>And Petra…</p>
<p>Erwin didn’t even know what to do. Women had gotten pregnant in the Corps before, but when that happened they left and got married, or…well, one day they were simply no longer pregnant. Erwin did not involve himself either way. It was not his business. If they left, good luck to them. They were probably saner than anyone else in this carnival. If the pregnancy…ended…then it was back to work. Either way, he was not in charge.</p>
<p>He did not believe, though, that Petra’s pregnancy would simply “end.” So if or when she had this baby, what did that mean for her place in the Survey Corps?</p>
<p>Was he going to lose a competent aide on whom he leaned more and more every day?</p>
<p>And Levi? A lover was one thing. A child? That ripped out the whole root of what a person was. It altered a man.</p>
<p>Not that Erwin knew what that was like. Or ever would know.</p>
<p>Erwin did not know how to soothe the frightened girl, but Petra’s cries cut him to the heart.</p>
<p>“Petra. Please look up,” he said. She gazed at him, her face blotched. She was shaking uncontrollably now. Erwin didn’t try to reach for her—he didn’t think it was his place. So he tried speaking calmly. “He’s going to accept it. It will undoubtedly shock him, but he’ll recover in time. You are one of the most precious things in his life.” Yes, it was true. Levi was smitten with this girl. Undemonstrative as the captain was, Erwin could read his passions and hopes and fears. He worshipped the very air this girl breathed. “Whatever you decide, he will come around to it. Believe me.”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes, thick tears rolling down her cheeks. She kept crying as Erwin pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her. She wiped her face gladly.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. I-I know this is the last thing you need.” She crumpled the handkerchief.</p>
<p>“If this mission goes through, humanity will take back its land. It will have a future again. A baby is a good symbol of that future,” he said gently. And more than that, if the mission succeeded he would learn the secrets that this world had denied him. The secrets he’d sacrificed a wife and children for would be his. It was something. “Go home now. I’ll finish up here.”</p>
<p>Erwin stood, and Petra did, too. She offered the handkerchief back, but he shook his head. She kept it.</p>
<p>“This is going to hurt him,” she said, eyes to the floor.</p>
<p>Erwin imagined being hurt that the woman he loved was bearing his child. He could have laughed. <em>You’re so young, Petra. You don’t know that the absence of something hurts worse than anything else.</em></p>
<p>“He’ll understand. And if he doesn’t, send him to me.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled weakly. “What about Shiganshina?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You’ll wait here for us to bring you the good news.”</p>
<p>“I was supposed to go with you.” She hung her head. “I’m useless.”</p>
<p>“Bringing life into this world is the least useless thing I can imagine. Go on, now. Give Levi a shock. But it’ll be good. You’ll see.”</p>
<p>Petra’s chin wobbled. She looked into Erwin’s eyes, her delicate brow lifting. He saw such hope in those eyes. Such tenderness.</p>
<p>He imagined being Levi with those eyes looking at him every night.</p>
<p><em>Levi, you probably </em>will<em> be angry. You fool.</em></p>
<p>“We’ll talk more tomorrow. Right now, try to be happy,” he said. Ah, it would have been more like him to give a speech about how she must ‘give up everything for humanity’, including her unborn child. But Erwin had poured so many lives into oblivion for the sake of his own selfish desires. Let him do this one thing right.</p>
<p>Petra nodded, and came forward. So quick it caught him off guard, she threw her arms around his neck and laid a quick, light kiss on his cheek.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Commander,” she whispered, then released him before he even knew she’d been holding him. Erwin would have touched his cheek in wonder at the kiss, but that hand was gone now.</p>
<p>Petra sniffed and opened the door, making a startled noise.</p>
<p>“Oh! Hello,” she said.</p>
<p>“Hello,” Anka replied. Pixis’s girl. She was a few inches taller than Petra, with hair in a similar style, though hers was a dark chestnut in comparison to Petra’s ginger. Erwin nodded for her to come in. The woman entered and gave a fast salute. “Sir. Commander Pixis requested I give you a message.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Anka. Petra, have a good night.” Erwin smiled as Anka stepped forward, hands behind her back.</p>
<p>“Do you need me to stay for the message?”</p>
<p>“No, don’t worry. Off you go.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled and shut the door. Erwin turned his back on Anka and brought out the bottle of wine he’d been saving. He pulled two cups off a shelf, and poured.</p>
<p>“What’s Pixis’s message?” he asked, turning around. Anka’s jacket and blouse were off, and she was just sliding out of her brassiere. Her tits were pert, and enviably firm. She smirked.</p>
<p>“Very funny,” she said.</p>
<p>Even down an arm, it was not hard to get undressed with someone to help him. Their sex was athletic rather than sensual, which was more than fine for Erwin. These days he tended to lie on his back while his partners got on top, riding him until they achieved mutual satisfaction. Anka rode hard, the last streaks of sunlight glimmering in her hair. Erwin’s breathing came faster at the sight of it.</p>
<p>“Come on, old man.” Anka liked calling him that when they were in bed. This little liaison between them had been off and on the last few months. She’d come one day to deliver an actual message from Pixis, and that evening she’d slipped very neatly into his bed after a glass of wine. She was too young for Erwin, but then weren’t they all? Anka enjoyed their sex, and wanted nothing more from him. After Erwin had lost his arm, she’d simply shrugged and gotten on top. Now she was speeding up, bringing them both nearer the moment of release.</p>
<p>But Erwin’s thoughts traveled out of the room, to Levi and Petra’s chamber.</p>
<p>“Anka,” he rasped. “Stop.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” She did, wiping her brow. “I’m close. What is it?”</p>
<p>“Get on your stomach.”</p>
<p>“Eh?”</p>
<p>But she did it, and Erwin nudged himself between her legs and continued. This position was damned hard now with only one arm. He became sore and tired almost at once, and indeed his left arm trembled as he fucked. Last thing he wanted was to collapse on top of her, but he stared at the back of her head. Her hair was red and short. The style was so like…</p>
<p>He imagined that the woman underneath him was a little smaller. That her hair lightened to ginger. And as he imagined that, Erwin dreamed that he himself had another arm. That he himself was small, that his hair was inky black, that he was inside this woman who loved him so.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Anka sounded surprised. “Oh, God.”</p>
<p>He nosed at Anka’s hair. He dreamed of lilac. He was small, and dark-haired, and loved.</p>
<p>“Erwin,” Anka said. She cried out in release.</p>
<p>He whispered her name. At the last possible second, he pulled out and spilled across her back. Erwin shivered as he finished. He basked in the afterglow, then went to get her a towel. After they’d cleaned up, Anka slipped out of bed and grabbed the wine. Erwin grunted as he made room for her, budged up with his back to the wall. He hated having sex in this bed. It was made for one, and he felt like an adolescent screwing in his childhood room while his guardians were out. Anka passed him a glass, and slid in beside him. In a tangle of naked limbs, they made it work.</p>
<p>“Mmm.” She swallowed and gazed thoughtfully at the ceiling. He admired her sharp profile in the candlelight. That no-nonsense practicality was one thing that attracted him to her. She was a natural chess player. Pixis liked his aides to be tacticians, and pretty if they could help it. Anka was both. “That was a surprise.”</p>
<p>“For an old man?” he drawled.</p>
<p>“Yes.” She smiled. “You’re an excellent technician. But that was passionate.”</p>
<p>“You flatter me.”</p>
<p>“No. I’m being honest.” She glanced sidelong at him, smiling ruefully. “It was nearly perfect.”</p>
<p>“Nearly? I thought it was a flawless performance.”</p>
<p>“Well, it would have been.” She laughed. “But my name’s not Petra.”</p>
<p>Oh, fuck everything.</p>
<p>Anka tsked. “Lusting after your aides? You and Pixis have so many things in common.”</p>
<p>“It’s not like that.”</p>
<p>“No, you’re right. I’m sure you whisper all your subordinates’ names in the throes of passion. It’s the friendly thing to do.”</p>
<p>She didn’t understand, but explaining would have made him look insane, so he settled for being seen as a lech. Anka drained her wine, then took his glass and drank it down as well. She set the glasses on the floor and stretched out alongside him on the bed, resting her head on his chest. It wasn’t loving; it was animalistic, unwinding with skin on skin contact after coitus. Erwin had not made love since he was twenty-two years old.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m having your child, Levi.</em>
</p>
<p>He shut his eyes, imagined that he was lying here with Petra in his arms. That she was the one tracing her fingers along his chest, and whispering to him that she was having his baby. Levi. She called him Levi. He was small, and violent, and rude, and anal retentive. And he was loved, and in love. And the woman he loved was carrying his future in her womb.</p>
<p>“If you became pregnant, what would you do?” he asked. Anka chortled, and took his cock in her hand. She squeezed, and he stirred.</p>
<p>“Like I’d tell you,” she said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The battering ram slammed down into the titan’s nape, crushing the bastard at once. Levi watched calmly as the fifteen meter collapsed to the ground, steam already hissing from the impact point. The log was pulled back up on the pulleys Hange had devised, or whatever they were called. Through the criss cross of crystalline titan hardening, Levi could see the titan’s corpse begin to dissolve in the air. There was a collection of five or six more titans all pawing to get in and have their heads bashed in as well.</p>
<p><em>Makes my job nearly pointless,</em> he thought. It didn’t give him too much of a pain to consider that. Levi wanted nothing more than for his position as the world’s greatest titan killer to become obsolete. That’d mean humanity had a future. It’d also mean he could retire with Petra to open a shop or something. Yeah. Real cozy shit.</p>
<p>“<em>Yeeeehooooooowaaaaaahhhahahaha!</em>” Hange made the longest, weirdest sound he’d ever heard as she leapt into the air, pumping her fists in triumph. The lanky brunette capered back and forth along the wall, reveling in the fifteenth consecutive kill they’d seen today. “It works! It really works! All those titan bastards are going to be crushed now! Even the cute ones, sadly.” She whistled and slipped her goggles up onto her head. “At the rate we’re going, we’ll have cleared most of them out of the area by the time we head for Shiganshina. It’ll make the trip even easier.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Levi grunted. He looked down the staggering hundred foot drop into the kill zone. Another titan, this one smaller and female looking, was already wiggling its way inside. Once the nape was exposed, the battering ram came down heavily. Another one was gone.</p>
<p>The afternoon sun was halfway down the horizon, turning the top of the wall molten gold. The wind tousled Levi’s hair as he glanced to his right. Eren had come along to see the progress. He’d had a nosebleed last time, but now looked all right. A little dazed, as usual, but all right.</p>
<p>“You feeling okay?” Levi asked the kid.</p>
<p>“Sure. Thank you, Captain.” The boy blinked his startlingly green eyes, as if waking himself from a dream. Since getting out of Rod Reiss’s freaky crystal titan cavern, the boy’d been like this. A little dreamy, a little jumpy. Truth told, Levi kind of liked this Eren better than the ‘I’m going to kill them all!’ wild-eyed one. Easier to deal with. But the kid also looked more tired. Sad, even.</p>
<p>Apparently shifters had their predecessors’ memories stuffed inside them or some shit. Ugh. Levi didn’t want to even imagine it. His own thoughts were plenty.</p>
<p>As a precaution, Levi offered Eren his handkerchief. The kid smiled a little, and waved it away.</p>
<p>“I’m really fine.”</p>
<p>“If you’re really fine, what would you say to a few hardenings?” Hange practically leered at Eren over Levi’s shoulder. Levi couldn’t see her face, but he imagined she was wearing that disturbing look she got when consumed by work. Half happy, half horny. All terrifying. “I want to see about modifications for human body armor. I’m not sure you can make it that small, though…”</p>
<p>Eren looked as earnest and ready to help as ever, but Levi caught the twinge of exhaustion in the boy’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Hange. Ease up off the kid. He’s done enough already,” Levi said. “We don’t want him gushing blood again.”</p>
<p>“Oh! Oh, of course. Sorry, Eren,” she said sheepishly. Hange went off to talk to Moblit about something.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Captain.”</p>
<p>“Eh, she means well. Hange just gets carried away.” He looked out to the green fields of Wall Maria, off limits with all the titans dotted around. Wondered how the kid felt looking at this view, knowing it was the wall where he’d been born and that he couldn’t go back home to it. Shitty as Levi’s childhood had been, Mitras and the underground hadn’t gone anywhere. He eyed Eren as the boy gazed down at the titans below. The kid’s fists unconsciously clenched when he saw titans. That spark of fury would ignite something inside.</p>
<p>Levi knew how it felt to be fifteen, motherless, and angry enough to burn a hole through the world.</p>
<p>“Oi. After dinner, why don’t you come for tea? Petra’s been asking about you. Tch. Worrying, more like.”</p>
<p>Petra had bonded with Eren during their month in the country. She always took to looking after anybody new or scared. Damn angel. After the female titan massacre, Petra had pulled herself together enough to look after the boy. Eren had blamed himself for all of it.</p>
<p>The kid’s face lit up. “Sure! That is, if it’s okay?”</p>
<p>“I invited you, didn’t I? She’ll be happy to see you.” Levi was fond of the kid, too. Not that he liked to admit it, but the boy was so earnest and threw himself into his work so seriously that Levi had to admire him. If Levi’d had a son, he would’ve liked the kid to be like Eren.</p>
<p>“Okay. Thank you, Captain.” Eren took off down the wall. Everyone was wrapping up here. Even Hange could bear to tear herself away from her titan killing device. As she passed by, Levi called for her. “Walk with me,” he said.</p>
<p>They slipped down the wall, using their ODM perfectly to make a graceful landing. Every time Levi stepped off a hundred foot drop, he felt a spike of pleasure. One slip of his hand and he’d be dead. Only sharp wits and fast reflexes saved him. That was living. He was enough of Kenny’s blood that a drop of danger did him good.</p>
<p>He and Hange strolled through Trost, winding past the market stalls as they began to shutter for the day. Hange stopped in front of some mushrooms, and Levi had to physically drag her away. Probably imagining fun experiments with fungi. ‘You don’t have ‘fun’ without fungi!’ she’d chortled once. Levi had stared in withering reply.</p>
<p>“You need to be careful with Eren,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Eh? I’m always careful. When his body is too strained, we stop.” She looked honestly baffled.</p>
<p>“I don’t mean that. Kid’s only fifteen. It’s a rough age for boys, and none of this helps.” This, the titans, Shiganshina, the battle ahead. All of it. “He’ll tell you he can take it, but sometimes he can’t.”</p>
<p>“You mean the experiments?”</p>
<p>“I don’t mean what happens to his body. I mean what happens to <em>him</em>.”</p>
<p>Hange nodded lightly. He knew she understood intellectually, but she didn’t feel it. Hange was a fucking genius, smarter even than Erwin. Smartest person Levi had ever seen, or hoped to see. In truth, he was in awe of her. But every gift came with a price, as he well knew, and in Hange’s case she didn’t always seem to understand what came as instinct to others. The way she’d kept Eren up the entire night when they first met, talking titans, never thinking he might need to sleep; getting so excited about the titan killing system she ignored it when the boy got a nosebleed; that horrific moment when Eren’s fucking <em>face</em> had come off during one experiment, and all she could think about was getting a sketch done.</p>
<p>Hange loved Eren. Levi knew she did. But she could be pretty damn insensitive to the kid. To anyone and anything that wasn’t her work, really. When she was in her own world, nothing else mattered.</p>
<p>Tch. Well, Levi understood being abnormal. Erwin had told him once that his great curse was that he understood people with brutal clarity, but had difficulty communicating that knowledge. It was true. Someone like Erwin could talk about Eren to Hange in a way that made her feel what he was saying. All Levi could do was point out the obvious.</p>
<p>“Levi, Eren’s lucky to have you. You’re good with kids.” Hange grinned, and he rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“Fifteen year olds aren’t exactly screaming brats. At least, not until you ask them to clean their fucking room.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t ask Jean. You threatened him.”</p>
<p>“I said worse things could happen to him than having to make his bed right. I didn’t say <em>what</em> could happen.”</p>
<p>“The unknown’s the scariest thing of all,” Hange said sagely.</p>
<p>“Even for you?”</p>
<p>“Oh no, not for <em>me</em>. For me, it’s the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” a stall keeper said. He was selling fruit, and he hurried over to them with two peaches. “Here. On the house.” He beamed.</p>
<p>“Uh, thanks. But, uh, we can’t,” Levi muttered. Since Flegel Reeves had taken over his father’s company, a lot of storekeepers and tradesmen in Trost fawned over Levi and Hange. Flegel had let them know how the Survey Corps had fought to protect them and their town. Nice of him, but Levi didn’t enjoy attention.</p>
<p>“We should pay for them,” Hange said, though she didn’t stop the man from giving her the fruit.</p>
<p>“Please. It’d make me happy,” he said, so earnest and sad-eyed. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Er, um, thanks,” Levi grumbled, kind of half-nodding as he and Hange said their thanks and shuffled away. Levi’s shoulders hunched up to his ears.</p>
<p>“Oh, you don’t have to look like he flashed you,” Hange said breezily. She gave Levi a peach, and smiled at her own. “Hmm, it does smell ripe.”</p>
<p>“The only thing I hate about this job is all the attention.”</p>
<p>They came to the barracks entrance, and Hange waved goodbye as they entered and she peeled off to the left. Levi walked back to his own room, wondering if Petra was home yet. Throughout the day he’d been able to keep his concern under control, but now his footsteps quickened. If she wasn’t there, he’d check the dining hall. Too early for dinner, but she might be chatting with friends. And if she wasn’t there, he could start asking around—</p>
<p>Levi opened the door to his chamber, and found it bright with candlelight. Petra stood at the table, a teapot in her hands, pouring fragrant streams of tea into two cups. She was wearing a soft, peach-colored dress he especially loved. The tea smelled fantastic, orange and bergamot, the special blend she’d bought for him in Mitras.</p>
<p>She looked up and smiled. “Hello, Captain Ackerman.”</p>
<p>Levi managed to shut the door without taking his eyes off her. She put down the teapot and hurried over to give him a kiss.</p>
<p>“Uh. Um. You’re…pretty,” he croaked. The sight of her in a dress always got him dizzy.</p>
<p>“Thank you, sir.” She gasped when he offered her the peach. “Oh, it’s perfect! It must have been expensive, though.” She held it to her lips and inhaled the fragrance, smiling in satisfaction. Levi felt weak at the knees.</p>
<p>“Uh, was free,” he grunted. “For you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She put the peach on the table and took off his coat.</p>
<p>“I got it,” he said, stunned, but she hung it up for him. Levi stared at the way the skirt belled around her knees. He got a display of her creamy white legs, and felt the blood pumping all through his body. Especially in certain parts. He came up behind her and pulled her against him. Petra giggled as he nosed her hair. Lilac. Still perfect. “Like your present?” he asked huskily.</p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>“Good. I like mine.” His hand slid down her thigh, and he tugged up her skirt. He turned her around and sank to his knees, rucking up her dress higher so he could kiss up the soft expanse of her leg. “I want to open it now.”</p>
<p>“Not yet. Let’s have some tea first.”</p>
<p>Hmmph. Well, tea was probably the only thing on earth that could distract him from having sex with her. Levi sat at the table and picked up his cup, sighing in contentment at the scent. He tasted it. Excellent, as always.</p>
<p>“You brew it perfect every time, Ral.”</p>
<p>Petra slid onto his lap, which he was more than fine with. Her lips trailed along his cheek, and he caught her mouth. Levi’s hand played up and down her thigh as they kissed, until Petra made a surprised little noise at his developing “excitement.”</p>
<p>“Usually you’re a little harder to get going in the evening,” she said.</p>
<p>“Well, when I come in to find you in a dress making tea, I tend to be pretty happy.” They stopped kissing, and she hung her arms around his neck and held him close. He squeezed her tighter. Every time he found her in his arms at the end of the day, he could breathe easy. “Don’t know why you went to all this trouble.”</p>
<p>“I just like making you happy,” she whispered. Fuck, that was a good enough reason for him. He kissed her lips again, got lost in their softness. Got lost in the sweet taste of her. He would happily have let things escalate, but she was deliberate in her kisses, making them last. Savoring them. “I love kissing you,” she murmured, almost shy.</p>
<p>“That’s good for me,” he muttered, rubbing her back as he thought. Levi liked this, but his mind, warped by years of abuse, buying, and selling, didn’t allow for good things to happen for free. Like the peach in the market; he’d paid for it weeks ago when he helped the Reeves company. The stallkeeper hadn’t just given it for no reason.</p>
<p>Why was Petra doing all this?</p>
<p>Levi’s hand dropped from her back. His heart slowed.</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>“Petra. Look at me.”</p>
<p>She did, and yes, there it was. The faintest shine of tears. Oh no. Oh no.</p>
<p>“Baby, sit down,” he whispered. She pulled up a chair and sat in front of him, knee to knee. Petra stared at her folded hands, her little chin quivering. Levi wanted to scream. <em>Don’t ask. Don’t ask.</em> “You went to the doctor?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“How sick are you?” His heart now picked up pace. He swore he could hear it. “Tell me it isn’t a tumor.” In her breast? Hange had told him about that, cancers in women’s body parts, quiet and murderous.</p>
<p>“What?” She whipped her head up in shock. “No! No tumors.”</p>
<p>Thank fuck. But still…</p>
<p>“Then what? Some infection?”</p>
<p>Now Petra smiled. “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m not sick. I’m not even anemic.”</p>
<p>Relief rushed over him like a torrent of water. Levi leaned his elbow on the table to keep himself from toppling over.</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck.” He put a hand to his heart, felt it pounding away. “You scared the shit out of me, you little brat.”</p>
<p>Petra giggled. He closed his eyes. Thank god.</p>
<p>Then he frowned.</p>
<p>“So why the tears? What’s wrong?” He had a new nagging suspicion. “You heard from your family recently?”</p>
<p>Petra’s parents sounded like very conventional people. If they’d discovered she was shacking up with her former captain, living in unwedded sexual bliss, they might have some problems.</p>
<p>“No, not that.”</p>
<p>“Petra, I’m not a big fan of guessing games, and I’m shit at them anyway. What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>She plucked at her skirt, eyes downcast. Her brow creased.</p>
<p>“You’re going to hate me,” she whispered. Her shoulders trembled as she began to cry. Her distress was a knife to Levi’s heart.</p>
<p>“Shit. Listen, I won’t. I’m not mad at you,” he said. Sounded a little irritated there, but he wasn’t much of a snuggly guy. He took her hand and kissed her fingers. Petra clutched him tightly, like she couldn’t let him go. He looked into her amber eyes, now puffy and rimmed in red. “Even if you did something that’ll piss me off, I won’t hate you. That’s impossible.” Another kiss. “I love you more than anything. I love you more than tea. You know how hard that is for me to say?”</p>
<p>She smiled weakly. Good.</p>
<p>“Okay. Here goes.” She nibbled her lip while she held his hands, then took a deep breath and met his gaze. “I’m going to have a baby.”</p>
<p>Levi shut down.</p>
<p>He sat there in the numb silence of his body. He could barely feel Petra squeeze his hand tighter.</p>
<p>“It was my fault,” she said. “It was an accident, I swear. You know that herbal remedy I take daily? It really does work, but you have to be sure to take it every single day. After the female titan, I was too upset. I didn’t take my tea the next day. And I didn’t take it the day after that.”</p>
<p>Right. And that night they’d had violent sex to make themselves feel better. It didn’t take a genius to do the math.</p>
<p>“I remembered the next morning, but I guess it was too late by then. I’m so sorry, Levi. I never meant for it to happen. I really, really didn’t want a baby. I know what we promised each other in February. I’m so, so sorry about this.”</p>
<p>Levi just sat there, barely remembering to blink.</p>
<p>“Please talk to me.”</p>
<p>Levi just sat there.</p>
<p>“Levi, you’re scaring me.” She started to cry again. “Please, even if you’re angry, just tell me. You can yell at me. Just talk to me.”</p>
<p>Levi just sat there.</p>
<p>“Levi!”</p>
<p>She shouted his name, and that snapped him out of it. He let go of her hand and sat back in his chair. Petra watched him with wide-eyed concern. She pressed her knuckles to her lips, waiting for him to speak.</p>
<p>A baby. A small, squirming thing. Levi glanced around this quiet little room, this paradise behind the walls. On the top of the bookshelf was a little game of chess Erwin had given Petra as a gift. She was learning the game, smiling with him when they both bungled through it. Levi got bored and had his pawns say foul-mouthed things, which made Petra laugh.</p>
<p>Here they were having tea. There was their bed, where they made love together and slept together and clung together for warmth. This was the small, perfect piece of bliss he’d searched for his entire life.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said slowly.</p>
<p>“Okay?”</p>
<p>“When are you going to do it?”</p>
<p>Petra looked a bit relieved. “The doctor said I’d be due in the winter—”</p>
<p>It was like he’d been struck by lightning.</p>
<p>“Oh,” he said. She saw his shock.</p>
<p>“You didn’t mean when am I due?”</p>
<p>His head started to spin now. This had already been a dark, serious conversation, but now his mind was hurtling at terminal velocity toward a conclusion he couldn’t face.</p>
<p>“You never even thought about getting rid of it, did you?” His voice was lifeless.</p>
<p>Petra looked like he’d slugged her in the stomach. Her eyes bulged, her lips pressed in a tight line. She folded her hands over her belly, as if to protect herself.</p>
<p>“Are you joking right now?”</p>
<p>“Why the fuck would I joke about that?”</p>
<p>Petra’s breathing was unsteady. Tears spilled down her cheeks. She made a pained, thin noise.</p>
<p>“I would never do that,” she said. And now she glared at him, like he was the bad guy. “Ever.”</p>
<p>“I see.” He was starting to feel again. There was tingling in the soles of his feet. He felt a pain right behind his left eye. “So when you made that promise to me, you didn’t mean it?”</p>
<p>“Of course I meant it. I told you I didn’t want to get pregnant. It was my fault I did. But I never lied to you.”</p>
<p>He inhaled deeply. He wanted to get up, break all the furniture in the room, and then walk out the door and walk all the way out of Trost. He wanted to walk for hours.</p>
<p>“When you said ‘I promise never to have children with you’, this never crossed your mind? You never thought it could happen?”</p>
<p>“I… We never talked about it like that.” Her voice was small. “Did you think it could?”</p>
<p>“Petra, you’re a child.” His voice was flat and cold. He could feel nothing now. Nothing except a numbing dread. “We fuck almost every single night. We want to spend our lives together. Even if it’s just five more years, you think we can fuck every night for five years and never get pregnant? And you told me I didn’t need to wear one of those…” His words trailed off. He’d tried using one of those lambskin prophylactics or whatever they were. It’d itched like hell. <em>Don’t worry,</em> Petra had said. <em>I’m careful. I can do this for us.</em> “I know I finish inside you too much. I knew it was a mistake. I just…” The pain in his eye grew worse. She saw how much pleasure it gave him, and urged him to keep doing it. She was taking care of everything, after all. “You said you had it under control.”</p>
<p>“I did. It was an accident. I was out of my mind that night!”</p>
<p>“I know that. This is my fault, too. I thought you were grown up enough to understand what this’d mean.”</p>
<p>They sat in silence a minute. He could see Petra’s cheeks gaining color. The wilting flower was gone; she was fucking pissed now.</p>
<p>“I’m grown up enough to accept my mistakes and take responsibility for them. You’re the one who’s so afraid he wants to kill our…”</p>
<p>She couldn’t finish.</p>
<p>“You’re going to have it,” he said, staring at the door.</p>
<p>“Yes. I am.”</p>
<p>“Fine.” He stood up, went and got his trench coat. As he slid into it, Petra rounded on him.</p>
<p>“You can’t just walk away from this.”</p>
<p>“Petra. Stop.”</p>
<p>“No! We have to talk about this together. We need to figure out what we’re going to do.”</p>
<p>“We’re getting married,” he said bluntly. That shut her up. Levi belted his coat. “I can’t force you not to have it, and I’m not letting the kid be a bastard. I grew up like that. It’s fucking hell. I’m sure it’s even worse up here, where people care about being respectable and shit.” He looked at her. Petra was stunned and pale. “You already broke one promise to me. Might as well make it two.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She reached for him, but he walked past her and didn’t look back.</p>
<p>“Go to sleep. If you’re gonna be a mother, you should at least know how to take care of yourself.”</p>
<p>Petra screamed for him to wait, but he didn’t.</p>
<p>He closed the door and started to walk. Levi stopped after a few steps. Would she come out after him, madder than a hornet with its ass on fire? He watched the door, but it didn’t open. Instead, he heard a long, keening wail. She was sobbing in there.</p>
<p>Levi’s calm broke. In pain, he moved to open the door and go in to her…</p>
<p>No. He stopped, rubbed his face. This was how it happened, wasn’t it? You let one person gain a foothold in your heart, and before you knew it…</p>
<p>
  <em>Do you think the people next to you will be there tomorrow? I don’t. Guess that makes me abnormal.</em>
</p>
<p>He’d told the kids that, and he’d meant it. Having Petra in his life was an extra dose of misery waiting to be administered. A baby? An actual part of him walking through the world? What would it be like to lose that?</p>
<p>And he would lose it. Levi had made peace with the fact he would lose Petra too early, and that it would kill him. But his own child. How could you ever prepare yourself to watch your own child die too early? And it would. It would, because everyone in Levi’s life did.</p>
<p><em>Kill it now, so I don’t have to watch it die later</em>.</p>
<p>The ground shook beneath his feet. He needed to get out of here. He needed something constant. Erwin. He had to fucking talk to Erwin.</p>
<p>Levi shambled away, hating himself as he listened to her cry. But this world was cruel, and so was he.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He was gone. It was over. Even though he’d said they’d get married, Levi himself was absolutely gone. He’d return here, of course, but would it ever be the same between them? Petra lay facedown on the bed, digging her fingernails into the blanket. She’d cried herself out ten minutes ago, but the pain wouldn’t release her.</p>
<p>She sat up and wiped her face. She had to be a mess now. And all this strain couldn’t be good for the…</p>
<p>She didn’t even want to think the word now. Petra clutched her stomach and bent over. The more she thought about it, the more she knew that Levi had been right about one thing. She <em>was</em> childish. She had never imagined she’d actually get pregnant. Levi had probably thought that when and if it happened, she’d deal with it quietly and never tell him. Petra understood now that to him the promise had encompassed more than just practicing safe sex.</p>
<p>But how could he sit there calmly and tell her to get rid of it?</p>
<p>Petra did not nose into other people’s business. She wasn’t going to tell other people how to live their lives. But there was no way in hell she could ever do something like that. That Levi could…</p>
<p>It was another reminder of how differently they’d grown up. Of everything that made them incompatible.</p>
<p>Of course it worked between them. They <em>were</em> compatible. But she really had broken her promise to him.</p>
<p>Levi took his vows seriously. He expected others to do the same.</p>
<p>She’d anticipated this would go badly, but it’d been worse than she could have imagined. Petra put her head in her hands. She wanted to sleep forever.</p>
<p>There was a knock at the door, which startled her. Petra got up, puzzled. Levi wouldn’t knock before coming in.</p>
<p>“Hello?” Petra opened up and was surprised to find Eren Jaeger standing in front of her. The boy smiled brightly.</p>
<p>“Hi!” His enthusiasm dimmed as he noticed Petra’s state. “Um. Did the captain tell you I was coming for tea?”</p>
<p>At the mention of Levi, Petra burst into tears. She backed up, and then sobbed against Eren’s chest when he awkwardly reached out and held her.</p>
<p>“Whoa. Whoa. What’s going on?” he asked.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Erwin drank with his ghosts. The room around him did not spin, but it wavered. Anka had left an hour or so ago; the bed was still unmade, the sheets rumpled from her body. Erwin’s glass was nearly empty, so he poured himself another and toasted.</p>
<p>“Shiganshina,” he muttered, and drank. He drank to forget the pain in his body, and the blurred faces of those he’d let die as they crowded his room and glared at him.</p>
<p>Erwin shut his eyes. As a young man, he would have looked at the life he led now and been excited. A seasoned Commander called the hope for humanity, casual sex with lithe young women, even a lost limb and battle scars. At twenty-two, it was a life any man would dream of.</p>
<p>But at thirty eight, nearly thirty nine, he was starting to feel tired. His body ached for stupid reasons now. And while he enjoyed his exertions with Anka, he craved more contact. He wanted a loving embrace. A sweet voice in his ear.</p>
<p>Fuck, why had he thought of Petra during sex? Of himself as Levi? It made him feel vaguely obscene. His gut churned as he took another swallow of wine. He loved them both, and yet jealousy ate him alive. Petra’s presence as his aide, her help and good sense and resolve had given him a taste of what a warm, considerate woman could do. Nearing forty, and Erwin was still living in a tiny room with a narrow bed. Still living alone.</p>
<p>And now Levi would have a child by her.</p>
<p>Why was Erwin feeling this? Why was he so proud and excited and miserable and furious? Why did he want her, but not as himself; as Levi. Erwin wanted annihilation. He wanted to be incorporated into something greater than himself, something already assembled.</p>
<p>Maybe his attraction to Petra simply came from the fact she was one of the few women he couldn’t have. Not just because of his friendship with Levi, but because Petra was wholly in love with the short, grumpy man. Erwin was accustomed to starry-eyed recruits blushing as he passed. But Petra Ral had never once looked at him with desire. His looks, his height, his status held no power over her. She wanted only one man.</p>
<p>Erwin opened his eyes. Mike and Nanaba were standing at his table, looking down on him with disappointment.</p>
<p>Mike had been in the Corps one year before Erwin arrived. He’d been the silent shadow when Erwin joined, teaching him the ropes with calm and competence. Nanaba’s blue eyes betrayed no hint of emotion. Their ghosts watched Erwin drink, and judged him.</p>
<p>They’d died so horribly…</p>
<p>
  <em>It wasn’t my fault. Neither of you died on my charge.</em>
</p>
<p>But they had died for his dream. All of these innocents, all had died for Erwin’s selfish desires. How many had he lied to and tricked into giving up their lives for a dream? A dream that Erwin wasn’t sure could even come true.</p>
<p>Mike and Nanaba’s deaths had stunned him. There had been a core group of them, about fifteen or sixteen veterans who’d been together more than ten years. Past a certain point, you could almost consider the Corps a normal job. Your chances of dying became small.</p>
<p>At least half of that core group had died these past few months. Why was this happening? Who were the enemies?</p>
<p>
  <em>I want to go to the basement.</em>
</p>
<p>It resonated in him like a pulse. Thinking of the basement, of what it might hold, was the only thing that could send the ghosts away. Soon Erwin was alone, nursing his wine and envisioning his father at the head of the classroom. Erwin raised his hand and—</p>
<p>Someone was knocking. Loudly.</p>
<p>“Come in.”</p>
<p>Levi threw open the door and hurried inside. The man’s face was neutral as always, mouth turned down in a frown, eyes half lidded. But Erwin could smell the fear as his captain closed the door.</p>
<p>“Bad time?” Levi asked, already pulling out a chair to sit down at the table. He sat utterly straight, his leg jiggling.</p>
<p>“No. Wine?”</p>
<p>“Hmm? No.”</p>
<p>It was obvious what the problem was, but Erwin wasn’t going to ask outright. He didn’t know if Petra had told Levi that Erwin knew. So he sat a minute, then gently prodded.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>“Tch.” Levi drummed his fingers on the tabletop and rocked his chair onto its back legs. “No.”</p>
<p>As Erwin anticipated, Levi had not taken the news well. Maybe it was all the alcohol, but Erwin felt surly. Levi had his legacy secured. A woman to be with him always, a child to carry on his name. He had everything a man should want, and he didn’t want it. There were only four years in age between Erwin and Levi, but those four years meant a great deal. After thirty seven, you began to feel middle aged. You began to look back. You began, despite your best efforts, to regret. Past thirty seven, some doors had irrevocably closed. And if you were on the wrong side of them, it began to hurt.</p>
<p>“Something wrong with Petra?” It was a little dangerous, but Erwin needed to hurry this up. Otherwise he might snap.</p>
<p>“Fuck.” Levi brought his chair fully back to the ground and cradled his head in his hands. Erwin startled when Levi sat up, smoothed his hair, folded his hands, and looked calm once more. The speed with which he covered up his emotions never failed to scare Erwin.</p>
<p>“Gotta tell you something.”</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“Petra’s pregnant.” He drummed his fingers on the table once more, and looked at the ceiling. “Fucking <em>pregnant</em>. And she’s having it.”</p>
<p>“I…” Erwin had to make sure not to put on a bad performance. That would only piss Levi off further. “That’s…”</p>
<p>“We’re gonna have to squeeze a baby into that room. I don’t think we can even stay there; it’s too much for three.” Levi now stood and paced to the window. He looked out, looking for nothing. “Probably need a house. A shitty house. Who has the money for that?” He started walking from the door back to the table, hands in his pockets, shoulders bunched up. Erwin saw anger, and terror. “I had it. I had it,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Had what? Levi, sit down.”</p>
<p>“Fuck off,” he said absently, a standard, non-committal Levi answer. He kept pacing. “I never think they’re gonna be there tomorrow. I’m a freak. But I thought I’d have more time.”</p>
<p>Now Erwin was seriously confused, and growing more concerned.</p>
<p>“Levi!” His barked order brought the captain to an instant halt. Erwin’s commands were now ingrained in Levi, and he responded with animal instinct. Levi stood still, yet vibrated with nervous energy. “What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“I got too comfortable with how we were,” he answered. He sounded his usual gruff self, but with a raw edge of pain. “I liked our life too much. I should know by now, things never stay the same. Especially when they’re good.”</p>
<p>“I know this has to be a shock—”</p>
<p>“I want to get rid of it,” Levi spat. His face twisted violently, giving him the appearance of a warped, malevolent creature. He pounded his fist against the wall; Erwin grew nervous at the way the rafters groaned. “I don’t want it. I want it gone.”</p>
<p>‘It.’ This wasn’t Levi, a man who valued every life, who despite his sullenness was good with children. Something out of the darkest, most malignant part of him was speaking now.</p>
<p>Erwin should have comforted his friend, but he couldn’t imagine Petra hearing all this. Had she?</p>
<p>“Is Petra all right?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Levi started pacing again, rubbing the back of his head incessantly. His eyes were glowing with feverish light. “You want to hear something so fucked up?”</p>
<p>No. “Yes.”</p>
<p>Levi gripped the back of his chair, leaning on it. Erwin could swear he heard the wood start to splinter in Levi’s grasp.</p>
<p>“She’s gonna love it more than me.” His voice was choked. His arms were shaking, his knuckles white with tension. “Mothers do. They say they won’t, but they do. She’ll love it more, and I’ll hate it.”</p>
<p>Being jealous of an unborn child was a level of sickness that took Erwin’s breath away. Levi knew the horror of what he’d just said, because he finally broke a little. He sat down again and slumped over, head in his hands.</p>
<p>“I can’t get out now. I’m in too deep. Way too fucking deep. I’ll never leave her. I’m going to be trapped with this thing.”</p>
<p>‘Thing.’</p>
<p>“Maybe you should choose other words to describe the baby,” Erwin said. Levi reared up, his thin eyebrows furrowed.</p>
<p>“Tch. Get your own shitty baby and call it whatever you want. This one’s mine.” He leaned his elbows on the table now, ran his fingers through his hair. He faced away from Erwin. “What if it kills her? Huh?” His movements slowed; the weight of the idea seemed to bear down on him. “Women die in childbirth all the time. If it kills her, I’ll never love it. I’ll give it away!”</p>
<p>“Levi!” Erwin reached out with his one remaining hand and shoved his captain. Levi rocked back, blinking in shock. But he re-centered himself with frightening speed. Erwin wished he could land a punch on this man right now. “Did you say any of these things to Petra? I hope to god you didn’t.”</p>
<p>“Told her she was a child for thinking she’d never get pregnant. Asked if she’d get rid of it. When she said no, I told her we were getting married and then came here.”</p>
<p>Getting married. It shouldn’t have landed like such a surprise, but it did. Levi Ackerman, Humanity’s Strongest, husband and father.</p>
<p>Erwin wanted to laugh and also to break Levi’s nose. He would do neither.</p>
<p>“All right.” He still had to play like this was news. “Well, she’s not going to Shiganshina now.”</p>
<p>Levi snorted. “No shit.”</p>
<p>“I’ll discuss details with Petra tomorrow. She can work until she’s showing, but then I’ll put her on medical leave.”</p>
<p>“You’re not pissed?”</p>
<p>“Why would I be?”</p>
<p>“Because it’s fucking irresponsible of both of us,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“It’s your child, Levi. This isn’t ideal—”</p>
<p>“Fucking understatement.”</p>
<p>“—but if this is Petra’s choice, I’ll abide by it.”</p>
<p>“When she has it, is that it?” He leaned back in his seat, regarding Erwin almost warily. “Will you make her leave the Corps?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think she’ll want to go beyond the walls when she has a newborn at home,” Erwin said. “To be honest, I’ll suggest she consider retiring from expeditions permanently. She can still be a member of the Corps without going beyond the walls.”</p>
<p>Levi’s nostrils flared. He worked his jaw, deep in thought.</p>
<p>“How do you feel about that?”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t matter what I feel.” Levi tightened a fist. “She’s a damn fine soldier. One of the best assists in the Corps, maybe <em>the</em> best. And we’re gonna lose her talents to one screaming brat.”</p>
<p>Yet Levi sounded less angry here. Perhaps, Erwin thought, some part of him gladdened to think of Petra never venturing into titan territory again. Erwin knew that the captain feared the agony of Petra’s loss. If she remained always safe, Levi might turn his attentions more fully to the future. To the world outside these walls. To that basement in Shiganshina.</p>
<p>“I’ll talk to Petra, at least. We’ll see how she feels in these coming months.” Erwin didn’t add ‘if we make it back alive.’ The Shiganshina mission loomed nearer every day. Their greatest victory, or most awful defeat. It could be only one or the other.</p>
<p>“I can’t be a father,” Levi grunted. “I don’t know how.”</p>
<p>“No one does until it happens,” Erwin reasoned. He watched Levi sit there, stewing in pain.</p>
<p>“When I asked her if she’d get rid of it, she looked at me like I was some kind of monster.” Levi swallowed, rubbed his forehead. “I’m fucked up. I don’t understand decent people.”</p>
<p>“You do. Levi, your life has been…different…than Petra’s. She has to understand that. She won’t hold this against you. It was likely the shock of the moment.”</p>
<p>Erwin had to talk his captain down, calm him, send him home to Petra so that he could be the man she needed.</p>
<p><em>I’m pregnant.</em> If she’d come in to this room, sat on Erwin’s knee, kissed him, whispered those words in his ear… Just the thought of it set fire to his blood. He pictured Levi falling asleep in her arms, watching his baby swell inside of her as she looked at him with loving eyes. He pictured Levi curling his lip at it. Contemptuous.</p>
<p>Erwin could not remember the last time he had been angry with Levi. He doubted he’d ever been as angry as he was now.</p>
<p>
  <em>You have everything. You ungrateful…</em>
</p>
<p>But he could not give in to passion. That was not his role. Levi, for all his stoic surliness, lived life without being anything less than what he was. Erwin had to cloak every intention, every desire. Even Hange and Levi, his two closest friends in this world, did not really know him. They didn’t know his secret wants. They didn’t understand the depths of his despair. They saw him as the man with the plan, the visionary, the leader on whom all humanity’s hopes were pinned.</p>
<p>
  <em>If they knew me, they would despise me.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin was alone in this world. That world these days was a gray void, a vacuum without scent or sight or taste. It would never get better.</p>
<p>Petra stood out in the gloom, golden and young and alive. She had such a capacity for love, which was all that Erwin wanted. And all that was denied him.</p>
<p>His temples throbbed. He wondered if there was a subtle way to tell Levi to get out.</p>
<p>The captain looked to the window. The bags under his eyes seemed more pronounced than ever.</p>
<p>“I just don’t want to go through it again,” he croaked.</p>
<p>Erwin frowned.</p>
<p>“Again?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra was glad Eren had taken her to Mikasa’s room. She couldn’t have sat in her chamber another minute, the place where she and Levi had been so happy right up until they weren’t.</p>
<p><em>We’re getting married.</em> He’d said it like it was a prison sentence. Petra rubbed her temples, wishing she could tell him she’d get rid of it. She hated this kind of conflict between them, feared that it would only get worse. But she couldn’t do it. Not ever. She’d never feel right again.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe the captain’s being like this.”</p>
<p>Eren paced back and forth across the room, his brow furrowed, fuming away. Petra and Mikasa were sitting on the lower bunk bed. It was a room that slept three, this bunk and a single bed against the far wall. Petra remembered the women’s dorms when she’d first joined, before she had her own room as member of an elite squad. Unlike the Garrison and Military Police, Survey Corps barracks often had plenty of spare beds. Lots of soldiers never came back from missions, after all.</p>
<p>“Levi’s just shocked,” Petra said, unsure if she meant it. She should never have told Eren about this. If he’d knocked at any other moment she would have stayed silent, but she’d been at her most raw and vulnerable.</p>
<p>“That shorty’s difficult,” Mikasa muttered. While Eren got heated up and talked it out, Mikasa sat by Petra’s side completely silent. Petra frowned.</p>
<p>“He… Well, he can be. But this was so unexpected.”</p>
<p>Mikasa just gazed calmly at her. Petra knew that the girl and Levi were family, long lost relatives. She’d hoped they would spend more time together, that Mikasa would have dinner with them and that Levi would teach her special tricks for combat—they were so similar in their abilities. Something about the Ackerman bloodline.</p>
<p>But Mikasa seemed to resent Levi, and Levi made no move to bridge the gap between them. Honestly, they were so alike. So sullen and tight-lipped.</p>
<p>“I’m going to talk to him,” Eren said. He put his shoulders back, set his jaw, and stared at the door like he was ready to bust it down and stride out into the hallway.</p>
<p>“I’ll come.” Mikasa stood at once. She might be only too happy to antagonize Levi.</p>
<p>“No! Both of you, stop. He’ll calm down and we’ll discuss everything then. Like adults.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah,” Eren grumbled. He sat down heavily on the bed opposite theirs and glared at the ground. The boy was like an exposed nerve. Anything he felt, he felt with the most incredible intensity. “Every time a baby’s born into this world, it’s another human against the titans,” he growled. “That’s important.”</p>
<p>Yes. Every human life was an achievement behind these walls.</p>
<p>“The captain’s just selfish,” Mikasa muttered.</p>
<p>“That isn’t true,” Petra said automatically. She knew the girl didn’t like Levi, but she had to stop this fuming. “He’s…scared.”</p>
<p>Maybe that’s why Levi was acting so strangely; because he’d been terrified. She’d never seen that side of him before. But he didn’t have to be afraid of her or their baby. Anything Petra could do to soothe him, she would. But she wouldn’t let him storm around and put his fear onto her.</p>
<p>“Captain Levi? Scared?” Eren said it in shock.</p>
<p>“I think when you’ve already lost so much, having a baby can be scary,” Petra murmured. She shut her eyes. That sounded about right. “I wish I could talk to him.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get him and bring him back.” Eren sprang to his feet at once, then yanked open the door and galloped into the hall without another word. Oh, that headstrong boy. Mikasa got up at once and started to follow, but skidded to a halt when Eren called, “Wait with her, Mikasa.”</p>
<p>The tall, black-haired girl came back and sat beside Petra again. They were quiet a minute, so quiet that when Petra’s stomach gurgled, they both flinched.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I was too nervous to eat today.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. Sasha will have something for you when she gets in.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. “How do you know that?”</p>
<p>“You’ll see.” Mikasa faced Petra. The kid’s dark gray eyes had the same removed, questing gaze as Levi’s. “You’re really going to have the baby?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra touched her stomach and tried to smile. “It’ll be your little cousin.”</p>
<p>To her surprise, Mikasa beamed. The icy stoicism melted into sweet warmth.</p>
<p>“That’s so exciting.”</p>
<p>Petra held back a sob, her lip trembling. “Thank you,” she whispered, tears welling. She blinked them away. “I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to say that.”</p>
<p>She turned her face away to compose herself, and nearly jumped when she felt a reassuring hand on her back. Mikasa gave it a gentle rub, then pulled away again. She wasn’t a demonstrative girl, so that gesture meant a lot.</p>
<p>“The captain’s very lucky.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled at the girl. “Yes. He is.”</p>
<p>They were interrupted when the door blasted open and another girl exploded into the room. She was tall, almost gangly, with a thick ponytail of reddish-brown hair and enormous brown eyes. She was also carrying three or so rolls clutched against her chest, and her cheeks bulged as she chewed. She turned and kicked at the way she’d come, swallowed her food loudly, and yelled.</p>
<p>“Get away, Connie!”</p>
<p>A tiny boy, shorter even than Levi, stormed in after her and tried to grab what she was holding. The girl—Sasha, Petra knew her—threw her pilfered rolls onto the bed and then started struggling against the boy.</p>
<p>“We were supposed to split ‘em!” Connie barked. Sasha put a hand on his shaved head and held him out at arm’s length as he tried to come at her, his arms pinwheeling hilariously. That made the boy huff until he tried sweeping her legs. Sasha hopped backwards, howling as she lost her balance and fell onto the floor with an <em>oof</em>. Without a word, Connie nabbed two of the rolls and headed for the exit. “Bye, Mikasa,” he said conversationally, and closed the door behind him. Sasha got to her feet, her teeth clenched.</p>
<p>“I’ll get him back. I’ll—”</p>
<p>“Sasha,” Mikasa said. The gangly girl froze and gaped at the two sitting on the bed. She must not have even noticed them in all the madness. Unbelievable. “Give Petra the bread. She hasn’t eaten today.”</p>
<p>“Huh?” The girl appeared so sadly pitiful at the command that Petra almost told her not to bother. “But Connie said we were supposed to split ‘em, then made off with two!”</p>
<p>“She has a point,” Petra said. “If there’s three, they should’ve each gotten one and a half.”</p>
<p>“Er, well, I may’ve already eaten one of the rolls.” Sasha grinned bashfully and rubbed the back of her head. “We got four.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Then Connie’s exactly right.”</p>
<p>“Give Petra the bread, please.” Mikasa looked calm, but serious.</p>
<p>“Oh, Sasha doesn’t have to—”</p>
<p>“She stole food from the dining hall and she already ate. Trust me,” Mikasa said. Sasha groaned, but handed over the bread. Petra thanked her, and could have cried in relief when she took a bite. She’d been starving. Sasha watched her eat like a sad-eyed orphan begging on the streets for a crust. “Don’t,” Mikasa said, seeing Sasha’s abject misery. Then she turned to Petra. “You have to be careful about feeding Sasha. She’ll always be looking for more.”</p>
<p>“You’re talking like I’m a dog, Mikasa!” Sasha was indignant as she clambered up to the top bunk. Petra heard the springs creak overhead, then watched Sasha’s boots rain down to earth. They just lay there, an abandoned pair. Levi would have a fit if he saw.</p>
<p>Levi. Petra hoped Eren found him soon. Finished eating, she sighed and dusted her lap for crumbs.</p>
<p>“Thanks. I should head back.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you stay here tonight?” Mikasa seemed perfectly serious. “We have a free bed.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Sasha hung her head over the top bunk, her ponytail flopping as she gazed at them upside down. “We lost Cara on the last expedition. Heh. I started calling it ‘the cursed bed’, since anyone who sleeps in it ends up dying the next time they go out. Like, it’s really gross. Anyone who sleeps there gets mashed into titan—”</p>
<p>“Sasha.” Mikasa sounded weary. This must happen a lot. Sasha realized her mistake and gulped loudly.</p>
<p>“Oh. Uh, but since it’s not <em>your</em> room, I think you’ll be fine for one night.” She pulled herself back up to her bunk.</p>
<p>“I should…be home when Levi gets back.” But she didn’t want to go, now the bed was offered. Just the thought of going into that room where she had Levi had had that fight…Petra couldn’t stomach it right now.</p>
<p>“Eren can bring him here. He said he would.” Mikasa regarded her coolly. “Do you want to go back?”</p>
<p>No. Not at all. Petra smiled weakly.</p>
<p>“Well, if you’re sure it’d be no trouble.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Mikasa sounded almost shy. “My little cousin needs some rest.”</p>
<p>Petra beamed at her.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you should call the captain your little cousin. He might take it personally,” Sasha offered from the top bunk.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>He heard Isabel whimpering in her sleep, and shook her gently awake on the couch. “Oi. Brat. You gotta shut up if you’re gonna stay here.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The girl rubbed her eyes and screwed up her face. Lamplight from outside wavered in a square on her stomach. She’d been here the last few nights, since Levi’d found her in a pile of trash. He’d cleaned and fed her, and she was looking better. She was still sleeping on their couch, and he and Furlan needed to decide what to do before she got too comfortable.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Wasn’t cryin’,” she muttered, though the shine on her cheeks suggested otherwise. She clumsily wiped her face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Bad dreams.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Naw. I’m fine.” She rolled onto her side and buried her face in the sofa cushion. Levi guessed it was two in the morning or so. Hard to tell underground. Furlan was snoring away in his own room. Levi shook Isabel by the shoulder again, hard. She yowled and pulled away. “Piss off!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nice way to talk to the guy that saved your life. Brat.” He sat there staring at the back of her head. “It’s okay to have bad dreams. We all do down here.” Silence. “Dreaming of your mom?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She sniffed. “Don’t remember her. Or my pop.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe that was where the nightmares came from. Chasing faceless phantoms through darkened streets, trying to catch them but grabbing only air. Levi knew those dreams only too well.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Brothers or sisters?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nope.” Sniff. He sat there, trying to think.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Look, I sleep shitty at the best of times. I don’t want to go back to bed if you’re gonna be out here crying. It’ll keep me up.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She wiggled and sat up. Her red hair was tangled around her face. She pouted at him, and frowned. “You don’t hafta worry about me.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I ain’t. Looking out for myself.” Probably. Isabel slumped back against the pillow and folded her arms.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I just…hate the dark,” she muttered. She looked at him hard. “Levi. You ever sing?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fuck no. Why?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She shrugged, almost shy. “Singin’ always puts me to sleep.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He was not gonna sing this brat a fucking lullaby. That was baby shit. But… </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Eh, fuck it. He narrowed his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You tell Furlan, I’ll put you back on the street.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“Okay!” She finally beamed. Levi knew very few songs, and his voice was adequate at best. There were a couple of baby songs he remembered his mother singing, but also songs they always sang at the bars Kenny had frequented. Most of those songs were way too profane for a twelve year old, but Levi remembered one. An old military ballad, actually; fuck knew where the scum of the underworld had learned it. He cleared his throat. “</em>Chairs so close, a room so small. You and I talk all the night long.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Isabel snuggled under the blanket as he continued, watching his face with bright eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>“Meager this space that serves us so well. We comrades have stories to tell. And it’s always like that in the evening time. We drink and we sing when our fighting is done.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Her eyes fluttered shut.</em>
</p>
<p>“And it’s always so, we live under the burnt clouds. Ease our burden, long is the night.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Isabel’s breathing was slow and heavy. Gently, Levi eased up from the couch and looked down on her. Little shithead. He smirked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Night, Levi,” she sighed. Eh. She was kinda cute when she was like this.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Very gently, Levi ruffled her hair. She grinned and hugged her pillow.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her severed head gazed up blankly at him, her wide green eyes as dull as glass. She seemed to ask why, why he hadn’t been there, why he hadn’t come, why why…</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Isabel,” Levi grunted. His head throbbed. He rarely brought up Isabel and Furlan with Erwin. It summoned too many bad memories. “She was just a kid who trusted me. And I left her alone.”</p>
<p>“Levi.”</p>
<p>He couldn’t bear to see the expression on Erwin’s face. He was a fucking coward.</p>
<p>“Any guy with half a fatherly instinct would never have left her outside the walls. I practically raised her, and then I just rode off…”</p>
<p>He stopped talking. Didn’t trust himself not to start crying like a bitch.</p>
<p>“You didn’t kill her. The titans did.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well she wouldn’t have died if I was with her. You know it’s true.”</p>
<p>Erwin said nothing, because he did know. Levi rubbed his eyes, made sure there were no tears.</p>
<p>“I let ‘em all down in the end. Isabel and Furlan. My squad. The baby’d be no different.”</p>
<p>“The baby wouldn’t be riding out with the Survey Corps,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“She’s gonna see how shit I am with babies, and she’s gonna start to get sick of me.” All he could think of was Petra, pleasing her. Seeing her smile gave him another reason to get up in the morning. When Kenny was dying, he’d said something about ‘they were all slaves to something.’ Suggested Levi was a slave to his status as hero. And he was. His life’s purpose was to serve Erwin and save humanity. He’d never give it up.</p>
<p>And he was a slave to <em>her</em>. He was a slave to her love, addicted to it. This baby would suck up her time and attention, it’d take her energy and laughter. He’d resent it, and she’d resent him for it. And then one day he’d do something dumb and the kid would be dead and she’d leave him, and then he’d keep riding out to save humanity while wanting to die at the same time and—</p>
<p>“You’re catastrophizing,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“I’m cat whating?”</p>
<p>“It means you’re tricking yourself into thinking that the worst is going to happen. Believe me. I understand it,” Erwin said wryly.</p>
<p>“Tch. Petra. She’s all I ever really wanted for myself.” He looked at his clasped hands on the table, his black hair hanging in his eyes. “I don’t mind giving everything I have to the fight. I just need her. I need to be happy with her.”</p>
<p>“The baby could deepen your love.”</p>
<p>“It could wreck it.”</p>
<p>“But maybe not.” A beat. Erwin’s voice gentled a bit. “Levi. Petra is planning to have this baby. You are planning to stay with her. If you want to be happy <em>and</em> a father, you’ll have to talk to her. Calmly. And don’t frighten her with talk about her impending death.”</p>
<p>“Fuck, Erwin, I’m not a maniac.” Probably. Maybe not. “You’re a real sensitive bitch, aren’t you?” He side-eyed Erwin, who chuckled.</p>
<p>“No one has ever accused me of that before. It’s refreshing.” He grew sober. “Petra will need you to find a way. She deserves to be happy.”</p>
<p>Levi frowned at the odd note he heard in Erwin’s voice. Wasn’t accusing, wasn’t sad, wasn’t fond, it was…a mix? He was about to speak when the door burst open, and he leapt to his feet.</p>
<p>Eren stood in the doorway, his chest puffed out like the avenging hero of some stupid play. Fuck. One guess as to why he was here.</p>
<p>“Eren?” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” Levi narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>“Captain.” The kid planted his feet, fire in his green eyes. He pointed an accusing finger. “I want <em>you</em> to know…”</p>
<p>“Yeah? What?”</p>
<p>The seconds ticked by. Eren’s righteous anger began to clash with the dawning realization that Levi Ackerman could turn him into a ball and kick him down the stairs if he made a wrong move.</p>
<p>“I want you to know that…that…” He put his finger down, but kept the indignant look on his face. “That Petra’s in Mikasa’s room. She’s upset.”</p>
<p>Levi sighed deeply and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>“You know why she’s upset?”</p>
<p>“Uh. Yeah.” Eren bunched his fists. “And a baby is proof that the titans don’t own us yet! You ought to be proud. And happy.” Eren wilted again when Levi scowled, but he stayed upright. “After all, if you love each other this should be exciting.”</p>
<p>“Tch. I’ll take a lecture from you on parenthood the day you get hair on your balls.”</p>
<p>Eren wavered, as if ready to tell Levi he <em>did</em> have hair on his balls, which Levi didn't want to know.</p>
<p>“Okay. But Petra’s in Mikasa’s room, so you should—”</p>
<p>“I’ll go get her. Now get the fuck out of here.”</p>
<p>His message delivered, his courage proved, Eren triumphantly turned and hurried back down the stairs.</p>
<p>“You showed restraint,” Erwin said, surprised.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m kicking his punk ass tomorrow in training.”</p>
<p>Erwin chuckled, and Levi felt a little better. If he made Erwin and Petra happy, his life was good.</p>
<p>“You should go to her.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I guess.” Levi went to the door, and looked back. Erwin was still nursing a glass of wine, that empty right sleeve of his dangling at its strange angle. Every time he saw Erwin sitting up in the night thinking, he felt a little better. Safer. “Sorry for being a bugfuck crazy asshole.”</p>
<p>“You’re going to be a father. It’s understandable. Levi?”</p>
<p>He had his hand on the doorknob. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“She was lucky to have you. The baby will be, too.”</p>
<p>Isabel.</p>
<p>His hand trembled, then he turned the knob and left.</p>
<p>Levi walked the long corridors to Mikasa’s room, picking over all the things he was feeling. Most of it was panic, and some was misery, and he was also just fucking pissed because if she’d taken her damn tea the day they fucked they wouldn’t be in this stupid position. His boots scuffed on the stone floor as he turned a right corner and entered the women’s dormitories. Levi had almost never been down here before. Lots of other guys’d poke around to see if they could catch a brief glimpse of tits or ass, but that kind of pervy horseplay had never appealed to him.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” Mikasa asked. He stopped. She was coming down the corridor from the opposite direction, dressed in her nightclothes and robe. She frowned a little as she glared at him, hands in her pockets. He and this girl would never get along, it seemed. Too similar. They held grudges for fucking ever. Didn’t matter how many times they told Mikasa that Levi had beat the shit out of Eren in that courtroom to save the boy’s life; she didn’t forgive.</p>
<p>“I’m here to get Petra.”</p>
<p>“She’s sleeping here tonight.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Fine. I’ll wake her up.”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t want to stay with you.”</p>
<p>He tried not to flinch in front of the kid. She’d enjoy it way too much.</p>
<p>“She say that?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Did Eren talk to you?” Fire in those dark gray eyes. “Did you do anything to him?”</p>
<p>“Relax. He traipsed back to his room. Guess all you brats know what’s going on now.”</p>
<p>She nodded. If she had anything more to say, she kept it to herself.</p>
<p>“Let me at least look in on her.”</p>
<p>Mikasa wavered, but nodded. “Fine.”</p>
<p>She opened the door and slipped into the darkened room. Levi could hear a loud, grumbling snore from the top bunk. Sasha’s hand dangled over the edge of her bed. That crazy backwoods brat. Her shoes and clothing were flung all over the floor. He was gonna discipline her ass…</p>
<p>And Petra lay asleep in a bed across the room. The light from the hallway stretched over her slumbering form.</p>
<p>Her left hand was draped across her stomach, her right tucked under the pillow. She breathed quietly, her chest rising and falling. Her fair eyelashes cuddled against her cheeks. She looked perfect. A marble angel.</p>
<p>Her hand protected her stomach unconsciously. Her baby. Their baby.</p>
<p>She was already thinking like a mother. Levi turned his eyes away.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he grunted, then stalked away as Mikasa shut the door.</p>
<p>Levi knew there’d be no sleep tonight, so he wandered around the barracks, circling the stables a few times just to give himself something to do. Eventually he ducked into the stables and walked through the warm, musty darkness until he came to his own horse’s stall. She was sleeping, but gave a soft blustering sound as she heard his approach. She always knew when he needed her, and laid her muzzle against his palm. He felt the heat of her breath, and stroked her velvet snout. He could see the flash of her eye as it shone from the moonlight.</p>
<p>“Good girl,” he whispered. Levi lowered his head, and felt her sniff at his hair. She lipped his head, which always made him smile.</p>
<p>He even got too attached to his damn horse. If anything ever happened to her, Levi’d go insane. He wouldn’t want another. He was stubborn with his feelings.</p>
<p>It was a bad world to love in.</p>
<p>He gave the horse a handful of oats before he left.</p>
<p>Levi wandered the halls until he found his way to the kitchen. This time of night, it was ghostly, the pots and pans put away, the cutting table and counters wiped down. There were still a few wooden crates of potatoes near the pantry door; they hadn’t used all the new shipment today. Levi toed at one of the very empty crates, only six or seven spuds left in it.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m going to be a father.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi had always liked kids. For being the way he was, he was good with them. He knew that if this were a normal world and he a normal person, he would’ve liked a family. But he’d long ago understood that fatherhood wasn’t for him. Some people didn’t get to fulfill every wish.</p>
<p>To have a child in this world and with his job was irresponsible. But he’d fallen in love, and he’d had sex, and that’d produced this baby. He should’ve talked to Petra about the finer points of their agreement before this. If he’d known she was so vehemently against getting rid of it he would’ve been way more fucking careful. Or maybe he hadn’t brought it up because in his gut he’d known she would be shocked, and he didn’t want her to see him as a monster. He hadn’t grown up like her. Women like his mother, women who were poor and abused but still believed in having and loving their children, they were angels and angels were rare underground. Most women in Kuchel’s position would’ve gotten rid of Levi. In his darkest moments, he’d wished that she had.</p>
<p>When Petra had told him she was expecting, he’d seen the thing inside of her as a parasite. A tumor. Something that wanted to destroy his happiness. He’d hated it.</p>
<p>But now he imagined some little thing with Petra’s hair and eyes blinking up at him. It’d be fucking cute, wouldn’t it? Like its mother. Petra had told him months ago that she’d let go of the dream to have children, but it’d been a dream. She wanted them. Now she was going to have one…and he’d told her to kill it.</p>
<p>Why did she keep on loving him?</p>
<p>Fuck, Levi was scared. He’d never known fear like this, not even underground or when he first saw a titan. Not even when Petra was in danger, because now he was facing the true unknown. He’d defeated every form of danger that existed. But this was a baby.</p>
<p>His baby.</p>
<p>Levi took the six or seven potatoes out of the wooden crate, then picked it up and dragged it away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was barely dawn when Petra got up. She listened to the two girls sleeping soundly as she neatened the bed and slipped out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. She walked down the hall to her own room, hand on her stomach. Petra sighed in relief; no nausea this morning. One week ago she’d started getting sick, and on the third straight day had realized it might not be food poisoning.</p>
<p>Would Levi be in? Probably not. More likely he was out wandering the streets.</p>
<p>She hadn’t handled this right. Neither had he, but she’d started screaming and crying when they both most needed her to be calm.</p>
<p>
  <em>We can talk later. I’m sure he’ll come around.</em>
</p>
<p>She hoped.</p>
<p>Petra opened the door and found Levi sitting at the table, staring at the floor. She jumped a little to see him.</p>
<p>“Oh!”</p>
<p>“Petra.” He stood up. He hadn’t taken off his cravat or jacket. He’d been perched here in stony silence like a trap ready to spring. She shut the door.</p>
<p>“Hi.” She frowned, noticing something against the wall. “Um. What’s that?”</p>
<p>It looked like…a crate? A potato crate? What?</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Levi cleared his throat. “Figured that was about the size of a baby. Not that we’re gonna put the baby in that. Just thought it’d be a good measurement for a cradle.” He sniffed, didn’t look at her. “I don’t know what else we’re gonna need. Blankets, diapers—tch, the shit’s gonna be tough to deal with, but we’ll make it through. Maybe we can force the brats to change it. Change the baby. I don’t know what else we need.”</p>
<p>Petra walked over and hugged him. She pressed close to him, wrapped her arms around his neck. Despite his neutral expression, she could feel his heart pattering like a trapped bird. Slowly, he put his arms around her as well.</p>
<p>Petra swallowed the tears down, then spoke softly.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Tch. S’fine.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I messed everything up.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. She had to stop crying, but she couldn’t.</p>
<p>“You didn’t mess anything up. You made a mistake. <em>I</em> fucked things up last night.” He kissed her cheek, made a noise when he tasted her tears. “All that crying can’t be good for the kid.”</p>
<p>She pulled back enough to look at his face. Levi appeared tired, and wasn’t smiling. But the anger was gone.</p>
<p>“I know this isn’t what you wanted.”</p>
<p>His mouth twitched. He couldn’t lie. “No. But it’s happening, so there’s no use pissing and moaning about it.”</p>
<p>Practical as always. Petra smiled, and kissed him. His kiss was tender as he stroked the back of her hair. She brushed her nose against his, the old affectionate gesture he liked. Levi rumbled a bit in his chest, contented.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to lose this,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“You never will. No one’s taking it from us. Not even our baby.” She kissed him once more, and felt him relax a little further. They molded into each other’s arms and stood there, holding tight. Everything in the future—getting married, having the baby, the new life ahead—could wait. Right now, she needed him like this. And he needed her.</p>
<p>Petra glanced down at the potato crate.</p>
<p>“We do need a real cradle, though. The baby’s going to be bigger than a potato.”</p>
<p>“Thank fuck.” Levi kissed her cheek. “That brat Sasha’d probably eat it otherwise.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her breathing quickened, and she whimpered with pleasure as he picked up the pace. Levi’s lips traced hers as he rode her; he kissed her every time she moaned, as if capturing the sound of pleasure, ingesting it. He hummed in reply, rolling his hips in a way that made her see stars. Beneath them, the bed sighed. Petra’s eyes fluttered open, and she looked at his face so near hers. His eyes were closed, his brow furrowed in concentration. Morning sunlight streamed in through the window.</p>
<p>It was a good way to wake up. This was five days since she’d told him about the baby. For those five days, he’d been considerate of her and loving, but his…appetite…wasn’t there. Petra had been crestfallen, thinking he wouldn’t want to while she was pregnant. But she’d woken up on this, their day off, with his arm wrapped around her waist and his cock twitching against her ass.</p>
<p>“You awake?” he’d breathed in her ear. And yes, she had been. Very awake.</p>
<p>“Levi,” she whispered, her lips tracing his. He kissed her again, moving perfectly inside of her. Petra’s eyes rolled back as her end hastened. When they’d first come together six months back, he’d been a virgin. At first, she’d loved his clumsiness and the way he learned what she taught. But Levi Ackerman was a master of all things physical and he liked sex a great deal, which meant they’d had a lot of practice. By now, Petra was fairly certain he was a sexual god, and was relieved that he wanted no one but her. If any other person knew how devastating he’d become…</p>
<p>Petra cried out as she came, and he fit his mouth around hers, swallowing her screams of ecstasy. Petra throbbed beneath him as he went faster, his breathing becoming harsh.</p>
<p>“Good girl. So sweet,” he whispered, giving Petra a little shiver of delight. He gasped, then groaned as he finished. They lay there a minute, their heartbeats calming. Petra giggled as she hugged him and nuzzled his cheek.</p>
<p>“That was relaxing.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. One nice thing about you being knocked up. I can shoot my load without worrying about it.” He kissed her lips and rolled off. They lay side by side, her leg draped over his as she held his right hand to her chest. Petra loved the little moments of touch and satisfaction after sex almost as much as she loved the act itself.</p>
<p>What she did not love, though, was the sudden flutter of her stomach and then the—</p>
<p>Petra rolled out of bed so fast she took the top sheet with her. Levi cried out in shock as she raced to get the wash basin, and barely made it in time before vomiting. She felt feverish as she knelt on the stone floor, shaking until she brought up another round. God, when would the first trimester be over?</p>
<p>She heard Levi behind her. Petra winced, knowing how he hated mess, but all he did was gently pull her hair out of her face.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she whispered before spewing once more. After the third time, Petra was pretty sure she was empty. She spat twice into the basin, then sighed. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Tch. You’re growing a person. There’s gonna be some mess.” He kissed the top of her head, then took the basin from her. “I’m cleaning this out. Brush your teeth while I’m gone.” She heard him leave. Hopefully he’d at least had time to put pants on before going outside. He probably had. Hopefully.</p>
<p>Petra found the tooth powder and started brushing. Her stomach gurgled once, but she was in no danger of a reprisal. She placed a hand over her stomach, imagining the growing baby. <em>You’d better be cute</em>.</p>
<p>When Levi brought back the now immaculately clean basin, she spit and rinsed. Then he helped her off the floor, making sure to steady her.</p>
<p>“You okay?” His blue gray eyes missed nothing. He didn’t appear disgusted or frightened or amused. He was just his usual stoic, impossible to read self.</p>
<p>“Yes.” She shook her head. “I think in five weeks this should be over. We just need to make it through.”</p>
<p>“I can handle it. I’m a big boy.” He kissed her forehead. Petra grinned and went in for a kiss, but he jerked backward. “Uh. Brush your teeth one more time first.”</p>
<p>She laughed and did as he asked. After that, he happily accepted her kisses. She petted his cheek.</p>
<p>“You’re the most wonderful man,” she said seriously.</p>
<p>“Tch. Well, let me know if you still think that after today,” he grumbled, and lightly whacked her ass. She made a face of mock outrage, and returned the favor, which finally made him grin. “Get dressed, brat.”</p>
<p>Petra put on her lightest summer blouse and skirt. This was their last full day off before Shiganshina, and they’d wanted to spend it looking for at least a few necessities for the baby. Levi hadn’t spoken of wedding plans since that first night, but Petra wasn’t worried. Levi was not the type to wiggle out of responsibilities. Right now, a cradle was more important than a ceremony. More practical.</p>
<p>Levi put on a light blue shirt she’d found at the market on sale. She was trying to nudge him towards colors that weren’t gray and black. He laced up his boots and held the door for her. Together, looking like the most casual civilians, they left the barracks and went to the market.</p>
<p>They passed the little stalls, heading for the high street and the proper shops. Levi kept dodging glances left and right as they walked. He seemed more neurotic than usual. Petra and Levi usually didn’t hold hands or kiss in public, but now that they were more anonymous she dared to slip her arm through his.</p>
<p>“Maybe I shouldn’t go in with you,” he said.</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“If they recognize me and see us buying a cradle…” He left the rest to her imagination.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. As far as anyone knows, I’m shopping for my sister today.” Petra smiled. “Brigitta got married a couple of months ago, so it’s at least possible. Papa wrote that she and her husband were moving to Trost.” It’d be good to have her sister nearby. At least it wasn’t her brother; Willem often pushed his nose into her business. He was like their mother that way.</p>
<p>“Okay. But maybe I should still wait outside to be safe.”</p>
<p>Petra worried her lip. “Do you just not want to do this?”</p>
<p>“Sure I do.”</p>
<p>“It’s our last day together before…” She hugged his arm. “I don’t want to spend it doing something you don’t like. I can find a cradle any day.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t just about the cradle; his reluctance probably came from accepting the baby out of necessity, not desire. Petra knew that it was too much to ask for him to be excited, but it still made her sad.</p>
<p>“Tch. Okay. I’ll look at things with you.”</p>
<p>“I really don’t want you to make yourself.”</p>
<p>“I want to see you happy,” he said, almost annoyed. Only Levi could be irritated while genuinely wanting to please her. Petra smiled. “Like that.” He sniffed. “And maybe on the way back, we can check in with the Reeves Company. See if they’ve got any tea they want to part with to honor their bigass hero.”</p>
<p>“You’re so greedy.” She giggled. “Okay. It’s a deal.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>They found a furniture store, Gunderson’s. A bell tinkled over the shop door as Petra and Levi entered. Petra looked over a line of wooden benches and tables. Everything was of high quality, mahogany wood, and the place smelled of lemon and beeswax. Levi appreciated cleanliness. This was one of the better shops in Trost.</p>
<p>“Hope no one recognizes us,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“We’re out of uniform. We’ll be fine,” Petra said.</p>
<p>A man came out of the back, saw them, and gasped.</p>
<p>“Captain Levi! Humanity’s Strongest in <em>my</em> store!” He rubbed his hands and patted back his hair, probably imagining the publicity he could create.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Levi whispered. Petra was glad she hadn’t entered holding his hand.</p>
<p>“Stay back a bit,” she murmured, then approached the man. “I’m the one shopping, actually. For my sister. Do you have any cradles?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” The man’s eyes widened, had a peculiar shine to them. “Is there a little bundle of joy on the way?”</p>
<p>“No, the cradle’s for taking a shit in,” Levi said, charming as always. Petra shut her eyes. “Yeah, of course it’s a baby.”</p>
<p>“I see.” The man looked from Petra to Levi and back again. “Shopping together?”</p>
<p>“No,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I’m shopping for my sister, like I said. The captain and I are running all sorts of errands today. He’s being nice enough to tag along.”</p>
<p>“I see.” The shopkeeper smiled at Levi. “And you’re friends with the young lady?”</p>
<p>“No,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“He means—” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I thought you meant her.” Levi pointed at Petra. “We’re friends. Just friends.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>“She’s my subordinate. We’re friendly.”</p>
<p>“Oh yes.”</p>
<p>“Can I see the cradles please?” Petra said, feeling her eyelid twitch. When the man turned his back, Petra faced Levi. “Maybe I should talk from now on,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have come in here.” He shook his head. “Too fuckin’ late now.”</p>
<p>Yes. It was. Petra followed the man, Levi keeping a good distance behind. The tension in Petra’s shoulders eased considerably when the shopkeeper motioned her to the far corner of the store. Petra gasped at the frankly adorable selection. One cradle was carved to look like a large bundle of flowers. Another had intricate images of the three goddesses. Yet another had little fluffy sheep, and was painted white.</p>
<p>“Oh, they’re so sweet.” She forgot herself completely and knelt, rocking one of them side to side.</p>
<p>“The flowers especially are popular. It’s sturdy, so you can use it with each successive child, and it’s a wonderful keepsake.”</p>
<p>“There’s only gonna be one,” Levi said bluntly. Petra froze. “Uh. I mean there’s only gonna be one cradle. That her sister will want.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” The man continued down the row of cradles while Petra looked up at an increasingly red-faced Levi.</p>
<p><em>What’s wrong?</em> she mouthed.</p>
<p><em>I don’t know!</em> he mouthed back. His skin was blotchy.</p>
<p>Sighing, Petra touched the carved flowers. Wistful, she passed it by. Levi was right; they were only going to have one if they could help it. Petra touched her stomach as she thought of it, and felt strangely sad. Her first—only—baby wasn’t even big enough to show yet, and already she was sad she wouldn’t have another. Pregnancy brain was real. Petra walked to the simpler cradles, Levi keeping his distance behind her.</p>
<p>“This one’s a good model,” the man said, rocking one with his foot. Petra grinned. It was sweet, carved out of a creamy wood and almost entirely without ornament. The only decoration was a little carved heart in the headboard.</p>
<p>“Oh, I love it.” She knelt and rocked it herself. Petra felt a little pang as she imagined laying a snoozing baby into it, maybe one with her hair and Levi’s eyes. She was afraid she’d start crying—she’d been emotional lately, what with her body adjusting to being pregnant. But all she felt was a deep, glowing happiness. She looked over her shoulder at Levi without thinking. “Won’t it be sweet?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. In fact he cleared his throat. “I mean, it’s not for me. Your sister’s gonna like it.”</p>
<p>“Yes. She will. How much?”</p>
<p>The man named a price. Petra almost fainted. Maybe putting the baby in a potato crate wasn’t such a terrible idea…</p>
<p>“The present’s from the Survey Corps,” Levi said coolly. “There a military discount?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” The man hesitated.</p>
<p>“I’ll be sure to let people know you’ve got a great shop,” he said. “You know. Being Humanity’s Strongest and all, they tend to listen to me.”</p>
<p>The man’s eyes lit up.</p>
<p>“Oh, yes! Would you be a spokesperson?”</p>
<p>“Nope.” That was a fast answer.</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“But I’ll tell people.”</p>
<p>Considering Levi didn’t talk to anyone if he could help it, he’d probably end up telling Eren, Erwin, and Hange, none of who would need to get ready for a baby anytime soon. But this man didn’t need to know that. He beamed.</p>
<p>“I can take it down to half price,” he said to Petra.</p>
<p>“Seventy five would be real nice of you,” Levi said. He was shameless. Well, he <em>had</em> done business in the underground black market. Compared to his old life, negotiating for some baby furniture was nothing at all.</p>
<p>“Oh.” The man was visibly starting to sweat. “Er. What about sixty?”</p>
<p>“Seventy.”</p>
<p>“Sixty five?”</p>
<p>“Captain,” Petra warned.</p>
<p>“Deal. Pay the man, Ral.”</p>
<p>She hadn’t anticipated that this was how shopping for her first child would go. At the counter, Petra laid out her coins while the man went over details.</p>
<p>“We can have it delivered wherever you like. Same day delivery for Trost.”</p>
<p>“Send it to the Survey Corps barracks,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Oh?” The man frowned. “Wouldn’t it be better to send it to the expectant mother?”</p>
<p>“My sister and her husband are moving right now,” Petra said, jumping in. “I’ll hang onto the cradle until they settle.”</p>
<p>“Very good.” The man smiled, gave her a bill of sale, and bowed them out of the shop. Once safely onto the street and out of the line of sight, Petra stopped walking and placed a hand over her chest.</p>
<p>“My heart’s still pounding. Why was that so stressful?”</p>
<p>“Good catch with that ‘saving the cradle for your sister’ thing. I was half ready to knock the guy out and run.” Levi actually looked shaken. He battled titans without blinking, and now purchasing a cradle nearly made him pass out.</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen you flustered like that.” Petra grinned. “You were so cute.”</p>
<p>“Did you just call me cute?”</p>
<p>Petra giggled. “You really are like a cat. You hate to have your pride pricked at all.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? How else am I like a cat?” He walked on, dragging her with him while she struggled not to laugh. “I kill mice with my teeth? I shit in a box?”</p>
<p>“You’re sleek and graceful and deadly,” she said, squeezing his arm. That mollified him a bit. “You keep to yourself. And you scratch anyone who tries to rub your belly.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Real poetic.” He turned up his nose. “I let <em>you</em> rub my belly,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“You let me rub a lot more than that.” She bit her lip, holding in laughter as Levi hunched with embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Eh, keep your voice down. There’s kids. Somewhere.”</p>
<p>The cradle had been the important purchase, but they looked at a few shops Petra yearned to see. She knew that on their budget, the baby’s clothes would have to be handmade. Petra could do a few basic stitches, and Levi had shocked her by showing he could do the same. ‘What’s a guy supposed to do when his shirt gets ripped underground? Go to a fucking tailor?’ he’d said. Between the two of them, they could manage to keep the baby clothed until it was two or so. Baby clothes and shoes were far too expensive to buy at a shop; the child would outgrow them so quickly. But Petra couldn’t help gazing at the small, delicate shirts and dresses on display with wistfulness. A pair of baby shoes in bright red leather almost broke her resolve, but that was three silver coins for something the kid would wear only a month or so. It wasn’t worth it.</p>
<p>Levi watched her interest with a calm, unconcerned look.</p>
<p>“Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?” Petra asked, staring at a little white dress and cap.</p>
<p>“Either way,” Levi said, a polite manner of saying ‘I don’t care.’</p>
<p>Right. He didn’t <em>want</em> it to be anything. He didn’t want it at all. Petra pursed her lips.</p>
<p>“I think it’s a boy,” she said softly as they walked away. Levi frowned.</p>
<p>“How do you know that?”</p>
<p>“I don’t, but it’s a feeling. My mom said Willem felt different from Brigitta and me. She felt a pain right under her ribs with him.”</p>
<p>“Could’ve been gas.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled, shook her head. “If it’s a boy, what would you like to call him?”</p>
<p>“The kid’s the size of a bean right now. Let’s wait until he’s kicking to decide.”</p>
<p>“I know, but you’ll be…” Petra froze. They both knew she’d been about to say ‘going to Shiganshina’, the implication being he might not come back. They might never get to look at her growing belly and speculate on if it was an Edgar or a Fritz. “I think we should call it Erwin, if it’s a boy,” she said, hurrying on.</p>
<p>“Yeah? Erwin’d like that,” Levi said. “I wouldn’t mind, either. Just so long as the kid doesn’t have eyebrows like caterpillars.”</p>
<p>Petra touched her stomach again; she couldn’t seem to stop these days. She’d gone from feeling like herself to feeling like a fragile vessel. It was so strange to know that wherever she went, she wasn’t alone; someone else was sitting inside of her. She was baffled, and nervous, and honestly a little pissed. She’d been ready for Shiganshina, and now she’d have to watch by the window for the heroes to come riding home. Petra had been ready to give her all for humanity, and now she would sit and wait, two things she’d never been good at. She winced.</p>
<p>“I wish I could go with all of you,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“If there’s one reason for me to be happy about this baby,” Levi said, utterly serious, “it’s that he’s keeping you home.”</p>
<p>“We don’t know Shiganshina will be that dangerous.” But Petra didn’t really believe her own words. Neither did Levi.</p>
<p>“Those two, Reiner and Bertholdt, they didn’t just forget about Eren. Or the rest of us.”</p>
<p>No. Petra brooded over that one shifter they had in crystal back in Stohess, Annie. The one who’d killed Oruo and the others. Every time she thought about that female titan and its pilot, her throat closed with rage. When Petra had seen the girl trapped in that crystal prison—Annie, only sixteen, really just a child—she’d felt numb. How could anyone that young kill so many of Petra’s comrades? And with so much…flair?</p>
<p>Those three hadn’t broken down the walls and killed hundreds of thousands of people out of simple mean-spiritedness. They had a motive, one strong enough that they wouldn’t let humanity survive without a fight. Petra shivered, and Levi guided her to the side of the road.</p>
<p>“Hey. Look at me.” His voice was uncharacteristically soft as he cupped her chin. “If I know you’re safe, I’ll fight better. I know I will. If you were there, I’d want to keep an eye on you. I couldn’t help it. Erwin’s probably grateful you’re staying.”</p>
<p>“I just…” She squeezed his hand. “The Commander asked if I wanted to retire from field duty permanently.”</p>
<p>“And?”</p>
<p>“I’m going to have this baby. I’m going to try to be a good mother. But…” She had to fight a swell of emotion. Her voice shook. “I can’t just be a woman who stays at home for the rest of my life.”</p>
<p>“Then you won’t be.” Levi said it with iron certainty. “We’ll figure it out. And if…when we’re back from Shiganshina with whatever’s locked in that stupid basement, I get the feeling there’ll be a lot more work to do. So you’ll do it.”</p>
<p>Her heart fluttered, her cheeks heated. Screw caution. She pulled him into an alley, out of sight of the crowds, and kissed him. He murmured in shock, but responded very readily.</p>
<p>“How is it for a man who doesn’t like words very much, you always know the right thing to say?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“It’s… I. Don’t know. Er, fuck, kiss me again.” Whenever he became flustered, the tips of his ears reddened. She didn’t dare tell him how adorable that was.</p>
<p>Petra grinned, and kissed him. She wrapped her arms around him. Levi gently broke their kiss and unwound her from his neck.</p>
<p>“Easy. You’re gonna be someone’s mother.” He laid a gentle kiss on her forehead, like she was bone china he needed to take exaggerated care with.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind,” she muttered.</p>
<p>“You got sick this morning after we fucked.” Trust him to be blunt.</p>
<p>“That wasn’t because of the sex! Pregnant women get sick sometimes.”</p>
<p>“Right, so I need to take better care of you. Tch. Now come on, I want that tea.” Levi dragged her from the alley, and Petra stewed in her thoughts as they walked through the high street. She didn’t want what might be their last few nights together hampered by her “delicate” condition. If Levi saw her as some invalid, some fragile little mother, he’d cool his ardor. Petra didn’t want that. She was going to be a mother, sure, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get laid.</p>
<p>They picked up some simple but quality fabric for clothing. Levi got his tea, and Petra found one little frivolous purchase: a stuffed lamb. She stroked the fuzzy thing as they walked back to the barracks. Levi rattled off a list as they went, detail oriented as always.</p>
<p>“We got the cradle. You’re gonna start making the clothes, but we got time yet. I’ll help when I get back from the mission. The kid needs blankets and cloth diapers. Now he’s got a little fuzzy friend.” He eyed the lamb. Petra knew it had been an extravagance—if she’d wanted to spend that money, better use it on something more practical. But he shrugged. “Kid’ll like that.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for coming with me. I know it’s not what you would’ve liked most on your day off.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Kid’s half mine. I oughta step up.” They turned into the barracks and headed through the stable yard. They passed the storeroom, a small brick building on the edge of the grounds. It offered cool afternoon shade. Petra slipped her hand into Levi’s as they went. “When we get in, I want you to lie down for a while.”</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s acting like a nursemaid.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra twisted up her mouth as they passed the storeroom. She stopped, sliding her hand from his. Levi halted and turned back, looking puzzled as hell.</p>
<p>“Ral?”</p>
<p>Petra looked to the left and right, saw they were alone. She then immediately unbuttoned her shirt all the way to her navel, putting her breasts on display. Levi dropped the shopping. Blankets and canisters of tea spilled onto the grass.</p>
<p>“Wh-what the fuck are you—”</p>
<p>She grabbed him by the lapels and yanked him over to her, so that he pressed her against the cool bricks. Petra took his hands and placed them on her breasts. Levi was blinking and utterly mute; clearly he was trying to figure out the missing step that had occurred between walking to the room and this.</p>
<p>He squeezed, sending a line of warmth all the way through her. Petra kissed him hard, grinding her body against him.</p>
<p>“Whu da fuh” he said against her lips. She broke the kiss and whispered in his ear.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to lie down.” She hitched her leg up around his hip. Petra nipped at Levi’s earlobe, which got a reaction out of him. “I want to do it here.”</p>
<p>“There are horses,” he croaked. “People could show up. It’s not clean.”</p>
<p>“I know. That’s part of the fun.” She kissed his neck, buried herself against him. Even after a day in the hot sun, he smelled of soap and cool things. Petra moved her hips, and felt him move in response. His breathing was becoming erratic.</p>
<p>“You’re fucking crazy.”</p>
<p>“Good. Don’t forget it. We don’t have to lie down.” She felt his hand travel down her body, under her skirt. Petra gave a soft cry when he slid a finger inside of her and felt how ready she was. Levi groaned with the knowledge.</p>
<p>“You’re out of your mind,” he said admiringly. Checking once more to see they were alone, he unbuttoned himself fast and hoisted her up, pinning her to the wall. Petra tried to keep from screaming in excitement when he shoved into her. It was a little uncomfortable in this position and pressed up against the bricks, but she didn’t care. When she started to call his name, he shoved a hand over her mouth. “Keep it down,” he grunted, going faster. Petra whimpered against his hand when he paused to knead her breast and take it into his mouth. His tongue circled her nipple. She ground her hips, and he thrust in response, panting her name as he took her, bringing her closer to—</p>
<p>Someone made a noise. Levi pulled out so fast he nearly dropped Petra. She gripped her shirt closed as they watched Erwin Smith walk away as fast as he could.</p>
<p>Oh <em>fuck</em>.</p>
<p>“Erwin. Sorry. We’re…done,” Levi muttered, sticking himself back into his pants and doing them up. He looked about ready to bash his head against the wall until he forgot what’d just happened. Petra wondered if she wore a bag over her head every time she came to work.</p>
<p>“It’s fine. I didn’t see anything. The sky is very blue today,” the commander said, lying nicely. Eventually, he managed to turn and face them. He looked impeccable and calm as ever, utterly unfazed. Petra almost wished he looked embarrassed; that would be human. Instead, they were all just…looking at one another.</p>
<p>“We don’t normally do that,” Levi said. She could hear the edge of his voice; he was mortified.</p>
<p>“It was my idea,” Petra said, wincing. “I’m going through a lot right now—”</p>
<p>“Please. It’s all right.” Erwin chuckled and shook his head. “I just appreciate that you both care. There tends to be a lot of, shall we say, fraternizing in the days leading up to an expedition.”</p>
<p>True. Faced with the possibility of death, everyone wanted to feel alive just one last time. Petra blushed, while Levi busied himself by picking up the fallen shopping.</p>
<p>“We bought a cradle. It’ll come in today.” Finished, he kept his line of vision on Erwin’s boots. “Sorry. We’ll go to our room. Where we should’ve gone to begin with.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Petra covered her eyes with her hand.</p>
<p>“I honestly didn’t see anything,” Erwin said. “Just…enough movement to get the picture. Don’t worry.”</p>
<p>Levi huffed, and Petra peeked from between her fingers. The commander was looking at her with complete amusement and understanding.</p>
<p>“Thank you, sir,” she muttered, letting Levi take her hand and haul her into the barracks. They nearly ran through the halls, and stopped outside their door while Levi got his key. Petra saw a few letters lying on the ground: mail delivery. She picked them up, leaned against the wall, and burst out laughing.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Levi’s bewilderment made her laugh harder, laugh until her stomach ached. She wrapped her arms around herself, giggling with glee as he shepherded her into the room. Petra stood there just holding the mail, still giggling when he came up behind her and put his arms around her. “What’m I gonna do with such a naughty brat?”</p>
<p>He kissed her neck. Petra grinned as he began to unbutton her blouse.</p>
<p>“There’s lots you can do with me,” she said, eyeing the letters briefly as she tossed them onto the table.</p>
<p>“Mmm. Better spend a lot of time disciplining you.”</p>
<p>Petra was ready to fling herself into his arms and fall into—</p>
<p>She froze.</p>
<p>“Levi?”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” He managed to stop undressing her for a minute. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“This is for you.” She stared blankly at the letter.</p>
<p>“Uh. Okay. I get mail sometimes. Put it on the table.”</p>
<p>“But it’s my father’s handwriting.”</p>
<p>They were silent.</p>
<p>“How do you know?”</p>
<p>“I know what his writing looks like.”</p>
<p>“So…it’s for you.”</p>
<p>“No. It’s addressed to you.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Captain Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps, Trost.</em>
</p>
<p>“Open it.”</p>
<p>Petra did, and scanned the letter. She read it over twice, the second time very slowly to make sure she fully understood it. Then she walked to the bed and sat down, the air rushing from her lungs.</p>
<p>“Captain,” she read. “My name is Pieter Ral, Petra Ral’s father. My family has heard rumors that you have…” Petra paused to collect herself. “…That you have gotten my daughter in the family way.”</p>
<p>“How the fuck—”</p>
<p>“If these rumors are false, I’m very sorry to accuse you, but if they’re true then I expect you to do the decent thing and marry her.”</p>
<p>“Who the fuck says ‘in the family way’?” His voice broke. Levi shook his head. “How did he find out the… Fuck it. Enough people around here know by now. Someone told someone who wrote to someone else, then someone else’s mother told someone else’s mother. That’s how this shit gets started. It’s okay.” Levi rubbed his eyes. “We’re getting married, like I said. So I’ll write back and tell him—”</p>
<p>“He’s not done,” Petra said, then continued. “My daughter Brigitta and her husband have just settled in Trost. My wife and I will be there the day after tomorrow.” She checked the mail date on the envelope. “This was sent yesterday. So. They’ll be here tomorrow.” In a haze, she read the last of the letter. “We plan to stay with my younger daughter and discuss any necessary action with you. Please come to dinner at…” She let the letter drop to the floor. “The dinner’s at eight. I…I didn’t want this to be complicated.”</p>
<p>Petra swallowed a lump in her throat. She’d planned to quietly marry and then write to her parents telling them the ‘happy news’ of her pregnancy.</p>
<p>“So tomorrow night I have to have dinner with your family and make a big show about how sorry I am that, what? I love you? We had sex? Fuck that.” He practically bristled as he slammed a canister of tea onto the table and started ripping it open. The Levi Ackerman way: when stressed, make tea or clean, and right now the place was spotless. “They can come to the barracks and hear what we’re gonna do. Then they can give their blessing, turn right around, and go back to Calaneth.”</p>
<p>“Levi.”</p>
<p>She kept the tears away, but her voice quavered. He looked at Petra. She twisted a corner of the envelope back and forth, back and forth.</p>
<p>“It’s my <em>family</em>.” She looked at him, begged him with her eyes. Levi set down the tea, then leaned on the table.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” he said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had seen everything.</p>
<p>Erwin walked through the darkened city streets, his footsteps slow but purposeful. He rarely visited the edges of Trost, and the temptations that lay within. He didn’t like to seek out paid companionship in his own city. It made him look desperate at best, sleazy at worst.</p>
<p>But he’d seen it all, and he needed a release.</p>
<p>He didn’t know who had affected him more, Petra or Levi. Erwin had seen the girl’s flushed abandon as she gave herself, the ecstasy, the parted lips. He’d seen her breasts for god’s sake, and the length of her thigh as Levi had held her by the hips and…</p>
<p>And Erwin had seen Levi utterly freed. The man had been so animated. So happy. He had seen Levi’s passion on the battlefield, but that translated into cold fury or the slice of a blade. Nothing like this. Nothing warm.</p>
<p>Most of all, Erwin had seen how happy they were. How much they wanted each other. They did not kiss or touch in front of him; they didn’t even use relaxed language. He’d known they were in love…but now he had seen it.</p>
<p>And it ate him alive.</p>
<p>He entered the building with the red lamps and the closed curtains. Eugenia, the mistress of the house, smiled as he closed the door.</p>
<p>“Didn’t think to see you for a while,” she said, moving to take off his coat. Erwin usually kept it months between visits, if not half a year. Eugenia tsked when she saw his empty right sleeve. He could feel her sympathy. She probably thought that was why he was here, seeking a release from the pain. He let her think that. “Let’s get you fixed up.”</p>
<p>Young women and a few young men sauntered through the rooms of this house, all perfumed and rouged and packaged delectably. Erwin stood near the staircase, casting his gaze across all of them. Looking, looking…</p>
<p>“Take it you don’t want Claudette tonight?” Eugenia asked.</p>
<p>Claudette was a tall, willowy blonde who looked a great deal like Marie. When Erwin came here, he’d spend a night with her and feel like he was making love to a ghost.</p>
<p>But no. He wanted something new tonight. And then he spotted it.</p>
<p>The girl was quite young, probably just twenty, which was ideal. Her hair was a pure red, but the shade didn’t much matter. It was chin length, which was perfect. Her eyes were green, not brown, and her body was a bit fuller in the bust and hips, but the face was animated and the smile wide. She’d do nicely.</p>
<p>“Who’s that?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Justine.” Eugenia grinned, the mole on her lip rising. “She’s very different from your usual type, isn’t she?”</p>
<p>“Is she free?”</p>
<p>“Yep. Let me tell her and get a room set up.”</p>
<p>“One more thing.” He looked around again. “I want one more.”</p>
<p>Eugenia chuckled. “You’re <em>very</em> adventurous tonight.”</p>
<p>“It’s not like that,” he said. Then, “Show me the men.”</p>
<p>Erwin could not believe it when he found <em>him</em> over by the fireplace. The man was quite short, and rather slight. His face was powdered white, his lips rouged, but his black eyes glistened with an almost dangerous intensity. When Eugenia spoke to him and gestured to Erwin, the young man only looked at his customer with a flat gaze. His hair was black, and closely cropped. It would do. If Justine was friendly, this young man was prickly. Erwin could not have designed it better.</p>
<p>Erwin took them both, Justine and Philippe, to a bedroom on the second floor. She giggled and landed on the bed straight away, while Philippe began to slide out of his jacket.</p>
<p>“No,” Erwin said, pointing to the young man. “Sit there, by the window.”</p>
<p>Philippe shrugged, and did as he was told. “Just here?”</p>
<p>“I have a scenario I want,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“Ooo, I like those.” Justine giggled, her full cheeks flushed. She bounced to Erwin, started unbuttoning him. “Who’s the intruder?”</p>
<p>“No intruder. Now listen.” He knew just what he needed. To Justine, he said, “You love <em>him</em>.” Philippe listened, Justine nodded. “You’re getting married. But you can’t help yourself.” He held the girl against him, whispered in her ear. “At first you don’t want to, but soon you can’t deny yourself. It hurts you to give in, but you can’t resist.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she said.</p>
<p>“And me?” Philippe asked.</p>
<p>“Watch us.”</p>
<p>“That’s it?”</p>
<p>“That’s it. With the lights out.”</p>
<p>It had to be pitch black.</p>
<p>“It’ll be hard to watch if there’s nothing to see.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter. It’s what I want.”</p>
<p>Philippe shrugged, then opened a cigarette case on the table next to him.</p>
<p>“Mind if I smoke?”</p>
<p>“Not at all.” That was better. He’d be able to see the ember in the darkness, know where to look. “One last thing. You’re Levi,” he said to Philippe. He took Justine’s chin in his hand. “You’re Petra.”</p>
<p>She giggled, then they turned off the lamps and began.</p>
<p>Justine wasn’t much of an actress. She had the standard lines (“You shouldn’t be here! I love him…but I can’t help myself. No one’s ever touched me like this before” and so on), so Erwin finally told her not to worry about speaking. It was all right, because she was small, and sweet, and when he ran his fingers through her hair he could imagine someone else.</p>
<p>The cigarette smoldered in the darkness, and he stared at it while he and “Petra” went faster and faster. He sat on the edge of the bed and let her ride him, holding her close and whispering her name as he stared at that light.</p>
<p>
  <em>Watch me. Watch this. See me.</em>
</p>
<p>Soon the girl’s noises of fake ecstasy began to morph and mellow; Erwin made love to the phantom in his arms, trailing kisses across her lips and breasts, attending to her pleasure. He needed her to enjoy him. She began to call his name in earnest, and he kept his eyes on the cigarette.</p>
<p>
  <em>Watch me.</em>
</p>
<p>When she erupted in his arms, Erwin finished. He lay back, “Petra” gasping as she rolled off him.</p>
<p>“This Petra doesn’t know what she’s missing,” Justine whispered, forgetting her role for the moment.</p>
<p>Erwin watched the cigarette extinguish.</p>
<p>“Is that it?” Philippe asked. He sounded flat, unconcerned. How like Levi. Good.</p>
<p>“Come here,” Erwin whispered. The man padded across the room; Erwin could just discern his shape in the blackness. He squared his jaw. “Now. Hit me.”</p>
<p>“Um.”</p>
<p>“It’s what I want,” he hissed. “Hit me.”</p>
<p>A grunt of acceptance, and then Erwin felt the blow land across his cheek. He fell back onto the bed while “Petra” shrieked. He sat back up, working his jaw, accepting the stinging pain. Excellent.</p>
<p>“Again.”</p>
<p>Another blow, this time to the other side of his face. It was good. “Levi” stood over him, delivering punishment. Again, and again Erwin let himself be struck, and he lay back on the bed and let the pain fade.</p>
<p>“Again.”</p>
<p>“That’s enough,” “Levi” whispered. Erwin shut his eyes at the feel of the man’s hands upon his stomach. Then they skated lower, the touch trailing. “Levi” kissed Erwin’s leg, then up to his—</p>
<p>“Ah, wait.” Erwin sat up, feeling his whole body flush. “I don’t want… I’m not…”</p>
<p>“It’s all right,” the young man whispered. But Erwin really didn’t want this. He had never been attracted to men, or to the real Levi, but…</p>
<p>But his body was extremely stimulated. It certainly wanted whatever <em>this</em> was.</p>
<p>“Levi” hummed as he began, licking, then stroking, before finally taking Erwin into his mouth. Erwin lay back, breathless, endearingly helpless as the man, as “Levi” went faster and gave an appreciative moan. Why was this happening? All Erwin could think of was the first time he had come face to face with Levi in the underground, the small, furious man on his knees with his hands bound behind his back. He had looked at Erwin with such hatred, a man filled with fire and chaos and passion. He had wanted to slit Erwin’s throat.</p>
<p>And Erwin had tamed him. In the beginning, it had given him pleasure to know that he had broken the unbreakable. Erwin had not wanted Furlan or Isabel to die, but their deaths had inadvertently played to his advantage. Levi crumpled, and gave in.</p>
<p>Levi was his in a way no one else could ever be.</p>
<p>As much as Erwin wanted Petra, he had wanted Levi to see it even more. All that was Levi’s was Erwin’s, as all that Erwin had he would give to Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>I brought them back together. I did the right thing.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had pushed them together again when they had drifted apart months ago. He wanted their happiness. But it had been sharing Levi with another. Erwin had still possessed the man.</p>
<p>Now, with a baby, Levi would not be Erwin’s any longer. Never again. When you had a child, you gave yourself to it utterly.</p>
<p>“Levi”’s tongue stroked him, and Erwin shuddered. “Levi” gripped his thighs as Erwin finished, crying out in ecstasy. He lay there, half unbelieving, as “Levi” kissed his way up Erwin’s stomach. “Petra” cuddled in against the two men as Erwin touched them both. “Levi” was naked as well now. The room was still pitch black, but Erwin could swear he saw pinwheels of indescribable color. His body shook as “Petra” kissed his neck and “Levi”’s mouth hovered over his.</p>
<p>“You can have us both,” he murmured.</p>
<p>Erwin whispered Levi’s name, then Petra’s.</p>
<p>He’d taken the room for the entire night—a decent sum, but then again he could be dead in five days. For hours the three of them came together and apart, adjusting, playing, groaning and tasting one another. He could see Levi beneath him, those flat, emotionless eyes, and then the animation as he grew excited. Petra was soft, and delicate, and cooed with disbelief at what she was doing. They were both so small, almost amusingly so, and Erwin was truly with them. Levi. Petra. The three of them were together, happy, giving and taking. He was one of them. He belonged with them.</p>
<p>They were his.</p>
<p>As dawn began to peek through that crack in the curtain, Erwin lay in the center of the bed, his two soldiers, his lovers asleep and nestled against him. Petra sighed, Levi shifted. Erwin gazed at the dark ceiling above, imagined he was pinned up there and looking down upon his body, naked, huddled with his ghosts.</p>
<p>They were all he had left.</p>
<p>Erwin almost never cried, but he had to be very quiet so as not to wake them while the tears coursed down his cheeks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra wished that the work day would never end. She wished she could find an excuse to stay later as the sun began to dip below the horizon, turning the commander’s office a brilliant red. Erwin stood over his desk, examining the plans once again. Petra worried her lip as she stood beside him, but paid close attention when he pointed to the formations he’d drawn. Honestly, considering his left hand wasn’t dominant, his drawings were still fairly clear. One time Levi had tried drawing a man and…it hadn’t looked very good.</p>
<p>“We’ll have a section to protect the horses,” Erwin said, his brow furrowed in thought as he pointed to the wall separating Shiganshina from the rest of Wall Maria. “We have to assume the enemy might close ranks around us when we enter the city. If they get the horses, we won’t be able to escape.”</p>
<p>“The plan’s good, sir.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Petra.” He smiled a little at her praise. Poor man looked exhausted; she wondered if he’d had any sleep last night.</p>
<p>“Will Le—will Captain Ackerman be on Eren’s team?”</p>
<p>“Concerned, are you?” he said, lightly teasing. She blushed.</p>
<p>“I just notice you haven’t assigned him a spot yet.”</p>
<p>“Levi is the most dynamic soldier we have. I have to keep his options open to use him any way I need.” Erwin looked at the wall, his eyes distant. “I’m thinking of giving him a very specific, very useful assignment.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. “What, sir?”</p>
<p>Erwin shook his head as if to clear it. “I’m still deciding.”</p>
<p>“Well.” She didn’t know if it was her place, but she spoke up anyway. “Maybe the captain should be with the horses.”</p>
<p>Erwin gave her a gentle look. “I know it seems the safest place—”</p>
<p>That made her indignant. She wasn’t some doe-eyed wife trying to keep her beloved out of the line of fire.</p>
<p>“What I mean is what you said yourself. If the horses are killed, it doesn’t matter if you win or not. The Survey Corps will never make it back alive. None of you will. You said you wanted to put the rookies over there so they’d have an easier job.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Now he understood what she was saying. He looked rather impressed. “Having a strong deterrent like Levi in play there <em>might</em> scare a direct attack off. We can’t know where the attack might head, but… Hmm. I’ll make a note of that.” He nodded. “Good point, Petra.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, sir.” She brightened a bit. If she was going to be stuck here waiting for them, she wanted to know she’d helped put them on the best path possible. She flinched as the bells began tolling the hour, striking six.</p>
<p>“Well, why don’t we call that for the day? You and Levi have that, er, engagement, don’t you?” Erwin asked as Petra rolled up the plans and shelved them. Her stomach lurched. Dinner with her family had never horrified her like this.</p>
<p>“Yes.” She glanced at him, almost cringing. “Um, sir? Did the captain mention his ‘plan’ to you?”</p>
<p>Erwin nodded, lips quirking in amusement. “He did indeed. I should be around at nine o clock on the dot.”</p>
<p>Petra gave a sigh of relief. For Levi, meeting a bunch of new people for dinner was a slow form of torture. Under these particular circumstances, it was going to be sheer agony. Petra wanted an escape for him, and also a way to ease her own strain. Erwin would show at nine, telling the captain they had ‘an urgent matter’ to deal with. Then Levi could get the hell out of there, and Petra could try making her excuses soon after.</p>
<p>“Thank you so much, sir. You’ve saved a life.”</p>
<p>“Lives, probably, if what you’ve told me about your brother is true.” Erwin smiled, and she laughed.</p>
<p>“Yes. Willem’s…a lot to deal with. Thank you, sir. Really.”</p>
<p>“Petra.” He cleared his throat as he carefully put away his desk papers. “You’re my aide now. If you’d like the position of squad leader, it’s yours.” Petra could have fallen down. That would make her the youngest squad leader in the Corps’s history. “What I mean to say is, you’ve achieved a level of seniority. You’re allowed to call me Erwin. In fact, I’d prefer you did.” He sounded so serious, almost shy.</p>
<p>“Oh! Well, of course, sir. I mean, Erwin!” That was such an odd thing for her to say, the commander’s first name. It was almost as strange as when she’d stopped addressing Levi as her captain. She smiled. “It may take some getting used to.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. I just feel awkward having Levi’s, well, fiancée address me so formally.”</p>
<p>“I understand. Anything for the man who’s going to save Levi tonight.” She finished putting away the plans and stared out the window. She wanted to go to this dinner as much as she wanted to get a tooth pulled. Papa was all right, but everyone else… She wanted to stay here, but she had to get washed and dressed, and she’d have to gently coax Levi outside like a small, angry cat about to be bathed. <em>You just have to do this once. Then you can get married and only see them all again once the baby’s born.</em></p>
<p>It was sort of embarrassing, actually, to think of her whole family sitting at the table staring judgmentally at Petra for getting pregnant before marriage. Honestly, it was pretty stupid. If Willem got someone pregnant, they’d order him to get married, but they wouldn’t force him to sit down with the girl and explain himself over dinner.</p>
<p>As far as Petra saw it, people should be treated the same whether they were men or women. Especially when it came to embarrassing situations.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you don’t need me to do anything else?” she asked, almost desperately.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. It’s one hour, and then it’s over,” Erwin said. “Go on. And tell Levi if he causes any trouble, he’ll have to deal with me.”</p>
<p>Petra shook her head. The commander—Erwin—was so kind. She’d heard a lot of talk amongst other soldiers that he was the slipperiest, most clever, most manipulative person in the military. When she’d been assigned as his aide, she’d been terrified that he’d run rings around her, sneer at her ordinary thoughts. But he’d only ever been generous and understanding. Polite. A gentleman.</p>
<p>It was like the people who said Levi was a monster and a thug, wasn’t it? When people were jealous of someone, they found a way to drag that person through the mud any way they could.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Erwin.”</p>
<p>She laughed a little to see him startle at his name. He looked pleased as she left. Petra hurried back to her room, her stomach writhing in a way that had nothing to do with being pregnant.</p>
<p>She was soaping under her arms and her breasts when Levi came home. He was so wrapped up in his own surly thoughts he scarcely noticed she was half naked. Even when he did, he barely mustered a smile.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you changing?” she asked as she toweled off. Petra took out a long blue skirt and a white blouse; if she was going to do this, she was going to look pretty and proud of herself. Levi took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves, and washed a bit. But as soon as he was done, he put his military jacket back on.</p>
<p>“I want them to remember who I am,” he said. He fluffed his cravat. “When I’m in civvies, I look like some sour midget you found in the street.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t true!” She was horrified, but he shrugged. Petra had learned over the months they’d been together that Levi truly disliked himself. The best part of him, he’d once said, was her. Her and his job. Petra wrangled her arms around his neck and kissed him. “You are the most incredible catch,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Tch.” But his ears were burning red again. “Oi. Bring a shawl or something in case it gets cold. We’re gonna be late.”</p>
<p>They walked through the summer streets, the last pinks of sunset bright in the sky above. Petra smiled; she loved this time of day best in the summer. Twilight hours were warm now, and soft.</p>
<p>“I talked to Erwin,” she said. Levi’s concerned look spurred her. “He’ll be there at nine.”</p>
<p>Levi lifted a thin eyebrow. “You’re calling him Erwin now?”</p>
<p>“He asked me to. That’s all right, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“His name, not mine.” Levi snuck his arm around he waist as they turned onto the Kopfhaven avenue. “You look really pretty,” he murmured.</p>
<p>“They’re going to love you.” She hoped. “Remember: my father is Pieter, my mother is Ingrid, my brother’s Willem, my sister’s Brigitta, and she just married Edvard. He’s working as an associate for the Reeves Company now.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to forget all this, but sure.”</p>
<p>Petra rolled her eyes and snuck a kiss on his cheek. Levi grumbled and made a show of wiping it off, but she felt him squeeze her closer.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t do this for anyone but you, brat.”</p>
<p>She believed him. They stopped at 197 Kopfhaven, her sister’s new address. Petra gaped in shock; the house was tall, three stories, with a brick front and ivy climbing around the windows.</p>
<p>“Guess ol’ Edvard’s doing well for himself,” Levi grunted. Even he seemed taken aback.</p>
<p>Yes. Brigitta had always been the beauty of the family. It wasn’t a shock she’d married well. Petra went up to the white door with the brass lion’s head knocker. She rapped twice, then sought Levi’s hand as the door opened.</p>
<p>Brigitta stood there in a summery white dress, her light brown hair curled. Her sister’s blue eyes seemed to shine, and she smiled.</p>
<p>“There you are! Mama! Papa! Pet’s here.” Brigitta called over her shoulder, then leaned over and hugged Petra. Her sister smelled like tea roses, her favorite scent. Petra squeezed her back, tight. “I’m so glad you came.”</p>
<p>“Well, Papa sort of insisted,” Petra whispered. They broke their hug, and Brigitta rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“Mama told him what to write. He’d never be that cold on his own.” True. Pieter Ral was a fuzzy toy bear of a man. He never had a cross word to say to anyone. Finally, Brigitta’s gaze landed on Levi. Her mouth formed an O of surprise. “Hello! Oh, you’re Captain Ackerman, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Uh. Yes. Hello.” Levi’s voice was gravelly, and his words hitched. It was always the small tell that he was nervous. He shook Brigitta’s hand fast, then dropped it. “Nice house.”</p>
<p>“Well, you haven’t seen inside yet! Come in.” She stepped back and let Petra and Levi into the front hall. Yes, Petra’s sister now had a front hallway. The two of them had grown up in a comfortable little shack. Now Brigitta had polished wood floors, a staircase, and papered walls. Petra could have fainted at the sight as Brigitta shut the door behind them. “Everyone’s in the dining room.”</p>
<p>Still smiling, Brigitta led them. Levi was staring at her like he’d seen a ghost. Well, the two sisters did look a little alike, in their height, wide eyes, the shape of their nose. Brigitta was just more daintily put together. Honestly, Petra had a hard time believing her sister was only nineteen and already acting like a perfect hostess. Brigitta had always had a social prettiness Petra lacked. But it didn’t bother her. In fact, she was feeling quite good.</p>
<p>Until she saw her mother’s face, that is.</p>
<p>Petra held her breath when Brigitta led them into a large dining room with candles flickering on the polished table. Petra’s whole family was there, but the first person she noticed was her mother. Ingrid stared at her daughter with a look that could best be described as ‘disbelieving.’ When Petra slipped her hand into Levi’s for solidarity, Ingrid’s mouth thinned in disapproval.</p>
<p>“So. It’s true,” she said. Oh, great.</p>
<p>“There’s my Pet!”</p>
<p>Petra’s awkwardness melted when her father lunged in to give her a hug. Petra couldn’t help wrapping her arms around his waist like she had as a child, when she’d tried to see which of them could hug hardest. He always won, of course.</p>
<p>“Hi, Papa.” She gestured Levi forward. “This is Captain Ackerman.”</p>
<p>“Hi,” Levi grunted. He looked like a stiff breeze would knock him straight to the floor. Even shopping for the cradle hadn’t been this bad. At least Levi had the presence of mind to extend his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you.”</p>
<p>“Hello.” Her father smiled at Levi, but it was a stiff smile. In fact, everyone in the room, from her mother to Willem, who was seated and scowling at the table, to Edvard and Brigitta in the corner all looked at him like he was somewhere between a stranger and a creep. Petra decided to get ahead of this.</p>
<p>“First things first.” She clutched Levi’s arm for support. “The rumors you heard were true. We’re going to have a baby.”</p>
<p>Willem made a noise.</p>
<p>“We want you all to know that we didn’t get, well, together while Levi was my superior officer.” Technically they had, but now was not the time for full honesty. “And we wanted to tell you all in person that we were already planning to get married even before we got your letter.” She glanced at her mother, who didn't react. Not surprising.</p>
<p>“So…you <em>are</em> getting married, Pet?” Her father sounded hopeful but wary.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra leaned her cheek against Levi’s shoulder; his body was like a plank of petrified wood at this point. “The captain…Levi’s part of the family now.”</p>
<p>Silence. Utter silence. Petra wondered if maybe this had been a mistake, but then her father beamed and opened his arms.</p>
<p>“That’s all I wanted to hear! Captain.” Then her father flung his arms around Levi. Petra could not see her lover’s face, but she imagined he was frozen in horror.</p>
<p>“Uh. Thank you,” he croaked.</p>
<p>“Call me Papa from now on. That’s what Edvard does.” Papa shook Levi’s hand hard enough to wrench it off. Levi’s complexion was totally ashen. “All right?”</p>
<p>“Um. Yes.” Petra knew he would not.</p>
<p>“My future son-in-law’s Humanity’s Strongest!” Her father scooped Petra back into an enormous hug. “And the first grandchild’s on the way!”</p>
<p>“The circumstances could have been better,” Ingrid said sniffily.</p>
<p>“Mama.” Brigitta’s voice carried a warning.</p>
<p>“I must be the luckiest man behind the walls.” Pieter beamed, then clapped Levi hard on the back. The smaller man didn’t even react; he was lost in shock. “Sit down, everyone!”</p>
<p>Petra and Levi were seated next to each other. Edvard sat across from Petra, Willem from Levi. Given the filthy looks her older brother was shooting the captain, Petra wished she could swap seats. But too late now. And anyway, they were finally off to a good start. Everyone knew that Levi was going to do his duty now. Petra smiled as Brigitta poured glasses of wine for everyone. Levi wet his lips quickly, then took the wine when it was offered. He nearly swallowed it in a single gulp.</p>
<p>“To family!” Papa beamed as everyone toasted.</p>
<p>“Family,” they said. Brigitta smiled at her; Edvard nervously grinned; Papa beamed; Mama’s expression was pure ice, and Willem kept staring daggers at Levi. If her lover hadn’t been so dumbfounded by the circumstances, he probably would have turned the table over by now.</p>
<p>But it didn’t matter. It was all going to be okay. And Petra was certain that Levi was already beginning to enjoy himself a bit.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>This was a living nightmare.</p>
<p>Levi snuck a glance at a clock on the wall. He had hoped that it was quarter to nine by now.</p>
<p>The clock read four past eight. Fuck.</p>
<p>While Petra and her sister chatted happily about the parks in Trost or something, Levi took stock of everyone at the table.</p>
<p>Pieter Ral. Nice guy. Way too nice. Levi tried to imagine calling him Papa, and he absolutely could not even picture it. The man was burly, with thinning hair, but he had Petra’s coloring exactly. Or rather Petra had his.</p>
<p>Brigitta. She looked like a doll version of Petra, with the same big eyes and petite chin, but also a plumper mouth and perfectly curled hair. Nice kid, and most people would probably consider her the prettier of the two sisters, but Levi didn’t like things that were too dainty.</p>
<p>Edvard. Probably a few years older than Petra. A tall, almost lanky guy with an earnest, almost goofy grin. Probably grew up in the merchant trade. He had that soft, overly nice look about him. But the guy smiled and laughed and nodded at what anyone said, which made him easy to get along with, and he also managed the household products line for Reeves, which included cleaning supplies. Levi appreciated that.</p>
<p>Those three were on his side. Levi could tell. If it’d just been them, he maybe would’ve loosened up. But then there was the other end of the table.</p>
<p>Willem, Petra’s older brother, glared at Levi across his plate. Willem had Pieter’s height and burly physique, but Brigitta’s pale, delicate coloring. Levi didn’t feel like bowing his head or looking away from this guy, so he returned Willem empty stare for empty stare. Maybe this guy wanted to avenge the honor of his sister or some other bullshit like that. He gave Levi that impression: the sort of man who thought any woman who had sex had been duped into it like a trusting little lamb. The sort of man who also thought any woman who had sex had ‘cheapened’ herself.</p>
<p>But Levi had to be good tonight, for Petra’s sake.</p>
<p>Then, right next to him and at the head of the table, sat Ingrid. Petra had once mentioned that her mother had been a tailor’s daughter. That was a little more prestigious than Pieter, who sold vegetables, and Ingrid apparently had never gotten over the idea that her family deserved better than they had. Now that her youngest daughter had a fancy house, Levi wondered if that’d soften the severe lines bracketing the woman’s mouth. But he doubted it.</p>
<p>Ingrid regarded him with eyes so pale blue Levi thought they looked like the glassy eyes of a dead fish. For Petra’s sake, he decided not to mention that, but it was tempting.</p>
<p>Neither Willem nor Ingrid seemed to have the slightest damn interest in asking him a question or doing anything other than glaring. Levi looked to Petra, but she was laughing at something Brigitta had said. The two sisters seemed so happy to be together. Levi didn’t want to interrupt that, and he also didn’t want to pick over his chicken stew and wait for Erwin to get here. Fuck it. He went on the offensive.</p>
<p>“Petra says you’re a stall keeper, too. Like your old man,” he said to Willem.</p>
<p>“Yep.”</p>
<p>Okay, apparently that was all he’d get out of the shaved ape over here.</p>
<p>“So. You like vegetables?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Willem now sounded like he was humoring Levi. Yeah, it was getting a little warm in here. Levi was trying to be good for Petra, but he wasn’t so good he’d restrain himself from knocking her bitch of a brother down if—</p>
<p>“How long have you been in the service, Captain?” Ingrid asked. Thank fuck.</p>
<p>“Six and a half years. Nearly.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” She daintily ate a piece of chicken. She had the precise moves of some clockwork creature. Fucking creepy. “If you don’t mind my asking, what age are you now?”</p>
<p>“Thirty four.” He knew where this was going. “I know I’m a little older than Petra—”</p>
<p>“Thirteen years.” Willem finally chimed in. Good, he could count.</p>
<p>“But she knows a lot more than I do. She’s very experienced.” Ingrid and Willem both dropped their forks. Two pale pink dots appeared on Ingrid’s cheeks. Oh <em>fuck</em>. “I don’t mean like sex,” Levi said. <em>Where the fuck is Erwin?</em></p>
<p>“I’m delighted to hear it.” Ingrid dabbed the corners of her mouth. Petra was now laughing with her father. At some point one of the happier people here would notice Levi was roasting in hell and come rescue his ass. “I asked your age because you would have joined at twenty…eight?”</p>
<p>Good, she could count, too. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“That’s very late to join the military, isn’t it? Particularly the Survey Corps.”</p>
<p>He already knew where this was going, but there was no way out. “Yep.”</p>
<p>“What was your profession before joining?” Ingrid smiled, ice cold.</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, Mom, I used to steal shit and break people’s bones. Pass the salt.</em>
</p>
<p>“I ran my own business,” Levi said blandly. He was getting pissed now. These two, one soft and doughy, the other hard as a spike, were glaring at him like he was so beneath them. Levi tried to imagine someone like Willem growing up hungry more often than not, getting the shit kicked out of him, squatting in filth until he wanted to burst into tears. He wondered how ol’ Will would’ve survived.</p>
<p>“Your own business?” Willem drawled. “Like a shopkeeper?”</p>
<p>Levi smirked. When he got pissed, he got loose. He didn’t care what these fuckers thought now, and helped himself to more wine.</p>
<p>“I had my own moving company.” Levi drank. If you counted Furlan and Isabel as a company, and if by “moving” you meant “moving stuff you stole”, then it was true.</p>
<p>“In Trost?” Ingrid took a sip of water.</p>
<p>“No. Up in the capital.” Not a lie. None of it was a lie so far. Thank fuck, Petra had finally noticed that her mother and brother were very interested in Levi.</p>
<p>“We’re so lucky Levi joined the Corps.” She squeezed his hand under the table. “He’s the reason so many of us are still alive. He saved me twice.”</p>
<p>She beamed at him. This was the reason he was doing this stupid song and dance. The reason he was having a kid he didn’t want. The reason for him to draw fucking breath. He squeezed her fingers.</p>
<p>“Did he?” Pieter flushed a bit. He dabbed at his forehead with a napkin. “I’m sorry, but just thinking about you with those titans, those things almost getting you…” He couldn’t finish.</p>
<p>“Your daughter’s one of the best soldiers I’ve ever seen.” Levi was confident now. He could talk about her good qualities for hours. He looked straight at her as he spoke. Petra was glowing now, her amber eyes so luminous. Levi wished they were alone. “I hand picked her for my squad.”</p>
<p>“Now we know why,” Willem said to his stew.</p>
<p>“What’d you say?” Levi’s good mood vanished at once. Petra squeezed him harder.</p>
<p>“Willem. That’s not funny.” She smiled when she said it, but she sounded strained.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Good joke,” Levi growled. “Of course, if I were you, I wouldn’t make jokes about my sister like that.”</p>
<p>Petra’s hand shook from gripping his so hard.</p>
<p>“Do you have any sisters?” Willem asked.</p>
<p>“Only child.”</p>
<p>“That’s too bad. Didn’t your mother want more?”</p>
<p>Oh, this <em>fucking guy.</em></p>
<p>“Willem.” Brigitta hissed his name.</p>
<p>“My mother died when I was four. My uncle raised me after that.” Levi turned away from the weak-chinned wonder and kept talking to Pieter. “Like I was saying. Petra’s got the most incredible agility I’ve ever seen. On the ODM gear, she gives even me a run for—”</p>
<p>“Your father dead, too?” Willem the Fucking Worm asked.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Willem. <em>Stop</em>,” Petra snapped.</p>
<p>“Will. Hey,” Pieter said, as scary as a dollop of whipped cream.</p>
<p>“You don’t know? Did he leave early?”</p>
<p>Well, you know what? This guy wanted a show, he was getting one. Levi looked him right in the eye.</p>
<p>“Sorry, guess I need to clear this up. My mother was a prostitute. I don’t know who my father is, because he was one of her clients. We guess he was short, considering how I turned out. My uncle, Kenny, was a serial killer in the capital until he joined the Military Police. That’s a weird story. I grew up in the underground because my family, the Ackermans, had some bad blood with the crown a hundred or so years ago, and they hunted us down like dogs until a few years back. So my mother, who was the greatest woman in the world, by the way, had to live in the slums any way she could after the police hounded her almost to death. You know, because little teenage girls are such a threat. She died of a disease she got from some filthy John, and my uncle taught me how to kill any people who got in my way. So I spent the first twenty-eight years of my life killing, stealing, and otherwise fucking up shit in the capital’s black market. Then Commander Smith from the Survey Corps recruited me, and I started killing fifty foot monsters for a living and otherwise trying to save humanity’s ass. Want to know anything else, Will? My favorite color’s blue. I like black tea. I cut my own hair. I love your sister, and she’s going to have my child, so if there’s anything else you need to know about the family bloodline before the next generation shows up, you go ahead and ask. Otherwise, why don’t you talk about vegetables for a while?”</p>
<p>For him, it was a gargantuan speech.</p>
<p>Ingrid was so pale he wondered if she’d died while he was talking. Willem was in some kind of trance. Petra’s hand was slack in his. On the other side of the table, Pieter looked like he was about to throw up, while Brigitta had her hands to her mouth.</p>
<p>Edvard, the tall, goofy looking guy, finally leapt in.</p>
<p>“So. My boss, Flegel, says you’re a big fan of our beeswax polish?”</p>
<p>“Only thing I’ll use. I like keeping everything clean.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s great! Would you ever consider being a spokesperson for—”</p>
<p>“Believe it or not, you aren’t the first to ask.”</p>
<p>Then, giggling. Brigitta bent over, her skin turning pink as she howled into her hands. Petra began to shiver; she was laughing, too. The sisters shrieked in delight.</p>
<p>“What exactly—?” Ingrid began.</p>
<p>“Your <em>face</em>. Mama, your face is so…” Brigitta’s word got lost in her laughter. Even Edvard started cracking up. Levi didn’t warm to people easily, but he got the feeling he’d like this guy.</p>
<p>Petra smiled at him. He had not embarrassed her. In that case, he had nothing to fear.</p>
<p>“But, Captain,” Pieter said when the hysterics had died down. He frowned. “I want you to know that we don’t judge where you came from.” Pieter even glared at his son, and for Pieter Ral to glare meant a line had been crossed. “In fact, I think it’s very admirable that someone whose background is as…rough as yours became such an upright man.”</p>
<p>“Exactly.” Petra squeezed his arm. “Levi’s really the best man in the world.”</p>
<p>Well, shit. Now he was getting embarrassed. He also adored Petra and wanted to get her out of this room so they could have hot, sweaty sex. It was a strange combination of emotions.</p>
<p>But overall, he felt much better.</p>
<p>“Well. I’m not sure anyone who seduces a young girl and gets her pregnant out of wedlock is <em>that</em> upright,” Ingrid said to her wine. So the passive aggressive bullshit hadn’t worked, and she was switching tactics, going for the jugular. Levi could respect that.</p>
<p>“Ingrid. Stop.” Pieter sounded firm now. Well, hot shit.</p>
<p>“I seduced Levi, actually.” Petra grinned to see Levi flush. Ah, fuck. “I had to chase him around to get him to confess he liked me.”</p>
<p>“Is that something you want to admit?” Ingrid sounded appalled.</p>
<p>“Yep. Because he makes me so happy I sometimes think it’ll make my heart stop.” Petra was now glaring at her mother. Levi went between feeling proud and wanting to walk out of the room until they were done embarrassing him.</p>
<p>“That’s all anyone should want for you, Pet,” Brigitta said.</p>
<p>Maybe when the kid was born, they could have family get togethers with Brigitta, Edvard, and have Pieter come down. Maybe they could also stick Ingrid and Willem in a fucking sack and throw them in the river, though that seemed less likely.</p>
<p>Pieter cleared his throat as he picked at his stew. “So. You two set a date for the wedding yet?”</p>
<p>Right. The wedding.</p>
<p>“We haven’t.” Petra looked at him, smiling. “Did you have any thoughts?”</p>
<p>“You should do it next month.” Brigitta grinned, almost bouncing in her seat. “August weddings are so pretty. We could do it in Calaneth! We could ride out to that lake we used to visit as kids and have the ceremony on the shore.”</p>
<p>“You don’t marry by a lake, Brigitta. You marry in a church,” Ingrid said, though her hyper-bitchery had gone down a notch now that everyone’d put her in her place.</p>
<p>“Levi, what do you think?” Brigitta asked.</p>
<p>“Uh. Sure,” Levi said. “Whatever Petra wants.”</p>
<p>Apparently that was the thing to say to make women like you, because Brigitta looked at him with starry eyes. She clasped her hands to her breast and cooed at her husband.</p>
<p>Petra cleared her throat. “Well, I was thinking of doing it next week.”</p>
<p>“What’s the rush?” Pieter asked. He chortled and winked at Levi. “I mean, there’s a ticking clock, but it’s not that far along, is it?”</p>
<p>“Levi and the Survey Corps have a…” Petra stopped talking when Levi gripped her thigh. The mission to Shiganshina was a secret. They didn’t want to get the people’s hopes up. “The monthly expedition,” she said. Good. “Levi will be fine, since it’s just routine. But we’d like to make it official before he goes.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Just in case I die. That way the kid won’t be a bastard.</em>
</p>
<p>“Well, that’s prudent.” Pieter smiled. “Maybe Mama and I could stick around for—”</p>
<p>“We can’t be away from your stall an entire week,” Ingrid said primly. Willem sniffed.</p>
<p>“Same here.”</p>
<p>
  <em>No one invited you, fuckhead.</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh. Well.” Pieter’s face fell. Levi liked this guy so much and so unexpectedly that he grumbled.</p>
<p>“I mean. We could do another ceremony for your family up in Calaneth when I get back, if you want.”</p>
<p>For him to offer to make a semi-public exhibition of himself was a huge sacrifice, and Petra knew it. She flung her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. Levi’s face burned.</p>
<p>“You are so sweet, Captain!” Brigitta said. He saw her mouth ‘I love him’ to her husband. Nice to be loved.</p>
<p>“Let’s toast to that.” Pieter filled another glass of wine—this might’ve been his third. He held it up and the rest of the table lifted, minus Willem and Ingrid. Of fucking course. “To my baby girl and my future son in law.” They toasted. Levi drank in one large gulp. He didn’t get drunk, but it was something to do. “Now then. Do you both have baby names picked out yet?”</p>
<p>“We were thinking Erwin if it’s a boy,” Petra said. She squeezed Levi’s thigh under the table. It was a squeeze that said <em>thank you</em> and <em>I love you</em> and hopefully <em>I am going to do anything you want later tonight when we get home.</em> “We don’t know what we’ll call it if it’s a girl.”</p>
<p>“Erwin?” Willem sounded shocked. “What about Papa’s name? Or even your uncle’s? He at least was family,” Willem said to Levi.</p>
<p>“Since my uncle was an abusive murderer, not so sure the world needs another Kenny Ackerman running around anytime soon.” Levi had complex feelings for Kenny, though a lot of his anger had dissipated after the man’s death. Still, there was forgiveness and then there was forgetting shit. Levi didn’t do the latter.</p>
<p>“Erwin’s for the commander,” Petra said. “He’s the reason Levi and I met, if you think about it.”</p>
<p>“Who wouldn’t want to commemorate that?” Ingrid muttered.</p>
<p>“What was your mother’s name, Levi?” Pieter asked.</p>
<p>He hadn’t even considered it. His mother, forever young and lovely and sad in his memories, holding him and crying with joy that he even existed.</p>
<p>“Kuchel,” he said quietly. Yeah. Maybe if it was a girl…</p>
<p>“That’d be lovely.” He smiled. Damn, Levi liked this guy way too much.</p>
<p>“But yeah. Erwin for a boy,” Levi agreed. “He’s the best man I know.”</p>
<p>They ate quietly for a bit. Thank fuck. The clock ticked on, and Levi now saw with gratitude that it was more than half past. Getting closer…</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin, if you show up early I’ll name it after you even if it’s a girl.</em>
</p>
<p>“So you’re getting married next week, before Levi goes,” Brigitta said. She smiled. “I know this’ll sound bad, Pet, but I’m so glad you’re pregnant because now you won’t have to go…out there.”</p>
<p>Hey, Levi understood the feeling. Petra nodded.</p>
<p>“I wish I could go. I won’t lie. But I know it helps Levi focus when he doesn’t have to worry about me.”</p>
<p>“That’s right,” he said, studying the girl’s profile. She was so pretty in candlelight. Or in sunlight. Or when it was pitch dark. “She’ll be off expeditions for at least a year, maybe more. I’m happy.”</p>
<p>“Well, knowing she was with you always set my mind at ease,” Pieter said.</p>
<p>“Levi’s saved so many of us over the years,” Petra said. Her gaze softened. “One time, about a year ago, he cut Oruo out of a titan’s hand. Oruo was so relieved. He said—”</p>
<p>“Too bad he wasn’t there for Oruo in May,” Willem said.</p>
<p>Pieter dropped his fork. Brigitta put her elbows on the table and laid her head in her hands. Petra’s color vanished; her lips were pale.</p>
<p>“What. Did you. Say?” she whispered. Her amber eyes, fresh as sunlight, now burned like fire. Levi gripped her thigh, tried to communicate to calm down. But she was trembling under his touch.</p>
<p>“I’m not an idiot, Petra. Oruo died, the same as your whole squad.” Willem glared at Levi. “The captain couldn’t save them.”</p>
<p>He had passed over them after the Female Titan rampaged through the forest. He’d passed Gunther; his heart had fractured. He’d seen Eld, bitten in half on the grass; his vision had blurred. He’d found Nifa shattered against that tree, and Oruo lying not far from her, every bone in his body crushed from where that titan bitch had struck him.</p>
<p>If Levi had been a normal man, he would have sobbed. He’d always liked Nifa, but the guys had been on his team for years. He wasn’t a proper squad leader—Levi tended to keep a distance from his subordinates, pop in and out of other units. It was the reason he’d retained the title of captain, never squad leader. But while Petra had consumed his desire, he had loved those guys. Gunther’s quiet and good sense and maturity had been much needed after the youthful shouting of the other three. Eld had been Levi’s right hand, the one to whom Levi taught all his best moves, since only that young man had the right combination of strength and savvy. And Oruo…Levi had been competitive with the kid, jealous that Petra was so natural with Oruo, but he had admired the guy’s sheer nerve.</p>
<p>Levi had not realized, until he’d seen his kids broken at his feet, how much he’d loved them, too.</p>
<p>The world around him started to turn hot white with rage.</p>
<p>“How dare you.” Petra started to rise. “How <em>fucking dare you</em>.”</p>
<p>“Petra. Watch your tongue,” Ingrid said. Petra looked about ready to scream at her mother.</p>
<p>“It’s all right,” Levi whispered. “Baby. I’ve got this.”</p>
<p>She sat down hard, tears welling in her eyes. Brigitta was crying, too, but Levi got the feeling it was because the girl was mourning the sad loss of a childhood friend. Petra was ready to kill her brother.</p>
<p>“I know you don’t like me,” Levi said to Willem. He was so cool now. Cold, even. He had nothing left to care about with this fucker. “I didn’t want to say this for your sister’s sake, but I don’t like you much, either. And I know some guy who sits comfortable at home and lets other young men go out and kill themselves for freedom won’t understand what it’s like outside the walls. But take it from me. Oruo and the others were the bravest men I’ve ever fucking known.” His voice was cold acid. “I couldn’t save them. I had to be somewhere else when they died. And there isn’t a goddamn night that passes that I don’t wish I could’ve made it in time, but if I sit there and stew in regrets I’m going to mess up the next time I go outside the walls. More people will die if I do that. I wish to hell that Oruo could be here tonight. I knew him; he’d have punched your fucking nose in twenty minutes ago. He was a good guy.” Levi narrowed his eyes. “And if you ever, ever try to get at me by using his death or disrespecting his memory again, I’ll do what he would’ve done if he were here. So shut the hell up.”</p>
<p>“If Petra had been there, she would’ve died, too,” Willem said. He smirked. “You couldn’t have saved her, either.”</p>
<p>“You fucking—” Petra barked. Levi cut in.</p>
<p>“Then isn’t it real fucking good that I got her pregnant?”</p>
<p>Pieter pushed back his chair. He was shaking now; his eyes were teary like Petra’s.</p>
<p>“Get out of here,” he said. To Willem. The young man’s face fell.</p>
<p>“Papa!”</p>
<p>“Pieter!” Ingrid cried.</p>
<p>“How could you say something like that tonight? How?”</p>
<p>“Are we just going to sit here and pretend that we didn’t all want Petra and Oruo to get married and stay in Calaneth?” Willem was indignant. Ingrid murmured her assent. Fuck her, too. Willem nodded at Levi. “You know what happened? She saw you when she was fifteen, and she got all these fancy ideas into her head. Then she went off and joined the army and dragged Oruo with her, and he’s dead now because of that! Because of you!”</p>
<p>Levi wanted to kick the shit out of this man. But Petra beat him to it.</p>
<p>As Levi watched, amazed, she got onto her chair, then stepped onto the table, then literally tackled her older brother. Willem shrieked as his chair pitched back; Levi heard him howl as he collapsed to the floor. The walls shook. Brigitta screamed. Somewhere, a dish fell and cracked. Levi got to his feet, gaping in amazement.</p>
<p>Petra was out of her mind.</p>
<p>She was so fucking sexy.</p>
<p>She stomped at her brother as he crawled across the floor. Ingrid shrieked and screamed while Brigitta just sat down and laid her head on the table. Pieter made a bunch of nonsense noises that he probably hoped would be words.</p>
<p>And Petra let Willem have it.</p>
<p>“You nasty…little…bastard!” She chased him as he got up and bolted towards his father, probably for safety. Petra grabbed him by the back of his collar and brought him to the floor again. The guy landed with a thud and an oof and a curse. “Oruo was worth twenty of you! How dare you? I ought to break your <em>ass open</em>!”</p>
<p>Yep, she’d learned from Levi. Pretty decent profanity.</p>
<p>“Mama! Papa!” Willem howled as Petra whacked him hard across the ears. Levi knew that move. It hurt.</p>
<p>“You’re just a jealous, nasty little slug! You…stupid…” Petra whacked and whacked.</p>
<p>“Stop, you’re pregnant!” Brigitta screamed. Yep, this was Levi’s cue. He stepped behind her and lifted his spirited girl off her brother. Petra struggled against him, but his arms were iron around her.</p>
<p>“Think about the kid. Think about Brigitta and your dad,” he murmured. Petra cooled down, though she still snarled at Willem when he got off the floor.</p>
<p>“This is what happens when you join the military,” Ingrid sobbed. “It makes you coarse. She was never like this as a child!”</p>
<p>“Yes she was, Mama.” Brigitta rolled her eyes. “You just didn’t want to notice.”</p>
<p>Willem huddled behind his father while Pieter continued to stare at his family, all of whom had gone from happy to murderous in thirty seconds. Willem pointed at Petra.</p>
<p>“You’re just crazy because you’re pregnant.”</p>
<p>Well, rest in peace, Willem.</p>
<p>“You’re just jealous because I <em>had sex</em>!” Petra shouted. Levi closed his eyes. Oh, he would kill for a titan attack about now. “Because Levi and I have <em>lots and lots of great sex! Amazing sex!</em>”</p>
<p>Levi caught Pieter’s eye. He shrugged; Pieter looked away.</p>
<p>“Petra. Calm down, maybe,” Levi whispered.</p>
<p>“We have better sex than anyone else in this room!”</p>
<p>Edvard chortled. “Wellll, I don’t mean to be indelicate, but Brigitta and I don’t just play tiddlywinks in the evening.” Then, he blushed. “Oh. Sorry, too much information.”</p>
<p>Brigitta got up and left. Maybe she was going to the kitchen. Hopefully she was moving to another city and changing her name.</p>
<p>A knock came at the front door.</p>
<p>“I’ll get it.” Levi set Petra down and walked out of the room.</p>
<p>“It’s not his house,” he heard Ingrid say.</p>
<p>Brigitta had beaten Levi to the front door, so he stood behind her when she opened and found Erwin Smith standing on the doorstep. It was just nine, and the summer dark was absolute. The cicadas were singing; the streets of town were still active. All nice on its own, but with Erwin here to get Levi the fuck out of this madhouse, it was the best, sweetest evening in the world.</p>
<p>“Hello! Can I help you?” Brigitta asked.</p>
<p>“Erwin. Thank fuck. Let’s go,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Oh! Erwin Smith.” Brigitta smiled; she looked understandably relieved Levi was going. “It’s really, really good that you’re here.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get my coat,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Erwin wore a strained look. His mouth turned down. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Huh? What’re you talking about?”</p>
<p>“<em>Leeeeeviiiii!</em>”</p>
<p>Hange catapulted into the house, grabbing Levi by the arm and dragging him for the door. She’d come out of nowhere from behind Erwin, like a demon.</p>
<p>“What the fuck? Let go!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Erwin said again. “I mentioned to her where I was going.”</p>
<p>“It’s time,” Hange said, throwing up one arm with flourish.</p>
<p>“For what? For me to finally fucking kill you?” She laughed like what he’d said was in any way a joke.</p>
<p>“It’s your <em>bachelor party!</em>” She grinned, her eyes glinting with madness. “Erwin told me you two were getting married! Why didn’t you tell me?” Hange pouted.</p>
<p>Levi looked at Erwin with deadly rage. Brigitta glanced back and forth between them, as if trying to work out what had just happened.</p>
<p>“I’m not naming a girl after you now,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“I understand,” Erwin said. Then, “Wait, what?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi stalked through the streets of Trost with an embarrassed Erwin at his side while Hange cavorted like a lunatic somewhere up ahead, shouting about which bar they had to go to first.</p>
<p>“You had to tell her,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“It was a moment of weakness. She caught me off guard when I mentioned picking you up at Petra’s sister’s house.”</p>
<p>“Did you have to tell her I’m getting married?”</p>
<p>“Wasn’t she going to find out eventually?”</p>
<p>Honestly, Levi would’ve been fine with marrying Petra for formality’s sake and having no one know about it ever. He was going to marry this woman because it was what she needed; he was going to have this baby with her because it was what she wanted. Marriage and a baby were all prices he was willing to pay to stay with Petra Ral, not things he wanted to celebrate in their own right.</p>
<p>“Look, I’m not playing this stupid game. I’m going home.” Levi turned his steps for the center of town while Erwin cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“I’m sure she’ll be disappointed.”</p>
<p>“I could give a shit if she’s disappointed,” Levi said before finally catching a look at Erwin’s expression in the lamplight. The commander looked kind of…if Levi’d been out of his mind, he’d have said Erwin looked sad. “Erwin?”</p>
<p>“We ride for Shiganshina in a few days,” Erwin said evenly, glancing at the city streets. “We may not return.”</p>
<p>Well, nice thing to mention to a guy with a baby on the way. But there was a certain stillness in Erwin that Levi couldn’t help but notice.</p>
<p>“Trost has been the closest I’ve had to a hometown since I was a child,” Erwin said. He sighed. “Living with my aunt and uncle after my father’s death was a place to stay, not a home. I suppose I wanted to spend some time on these streets again, in case…”</p>
<p>In case he got his crippled dumb ass killed? Every time Levi heard Erwin talk about taking himself and his one arm to Shiganshina, Levi wanted to crush the blond bastard all over again. Honestly, he was waiting for the day Erwin would mercifully call his own bluff and confess that he was going to wait for them all to return with good news.</p>
<p>But even Levi knew that wasn’t the big problem right now.</p>
<p>“You want to have a drink, huh?” he grumbled. Erwin cast his eyes down, a rueful smile on his lips. Weird to see a chiseled god of a man look sheepish.</p>
<p>“It’s selfish to ask you to indulge me, Levi. I suppose Hange’s impromptu party, unintentional as it was, became a means to my own end.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. You’re a real cagy bastard.” Fuck it. “All right. One bar. One drink. Got it?”</p>
<p>Erwin seemed genuinely surprised and delighted. Never let it be said Levi Ackerman didn’t do nice things for the people in his life, even if he always fucking hated it.</p>
<p>“Agreed.”</p>
<p>“<em>Leeeeviiii. Errrrrwiiiin. Come on, I have an idea,</em>” Hange bellowed through cupped hands. The men stared at their comrade as she leapt about like some kind of leaping titan, pointing enthusiastically at a tavern.</p>
<p>“Promise me we knock her out if she gets too drunk,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Agreed,” Erwin said emphatically.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi didn’t know how Hange had managed to convince the bartender to let her mix the drinks. Maybe she’d paid him. Maybe she’d tied him up and stuck him in the back. With Hange, all things were possible. And terrifying.</p>
<p>Levi sat with his arms crossed in front of the bar. Erwin was at his left. Hange, meanwhile, crouched behind said bar, and slowly poked her head up so that only her glasses and long nose were visible. She wiggled her eyebrows, then emerged holding a bottle of gin. She set it down before them, giggling maniacally as she pulled out a bottle of rum to sit alongside it. Next came a bottle of whiskey. She took out a metal shaker and poured the three liquids inside, added ice, and then topped it off with a foaming draught of beer. Hange closed the shaker and shook violently, cackling all the while. Finally, she strained the brew into three small glasses, and slid two to the men. Her eyes rolled skyward as she screeched like some kind of witch cavorting over a potion.</p>
<p>“I hate you, Four Eyes,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“I think I’m scared,” Erwin said quietly.</p>
<p>“This is for you, Levi. An experiment I’ve always wanted to try!” Hange rubbed her hands gleefully. “You have a hard time getting drunk.”</p>
<p>“I never get drunk,” he snapped. He only knew what drunk was because of observing how other people behaved. To Levi, alcohol provided no buzz, and he didn’t much like the taste. Therefore, he always preferred a nice cup of tea when he could get it.</p>
<p>“I know. Then, after we learned your last name was Ackerman, I did some research into the Reiss family archival library.” Oh, fuck. He knew where this was going. Hange stared at him like he was a little titan pet she wanted to put a leash on and take for a walk. Ever since they’d learned in those stupid books that the Ackerman bloodline was so powerful in part due to freaky experimentation, Hange had regarded Levi and Mikasa as her own personal lab rats. “Your body can heal itself rapidly. We’ve noticed it before. There’s a good chance that’s why you have a hard time getting drunk.” She grinned. “Your body absorbs the alcohol too quickly.”</p>
<p>“So your idea is to pour it down my throat ‘til I fucking die?”</p>
<p>“No. Not yet.” She leaned across the bar, the firelight glinting owlishly on her glasses. “I found an old recipe book down in the Military Police’s storeroom of heretical literature.” Yep, deposing old King Reiss had been tons of fun for Hange. So many new weird things to discover. “It had all kinds of food and drinks recorded in it, including one drink called a…” She squinted, trying to recall. “Long Island iced tea.”</p>
<p>“Tea?” Now she was talking his language.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t have any actual tea in it, but it <em>does</em> have every kind of hard liquor ever created.” She nudged Levi’s glass towards him. “I figure that with the right combination of all these different spirits, plus the carbonated fizz in the beer to enter your bloodstream faster, this might be enough to finally get you drunk.”</p>
<p>“Why the fuck would I want to be drunk?”</p>
<p>“It’s not about you, Levi! It’s for science.”</p>
<p>“This is supposed to be my bachelor party, shithead.”</p>
<p>“Bachelor parties can be for science, too!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Erwin whispered to Levi. Well, too fucking late now. One bar. One drink. And this was that one bar and one drink, so Levi took up his glass and swallowed the contents in a single gulp. He coughed as it burned on its way down, and thumped his chest. Hange, meanwhile, clinked glasses with Erwin and pouted.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe you didn’t wait to toast!”</p>
<p>“Screw you, Hange. I had the drink. I feel fucking normal. I’m going home.” With that, Levi kicked back the bar stool and stood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How long had he been sitting here, in this bar? Was it the same bar? No; no, it was an other bar. Another bar. An-other barrrrrrrr.</p>
<p>Levi’s vision wavered back and forth, back and forth. He gripped the edge of the table to keep his balance. His skin felt numb but also kind of tingly. His face was like rubber. He squished his cheeks a couple of times to get used to the feel. Squish. Squish.</p>
<p>“He’s <em>drunk!</em>” Hange hissed to Erwin. The three of them were sitting in a booth. Levi was to the far right, while Erwin was in the center. Hange crowded the commander, pointing at Levi like he was a freak in a sideshow. Her glasses were askew on her nose, and her brown hair was out of its ponytail. “An’ guess what? I’m drunk toooooo.”</p>
<p>Erwin’s cheeks were flaming red by now, and his hair stuck up on the back of his head. He leaned one large elbow on the table and placed his forehead in his hand.</p>
<p>“I think I should die now,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Eyebrows,” Levi slurred, and then laid his head on the table. It made the buzzing noise in his head buzz a little less. Heh. Buzz. “Fuck, <em>hic</em>, you, Four Eyes. Why the hell d’you people like doin’ this? <em>My head hurts.</em>”</p>
<p>Hange burst into a raucous, almost obscene bout of laughter. It startled Erwin so bad he tipped over and crashed into Levi. Levi barked and elbowed the giant blond god of a drunk.</p>
<p>“Get<em> off</em>, yuh bastard.”</p>
<p>“This takes me back.” Erwin’s blue eyes had this weird, glossy shine to them now. “My hal, er, hal-cee-yun…halcyon days of youth! You know, I was quite the rap—hic—scallion as a boy.”</p>
<p>“You were a boy?” Levi slurred. He glared at his friends. “I jus’ thought you were born a fuckin’ <em>eyebrow</em> that grew a <em>man</em>.”</p>
<p>“Levi! It’s not nice to pick on people’s physical flaws, you short bastard!” Hange snapped. Levi threw something at her. It may have been a shoe. His shoe.</p>
<p>His foot was cold now.</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Four Eyes!”</p>
<p>“You’re not my type!” She cackled.</p>
<p>“What is your type, then? Fifty feet tall with no junk?”</p>
<p>“<em>Exactly</em>.”</p>
<p>Erwin chuckled and rubbed his face. Honestly, Levi’s brain may’ve been melting but it was nice to see Erwin having a good time.</p>
<p>Petra would like that. She worried about Erwin. She worried about all of them. She was the sweetest, worriest person in the Corps.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Levi sighed, shut his eyes. “I’m doin’ this for <em>you</em>, Petra. All of it! The baby! Your parents! This shit!” He gestured to the table and the assembled drunks. Levi never spoke his true feelings aloud when sober, but now, for the first time, he was a little uninhibited. He hadn’t been uninhibited since the day he was born. It was wild. Freeing. Frightening. He bunched his hands into fists and shook them in the air. “Doin’ this because I <em>love you.</em>”</p>
<p>Hange cheered; somehow, she’d gotten three more foaming mugs of ale, and passed them to the men. Erwin held up his glass.</p>
<p>“To Petra, the bride,” he said. His eyelids drooped. “Levi. You are the luckiest man in the world. Never forget that.”</p>
<p>“I won’t.” They clinked mugs, and Levi took a long pull on his ale. Apparently when you were drunk, all alcohol tasted way better. That made you get more drunk. It was a scam. A lovely, lovely scam. “Hange. Y’ever gettin’ married? If we kill alllll the titans yer gonna be shit outta luck.”</p>
<p>“I could get, hic, married.” She tried to brush her hair with her glasses. It didn’t work too well. “If I met the right man. Or woman. Or titan. Or all three.”</p>
<p>“You gonna have kids, y’think?”</p>
<p>She blew a loud raspberry. “Oh <em>fuck no!</em> No, I love kiddies, but I don’t want ‘em. It’s too much noise. I make my own noise. The 104<sup>th</sup> kids’re like my kids, y’know? I’d be happy adopting some if I adopted ‘em when they were f—hic—teen.”</p>
<p>“See, I thought the same.” Levi leaned forward, feeling his face slacken. “An’ I still feel the same. Who the fuck wants kids in a world like this one? If only I’d pulled outta her that night…”</p>
<p>“Levi. This isn’t appropriate.” Erwin frowned.</p>
<p>“It’s my goddamn bachelor party, Erwin!” He slammed back the rest of his ale. He never discussed his private life, but the flush of the alcohol and the honesty it encouraged just passed all the way through him and out. “It’s so hard bein’ safe with her, though. It’s like fucking a <em>goddess</em>.” He slumped back, cast his eyes to the ceiling. “So easy to make her come, especially after—”</p>
<p>The table banged as Erwin abruptly stood. Taking up the empty mugs, he shuffled past Hange and back to the bar, his face red as a beet. Hange watched him go with sympathetic eyes.</p>
<p>“Remember, he’s gotta work with her all day. We both do.” She was reprimanding him. “Petra’s not just your girl, Levi.”</p>
<p>Even drunk, he felt the hot creep of shame on his neck. Levi rubbed his eyes.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I don’t usually… I’m drunk.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” She looked sheepish. “That part’s my fault. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, fuck you, Hange.” Levi watched Erwin hand over the mugs to some pretty barmaid, then say something that made her laugh. Erwin had that ability; even when he showed up drunk outta his mind and missing an arm, women went crazy for him. If the guy hadn’t given up all that domestic shit for the cause, he would’ve made a good husband. A few months ago, Levi would’ve acknowledged that with a shrug, if he even thought it at all. Now, knowing what it was like to sleep next to a woman he adored, to hear her call his name and tease him, to drink tea together, make love together, even argue over which side of the cupboard belonged to who made Levi feel bad for the guy. Levi didn’t know what kind of person he’d be today if he and Petra had never gotten together, but he imagined he’d be even more miserable. Being loved by someone that you yourself loved put a kind of spell on a person. It made life easier to deal with. Scarier, sure, and Levi would never get over the fear of losing Petra to a titan or in childbirth, but he felt more like a man with her at his side. Erwin didn’t know how this felt, and he could’ve with Marie. Now that they were getting older, he wondered if it bothered the guy that he’d given all that up.</p>
<p>Nah. Erwin Smith was a fucking god. He wasn’t built like normal men, like Levi. Levi was extraordinary because of what his body could do; Erwin was extraordinary because of his mind. Different things. Different men. Different needs.</p>
<p>“He’s not really going to Shiganshina, is he?” Levi muttered. Hange blinked at him.</p>
<p>“Eh? Why wouldn’t he? He’s been planning it since before we even knew what was in Shiganshina, you know? Erwin’s always been thinking ahead.”</p>
<p>“He’s down a fucking arm, Hange,” he growled. That yellow lightning pointed from Levi to Erwin. He felt that primal urge that shouted <em>protect him</em> echo down his throat. “What use’s he gonna be?”</p>
<p>“He’s Erwin.” She shrugged, as if to say ‘he’s god.’</p>
<p>“If he dies, you’ll be in command of the Corps. Sure you want him putting his neck out like that?”</p>
<p>Hange turned a little green there. The woman was a good squad leader, but there was a difference between leading eight people and leading an entire organization. Hange at least <em>could</em> do it, unlike Levi, but she sure as shit didn’t want to.</p>
<p>“Well, let’s talk ‘bout this with him when we’re not verrrrry drunk,” she said. Okay. That was fair. Levi reached out his hand.</p>
<p>“Give me my shoe back.”</p>
<p>“No. It’s <em>my</em> shoe now.” She tucked it under her arm, a fanatical light blazing in her eyes. Hange cackled as he gripped her collar. “You wouldn’t hurt a woman would you?” She made her voice lilting, a parody of femininity.</p>
<p>“I’ll hurt anyone who steals my shoe.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t steal it. You threw it at me! You <em>gave it to me.</em>”</p>
<p>“I’ll give you a bath in the river if you don’t hand it over.”</p>
<p>“Oooh, good idea! We should go skinny dipping! <em>Erwin!</em>” She tossed Levi his shoe, stood on the seat, cupped her hands over her mouth and yelled. Everyone in the tavern turned. “<em>We’re gonna get naked and head for the river.</em>”</p>
<p>“Ah.” He waved. “Have fun.”</p>
<p>“<em>You have to come, too!</em>”</p>
<p>“Siddown, we’re the fucking Survey Corps,” Levi snarled. He dragged the gangly woman down and made her sit while she snickered, pleased with herself. He glanced over at Hange, her eyes already spinning crazily with a bunch of new ideas to embarrass him. Maybe it was all the drinking, but he found himself reminiscing. The first expedition he’d taken with the Survey Corps, when Furlan and Isabel had still been alive, was when he’d met Hange properly. Everyone else there, even Mike and Nanaba, even Moblit, even Erwin, had looked at him like he was somewhere between a criminal piece of shit and a secret weapon. Hange had come up to them with sweets for Isabel, which the kid had loved, and nothing but kind words to say to Levi. At the time, he’d thought she was some weird psycho bitch. Weird and psycho had turned out to be correct, but not the bitch part. Hange sniffed.</p>
<p>“Hey? Levi?” Her voice became uncharacteristically less brassy. “Why didn’t you tell me you were getting married?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” He scratched his cheek and shrugged. “Why’s it matter? I don’t wanna do it anyway. It’s just ‘cause of the kid.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know. But you told Erwin.”</p>
<p>“He’s the Commander. He needs to know about the baby.”</p>
<p>“I suppose.” Fuck, she sounded kind of sad now. Hange didn’t get sad. Determined, forceful, batshit crazy, hysterical? Sure. Not sad. “Guess I thought we were good enough friends that you’d tell me,” she muttered. She must’ve heard how low she sounded with those words, because her head snapped up and she blushed. “Er, not that it’s about me! It’s not.”</p>
<p>“No. You’re right.” Fuck it, one side effect of booze he hadn’t known about until right now was how fucking soppy it could make you. Levi lightly punched Hange in the shoulder. “I mean, you’re my best friend,” he grumbled.</p>
<p>“Really?” She looked shocked. “What about Erwin?”</p>
<p>“What, you want me to fucking rank you both?” he snapped. But in a strange way he meant it. He was closer to Erwin than to anyone alive, even Petra, but it was a strange closeness. It was as urgent as it was friendly; they both needed each other to make the other’s life worthwhile. Erwin needed Levi to get them to the truth; Levi needed Erwin to guide humanity forward. It was never just the two of them alone together, not even when there was no one else in the room. But Hange? He wanted to wring her neck a lot of the time, but there was no strain to their relationship. It was probably the easiest he’d ever felt with anyone, including Petra. Hange and him were just two weirdos. They got each other. “Look, I was just thinking if you wanted to be part of the wedding, we’d find you a place,” he grumbled. Being in love with Petra <em>really</em> had turned him mushy; even he couldn’t believe what he was saying. Hange’s eyes became enormous. “I don’t know, flower girl? Ring bearer? Usher? You can draw the wedding carriage with the horses? Something.”</p>
<p>“Levi. That’s…” She sniffed. Her eyes became reflective, filled with tears. She threw her arms around him and squeezed the shit out of him. Levi cursed. “You m-made me so happy!” she bawled.</p>
<p>Fuck. That was the one part of drinking he didn’t like no matter what: the sudden crying.</p>
<p>“You’re uninvited from the wedding if you don’t get the fuck off me right now.”</p>
<p>Hange did that, straightening him and wiping her running nose on her sleeve as she did. It made Levi want to run away screaming. He hated when she did that. Finally, Erwin returned bearing a round of drinks. He was humming some jolly tune and grinning like an idiot. Maybe he’d gotten a date with the cute barmaid. Hey, everyone ought to get their rocks off one last time before Shiganshina.</p>
<p>“Here.” Erwin scooted in beside Hange and passed around their drinks. He toasted. “To Petra Ral and Levi Ackerman. May you have a long and happy life together.”</p>
<p>He almost wished Erwin hadn’t said that. It felt too much like daring fate to fuck it up. But he clinked and drank. Levi could feel his bladder starting to swell. He’d need to take a long piss soon. Blearily, he checked the clock on the wall and saw it was half til midnight. Shit. Petra would probably be asleep by now, and he’d wanted to talk to her after the little shitshow at dinner. Make sure she was okay. But she was probably fine. Either that, or she was in jail for murdering Willem, and having that surly bitch dead would be some kind of silver lining.</p>
<p>“Where to next?” Hange slurred.</p>
<p>“We all gotta be at work tomorrow,” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>Erwin nodded. “It’s true.”</p>
<p>So this’d be their last round. Thank fuck. One more drink, some water, a piss, and then stumbling home to his bed and his girl. There’d been worse nights.</p>
<p>“Captain? Squad Leader? <em>Commander?</em>”</p>
<p>A boy with a long horse’s face and beady little eyes was standing next to their table all of a sudden. He gaped, like three adults drinking in a bar was some secret cult meeting.</p>
<p>“Jean?” Levi grunted. Two, then three more figures crowded behind the kid. “Connie? Sasha?” The two goofy brats of course <em>would</em> be in a bar at this hour. He was gonna rattle their asses for them. But there was also a wispy little blond kid who looked a lot like— “<em>Armin?</em>”</p>
<p>“Uh. H’lo, Captain Levi.” The kid looked like he was starting to sweat. The gaggle of fifteen-year-olds just stood at the table staring at them like the adults were animals in a fucking zoo.</p>
<p>“It’s almost midnight,” Levi snapped. “What the fuck’re you all doing out?”</p>
<p>“Commander. Sir. I’m so sorry…” Jean began babbling. Figured. The kid was a weasel, but he wanted Erwin to see his weasely potential. Promote him. Then he could someday be Commander when Erwin stepped down and eventually tear Mikasa away from Eren. Levi could read the kid with a single glance; wasn’t hard.</p>
<p>But Kirschtein wasn’t a bad guy, and the others were good brats. Armin especially.</p>
<p>“We get it,” Levi grunted at Jean. “You wanted a beer. Who doesn’t? But you.” He jerked a thumb at Armin. “Where’re Eren and Mikasa?”</p>
<p>“Um. They didn’t want to come.” Armin was normally glued to their hips, particularly Eren’s, so it was kind of a mystery. Jean leapt in and cleared the whole thing up.</p>
<p>“I told Armin a while ago he was creepy ‘cause he never left Eren alone, so we’re getting him his first beer in town <em>without</em> the suicidal maniac.” The way Jean’s voice got louder, plus the flush of his cheeks, suggested that the kid had already had a couple.</p>
<p>“W-We were just keeping an eye on ‘em, Commander.” Connie looked about to pass out. Sasha gulped loudly.</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah. We’re the most mature ones in our squad! Everyone says so!”</p>
<p>Hange looked like she drunkenly pitied them for giving such a bald-faced lie.</p>
<p>“Captain, why are you here?” Armin’s face went red. “N-Not that you can’t be, of course…”</p>
<p>“It’s Levi’s <em>bachelor party.</em>” Hange flung her arms apart in dramatic emphasis, the exact thing Levi hadn’t wanted her to do. The kids all gasped and cheered and congratulated him, which made him want to fucking die.</p>
<p>“That’s great! That’s so great!” Sasha shouted. She pumped her fists in the air. “When’s the wedding? Is there gonna be cake? <em>Is there, Captain?</em>”</p>
<p>“Excuse me, all of you.” Erwin lifted a hand, and the kids instantly fell silent. Thank fuck. The Commander shook his head. “This is a rather adult celebration, and we’re now wrapping up. I’d advise all of you to finish your last drinks and head back to the barracks.”</p>
<p>Finally, fucking sanity. The kids all nodded, looking chastened.</p>
<p>“Anyone want to join in the last round?” Hange grinned, and the kids enthusiastically said yes. Levi rubbed his temples. Just what he needed. A bunch of adolescents drunkenly shouting at him.</p>
<p>Whatever. It was the last drink of the night. Twenty more minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was two hours later and Levi was going to die. They were in some kind of piano bar, or at least a bar with a piano in it, and Kirschtein was standing on top of the piano singing a really fucking loud song. Somewhere over the course of the night, he’d unbuttoned his shirt to his navel and his military jacket was gone. Connie and Sasha were having a drinking contest at the bar, one that Connie was losing as he slumped to the floor, splashing the stein of beer all over his face. Hange had taken one of her shoes off and was dancing around with it held above her head.</p>
<p>Wait. That was Levi’s shoe. <em>Fuck.</em> His foot was cold again, and his head hurt.</p>
<p>Where was Erwin?</p>
<p>“Captain?” Armin was standing at Levi’s side, regarding him with those wide scared-rabbit blue eyes of his. “Should we go home now?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Then when we get home, I need you to put Hange and Jean in the titan killing machine and mash them the fuck up,” he growled.</p>
<p>“Um. O-Okay, sir.”</p>
<p>“Get my shoe from Hange. I’m too drunk to move.” He glared at Armin as the kid negotiated the room of drunkass people to get to the squad leader. At one thirty in the morning, only the most hardcore drinkers in Trost would still be at the taverns. Levi needed some water. He realized he’d taken a piss some time ago, since he was fine now. He hoped with everything he had or ever would have that he hadn’t relieved himself against a wall. He may’ve been a murderous underground thug at one point, but he’d always had his dignity.</p>
<p>“Look at ‘em,” some guy said to his left. Levi wavered as he stared at the fellow, some guy with a thick mustache and a scowl. “Survey Corps? Puh. Getting drunk on our taxes.”</p>
<p>Levi wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he forgot the word for ‘fuck.’ Also, the guy had a point. This was embarrassing to the Survey Corps, to the military, to Erwin, to everything. This was Kirschtein’s fault. And Hange’s.</p>
<p>“Here, sir.” Armin appeared and handed Levi the shoe. Levi sighed in relief as he slid it on.</p>
<p>“Let’s go.” He staggered for the exit, Armin tailing him. They pushed out the swinging tavern doors and into the crisp night air. After the sweaty atmosphere and stench of ale inside, this was fucking paradise. Levi gazed up at the bright stripe of stars running across the sky. Hange had told him once that was a galaxy; whatever that meant. Levi tromped over to sit on a nearby bench, and Armin joined him. Levi liked the kid. He didn’t have a big rush of emotions for Armin the way he did for Eren or Mikasa, it was true. Erwin understood people like Armin better than Levi ever could. Like the Commander, Armin was a visionary, a dreamer. He was also soft, almost dangerously so. The time he’d spent on Levi’s squad during the uprising had almost broken the kid.</p>
<p>It’d made Levi feel kind of bad, honestly. He was used to stone cold killers. Armin had committed his first murder under Levi’s charge. He hadn’t known the woman he’d killed, and she’d been prepared to kill Jean, but that hadn’t stopped the boy from sobbing his heart out over shooting her. Levi realized he hadn’t understood that level of emotion. Sadness, sure. Self disgust, yeah. But <em>grief</em>? He hadn’t felt grief over an enemy. Not ever.</p>
<p>Made him realize he was more busted than he’d imagined.</p>
<p>“Thanks for getting my shoe, Armin,” he said. The young boy brightened. Always glad to be useful, that one.</p>
<p>“Congratulations on getting married, sir. Petra’s a really wonderful person.” He sounded genuinely happy. He meant it. Well, he was right. Petra <em>was</em> a wonderful person. Levi had more than he could ever have deserved. “Mikasa’s very excited about the baby.”</p>
<p>“Is she?” That was a genuine surprise. Kid didn’t have the time of day for him when they weren’t on duty.</p>
<p>“She’s happy she’ll have another cousin.”</p>
<p>Well, made sense. Mikasa was all about family, and you could see she liked brats. Levi had always thought that the girl would’ve been just as happy not being a soldier. If Shiganshina hadn’t been hit, if the titans had never made the war personal, she likely would’ve lived her life on the sidelines. Probably got married, had a couple kids. Normal girl. Normal life. She wanted all the stuff that Levi had never expected to want.</p>
<p>It made him feel weirdly better, in a way. He told himself Mikasa would survive whatever waited for them in Shiganshina. Even if Levi died, Petra and the kid would have a member of the Ackerman family to look after them. Mikasa wouldn’t have to be asked to do this. She’d do it instinctively.</p>
<p>Levi was a lucky bastard. He didn’t deserve his luck.</p>
<p>“How’re you doing?” Levi asked quietly. Armin didn’t have to ask what he meant, or why. He gazed up at the stars.</p>
<p>“I’m ready for Shiganshina,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“Your hometown, right?”</p>
<p>“Mmm. It’s strange. I know the mission’s important, and dangerous, but I’m a little excited to go. Even though I know the danger’s so high, I want to see my old streets again.” He looked at his hands. “I guess I’ve missed it,” he said.</p>
<p>Kid was too gentle for this life. Yet he’d survived up until now. That took luck, sure, and surrounding himself with strong friends didn’t hurt. But Armin had something in him that kept him alive, and it couldn’t just be luck.</p>
<p>Levi never got many chances to talk one on one with the kid. He was a nice kid.</p>
<p>“I hope it goes right for you,” Levi said, and meant it. “It’s your hometown, after all. You should take it back.”</p>
<p>“We will.” The kid looked nervous, but honest. “Eren will. Mikasa, too.”</p>
<p>Armin hadn’t mentioned himself. Levi was going to bring it up, when someone shuffled out of the darkened alleyway.</p>
<p>“Levi. I’ve made an incalculable error,” Erwin said. He said incalculable like ‘incaluweebul’, so he was probably right. Levi’d never seen the man this disheveled before. Erwin’d had the presence of mind to hide in the dark and wait until he could walk and talk at the same time. Good man. “Oh! Arlert. Hello.”</p>
<p>Erwin stiffened when he saw the kid. Still wanted to maintain his air of mystery for the brats. Armin jumped to his feet.</p>
<p>“Commander. Um, I’m sorry we forced our way into your party.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, I can’t remember when I last felt this uninhibited.” Uninhibideed. Yep, Erwin was drunk. Levi stood and was at Erwin’s side in a second.</p>
<p>“Armin. Go deal with the others and Hange. We’re heading back to the barracks.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” Armin saluted them, then retreated into the tavern. Erwin watched the doors swing as the kid entered the bar.</p>
<p>“He’s a good kid,” Levi said as they stumbled away.</p>
<p>“Mmm. He’s got great potential,” Erwin said. He seemed lost in his thoughts. “Reminds me of myself, I suppose.”</p>
<p>“You were never a wimp. No offense to the kid.”</p>
<p>“Well, you haven’t always known me.” Erwin smiled gently. “I was thinking more the excitement. The hope.”</p>
<p>“Whaddya mean? You’re the most hopeful bastard alive,” Levi said. Erwin said nothing in response. They shambled through the nighttime streets until they saw the lights of the barracks up ahead.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Erwin stopped them near the door. “It’s not my place, but I wanted to tell you something.”</p>
<p>“Huh? What?”</p>
<p>Erwin grasped Levi by the shoulders, both to steady himself and to look the captain in the eye.</p>
<p>“I know why you’re afraid to be a father.” He wavered a bit, but stayed on his feet. “I know that you’re afraid to lose everything, and you have a right to fear that. But…”</p>
<p>For a weird second Levi thought he saw the shine of tears in the man’s eyes, but then sensibly passed that off as bleariness from drinking too much.</p>
<p>“But?” he asked.</p>
<p>“But there are so many out there who would kill for the chance at the happiness you have. Please. Don’t dismiss it. Don’t hate the child.”</p>
<p>“I…” He was taken aback. “Fuck, Erwin. Don’t hate it. Just don’t want it.”</p>
<p>He didn’t, and he wasn’t going to lie about that. Not for Petra, and not for Erwin.</p>
<p>Erwin nodded, then released Levi and walked slowly up the steps and through the barracks doors. Levi stood there until he was certain he could move without stumbling into something. Then he went home.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She awoke to an intruder on the floor of their chamber. Petra bolted upright in bed, going from bewildered to bold in a second. She reached for the book she’d been reading, ready to chuck it at the unknown man now on his hands and knees as he…</p>
<p>Scrubbed their floor. Oh. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Levi!” She put the book down and got out of bed. Her lover kept scrubbing away, paying attention to one specific spot with almost insane focus. Petra knelt beside him and shook his shoulder. “Levi. What…?”</p>
<p>“Hmmf?” He stopped and looked her in the face. She’d never seen him like this. His features appeared almost haggard, the bags under his eyes more swollen than usual. And he smelled like…</p>
<p>An entire tavern. Oh. God.</p>
<p>“Are you…drunk?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Hange’s fault. Imma <em>kill</em>,” he said, then immediately went back to cleaning. Petra checked the clock on the wall. Two in the morning. Oh no. “I was fine ‘til I got back, um, to the room and then, just…<em>real </em>drunk.”</p>
<p>Probably the amount of booze he’d drunk and how tired he was had suddenly collided.</p>
<p>“Baby.” She kissed his temple. Levi stopped cleaning at once. Good, she still held more fascination for him than cleaning did. Only by a hair, but… “Baby, the floor is fine. Let’s get you to bed.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. Left you with Willfuck. Hange said bachelor party. Hic. FuckWill.”</p>
<p>“Yes, fuck him. Don’t worry, everyone was on your side.” Gently, she took the brush and rag from him and put them away. Levi clutched for them once, like a child needing its comfort blanket. She kissed his nose, and he sighed. “How did they even get you drunk?”</p>
<p>“Science,” he whispered hoarsely. Yes, that sounded like Hange. Gently, Petra helped Levi slide out of his jacket. She hung it up, then turned to find him with only one shoe off. She didn’t know where he’d put it, and had to search until she found it under the bed. Petra then gently coaxed Levi to sit, and took off his other boot, his socks, and his trousers while he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Soon, he was naked except for his underwear. He sat on the bed blinking at her, his black hair mussed, his lips in a pout. He looked like a small, grumpy owl with his blinking, and Petra giggled. She kissed him; he really did taste like gin and beer. “Sleepy,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry to tell you this, but you’re probably going to have your first hangover tomorrow.” She took a teacup, filled it with water, and gave it to him. “Drink three of these. They’ll help.”</p>
<p>Levi drank three cups of water, then, with Petra’s help, he stood and washed himself for the evening. Petra helped towel off his hair when he couldn’t get coordinated enough. She kept giggling throughout, and when he was clean and watered she guided him to bed.</p>
<p>“Kill Hange,” he grumbled, yanking the covers back and jerkily getting into bed. Petra smiled, shaking her head as she put her book back on the shelf and slid in beside him. Levi kept muttering nonsense words while she helped him lie down. Once horizontal, he settled a bit. His eyelids drooped. Petra smiled as she looked at him in the candlelight. Whenever he had all his clothes off, she had to marvel all over again. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on the man’s body. His lean, densely muscled figure was sheer poetry when undraped. If Petra hadn’t been so tired, and if he hadn’t been entirely too drunk, a little play before sleep would’ve been nice. With a sigh, she kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>Levi yanked her to him, snuggling her against his body. Petra kissed his nose and his eyes and his cheeks while he made happy little grunting noises.</p>
<p>“Told ‘em. I love you,” he growled.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she whispered, nuzzling his cheek. Poor man. He was going to be miserable tomorrow. She knew him. If the hangover didn’t hurt him, the shame of being so uninhibited would. She’d pretend she hadn’t found him cleaning the floor.</p>
<p>“Petra.” He shut his eyes. “You’ll be…good mother.”</p>
<p>She smiled, blew out the candle, and cuddled close to him. Soon, his breathing deepened and steadied as he fell into a deep sleep. She lay there with his naked body warm in her arms, enjoyed the soft rise and fall of his chest as he dreamed.</p>
<p>Petra had to bite her lip to stifle the sobs. Tears crept down her cheeks as she kissed his temple again and held him close. Four days to Shiganshina. Four days until she might lose him forever. In a way, even if it meant her almost certain death, it would have been easier to go on the mission. She didn’t fear death half as much as she feared life without him.</p>
<p><em>Please</em>, she prayed to the goddesses or to whoever would listen to her. <em>Please, for the baby’s sake. Let him come home safe.</em></p>
<p>But Petra had seen enough grieving parents and widows in her time. She knew that the gods did not play favorites.</p>
<p>She had known loss, and she could always know it again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Tell me what you’re going to do,” Levi whispered. The sweat was cooling on their skin. Petra dozed, languishing in the last remnants of the orgasm. Whenever they made love now, it was frantic. Urgent. Needful.</p>
<p>Three days to Shiganshina.</p>
<p>“What I’m going to do when?” she asked. He kissed the crown of her head.</p>
<p>“I want to know every single thing you’re going to do the whole day I’m there. That way I have something to think about if shit gets bad.”</p>
<p>“I’m probably going to lie awake all night and be a nervous wreck the next morning.”</p>
<p>“No. Please. Think of something good,” he whispered, his breath hot on her hair.</p>
<p>Petra closed her eyes and thought. “All right. I’ll get a good night’s sleep.”</p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p>“Promise.” She’d try to keep that promise. “I’ll wake up when the sun’s rising.” They’d be just reaching Shiganshina at that point, according to Hange’s calculations. “I’ll wash up. I’ll take a hot shower.”</p>
<p>He hummed. Levi would like to imagine a shower. Not just because she’d be naked, but because she’d be clean. She nuzzled his cheek.</p>
<p>“Then I’ll have breakfast, I guess.”</p>
<p>“What breakfast?” His eyes were shut, picturing the details.</p>
<p>“I’ll have two eggs and some bread. And tea. I’ll use the tea from Mitras.”</p>
<p>Levi sighed in contentment. “Then what?”</p>
<p>She peppered kisses on his cheek. “I’ll get dressed in my uniform—”</p>
<p>“Wear something else.” His voice was hoarse. Levi usually didn’t give her orders about food or clothes, but she knew what this was. He wanted a perfect picture to take with him.</p>
<p>“I’ll wear my blue dress.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” The corners of his mouth twitched in a smile. “Then?”</p>
<p>“I’ll walk over to my sister’s. Brigitta and I will go visit the market.” She was really going to sit in the barracks waiting for them to come back, but that wasn’t the picture he needed right now. Levi seemed to appreciate it. “We’ll haggle for blackberries. I’ll buy some for tea.”</p>
<p>“Good. That’s good.” Blackberries, blue dresses, tea, calm walks through town; all these were just the images he wanted of her. “And then?”</p>
<p>“I’ll read a book and wait for you to come home.”</p>
<p>His eyes opened. Petra lay wrapped around him. His naked skin was so warm against hers.</p>
<p>“What book?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I finished my last one.” A romantic story about a prince in disguise. “I’ll have to borrow one from Erwin.”</p>
<p>Levi snickered. “Not sure the stuff he reads is the stuff you like.”</p>
<p>She screwed up her face. “Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we?”</p>
<p>She kissed him, and he kissed her. Petra felt him stir, yearning for more. She wished they could stay in this bed together until he had to go. She winced as her stomach fluttered; the baby was active this morning. He was making her feel just a little extra sick.</p>
<p>Their second time was quick, but good. When they finished, she lay against his breast, damp with sweat. He softened within her.</p>
<p>“Erwin if it’s a boy. Kuchel if it’s a girl,” he said. They had to agree to things now, in case they…couldn’t…later.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra kissed his lips until she had to stop to draw breath. “When it’s born, you’ll see how cute it is.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he grunted. He gazed up at her, those flat eyes hooded. His mouth was in its customary scowl. He looked like that even when happy. That was Levi Ackerman: a small, angry man who loved her. Whom she loved. “I love you,” he growled, like it hurt him to say it. Levi wasn’t the type to make declarations.</p>
<p>“I’ll love you for as long as I live,” she said. He tightened his embrace.</p>
<p>“Make sure it’s a damn long time.”</p>
<p>“I will.” She kissed his forehead. “You’d better do the same.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” They spent another precious minute like that before the day had to begin. Sunlight was spreading across the floor. “One thing I’d like you to do,” he said.</p>
<p>“Anything.”</p>
<p>“Talk Erwin out of coming along.” His eyes narrowed. “He might listen to you.”</p>
<p>True. Erwin would only be a hazard in Shiganshina. Levi would worry extra if the Commander was there. And if Levi worried, the chance went up he’d make a mistake.</p>
<p>“I’ll try,” she whispered. Then, “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“He gave me something,” Levi muttered. He glanced over at their table, at a rectangular metal box. Petra hadn’t looked inside. It wasn’t her place to, and…she found she didn't want to know. “He gave me a big decision to make. Maybe. In Shiganshina.” He shrugged, held her close. “I want to make the right call, that’s all it is.” Another silent moment. Then, “I just want to make sure that dream of his comes true, I guess.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Odd,” Erwin said, looking over a letter. It was hours later in his office. “Hange sends word she, Eren, Levi and the others are going to see Shadis.”</p>
<p>“Why’s that?” Petra frowned. Heading over to the cadet training grounds was an odd thing to do mere days before a dangerous mission.</p>
<p>“I’m sure she’ll tell me when she returns.” Erwin folded the letter and handed it over. Petra filed it for him, then returned to writing down the last of his plans for Shiganshina. They were set in stone now, or rather, in ink. “How are the wedding plans?”</p>
<p>Petra smiled. It wasn’t going to be much of a wedding.</p>
<p>“We’ll get married the day you all leave.”</p>
<p>“Ah. Where?”</p>
<p>“The chapel in the central district. I finally got a letter back from the pastor saying it was available. Will you be there, Com—Erwin?”</p>
<p>He smiled warmly. “If I’m invited.”</p>
<p>“We wouldn’t have it any other way.” She wrinkled her nose as she grinned. “But no wild reception.”</p>
<p>“I can never apologize enough for the bachelor party,” he muttered, massaging his temple. “I paid the price, of course. I haven’t been that hungover since I was nineteen.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed, signing off on the final plan with a flourish. She blew on the ink to dry, rolled the paper up, and tucked it into the Commander’s desk. Petra noticed a thin, leatherbound book in the drawer.</p>
<p>“What’s this?” She picked it up.</p>
<p>“Ah. That. Yet another conquest from the Reiss family library. It’s poetry, of a kind.”</p>
<p>Petra read the title, <em>Ring of the Nibelung.</em> It was a libretto for an opera, or rather, several operas. Petra had never been to one, and she’d never heard of this one in particular.</p>
<p>“What’s it about?” she asked, leafing through the book.</p>
<p>“The beginning and end of the world, I suppose. It has everything,” Erwin said, smiling as she read. “River nymphs, dwarves, giants—”</p>
<p>“Titans?”</p>
<p>“Of a kind, I suppose. And, naturally, a hero and heroine. The woman, Brunnhilde, is a Valkyrie. A type of warrior goddess. She disobeys her father and, as punishment, has her immortality stripped away. She’s placed in an unending sleep and surrounded by a ring of fire. Only when Siegfried, the hero, arrives does she wake. Then, of course, they get married.”</p>
<p>“That’s a nice ending.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no. That’s when the trouble really starts.” Erwin chuckled. “Why don’t you take it?”</p>
<p>“Oh! It’s yours, though.”</p>
<p>“I’ve already read it. You should see what you think. I may have spoiled it for…”</p>
<p>“No, I think I’d like it. Thank you.” Petra tucked the little book into her jacket pocket. “I needed something to read, to take my mind off of…uh. When you’re all in Shiganshina,” she said softly. Petra worried her lip. “Sir? Erwin. Are you sure it wouldn’t be better if you stayed—”</p>
<p>“Tell Levi to stop worrying,” he said, smoothly but with great finality. Erwin busied himself with paperwork to avoid looking at her. “Tell him to focus on getting through the wedding ceremony. Even if there are only a few of us as witnesses, he’ll get tongue tied. He’s hopeless at speaking before an audience.”</p>
<p>“Yes. He is.” Petra sighed. It wasn’t really her place, anyway. But she did worry. She did care about him. “I suppose I’m sorry I’m not going with you.”</p>
<p>“Well. I’m sorry you won’t be there when we find out what’s in that basement.” He spoke low; he always said ‘the basement’ like it was something holy. “But you’ll be proud when we ride home, Petra. We’ll have restored our territory. We’ll have the secrets of this world. Yes.” Erwin stared at the ceiling, transfixed by a sight invisible to all eyes but his. “It will be my wedding present to you.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin could not believe what he was hearing. It was like a gift.</p>
<p>It was only a few hours later. Levi, Hange, and the others had returned from visiting Keith Shadis, and what they’d found…</p>
<p>What they had found…was everything Erwin had prayed for.</p>
<p>“Eren’s father, Grisha Jaeger, may very well be a human from outside the walls.”</p>
<p>He spoke those words to his assembled squad leaders, and Levi. As usual, Levi wasn’t much of a “joiner.” He sat well apart from the others, crowded into a little corner by himself. Levi always said he wasn’t a proper squad leader; he wasn’t the type to sit around and come up with plans. He just followed orders. Right now, Erwin didn’t mind what Levi did or didn’t do.</p>
<p>He’d assumed that Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner were from beyond the walls themselves, what with the latter two talking about “their hometown.” How far away this settlement was Erwin couldn’t know, but now it seemed obvious that a settlement of some kind did exist.</p>
<p>And all of the secrets of that hidden world awaited him in Shiganshina.</p>
<p>Erwin remembered the last time he ever saw his father. Father had had to go to another town on business, and Erwin had given him a brief hug before the man walked out the door. He’d smelled the smoke of his father’s pipe, vanilla and tobacco; the man’s leisure coat always smelled like it. His father had passed a hand across Erwin’s head, and chuckled. Laughter had rumbled in his father’s gut like thunder.</p>
<p>“See you tonight, Erwin,” Father said. Then he was gone forever. Gone because of Erwin’s foolishness.</p>
<p>Erwin now knew what the Military Police’s first squad had done to people like his father…</p>
<p>His fault. All his fault.</p>
<p><em>I’m sorry, Father. I’m sorry, Papa.</em> He’d whispered those words to the dark as a young boy, biting his lip to keep from crying.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry, Papa.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We’re almost there. It was all worth it. The basement…</em>
</p>
<p>“What do you think could be in there?” Hange asked, snapping him back to the present.</p>
<p>Yes. What was in Grisha Jaeger’s basement?</p>
<p>“Something he was forbidden to say,” Erwin murmured.</p>
<p><em>Redemption. Fulfillment. </em>Losing Marie, losing the chance to hold his own child in his arms. The sacrifice would finally pay off. <em>I’m sorry, Papa.</em></p>
<p>Erwin had given up being a father to pay for his own father’s life.</p>
<p>Even Levi, for all the people he’d murdered, didn’t have the sin of patricide. Father-killing must be punished. All ancient stories demanded that a son who slays his father must live in utter misery…or die.</p>
<p>
  <em>Something he was forbidden to say…</em>
</p>
<p>“No,” Erwin continued. “Something that Grisha couldn’t say, even if he’d wanted to.”</p>
<p>The back of his neck itched. Erwin got the feeling Levi was staring straight at him.</p>
<p>They couldn’t know what was in that basement just by sitting here and speculating. No, action was required.</p>
<p>He could feel Levi’s gaze between his shoulder blades.</p>
<p>Petra, laying an unconscious hand over her stomach to shelter the tiny life growing inside of her. Levi’s legacy. That sweet smile on her lips.</p>
<p><em>We’ll get married the day you all leave.</em> Three days.</p>
<p>“The operation to retake Wall Maria,” Erwin said calmly, “will take place <em>two days</em> from now.”</p>
<p>Excited murmurs met his words. If Levi had anything to say about that, he kept silent.</p>
<p>“So we want to know what’s in the basement? Well, let’s go see,” Erwin said. He smiled; he’d always been told his smile was frightening. “Isn’t that the Survey Corps way?”</p>
<p>He dismissed them, listened to them discuss the teams, Shadis, even securing red meat for tomorrow’s dinner. The door closed as they herded themselves out, and Erwin sat there with his heart pounding, the door to the basement just in front of him…</p>
<p>He was not alone. Erwin looked up to find Levi with his back to the door, staring at Erwin. His shoulders were hunched. There was a dark, drawn look on his face.</p>
<p>“What is it, Levi?”</p>
<p>Did the captain want to know why they were leaving a day early? Did he want to know if Erwin had done that to interfere with his wedding plans? Erwin told himself that he hadn’t…</p>
<p>He hoped that he hadn’t.</p>
<p>“This may sound impatient,” Levi grumbled, “but what are we going to do after retaking Wall Maria?”</p>
<p>Strategy, obviously. Identifying the enemy. Knowing what that enemy wanted, and why. Erwin told his captain as much.</p>
<p>“As I said before, let’s think about that after we get to the basement.”</p>
<p>“I’m asking because I don’t know whether you’ll live that long,” Levi said. His eyes, always flat, were now cold as ice. So was his voice. Whatever the captain felt, he kept buried within himself. When Levi became like this, a glacier, a statue, it meant that he was keeping something explosive deep down inside. “You can’t move like you used to. Way you are right now, you’re gonna be titan food.”</p>
<p>Erwin’s momentary haze of glory evaporated. For an instant, he’d been the young man he was all those years ago, twenty-two, the world an endless horizon. Now he clutched at his empty sleeve. For one moment, he wished he could strike Levi. It was petty, and it was wrong, but how dare he remind Erwin he was getting older. That his strongest days were behind him.</p>
<p>How dare Levi threaten Erwin’s dream of that basement.</p>
<p>“Let Hange lead us in. I’m not dealing with your crippled ass,” the captain said. “You stay here and wait for the good news. Petra’ll need someone to look after her.”</p>
<p>It was a cheap appeal to Erwin’s vanity, pretending he’d be useful to the young woman. Petra Ral could handle herself beautifully. She did not need Erwin to play nursemaid, to hold her smelling salts. Besides, the idea of sitting in his office with Petra, talking quietly, perhaps playing a game of chess while they waited, it was all too tempting. He could imagine very easily that she was his girl, that she was pregnant with his future…</p>
<p>It hurt sometimes to have her so close, knowing that at the end of the day she’d leave him. Knowing that Levi would not stay with him all night because the man had to get home to someone else.</p>
<p>
  <em>He still hasn’t mentioned that I ruined his wedding day. Does he even know that I did? Does he even care?</em>
</p>
<p>“I’ll tell ‘em I kept on your ass about it until you gave in. That’s what I’m gonna do, anyway. Okay?” Levi glowered at him. “I’ve been waiting for you to figure this out on your own, but it looks like I’ve gotta do it myself.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll sit with someone else’s lover and someone else’s child, waiting for someone else to do the work for me. For someone else to open the door and find my treasure.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin thought of his father speaking animatedly, smiling as he told Erwin about—</p>
<p>“No,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>Levi lifted his chin, maybe in anger, maybe in disbelief.</p>
<p>“I don’t care,” Erwin said. “Use me as bait.” <em>I don’t care if I live or die. I just need to see the basement. That’s all. I’ve waited almost thirty years for this. I’m not like you, Levi. I have </em>nothing else<em> to love or lose. </em>“If I die, Hange takes over. If Hange dies, the chain of command stays in effect. This operation is dangerous, but it’s the most important in human history.” <em>I’m making this mark on history, Levi. I will never have a child. This operation </em>is<em> my child. The basement is my legacy. You’ll never know the pain of that, and for that I hate you a little. </em>“I’ve put everything I have into this.” <em>Everything I am.</em> “This is my plan. Without me, it’s less likely to succeed.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Okay. You’re right. Without you, the operation could fail.” Levi did not budge from the door. His eyes were widening. Though he kept speaking in that monotone voice, Erwin could read him so easily. The man was getting angry. “And if you die? We’re fucked. That’s it for humanity. We don’t need your body as much as we need your brain, Erwin. Keep using it. Nothing’ll help humanity more than that.”</p>
<p>Damn the man. He didn’t know how wise he was. That was Levi all over, to know the truth and speak it and speak it until he moved the world. Erwin loved him so dearly for that quality, just as bitterly as he envied him. Levi’s body was his great contribution to the world. Even at his most athletic, Erwin could never hope to match the smaller man’s sheer talent. Erwin knew that his strategic mind was his great gift to the walls and the people within them.</p>
<p>If he were a good man, Erwin Smith would sacrifice any happiness in order to preserve humanity. But he wanted that basement. He wanted that reward. No one would deny him it. Not even the person he loved most.</p>
<p>“You’re wrong,” Erwin lied. “I can do the most good by joining in and—”</p>
<p>“Oi, oi, oi!” Levi barked. He reached out a hand to Erwin, the gesture of some ghoul from a crypt. His eyes were raw, gray fire. “You give me any more of that shit, I’ll break your legs. Break ‘em bad enough you’ll have to stay behind. Petra’ll have to help you hobble to the bathroom. She’ll have to help you wipe your own ass. You want to do that to her?”</p>
<p>Levi was defiance in human form. It was what had first amazed Erwin about the man. It was what had made Erwin greedy for the possibilities that defiance presented when properly harnessed. Taming this man completely… Erwin would never have that from the <em>real</em> Levi. That night with Philippe, with “Levi”, had been spectacular precisely because Erwin had finally mastered the man, even if only in his imagination. Only make believe. Erwin knew he had Levi’s loyalty—his love—but he would never have Levi’s complete submission.</p>
<p>In the end, Levi would capitulate to Erwin’s choices, whatever they were. But he would never fully acquiesce. Erwin wanted that vitality as much as he wanted Levi’s girl and his child and his life.</p>
<p>And Erwin…laughed.</p>
<p>Levi looked dumbfounded.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Erwin said quietly. “A wounded soldier should stay off the battlefield.”</p>
<p>Erwin could spend the day sitting with Petra, comforting her, taking comfort in her. None of the higher ups would regard him as a slacker or a coward. In fact, they’d think he was smart. Pixis had already hinted that Erwin was a dolt if he planned to go to Shiganshina himself. Erwin could spend the day with Petra, pretending for one bitter and sweet moment that she was his. That he had what Levi possessed, all of what he possessed. If he could not have Levi entirely, that was the next best thing. But…</p>
<p>“But you see,” Erwin said quietly. Honestly. “I have to be there.” He held Levi’s stunned gaze. “I have to be there when we learn the truth of this world.”</p>
<p>He needed to be the first one to know. He had paid in blood and broken hearts. It was his right.</p>
<p>Levi was shocked.</p>
<p>“It’s…that important to you?” he croaked in disbelief. <em>You could never understand me, Levi. You have something else in your life. You have a reason to live beyond shadows and ghosts and theories. You’re alive. I’ve been dead for years. </em>No. Erwin’s best friend could never understand him. Was Levi even truly his friend? Or was the man attracted to what he <em>perceived</em> Erwin to be? A god. A great man. If Levi knew the real Erwin, he would despise him. Erwin had always known that, but it hurt to be reminded. “It matters more than your legs?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Levi stepped forward. “More than humanity’s victory?”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes.</em>”</p>
<p>It was like watching a child learn that faeries don’t exist. Levi seemed to deflate.</p>
<p><em>Now you see what I am. </em>Erwin felt himself breaking apart, but he wouldn’t let the pain show. <em>I never cared about any of you. It was always for this one moment, Levi. It was always for me. I’m not a good man, and I never was. Good men—men like you—can’t understand monsters. You can only kill them.</em></p>
<p>If Levi hated him now, then good. Erwin needed no one. And no one needed him.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Levi said. It sounded like defeat. Utter defeat. He turned and opened the door, then spoke over his shoulder. “Erwin. I’ll trust your judgment.”</p>
<p>The door closed, and Erwin was completely alone.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>Such a bridal fire for thee shall be kindled as ne’er yet has burned for a bride! Threatening flames shall flare round the fell: let withering terrors daunt the craven!     Let cowards fly from Brunnhilde’s rock!                                                                        For one alone winneth the bride; one freer than I, the god!</em>
</p>
<p>Petra put the book down and rubbed her eyes. The sun had gone down a while ago, and the candles were starting to gutter. She had to be careful; they couldn’t just afford new candles whenever they wanted. She sat up in bed and glanced at the table. Levi still wasn’t back and it was now almost nine. She knew he wouldn’t be carousing at any bars; maybe he and Hange and Erwin were still going over last minute plans for Shiganshina. Petra felt a twinge of resentment that she wasn’t there for the meeting if so, but then again she wasn’t going to Shiganshina. She sighed, and gazed at the sleek metal box.</p>
<p>She knew what was in it, of course. She didn’t have to look to know it was the injection they’d taken from Rod Reiss. The one Kenny Ackerman had stolen. The one Kenny had given to Levi.</p>
<p>Petra had met Kenny in the underground, and even though she now knew he was Levi’s uncle she still hated the man passionately. Levi had gleaned something in the last minutes of Kenny’s life that Petra would never understand. She loved Levi enough to give him space to grieve the murdering bastard and to have some feelings of tenderness towards him. That didn’t mean Petra forgave Kenny a thing. He’d tortured her in the underground, and she was glad he was dead.</p>
<p>But Levi had sat at the table after Kenny died and gazed into the candle flame for hours. He’d mulled over what had passed between the two men at the last moments of his uncle’s life. Petra didn’t pry, but he’d told her a little about it.</p>
<p><em>Do you think we’re all slaves to something?</em> he asked. She hadn’t known how to answer.</p>
<p>Petra looked at the book again, opened back to the page.</p>
<p>
  <em>Thy brightly glittering eyes,</em>
  <em> that, smiling, oft I caressed</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>when valor won a kiss as guerdon,</em>
  <em><br/>when childish lispings of heroes' praise from sweetest lips has flowed forth:<br/>those gleaming radiant eyes that oft in storms on me shone,<br/>when hopeless yearning my heart had wasted,<br/>when world's delights all my wishes wakened,<br/>thro' wild wildering sadness: once more today, lured by their light,<br/>my lips shall give them love's farewell!<br/>On mortal more blessed once may they beam: on me, hapless immortal,<br/>must they close now forever.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Levi was right; Erwin’s books were a little more complicated than what she usually read. But she enjoyed the way the rhythm of the words made her think. She saw such spectacular images. And there was something so sad about the words that made her imagine Erwin in particular.</p>
<p>The door slammed open, and Petra dropped the book. Levi barged inside and kicked the door closed. He looked as contained as ever, but the energy around him was as raw as a lightning storm. Petra frowned.</p>
<p>“Levi? What is it?”</p>
<p>“Hmm? Nothing.” He ripped off his jacket, slammed open the cupboard, and hung his coat on a peg. He then whacked the door closed and collapsed into a seat at their table, kicking off his boots. He worked his jaw as he stared out the window into the darkness. He paid her no mind at all. Petra pushed back the sheets and stood before him.</p>
<p>“You know that’s not true. What is it?” Her heart beat faster. “Did something happen to Erwin?”</p>
<p>“Nah. Nah, he’s as fucking insane as ever. Gambling fuck.” Levi glanced at her, then at the bed. He noticed her book, and frowned, puzzled. “What’s that?”</p>
<p>“Erwin let me borrow it. It’s poetry.”</p>
<p>“Poetry?” He snorted. “Yeah. Yeah, Erwin’s real fuckin’ poetic.”</p>
<p>Petra took a chair and sat, laying her hand atop his. Levi made no move to shove her off or to take her hand. He just stared out the window into nothing.</p>
<p>“What did he do?”</p>
<p>“You know, I thought he was a reasonable guy.” Levi’s nostrils flared. She knew him; she knew he was doing his best not to turn the furniture over. Petra had no fear for herself. He would sooner kill himself than ever hurt her. But it pained her to see him like this.</p>
<p>She could guess what he meant.</p>
<p>“I tried to get him to stay behind, too,” she murmured. “I think he’s obsessed with that basement.”</p>
<p>“You think?” Levi grumbled. He got up and stalked to the bed, picking up the <em>Ring</em> as he paced back and forth across the room. “You think you know someone,” he grumbled. Then, “You think you know who you are cause you know who <em>he</em> is.”</p>
<p>“You’re not making sense.”</p>
<p>He threw the book onto the bed with violent force. Petra’s breath caught in her throat as Levi wheeled around and kicked their door. It shuddered so hard Petra feared the wood would split down the middle.</p>
<p>“Levi. What…?”</p>
<p>“When we were in the titan forest,” he said, the words wrenched as if someone were torturing them from his lips, “I wanted to go back and get the squad right away.”</p>
<p>Petra’s mouth fell open.</p>
<p>“I was going, and he said to stop and refill my gas and blades.”</p>
<p>“Yes. And you did.”</p>
<p>“I asked him…” Levi swallowed, his leg vibrating as he stared at the ceiling. “I said I had plenty. I asked him why. He said… He said it was an order. Just do what he said.”</p>
<p>Petra lost feeling in her arms for a second. He did not have to say anything more; she understood. If Erwin had told Levi that the female titan could still be out there, Levi would have rushed off without filling up. He would have leapt into danger to save his squad. Erwin had known that; he had kept that information from Levi in order to get him to replenish his blades.</p>
<p>He had hidden the truth, knowing that it could cost the others their lives.</p>
<p>“Levi… What…?”</p>
<p>“I said ‘okay, Erwin. I’ll trust your judgment.’ Trust your judgment. And now, I don’t know. I don’t know.” He paced back and forth again, a rat trapped in one of Hange’s mazes. “I don’t know if he cares about us at all.” The words were ripped from him. He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands.</p>
<p>“Why are you telling me this?” She felt ready to be sick.</p>
<p>“He knows… He knows him staying behind is the best chance humanity’s got. But he’s gotta be on the ground. He’s gotta be the first to see that fucking basement,” he hissed. Levi knotted his fingers together, stared at his hands. “I asked him…I asked if him seeing it was more important than humanity. Petra.” He looked at her; his eyes were molten, his expression lost. “He said yes.”</p>
<p>Petra was stuck in that forest of giant trees. She could see Oruo herding Eren through the forest to make the rendezvous. Levi had had the knowledge that could have saved her friends. He’d known killing the female was impossible given her level of skill and their level of information. If Eld and the others had known, they’d have run, not tried to kill her. Nifa, Gunther, Eld…Oruo. They’d be alive right now. Levi would have made it in time.</p>
<p>Erwin had <em>lied</em>. He had sacrificed Nifa, Gunther, Eld…and Oruo. Oruo, her oldest friend in the world. He’d been smashed like a bug…and Erwin had kept Levi from saving him.</p>
<p>She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t get enough air. Petra shook her head, clutched her stomach. She had a sharp pain that passed.</p>
<p>“That… The Commander… Erwin was just upset. I know him.” She swallowed to ease the tightness in her throat. “You know him, too, better than anyone. He cares about all of us. He’s given his whole life to the cause. He’s just excited.” She sat beside Levi on the bed and took his hands in hers. He let her, but was still stiff. “You can’t blame him for getting carried away in the moment. He doesn’t really mean that.”</p>
<p>Levi relaxed a bit, but was still lost in his thoughts. Petra kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“He moved the timetable up,” Levi grunted. “We’re going in two days.”</p>
<p>“What?” She dropped his hand in shock. No. No, that was… “But we were supposed to get married before—”</p>
<p>“Ah, <em>shit</em>.” Levi lay back on the bed, continuing to swear. Petra gaped at him in astonishment.</p>
<p>“You forgot, didn’t you? That we were getting <em>married</em>?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t forget the wedding! I guess I forgot what day it was. Sorry.” He kept grumbling as he rubbed his forehead. She knew him; Levi wasn’t lying. He was genuinely sorry…and he’d genuinely forgotten the date, even though it was mere days away. She understood he was doing this out of duty, not desire. He was never cruel about it, but he didn’t hide the truth. The truth made Petra want to cry a little.</p>
<p>“Why would Erwin do that?” she muttered.</p>
<p>“He couldn’t have known. Probably so jumped up and horny for that basement he wanted to get out on the field as soon as possible.”</p>
<p>“No.” Petra stared at him. “I told him earlier today, when you were all with Shadis. I invited him to the wedding.”</p>
<p>Levi sat up slowly. “You told him the date?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I said it was the day you all left. He knew what that meant.” Petra’s head began to hurt. “Why…I don’t understand why he moved the expedition up if that’s the case.”</p>
<p>Levi kissed her shoulder. “Baby, he’s a man. He doesn’t remember that shit. For fuck sake, I’m the groom and it slipped my own fucking mind.”</p>
<p>“Yes, let’s talk about <em>that</em>.”</p>
<p>“Come on, Petra,” he growled. “Erwin Smith’s got a lot of problems, but our wedding isn’t one.”</p>
<p>No. No, of course he was right. Petra wrapped her arms around him and soothed him. She told him what he needed to hear: that Erwin was passionate about humanity’s survival; that he’d spoken out of desperation, not truth; that she could visit the pastor tomorrow and ask them to move the wedding up by a day. By the time she was done, she could tell Levi hadn’t been convinced, but he had calmed down. She put the poetry away and lay down with him, held him and let herself be held.</p>
<p>But all that night, even in his arms, all she could think about was Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>Lying.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was the next day. Afternoon. The sky was fire outside, and his head was on fire within. Erwin sat behind his desk, the bottle of medicine half empty before him. He shut his eyes to try for some equilibrium. He’d been given some opium to help with the worst pain. This was the last day he could use it; he had to be alert tomorrow. Tomorrow could be his last full day on earth.</p>
<p>In a dark, sick corner of his soul, he hoped it would be. Everything hurt. The phantom limb tortured him. The ghosts berated him. His own unsatisfying life lay spread out before him as a taunt. The basement. He had to get to the basement.</p>
<p>When he was like this, high and sick, he thought bitterly about how much he <em>hated</em> the basement. It was like a fickle woman that obsessed him; it made his life a nightmare, and yet it was the only thing that could make him feel better.</p>
<p>He’d read once that the pursuit of something was sweeter than the thing itself. That getting what you earnestly prayed for gave more pain than being forever denied it.</p>
<p>He was in agony without, and if he received the blessing? Would the suffering abate? Or would it grow more acute?</p>
<p>
  <em>I hope I die.</em>
</p>
<p>He rubbed his face, cursed as his entire phantom limb was on fire for one brief instant. Was there no end to it? No end to the shame, and the hurt? Was there no real medicine in this world?</p>
<p>A knock came at the door, and Petra Ral entered.</p>
<p>Erwin sat straight up. In his drugged state, with the sunlight flaring all around her, she seemed surrounded by a ring of fire. Glorious. Beautiful. Untouchable.</p>
<p>“Wh-what… Petra. Hello,” he slurred. He fumbled for the bottle to hide it. She very sensibly picked it up, stoppered it, and placed it to the side.</p>
<p>“It’s all right. It’s only medicine,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“You should be with Levi.” Erwin had given everyone the day off. He’d imagined Levi and Petra would spend the day making final plans for the baby, or making love. He’d tried not to imagine that last one too much. His body ached; he wondered if he might make his way to Eugenia’s tonight, for a final caress from Justine. In total darkness, of course. Not in a ring of fire. Fire was for heroes, and he was no hero. Just a god.</p>
<p>“I will. Later on.” She came around the desk. He turned his chair to face her. The way she was looking down on him… “Sir. I have to ask you a question.”</p>
<p>“Sir? Erwin. We said—”</p>
<p>“Sir. Why did you move the expedition up by a day?” Her amber eyes were hurt. His blood froze in his veins, coward that he was.</p>
<p>“I received new information at the squad leaders’ meeting. I decided we needed to move as quickly as possible.”</p>
<p>“But you know…my wedding.” She cleared her throat. “You know Levi and I wanted to be married before he left.”</p>
<p>“I…” <em>I don’t have the strength to stand in a chapel and watch Levi attain you. I can’t watch your happiness, the both of you. I want to deny you, as I’ve been denied. </em>“I forgot,” he said simply. “Forgive me, Petra. I became excited and…I forgot.” Coward. He sighed, and smoothed back his hair. He wobbled a bit. “Were you able to reschedule?”</p>
<p>“No,” she said flatly. He could see now that this girl was mad. Furious, even. She wouldn’t yell at him; she respected his role. But he’d hurt her. Erwin had never seen scorn in her eyes before. It was glittering, sharp, and beautiful. “The pastor isn’t there today, and they’re booked up on weddings for the next morning and afternoon. I know you’re all leaving at sundown, so. Levi and I won’t be married before he goes.”</p>
<p><em>Good</em>. It was hateful. Erwin could not help the delight he felt at seeing her disappointment. He cared for the girl, loved Levi, and he was sick to the core at the sight of their joy. He couldn’t bear it. Not before he’d seen the basement. Once he had his heart’s desire, he’d be in a better place to see them attain theirs.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m a true devil, aren’t I?</em>
</p>
<p>“Petra, I’m so sorry. I got carried away by my own enthusiasm. I just…want to go—”</p>
<p>“To the basement,” she finished quietly. “I know.” The set of her shoulders loosened. Apparently he’d convinced her that he was simply a thoughtless man, not someone who hated the idea of her happiness. “Well, Levi should have mentioned it at the meeting. But he didn’t even think to.” She looked at his desk, almost embarrassed. “I wonder if he was relieved you were going early.”</p>
<p>“Levi will do his duty,” Erwin said, unsure what reaction was acceptable.</p>
<p>“That doesn’t mean he wants to, though.” Petra rubbed her eyes. Erwin realized she was struggling not to cry, and felt helpless.</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, sir. Erwin. I’m just scared. I’m really scared,” she gasped, and turned her back on him. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to hold her, to let her know that he understood. If he were to stay here, he’d be alone with her while the others risked their lives at Shiganshina. She would perhaps cling to him out of fear for her beloved. He could touch her.</p>
<p>He did not touch anyone these days. Not unless he paid for it, or, in the case of Anka, not unless neither of them much cared.</p>
<p>To touch Petra would be to absorb fire into his skin.</p>
<p>“He’ll be safe. He’ll come home to you,” Erwin said gently. Seeing her in such pain and fear, he suddenly hated himself for the pettiness he’d employed in canceling her wedding. “I won’t let him die.”</p>
<p>“Do you let people die on these missions?” She blurted it out, turning on him while wiping away tears. Something had triggered her; she was angry again. “Do you choose who dies?”</p>
<p>He didn’t understand, but he felt guilty all the same.</p>
<p>“I’m not a good man, Petra. A good man can’t afford to be in my position.” His head ached fiercely. He leaned an elbow on the arm of his chair, hid his face. He wanted to sleep, but even in his dreams he was confronted with himself. “I can only hope that every death has meaning. I fight to make certain that no one dies in vain. It’s not much, but it’s the best I can do.”</p>
<p>Silence. He could feel her anger burn out. He looked up as she knelt at his feet, so that she could more easily look him in the eye.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Erwin. I’m being selfish.” She looked ashamed.</p>
<p>“You’re a pregnant woman whose fiancé is going on the most dangerous mission in human history. You are the last person who should ever apologize, and especially to me.”</p>
<p>“Levi wants you to stay behind,” she said gently. Her hand touched his arm, briefly, but he felt it surge through him. “I want you to stay, too.”</p>
<p>“Do you?” His voice was hoarse.</p>
<p>“Yes.” She smiled. There was sunlight in that smile. She looked at him with warmth. He felt like a man. A wonderful feeling. Then she said, “You’re the best hope humanity has. We can’t lose you.”</p>
<p>We.</p>
<p>It was like a prayer to a god. Please, bless us and protect us. Please keep watch over us. They were words of adoration, spoken by people who saw something beyond human. Something that could not be touched.</p>
<p>“Ah.” His head felt like it was splitting open. He leaned forward, burying his face in his hand.</p>
<p>“Erwin?”</p>
<p>“Sorry. The pain.” His voice almost trembled. He felt her touch again, on his upper arm. She was close enough that he could feel her breath.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry! Do you need more medicine?”</p>
<p>“No.” <em>Please, keep touching me. I need it.</em> “Levi is still angry with me, I know.”</p>
<p>“He’s worried.”</p>
<p>“Because you can’t lose humanity’s future.” He could not stop bitterness from creeping into his voice.</p>
<p>“No.” She sounded chastened. “No, because he cares about you a lot. You’re his friend.”</p>
<p>Friend. If Levi knew that his ‘friend’ had wrecked his wedding to suit his own selfish inclinations… No, they weren’t real friends. Couldn't be. Erwin had shown Levi a glimpse of what he really was, and the other man had gone running. <em>I have no friends. I’m alone.</em></p>
<p>Except for her. This woman was real, and in front of him. So close…</p>
<p>“And you, Petra?” He shouldn’t, but he did. He looked up, met her fiery gaze. “Are you worried at all?”</p>
<p>“Of course I am.” She was all sincerity. All sweetness. She beamed at him. “I care about you. I want you to be all right.”</p>
<p>He wavered on the edge of a bad decision, and then let himself plummet. In the haze of his pain and his high, he noticed her eyes widen as Erwin leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.</p>
<p>It was drinking the sun. He felt her brightness inside of him, felt it envelop him. He could not remember kissing lips more delicate than these. She made a soft little noise of surprise when he kissed her, and he felt that sound shiver through him. Arouse him. Such a soft, gentle, feminine sound. There was nothing soft or gentle or feminine in his life. <em>Save me, Petra. Stay with me.</em></p>
<p>He moaned in his throat as he lifted a hand to cup the back of her head, as he kissed her again, opening his mouth to—</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>.”</p>
<p>She threw herself away from him, scrambled to her feet. She clutched the edge of the desk to help herself up, then hurried around it to have a barrier between the two of them. Erwin saw horror in her face. Utter shock. She hadn’t wanted it. Never would want it. She clutched at her throat, touched her lips as if to wipe his kiss away. He’d polluted her.</p>
<p>“Petra.” He should rise, but didn’t think he could move. “I…”</p>
<p>“No. I love him.” She shook her head, looked frightened. “I never meant to give you the impression… If I did, I’m sorry. But I don’t…want that.”</p>
<p>Look at the creature he’d become. A man high on painkillers, clumsily attempting to seduce the woman who loved his supposed best friend. If Erwin Smith had not hated himself before, if he had not seen just what a devil he’d become, then this moment was his awakening. He’d long fancied himself alone because he was more than common men. A god, yes. A cruel, sacrificial god, but a god nonetheless.</p>
<p>Now he saw what he truly was: a man hovering around middle age, a whoremonger who lusted after women who were too good for him. He was some goat, some lecherous satyr from the old myths who chased horrified woodland nymphs around, trying to rut with them.</p>
<p>
  <em>I want to die.</em>
</p>
<p>“Please. Please forgive me.” He got to his feet, and she shrank away. She feared him. He repulsed her. “I’m in pain. I’m on medication. I don’t know what I’m doing.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she said quickly.</p>
<p>“I’m…lonely,” he said, knowing as it left his tongue it was the wrong word. Petra winced, hid her face.</p>
<p>“Is this why you screwed up the wedding?” She glared at him now, all accusations. Erwin was too high and too miserable to present a convincing façade. She saw the truth. Her lip curled. “Oh my god.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not that. Not exactly. Listen.”</p>
<p>But she turned and ran. Petra raced out of his office, slamming the door behind her. Erwin sank back into his chair, stared at the ceiling as the afternoon sun disappeared and night came on.</p>
<p>Well. One good thing might come out of all this: Levi could kill him, and the suffering would finally end.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Maybe he shouldn’t have kicked those brats in the stomach, but he couldn’t get Erwin out of his mind. Levi carried a mug of ale out of the barracks, drinking it because they didn’t have any tea and he wanted something right now. He’d yelled at everyone to go to bed, even though it’d be wise for them all to stay up a little later. They were going to leave tomorrow afternoon and ride through the night; if they could sleep until at least noon tomorrow, that’d be good.</p>
<p>
  <em>Does it matter more than humanity’s future?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had looked at him with those goddamn blue eyes of his and he had said yes. He’d meant it. Petra could say what she liked, try to make gracious excuses, but she hadn’t seen what Levi had. Erwin meant it.</p>
<p>This dream of his mattered more than the lives of his comrades. Okay. Levi could understand such a thing when the dream was humanity’s future.</p>
<p>But it wasn’t. It was the basement. Erwin just wanted to <em>know.</em></p>
<p>Levi took a pull of beer and sauntered towards the back. The streets would be quiet at this time, the dinner hour. He could be by himself for a bit. Just thinking.</p>
<p>But even that wasn’t meant to be. He slowed down as he heard voices up ahead. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. The three of them, always together.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi, Furlan, and Isabel. Always together.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi winced. Maybe that was why he was such a soft touch with these brats in particular. The good old days. Back when Isabel had hung around him and laughed and cursed and called him her big brother. She’d been his little kid. He’d raised her…</p>
<p>She died. Levi shut his eyes, wanted to walk away.</p>
<p>“I guess humans are so different from each other because of times like this,” Armin said. Levi listened to them again. Yeah. They’d been talking about the virtues of teamwork or some shit. Eren was still hunched over a little from when Levi’d struck him in the solar plexus. Damn. Maybe Levi’d been too rough with the kid. But he couldn’t stop the anger.</p>
<p>
  <em>More important than humanity’s future?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi would kill to go back to his life before Erwin said those words. He just wanted to go back…</p>
<p>“When we retake Wall Maria and defeat our enemies, can we go back?” Mikasa asked softly. “Back to those days?”</p>
<p>The kid’s voice pulled him in. Levi set down his tankard of ale and put his back to the wall. He slid down to sit, listened. Pretty shit of him to eavesdrop on a private moment between friends, but he needed this. Petra was out, probably at her sister’s. Erwin was…whatever Erwin was. Levi just listened.</p>
<p>“Some things are gone forever,” Eren said. “They’ll have to pay for that.”</p>
<p>Right. Levi sank into the mire of Eren and Mikasa’s thoughts. He shared Mikasa’s yearning for things gone forever; he shared Eren’s anger.</p>
<p>Only Armin remained. He didn’t understand that kid.</p>
<p>“The sea. Remember? A giant lake filled with so much salt the merchants could never collect it all,” Armin said, wonder in his voice. “There’s more than titans outside the walls. Burning water. Lands made of ice.”</p>
<p>The kid’s voice pitched higher in excitement as he described fanciful, fairy tale nonsense that supposedly lay outside.</p>
<p>“I joined the Survey Corps so I could go outside and see all that!”</p>
<p>Levi smiled a little. Kid joined the Survey Corps to see all the beauty this world had to offer? There was no one like him. Not even Erwin.</p>
<p>Someone stepped out of the shadows, stood in front of him. Petra gazed past him out the door, listening as well.</p>
<p>“Let’s start by going to the sea!” Armin cried, bursting with excitement. “Saltwater that stretches to the horizon! There’s even species of fish there you can’t find anywhere else!”</p>
<p>Fish. Kid was ecstatic about fish.</p>
<p>Furlan used to read all those different books and talk about them for hours…</p>
<p>Levi waved her over, patted the space by his side. His girl gently sat beside him, rested her head on his shoulder. He smelled the lilac in her hair, and closed his eyes. He and Petra rested and listened to the kids.</p>
<p>“You believe me, don’t you?” Armin cried. “It’s out there! Just you wait!”</p>
<p>Eren laughed. It was a warm, genuinely happy sound. Rare for the fiery kid.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said.</p>
<p>“Okay! It’s a promise! No takebacks!” Armin cried.</p>
<p>“What are you two going on about now?” Mikasa sounded so fond. Petra grinned, nestled against him. It was peace. Her in his arms, the happy laughter of kids who still didn’t know all the world’s dirty tricks.</p>
<p>They loved one another, those three. It was more than comrades, more than friends. It was family.</p>
<p>Once, Levi’d known exactly what that felt like.</p>
<p>His girl kissed his cheek gently. His arm hooked around her waist, his hand tracing her pregnant stomach.</p>
<p>He’d like to think he could know that feeling again. Family. But…</p>
<p>But who the hell knew, anyway?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re looking better,” Petra said when they returned to the room. She smiled at him as she unbuttoned her blouse to get ready for bed. “Did you clear your head today?”</p>
<p>“Ah. Yeah.” Erwin was still bothering him, but the kids had soothed his soul. He didn’t want to weigh her down with his bullshit, anyway. Levi kissed her, cupped her naked breast in his hand. She wrapped herself around him, urged him toward the bed. “Wait.” He hated to say wait at a time like this, but it was important. “Guess we can’t get married tomorrow, huh?”</p>
<p>“No.” She sighed.</p>
<p>“I know you’re worried in case I don’t come back. I don’t want the kid to be a bastard. So.” He took a ring out of his pocket. It was a cheap brass ring, one he’d bought for a few coins at a stall, but it would do. Petra gaped in surprise, slipped it onto her finger. It fit well. “If I don’t come back, you can pretend. No one’ll dig into it. Brigitta can help cover for you; she’s a good kid.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She looked at the ring on her left hand. Huh. Weird to see her wearing a wedding band. His wedding band. “You know, you never actually asked me to marry you.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Gonna get sentimental on me, Ral? You know I hate that shit.” He gripped her hair and kissed her, but she laid a gentle hand on his chest.</p>
<p>“I guess I’d like to know,” she said slowly, “why you want to marry me.”</p>
<p>Ah, fuck. How was he gonna negotiate this?</p>
<p>“Because you’re pregnant and it’s good for the kid if we’re married.” He sighed. “I love you, you know. You’re the only person I’d ever marry.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” She looked distant. Weird, normally she’d be all over his ass prying words from his lips. “I love you, too. I’m…sorry you don’t want to marry me.”</p>
<p>Ah, fuck. “It’s not you. I don’t want to marry anyone. But I’ll marry you because it’s what you need. Marriage doesn’t mean shit to me, Petra. You know that.”</p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>“So I’m doing this because it’s important to you. I can’t help it if it’s not important to me, and I don’t want to pretend it is.”</p>
<p>Honesty. Blunt, surly honesty. His specialty. He took her face in his hands and kissed her.</p>
<p>“But I’ll love you until the day I die,” he said. “I won’t pretend otherwise.”</p>
<p>She smiled gently, kissed him. Accepted him.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the ring. It was thoughtful.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Well, Erwin got you the fucking bigass poetry <em>Ring</em>, so I figured you needed something more useful.” She stiffened in his arms. He frowned. “What’s wrong? Pet?”</p>
<p>“I’m…” She paused, then shook her head. She kissed his lips. “It’s nothing. I like your ring more than his,” she whispered. Levi grinned a little.</p>
<p>“Well, good. Got something else you can like.” He lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed.</p>
<p>Their lovemaking was slow and full. He tasted every inch of her skin, savored every thrust. She clung to him, her brow wrinkled, moaning as she rippled around him. They shared every breath, moved their hips in perfect unison. Sweat stung his eyes and beaded on the tips of his hair; sweat gleamed on her body. This time, he made it last as long as he could. He almost hated it when the orgasm crashed over him, because it meant their lovemaking time was getting shorter. Done, they lay tangled in each other’s arms. Maybe he didn’t want to marry this girl, because marriage was such a fucking joke. But the way he felt for her was no act. No joke.</p>
<p>“Remind me again what you’ll do when I’m in Shiganshina,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“I’ll wake up after a good night’s sleep and take a hot shower,” she began. She kissed him.</p>
<p>They kept kissing, and the plans fell by the wayside. He didn’t need to hear them again, anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’d eaten breakfast and lunch and rested every other minute. Levi had lain fast asleep in her arms for as long as he could. The hardest part of the whole mission was when the bells tolled five and he had to get up and get dressed. He lay on top of her, stroking her cheek as he thought about all the steps he’d have to take now without her near. He might never see these eyes again. Kiss these lips. She embraced him one more time, kissed him, and then all but kicked him out of bed to get dressed. Petra Ral understood him. She knew he needed her to remind him of his duty right now.</p>
<p>Levi got dressed in his uniform and went alone to meet Erwin and Hange and the other squad leaders. They saluted Zackley, Pixis, even fucking Nile. Levi clenched his right fist over his heart.</p>
<p>Erwin didn’t have a right fist any longer, so he used his left.</p>
<p>Fucker was going to be useless with only one arm…</p>
<p>
  <em>Worth humanity’s future?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi had to keep it together. He hadn’t spoken to Hange of this. He wouldn’t. Right now, she needed to believe that Erwin was the god they all knew him to be. Levi wouldn’t put this burden on anyone else.</p>
<p>Erwin didn’t try talking to him as they headed out. Good.</p>
<p>They arrived at the wall, where the horses were waiting to be lifted over on the elevators. The one big downside of being based in Trost was the fact that the fucking gate was plugged up forever. It made leaving on horseback a lot more fucking tedious. Erwin, Hange, and the other leaders went to assemble their troops.</p>
<p>Petra appeared, wearing that sky blue dress of hers. The sight of it alone relaxed him.</p>
<p>“Let me look at you,” he murmured.</p>
<p>She had tears in her eyes, tears she blinked away fast.</p>
<p>“I wanted you to have something to really remember,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Levi did not do the whole kissing in public thing. It was for assholes. But this one time, he forgot himself. He held her, he kissed her. He kissed her twice, three times. He held onto his girl and tried to imagine an alternate reality where he was leaving right now with no one to say goodbye to. Nothing to come home to.</p>
<p>What a sad son of a bitch he’d be.</p>
<p>“Wait for me,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Always. Here.” She took his right hand and laid it over her stomach. Petra grinned. “We’ll be right here, waiting for you.” Then, “Your Papa’s going to Shiganshina. He’s going to get Wall Maria back for you,” she said in a singsong voice.</p>
<p>Levi knew that Petra was pregnant. But something about hearing her actually talk to the growing kid…</p>
<p>It was…different. He patted her stomach. She wasn’t showing at all yet, but soon. Soon.</p>
<p>He’d be there to see it.</p>
<p>“Be good, I guess. Be good for your mom,” he muttered. Felt weird talking to Petra’s stomach. Kid could only be the size of a bean at this point. But soon, he’d grow.</p>
<p>It felt like—</p>
<p>“Levi. Your squad’s up.” Erwin appeared beside him. Petra kept gazing at the ground.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Okay.” He leaned in and kissed his girl one last time. “I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She squeezed his hand. He could feel the hard brass ring. “I’ll be here.”</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman looked at his girl, then turned around and headed to war.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Petra—”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t know. I’m not going to tell him.” She wouldn’t look at Erwin. Well, it was what he deserved. “You’ve got enough problems right now.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” It felt so cheap, like thanking her for not getting him in trouble with the teacher. Erwin winced. “I’m sorry for what I did.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Her voice gentled. “I know it’s not easy being you. I’m sorry. And I know that you’re the only one who can get him home safe.” She looked up at him with bright, angry eyes. “I know I shouldn’t say this, but that’s all I want. If you can’t take Shiganshina, and if everyone else dies, I just want him to come back.”</p>
<p><em>Everyone else.</em> He was among those acceptable casualties. He knew Petra would rather they all lived; but none mattered to her like Levi. That was love, wasn’t it?</p>
<p>He’d never know such love from her.</p>
<p>“He’ll come home to you.”</p>
<p>Not ‘I’ll bring him home.’ Petra seemed to notice the distinction. Her hard gaze softened.</p>
<p>“Take care of yourself. Please. Don’t die.”</p>
<p>“Humanity has a long way to go yet,” he said. Weary. “I can’t.”</p>
<p>“Not for humanity.” She smiled gently. “I don’t want you to die. So please don’t.”</p>
<p>It was forgiveness. Forgiveness he didn’t deserve. He could have fallen at her feet and kissed her hand, but she wouldn’t have liked it. Instead, Erwin Smith saluted her. She saluted back.</p>
<p>“Wait for us,” he said.</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>Erwin strode to the elevators with a renewed burst of energy. He stood on the rickety platform and rose a hundred feet into the air. He joined his Corps on the edge of the wall, looking down onto Trost one last time.</p>
<p><em>My hometown.</em> The last he might ever see of it.</p>
<p>And the streets were filling with people.</p>
<p>“<em>Haaangeee!</em>”</p>
<p>Hange, beside him, made a startled noise. “Flegel?”</p>
<p>Yes. It was. And more and more people joined the man, calling out for Levi, for Erwin. Thanking them. Telling them to take back Wall Maria. Celebrating them.</p>
<p>“Well, fuck. No one was supposed to know about this,” Levi grumbled. Erwin smiled. Apparently, ordering red meat from the Reeves Company for a special mission meant word would get around. He’d never seen crowds like these before. Not cheering ones, at least.</p>
<p>“Has the Survey Corps ever had a send off like this?” Marlena asked.</p>
<p>“As far as I know,” Erwin said, “it’s a first.”</p>
<p>He looked down on those uplifted faces. He heard their shouted words of hope and love.</p>
<p>In the middle of a crowd, he saw Petra in a blue dress. She gazed up at him, awestruck.</p>
<p>Fire swelled inside of him. Erwin lifted his fist to the air, and roared. Levi and Hange both regarded him like he’d lost his mind, but he didn’t care. He roared in triumph, and the crowd roared back.</p>
<p>He took that picture with him as he turned and pointed to the sunset. Eren and Mikasa gaped at him. Armin Arlert looked with wondering eyes.</p>
<p>“Commence the final operation to retake Wall Maria!” Erwin bellowed.</p>
<p>The horses and soldiers were lowered to the ground outside the wall. As the sunset faded, they mounted up and rode. They headed south, for destiny. For glory. For the basement.</p>
<p>For the first time in months, Erwin’s phantom limb did not hurt.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She stood there until the last cries faded on the other side of the wall, until the excited citizens of Trost cheered themselves out and walked away.</p>
<p>Petra touched her stomach.</p>
<p>
  <em>We’ll wait for you.</em>
</p>
<p>She stood in the shadow of the wall until night fell fully, then she went home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hadn’t slept well at all, and was relieved when dawn finally lightened the window. Petra slipped out of bed, tied on her robe, and walked the empty halls to the barracks showers. Normally at this time of day there’d be shouts and laughter, the younger soldiers messing around on their way to breakfast or to clean up. Petra stepped into the wooden stalls and undressed quickly. It was silent as a tomb in here.</p>
<p>
  <em>Bad choice of words.</em>
</p>
<p>She shivered as she yanked the chain, and the water rained down. She couldn’t spend a lot of time luxuriating here, since water wasn’t cheap. Most days you had three minutes and that was it. Today, because she was the sole occupant, she gave herself five.</p>
<p>Petra leaned a hand against the brick wall as the water drummed her back and plastered her hair to her face. Her stomach gurgled, and she winced when she fell to her knees and threw up. At least the shower washed it all away quickly, but Petra laid a hand to her cramping stomach. Ugh, the tension was killing her. She stood back up on shaking knees, turned off the water, toweled herself dry, and then returned to her room to dress properly.</p>
<p>She did as she’d promised Levi and put on the blue dress again. By now, the sun was getting up into the sky, and yellow rectangles of light stretched across her floor. Dust motes danced in the beams. Petra combed out her hair. She listened to the silence, and then the occasional note of birdsong outside.</p>
<p>Today people in the walls were going about their lives, haggling over groceries, raising children, plowing fields and opening shops. While they performed their normal routines, men and women were just approaching Shiganshina to seal the wall and take back their territory. Petra was well aware of what would happen if Erwin and the others did not succeed: humanity would have to make a choice between starting to kill one another and slowly starving to death.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why are they doing this to us?</em>
</p>
<p>Petra had asked Levi that one night, and he’d shrugged and said he couldn’t know. That was Erwin’s job, or Hange’s, figuring out the why. He was just a soldier. He did what he needed to do to fix the problem, and left the theory to smarter people.</p>
<p>That was the thing about Levi: he was the most extraordinary yet utterly ordinary man. Erwin… Petra sighed. For all his faults, many of which she’d only just seen, Erwin Smith was a visionary. He had been set apart from others, the same as Hange had. Their brains, their ideas, those made them unique. Levi had been born with a bloodline that gave him extraordinary physical abilities, true, but his tastes and basic desires were so normal. He and Mikasa were similar. If Levi had been raised on the surface, with a normal family, he and Mikasa would probably have been just alike. He liked clean houses and tea times and schedules. Those were his natural instincts. Everything about Levi that was odd had all come about because of odd pressures applied to him as a child.</p>
<p>Levi was like a shopkeeper forced to become a thug lord. The contradiction was one of the things Petra found, frankly, most adorable about him.</p>
<p>And now he was…in Shiganshina. Petra glanced out the window again. Yes, the sun was climbing high. It had to be almost eight o clock, which was around the time Hange had calculated they’d arrive. So. It was starting. No turning back now.</p>
<p>Petra did as she’d promised Levi. She boiled two eggs, toasted some bread, and brewed her tea from Mitras. She sat in the empty dining hall and ate her breakfast. Even her chewing sounded loud here. Petra knew that Zackley and the others would be waiting for the news upstairs. She could join them, but she felt odd. They all knew her reason for remaining. They knew she was pregnant, and she swore Zackley had been giving her looks that ranged between contemptuous and flat out dirty. She didn’t want to punch the high commander of the military in his stupid face, so she tried to avoid him when she could. Not to mention if the rumors about that…<em>machine </em>of his were true, Petra didn’t want to spend time picking through the man’s brain. At least Pixis was there; the man was eccentric, but kind.</p>
<p>Petra chewed slowly as she looked at the multiple tables, the empty benches. About a hundred souls had ridden away from her yesterday. Petra’s stomach lurched as she remembered that not all of them would come back. Every time there was an expedition, she looked at her comrades and wondered which of them was going to die. In her three years with the Corps, Petra could count on one hand the times they’d gone beyond the walls and suffered no casualties. And Shiganshina…</p>
<p>There was no way they were all coming home. She hoped that Eren, Mikasa, and Armin would at least return. She was fond of the kids, and after listening to them last night she found she couldn’t bear the thought of anything tearing apart that connection.</p>
<p>And Levi…</p>
<p>She couldn’t think about it. She could only sip her tea, close her eyes, and try to picture him.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p><em>Easy, girl. Steady.</em> His horse did not disappoint; she never did. Levi stood on the saddle as they galloped towards the city gates. Taking a deep breath, he timed it perfectly, shot his hooks, and took off into the air.</p>
<p>It was starting. Levi felt the tug beneath his ribs, same as he’d feel the tug of his ODM cables. Whatever this was, it was starting.</p>
<p>Defeat or victory. Life or death. Only two options now. Levi liked it when things were simple.</p>
<p>He soared into the air and could see the city spread out below. Far in the distance, he could see the exploded gate, through which Bertholdt had shoved that colossal foot of his. Levi saw church towers that had toppled, boulders scattered throughout the city like normal debris. Houses that had been crushed. The shattered remnants of toys and furniture, of people’s lives. All those lives, snuffed out.</p>
<p>Those bastards. Those shitty bastards. So what if they’d been literal children when they did this? Fuck, how <em>had</em> literal children done this? Who was behind them? Who was the enemy?</p>
<p>Focus. Calm.</p>
<p>Petra should be sitting at a table in her blue dress now, eating breakfast. The sunlight would turn her hair to fire. Good. He felt better.</p>
<p>Levi started running along the wall to get into position, and he saw Eren Jaeger just standing there staring out at his old hometown. The kid looked lost, his mouth agape. Levi understood; he didn’t blame the kid. He might’ve done the same if it were his hometown, and if he had even the slightest fond feeling for it. But they had a job to do.</p>
<p>“Don’t stop!” Levi shouted at the brat. “Get to the outer gate!”</p>
<p>The kid startled and took off. Good. As Levi sped across the wall, he felt that prickle of unease against his scalp. It wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right. It…</p>
<p>The titans.</p>
<p>Where the fuck were they?</p>
<p>There’d been none as they entered the city. None remained toddling through the streets. It was quiet as hell in here. While Levi would’ve liked to think that it was just pure luck, that the titans had eaten all the people and moved on into the rest of the territory, he knew titans well enough to know that wasn’t possible. Titans didn’t need to hunt. They just existed. They hung around, waiting for some action to pick up. There <em>should</em> be titans in Shiganshina. He landed beside Hange.</p>
<p>“How?” She gaped. “There isn’t a single titan in the area.”</p>
<p>No shit. Levi sighed.</p>
<p>“We played right into the enemy’s hands,” he grumbled. It was true. If there’d been some titans just ambling around, he might’ve believed this would be a simple trip. Fix the gates, go home. But this area had been deliberately cleared. The battlefield had been set.</p>
<p>It was going to be a long, bloody day.</p>
<p>
  <em>Right now, Petra’ll be drinking her tea and thinking about a walk through town.</em>
</p>
<p>It gave him some clarity. It calmed him. Fuck, if she’d been here right now he’d have been out of his skin with worry. The baby was good for one thing at least.</p>
<p>“We have to press on,” Hange said. She was right.</p>
<p>Levi turned as a flash appeared. He wasn’t afraid. He knew it’d be Eren. And he knew Eren was closing the front gate.</p>
<p>Hopefully the whole day would be this easy…but he knew it wouldn’t.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra had thought she’d sit in her room all day and read, but she couldn’t look at that book any longer. Just the sight of it made her remember Erwin kissing her.</p>
<p>She walked through the streets, hands in her pockets. She couldn’t believe he’d done that. That is, she could believe he’d been in pain and exhausted and desperate; she felt sorry for him in that way. But he was the commander; he was Levi’s friend; he was such a good, steady man…</p>
<p>
  <em>Did we ever really know him?</em>
</p>
<p>Yes. Petra shook her head. Erwin Smith was a strange man, a secretive man, but he was a good man. He’d saved humanity again and again. He’d…</p>
<p>He’d potentially saved Levi’s life. Petra sat down on a bench, feeling the ground spin. Erwin had known Levi would leap into danger to save his squad. Erwin had known that Levi leaping at the female titan could get him killed.</p>
<p>Erwin had condemned Nifa, Eld, Gunther, and Oruo to death for Levi’s sake. Because Levi was the best. Because he was Humanity’s Strongest. Because he was worth a hundred soldiers.</p>
<p>Because Erwin loved the captain.</p>
<p>Erwin hadn’t meant to save Levi for Petra’s sake, but she was fervently glad he had done it. If Levi had died as well…Petra might have simply crumpled to the ground and never gotten up. She couldn’t have lost the guys, Oruo, Nifa, and Levi in the same instant.</p>
<p>She owed Erwin Smith everything. In return, in a moment of weakness, he’d kissed her. Maybe that in itself wouldn’t have upset her so much—she hadn’t wanted it, but she could’ve understood it as a clumsy moment. But he’d deliberately ruined her wedding. Why? Was it simply because he couldn’t stand Levi’s happiness when he, Erwin, was so obviously miserable?</p>
<p>Her stomach tightened. She laid a hand to it, soothed the baby.</p>
<p>Yesterday, she’d seen a broken man. A drowning man clutching at her like a tree branch suspended over the river. Couldn’t she forgive him?</p>
<p>At the very least, it was good she hadn’t told Levi. Petra wiped sweat from her forehead. It was too hot out here. She ought to visit Brigitta, then go back to the barracks.</p>
<p>She got to her feet, wishing the day would pass. Wishing that it wouldn’t. The longer they spent there, the better the chance something would happen.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin watched his soldiers on the wall, tapping and tapping, hunting for Reiner and Bertholdt.</p>
<p>The wall inspection had been Armin’s idea. Erwin felt a certain type of pride when talking to the boy. If he’d had a son, he would have liked it to be like Armin. Sensitive but sharp, observant and wonderfully logical, yet also a visionary. In another life, maybe Erwin would have liked to <em>be</em> someone like Armin. Someone with dreams. Someone without pain.</p>
<p>Enough of this. He scanned the city streets, looking for any sign of the two boys. Wondering if that beast titan thing was going to arrive.</p>
<p>Erwin hadn’t seen it yet. The idea of it actually gave him nightmares. He did and didn’t want it to appear.</p>
<p>Also…the beast titan’s footprints had been found near Mike’s body. Rather, what little had remained of Mike’s body. Erwin remembered when it was confirmed Mike had died. Erwin had been out of it for a while after losing his arm, and then there’d been the uprising, but soon after that he, Levi, and Hange had all sat around Erwin’s table silently drinking. They’d stayed together all night, barely saying a word. It had been a silent memorial for the fourth corner of their particular square.</p>
<p><em>The fuckers</em>, Levi had said. Erwin knew what he meant. The fuckers, the titans had killed Mike Zacharias. The second strongest man alive. How? And how dangerous was this world?</p>
<p>Erwin wished to hell Mike were here now, and Nanaba. Why had almost all of his best soldiers been killed?</p>
<p>
  <em>Because you gambled their lives away.</em>
</p>
<p>He shut that voice out and kept watch on top of the wall. Besides, not all of his best were dead. Levi and Mikasa were still here. Hange. And Petra…was home.</p>
<p>He hated to do it, but he thought of her again in that blue dress, watching them with wondering eyes as they left. Watching Levi.</p>
<p>Was it just Erwin’s fate to be attracted to the women his best friends loved? Perhaps it was pathological.</p>
<p>Levi shot by on his cables, touched down on the wall, and ran past Erwin. He was utterly absorbed in his mission now. The sight of him in motion gave Erwin tremendous peace. If Levi was on the move, they had a chance.</p>
<p>It was why Erwin had sacrificed Levi’s entire squad back in the forest. It was why, as shaken as he’d been to hear Petra sob for them, he’d do it again in a heartbeat. Anything to preserve Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’d have killed you too, Petra. I need him. Humanity needs him.</em>
</p>
<p>Grimly, Erwin thought how he couldn’t much tell himself and humanity apart anymore.</p>
<p>“Here!”</p>
<p>A flare erupted. Erwin’s heart picked up pace. One of the soldiers was hanging by the wall, clanking his sword against it.</p>
<p>“There’s a hollow spot here!”</p>
<p>Then, as the Corps watched, part of the wall…shifted away. Reiner Braun emerged…and stabbed the soldier through the stomach.</p>
<p>Erwin felt time freeze as the young man, Reiner, glared up at his former teammates with such fuming hatred.</p>
<p>And there it was. The first fatality. Erwin’s dream of a quick, easy day had ended. Though even now, horrible as it was, this murder was better than waiting. The longer they waited, the more time the enemy had to prepare.</p>
<p>Armin Arlert made a horrified noise, confronted with his old “friend” again. Reiner, the beefiest, burliest sixteen-year-old Erwin had yet seen, glared up at the boy. At the Survey Corps.</p>
<p>And then, sleek as lightning, Levi shot down the wall and stabbed Reiner deep in the throat.</p>
<p>Incredible. Erwin hadn’t even seen him start to move. Levi was brutal poetry, his every movement slick and dreadfully certain. Pride flared inside of Erwin.</p>
<p>
  <em>My captain. My soldier. My friend.</em>
</p>
<p>A pleasant fiction; he knew Levi would despise the real him. But it was nice to pretend.</p>
<p>Levi chased Reiner down the wall as the boy fell. Erwin held his breath. No way anyone could survive this, not even a titan shifter. Levi had all but severed the head. Erwin walked to the edge, looked down, and saw Levi and Armin hanging from their cables, Reiner’s body lying on the ground—</p>
<p>“<em>Dammit!</em>” Levi wailed. And Erwin knew, grimly, it was not a fatality.</p>
<p>Erwin startled when a hot flash of light erupted below them. The armored titan lay upon its back.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s all right. We’ve found one of them.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin flung out his arm. “Check all around! Capture any other enemies and—”</p>
<p>
  <em>BOOM.</em>
</p>
<p>It was as if someone had set off dozens of fireworks behind him. So many transformations that they created a wind Erwin felt on the back of his neck.</p>
<p>He knew what he’d find when he turned. Hundreds of yards away, it emerged.</p>
<p>There <em>it</em> was. The beast.</p>
<p>It resembled some horrorshow combination of an ape and a man, only taller than either should ever be. And around it stood a small army of titans.</p>
<p>Erwin thought again of those people in Ragako village. Transformed into monsters.</p>
<p>
  <em>How are you doing this? Who is the enemy?</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin watched, numb, as the beast titan hoisted up a boulder the size of the one that now plugged Trost district. He was stupefied when the monster launched the boulder with nearly the same great speed as a bullet traveling from a gun. Amazing. What an arm…</p>
<p>Erwin watched as the boulder smashed into the gate, blocking their escape. Trapping them. The beast and his cohorts would come for them, pick them off one by one.</p>
<p>Erwin could have smiled. He swore the monster, far away as it was, smiled as well. This was it. The end.</p>
<p>
  <em>Death or the basement. Which would be nicer?</em>
</p>
<p>“Let’s finish this,” Erwin said to his soldiers.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Are you listening to me?” Brigitta sounded irritated.</p>
<p>No. Petra wasn’t. She was standing here staring at a small carton of blackberries. Brigitta had picked up some potatoes for dinner, and was chatting to Petra about how she should come tonight and bring Levi when he returned home from the survey. Except that there was no way Levi would be home for dinner, and she had no idea when or if he’d be home at all.</p>
<p>So she stood there, thinking about what was going on in Shiganshina right now, and not listening to her sister.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Petra blinked. Brigitta rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“I know you wish you could be with them, but it’s just a standard mission. Levi will be fine.”</p>
<p>Apparently news in Trost hadn’t traveled that fast. Either that, or Edvard hadn’t told her.</p>
<p>Well, why not? If Flegel Reeves knew, her sister could know.</p>
<p>“I need to tell you something.” Petra picked up the carton of blackberries. When she went for her purse, the stallkeeper put out his hand.</p>
<p>“Y-You’re Survey Corps, right?” he asked. It wasn’t unusual for them to be identified by sight, especially not these days. Petra nodded warily. “That’s on the house. For what you’re all doing.”</p>
<p>Brigitta looked confused. Normally, the Corps was met with polite scorn, even after the uprising. Petra guessed this man had been part of the cheering crowd yesterday afternoon.</p>
<p>“Um. Really?” Brigitta asked. Petra didn’t feel like arguing, so she took the berries with thanks.</p>
<p>“I need to tell you what’s really going on,” Petra said quietly. Her stomach cramped.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra had been right. They were going for the horses. In fairness, Erwin had acknowledged the possibility, but she’d been so certain.</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra. I wish you were here. I’m glad you’re not.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin thought and thought as the armored titan climbed the wall behind them, as the ring of titans glared up at them. No way out. Total annihilation.</p>
<p>Not yet. He had to save his soldiers. He had to see the basement.</p>
<p>He had to save them.</p>
<p>The basement.</p>
<p>Erwin took a sharp breath.</p>
<p>“You ready to talk? I coulda had breakfast during the wait,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>Erwin gave the orders: Squads Dirk and Marlena to the inner gate, Squads Levi and Hange to the armored titan. But as Levi started to head off, along with Armin, Erwin stopped them. He had a leadership assignment for Armin, but for Levi…</p>
<p>“Protect the horses,” he said. Levi understandably looked a bit baffled. <em>Petra would be happy; it was her idea.</em></p>
<p>“I need to protect the <em>horses</em>, not Eren?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Because they needed a strong deterrent, and… “You’re the only person I can trust,” Erwin said, pointing with his sword, “to kill <em>that</em>.” The beast titan. It sat there in utter calm, grinning at Erwin with those horrible ape teeth. Why was the thing so frightening to look at? The fur, or the fangs?</p>
<p>No. The intelligence in those glassy red eyes. Erwin did not know why, but he got the shuddering impression that this beast thing was as smart as he. Perhaps smarter.</p>
<p>“Understood,” Levi said gruffly. “I’ll make up for failing with the armored brat earlier. I’ll take that beast’s head off its body.”</p>
<p>He raced away, leaving only a nervous Armin Arlert behind.</p>
<p>“Sir?” Armin said.</p>
<p>The boy was only fifteen, and entirely too gentle. But there was something in the depths of his eyes that Erwin could read as extraordinary. High risk, assigning seniority to one this young. But also, high reward.</p>
<p><em>At least they have you, Armin,</em> he thought. <em>They’ll all need you. </em>Why he thought that, he could not say.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>God, these brats were going to get themselves killed.</p>
<p>Levi spun and sliced down a shortass titan while the kids squealed in terror. Fuck, if this’d been only a couple months ago, if he’d had Eld and Gunther and Oruo on his side, and Nifa and Nanaba and Mike, they might’ve handled this a lot better. They might’ve stood a real chance.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck the past. Move forward.</em>
</p>
<p>“Kill the runts now!” he barked to the stupefied children on the ground. “Hurry, before the beast makes a move. And don’t you dare die!”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir!” they chorused. Tch.</p>
<p>The weak died so fast, didn’t they? Levi glared up at the small speck on the wall that was Erwin. They were both strong, weren’t they? Made sense, then, why they were still alive. Weak usually meant good. Him and Erwin, they were strong men.</p>
<p>Levi glared.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin remembered the time Levi had tried to kill him. He thought of it as he gazed down at the speck on the roof that was Levi.</p>
<p>It was just after Furlan and Isabel had died. Mad with grief and rage, Levi had attacked him. And Erwin had lied to the man. Asked Levi to dedicate his heart to the cause. To destroy the monsters that had taken his family away.</p>
<p>He remembered the look of wondering awe that had stolen over Levi’s face that day, and in that moment Erwin had thought <em>he is mine now.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I lied to him. I used their deaths to make him follow me.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had lied to all of them. He saw it now. Could accept it. He’d slaughtered his friends, Levi’s friends, Petra’s friends, Mike, Nanaba, everyone.</p>
<p>He’d acted in the uprising not out of a sense of patriotism or fear for the people, but so he himself would not die at the end of a rope. Zackley himself had said it. And Zackley, disgusting pig though he was, was right.</p>
<p>Erwin looked off the edge of the wall, but this time he saw no endless drop. He saw a mountain of corpses. And directly beneath his boot, Mike and Nanaba, looking up in quiet judgment.</p>
<p>His mind should be with his comrades, and his plans and fear for them.</p>
<p>Instead, he thought, <em>The basement. Even if all hope is lost, maybe I can run to Eren’s house and break into the basement. Even if it’s my last action… Even if it doesn’t help humanity at all…</em></p>
<p>Erwin knew then what kind of man he was, and that he wasn’t worth saving.</p>
<p>When he heard the thunder spears go off, he didn’t flinch.</p>
<p>When eventually Bertholdt landed in Shiganshina proper and exploded into his colossal titan form, Erwin could not be shocked or afraid. He had passed beyond fear now. He had only misery.</p>
<p><em>How many comrades did I just lose?</em> The thought dazed him. Hange had been down there…</p>
<p>One of his best friends, and he was too shocked to feel.</p>
<p>Erwin looked to the grinning beast titan out in that open field.</p>
<p>“So. Is it all going according to your plan?” he croaked.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi breathed heavily, wiping down his face as he stood atop the roof and gazed at that fucking beast titan piece of shit in the distance. As he caught his breath, Dirk arrived.</p>
<p>“Got my side,” Dirk said. “We’re cleaning up, but how are we supposed to take down that titan?”</p>
<p>Fucker wouldn’t come at them. It just liked sitting there on its ass.</p>
<p>“We got a coward here,” Levi grumbled. “Never grew a set of balls.” Dirk told him to rest and flew off. Levi took the moment to glance back at the wall, and the pillar of smoke rising from behind it.</p>
<p>Bertholdt had exploded, but not right away. Had Hange and the others…?</p>
<p>Fuck this. He was going to lose a lot today, but he wasn’t going to lose his best friend. One of his two best friends, that is, the one whose motives he never needed to guess. Levi debated whether or not to head back to the wall when the world around him exploded.</p>
<p>Mere bullets couldn’t do this kind of damage. It was like cannon fire, but on a massive scale. The bell tower behind him shattered with a brassy clang. Levi winced as the debris—shards of rock hurtling at a murderous velocity—miraculously avoided him. Only some smaller pebbles struck, and those were painful as shit. Levi winced, and ahead he saw…</p>
<p>Mists of blood. The air was filled with red vapor.</p>
<p>Dirk. He’d literally spoken to him thirty seconds ago and—</p>
<p>“<em>You guys!</em>” Levi screamed, leaping into the air and taking off. Levi’s heart was thunder in his ears. Ahead, he could see it, that beast piece of shit picking up another boulder and grinding it to pebbles. Readying to hurl it at them again; it was like a million rifles going off in their faces at once.</p>
<p>And he heard…that thing talking to itself. The grumble came across the bloody field. Levi couldn’t make it all out, but he was pretty sure he caught the words <em>perfect game</em> in there.</p>
<p>Game. Fucking game.</p>
<p>If there was even one person alive, even if they were maimed beyond being helpful, he’d drag them out. He’d get them out of there. They didn’t deserve to die like this. As awful as Annie Fucking Leonhardt had been, as much as she’d played with her prey like some evil fucking cat, she’d only wiped out a few of them at a time. This beast was killing tens of them in a single instant. Without breaking a sweat. What was this fucking…?</p>
<p>
  <em>What’d you do to Mike, you fucker?</em>
</p>
<p>Levi heard someone up ahead, someone groaning. He could get to them. Save them. He…</p>
<p>Couldn’t.</p>
<p>The hail of rocks came at them again, and Levi had to kill his engine and fall into an alley between houses for shelter. He smelled blood, the spray of it when the rocks hit his comrades. Whoever had been alive was now beyond saving.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin, I’m going to kill that beast piece of shit somehow. Thank you for ordering me to do it.</em>
</p>
<p>So many of them had been kids. Most only fifteen. Levi stood there in the alley, teeth bared, trying to center himself. If Petra’d been here…</p>
<p>She either would’ve been in this spray of death, or on the other side of the wall with the colossal and armored. Thank fuck for that stupid baby. It was his one mercy today.</p>
<p>Okay. Time to get whoever was left. Levi took off in the opposite direction, praying he had enough time to get out of range and warn the others to move the fuck back with the horses. He found the kids scrambling around. One of them, some redhead boy, was lying on the ground sobbing and shaking. Levi gripped his collar in frustration, hauling him to his feet.</p>
<p>“Do you want to die here? Move!” he shouted. Fuck, what was this guy’s name? Flick? The kid needed to get the fuck up and—</p>
<p>“It’s the commander!”</p>
<p>Erwin landed on the ground, his empty sleeve flapping ridiculously.</p>
<p>“How’s it going over there?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“Could not be worse,” Erwin replied.</p>
<p>Oh, fuck the world. This side of the wall, the beast was blowing them all to hell. On the other side, the colossal titan was burning the shit out of everything. Even if they managed to run from both, they couldn’t take the horses, which meant they were dead.</p>
<p>Dead. They were dead no matter what they did.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re gonna have to raise that kid alone, Petra.</em>
</p>
<p>So he really had kissed her for the final time. Yesterday was the last time he would ever see her face. Levi felt a sick flutter of relief. He’d been waiting for her to die, to be taken from him, but it was the other way around. Now <em>he</em> was leaving her behind. It would be hard for her and the baby, but Levi was awful enough that he found solace in the fact that this time he wouldn’t have to be the one to suffer loss.</p>
<p>Except…</p>
<p>If they didn’t do this, if they didn’t win today, Petra and the baby were going to be trapped behind the walls as these titan freaks moved in. And Levi wasn’t about to allow that.</p>
<p>“What about Hange?” Levi grunted when Erwin was done laying out all the terrible shit against them. “Eren?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Erwin said evenly. “Most of them must have been hit by the blast. Our losses are enormous.”</p>
<p>Hange. Was she dead? Strange, after all the casualties they’d suffered recently, Levi had never imagined the gangly woman could be among them. There was something about Hange that, bizarre as she was, seemed built to last.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s probably dead.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi hated these titan bitches. He hated them worse even than he’d hated Annie Leonhardt that day. Here he was, Humanity’s Strongest, and all his comrades were getting knocked down around him. By this point, over half of them were dead, and it’d only been a few hours.</p>
<p>“As of now,” Erwin said to the assembled kids, “the Survey Corps appears to consist of you recruits, Captain Levi, and me.”</p>
<p>The kids gaped at Erwin like he’d chopped his remaining hand off and was waving it around like a puppet show.</p>
<p>Levi could only stare up at Erwin as the next barrage of rocks found them. The whizz of stones, the rumble of houses exploding when the projectiles hit, the screams of the kids…they faded into background noise. Levi just kept staring right in Erwin’s face. The taller man regarded him with equal coolness. Neither of them was freaking out.</p>
<p>“Erwin,” Levi said evenly. “Do you have some kind of plan?”</p>
<p>A plan would mean they could still stop these bastards. A plan would mean some of them would survive. A plan would mean going back to Trost and into Petra’s arms.</p>
<p>But Erwin said nothing.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra woke up gasping, slick with sweat across her chest and forehead. It was so damn hot in here. She kicked the blanket away and sat up, feeling woozy. After returning from Brigitta’s, the baby had demanded a nap. She’d tried, but rest had evaded her. All she could dream of was screaming, blood, and Levi hurtling into a vast abyss.</p>
<p>What time was it? Past noon by now. Maybe the mission was all over and they were on their way home. Maybe they’d be there by sundown tonight.</p>
<p>It was a nice dream that wouldn’t come true.</p>
<p>
  <em>I wish I could have kissed him just one more time. I wish I’d told him I love him one more time.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra poured water into the washbasin and splashed her face, toweled off, then slid back into her dress. Maybe she should go upstairs to the main floor, where the commanders would still be waiting.</p>
<p>When Petra had told Brigitta the full truth of what was happening, her sister had burst into tears and hugged her. <em>I’m so glad you’re pregnant</em>, she’d whimpered. <em>I know… I know you would’ve been…</em></p>
<p>Killed? Brigitta hadn’t said it, but it’d been obvious.</p>
<p>Levi would be killed in her place. Petra felt sick at the thought, and wobbled out the door and up the stairs to the main offices. She walked the halls, watched the afternoon sunlight glow in patches across the carpeted floors.</p>
<p>“Petra?”</p>
<p>Anka came over, Pixis’s aide. Petra didn’t spend a lot of time with people in the Garrison, but she’d seen Anka around a few times. The taller girl smiled, looked bemused.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d be in Shiganshina right now.”</p>
<p>“I would have been.” Petra blushed. “I’m…a little pregnant right now.”</p>
<p>Anka’s eyebrows lifted in shock. “Oh? Whose is it? The Commander’s?”</p>
<p>Petra felt her face grow incredibly hot.</p>
<p>“I’m kidding. Sorry.” Anka laughed easily, and then motioned her along. “Come, tell us about it. Rico and I are having some tea. It makes a break from trying to take Commander Pixis’s flask from him every five minutes. Though I suppose he’s allowed a little comfort right now.”</p>
<p>They all could use some comfort, and Petra could use some tea. She liked Anka as company, and…well, Rico was a little on the cold side, but better her than Zackley.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Petra walked alongside Anka, listening to the other girl’s light, easy small talk. Petra, though, remained locked in her head. Even if it was all a nightmare in Shiganshina right now, even if Levi was already dead, she wished she could know. Better knowing the worst than sitting around in suspense for the rest of the day. And maybe into the next.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. What’s happening?</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The second Eren’s titan landed on the lip of the wall and laid there like a crushed bug, Levi knew they were fucked. While the kids kept screaming, he and Erwin stared at the limp titan. It would’ve been fucking funny if it weren’t so depressing.</p>
<p>No time to panic, or cry. There was only one thing to do now.</p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye, Petra.</em>
</p>
<p>“Go wake Eren’s ass up and ride him out of here,” Levi grunted to Erwin. The commander did not react in any particular way. Levi had never seen the man so collected. Tch.</p>
<p>“What about you?” Erwin asked calmly.</p>
<p>“I’ll kill the beast titan. Like you said.” Levi rubbed his jaw.</p>
<p>“You’ll die. You’ll never get near him.”</p>
<p>“Probably. But as long as you and Eren make it, there’s still hope.” Even though Erwin had thoroughly crushed Levi’s damn spirit a couple days ago, it was undeniable that he was the real savior of humanity. Levi, for all his strength, couldn’t do what Erwin and Eren could. “Do me a favor,” Levi muttered. He couldn’t meet Erwin’s gaze. “Take care of Petra. Look after her.”</p>
<p>Erwin stared at Levi. He seemed to be calculating something. Creepy bastard; Levi hated when he did that stony silence thing.</p>
<p>“Honestly, we’re all probably gonna die here,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“I would abandon you, go back, and look after Petra,” Erwin said slowly, “if we truly had no means to counterattack.”</p>
<p>Levi’s heart gave a great leap in his chest. When Erwin got ‘that look’, it meant things were possible again.</p>
<p>“We can fight back?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Levi could have hugged Erwin and also kicked the shit out of him.</p>
<p>“Why the fuck did you stay silent? Why the fuck do you have that shitty look on your face?” he snapped.</p>
<p>“If my plan succeeds, you may indeed take down the beast titan,” Erwin said. He sighed, never taking his eyes from Levi’s. “But the recruits and I must sacrifice our lives to make it happen.”</p>
<p>Behind Levi, more houses exploded. He didn’t hear a thing.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had known it might come down to this, but he had not wanted it. He had searched for every possible option, every other route. Erwin had prayed to no one and begged himself to find some other method of success. But now, the path to victory was open, and deadly. Erwin would coax the last remaining troops onto the field, lead them in a suicide charge, and while that beast murdered them all Levi would come up from behind and slaughter the bastard.</p>
<p>Erwin would have a hero’s death, leading the charge on the front line. And at the last gasp, he would die without ever knowing…</p>
<p>“…what’s in the basement,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Levi blinked. “Huh?”</p>
<p>Erwin was just…tired. He was done with the pretense, the bravado, the lies. As the recruits sobbed and shrieked, as more chaos rained down from the sky, he trudged over to a crate parked next to a wall. He sat down, felt the ache of his body as he did. Levi stood right in front of him, staring. Judging. Fine, let him judge. Let him be Erwin’s judge, his jury, his executioner. Erwin had gotten Levi’s friends killed, his squad killed. He’d tried taking Levi’s beloved. Here at the last, Erwin deserved Levi Ackerman’s scorn most of all.</p>
<p>
  <em>See me, Levi. See the man you sacrificed for.</em>
</p>
<p>“I just…” Erwin sighed. “I just want to go to the basement.”</p>
<p>Ever since Erwin had stood over his father’s grave and realized that he was gone forever, ever since later that same night when he’d sobbed himself to sleep alone, eternally alone, guilty for stupidly getting Papa killed, Erwin knew that his father had been martyred for the truth. Erwin saw the selfish pigs that ran their world, and he wanted to know what they knew. Everything—Marie, a family, a place in society—it all was worthless next to this one glorious goal.</p>
<p>There were days when Erwin hadn’t wanted to get out of bed. Where he looked ahead of him and saw only blank nothingness, gradual decline, unavoidable entropy of flesh and spirit. The only thing that had gotten him up—indeed, sometimes the only thing that had kept him from taking a dagger to his wrists—was the promise of answers. One day, he would have them. He had been kept alive on this earth, tormented and denied all forms of happiness, all for this one exquisite moment. Erwin had given everything to this basement, even before he knew there <em>was</em> a basement.</p>
<p>But being a monster, he hadn’t just sacrificed himself. He’d lied to others. Manipulated them. Sacrificed them, and all so he could just <em>know</em>.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Erwin admitted, his voice wavering lightly, “sometimes I thought it would be so much easier just to let go. Death would be kinder than this.” The thought of oblivion did not scare Erwin anymore. Some feared ceasing to exist; to Erwin, existence itself was a burden. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about my father’s dream.”</p>
<p>Erwin had felt like such a grown up, sitting at the kitchen table while his father laid out all his theories. Of course, it hadn’t just been his father’s dream; it had been the one thing that united the past to the future. So long as Erwin kept pursuing this dream, his father was still alive in some small part of him. When Erwin had been tempted to give up his crazy pursuits for Marie, he had imagined his father watching him mournfully. <em>I see how it is,</em> Papa’s ghost had said. <em>You murdered me, denied me my own life, and now are turning your back on me to enjoy all the things I will never have again.</em></p>
<p>Erwin couldn’t do that. If he was happy, really happy, then it wasn’t punishment. Erwin needed a lifetime of punishment. Of dedication to one goal: the truth. The basement.</p>
<p><em>I would have let every single member of our Corps die in front of me if it meant finding the truth of this world, Levi. </em>Erwin lifted his one remaining hand.</p>
<p>“Now, after all these years,” he whispered, “the answers are <em>here</em>. In my grasp.”</p>
<p>Erwin could not remember when he’d last cried in front of anyone. It might have been when he was ten years old. But now—why not, after all, Levi should see the worthless man he’d dedicated his life to—now the tears welled and spilled down his cheeks.</p>
<p>Levi stood there, staring with those cool, half-lidded, indifferent eyes. Erwin slumped forward, his one hand reaching into the air. Reaching to grab onto something. For someone to grab onto him. But Levi did not reach for him. Levi continued to watch him, cold and aloof, and Erwin sank further into himself.</p>
<p>“They’re all right here,” he whispered. The basement was all he wanted…and he didn’t even want it anymore. It was a desired obligation at this point. He didn’t want <em>anything</em> anymore. Yesterday, he’d tasted desire, real desire, for the first time in years when he kissed Petra. Most of the time, Erwin felt like the illusion of a human being. Even when eating or fucking, he was like a flicker of a shadow inhabiting a man’s body. When he’d kissed Petra, he felt like he was living in the present again. That every moment brought with it new, exciting possibilities.</p>
<p>Then she’d pulled away, and he’d remembered that he did not deserve it. He had shut the door on joy long ago.</p>
<p>“But, Levi. Can you see them?”</p>
<p>The ghosts had been trailing him the entire day, shambling after him with every step he took. They crowded, so dense he could scarcely see the world around him. He wondered if Levi could see his old squad. He wondered if Levi thought Erwin was crazy or not. “Our comrades are watching us. They want to know the reason they died.” He felt the cold hurt of their glances. <em>I died for this? At twenty-one?</em> Nifa’s ghost whispered. How many young people, children, had Erwin seduced to death with honeyed words over the years? He’d piled bodies on top of bodies, making his father’s death just the first in an endless cycle.</p>
<p>The next attack struck the wall. Kids ran around them screaming hysterically. Erwin couldn’t bear to look at Levi. He would see cold, furious judgment. Levi hated all avoidable death, and Erwin had poured lives down titans’ throats for nothing but a selfish ambition.</p>
<p><em>I don’t even want it anymore.</em> The basement. He wanted to let go, but he himself could never. Not after all this. Not after all the murder he’d committed to get it.</p>
<p>“It’s all nonsense, isn’t it?” Erwin sniffed. The tears came back, but he was too tired to hide them. “Childish delusions. I’m not the man you thought I was. I never have been.”</p>
<p>It was silent. Erwin could no longer bear it, and looked up. To his shock, he saw…</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman’s eyes were full of tears.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>How could I have been so fucking blind?</em>
</p>
<p>Levi had allowed Erwin Smith to take on the world’s burden, all the while believing the man to be a god. In reality, he’d only been a man, one with the same hurts and hopes the rest of them had. Erwin must’ve been crying out for help all these years, and Levi had walked blindly past. Allowed the man to drown silently and alone.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith was greedy, yes, and uncertain. He had selfish desires that blinded him, like every other man. But now that Erwin was no longer a god, Levi realized how impressive he was <em>as</em> a man. For a man, only a frail, tragic man, Erwin was brilliant. Passionate. Fearless, in his way. He saw what no one else could, and not because he was divine or perfect. Because he was flawed and exceptional.</p>
<p>
  <em>You manipulated me, didn’t you? Isabel and Furlan.</em>
</p>
<p>Yet Levi knew—he knew in his gut—that Erwin was lying to himself a little when he said he’d killed those people just for the sake of his dream. Levi had seen Erwin sign those letters to families of the fallen. He’d seen how ashen the man looked. He’d seen Erwin himself dive in on occasion to save a recruit from being titan chow. Those long nights they’d spent in Erwin’s room, talking strategies, Levi had occasionally sensed he was there to help keep Erwin’s nightmares away. Erwin had been struggling under the weight of guilt and self-hatred for what? Years? The entire time Levi had known him?</p>
<p>Erwin had been in agony, and Levi had ignored it.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith <em>had</em> manipulated him. And he had also, strangely, never lied. Erwin was infamous for giving frightening recruitment speeches to recently graduated cadets, telling them they’d almost certainly die if they joined the Survey Corps. Made recruitment kind of a bitch, but anyone who signed up knew what they were getting. Erwin didn’t trick people. Not like that. The higher ups, the powerful, sure, but not the young and the weak. He gave those people his full and sincere salute.</p>
<p>
  <em>You don’t even know yourself.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had no idea what he was. Levi knew himself deeply. Didn’t much like himself, but he knew himself. With Petra’s help, his mental picture had softened a little. But Erwin thought he was a monster when he was actually just a man. Because they’d made him believe he had to be a god. A man can’t be a god; he’ll always fall short.</p>
<p>Now, at the last, for the first time, Levi met Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>Gently, he knelt in the grass at Erwin’s feet. The Commander was looking at him with shock. Wonder, maybe.</p>
<p>“You fought well,” Levi said softly. “You’re the only reason we made it this far.” It was true. Shadis could never have negotiated them to this point. He could never have literally changed the world behind the walls. Erwin was brutally exceptional, and couldn’t understand that about himself.</p>
<p><em>I don’t want to lose you.</em> The yellow lightning crawled from Levi to Erwin, blazing again with the word <em>PROTECT.</em></p>
<p><em>I love this man,</em> he realized. He’d always known it; but now everything had become so brilliant and clear. <em>I’ll help you, Erwin. I’ll protect you.</em></p>
<p>“I’ll make the choice here,” Levi grunted. He blinked back the tears, then looked up into Erwin’s face. “Give up on your dreams and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell.” He narrowed his eyes. “And I’ll kill the beast titan.”</p>
<p>Erwin’s expression changed from wariness to surprise. He tilted his chin to his chest, seemed to be tasting the sentence like wine. Slowly, a genuine smile spread across his face. It wasn’t that creepy, far-seeing grin; it was happy. Erwin was, Levi realized, happy.</p>
<p>The Commander looked on him with a quiet joy.</p>
<p>“Levi,” he whispered. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra’s tea had gone cold a while ago. Rico and Anka were talking about something she couldn’t keep track of. Honestly, she was no good in company but she didn’t want to be alone.</p>
<p>“So.” Rico turned her attention to Petra. “Who knocked you up?”</p>
<p>Yes, classic Rico. She was so dead-eyed and wry she gave Levi real competition as Surliest Person in the Military.</p>
<p>“Captain Levi,” Petra said. She wasn’t going to blush and stammer. In fact, she was glad of the ring Levi’d given her now; she made sure to flash it when she put a hand through her hair. “We just got married.”</p>
<p>Rico only shrugged. “Nice. I can’t imagine he’s going to be much help changing diapers, though, the neat freak he is.”</p>
<p>“The Commander will be very sorry to lose you, Petra.” Anka smiled, almost coy. What the fuck was with her tone?</p>
<p>“Well, we’ll all be pretty sorry to lose the Commander if he dies today, won’t we?” She glared at Anka, who for some reason flushed and went back to her tea. Fuck this. Petra didn’t want to yell at these women. They were being as kind as they knew how. She was just so worried; it felt like a fist bunched in her gut. She drained the last of her tea and stood. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I think I’m bad company right now.”</p>
<p>“If your baby’s father is running around Shiganshina, I don’t blame you.” It was the closest Rico came to conciliatory.</p>
<p>Petra left and walked down the hall, looking out the windows onto Trost as she did. The afternoon was deep by now, the rich gold of the light awash over her skin. She perched by the window, looked out towards the wall.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please. Let there be a signal. Let them come home.</em>
</p>
<p>But the signal didn’t come.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin fired the signal when the beast began to wind up, ready to throw the next boulder.</p>
<p>“Now!” he shouted. Sobbing, the recruits did the same, fired their guns. The air filled with green smoke.</p>
<p>He’d understood. Even as Erwin charged towards the beast titan, frantic recruits sobbing beside him on horseback, he had never felt so light. Almost giddy.</p>
<p>Levi had understood him. Seen him. Accepted him. Forgiven him.</p>
<p>All in fewer than ten words. The man was a master of sullen succinctness.</p>
<p><em>I’m free.</em> He could have laughed as he galloped ahead, his one sleeve flapping in the wind like a victorious flag. <em>It’s over. The pain is over.</em></p>
<p>Levi had set him free from his pain, and this life. For Erwin Smith, it was the most generous gift. Coward that he was, he could never end himself. Now, he had become the person he had always dreamed of being: a hero. The noble man leading his comrades into certain death so that humanity might live.</p>
<p>The basement was gone. He’d left it behind, back in Shiganshina. He charged straight ahead.</p>
<p>
  <em>We won’t die in vain. None of them died in vain.</em>
</p>
<p>Through the smoke, Erwin could see the beast preparing to throw. Levi would not make it in time to save him.</p>
<p>Good.</p>
<p>
  <em>We die today so that tomorrow humanity can take the next step forward. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So that Levi can marry Petra. So that their child has a chance to live in a kinder world.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry, Petra. I see now how cruel I was. But I’ll keep my promise. Levi will kill the beast titan and come back to you.</em>
</p>
<p>He thought of Petra with sunlight in her hair, sheltering a baby in the crook of her arm. Levi beside her, the three a perfect picture.</p>
<p>
  <em>Let it be my wedding present to you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because it’s the only way…to fight against a cruel world.</em>
</p>
<p>“Rage, my soldiers!”</p>
<p>The beast was ready to unleash the stones.</p>
<p>“Scream, my soldiers!”</p>
<p>He couldn’t hear their cries of terror anymore. There was only the pound of the horses’ hooves and the beat of his heart.</p>
<p>The beast threw the stones.</p>
<p>“Fight, my soldiers!” Erwin bellowed as a projectile tore through the side of his body, ripping his skin open, shredding his organs.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh. This is it.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin felt the horse collapse beneath him as he hurtled to the ground. The pain was brief and blinding, but then immediately dulled as he sank into oblivion.</p>
<p>
  <em>Hange, please be alive.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra, goodbye.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi…</em>
</p>
<p>He felt himself smiling as he went down into darkness.</p>
<p>His final thought was not of the basement.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Why was she crying?</p>
<p>Maybe it was the strain of the whole day, but Petra leaned against the window and burst into tears. She clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. The last thing she needed was for someone, particularly one of the commanders, to find her like this.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. I’m scared. What’s happening?</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p><em>Please forgive me.</em> He swung through the air, latching his cables to the first titan and slicing its nape as the soldiers charged. He couldn’t save them in time. He couldn't…</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. I can save you.</em>
</p>
<p>He growled as he whirled through the air, faster than he’d ever gone before. He could hear it; that beast shit.</p>
<p>“<em>Game, set, and match! Woo hoo!</em>” it cheered. It had thrown the stones; already, the place was a lot quieter.</p>
<p>Erwin had been at the front…</p>
<p><em>I’ll kill him, Erwin. I swear.</em> Levi swung and sliced, bounded closer as he heard the beast rumble some shit about toy guns.</p>
<p>“<em>Do you think that screaming will do you any good?</em>” It sounded scornful.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll make you scream, I’ll make you scream I’ll make you scream I’ll</em>
</p>
<p>Another volley of stones. Total silence. The soldiers had fired their smoke guns into the air; straight ahead, Levi had lost visibility of the beast. But he could hear it. He could hear it…</p>
<p>“<em>Oh, you poor things.</em>”</p>
<p>It pitied them. It pitied Erwin.</p>
<p><em>I’ll make you </em>fucking scream.</p>
<p>Levi shot his hooks, felt them latch. He burst through the cloud of smoke, covered in titan blood, and gazed down at the monster before him. It was a true beast, a real nightmare from a child’s storybook.</p>
<p>It looked at him with complete open-mouthed shock. Until it bared its teeth in fury, and roared.</p>
<p>Levi roared back.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra was going to be sick. She needed to lie down; coming up here had been a mistake. She hurried along the hall, ready to fall over…</p>
<p>“Ral?”</p>
<p>She froze as Nile Dok approached from behind. Ugh, Commander Dok was the worst. He’d tried several times to undermine Levi, and expressed contempt for all the Survey Corps, calling them a bunch of idiots. She forced herself not to glare as he approached.</p>
<p>“Sir. Can I help you?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Erwin told me,” Nile said. Then he smiled. His smile was…warm. Genuine. “He says you aren’t on the mission because you’re pregnant.”</p>
<p>“Uh…”</p>
<p>He didn’t look at her with pity like Pixis or lechery like Zackley. Nile seemed positively delighted.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said.</p>
<p>“That’s wonderful. My wife’s about to have our third. There’s nothing like it when the first one’s born, though. You must be so happy.”</p>
<p>“Um. I am.” This whole day felt like she’d gone through a looking glass. “You…you know Captain Levi is—”</p>
<p>“Finally, Levi makes a sensible choice.” If he knew how glib that sounded, he didn’t show it. Petra was too stunned to say anything. “Fatherhood’s good for a man.”</p>
<p>It hadn’t been Levi’s choice to get her pregnant, of course. But Nile was being kind, and she didn’t know how to process it.</p>
<p>“I just hope he comes home to see it,” she muttered. Nile’s overt grin disappeared. There was sympathy in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m sure he will,” he said.</p>
<p><em>So am I,</em> Petra thought. <em>Strange. I’m sure he’ll come home, too.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>So why do I feel so…afraid?</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>I swore to him.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi’d let that beast freak get away once, but not now. Not again. He dove off the edge of the wall, where the blond, bearded bastard had fled on top of that cart…titan…thing…what the fuck <em>were</em> these demons?</p>
<p>Didn’t matter. He didn’t have to understand them. Only kill them. Or nab them.</p>
<p>
  <em>Get the beast. Find Erwin. Inject him. Save…Erwin…</em>
</p>
<p>The beast titan’s rider had been having a face off with Eren. The cart titan bounded away over the rooftops, and Levi landed beside Eren.</p>
<p>What the fuck had happened here? All he saw was that, somehow, Eren had captured Bertholdt, whose arms and legs were now gone. The tall, long-faced boy was asleep.</p>
<p>And…there was the burnt husk of some soldier lying there as well.</p>
<p>Levi had no time to worry who that was or why. He landed hard next to Eren.</p>
<p>“Going after the beast,” he gasped. “Give me your gas and blades, now!”</p>
<p>“Yes!” Eren cried, obeying straight away. Levi stared after that cart thing, still holding the beast in its jaws.</p>
<p>
  <em>I swore to him I’d kill you. I swore to him!</em>
</p>
<p>Levi bared his teeth. His strength was almost gone, but it didn’t matter. Right now, it didn’t matter if he died in the pursuit and Petra was left alone with their baby, it only mattered that he fulfill this fucking promise. It…</p>
<p>“Oh. Oh my god!” Eren screamed.</p>
<p>Levi whipped around, saw the boy on his hands and knees next to the burnt corpse…that turned out to not be such a corpse after all. It was breathing. Sort of. Fuck, what a horrible way to—</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>“Armin!” Eren screamed. He was sobbing now. <em>Armin?</em> “Keep breathing! That’s it!”</p>
<p>Levi realized with awful clarity exactly what had to happen now.</p>
<p>Somehow, Mikasa was here as well, standing next to him. Of course she was. Why not? They were all in hell now.</p>
<p>Eren reached for him. “Captain! Give me the injection!”</p>
<p>Right. Save Armin. They had a dying comrade and a wounded shifter. Erwin had entrusted Levi with this injection for a reason. Slowly, Levi took the metal box from his pocket.</p>
<p>“All right,” he whispered. <em>Please. Please, where is Erwin?</em> Right now if he could just save Erwin he’d give up the beast titan. He’d kill it another day. Erwin would understand.</p>
<p>But Armin had maybe minutes left, and more importantly, Armin was <em>here</em>.</p>
<p>Levi’s heart sank as Mikasa fired off a flare. Who to, he didn’t know. Didn’t care.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll give Eren the injection. He’ll give me his gas. I’ll go kill the beast titan.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin would be avenged. His promise would be kept. It was something. Levi handed over the box—</p>
<p>“Captain Levi!”</p>
<p>Someone crawled up the edge of the roof. The redhaired kid—Floch, that was his name. He scrambled up to them, and on his back…</p>
<p>Was Erwin.</p>
<p>“The Commander’s badly wounded. He won’t stop bleeding,” Floch gasped. “But he’s alive.”</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s alive.</em>
</p>
<p>“I thought the injection could help.” Floch looked at him. “What do you think?”</p>
<p>Everyone on that roof sat in horrified silence. Then, slowly, Levi pulled the box away from Eren.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I think I need to go back down and take a nap,” Petra said. Nile stepped aside.</p>
<p>“Of course. Marie always says the first trimester’s the worst.” He chuckled. He seemed fond of Petra now. Nile Dok, whatever else could be said for him, must be a good father. “You know, I’m sure I can send for some ginger root if you think that would help.”</p>
<p>“I… Maybe. Yes. Thank you, sir.”</p>
<p>Petra suddenly felt the cold grip of fear on the back of her neck. She stopped short. What was happening?</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi? What are you doing right now?</em>
</p>
<p>Why had she thought that? And why…why was she so afraid?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mikasa wailed. Eren sobbed. Didn’t matter. Levi readied the injection as Floch kept shouting (<em>the only one who can destroy all the titans is the devil himself,</em> that kept playing in Levi’s mind) and Hange consoled Mikasa. Levi could hear no one’s words. All he thought about was getting the injection filled and ready before it was too late.</p>
<p>Eren grabbed his leg.</p>
<p>“Captain…have you heard of the ocean?” he gasped.</p>
<p>
  <em>I have. I listened to…the three of you.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi shook off the pain he felt. The injection was ready. Before him, Bertholdt lay still, mercifully asleep. There was Erwin, a horrifying wound in the center of his stomach, and poor Armin burnt to a crisp.</p>
<p>“Clear the area!” Levi shouted. “Erwin’s going to turn into a titan now!”</p>
<p>The kids—Connie and Jean were here as well, this was a nightmare—said tearful farewells to Armin. Then they left. Hange left…yes, Hange was alive. A small mercy.</p>
<p>Then they were gone, and it was him on the roof with the three men.</p>
<p>Levi took one quick glance at Armin Arlert. Poor kid. It <em>was</em> a loss, for Eren and Mikasa and for the rest as well. Armin had a good mind. If only they could’ve kept both him and Erwin…but nothing in life was fair.</p>
<p>
  <em>Just wait and see! Saltwater that stretches to the horizon! Different types of fish! You don’t believe me, do you? You’ll see!</em>
</p>
<p>Levi sighed, and dragged Bertholdt into position. He couldn’t blame Eren and Mikasa for pitching the crazy fit they had. He didn’t even hold a grudge against Mikasa for trying to cut his head off to get the box. If it’d been him six years ago, with the chance to save Furlan or Isabel with this shot…</p>
<p>
  <em>But that didn’t happen. The past is dead. Focus on the future.</em>
</p>
<p>Humanity needed Erwin Smith. So did Levi.</p>
<p>God, those stupid kids. The way they’d carried on and sobbed. Even Erwin at the end there, weeping and talking about how he just wanted to see that fucking basement.</p>
<p>“Bunch of screaming fucking kids. All of them,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>He situated Bertholdt in just the right way, propped up on the incline of the roof. The way he was seated—</p>
<p>
  <em>They couldn’t keep going ‘less they were drunk on something.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi halted. Kenny, dying against that tree. Levi had sat with him in his final moments, heard the old murderer’s confession. In that moment Levi had wanted to kill him, pity him, and when he found out they <em>were</em> related by blood—uncle and nephew, not father and son, but still—he’d felt an insane moment of excitement. He <em>had</em> a family. He <em>had </em>a name.</p>
<p>And Kenny had died without seeing his dream come true. He’d spoken of it in garbled tones in those last minutes, his dying brain firing in every direction.</p>
<p>
  <em>They were all slaves to something.</em>
</p>
<p>Slaves. All of them. Every last human being.</p>
<p>
  <em>What are you? A hero?</em>
</p>
<p>Levi rolled up Erwin’s sleeve and laid the point of the needle against his arm. All he had to do was push it in, then hit the plunger, then flee. Nature would do the rest. But…</p>
<p>He cast another glance at Armin.</p>
<p>
  <em>Kid just wants to see the ocean, huh? That’s the whole reason he joined. Sweet. Simple.</em>
</p>
<p>Fuck it. Levi started to inject—</p>
<p>Erwin wrenched his arm away, flung it over his head. Levi gasped.</p>
<p>“Erwin?” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Teacher…how do we know…all gone?” Erwin muttered.</p>
<p>
  <em>His dying brain firing in every direction.</em>
</p>
<p>Those questions…that basement…were all that Erwin had left. The empty shell of a life he’d happily relinquished.</p>
<p>Levi felt suddenly cold.</p>
<p><em>Give up on your dreams and die</em>, he’d said. He’d given his permission.</p>
<p>He recalled Kenny, smiling as death freed him from the prison of his dreams…</p>
<p>Free.</p>
<p>
  <em>Give up on your dreams.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi, thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>He had never seen such relief on a human face. Such joy.</p>
<p>
  <em>Only the devil can destroy all the titans.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin wasn’t a god. He didn’t want to be a devil. He was a man. Just a man. And he wanted to be set free.</p>
<p>He’d thanked Levi for telling him to go <em>die</em>, for fuck’s sake.</p>
<p><em>They all had to be slaves,</em> Kenny said.</p>
<p><em>Levi. Thank you,</em> Erwin said.</p>
<p><em>The ocean! We’ll see it together!</em> Armin said.</p>
<p>That was when Levi felt it all come together, a golden puzzle slotted perfectly in place. It was a gamble: high risk, but maybe high reward. Armin had those necessary bits of Erwin inside of him. He had the vision, the ingenuity. But he was also clean. Young. Excited. He was not suffering every minute of every day. What he could see…</p>
<p>Maybe there was something beyond that horizon Armin Arlert could see that even Erwin Smith could not.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. I don’t want to say goodbye…</em>
</p>
<p>Levi made a small, hurt noise. But he contained himself. He hated unnecessary death, but he hated cruelty and suffering even more. Erwin Smith had given everything he had to this world, and it had destroyed him. Levi understood. He knew what he had to do.</p>
<p>Yes.</p>
<p>He turned and crouched beside Armin. <em>Hold on, kid.</em></p>
<p>Poor kid…</p>
<p>Kid.</p>
<p>And then, like lightning all through him, he remembered Petra laying his hand upon her stomach.</p>
<p><em>Your Papa’s going to Shiganshina.</em> She smiled, talking to their baby. Their baby. <em>We’ll wait for you.</em></p>
<p>Levi had only thought of the baby in the abstract before, but touching her stomach… The baby was part of her. Growing in her. It was part of her, and him.</p>
<p>
  <em>We’ll wait for you.</em>
</p>
<p>What was this world? Filled with beasts and monsters, giant walls, mysteries everywhere, danger around every corner. It was his job to protect her, her and the baby. His job, no one else’s.</p>
<p>Petra stood there in his imagination, holding a baby against her and screaming while figures lunged up from over the walls and attacked…</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to protect her. The baby.</em>
</p>
<p>My <em>baby.</em></p>
<p>A surge of emotion welled inside of him. Pride, all of a sudden. The sharpest sense of love. Fear, the coldest fear. His baby. Now, like an avalanche, feeling rushed over him. That baby. It was coming. And this world was cruel. If he didn’t want it ripped out of his arms, he had to protect it.</p>
<p>And there was only one man…</p>
<p><em>No. No.</em> Levi shook his head. He glanced from Armin to Erwin, Erwin to Armin.</p>
<p><em>Levi. Thank you.</em> He had been so happy.</p>
<p><em>Armin could be humanity’s savior, too!</em> Mikasa wept. Yes. Yes, he could. The kid was brilliant. Innovative. Talented.</p>
<p>But it was a gamble. Such a gamble. High risk, high reward…or high loss. And Erwin was the gambler, not Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>My baby needs to be safe. My…my wife needs to be safe.</em>
</p>
<p>There was only one man who could do it. Only one man.</p>
<p>He had to move now, or he would lose them both.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The ocean! We’ll see it!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We’ll wait for you. Papa’s going to Shiganshina.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Papa.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The ocean!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Papa.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry.</em>
</p>
<p>Hange, stuck with the new job of commander. <em>I’m sorry.</em></p>
<p>Petra, unprotected with the monsters at the gate. <em>I’m sorry.</em></p>
<p>His best friend.</p>
<p>His child.</p>
<p>Erwin had suffered enough. He had finally been set free.</p>
<p>Armin could… He could be…</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry. I’m sorry.</em>
</p>
<p>Gasping, Levi inserted the needle.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry.</em>
</p>
<p>He pushed the plunger.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was like a knife going into her stomach. Petra cried out and collapsed to her knee. Nile steadied her.</p>
<p>“Ral? What is it?”</p>
<p>“It’s…”</p>
<p>She knew what it was. She could feel herself splitting apart with the realization. She put her hand beneath her skirt, felt the warmth running down her legs. She held up her fingers, slick with blood.</p>
<p>No. <em>No.</em></p>
<p>Stunned, she folded into Nile’s arms as he picked her up.</p>
<p>“Hold on,” he whispered. He ran with her, shouting for his aides, for Anka, shouting for a medic. “Hold on, Ral,” he said. Then, as if she couldn’t hear him, he whispered, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra burst into tears.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi watched on the rooftop alongside Hange and Floch as the titan reared up and approached Bertholdt.</p>
<p>Erwin made for a frightening looking titan. The nose was too large, the jaws entirely too wide. It had that horrifying rictus grin that Erwin got when he was really into something new and thrilling.</p>
<p>Levi cradled Armin Arlert in his arms. The poor boy had died thirty seconds before, but Levi kept hugging the body to him. <em>I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Armin.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry, Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>Hange patted his shoulder.</p>
<p>“You did the right thing.” She sounded relieved as Erwin’s titan picked up the screaming Bertholdt. The boy sobbed for his friends, for Reiner and Annie, as Erwin devoured him. Soon after, the titan collapsed to the ground.</p>
<p>“Heh. Those sentimental idiots.” Floch sneered at the 104<sup>th</sup> kids on the rooftop opposite. Mikasa was sobbing hysterically now, and Eren was lying curled up on his side. Connie, tears streaming down his cheeks, regarded Levi with horror and misery. Jean had turned his back on the adults. “Good thing the Commander gave <em>you</em> the injection, Captain Levi. You know how to put humanity ahead of yourself.”</p>
<p><em>I put my child ahead of </em>his<em> humanity.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>My child…</em>
</p>
<p>Levi didn’t want to spend time with these congratulatory assholes anymore. He gave Armin’s body to Hange and then shot his hooks, deployed to the city streets. The 104<sup>th</sup> kept crying up above as he trudged over to Erwin’s evaporating titan. Their sobs followed him like ghastly birdsong.</p>
<p>
  <em>We got the power of the colossal titan at least. That’s something.</em>
</p>
<p>Through the steam, Levi saw Erwin pulling himself out of the titan. Erwin’s shirt was gone now, his torso on gleaming display.</p>
<p>His right arm had grown back.</p>
<p>And his eyes…</p>
<p>Shifter marks lined his cheeks like tears. Erwin had his eyes shut, his face lifted to the sky.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No regrets. No regrets.</em>
</p>
<p>“Erwin?” Levi croaked.</p>
<p>Erwin’s eyes opened. He turned them to Levi, and there was no mistake.</p>
<p>They were the furious eyes of a vengeful god.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The baby giggled, kicking his legs as she leaned over him. He had her coloring, golden and red, except for the piercing blue-gray eyes. Levi’s eyes. Petra nuzzled her child, smiling as he cooed and giggled again. She kissed his cheek…</p>
<p>Then she woke up, and he was gone.</p>
<p>She lay on a cot in the medical bay, the early morning hauntingly quiet all around her. Nile had carried her downstairs, tailed by Rico and Anka. There’d been so much blood. The doctor had looked pityingly at her while he did what he could, but the verdict was…</p>
<p><em>These things happen, often with first pregnancies.</em> He’d cleaned his glasses as he spoke. <em>Nothing you did wrong. I’m sorry. But the good news is, in a few weeks you’ll be ready to try again. I see no reason you couldn’t be pregnant before the end of the summer.</em></p>
<p>But she’d never be pregnant again.</p>
<p>Petra breathed slowly, waiting for the tears to return. Yesterday evening, she’d mumbled to ask for Brigitta. Anka had gone for her. Nile had been so utterly kind as well. He’d looked down on her where she laid, real sadness in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry for you both,” he’d said, all earnestness.</p>
<p>Brigitta had come and sat beside her, stroking Petra’s hair as she cried into her pillow. She’d cried until she couldn’t remember how to do anything else.</p>
<p>“As soon as they let you out of here, you can come stay with Edvard and me,” she’d whispered. “When Levi comes home, he can join us.”</p>
<p>When Levi came home—if he came home—the wedding would be off. They’d return the cradle. This one misadventure would never happen again. Right now, Petra should only have been thinking of his return. And it was the thing she most needed, truly. But…</p>
<p>Until she’d been on the threshold of having a husband and a child, Petra hadn’t realized how badly she wanted both. There were women out there who could be happy without being a mother, or without getting married. Those women weren’t any less than she was, but she wanted what she wanted. Now she knew what she’d desired. And she knew that she couldn't have it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please let him come home. I’ll find a way to be content again.</em>
</p>
<p>It was her only option. Her heart lurched, her stomach sank. Let him come home to her, and she’d be happy.</p>
<p>Even as her heart kept breaking over and over again.</p>
<p>Petra felt so empty, a cup with the tea suddenly poured out. She huddled on her side, knees curled to her chest. She shivered, though she wasn’t cold.</p>
<p>
  <em>My baby.</em>
</p>
<p>It had been too early to tell the sex, but she could still picture him, the little boy with the red hair and light eyes. She’d never get to hold him now.</p>
<p>Petra shuddered as she burst into tears again, burying her face in the pillow. It would have been better to stay blissfully ignorant about potential motherhood. Better never to have known what she was missing.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Please come home. I need you.</em>
</p>
<p>Hours passed in a haze, as she flitted between wake and sleep. She stirred again when she heard gruff male voices above her. Petra’s eyelids cracked; it was just dawn.</p>
<p>If they were coming home, it would be soon. Her whole body felt numb.</p>
<p>“This is the problem with having young women in the military.” That brusque, oily voice was Zackley’s. “They go into heat like bitches. Hmm. And some men get all the fun.”</p>
<p>Petra decided to pretend to be asleep. If she ‘woke’ right now, she might kill him.</p>
<p>“Speak for yourself. There are plenty of fetching lady titans asking after me every day,” Pixis drawled. He sounded a bit irritated; Zackley could have that effect, but the Garrison Commander had to be polite. “Why don’t you go upstairs, sir? I’ll be there shortly.” Zackley shuffled away. “My dear, why don’t you sit up? The heroes should be returning soon, if they return at all.”</p>
<p>Petra sat up, rubbing her eyes. She felt numb, and also raw. Pixis looked on her with those twinkling, almost mischievous eyes of his. He took out a flask and unscrewed the metal top.</p>
<p>“I haven’t eaten yet,” she croaked.</p>
<p>“Of course not. It’s a shame to waste good booze on food.” He offered it to her. Fuck it, she needed a drink. Petra took a swig, wincing as the cheap gin burned through her. Her hand shook, and she dropped the flask. It smacked the floor, booze glugging out of it. Pixis gently picked it up and screwed the cap back on. “I once dreamed of running my own distillery. Sadly, that dream may be done. My attempts at bathtub gin are subpar at best. Perhaps I need a new bathtub.”</p>
<p>Petra wanted to answer, but a sob burst out instead. She turned her face away, crying into her hands as Pixis paid rapt attention to a corner of the wall.</p>
<p>“I’ll have Anka come get you,” he said, and walked out. She wiped her cheeks. Pixis was a good man. Eccentric, but good. Soon Anka did come for her. The wry young woman was unusually gentle, helping Petra stand, wash her face and upper body, and put on a uniform. Her blue dress was gone, destroyed by all the blood. She nearly toppled over a couple of times; her stomach still ached, and the medicine combined with the alcohol and no breakfast wasn’t helping.</p>
<p>“When we go upstairs, I’ll find you something to eat,” Anka said quietly. Petra’s chin quivered.</p>
<p>“Th-thank you.”</p>
<p>Anka squeezed her shoulder, then led her out. They went upstairs, headed towards the room with all the commanders assembled. It would be nice to see Nile, but her blood revolted at the idea of facing Zackley. Petra slowed as they walked by the gallery of windows, watching the pink streaks of dawn lighten the tops of the walls.</p>
<p>Then…</p>
<p>“Look.” She stopped, and Anka did as well. There was…</p>
<p>A flare on top of the wall. Petra’s heart beat so fast she could have fallen over.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi?</em>
</p>
<p>Anka knew what it meant and took off at a run, leaving Petra behind in a stupor. Petra heard her slam open the door and yell that the heroes had returned.</p>
<p>It was a green flare.</p>
<p>The mission had been a success.</p>
<p>Petra touched her stomach, then remembered there was nothing there to reassure any longer. She leaned against the window and let herself cry as everyone around her began rushing about, readying themselves to meet the Survey Corps.</p>
<p>Petra went with them, standing in a place of honor as the lifts came down from the wall carrying…</p>
<p>Was…was this everyone? Impossible. A hundred had gone out. Fewer than ten had returned.</p>
<p><em>Levi.</em> Pulse pounding, she looked, and immediately found him. He looked grim, and tired, but he was absolutely alive and unharmed.</p>
<p>Petra cried out, but didn’t run forward. They were military; they had to be disciplined. The crowds around them flung confetti into the air and cheered in joy. For a few sweet moments, her misery lifted and she beamed as she watched him dismount, walking down the path towards the waiting military brass.</p>
<p>He walked alongside Hange, both of them flanking Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>They’d come back together. Petra grinned…</p>
<p>“Oh my god.” Anka gasped. Petra blinked at her, unsure what the issue was. Anka looked like she was staring at a ghost. Petra watched the approaching Commander and…</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>His right arm. It…was back. How? How had…?</p>
<p>“Oh,” she whispered. The titan shifters… Levi’s injection…</p>
<p>“It seems Erwin Smith will be writing a <em>long</em> report,” Pixis drawled. But he couldn’t fool her.</p>
<p>He sounded a little scared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra couldn’t get to him. The crowds were massive, and Zackley and Pixis needed to speak to the three Corps leaders. Petra trailed after them, waiting for her moment, but grew so woozy she nearly fell. Anka was at her side, steadied her, and took her back to the medical bay.</p>
<p>“I’ll have him see you as soon as he’s done.” She spoke firmly, without sentiment, but with evident kindness.</p>
<p>Petra lay there, hovering between wake and sleep after receiving another draught of medicine. She hated sleeping, because she would dream, and in her dreams she was holding her baby. When she woke again, she cried.</p>
<p><em>I don’t think I can be happy again.</em> It was a melodramatic thing to say, but she couldn’t help meaning it. Petra’s eyes grew blurry; she slept, she woke, she lived in an in between state. When awake, she longed to escape into a dreamless sleep; in her dreams, she wanted to be awake and away from false hope.</p>
<p>“Petra.”</p>
<p>Then, finally, he was there. Levi knelt beside her, his rough hand in her hair.</p>
<p>“Baby. Look at me.”</p>
<p>She cracked her eyes, gazed on his face. Maybe it was the light, but he seemed to have aged ten years since the day before yesterday. His forehead furrowed with concern; worry lined his eyes and the corners of his mouth.</p>
<p>“Levi.” She leaned forward and kissed him. The touch of his lips steadied her. He wrapped her in his arms.</p>
<p>“Anka wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. She said you were here. Petra, what happened?” He sounded gruff. Strained. She hated that he’d come home from what had evidently been a nightmare, albeit a victorious one, to find her like this.</p>
<p>“The…the baby,” she whispered. She felt his arms stiffen. She gulped. “I’m sorry. I lost it.”</p>
<p>She might as well have been clinging to a statue. He was there, but his mind was gone. She could feel it. His mouth was turned down in a frown, his eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>“You lost the baby,” he said dully. Her chin quivered.</p>
<p>“The doctor s-said…” She had to hold back a sob. He kept touching her, stroking her hair mechanically, but he wasn’t <em>there</em>. He was listening, too shocked to feel. “He said it happens with first pregnancies all the time.”</p>
<p>She kept the hysterical thought to herself: that the baby had known they didn’t want it, and had decided to go away. <em>I lied; I wanted you. Please come back.</em></p>
<p>“Okay,” Levi said, his voice lifeless.</p>
<p>“He said I could try again in a few weeks. I could be pregnant again before the end of August.” No response from him, and it hurt like a knife. She’d secretly hoped he would kiss her and tell her that now he, too, realized what this had meant, and the wedding was still on and they’d still have a family and… He said nothing. Petra felt herself imploding. She tried to smile. “Heh. If you think about it, it’s horrible but at least now I can keep both my promises to you.” She had to force herself to keep from screaming the words. “No baby. No marriage. We can just go back to the way we were. Isn’t that right?”</p>
<p>“Petra.” He kissed her forehead, his mind still elsewhere. She could see him retreating away from her. After all the horror he’d endured in Shiganshina, now he returned and she was losing her mind as horribly as she’d lost their— “You need to rest. I’ll talk to the doctor and find out when I can take you home.”</p>
<p>“I…” He was so calm and practical about it all; did he not care? She suddenly wanted to shake him, but no. Not after Shiganshina. Maybe he was too burnt out on watching nearly a hundred people die all around him. He didn’t have the resources inside of himself to mourn their baby.</p>
<p>Or he could have just been relieved.</p>
<p>She clutched at his arm. “Levi…”</p>
<p>“Rest, baby. That’s what you need. I’ll come back and get you. I need to talk to Erwin and Zackley.” He gave her another brief kiss, then stood. He was staying calm, which she needed right now, but he was also leaving. She needed him.</p>
<p>“Levi. I need you.” Her voice hitched. His stoic demeanor did not change.</p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t feel it like I do. He’s trying not to show how relieved he is.</em>
</p>
<p>The realization crushed Petra.</p>
<p>“I’ll come back and get you. It’ll be okay,” he said quietly, then turned and left. He just left her. Petra grasped at the empty air.</p>
<p>She was so miserable she couldn’t even cry. All she could do was sleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>I lost the baby. I lost the baby. </em>
</p>
<p>Her words still echoed in his head. Levi walked through the barracks, paying no attention to anyone who spoke. Someone could’ve set themselves on fire in front of him right now, and he’d have just walked around it.</p>
<p>
  <em>The baby can’t be gone. It’s the whole reason I…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin…</em>
</p>
<p>The memory of Erwin first emerging from that titan with those glowing, furious eyes haunted Levi like a ghost. All the way through the rest of that day—assembling the sobbing 104<sup>th</sup>, going to the basement, finding…what they’d found—Levi had been able to bear it because he reminded himself what was waiting for him back in Trost. He’d betrayed his best friend for the sake of his child; it was a trade most men would make.</p>
<p>When he learned the truth behind this world, Levi had been relieved he’d chosen Erwin all over again. With the entire fucking world united in their hatred of the people in the walls—of Eldians, the subjects of Ymir—who better to have on their side than Erwin Smith? Levi had consoled himself, told himself that even though he’d made this choice for the sake of an unborn baby, it’d been the right decision for everybody.</p>
<p>But now…</p>
<p>
  <em>My baby is dead.</em>
</p>
<p>He’d wished for its death. He’d told Erwin he wanted it gone. The first day after Petra had told him, he’d fantasized about her accidentally miscarrying, terminating this growing problem before it ruined their lives. But that was before he’d destroyed Erwin Smith’s soul for the kid.</p>
<p>Erwin had recovered quickly from his furious gaze once he’d fallen out of the titan. He spoke and acted as before, confident, brilliant, strong, and centered. But Levi would always know what he’d done to this man.</p>
<p>
  <em>I did it for my baby.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My baby is dead.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi looked up to discover he’d walked all the way home. He was standing in their chamber, and staring down at the cradle on the floor beside the bed.</p>
<p>Petra’d spent too much money on this thing.</p>
<p>Levi picked up the fuzzy little lamb that Petra had bought. The thing gazed up at him with an idiot yarn grin.</p>
<p>
  <em>Looks like you’re never going to meet your new friend.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi grunted, hunched over when that thought landed a blow on his solar plexus. He dropped the toy onto his bed, then turned his gaze back to the cradle. It was simple, hewn from creamy wood, with a cute little heart carved into the head—</p>
<p>Levi kicked it as hard as he had ever kicked anything. The cradle smashed against the wall, breaking into kindling.</p>
<p>He stared at the ruins of the cradle, and then stomped on them. Again. And again. He picked up broken wooden pieces and flung them against the wall just to hear them crack. He kicked and stomped and broke them more and more and—</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. I need you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>He’d fucked up. He’d fucked them both over. He kicked so hard he lost his balance and had he been anyone else would’ve wound up splayed out on the floor. Levi caught himself and hunched over, crouched on the balls of his feet as he surveyed the shattered remains of the cradle.</p>
<p>
  <em>I failed her. I failed him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I failed…it.</em>
</p>
<p>He’d laid a hand on her stomach and imagined he could feel the developing life inside. In those last panicky moments in Shiganshina, choosing between Erwin and Armin, he’d imagined picking his kid up in his arms, seeing Petra cuddle it with so much affection, the kid toddling after him through the halls, the three of them drinking tea around a table in the afternoon, and then—</p>
<p>Levi gave a long, low cry, and put his hands over his mouth. His left leg trembled as his eyes blurred over, he…</p>
<p>He had not cried in six years, not since he’d stood over Isabel’s remains and wept because his little girl had been taken from him, because he’d been such a fool, so selfish, so…</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman struggled against it, but the tears came. He collapsed onto the floor, sat there crying among the destruction.</p>
<p><em>Levi. Thank you.</em> Then Erwin’s hateful glance as he was reborn into a hell he thought he’d been rescued from.</p>
<p><em>Levi. I need you.</em> She was lying there in the hospital now, drugged and miserable, and he’d just left her there.</p>
<p><em>Levi!</em> Isabel waving to him as he galloped off into the rain, the last time he saw her alive. He’d just left her there.</p>
<p>The lamb gazed reproachfully at him with button eyes, waiting for a cute little friend who would never show up now.</p>
<p>The world wanted him dead, wanted everyone he knew and loved dead for the simple crime of being born.</p>
<p>
  <em>I can’t do this. I can’t.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They were all slaves to something. What’re you? A hero?</em>
</p>
<p>Levi sat there, head in his hands, and sobbed until he was empty. Then he wiped his face, got himself under control, picked up the broken pieces, and took them away so Petra wouldn’t see when she came home.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The next morning, Levi took her home. She moved slowly, shambling until he lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the room. She could have walked some more, but her gut still ached and she was still sore between her legs, and he didn’t want her to stagger around. He was kind, but distant. When he set her feet down on the floor of their chamber, he got straight to work looking after her. He handed her more comfortable clothes—the doctor said she should remain in bed for another couple of days. He put on some water for tea as she changed. When Petra went to pull back the covers, she saw the little lamb. She gasped, hand over her mouth. Levi turned, saw it, cursed.</p>
<p>“Fuck. I didn’t remember to get rid of it. Sorry. I didn’t sleep last night,” he grumbled, going to pick it up. Petra snatched it and held it to her chest.</p>
<p>“I want it,” she whispered. A real baby thing to say, but she couldn’t help it. The tears fell once more, and she burst into wracking sobs as Levi gently guided her into the bed. He kissed her forehead, but said nothing while he brewed the tea. Petra rubbed the lamb’s fuzzy head along her chin.</p>
<p>“There’s some bread here. I’ll bring you something else for dinner,” he murmured. Levi brought over her cup and a plate, set them down. She clutched his arm.</p>
<p>“Please stay with me. I need you.”</p>
<p>His eyes softened, but he shook his head. “Hange and I need to deal with more of that damn paperwork.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” She released him, toyed listlessly with her lamb. Levi hovered nearby, awkward. “Can we talk just a little?”</p>
<p>He paused. Sighed. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>Her stomach roiled. “Are you happy I lost the baby?”</p>
<p>“Petra, <em>fuck</em>.”</p>
<p>“I just want to know.” Her cheeks felt so warm. She dropped the lamb. “Are you glad we can go back to how things were, just you and me, with no wedding and no baby?”</p>
<p>“What do you want me to say?” He sounded flat. She gripped the sides of her head.</p>
<p>“I want you to say what you’re thinking!”</p>
<p>“I’m not thinking anything. That’s the truth.”</p>
<p>She looked at him, frustrated enough to cry. He sighed, pulled up a chair, and sat next to her.</p>
<p>“What we found in the basement, it… Petra, it’s a good thing we’re not bringing a child into this world.” He shrugged. “That’s how I feel.”</p>
<p>The tears tracked down her cheeks.</p>
<p>“What if I didn’t care about the danger?” she muttered.</p>
<p>“When I tell you what we saw—”</p>
<p>“Then tell me now! What was it? How bad could it be?” she shrieked. Levi drew away, his face paler than ever. She knew she was starting to scream. She knew she had to look hysterical. She didn’t care. She grasped his collar, tugged at him. “Tell me! I can’t take this anymore, I have to know why we can’t…”</p>
<p>She broke then, sobbing anew. He sat on the edge of the bed and quieted her, kissed her, made her lie down. He hung over her, stroking her cheek as she cried herself out.</p>
<p>“Baby, this isn’t good for you to hear right now.”</p>
<p>“I can handle it.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you can, Petra. And I need to go see Hange.” He kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“Not Erwin?” She was genuinely puzzled.</p>
<p>“Erwin’s…resting.” The slight pause turned up her ears. He evaded her gaze. “He just came back from the dead, or nearly. He needs to rest.”</p>
<p><em>He and I are alike in that.</em> Petra lay there, sullen, as he got up and put on his jacket.</p>
<p>“Both of you need to rest. We’ll talk tonight.” He sounded so distant. Like she was easy to slough off now that she was broken. Petra was broken. She was absolutely broken.</p>
<p>The tears wouldn’t stop.</p>
<p>“Talk to me,” she said.</p>
<p>“Tonight. I promise.” He all but leapt out of the room. It was more comfortable to leave her here. Petra stayed where she was for a while, until the tea had grown cold. Her thoughts swung brokenly here and there; she couldn't be alone with them. Her baby was gone, and Levi thought it was good. Because of the basement. And he wouldn’t say…</p>
<p>Someone had to help her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin’s resting.</em>
</p>
<p>Grunting, Petra got out of bed and dressed. She ignored the bottle of medicine on the table. It made her wobbly, and right now she needed to stand firm. She put on her shoes and left, clacking along the empty halls. The Survey Corps barracks was now a memorial for the dead. Only ten remained, including her.</p>
<p>One of them she needed to speak with. Now.</p>
<p>Petra knocked on Erwin’s door. She heard him shuffling inside, though he didn’t answer. She knocked harder.</p>
<p>“Sir. Erwin. It’s Petra. Please.”</p>
<p>A moment passed. “Come in.”</p>
<p>She entered and found him in the center of his little room, standing by the window where he was haloed by the bright morning. Erwin wasn’t wearing socks or shoes, and his shirt was untucked, the tails loose. His sleeves were rolled, and he was gazing at his outstretched arms.</p>
<p>The right arm was there. He wriggled his fingers. Petra felt cold horror ripple over her body, and fought the urge to hurry out.</p>
<p>“I used to have a scar by my elbow,” he said quietly. He was talking to himself more than to her. “A burn mark at my thumb, from when I touched a hot stove as a boy. They’re gone now. It’s my arm, but…brand new.”</p>
<p>“Erwin?” She stepped nearer. He seemed to emerge from a trance, gazing at her.</p>
<p>“Petra. We did it.” His piercing blue eyes traveled past her to the door. “I saw. I saw the basement.” A strange sort of smile tugged at his mouth. No wonder Levi had hidden Erwin away in this room; the man looked half out of his mind.</p>
<p>“What did you see?” she whispered. He frowned. “Levi won’t tell me.”</p>
<p>“Oh. You can’t imagine.” The strange, distant expression melted away. Warm, brilliant excitement shone in his eyes. “Petra. They’re alive.”</p>
<p>“Who is?” She sat down at the table, her knees too weak to stand.</p>
<p>“Humanity didn’t perish. My father was right.” He grinned, lost in a world within himself. “I was right.”</p>
<p>She smiled gently. At least someone was happy. And…</p>
<p>“Humanity? You mean—”</p>
<p>“There are countries out there. Continents. Civilizations. Their technology surpasses anything I could ever dream of.” He sat on the bed across from her, excitement vibrating through him. “They fly through the air. They drive…some sort of automated carriage, I can’t remember the technical word for it. They have lighting that uses an electric current, no gas or oil required. They have…they have everything.” He laughed, hands on either side of his head. “Everything I could ever want to see, or to know.”</p>
<p>“Erwin…” She gaped, and now her eyes filled with joyful tears. She felt lighter. Freer. “That’s amazing! It’s wonderful!” And Levi had said it was a good idea not to bring a child into this world? One filled with such incredible things? “How did you find out?”</p>
<p>“Grisha Jaeger came from that civilization. He wrote about it in his books, and he kept those books in the basement of his home. They contained everything. Everything. Where we live, it’s an island. Paradis. We’re close to the continent of Marley, across the sea. We are…” Something changed in his eyes. “We are Eldians,” he said slowly.</p>
<p>She frowned. “What are Eldians?”</p>
<p>His gaze darkened further. “Subjects of Ymir.”</p>
<p>“Ymir?”</p>
<p>“We…” All the energy fled him. He sat there, lost in a bitter trance. “Petra. <em>We</em> are the titans.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t remember how to speak; she couldn’t even think of anything to say. While she sat there, Erwin explained. The logic was a little all over the place—there were things she didn’t grasp—but she understood the gist of it. She and Erwin and Levi and everyone they knew were a special kind of human. They possessed a bloodline that allowed them to turn into titans; no other human on earth could do such a thing. There were nine intelligent titans out there, the greatest of which, the Founding Titan, controlled all the others.</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t understand.</em>
</p>
<p>Once, the Eldians had ruled a vast empire, enslaving all other races and civilizations. One hundred years prior, King Fritz had taken most of his people within these walls and eradicated their memories of the outside world. Meanwhile, the continent of Marley had oppressed the Eldians that remained outside. Grisha Jaeger had grown up in one of the Eldian ghettos. Erwin did not spend much time rehashing it for her, but it sounded horrifying.</p>
<p>All Eldians were hated worldwide. Petra’s baby would have been despised just for being born.</p>
<p><em>That’s what Levi meant.</em> Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t argue with him, could she?</p>
<p>“Marley is the reason the titans attacked us five years ago,” Erwin whispered. He stared at the floor as he spoke. “It’s unlikely they’ll stop. They want the resources of our island. More than that, they wish we were dead.”</p>
<p>Petra was stunned to think that right now, across the “sea”, there were thousands if not millions of people who would spit on her if they saw her. Who regarded her as a devil because she had been born with monstrous blood.</p>
<p>It made her feel unclean. It made her feel like all the blood pumping in her body was polluted. But she also realized…</p>
<p>“I’ve helped kill over sixty…people?” she whispered. Erwin shut his eyes.</p>
<p>“The irony. The great irony.” He gave a mirthless laugh, put his head in his hand. “I joined the Survey Corps to help free humanity from the threat of titans. Now I find out that <em>we</em> are the threat to the human race!” His laugh rumbled; it pitched higher, to an almost horrifying note. Erwin was breaking in front of her eyes. “The world would have been much safer if we had never been born!”</p>
<p>“Erwin. Stop,” she whispered, but he stood. He paced to the window, to his desk, the manic energy pushing him onward.</p>
<p>“I gave up everything.” He gripped the back of a chair, squeezed so hard she heard the wood creak. “The woman I loved. A family. Wealth. Community. I let myself become a freak and an outcast and ruined my own life so I could know.” He bared his teeth; his eyes held a frenzied light. “And this is my reward. A world that wishes me dead. All the wonders I could ever dream of seeing, all denied me because of my blood. The continued existence of a civilization rests on my shoulders now. I…”</p>
<p>He flung the chair. Petra jumped as one of the legs broke. Erwin had forgotten she was in the room as he pulled at his hair.</p>
<p>“If I’d known this was the price of knowledge, I wouldn’t have paid it!” he wailed. He collapsed to his knees. “Now I wish I’d died before I saw that cursed basement. I <em>did </em>die. I was free. I was all right. And then <em>he damned me to hell!</em>”</p>
<p>She didn’t know all the facts, but she knew that Levi had had the injection. It had been his choice to make. Petra stood up, so weak she almost collapsed.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She burst into tears; finally, Erwin snapped out of his furious trance and blinked at her. “Levi was only doing what he thought was right. If…if this is all true, we need you. You’re the only one who can save us.” She kept crying as Erwin came back to himself. Almost sheepish, he looked away.</p>
<p>“Of course. Selfish of me. I…I need to help safeguard the world for your child, Petra. I swore I would.”</p>
<p>It was the sound of glass breaking in her mind.</p>
<p>“Well you don’t need to worry about that anymore because the baby is d—” The last word got lost in a howl. The world pitched around her, and Petra fell forward. Erwin grabbed her, held her. He whispered comforting words, picked her up and gently set her down on the bed. She sat there sniffling as he knelt before her.</p>
<p>“Petra. I’m so sorry.” He sounded earnest. “When did…?”</p>
<p>“The day you left.” She sniffed, wiped her nose on her sleeve. Levi would be horrified. She shook her head. “Maybe after what you just told me…maybe it was the best thing that could have happened…” But she was lost in tears again. She couldn’t believe it.</p>
<p>“That’s not true,” Erwin said gently. She gasped, looked down at him. The handsome lines of his face were drawn with pain, but there was such strength in him it reassured her. “In Grisha Jaeger’s journal, I read about the suffering of good men and women. Good Eldians. This world is cruel, but some help make it beautiful. You do, Petra, and your child would. Your child has as much right to this world as one from Marley. You have as much right to happiness as any Marleyan woman.” He nodded. “Perhaps more.” He sighed. “Forgive me for screaming like a frightened child just after you…well. You should have someone stronger for you at this moment.”</p>
<p>“Levi,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yes. Him.”</p>
<p>“He…” She hid her face in her hands. “He left me.” Her voice came out so small.</p>
<p>“He <em>what?</em>”</p>
<p>“Not like that,” she said urgently. “But he keeps walking away. He won’t look at me. I need him,” she whispered. She choked on the words. She needed him so desperately. She needed him to really hold her, to talk to her, but he kept rushing out of the room. He kissed her, fed her, took care of her, but he was gone in the way she needed him most. “I…I know what this world is now. At least a little. I know it’s wrong to want to bring a baby into it. But…” She broke down again. That was all she could do now, have moments of calm and then devolve to tears once more. She wasn’t working right. “But I didn’t know how much I wanted a baby until it was taken away.”</p>
<p>“Petra.” He laid a warm hand on her shoulder. He let her cry, handed her a handkerchief. She gratefully wiped her eyes, took stuttering breaths. She began to calm again. He kept his hand on her shoulder. “Give him time. He’ll talk to you. I know he will.”</p>
<p>“But he’ll want to go back to how we were. Just us. No marriage. No family.” She could barely utter the words.</p>
<p>“And you want that?” He sounded so tired.</p>
<p>“I do. Now that I know what it would be like…I do. And he doesn’t.” She bent over, crying again. Now either she or Levi would have to sacrifice something they most wanted; it would be the death of harmony. Why, why had she been so foolish that night they’d had sex after the titan forest? If she’d remained blissfully ignorant, she could have carried on and been content.</p>
<p>“He could want it,” Erwin offered.</p>
<p>“He won’t. I know him.”</p>
<p>“As do I.” Erwin tilted her chin, wiped her cheeks again with his handkerchief. Petra took steadying breaths; the wave of emotion ebbed. She sat there, relaxing further as…</p>
<p>His hand was warm on her cheek. She opened her eyes. Erwin was staring at his right hand as it cupped her jaw, as he rubbed her hair between his fingers. He looked transfixed at the sight of his restored hand touching her.</p>
<p>He was touching her. Their eyes met.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Petra made a soft, horrified sound before his lips found hers. He kissed her, and this time it was not timid or slow as it had been in his office. He wrapped his arms around her—the man wasn’t strong like Levi, but he was strong enough. His hand passed through her hair, gripped it, tugged. She whimpered as his kiss deepened. Erwin groaned as his mouth opened wider, and hers opened in turn. She felt his tongue in her mouth; her eyes rolled backwards. What was happening? She was lost. Petra recovered herself and pressed her hands against his shoulders. She shoved away. Erwin stopped kissing her, but he did not let her go. His eyes devoured her face. “We can’t. We can’t.”</p>
<p>“Do you know what my life has been?” he asked, his voice strained, his eyes searching. “It’s as if I’m some barren rock hurtling through the reaches of space. No sight. No sound. No sensation. Then, as if from nowhere, a sun emerges before me. Brightness in darkness, sensation in a vacuum. Warmth, and heat, it pulls me into orbit, gives me some ballast in a chaotic universe. It gives me something to gravitate towards, even as I know that coming too close would mean total annihilation.” His lips caressed her cheek; she couldn’t move. “You are the fire in the darkness, Petra. My sun and salvation.”</p>
<p>“Is…” She couldn’t feel her body any longer. No one had ever spoken to her like this before. Where was she? What was this? “Is that from one of your books?”</p>
<p>He chuckled. “The words are my own, though the metaphors and sentiments have been conveyed before by people more brilliant than I.” He kissed her again, stopping her breath. This was wrong. She had to push him away. She… “Don’t send me away into nothingness, Petra. Not now. Not after all I’ve endured.”</p>
<p>He kissed her. She gasped as he pushed her backwards so that she was lying on the bed, and he was lying on top of her. She had never been this intimate with so large a man before. With Levi, since they were nearly the same height, it was a perfect balance. When he lay on top of her, it felt like she was simply merging into a perfect whole. Erwin’s body was enormous, his weight pinning her down. His mouth was lush, his lips so full. She’d never kissed lips fuller or softer. She—</p>
<p>“We can’t!” She wriggled beneath him, and he stopped. He propped himself up on his elbows.</p>
<p>“Say stop, and I’ll stop. Tell me you don’t want it.” He spoke calmly, without any fear. He believed she would not tell him to stop.</p>
<p>Petra opened her mouth…</p>
<p>Levi walking out the door. Levi telling her they’d talk later. Levi turning his eyes from her. Saying it was good they wouldn’t have a baby. Her empty stomach, the medicine still in her system, and the desire to not <em>be</em> any longer…</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>He made a satisfied noise, then returned to kissing her. Tears slid down her cheeks.</p>
<p>“I love him,” she sobbed.</p>
<p>“Then love him. Why shouldn’t you?” Erwin traced his thumb across her cheek, catching the tear. “I still do.”</p>
<p>Petra fled her body as they kissed. All the nerves evaporated; all she could feel now was warmth building between her legs. She shut her eyes in horror.</p>
<p>With both of her previous boyfriends, she’d felt nothing. Making love to them had been more calisthenics than anything else.</p>
<p>With Levi, physical passion had merged with something indescribably pure. Real love. It made her feel divine as much as it gave her sensual pleasure.</p>
<p>With Erwin, there was no love. Her heart did not lift around him; her spirit didn’t grow. But the desire existed, and the absence of affection made it twice as eager and hot. Petra’s spirit wanted to flee from him; her body wanted more. Gasping, she watched as he sat up, tugging at his shirt until it fell to the floor. His body was astounding, like those marble statues she’d seen in the museums up in Mitras, the ones carved to commemorate gods and kings. He covered her again, her hands clasped to his back. His skin was soft, like Levi’s, and she could feel the steel of his muscles. Petra shut her eyes tight, hating herself for enjoying the way he kissed her. This man was Levi’s opposite; he was coming to her with a great deal of experience.</p>
<p>Let him have her. Let him obliterate her. Kissing him was like erasing all the fragile, wonderful moments of her life before. Levi could never want her again, not after this. Better to free him now than chain him to her misery. If he hated her, it would be easier for him to forget her.</p>
<p>
  <em>I want to go away. I just want to stop existing.</em>
</p>
<p>“Please.” She whimpered again as his hands undid the buttons on her shirt, as he kissed her neck, nibbled her collarbone, as his mouth traveled down her body.</p>
<p>“Please, Petra.” His breath puffed against her bare skin. “Save me.”</p>
<p>She gave a soft, horrified cry when his mouth found her breast.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had been drowning, and this was an island paradise. Funny; they <em>were</em> on an island called Paradis, but this made it feel real. True. The softness of her lips, her cheek… Her mouth was so sweet. The little noises of horrified arousal she made lit a fire inside of his body.</p>
<p>He had thirteen years left on this earth, if what Jaeger’s journals had said were true. Thirteen years of hell seemed endless, but the sensation of her in his bed, him in her arms could make that prison term bearable.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi will kill me.</em>
</p>
<p>The prospect of that was also delightful.</p>
<p>But right now, he wanted to live because he wanted to kiss her. The touch of her small, delicate hands on his bare skin made him hard. If Levi didn’t want a wife and child, Erwin would take that burden from him. Finding this small, fiery angel in his room and bed night after night would ease suffering.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll give you what he won’t, Petra.</em>
</p>
<p>He had started this madness out of desire, out of despair. He had not expected such a surge of emotion as he kissed her, as he unbuttoned her blouse. The first time he’d kissed her, back in his office, he had been merely sad. It had been comfort. She had given him light.</p>
<p>Now she gave him heat. He found her small, pert breast and kissed it. He took it into his mouth. She writhed and moaned as he did so, his tongue swirling over her nipple to make it peak. He was throbbing now in every part of his body. He could barely recall that she’d been through a physical trauma; he needed her now. So Levi would kill him; so what? Erwin knew in the distant back of his mind that it would hurt Levi, and as much as he did not want that he also wanted that man’s suffering. He had condemned Erwin to this nightmare.</p>
<p>
  <em>He didn’t understand. I thought he did, but he didn’t. He’s not an equal; he’s a trained dog.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had never hated Levi before, but these last few days he had choked on that hate. Fine. Let this hurt him. Erwin would keep this girl for himself.</p>
<p>“Please.” Petra passed her fingers through his hair. “Ah. Please.”</p>
<p>Did she want him to continue, or stop? Erwin looked up.</p>
<p>“Can I ask you something?” She sounded shy. Sweet. He left her exposed breast and kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“Anything.” He lay there, enveloped in the scent of her, soap and lilac, clean and sweet. Petra wound her small hands around his neck. He kissed her, devoured her delicate mouth. She kissed him back with abandon. He moaned, she did as well. He was so hard. He rucked up her skirt, passed his hand along the soft line of her leg. Soon…</p>
<p>“Back in the titan forest.” She whispered in his ear, taking the lobe between her sharp little teeth. “Did you keep information from Levi so he couldn’t get to his squad in time to save them?”</p>
<p>Ah. He looked into her eyes, which had been so sweet moments ago, and found fury. A trap. A honey pot. Hmm, she could be conniving when she wanted. It only spurred his desire.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d be grateful,” he said coolly. “It was the only way I knew I could keep him alive.”</p>
<p>Petra screamed. Erwin grunted as she slapped him across the face. He sat up on his knees, astonished as she went at him like a wild animal. She clawed, slapped at him. Her nails dug into his cheek, drawing blood. He hissed, finally catching her wrists. Petra’s fury dissolved into fear as she watched plumes of steam issue from Erwin’s wound. He healed at once.</p>
<p>“The benefits of a titan shifter,” he explained, releasing her wrists. Her hair was rumpled now, her lips swollen from kissing. Her fair skin was splotched along her neck and chest; her breast was still bare to him, tantalizing. Petra flushed as she hastily buttoned her shirt and slid off the bed.</p>
<p>“You’re disgusting,” she spat.</p>
<p>“I am.” It was an easy agreement. He stood, still bare-chested before her. “I was a monster who pretended to be a god. Levi extended mercy; he offered to let me die as a good man. I took him up on it, and then he called me back. He burned my humanity away when he gave me that injection. Now only a devil can save our world. So a devil is what I’m forced to be.”</p>
<p>“Don’t make excuses.”</p>
<p>“I won’t. And you shouldn’t, either.”</p>
<p>She paled and looked away in shame.</p>
<p>“I have to tell him.”</p>
<p>“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t. He deserves to know.”</p>
<p>“You want that, don’t you?” She looked at him with such scorn.</p>
<p>“No,” he said simply. “I want you. Now I see what I’ve yearned for, and the feeling won’t dissipate. If he throws you away, come to me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t love you.” She meant it.</p>
<p>“Love is not static. It changes. I know I have your desire. Don’t lie to me,” he snapped, when she opened her mouth to do just that. Petra glanced away; her shame was evident. “I have to live as a devil for thirteen years. It would be good to have an angel at my side.”</p>
<p>She shuddered with horror at his words.</p>
<p>“He’s going to kill you.” Petra stormed past him, heading for the door.</p>
<p>“He’ll try.” <em>Let him try. Pray he succeeds.</em></p>
<p>“Oh!” Erwin turned to find Petra trying to get out and Anka trying to get in. Both women were shocked at the other’s presence. Petra stood aside to let Anka in, then glared at Erwin. “Enjoy your <em>message</em>,” she snarled at him, then slammed the door.</p>
<p>“I…” Anka looked white with confusion. She noticed his half-nudity. Her eyes flicked back to the door, to Petra’s flight. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“Does Pixis have an actual message?” he asked. Anka was staring at his right arm now. She shuffled forward as if in a daze.</p>
<p>“He and Zackley want to see you downstairs. They have questions.”</p>
<p>“When?”</p>
<p>“F-Fifteen minutes.” She reached out and touched his arm. She couldn’t believe it.</p>
<p>“That’s enough time,” he said. He grabbed her about the waist and kissed her. They fell into bed, where he called her Petra. She didn’t complain.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi stormed through the barrack halls, listening to their emptiness. He stormed outside, headed around the building. He found the three men walking along the small patch of green behind the Survey Corps barracks. Erwin, Pixis, and Zackley chatting about some bullshit. They turned, hearing his advance. Pixis and Zackley looked bemused; Erwin looked ready.</p>
<p>“Captain. The official military debriefing is set for the day after tomorrow. We’re also working on a memorial service and commemoration—” Zackley began.</p>
<p>“Get out of here,” Levi grunted. He glared at Erwin. “I need to talk to you,” he said.</p>
<p>“That sounded like an order,” Zackley said flatly. Pixis said nothing; he’d always been the smarter of the two.</p>
<p>“<em>Get the fuck out of here!</em>” Levi barked. The older men startled.</p>
<p>“Please, gentlemen. The captain and I have business.”</p>
<p>Levi kept staring at Erwin as the two commanders departed, muttering amongst themselves. Erwin looked as distant and perfect as a fucking statue. He looked bored. Waiting.</p>
<p>“Yes, Levi?” he said when they were alone.</p>
<p>Levi pulled out his dagger and plunged it deep into Erwin Smith’s stomach. The commander bent over, coughing in surprise as Levi twisted the knife, grinding it in as deep as it’d go.</p>
<p>“That…hurts,” Erwin grumbled. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. “Just because it can’t kill me doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain.”</p>
<p>“I want you to feel pain, you greedy fucker,” Levi rasped. He yanked the blade out, making its exit as rough as its entrance. When Erwin stabilized, Levi stabbed him right in the kidney. Erwin gripped his shoulder for balance, but Levi wrenched himself away. Steam gushed from the wounds. Erwin staggered, then stood. He wiped the blood from his mouth.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you go for my nape?” Erwin drawled. That bastard.</p>
<p>“If I wanted you dead, you wouldn’t have seen me coming.” He wiped off his blade and sheathed it.</p>
<p>“Of course not. It would be too magnanimous of you.” Erwin’s blue gaze clouded over, a stormy sky emerging out of nowhere.</p>
<p>“How could you do that to her? You know what she’s been through!”</p>
<p>“How could <em>you</em>, Levi?” Raw anger laced his voice. “That poor girl was left abandoned in her room to suffer alone. Are you that much of a coward? Or is it that easy to break faith with those you claim to care about?”</p>
<p>Levi cried out and tackled Erwin. He slammed the commander into the ground, placed a boot to his throat and pressed hard. Erwin choked, but didn’t try to get up.</p>
<p>“I know why you did it,” Levi rasped. “You wanted this. Huh? You wanted me to come here and kick your ass. Then why didn’t you just come to me and say it? Why use her? Why does everything have to be a fucking game with you?”</p>
<p>“A habit, I’m afraid.” Erwin glowered up at him, grasping Levi’s booted ankle. “When you’ve spent your life never being honest about your intentions, it’s hard to start.”</p>
<p>“I’m here now. Tell me what you want.”</p>
<p>“What am I supposed to want now? Hmm? My dream came true. You saw to that.”</p>
<p>Something in Erwin’s voice made Levi lift his boot. He backed away as Erwin stood. Levi had never seen such…hate. Erwin Smith looked at him with hatred.</p>
<p>The lightning crawled all over Levi’s body. Instinctively, he wanted to fall to his knees and beg forgiveness. His master…his commander…Erwin hated him. Levi fell deeper into misery.</p>
<p>“Bringing you back was the right choice,” Levi rasped. “The basement. What we found. Armin was a smart boy, but he could never have been a match for the entire fucking world.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Armin.” Erwin’s gaze gentled. “That poor child. Perhaps it was kindness to let him out of this hell.”</p>
<p>“You know…you know we need you. Eldia, whatever the fuck it still is, needs you.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I know.” Erwin became more subdued. “I’m not trying to shirk my duty. I swore to lift humanity up, to save it; I’ll do the same now. I’ll give my life, what remains of it, to this fight.” He glared. “But you didn’t know that. When you gave me the injection, you didn’t know what we’d find.”</p>
<p>Levi felt suddenly trapped, a spider under a glass.</p>
<p>“It was the right choice,” he grunted. “You were the safe bet.”</p>
<p>“I know I was. You made the choice any other person would make.” Erwin lunged at him. Levi, lightning quick, put out his blade to protect himself. Erwin gripped the dagger, letting it cut into his flesh. His blood rained to the earth, but he kept squeezing. Perhaps the pain focused him. “But I thought you were different from every other person!” The volcanic fury suddenly cratered; Erwin seemed to implode. He slumped to his knees, and Levi knelt with him. “It was my fault. I thought you understood me, Levi.” Now he was lost, sorrowing. Levi remembered the man as he’d been sitting on that crate in Shiganshina, while the world around them exploded. <em>Levi. Thank you.</em> Erwin gave a shuddering gasp. “When you told me to give up and die… I thought you knew it was exactly what I wanted. I was too much of a coward to let go. You lifted my hands away, and…let me fall. It was the kindest thing any person had ever done for me. It was the greatest act of love I’d ever received.” Erwin’s face crumpled; he was fighting tears. “When I rose out of that titan, and saw that you hadn’t understood… It’s not your fault. I’m not angry at you, but at myself. I thought you saw me. It was a delusion.”</p>
<p>“Erwin…” Levi swallowed. All the fury left him; in that moment, he was back in Shiganshina, kneeling at this man’s feet. “I… I understood.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>He couldn’t stop it. The confession came.</p>
<p>“I understood what you wanted. I…I was choosing Armin. I didn’t want to put you back through hell. It was killing me to do it because I just didn’t want to lose you. But I was going to let you go.”</p>
<p>“You…understood?” A look of wonder stole over his face.</p>
<p>“You were in pain. You didn’t want your dream anymore. You wanted to rest.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Yes.” Erwin actually smiled.</p>
<p>“You didn’t want to be a devil.” Levi’s voice shook; he had to keep himself from losing it. “You wanted to be a hero. Like the world saw you.”</p>
<p>“You saw me. You did. You understood.” Erwin gave an unburdened laugh. “Levi… But then, why? Why, when you’d chosen Armin—”</p>
<p>“Because of the baby!” He lowered his head, too ashamed to look Erwin in the face now. “Because I needed to protect it. And Petra. I didn’t know what was out there, and I needed you to keep them safe!”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Silence. “Oh, I see. It’s…so cruel, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>What was? Levi? Fate? The world? Yes. The answer to all three was yes.</p>
<p>Now the baby was gone. And Petra…</p>
<p>When she’d told him what Erwin had done, he’d stopped feeling. He picked up his dagger and walked out of the room. He couldn’t even remember if she’d said anything else. He imagined this man’s hands and lips traveling all over her body, and it made him want to stab Erwin all over again.</p>
<p>“If you hate me, then take it out on me. Leave her alone. It’s not her fault I picked you!”</p>
<p>“No,” Erwin mused. “Levi, I don’t hate you.”</p>
<p>It was sick how much of a relief that was. This man had been kissing Levi’s girl, ready to fuck her, and in five minutes Levi had gone from wanting to gut him to relieved Erwin didn’t hate him. <em>I’m sick. I’m so fucking sick.</em></p>
<p>Erwin stood, Levi still kneeling at his feet.</p>
<p>“Petra is a woman who deserves protection. If you brought me back to this world in order to safeguard her, I can bear it.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say her name,” he growled. He didn’t want Petra’s name on this man’s lips any longer. He glared up at Erwin. “She’s not yours to take care of. She’s mine.”</p>
<p>“You called me back to look after her. I will.” He held up a hand. “Don’t worry. Not like that. I’ll never touch her again. Not until she asks me.” With Erwin, that was an oath. <em>Smug bastard. She’ll never ask. </em>“But you paid for her safety with my soul. I don’t take that lightly, and neither should you.”</p>
<p>It was like Levi had…bound her to Erwin. Horror crept over him. <em>What the fuck have I done?</em></p>
<p>“So now what?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“Now we look to the next obstacle: the entire world. Levi, I expect you to come with me.” He gripped Levi’s shoulders, forced him to stand. The two men stood there, staring at one another. That golden thread between them wound itself tighter in Levi’s imagination. The lightning flowed from him to Erwin. Erwin was bound to Petra, and Levi to him more tightly than before. “But for today, Levi…leave me alone.”</p>
<p>Erwin let go of him and turned his back, trudging away. Levi stood there, vibrating in bewilderment.</p>
<p>“One last thing.” Erwin glanced over his shoulder. “You’re right, as always. I <em>did</em> kiss her to make you come to me. But you should know my own feelings have deepened. I’m taken with her myself now.”</p>
<p>“Erwin,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>But he could only watch as his commander walked away from him.</p>
<p>He’d come here ready to kick ass, and he felt like he’d been whipped. Levi staggered away, back to his room. Back to Petra. He needed to talk to her. Really talk. He opened the door.</p>
<p>“Petra?”</p>
<p>The room was empty. On the pillow, beside the little stuffed lamb, was the brass ring he’d given her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It didn’t take a genius to figure where she’d gone. He turned his steps to that big, shiny house in the center of Trost. He knocked on the door, and Edvard opened up. The tall, dweeby looking guy seemed sad.</p>
<p>“Hey, pal. Come inside.”</p>
<p>Pal. Whatever. It was meant to be nice. Levi trudged in, the door shutting behind him. Edvard blew out his cheeks and glanced up the stairs.</p>
<p>“Gitta’s with her right now. We gave her the guest room. I’m so sorry, buddy.” Levi grunted when Edvard clapped him on the back. “You know we’re here for you both. Especially me. We brothers-in-law have to stick together.”</p>
<p>Levi had noticed that about the middle classes: so desperate to separate men and women into different spheres, like they were each something alien to the other. In the underground, where one wrong move meant the difference between life and death, you didn’t see delicate ladies and courtly gentlemen; you just saw people. Allies or enemies, and nothing in between.</p>
<p>“Uh. Thanks,” he said at last, because Edvard was at least well meaning. “I’m gonna go up.”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Levi passed Brigitta on the stairs. They nodded at each other. She seemed a little pissed. Well…couldn’t blame her.</p>
<p>He opened the door to the guest room. Petra lay fully clothed on top of the covers, huddled on her left side as she gazed out the window.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said. She whimpered, tightened herself further into a ball. Levi walked around the bed and stood before her. She buried her face in the pillow. “Look at me.”</p>
<p>“I can’t.”</p>
<p>“You can. Don’t be a brat.” <em>Levi, you fuck. </em>Gentle. He had to be gentle. “Come on. I’m not mad.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Because a lot of this is my fault. Hey. Look at me.”</p>
<p>She did, turning that puffy little face to him. Her eyes were red, her skin mottled. She looked terrible. And just the sight of her wrenched his heart. He knelt by the bed, laid a hand on her hair. Petra’s lip quivered. She buried her face in the pillow again and cried. She looked so wounded, like she was limping everywhere while bleeding.</p>
<p>He should have hated her and Erwin both, but the hate had drained out of him already. Maybe a middle class guy who’d grown up with soft hands and no problems could afford to piss and moan forever about an infidelity. Levi had too much real shit to worry about; this woman still loved him. It was written in her face, along with her shame. He’d punished them all by bringing Erwin back, anyway. And he took responsibility for shit. Levi kissed her hair. She whimpered.</p>
<p>“Baby, look at me. I’m not mad.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” She pushed herself up and fell into his arms, sobbing. “I love you so much. I don’t love him. I only wanted you to stop loving me so I wouldn’t make you miserable with the baby, because I want it and—” She sobbed wretchedly against his shoulder. He kept holding her, petting her hair, whispering it was okay. She was in so much pain that only a monster would want to give her more.</p>
<p>“Hey, I win out over Erwin Smith. That’s never happened before. Makes me feel good,” he mumbled, trying to be funny. She didn’t laugh, but she cried softer. “I’m sorry I left you alone.”</p>
<p>“Will you stay with me?” She sobbed. “Will you talk to me?”</p>
<p>Talking was hard, and emotions were a nightmare, but he’d run away from his duties before and this was where it’d gotten them. He nodded, kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I can do that.”</p>
<p>He sat in bed with her the rest of the day, holding her, stroking her hair. They actually didn’t talk about much, but his presence soothed her. Petra relaxed against him, sometimes napping in his arms. Brigitta came in as the sun went down with food for both of them. The sight of them together like this mollified her. She gave Levi a small, tight smile. Levi woke Petra, watched her eat. She didn’t have much appetite, but she tried.</p>
<p>“You left the ring behind,” he said when she’d finished. Petra blushed, looked at her hands.</p>
<p>“I did. I…I just wanted you to have it back.”</p>
<p>“You can keep it.”</p>
<p>“There’s no point if we don’t get married, and now that there’s no baby there’s no reason to.” She sniffed. “I thought about it today.”</p>
<p>“Petra—”</p>
<p>“Please. You were right.” She looked him in the eyes. “Er—the commander told me what you found in the basement, and you were right. This is a bad world to bring a child into. Doing that would be selfish. We can’t be selfish now.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. That’s true.”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “So let’s not tempt fate. All I ever really wanted was you. I can be happy with that again. Just give me some time.”</p>
<p>Her hand slipped into his. His thumb stroked her palm.</p>
<p>“That’s mature of you,” he said. She sighed heavily.</p>
<p>“I love you. Always. I’ll never stop being sorry about…that.”</p>
<p>“He did it. Not you. He did it to get to me.” He left out the part about Erwin being taken with her now. She laid her head against his. “You love me, yeah?”</p>
<p>“I do. More than anything.”</p>
<p>“Good. I feel the same.” He kissed her forehead. “That’s why I want to marry you.”</p>
<p>She pulled away from him, looking stumped.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I’m serious. I want to marry you.” He held her gaze.</p>
<p>“Levi, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to go to him. You don’t have to marry me to “make it official” or—”</p>
<p>“I want to marry you because I love you. Isn’t that how it usually goes?”</p>
<p>She blinked, shook her head. Maybe she thought she was dreaming, or had snapped.</p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t want to get married.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t. But I changed my mind.”</p>
<p>“Because of Erwin.”</p>
<p>“Because of the basement. The world.” His nostrils flared. “I want to marry you. I want to have a kid with you. I want that because you want it.”</p>
<p>Now she looked ready to slap him. “If this is all a joke to get back at me…”</p>
<p>“Why the fuck would it be? Use your damn head, Ral.” She gaped at him, but her wariness lessened. He was treating her like normal, so his proposal had to be real. “Do you want a baby?”</p>
<p>“I just said it was a bad idea.”</p>
<p>“Okay, fuck that. Answer. Do you want a baby with me?”</p>
<p>“I…” She looked half furious and half bewildered. “<em>Yes.</em> But I shouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“But you do. I want to make you happy, and you make me happy, so there’s the answer.”</p>
<p>“Hold on.” She pressed her palms to her forehead. “I’m so confused. <em>Why</em> did you change your mind?”</p>
<p>This was the least romantic marriage proposal ever, which suited him fine.</p>
<p>“I told you. The basement. The world hates Eldians.”</p>
<p>“Right, which is why bringing a child into this world is a bad idea.”</p>
<p>“Because that’s what they want us to feel,” he said. Anger sparked in him again. The story of Grisha’s little sister, torn apart by dogs, would never leave him. If Levi could have, he would have beaten that man to death with his fists. “They want us to hate ourselves because of how we’re born. They want us to choose not to have kids, so there aren’t any Eldians to deal with. They want us to shrivel and die and say thank you. I say <em>fuck them.</em>”</p>
<p>“So you want a wife and child because it’s what they don’t want you to have?” She sighed wearily. “Well, that…sounds like you.”</p>
<p>“Oi. Don’t get smart.”</p>
<p>“I’m just saying that marrying me to spite someone else isn’t a reason to get married.” She crossed her arms and sat back against the headboard. Obstinate brat.</p>
<p>“Not just that. It’s the reason I brought Erwin back,” he said. She gaped at him. “I brought him back to protect you and the kid. Otherwise, I’d have let him go. I chose the baby over him.”</p>
<p>“So…you need to make his sacrifice worthwhile?” She rubbed her eyes. “You want to get married to spite the world and to make it up to Erwin Smith. I…Levi, I don’t think we should get married.”</p>
<p>“So you’re arguing with me now?”</p>
<p>“Yes! Because it all sounds insane!”</p>
<p>“Real harsh words for someone who’s not mad about you kissing the commander.” Maybe that was a cheap shot, because she instantly withered. Shit. “Fuck, I’m sorry. That was me being a dick. I don’t mean it.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” She rubbed her eyes. “I can’t… I don’t know what to do.”</p>
<p>“Marry me. Have a kid. Live the life you want. That’s all we can do to fight back against this world.” He gripped her hand. “After I brought Erwin back, I realized something. I picked the kid over him. I thought I could never do something like that. The old me wouldn’t have. I’m different, Petra. You made me different. I don’t hate that. I’m abnormal; I’ve lost too many people. I’m setting myself up for more heartbreak this way, but taking it on means I’m not giving in. The world wants me to surrender. This is the only thing I’ve got that doesn’t make me hate shit.” He wasn’t good at talking, but he kept trying. “Without you, and the kid, what am I? A grumpy old man who hates the world. The beast titan.” He bared his teeth; the thought of that ape and the screaming bearded bitch fired his blood even now. “I’m going to kill it. I promised him.”</p>
<p>Erwin lived, but Levi owed him one. A big one. He’d kill the beast titan someday to make up for his failure.</p>
<p>“Levi, I love you. But this is all just anger and fighting. It’s not a good reason to have a child.” She kissed his cheek. “I’ll never leave you. Maybe we shouldn’t change anything. That’s enough.”</p>
<p>He closed his eyes, pictured that imaginary kid again. The one he’d never meet now. It waved up at him, giggling. It all had to be for a reason, didn’t it?</p>
<p>“Grisha wrote something in his journal,” he said.</p>
<p>“Yes. About the way Eldians are treated.”</p>
<p>“No. When he first came here, someone told him…” Levi struggled with his thoughts. “He told him to love someone in the walls. A family. Otherwise, it all starts up again. The hatred. The violence.” He kissed her lips. She hesitated, then gave herself fully to the kiss. “I’m not the man I was. I think whoever I would’ve been without you…he’d be worse. Lost. Angry. I can’t keep doing it over and over again. Even if I lose you, even if I lose the kid, I have to stop it somehow. I don’t want to marry you because it’ll piss the world off, or because I feel bad about Erwin. I want to marry you because I love you, and I don’t want to halfass it.” He dug into his pocket and took out the brass ring. He offered it to her. “Marry me, Petra Ral, because I fucking love you and for no other reason.”</p>
<p>Maybe the word ‘fucking’ was too much. Shit.</p>
<p>But she took the ring and, trembling, slipped it back onto her finger.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she whispered. Her lips met his. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“And the baby?” His lips traced hers.</p>
<p>“We can try again.”</p>
<p>Fuck it, this was probably a bad idea. But Levi had spent his life thumbing his nose at the world, and he wasn’t about to stop now.</p>
<p>Besides, as he kissed her, he felt pretty fucking good. After Shiganshina, that was some kind of miracle.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>Six days later</strong>
</p>
<p>She smiled as she stood in the line of officers and watched the heroes of Shiganshina receive their medals. Erwin knelt in the center, kissing Queen Historia’s hand. Petra gazed at him a moment, then moved on. She felt more pity than anger now, and touched the ring on her left hand.</p>
<p>Hange next, then Levi. Even though only nine had returned, with Erwin at the head and the colossal titan’s powers theirs, everyone felt optimistic. Even knowing about the outside world, they felt stronger with Erwin to guide them. With him watching over them all, it was a world where maybe a child of hers could be safe.</p>
<p>Though whenever she looked at Eren and Mikasa, her heart broke a little. They’d been locked up for a few days on returning—they’d fought Levi to get him to choose Armin. Petra teared up a little when she thought of the sweet boy who’d died. Mikasa and Eren were true soldiers; they’d taken their punishment and returned to their duties. But she knew they’d carry that wound forever.</p>
<p>Eren took Historia’s hand.</p>
<p>Petra looked at Levi, smiling a bit at the back of his head. Soon they’d be married; soon they’d try again. The world was opening up in strange and terrifying ways, but beautiful ones, too. She had so much to be thankful for.</p>
<p>The crowd around her murmured. Something was wrong. Petra noticed that Eren was still clutching Historia’s hand; he’d been holding it for almost a minute. She frowned. Eren?</p>
<p>Finally, Historia got him to release her. She gave him his medal and moved on. The crowd resettled, but Petra kept looking at the boy.</p>
<p>How was he? The poor thing.</p>
<p>When the ceremony was over, she stopped over to see Hange and Levi first. Hange was all smiles; she hooked an arm around Levi’s neck, which made him glower.</p>
<p>“Can’t wait for the big day! Levi said I could be a flower girl.”</p>
<p>“We’ll find you a better job,” Petra said, side eyeing her fiancé. He shrugged.</p>
<p>“She could also clean up after the ceremony.”</p>
<p>“<em>Levi.</em>” Petra kissed his cheek and moved on. Erwin Smith loomed before her. Petra remained wary, but nodded at him. He bowed lightly in return.</p>
<p>“Congratulations,” she said.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to talk to you about transferring. Levi and I talked it over; he thinks we should be able to control ourselves enough to have me back on his squad.”</p>
<p>“I agree. Second in command would suit you well.” Good. She nodded, and started to walk past. “Petra. Don’t worry. As I told him, I will never touch you again unless you ask me to.”</p>
<p>He spoke low, and serious. She nodded.</p>
<p>“Good. Then you’ll never touch me again.” She walked away from him and over to the kids. The 104<sup>th</sup> smiled at her, though Mikasa looked subdued. She shook their hands, then frowned when she saw Eren.</p>
<p>He was…staring at her. Like he’d seen a ghost.</p>
<p>The poor boy’s face was drawn, almost green. It shook Petra to see. She went over to him.</p>
<p>“Eren?” she whispered. He blinked at her. “Are you all right?”</p>
<p>“The titan forest,” he whispered.</p>
<p>She seized up. “What?”</p>
<p>He looked her straight in the eye.</p>
<p>“You were supposed to die,” he said flatly.</p>
<p>Petra stood there, shocked into silence. He walked away and was lost in the crowd.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Two weeks later</strong>
</p>
<p>Petra found the girl training by herself. Mikasa was just returning from running the training course, flying on her ODM through a simulated forest. The girl truly was Levi’s blood; the grace was unmistakable, as was the sullen determination. Mikasa shot her hooks one final time, spun around a pole, then detached and planted her feet on the ground. Petra applauded as she approached. The Ackerman girl only regarded her with placid gray eyes.</p>
<p>“Give it a few years, and you’ll be better than Levi,” Petra said. Mikasa didn't smile.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She began unstrapping her ODM; she still had a few practice blades left. She killed dummy titans quickly and with great accuracy. Now that they knew what was across the sea, of course, titan training didn’t make much sense. But it was always better to be prepared.</p>
<p>“I wanted to ask you something.” Petra walked alongside Mikasa as the girl headed to return her equipment. “We’re getting married the day after tomorrow.” She said ‘we’ not ‘Levi and I.’ It had been about three weeks since Shiganshina, but Mikasa was still raw from Levi’s choice. Whatever shred of hope Petra had held that the two cousins would eventually become close seemed to have disappeared. “I still need a maid of honor to stand next to me. I was hoping you’d do the job.”</p>
<p>Mikasa frowned. “I thought you had a sister.”</p>
<p>“I do. But these last five years the Corps has been like a new family to me. Plus, you’re Levi’s—that is, you’re family. So’s my sister, I know, but I think it would be nice to have you. If you’d like.”</p>
<p>Maybe this was a bad idea. Petra wanted to find some way of bringing them all closer together. Mikasa merely unloaded her ODM at the training station and signed it back in. Then she and Petra walked towards the showers. A summer breeze riffled through the taller girl’s black hair. Otherwise, she could have been a statue. She seemed expressionless.</p>
<p>“If you’d like me to, of course.”</p>
<p>She said it in the way she’d receive an order. Petra drooped a bit, but it was a start.</p>
<p>“It would mean a lot to me. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Mikasa stopped walking. Her expression softened. “Then I’m happy to do it.”</p>
<p>Sweet girl. Petra wanted to hug her, but since she was now Mikasa’s direct superior officer it might not be the best idea.</p>
<p>“Thank you. It’ll be nice. You’ll see.” Petra smiled, touched the girl’s arm, and started to walk away.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Mikasa said softly. Petra turned. “About…the baby.”</p>
<p>It didn’t matter how much time passed. It was another knife to her heart. Petra tried to smile, but it was too much.</p>
<p>“Me, too. But Levi…we’re going to try again. So. You’ll have another little cousin, with any luck.”</p>
<p>Mikasa nodded, head hung low. Petra’s heart broke a little. She saw in Mikasa’s face the same heartbreak she observed when she looked in the mirror. They were both mourning a precious loss.</p>
<p>“And I’m sorry about Armin,” Petra whispered. Mikasa’s lip quivered for one moment, but then her stoic façade returned.</p>
<p>“That’s nice,” she murmured. “Everyone keeps talking about what a good choice Captain Levi made.”</p>
<p>Petra couldn’t imagine having to endure hearing that over and over. She went and gripped Mikasa’s arm.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I wish…” Petra’s voice trailed off. No. It was borderline treason to say it. <em>Sometimes I wish Levi had chosen Armin instead.</em> Horrible. Wrong. Erwin Smith was their one great hope in this uncertain new world. But Petra could not think of him without remembering his hands on her, the coldness in his eyes when he admitted to sacrificing her friends for Levi’s safety. Petra could know it was the right choice all she wanted; she would never forget it, and she couldn’t really forgive it, either.</p>
<p>Mikasa’s eyes widened in shock. She knew what Petra had meant. Then a thin sliver of tears appeared. She wiped them away, but Petra saw.</p>
<p>“Armin was a good, brave boy. He was a huge loss.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Mikasa whispered. She sniffed. “I’ll…be happy to be your maid of honor.”</p>
<p>Petra knew it was too familiar, but they were going to be family. She stood on her toes and hugged the girl. Mikasa returned the hug. She was slow at first, but she returned it fully.</p>
<p>Petra stood there and hugged her for a minute while the girl wept a few tears. Then she controlled herself, and they broke apart. Mikasa’s pain was gone, hidden again beneath her blank expression.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. This girl is just like you.</em>
</p>
<p>They parted ways soon after, and Petra walked out of the barracks and headed towards Brigitta’s. She grinned. Edvard had pulled a few strings and gotten her something beautiful at a steep discount. She had to work on it in secret at Brigitta’s; she didn’t want Levi to see.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He hated doing this kind of shit because it was bound to get emotional, but weddings came with emotional territory. He’d gotten used to it by now. Levi knocked on Hange’s door. At first he got no answer, thought she might be out, but then he heard a noise within and knocked again.</p>
<p>“Oi. Hange. Open up.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Come in.”</p>
<p>She sounded strangely listless. Frowning, Levi opened the door and found the squad leader sitting on her floor, back against her bed. As usual, her room was a dire mess. There were papers scattered all over her floor, some sporting boot prints from when she’d thoughtlessly trod on them. There were open ink pots dotting her desk, and, shudderingly, the remains of a sandwich. He wanted to give her shit about it, but the sight of her stopped him cold.</p>
<p>Levi had seen Hange cry maybe three times in the past six years. She felt things, of course she did, but she just wasn’t the type to express her feelings. Not like him—he bottled everything up. Hange repressed nothing—she just wasn’t the type to get sad. But now, her glasses were perched atop her rat’s nest of brown hair. Her eyes were red and puffed. She sniffed loudly and wiped her nose with her hand. Levi wanted to run out of here screaming when he saw that, but his friend’s obvious misery overrode that reaction.</p>
<p>“Oi. Four Eyes. What the fuck’s the matter?”</p>
<p>“Ah. Um. I was…I was writing a letter to Moblit’s family. I wanted to write a personal one, since he s-served under me for so long. I got together a box of his…I got his stuff from his room. I f-found this.” She handed it up. Levi took it. It was a leatherbound journal. He opened it, flipped through the pages. It was a standard type of military diary. Most of it was drill times, brief notes on the day, shit like that.</p>
<p>But most of his notes were like:</p>
<p>
  <em>0700 roll call: Make sure SL Hange eats beforehand. She forgot yesterday. Again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>0900 1<sup>st</sup> experiment: S&amp;B tenting experiment. SL Hange will get too close. Again. Make sure to keep in range.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>1400 training session: New recruits to run obstacle course. SL Hange will need to check her ODM oil. Probably have to do it myself.</em>
</p>
<p>And on and on, a litany of unseen care and concern. Levi looked at Hange, now pitifully crying into her hands.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “He was a good guy.”</p>
<p>There was nothing worse in life than to not realize what you had until it was gone. While Hange sat there getting herself under control, Levi picked up the papers on her floor, put them into the right piles, and collected Moblit’s things into a box. He wasn’t the type to hug or shit like that, but he did what he could. When he’d finished, he sat on the bed and briefly patted Hange’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“I know his family’ll be glad to get that letter from you.”</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah. Thanks, Levi.” She wiped her nose with her hand again, then patted him. He wanted to crawl out of his skin, but kept himself together. Eventually, she was fully calm. Might as well ask.</p>
<p>“So. Uh. Do you want to be my best man?” he grumbled.</p>
<p>She turned around, blinking owlishly at him as she adjusted her glasses back onto her nose.</p>
<p>“Huh??”</p>
<p>“I mean, if it’s too weird.” Normally, he’d have asked Erwin, but right now including Erwin in his wedding day with Petra was too fucking weird even for him.</p>
<p>“N…No. No, it’s not weird at all.”</p>
<p>Then Hange flung herself forward, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing tight enough to fucking rupture something.</p>
<p>“Tch. Fine. Then get off.” Hange let go, sniffling and beaming.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you’re having a real wedding.”</p>
<p>Yeah, the chapel was booked. Four in the afternoon, after training. The brats and Petra’s family—minus the brother, thank fuck—would be there. Levi looked forward to it as much as he’d look forward to a hernia. At least they’d agreed to have a real quick, quiet reception, Petra’s gift to him.</p>
<p>But after Shiganshina, and after they’d lost the baby, there was no rush, and they wanted people to be there. Petra did, at least.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d have asked Erwin.” Hange looked quizzical. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Uh. He’s got a lot on his mind right now.” Levi wanted to keep Petra’s secret. He didn’t need Erwin looking like a cad, either. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Oh, then I have an idea!” Hange grinned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She wanted you to have matching cravats?” Petra giggled in bed that night, lying with her head on his chest. He stroked her hair, relishing the little moments they had together. One nice thing about Shiganshina: now that they knew the real enemy, and now that they’d chased off the shifters and reclaimed Wall Maria, there was no need for further expeditions beyond the wall. They’d keep the titan masher going until they’d wiped out most of the population in Wall Maria. That meant the Survey Corps would be cozy at home while they strategized for the next step. Whatever that was. That meant Petra would be entirely safe for the foreseeable future, which meant he could breathe.</p>
<p>“She knew I wouldn’t wear a flower in my buttonhole. Next best thing.”</p>
<p>“Thank you again for doing this.” She kissed him. “I know a wedding ceremony with people wasn’t really what you wanted.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Makes you happy. Besides, if you wanna make it up to me…” He rolled over, lying on top of her while Petra giggled some more. They kissed, moved against one another, and he started getting real excited.</p>
<p>“Wait.” She kissed his nose. Mischievous, she grinned and counted on her fingers. “So it’s Hange and Mikasa up there with us, then Eren, Connie, Jean, Sasha, my parents, Brigitta, and Edvard. Oh, and Floch. I always forget about him. I know that’s awful.”</p>
<p>“We gotta go over the guest list right now?” he grumbled.</p>
<p>“I still think it would be smart to invite Pixis and Zackley.”</p>
<p>“Pixis won’t come unless there’s an open bar, and Zackley’ll be too busy torturing kittens.”</p>
<p>“Still. You have to be more political now, don’t you?” She kissed him again, but his thoughts soured. Yeah. The moment they opened that basement door, Levi’s title as Humanity’s Strongest hadn’t mattered all that much anymore. Compared to the hatred of a whole world with technology far better than anything they possessed, titans were easy. “What about Commander Dok?” She sobered. “He was very good to me, when…”</p>
<p>Yeah. Nile was a prick, but he could be a good man on occasion.</p>
<p>“I don’t think it’d be good to have Nile there and not Erwin. Same for the other commanders. They’ll notice his absence.”</p>
<p>Petra quieted at mention of Erwin. She nodded.</p>
<p>“You’re sure you don’t want him there?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Do <em>you</em> want him?”</p>
<p>“No. But…he’s your commander. He’s your best friend.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well he took a couple hits on the ‘best friend’ thing when he put his tongue in your mouth,” Levi growled. Petra wilted a bit, so he kissed her. “Not angry at you. He’s a manipulative fuck.”</p>
<p>“But won’t it make you sad if he’s not there?”</p>
<p>Kid could be perceptive, huh? In truth, much as Levi told himself he didn’t care about Erwin—that he sort of hated the fucker—he couldn’t convince himself of the lie.</p>
<p>
  <em>Besides, I’m the one who ruined his life by saving it.</em>
</p>
<p>“I…I want the day to be good for you,” he said at last. He looked into her eyes. “You’ve already had to put up with a lot of shit, and the ceremony’s to help with your parents as much as it’s for us.”</p>
<p>“It’s your wedding, too.”</p>
<p>“I’d be happy hauling you over to the chapel right now, getting the vows read, then hauling you back here and fucking.” He kissed her, hoping to give her an idea in that direction. “If you’re there, I’m happy. That’s all I need.”</p>
<p>She sighed, wound her fingers at the back of his head.</p>
<p>“You’re the most incredible man.” Her lashes lowered. “I wish I was good enough for you.”</p>
<p>It was so shocking to hear Petra, the literal angel, the perfect woman say such words to him. The feeling had always been the other way around.</p>
<p>“There’s a way you can be,” he muttered. He kissed her hard.</p>
<p>The rest of the night, they did very little talking.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>His tea was cooling as he sat with Levi, the lamps lowered. Levi—Philippe, that is, but Levi in Erwin’s mind—adjusted his cravat as they sat there. It wasn’t natural to his everyday dress, and he found it uncomfortable. Erwin often had him wear the garment when he came to visit. Sometimes, when Justine was also in play, the cravat was all that “Levi” wore. It was perverse, Erwin knew, yet it also gave him comfort.</p>
<p>But not tonight. Erwin had not come for <em>physical </em>comfort.</p>
<p>“Sure you don’t want to…?” “Levi” cocked an eyebrow. Erwin shook his head.</p>
<p>“I have no appetite,” he said softly. He hadn’t asked for Justine. Sometimes just lying in bed with them on either side, their bare skin warming his was all the satisfaction Erwin required.</p>
<p>“What do you want to do, then?”</p>
<p>“I think I want you to just listen to me,” Erwin replied. In the low light, this man really looked so much like his captain. These last two weeks, Erwin and Levi had barely spoken outside of work. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for blaming you. I wish you had chosen me over… Well. It doesn’t matter now, does it?”</p>
<p>“Levi” remained silent.</p>
<p>
  <em>Did I want you to choose me over Armin? Petra? The child? It no longer matters.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin chuckled ruefully. “You know, you wouldn’t have had her if not for me.”</p>
<p>“Levi” said nothing.</p>
<p>“You had left her behind. I brought you back together because I wanted you to be happy. I truly wanted that.” Sometimes, he could barely hold his head up any longer. Erwin rested his elbow on the table, his face in his hand. “If I’d known doing so would have sealed my own fate…”</p>
<p>Sometimes he was angry. Sometimes he wanted to cry. Levi and he no longer sat through the long nights making plans, chatting. Much as Erwin desired Petra, he craved the return of Levi even more. If only life could be like it was here, when he paid for a desired reality. A world where he and Levi shared Petra, shared their souls, shared everything.</p>
<p>He knew he was not invited to the wedding. He logically understood it, and bore no grudge. He knew it was his own fault he wouldn’t be there. But it still hurt.</p>
<p>He had thirteen years left, now without the comfort of his closest friends. Now with all of humanity within the walls looking to him as savior, no longer as an outlandish weirdo. Erwin Smith had done a good thing when he’d brought Levi back into Petra’s arms, and now he was going to pay for it every single day for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>
  <em>My body doesn’t hurt any longer. But I’m so tired. Levi. Please.</em>
</p>
<p>“Levi” stood in front of him, looking so sad. Normally, the young man’s eyes were hooded, his expression neutral. Just like the real Levi’s. Now, he took Erwin’s face in his hands and kissed him gently on the mouth.</p>
<p>“No.” Erwin pulled back a bit. “Not tonight.”</p>
<p>“You don’t need Jus—Petra here. It can be just us.”</p>
<p>“That’s all I want. Just us. Tea. Like it used to be.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to deny what you feel,” “Levi” whispered.</p>
<p>“I don’t feel that,” Erwin said. At least, not like this. But “Levi”…no, Philippe. Philippe looked so crestfallen.</p>
<p>“You’re an extraordinary man,” he said breathlessly. He’d always been so stoic, hard to impress. Time together had apparently made him admire Erwin more. Or maybe it was just that Erwin had the powers of a god now.</p>
<p>“Thank you. But that’s not his line,” Erwin said. He nodded to the empty chair. “He’d say ‘tch. Stop pissing and moaning, for fuck’s sake.’ Something like that.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t sound like much of a friend.”</p>
<p>“He is the greatest friend I’ve ever had,” Erwin snapped. He stood, towering above the slender young man. “If you don’t wish to provide service, I’ll go elsewhere.”</p>
<p>“Tch.” “Levi” smirked. “Not a lot of whorehouses in Trost. Don’t be stupid.”</p>
<p>Mollified, Erwin smiled and sat down. “Levi” sat opposite. Erwin lowered the lamp, so that it was darker between them. In the dim, he almost looked like the real Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>Pretend it’s still us. Pretend you’re not alone. Utterly alone.</em>
</p>
<p>“Now,” Erwin said, picking up his tea. “Remember: he doesn’t use the handle.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra took her seat beside Levi. The rest of the military brass had arrived. Besides the Shiganshina heroes and her, there was Queen Historia, Zackley, and the other heads of the military branches. Erwin sat directly in front of them, Hange at his side.</p>
<p>“Why did they call us together?” she whispered to Levi. A few other aides and high ranking officials filed into the room. As far as Petra knew, they’d already debriefed the heroes and released the information discovered in Grisha Jaeger’s basement. There shouldn’t be any need for more meetings.</p>
<p>“All I heard was the queen wants an audience. Not sure why,” he replied.</p>
<p>Petra looked at Erwin again. Something told her he had an inkling as to what this was about. She wasn’t sure why. She kept her gaze on Eren a moment as he sat down. She’d asked him two weeks ago what on earth he’d meant about her dying in the titan forest. He’d looked sort of queasy and replied he wasn’t sure.</p>
<p>He’d been telling the truth, or so it seemed. But still…</p>
<p>“Can we start?” Zackley took off his jacket and rolled his sleeves. “It’s hot as hell.”</p>
<p>Yes, August sweltered outside the windows.</p>
<p>“Why <em>are</em> we here?” Pixis drawled. Nile also looked perplexed. As Petra had predicted, Erwin shoved back his chair and stood.</p>
<p>“I wrote to Her Majesty to request this meeting of all military branches,” Erwin said, bowing to Historia. The small blonde girl simply nodded back from her position at the middle of the bar. Petra felt a bit sorry for the kid; she was a monarch in name only, a mere puppet to sit there so that the people would believe tradition held fast. Though Historia did hold some sway; it would be difficult to disobey a direct order from the queen. But she didn’t even try. She didn’t want that power. She’d taken the authority solely to look after the poorest and loneliest behind the walls.</p>
<p>Levi respected her a great deal for it.</p>
<p>“For what reason?” Zackley asked Erwin.</p>
<p>“It has been nearly a month since we discovered the truth at the heart of our world. Currently, the Survey Corps is focused upon the eradication of all titans left in Wall Maria, so that we can move humanity south and reclaim our lost territories. Until the walls are empty, we cannot proceed outside and to the southern point of the island, where presumably Grisha Jaeger’s ‘sea’ awaits.”</p>
<p>Yes. It was going to be a pretty quiet year for the Survey Corps. They needed to recruit new troops, train them, and prepare for the first mission beyond the walls in five years.</p>
<p>“And?” Zackley seemed impatient.</p>
<p>“But the Survey Corps’ work will not end with the death of the titans. Our focus must be geared towards what lies beyond the sea: Marley, and more importantly the world’s hatred of Eldians.”</p>
<p>“Hmm. You want to start drawing up battle plans already?” Zackley drawled. Pixis and Nile, meanwhile, regarded Erwin with caution.</p>
<p>“That is the exact problem. Currently, we face an existential threat far greater than the titans: the human race in its entirety. Right now, there seem two options. We can hide behind our walls, praying that the enemy does not come to knock down our gates—and they <em>will</em> be back. They want our resources, if nothing else. Or we take the fight across the sea. We use the Founding Titan, once we’ve learned how to control it fully, and eradicate all life beyond Paradis.”</p>
<p>Petra saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Eren slumped forward.</p>
<p>“Both of these options are unacceptable. We as a society, we as Eldians must take the initiative when the time comes, and cross the sea to reclaim our status as citizens of this world.”</p>
<p>Zackley scoffed. “Yes, yes. Of course. In time.”</p>
<p>“No. Preparations begin now.” Erwin strode forward, standing before Zackley to address the room. In his eyes, Petra saw the fire that had convinced people to die for him. That had convinced her to lay down her own life if he needed it. “For what did our fallen comrades give their lives? For us to live as rats in a cage? For the destruction of all non-Eldian life? No!” He shouted that word. Petra jumped; Levi only stared. “Our brothers and sisters cry out for freedom across that sea. Are we to abandon them? Did our comrades die so we could turn our backs and leave other Eldians in bondage? No. There are many unknown variables that await us across that sea. We must be prepared to fight on every front, but first, we must try strategic diplomacy. It will involve cultivating allies, clandestine missions to scout out information, and possibly bloodshed. But the Survey Corps’ new mission—the military’s new mission—is the restoration of Eldian life and liberty across this new world!”</p>
<p>Petra’s heart beat faster. Everyone around her stomped fists and drummed feet. Hange even punched her fist in the air, shouting ‘yes!’ Only Petra, Levi, and Eren remained silent. Erwin turned to a bemused Zackley.</p>
<p>“Yes. Good. When the time comes, Erwin, we’ll rely on you to spearhead the Survey Corps in this direction.”</p>
<p>“No, Commander. That is not good enough,” Erwin said. He nodded to Historia; Petra noticed the queen nod back. “I call for a vote of no confidence in Commander Darius Zackley. I call for this so that I, Erwin Smith, may—”</p>
<p>“<em>What??</em>” Zackley shot to his feet.</p>
<p>“—may be named his successor and acting Commander-in-Chief of the military of Paradis.”</p>
<p>Nile and Pixis’s mouths both dropped open. Zackley looked ready to scream. Petra grabbed Levi’s hand.</p>
<p>“Did you…?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“No,” he croaked. He watched Erwin as he might watch a brilliant actor on a stage in the middle of a great performance.</p>
<p>“You treacherous bastard!” Zackley roared. He wiped his face; the room was silent. Erwin was unruffled. “You…you don’t have the votes! You won’t have them!”</p>
<p>
  <em>The queen’s nod…</em>
</p>
<p>“It is written in the military’s code that the monarch is head of state, and true commander in chief,” Erwin said easily. “He…or she…can support a vote of no confidence and oust any sitting commander.”</p>
<p>Zackley looked green. Pixis whistled low.</p>
<p>“I support Erwin Smith’s motion,” Historia said, smiling. “Darius Zackley is removed as Commander-in-Chief, and Erwin Smith is appointed in his place.”</p>
<p>Now the room was filled with screams and shouts. Some looked like they wanted to kill Erwin; Levi was tense, ready to leap in and defend the commander. Some, like Hange, looked ecstatic. Petra stared at the enormous blond man; he gazed ahead, at nothing.</p>
<p>“Hey! Hey!” Hange banged her fist on the table. Everyone calmed down a bit. “It’s true. You can look it up; the facts are all there. This is perfectly legal. It’s not a coup.” She glared at someone who’d shouted just that. “Erwin Smith is the new Commander-in-Chief.”</p>
<p>So Hange had known. How would Levi feel about that?</p>
<p>Erwin raised his hands, while Zackley remained apoplectic behind him.</p>
<p>“As my first order of business,” Erwin said, “I have one radical proposal. From this day forward, there are no longer three separate branches of the military. All—the Garrison, Survey Corps, and Military Police—must unite in one branch, the Paradisian Guard. I will still require personnel in place to help run things smoothly,” he added, nodding to Nile and Pixis—they both looked shocked. “But from now on, all power must flow in one smooth channel to me.”</p>
<p>Eren made a strange noise. Petra felt frozen.</p>
<p>“It’s too much!” someone shouted.</p>
<p>“May I remind you,” Erwin said, “that Her Majesty still holds absolute power over me. Should I exceed my bounds, she will release me. If she does, I will step down. As Darius Zackley must. You have my word on that.”</p>
<p>More grumbles, but it calmed people a bit. Erwin bowed his head.</p>
<p>“Listen to me. If I have not convinced you, vote. If you vote me down now, Zackley remains and I will leave the service.” He looked around the room. “But if you fear a dictatorship, hear this: I will only live another thirteen years. The power I have been given is also a curse. My life will end in little over a decade.” Erwin clenched his fist. “Thirteen years is not long enough to establish a legacy or enjoy a life of power. It is just long enough to guide our world to peace and stability. To give our children a chance to grow up in a just world. To end the animosity that exists beyond our island borders. I was brought back for one purpose.”</p>
<p>He looked at Petra.</p>
<p>“To protect you,” he said. She felt Levi’s hand on her knee. Erwin looked around again. “Give me the power I need to preserve our people and rescue those enslaved across the sea. Do it, and my every action will be for you. But you must choose now.”</p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>Then, slowly, Levi pushed back his chair and stood. He gazed at Erwin with flinty determination.</p>
<p>“I vote yes,” he growled. He banged his fist on the table, startling Petra. “Erwin Smith. I will follow you.”</p>
<p>Something electric seemed to pass between the two men. Erwin nodded. Hange sprang up.</p>
<p>“Yes!” She pumped her fist. “Commander-in-Chief Erwin Smith!”</p>
<p>More chairs scraped. Jean, and Sasha, and Connie and Floch all sprang to their feet and shouted. Mikasa stood as well, though she remained quiet. Others began to get up, and Historia stood as well, applauding. Applause began; applause turned to cheering. Nile and Pixis looked like they’d been punched. Zackley stormed off the platform and slammed the door on his way out.</p>
<p>In the end, only two people remained sitting. Petra. And Eren Jaeger.</p>
<p>“If Erwin’s not careful,” Levi grumbled in her ear, “he’ll wind up strapped in Zackley’s chair feasting on his own piss.”</p>
<p>But they both knew that wouldn’t happen. Levi would never allow it.</p>
<p>And soon, Erwin Smith was the first-ever Supreme Commander (his new title) of the Paradisian Guard. Petra was no longer a member of the Survey Corps. Levi was an acting captain under Erwin Smith’s command.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith frightened the hell out of her. But Petra knew the threat they faced; what she’d seen today was a demonstration of power and strategy, the two things they’d need to fight Marley without, hopefully, too much bloodshed.</p>
<p>“That’s the thing about Erwin.” She heard the naked admiration in Levi’s voice as they filed out of the room, meeting adjourned. “He’s a genius.”</p>
<p>She saw the pain in Levi’s eyes.</p>
<p>So later that day she went back to Erwin’s office, knocked, and let herself in. He frowned when he found her with her back to the door.</p>
<p>“Petra? What do you want?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I can’t fucking believe you,” Levi growled. Hange proudly fluffed her new cravat as they stood at the altar. The afternoon sun poured in through the stained glass window overhead. The pastor was neatening his gray robes, and they were at ten minutes until the ceremony started.</p>
<p>“We match! It’s a wedding, Levi. It needs to be a little fancy.”</p>
<p>“Tch.”</p>
<p>Really, his heart was starting to beat fast. The kids were filing in, staring up at him like he was some sort of performing dog about to do a trick. Pieter wasn’t there—he was walking Petra up the aisle—but Brigitta, Edvard, and the mother were smiling, grinning, and glaring at him respectively.</p>
<p>Levi scanned the door. <em>Let’s do this. Let’s just get it done.</em></p>
<p>He felt sort of like shit that the commanders…that Erwin wouldn’t be here.</p>
<p>
  <em>He made the decision. He touched her.</em>
</p>
<p>But Levi would look back on this moment for the rest of his life with a giant hole in the center of the day. No way around it.</p>
<p>“Relax. You only get married once.” Hange elbowed him. “Probably.”</p>
<p>“I can still switch you out for Connie.” Though why he would want to punish himself like that…</p>
<p>Eren looked withdrawn, as usual, sitting in the front row. Probably still hung up on Armin. When Levi had lost Furlan, he…</p>
<p>Well. The kid would have to get used to it.</p>
<p>Mikasa walked up and stood on the other side of the altar. Pretty sure normally she’d walk up right before Petra, but they weren’t doing this to be too fancy. The kid looked pretty. She was wearing a light blouse and skirt; even took that scarf off for the occasion.</p>
<p>Everyone turned around when the doors opened again. Levi pushed his shoulders back as…</p>
<p>Huh. His eyes widened. Ingrid gasped loudly as Queen Historia herself sidled into the chapel. The pastor made a startled noise. Historia looked behind her, speaking to someone who followed her as…</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin Fucking Smith slipped inside, nodding to the room. He escorted Historia to a seat, then slid in after her. The kids from the 104<sup>th</sup> all turned back around; it was just Erwin and Historia to them, nothing special. Meanwhile, Ingrid clutched her daughter’s arm, whispering urgently and looking overall delighted. Figured a snobby woman like her would be happy to have royalty and the Supreme Commander at her daughter’s wedding. Still, Levi fixed Erwin with a glare. Erwin saw, and nodded at him. The absolute bitch.</p>
<p>“What’s he doing?” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Hange looked puzzled. Fuck, no one was supposed to know what Erwin and Petra had done. Levi shrugged.</p>
<p>“Late,” he grunted. “He’s late.” He was trying to decide between being pissed and relieved.</p>
<p>The pastor cleared his throat, then extended his arms in a quick blessing. It was just about time. Levi hoped she wouldn’t be late.</p>
<p>The doors opened up again. Now his heart was going way too fast in his chest. Fuck, what if this was a mistake. What if he fucked up her life? What if he hated having a kid after all? What if he lost her? What if—</p>
<p>Everyone stood as Pieter walked his daughter up to the altar. Levi knew the custom was to face the pastor and wait until the bride was beside him to look, but fuck tradition. That wasn’t him. He wanted to know what he was getting into, so he turned…</p>
<p>He froze.</p>
<p>Levi and Hange were still in their uniforms, dressed for a military wedding. He’d assumed Petra would either wear her uniform or one of her nicer skirts or something. But this…</p>
<p>He was not a tailor. He didn’t know shit about clothes, and his heartbeat was too loud to think as she walked up to him. Describing this dress was impossible. All he knew was it made her look gorgeous.</p>
<p>She wore a pure white dress, something that was soft and draped down her slender body. The sleeves were lacy; the front of the dress was sheer lace, too. Someone, maybe her sister, had woven a crown of yellow roses to place in Petra’s hair, along with little sprays of baby’s breath. Pieter Ral was red-faced, trying not to get teary as his daughter hung on his arm and beamed at Levi.</p>
<p>She was, in that moment, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. For a moment he flashed back to the kid he’d been sleeping on a dirty floor in the underground, ready to get up tomorrow and fight and kill if need be to make another score. He recalled darkness, and filth, and leering, cruel faces. And now here he was, with a soft, angelic vision in white coming up to marry him in front of an altar.</p>
<p>He couldn’t trace all the long, miserable steps that had led to this moment. But for one brief instant, all the pain of the past was worth it.</p>
<p>
  <em>I am the luckiest asshole alive.</em>
</p>
<p>Pieter kissed Petra’s cheek and gave her over. Levi took her hand and, almost woozy, led her up the couple steps to the altar. He could see Mikasa over Petra’s shoulder. The girl was actually smiling again. First time in a long time.</p>
<p>“You,” he whispered. He couldn’t hear himself think. “Uh. Pretty.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed; there were tears in her eyes. He touched her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her—</p>
<p>“Whoa!” The pastor laughed, cutting them off. “That comes at the end, Captain.” The room chortled. Levi hunched his shoulders. You couldn’t show him such a beautiful girl and ask him to wait to kiss her.</p>
<p>“Then hurry it up,” he muttered. “Make it fast.”</p>
<p>He heard Ingrid give a deep, pained sigh. But Petra squeezed his hands and beamed. She was so happy. He’d helped make her this happy. Fuck. That was reason enough to do this.</p>
<p>The pastor blathered about the walls and the time of innocence and togetherness and love in the face of the titans and Levi didn’t listen to any of it. He watched Petra’s eyes. The little quirk of her lip. His eyes scanned her body draped in all that clean white linen and lace.</p>
<p>“Will you take this woman as your bride and bedfellow, to shelter together, to honor one another, to love and to cherish one another so long as you both do live?” the pastor asked.</p>
<p>“Yes. Yeah. Uh, I do.” Levi frowned. “Is that it?”</p>
<p>“That’s it.” The pastor sighed; Levi must not be a model groom. “And you, Petra Ral. Will you take this man as your groom and bedfellow, to shelter—”</p>
<p>Levi blocked out the words. He watched only her lips as she spoke the words. I do. Then Hange was tugging on his sleeve, handing over the brass ring. He couldn’t afford a better one, and his girl had said she didn’t need one. He slid the ring onto Petra’s finger as the pastor spoke the words that supposedly bound them to one another for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>And then, that was it. Levi was married. It happened in one second, a simple action that divided the life he’d had before and the life to come. He was no longer Captain Levi, Humanity’s Strongest; that position had expired at the end of Shiganshina. Now he was Levi Ackerman, husband, acting captain in the Paradisian Guard.</p>
<p>The old him was gone.</p>
<p>“You may kiss your bride,” the pastor said. Levi could finally hear the applause in the audience. He ignored them, ignored the way it made him want to crawl away. He put his arms around her, and while he hated kissing or being affectionate in public this one time he gave way. Their lips met. She wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss was deep, and long, and somehow utterly pure.</p>
<p>“This is perfect,” Petra whispered in his ear, hugging him. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Fuck. He still hated all the cheering brats and Hange whooping and hollering behind him, but he could never regret making her this happy. When they had to turn and be ‘presented’ as husband and wife, though, he kind of wanted to die. He focused on the wooden doors as he and Petra walked down the aisle, her arm through his.</p>
<p>“Fuck. Too much noise,” he grumbled.</p>
<p>“We walk outside and head straight for the barracks. It’ll be easy,” she whispered. They opened the doors.</p>
<p>And found a crowd perched outside, staring with owlish eyes.</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Petra hissed.</p>
<p>“Captain Levi!” It was Roy, that journalist from Stohess. What the <em>fuck?</em> The press was here? Roy was all smiles. Peaure was at his side, scribbling away. Getting a drawing for the paper. Petra’s mouth hung open. “Captain, congratulations. We were hoping for a good special interest story to boost morale after Shiganshina. This couldn’t have been more perfectly timed!”</p>
<p>Levi was going to kill everyone here. That was the answer to the problem.</p>
<p>“Er, Levi. Heh.” Hange was suddenly behind him, a hand on both his and Petra’s shoulders. “Funny story. I <em>may</em> have been having drinks with Flegel yesterday and I may have mentioned…this.”</p>
<p>Yep, there was Flegel. The portly red-headed freckled fuck was cheering and throwing handfuls of rice in the air, leading the crowd in displays of enthusiasm. Nice of him to be so excited, but <em>fuck</em>. So that was why their wedding had been crashed by half of Trost; Flegel couldn’t keep his dumbass mouth shut.</p>
<p>“Okay. How does Flegel equal Roy being here?” he hissed.</p>
<p>“Uh. That I don’t know.” Hange pushed past them. “Hold on. I’ll perform my duty as best man and police the mob. Mikasa! Help out!”</p>
<p>Mikasa sprinted alongside Hange into the crowd, forcing people backwards.</p>
<p>Petra was beet red as people began tossing flower petals.</p>
<p><em>Fuck. Walking the six blocks back to the barracks is going to be a shit show</em>.</p>
<p>Suddenly, like a bolt of creepy blond lightning, Erwin was behind them.</p>
<p>“Go straight ahead,” Erwin muttered. “The queen’s carriage is waiting at the gate. It will take you home.”</p>
<p>Levi wasn’t about to ask how Erwin had control of Historia’s carriage; he just wanted out of this nightmare. An arm around his bride, Levi hustled the pair of them through the screaming, cheering crowd. Mikasa and Hange did a good job of fending off the cheeriest revelers. On the street, they found the carriage as Erwin had said, drawn by four bay horses. Levi all but threw Petra inside then jumped in after. He pulled down the blinds as they rolled away; the driver knew where to go.</p>
<p>“Well.” Petra patted the roses in her hair; one had come loose. “That was an almost perfect day.”</p>
<p>“Tch. A bunch of shouting assholes enough to ruin this day for you? I didn’t marry a weakling.” He smirked at her. She rolled her eyes, but grinned. And he took all of her in, the ethereal sight of her in that white lace, those yellow roses. Petra shrieked when he scooped her into his arms and placed her across his lap. The carriage rocked and bumped down the city streets as he kissed his wife.</p>
<p>His wife. <em>Here I am, doing all that ordinary shit I swore wasn’t for me.</em></p>
<p>And apart from the crowds and the attention, he loved it. If he could’ve he would’ve taken her back to the chapel right now and married her all over again. Levi buried his face against her neck as she stroked his hair.</p>
<p>“Mmm. You smell so fucking good,” he growled, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist.</p>
<p>“Brigitta gave me some of that expensive lavender soap as a wedding gift. Edvard helped with the dress.”</p>
<p>“Tell Edvard he’s my new favorite brother in law.” Not that it was much competition; Willem was a real shit. Levi’s hand played at her soft skirt. He slid it up Petra’s leg while she giggled. “I know what we’re doing when we get home.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra put down her skirts with a sigh. “It’s the reception. Remember?” Levi groaned. “Edvard managed all the food and drink. He was very good about it.” She kissed his cheek. “It’s five now. The reception won’t last long. Then I can’t wait to get you alone.” Her teeth grazed his earlobe; he was painfully hard. Shit.</p>
<p>“Never had sex with a married woman before,” he muttered. She kissed him again and again.</p>
<p>“I love being there for your firsts,” she whispered.</p>
<p>He knew she loved to see his face get red.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he grumbled, sliding her onto her side of the carriage bench. “One hour. At the most.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Five hours later, he was ready to tell everyone to get the fuck out of the barracks. Edvard, the lovable, good-natured son of a bitch, had brought three whole cases of sparkling wine, and the brats were out of their minds. Connie and Sasha were dancing to some music—Flegel had shown up, bringing a few guests of his own along with half of a band he’d dragged out of nowhere, and Levi didn’t know how to get out of the hell that was people coming up and congratulating him. Petra at least seemed happy, though she kept looking at him and mouthing ‘I’m sorry!’</p>
<p>Pieter kept coming up to Levi and pulling him into a tight hug.</p>
<p>“At first I was worried,” he slurred—he’d had a lot of wine. “I thought she was too young t’get married…at least, too young for you.” He kissed Levi’s cheek; Levi wanted to go out the window. “But you really are so perfec’ fer each other.” Pieter shook Levi by the shoulder, tears in his eyes. “She loves you so much. She loves you so…”</p>
<p>Gently, Levi took the guy’s hand off of him. “Yeah. I’m lucky.”</p>
<p>“Y’are. Petra scared me when she followed you to th’army. I th-thought she’d die.” He wiped his florid cheeks. “But I shoulda known, with you taking care of my daughter nothing could happen.”</p>
<p>Both men grew silent at the same time; both remembered Oruo, and the others who would’ve wanted to be here and could not come. Those who’d been under Levi’s protection.</p>
<p>“Petra’s special. I know,” Pieter whispered. Levi nodded grimly.</p>
<p>“Yeah. She is.” <em>But she’s also lucky. If she’d been on my squad that day…</em></p>
<p>Fuck it. This was his wedding night. Not the time. Pieter shuffled off, and Levi found Erwin standing in a corner, watching the party with calm eyes. Fuck it. Time to get this done. They’d been orbiting each other for hours today. Levi walked over.</p>
<p>“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why the fuck were you at the ceremony?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Petra invited me,” Erwin said. He shrugged. “She came to see me yesterday and insisted I come and bring the queen if I could. She thought it would be good for troop morale. She’s more political than you might think. She was a good aide.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Was.” <em>Now she’s my second in command and my wife. Erwin, don’t start any shit.</em></p>
<p>“She believed the queen would like to be there. You were her captain, after all, and having the monarch’s special favor never hurts.”</p>
<p>“Seems like you’ve got it yourself. You went to the ceremony with her in her carriage?” Erwin nodded. Levi whistled. “Friends in high places. Well. Only one friend you can have anymore who’s got a higher place than yours.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Thank you for helping with that, Levi. In truth, while Historia and I came to an agreement before that meeting, I worry that without the vocal support of Humanity’s Strongest I might not have convinced the military brass to make the leap of faith.”</p>
<p>“I’m just a soldier now. Humanity’s Strongest doesn’t mean shit anymore, not with Marley in play.”</p>
<p>“You are a symbol to humanity behind the walls, and you are strong in more than body. They listened to my strategies, Levi, but it was you they followed into battle.”</p>
<p>He didn’t know how to feel about that; it was both a huge compliment and almost a way of saying ‘they followed you to the death, not me.’ With Erwin, you never knew what was up and what down.</p>
<p>“Hey. You didn’t tip Roy off about the wedding, did you?” he asked. Finally, Erwin looked a bit bashful.</p>
<p>“It occurred to me that this was a priceless opportunity for building up public opinion.”</p>
<p>Levi kind of wanted to punch the man, but he also nearly laughed. He shook his head instead.</p>
<p>“You don’t change, Smith.”</p>
<p>“Neither do you, Ackerman. That is one of the few blessed constants in my life.”</p>
<p><em>My life.</em> Yeah, Erwin still had a life due to Levi. Normally Levi’d feel proud; instead, he felt a bit ashamed.</p>
<p>“Don’t think I forgive what you did to Petra,” he said quietly, “but…I’m sorry. I brought you back for the wrong reason. I’ll never forgive myself.”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed. “At least with Marley in play, as you said, I’ve a new goal to meet. One that’s not just about myself. I can be content with that, so long as you’re at my side to meet the challenge.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I will be.” The two men stared at one another. Fuck it, so long as Erwin stayed away from Petra Levi could forgive and forget enough to move forward. “Tomorrow, let’s talk all this bold new shit you’ve got cooking up.”</p>
<p>Erwin smiled. “Yes. Good idea.”</p>
<p>There was relief in his voice. The little war between them was over. Frankly, Levi was relieved.</p>
<p>Erwin looked up when the clocks outside began chiming ten. “You ought to make off with your bride. I’ll politely kick everyone out.”</p>
<p>“Erwin, you beautiful bastard.”</p>
<p>“Congratulations, Levi.” He extended his hand. The right hand. Creepy to see it back, but Levi shook.</p>
<p>“Thanks. Have another glass of wine. You’ve earned it.”</p>
<p>Levi went to Petra, and soon they’d said their farewells to the most important people as Erwin quietly started ordering everyone out. Levi practically had to tear his girl away from some of the kids, but then they were hurrying down the corridors hand in hand. They slipped into their chamber and locked the door. Petra lit a lamp, giggling all the while as she took off her crown of flowers and slid off her shoes.</p>
<p>“That was the best day of my life,” she said, beaming as he came over and took her into his arms.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” he whispered, then kissed her. “Ready for the best night of your life?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He was alone in the barracks dining hall—well, alone save for Jean and Connie and Floch, whom Hange had ordered to mop up all the spilled alcohol. Erwin stood in the shadows, considering Levi. Friends again. Comrades. What a blessing. Considering Petra, and the happiness she’d expressed in Levi’s arms.</p>
<p>Considering. Always considering.</p>
<p>Erwin slipped away and hurried through the dark streets as he thought of them tangled in each other’s arms. Joy that would not vanish with the morning; joy that would continue for months, years, the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>Erwin found himself at Eugenia’s. He entered the drawing room and saw Philippe standing by the fireplace. Philippe came over.</p>
<p>“Want Justine?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>He lifted a brow. “Want to talk?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Erwin paid for the room. He went upstairs, and when “Levi” shut the door Erwin pushed him to the bed and fell upon him. For a couple of hours, he forgot the world outside.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra barely breathed as Levi undressed her. He was delicate with the buttons on her dress, and he slipped it from her shoulders with such gentle fingers. She undid his cravat, unbuttoned his shirt, unbuckled him, and soon they were standing naked with the moonlight on their skin. She passed her palms over the firm contours of his body.</p>
<p>“I remember the first time we did this,” she whispered. Petra gasped softly when he cupped her breasts.</p>
<p>“Every time we do this,” he said, voice hoarse, “it feels like that time.”</p>
<p>Her mouth fell open. “That’s the most beautiful thing you could have said.”</p>
<p>“Really? Fuck. Maybe I’m getting better at this word shit.”</p>
<p>Petra giggled as he pushed her onto the bed. He crawled in after her, lying atop her. He gripped her wrists and held them over her head. She writhed and whimpered as his cock slid down her belly, as it disappeared between her legs. He didn’t use a hand to adjust himself as he slid inside of her, going slowly. He made her feel every inch, his lips pressed to her neck as he claimed her. Petra moaned.</p>
<p>“I love you,” he whispered. “You’re mine now. Forever. That's what it means.”</p>
<p>“Yes. And you’re mine.” She clenched around him. “Only you, until I die.”</p>
<p>“Petra.” He sounded undone, and began to move. She thrust her hips. He rocked into her, his breathing coming a little faster as she wrapped her legs around him and made love to him. They were joined so perfectly; they fit together. She kissed him hard. He released her wrists, and she dug her nails into his back. They kissed, groaned, cooed, gasped as they made love. It wasn’t so much gentle as it was complete. Tonight, they were both of them beings of absolute love. Petra loved listening to the sound their bodies made as he went faster, lifting his hips in such a way that he struck her clit. She could feel it begin, like a small shift in the earth announcing a rockslide.</p>
<p>“Levi.” She whimpered as he went faster, as her body tensed, as the wave surged above her in that beautiful instant before it crested. Then it broke, and so did she. She cried out and sighed as she came, and he slowed in his fucking to feel her twitch around him. When she’d spent herself, he pulled out and sat on his knees. He pulled her against him, slid back into her, and she rode him in the moonlight. Petra stared into his eyes; they were wide now, and free, and so vulnerable. She was the only one who got to see him that way, and she fucked him as hard and as well as she could until his eyes closed and he unspooled inside of her. Then they kissed until they could barely breathe.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe I get to have this,” she whispered when they’d calmed down. He stroked a hand through her hair.</p>
<p>“Believe me,” he said. “I’m getting the better deal.”</p>
<p>Immediately afterward, he got up and poured water for them to both wash, pleasantly tutting over the new lavender soap as he did. That man loved being clean almost as much as he loved having sex. Maybe more. Petra threw an arm across her eyes, and laughed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin could have stayed the whole night, but he let “Levi” sleep soundly, dressed in darkness, and then left. It was past one in the morning by now, and his footsteps were loud in the quiet streets. Returning to the barracks, he did not go home. Rather, he went to the stables and saddled his horse. He rode through the streets of the city and out into the countryside. He rode a long way, more than an hour, until he had reached a vast stretch of countryside with no settlements for miles.</p>
<p>He dismounted, tied up his horse, and then undressed. Naked, he walked another mile out of the trees, out into a wide expanse of grass and sky. Erwin looked around, finding only a small deer grazing in the distance. He waved at it.</p>
<p>“Shoo,” he whispered. The deer only stared with wide, curious eyes.</p>
<p>Erwin did not use a knife. He did as Eren had, and bit into his own hand. He tasted blood, and thought, <em>grow.</em></p>
<p>The change was instantaneous, and startling. Erwin felt as if he were still in his normal body, only now he was enormous. In the blink of an eye, the forest around him resembled miniatures painted by children for toyshop windows. He stood—in his colossal titan’s form standing took nearly fifteen seconds to complete.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m enormous. The laws of physics won’t allow me to be fleet as well.</em>
</p>
<p>His change, being out in the middle of a field, had done little damage, but some trees had been uprooted in the wind of his transformation. Erwin wondered if the deer was all right. He couldn’t see it.</p>
<p>He was now a god standing in a world of children. Of insects. Of toys.</p>
<p>He tested walking; each step took effort to complete. Erwin hissed in frustration, and a cloud of steam issued from his mouth. He cursed, having to be careful when his skin shot steam as well, nearly setting fire to the damn forest nearby. He should have waited to do this the first time with Hange, Levi, and Eren, but he did not want to be part of a team tonight.</p>
<p>He wanted to be a god.</p>
<p>He walked, adjusting to the time it took to complete each movement. The world itself was so easy to control and understand from up here.</p>
<p>For the first time, Erwin Smith felt the pleasures of being a god.</p>
<p><em>I came back to protect you.</em> Levi. Petra. <em>I will do my duty.</em></p>
<p>Erwin walked another five miles, the journey taking little time at all with his size. He stopped when he was approaching the wall, and pulled himself halfway out of his titan. The night wind kissed his bare skin. Some of the tendons were still wound to his body, connecting him with the monstrous flesh, but he wasn’t bothered by it. Erwin looked out over the moonlit wall, back to Wall Maria. Beyond that, to the sea. Beyond that, to Marley and all that waited there.</p>
<p>With this body and his own agile mind, what couldn’t he do? Erwin lifted his human hands to the sky, and felt, for the first time, a true sense of freedom.</p>
<p>Of course, when the colossal’s body fell to earth and he emerged, he realized he’d have to walk six miles back to his horse. Naked.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith merely laughed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi lay with her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her hair. She stirred in her sleep, so young and soft. She sighed.</p>
<p>His wife. He had a wife now. Levi hadn’t imagined that saying some words in front of people would make a difference, but it had. She was so near to him now. She’d promised before friends to love him alone and forever. He held her closer, and she stirred.</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Petra’s eyes opened. She grinned softly and kissed him. “Guess what?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I think we just made a baby.”</p>
<p>He grunted. “How do you know?”</p>
<p>“It just feels right.”</p>
<p>“Well. Good.” He kissed her cheek. “You want another go to make sure?”</p>
<p>She laughed, and kissed him.</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
<p>He rolled on top of her, and they made love until dawn.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>Months later</strong>
</p>
<p>“Lieutenant?”</p>
<p>Petra’s eyes fluttered open. Shit, she’d fallen asleep on the porch like an old woman, and in the middle of the day. Well, it was all right if she slept right now; in her condition…</p>
<p>“Majesty.” Petra sat up in the rocking chair. Queen Historia stood before her. The queen wore her customary outfit of a plain white dress and sandals. A humble queen, the papers called her. A merciful goddess. Erwin had made sure they portrayed her in the right light. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”</p>
<p>“Of course you can! I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”</p>
<p>Historia watched cautiously as Petra hefted herself up to stand. Her stomach extended before her, enormous. It was the last trimester, the last week before delivery. The baby kicked inside of her, as if to remind her it existed. Petra laid a hand on her bump. <em>I know. Soon.</em></p>
<p>“Have the commander and captain returned yet?” Petra waddled across the porch, Historia at her side. They’d come to the queen’s private farm to do more titan experiments. It was also a good place for Petra, the doctor said. Country air would do her good. They’d return to Trost tomorrow, where the doctors would be waiting for her to deliver. Maybe she shouldn’t have come all the way out here just now, but Levi didn’t like to be parted from her too long. She felt the same.</p>
<p>“They should be another hour or so.” Historia studied Petra’s belly. “How does it feel? Being pregnant?”</p>
<p>Petra grinned. “Eager to find out yourself?”</p>
<p>“Oh no.” Historia shook her head. “I’m not sure about children. Not yet.”</p>
<p>“You’re still so young. If you want, there’s plenty of time.” Petra noticed a boy walking past—one of the farmhands, a young, tall blond man named Otto. Petra waved to him, and he waved back.</p>
<p>“To answer your question, it feels very heavy. It’s also hard to breathe sometimes.” Petra placed her hands on her back. Honestly, pregnancy was so much more exhausting than she’d ever imagined. But soon…</p>
<p>
  <em>Kuchel or Oruo. Who are you?</em>
</p>
<p>“You want your baby, though?” Historia said it almost wistfully. Yes, Petra knew about the girl’s unhappy childhood.</p>
<p>“Very much,” Petra said gently.</p>
<p>“Good.” Historia nodded. “That’s good. Would you like to come inside? I’m making the children a snack.”</p>
<p>Historia wasn’t interested in ruling; she was much happier running a farm/orphanage. The children around here were so delighted, it was clear the girl was doing a good job. Petra smiled as she turned for the front door and…</p>
<p>“Ugh!”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Historia turned.</p>
<p>Petra felt the water coursing down her legs. They both heard it spatter on the wooden porch. The two women stared at one another, mouths open.</p>
<p>Then it felt like something was stabbing Petra deep in the side. She grunted and hunched over, began to topple, to fall…</p>
<p>Someone caught her. Otto, the young man, lifted her right off the ground.</p>
<p>“Majesty?” he asked, shocked.</p>
<p>“Get her inside to bed. Then go get a doctor!” Historia cried. Otto carried Petra indoors.</p>
<p>“Wait. Have someone call the captain!” she shouted. Historia yelled she was on it. Petra shut her eyes.</p>
<p>The baby was coming.</p>
<p>She’d never been this excited and terrified at once.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi watched from a mile away as the electric storm writhed through the air, the signal that Erwin’s titan had transformed. He and Hange waited side by side on horseback as the transformation’s breeze wafted over them. The wind was always hot, and smelled faintly of ozone. Like lightning.</p>
<p>“Let’s go,” he said, and took off at a gallop. She rode alongside him, and soon they found the colossal titan standing in its customary starting place. Because of the destructive power of Erwin’s mere transformation, they had to be specific about when and where they did it. They’d chosen the area near Historia’s farm, a place now officially designated as the titan training grounds: no children were allowed past the barrier. Erwin’s repeat transformations these last nine months had rendered the surrounding area almost desolate. Vegetation no longer grew there; it was a flat, barren expanse of earth.</p>
<p>“Levi. You deliver instructions,” Hange said, firing off a green flare that meant Erwin had to wait for one of them to climb up to him. Not needing to be told twice, Levi deployed his hooks and jettisoned off, flying up and up the colossal titan. Erwin was sedate now, his skin only mostly hot to the touch. When Levi finally crested the titan’s shoulder, he ran quickly up to Erwin’s ear; or, given the titan’s natural skinlessness, the place where his ear would’ve been.</p>
<p>The titan looked like a giant flayed Erwin; his eyelid-less eye tracked Levi as he ran up. That would always be creepy.</p>
<p>“Hange wants you to try making it to the outer boundary without losing body mass,” he called. “Nod if you understand me.”</p>
<p>A moment for the signals to run throughout the giant body, and then the colossal’s head moved. They’d noticed back in Shiganshina that the colossal began to grow thinner if it was in action for too long. Hange wanted to see how long Erwin could hold on before he began to lose strength and shape. The last record had been twenty-one minutes. They were aiming for a full half hour.</p>
<p>Levi turned in surprise when a red flare erupted from the ground. Shit. Red always meant ‘stop’, or ‘message.’</p>
<p>“Hold on,” he grumbled. Levi raced back along the colossal’s shoulder, then swung his way back down to the ground. He hissed in irritation as he raced over to Hange, who was standing next to a horse messenger. Some kid from the farm. “Hange. What the fuck? Erwin can’t stand there all day waiting for—”</p>
<p>When he saw her eyes, he stopped. It got very quiet.</p>
<p>“No,” he said.</p>
<p>“Levi.” She grinned. “It’s happening.”</p>
<p>“But. It. Wait.” Fuck, he was out of words. Petra… The baby… “It wasn’t supposed to happen for two more weeks.”</p>
<p>“Probably jolting over the roads in a carriage to get here sped it up. They’ve got a midwife on the way.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” The kid tipped his cap.</p>
<p>“Midwife?” His heart sped up. “No. The doctors. We had the doctors in Trost…”</p>
<p>Seeing his wife swelling and swelling these last few weeks had made him antsy about the delivery. The knowledge that Erwin had gotten them the best doctor in Trost had eased his mind a little. <em>I shouldn’t have brought her along. Fuck.</em></p>
<p>“Midwives know as much as doctors about these things. Probably a little more,” Hange said. She slapped his shoulder. “Go. I’ve got Erwin.”</p>
<p>He didn’t need to be told twice. Levi jumped onto his horse and galloped away, returning to Historia’s farmhouse as fast as he could.</p>
<p>And all the way he thought, <em>it’s coming.</em></p>
<p>The baby was coming. <em>His</em> baby.</p>
<p>The old, sick grumble began in his stomach. He tightened his grip on the reins. He’d wanted to have the baby because it would make Petra happy. He’d wanted it because he wanted to have something that the world didn’t want him to have, and Levi was still stubborn and perverse enough that simply defying assholes gave him pleasure. But he had somehow forgotten in the rush to marry Petra, in how fast he’d gotten her pregnant again, that women could have a difficult time in childbirth.</p>
<p>Having those fancy doctors in Trost had calmed him down. But now there was no way to get them here.</p>
<p>
  <em>What if it kills her?</em>
</p>
<p>He shook those thoughts away as he rode up to the farmhouse. Not right now. Not ever. That Otto kid came out the door and walked down the porch steps to meet him. Levi jumped off his horse and handed over the reins. Normally he’d look after his own damn horse, but not today.</p>
<p>“The midwife’s coming,” Otto said. He led the horse to the stables as Levi hurried inside, slamming the door behind him.</p>
<p>“Levi?”</p>
<p>He heard Petra’s voice in the back of the house. It wasn’t a large residence, especially not for a queen, but Historia didn’t like a lot of pomp. He found the queen sitting next to his wife’s bed. The kid was holding a glass of water, wide-eyed, looking unsure what to do.</p>
<p>Petra was lying under the covers, breathing heavily. Sweat stood out on her forehead, and her hair was already stringy with it. Levi pulled up a chair and sat beside her, grabbed her hands. He had to be cool for her right now. He couldn’t let his fucking anxiety bleed all over her.</p>
<p>“When did it start?” He kissed her forehead. To his surprise, Petra laughed.</p>
<p>“Look at you. I’m having our baby and you look ready to faint. I suppose that’s normal—<em>aagghhh!</em>”</p>
<p>She winced and leaned forward a bit, gripping his hand. Fuck. <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p>“Baby, hold on. Just hold on!” he snapped, standing up.</p>
<p>Petra looked utterly baffled.</p>
<p>“Levi, it’s just contractions. It’s normal.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know what’s normal. You’re not a fucking doctor. Where’s the midwife?” He glared at the bedroom door. “Maybe I can ride back to Trost and get the doctors.”</p>
<p>“Levi, it’s five hours back by horse, and it’ll be dark by the time you get there! They’ll be having dinner.”</p>
<p>“They can eat dinner on the ride back!”</p>
<p>“Levi.” Petra put a hand to his cheek. Her brow furrowed. “Please. You’re scaring me a little. This is fine. I’m fine. Everything is normal.”</p>
<p>Well, he’d planned to keep cool so she could be fine and he’d already fucking failed. Petra tugged at him and made him sit on the bed beside her. Historia, meanwhile, put down the glass and left to go look out for the midwife, or maybe just to get away from Levi’s insanity.</p>
<p>“We’re going to have a baby soon.” Petra grinned, and kissed him lightly. “Oruo or Kuchel. Or both, who knows.”</p>
<p>“It’s got to just be one,” he rasped. “I can’t take that much mess.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed hard, then winced at another contraction. Relax. He needed to relax.</p>
<p>“Do you need more, uh, pillows? Or water? Or…pillows?” he asked. She pulled him closer and kissed him. It was a long kiss. Reassuring. Deep. Sweet.</p>
<p>“You are going to be the most wonderful father.” Petra beamed.</p>
<p><em>The only father I ever knew was Kenny. Oh </em>fuck.</p>
<p>Why was he thinking about this now? Why was it so hot in here?</p>
<p>“Do you need a fan?” he croaked.</p>
<p>The door opened. A woman in late middle age with a sunburned face and strong-looking arms surveyed Levi, then Petra. Then she nodded.</p>
<p>“Right. You.” She pointed to Levi casually. “Off the bed. Hey, sweetheart.” She beamed at Petra, now ignoring Levi completely. “So how close are the contractions? Do you know?”</p>
<p>“Uh, they started about half an hour ago, but they feel kind of strong…” Petra appeared mystified by this woman as she stood hulking over Levi. He stared up at her.</p>
<p>“You the husband?”</p>
<p>“Yes. You the midwife?”</p>
<p>“Good guess. Okay. It could be a while, so you might want to wait outside. Shoo.” She was talking to him like he was a troublesome dog. Levi stood up, debating whether he wanted to scowl at this woman or whether he was happy to see her. He could do both, and scowled. Happly.</p>
<p>“Thanks for coming,” he said.</p>
<p>“Same to you,” she said. “Or I wouldn’t have a job today.” Levi couldn’t believe what she’d just said to him. Petra looked half-horrified, half-delighted. The woman then rolled her eyes at Petra and got to work.</p>
<p>“What’s your name?” Petra asked, trying not to laugh as the midwife helped her sit up.</p>
<p>“Ilsa. Let’s see your pulse.” Ilsa checked Petra’s wrist, clucking happily as she did. “All right. Let’s start with—you’re still here?”</p>
<p>Ilsa looked at Levi with half-lidded incredulity.</p>
<p>“It’s my wife,” he snapped.</p>
<p>Ilsa sighed. “Look, I’ve been doing this for thirty years. Fathers aren’t much use at times like these. It’ll be better for both you and your wife if you wait outside. At least until things settle a bit.”</p>
<p>He couldn’t argue with that, but this woman was so bluntly disaffected by his presence that it was kind of phenomenal. Levi had spent most of his life being revered or feared by one person or the other. This woman was in the queen’s house attending to Humanity’s Strongest—well, attending his wife—and she didn’t bat an eyelash.</p>
<p>Levi narrowed his eyes. His lip curled. <em>I think I like this asshole.</em></p>
<p>He grunted, nodded, turned around and left, shutting the door behind him. Historia was waiting out in the living room, standing near the window to gaze out at the deepening afternoon.</p>
<p>“Well,” Levi said. He looked around the place, nodded. “Do you have any rags?”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” The queen’s eyes widened.</p>
<p>“I need rags, a broom, and a mop,” he said, going to the satchel he’d brought with him from Trost. Levi put on his facemask and hair guard. “I’ve been too busy the last couple days to give this place a good cleaning, and your brats do a shit job of it.”</p>
<p>“Ah.” Historia said nothing else, only went and got him what he needed. She’d been on his squad; she knew he wasn’t kidding.</p>
<p>For the next two hours, as the sun lowered in the sky, Levi cleaned. He lost himself in his focus, scrubbing the floors until they literally shone, dusting even the underside of the table to get every last speck of dust and grime. Levi swept the porch thoroughly, and scrubbed every last inch of the kitchen sink and the counters. When he cleaned, he felt at his most relaxed. <em>No more dirt. No more mess. It’s getting better.</em></p>
<p>He was just dunking the mop for a second wash of the floor when Petra’s door opened and Ilsa stepped out. She jerked her chin.</p>
<p>“The contractions are coming along. It should only be a few more hours. If you wanted to spend some time with her before the big push, you should do it now.”</p>
<p>This woman wasn’t delicate. He liked that, even as he scowled at her. Levi went into his wife’s room. Petra’s nightgown was clinging to her with sweat, and her hair had been swept back from her face. She was breathing slowly, exhaling gently when Levi sat beside her.</p>
<p>“Ilsa says it should be a quick delivery.” She beamed. “Only a couple more hours.”</p>
<p>“Good.” So far, there seemed to be no complications, which he’d feared above all. Levi kissed her greedily; he had to always be ready for the worst, it was ingrained in his body by now. He stopped kissing her when Petra grunted; another contraction. “You scared at all?” He frowned as he realized this was going to ruin the sheets. Disgusting.</p>
<p>“A little. More of the pain than anything going wrong. Oof.” She winced at another contraction. “Yeah. These are getting shorter.”</p>
<p>“You’re good. You’re fine.” Levi gripped her hand. She wasn’t leaving him tonight.</p>
<p>“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Petra asked. He knew it was meant to keep his thoughts occupied, away from her potential death.</p>
<p>“Either way. I just want you at the end of it.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She petted his cheek. “I know you’re scared that I could die.”</p>
<p>“No. I’m fine,” he grunted.</p>
<p>“You said your mother gave birth to you in a jail cell, with no doctor? If she was strong enough to do that, I can be strong enough here.” She grinned. “I see you’ve been busy.”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Oh, right. The face mask and kerchief. “Nobody ever cleans shit right.”</p>
<p>“We’re going to have to teach the baby all the finer points of cleaning.” She hit the ‘we’. Let him know she’d be around. He kissed her again, and again, until someone cleared her throat in the doorway.</p>
<p>“She needs to relax until it’s time. You can stay if you want, but maybe stay off the bed and put your tongue away.” Ilsa brought in a basin of water and some clean rags. Levi scowled.</p>
<p>“You sound pretty confident this’ll go well.”</p>
<p>“I’ve given birth to six kids of my own, and I’ve been doing this for decades. We’ll get through just fine.” Ilsa crossed her arms. “How many decades have your city doctors been practicing medicine?”</p>
<p>Well…fair. Levi got up, kissing Petra’s forehead.</p>
<p>“I’ll go finish the porch.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be right here.” She winked. He left with a smile tugging at his lips.</p>
<p>When Levi entered the living room, he found Erwin and Hange standing around, looking awkward with Historia.</p>
<p>“Training go all right?” he asked.</p>
<p>“How is she?” Erwin asked. Not the question, but whatever.</p>
<p>“The midwife says it should be in a couple hours. Fast delivery.”</p>
<p>“Amazing!” Hange looked excited, though she eyed his mop with trepidation. “Er. Well, we’ll leave you to it and go start on the daily log.”</p>
<p>“You could help clean the porch,” Levi said. Erwin was stifling laughter, while Hange nervously grinned.</p>
<p>“Er. Heh. I got my exercise in for the day already. I’d, ah, better see to the horses.”</p>
<p>“Thought you needed to record the experiments.”</p>
<p>“Both. I can do both.” Hange was the least fastidious person Levi had ever met; having to clean was to her like getting a hole drilled in her skull. She bolted out the door, while Erwin nodded to him.</p>
<p>“Do you need company?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Truth was he wouldn’t have minded, but getting Erwin involved in his personal life in any way still felt too odd. Since that day nine months ago when Erwin had kissed Petra, he hadn’t been untoward in any way. He hadn’t singled her out, or tried stealing her away in conversation. He’d been pleasant and professional to her. Levi had appreciated it, and Petra, being the sweetheart she was, had been happy to put the whole thing behind her. ‘He went through hell’, she told him once. ‘He came back so changed and hurt. Of course he acted out. He hasn’t done anything since.’</p>
<p>No, Erwin had not. He’d been a perfect commander and gentleman. But Levi felt like during this moment with his wife, Erwin being part of it was still too much. The big guy appeared to understand.</p>
<p>“We’ll be nearby if you need us.” He exited after Hange. Levi watched him go, gut lurching. If you’d told him one year ago that he’d be married, having a baby, and unable to share everything with Erwin Smith, he’d have kicked your teeth in and called you a liar. Life changed fast.</p>
<p>Levi lit candles as the sun went down, and finally even he had exhausted himself and the area. He stared at the closed door like a fucking dog waiting for someone to let him in. He heard moans and cries, but nothing that sounded out of the ordinary for childbirth. Not like he had the faintest fucking clue what was normal.</p>
<p>More than two hours had passed. His stomach was now churning. He rapped knuckles on the door amid one of Petra’s louder groans.</p>
<p>“Oi. Open up.”</p>
<p>Ilsa opened the door but stood framed in the doorway. Levi looked past her and saw Petra lying on the mattress. The covers had been pulled off and lay pooled on the floor. That small amount of mess irritated him, but he soon forgot it. His wife’s face was red, and she was covered in sweat. She looked exhausted, puffing out her cheeks and tilting her head back to let out another horrible cry.</p>
<p>Levi’s muscles froze; he had to deny his instincts, which were to get in there and rip that fucking baby out if he had to, because Petra was in pain. Terrible pain.</p>
<p>“Why’s it taking so long?” he rasped. Ilsa motioned him back, then came into the hallway and closed the door. His blood froze. That was never a good sign.</p>
<p>“We’ve had a complication,” she said. “The baby hasn’t turned. I’m trying to position its head so it can come out easier.”</p>
<p>Levi stopped experiencing sensation of any kind when he heard the word ‘complication.’</p>
<p>This was how it began. He’d thought he could escape. And he’d knocked her up on purpose; this was his fault.</p>
<p>“Can you save her?” he croaked. Ilsa, for the first time, looked at him with something like softness and maybe pity.</p>
<p>“This isn’t my first breech birth. So far, I’m not concerned.”</p>
<p>“When can you get it out of her?” He was ready to put his boot through the fucking wall. And even if they got the baby out, what if Petra got sick? What had he done? What the fuck had he done?</p>
<p>“Hey. Listen. You need to calm down.” She was getting a little pissy with him now. “It’ll do her no good if you stomp around acting like she’s about to die.”</p>
<p>She was right, but it didn’t matter. Levi’s vision was starting to go; the world around him seemed to whirl into darkness. He was going to lose her. A complication. Nothing wrong now, but soon—</p>
<p>“Levi!”</p>
<p>Hange was at his side. She pushed up her glasses and nodded to Ilsa.</p>
<p>“I’m more equipped to deal with titan biology, but I think I can help.” Ilsa paused. “If nothing else, she could use a friendly face that doesn’t look like…well.” Both women glanced at Levi. Excuse him for loving his fucking wife.</p>
<p>But having Hange in there…</p>
<p>He trusted her. He didn’t trust midwives or doctors, but he trusted her.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Ilsa said. “You. Please, just go sit down. We’ll let you know.”</p>
<p>The women went into the room, and he heard the murmur of voices as Petra greeted Hange, followed by a piercing wail.</p>
<p>He couldn’t. He couldn’t. She couldn’t…</p>
<p>He bolted. No other word, he turned and shot through the house and blasted onto the porch. He gripped the railing hard enough to give himself splinters, sucked in lungfuls of air to try to stay sane.</p>
<p>
  <em>How can I love that kid when it kills her? How can I forgive myself?</em>
</p>
<p>“Levi.” Erwin came out of the darkness, trooped up the porch. The commander stood over him, looking concerned. “What happened?”</p>
<p>“Complication,” he muttered. “Baby’s turned the wrong way. She says it’s fine. Tch. That’s how it always starts.”</p>
<p>“She seems to know what she’s doing,” Erwin said gently. “If I were you, I’d trust this will be fine.”</p>
<p>“I can’t trust that, Erwin, because it’s never fucking fine. My whole life, someone gets sick, and the next thing you know…” He had to stop talking so his voice didn’t break. Erwin and he were silent a while, listening to the crickets off in the field. The moon was high, and brightened the nearby forest. He could see the shadowed outlines of trees on the grass. “Where’s the queen?” he rasped.</p>
<p>“In the stables with the horses. I get the feeling childbirth unsettles her. Well. She’s so young.” Erwin gazed up at the moon.</p>
<p>“I need to go in.” He needed to crouch by the door, ready to spring. Ready to…</p>
<p>“Walk with me. It’s an order.”</p>
<p>And despite everything that had passed between them, Levi obeyed Erwin’s orders. Always. The two men trudged around the farmhouse, never going so far that they couldn’t hear if Ilsa yelled for them.</p>
<p>“Most men would be excited tonight,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“Since when’ve I ever been most men?” Levi grunted. “I can’t trust anything good. Almost a year I’ve been married, and every day I wake up thinking she could be gone from next to me. I tell myself to expect it. I’m almost <em>ready</em> for her to die right now. I’m so fucked up.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been wounded deeply,” Erwin said. “You carry a heavy burden. The only thing that will heal it is time, and good things happening to you. And now that our mission has changed, we have in some ways a less grotesque enemy to face. Even though the world hates us, I feel optimistic for the future.”</p>
<p>Levi gazed at the commander, whose eyes were still turned up to the stars. With Erwin around, he could almost believe she wouldn’t die.</p>
<p>“Any closer to figuring out our first move?” It was a relief not to talk about the baby for a minute. “Looks like the titans are thinning out. Hange thinks we can make for outside the walls in a couple months.”</p>
<p>“And once we reach the sea, we have to deal with whoever’s across it,” Erwin said. He nodded. “I have thoughts…”</p>
<p>But he didn’t elaborate on them, because Hange burst out onto the porch and waved them down. “Levi!”</p>
<p>He sprinted, leaving Erwin well behind as he barreled onto the porch and stood before her, heart hammering.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Huh? Nothing.” Hange grinned. “Ilsa got the baby to turn. The head’s crowning!”</p>
<p>Levi tried to process this. No. No, this had to be bloody and terrible; any minute now Petra would be in terrible agony, or the baby would die, or—</p>
<p>“Levi?” Hange looked puzzled. At least, as much as she could with one fucking eye.</p>
<p>“Can I see her?”</p>
<p>“You might want to wait until it’s—”</p>
<p>And then, within the confines of the house, they heard a baby’s cry.</p>
<p>Levi was a father. Huh.</p>
<p>Petra. He did not trust that the child could come safely into this world without his wife paying the ultimate price. He pushed past Hange and down to the door, throwing the thing open.</p>
<p>Ilsa was standing at the other side of the room, fussing with the kid. Levi heard sobs and gurgles, but he didn’t care. Petra was lying on the bed, so still. Her eyes were closed. Her skin, even in the candlelight, was unnaturally pale. There was blood between her legs, staining the sheets. Too much blood, to his eye.</p>
<p>“Petra.” He rushed to her side, fighting back the wave of grief that was speeding towards him because she was so pale, so still. He gripped her hand. “Baby…”</p>
<p>She opened her eyes, and smiled. She beamed. Her eyes were bright and fucking twinkling. She pushed herself up, grunting a bit. He helped her, not wanting to take his arms away. Levi studied the bloody sheets, the piles of bloodied cloths. He looked at Ilsa’s back.</p>
<p>“Did you get it all out? The placenta?” He knew from Hange that a placenta came out with the baby, and if not removed the mother would die of infection. “If there’s even the smallest bit of it in her—”</p>
<p>“Wow, placenta? First I’ve heard of it.” Ilsa sighed wearily, then tutted over the kid. Levi turned back to Petra, who was now looking up at him with concern.</p>
<p>“Levi?” she said.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He kissed her forehead; wonderfully cool, if a little sweaty. He still didn’t trust that this whole process had been quick and relatively painless. Something was going to go wrong. It always did. “Yeah, baby?” He kissed her lips.</p>
<p>“Don’t you want to see her?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“Who?” Levi frowned.</p>
<p>“Huh. Father of the year,” Ilsa muttered. He glowered at her, but oh. Right. Fuck, yes, the baby. Oh.</p>
<p>“So it’s a girl?”</p>
<p>“Kuchel. She’s over there. You should see her.” Petra kind of pushed him to get off the bed and stop stroking and fussing over her. “That’s your daughter.”</p>
<p>She said it to guide him over to the midwife, who had cleaned the brat off and was now holding what looked like a bundle of cloth. She raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Support the head. Careful.” She was very delicate as she placed the baby into Levi’s arms. Fuck, was he supposed to feel something? He wasn’t sad the kid was here or anything, he just felt neutral. Mostly he was just worried about dropping it…her.</p>
<p>It was like holding laundry, except something was kicking and wiggling inside said laundry. The baby made little noises of exertion, tiny grunts as she maneuvered herself. Well. Maybe she was his kid after all, if she was already annoyed with being held.</p>
<p>Levi moved the blanket from around her face. The baby’s eyes were closed, and he could already tell she took after him. Fair skin, the faintest trace of jet black hair. None of her mother’s gold and amber. Fuck. Would’ve preferred the kid look like Petra, but oh well.</p>
<p>“Um. Hi,” he said. The baby made those little noises of exertion again, her brow furrowing. Then she relaxed as if exhausted, and her little mouth fell open.</p>
<p>It was…fuck. It was like looking at himself in a way. The thin eyebrows, the nose, even the chin looked like it’d be his, pointed and sharp. Granted she was just born, hard to tell, but…</p>
<p>She looked like him. Levi felt like he was staring at a person he’d been searching for his whole life without knowing it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh. There you are.</em>
</p>
<p>“Kuchel,” he said. His mother would’ve flipped to be a grandma. In their brief time together, he’d known she adored him. She would have adored this girl. It was jarring, as if Levi was holding his own mother for a second, but no. This was a new Kuchel. One who would never be hurt or abused by the fucking police. One who wouldn’t have to work in a brothel. One who’d be protected. Always. Even if it took his dying breath.</p>
<p>“Isn’t she beautiful?” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>He barely heard that. He was enraptured with studying the little details over and over, the nose and the eyes and the mouth. The baby’s eyes opened by a sliver. She gazed up at him. He held her a little tighter, just cradling the head. Gently.</p>
<p>“That’s your papa,” Ilsa said in a singsong voice; well, she liked the kid at least.</p>
<p>Papa. <em>My daughter.</em></p>
<p>Another Ackerman. One who wouldn’t ever have her murderous powers awakened if he could help it. Fuck, he’d brought her into a dangerous world. But he’d make it safe. For her.</p>
<p>He couldn’t save his mother. He couldn’t save Isabel. But he could—would—save her.</p>
<p>“Kuchel Isabel Ackerman,” he said, as if in a trance. The baby’s mouth curled up in a smile. Fuck, could babies this young smile? Did it matter? She gave a little giggle, then coughed, then went back to sleep.</p>
<p>All the threads of his life finally came together to form a single tapestry. One big picture. The future held Marley, and the Beast Titan…but it also held her. She kept him from plunging into the abyss.</p>
<p>He could feel it. Rocked her a little, watching with fascination as she slept.</p>
<p>“Levi!” Hange barked in excitement. Instinctively, he moved, turning the baby away from her. He had to take care of the girl.</p>
<p>“What?” he snapped. Kuchel woke, and started kicking and bawling. Er, fuck.</p>
<p>“Aww. Can I see her? Can I?” Hange ooh-ed and aah-ed over the little bundle, wiggling her finger in Kuchel’s face. The baby stopped crying and gazed in a stupor. “Hello, you! Hello! Hi hi!”</p>
<p>“Thought you didn’t like babies,” he said.</p>
<p>“Levi, don’t be mean. I like other people’s babies just fine!”</p>
<p>Ilsa cleared her throat next to them, then nodded at the bed. “I think the baby needs her mother.”</p>
<p>Petra was sliding back into her nightgown; while Levi’d been stunned by Kuchel, Ilsa had bathed Petra and taken away the bloody top sheet.</p>
<p>Levi walked back to Petra, and he felt an irrational bit of jealousy as he placed Kuchel into her arms. Hey, he’d just gotten a turn… But Petra had never looked this happy, or this radiant. She cradled the baby, nuzzled and kissed her cheek. Kuchel made a little cry face and kicked.</p>
<p>“Are you hungry? Hmm?”</p>
<p>Levi helped without being asked, undoing the buttons so that she could take out her breast easily. Ilsa nodded and gave encouragement from the sidelines. Kuchel grunted and cried until she found Petra’s nipple. Then she seemed to know what to do, because her lips clamped down.</p>
<p>“Good. She’s latched.” Ilsa sighed.</p>
<p>“Likes sucking on your breast,” Levi muttered. He glanced slyly at Petra. “Already I know she’s mine.”</p>
<p>“If I weren’t nursing right now, I’d have to kick you right in the balls,” Petra said cheerily. He chuckled, leaning back against the headboard as he kicked off his boots. He sat up next to his wife, watched his daughter as she fed. Kuchel made little gurgles and grunts as she suckled. Eventually, she’d had her fill. Ilsa showed them how to pat her back to burp her. Kuchel spit up a little on a cloth across the woman’s shoulder. Levi cringed, realizing that this was the first of a whole lot of piss, puke, and shit in his future.</p>
<p>But he couldn’t even pretend it wouldn’t be worth it. When Ilsa was done, he extended his arms greedily for the baby. But Ilsa handed Kuchel back to Petra, who laid the baby against her chest and rubbed her bare back. Kuchel cooed.</p>
<p>“It’s important that babies have skin to skin contact,” Ilsa said. Already she’d cleaned up most of the mess in the room. Levi had to hand it to her; she knew her shit. Petra rocked Kuchel back and forth, making soothing noises. She grinned at Levi.</p>
<p>“Take off your shirt,” she said.</p>
<p>“Eh? Tch, don’t think now’s the time for any of that.”</p>
<p>“I mean, you should have skin to skin contact, too.” She shook her head lovingly. Ah. Right. Levi unbuttoned his shirt, folded it, and then was careful as Petra laid the baby in his arms. He held her against his abdomen. Kuchel fussed a moment, making her little grunts, then gave another tiny grin and fell dead asleep against him.</p>
<p>“She loves her papa.” Ilsa finally gave him an actual smile. Yeah. Her papa.</p>
<p>He looked down at the tiny baby in his arms. She was like a dollop of cream, something so fragile he couldn’t imagine letting her face a stiff breeze let alone titans and a world that hated her for existing.</p>
<p>
  <em>You won’t thank me for bringing you into this world. But I’m selfish enough that I’m grateful you’re here. Tch. Some father.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra laid a gentle kiss on his cheek. She leaned against him, looking down at their baby.</p>
<p>“This is the happiest moment of my life,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yeah. That’s why it scares me.” He wasn’t kidding. Petra kissed him again. He turned, caught her lips. Kuchel had even taken his focus away from his wife for a second, but now his attention turned back. He kissed her forehead. “You gave me the best thing I could have in this shitty world,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Well, I did it for me, too.” She grinned. She sighed. “I love her so much. It hurts. How is it possible to feel this much this fast?” Petra sniffed, on the verge of tears. Tch. Sap. But he loved her for it.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he muttered. She blinked at him. “You made me better.”</p>
<p>He didn’t like lovey dovey shit, but he meant this. Her lip quivered. She rested her head on his shoulder again.</p>
<p>“Same for me.”</p>
<p>He lay there with his daughter in his arms and his wife resting, wondering how the fuck he’d gotten to this place. How had a man like him earned this much happiness?</p>
<p>As usual, the dark thoughts reappeared.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’ll die. She’ll get sick. You’ll lose her.</em>
</p>
<p>Then, some especially odd ones:</p>
<p>
  <em>She was supposed to die.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You fucked up the future.</em>
</p>
<p>Weird. Those thoughts sounded almost like Eren. He blinked, shook his head. Kid took up a lot of space in his head these days. Poor boy.</p>
<p>But he looked back at his daughter, and he forgot the world outside for a minute. It was just the three of them in this candlelit, silent world. Levi gave her back to Petra, then slid his shirt back on.</p>
<p>“Well.” Erwin stood in the doorway, though he didn’t enter. “This is a perfect sight.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed. There was no wariness in how she looked at Erwin now. Maybe having the baby had helped widen the gap between them now and them…then. Erwin only looked delighted.</p>
<p>“Would you like to hold her?” Petra asked. Erwin looked surprised, but he entered. Levi took the baby and showed him how to hold her. Seeing his daughter cradled in the commander’s arms, Levi felt suddenly and completely that Kuchel would be safe. Erwin rocked back and forth on his feet a bit.</p>
<p>“What’s it like? Holding her?” he asked Levi. “As a father.”</p>
<p>“Um. Good.” He was shit with words, but he tried. “Best I’ve ever felt. Well. One of the best things.” Being in Petra’s arms was still hard to beat.</p>
<p>“I see.” Gently, Erwin gave her back. His expression was soft, but a little distant. “You’re a fortunate man. You deserve to be. Congratulations. Both of you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Petra smiled at him, then reached for the baby again. Levi handed Kuchel over. He turned, but Erwin had already left. Historia stood in the doorway, Hange behind her.</p>
<p>“Oh. Can I come in?” Historia asked, wide-eyed.</p>
<p>“Tch. You’re the fucking queen. What do you think?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He stood outside, just before the window, and watched for one minute. Petra was cradling the baby, laughing with Levi sitting on the bed with her, his arm around her. He looked at his wife with adoring eyes, then turned them to his daughter. He was still gruff and irascible, but he also looked more complete than Erwin had ever seen him. More human.</p>
<p>
  <em>Good, Levi. I’m glad for you.</em>
</p>
<p>He meant it even as it pained him. He’d never know the joy of that himself. This was the closest he’d come.</p>
<p>Erwin looked for one more minute, then turned and lifted his eyes to the stars.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He couldn’t sleep in Petra’s bed for a few nights, for her own comfort. They found a laundry basket and filled it with blankets, then laid Kuchel inside. She cooed, smiling at all the freshly laundered sheets. Yeah. She was his.</p>
<p>It was four in the morning when they finally got everyone settled down. Ilsa stayed the remainder of the night, since she needed some rest. Levi could have slept in a room of his own, but he laid out a pallet beside Kuchel’s makeshift cradle. He wasn’t going to sleep, anyway.</p>
<p>When their door was closed and it was just the family, Levi sat beside Petra as she lay down, eyelids drooping. He kissed her again. She cupped his cheek in her hand.</p>
<p>“Thank you for telling me no,” he said.</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>“During our first… The time before Kuchel, when you were pregnant.” It hurt to bring up the first kid, but he felt he had to. “I wanted to get rid of it. You wanted to keep it. If you hadn’t fought me, made me buy a cradle, all that domestic shit, I wouldn’t have started to want it. I don’t want to imagine a world without her in it.” He kissed her again, savored her lips. “Or you,” he breathed.</p>
<p>She gasped. He heard her struggling not to cry. Finally, she brushed her nose against his, the old affectionate gesture he loved.</p>
<p>“I love you more than anything,” she whispered.</p>
<p>He let her sleep, then laid himself down beside the baby’s cradle. He had heard from Hange that infants sometimes inexplicably stopped breathing in their first few months. He intended to make sure that didn’t happen.</p>
<p>Not like it would. But he still didn’t trust his luck.</p>
<p>So he lay there, listening to his daughter and his wife breathe. He didn’t shut his eyes until daylight.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Consider this the end of part 1. I need some time off to consider the next bit, so don't expect updates for a few weeks. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is he not helping out?” Brigitta asked. She peeked around the sheet that Petra was pinning to the clothesline. Petra had to take one more pin out of her mouth before she could answer.</p>
<p>“It’s not that. He’s perfect. Most men moan if you ask them to clean anything. He <em>wants</em> to clean <em>everything</em>. He sterilizes anything that might go near Kuchel’s mouth. He makes sure everything she wears is clean. The room’s neater than a pin. Plus, he’s never been much of a sleeper. When she cries in the night, unless she needs to be fed, he walks her around until she falls asleep, or even takes her up and down the barracks. I’ve probably gotten more sleep as a new mother than most other women.”</p>
<p>Two months had passed since Kuchel had been born, and they had been two happy, exhausting months. Petra was finally back in uniform, though her breasts still felt sore and a lot fuller than they had in the past. When she looked into the mirror, she saw a young woman in damn good shape for just having given birth. But considering how lean and toned she’d been before, she felt a bit sad. Giving up her old body was a sacrifice she was more than willing to make for having Kuchel, but she wanted to get back to her old athletic build.</p>
<p>Not that Levi minded. He liked her hard, soft, round or thin, it didn’t matter. She couldn’t help smiling. Really, she had virtually no complaints.</p>
<p>Virtually.</p>
<p>“So what’s wrong?” Brigitta whispered. Both women looked behind them; they were drying the clothes only a few feet from the Ackerman family chamber, and the window was open. Inside, they heard Levi sweeping the floor while Kuchel gurgled in her cradle.</p>
<p>“He’s driving me <em>crazy!</em>” Petra hissed. She almost dropped the shirts she was holding. “I can’t take the baby out of her cradle unless he’s standing guard. He knows I won’t drop her, but <em>just in case.</em>” She imitated Levi’s flat, affectless tone. “Our soap budget went up again, and you know how much we spent already, and all because he can only use a special, gentle kind of soap for Kuchel’s bath. He even has to retest the water after I heat it to make sure the temperature’s not too hot. I’m honestly relieved when he has to go training or meets with Erwin because then I can bounce her around without fear. He’s obsessed!”</p>
<p>Inside, they heard Kuchel begin to cry. Petra turned, but she saw Levi walk over to the cradle, his kerchief covering his hair. He pulled down his faceguard.</p>
<p>“Oi. Brat. Calm down.” He sounded as gruff as ever, but Petra listened as he began to rock the cradle back and forth with his foot. The cries immediately changed to gleeful laughter. Levi gave the smallest smile; for him, it was the equivalent of a toothy grin. “Tch. That’s right. Be a good girl.”</p>
<p>“You know, when I was pregnant Levi was afraid I’d love the baby more than him. I think it ended up being the other way around.” But Petra grinned, shaking her head as she hung up one of Levi’s shirts.</p>
<p>“Just as long as he’s loving you regularly?” Brigitta arched a brow. “Are you…getting along?”</p>
<p>“We were only allowed to ‘get along’ again two weeks ago. We’ve had a few good times.” Petra sighed. The few times she and Levi had both been in the mood and awake enough for sex had been glorious. But the smallest noise from Kuchel as she slept, and he’d freeze on top of Petra. ‘We don't want to traumatize the kid’, he’d told her.</p>
<p>“Maybe Edvard and I could take Kuchel for a night. Give you both some alone time.”</p>
<p>“If you can convince Levi to let Kuchel go anywhere without him, you’ll be doing better than me.” Petra ducked under the line with her basket. Brigitta followed. “You know, it’s funny now, but I don’t want him to smother her.” Petra sighed as she hung up some socks. “Then again, after everything he’s lost, I probably need to be a little patient with him. I know he’s terrified something will happen to her.”</p>
<p>“Is something else bothering you?”</p>
<p>“Why do you say that?”</p>
<p>“Because you just seem a little upset. I don’t think you’re really upset about Levi.”</p>
<p>“No,” Petra muttered. She set down the basket and rubbed her forehead. In a low voice, she said, “The titans have been cleared from Wall Maria. Refugees are starting to return. People are tilling the fields. Erwin—the commander says it’s time for the Guard to ride past the walls and out to this sea that Grisha Jaeger talked about.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Brigitta’s eyes softened. “And you can’t go.”</p>
<p>“I understand why. Kuchel’s too young to be without me for an entire day. Plus, if something happened I couldn’t let her lose both parents. Levi’s the super cleaner, but right now I’m the only one who can feed her properly. So. I have to stay.”</p>
<p>“But one day you’ll go to the sea. Won’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yes, but it’s sort of the last expedition for the Survey Corps. I missed Shiganshina, and now I’ll miss this.”</p>
<p>“Knowing what happened, I’m glad you missed Shiganshina,” Brigitta muttered.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I…” Petra wanted to fall into the laundry and go to sleep. She was so tired. “I wanted Kuchel. More than anything. And I know right now I have to be with her all the time. I’m not angry about that. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life only looking after children and cleaning the house. Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” she added quickly. Brigitta had only ever wanted exactly that. Her sister smiled.</p>
<p>“I’m not offended, Pet. I know you’re not the same as me. You don’t have to be. You’re back in uniform; isn’t the commander using you at all?”</p>
<p>“I’m sort of doing clerical work now,” Petra said. Erwin had been gracious enough to give her forms to fill out, typing up his orders and processing them correctly. It was busy work, but he could see she needed something to do that wasn’t waiting for the baby to wake up and be fed. “But I’m technically Levi’s lieutenant, and I’m not even at training sessions.”</p>
<p>“You can’t be right now.”</p>
<p>Petra huffed. “I’m going to start reconditioning soon. That’ll be something. I just don’t want everything to go by without me.”</p>
<p>“You’re important, Pet. They won’t forget about you.” Brigitta hugged her. Time to go. “Listen. Why don’t I come back on Tuesday?”</p>
<p>Levi would be on his mission then. Out to the sea. Petra nodded.</p>
<p>“That’d be great.”</p>
<p>Her sister left. Petra finished hanging the laundry, then brought the empty basket back inside. She had to go all the way around to the barrack’s eastern entrance, then walked the long hall to get to her door. She opened up, and found Levi standing silent vigil over Mikasa, who was kneeling on the floor and looking down on Kuchel. Mikasa had laid her little cousin out on the mat they’d bought for her, so she could lie down without getting dirty. Mikasa was beaming as she rubbed Kuchel’s belly. The baby kicked her legs and squealed gleefully. Mikasa laughed, then leaned close and rubbed noses with Kuchel.</p>
<p>“Tch. Told this brat she needed to wash before touching the baby.” Levi glowered at Mikasa, who serenely ignored him.</p>
<p>“I scrubbed my hands like you asked.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t wash your face.”</p>
<p>“Levi! She’s clean enough. And babies need to get some germs, or their bodies get too sickly.” Petra was pretty sure that’s what the doctor had told her. She put the basket away, then went over to him. She slipped an arm around his waist, and he barely squeezed her back. He kept grimacing over Mikasa like a paternal gargoyle. Mikasa picked Kuchel up and lifted her above her head. Kuchel was ecstatic; Levi looked pale as chalk.</p>
<p>“Don’t—” he choked, but Petra gripped his arm.</p>
<p>“It’s good for her. Please,” she whispered. Levi grumbled, but acquiesced. Mikasa kissed Kuchel’s cheek, then cradled her cousin in her arms and rocked her.</p>
<p>“She looks a lot like you.” Mikasa glanced at Levi.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Poor kid,” he grunted.</p>
<p>“Levi!” Petra kissed his cheek. She felt him grimace; he hated being affectionate in front of ‘the brats’ as he called them. “Didn’t you say she looks just like your mother?”</p>
<p>“Well. Don’t remember her too well, but yeah. She sort of does.” He was mollified. Mikasa came and gave Kuchel to Petra. Levi watched the transfer with hawkish intensity, in case the baby fell. Petra kissed her daughter’s forehead. She loved nothing more in the world than to hear Kuchel giggle and coo.</p>
<p>“Well. See you both later.” Mikasa smiled at Petra, nodded to Levi, and left.</p>
<p>“Tch. Gloomy brat.”</p>
<p>“She’s your family, too, you know.” Petra sat on the bed and rocked Kuchel in her arms, humming a little tune. The baby giggled, then grimaced, then started to cry. Ah. Feeding time. Petra handed Kuchel off to Levi as she prepared herself. He smirked when he handed their daughter back to be fed.</p>
<p>“I like that way of feeding her,” he said, eyeing her breast. Petra winced as Kuchel latched, then smiled.</p>
<p>“Jealous at all?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He put away the broom and dustpan and removed his cleaning gear. “Wish we had a little more time for ourselves, especially when you start getting undressed.”</p>
<p>“Well. Brigitta offered to take Kuchel for the night. We could…”</p>
<p>But Levi instantly shook his head. “She’s too young.”</p>
<p>He wasn’t necessarily wrong, but Petra sighed. “Why do I get the feeling you’ll be saying that when she’s eighteen?”</p>
<p>“I just don’t want anything to happen to her.”</p>
<p>The way he said it, naked with fear, silenced her. She hadn’t been a member of the Survey Corps back when Levi joined, so she hadn’t been there for his first expedition when he lost his two best friends from the underground. Furlan and Isabel. Petra had heard from veterans that Levi had been found sobbing over the girl’s decapitated head. No one had seen him cry since.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Petra took up a cloth and burped Kuchel, gently patting her back. “I wouldn’t trade this for anything, but sometimes I do miss the days when we had sex three or four times in a row.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Levi looked mournful as she buttoned her shirt back up. “Those were good days.” He looked ready to pick Kuchel up, but Petra did first. She didn’t get to hold her daughter as much as she’d like; Levi practically carried her around as an accessory when he was home. Petra bounced Kuchel a little, sending the baby to sleep.</p>
<p>“I remember when you were just having a baby for my sake.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Now look at you. The protective papa.”</p>
<p>“Well. No one tells you how disgustingly cute your own kid’ll be.” He crossed his arms, watching carefully as Petra laid a snoozing Kuchel into her cradle.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind being the second most important woman in your life,” Petra teased. To her surprise, he looked stricken. Levi came to her.</p>
<p>“You’re not second to anyone,” he said. He frowned, looked a little pissed. “Tch. Stupid thing to say. Why do I always have to discipline your ass?”</p>
<p>Petra grinned, sliding off her boots and jacket as he did the same. She lay down on the bed, and he lay on top of her. They kissed, and she softly moaned when he cupped her breast.</p>
<p>“Think we can be quiet?” she mouthed. He took her lower lip between his teeth, rubbed her nipple through the cloth until it was peaked.</p>
<p>“We better be,” he whispered. He unbuttoned her shirt and put his mouth to her breast. Petra’s eyes rolled, and she gripped the pillow as he unbuttoned her shirt all the way and slid her pants off. She felt his breath on her stomach, then his lips on the inside of her thigh, until finally…</p>
<p>“Oh.” She clapped a hand over her mouth as he parted her and began to lick. He kissed her increasingly swollen bud, traced his tongue in agonizingly wonderful circles around and around it. He—</p>
<p>Kuchel made a little noise in her sleep. Instantly, Levi stopped. He sat up, staring at the cradle with a stricken expression. Petra had been on the verge of climaxing, and had to struggle not to shout her frustration.</p>
<p>“Levi?”</p>
<p>“Shh. I don’t want her to have to listen to us.”</p>
<p>Gentle. She had to be gentle. “Levi. She’s only two months old. She doesn’t know what shapes are, let alone what we’re doing. It’s perfectly normal for new parents to have sex in the room where their baby sleeps.</p>
<p>He wore a dark, distant look. “Kids shouldn’t have to hear this shit.”</p>
<p>Of course. His mother had died when he was four, but he’d have been old enough to hear what she did for a living. God only knew what he’d seen in the whorehouse. Petra knelt behind him, rested her chin on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“This is very different than when you were little.”</p>
<p>“You don’t feel weird about this at all?” He looked at her like she was bizarre. Petra felt like she was being challenged to prove that she was a good, saintly mother. But even good mothers wanted to have sex.</p>
<p>“I just mean that you didn’t have normal experiences.”</p>
<p>“Tch.” He got off the bed, sat at the table while he put his boots back on. Apparently she wasn’t getting laid. Petra yanked on her pants and buttoned herself up, seething all the while. She had to be understanding with him, but she was so tired at the end of every day, and she wanted him so badly. But he didn’t want her the same. Not now.</p>
<p>“Are you less attracted to me because I’m a mother now?” she demanded.</p>
<p>“<em>What?</em>” He had one arm through his jacket, but forgot about the other. He gaped at her. “The <em>fuck</em>, Petra?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes men are like that! Women have babies and they’re not sexual anymore.” Her temples throbbed. Maybe this was the hormones still running crazy in her system. “I know that we can’t fuck like we used to, but I still want to. I don’t think you do, though.”</p>
<p>He held her in the night, warmed her body with his, but the urgency with which he’d needed her once upon a time had vanished. All his spare energy seemed directed at the cradle. Petra didn’t want to have to compete with her daughter for attention. It was a perverse idea.</p>
<p>“I think about pulling you into a closet every spare moment and screwing your brains out,” he answered flatly. He narrowed his eyes. “If I could be locked in a room with you for twenty four hours, just us, we’d both be chafed and raw by the time we got out. That sound good enough to you?”</p>
<p>She flushed. In truth, just his words turned her on.</p>
<p>“We…we can’t do <em>that</em> anymore, it’s true. At least not for a while.” Petra sighed as the afternoon bells rang the time. Levi would be late for another meeting with Erwin. He knew it, too, and finished putting his jacket on. Petra sat on the bed, arms around herself, feeling kind of childish. She’d wanted this, after all. She’d been desperate for a baby. She hadn’t thought of what it would all mean. And… “It’s just going to get harder, too.” She looked at Levi. “Soon she’ll be able to know what we’re doing, and we’ll all still be together in this room.” They glanced around the chamber. For two, it had been a cozy paradise. For three, cramped. “If only we could have more space…”</p>
<p>“I told you.” He fluffed his cravat out of irritation. “Houses cost money. It’ll take both our salaries for two years, and that’s if we don’t buy anything in the meantime. With normal expenses, it’s looking like three to four years.” He came to her and gently touched her cheek, tilted her face up to look at him. “We’ll get there. Just not now.”</p>
<p>He said it resolutely. Well, he’d grown up and spent much of his early life in the underground, living on dirty floors most of the time. Petra was probably acting like a princess to him. But she wanted a house for her family, for Kuchel. She sighed, and kissed his palm. If she’d cared that much about having a house, she should have waited to get pregnant. But then Kuchel would never have been born. She couldn’t bear that idea.</p>
<p>“You’d better go. You have that meeting with Erwin.” She stood and kissed him goodbye. Even their kisses couldn’t be as long and lingering as they’d been. Petra had Levi, had every bit of him, yet she still craved more. Honestly, she was ridiculous. But she couldn’t help what she felt.</p>
<p>“Let’s talk more tonight,” he said. Petra smiled at him. Him saying reasonable things like ‘we’ll talk more later’ would have sounded so alien just eighteen months before. He was still a reserved, grumpy man, but a lot of his jagged edges had been worn down. She’d done that, and Kuchel, too.</p>
<p>“I love you.” She sighed, happy as he kissed her deeper.</p>
<p>“Fucking adore you. Brat.” He looked at Kuchel asleep one last time—Petra saw his mouth quirk, saw him smile unconsciously. Then he left, and just in time for Kuchel to wake and start fussing.</p>
<p>“Shhh.” Petra lifted the baby and walked her around, bouncing her gently. Kuchel made happy gurgling noises as Petra sat down and kissed her daughter on her forehead. “Mommy loves you so much.” She nuzzled Kuchel’s plump cheek. The baby giggled. Petra sighed, turning baleful eyes to the door. “She really misses Daddy. That’s the only sad thing.”</p>
<p>And she also missed the wind in her hair, the thrill of her ODM cable as it yanked her up into the sky. She missed the rush of adrenaline as they neared a titan, the feeling of invincibility when she sliced its knee tendons, or its ankle, or even its nape.</p>
<p>But the titans were gone now. They were all dead, at least in Wall Maria and probably beyond. Her old life was completely gone, and she missed it a little.</p>
<p>Petra sat alone with her daughter and felt herself droop.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On Tuesday, Petra brought Kuchel to see Levi off. It was only the old Survey Corps members on this mission—one last hurrah before full immersion within the Paradisian Guard. Erwin walked over to the lift, ready to be taken up the wall and brought down again on the other side. Today they were going through Wall Maria, and far past it. There was always the slight chance that they’d been wrong about the titans, that a few were still out there. But even if there were, she was sure Levi could handle it. Mostly.</p>
<p>Erwin was dressed in his uniform with the new Paradisian Guard badge on his arm and emblem on his back. The roses of the Garrison, wings of the Survey Corps, and unicorn of the Military Police were all gone now. In their place, there was a black background with a golden crown. The crown had three points for the three walls. The three goddesses.</p>
<p>Erwin smiled at Kuchel as he came over. Since Petra’s little moment with the Supreme Commander a year ago, he hadn’t done anything untoward. Sometimes she thought—or rather, hoped—that that brief instant of lustful madness had come and gone. That he didn’t want her any longer. But occasionally, their eyes would meet and she would see that electric charge in the blue depths. <em>I won’t touch you until you ask me.</em></p>
<p>He was sincere, but the knowledge made her uncomfortable. She held up Kuchel to him. She knew she could trust Erwin Smith fully with her daughter.</p>
<p>“A new baby is the perfect omen for this day.” He gently took her, and rocked her a few times. Kuchel always fell happily asleep in Erwin’s arms. That alone softened Petra’s heart towards the man. “One day, little one, you’ll see the ocean for yourself.” He gave a drowsing Kuchel back to her mother. “She’s well behaved.”</p>
<p>“Mostly.” Petra smiled. “I just worry about how it’ll be when she starts walking. We’re living in just the one room, after all.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Erwin nodded, then made way as Levi arrived. Petra went to her husband, kissing him openly on the mouth. Levi gave a surprised grunt. He wasn’t the demonstrative type, not in public. But he kissed her back.</p>
<p>Maybe it was meant as a light reminder to the commander of where her heart would always lie. Maybe it was childish. Maybe.</p>
<p>“Make sure she’s a good girl.” Levi let Kuchel hold his finger in her tiny hand. His face visibly relaxed when he beheld his daughter.</p>
<p>“I’ll take good care of her,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Tch. I was telling Kuchel to keep an eye on <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>Bastard. She loved him. Erwin cleared his throat and motioned to the lifts. Most of the horses and soldiers had been loaded. She saw Eren—his hair was getting long. He truly needed to cut it. Mikasa was standing alongside him. Both looked a bit withdrawn.</p>
<p>With a pang, Petra remembered the third, Armin. The boy had excitedly talked of visiting the sea. His dream had never come true.</p>
<p><em>I wish Armin were here.</em> But she didn’t say it, because it would imply wishing that the commander were gone.</p>
<p>“We should be home before dark.” Levi kissed her once more. He put a hand to her cheek. “I’ll take you both there, one day. If it’s safe.”</p>
<p><em>If it’s safe.</em> Once, Petra had leapt into danger. Now she had to be protected from it. Kuchel gave a short squeal, bringing her back to the present. To her baby daughter. Well. A little freedom was a sacrifice worth making for her.</p>
<p>“Good luck.” She nodded. “Both of you.”</p>
<p>Erwin gave a salute and a bow, then he and Levi walked away. They went up in the lifts, over the wall, and then were gone.</p>
<p>Kuchel made some shrieks, then scrunched up her face and began to cry. Maybe she was hungry. Or maybe she always cried whenever her Papa went away. Surely she was too young to miss Levi. Surely.</p>
<p>“Come on.” Petra kissed the baby’s head, and bounced her. Kuchel calmed down. “Let’s go home.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They found the titan about a mile outside Wall Maria. Levi had been impressed with how cleared out the area was. When the green flare went up, his heart sped for an instant. In a way, he’d hoped there <em>would</em> be a danger. He’d been inactive for so long, and training could only work him so hard.</p>
<p>But this titan was faceplanted in the grass. He’d crawled here on spindly arms and legs, and it looked like he’d been stopped a while now; grass and flowers had grown in his path’s wake.</p>
<p>Eren walked over to the thing, put his hand on its head. A gentle gesture.</p>
<p>“This was a Subject of Ymir,” he said quietly. “A fellow patriot.”</p>
<p>Levi knew the merciful thing to do was to kill it. Nothing else he could do to help. But knowing it was only a human being, a sad Eldian trapped in Marley and punished according to that society’s whims, he couldn’t bring himself to unsheathe his blade. They rode on, Floch calling out if they were going to kill the titan or not.</p>
<p><em>On the way back,</em> Levi thought. <em>I’ll take care of it then.</em></p>
<p>He rode at Erwin’s side; the Supreme Commander hadn’t spoken a word since they’d left Wall Maria. Erwin kept his gaze forever wedded to the horizon.</p>
<p>That was his way; always look ahead. Never live in the moment.</p>
<p>What a shitty way to live.</p>
<p>After a while, the grass beneath their feet began to shift. It got softer; turned to sand. Ahead of them, they could see a large concrete wall.</p>
<p>Where Marleyans had sent Eldians to ‘paradise’ for committing any number of minor crimes. Levi’s gut churned at the thought.</p>
<p>“Advance,” Erwin called, leading his horse to an earthen slope on the left side of the wall. Levi rode alongside him, frowning because he heard noise. The strangest, loudest sort of hushing noise he’d ever heard before. He smelled salt, as well. As their horses mounted the slope, Levi glanced at Erwin. Still fixated ahead.</p>
<p>And then… Then Erwin’s eyes widened as he yanked his horse to a halt. Levi did the same. Before Levi even turned to look at the sea, he looked at Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>And Erwin smiled.</p>
<p>For the first time in a year, Levi saw that same calm, joyous smile he’d seen before the final charge in Shiganshina.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Levi. Look.”</p>
<p>Around him, Levi heard the brats and Hange making admiring noises, or gasping, or even squawking on Sasha’s part. Levi looked out.</p>
<p>He saw an endless blue. An entire world of water stretched away on either side, as far as he could glimpse.</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman felt wonder. He felt as if the whole world was peace, and stillness, and blue.</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra and Kuchel should see this.</em>
</p>
<p>Then he thought of what lay across that vast expanse of blue. Of what would come to find them again one day.</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman felt fear.</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra and Kuchel should never come here.</em>
</p>
<p>No more time for thinking. Hange screamed in excitement, guiding her horse down the sandy slope and towards the water. The others followed. Even Erwin was still beaming with excitement as he went after them.</p>
<p>Levi followed at a careful pace.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra heard the knock on the door as she finished changing Kuchel. She put the dirty cloth diaper into the hamper—Levi insisted on washing them almost as soon as they were soiled, but she had company right now. Kuchel giggled as Petra put her in a fresh smock, and picked her up.</p>
<p>“Auntie Brigitta’s come for lunch. Yes. We’re going to have so much fun,” she said in a singsong voice to the baby. She crossed the room and opened the door, smiling when she saw Brigitta.</p>
<p>The smile died when she saw who else was there.</p>
<p>“Mama?” Petra choked.</p>
<p>Ingrid Ral stood behind Brigitta, her best church clothes on, her increasingly gray hair in a bun. Brigitta gave Petra pained eyes and mouthed ‘I’m sorry.’ Then, aloud, she said, “Mama made a surprise visit. I told her where I was going.”</p>
<p>Neither of Petra’s parents had yet seen Kuchel. For two weeks up in Wall Sina, Petra had had to stay on Historia’s farm until she and the baby could travel. When they’d arrived back in Trost, her mother replied to her letters saying that they’d come meet the baby as soon as work permitted. Since her father ran a vegetable stand, it wasn’t the most difficult work. Petra knew a snub when she saw one.</p>
<p>“Um.” Petra swallowed. Kuchel made some cooing noises, then gave an excited shriek.</p>
<p>“Are you going to invite us in?” Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Stupidly, Petra stepped back and let her sister and mother inside. She closed the door, surveyed the meager lunch she’d prepared. It was bread, tea, and butter, nothing exciting. She’d also sliced up a peach Levi had gotten her as a present. Plenty for two, but for three it wouldn’t be much. Still, Petra would do her best.</p>
<p>“Would you like—” she began, but Ingrid turned.</p>
<p>“Is that my granddaughter?” She eyed Kuchel. Petra wilted inside. The baby looked just like Levi. Not Ingrid’s favorite person.</p>
<p>“Kuchel Isabel Ackerman.” Petra stepped forward. “Do you want to hold her?”</p>
<p>But Ingrid already had her arms out. Gently, Petra laid her daughter into Ingrid’s arms. And the normally severe woman’s whole expression changed. She beamed, sat on the bed and rocked the little girl.</p>
<p>“Hello, precious! Oh, you’re Grandma’s angel, aren’t you?” Ingrid kissed Kuchel several times. The baby kicked her legs and giggled. Ingrid bounced the child, and nodded to Brigitta. “Open my bag. I have something for her.”</p>
<p>Brigitta shrugged at Petra, stupefied, and did as she was told. Out came a little doll with a cloth body and yarn pigtails. Brigitta handed it over. Ingrid expertly held Kuchel with one arm while showing her the doll with the other. Kuchel’s eyes widened; she reached for it, squealing with glee when Ingrid made the doll ‘kiss’ her on the nose.</p>
<p>“Oh, you are my little sweetheart. Yes, yes you are.” Ingrid cuddled Kuchel, who stared with wondering eyes.</p>
<p>“Isn’t she sweet?” Petra dared a little. “Doesn’t she look just like Levi?”</p>
<p>“She’s a perfect little girl.” Ingrid beamed, kissed Kuchel’s head again. The baby was falling asleep already. “I’m so glad. First grandchild. I was starting to despair. Willem’s never going to marry, it seems, and Brigitta. Well. We’re <em>still</em> waiting. One day, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>Petra saw her sister slump a bit. She’d been married over a year now, and had never once been pregnant. Last time they’d spoken, Brigitta had confessed she and Edvard were talking to a doctor to see if there was anything they could do.</p>
<p>“Would you like some lunch?” Petra wouldn’t shout at her mother. She wanted this to stay civil.</p>
<p>At least Ingrid was wonderful with Kuchel. She handed the baby off to Petra, and watched with rapturous attention as Petra laid the child in her cradle.</p>
<p>“She usually naps during the afternoon. We just need to be a little quiet,” she said.</p>
<p>The women took their food, and Petra poured the tea. It was from the little white teapot she’d gotten Levi for his birthday; the cups were all good china. It was a very fine set, one he took enormous pride in, so Petra watched everyone handle their cups carefully. She wasn’t worried about Brigitta so much as Ingrid.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you saw her,” Petra said at last. “I’d like Papa to see her, too.”</p>
<p>“He will.” Ingrid sipped her tea. “So. Your husband’s at work right now? He doesn’t even have a break for lunch?”</p>
<p>“Levi’s on a mission beyond the walls,” Petra said. Ingrid tsked. “It’s safe now. They cleared the titans out.”</p>
<p>“Well, at least you’re not on that mission.” Ingrid looked lovingly at Kuchel; the baby gave a little sneeze. “That’s just another wonderful thing Kuchel’s arrival did.”</p>
<p>“Mama, you know what we discovered in that basement, yes? It’s not going to be easy now. We have the whole world to deal with.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but you have Supreme Commander Smith.” Ingrid sighed. “Now <em>that’s</em> the image of a man. He spoke so courteously to Papa and me at your wedding. I really don’t know that I’ve ever seen anyone so handsome before.”</p>
<p>Brigitta and Petra exchanged amused looks. Ingrid was close to fanning herself.</p>
<p>“Ah well.” Ingrid took a small bite of bread. “You wouldn’t have had Kuchel without Levi, so I’m not upset how things turned out. But I’m amazed you didn’t make a play for Erwin Smith when you had a chance.”</p>
<p>Petra was jerked back into memories of lying on his bed, him half naked on top of her. His lips on her cheek, her mouth, her breasts. <em>I won’t touch you again until you ask me.</em></p>
<p>“Why’s your face so red?” Brigitta looked surprised.</p>
<p>“The tea’s hot,” Petra grumbled. She drank, feeling cross. Of course Ingrid would pick Erwin over Levi. Erwin was conventionally attractive and good with words, but he was all surface. A good man, yes, but one capable of sending people to their deaths without blinking.</p>
<p>It was because of Erwin Smith that she would never see Oruo or the others again. Petra found she couldn’t quite forgive it. Meanwhile, Levi was a stupidly honest person. She loved that about him.</p>
<p>“Levi will be back tonight,” Petra said. “You should see him.”</p>
<p>Maybe she could bridge the divide between the two. Ingrid shrugged.</p>
<p>“Perhaps. Though I’ll have to ask why he hasn’t found a proper house for the family yet.”</p>
<p>“Houses cost money, even for Humanity’s Strongest.”</p>
<p>“Still, on his salary? Kuchel will be ten before she has a room of her own.”</p>
<p>“More like three or four. With both our salaries, we should make it work.”</p>
<p>Ingrid put down her cup with a hard <em>thunk.</em> She looked aghast.</p>
<p>“You’re…you’re not still working, are you?”</p>
<p>“I’m not taking long scouting missions, but I’m doing clerical work for the Commander. Soon I’ll be training the new recruits. Of course I need to work, Mama. We can’t support three people on Levi’s salary alone!”</p>
<p>“What about Kuchel?” Ingrid looked stricken.</p>
<p>“I won’t start field training until she’s six months old, and even then I can keep her near me. Or Levi can; we can take turns training recruits or being in the field.”</p>
<p>Now Ingrid looked ready to faint. “Your husband is going to take time off from working so he can babysit?”</p>
<p>Petra saw red. “It’s not babysitting if it’s his child.”</p>
<p>“This won’t be good for Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“Everything is being arranged so that Kuchel can get the food and attention she needs. Erwin’s being <em>very</em> understanding. So is Levi. There’s also Mikasa, Kuchel’s cousin on Levi’s side. She loves Kuchel. She’s already said she’ll look after her sometimes.”</p>
<p>“And Edvard and I will be happy to take her when she’s old enough,” Brigitta said.</p>
<p>“Well <em>hopefully</em> by then you’ll be too busy with your own children.” Ingrid gave Brigitta a disappointed look. Brigitta focused on her bread. Petra knew she was doing it to avoid bursting into tears. Brigitta had always kept the peace. Petra wasn’t like that.</p>
<p>“Stop saying those things to her,” Petra snapped. Ingrid appeared indignant.</p>
<p>“What? I won’t pretend it’s not disappointing Brigitta isn’t pregnant yet. But it’s not her fault, of course. It’s just frustrating to me that you’re the mother and yet you’re not interested in mothering.”</p>
<p>Petra wasn’t going to shout. She wouldn’t wake Kuchel.</p>
<p>“My baby is healthy and happy and growing. How am I doing a bad job exactly?”</p>
<p>“Petra. You really are the most selfish person alive. Your baby should be your entire job! You can’t be a part time mother. Kuchel will grow up to be wild without you.”</p>
<p>“I’m. Here,” she snarled. “I’ll be with her most of the time, and she has plenty of family that loves her that can step in when I’m away. At most I won’t be with her for four hours a day; I’m not going off on trips for weeks at a time!”</p>
<p>Ingrid stirred her tea. She looked quietly furious. “This isn’t about buying a house. This is about you not wanting to give up your career.” She made a dismissive noise. “Career. As if it’s important.”</p>
<p>Petra gripped the edge of the table. “We’re trying to ensure the survival of all the people on our island. It’s <em>very important.</em>”</p>
<p>“Yes. And that’s Levi’s job. He was the indispensible one. You weren’t.”</p>
<p>“I was good enough to be on his squad.”</p>
<p>“That’s not the same as being him. Petra, I’m saying this to you as a woman. There’s nothing more important in this world than raising your child well. That’s how our world continues at all. Without good, strong people, our society crumbles to nothing.”</p>
<p>“I agree. But that doesn’t mean Kuchel needs to be glued to my hip until she’s eighteen!”</p>
<p>“You’ve been given the one most essential job a woman can do, and you’re trying to shirk your duty.” Ingrid scowled. “It’s painful. Brigitta would do the job right, and yet she can’t—”</p>
<p>Brigitta couldn’t hold it anymore. She burst into tears, got up, and ran out the door. Kuchel began to cry and fuss. Shit. Petra went and picked up her baby, bouncing her and shushing her. Kuchel calmed, and Ingrid came over. She looked all smiles again, and held out her arms.</p>
<p>But Petra turned herself away, shielding the baby with her body.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Ingrid gasped.</p>
<p>“I want Kuchel to have her grandmother in her life.” Petra’s voice shook; she fought not to tremble while holding the baby. “But if you want to see her, you need to start changing how you talk to me and to Brigitta. Especially Brigitta. She won’t tell you no.” Petra glared. “I know you’re disappointed with how your life turned out, Mama. I know you think Papa could have done better for us. But I’m not going to let you be bitter and make our lives hell! You need to apologize to Brigitta. I deserve an apology, too, but I can live without it today. If you want to see Kuchel grow up, you need to change. It’s that simple.”</p>
<p>Kuchel began to whimper, not liking the loud noises. Petra shushed her daughter, laying Kuchel against her breast. The baby gaped at Ingrid, who appeared ready to cry.</p>
<p>Whatever bad things Petra could say of her mother, it was clear she loved her granddaughter already.</p>
<p>“I…” For once, Ingrid was speechless.</p>
<p>“Go after Brigitta. Apologize. Then we’ll see.” Petra turned her back. The message was simple: we’re done.</p>
<p>Ingrid gave a muffled sob, then left. She closed the door behind her. Petra had to blink back tears of her own as she rocked Kuchel back and forth, singing little nonsense words until the baby was asleep.</p>
<p>Petra put the infant into her cradle, then sat on the edge of the bed and silently cried.</p>
<p>Had her mother been right, at least a little? Was it abnormal for Petra to want anything else in the world than to be Kuchel’s mother? Was she trying to work to satisfy her own pride?</p>
<p>More than ever, she wished Levi would come home.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Oi. Hange. It could be poisonous. Don’t touch it.”</p>
<p>He was the only one who hadn’t taken his boots off. Even Erwin had shed his cloak and was now walking barefoot across the sand. The dumbass kids were frolicking in the waves. Sasha and Connie were dunking one another; Jean was trying to drink the water, idiot kid. Mikasa and Eren were standing up to their calves, looking out into the distance.</p>
<p>When they were standing like that, Armin’s absence became conspicuous. Levi averted his eyes, looked to Erwin. The Supreme Commander waded out to join Hange, who was trying to pick up something alive and pointy. Like fucking always.</p>
<p>Levi didn’t want to touch the damn water. What if it was diseased? What if he carried germs back to Kuchel? He’d never forgive himself.</p>
<p>“Levi! Join us!” Erwin laughed, turning away as Hange splashed him like some idiot child. Erwin looked so entirely unburdened here. Levi just shook his head.</p>
<p>“I got to see it. That’s enough.” He watched Hange pull some kind of squishy thing out of the water. Whatever. She was beyond help. Levi kept staring out at the horizon. The waves grew louder, pounding the shore harder as the afternoon lengthened. Gulls wheeled overhead, white and gray birds with loud, piercing cries.</p>
<p>Eren, still speaking with Mikasa, lifted his hand and pointed to that horizon. Wonder what the kid was saying.</p>
<p>Fuck, the world was big. Levi had yearned for so long to find something enormous beyond the walls. He’d dreamed of freedom. Now he had it. Oh, he had it all.</p>
<p>Careful what you wish for. That was the saying, right? Now that Levi was a father, all he wanted was a small, safe world for his child to grow up in.</p>
<p>Erwin walked out of the waves and came up to him. His white shirt was speckled with water. Already, his nose and cheeks were getting sunburned. The two men stood alongside each other, gazing at the ocean.</p>
<p>“Any idea what the next step is?” Levi asked quietly.</p>
<p>“Already thinking about it? Shouldn’t you enjoy the day?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think I know how to enjoy things.” Painfully true.</p>
<p>“I relate to that.” Erwin crossed his arms. “To answer your question, we currently have no naval power. It will take time to even construct a vessel that can bear us across the sea.”</p>
<p>“So.”</p>
<p>“So. We set up camp here. A constant rotation. One of the two titans must always be present.”</p>
<p>So Erwin would be here for days, maybe even weeks at a time. Then Eren.</p>
<p>“We need to be prepared,” Erwin said, “for whenever they send in a new ship. They will. We’ll need to intercept it, hopefully without too many casualties. The only way to begin is to gain information.”</p>
<p>“Do you think we can do this?” Levi had never been this uncertain before.</p>
<p>“Truthfully? I’m not sure we can change an entire world.” Erwin sighed. “But I’m determined to try.”</p>
<p>Sometimes Levi felt guilty about choosing Erwin over Armin. Sometimes, in the darkest moments, he even wished he’d chosen the boy over the commander.</p>
<p>This moment? Was not one of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’d stayed longer than Levi wanted. The sun was almost fully down by the time they hit Wall Maria. Erwin advised them all to stop over for the night and continue in the morning, but Levi went ahead. Kuchel would be asleep by the time he got in, but he never rested so well as when he could hear her breathing, and feel Petra in his arms.</p>
<p>It was past eight thirty when he finally got them to haul him and his horse back up and over the Trost wall. Tch. Just his luck that the two most southern facing gates also had to be permanently blocked off. He rode through the city streets until he reached the barracks. Normally there’d be some rookies on hand to stable the horse for him, but the barracks were empty now. Tonight, he and his family would be the only souls within it. He rubbed the mare down, impatient to get home. He gave her food and water, stroked her muzzle, and left.</p>
<p>When he opened the door, he found a candle still burning. Kuchel was asleep. Perfect angel. If she woke fussing in the night, he’d grump and walk her around and secretly be delighted. He was no big sleeper himself.</p>
<p>Petra was lying on her side on the bed, staring at the wall. She rolled over when he entered, and smiled. But there was no hiding the way her face was swollen from crying.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Levi instantly went to the worst. Kuchel had a fatal disease. Petra had a fatal disease.</p>
<p>“My mother came over today.” She sat up, sniffling.</p>
<p>Well. That wasn’t much better.</p>
<p>“She a bitch to you?” Sometimes Levi wished she wasn’t Petra’s mother. He’d have real choice words for her then.</p>
<p>“Just the usual. I’m not a good mother because I plan to keep working.”</p>
<p>“Of course you have to work. I can’t support us—”</p>
<p>“That’s what I told her. But she made me feel guilty for <em>wanting</em> to work.” She glanced up at him. He stood before her, not making a move to hold or kiss her. Frankly he was too fucking pissed. “And I wonder if she doesn’t have a point. I was useful when we had to kill titans, but I don’t know how useful I’m going to be now that…we know the truth.”</p>
<p>He sat beside her. Levi wasn’t one for comforting hugs and soothing words. He made her face him.</p>
<p>“I picked you for my personal squad because you were a badass. You’ve got grit, determination, and you’re not afraid to get dirty to solve a problem. Of course we need you. Erwin said you had a good head, and he doesn’t bullshit.” Levi huffed. Honestly, why did people need to talk so much? “I feel better knowing that Kuchel has two tough parents who can protect her. Okay? I want her to see someone strong and willing to fight, not someone who hides at home because that’s what she has to do now she’s pushed out a kid.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She kissed him. “You really are getting better at the word thing.”</p>
<p>Yeah. He was getting soft. Or maybe it was spending his free time with another person. For a long time, he’d gone home in the evening and sat by himself until dawn.</p>
<p>They washed up, got undressed, put out the light and slid into bed. The moon gazed in on them through the window. Levi loved burying his nose in her hair, smelling the hard white soap she used. She cleaned herself well, scrubbed hard to please him. His cock twitched. Petra ground her ass against him, which helped him along. Quick, he yanked up her gown and unleashed himself from his drawers. He loved hearing her try not to whimper as he nibbled her shoulder, as he slid inside of her. Fuck, she was ready for him. Levi held her tight as he thrust once, twice, finding the rhythm—</p>
<p>Kuchel started to cry. Well, fuck. He pulled out, put himself away, and went to pick up his daughter. Every once in a while, she wasn’t his favorite person in the world. Well. That was a lie, but he felt annoyed.</p>
<p>“One day.” Petra sighed, smiling as Levi walked Kuchel up and down the room. The baby made delighted sounds; maybe she’d missed him today.</p>
<p>“Yeah. One day,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two days later, Petra and he got called into Erwin’s office. The Supreme Commander smiled, but gave no hint as to what the fuck was going on.</p>
<p>“Can you both come with me?” he said.</p>
<p>“Mikasa’s watching Kuchel. She won’t need to be fed for a few hours at least.” Petra frowned. “Sir? What is it?”</p>
<p>“This won’t take long. Follow me.” Erwin led them out, with Levi shooting the man sullen looks. Levi didn’t exactly like surprises. They left the barracks, turning right and walking slowly along the street.</p>
<p>“So what? This some kind of drill? Because the suspense has got me ready to shit my pants,” Levi muttered. Petra sighed at his colorful language. Well. She knew what she was getting when she married him.</p>
<p>Erwin stopped in front of a building. A small house, to be precise, one crammed between two larger buildings. You saw these little houses around the busier streets of Trost. Starter homes, rich people called them. All we can afford, that was most people.</p>
<p>Erwin produced a key and walked the few steps up to the front door. He unlocked it, opened it.</p>
<p>Then, he handed Petra the key.</p>
<p>“Wh…” Petra looked at the key. The house. The commander. Then back to the key. Blood drained from her face. “Oh. We…we can’t. We can’t afford—”</p>
<p>“As Supreme Commander, I have control of the military’s finances. Considering how lavishly the Military Police liked to treat themselves, I found there was much more in the budget than I’d ever expected. I can allocate some funds towards special housing for specific needs.” He nodded. “You have a family. That one room isn’t going to do you any good.”</p>
<p>Levi could barely hear any of this. He could only stare at that door, the two windows at the front of the house, the little steps that led up to the…</p>
<p>The house. His house.</p>
<p>“Erwin,” he croaked. “We can’t use the military’s money for this.”</p>
<p>“In one month, the Military Police ordered enough expensive alcohol to buy this house, and then buy half of it again. This is a stone’s throw from the barracks, so you can be summoned if need be. You need this, Levi. Your daughter does.”</p>
<p>Levi had grown up in shitty apartments, drifting through the underground with Kenny. His daughter would live in a house. A real house.</p>
<p>Dazed, he followed Petra inside. Their footsteps echoed on the hardwood floors. The place was bare, but that was fine. They entered a small drawing room. To the left, Levi opened the door on a bathroom. Their own fucking bathroom. To the right, they entered an even smaller room adjacent to a kitchen. Kitchen. Dining room. Living room.</p>
<p>Levi had never owned multiple rooms before. Not like this.</p>
<p>And there was a staircase. He and Petra trooped upstairs, and found two bedrooms on opposite sides of the hall. When the time came, Kuchel would have her own room.</p>
<p>His daughter would have a normal life. A normal childhood.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith stayed downstairs, looking up at them with a smirk. Eh, fuck him. The big blond genius. Levi didn’t hug people, as a rule, and he didn’t plan to start now.</p>
<p>“Well?” he murmured. Petra turned to him. She had tears in her eyes as she hugged him.</p>
<p>“It’s perfect.” She sniffled. Levi gazed over the banister at Erwin again.</p>
<p>“You’re Humanity’s Strongest. A hero of Shiganshina. A house for your family is the very smallest thank you we can give.”</p>
<p>Levi held his wife, and stared at his commander. Fuck, his best friend. Levi could read the sadness in Erwin’s eyes as well as the pleasure. He was still close to the barracks, but now also a world away. It was another goodbye.</p>
<p>“Erwin.” He grunted, nodded. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>No snide comments. No scowling. For Levi, it was an unusual response. Erwin smiled wider.</p>
<p>“It’s my pleasure,” he said. It sounded like he meant it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Three days later, they were spending their first night in their house. For now, they kept Kuchel’s cradle in their bedroom. They’d brought all their furniture inside, which was not a lot. They had a kitchen table and chairs, a cradle, a bedside table, a small bookcase and a bed.</p>
<p>“We’re going to have to start getting things,” Levi muttered. His voice echoed in the bare room. Kuchel gurgled in her cradle.</p>
<p>Petra kissed his shoulder as she crawled into bed. “I can’t believe Erwin did all this just because I mentioned we were getting cramped.”</p>
<p>“That’s the type of guy he is,” Levi said. It really was. Levi could spend the rest of his life trying to understand Erwin Smith, and he wouldn’t come close.</p>
<p>Well. That is, he had thirteen years to do it. No. Twelve, now.</p>
<p>He pushed the thought away. Not tonight. Tonight, as Petra started to put out the candle, he grabbed her wrists and pinned her arms down on either side of her. He got on top of her, slowly kissed her. Savored her. Petra whimpered, thrusting against him.</p>
<p>They both froze when Kuchel gurgled again. They stared at one another, Petra looking understanding and sad.</p>
<p>Fuck it.</p>
<p>“She’s too young to know.” Levi sat up and pulled Petra’s nightgown over her head.</p>
<p>He made her scream twice before they were done. By then, Kuchel had fallen asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra leaned against the ship’s railing, the wind blowing through her skirt. She held the hat firmly to her head and gazed at the coastline as it emerged through the haze. Men and women strolled past her on the deck, chatting and laughing. One young man even winked at her as he walked by. He had no idea the secret she carried in her blood.</p>
<p>If he had, he’d have been horrified.</p>
<p>“Enjoying the view?” Onyankopon smiled as he stood beside her, taking in a deep breath. “The ocean air. Bracing.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Petra didn’t want him to know how nervous she was. “Um, have you seen my husband?”</p>
<p>“I think he’s off talking to Yelena. He’ll be back at your side before we dock, I’m sure of it.” He winked. Petra looked down at the blue water frothing against the ship’s prow. So many wonders. So much to explore.</p>
<p>To fear.</p>
<p>“There he is,” Onyankopon said. “I’ll leave you both to it.”</p>
<p>Petra nodded in silence as Onyankopon moved away and her husband took his place.</p>
<p>“We’ve got all our papers in order, right?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Everything’s arranged,” Erwin replied. He tipped the brim of his hat so that it shadowed his eyes.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>One year ago</strong>
</p>
<p>They were ready when the second ship appeared.</p>
<p>The first had been a bit of a surprise; by luck, both Eren and Erwin had been in the vicinity. Erwin had ridden down alongside Levi to relieve Eren and Hange of their ‘watch’ duty, and now it seemed that watchfulness was paying off. For one month since finding the sea, they’d rotated every week, keeping at least one titan on hand in case of an invasion. Now, the time for action had come.</p>
<p>A small ship cruised into the cove. Small was relative, of course; Erwin had never seen anything like it before. Its windows blazed with a strange, yellow light: artificial, electric. Smoke poured from a metal stack in the boat’s center. It was powered by energy, not the elements. Remarkable.</p>
<p>He’d had Eren transform and take the thing; Erwin’s transformation would have reduced the whole site to rubble. Retrieving that first ship hadn’t gone so well. They’d lost most of the ten people aboard in the chaos.</p>
<p>It was regrettable. But they’d learned from one of the young men they captured alive—Niccolo, that was his name—that theirs was a scouting party. The real troops were a couple of hours behind.</p>
<p>So they waited.</p>
<p>Erwin stood on the cliff beside Hange, Levi at his back. The night wind ruffled his hair. The larger Marleyan ship sailed nearer.</p>
<p>Its lights cut across the black water. Eren got into position again. This time, he swore he wouldn’t kill half the men on board.</p>
<p>Erwin watched calmly as Eren’s titan lifted the ship onto its back. He didn’t relish the Marleyans’ screams; he didn’t want to be the devil they all feared. But he would be, if that was what it took to survive. Eren got out of the water and laid the ship down upon the earth. No way for them to get out now. Not unless the Eldians helped.</p>
<p>Erwin heard screams coming from the ship. Eren loomed over it, giving them something to fear.</p>
<p>Hange leapt to the edge of the cliff, cackling like a madwoman.</p>
<p>Perhaps letting her make the introductory speech had been a miscalculation.</p>
<p>“Hello, ladies and gentlemen of Marley. Welcome to the island of Paradis! My name is Hange! I’m the welcoming party for our distinguished guests! Won’t you join us for a cup of tea?” she crowed.</p>
<p>“Tch. Idiot,” Levi grunted. He trudged after her. Erwin joined them as well, surveying the frightened, hostile faces. The boy they’d captured, Niccolo, began screaming for his commander to shoot ‘the devils’. Eren’s titan loomed over them, so none of the Marleyans looked particularly ready to fight. But one of the older men started cursing them out. Probably the captain.</p>
<p>“Sons of devils!” he yelled. “Marley’s not interested in drinking tea with those of polluted blood. Why would we ever sip pig’s piss with you, you degenerates?”</p>
<p>Degenerates. Devils. Taunts Erwin believed he’d be hearing a lot in future. He remained in the shadows for the moment, observing quietly. Levi glanced at him, as if to ask what the hell he was doing. Erwin made a motion with his hand: in time. He must wait for the opportune moment.</p>
<p>“Do you really wanna insult us?” Hange grinned. She squeezed Niccolo tight. “You can’t have missed the titan behind you. How exactly do you plan on getting away from this place?”</p>
<p><em>Too far.</em> Erwin saw it at once. She’d pushed them to a state of panic. The captain leveled his gun at them. Even from this distance, even in the dim moonlight, Erwin read his fear.</p>
<p>“We will never bend to you devils! Here’s Marley’s answer!” he shouted.</p>
<p>Shit. Erwin stepped forward to block Hange; unlike her, a bullet would not kill him. And then—</p>
<p>A gun went off. Erwin, Levi, Hange, Niccolo flinched.</p>
<p>None of them were injured.</p>
<p>The captain fell to the deck, dead. But it wasn’t Levi or Hange who’d shot him. A tall figure stepped forward…one of the Marleyans.</p>
<p><em>A mutineer? </em>Erwin frowned.</p>
<p>The soldier removed his helmet, and even from this distance Erwin got the impression that he might be a she. She was an amazon, the tallest woman he’d ever seen, with blonde hair in a bowl cut and dark, dark eyes. Something in those eyes unnerved him, but he could not explain what.</p>
<p>“What’re you doing, Yelena?” one of the men squeaked.</p>
<p>“Drop your weapons.” The woman turned her gun on her comrades. Her voice was deep, and a bit gravelly.</p>
<p>Another soldier—a fellow Marleyan mutineer—also threatened his comrades. They all realized that between two turncoats, a titan, and who knew how many hidden soldiers among these sea rocks, they were outnumbered. They laid down their arms and put their hands in the air.</p>
<p>“Hange. I’m honored to receive your invitation.” Yelena looked up at them. Her smile was incredibly wide, almost wild. “How about that tea?”</p>
<p>So they took the fifteen Marleyans prisoner. They sat in the main tent with Yelena and Onyankopon, her fellow rebel, a handsome young man with the darkest skin Erwin had yet seen. Erwin took over for Hange in the interrogation, though she and Levi sat on either side of him. Erwin mostly listened to Yelena’s…uncomfortable facts.</p>
<p>One million soldiers in the Marleyan army. Every one equipped with automatic weapons.</p>
<p>Fleets of battleships larger than the ones that had come ashore on Paradis.</p>
<p>Aerial battalions. They could fight in the skies as well as on land and sea.</p>
<p>Throughout it all, Hange kept making incredulous noises and Levi kept shooting her dirty glances. Erwin, though, took it all in stride.</p>
<p>He merely sipped his tea, thought, and then spoke calmly.</p>
<p>“If Marley has such power, why has a year passed without them launching an attack on us?”</p>
<p>“The pure titans that roam the island make landfall difficult. Ironic, isn’t it?” Yelena smirked. “What’s meant to trap you also protects you. But it’s almost sunrise, when titans should be moving, and we’re sitting here calmly. You killed all of them, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>“And what if we had?” Erwin asked. “Would that be of interest to Marley?”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t tell.” Her dark eyes shone. “It’s incredible.”</p>
<p>Yes. Their island had done much with little in the way of information or resources.</p>
<p>The second reason Marley had left them alone was that they were currently involved in a war on multiple fronts. That was good. Wars bred chaos, and chaos created opportunity. Opportunity…</p>
<p>“If you’re willing to go against a power such as Marley, you must have powerful allies. Who are they?”</p>
<p>“It’s not like that,” Yelena said. “We’re no sleeper agents. Just conscripts from occupied territories. We never thought we’d have a chance to fight back. Not until…<em>him</em>.”</p>
<p>She gave a beatific smile. She spoke as if of a god.</p>
<p>“Him who?” Levi grunted.</p>
<p>“A titan. Someone the world considered a devil. But to me, he looked like…a god. He took us in.” She nodded at Onyankopon. “Trained us. Inspired us. Gave us hope.”</p>
<p>“This titan god have a name?” Levi grumbled.</p>
<p>“Zeke Jaeger.”</p>
<p>Levi put his cup down so hard that tea sloshed into the saucer. He was so hyper-focused on Yelena that he didn’t even mop it up. Erwin read the tension in Levi’s jaw, the widening of his eyes. They’d read of Zeke in Grisha’s journals, and Eren had all but confirmed that it had been Zeke who confronted him in Shiganshina that day. Zeke, the pilot of the beast titan.</p>
<p>The beast titan. Erwin was suddenly back on that field, charging towards oblivion with the screaming troops at his side. Watching as the beast wound up, ready to fling the rocks that would destroy him, destroy all of them. Erwin had ridden towards death…and lived.</p>
<p>“The beast titan…is helping you?”</p>
<p>“Us.” Yelena beamed. “We killed our officers under Zeke Jaeger’s orders. And we want to free the Eldian people.”</p>
<p>“I see.” Erwin tried to process this. Levi got up and walked out of the tent without a backward glance. Erwin didn’t try to stop him; he needed a minute.</p>
<p>
  <em>The man who killed me wants to save me?</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin poured more tea for Yelena. Hange looked stupefied.</p>
<p>“So. Zeke wanted us to talk?”</p>
<p>“He did.” Yelena sipped her tea. “He has much to offer you. And he has a few requests in turn.”</p>
<p>Erwin picked up his cup. “What kind of requests?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Erwin, you’re not thinking of doing this?” Levi paced across the commander’s private tent, looking ready to jump out of his skin. Hange sat and observed with wide, stunned eyes. This whole evening had been a lot for her to process.</p>
<p>“We’re at a disadvantage, Levi. We need allies wherever we can find them.”</p>
<p>“Allies? That beast fuck turned those Ragako villagers into titans. He killed the entire Survey Corps!” Erwin rarely saw Levi lose his temper. It was frightening to behold. “And he’s been helping us out this entire time? Some fucking help.”</p>
<p>“Remember Eren Kruger, from Grisha’s journal? He aided in the torture and transformation of countless Eldians while working as the Owl. Such things do happen.”</p>
<p>“Erwin, you didn’t hear him. When I was getting close, I heard him—it—talking to itself. It was playing a fucking game. That’s what the deaths of all those screaming <em>children</em> were to it: a game. He killed them. For fuck sake, he killed…you.” Levi winced. Erwin smiled.</p>
<p>“Well. I got better.”</p>
<p>Silence. Hange burst into a violent bout of laughter. Both men were startled. She wiped her eyes.</p>
<p>“Sorry. The tension’s been brutal this evening. I needed a laugh.”</p>
<p>“Zeke being trustworthy aside, his demands? Let him live on Paradis? Fine, I get it. I don’t want to be his shitty neighbor, but I see why he’d want that. But why’s he need a guarantee to meet with Eren? Family reunion?”</p>
<p>“Hmm. I’ll have to debrief Eren on that.”</p>
<p>“You think he knows? Why would he? How?”</p>
<p>Erwin rubbed his chin. “Call it a hunch. If Eren’s hiding secrets from us, it will be to protect someone he cares about. One of his friends. It can be a pressure point if need be, though I doubt it’ll go that far. Hange, could you get him? And afterwards, I’ll need Onyankopon and Yelena back here. We need to talk terms.”</p>
<p>“Uh. Sure.” Hange shot Levi a ‘look’ as she went. He nodded. Some unspoken conversation. Some concern.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong, Levi?”</p>
<p>Levi grunted. “We should be having this all out in front of the military assembly. We ought to be discussing this.”</p>
<p>“As Supreme Commander, I have made the decision to approach Zeke Jaeger in the spirit of cooperation. I’ll inform the rest of the military, of course. Nothing will be kept secret. But it’s not their call to make. It’s mine. I’ve made it.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure this is the right move, Erwin.” Levi looked grim. When he openly questioned Erwin’s decisions, it was serious. “We’re gonna hand Zeke Jaeger our island? I don’t trust him. And you ordered me to take him down. That’s what I think we ought to do.”</p>
<p>“I asked you to kill him before I fully understood our situation, Levi. After the basement, everything changed. For now, you’re to think of him as a necessary ally.” Erwin nodded. “For now.”</p>
<p>Levi narrowed his eyes. “Think that could change?”</p>
<p>“Yelena said that Zeke could help us with many things. He could be a spy for us in Marley. He’d give us access to Marleyan technology. He’d negotiate on our behalf with friendly peoples.” Erwin sat back. “That is the place to start. My condition for accepting his terms will be that I meet with him and the ambassador of one of these friendly peoples in person. I want to gauge the man when he’s not wearing his fur.”</p>
<p>Levi was silent. Considering. “What do you get out of putting your ass on the line like that?”</p>
<p>“Zeke Jaeger may say one thing and think another. I’ll be able to tell.”</p>
<p>Erwin was unabashed about that fact. He was proud of his intuition; it was one of the few things he liked about himself.</p>
<p>“Tch. Fine. Debrief the brat, then talk to the Volunteers. But Erwin?” Levi stopped at the tent flap. “I got a condition of my own.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What do you mean you’re leaving the island?” Petra stopped stirring the pot and looked over at her husband, who was very engrossed in the potatoes and carrots he was cutting up. She loved giving him items to chop; he did it at such lightning speed. It was like a carnival trick.</p>
<p>But she didn’t care about chopping right now. She wiped her hands on her apron, half ready to strangle him.</p>
<p>“Erwin’s having a meeting with this beast guy and some potential allies off site. I’m going with him to protect his ass.”</p>
<p>“No one else is going with you?” Petra glared at the back of Levi’s head. He didn’t turn around.</p>
<p>“Once we leave the island, we’re fair game for the anti-Eldian world. Too many of us means things get complicated. Complications mean something goes wrong.”</p>
<p>Before Petra could argue further, Kuchel began to shriek. She always did when they were making dinner. They usually laid her on her play mat, but sometimes she wanted more attention. Levi instantly went into the dining room and picked her up. She made happy nonsense baby sounds as he carried her into the kitchen.</p>
<p>“I just wish you weren’t going, that’s all. Or at least I wish I was going with you.” She slid the carrots and potatoes into the soup pot and kept stirring.</p>
<p>“We both know why you can’t,” he said. Kuchel gurgled, making his point for him. “If this were some sort of spy mission, I’d say you should go with Erwin. You’re better at acting than me. But this is the beast titan. If it’s a trap—”</p>
<p>“You’re the only one that can take him down.” She puffed out her cheeks. “I know.”</p>
<p>“Worried about me, Ral?”</p>
<p>She smiled. He kept using her maiden name to tease her. Well, there was technical truth to it: there were already two Ackermans in the Guard, so she’d made it simple and kept Petra Ral for work. ‘Do you mind?’ she’d asked Levi. He’d frowned. ‘Why the hell would I? I didn’t even <em>have </em>a last name until two months ago. Fuck, if I still hadn’t known mine when we got married I would’ve taken your name. It’s just a name. Shit. Why do you respectable middle class people make life so complicated?’</p>
<p>“I worry about you when I’m not around to watch your back.” She blew out the stove’s flame, letting the soup sit for a minute. Levi frowned, jiggling Kuchel. She grabbed at his hair, fascinated.</p>
<p>“Who’s got <em>your</em> back, then?”</p>
<p>“You do. Always.” She kissed him, kissed Kuchel. “That’s why I need you to come home safe.”</p>
<p>“I will.” He kissed her. They were all huddled together as a family in that moment, cozy. “Only if…”</p>
<p>“Only if what?”</p>
<p>He whispered. “Only if you clean the countertops. We don’t live in a pig sty.”</p>
<p>“Well. Since I’m the one who needs to take care of Kuchel, why don’t I handle <em>this</em>…” She took the baby from him. “And you clean the countertops?”</p>
<p>“You spoiled brat.” He kissed her again, so long and deep it nearly shook her to the foundation. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“I know. So come back to us.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They left Hange in charge of getting the new Marleyan “recruits” settled. Onyankopon was showing her the schematics for a port, whatever that was, when Erwin, Levi, and Yelena left around sunset. Thankfully there’d been a few more boats coming into Paradis, and one of them was a smaller vessel. Cozy enough for three, but not big enough to warrant much concern. Yelena steered them away from the island. Levi watched the land until it vanished entirely.</p>
<p>Petra and Kuchel were so far away now. <em>I chose to come along.</em></p>
<p>Erwin was taken with the motor, the electric lights. They traveled for nearly two hours with a lot of silence. The sun disappeared, and fog rolled in across the water. Finally, lights appeared up ahead.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” Levi stood behind Yelena in the captain’s seat.</p>
<p>“Marley. We’re close to Liberio.” She gave the most bitter smile. “It means Freedom.”</p>
<p>Yeah. Funny.</p>
<p>They steered away from the larger collection of lights. Levi saw they were headed into a smaller harbor. Looked like fishing docks, small time traders. Easy to get lost here. Yelena docked the boat and killed the engine.</p>
<p>“Come on. It’s time to meet <em>him</em>.”</p>
<p>She always got that crazy light in her eyes when she mentioned Zeke. Levi didn’t like to assume what people jerked off to in the dark, but he got a feeling he knew who Yelena envisioned.</p>
<p>They walked through a series of warehouses, climbing a short hill until they came to a row of tenement housing. Levi had learned enough to know that this wasn’t the Eldian internment camp. That was farther in, behind a bigass gate. This was just where the poor lived, and Levi knew what it was to be poor. He felt right at home, and hated it.</p>
<p>Yelena led them into a building and up three flights of stairs that smelled like soup and mold. Levi nearly shut down when he saw how grimy the place was. At the top of the stairs, she knocked on a door. She gave two knocks, waited, then three. The door opened.</p>
<p>That bearded bastard stood in the doorway. Zeke Fucking Jaeger. The Beast Titan.</p>
<p>He looked like some limp-wristed intellectual, the kind you saw in cafés in Mitras spending their father’s money. He was moderately tall, and young. Levi’d guess mid twenties. But he wore round glasses and had grown a beard, probably in an attempt to look older. His suit was tan, looked decent enough. For an Eldian in Marley, he probably did all right for himself.</p>
<p>“Come in. The other guests have arrived.” Zeke had a low voice; Levi’d expected something wheedling and nasally. Ah well. Zeke smiled at Yelena, glanced briefly at Erwin. He did not see Levi. Yet.</p>
<p>They entered the apartment, one shitty room with a wall that was all window. The bed was only a thin cot. Levi got the impression this wasn’t Zeke’s official home. It was a stash house. A place for secret meetings.</p>
<p>“Mister…Smith? Do I have that right?” Zeke held out his hand to Erwin to shake. He wanted to shake the hand of the man he’d killed. The fucking nerve.</p>
<p>Erwin, cool as ever, shook firmly.</p>
<p>“Please. Erwin will do. Zeke, is it?”</p>
<p>The bearded bastard grinned. There was something about him that might’ve been handsome and charming if it didn’t feel so…rehearsed.</p>
<p>“Perfect. I understand you’re the new colossal?” How’d he gotten that information? Fuck, now wasn’t the time. Erwin’s silence spoke for him. “I’m sorry for poor Bertholdt, but such is the life of a titan shifter. You were at Shiganshina then?”</p>
<p>“I led the suicide charge against you.” Erwin smiled as he spoke. Ice cold. “The one that gave Captain Levi the chance to sneak up from behind.”</p>
<p>Ever the master of drama, Erwin sidled over and revealed Levi to Zeke.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>The look on Zeke Jaeger’s face was worth the trip. His eyes practically toppled from their sockets. His whole face constricted in terror. For a brief second, Levi thought he might actually shit his pants. It didn’t take long for Zeke to get himself under control, but he’d shown his hand. He was pants-shittingly terrified of Levi.</p>
<p>Made Levi feel good.</p>
<p>Someone gave a polite cough. The men discovered a small woman seated in an armchair before a brazier. The coals warmed the apartment. The firelight shone on her face.</p>
<p>Levi had never seen anyone like her. Or the men who had her back, all dressed in dark suits. All protection. Though there was something in her face that sparked recognition. He couldn’t place it; the feeling was there and gone.</p>
<p>“Er. Commander, this is Lady Kioymi Azumabito. She’s from the nation of Hizuru, which has long standing ties with Eldia. You might say she’s a strategic diplomat.”</p>
<p>Kiyomi stood, neatening her skirt as she did. She was a damn small woman, but elegant. Even Levi could spot taste when he saw it. She could’ve been anywhere from forty-five to sixty. Her face was sort of ageless.</p>
<p>Kiyomi shook with Erwin. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, my lady.”</p>
<p>“Not at all. Ours should be an entirely and mutually beneficial relationship.” She sat. Zeke had only two armchairs in the place, but he’d set out a rickety wooden chair for Erwin. Levi’s blood boiled. He got close to Zeke, let the monkey feel him breathing down his neck.</p>
<p>“You’ve got bad manners, shitbrain. You should offer your guests the best chairs.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” Erwin was quiet but stern. “It’s fine.” He settled himself onto the chair. Levi planted himself at the commander’s back, same way Kiyomi’s bodyguards had done for her.</p>
<p>Zeke kept sneaking nervous glances at Levi. Good. Let him be afraid.</p>
<p>“To business.” Erwin turned to Zeke. “I admit that receiving your offer from Yelena was most interesting. Particularly after our prior encounters.”</p>
<p>Zeke harrumphed. The guy flicked the tip of his ear a few times. Fucking annoying.</p>
<p>“Yes. I can understand why you’d be…sore about it. But I did it because I wanted to retake the Founding Titan.”</p>
<p>“For Marley,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“For my own purposes. You see, Marley has no idea what will happen when a titan of royal blood touches the Founder. Simply put, getting my hands on the Founding Titan would mean the restoration of Eldia.”</p>
<p>“And you’d like that?” Erwin asked.</p>
<p>“Of course. Because I myself am of royal blood through my mother. Dina Fritz.” Zeke touched a hand to his breast; firelight winked in his glasses. “I am the true Eldian restorationist.”</p>
<p>Yelena gave a contented sigh. She’d parked herself behind Zeke’s chair. All the leaders had their muscle now.</p>
<p>“You should know Grisha Jaeger left behind a collection of journals. He mentioned you.” Erwin lifted an eyebrow. “You sold out your restorationist parents as a child.”</p>
<p>“To save myself and my grandparents, yes. It was the only way. My father was sloppy. He drew attention to himself and his cause. He was correct in his nationalist beliefs, but also naïve.” Zeke’s mouth pursed slightly. “I don’t imagine he mentioned me very frequently.”</p>
<p>Erwin did not answer that. “I requested this meeting because I wanted to understand exactly who I was dealing with. Off the battlefield.” He smiled. “You make a formidable opponent.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Zeke appeared genuinely pleased. What a geek. “The same traits make me an exceptional ally. Therefore, I hope you can agree to my terms. Residence on Paradis for the remainder of my life, and a guaranteed meeting with my half-brother.”</p>
<p>“He looks nothing like you,” Levi muttered. Erwin turned his head. The signal was clear: not now.</p>
<p>“I know. Lucky for him.” Zeke sneered. “I look like our father.”</p>
<p>“Getting back to the point, you promised us intelligence from Marley, new technology, and mediation with sympathetic nations.” Erwin hit the word ‘nations’ a bit weird. They none of them had heard the word until a few days ago. Erwin turned to Kiyomi. “You said Hizuru has a longstanding relationship with Eldia, my lady?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Our shogun was once an ally of the Eldian Empire.” What the fuck was a shogun? Levi kept his mouth shut. “After the Great Titan War, Hizuru lost standing amongst the world’s nations. We lost much…”</p>
<p>She paused, choosing her words carefully. Hmm.</p>
<p>“We lost the only child of the shogun’s heir. He remained behind on Paradis.” She took out a handkerchief and daintily wiped the corners of her mouth. Looked like she’d been salivating. “We would like to offer our services to you, Commander. We wish for a new Eldian order. We can provide you, as Zeke says, with weapons, training, and a bridge to other potential allies. We can come up with a strategy for Paradis to give it time to catch up with the rest of the world.”</p>
<p>“And in return?” Erwin asked. She smiled.</p>
<p>“Yes. In return.” Her eyes flicked to Zeke. “Two things. One is a bit personal. The other…well. Zeke mentioned in his letter that he had something to share with us. Information that would be useful to you as well, Commander.”</p>
<p>Levi was getting irritated with all this fancy evasive bullshit. He inwardly griped as Zeke pulled over a knapsack or some fucking thing. The bearded bitch rustled around in it, then yanked something out and held it up for inspection.</p>
<p>“This is a top-secret Marleyan project. It’s “vertical maneuvering equipment”, a titan-killing invention originally developed on Paradis. The Commander, of course, will know all about it. Don’t worry, I didn’t steal this from a Marleyan base. It won’t be missed. I procured it myself when I was on the island.”</p>
<p>Levi looked at it.</p>
<p>He saw what it was.</p>
<p>They couldn’t stop him. He wrenched the gear out of Zeke’s grimy hands, and stared at it. It…it couldn’t be…</p>
<p>“Who’d you take this from?” he croaked.</p>
<p>Because he knew this gear. He knew the crack along its outer cylinder, fused back together. He knew the dent near the gas tubes.</p>
<p>He and Mike had cleaned and prepped their equipment together side by side for years. Levi knew his dead comrade’s gear like he knew his hand. Knew Petra’s body.</p>
<p>It got quiet. ‘You can hear a mouse shit’ quiet. Levi bared his teeth. Zeke looked up at him, pressed back in his chair.</p>
<p>“Where’d you get this?” Levi hissed.</p>
<p>“Levi,” Erwin warned.</p>
<p>“A man. Some tall man. He was too frightened to talk to me in my bestial form, so I helped myself to his weapon and went on my way.”</p>
<p>Mike had been outside the walls without his gear. This freak had signed Mike’s death warrant.</p>
<p>“Friend of yours?” Zeke asked. His eyes probed Levi’s face.</p>
<p>He and Mike had never talked much because they both enjoyed the quiet. He’d never been close to Mike like he had Hange or Erwin, but they were good companions. Mike actually laughed at Levi’s shit jokes. Mike did whatever he could to shield new recruits from the titans. Mike had fucked, maybe loved Nanaba. Mike had stood guard by the window, keeping watch for any enemies.</p>
<p>Mike was dead because of this man.</p>
<p>“His name was Mike Zacharias. He was the second strongest man in the walls. He wasn’t just ‘some tall man.’” Levi clutched the ODM to his stomach; he didn’t want this freak’s hands on it again. “So have some respect, you prissy little bitch.”</p>
<p>Zeke glared, but said nothing. Smart.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Erwin spoke as he would to a snarling dog. “Come here.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Zeke stared hard at Levi. “Go there.”</p>
<p>Begrudgingly, Levi gave the ODM back to Zeke so he could do whatever song and dance he wanted with it. He turned to stand behind Erwin.</p>
<p>“If he was the second strongest man, it’s not saying much.” Zeke’s voice was flat. “He trembled before me. When the titans devoured him, he screamed and sobbed like a little girl.”</p>
<p>Levi did not think. The blade was in his hand, his hand raised over Zeke Jaeger. Yelena started to move for him, but she’d be too slow. They were always too slow. This fucker would be dead before he could realize it was happening.</p>
<p>“Levi! Stop!”</p>
<p>Erwin’s voice cut through the haze. The yellow lightning splintered Levi; his arm froze. He didn’t make the killing blow. He just stood there, paralyzed as Yelena threw herself in front of Zeke. She glared at Levi, furious as a mother whose baby is menaced by an attack dog.</p>
<p>Levi heard Kiyomi get up. Heard her saying things. He didn’t care. He’d missed his chance. Again.</p>
<p>“Forgive me, Levi.” Zeke appeared smug. “I wanted to test a theory.”</p>
<p>Theory? The <em>fuck?</em></p>
<p>Erwin was at his side. Erwin was furious.</p>
<p>“Stand outside the door. Wait for me.”</p>
<p>Levi gaped at him. This fuck had taunted them, flaunted Mike’s death, and Erwin still wanted to negotiate?</p>
<p>But Levi put down his knife. He bowed his head. He’d trust Erwin’s judgment. Again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stood by the door and listened to the muffled voices within. Couldn’t make out what they were saying. Half an hour later, the door opened. Kiyomi and her black-suited men filed out silently. She cast a quick glance at Levi.</p>
<p>“Is your name Ackerman?”</p>
<p>“Uh. Yes.”</p>
<p>“Relation to Mikasa Ackerman?”</p>
<p>The fuck? “She’s my cousin. What about her?”</p>
<p>“I see.” Kiyomi only bowed her head and went down the stairs. Levi stayed parked there until Erwin came out. He spoke with Zeke in low voices. Levi watched them shake hands.</p>
<p>They shook hands.</p>
<p>He wanted to cut Zeke Jaeger’s hand clean off.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Erwin moved quickly down the stairs, followed by Yelena. She glared at Levi, watched him with her beloved murder monkey.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Captain.” Zeke extended his hand.</p>
<p>“Fuck off,” Levi said.</p>
<p>It was a tense, silent boat ride back to Paradis. The water was still, at least. Levi realized that he was crossing an ocean on a motorized boat, something remarkable that no one else on Paradis had ever experienced, and all he could think was murder. Erwin sat with his arms crossed, brooding intently. He was deep in thought.</p>
<p>And he was mad at Levi. Madder than he’d ever been.</p>
<p>The feeling was mutual.</p>
<p>When Yelena brought them into the shallows of the cove, Levi leapt off the boat and trudged ankle deep through water. He stormed up the slope and made a beeline for Erwin’s tent. He waited there until the Supreme Commander showed. Erwin pushed through the flap, silent and golden and enraged.</p>
<p>“Listen to me, Levi.”</p>
<p>“Fuck that piece of shit ape, and fuck you.” He was almost shaking with the rage. “It’s one thing to talk business with someone from the opposite end of the battlefield. It’s a whole other thing to sit there while he talks shit about your comrade’s final fucking moments.”</p>
<p>The idea of Mike, stoic, strong, silent Mike wailing and screaming and sobbing as he was torn to pieces threatened to break what resolve Levi had left.</p>
<p>“Do you think that was easy for me to hear?” Erwin snapped. He strode forward, his eyes glittering with rage. “Do you think I didn’t want to kill him myself? But he has royal blood, Levi, and if what Eren told me is true then the story is corroborated and royal blood is the key to unlocking the full power of the titans. If we want to stay alive in this world, and especially if we want Historia to remain intact and human, we need to work with Zeke Jaeger! We need him until we can be free of that need!” He loomed over Levi; Levi wasn’t impressed. “At his first provocation, you became unhinged. You can’t be trusted where he’s concerned.”</p>
<p>“I can be trusted to kill him, which is what you wanted!”</p>
<p>“I told you what I wanted had changed, and you deliberately disobeyed me! <em>You brought me back into this hell, Levi, and I will not let you fuck up my plans to save it!</em>”</p>
<p>Erwin had never shouted like that before. He didn’t use the word fuck all that often, either. Again, the shame of what he’d done to Erwin landed like a lash across his back. Levi looked away, a wolf conceding defeat to the alpha. Only Erwin Smith could get him to look down. Levi turned away, walked to the other side of the tent, hands on hips.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he growled. “I let myself get emotional. It won’t happen again.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Emotional is the right word. It’s very unlike you. I wonder why,” Erwin said. “Is it because you can’t forgive yourself for not completing the mission I gave you in Shiganshina?” Fuck. <em>I swore to you. Doesn’t that mean anything?</em> “Or perhaps domestic life has softened you.”</p>
<p>“It won’t. Happen. Again,” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>Erwin was silent a minute. “Do you want to hear what happened after you left?”</p>
<p>Levi sighed. “Yeah. Tell me.”</p>
<p>“Zeke showed Lady Kiyomi the interior of our gear. The “iceburst” crystals, as he called them. The same sort of thing we found in Reiss’s titan chapel. It’s apparently a source of tremendous power, one we Paradisians currently can’t utilize to its full potential. Kiyomi wants two things from us: to meet Mikasa, and to have first rights to mine our crystal.”</p>
<p>“Why does she want Mikasa?” He didn’t even like the brat all that much, but she was blood.</p>
<p>“Mikasa’s mother was Azumabito. They’re family.”</p>
<p>So. The brat had more family out there. He felt weirdly competitive.</p>
<p>“So that’s it, then? Trust Zeke? Trust Kiyomi?”</p>
<p>“Of course not.” Erwin sat at his table. “Zeke and Kiyomi offer us what we need, but make us entirely reliant upon them as a result. Zeke’s ties to Marley and other allies, Kiyomi’s technology and innovation: we need both. Badly. But I don’t trust them in the slightest.” Erwin sneered. “Particularly Zeke. I can trust that Kiyomi’s prime motivation is the strengthening of her family and people. In that way, I can anticipate her. But Zeke Jaeger…” He rubbed his chin. “Even if he hadn’t provoked you, I would never trust him. He’s adept at playing all sides of a situation. The problem is, I have absolutely no idea what he truly wants. He doesn’t seem motivated by power, money, sex, any of the things that drive most men. And unlike Eren, I don’t believe he has a burning love for people in his heart. Eren could never have listened to a man scream as he was torn to pieces. He might grow angry, might bellow about it, but he could never just listen.” Erwin’s voice broke a little. Levi knew then how much it had cost him to sit there and be calm as Zeke mocked Mike in death. “It’s one thing to commit atrocities for the sake of a mission. It’s another to feel nothing about them. Zeke Jaeger feels nothing; I can sense it.”</p>
<p>“So we’re fucked.”</p>
<p>“No.” Erwin looked up. “We play along for now. The goal is to become independent of them.”</p>
<p>Levi frowned. “You mean…get our own ties with Marley? Other allies? Make our own technology? Erwin, that’s fucking impossible.”</p>
<p>“No. It isn’t. Not if it’s done right.” Erwin got that creepy smile, the one Levi hated and trusted. “All things are possible with enough planning and will. And we have an advantage. We have the Founding Titan and the crystal; we have much to bargain with.”</p>
<p>“Then what’s the first step?”</p>
<p>Erwin was silent. “When the time comes, Levi, I’ll fill you in.”</p>
<p>Just like that, he was shut out. Maybe it was a temporary punishment; maybe it was the new way of doing things. Levi tried to show it didn’t hurt him. He mostly succeeded.</p>
<p>“If I’m done here, mind if I head home? After all this, I want to see my daughter.”</p>
<p>Erwin stiffened at the word ‘daughter.’ “Yes. Of course.”</p>
<p>Levi went outside, called for his horse, and rode through the darkness. It’d be almost dawn when he got there, but it didn’t matter. He wanted his family.</p>
<p>He wanted them in his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He entered the bedroom to hear them both breathing quietly. Already the sky was turning pale gray. He was exhausted. Levi undressed to his underwear and slid into bed. He molded his body against Petra’s, felt how warm and soft she was. She stirred in her sleep, rolled over. Eyes closed, she kissed him.</p>
<p>“You’re home.” She sounded relieved.</p>
<p>“Yeah. It’s a bigass world.”</p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around her, felt her fall back asleep. He glanced at the cradle.</p>
<p>This was the only world he wanted anymore.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure how long it could last.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The autumn was bright outside their window, red and gold trees resplendent on the capital streets. Tch. Back in Mitras again for another fancy party. Levi glared out the window, then glowered at his reflection. He was starting to look like a peacock. His dress shirt was blindingly white, the cravat felt fluffier than usual, and the blue coat was way too bright. Looping gold embroidery practically shouted on his cuffs. Plus, he had to wear these tight gray pants that made his crotch itch. Levi felt trapped. He didn’t like to call attention to himself at these fancy royal parties. He hated parties.</p>
<p>“You’re sulking.” Petra came out of the bathroom in her slip. She took her gown from inside the closet and laid it on the bed. Kuchel, five months old now, was learning how to roll. She rocked back and forth on the bed, squealing with glee. Levi looked at his daughter, sighed. He’d rather spend the evening with her.</p>
<p>“I look like a fancy asshole.” He brushed off the coat, made a face. This was what he got for letting his wife talk him into something new. Petra put her earrings in.</p>
<p>“It’s dark blue.”</p>
<p>“It’s too bright.”</p>
<p>“I know it’s not black, but you look so handsome in colors.”</p>
<p>“Tch.” He fiddled with the stupid cufflinks Edvard and Brigitta had gotten him for his birthday last year. He wasn’t used to getting presents. He didn’t know how to say thank you graciously.</p>
<p>“I thought you liked to dress nicely.” She grinned. “When we were in the underground you had to wear flashy vests and popped collars. And you always wore a cravat into battle.”</p>
<p>“Cravats are classy,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Even in battle?”</p>
<p>“You nitpicking the way I dress now, Ral?” He kept swiping at microscopic dust on his jacket. “You’ve got to dress to show them you’re the biggest badass around. Underground, you gotta look colorful. Up here, black is classy. Cravats are classy. Only bootlicking pricks dress like this.”</p>
<p>Levi knew he was a coarse son of a bitch. Nothing would change that. So he wanted his surroundings and his person to look as distinguished as possible. It gave him that little bit of pride.</p>
<p>“You are handsome, badass, and very masterful.” She cooed that in his ear, kissed his jaw. Tch. Of course she’d try to make him feel sexy. It was one of the things she did best. But Levi stopped fussing.</p>
<p>“The midwinter ball’s bad enough. Hate having to make this trip twice in a few months.”</p>
<p>“It’s his fortieth birthday, and the queen’s giving the party. You know why.” Petra fussed with the cravat for him. Levi thinned his lips. Yeah. With the Marleyans on the southern end of the island living as half prisoners, half guests, and with the continued unease of their new situation as a nation of devils, any opportunity for levity got snatched up. Erwin needed to be constantly seen as Eldia’s golden boy. A party from the queen for Humanity’s Hope made the Supreme Commander look good to the aristocracy. The tensions between Erwin and the rich pigs had already been taut; now they were liable to snap.</p>
<p>“Why do they want me there? They know I’m shit at this.”</p>
<p>“Because you’re his right hand man.” She gave him a soft look. “And his best friend.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Levi said it half-heartedly. The Zeke thing still hung between him and Erwin. Fuck, ever since Levi’d brought him back it’d felt like they were in constant flux. They got close, then drifted apart. That old steadiness was gone.</p>
<p>“Hey. Erwin Smith cares about you more than anyone else. I know he does.” Petra went to the bedside table and picked up her necklace. It was a topaz on a silver chain. She fastened it around her neck. She smiled. “Remember when you gave me this?”</p>
<p>“Fuck yes.” Nearly two years ago. Their relationship had been brand new. Levi’s tension dissolved as he touched the jewel.</p>
<p>“Mitras isn’t all bad. It’s where we first confessed our feelings. Where we first…”</p>
<p>She kissed him, letting the end of that sentence hang. Levi kissed her deeply, half wishing Kuchel weren’t on the bed and baby talking at them for attention.</p>
<p>“I don’t know where I’d be right now if we hadn’t done all that,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“I know one thing. You wouldn’t have had as much fun.” She hugged him, then went to put on her green dress. She looked beautiful in green. Or in anything. Levi tickled Kuchel’s feet. She giggled like mad.</p>
<p>“Hard to believe he’s fucking forty. Forty’s not young.”</p>
<p>“It’s not old, either.” She winked at him. “It’s so rare to see anyone in the Survey Corps reach middle age. Not that we’re in the Corps anymore.” She sighed. “We can leave at midnight. No one will expect us to stay later.”</p>
<p>He grunted. Okay. A few hours in these doll clothes and he could relax again.</p>
<p>Petra returned to the bathroom to put on makeup or something. Levi nabbed a cloth, draped it over his shoulder. Kuchel had spit up on him once, and he’d died a little inside. He’d made sure to wash his hands. Safely covered and cleansed, he picked Kuchel up and held her to his breast. Instantly, she cooed and fell asleep. He bounced her a bit. Kuchel liked people, loved her mother, but everyone could see she was her father’s girl. She lit up when he stood over her, always fell fast asleep in his arms. He rarely kissed her in front of anyone, but he kissed her cheek now. She tasted like soap, and powder. Kuchel gave a little grunt as he held her. She nestled into his shoulder, her fat little cheek smushed against him.</p>
<p>Levi shut his eyes. Loving her was almost a physical pain. When he’d been young, he’d been as full of fire as Eren. He’d lashed out at anyone who said boo. He’d felt every insult like a kick to his soul. Never cried, but he showed his anger and hurt in other ways. Violent ways. After a while, he started to go numb. Only so many dead bodies you could see, only so many druggies stretched out with needles in their arms, only so many violated whores with bruised faces until you just had to shut down. He was like a pencil tip; started off sharp, became a nub of himself. That distance he felt from almost everything helped him. Made it easy to do brutal things. That’s why he’d clung to Furlan and Isabel. They kept him from descending fully into being a monster. What he did, he did for them. To save them.</p>
<p>Which was why he’d gone ballistic when they died. Since then, he’d grown even more numb. A few things got through to him. Erwin. Petra. Falling in love with her had been an exercise in happy agony. He’d thought his emotions had thawed when he married her. He’d thought that was as far as he’d go. Then he became a father. He loved his little girl so violently that it choked him. He was like a limb that’d gone to sleep; waking up, he was tortured with pins and needles. That was how he felt now. He was awakening. He was feeling again.</p>
<p><em>You became emotional,</em> Erwin had said. <em>It’s unlike you.</em></p>
<p>Levi didn’t know if he wanted to be a guy who felt. He wasn’t sure he could avoid it.</p>
<p>There was a knock at the door. Levi set Kuchel back down on the bed as Petra let in her parents. Pieter beamed to see Levi, while Ingrid politely nodded.</p>
<p>“Levi! My boy.” Pieter came and hugged him. Levi endured it; the guy meant well.</p>
<p>“Hello. Levi.” Ingrid tried smiling. Tried, not succeeded, but it mattered. Petra had talked with her mother. The price for seeing Kuchel was being civil to people. Fair price to pay. Instantly, Ingrid picked Kuchel off the bed and came alive. She cuddled the baby while Petra slipped into her dress shoes.</p>
<p>“Thank you for coming all this way to watch her, Mama. Papa.”</p>
<p>“Any chance to see our little angel. Huh? Angel?” Pieter kissed Kuchel’s cheek. The grandparents sat side by side on the bed, adoring the girl.</p>
<p>That was what children were supposed to have. Love. Safety. If Levi had been deprived as a boy, he could at least make it right for his daughter. That was something.</p>
<p>She was never going to be abnormal like him. He’d see to it.</p>
<p>“We’ll be back soon after midnight. Her bedtime’s at seven, and she’s just been fed.” Petra put on her wrap against the cold. Her parents had a room of their own; Historia’d spared no expense making everything perfect.</p>
<p>When they went downstairs, they found a carriage waiting for them with the queen’s emblem on the door. Levi felt people staring. He wanted to turn around and go back upstairs. Petra looped her arm through his.</p>
<p>“Think of it this way. We can spend a few hours with the aristocracy or with my mother.”</p>
<p>“Either way, I lose,” he grumbled. Levi smiled when she gasped with mock anger. He helped her in, climbed in after. The carriage set out for the palace.</p>
<p>Things were about to get unbearably fancy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi had forgotten how disgustingly huge the palace was. It was so enormous that he and Petra had to walk what felt like half a mile up the steps to be properly received by the queen, and then after that they had to cross a courtyard the length of a field just to get to the ballroom.</p>
<p>The opulence only made Levi think of the kids rotting away underground. Or at least the ones who <em>had</em> been rotting; the queen had saved them, brought them up to fresh air and sunshine. But still. Guys like Erwin could talk about the grandeur and aesthetic or some shit, but Levi just saw a world out of balance.</p>
<p>Well. Couldn’t change that.</p>
<p>They entered the ballroom, the ceiling high, voices echoing off the walls and up to the chandelier. On a platform, musicians were warming up and launched into some kind of, er, gavotte? Was that the term? Who cared. Petra bounced on her toes, eyes bright. She loved dancing. Crazy kid.</p>
<p>“Hey. There’s Eren.” Levi pointed the kid out, standing with his group of pals over by the buffet. “Say hi. Make him dance with you. I’d pay good coin to see it.”</p>
<p>They had an understanding. Petra could dance with whomever she wanted, so long as she didn’t try to rope Levi into it publicly. Privately, she’d taught him a few dances. He didn’t mind dancing with her in their room. It got real intimate, which he liked.</p>
<p>She kissed his cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”</p>
<p>“Take your time.” His gift to her. Petra loved friends and balls and all that shit. Levi endured it. His wife sailed off to speak with the kids while he sought out the bar on the other end of the room. He made his way over. The barkeep smiled.</p>
<p>“Sparkling wine, sir?”</p>
<p>“Tea.”</p>
<p>The man blinked. “Tea?”</p>
<p>“Black tea. You got that?”</p>
<p>“Um. Yes…” He cleared his throat. “If you’re sure you wouldn’t rather wait until after dinner—”</p>
<p>“I know what I want. Tea.” Levi turned his back on the guy, crossed his arms, and watched the party. In the past he’d drink alcohol at these things just to blend in. He didn’t go in much for socializing, and he’d stand around feeling bitter as Petra danced with lots of young men. He’d watch them in case they tried to make off with her. This time, he could relax. She was his. The others could only look, and touch her by the hand and waist during a dance.</p>
<p>“I won’t have what he’s having,” Erwin said, sidling up to the bar as the man poured Levi’s tea and set it down. “Whiskey.”</p>
<p>The two men stood there, alone for the moment. Erwin sipped his whiskey; Levi held his saucer and picked up his cup in his own particular way. He blew on it first to cool it.</p>
<p>“That’s the nice thing about getting older.” Erwin smirked, nodding at the tea. “Being true to your own idiosyncrasies no matter the venue.”</p>
<p>“Is that fancy asshole talk for ‘you’re a weirdo and don’t care’?” Levi smirked too. Fuck, it felt good to have Erwin alongside him. Just the two of them. Even as a family man, there was a part of Levi that would always want Erwin Smith near, and exclusive. “Thought the guest of honor usually arrived with a big blast of trumpets or something. Happy birthday, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Forty. Shit. No offense, but who’d have thought you’d live this long.”</p>
<p>That halted the conversation a moment. They both drank. They both knew how he’d made it to Mitras tonight.</p>
<p>“The queen has a speech planned before dinner.”</p>
<p>“Right now you’re just swimming around the lords and ladies, right? Tch. Remember when we used to beg for funds at these fancy parties? Now you <em>have</em> all the funds.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Now I have lords and ladies coming to me.” Erwin swallowed the last of his whiskey and set the glass down. They both watched the dancers in silence. They both noticed Petra take to the floor with Eren. Levi could tell that Erwin was trying not to watch.</p>
<p>“You dance?”</p>
<p>“With the right partner, and if I know the steps.”</p>
<p>“Thought you were a gambling man. Take a risk.”</p>
<p>“At heart, I’m as vain as any man. I’ll risk hundreds of lives on a game of chance. My pride? That I guard viciously.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think we’d be at this fancyass party tonight if you were just any man, Erwin.”</p>
<p>The Commander smiled. “Thank you.” He looked down. “I’m glad you’re here. There are few in this life with whom I can be…absolutely honest.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” It felt like Erwin was groping for a reconciliation. Levi was happy for that. “I’ll always be here, Erwin. Not going anywhere.”</p>
<p>“That’s the one comfort I have.” He sounded weary. Levi felt bad.</p>
<p>“Hey. Now you’re Supreme Commander, women’ll be lining up. Why not find someone? Life’s about to get rocky as hell, so you might as well be happy while you can.”</p>
<p>“That sounds very unlike the Levi I once knew.” Erwin smirked. “I can see her influence.”</p>
<p>Her. Yes, her.</p>
<p>“It’s a good influence.” Levi looked at him fully. “I’d be lost without her.”</p>
<p>It was disarmingly honest for so early in the evening. Both men seemed to know it. They shuffled their feet, looked for another drink.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid I’m not much of a prospect,” Erwin said. “I have twelve years—no, eleven years and nine months. Long enough that a woman would miss out on opportunities elsewhere, short enough that it’s not a full life.”</p>
<p>Levi said nothing. It was sound reasoning. Sad, but sound.</p>
<p>People applauded as the dance ended. Petra caught his eye, thanked Eren, and then walked over to meet him. She beamed.</p>
<p>“Taking a break.” She kissed him as the music started up again. A waltz. Her favorite.</p>
<p>“You don’t wanna dance?” He frowned. She shrugged.</p>
<p>“Eren doesn’t know the steps, and I feel awkward waiting to be asked by these people. They’re not really…well, we don’t know each other.”</p>
<p>Erwin struggled not to say anything. Levi could feel it.</p>
<p>Why not? It was the man’s birthday, and Erwin knew absolutely where he stood.</p>
<p>“You know the waltz, Erwin?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He took his cue. “If you’d care to, Petra?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” She checked with Levi quick, a sharp glance. He gave a slight nod. No problem on his end. Hers? She wavered a minute, then smiled. “Sure. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Erwin escorted her back onto the floor. Levi leaned against the bar, content to watch. He had no concerns. Well, he feared a bit for Erwin. He wasn’t concerned about Petra at all. He knew where her heart lay.</p>
<p>“Sir?” the bartender asked when Levi waved him over. He set down his cup and saucer.</p>
<p>“Another.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had not held her since that fateful day in his office more than a year ago. His hand seemed gargantuan against her slender waist; her hand was delicate as glass in his. Petra Ral…no, Petra Ackerman was a hardened fighter, but also small and graceful. The two sides of her were intriguing when blended together.</p>
<p>She smiled politely as they began, whirling with the other dancers. Erwin knew the basic dances; he’d had lessons drilled into him by his aunt when he was eleven. She’d been disappointed in how ‘plebeian’ he was. How his father had raised him.</p>
<p>Erwin would not think of her tonight. He focused on Petra.</p>
<p>“You dance well,” she said. Again, polite. Graceful.</p>
<p>“And you. It should be no surprise, of course. You were always incredible on ODM.” Even when he’d been ignorant of her charms, Erwin had appreciated her capabilities as a soldier.</p>
<p>“Happy birthday.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. Is your family comfortable?”</p>
<p>“My parents are with Kuchel. She’s starting to sit up on her own.” Petra beamed now, her warmth genuine. She loved her daughter. She loved her husband.</p>
<p>Erwin quashed his jealousy. The gray tinge of despair. He made sure not to gaze too intently at her. Levi was watching, and anyway, she’d never appreciate his advances. Erwin would keep his word: he would not touch her again until she asked.</p>
<p>But sometimes he wished to hell he could make her ask.</p>
<p>“Kuchel is perfect,” he said. A safe topic. “She’ll be a real credit to you both.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Petra gave him a kind look. “It’s not too late, you know. There are plenty of women here who’d—”</p>
<p>“As I told Levi, there isn’t enough time. It wouldn’t be right to bring a child into this world only to leave it when it was still young. No, I think by forty you’re a confirmed bachelor. Eldia is my great love now.”</p>
<p>She looked a little sad.</p>
<p>“Well. If you say so,” she replied. Her tenderness and courtesy, her sweetness and sincerity, they nearly unmanned him. To be so strong and to be so gentle was a unique combination. Why hadn’t he seen her first? Why?</p>
<p>The dance came to an end. He held her until the last appropriate second, then applauded the musicians with everyone else. He received smiles and handshakes and congratulations from people as he escorted Petra back to her husband. All these wealthy people had once scorned him. Called him an eccentric. Now he was their most esteemed friend, at least in public. The second most powerful person on Paradis.</p>
<p>In public opinion, only Queen Historia held greater sway.</p>
<p>Petra went straight to Levi’s side and wound her arm through his. They were cozy together. Erwin stood beside Levi, and they watched the party.</p>
<p>The queen entered to a fanfare of trumpets. Erwin put down his drink as the band struck up the new Eldian anthem, a former military tune that he’d appropriated into a patriotic song. The more unified everyone felt, the greater the chance they would hold against the world’s hatred.</p>
<p>Petra sang as well, hand over her heart like the rest of them. Levi just watched. Erwin knew that he didn’t like joining in very much. Erwin let it slide.</p>
<p>For now. One day, he might require Levi to set an example. They needed as many public heroes as they could get.</p>
<p>Historia made her way across the room to the dais on which her seat had been placed. The queen wore white, her customary color—the virgin monarch. Erwin had no earthly idea if she was or not, of course, but it made a good image. Historia was quite dainty and beautiful. The crowd murmured its approval as she settled herself. Erwin knew his cue, and walked over. He knelt at her feet and kissed her hand.</p>
<p>Once, this young girl had been under his command. Once she’d been an ordinary girl in the Survey Corps. How funny fate could be.</p>
<p>“Thank you all for coming tonight.” Her voice rang clear across the room. Good, she’d been taking the lessons he’d suggested in vocal projection. “I’m glad you could all be here as we celebrate Supreme Commander Erwin Smith, the hope for humanity. He gave his all in the fight to retake our lands. He gave his life on the field, and was revived with all the power of a god. He’s using that power and giving his remaining years to lead Paradis and the new Nation of Eldia to a brighter future.”</p>
<p>A lovely speech. He’d approved it himself. He nodded at her, and she nodded back. Good.</p>
<p>“Tonight we honor him. Ladies and gentlemen, give him your hearts. Give him your loyalty. Give him your salute.”</p>
<p>Erwin watched as every last person in the room, from soldier to lord, saluted him as one.</p>
<p>Petra and Levi saluted as well.</p>
<p>Though even from this distance, Erwin could read Levi’s unease.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Petra whispered. Honestly, Levi could be glum anywhere. He shook his head as the speech ended and the party resumed.</p>
<p>“Eh. I don’t like the whole… I don’t know. There’s Paradisian Guard banners everywhere. It feels like a big show. The anthem, and the saluting, it feels like everyone’s treating him like a god.”</p>
<p>“He has to be that now.” She slipped her arm through his again. “He has to see us through this. To do that, he has to make us all follow him.”</p>
<p>“How’d you get so smart about it?”</p>
<p>“I was his aide, remember? I got to learn how he thinks.” Levi just kept sulking. She kissed his cheek, and whispered in his ear. “Are you upset because he seems so far away now?”</p>
<p>“Tch. No.” He abruptly walked off, hands in his pockets. Petra went after him, trying to stay patient. They entered a deserted hallway just off the ballroom. Levi leaned his shoulder against the wall. “He didn’t want all this, you know. He didn’t want to be a god.”</p>
<p>She closed her eyes. This again. Gently, Petra laid her hand upon his arm.</p>
<p>“I know this is hard on him. I know you feel guilty about it. But Levi.” She made him turn. She cupped his face in her hands. “Knowing what we know now about Marley and the whole world, who was the better choice to save us all? Erwin or Armin?”</p>
<p>“Petra.”</p>
<p>“They’re both special, but Erwin has more experience. He knows how to lead people. I hate to say this but…” She whispered. “Can you imagine how we’d be handling all this if Hange had become the new commander?”</p>
<p>“Hange’s pretty brilliant herself.” He sounded offended for his friend.</p>
<p>“I know. She’s even smarter than Erwin. But she’s not a leader like he is. She’s not a strategist. You saved her from a terrible burden, too.”</p>
<p>He sighed. “Yeah. But if you’d been there before the final charge, Petra. If you’d seen him. He just wanted it all to stop.” Levi turned his eyes down. “When I told him to go off and die, he was happy. And I felt it. I felt when I put the needle in his arm…that it was the wrong choice.”</p>
<p>He whispered those words. Petra chilled.</p>
<p>“That’s your regret talking.”</p>
<p>“I have no regrets,” he growled. “I live by my instincts. I always have. And my instincts all screamed to choose Armin.”</p>
<p>He bent over, as if the weight of this had been physically sitting on his back. Petra held him.</p>
<p>“Erwin was born to do this. Armin was a sweet dreamer. He wasn’t prepared.”</p>
<p>“I just thought…” He sighed. “Mainly, I wanted to choose Armin because I wanted to let Erwin rest. He’d suffered enough. But it wasn’t the only reason. There were things Armin could see that none of us could. He had actual dreams, not just shitty things that haunted him. The whole world’s against us. Maybe we needed…”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>But he said nothing. Levi’s brow furrowed. She could read the pain in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I let Erwin become the devil he didn’t want to be.”</p>
<p>“He’s not a devil.”</p>
<p>“No.” He looked past her. A muscle ticked in his cheek. “Not yet.”</p>
<p>“Levi?” He was starting to scare her. “Erwin is not going to be a devil. You know why?” She held his face again. “Because you won’t let him. You always made him feel the weight of his decisions when they got people killed.”</p>
<p>She thought then of Oruo, his bloodied face when she pulled back the sheet. She would never see him again. Because of Erwin’s decision.</p>
<p>“Petra?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” She cleared her throat. “You’re going to help him with this. You won’t abandon him.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He sighed.</p>
<p>“As long as the two of you stand together, Erwin will be fine.” And she believed that. She knew it in her gut to be true.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He looked at her, his eyes flinty. “You know if it’d just been you waiting back for me in Shiganshina, I would’ve picked Armin.”</p>
<p>“I know.” He’d said once he’d always choose Erwin over her. He’d meant it. The corners of Levi’s mouth tightened.</p>
<p>“But I chose Erwin because I thought of…”</p>
<p>“The baby,” she whispered. She kissed him, stroked the back of his hair. She felt his undercut bristle against her palm. He hummed a little, eyes closed. He liked it when she did that. “I know it doesn’t mean as much, but I’m glad you brought Erwin back because it means Kuchel has a chance.”</p>
<p>“It does mean as much.” He looked at her. “Means more.”</p>
<p>And that was what truly hurt him. Levi had chosen his child over Erwin. That almost mystical bond between the two men had fractured badly. There was no repairing it. Levi was grieving. He’d been grieving for over a year now.</p>
<p>They’d always be together, but never the same.</p>
<p>The music bled through the walls. Petra wrapped her arms around him. He put his about her. She swayed a bit in time with the music. He smiled.</p>
<p>“That desperate to dance, Ral?”</p>
<p>“I like dancing with you.” They kissed. He relaxed in her arms. “I always want to dance with you.”</p>
<p>“I can’t get through this without you, brat.” His voice was rough. She pressed her forehead to his.</p>
<p>“You won’t have to.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Erwin!”</p>
<p>Nile came up to him, all smiles. Erwin shook the former MP Commander’s hand. In truth, Nile seemed a bit happier now that Erwin had reassigned him to overseeing the recruits in eastern Wall Rose. It gave the man more time to be home.</p>
<p>“Good to see you, Nile.”</p>
<p>“Hey, you’re an old man now, like me. I had to see it for myself.” Ah. Nile meant well.</p>
<p>“I can feel myself decaying already. So.” He tried not to look around. “Is Marie here?”</p>
<p>“She is. We also brought our eldest, Senta. She’s almost fifteen. She’s thinking about joining the military.” Nile said it with a laugh. Erwin could tell Nile wouldn’t let his child anywhere near it. Smart.</p>
<p>“The others?”</p>
<p>“Isolde’s eight, and Eva’s just started walking.”</p>
<p>Yes, the baby Marie’d been carrying during Erwin’s uprising. Fuck, that seemed like a million years ago.</p>
<p>“You’re blessed with a wonderful family, Nile.”</p>
<p>Nile grinned. “There’s nothing like it.” He turned and put out his arm as a tall blonde woman arrived. She had a girl with her, one with dark hair like Nile’s and a shy expression. Erwin glanced at Marie. She looked at him.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he said.</p>
<p>“Hello,” she replied. They’d met again at another party in Mitras almost two years ago. She had found him in the library, kissed him. Erwin had still desired her then, albeit not as much as his father’s dream. Now that he had awoken from that dream rather roughly, he saw that she was still beautiful. More so than he’d remembered.</p>
<p>He had to keep from staring. He smiled at Senta. Her father put an arm around her, absolutely beaming with pride.</p>
<p>“Salute the Supreme Commander,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“There’s no need,” Erwin said quickly. He shook Senta’s hand, smiled. “It’s good to meet you. Your father and I are old friends.”</p>
<p>Senta made a soft, shy noise. She blushed, and stared at the ground. A sweet girl.</p>
<p>“He’s a friend of your mother, too,” Marie said. She stroked Senta’s hair and gazed icily at Erwin. Nile laughed.</p>
<p>“Yes, those days in the tavern. They seem like a million years ago, don’t they?” Nile asked.</p>
<p>“They do. But also almost like yesterday,” Erwin said. Marie began to turn Senta back into the crowd. An abrupt departure.</p>
<p>“Marie.” Nile sounded surprised.</p>
<p>“I promised Senta hot chocolate. Be back soon, darling. Commander.”</p>
<p>Her glare pierced Erwin to his core. He had to force himself not to watch her go. He remembered her kiss in the library, making love to her when they were both young and felt invincible. Nile merely shrugged.</p>
<p>“She loves our girls.”</p>
<p>“She should. They’re clearly exceptional. Excuse me, Nile.”</p>
<p>It was time for Erwin to speak with Historia. He needed something settled before dinner. As he went to a small antechamber just off the ballroom, her dressing area, he kept thinking of Marie. Forty-two now, but still filled with that fiery pride. He’d always loved that about her.</p>
<p>Seeing her again made him ache for the past.</p>
<p>He pushed her aside as he entered Historia’s chamber. The guards bowed and gave them their privacy. She’d changed from her white ceremonial robes into a white ball gown. Her little shoulders were bare. Her hair was pinned back with white roses in it. On her dressing table, diamonds and pearls awaited her decision. A sixteen year old girl now had more wealth than she could spend in a lifetime. It overwhelmed her.</p>
<p>“How’d I do?” The girl turned to him, her eyes troubled. “I hate making speeches.”</p>
<p>“I know. You did well. Thank you.”</p>
<p>She blew out her cheeks. It was such an adolescent thing to do that Erwin smiled.</p>
<p>“Every time I come to Mitras, I want to go right back to the farm.” She looked at herself in a gilded mirror. “I guess that’s where I feel the most comfortable.”</p>
<p>“Majesty, I need your approval on something. It’s rather urgent, I’m afraid.”</p>
<p>Erwin had been preparing for this for days now. Months, really, but he’d tried to ignore the reality until it stared him in the face.</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“You know that the Azumabitos want Paradis’s crystal resources. The energy derived from them is apparently so powerful that nations would be in a bidding war for it. We don’t know what the limits of that energy are just yet, and Lady Kiyomi has coyly refused to tell us.” He looked in the mirror at Historia. “Because she doesn’t want us to become independent of her. Now the “titan crystals” as we’re calling them are spread throughout Paradis. A rich seam has been discovered in a cavern in northern Wall Maria. And while we can’t compete technologically with the rest of the world, we’re innovators. We created the ODM equipment as a response to the titans. We can create new and exceptional devices powered by these crystals. Hange is the brain trust on this, and the interior police seized enough heretical literature over the years that the science begins to become clear. We Paradisians have perhaps one year, two at the most before Marley ends this war and returns its gaze to us. We have to stockpile in that time. We have to become adept at mining the crystals, utilizing them for new weaponry and technology, and potentially…” Here he sighed. “Potentially, be ready to open up for commerce with the world. Kiyomi is desperate for our energy. The world will be as well.”</p>
<p>“But they hate us.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t mean they won’t want our business. This gamble also presupposes a strong military, allies, and other additions I’m planning on. But right now, if we don’t have new technology—our own technology—and enough crystals mined, I can’t see how we’ll be in a position to bargain against anyone. The alternative will be all out war.”</p>
<p>“So. What do you want from me?”</p>
<p>Erwin sat down across from her. “I require a conscription act. Every able-bodied man over the age of sixteen in Wall Maria will work these crystal mines. New seams are popping up daily. Hange will require material for her experiments as well.”</p>
<p>“Conscription?” Historia frowned. “You mean…forcing people from their homes? Their jobs?”</p>
<p>“In shifts, of course. Not all at once. But we must use all of our manpower on this island, or we won’t survive.”</p>
<p>“Commander. We don’t force people to work in mines.”</p>
<p>He continued. “We will also be recruiting for the military. From ages twelve up, we’ll begin aptitude testing. Those with exceptional scores will be recruited.”</p>
<p>“Forced, you mean?” Historia’s eyes shone with an increasingly angry light.</p>
<p>“Historia. Marley has over a million soldiers. They have weapons we cannot conceive of. Zeke Jaeger is our best ally at the moment, and he is plainly untrustworthy. We need a fighting force trained and ready to die for their home. We need to master our own enterprises. We need new weapons. That’s just the start.” He nodded. “Reconnaissance is not far away.”</p>
<p>“Spying?”</p>
<p>“You want me to save our people? This is how we do it. We get the press to spin it, of course. It’s not conscription; it’s patriotic duty. Give your all for Paradis. For Eldia. Fortify your home.” He smirked. “Dedicate your hearts.”</p>
<p>“What you’re talking about sounds almost like…” She pursed her lips.</p>
<p>“What?” He said the word. “Slavery? Slaves don’t share in profits, Historia. Besides, when Paradis is running closer to the world’s standards in a year’s time, we’ll shift back to voluntary service. This is not forever. But listen.” He rubbed his face. He could not show her the long hours he’d spent in his room agonizing over this. All the thoughts he’d sketched out, the books he’d perused, desperate for a last minute option. “I’ve tried for two months to find an answer that wasn’t this. I failed. If we don’t begin soon, we won’t have the time before Marley turns its eye on us again. If we’re not ready, we die. It’s that simple.”</p>
<p>Historia leaned her elbows on the dressing table. She bowed her head. A white rose came loose in her hair.</p>
<p>“There’s no other way?”</p>
<p>“No.” He knew this for a fact. Historia looked into the mirror, looked at his reflection.</p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll trust your judgment. We’ll make the royal decree this week.”</p>
<p>He stood. “Thank you, Majesty.”</p>
<p>Erwin walked out. Everyone was heading to dinner, so he surveyed all of them as he went. The wealthy and powerful made obsequious gestures to him. Right now, he was starting with Wall Maria. With the poor.</p>
<p>But one day, the rich would have to bleed as well for Eldia’s sake.</p>
<p>That day, Erwin found, he looked forward to. He smiled as he went to dinner, the black Paradisian Guard banners watching him from every wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was two in the morning before he was able to get away. Erwin got out of his carriage and looked up to his room at the inn. He sighed. A quick sleep, then back to Trost tomorrow. He walked into the inn and up the stairs, the most feted man in the walls. The Hope for Humanity.</p>
<p>Alone.</p>
<p>He was exhausted. Levi and Petra had left right at midnight. They had their family. Their life.</p>
<p>All Erwin had thought of throughout dinner, throughout the rest of the ball, was the young man he had been. All his options available. All the choices in the world his to make. He wanted to reach out and touch that young man now. Shake him. Order him to choose something else.</p>
<p>
  <em>No regrets. You’re a hypocrite if you have them.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin fumbled the key to open his door…and found that door slightly ajar.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>He took a dagger from inside his coat—as Levi had taught him, go everywhere armed. He was the colossal titan, not much anyone could do to kill him, but better to be prepared. Erwin flung open the door to find…</p>
<p>“Marie?” He lowered his blade, dumbfounded. She stood in the center of his room, unsmiling. She still wore her ball gown.</p>
<p>“Close the door.”</p>
<p>He did, still stunned. She’d flung her shawl and gloves onto the sofa. The fuck?</p>
<p>“Does Nile—?”</p>
<p>“I left him and Senta sleeping.”</p>
<p>“What may I do for you, Mrs. Dok?”</p>
<p>Her face twisted at her married name. “Don’t.”</p>
<p>“I have a right to ask. This is my room. It’s very late.”</p>
<p>“Yes. It is.” She sat down on the bed. “It’s very, very late.”</p>
<p>Erwin felt like he was losing his mind. He put down the blade and slid his coat off. Marie watching, he rolled his sleeves and unbuttoned the collar of his shirt. He poured water and began to wash. As he washed, he spoke.</p>
<p>“Your daughter is a lovely girl. She takes after her father, I think.”</p>
<p>“She does. Senta’s a very gentle soul. Isolde, now. She’s like me.” Marie gave a short laugh. “Perpetually unsatisfied.”</p>
<p>“Is that why you’re here?” He toweled off. “Dissatisfaction?”</p>
<p>“Why do you have to mock me right now?”</p>
<p>That humbled him a bit. He leaned against the bedpost.</p>
<p>“Forgive me. I just want to know how I can help you.”</p>
<p>She glared up at him, beautiful in her fury. In her eyes, he saw tears.</p>
<p>“Marie…”</p>
<p>“Don’t.” She stood. She’d always been a tall woman. He didn’t have to look straight down to meet her eyes. “I’ve thought a hundred times about writing you a letter. When we last met—”</p>
<p>“Marie.”</p>
<p>“Listen. I…I threw myself at you. I know I did.” She looked away, stricken. “It was right of you to stop me. But the things you said.” She winced. “That I wasn’t enough to tempt you. You looked at me as if I were nothing.”</p>
<p>“I was a different man then.” It was true. Back then, he’d cared only about his dream. Now that it had become a nightmare, life looked very different to his eyes. “I was rude. I should have treated you with more care. Please accept my apology.”</p>
<p>“I feel so foolish.” She shielded her face from him. “I’d thought about you so often. And I’d believed like an idiot that you thought about me.” She sniffed, shook her head. She was proud and angry again. “I should have known. Men don’t love like that. They don’t love what’s hopeless.”</p>
<p>
  <em>How wrong you are.</em>
</p>
<p>“I’ve thought of you throughout the years, Marie. Often.” For fuck sake, until recently he’d chosen whores who looked like her. He didn’t tell her that. “When you met me in that library, I was obsessed with discovering the secrets of our world. I found them. And I learned something else.” He shut his eyes. “I blew up my life for no good reason.”</p>
<p>They stared at one another, miserable, across a stretch of wasted years.</p>
<p>“It was my fault.” She drew nearer. “I should never have married Nile.”</p>
<p>“Marie—”</p>
<p>“I should have gone after you.”</p>
<p>“There was nothing you could have done to change my mind.”</p>
<p>“Then at the very least I shouldn’t have married a man I didn’t…” She couldn’t say it. She began to cry. He touched her hand.</p>
<p>“You have three girls who wouldn’t exist otherwise.”</p>
<p>“And I love them more than anything. But do I have to resent my own life?” She sat down on the bed again, face in her hands. “After we married, Nile put me in a little house in Wall Rose and went back to his job in Stohess. I saw him so rarely that it was years before I became pregnant with Senta. Things got a little easier once I had someone to care for, but I knew what he’d wanted. He’d wanted to protect me.” She spat the words. “To Nile, protection meant not having to work. It meant sitting in a little house that someone else paid for. Tranquility. To me, it was a death sentence.”</p>
<p>He knelt beside her. In truth, a woman like her—artistic, intellectual, passionate—choosing a cloistered life had always struck him as a terrible idea.</p>
<p>“I’ve thought of that one day we had together over and over,” she whispered. She wiped her cheeks. “I’ve only been with Nile since. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of women.”</p>
<p>He didn’t deny it. “None that mattered. No real relationships.”</p>
<p>For a brief moment he recalled being in bed with Petra, but pushed it aside. That was doomed to be a fantasy.</p>
<p>“Did you ever think of it? Our one time?”</p>
<p>The air grew very still between them. Something fragile and fine was emerging, something that could be damaged with a breath.</p>
<p>“Yes. Often.” His voice trembled. “All the time.”</p>
<p>For a while he’d only been able to have sex from behind because he couldn’t look on anyone’s face that wasn’t hers. As a young man, he had been on fire with love. Now, nearly two decades on, it was easy to remember what he’d loved. What he’d missed. He had never had a woman who challenged him as she did.</p>
<p>Marie turned to him. Their faces were close. They looked into each other’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Will you send me away again?” she asked.</p>
<p>He answered by kissing her.</p>
<p>Before the basement, she’d been a distraction. Now, in this new hell, she was solace. As they kissed, he hurtled back across the years to being twenty-two, fresh as spring, making love to her in a paint-splattered apartment. They held one another, undressed one another. She moaned when she saw him naked again.</p>
<p>“You still look…” She couldn’t finish. Erwin touched her, her breasts, her hips, her body. He could see the changes three pregnancies had brought. Her bust was fuller, her stomach rounder, yet she was still as beautiful to him as when she’d been twenty-four. The faint lines on her face were signs of life. She was different, yet the same. He was young again. He had gone back in time. He kissed every inch of her, getting on his knees. Marie cried with happiness. She wound her fingers through his hair.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d have battle scars,” she said dreamily. They lay down together. She passed her hands along the contours of his body.</p>
<p>“I did. But my rebirth took them all away.” He groaned when he slid into her. She whimpered.</p>
<p>“Don’t stop,” she whispered.</p>
<p>For the first time in nearly twenty years, Erwin made love. He took her, not just her body. They were each delighted with the experience the other had gained. Erwin felt jealous as he moved in her, imagining all the times Nile had fucked her. He felt sorrow, knowing she had mostly endured it out of obligation. He felt pride that she still wanted him like this.</p>
<p>He was no longer Humanity’s Hope. For an hour he was cadet Erwin Smith, about to graduate from the Training Corps. He was young. He was excited. He was not Hope, but he <em>had</em> hope.</p>
<p>She came three times, ecstatic as she got on top and rode him until his own climax erupted. Erwin cried out, far too loud, but he didn’t care. Give him this one moment. Let him feel weightless.</p>
<p>And if once or twice he envisioned Petra in Marie’s place, he decided to forget about it.</p>
<p>Afterwards, they lay tangled in the sheets. She had her head on his chest. Marie giggled.</p>
<p>“What?” He grinned.</p>
<p>“I’m glad I can still make you scream.” She kissed him. He held her close, stroked her hair.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you came here.” He meant it.</p>
<p>“Remember the night we went dancing, and you and I talked about opera until Nile fell asleep at the table?”</p>
<p>He laughed, put a hand over his mouth. It wasn’t kind to recall, but Nile had been so bored by them.</p>
<p>“We were discussing <em>Titania</em>, yes?” One of the oldest surviving operas—that they’d known of at the time, of course. All about a warrior queen who slew titans but was in the end vanquished by love. “I remember. I had a problem with how clichéd the ending was. All operas are the same: a woman is brought down by love.”</p>
<p>“And I argued it’s one of the oldest archetypal constructs.” She propped herself on her elbows and gazed down on him. “In the broadest mythological sense, women fear men because they love them. Love gives power.”</p>
<p>“That sounds like a debate of its own.” He winked at her. She kissed him. God, it had been so long since he’d spoken to anyone like this. Much as he loved Levi, ‘archetypal’ was not in the man’s vocabulary. Hange understood these things, but did not care for them. This felt like meeting someone after years spent on a deserted island.</p>
<p>“I missed this,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“So did I.”</p>
<p>She lowered her lashes. “So I’m still desirable? After three children, you start to feel used. Like your body’s served its purpose.”</p>
<p>“I’ve rarely wanted anyone as I’ve wanted you. As I still want you.”</p>
<p>“Rarely?” She arched a brow. “Let me guess. That little redhead you danced with tonight.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” He froze. “Did I give something away?”</p>
<p>“Only because I was watching very closely. The way you gazed at her, I could tell. She’s pretty.” Marie looked down.</p>
<p>“And married. Very happily. She’s a fantasy.” He cupped her cheek. “You’re real.”</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re here.</em>
</p>
<p>She kissed him again. Erwin stirred again—he felt virile again. They made love again, rough this time. When she climaxed, she cried for how good it was. By the end, he was sweating. He kissed her pulse, her breasts. Marie sighed.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to go,” she whispered. It was half past four now. If she didn’t leave soon, Nile would wake and find her gone.</p>
<p>“I know. I wish you didn’t have to.” He laid a hand on her stomach.</p>
<p>She bit her lip. “Supposing I didn’t?”</p>
<p>Erwin stilled. “You have children. A baby. They need their mother.”</p>
<p>“I know. But…” She sat up. “What about what I need? What you need?”</p>
<p>“We can’t think like that.” He shook his head. “We made our decisions years ago.”</p>
<p>“So we have to suffer for them forever?” Her eyes blazed with anger. “The decisions we make when we’re barely into our twenties have to keep us prisoner?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes they do. If you left your children, you’d regret it.”</p>
<p>“I know what I want. I won’t regret wanting it.” She looked away. “Unless you wanted me for this, but not more.”</p>
<p>“Marie.” He kissed her again. She had let him feel unashamed and uninhibited. “You’re the only thing in over a year that has made me happy to still be alive.”</p>
<p>“You don’t want to hurt Nile.”</p>
<p>“No. I don’t.” He and Nile had long since parted ways as friends, but Erwin couldn’t do this to him. He couldn’t destroy the man’s world. “He loves you.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t… I care about him. I do. And in my own way, I’ve come to love him.” Her lip trembled. “But it’s not the way I love you.”</p>
<p><em>I love you.</em> To hear a woman tell him that…and a woman whom he still loved…</p>
<p>“Marie.” He didn’t know what to say. He was beyond words.</p>
<p>“Well. Do you?”</p>
<p>He knew what she was asking. To answer truthfully would start something that could not be stopped. He wanted to; he feared to. Both arguments collided.</p>
<p>He took too long to answer.</p>
<p>She got up and got dressed. She wouldn’t look at him now. Ah, her temper. She had a flair for the dramatic, as did he. She had an artistic spirit, tempestuous and volatile. He’d always loved it.</p>
<p>He only watched as she dressed. It was a reversal of the same scene from twenty years ago, him dressing and her watching him naked in bed. Helpless as he left her.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, then,” she snapped. She closed the door behind her.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Marie.” Erwin rubbed his eyes and lay back down. He heard the ticking of the clock. He should try for sleep.</p>
<p>But sleep evaded him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two days later, Erwin debriefed his officers about the conscription act. Hange appeared delighted to be given a team of scientists to train; Levi and Petra both looked uneasy.</p>
<p>“I’ll trust your judgment, Erwin,” Levi finally said. He walked away with his wife, the two of them speaking quietly. Such a pair. Erwin lingered on Petra, then Levi, then looked away.</p>
<p>He trudged up the stairs to his room, loosening his bolo tie. He needed to rest for a few moments. He hadn’t slept properly since Mitras. Since Marie.</p>
<p><em>I suppose I won’t see her again.</em> With a sigh, he opened the door to his room.</p>
<p>Marie sat at his table, drumming her fingers. She stood when he entered.</p>
<p>
  <em>Huh. I stand corrected.</em>
</p>
<p>“What are you—?”</p>
<p>“I left Nile,” she said. His stomach dropped. He struggled to find the right words. Sorry? Congratulations? Oh no? “I didn’t tell him about us,” she said quickly. She nudged a small bag at her feet. “And you have no obligation to take me in. That night in Mitras was a turning point for me. I realized that whether I was with you or not, I’d die if I stayed with him. I did this for myself. If you don’t want me, I’ll find an apartment and a job. The girls will come stay with me.”</p>
<p>“You left them.” He said it with no judgment. Her cheeks blazed.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want them to see that this was what life as a woman had to offer. Years of quiet resentment. Settling always for what other people want. Having your dreams end after a certain age.” She straightened her shoulders. “I mean it. You’re under no obligation. If you tell me to leave, I will. But I wanted you to know.” She looked him in the eye. “I want you to know that I love you. I always have. I always will.”</p>
<p>They didn’t really know each other anymore; it was a gamble; he’d lose Nile’s trust and support; it would look very bad in the public eye.</p>
<p>But…</p>
<p>
  <em>Dreams don’t have to end after a certain age.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi and Petra, their heads bent in conference without him.</p>
<p>It was a gamble, and he was a gambler.</p>
<p>That night in Mitras, he’d rediscovered the young man he’d once been. The one he wanted to be.</p>
<p>Marie worried her gloved hands.</p>
<p>“Well?” she whispered. “Should I walk out the door?”</p>
<p>Erwin gazed around his small, barren room.</p>
<p>“Fuck it,” he said.</p>
<p>Erwin kicked the door shut and took her in his arms.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Phew. When it rains, it pours. I should stop guessing when I'll get work done on this. It'll come out when it comes out. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Six months later</strong>
</p>
<p>Levi dangled on the cliff, his harness snug around him. His hook was anchored right up at the edge. The fall was steep, about five hundred feet, and the kids weren’t moving as fast as he wanted. Even though it was fully spring by now, the winter snows were stubborn. His sweat was already freezing on his skin.</p>
<p>“Come on! Three minutes left!” he shouted. The kids were struggling with their ODM training—made sense, some of them were only twelve. Most of them had been Erwin’s “conscriptions.” They all had innate talent, but not all had ever thought of using it in the military. Petra said that some of the youngest brats were still crying in their bunks at night, wanting to go home.</p>
<p>When he heard that, Levi had to take a long walk in the dark to settle his mind.</p>
<p>Still, if they didn’t have the spirit they washed out. Then they could go home with distinction.</p>
<p>And speaking of washing out, it was time to test them again.</p>
<p>Levi nodded at the other instructor across the way. Jean nodded back, then let out some of his cable. He went down fifty feet or so, where the first kids were coming up. Learning to use the ODM was a bitch, but they needed to crash course it. No time for coddling.</p>
<p>True, they didn’t need the ODM so much now that titans weren’t the enemy. But Zeke had said that Marley was adopting their own version of it. They needed to be ready for anything.</p>
<p>“Go,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Jean took his sword and effortlessly detached one of the kids’ hooks. Levi saw the brat’s determined face as he fell through space, his eyes wide, his freckles standing out on his pale cheeks. The trick was to be ready in case you fell, or your hook didn’t latch. Did you have the stuff to deploy at another angle. Could you improvise. Some did.</p>
<p>This one didn’t.</p>
<p>Levi watched the kid fall through space, a hundred feet or so until he was caught by netting. Traditionally you didn’t have safety guards in this level of training—it usually resulted in some fatalities. But Petra had been adamant with Erwin about safety. Her reasoning was that since these kids hadn’t chosen the life, it wasn’t fair for them to feel the ultimate consequences of failure. Erwin had agreed.</p>
<p>Levi nodded at the kid, now lying breathless in the netting. He could still be useful in the vanguard with a gun in his hand, but he wouldn’t be making it to the elite. Levi watched as another kid came up, moving fast on the gear. This guy had a natural aptitude. When Jean detached his hook, the kid spun through the air once and then snagged another bit of the rockface. He climbed once more.</p>
<p>Maybe that one had what it took.</p>
<p>At this stage, most of the kids were fifteen or older. The little ones had a while of training to go yet. Levi hung in his harness, suspended over the world. They’d taken the training to northern Wall Rose, where the mountains started peaking. He didn’t think in all his years of being on the surface that he’d ever seen mountains before. The air was clear here in a way he’d never known. You could see for miles, the alpine slopes dropping away beneath you. It was big on a scale that rivaled even the walls.</p>
<p>He wished he could enjoy it. But he had a job to do, and it wasn’t one he especially relished doing. But Erwin needed the kids trained. Levi fulfilled Erwin’s commands. It was the last simple thing in his life.</p>
<p>Levi jettisoned up to the edge of the cliff. He unhooked himself and stood there, waiting for the first to make it to the top.</p>
<p><em>You poor bastards,</em> he thought, as he saw a few boys and girls racing. <em>Don’t you know your prize is a shorter life span?</em></p>
<p>But he didn’t say it. He just watched.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Fire!”</p>
<p>Petra walked behind the recruits, watching as they loaded their rifles and fired as one. She wore earplugs, but the noise was still almost deafening. Smoke puffed from one rifle after another. Two hundred yards away, most of the targets remained unharmed. Petra knelt beside one particularly nervous recruit. He was only thirteen, with ears that stuck out and a look like he was always about to cry. Keith Shadis, in charge of the southern training grounds, believed that screaming until someone broke was the way to fix things. She had been trained by him herself, and while it was effective it was also hit or miss.</p>
<p>“Squeeze the trigger. Don’t pull,” she said gently, helping the boy level his rifle again. “Try firing between heartbeats.”</p>
<p>“O-Okay.”</p>
<p>Petra stepped back as everyone readied themselves to fire again.</p>
<p>“Fire!”</p>
<p>The guns went off. This time, the boy hit the inside ring of the target. Progress.</p>
<p>“Lieutenant!”</p>
<p>Petra turned. She tried not to make a face. Floch Forster ambled over to her. His bouffant of red hair was especially ridiculous today. He always wore the most irritating smirk.</p>
<p>
  <em>Armin died, and you survived? Nothing is fair.</em>
</p>
<p>She never liked having those thoughts, but she had them. Petra walked off the field, signaling for someone else to take over. She pulled out the earplugs as she met Floch.</p>
<p>“Yes?” She had to be a little polite. Since she’d left her position as Erwin’s aide, he’d chosen Floch to replace her. It made logical sense—the others from Shiganshina were firmly ensconced in Squad Levi, and all the new troops were still green. But the sneering boy took it all as his due. “What is it?”</p>
<p>“Commander wants to see you.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Let’s see what <em>Erwin</em> wants.” Whenever she used Erwin’s first name, Floch flinched. He believed Erwin to be something close to a god at this point.</p>
<p>They walked across the field and into the barracks. These training grounds had once been for winter trials. Petra remembered hiking ten miles in the snow before falling to the ground alongside Oruo and Nifa, panting for breath.</p>
<p><em>Don’t pamper him, Petra.</em> She could hear Oruo taunting her whenever she was gentle with one of the kids. It made her smile. It hurt her, too.</p>
<p>They entered the lodge, where meals were served and the officers slept. Petra’s cheeks stung from the cold. They walked past the leisure area, where Connie and Sasha were taking a turn babysitting Kuchel. Petra smiled at her daughter. The baby was now sitting up on her own. She had a head of black hair, and an enormous smile. She was adorable in her little dress, waving her doll with glee as Connie showed her one of the spiral shells they’d brought back from the coast. He pointed to it.</p>
<p>“See, Chel? Seashell!” He burst out laughing, hand over his gut. Kuchel giggled and squealed. Sasha sat on the couch and guffawed as well, drumming her heels on the ground.</p>
<p>“Ten times, and it just gets funnier every time you do it!” She wiped a tear away. ‘Chel’ was the 104<sup>th</sup>’s nickname for Kuchel. Levi quietly hated it. Petra told him to keep it to himself. Petra stopped to pick up her daughter a moment. Kuchel made happy sounds as Petra bounced her on her hip, kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“You’re almost not a baby anymore,” she said. Kuchel jammed her fist in her mouth as Petra nuzzled her daughter’s head. In one month, it’d be her first birthday. She smiled at Sasha and Connie. “Thanks. I should be down soon, I can take her then.”</p>
<p>“We love it! Chel’s the only one around here who gets my sense of humor,” Connie said. To illustrate it, he blew a giant raspberry, which sent Kuchel into a riot of giggles. Petra gave her one last kiss, then handed her back to Sasha. Floch appeared livid; he hated wasting Erwin’s time. Petra casually strolled back to him.</p>
<p>“Let’s go,” she said.</p>
<p>Floch left her at the base of the stairs, off on some new important errand. Petra climbed to Erwin’s office, pausing when she heard the murmur of voices and then the rumble of his laughter. The higher, female voice was Marie’s. She’d come up in a coach last night to join them in this stage of training. She didn’t like to be parted from her lover for too long, and Erwin seemed always happy to have her.</p>
<p>Petra steeled herself. She should like Marie. Marie had only ever been friendly to her. More than that, Marie made Erwin happy. Actually happy. ‘Never seen him like this,’ Levi had marveled once. With their world embroiled in tension, having a Supreme Commander who was steady could only help.</p>
<p>But Petra found she couldn’t like the tall woman.</p>
<p>‘This some girl shit?’ Levi asked six months ago, when Erwin had just revealed his new partner. Petra had stopped, aghast. ‘You know what I mean. Sometimes women don’t like each other just because.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, and men are always best friends?’ Petra had been nursing Kuchel, seated at the table while Levi boiled water for the baby’s bath. ‘I’m glad Erwin’s found someone.’ Very glad. It took some tension away from her relationship with the commander. ‘I just wish he’d found someone who wasn’t married with children.’</p>
<p>Levi had merely shrugged, taking out soap and a washcloth. ‘We don’t get to choose the perfect life. We do what we can with what we have.’ Then he’d looked on her with some disappointment. ‘Not everyone gets everything they want when they’re twenty-one, Petra.’</p>
<p>She felt the sting of that. She knew how lucky she was to have found the job she wanted, the man she wanted, and to succeed in both when she was so young. Her life had not been painless; she’d known her share of loss. But on the whole she was very lucky, and she knew it.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry she was with someone she clearly didn’t love. But if she didn’t love him, why’d she marry him in the first place?’ It was incomprehensible to her. That would require constant lies, and she could never live like that.</p>
<p>‘Women get disappointed. Women wait too long. Women get nervous. Men do the same thing, only we don’t lift too many eyebrows when they step out.’ He blew out the stove to let the water cool. ‘I know enough. Erwin said they loved each other, but he left her. What was she supposed to do? You know him. He’s a stubborn bitch. Was she supposed to be alone the rest of her life?’</p>
<p>Levi, for all his crassness and harsh demeanor, had an unusual amount of empathy. She loved it about him, but right now she wanted to be right and he was making her feel bad. She put her breast away and burped Kuchel.</p>
<p>‘She should have found someone else. Even if it takes time, you can love more than one person.’</p>
<p>‘So if I died tomorrow, think you could find someone after a while?’</p>
<p>The very idea made her recoil. Levi smirked. Damn, he knew he’d scored a point. He rolled up his sleeve and put his elbow in the water, wincing. Too hot. He picked up a jug of cool water and poured it in a little at a time, testing all the way. He would never let anything uncomfortable touch Kuchel’s skin if he could help it.</p>
<p>‘Fine. Maybe Marie didn’t think she’d ever find that again. But still.’ Kuchel burped. Petra wiped the baby’s chin. ‘She left three children. One’s just a baby.’</p>
<p>‘Nile’s the one pitching a fit about her ever seeing them again. Erwin says she’d be happy to share parenting time.’ Levi sounded curt. He took Marie’s side partly because his dislike of Nile Dok ran so deep. But Nile had been kind to Petra during her miscarriage. He’d been pleased for her to have a child. She hadn’t expected that, and found she had to defend him a little.</p>
<p>‘It’s different when you have a child. You can’t just think of yourself.’</p>
<p>Levi gave a dry, humorless laugh. ‘Woman gave almost twenty years of her life to Nile Dok. There’s only so much punishment a human can take.’ Petra finished undressing Kuchel, and he lifted her up. The baby beamed and giggled at her father as he settled her into the copper bathtub. Levi soaped a washcloth and started gently scrubbing her. He never looked happier than when he was helping Kuchel stay clean. As their daughter splashed, he continued the conversation bordering on argument. ‘Say you’d married Oruo. Would you have forgot about me? If you had a kid with him and I gave you a chance to be with me, would you turn it down?’</p>
<p>That froze her. ‘I…I wouldn’t have married Oruo. I didn’t love him.’</p>
<p>‘Just saying. If. Think you could be such a good mother that you wouldn’t leave?’</p>
<p>Petra stopped talking after that. Levi finished bathing Kuchel, dried her off, then took out the bathwater. Petra put a smock on her daughter while grimly admitting Levi had a point.</p>
<p>But still. Just because she could understand Marie didn’t mean she had to like her for what she’d done.</p>
<p>Petra forced a smile as she came to the office. The door was ajar. Inside, Erwin and Marie were standing together. He was behind her, arms wrapped around her waist. She was holding out a large piece of paper, turning it this way and that. He whispered something in her ear, and she laughed with delight as he kissed her neck. He kissed her cheek. She was turning to kiss him properly, so Petra made a great deal of noise as she climbed the last few steps. Marie beamed when she entered.</p>
<p>“Hello, Petra!” She extricated herself from her lover and went to take Petra’s hand. Really, she was just so incredibly nice. It made Petra hate her own dislike of the woman.</p>
<p>“Hi.” She shook quickly. “Erwin, you wanted to see me?”</p>
<p>“Come in.” He settled himself behind his desk, smiled. In the years she’d known him, the commander had smiled only a few times. Mostly, his smiles were small, private. A bit creepy. These days, he grinned wide and natural. His eyes followed Marie around the room. “Sorry, Marie was just showing me a new design she’s worked up.”</p>
<p>“For the Paradisian flag. The black background and crown are good for the military, but the people should have something a bit less imposing, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>Petra didn’t think. “Sure,” she said. Marie turned the paper around.</p>
<p>“Well?”</p>
<p>It was a white background, with the figure of a lovely young woman in the center, naked except for long hair flowing about her. Her hand was lifted above her head as she reached for the sun. Two bowing lions flanked her. Right. Ymir Fritz, the founder. Marie happily pointed out the details.</p>
<p>“The lions in the heraldic pose are meant to suggest royalty. This one has briar thorns around his paws, though. And this one has wings. It’s meant to symbolize the walls and the world outside, bondage and freedom.” She bit her lip, scrutinizing her work. “I worry it’s too busy, but Erwin thinks it’s good. Of course, he’d say anything I did was good.” She glanced ruefully over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“I’m always honest with you about your work.” He looked contented.</p>
<p>“It’s great. Really.” Petra looked back to the commander. “What can I help you with?”</p>
<p>“Ah.” He glanced at Marie, who laughed.</p>
<p>“Right. I’ll leave you to it.” She smiled at Petra once more and then traipsed down the stairs. She seemed truly happy. Exhilarated and alive.</p>
<p><em>I hope your daughters are as happy.</em> An unkind thought.</p>
<p>“Sit down. Levi should be joining us shortly. What I want to say should be with both of you present.”</p>
<p>Petra sat. She frowned. “Now I’m getting worried.”</p>
<p>“Not at all. It’s an assignment.” A knock at the door. “Come in.”</p>
<p>Levi entered, saw Petra, and frowned. “Uh. What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“Sit.” Erwin gestured, and Levi obeyed. The commander looked from husband to wife. “What I’m about to tell you is utterly confidential. It does not leave this room.”</p>
<p>Petra leaned forward.</p>
<p>“Erwin, for fuck sake. Quit the drama. What is it?” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“In four months, we’re launching our first reconnaissance mission off the island. The goal is to infiltrate the upper echelons of Marleyan society, gathering intelligence and potentially forming important connections among the elite.”</p>
<p>“They can’t know we’re Eldians,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“They won’t. Kiyomi is helping us with all the paperwork. By the time she’s done, we’ll have identities, identification, and detailed personal histories.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. “We?”</p>
<p>“Three of us are going on this first mission. Myself, and the two of you.” Erwin said it easily. Petra thought she’d heard wrong for a moment. She…and Levi? Both?</p>
<p>What about their daughter?</p>
<p>“Erwin, you can’t risk yourself.” Levi sounded incredulous. He’d gone straight to Erwin, she to Kuchel. “If they catch you, they’ll probably try taking your power. That’s a one way stop to getting your ass eaten by a titan.”</p>
<p>“There is a man I want to meet. Willy Tybur. Kiyomi has mentioned him. He’s the sole Eldian in Marley that lives freely. Society esteems him. The key to our next step as an independent nation is through him. I feel it.” Another gamble. “I received a shipment of books from Kiyomi the other day.” He gestured at a box over by the window. “It has books on Marleyan history and geography. It has ‘magazines’, whatever those are. It even has children’s literature. Everything you could want to know about being a citizen of Marley is in that box.” He smiled, rubbed his chin. Petra knew what this was. She knew why Erwin wanted to head this mission. He was, at heart, a curious man. He was an explorer. Erwin wanted to take in this new world.</p>
<p>“So we gotta read all that?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“I’ll have summaries drawn up. Based on our respective characters, if you will, some bits of information will matter more than others.”</p>
<p>“Why both of us?” Petra blurted it out. The men seemed surprised. “We’re Kuchel’s parents. If we don’t come home, she’s an orphan.”</p>
<p>Levi, to her shock, looked a little embarrassed. He and Erwin exchanged some kind of inaudible conversation based solely on shrugs and raised eyebrows. That was a guaranteed way to piss her off.</p>
<p>“What?” she snapped.</p>
<p>“This is one of the most important missions in the history of the Survey Corps,” Levi said. Of course the Corps was disbanded, but he found it hard to let things go. Erwin didn’t correct him. “If we’re the best bet Erwin has to keep Paradis safe, we have to take the risk. It won’t help Kuchel to have her parents around if bigass airships show up dropping bombs on our heads.”</p>
<p>“Petra, I chose you both because I need you both. I assure you, Kuchel did come into my consideration. It’s just that no one else can fill your role.”</p>
<p>Petra rubbed her forehead. Fuck, this was a direct order from her commander. She couldn’t refuse. Grimly, she realized that she looked like a stereotypical woman, putting her baby above the greater good. She nodded.</p>
<p>“So. What roles are we playing?”</p>
<p>“Kiyomi is setting me up as a merchant whose primary client is Hizuru. I’ll be looking to expand my enterprise further into the continent. It lends credibility while ensuring we don’t have to worry about anyone in Marley corroborating the story. I’m to be extremely successful, because only the wealthy and powerful get access to Willy Tybur.” He nodded at Levi. “You’ll be my bodyguard both in our little fiction and in life.”</p>
<p>Levi nodded. “Silent type. Kick some ass. I can do that.”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t have chosen better.”</p>
<p>“And me?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>Erwin looked down, neatening some papers as he spoke. “You’re to be my wife.”</p>
<p>This time, Levi looked ready to say something. Something angry.</p>
<p>“Why’s she your wife?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I agree.” Petra’s heart pounded. Fuck, she’d just grown comfortable with Erwin. Now he had Marie, after all. But this would mean sharing rooms together. Beds. Unless she made him sleep on the floor, but if they were trying to blend in that was a risk. “What if I was your other bodyguard?”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid Marleyans of good breeding don’t like their women in uniform.”</p>
<p>“Then I’ll be your secretary.” Petra pursed her lips. “Or I could be your daughter.”</p>
<p>Erwin suppressed a smile. “I’m not sure our age gap is that extreme.”</p>
<p>“It’s close,” Levi grumbled. He was hunched over in his chair now, regarding Erwin with suspicion.</p>
<p>“I have a reason for this, Petra. First, as my wife you’ll have entry to areas of society that even I can’t access. I need you to learn what you can from Marleyan ladies. Women of high social rank know more of what goes on than most of their male counterparts.” She doubted he was wrong. “The second reason is that, as my wife, we’ll share close quarters. We won’t have to find excuses for privacy in order to debrief and strategize.”</p>
<p>“As your bodyguard, I’ll have a connecting room?” Levi asked. Demanded, really. Erwin closed his eyes, shook his head.</p>
<p>“I thought I might have to address this. You both have my word that I have no ulterior motive as regards Petra. I would have brought Hange in your place, Petra, if I thought it could work. But Hange’s best use is here, leading her team, and…well. She’s a very…ebullient personality.”</p>
<p>“She’s socially awkward and nuts,” Levi said. He shrugged. “I can relate.”</p>
<p>“She’s the wrong kind of ‘nuts’ for the game we’re playing. Petra, you’re the only other adult woman who’s both been with the military for years and someone I can trust completely. Many of the former Garrison and Military Police resent me for demolishing their hierarchy. Besides, you have an easy demeanor. You’re good with people. You should be able to charm these women, and that’s what I need. Charm. That, and the ability to break someone’s arm if they cross a line. I know you can do both.” He looked Petra right in the eye. “I had a moment of pure madness two years ago. I don’t blame either of you for being leery of me, but I have no such designs or desire now. I promise.”</p>
<p>Yes, he had Marie. Petra exhaled deeply. She and Levi shared a glance.</p>
<p>“Okay, Erwin. We’ll trust you,” he said.</p>
<p>“Good.” Erwin smiled at Levi, and at her. Petra wanted to relax.</p>
<p>She wanted to believe him.</p>
<p>She’d choose to believe him.</p>
<p>“In the meantime, you’ll both spend the next four months memorizing your ‘biographies’, and internalizing all information regarding Marley. You have to be outstanding, because if they suspect us in even the slightest we’ll be in enormous danger. You’ll receive your packets by the end of the week.</p>
<p>“I have a question,” Petra said. “I’m guessing that Kiyomi is going to put a lot of money into this. If she wants to make us look rich, that is. What’s she getting in return? I don’t think it’s just a promise she can mine our crystal in a few years.”</p>
<p>Erwin smiled. She saw genuine pleasure in his eyes.</p>
<p>“This is how I knew you’d be a good choice for this mission. You’re adept at reading people.” Erwin pulled open a drawer and tossed a packet onto his desk. Levi opened it. Inside was a smattering of pebbles so brilliant that they hurt Petra’s eyes. She squinted.</p>
<p>“What the fuck is this?” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Hange’s work is paying off. This is purified titan crystal. There’s an extensive process to distill it, but just this little bit is enough to power an entire ship for more than six hours. We tested it out on one of the Marleyan vessels we captured. It burns completely clean, too.” He refolded the packet and put it away. “I sent some to Kiyomi for her inspection. She’s now delighted to help us in any way she can.”</p>
<p>“How much have you got so far?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“The process is quite extensive, and its rate of success is currently low. I’d say we have eighty pounds treated. That’s after four months of work.” He smirked. “I told Kiyomi we had eight hundred pounds, processed in two.”</p>
<p>Petra understood. The refined crystal was powerful, but it was hard to create. Apparently, very hard. If Kiyomi knew that, it would make her a little more cautious. She’d want to wait and see. Right now, she believed the Azumabito would be refining their own crystal in short order.</p>
<p>“Another gamble,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid it’s all I know.”</p>
<p>“So. Four months?” Petra glanced at the box. “Do you know how long the mission will be?”</p>
<p>“I can’t say with certainty, but I would expect no more than two weeks. Don’t worry. I don’t intend us to put down roots. In and out as quickly as we can is the best way to avoid being caught.”</p>
<p>Petra thought of her happy, laughing baby. She couldn’t leave Kuchel an orphan. But she couldn’t refuse this mission, either. There was only one choice: not to get caught.</p>
<p>“So. Who the fuck is Willy Tybur exactly?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“The answer lies in that box,” Erwin said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra and Levi walked downstairs side by side. He nudged her.</p>
<p>“Oi. Don’t look like you were just handed a death sentence.”</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid to die. I’m afraid to leave Kuchel.” She felt herself weakening as they came upon the leisure area. Mikasa and Eren had taken over, and Mikasa was bouncing her cousin on her lap. The stoic girl always looked bright and joyful when she was with the baby. Kuchel made happy noises.</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you this once.” Levi stopped her before they went to their daughter. “If you want to leave the military to make sure Kuchel’s always got at least one parent, I won’t fight you. Erwin won’t. But if you stay in this job, you agree that our daughter’s happiness can’t come before Paradis or the Eldians worldwide. This was the shit part about having a kid. Sooner or later, you’d have to make a choice like this.” He gave a small smile. “Choose what you’ll regret least.”</p>
<p>Petra could never pick the world over her daughter…but to make sure her daughter could live a full life in that world? She’d take the risk.</p>
<p>“Okay. You won’t hear me complain about this ever again.”</p>
<p>He nodded, then squeezed her hand. For being in public, it was a big show of affection. He left to go pick up his daughter. Mikasa seemed reluctant to part with the baby, and the Ackerman cousins got into a small pissing match over Kuchel. Petra grinned and shook her head lovingly.</p>
<p>“Hi.”</p>
<p>Petra startled; Eren was standing right next to her. Honestly, the boy moved like a cat. She smiled at him.</p>
<p>“Hi, Eren. How are you?”</p>
<p>In truth, he looked entirely changed. When she’d first met him, he’d been fifteen, gangly and with a lot of baby fat in his face. He’d been tireless, loud, and entirely open. A bit exhausting, but very sweet. Nowadays his hair was longer, and his eyes distant. He’d grown. He was starting to look like a man, not a boy. He was seventeen now, no longer a kid.</p>
<p>“Fine. Thanks. Kuchel’s very sweet.” He looked at her daughter with quiet fondness. “I’m glad she’s here.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. That means a lot.”</p>
<p>“The captain’s so different.” He sounded distant now as he watched Levi hold his daughter. Whenever Levi was with Kuchel, the grimness in his expression vanished. He still was unsmiling, but his eyes held warmth and life. He bounced her on his hip while he talked with Mikasa, probably about training developments.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I can’t believe he’s the same man. In some ways he never changes. He likes his tea and his routine, and he’s crass. But he’s so much more—”</p>
<p>“Alive,” Eren said. He had that distant look again. “He’s happy.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra tried to laugh the tension off. “Sometimes I wonder what he’d have been like if we hadn’t gotten together.”</p>
<p>“He would have been empty,” Eren said. It sounded like he was sure. “He would have had nothing left. Erwin would be gone.” She flinched, but he was right. She’d been the roundabout reason Levi had let Armin die. She knew that was still a sore point for Eren. “He’d still be violent and crass, but he wouldn’t care anymore. He wouldn’t be Humanity’s Strongest; he’d just be some old, forgotten soldier. All he’d have would be his hate. And his vow.”</p>
<p>“Eren.” She hated when he got like this. It was like…like he wasn’t speculating, but speaking with certainty. Like this was an alternate chapter in a book he’d read. “What are you—”</p>
<p>“He’d have lots of scars. He’d be down two fingers.” The boy turned his extraordinary green eyes onto Petra. She couldn’t speak. It felt like the appraisal of some predator. “Now, though. Who knows where he’ll end up?”</p>
<p>“Stop it.” She wanted to slap his face. He kept staring at her with half-lidded nonchalance. The impulsive but sweet boy she’d known was gone. When had this happened to him? “You have to stop saying creepy shit like this. That horrible thing you said to me just after the ceremony for the heroes, about how I should have died in the forest. Is that what you wanted? Me dead?” She couldn’t stop. “Because Levi chose Erwin over Armin, do you blame me for that?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want you dead, Petra.” He frowned. At last, she’d hit a nerve. “I don’t blame you for anything. What I told you wasn’t a wish. It was an observation.”</p>
<p>Before she could ask him what the fuck that meant, he strolled away and walked down the hall with Mikasa at his side. Petra gaped after the boy as Levi came over to her.</p>
<p>“Oi. Something wrong?” He tilted his head. Kuchel waved her arm, desperate for her mother’s attention.</p>
<p>“It’s…nothing.” She picked up her daughter again, kissed her cheek. She could have told Levi, but he’d have gone after the kid, and Eren hadn’t been rude to her. Just off putting. What Eren had said, well. Hange had once described such moodiness as an adolescent phase. That’s all it was.</p>
<p>That’s all.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin found Marie in his room, seated by the window. There wasn’t much space here. Even as commander, his lodgings weren’t luxurious. The bed itself was a mere cot, a reminder of his old way of life. In truth, seeing her here, he missed their house in Trost. It was a stone’s throw from the barracks, down the street from Levi and Petra’s, and a bit grander than theirs. Erwin had known it was something of an extravagance, but he liked to give Marie beautiful things. She was a woman of aesthetics. The hardwood floors and brass sconces had delighted her. The day he’d shown her where they would live together, she’d burst into tears and kissed him over and over. They’d made love in the empty parlor, and when they were finished they’d lain naked together and she’d started listing the exact shades she’d paint the walls. Erwin had loved it. He loved their house. Their home. After work, he’d open the door and smell cooking, or hear music. He’d bought her a pianoforte as well, to hell with the expense. She played beautifully, and he wasn’t half bad himself. He loved when she’d come to the door and fling her arms around him. They were both in their forties, but this was the first time either had lived with someone they truly loved. They were exuberantly youthful together; it was like being twenty all over again.</p>
<p>It was good, at their age, to have some experiences that were new and exciting.</p>
<p>Erwin shut the door and came up behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders. Her blonde hair was done up in a loose bun.</p>
<p>“How’s the artist?” he whispered, kissing her cheek. It was damp.</p>
<p>Marie was crying. He stepped back.</p>
<p>“Marie?” he asked. She turned to him. Her eyes were red, her cheeks puffed. At the sight of him, she burst into fresh sobs and buried her face in her hands. Erwin saw the probable cause of distress on her lap: a letter.</p>
<p>One guess as to who’d written it.</p>
<p>“What does Nile say?” He pulled up a chair. Marie shook her head, sniffling.</p>
<p>“He…he says that he won’t grant the divorce.”</p>
<p>“That’s not surprising, is it?” Erwin had long gotten used to the idea that he and Marie would live as lovers, but never marry. Nile, humiliated and heartbroken, wasn’t going to give his estranged wife the satisfaction of becoming Mrs. Smith. Marie didn’t seem to overly mind, either.</p>
<p>“That’s not all. You know how S-Senta and the younger girls were supposed to come visit in two weeks?” She was shaking badly now. “Well, now he’s refusing to let them come. He doesn’t want them to be around a ‘loose woman’ as he puts it. Here.” She shoved the letter in front of him. Her misery was swiftly changing to fury. “Read it.”</p>
<p>Erwin did. It was Nile all through, both priggish and sadly earnest. There was no mention of Erwin in it. Nile wouldn’t commit the potentially fatal career move of directly antagonizing the Supreme Commander, but Erwin knew that if he dropped dead tomorrow Nile would dance at his funeral.</p>
<p>“Could you…” Marie wiped her cheeks. “Could you tell him to send them?”</p>
<p>“I can write to Nile and ask him to reconsider.”</p>
<p>“I mean order him! You’re the Supreme Commander!”</p>
<p>“Marie.” He kissed her hand. “I can’t abuse my power like that. I control Nile’s career, but not his family.”</p>
<p>Erwin knew that if he began managing people’s private lives like that, he would cross the line into autocracy. He was determined not to become a dictator.</p>
<p>She pulled her hand away, stood. She was ramping up; he could see it. When Marie was brokenhearted, she got angry. It was her way.</p>
<p>“Do you just not want to meet my girls?”</p>
<p>“I’ve met Senta already. I doubt she’d be happy to see me again.”</p>
<p>“Erwin, they’re my daughters!” she barked. She grabbed the letter back and tore it to shreds, letting the paper bits rain to the ground at her feet. She was livid. “I haven’t seen them in four months!”</p>
<p>The one and only time Marie had seen the girls since leaving Nile had been when she went to collect every last one of her belongings at Nile’s request. He wanted no reminder of her in the house. Erwin only knew what she’d told him, but apparently Senta hadn’t wanted to see her. Isolde and Eva had cried when she had to leave again. Nile wouldn’t look at her once. When she’d been brusquely seen to the door, she shouted at Nile. Called him a coward. The door had shut and locked. She hadn’t been allowed back in.</p>
<p>Nile had eventually agreed that it would be good for the girls to see their mother. But now there was this.</p>
<p>“Apparently Senta’s a good little mother to them now. Nile’s relying on her for everything in the household. Huh.” She sneered. “The spineless drip.”</p>
<p>“I can take you back to the house, if you like. When we’re returning south, we can go by the eastern route. I doubt he’ll bar your entrance if I’m there. He won’t be pleased to see me, but he won’t cross me.”</p>
<p>Marie calmed. She began to droop, and he caught her in his arms and held her against him. In his most secret heart, Erwin was exhausted by the ceaseless drama of this fractured family. He’d been alone for so many years, so entirely focused upon work, that he hadn’t realized how distress-free his domestic life had been until he lost that happy state. But if he’d wanted more tranquility, he wouldn’t have taken Marie. And he wanted her. After a lifetime of denial, he wanted to enjoy something.</p>
<p>“All right?” he whispered in her hair. She sniffed.</p>
<p>“Yes. Thank you. I’m sorry.” She kissed him.</p>
<p>“There’s no reason to apologize. They’re your children.” She turned around and gazed out the window, nestling against him. He wrapped his arms around her, kissed her temple. She sighed, contented. It was such a wonderful thing to make a woman happy. “You love them.”</p>
<p>“They’ll never forgive me for what I did.” She sounded mournful.</p>
<p>“Give them time. One day they’ll understand.”</p>
<p>“I wish I could go back to when they were babies. Babies have no ideas about what life’s supposed to be. They accept everything.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” He whispered in her ear. “I can’t help there, but…is there any chance you’d want another baby?” He kissed her cheek. “I could be of some assistance in that case.”</p>
<p>“Erwin! I’m almost forty three.”</p>
<p>“I know it’s unusual, but not impossible. You had Eva when you were forty, after all.”</p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t want one because of…your term limits.” Neither of them knew how to say ‘your death in eleven years exactly.’</p>
<p>“The beauty of middle age is that your perceptions shift.” He thought of Levi holding Kuchel, looking at her as though she were the world. Even that unshakably grim, stoic man appeared transformed by the sight of his child. “I understand, though, if you wouldn’t want to be a single mother after I—”</p>
<p>“It’s not that,” she said quickly. Marie bowed her head. “When I had Eva, it was a long and difficult birth. The doctor was afraid she’d die, or I’d die. We both came through, but he told me afterward that I’d never be able to have another child.” Her voice trembled. “And it kills me, because I would have loved to… With you.”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed. He kissed her cheek again and again.</p>
<p>“Are you disappointed?” she asked. He could hear how ragged she sounded. She’d blame herself for this. She’d hold it against herself.</p>
<p>“No. It was only a thought.” She relaxed against him. “This is enough for me.”</p>
<p>Erwin watched as Levi and Petra walked across the yard. Levi was holding his daughter.</p>
<p>Erwin looked away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“These pages feel weird.” Levi flipped through the women’s magazine again, sneering at the unusual sensation. “Tch.”</p>
<p>“Kiyomi said they’re called ‘glossy’ pages.” Petra and her husband were seated at their kitchen table, going over and over their biographical information. Because their names were common in Marleyan society, she would be Petra Smith. That was some help; she’d have been terrified of forgetting her own name in public. ‘Petra Smith’ had been placed in a ‘convent’, or religious house, when she was four years old. Her mother had died, and her father hadn’t known how to raise her. The convent was supposed to be located off the coast of Hizuru, which helped. No one in Marleyan society would have known her, and if she was ignorant of common cultural things, she had the excuse of growing up cloistered. When she was twenty and considering leaving to find a life of her own, Erwin Smith the exporter discovered her on the way back from Hizuru. They’d married quickly, and she was his very innocent bride. He’d brought her fresh from her old life to Marley.</p>
<p>“I thought I’d start lying about my age when I was thirty,” she drawled.</p>
<p>“Eh. Twenty-three’s already ancient.” Levi smirked when she glared at him. Kuchel, seated in her high chair, made indignant noises until Petra spooned more porridge into her mouth. Levi wiped her as soon as she’d swallowed. He couldn’t stand to see her messy. “Two weeks until you’re a wholeass year old. Tch.”</p>
<p>“That reminds me. I think it’d be good to start curbing your language around her. I don’t want her telling my mother to ‘stop running her shitty mouth.’</p>
<p>“Yeah. That’s my job,” Levi muttered. He sighed. “This’ll be tough.”</p>
<p>Petra chewed the tip of her pencil as she sorted through the bits of history she’d be expected to know, both of Hizuru and Marley. The facts blurred, especially when she kept straying back to the topic of Eldians. Devils. The most hated race alive.</p>
<p>Petra glanced at Kuchel, giggling as she dunked her hand into her porridge. Levi cursed as he cleaned her. Her daughter was innocent, and yet the world would hate her if they found out what she was. Thinking of them throwing stones at Kuchel made her hate them a little, and she hadn’t even left the island yet.</p>
<p>She put aside the history and flipped through the magazine. There were ‘photographs’ of women in so many different kinds of clothes. Petra knew that you couldn’t hand sew most of these. Kiyomi said there were machines that made them. Factories. Some of the models glittered in ‘sequins’, while others had large, ostentatious feathers sticking out of their hats. Petra shook her head.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable with these people.”</p>
<p>“That’s the beauty of your identity.” Levi sipped his tea as he turned a page. “You’re allowed to be freaked out.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” Petra rummaged through the box they’d been sent. She touched something very soft, and pulled it out. “Ah. I wondered if I’d get to try these.”</p>
<p>They were ‘nylons’ (she’d never remember all these ridiculous words.) She put her arm through one, astonished at the silken feel. Levi stared hungrily.</p>
<p>“Those’re for your legs?”</p>
<p>“I might go try them on now.” She left the table and went upstairs, undressing to her underwear. She hopped around trying to get her foot into the stocking, but eventually she managed it. She slid it up her leg, over her knee, and halfway up her thigh. When she let go, it drooped a bit. Petra remembered seeing ‘garters’ in the magazine. She needed those.</p>
<p>The nylons shimmered on her legs. She stood on her toes, imagining wearing the heeled shoes Kiyomi would send. She didn't like feeling too puffed up. She liked being casual. Petra took off her bra and slid out of her underwear. She stood naked in front of the mirror, wearing only the stockings. She could bring nothing from Paradis with her. No clothing, no books, no drawings of Kuchel. She had to be someone else entirely.</p>
<p>She looked in the mirror and tried to imagine herself as Petra Smith.</p>
<p>She jumped when Levi’s reflection appeared behind her. The look in his eyes was pure hunger. He wrapped his arms around her. They both stared at her naked reflection.</p>
<p>“Kuchel’s taking a nap. I put her in her room,” he whispered. Petra closed her eyes as he caressed her breasts. “No. Keep watching. I want you to watch.”</p>
<p>He undid his pants. Petra watched her expression when he slid into her, as he thrust. Levi watched as he fucked her. Petra didn’t feel like herself now. She was dressed wrong. She felt like someone new.</p>
<p>She liked it. Closing her eyes, she imagined that she was really Erwin’s wife; that she and Levi were snatching a moment for a quick fuck. A secret affair.</p>
<p>She came fast, which both surprised and pleased him. He threw her onto the bed and got naked himself. They fucked three times before they were done. The nylons stayed on for all of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Brigitta brought a cake from the kitchen, placing it on the dining room table before Kuchel. The one-year-old was on her father’s lap at the head of the table, the guest of honor. Levi hoisted her up so that she could see her cake, a vanilla buttercream. It was clearly a shop cake, a real extravagance.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have,” Petra whispered to Brigitta. The family was gathered around the table—Brigitta, Edvard, Papa and Mama. Even Willem had come to Trost to meet his niece and try to make peace with Levi. The two men kept glaring at one another, but so far no blood had spilled. Progress. “That had to be expensive.”</p>
<p>“Edvard and I wanted to. We love spoiling Kuchel.” Brigitta beamed at her little niece, who tried sticking her hand into the cake. Levi lifted her up high, growling at her to keep her dress clean.</p>
<p>“Now don’t you grow up too fast.” Papa took Kuchel and bounced her in his arms. “You stay this size forever.”</p>
<p>“Well, Levi’s her dad. It’s possible,” Willem said. Levi pushed his chair back, and Willem practically threw himself behind his mother for protection. Petra’s husband smirked; Willem probably wouldn’t be making any more comments like that today. Levi flipped him off, then went to the kitchen. The kettle was singing. Everyone else could have cake; he’d take tea.</p>
<p>“Should we cut the cake now?” Brigitta asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, can we wait just a minute? Mikasa, Levi’s cousin, should be coming. And Eren, her, our friend.” Petra tried not to seem discomfited at Eren’s name. Levi didn’t know the weird shit the boy had said to her a couple times now. Petra wanted these next few months to be easy. They might be the last she and Levi ever spent with their daughter or friends. The idea made her grip the edge of the table to steady herself. “Also, the Supreme Commander might come.”</p>
<p>Ingrid nearly fainted on the spot. Petra struggled not to laugh.</p>
<p>“He really is the most devastatingly…intelligent man,” her mother said. Erwin’s intelligence likely wasn’t the reason her mother was turning red. Ingrid heaved a sigh. “Though I saw him in the paper with that woman.” Ingrid sniffed. Petra rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“Marie has a name.”</p>
<p>The Paradisian Post, as it’d been rebranded up in Stohess, had a society and gossip section for Wall Sina. When Petra was little, her mother had spent endless hours talking across the clothesline with other housewives, discussing Lady this or Lord that. Though Erwin lived in Wall Rose, his status as Supreme Commander meant his life and doings were hot fodder for the society pages. When he’d started living with a married woman, one who’d abandoned three young children for him, the gossip mill had gone into overdrive.</p>
<p>“Well. I read that he brought her to the opera and sat in the Queen’s box.” Ingrid sounded indignant at the depravity of two people watching a play together.</p>
<p>Yes, Erwin had to go to Wall Sina often to play the upper classes and show support for the queen. Petra had seen that article, too. Someone drew a sketch of Marie sitting alongside him. She’d looked very pretty, Petra thought.</p>
<p>“Oi.” Levi returned with his cup of tea. He set the saucer down on the table, and sipped. “Think it’d be good to remember Erwin’s saving our island and our…lives.” <em>Meant to say asses. </em>Levi glowered at Ingrid. “We shouldn’t give a sh—care.”</p>
<p>He clearly wanted to slip in a swear word. But he was doing better when Kuchel was around. Petra dropped a kiss on his cheek in gratitude.</p>
<p>There was a knock at the door. Brigitta hurried off to answer it, while Edvard went into the other room and came out with a brightly wrapped present. He set it on the table amongst the family’s other offerings. It was the largest and shiniest of all.</p>
<p>“Oi, Edvard. You really don’t have to spoil her like that.” Levi sounded abashed. Edvard took a turn holding Kuchel, showing the girl her presents.</p>
<p>“Gitta’s right. We love seeing her smile.” He beamed as the little girl clapped her hands and laughed.</p>
<p>Petra turned her eyes down. Edvard and Brigitta had been married two years now, and she’d still never gotten pregnant. The doctors had stopped telling Brigitta to eat three eggs a day or sit with her legs elevated to let the blood run to the center of her body. They were starting to suggest that some things just weren’t meant to be.</p>
<p>Mikasa came into the dining room, Brigitta tailing them. The girl was out of uniform today, first time in a while. Mikasa wore a cranberry sweater and long gray skirt. The girl had a quiet dignity about her at all times. Petra’s family was clearly impressed.</p>
<p>“This is Mikasa, Levi’s cousin.” Petra ushered the girl forward. Mikasa smiled politely to everyone, then brought over a small packet to Kuchel. Edvard set her feet down on the table; she was almost standing on her own now. Kuchel blew a raspberry and giggled when Mikasa kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“Eren’s not coming?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“He’s not feeling well. Sorry.” Mikasa held Kuchel and looked apologetic.</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Petra said. Truthfully, it was a relief.</p>
<p>“Well.” Brigitta clapped her hands. “Maybe we should cut the—”</p>
<p>Another knock cut Brigitta off. Levi put the tea down and went to open the door, even though it wasn’t his house. Well. At this point, it could only be Erwin.</p>
<p>“It’s so nice of the Supreme Commander to come to such a simple birthday party,” Ingrid said. She was not so subtly pinching her cheeks to add color. Petra and Brigitta rolled their eyes at each other. Mikasa just kept swaying back and forth, smiling serenely as Kuchel tugged at her scarf—that girl really always wore it, didn’t she.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t want you to be a year old.” Ingrid tutted over Kuchel, stroking the child’s ever-growing black hair. “Petra, you should have another.”</p>
<p>“Now’s really a bad time, Mama.”</p>
<p>“Well, don’t wait too long. I want to be a grandma a second time.”</p>
<p>The air seemed to freeze. To be fair, Ingrid hadn’t been consciously cruel, but Brigitta gripped the back of a dining room chair. Her face was pale, her eyes filling with tears. The implication had been clear: only Petra could make Ingrid a grandmother again.</p>
<p>“Gitta,” Edvard said. He looked pale as well. Ingrid, to her credit, tried to fix what she’d done.</p>
<p>“Of course, Brigitta could beat you to it. Hah.”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. Ingrid was careless, but getting angry at her right now would solve nothing. The atmosphere felt grim, like a bomb was about to go off under the table.</p>
<p>Levi strode into the dining room, followed by Erwin and Marie. Marie had a gift under her arm.</p>
<p>“Guess we gotta let this asshole in.” Levi jerked his thumb at Erwin, then picked up his tea before grimacing. “Fuck, I swore again.”</p>
<p>Petra ignored her husband and the increasing tension in the room. She smiled at Erwin. “Thank you for coming, sir.”</p>
<p>“Please. Thank you for the invitation.” Erwin beamed. “To be at a family gathering like this is a huge honor.”</p>
<p>The commander wore a simple dark suit and collared shirt, tasteful yet subdued. Marie wore a light pink dress, and offered Petra the gift with a smile.</p>
<p>“May I see her?” She looked at Kuchel.</p>
<p>“Oh. Of course.” Petra just kept smiling, trying to make small talk while Brigitta quietly imploded next to her. She shuffled over to stand next to her husband. “Can you take over? I need to get Brigitta out of here.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” He’d been so absorbed in his tea he hadn’t noticed anything amiss. When Levi zeroed in on Brigitta, though, he instantly saw how wan and tightly wound she looked. “Ah. Shi—sure, yeah. Oi. Erwin.” He spoke louder than he normally would. “Hope you aren’t gonna draft my daughter into the military as a present.”</p>
<p>Erwin chuckled as Marie took Kuchel from Mikasa. The blonde woman said many exaggerated ‘hellos’ to Kuchel while the baby sucked her thumb. “Not to worry. She’ll be getting her recruitment papers next year.”</p>
<p>“Oh, she’s the sweetest.” Marie beamed. “She has such pretty dark hair. All I can think of now is my daughter Senta when she was this age—”</p>
<p>Petra had tried putting an arm around Brigitta to take her away, but Marie’s reference to her own child must have been the final weight that shattered Brigitta’s façade. Her face screwed up. She gave a short scream, frightening everyone at the table. Then, without saying another word, she ran sobbing into the kitchen. They all heard the back door slam.</p>
<p>The room was dead silent. Kuchel made some confused noises, then said, “Uh BAH! Uh BAH!”</p>
<p>Her first word. Sort of.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you all open presents without me? I’ll be back,” Petra said, leaving the guests and racing after her sister.</p>
<p>She found Brigitta on the stoop out back, right on the edge of their little garden. Brigitta had her face in her hands and was sobbing. It was the full-throated sobbing you almost never did after you grew up. Petra sat next to her sister and put an arm around her. Brigitta tensed, but accepted it. Petra rocked her back and forth.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. Just let it all out. It’s okay,” she whispered. She rubbed her sister’s back. After a few minutes, the worst of the crying was over. Brigitta blew her nose, wiped her eyes.</p>
<p>“I ruined the party.” She sobbed.</p>
<p>“You did no such thing. Kuchel’s having a great time.”</p>
<p>“Your commander probably thinks I’m—”</p>
<p>“Erwin is a smart man. He’ll know you had a reason.” Petra kissed the top of Brigitta’s head. When they were little girls, Petra had been the crier. She’d scab her knee, fall off a roof, yell at Oruo, and afterwards Brigitta would always comfort her while she sobbed into her pillow. Taking care of her younger sister like this was new.</p>
<p>“I can’t have a baby.” Brigitta’s voice was lifeless.</p>
<p>“You don’t know that.”</p>
<p>“It’s my fault.”</p>
<p>“How do you know? If you’re having trouble, it could be Edvard.”</p>
<p>Brigitta blushed. “We know it can’t be. When he was a teenager, he, um…got a girl pregnant.” Wow. Petra wouldn’t say it aloud, but it was strange to imagine Edvard having the smoothness to get anyone in bed—and he was married to her sister. “She didn’t keep it.” Her chin wobbled. “Now I wish she had because then at least he’d be able to be a father.” The last word got lost in more sobbing. Petra held her tight. “What’s the point of me now?”</p>
<p>Petra felt a flash of anger. “You’re a great wife, sister, and daughter. You make the world a better place just by being here. You don’t have to give birth for your existence to have a point.”</p>
<p>Brigitta sniffed. “Thank you. Really. But…imagine if all you wanted was to be a soldier, and you failed out. Or if all you wanted was Levi, and he didn’t love you back. What would you do?”</p>
<p>Petra sighed. “I’d hurt for a while. I would. But then I’d look for something else to do.”</p>
<p>“But there isn’t anything else I want to do!” Brigitta howled. She cried again. After a few minutes, when she was calm, she continued. “I clean the house and cook for Edvard and…and he’s so sweet and understanding. He told me I shouldn’t ever blame myself. He said he’s happy just with me.” Her eyes squeezed shut. “And what I couldn’t tell him was that I can’t be happy just with him! This is what I want, Petra. It’s the only thing I ever wanted.”</p>
<p>It was true. Brigitta had nursed all of her dolls when she was little. When Petra had wanted to learn how to ride a horse, or fight with swords, Brigitta had loved playing ‘mommy’ to the neighbors’ babies.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s stress? You’re so upset that it’s not working that it makes it…not work.”</p>
<p>Brigitta shook her head. “It’s been two years. I’ve been relaxed. I’ve taken all kinds of herbs. I’ve done all sorts of exercises. It just won’t happen, and I don’t know why. I’d be good at it!” She was crying again. “Why can’t I do it when all sorts of horrible people can? It’s not fair!”</p>
<p>“No. It’s not.” Life wasn’t fair, but that was a pointless thing to say. Petra rubbed her sister’s back, thought. Brooded. Who knew what exactly was wrong with her sister? What if the problem was that something inside of her was…blocked? Petra didn’t know medical terms, but she could imagine it. Maybe something that could be fixed. She didn’t know what she was talking about. She…</p>
<p>
  <em>Marley.</em>
</p>
<p>Her eyes widened. The Marleyan continent was a hundred years more advanced than Paradis. Maybe there was a doctor there who could answer a few questions. She’d have to be careful about not giving herself away, but maybe…</p>
<p>“I have to tell you something.” Petra took her sister’s hands. “Levi and I are…going somewhere. In about three months.”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“I can’t go into detail, but it’s a mission. And when I’m on that mission, I might be in a position to find some, uh, new ideas. Maybe something no one else has thought about yet. Something that could help you.”</p>
<p>Brigitta stared. “Pet. What are you saying?”</p>
<p>Ugh, why couldn’t she tell? “I can’t explain more. But it’s sort of an educational mission. I could try to learn things that would help you. Paradis is behind the rest of the world. Maybe someone else has the answer.”</p>
<p>Brigitta bit her lip. “Do you think?”</p>
<p>“Yes! So just hold on, okay? It’s not over yet.” She could have told Brigitta about adoption, told her to make her peace, but Petra couldn’t do that. This was what her sister wanted. Petra would give it to her if it took everything she had. That was how she loved—completely, and fiercely.</p>
<p>Brigitta sniffed. Then, finally, a smile returned to her lips. It was a sunburst through a gray, cloudy sky. Even a little bit of hope was enough to keep people going.</p>
<p>
  <em>They were all slaves to something.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi told her those had been some of Kenny’s final words. Uncomfortable, but they struck a chord.</p>
<p>“Okay. Thank you.” She wiped her cheeks again; they were red, puffed. Blotchy. “Ugh, I look like a mess.”</p>
<p>“Go clean up. Oh, Brigitta?” Petra stopped her sister from going inside. “Levi and I are going to be gone at least two weeks.” She didn’t want to say ‘we might never return.’ “Can Kuchel stay with you?”</p>
<p>Brigitta lit up. “Yes! Of course. We love having her.”</p>
<p>Good. Having a baby around would give her sister some relief.</p>
<p>“If…this won’t happen, but if Levi and I ever…if we never came back one day, would you and Edvard…?”</p>
<p>“Of course we would.” Brigitta understood. “We’d raise her like our own.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>It was some relief. Both of them were a little less burdened now. Brigitta went inside to wash up, and Petra returned to the dining room. She smoothed back her hair, and reapplied her smile.</p>
<p>“Sorry! Okay, where were we? Time for—”</p>
<p>Petra walked into total chaos.</p>
<p>Willem was sprawled on the floor. His arms flailed, his face constricted in terror. Levi had his boot on her brother’s chest.</p>
<p>“You say ‘bastard son of a whore’ like it’s a bad thing. Tch. I oughta get some soap to wash out your filthy mouth.”</p>
<p>Her parents were frantically arguing at one another in the corner of the dining room. Both of them were red-faced, and her father was making some enormous gesture with his arms.</p>
<p>There was smoke. Edvard was stomping on something that had caught fire.</p>
<p>Marie and Mikasa sat side by side at the table. Marie looked dizzy; Mikasa continued to sit serenely.</p>
<p>“Where’s Kuchel?” Petra didn’t see her daughter.</p>
<p>“Erwin took her into the parlor. She started crying, and he was the only one who could calm her.” Marie put her elbow on the table and massaged her forehead. “I don’t suppose you have any wine?”</p>
<p>“We have tea.” Petra sighed.</p>
<p>“Some of the cake is still good,” Mikasa said. Petra looked. Half of it was mashed up. Like someone had faceplanted in it.</p>
<p>Yes. Yes, Willem’s forehead was covered in vanilla buttercream.</p>
<p>“Do I want to know how this happened?” Petra asked calmly. Neither of the two women responded. “All right.” She walked out of the dining room, past her husband and fallen brother. “We are going to talk later,” she muttered. Levi just shrugged.</p>
<p>“Not my fault your brother’s a bitch.” He stepped harder; Willem squealed.</p>
<p>Petra found Erwin seated with Kuchel on his knee. Her baby looked quite small next to the large man. Erwin had a children’s book open, and was reading to Kuchel. His deep voice rumbled pleasantly. Petra stopped in the doorway and watched them. Kuchel kept sucking her thumb and gazing at the Supreme Commander with fascination. Petra smiled, but paused when she heard what Erwin was reading.</p>
<p>“’Helos was a beautiful man, with scarlet breeches and a crimson tailcoat. His hat bore a great red feather. Helos carried his golden spear when he went to battle the Devil of All Earth. The Devil had conquered the world, and now it would take a hero to save it.”</p>
<p>“Is that a Marleyan book?” Petra walked over to them. Erwin looked up, smiled. Kuchel waved at her mother, and Petra collected the child. Erwin flipped the book closed, and offered it for inspection. <em>The Story of Helos, the Man Who Saved the World</em>. Petra looked at the illustrations. They were beautifully done. The Eldians, though, looked like grotesque, hunched over creatures with malicious grins. “This is an odd gift for an Eldian baby.”</p>
<p>“We also gave her A Child’s Storybook. Marie read it to her girls when they were young.” Erwin leaned back in his seat. “So. This has been a lively afternoon.”</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Petra winced. “I should have known not to put my brother and Levi in the same room.”</p>
<p>“On the contrary. It was very entertaining.” Erwin chuckled. “Though I’m sorry for the stress. And your cake.”</p>
<p>“My sister and her husband don’t mind.”</p>
<p>He frowned. “Is your sister all right?”</p>
<p>“She’s been having problems.” Petra looked at Kuchel, who was busy blowing a saliva bubble. Levi would pitch a fit, but Petra didn’t mind that much. Kids were gross. “Do…do you think there would be any Marleyan doctors who specialize in…women’s issues?”</p>
<p>“Such as childbearing?”</p>
<p>She sighed. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“I wondered if that might have triggered your sister’s reaction.” He stood. “Petra. You have to remember that our mission must remain focused on—”</p>
<p>“I know that. But she’s in so much pain.”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed. He appeared genuinely sad. “It’s a funny thing, isn’t it? Children. Legacies.” He held out his finger, which Kuchel happily accepted. She beamed at Erwin.</p>
<p>“She really loves you.” Petra smiled.</p>
<p>“I’m glad.” Erwin bowed his head. “I was almost thirty-nine before I felt the need to have a child. Before that, I thought that the basement would be the only legacy I’d need. I liked children, but I only feared leaving them fatherless. A wife widowed. The sacrifice of a family was fair, I thought, for the life I wanted. But then we get older. We see what the first forty years have been; we wonder what the next forty will bring. And it seems like such a long time to have…nothing.” He gave a dry laugh. “Lucky me. I only have eleven years left in my sentence.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that,” Petra snapped. Erwin looked surprised. She glared at him. “Levi’s killing himself with guilt over…over the choice he made. You saying things like that will only hurt him worse.”</p>
<p>Erwin appeared chastened. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I meant to say that you often don’t know what you truly want until it’s already too late. I’m the Supreme Commander of our island nation; I have the powers of a god; they say my name will be recorded in Eldian history until the world itself crumbles into dust.” He sighed. “I spent thirty-eight years trying to reach that basement. And when I finally did, I realized that I would rather have been a teacher like my father. Or a commander of the Military Police, with a house and a wife and children. All of my youth was wasted.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t waste it.” Petra felt shocked. “You’re the reason we found out about Marley. You’re the only reason we’re going to survive. If you hadn’t done what you did you’d have a wife and kids now, but you’d see them crushed by the outside world in a year or two. So it was worth it.”</p>
<p>Erwin gazed at her. There wasn’t any lust in his glance. Rather, there was something unspeakably gentle.</p>
<p>“How do you do it?” he murmured.</p>
<p>“Do what?”</p>
<p>“Endure everything you’ve endured and still be so…” He didn’t finish the sentence. Maybe there was no perfect word for what he was thinking.</p>
<p>“Oi.” Levi startled Petra. The man could creep up behind you so damn quietly. “Everyone’s calm now. You can come back in.” He reached for Kuchel, but Petra turned their daughter away.</p>
<p>“Did you start the fight with Willem?”</p>
<p>“No. And I didn’t mean to push his face in the cake; I was trying to slam his head on the table, but he shifted. Also, I didn’t start the fire.” Levi scowled, like that ought to vindicate him. “Erwin can tell you.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I’m sure the rug is only singed,” the commander said. He sounded weary.</p>
<p>Petra sighed. “Well then. Happy birthday.”</p>
<p>She kissed Kuchel’s cheek. The baby had already fallen asleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin toyed with dinner; he wasn’t particularly hungry. He was sitting with Marie in their dining room, a small, cozy nook off the kitchen. It had a beautiful sunset view, of a kind. The streets of Trost were fire in the late afternoon. The windows shimmered, portals of light.</p>
<p>Late summer. August. Tomorrow, they would ride down to the southernmost point, where Kiyomi’s ship would be waiting. The port was finished. It would be easy for them to board, and set sail for Hizuru first. Then Marley.</p>
<p>Marie was unusually quiet. She hadn’t touched a thing.</p>
<p>“You should eat, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“I can’t.” She drank wine, though. Her hand trembled. “You’ll come back.” She said it as a demand, not a question.</p>
<p>“I have every intention. But if something goes wrong—”</p>
<p>“No.” She slammed her glass on the table. Tears stood in her eyes.</p>
<p>“Marie. If I don’t come back, there are plans in place. Hange will succeed me. I’ve made arrangements for you, so you won’t have to worry about anything.”</p>
<p>“Stop talking!” She got up from the table and all but ran away. Erwin sighed. He had always loved her passion and temper, but at times like this he wished she were a bit more sanguine. He followed her into the parlor. She stood beside the pianoforte, shaking as she hid her face from him. She was crying. She had painted the walls a gentle green—sea foam, she called it, after her visit to the shore. His books were lined up neatly in a case; her easel stood by the window. Before it, a small round table held a blue bowl with two plums. The plums were starting to shrivel. Once again, she painted fruit rather than ate it.</p>
<p>Erwin simply took her in his arms. She pressed her face to his chest and sobbed. He stroked her hair, feeling touched by her love. A bit irritated, too. This was his last night. Maybe their last night ever.</p>
<p>But this was the woman he’d fallen in love with. For good or ill, in moments of joy and sorrow, she was his. He kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“I’m coming back.” He couldn’t promise it, but for her he’d sweeten the truth.</p>
<p>“I can’t lose you. I only got you back,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“If I die, are you afraid of being destitute?” Nile would not take her back. “I told you, I’ve made provision for you.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that!” She gripped his shoulders. “I dreamed of being with you for decades. If I lose you in less than a year…” She couldn’t go on.</p>
<p>His mind strayed to Levi and Petra. He could imagine their shared quiet tonight. Levi’s stoicism, Petra’s gentle pragmatism. Sometimes, he yearned for a more subdued life. He enjoyed feeling twenty years younger when he and Marie made love, but when it came to their emotions he wished they could both be properly middle aged.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t be a cunt.</em>
</p>
<p>He held her tenderly. He soothed her, kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“I would rather have you for ten months than live a lifetime without this.” He meant it. Marie sighed, and her tears stopped. She kissed him. “But I am coming back.”</p>
<p>She sniffed. She smiled. “You’d better.”</p>
<p>Then she took him by the hand and brought him upstairs. The dinner remained untouched.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi sat at the dining room table. Petra had Kuchel on her lap, and was reading one of the stories from that book Erwin’d gotten for the girl’s birthday. Levi couldn’t follow it, something about a frog and a prince. Or the frog was the prince. Either way.</p>
<p>Kuchel yawned. She was drooping; it was already nine.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to put her to bed.” Petra hugged her daughter. “I just want to sit like this forever.”</p>
<p>“We’ll come back.” He said it like a rehearsed line, because he had to give her some assurance even if it was wishful thinking. He didn’t know. You couldn’t know what your choices would yield. Just make the choice. Live with it. No regrets. But try telling that to a woman with an infant daughter that she might never see again.</p>
<p>Petra rocked back and forth, lavishing kisses on the baby. Barely a baby now. Kuchel was fifteen months old. She’d taken her first steps a few days ago.</p>
<p>A toddler. Yeah.</p>
<p>At least he’d been there for her first steps. Not her first word, though. Uh-BAH was still the best she had.</p>
<p>“Here.” Petra offered Levi a drowsing Kuchel. “You take a turn.”</p>
<p>He poured himself some more tea instead.</p>
<p>“Tch. Don’t wanna spoil her.” He sipped. After all, even if he never saw Kuchel again, he’d only known her fifteen months. He’d lost his own mother young, and he hadn’t had Kuchel’s breaks. Brigitta and Edvard would spoil her rotten if Levi never came home. No worries there. No use fawning over the kid, crying.</p>
<p>“I think you might regret it if you don’t spend a little extra time with her,” Petra said softly.</p>
<p>“Huh.” He just kept staring at the wall. There was a crack in the plaster. Shitty dump. “Told you, Ral. I have no regrets. Really.”</p>
<p>He pushed away from the table. Didn’t look back.</p>
<p>He lay in bed and listened to Petra tuck Kuchel in. He heard a lullaby from Kuchel’s room, lots of sleepy giggles. Kisses. Petra shut the baby’s door and came to bed. She slid in beside him, and stared.</p>
<p>“What, Petra? I’m trying to sleep.”</p>
<p>“You should kiss her good night.”</p>
<p>“I’ve kissed her good night a hundred times.” Levi rolled on his side, away from his wife. “She won’t miss it if I go away. If I never came back, she wouldn’t even remember me.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She sounded quietly shocked. “You can’t be afraid of—”</p>
<p>“I’m not fucking afraid.” His words were soft, but landed like a slap. “Go to sleep.”</p>
<p>Maybe he’d wanted to make love to her again, just in case they never got the chance after this. But fuck it. His appetite was gone. He put out the candle and lay in the darkness. It took a long while before he heard her fall asleep. He thought about getting out of bed and checking on Kuchel…but fuck it. Kid was spoiled enough.</p>
<p>He hadn’t been able to say a real goodbye to his own mother, after all. She’d just sort of lain in bed until her breath stopped. He’d woken up one day next to her corpse. Shaken her for several minutes until he realized she was sleeping for good. He’d screamed his head off, but no one had come.</p>
<p>See? Kuchel had it easy.</p>
<p>Levi hated emotional goodbyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you ready?” Erwin arrived outside of Edvard and Brigitta’s. Levi and Petra’s horses were saddled and waiting. They didn’t have any luggage; Kiyomi was providing everything. They had to be completely free of Paradis. “I’d like to be at the campsite before the ship arrives.”</p>
<p>Petra was on her knees, kissing and hugging Kuchel. Brigitta stood behind the little girl, beaming down at her. Yeah. Nice for Brigitta to have time with the kid. Do her good.</p>
<p>Hey, if he and Petra didn’t come back, that’d be good for Brigitta, too. No harm done. Nothing lost.</p>
<p>“Oi. Petra. Let’s go.” Levi crossed his arms. His wife finally finished adoring the girl and stood. She wiped a few quick tears away. Tch. Softie.</p>
<p>“Levi. Do you want to say goodbye?” Brigitta asked.</p>
<p>He looked down at Kuchel. She was standing on her feet now, wavering only slightly. They’d dressed her in a little blue smock, and Brigitta had tied a bow in her hair. Kuchel looked up with his face and eyes. She grinned and waved at him. Bye bye.</p>
<p>“Oi. Brat. Be good.” He nodded once. Then he turned his back.</p>
<p>“Levi? You don’t want to—” Petra began, but he cut her off.</p>
<p>“Let’s go. Long way to the port.”</p>
<p>Petra shared a glance with her sister, but she said nothing. She went to mount her horse while Levi started walking away.</p>
<p>“Uh BAH. Uh BAH.” Kuchel’s voice pitched higher and higher. “Puh PAH. Puh PAH.”</p>
<p>Papa.</p>
<p>Petra, seated on her horse, looked blank with amazement.</p>
<p>“Was that her first—?”</p>
<p>Levi stopped.</p>
<p>Levi turned around.</p>
<p>Levi gathered Kuchel in his arms and held her tight. He stared over her shoulder, practically boring a hole in Brigitta’s door with his gaze. No tears. He would not fucking cry. He ferociously kissed her cheek again and again.</p>
<p>“I love you,” he whispered in her ear.</p>
<p>“Puh PAH.” She giggled. He hugged her, wouldn’t let her go. Finally, he handed her off to Brigitta.</p>
<p>“Take care of her,” he muttered. Wouldn’t look the woman in the eye.</p>
<p>“Always.”</p>
<p>He nodded, then mounted his horse. As Erwin led them away, Levi looked back just once. Kuchel waved frantically. She didn’t realize how long he’d be gone. That he might never come back.</p>
<p>He raised his hand to her. And he made himself a promise.</p>
<p>He didn’t care what he had to do, or who he had to kill. He was going to come back.</p>
<p>If he did that, he’d have no regrets.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper I love you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Bird singing in the sycamore tree, dream a little dream of me</em>
</p>
<p>The “radio” was playing. This was an old tune, something recovered from generations ago before the “dark ages” as Kiyomi had called them. Hard to believe there was a time before titans. The radio played, and Petra looked at it nervously. Every time Petra touched the knob, she felt a little thrill of fear. What if it electrocuted her? For several days now, she’d been surrounded by appliances that ran on electricity. For three days she and the men had stayed on Hizuru—Kiyomi had decided to test them to make sure they knew what they were about before going to Marley. She’d learned how to use a radio, what a refrigerator was, what it felt like to ride in a car. Levi had clung to the edge of the vehicle the whole time, grim-faced and dead-eyed. He didn’t like cars. ‘You can understand horses. Machines are their own thing’ he’d said.</p>
<p>Yesterday, they’d embarked on their trip to Marley. Yelena and Onyankopon had met them on the ship, and were escorting them to the dock to ensure their papers were good before vanishing into the crowd.</p>
<p>She was in a first class cabin. The radio played as afternoon sunlight streamed through the round windows. Petra stood before the floor length mirror in her underwear, heart hammering as she made sure every detail was in place. The brassiere was formed from some kind of hard wire, and it hurt. It did lift her breasts nicely, but Petra preferred comfort to beauty. The underwear was silken, with a little frill. She wore garters, holding up her sheer nylon stockings. She slipped into her heeled shoes. Levi had liked seeing her in only her underwear and high heels. But Levi hadn’t had a first class ticket. Kiyomi, understandably, had booked him second class. It was expected since he was an “employee”, but that meant Petra sleeping with Erwin. Of course, the commander had been good about it. Last night, he’d immediately gone into their sitting room and slept on the couch. But soon they’d be in Marley. When they were around high society, she’d have to play the part of a new and blissful bride.</p>
<p>Petra forced herself to calm down as she pulled her slip over her head. The silk was so soft against her skin. She adjusted it, admired how the cream color make her look like she was glowing. She went over to the “vanity” and flipped on the lights with a wince. Bulbs shone brightly all around the mirror, highlighting her face. Petra put on the finishing touches of make up. Kiyomi had given her several tubes of “lipstick” to try out. Gone were the waxy jars of lip color they’d used on Paradis. Nifa would have been in heaven with all these different shades: Peach Kiss, Scarlet Night, Blush of Dawn.</p>
<p>The tremor overtook her once: <em>I can’t do this. I’m going to fail.</em> But she mastered herself and finished doing her makeup. She put in her earrings and headed to the wardrobe to pick out her skirt and blouse. She was halfway across the room when the cabin door opened and Erwin entered. Petra made a noise as she dashed to the wardrobe, throwing open the door to hide herself. Erwin immediately turned away.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said.</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” She yanked out her skirt and stepped into it, nearly falling over in her haste. “Is Le—Kenny ready yet?”</p>
<p>They’d gotten a message to Zeke that they would be on the continent soon. He’d written back stating very dryly that this was an ill-advised mission; Levi had said many filthy things Erwin couldn’t put in the reply. Once Zeke understood this mission would happen, he reminded them that Reiner and Bertholdt had made reports on important people in the Paradisian military. Petra could use her name since there’d been ‘no mention of her’, but Erwin and Levi had to change their identities further since the Marleyan authorities were well aware of Erwin Smith and Captain Levi. Smith was a common surname, so Erwin could keep it, but he was now Karl Smith, using his father’s name. Levi was going by Kenny Ral.</p>
<p>She smiled at the surname, though had forced herself to make peace with ‘Kenny.’</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll be on the top deck by the time we arrive.”</p>
<p>“I’m decent.” Petra looked around the room; the first class had maid service, and the women would be in soon to pack up the last of her belongings. She took a hat from the top of the armoire and put it on, adjusted it. Erwin smiled when he saw her.</p>
<p>“Strange. It’s you, but I feel like I wouldn’t recognize you if we passed on the street.”</p>
<p>“How do Marleyan women avoid headaches? All the electric lighting and chemical scents make me sick.” She’d tried a spritz of perfume, and discovered that it wasn’t nearly as nice as the rose oils on Paradis. Everything she wore or touched was artificial in some way. The food she ate had “preservatives” in it, her clothing hadn’t been made by human hands. She felt fake.</p>
<p>“From now on, you <em>are</em> a Marleyan woman,” Erwin said. He was kind but also a bit stern. His brows furrowed. “By nationality if not by nature.”</p>
<p>Yes. Petra Smith. She’d been born to a family on the continent’s interior, normal people with normal, bland, commonplace pasts.</p>
<p>“All right, Karl.” She adjusted her hat one more time. “Ready to escort me?”</p>
<p>She made her voice a little lighter, a little quieter. She wasn’t Petra Ackerman or Petra Ral now, but Petra Smith. Erwin smiled, and extended his arm.</p>
<p>“Let’s see this brave new world,” he said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Fuck, those Marleyans knew how to dress. Levi hadn’t liked taking the second class cabin—he’d tried sleeping in the Smith cabin as “protection” but apparently ship stewards pitched bitchy little fits about people in the wrong class cabin at night. No, he didn’t like the food or the accommodations, but he liked these clothes. “Kenny Ral” was a man who’d grown up in the poorer sections of Liberio. No organized criminal activity, as that’d be a way to trace him, but he’d had a hardscrabble life. He’d met Karl Smith at a gambling den one night when the merchant was slumming. Kenny’d knocked out a prick that was cheating, and Karl had hired the man as muscle on the spot.</p>
<p>Not too far from how Erwin and him had met, actually.</p>
<p>Kenny had upgraded his wardrobe to go with his new job. Levi was a man who liked dressing well. He liked good fabrics in good cuts. This type of swank living he could get used to.</p>
<p>The fabric was a pinstripe in deep blue. The trousers were just loose enough, the shirt crisp and white. The vest was cerulean, the jacket tailored beautifully. Normally he had a bitch of a time with sleeve length, but these were perfect. He put in the cufflinks Kiyomi had given him, mother of pearl. He fluffed his dark tie, and selected which silk handkerchief he’d put in his pocket. He almost went with the sky blue, but then picked the ‘canary yellow’ instead. A little flash let them know you had some life in you.</p>
<p>He decided to forego his silk-lined camelhair coat, and plucked his hat from the corner of his armoire. It was a “fedora” he’d never remember all these stupid words. It was seal gray, and when he tilted it just so over his eye he looked in the mirror and thought for an instant it was Kenny looking back at him. He and his uncle didn’t really look alike—Kenny had been tall and lantern-jawed, while Levi took after his slight, elfin mother. But there was some similarity between the two men in the eyes. Always had been. When Levi was ready for trouble, there was a gleam in the blue-gray depths that was all Kenny Ackerman.</p>
<p>
  <em>Look how far yah’ve come. My boy.</em>
</p>
<p>He heard the murderer’s voice. Fuck only knew how Kenny would’ve dealt with the knowledge of Marley and all the rest of the shit.</p>
<p>Levi walked out of his room and climbed to the upper deck. Men and women in summer outfits drifted past him. He’d never get used to the salt smell of ocean air. Overhead, gulls wheeled and cried. In the distant haze, he saw a coastline. Marley. Valle, to be exact. They’d taken a ship from Hizuru and headed west for a full day. They were hundreds of miles south of Liberio, where the major Eldian internment camp was. Northern Marley was supposed to be drier, more like a desert. The south, especially the eastern coast, was more densely tropical. That was a new word Levi had learned: tropical. It meant spindly “palm trees” and colorful birds. Fuck, good thing Kiyomi had given him some linen suits as well; he was already sweating. He wouldn’t fan himself with his hat, though. He was a man of class.</p>
<p>He strolled across the deck, looking for Petra and Erwin. A nice breeze sighed through his jacket, and he inhaled deeply. Fuck, this sea thing made you feel different. He liked it. He wanted a world where he could take Kuchel on a ship like this when she was older. Where she could wear pink and white little dresses and ribboned knee socks like the other girls, and play and laugh without anyone caring that she was Eldian.</p>
<p>In truth, Levi’d had his doubts when Erwin announced this mission. But after a taste of the outside world, he wanted it for his daughter. He wanted her to have every good thing life could offer. He’d kill for her to have it.</p>
<p>His grim mood vanished when he caught sight of his wife.</p>
<p>She was haloed against the blue of the sea, standing there in a peach skirt and white blouse, holding a straw hat to her head. Her red-gold hair gleamed in the afternoon sun as she stood against the railing and stared at the approaching land. Fuck. He’d thought lines like ‘I fell in love with her all over again’ were just smooth lies found in Petra’s gooey romance books, but it was true now. Without her turning around, Levi lost his heart all over again.</p>
<p>God, he wanted her. And she was now the one thing he couldn’t have. He was her husband, but he couldn’t put his arms around her. Couldn’t kiss her. Couldn’t sleep with her. The last one bothered the shit out of him. But he could go to her and stand alongside her at least. Yeah. He started walking her way.</p>
<p>Erwin beat him to it. The commander sidled up to Petra. They talked. Levi couldn’t read Petra’s expression, since she had her back to him, but Erwin appeared to be smiling as they discussed something. Together, they looked out to sea. He laid a hand upon Petra’s lower back, and she let him. She even inched closer.</p>
<p>They’d agreed that they had to pretend affection in public, even when it ‘didn’t count,’ meaning no one important was near. That way it wouldn’t feel like a spontaneous performance in front of Willy Tybur. They wouldn’t make mistakes. And Erwin had sworn to both of them that it would not progress beyond a touch, or a caress. He wouldn’t kiss her. Such a display would be awkward in public anyway.</p>
<p>But Levi still saw a haze of red.</p>
<p>
  <em>Heh. Look atcha. Pinin’ over yer own wife. How much of a weak fuck did I raise yah to be, Levi?</em>
</p>
<p>“Shut up, Kenny.”</p>
<p>Yeah. Shut up to the Kenny that had been, and the Kenny that now was. Fuck his feelings. He had a job to do.</p>
<p>Levi walked over to the married couple, cleared his throat. They turned. Petra’s eyes lit up briefly when she saw him, and tracked along his body. Nice. Her approval and delight calmed him right away.</p>
<p>“Mr. Smith. We’re docking in five minutes. Better get your papers ready.”</p>
<p>Erwin grinned. “Thank you, Kenny.”</p>
<p>The ship docked. People were waving handkerchiefs below, excited to see their weary travelers. Levi walked behind Petra and Erwin, and when they hit the dock he immediately saw who they were looking for. A young Hizuran man in his thirties with slick black hair and a sharp suit waved at them. They walked over.</p>
<p>“Mr. Smith? Welcome. Kanada Azumabito.” He shook hands with Erwin. “My aunt tells me I’m to host you at our summer house.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. That’s very gracious.”</p>
<p>Petra said nothing, as did Levi. He hailed a porter and got their luggage sorted out while Kanada showed Mr. and Mrs. Smith to their car. It was a shiny thing, chrome and steel, black and white. A chauffeur opened the back door for Petra, then Erwin slid in. Kanada got in as well. It was a stretch car, meaning there’d be plenty of room for Levi, but as the “help” he had to ride in front. Not that he minded.</p>
<p>Once the luggage was packed, he got in and they pulled away from the dock. It took a few minutes to get away from all the foot traffic, but then they were moving fast. They sped away from the seaport and wound along a coastal highway. Levi was so stunned by the speed and the sights around him that he almost forgot to listen to Erwin and Kanada.</p>
<p>“We are scheduled to attend a party tonight in Willy Tybur’s honor,” Kanada said. “My aunt says he is an especial contact you wish to make.”</p>
<p>“I recognize that Marley’s lagging behind the world a bit in certain technologies,” Erwin said easily. “They say Willy Tybur sets all trends for Marleyan society and policy. My business could make him a wealthy man. It wouldn’t hurt Marley any, either.”</p>
<p>“Too true.”</p>
<p>Kanada knew who they really were, but all of Kiyomi’s servants were Marleyan. Even if some would be okay with hosting Eldians, others would be frightened. All it took was one person going to the police and they were done for. As such, they had to pretend even when it was just them with the Azumabito guy. Just in case.</p>
<p>They took a right and drove down a short hill, all the way to a cliff along the coast. On that cliff was a white-painted house with expansive gardens and a round driveway. The car pulled up, and servants rushed out to get the luggage. Levi smirked. Kiyomi had said the Azumabito were diminished now as a clan. If having summer houses and tons of servants was diminished, what’d fat and happy look like?</p>
<p>Levi kept at Erwin’s back as Kanada led them to a comfortable sitting area. Levi’d seen enough to know that this was Marleyan furniture, plush and overstuffed, but with Hizuran designs. The fabric was muted, the walls painted light green. Hizurans liked elegant simplicity and clean lines. Privately, Levi thought they had a better handle on what looked good than Marley. This place was all flashy colors and tacky frills.</p>
<p>Servants brought some tea, which Levi didn’t drink. He hung in the background, hands clasped, observing his “boss” and the wife. Hard to look at Petra hang on another man’s arm, smile at another man like he was her husband. Weird too for her to be so quiet and docile. She took the cup of ginger tea she was offered and sipped, but watched the men speak. His Petra was bold and vibrant, but here she needed to be an acceptable Marleyan lady. Pretty, polite, and pointless. He hated it.</p>
<p>The ceremonial greeting over, the shallow pleasantries exchanged, Kanada rose. The Smiths did, too. “Rooms are prepared for you, with an adjacent chamber for your man.” His eyes flicked to Levi, who nodded. Good. Adjoining rooms. He liked that for multiple reasons. “The party starts at seven, which means an eight o’clock entrance will be fashionable. The servants have unpacked while we had tea, and a maid has been appointed for Mrs. Smith.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” She startled. “I don’t need a—”</p>
<p>“My wife is only a few weeks out of a convent.” Erwin chuckled. “I’ll have to get her used to a different style of living.”</p>
<p>Erwin was pretending. It was a performance for the servants more than for Kanada. But Levi felt the overwhelming urge to slug the man for being so condescending to his wife—</p>
<p>
  <em>Not your wife. For the next ten days, she’s not your wife. Get your head out of the fucking clouds unless you want to get everyone killed.</em>
</p>
<p>“Quite,” Kanada said. “The car will be ready at half past seven. Until then, please freshen up and relax.”</p>
<p>The Smiths thanked him, then were shown to their rooms. Levi followed silently, glaring at Erwin’s back as they climbed the stairs and walked down a long, plush hallway. The servant bowed them into their room, and Levi shut the door behind them.</p>
<p>The Smiths had a bedroom the size of most people’s houses. It was like any Marleyan bedroom, only instead of oil paintings on the walls there were decorated bolts of silk. Hizuran design. Beautiful. Levi took off his hat while Petra collapsed onto the bed. She exhaled deeply.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I thought I gave us away,” she murmured. Erwin put a finger to his lips. Right. Never knew who was listening.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Smith,” Levi said pointedly. “Let me go take off my jacket. Then we’ll talk about strategy for tonight.” He glanced at Erwin. “You want me shadowing her?”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Kenny. I’ll be in hot pursuit of Willy Tybur, so I’d like to know she’s safe and occupied.”</p>
<p>
  <em>And that we’re both doing our best to snoop around.</em>
</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Levi opened the adjoining door. His own room wasn’t much smaller than this one; damn, what it’d be to have money. He glanced at Erwin and Petra as he shut the door. She was sprawled out on the bed. He stood over her, beaming at something she said.</p>
<p>He felt a knife twist in his gut.</p>
<p>
  <em>Idiot. Fucking idiot. If you fuck this up, you’ll never see Kuchel again. Do better.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi sighed and shut the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi would give his soul to own this shower. Multiple jets cleaned his body from every possible angle. He scrubbed himself with white soap, lathered up until he didn’t think he could get any cleaner. He toweled dry and combed his hair in the mirror, then shaved. He hadn’t had an opportunity this morning, and he was getting stubbly. He didn’t like Marleyan colognes, but he liked the aftershave. It had a woodsy smell, made him think of the forests back home. He dressed in a dark gray suit. It was summer, so people would be in lighter colors, but he was the bodyguard. Had to stick to the shadows.</p>
<p>Levi knocked, then entered Erwin’s room. Petra was with her maid in the “powder room”. Erwin was finishing up his bow tie. Levi thought Marleyan men looked like stupid monkeys in their dumb high-collared starched clothes, but Erwin Smith made it look regal. He lifted an eyebrow as he slipped into his coat.</p>
<p>“Thoughts?”</p>
<p>“You look like a dick.”</p>
<p>Erwin laughed. Levi put a shoulder to the wall and gazed at the bathroom door, waiting for Petra.</p>
<p>“Remember. You’ll take Mrs. Smith after we’re received. Watch over her.”</p>
<p>Yeah. He was gonna observe Petra with the rich bitches, see who was who. Report later.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Got it.”</p>
<p>The door opened. The maid came out, a pretty young dark-haired woman. She wore the same sedate black as the other servants, and beamed as Petra walked in.</p>
<p>He gripped his thigh to keep from going over there and kissing her. From throwing her over his shoulder and escorting her roughly to his bedroom.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Erwin looked taken aback. He cleared his throat. “Yes. It’s important we make a good first impression.”</p>
<p>The dress was cream colored, a floor length slip with a layer of beading over it. Crystals glittered in starbursts down her body. Diamond pendants dangled from her ears. The maid had used an iron on her; Petra’s hair was a riot of red-gold curls that framed her face. As a finishing touch, Kiyomi had given her a crescent moon-shaped hair ornament. The diamonds were blue and yellow, with bursts of crystal raining down like falling stars. Her face was painted pretty as a doll’s. She had a gauzy wrap draped around her elbows, meant more for beauty than use.</p>
<p>Petra looked at him for one moment, and he saw she wanted to go to him as badly as he wanted to go to her. But it lasted only a heartbeat. Then she had eyes for her husband. Erwin cleared his throat again as he took her hand in his. A diamond bracelet glittered on her wrist. She looked like a queen.</p>
<p>
  <em>Mine. She’s mine, you bastard.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Shut up, Levi.</em>
</p>
<p>“Kenny. Would you go see about the car?” Erwin asked.</p>
<p>Took a second for him to remember that as security detail it was important for him to be seen inspecting cars, restaurants, and the like. But he didn’t want to leave this woman alone, especially not with Erwin who couldn’t help staring at her like she was some kind of goddess.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Levi croaked. He forced himself not to look at Petra as he left the room.</p>
<p>He waited near the car for five minutes, the longest five minutes of his life. When Petra came down on Erwin’s arm, he wanted to jump out of his skin. He closed his eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>If you fuck this up, she dies. Or gets turned into a titan. Be a goddamn man.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin helped Petra into the car, where Kanada waited. Levi sat up front, and they were off through the night to this party for Willy Tybur.</p>
<p>Levi hoped the man would prove worth the trip.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin hadn’t thought of her in a while. Since finding Marie again, his hunger for Petra had subsided. He still found her desirable, of course, but his appetite was sated. He felt no urge to reach for her any longer. Sharing close quarters with her for a couple of weeks would be only the mildest discomfort.</p>
<p>When she emerged in that dress, diamonds in her hair, the hunger returned with a vengeance, and there was no Marie around to satisfy his urge. Ah, fuck. She was intoxicating, and the way she clung to him and beamed at him with those large, sweet eyes and those delicate lips…</p>
<p>He knew it was an act. As Levi had said once, Petra was a fine actress. If she hadn’t been a soldier, she could have gone on the stage. Erwin had to remember that she <em>was</em> a soldier on a mission. But she smelled of flowers, and when she slid her hand into the crook of his arm he nearly forgot himself. He realized grimly that he was going to have to sleep beside her tonight in low-grade agony.</p>
<p>And Levi was watching.</p>
<p>Erwin realized Kanada was speaking. Damn.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry?”</p>
<p>“I said that the party is being held at the governor’s mansion. DeLuca is one of the most important men in southern Marley. You should make his acquaintance as well.” The young Hizuran looked extremely smart in a well-tailored dark suit. His hair was slicked back, and he regarded Petra with an interest that seemed more academic than lustful. Well, Erwin wasn’t sure how many Eldian women Kanada had met.</p>
<p>“Thank you. I’ll be sure to take advantage.” Erwin took Petra’s hand, enjoying the sensation of her delicate skin against his.</p>
<p>She took her hand away and gave him a mildly annoyed glance.</p>
<p>Ah. Yes. They were in the back of the car, visible only to Kanada. No need for physical intimacy.</p>
<p>Erwin studied the back of Levi’s head. He swore that somehow the man was glaring at him.</p>
<p>The car made a right past some guarded gates, and wended along a twisting road until they came upon a house lit so spectacularly that it emerged from the dark like a beacon floating on the sea. Petra gasped. He wished he could put an arm around her, but no. She was his for show, but not really his. The driveway was round, with cars pulling up ahead of them in a line. When theirs stopped and a doorman let them out, Kanada whispered.</p>
<p>“Good luck.”</p>
<p>Erwin emerged, then handed out Petra. Side by side, they looked upon the place.</p>
<p>“Oh. Wow,” she breathed.</p>
<p>The house was entirely white, about three stories tall. A marble colonnade upheld the front porch, and every single window blazed with bright electric light. Electric lights hung from trees in beautiful spheres of red and blue glass. The people entering the house were richly dressed, the women in sequins and gossamer, the men smart as Kanada. Erwin heard the merry ebb and flow of conversation, with a band playing some kind of fast-paced dance music (a rumba, yes?)</p>
<p>Overhead, fireworks exploded against the sky in bursts of blue and white. Nice touch.</p>
<p>“Oi. Mr. Smith.” Levi stood alongside Petra. “Better get moving.”</p>
<p>Yes. Petra had the part of the winsome naïf; Erwin needed to seem accustomed to Marleyan grandeur. As they walked to the steps and up to the front door, Erwin felt light-headed. Not with fear, but with pleasure. All of these extraordinary sights and sounds, things he could never have dreamed were his to examine and enjoy. He would relish these opportunities, only sorry that Hange couldn’t see. She’d love it all.</p>
<p>“Mr. Kanada Azumabito.” A servant announced Kanada when they reached the door. A well-dressed middle-aged woman greeted him. She was attractive, with tanned skin and well-coiffed dark hair. Beside her stood a man in a light colored suit, a swarthy, heavy man with thinning black hair and an enormous grin. He shook hands and patted backs as he received his guests. Clearly this was DeLuca. Kanada gave a short bow to Mrs. DeLuca, which seemed to thrill her. Erwin recalled how Kanada had shaken hands with him at the dock. Bowing was a Hizuran custom, one he’d happily foregone for the comfort of his new friends. This bow felt a bit like a performance; Kanada was playing a part the way Erwin was, the “exotic” foreigner, competing in a secret game with an unknown prize.</p>
<p>Clever young man. Erwin smiled.</p>
<p>“Hello, Kandy!” DeLuca chortled as he slapped Kanada on the back. The young man wavered, but never seemed in danger of losing his balance. Kandy. The way Kanada gave DeLuca the most studiously polite smile told Erwin he humored the boorish man for the sake of some goal, not for friendship. “How’s your aunt? Shame she couldn’t make it.”</p>
<p>“Kiyomi sends regrets. In her place, however, she sends Mr. Karl Smith, an importer of some renown in Hizuru, and his lovely wife, Petra.” Kanada gestured to Erwin, who took Mrs. DeLuca’s hand and smiled. She flushed beneath her tan.</p>
<p>“Pleasure, Madame. Thank you for having us.”</p>
<p>“Smith, eh? Imports?” DeLuca looked curious.</p>
<p>“I’m in the silk trade, though now I’m expanding my business into far more lucrative waters. My father always said there was something about arms dealing that made for an inherently adventurous life.”</p>
<p>“Ah, really?” He honed in with interest. Kiyomi had said that Marley’s military technology was behind the rest of the world; they’d relied on the power of the titans for far too long. “Well, then you’re just the sort of man I like to see here. Bet you’re hoping for a military contract.” The governor was sizing Erwin up.</p>
<p>“I confess it would be good for my pocketbook, but it’s more than that. I deal with Hizuru because Lady Kiyomi was a benefactor of mine when I was young and hungry. But I always hoped to bring power one day to Marley.” Erwin told his lies well; it was what he was good at. “My father was a missionary in the Mid-East. I grew up near Fort Slava, but my father told me of our great heritage as Marleyans. I was raised amongst Mid-Easterners, but always felt separate from them. When I first stepped foot on Marleyan soil, I knew I was home.”</p>
<p>Mrs. DeLuca’s eyes glowed. The governor seemed pleased.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome, Mr. Smith. And your lovely wife.” He grinned wolfishly at Petra. Erwin could feel Levi radiating fury behind him. “Thought she might’ve been your daughter at first. Good man.” He winked at Erwin. Yes, having a much younger wife would make Erwin a target for compliments and envy both.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Petra said quietly, and they entered the party. Erwin felt Levi shadowing him, and placed a hand on the small of Petra’s back. The dress was nearly backless, and he felt how soft her skin was. He’d take his hand away in a moment. It was all part of the act. That’s all it was.</p>
<p>“Isn’t arms dealing…complicated?” Petra whispered. He knew what she meant. It was a lie that would gain much interest, and be harder to maintain because of it.</p>
<p>“Kiyomi assured me that Willy Tybur would only be interested in someone who could directly benefit Marley in her wars. All right, my dear.” He stopped and kissed her hand for show, tried not to hold her for too long. Petra smiled lovingly, but he saw caution in her eyes. “Why don’t you make the rounds? I need to find Tybur.”</p>
<p>She smiled and ducked off into the crowd, Levi trailing her. Erwin wandered the front hall, passing potted plants and framed works of art. His shoes clicked on the black and white tile. The noise reached a crescendo as he approached the party.</p>
<p>The roof of this room was made of glass, allowing the guests to see the night sky. On the floor, women in gaily-colored frocks danced, laughing with their gentlemen. The band played another fast number, a “Charleston”. Older people milled around at the corners of the room, sipping bubbling wine or “cocktails”. Erwin had sampled a martini at Kiyomi’s and liked it. He plucked one from a waiter’s tray and took a long sip. A little ‘liquid courage’ as Kiyomi had called it.</p>
<p>It did not take long to find Willy Tybur. He was the inescapable force that seemed to pull every person in the room gradually towards him. Erwin approached carefully, listening. Observing</p>
<p>Willy Tybur was a young man, five to ten years younger than Erwin. His hair was quite blond and shoulder length, his face sculpted as if by a master’s hand. He’d high cheekbones, a tapering jaw, and the slightest beard. Most would see him as an almost beautiful young man and be enchanted. Erwin saw shrewdness in the dark eyes, though. Best to be cautious.</p>
<p>Kanada was at his side. Good. Time for an introduction.</p>
<p>“Kanada!” Willy beamed when the young Hizuran appeared, and waved for some space in his circle of admirers. “I’m so glad you could make it. A party without you is always a little bit dull.”</p>
<p>“Please, my aunt is the true loss. She sends her regrets.” Kanada’s warm smile was unforced. <em>He likes Willy. This friendship is genuine. </em>Erwin got the idea right away that if he in any way endangered Willy Tybur, Kanada would dislike him. That would put aunt and nephew at loggerheads. He wanted to avoid that, but he’d use it if necessary. <em>I’m a true monster, aren’t I?</em> “May I introduce Karl Smith? He’s an importer of luxury goods who’s made quite a name and fortune for himself in Hizuru.”</p>
<p>“Pleasure.” Willy shook with Erwin. He smiled, only politely interested. Erwin had one shot.</p>
<p>“The honor’s mine. A true honor.”</p>
<p>“Indeed?” Willy appeared bemused. “Why?”</p>
<p>“I was telling the governor outside that I grew in the Mid-East, raised by Marleyan missionaries. I felt an especial hunger to see my motherland. And,” he said, gesturing to Willy, “to meet the scion of one of the two men who saved her. And the world.”</p>
<p>Willy Tybur gave a small bow. “Please. My ancestor deserves all credit. I’m only the keeper of his legacy.”</p>
<p>There was a slight note of exasperation in his voice. He saw Erwin as another devotee of the Tybur legend, the story of Helos. Just another idealistic idiot from a foreign backwater. Willy’s attention was shifting to another member of the circle. Two seconds and Erwin’s window would close forever.</p>
<p>He smiled.</p>
<p>“And I confess, I’m disappointed by the end result.”</p>
<p>Someone in the circle gasped. Kanada went rigid beside Erwin. Willy turned, his expression soft with shock. Perhaps this was the first time in the man’s life someone hadn’t fawned all over him.</p>
<p>“How dare you?” a man in the group spluttered. He was drinking some vibrantly green cocktail, and nearly sloshed it all over his white suit jacket. “Do you know who you’re talking to?”</p>
<p>“A man who controls the greatest Eldian family in the world. The only good Eldians alive.” Erwin looked Willy directly in the eyes. <em>An Eldian who lives free while his brethren sit in prison. An Eldian who laps up the world’s praise for the sake of a lie.</em> But he said, “And yet a man who sits by and allows his country to grow fat and complacent using the power of the titans. A man who allows Marley to fall behind the world in matters of martial technology. A man who truly loves this, the greatest nation on earth, would want to protect her as he would his own wife. So a man with power, who knows the depravity of the Eldian race, who sits by and allows this country to fall out of competition with the rest of the world? To open herself up to hostilities?” Erwin’s voice was icy. “Perhaps the proper word for such a man is ‘traitor.’”</p>
<p>“Karl.” Kanada sounded like he was ready to strangle Erwin, but Willy lifted a hand. Wait.</p>
<p>“You say you were raised outside of Marley, Mr. Smith?”</p>
<p>“It is my biggest regret.”</p>
<p>“You’re a nationalist, then?”</p>
<p>Erwin thought of Paradis, of the men and women who had suffered for one hundred years behind her walls. Until two years ago, Erwin had not thought of it as a nation, but as home. Humanity. The last of the human race. When he discovered it was a single state in a vast world, a nation, his love had changed. He did not love humanity, then. At least, not unreservedly. He loved Eldians. Paradisians. And while he would do what he could to safeguard Eldians and non-Eldians alike, to allow them to live in peace with one another, his loyalty forever lay with his people. The people who shared his blood, who had been made miserable by an uncaring world.</p>
<p>It was a dangerous way of thinking, and he would tread carefully.</p>
<p>“Nationalist has bad connotations. I consider myself a patriot.”</p>
<p>“You love your home? Your country?”</p>
<p>He thought of Paradis, of Hange in her workshop, of Marie at home.</p>
<p>“With every drop of blood in my body,” Erwin said. Deadly serious. His conviction unsettled those who’d been in firm opposition to him only seconds before. “I’ve moved into arms dealing especially to provide my country with the best means to defend herself.”</p>
<p>“And to enrich yourself as well? It’s a lucrative business.”</p>
<p>Erwin smiled. “A man interested solely in wealth wouldn’t have spoken to you like this, Mr. Tybur. Would he?”</p>
<p>Willy’s eyebrows lifted. He seemed genuinely amused. “No. I suppose not.”</p>
<p>“Willy,” Kanada began, but Tybur put a hand on Erwin’s shoulder. The men looked in one another’s eyes, sized each other up.</p>
<p>“You’re very naïve, my friend, about how our world works. A lifetime spent in the Mid-East and Hizuru hasn’t allowed you to understand Marleyan social graces.” He was cold. Then, Willy Tybur smiled. “In this country, we don’t insult one another until <em>after</em> dinner.”</p>
<p>A ripple of laughter moved through the circle. They did not find Erwin amusing, but were desperate to please Willy.</p>
<p>“I doubt you’ve seen DeLuca’s gardens. Even at night, they’re incredible. Come along.” Willy Tybur led Erwin away, leaving a mass of stunned people, including Kanada, behind. “Let’s talk.”</p>
<p>Erwin felt a fishing pole in his hands, a tug on the line. He’d hooked the catch. Now to reel him in.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra had grown up on faerie tales, and felt like she was now living her own personal one. She wandered through one fantastic room after the next, filled with beautiful people who dripped jewels, music everywhere. Levi was at her back. Holding him and kissing him in this almost enchanted palace would have been the culmination of her fantasy…but she couldn’t. It was the one thing she couldn’t have.</p>
<p>She’d always thought him a handsome man, but in his well-tailored Marleyan suits he’d taken her desire to a previously unexplored level. This was a faerie tale, and he was the glowering beast, the prince, both at once. Just the thought of his hands on her, lifting her dress made her feverish. He was her husband, but she couldn’t touch him. It had been only one full day of living apart from him, sleeping without him, and already she felt herself going crazy. She wished for a dark corner, private bedroom, but no. She had a duty. She was a soldier; her uniform these days was just very, very different.</p>
<p>“Who’re you looking for?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Tybur. Karl said she’d be here.” Giulia Tyber was a southern Marleyan woman from a good Marleyan family. She had no Eldian blood whatsoever, but she’d married Willy, an Eldian, and given him Eldian children. Four little boys, one right after the other. The eldest was seven. Petra imagined she must be tired.</p>
<p>“Know what she looks like?” They stopped at the edge of the dance floor. Petra smelled the clean woodsy scent of his aftershave, and it almost drove her out of her mind. Were you supposed to still crave your husband after years together? And the way he’d looked at her tonight when she emerged in her dress…he’d looked like he wanted to devour her. She felt her body getting heavy just remembering.</p>
<p>Focus.</p>
<p>“Karl says the Tyburs dress modestly.” Like proper Eldians. It was considered good for them to wear old Eldian robes and high-necked collars to show that they were staid and complacent. The right sort of Eldian. But Petra only saw women in vivid pinks and low-cut purple frocks. Nothing modest.</p>
<p>“You all right, Mrs. Smith?”</p>
<p>He couldn’t help the gargled way he spoke her name. She knew he wanted to call her Petra. She wanted him to.</p>
<p>“I’m nervous.” That was true to Petra Smith and Petra Ral Ackerman. She shivered. “I…I need a moment.”</p>
<p>She turned and walked out of the big party room, jostling past servers in white tuxedoes until she found her way to a small, out of the way parlor. It was dimly lit here; perfect. She snuck inside, and Levi shut the door.</p>
<p>“I think Mr. Smith’s doing all right. Saw him with Tybur on our way in.” Levi leaned against the wall, his arm so near hers. Distractingly near. She closed her eyes, luxuriating in the warmth of his presence. “You want to go back out?”</p>
<p>He had to ask like that. He had to play being her employee. She couldn’t help it; no one else was here. She touched his arm. He flinched, but didn’t pull away.</p>
<p>“There’s no one here but us,” she breathed, barely a whisper. She drew near to him. His breathing hitched. “I’m scared.” She only mouthed the words. Then, “I miss you.”</p>
<p>He exhaled deeply, looked at her. His eyes were dead and flat, but the tension in his mouth gave him away.</p>
<p>“I’ve got a job to do. Gotta do it.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She licked her lips, remembered she was wearing lipstick. If she kissed even his cheek, people would be able to tell. Levi seemed to understand, because he took her wrist, the one with the diamond bracelet. He lifted it to his lips, and kissed her very delicately. She fought the urge to whimper. At the touch of his mouth, she was getting flustered. Sore between her legs with wanting. Even after more than two years, she couldn’t get enough of him.</p>
<p>He let her go at once, cursing. Shook his head. “No. Sorry.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed.</p>
<p>“H’lo?”</p>
<p>The voice came from inside the room, but no one was there. Petra nearly jumped a foot. One sofa had its back to them, and a woman sat up, visible over the top. She had short blonde hair, rumpled, and a pretty heart-shaped face. She gave a lazy, obviously drunken smile as she fumbled to stand. Despite her prettiness and youth, she wore a black dress with a high, starched white collar. The woman put a hand to her head.</p>
<p>“Oooh whee, I’m so sorry. I believe I’ve made a mess of myself.” She had a classic ‘south Marleyan’ accent; her ‘I’s sounded like ‘Ah’s. She stumbled over to them, her hand out to shake. “Mmm, so so drunk. Sorry, sorry—ah!”</p>
<p>She tripped over a footstool and nearly tumbled to the ground. Lightning quick, Levi caught her. He helped her regain balance.</p>
<p>“Oh, my. Sorry! Sorry. My husband always says he—<em>hic</em>—can’t take me anywhere.” She giggled, tugging at Levi’s lapel. He looked massively uncomfortable. “Oh, but <em>you</em> are a li’l cutie. Is, sorry, is my drunk, or are you a real <em>li’l </em>cutie?”</p>
<p>Levi looked like he wanted to kick open the door and leave. Petra jumped in.</p>
<p>“Sorry. This is my first time at a big party like this. I needed a break.” She shook the woman’s proffered hand. “Petra Smith.”</p>
<p>“An’ is this Mr. Smith?” The woman grinned devilishly at Levi.</p>
<p>“No. The bodyguard,” he said. She wrinkled her nose with glee.</p>
<p>“Wonderful. I love a single gen’leman.”</p>
<p>“Thought you were married.” Levi looked ready to drop her and go. She pinched his cheek and whispered.</p>
<p>“Only when I’m on good behavior.”</p>
<p>“What’s your name?” Petra wanted this lady to stop pawing her husband. The woman giggled, finally releasing Levi.</p>
<p>“I am Mrs. Giulia. Tyber.” She gave a showy bow after that, and burst into another flurry of giggles like it was some great joke. She fell against Petra, who caught and held her. She and Levi exchanged shocked glances.</p>
<p>“Oh. That’s…wonderful.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. My li’l darlin’ boys are home wi—<em>hic </em>their auntie. So I come alllll the way with Mr. Tybur for some fun.” She frowned and looked around the room. “Where’d he go?”</p>
<p>“I think my husband might be talking to him.” This was a prime opportunity, though it was hard to believe this was one of the leading women in Marleyan society. “We just arrived in Valle, and we don’t know anybody.”</p>
<p>“You don’t?” Her eyes widened like this was the worst thing she’d ever heard. She stroked Petra’s cheek. Well, better Petra than her husband. “Oh, you poor li’l thing. You know, you are <em>so</em> soft. How old’re you?”</p>
<p>“Twenty.”</p>
<p>“Aren’cha gonna ask me how old <em>I</em> am? Is polite.”</p>
<p>“Sorry. How old—”</p>
<p>“<em>Never ask a woman her age!</em>” She burst into frenzied, drunken laughter and hugged Petra. Levi shook his head, looking ready to throw this woman off his…boss’s wife. “Sorry, sorry. I had a few sips of port wine. Jus’ a few. I’m normally soooooo good, but my Willy’s off with all his many many friends and I’m boooored.” Giulia hugged Petra tight. “You smell nice.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t we go have some coffee? And then you can tell me all about your—”</p>
<p>“Husband? The Eldian?” For a moment, something sinister flashed across Giulia’s face. “The Devil?” Then it passed. She beamed. “Jus’ kidding! I mean, my boys are beautiful boys. Not their fault their blood’s…” She put a hand to her forehead. “Oooh. I drank too much. Mmm, sorry. It’s so nice to get away from the house and that nasty old spinster with her sour…” Giulia stopped talking. “Sorry. Forgot what I was saying.”</p>
<p>Levi shook his head. Disgusted. But Petra started to feel something like pity. She took Giulia’s arm.</p>
<p>“Let’s have some coffee and talk about anything you want.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Giulia’s eyes filled with tears. She took Petra’s face in her hands. “You sweet, sweet li’l girl. No one ever asks me to do anything I want. If they had,” she said, yanking Petra behind her by the wrist, “I wouldn’t be Mrs. Tybur. Oops! Forget I said that, lamb, just forget eeeeeverything.”</p>
<p>Petra filed away every last detail. Levi stayed close behind the women.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The gardens were lit beautifully. Willy guided him around some particularly inspired topiary animals. They passed an elephant dancing on a ball, then made their way to a tiger crouched and ready to pounce.</p>
<p>Erwin had lost track of time. He was genuinely enjoying this man’s company, and Willy seemed to enjoy his. There’d been almost no discussion of business since Erwin had broached the subject of opera.</p>
<p>“Everyone else thinks Beneventi’s <em>Love’s Lament</em> is his greatest work, but I’ve never met someone who thought <em>Cronus</em> was his masterpiece.”</p>
<p>“I’m happy to stand alone in that opinion,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“No. I agree. It’s not as lushly romantic, but that idea of the rise and fall of a god makes for a much more dramatic subject. The only issue is, in my opinion, that no one can ‘relate’ to it.”</p>
<p>“When people say they want to relate to something, they often mean they want to see their exact aches and pains, their mundane joys replicated onstage.” Erwin stopped before the tiger. “But the story of colossal destruction is the story of mankind itself.”</p>
<p>“Exactly.” Willy smiled. “That line ‘For what would the world ask of me—’”</p>
<p>“—that would prove greater sacrifice than flesh and blood?’” Erwin quoted with ease. “’The answer, thus: the dreams of youth.’”</p>
<p>He had gone through all the records on the ‘phonograph’ Kiyomi had sent at his request. He had devoured the works of Beneventi the composer in particular. And Cronus especially.</p>
<p>“Anyone who can’t relate to that,” Willy said quietly, “has no soul.”</p>
<p>“I’d say they’re ruled by fear.” Erwin gazed up at the stars, but couldn’t find them. The lights were too bright. “The realization that not only will we die, but our dreams will never be completely fulfilled is a heavy one.”</p>
<p>“You’re not like any arms dealer I’ve met,” Willy drawled.</p>
<p>“Well. You’re unlike any Eldian I’ve met. Not that I’ve met any.” Erwin smiled. Willy laughed.</p>
<p>“Fair enough. Ah, I tell you, Karl.” He wore a haunted look now. “If I could scrub my blood clean of the Eldian taint, I’d do it this instant.”</p>
<p>Erwin smiled, even though he wanted to break this man’s arm. <em>You left us to suffer and die in ignorance, you pig.</em></p>
<p>Instead, he nodded in sympathy.</p>
<p>“I tell myself our blood doesn’t determine who we truly are. But in the case of Eldians…” He shook his head. “Maybe I pity the wretches, but I want them cloistered away.”</p>
<p>“In their little paradise.” Willy tsked. “I wish King Fritz had brought every last one of them to that island and wiped them off the face of the earth.”</p>
<p>How wretched to despise one’s own people. It was like despising one’s own body.</p>
<p>“Better not to rely on such devils to maintain the nation,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“No. Marley should rely on men like you. Men with vision.” Willy clapped Erwin on the arm, and grinned. “And guns to sell.”</p>
<p>“Name any time you’d like to discuss terms.”</p>
<p>“I don’t sell military contracts.” He said it too quickly.</p>
<p>“Of course not. But you talk to men like DeLuca.”</p>
<p>Willy grinned. He looked positively delighted. Perhaps he was a lonely little boy after all, even with all his supplicants.</p>
<p>“Yoo hoo! Willy darlin’!”</p>
<p>Willy Tybur’s smile melted when he heard a woman’s shrill call. Erwin found Petra half-carrying a drunken blonde woman, Levi tailing them with a sour look.</p>
<p>“Sorry. She’s had some coffee, but a lot of wine,” Petra whispered. Giulia broke from the woman and flung herself into her apparent husband’s arms. Willy sighed deeply.</p>
<p>“Hello, Giulia. You broke your promise, sweetheart.” He sounded tired.</p>
<p>“Jus’ a little champagne. A tiny, tiny sip. I only forgot to eat a proper dinner.” She pouted, hanging from around his neck. “This’s my new friend, Petra. She’s soooo pretty.”</p>
<p>“Hello, my dear.” Erwin took Petra’s hand, pulled her against him. He pushed it as far as decorum allowed, wrapping an arm around her waist. She beamed at him.</p>
<p>“And this is your wife?” Willy smiled and nodded. “Pleasure, Mrs. Smith.”</p>
<p>“Oh! Mr. Tybur.”</p>
<p>“Please, Willy is fine.”</p>
<p>“Then Petra. Please.”</p>
<p>“Oi. Boss.” Levi was at his other shoulder; Erwin felt how much the man wanted him to let Petra go. “Kanada’s looking for you. Seems kinda pissy.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I may have gone rogue on his watch. My fault.”</p>
<p>“Not at all.” Willy laughed even as Giulia slumped in his embrace. “We should continue this conversation.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Erwin turned with his soldiers to leave.</p>
<p>“Wait. I know it’s not our favorite, but <em>Love’s Lament</em> is playing at the Valle Opera tomorrow evening. We have a box that we like to fill with friends. Why not come along? Both of you?”</p>
<p>“Thank you. Would it be all right if…?” He gestured to Levi. “Given my profession, I like a handler, shall we say, with me at all times.”</p>
<p>“Of course. You’re all welcome.” Willy grimaced when Giulia began to nod off. “I think I should make our excuses to the DeLucas. Well. Good night.” He shook with Erwin, kissed Petra’s hand. Giulia grinned at the girl and made a kissy face.</p>
<p>“Tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Curtain’s at seven,” Willy said as he half-dragged, half-carried his wife. When they were alone, Petra clapped her hands over her mouth and giggled. She looked amazed, delighted. Erwin felt the same.</p>
<p>“Seemed to go okay,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Better than that. You did brilliantly. Both of you.” Erwin nodded to the house. “Now we’d better find our host. I think he might be annoyed with me.”</p>
<p>“If what I saw’s right, he wants to kick your damn ass.” Levi grunted as he tailed Erwin and Petra. She seemed to buzz with excitement as she walked through the night on his arm. For a moment he nearly forgot himself and kissed her, but she was not his wife. Their relationship was as carefully rehearsed as an opera, and as artificial.</p>
<p>Erwin told himself he didn’t mind.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra lay beside her “husband” and listened to him breathe. Sharing a bed with Erwin was not uncomfortable, but it was strange. She was used to a smaller shape beside her, and to curling up beside him in the dark. Kissing him. Falling asleep in his arms.</p>
<p>When they’d gone to bed, she’d pretended to fall asleep right away. He had not done anything, had even turned his back to her, but she’d felt him very aware of her presence. It didn’t help that all of the night things Kiyomi had given her were silk and clingy.</p>
<p>She’d seen how he looked at her tonight. She’d felt how he’d touched her. She knew he wouldn’t try anything, but that fire had rekindled in his gaze. They both knew it.</p>
<p>She sat up and stared at the connecting doorway. She slipped out of bed and padded over, standing before the door. She pressed her hands and forehead against the cool wood, closed her eyes, and imagined entering Levi’s room. Climbing into his bed. Waking him with a kiss, feeling his grumpiness change to wariness then to lust. Trying to be quiet as they made frantic love. She wanted to feel his hands and mouth on her body so badly.</p>
<p>Petra touched the doorknob…</p>
<p>
  <em>This mission is more important.</em>
</p>
<p>She released it, and sadly went back to bed. He must be asleep by now, anyway. Even he needed his rest.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi stood before the door, his forehead pressed against the cool wood. His skin felt feverish. He heard her walk away. If she’d opened the door, he wanted to believe he’d have been strong enough to resist.</p>
<p>He went back to bed, and didn’t sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The opera house in Mitras paled in comparison. The scale alone in the Valle Opera House almost had him gawking like a tourist. The carpeting was all red velvet, and rich oil paintings of previous productions and scenery caught his eye. There was the fiery chariot’s descent at the end of <em>Prometheus Unbound</em>; here, the lovers’ secret meeting in <em>Love’s Lament</em>, while the jilted count schemed and fumed out of sight. Erwin felt Petra tighten her grip on his arm. He allowed her to gape and gasp as she looked around. They all had their roles to perform, and she filled hers beautifully.</p>
<p>She filled everything beautifully. He couldn’t help how his glance slid down her slight frame. She wore a gown of pink satin with a skirt of frosted tulle. The bodice had a delicate pattern of rosebuds that dripped to her waist, the sleeves were sheer gauze. The maid had curled her hair again and woven in silken primroses. A less delicate woman would have appeared childish, but she was ethereal. A princess from one of the faerie stories Marie had gifted Kuchel. Petra looked innocent, and that only enflamed Erwin.</p>
<p>He thought of Marie. He wanted her, if only to take the edge off the lust. Erwin had slept badly; he’d dreamed of being in bed with Marie, and as he’d neared his climax she changed to Petra. The red-haired woman had writhed beneath him, crying out in ecstasy as he took her, and then Levi had been on his back. The man had sunk his teeth into Erwin’s shoulder.</p>
<p>He’d woken in a cold sweat, and then taken a cold shower. Sleep evaded him after. Which was unfortunate, because he needed to be alert tonight.</p>
<p>“Remind me what the goal is?” Petra asked while they collected their programs. Erwin led her across the lobby, Levi the ever-present shadow at their backs. The ushers directed them up the main staircase; the box was in the mezzanine.</p>
<p>“The goal is to deepen the relationship. Inspire trust.”</p>
<p>She frowned. “But why? What do we want him to do for us?”</p>
<p>Petra was bright and quick to pick up on things, but he sometimes wished she were a little more intuitive. That was why she and her husband worked so well together; they were both focused on the physical here and now. Petra did have some imagination—more than he’d given her credit for—but she couldn’t know in her gut that Willy Tybur was the key to a lock Erwin had not yet located. The answer to a question he had not asked. Erwin did not know why he needed to strengthen his relationship with Willy Tybur. He only knew, in the center of his gut, that it was the right move.</p>
<p>“Do you trust me?” he whispered as they came upon the red velvet curtain to box seven.</p>
<p>“Yes.” She said it with absolute assurance. He was, if nothing else, the man whose hunches and intuitions had led them this far. He knew she trusted him to take them all the way.</p>
<p>“Then help me tonight.”</p>
<p>She nodded, a look of resolution on her sweet face. Erwin opened the curtain. There were six velvet chairs in the box, and only two occupied. Willy and Giulia turned around. He was dressed in sleek black, while she wore a high-necked, puffed sleeve gown of gold. From the sharp light in her eyes and sly smile, she was not drunk now.</p>
<p>“Oh, look at you. Willy, didn’t I tell you she was a vision?” She got up and kissed Petra on both cheeks, then ushered her in to sit. Willy and Erwin shook. Both smiled.</p>
<p>“I hope you’re ready for something tragic,” Willy said as Erwin settled in.</p>
<p>“It’s just what I was hoping for tonight.” He laughed. Levi kept to the very back, unnoticed. In his slick black suit, he blended into the shadows. The man was good at his job. An usher arrived carrying a tray of champagne, compliments of the management. Erwin handed a glass to Petra, whose eyes widened when she sipped. Giulia laughed to see it.</p>
<p>“You are truly the sweetest little thing I ever did see.” She beamed at Petra.</p>
<p>“Have you been married long?” Willy asked.</p>
<p>“Two months,” Petra answered at once. She sipped again, clearly enjoying it. The sight was so charming Erwin almost forgot himself and kissed her. But he felt Levi staring right at his back, and recalled the man’s teeth tearing into him in the dream. “We met when Karl was in Hizuru. Well, on an island off the coast. I was in a convent there, the Daughters of the Immaculate Heart.” She flushed, perhaps with the champagne, but it lent truth to her story. “I hadn’t taken vows or anything. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay any longer, and then he appeared. Two weeks later, we were married. It was like magic.”</p>
<p>Erwin put his hands on her shoulders. He leaned forward, and laid a kiss upon her neck.</p>
<p>It was instinct. After a pretty confession like that, not kissing her would appear cold. He wouldn’t try her lips, or Levi might kill him. Petra gasped at his kiss, then looked to the Tyburs, probably afraid she’d given them all away. But Willy only beamed, as did Giulia.</p>
<p>“I wondered why you seemed so fresh. Like a little girl lost in the woods.” Giulia kept smiling, a gleam in her eyes Erwin couldn’t place. He believed he liked the woman better when she was drunk and easy to dominate.</p>
<p>“Well.” Willy lifted his glass. “To the happy couple. Contentment in marriage is important.” Given the way he and Giulia sat side by side as if they were polite strangers, Erwin got the feeling the man knew what he was talking about. Petra and Erwin clinked, and drank. In the back, Erwin caught Levi’s eye. The man did not move, but his eyes remained fixed on Erwin.</p>
<p>“It’s starting.” Giulia got up and took a seat right next to Petra as the lights dimmed. Erwin heard her whisper, “I’ll help you along with the story if you don’t know the language.”</p>
<p>“I wonder how our tortured lovers will fare this evening,” Willy drawled. Erwin laughed quietly.</p>
<p>“Hopefully they’ll suffer an appropriate amount. No one wants to watch a drama involving perfectly happy people.”</p>
<p>The men fell silent as the opera began, a sea of violins singing in the orchestra pit. Erwin had to pretend to be an experienced man of this world, but he wanted to hang over the edge of the railing and gape at the grandeur. The painted screen rose, and act one began.</p>
<p>As the devious count schemed to marry a girl much, much too young for him, and as the heroic tenor serenaded her beneath a balcony, Erwin felt Levi’s gaze burning a hole in the back of his head. In front, Giulia kept whispering to Petra, who nodded and sometimes giggled.</p>
<p>“I think she wants to make your wife her pet,” Willy whispered.</p>
<p>“I take it that’s a good thing?”</p>
<p>“When Giulia is occupied with a project, she doesn’t drink so much.” The bluntness was almost shocking, but then Erwin had seen Mrs. Tybur at her worst on their first meeting. The secret was out. “Are you staying in Valle long?”</p>
<p>“We’d planned ten days. I don’t want to strain Kanada’s hospitality.”</p>
<p>“That’s a pity.” Willy rolled his eyes as the lovers began an impassioned duet with the sentiment ‘never shall I leave your side’ repeated about eighty different times. “She could use the company, and I could use someone with taste.”</p>
<p>Erwin chuckled, but his mind spun. How to use this? How?</p>
<p>Act one ended with the lovers agreeing to meet and elope the next evening, and the count lurking in the bushes and swearing revenge. The audience applauded as the lights came up.</p>
<p>“How long’s this show?” Levi asked bluntly.</p>
<p>“There are three acts,” Erwin replied. He shot Levi a cool warning glance. The man returned it with an icy stare of his own. “This is a good time to stretch your legs.”</p>
<p>“It’s my job to keep an eye on you.” And on Petra, clearly.</p>
<p>“I doubt Willy’s going to shoot me the second you’re out of sight.”</p>
<p>“Exactly. I was planning to wait for the third act.” Willy grinned.</p>
<p>“Go on. Take a breath.”</p>
<p>Levi looked at Petra at a moment when she just so happened to be looking at him. Erwin flinched; the meeting of their gazes seemed to create an electric spark. He prayed the Tyburs hadn’t noticed as Petra hurriedly turned away.</p>
<p>Levi cleared his throat. In that instant his pale, sharp features looked chiseled from stone, his eyes like chips of ice. He was every inch the imposing bodyguard. His glance told Erwin: don’t touch my wife again.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Levi said. “I’m gonna make a quick sweep of the place.” He left, and Erwin shrugged at Willy.</p>
<p>“He’s not a music fan.”</p>
<p>Willy laughed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>People swarmed like ants in the lobby, waiting for the bathroom or ordering alcohol. Levi didn’t like drinking, but he almost wanted to join in. Seeing Erwin kiss Petra’s neck had been too much. He’d wanted to lay hands on the guy, throw him away. He could watch them touch, but not kiss. Not Erwin’s lips where Levi’s should have been.</p>
<p><em>You idiot. You’ll ruin everything. </em>Fuck. Levi knew he had to calm down about this. He walked up and down the long cushy hallway a couple of times, until the fancy jerks started filing into their fancy seats in the orchestra, or lower level, or whatever they called it. He hated false, fancy crap. Why anyone wanted to bother watching people in too much makeup boo hoo over relationships that weren’t real and lovers that weren’t actually dead he’d never understand. If you wanted to relax, enjoy something real. Go for a ride, have some tea, sleep with your gorgeous fucking wife. He shut his eyes. Couldn’t do that last one.</p>
<p>If he had to see her in one more outfit that would look so much better on his bedroom floor, he might lose it. He couldn’t remember when he’d last been this unspeakably horny for her. Not since Kuchel was born. This felt like the early days of their relationship all over again, with him obsessing over her and getting hard just thinking about her.</p>
<p>But this time if he acted on it, it wouldn’t mean her job. It would mean her life.</p>
<p>He shook his head. Had a job to do. Levi Ackerman didn’t fall down on the job. Some guy at the doors hit a few notes on a xylophone. That meant everyone should get in their seats. Levi sighed, and headed for the stairs.</p>
<p>The doors pushed open, and three men entered the lobby. He glanced at them casually, then nearly did a double take.</p>
<p>One was a man in military dress who Levi had never seen before. The man looked to be in his mid to late forties, with large eyes and a thin little mustache. He scanned the area, looking bored.</p>
<p>But next to him also in military dress and with a fucking armband on his fucking arm marking him as a fucking Eldian was Zeke fucking Jaeger.</p>
<p>That was a shock. But the man standing next to Zeke, the man built like a solid ox with the scowl of a released convict, was Reiner Braun. That was a sledgehammer to the face.</p>
<p>If Reiner Braun saw Levi or Erwin, it was over.</p>
<p>He turned around fast, giving them his back as the men walked up the staircase while talking. Levi muttered curses under his breath.</p>
<p>“Zeke?” the older military guy said. “Something wrong?”</p>
<p>“Ah. Nothing. Thought about getting a program, but I can do without.”</p>
<p>Levi glanced over his shoulder and saw Zeke Jaeger staring daggers at him. Levi glared right back. Before he turned to rejoin his friends, Zeke clenched his fist. The universal sign for ‘I’d hit you if I could, what are you doing here?’</p>
<p>Levi would beat the monkey’s ass later. Right now, they needed to get the fuck out of here. The second Reiner and Zeke were out of sight, he charged up the stairs. Two ushers stood on opposite sides of the doorway that led to the mezzanine boxes. Levi started to walk past them, but they stepped in his way.</p>
<p>“Move,” he growled, way over being fucking polite. He tried shoving past, but they blocked him again. “You have a death wish?”</p>
<p>“S-Sir, the performance has started.” One of the ushers, some kid with a dewy face, gulped in fear. “There’s no late admittance.”</p>
<p>Yeah, he heard it now, a big rush of violins and flutes and fucking music was playing. The sound bled through the walls. Levi fumed.</p>
<p>“I’m in a fucking box. How the fuck is that going to disrupt anything?”</p>
<p>“It’s p-policy.”</p>
<p>“Look. My employer’s in there. It’s my job to protect him. Don’t make me not do my job.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a ticket?” the other one asked. Oh, someone was going to lose a limb tonight.</p>
<p>“Listen, you little shit,” he began, but felt someone approach him from behind. The hair on Levi’s nape went rigid.</p>
<p>“Hey. Is everything all right here?” Reiner asked.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She was supposed to be working, but Petra had never been to the opera before. It was hypnotic. She leaned forward, staring into the orchestra pit as they played the introduction to the second act. The men and women wore elegant black and white attire. She saw one woman plucking at a harp.</p>
<p>“Wow,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Enjoying yourself, darlin’?” Giulia asked.</p>
<p>Petra blushed.</p>
<p>“We just…don’t get a lot of opera in convents,” she said.</p>
<p>Giulia and Willy smiled at her like she was the most adorable creature alive. Erwin leaned over again, one of his large hands clasping her small one.</p>
<p>“You’re doing wonderfully,” he whispered in her ear. His breath was hot on her neck. She shut her eyes. She had to restrain herself from slapping him. Erwin had said he wouldn’t kiss her, but he’d done it right in front of Levi and now he…</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>She turned around and noticed Levi’s empty seat.</p>
<p>“Um. Dear.” She dug her nails into Erwin’s hand. “Where’s Kenny?”</p>
<p>Erwin looked. Even in the near darkness, she could read the tightening of his features. Shit.</p>
<p>“Maybe he can’t get back in without a ticket.” Giulia shook her head. “They’re such fascists about it.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be right back,” Erwin said. He rose, and Willy frowned.</p>
<p>“The curtain’s about to rise.” Willy sounded bemused. Obviously running around after employees wasn’t the mark of a true gentleman. Petra’s heartbeat was so loud she could scarcely hear the music now. Levi didn’t waste time. If he wasn’t back yet, something must have happened. She wanted to volunteer to go looking for him, but that would definitely seem odd.</p>
<p>“You rely on that man a great deal, don’t you?” Giulia smiled at Petra. She didn’t know how to answer that.</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’s been waylaid at the entrance. I’ll be right back.” Erwin swept through the curtains. Petra clutched at her program as the performance continued.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The yellow lightning told him that the best choice might be to kill all three of them. He had the element of surprise here. If he took out his knife and sliced Reiner through the back of the neck, he’d kill the young man in seconds. Titan shifters couldn’t survive with their napes cut. The two dewy ushers would be child’s play in comparison.</p>
<p>But Levi knew that if he killed three people on the opera’s grand staircase, someone was bound to notice. They’d tie him to Erwin. It would be over for him…and for Petra.</p>
<p>If Reiner saw Levi’s face, it was over for Erwin and Petra as well. Time slowed to a crawl as Levi tried to figure out what to do. It seemed he had all the time in the world, even though he had scarcely two seconds before—</p>
<p>“Get away from me!” The dewier of the ushers sneered at Reiner. Levi would bet money he was staring at the armband that marked the boy as Eldian. “Devil blooded…freak!”</p>
<p><em>Don’t turn around.</em> The usher was saving his ass, though Levi wanted to snap the bastard’s neck. If he knew what blood ran in Levi’s veins, he’d wear the same furious look. He’d call Petra a freak for being Eldian. Or Kuchel. The very thought of anyone sneering at his child made Levi want to commit murder.</p>
<p>“Just wondered if you needed any help,” Reiner grumbled. Levi felt the boy back off. Hard to believe. The kid who’d helped massacre hundreds of thousands of people also tried to step in and help when he saw little fights break out. Levi’d never understand anyone.</p>
<p>“The day I need a devil’s help will be the day I’m ready to die.”</p>
<p>Levi couldn’t believe that such a milquetoast kid could look so hateful so quickly. He stared at the kid in disbelief, almost wanting to defend Reiner. Levi had not seen Eldian hatred in the flesh before. <em>They hate us. They really hate us.</em></p>
<p>What he saw wasn’t logical. It was animal, ugly. For the first time, Levi saw just what they had to fight against. What Erwin had to save them from.</p>
<p>But if he didn’t get out of here fast, all Erwin’s plans were going to fall to shit.</p>
<p>While the two ushers kept snarling at Reiner, telling him to go back to his ghetto, wondering what a beast like him was even doing here (Levi thought that was a good fucking question), Levi took the opportunity and slipped between them. He heard one shout ‘hey!’ but they didn’t come after him; they had a new target for their prissy vitriol. He hurried down the velvet hallway, blood thunder in his ears.</p>
<p>
  <em>We have to get out of here now.</em>
</p>
<p>He was approaching box seven when Erwin emerged through the curtains. Thank fuck. He glared at Levi, about to say something, then clearly thought better of it once he saw the man’s face.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“Come here.” Levi dragged Erwin further down the hall, into an alcove. He looked to either side, made sure they were alone, then hissed, “We need to leave. Reiner’s here.”</p>
<p>“What?” Erwin looked shocked. It was one of the few times Levi saw the man close to losing his composure. “How is that possible? He’s Eldian. He’s supposed to be in Liberio. Zeke said—”</p>
<p>“Zeke’s here, too. Caught sight of me and looked pissed. I think they’re with military brass. Maybe they’re here to perform tricks for society folk, but they’re here. If Reiner sees us, it’s over.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Erwin glanced at the velvet curtain. “But if we rush out of here now, it’ll look strange.”</p>
<p>“Erwin, if we get caught, they are going to kill you. They’re going to kill my wife. I won’t let that happen.” Levi was ready to strongarm the man through the opera house if he had to. Erwin nodded, though he looked pained.</p>
<p>“We do need to handle this right. If we’re too indelicate, Willy will shut us out. I can’t have that.”</p>
<p>“Then what do we do?”</p>
<p>“We’ll stay for most of the act. You and I will keep to the shadows, in the back of the box. I’ll tell Petra to feel faint about ten minutes out from the end. We’ll make our apologies and leave before the next intermission. That way we maintain the relationship and avoid getting caught.”</p>
<p>Levi nodded. He wanted to get out now, but he saw the reasoning. It was sound.</p>
<p>They walked back, pushed aside the curtain. Erwin made hushed apologies, and then leaned over Petra’s chair. Levi’s nostrils flared as he watched the man kiss his wife on the cheek. He knew Erwin was telling her they were in danger, but it still killed him. Petra laughed gently. He’d probably told her to laugh, make the Tyburs think everything was all right. Erwin sat back, and nodded to Levi.</p>
<p>Good. The plan was in place. Now he just had to suffer through some fruity singing and hope Reiner didn’t spot them.</p>
<p>This time, Levi couldn’t even sit. He stood at the back, scanning the crowds to see if he could spot Zeke again. As the music thundered below and the singers screamed, he felt the first real moment of fear in months. Maybe years. If Reiner saw them, he could very well lose Petra or Erwin or both. He could very well never see Kuchel again. Life or death, victory or defeat rested on one idiot teenage boy not seeing them. What a stupid fucking world.</p>
<p>“Scuse me,” Giulia whispered. He’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t even noticed her come up to him.</p>
<p>“Yeah? Uh, ma’am?”</p>
<p>“Got a light?” She smiled.</p>
<p>“Uh. I don’t smoke.”</p>
<p>“Neither do I.”</p>
<p>He frowned, puzzled as hell. She slipped through the curtains and then actually tugged Levi by his sleeve to follow her.</p>
<p>“Your husband—” he began, but she waved her hand.</p>
<p>“So long as I’m not drunk and loud, Willy doesn’t mind anything.”</p>
<p>
  <em>My wife…</em>
</p>
<p>Right. Shit. Right now, Levi was a single man. Giulia slid her arm through his.</p>
<p>“I need another glass of champagne, and it’s a gentleman’s job to accompany a woman.” She smiled.</p>
<p>“I can get you a glass if you want to sit back down,” he muttered. Giulia wrinkled her nose and laughed.</p>
<p>“You’re so odd. I like it.”</p>
<p>“My boss—”</p>
<p>“Is chatting with my husband, and wrapped up in his lovely young wife. He won’t miss you.” Levi’s face must have twitched, because Giulia cocked her head. “Something wrong with my husband? Or your boss’s wife?”</p>
<p>“No.” Fuck, why the fuck were they in the fucking opera in the first fucking place? He wanted to tell her to fuck off. Instead, he said, “We gotta go back to the lobby?”</p>
<p>“There’s always a refreshment area on the mezzanine. It’s for exclusive patrons.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. You seem pretty exclusive,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“No. I like to think of myself as a very inclusive type of person.” She batted her lashes as they walked in case he missed what she was laying down. He didn’t. Why the fuck was this happening to him? “There’s always room for one more.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I don’t like parties.”</p>
<p>“You prefer one on one time? I can’t argue with that.”</p>
<p>He wanted to pull away from her, but Kenny Ral had no reason not to be interested in a beautiful woman. Maybe Kenny Ral didn’t like women in general. He could try that. But before he could say ‘man, I sure do love guys sexually’, Giulia cut in.</p>
<p>“Let me give you a piece of advice, darlin’.” She squeezed his arm, leaned her cheek on his shoulder. In heels she was only an inch or so taller than him. “Your employer’s not going to appreciate the way you look at his pretty little wife. He’ll like it less if he finds out you kissed her wrist.”</p>
<p>Oh <em>fuck the world.</em></p>
<p>“You. Uh.”</p>
<p>“I was not that drunk, and I saw it all. She seems quite taken with you herself. Poor little thing. She’s so delicate, and her husband is quite a large, strong-looking man. He must be a lot to handle in bed, especially for an inexperienced girl. It makes sense she’d appreciate someone more her size.”</p>
<p>Maybe this was him paying for all his sins. Every bad thing Levi had ever done, he was paying for tonight. Reiner. Erwin kissing Petra. This heinous moment. Opera. It was a nightmare. But he was going to wake soon, just had to get this woman her drink and take her back to the box. Then Petra would swoon, and they’d leave. Levi put on his most stoic face.</p>
<p>“She’s nice,” he said. “Not really my taste, though.”</p>
<p>“Oh? And what is your taste?” Giulia purred.</p>
<p>“Brunettes,” he said, looking at the short woman’s bright golden hair. “I like tall brunettes.”</p>
<p>That at least shut her up. They got the champagne and Levi escorted Giulia back along the corridor. His eyes crossed at the thought of more stupid lovers kissing and screeching, but he was almost out. They were almost at the box…</p>
<p>And then he saw them. The military guy. Zeke. And Reiner. They were chatting and heading straight for Levi in a head on collision.</p>
<p>“Oh!” Giulia splashed half her drink on his chest when Levi backed her into an alcove. He was staring her right in the face, heart pounding. Her shock changed to half-lidded understanding. She wound an arm around his neck. “Thought you had a preference?”</p>
<p>“Uh,” he said, very intelligent. The three men passed, and then he heard them move down the hallway. “I forgot. I do.” He stepped away and neatened his jacket, then all but ran through the curtain and back into the box. He crouched next to Erwin and whispered. “Reiner just walked past. He’s somewhere nearby, and he’s moving. It’s too risky to swoon now.”</p>
<p>What a fucking sentence. Erwin nodded, then leaned in again to Petra. This time, he kissed her cheek, whispered, then kissed her cheek again. Levi saw blinding red. She giggled, and brushed her nose against his. She was a damn fine actress. Levi was going to have a heart attack. He sat back down.</p>
<p>When the curtain fell for the second intermission, Erwin pulled Levi aside.</p>
<p>“The lobby will be crowded. It’ll be a good opportunity to slip out.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“You feeling all right, sweetheart?” Giulia asked Petra. “You’re not feeling light-headed now, are you?”</p>
<p>Petra had been preparing to faint so it didn’t look like it came out of nowhere. Smart girl.</p>
<p>“I’m fine. I just need some fresh air.” She looked at Erwin, who nodded. He stood, and turned…right into Zeke Jaeger. And the military brass guy.</p>
<p>For a moment Levi thought Reiner was with them and his soul left his body, but by some miracle the boy was not there.</p>
<p>“Karl Smith?” the military guy asked.</p>
<p>Levi went numb. They were caught. It was over. He was going to do whatever he could to fight his way out of here, no matter how many bodies he needed to get through. He reached into his jacket and put a hand on his knife.</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“I’m Colonel Theo Magath. I’m here with Governor DeLuca and his wife.” He pointed to a box on the other side of the house. “He said you were looking into military contracts. I run the Warrior program up in Liberio, but I have the ear of some well-connected people. I know it’s rude to talk shop at the opera,” Magath said, looking to Petra and Giulia apologetically. “But I wondered if you had a minute.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Erwin smiled, cool as ice. The man was either a god or a psychopath. Maybe both. “I assume you’ve met—”</p>
<p>“Willy Tybur. An honor.” The men shook hands. Zeke kept staring at Levi. Levi glared back at him.</p>
<p>“Magath, I’ll be right back,” Zeke said. “I need to find the restroom.”</p>
<p>“Of course. Be careful, though. Reiner got chewed out by a couple of ushers earlier.” Magath returned to his conversation with Erwin, while Zeke glared pointedly at Levi. Guess he had to pee, too.</p>
<p>“Stay calm,” he muttered to Petra, and left. He saw Zeke disappear into a doorway up ahead, and followed at a fast pace. A man busted through the door looking indignant as he did up his fly. Yeah, probably got mad that a devil-blooded Eldian was sharing his space. Shit like this almost made Levi feel for someone like Zeke.</p>
<p>Almost.</p>
<p>He went inside and locked the door behind them; everyone else could use the ladies. Zeke was checking under all the stalls, and when he knew they were alone came over to Levi with his teeth bared.</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you doing here?” he hissed.</p>
<p>“Same question. You’re supposed to be hundreds of miles up north,” Levi snapped. “I didn’t know they even let Eldians into nice fancy places like this.”</p>
<p>“Warriors are a mild exception. Magath likes to parade us around right now to try to instill confidence in the program. Since we lost the colossal titan to Paradis and let the Coordinate slip away, we’re not exactly popular.”</p>
<p>“But hey. War’s on, and you’re necessary. So you kiss some ass.” Levi shook his head. “Politics is everywhere.”</p>
<p>“You need to leave.”</p>
<p>“No shit, Beardy.” Levi looked up into the hated man’s face. Any other time he’d have broken Zeke Jaeger’s jaw, but these were extraordinary circumstances. “You need to help us. Keep Reiner away from us until we can leave.”</p>
<p>“I’m not his keeper.”</p>
<p>“If we get caught, you’re fucked, too.”</p>
<p>Zeke smirked. His lazy looking eyes narrowed. “I know you from Shiganshina. You can’t prove anything else. And if you out me, you destroy Eldia’s hope on the continent. Are you really that petty, Levi?”</p>
<p>Yes. Yes he was. But he was also smart.</p>
<p>“You don’t understand. If we get caught, I will fucking kill you.”</p>
<p>The quiet certainty in his voice froze Zeke.</p>
<p>“Y-You wouldn’t. You can’t.” He tried to sound tough. “You don’t have ODM, and I have the power of the titans.”</p>
<p>“It’d be tough, yeah. But I like a challenge. Keeps me fit.” Levi gripped the man by his shirt and slammed him against the wall. Zeke whimpered as Levi brought their faces close. “Where’s Reiner now?”</p>
<p>“He’s still with the DeLucas. You can leave right now. You’d better do just that.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Levi let go of the guy and smoothed back his hair. Adrenaline coursed through his body in a way he didn’t think it ever had before. He couldn’t imagine these pigs putting their hands on his wife and spitting on her, hitting her, torturing her for the crime of being born. He’d kill them all. Every last one. “You get that Magath guy out of here. I’ll get my team and leave.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Zeke neatened his clothes. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>Levi unlocked the door, and opened it to find Reiner Braun.</p>
<p>The kid was looking off to the side, and the instant before his eyes met Levi’s Levi shut the door and leaned against it. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.</p>
<p>“This,” Zeke said, “would be funny if it wasn’t insanely bad.”</p>
<p>“Zeke?” Reiner knocked on the door. “You okay in there?”</p>
<p>Levi thought fast. If Reiner had seen Erwin, he wouldn’t be this casual. Levi looked around, saw a fancy porcelain soap dish next to one of the sinks. He snatched it and stood behind the door as Reiner opened it and entered the bathroom. He walked to Zeke.</p>
<p>“I can’t handle those people on my own. They look at me like—”</p>
<p>Levi slammed the soap dish against the back of Reiner’s head. The boy crumpled to the floor, unconscious on the instant. The dish shattered, pieces skittering across the floor. Zeke gaped at Levi.</p>
<p>“You could have hidden in a stall!” he hissed.</p>
<p>“What? It won’t kill him.” Levi checked over his shoulder. Any other time, he’d have killed Reiner for the good of Paradis, but the world had grown way bigger than this lunk-headed kid. “Listen. You found him like this. Those ushers earlier were cunts, one of them may have clocked him. Or a patron. He’s a fucking Eldian, lots of people would do it. Okay?”</p>
<p>Zeke nodded, grim faced. “Just get the fuck out of here before I lose my mind.”</p>
<p>“Better watch how you talk to me,” Levi said icily. He relished seeing Zeke shrink, then made his way out.</p>
<p>Levi hustled to the box. They needed to get out before this powder keg exploded.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra was ready to scream. Erwin laughed with Magath and Willy, and all the while Reiner could show up in that doorway at any second and kill them all. She stood, and gripped the back of her chair. “Oh,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Petra? You okay?” Giulia frowned.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Erwin came and took her arm. He sighed. “I’m sorry, she’s not been well. I think it’s the climate. She’s not used to it.”</p>
<p>“Why am I so dizzy?” She sighed, then turned and clung to Erwin. “Get Levi and let’s go,” she whispered. Then she kissed his cheek. It would look odd otherwise.</p>
<p>She felt him tense when she kissed him.</p>
<p>“Willy, I hate to be rude, but I want to get her home.” Erwin shook his head, and Willy waved his hand.</p>
<p>“Not at all. Tropical climate’s murder, especially this time of year. Give her a salt pill if you have one on hand.”</p>
<p>Levi appeared in the doorway, his jaw set. His eyes screamed ‘let’s go.’</p>
<p>“Tomorrow. Come over for lunch if you’re both feeling well,” Willy said. He and Erwin shook on it.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the evening. Thank you, colonel. A pleasure.”</p>
<p>“We’ll be in touch.”</p>
<p>Erwin escorted Petra to the door. Levi backed up. Magath followed them, and Willy poked out his head to say a final goodbye.</p>
<p>They all turned straight into Zeke. And, leaning on his shoulder, was Reiner. He had a hand on the steaming back of his head, and groaned in pain. Zeke looked dead inside.</p>
<p>“Someone attacked Reiner in the bathroom,” he said.</p>
<p>Petra rolled her eyes and swooned. Erwin caught her, turned, and hustled her off in his arms. Levi led the way, dropping little curses as he went. They hurried down the steps and all but sprinted out into the warm summer night. By some miracle, a taxi was waiting nearby. Erwin hailed it, and Levi practically threw her inside. They crammed in shoulder to shoulder, Petra in the middle.</p>
<p>She didn’t exhale until they were two blocks away.</p>
<p>“That was too fucking much,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>Erwin took a shaky breath. She noticed then how drained he looked.</p>
<p>The people in the opera house had missed the most spectacular performance of all.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should stop going out,” Petra said weakly.</p>
<p>“At the very least, you’ll be indisposed until Reiner leaves Valle. Probably be gone in the next day or so.” They sat in silence a minute. Outside, thunder rumbled. A tropical summer rain began to pound the roof of the car.</p>
<p>Petra looked over at her real husband. He looked tense and ashen. Any other time she’d have kissed his troubles away, but…</p>
<p>Wait. The cab driver didn’t know who they were, or what they were to one another. Petra slipped her hand into Levi’s. He turned to her in surprise.</p>
<p>“Wha—”</p>
<p>She kissed him, savored him. Levi’s breath hitched, and he kissed her back. For a blissful thirty seconds, she reacquainted herself with his lips. His tongue, too. Then, she pushed him away. He breathed heavily, staring at her with undisguised lust. Erwin was staring out the window like he’d die if he didn’t.</p>
<p>“You can’t just leave a man wound up like that,” he growled. Petra fluffed her skirt primly.</p>
<p>“Consider it a reward for a job well done.” She smirked. Levi’s nostrils flared.</p>
<p>“Damn brat,” he growled. He leaned back in his seat. For several minutes, they rode in silence. “Oi, Erwin,” Levi said. “Sorry you missed the last act.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Erwin shrugged. “It’s nothing much. The count has the young man executed, but then finds out he was his long lost son and dies of grief. The girl drinks poison.”</p>
<p>“See?” Levi crossed his arms. “Took five seconds instead of three hours. Opera is for idiots.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra sipped her tea and tried to listen to the other ladies. It was three days after the opera, and Kanada had learned that Reiner left Valle to report for duty up north. The three of them could move freely again, and Giulia had immediately wanted to bring Petra to tea with other society women. They were seated on the balcony of the Continental Hotel with palm trees swaying beside them. A monkey scampered across the railing, making Petra shriek. The women laughed heartily at that and gave her a sweet date to lure the creature in. She fed the little animal, and immediately fell in love.</p>
<p>She’d worn her best tea dress for the occasion, a peach colored ensemble with matching hat and delicate lace gloves. She loved how the clothes looked, but also wished she could move more freely. But she was here to listen and gather information. Petra listened to them go on about their men, children, the latest fashions and gossip with some interest. Mostly, though, she considered what to try uncovering. What was she even supposed to learn?</p>
<p>Giulia sat to her left, resplendent in a white summer dress with a fashionable hat. Beside Giulia sat Tamalyah, a Nambian woman who’d come with her ambassador husband for a small business trip. She had the same dark skin as Onyankopon, and was quite beautiful in a pink gown. She laughed gaily at something the woman to her left said, a Marleyan society girl named Carlotta who apparently made the gossip pages on a regular basis. Her bright green skirt was shorter than the other women’s, and her hair was dyed a loud, artificial red. Then, seated to Petra’s right, there was Willy’s younger sister, Clara.</p>
<p>Giulia had foregone her high-necked gowns for this occasion, but Clara Tybur wore the high lace collar with stoic neutrality. Her gown was black, unseasonable and, Petra imagined, very hot. She was in her early thirties, but had the type of face that unfortunately aged much faster than she did. She appeared at least forty to Petra’s eye. Her dark hair was pulled back in a low, severe bun.</p>
<p>Petra had smiled when they first sat down to tea and tried to make friends with Clara. The Tybur woman hadn’t been rude, per se, but she’d answered Petra’s questions with the fewest amount of words possible. She barely ate or drank anything. She sat there with folded hands and seemed not to listen to the other women. She lived in a world of her own.</p>
<p>There was something in her dark, haunted eyes that Petra recognized, but she couldn’t place it.</p>
<p>“Dear Clara’s been such a help with the children,” Giulia said, tossing her head in badly hidden irritation. “Willy tells her to get out a little and enjoy herself, but I’d be absolutely helpless without her. So nice to have such a reliable sister-in-law. She feels like a piece of old furniture you couldn’t do without. In fact, you can almost forget she’s in the room. That’s how well she fits in.”</p>
<p>Petra winced. She hated this kind of cruelty most of all. The smiling kind.</p>
<p>“Do you have any favorite hobbies?” she asked Clara, trying for a smile. The women tittered around the table, but Clara looked at Petra as if surprised. Maybe it was because the younger woman had asked it just to ask. No innuendos or prodding.</p>
<p>“I like to read,” Clara said.</p>
<p>“Me too! What are you reading?”</p>
<p>“Ribberschmidt’s Theory of Radical Decomposition. Have you heard of it?”</p>
<p>“My husband probably has.” Petra kept smiling.</p>
<p>“Petra is the dearest little thing in the world,” Giulia said to the ladies. “She’s so agreeable.” They looked at her like she was a precious kitten. Petra dug her fingernails into her thigh to keep from shouting at them to stop being so damn condescending.</p>
<p>“My husband really should meet yours, Mrs. Smith,” Tamalyah said. “Perhaps Nambia and he can do some business together.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps.” Petra also couldn’t stand how the women viewed her and seemingly themselves: as lap dogs of their men. Carlotta, at least, wasn’t married, but she did seem to enjoy flirting with all of the most handsome and richest men in Valle. As she started regaling them with a story about dancing in the city’s central fountain at two in the morning, Petra looked again at Clara Tybur. The woman was withdrawn. <em>She doesn’t belong here. Neither do I.</em></p>
<p>Petra didn’t just want to be sweet. She had opinions, she argued, she was forthright. She’d battled giant monsters for god’s sake. She loved beautiful dresses and romance novels, but that wasn’t the sum total of her being. Why did Marleyans seem to like squashing everyone into neat, easy boxes? Why did they act like the best thing you could be as a woman was some rich man’s wife?</p>
<p>“Could you lend me your book when you’re done?” she asked Clara. “It’s not my usual thing, but I’d like to try it.”</p>
<p>Clara again looked confounded. “Oh. Do you think you’d enjoy it?”</p>
<p>“Well, I won’t know if I don’t try.”</p>
<p>Clara’s lips tugged into a small smile. She was like Levi: everything kept close to the chest. The realization made Petra’s heart bleed for her a bit.</p>
<p>“Maybe we could trade books,” Clara said. “What are you reading?”</p>
<p>“Um. <em>Heart’s Loss Under the Elms.</em>” They’d found a bookstore, and Petra had immediately located the novel that seemed the most romantic and sad. “It’s pretty frivolous.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Clara hates frivolity,” Giulia said, wrinkling her nose. “She’s quite a brilliant mind. Stories of love would only bore her. Why read about what you don’t understand?”</p>
<p>“I won’t know if I don’t try,” Clara said. Her voice was small but steady. Petra wanted to hug her, right after she punched Giulia in the face.</p>
<p>
  <em>Be calm. Be gracious to everyone. You need these women to trust you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Great! I want to start a reading club at some point. Maybe when I come back to Valle, we could organize one?” She kept her voice light, her smile broad. Warm and welcoming to everyone, that was her.</p>
<p>“Sweet girl.” Giulia beamed. “What a wonderful idea. I ought to organize it; Willy says I drink less when I have a project.” She sipped her tea.</p>
<p>“Less than what? All of it?” Carlotta snickered. The three women made exaggerated faces of outrage at one another and laughed while Petra turned back to Clara. The woman looked so worn. Dark circles were under her eyes. Petra imagined she could see what the woman’s life was like. Unmarried women in Marley didn’t seem to have many options, so she probably did live like Giulia said. Furniture. Useful and easy to ignore.</p>
<p>“Maybe we could go for a walk in the park sometime. Do you like walking?”</p>
<p>“Oh. Yes.” Clara’s pale cheeks got some color. <em>She’s not used to receiving attention. </em>“I’d like that. Very much.”</p>
<p>She smiled a little. Petra smiled back. There was still that worn look in her eyes, though. Like she was exhausted—</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra dropped her teaspoon. It clattered on the floor, making the women jump.</p>
<p>“Sorry!” She started to duck to retrieve it, but Giulia waved her hand.</p>
<p>“Leave it, sweet. That’s what busboys are for.”</p>
<p>A young boy hurried over and retrieved the spoon, bowed, and went to get another. While the women critiqued his appearance, Petra looked back at Clara Tybur.</p>
<p>She had seen those tired eyes before.</p>
<p>In Eren Jaeger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think I discovered which of the Tyburs has the War Hammer,” she said quietly to Erwin. They were alone in the bedroom; Levi had gone to quickly answer something from Kanada. Erwin sat on the opposite end of the bed.</p>
<p>“Who?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Clara Tybur, Willy’s sister. She looks like she has the world on her shoulders. Eren inherited his father’s memories, and it wears him down. I think she has the same thing.” She bit her lip. “Does that help at all?”</p>
<p>“It can.” They knew from history books that the Tybur family controlled the War Hammer titan. Discovering the identity had been on Erwin’s list of things he wanted to accomplish. He grinned at her. “Information can be leverage when used properly.”</p>
<p>“You won’t…hurt her. Will you?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“I think she has a hard life. People ignore her. She doesn’t seem to have anyone to talk to except her brother.” Clara seemed to genuinely enjoy discussing Willy. She was warm towards him.</p>
<p>“We all have had hard lives, Petra.” He looked at her with some surprise.</p>
<p>“I know. But that’s why I don’t want to hurt anyone if I don’t have to.”</p>
<p>Erwin shook his head, smiled. “You’re so…”</p>
<p>He didn’t finish his thought. Levi entered the room, carrying a letter. He closed the door and leaned against it, flourishing the envelope.</p>
<p>“I think Petra made some kind of impression at tea.” He looked grim. When he caught her eye, a spark flared. Petra wanted to go to him and kiss him all over again. Her face heated up, and Levi’s eyes softened when he saw her. If only they could…</p>
<p>No. The walls had ears. And eyes.</p>
<p>“What is that?” Erwin took the envelope.</p>
<p>“An invitation. Tyburs are heading for their house in the interior day after tomorrow. Want us to come along.”</p>
<p>“The interior? In the tropics, in summer?” Erwin frowned deeply as he read the letter. “That feels insane to me.”</p>
<p>“Something about a family ritual. Special. Private stuff.” Levi nodded at Petra. “It’s not from Willy. Invitation’s from Clara Tybur. Says she hopes Petra can come. It’s addressed to you.” He shrugged at her. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>Petra gasped.</p>
<p>“It’s a three day trip, there and back again.” Erwin tapped the corner of the envelope against his chin. A light was growing in his eyes. “A special Tybur family ritual.”</p>
<p>“It could be a trap,” Levi whispered. His eyes were hard. “Karl.” He spoke louder now, in case someone was listening. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. We’d be out in the middle of nowhere in some kind of jungle. Plus, it’d be rude to Kanada, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“It says here Theo Magath and Zeke Jaeger will be in attendance.” Erwin was paying no attention to anyone else. “And some man, a Dr. Fischer. Clara says he may be able to help Petra with what she discussed.” He looked up at her. “What did you say?”</p>
<p>“I…I asked about women’s doctors. What are they called? Gynecologists.” She’d just learned the word.</p>
<p>“Why did you ask about that?” Erwin looked mildly impatient.</p>
<p>“Because I said I wanted to think about getting pregnant. I thought maybe I was having trouble.”</p>
<p>“We’ve been married two months. You don’t need to worry just yet.”</p>
<p>She knew why Erwin was angry. Petra was still sniffing around for any way to help Brigitta. She held up her chin.</p>
<p>“That’s what Giulia said. But when I mentioned I’d never seen a gynecologist before, she thought it might be a good idea to check.”</p>
<p>“So you want to go to the interior to see a family ritual and talk to a baby doctor. This is a bad idea,” Levi said flatly. “Do we have any real reason to do this?”</p>
<p>“Theo Magath,” Erwin said softly. “He runs the Warrior project. There’s information to be had.”</p>
<p>“Karl,” Levi muttered. He drew near to them both, lowered his voice. “That’s three days of having to be constantly on our guard. There’ll be no safe house. No Kanada. Nothing. We’ll be surrounded by jungle, no easy escape. If we’re not back on time in three days, the boat leaves without us. Kiyomi can’t help us once we leave Valle. If any of us slips, we’re all in the shit. We don’t need intel on the program so bad that we should risk ourselves like this.”</p>
<p>“This is it, Kenny,” Erwin hissed. He held up the letter, gripped it in his fist. “I don't know how yet, but the answer I need is in the interior with these men. If we don’t go, this trip will have been for nothing. Besides, once Willy leaves Valle, we have no other reason to stay.”</p>
<p>“Right. So we go home early. Worse things have happened.”</p>
<p>“Petra?” Erwin looked at her. “We have one vote to go home, and one vote to go with Willy. I understand this is a risky proposal. Therefore, I won’t proceed without a majority vote. What do you say?”</p>
<p>She played with the envelope, considering. Levi was right. It was a huge risk, and she wasn’t sure what the reward could be. She might never see Kuchel again if she went, and if she said no she could be with her daughter the day after tomorrow. But…</p>
<p>But two things. One, Erwin’s hunches were rarely wrong. If he believed the answer lay in those three days, it was worth their lives to try.</p>
<p>And two, Brigitta needed answers. This Dr. Fischer—who, according to the letter, was the preeminent specialist in his field—could give her some answers. Petra would risk her life to make her sister’s dream come true.</p>
<p>Levi saw the answer in her eyes, and swore.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said. “Let’s roll the dice.”</p>
<p>Erwin beamed at her. She could not have said anything to please him more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra hadn’t expected that traveling to the Tyburs’ interior house would take this long. They’d boarded a train at six thirty in the morning, traveled for two hours west, and then had disembarked only to board a private riverboat. It would be another three hours until they made the house. Apparently the Tybur estate was very secluded. Mostly jungle for miles around.</p>
<p>It made her wonder if she’d made a mistake. She stood at the railing, watching the green river water churn against the boat. The others were having coffee on the upper deck, but Petra wanted to be alone. She watched her shadow in the river. What was this Tybur ritual, anyway? She’d asked Giulia and Clara upon boarding the train, and was told it was ‘symbolic.’ Of what?</p>
<p><em>Please tell me I made the right choice.</em> She shut her eyes. No regrets. No fear. Live in the moment.</p>
<p>“Hello.”</p>
<p>She opened her eyes to discover a young man standing beside her. He was of medium height, with a heavy blond beard and shaggy hair. He wore rounded glasses as well, trying, it seemed, to disguise his youth as much as possible.</p>
<p>Zeke Jaeger. Eren’s half brother. And the man Levi hated most in the world.</p>
<p>She stiffened, but had to keep up the façade.</p>
<p>“Hello. Mr. Jaeger, is it?” She forced a smile. He gazed sidelong at her.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Smith. Funny. The name doesn’t seem to suit you,” he drawled. He had the most irritating voice, low yet also lazy, as if he couldn’t care less what you thought. He flicked the tip of his ear absently.</p>
<p>“No. I sometimes think I’m dreaming being Petra Smith, and I might wake up.”</p>
<p>“Hmm. Yes. The dreamer has many lives and names.” He leaned his chin in his hand.</p>
<p>“I sometimes think when I wake to my real life, I’ll have a name like Mrs. Ackerman.”</p>
<p>Zeke almost slipped. He looked fully at her now, his face paling. She saw that he understood. Levi’s wife. The message was clear: don’t fuck with me. Zeke cleared his throat, and hastily put himself back together. She continued to glare at him as they leaned on the railing side by side. This was the man who had wiped out over half of the Survey Corps by himself. Levi had told her that Zeke laughed as he threw rocks at deadly speed, tearing people open and spilling their guts. He had called it a game.</p>
<p>Maybe they needed Zeke Jaeger, but she would never like or trust him.</p>
<p>“I never got to ask. Why are you and Colonel Magath on this trip with us?”</p>
<p>“I honestly don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Why do I feel like that isn’t the truth?”</p>
<p>He slid his half-lidded gaze to her again. If it was possible to fall in love right away, it was also possible to slip into hate. She felt revulsion towards him, and he to her. But he was too smart and cowardly to antagonize her.</p>
<p>“We’re all on the same side, aren’t we?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Yes.” He made certain no one was listening. “The Warrior program is on the skids right now. Tybur thought a few days of privacy might be good to hash out the best way to spin public relations.”</p>
<p>“Why on earth would Willy Tybur be taking that kind of meeting?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Because he is the apologist for Eldia and Eldians. Where he leads in this regard, others will follow.” He gave her the most condescending look possible. “I know you were secluded in your little convent, but surely it hasn’t escaped you how the treatment of Eldians in Marley differs from around the world.”</p>
<p>“Um.” Shit. She had no clever answer.</p>
<p>“Compared to places like Nambia and the Mid-East, Marleyan Eldians live in luxury. True, we have to wear armbands and stay in our internment zones, but if we keep to ourselves we are more or less left alone. We’re allowed some movement outside our walls with the right paperwork. And some among us can even become honorary Marleyans—Warriors, for example. Because of my service, my grandparents and I are allowed movement and legal freedoms that others can only dream of. Whereas Nambia? Oof.” He shook his head. “Vigilantes enter the internment zones at night and rape and murder Eldians with no retribution. Eldians in the Mid-East aren’t even classified as human, and as such aren’t subject to the concept of human rights. They take children from their mothers and vivisect them to determine differences in structural anatomy. You can kill an Eldian in the street and no one will blink.”</p>
<p>Petra was shaking, gripping the railing so hard her hands almost slipped. She imagined Kuchel, smiling, happy Kuchel who loved her dolls, getting taken away and sliced open upon a table while doctors prodded her insides. The idea almost sent her to her knees. It made her want to take a knife and go out and find those who performed such acts and butcher them. Petra was not one to taste rage very often, but now it touched her. She was a heartbeat from crying.</p>
<p>
  <em>I hate them.</em>
</p>
<p>She gasped, wiped her cheeks, and came back to herself. No. No, she…she wasn’t like that. She didn’t hate people, that is, not whole groups of them. She could hate individuals who were cruel, but not whole nations. She centered herself, calmed down. Zeke, though, smirked. He knew he’d gotten to her.</p>
<p>“If I had to be born into this world, I’m lucky I was born in Marley,” he said.</p>
<p>“And I’m glad my daughter is nowhere near this rotten place,” she muttered, forgetting herself completely for a moment. To her surprise, Zeke winced when she said the word ‘daughter.’</p>
<p>“Ah. So “Kenny” was a busy man.” He shook his head, murmured, “What a pity.”</p>
<p>Before she could ask what the hell that meant, someone walked down the steps. Levi joined them, glaring at Zeke with barely disguised hatred.</p>
<p>“Gotta get Mrs. Smith back to her husband. We’re docking soon.”</p>
<p>Petra trembled as he led her up. Levi stopped on the stairs.</p>
<p>“What’d that fucker say to you?” he growled.</p>
<p>“He just told me what happens to Eldians around the world. Apparently Marley is humane. And I think,” she said, nodding to Willy Tybur as he and Erwin laughed about something, “it’s because of him.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Good to know.” They kept walking. He couldn’t hold her to comfort her, but he whispered, “You’re doing great.”</p>
<p>She smiled. A kind word from him right now was enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The house was palatial, several stories with open balconies all around. Ivy twined up the white-washed walls, while brightly colored flowers grew in abundance. It was humid and sticky, though. Petra and Erwin entered their bedroom on the first floor. Erwin immediately switched on the large ceiling fan. The bed was shrouded in mosquito netting. Petra opened the shuttered doors, finding their own private balcony with a few errant leaves on the tiled floor. They had a private bathroom as well, with a standing shower and tub. The Tyburs lived in extreme luxury.</p>
<p>Petra flopped face first onto the bed, moaning in exhaustion. But she had to change for lunch.</p>
<p>Erwin pushed aside the netting and sat next to her. He spoke low.</p>
<p>“I can try edging into their private talks, but I doubt I’ll succeed. I want you to stay close to Clara Tybur. See what you can get from her.”</p>
<p>“I’m starting to think we shouldn’t have come.” Zeke’s talk of torture and murder had reminded her just what a threat she faced if this world discovered her true nature. And now they were alone with miles of jungle to every side. Levi was right: they had nowhere to run or hide.</p>
<p>“No. This is right.” He sounded sure. Then, gently, “If you’re too tired, I’ll make your excuses.”</p>
<p>“You said I had work to do. So I’ll do it.” She sat up and ran a hand through her hair. She’d sweated enough that it was a bit stringy; she’d have to fix that. She freshened up, spritzing on a lavender eau de cologne before she changed into a light blue summer dress. She probably wore more outfits in one day as Karl Smith’s wife than she’d owned in her entire lifetime. Petra left the bathroom, and Erwin quickly looked elsewhere. Her stomach dropped; he was trying not to stare at her.</p>
<p>Which was another problem. Levi’s bedroom was on the other side of the house. Not that she feared Erwin would attack her or anything. But…</p>
<p>She was being silly.</p>
<p>They went to lunch, finding Levi standing by a window in the dining room. He’d taken off his linen jacket, and had his sleeves rolled. She could see sweat glisten on the back of his neck. He turned, and nodded at both of them. He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Apparently he wasn’t sitting at the table with them.</p>
<p>“Come along. Meet the family.” Giulia smiled at one head of the long table.</p>
<p>There was a worn-looking middle aged woman Petra learned was Willy and Clara’s mother, a wizened looking woman and man—the grandparents—and four little boys who chased one another around and around the table. One was crying for no reason she could discern. Petra got on her knees when he came around and caught him. He kept sniffling, so she took her handkerchief and wiped his nose.</p>
<p>He had blue eyes, just like Kuchel. She smiled softly.</p>
<p>“There you go.”</p>
<p>The child fell into her arms. The whole room laughed and aww-ed. Petra sent the little one toddling off to join his brothers. They sat at their own little table while the grown ups ate.</p>
<p>It was quite a party. No wonder Levi had wanted to stand and glower. All together, there were eleven people at the table, not counting Levi and the kids. Petra sat down opposite a small, round looking man with glinting spectacles and a cheery smile. His chestnut hair was thinning. He polished his glasses.</p>
<p>“Hello. Mrs. Smith, is it?” he asked. “I’m Samuel Fischer. Mrs. Tybur mentioned me, I think?”</p>
<p>“Oh! Yes.” The gynecologist. Erwin shot her a look, but she ignored it. “Ah. I was, that is, I’ve never visited a doctor…well, a doctor like you before. Giulia said that…maybe…I should?” Something about his calm, constant gaze made her nervous.</p>
<p>“I told her she must visit you, Sam, if only to set her little mind at ease.” Giulia sat back as the servants delivered the first course, papaya salad. Petra’s stomach grumbled.</p>
<p>“Are you concerned about anything?” he asked, frowning.</p>
<p>“Oh. No. I just, ah, was thinking about, um…starting a family.” She laughed nervously. What was wrong with her? The man kept smiling.</p>
<p>“Well, I can help with some of that. Your husband can handle the rest.” He winked and tore a piece of bread. Petra laughed, though she felt herself turning bright red. “Why don’t you come over tomorrow around noon? I do research in the mornings, but I’m happy to make time for a friend of Mrs. Tybur.”</p>
<p>“Sam delivered two of my boys.” Giulia took a bite of salad, washed it down with wine. “He’s a real godsend.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. I will,” Petra said. She felt Erwin’s hand rest lightly upon her knee. She gently plucked it away. She’d deal with him later.</p>
<p>“It’s not even two hundred yards from the house. Of course, it’s hard to see it when the foliage is this dense. Just follow the dirt road, can’t miss it.”</p>
<p>“I will! Thank you. Thank you, Giulia.”</p>
<p>Giulia beamed, then turned the talk to gossip in Valle. Petra noted that Willy’s mother listened with feigned interest. She looked a lot like Clara, only less haunted. The Tybur grandparents were dressed odd, in tan robes that belted at the waist. The woman wore a plain head covering as well.</p>
<p><em>Old Eldian Empire clothes.</em> The older generation wanted to remind themselves of where they came from. Their “sins.”</p>
<p>Zeke chewed listlessly as he listened to Giulia. His eyes slid back to Petra. She blankly returned the gaze, then studied Colonel Magath. He was half leaning over Clara to get to Willy at the other end of the table. The men, along with Erwin, were talking about war in the Mid-East, and how they needed to take Fort Slava fast. As Erwin was supposed to be from there, he spoke with great eloquence and knowledge on the subject. He really was an amazing man.</p>
<p>Clara was seated to Fischer’s right, and gave a tiny wave and smile. Like a child looking for a friend. Petra smiled back.</p>
<p>She prayed that whatever she got from Clara Tybur would not put the woman in danger.</p>
<p>Levi never sat at the table. Instead, he nabbed a roll and went to inspect the perimeter. Looking for ways out if they had to run, probably. Giulia’s eyes followed the man as he left. Petra clutched her butter knife, wanting to jam it into the woman’s leg. Or neck. Wherever it would hurt most.</p>
<p>“Your bodyguard is committed,” Willy said to Erwin.</p>
<p>“He’s worth more than I pay him.” Erwin took a sip of wine.</p>
<p>“I suppose in your line of work, a little security never hurt anyone.” Magath smiled.</p>
<p>“Indeed. Colonel, you said you wanted to inspect a prototype.” They’d brought along an early version of a rapid-firing handgun Hange was developing with the titan crystals. Petra bit her lip. She hoped Erwin knew what he was doing. “After lunch, I could give you a showing.”</p>
<p>“Ah.” Magath looked quickly to Willy, who stepped in.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid I have to drag Magath and Jaeger in for a small conference first. Diplomacy. It never ends.” He waved his hand carelessly.</p>
<p>“No, no. I understand. An arms dealer in a diplomatic meeting is as useful as a butcher in a flower shop.” The men laughed, and the conversation turned to sports. Petra noticed the slight tensing of Erwin’s jaw. Willy did not trust him fully, or at least didn’t see him as useful where Eldians were concerned.</p>
<p>She took a bite of her salad. She’d have to work on Clara.</p>
<p>After lunch, she walked with Clara in the garden behind the house. They’d chopped away the jungle to make room for a lawn, and to add beds of cultivated flowers along the pathways. Petra had never seen oranges or purples quite like these before. Ahead, the little boys were running around and around in a children’s game only they understood. Petra beamed at them.</p>
<p>“You like children?” Clara asked.</p>
<p>“Oh yes.” She almost said ‘I have a daughter’, but mercifully stopped herself. “They seem like lovely boys.”</p>
<p>“Marcus and Brutus are very energetic. Cassius is sweet.” She beamed at the little blond child Petra had caught at lunch. “Julius is only a baby, really.”</p>
<p>“Do you think you’d ever want children?” Petra asked. Something dark moved behind Clara’s eyes.</p>
<p>“I used to. But no. Not since my father died.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. When did he pass?”</p>
<p>“Four years ago.” Clara’s face fell. She had probably eaten her father to gain his power. Nine years left. Petra wanted to hug her. Still, this was good information for Erwin. “I just thought… I’d feel too guilty to have children.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Probably because one of them might have to eat her, or she’d be dead when they were still little. But Clara grimaced; it was as if someone else spoke through her for a moment.</p>
<p>“Because of the sins our family has committed.”</p>
<p>Clara stopped, put a hand to her mouth. She looked frantic, so Petra played dumb.</p>
<p>“You okay? Are you too hot?” The woman still wore her high-necked gowns even in the sweltering tropics. Clara breathed in relief. She thought Petra hadn’t caught on. “I know. Why don’t we get some lemonade? We had it sometimes in the convent on summer days as a treat.”</p>
<p>Clara smiled shyly. “All right.”</p>
<p>The two women walked back, and Petra picked over what Clara—or rather, the War Hammer titan—had said. She knew that Eldians had committed “sins”, but what had the Tyburs done? In the eyes of the world, they’d helped free Marley from her oppressors.</p>
<p>What sin was this?</p>
<p><em>I have to find Erwin.</em> But right now, she had to play along. She got lemonade with Clara, and then played a few lawn games with the children.</p>
<p>All in good time.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was hot as fuck in here.</p>
<p>Levi didn’t like to look slovenly, but he’d had to remove his tie and unbutton the top of his shirt. He stood in the kitchen drinking a glass of iced tea, a fly buzzing here and there around his head. Maddening. Quick as lightning, he plucked it out of the air and crushed it. Tch. Disgusting. He washed his hands, lathering with soap at the sink.</p>
<p>The cook and servants were gone, cleared out after lunch. Levi splashed some water onto the back of his neck. No matter how many showers he took in this tropical climate, he felt clammy and gross five seconds later.</p>
<p>Focus. Petra was working with Clara; Erwin was doing his best to get to Willy. Levi should be watching them, but he needed a moment.</p>
<p>Watching Erwin and Petra together was wearying him now.</p>
<p>Because, he realized, tomorrow was their wedding anniversary. His wife would spend it sleeping in another man’s bed. Chaste, sure. But she wouldn’t be in Levi’s arms. He’d kill for her to come find him in the dark on the other side of the house. He’d patrol the halls, listening for an attacker…or just listening to make sure Erwin wasn’t putting the moves on her.</p>
<p>He wouldn’t. She wouldn’t. But Levi was getting hard just thinking of how a bead of sweat had tracked down her collarbone before dipping between her breasts at lunch. He’d watched her throat move as she swallowed. Every time her chest rose with her breathing, he felt weak.</p>
<p>He needed to get laid. He needed her.</p>
<p>Maybe there was a moment when she’d be away from everyone and in her room. He could lock the door and have just fifteen minutes—</p>
<p>“Well hello,” Giulia said. She sauntered into the kitchen, a slow smile on her lips. She was dewy with the heat, and played with a string of pearls around her neck. She fingered them suggestively.</p>
<p>“Uh. Hi.” He wondered if just walking out would be rude. Probably. “Need something?”</p>
<p>“There was supposed to be iced tea on the veranda, but it never made its appearance.” She looked at the pitcher, now half empty.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Needed something to pick me up. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Please. It’s only tea.” <em>Only</em> tea? What a terrifying thought. Giulia continued her hip-swaying walk as she drew closer. “And I like to see a man refresh himself. Really, summer is too hot for all these clothes.”</p>
<p>He saw she was staring at his chest, where he’d unbuttoned himself. Levi fixed that problem, then slid on his tie.</p>
<p>“Happen to know where the men got to? Karl should be with your husband.”</p>
<p>“Mmm, he may be. Or he may not.” She yanked harder on her pearls. She was close enough he could smell her gardenia perfume. Made his eyes water. “Surely you don’t think anyone here would try to harm Mr. Smith.”</p>
<p>“In my line of work, you take nothing for granted.”</p>
<p>“I quite agree. Nothing should ever be taken for granted.” She planted herself directly in front of him. If Levi tried rushing out now, he’d make her think she flustered him. It’d make her bold. So he glared at her through heavy lids.</p>
<p>“Get the feeling you take lots of things for granted,” he muttered. He didn’t move when she slid her hands up his chest, and wound her arms around his neck. Her nose touched his.</p>
<p>“That’s a very bold way to speak to a lady.” She smiled.</p>
<p>“Maybe for a lady.” He let the implication linger in the air. Her lips pursed a bit. When she tried leaning in for a kiss, he grabbed her wrists and held her firmly off. Giulia gaped. Woman like her probably had as many conquests as she wanted. Levi released her gently. Hadn’t hurt her. Only wounded her pride.</p>
<p>“You’re an insolent man.”</p>
<p>“I just call a shit a shit when I see it.” She winced at his vulgarity, and he took the opportunity to walk past her. He flipped open his blade and speared an orange as he left. Fragrant juice ran down the knife’s handle.</p>
<p>“I don’t like having to chase,” Giulia said. Her voice was icy now.</p>
<p>“Then stop,” Levi said, and walked down the hallway. Once out of her line of sight, he loosened his tie.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You’re certain she said “our family has committed sins?” The wording’s correct?” Erwin whispered to Petra as they sat in bed. She’d slipped into a blue satin negligee, and immediately tied a robe around herself to hide the garment. But he knew it was there, waiting to be set free. It was short and enticing and one of the more conservative choices; Kiyomi had a dark sense of humor. He took off his shoes and tried not to look at her.</p>
<p>“I think the Tyburs feel guilty about something specific. Maybe how they’ve allowed Eldians in Marley to be treated.” Her face shone from some oil she’d rubbed into her skin. She looked wonderfully earnest when she was bare-faced.</p>
<p>He avoided looking at her. Again.</p>
<p>“What about you? Any idea what the ritual is? Or what Magath and Willy talked about?” She was very quiet as she lay on her side. Erwin pulled off his shirt, letting the tropical air hit his sweat-slicked back. Even with the fan, it was hell here. Normally Erwin would have pulled on a shirt to sleep, but he couldn’t tonight. It’d murder him. Before he went to the bathroom to wash, he shook his head. Nothing. A whole day of nothing irritated him. Magath and Willy and Zeke had spent much of the afternoon locked in conference. Any discussion with Erwin had been relegated to sport or billiards.</p>
<p>When he finished washing and came back to the bedroom, he found Petra lying on her side, the robe gone. She was on top of the covers. It was too hot, after all, but now he could see every inch of her body. Every curve. She didn’t look at him as Erwin took off his pants. Now only in his boxers, he pulled the netting aside and slid in next to her.</p>
<p>Petra faced away from him. He stared at her shoulder blades, and the little mole on the center of her back. He imagined Levi running his hands along her, slipping her strap from her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Anything else?” Petra asked. He knew she could feel his stare. She pulled up her legs, so he couldn’t examine the line of them.</p>
<p>“Nothing.”</p>
<p>She rolled onto her back a minute and stared at him.</p>
<p>“Do you know now what “the thing” that we need from them is?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “This will be worth it, Petra.”</p>
<p>His eyes tracked down her body. The satin clung to her in places. He forced himself not to eye her breasts. She rolled back onto her side.</p>
<p>“I wish Kenny’s room was closer.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to… I told you I would only touch you with your consent. Besides, I have Marie.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>She didn’t sound convinced, which made him cross.</p>
<p>“Get some rest. Tomorrow’s the last full day we have here.” He started to put out the light. “Incidentally, there’s nothing for you at Dr. Fischer’s.”</p>
<p>“You know why I want to go,” she muttered. Erwin shut his eyes. Obstinate girl.</p>
<p>“You should talk to Kenny. He’ll tell you his opinions,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“I don’t need <em>Kenny’s</em> permission.”</p>
<p>“No. You rarely ask permission. I’ve noticed.” He snapped off the light. Erwin waited for her to add something, but she settled down. Their fight had almost been like a real married couple’s. He’d never gotten pissy with one of his subordinates before. Then again, Petra didn’t really feel like a subordinate now. She was more, and it thrilled and frustrated Erwin. He tried to fall asleep himself, but the heat and the hum of mosquitoes in the room kept him awake. All he could think of was Willy Tybur. What sins had that societal darling committed? What secrets did he keep for his family?</p>
<p>Maybe it was simply the truth of King Fritz and the Titan War. But Willy would never share such truths with a man like Karl Smith. But if he didn’t want Karl in his confidence, and wasn’t pressed to display the weaponry to Magath, why had Willy wanted them here? Just for Clara’s sake?</p>
<p>Perhaps Erwin had misjudged this situation. Even in the tropical warmth, his skin prickled with gooseflesh.</p>
<p>He listened to the woman beside him breathe. She was asleep by now. He glanced over at her. He examined the soft line of her exposed back, the shine of satin at her hips. If he screwed this up, she would never see her daughter again. Had she really been the only choice for this venture? Or had he dreamed of moments like this, where he’d lie beside her in bed. Hoping that at some point she would turn to him, a needful light in her eyes, and give herself to him just once. They were both committed to other people, but one night was all he wanted. Just to satisfy his curiosity.</p>
<p>Because he knew, even if she refused to admit it, that she had enjoyed their moment together two years ago. She had been angry because she knew her body wanted more.</p>
<p>He rolled onto his side, cursing himself as he found himself inches from touching her. His body was so close to hers. If he leaned down, his lips could caress her shoulder. For a horrifying moment, he dared to imagine rolling on top of her whether she wanted it or not. The disgusting idea broke the spell for him. Erwin sat up, rubbing his face. Hot. The problem was the heat, how it loosened inhibitions. Erwin would never do that to her, or to anyone.</p>
<p>But for a moment, he had wanted to.</p>
<p>He pushed aside the netting and got dressed again. Erwin left the room and wandered the halls, looking to tire himself with a walk.</p>
<p>Erwin opened the front door and stepped onto the porch. The summer moon was yellow in the sky, sweaty under the tropical haze. Insects sang in the night, and the wild screech of some unknown bird echoed across the starlit lawn. The air smelled of damp and greenery. Fat, succulent greenery.</p>
<p>He saw Levi on the lawn, hands in his pockets as he gazed up at the stars. Erwin wandered over to stand beside his captain. His friend. To think he’d nearly fallen on top of his friend’s wife.</p>
<p>
  <em>But I didn’t. I won’t.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi nodded at Erwin. “Wanted to check the perimeter again. Couldn’t help looking at the moon. Petra all right?”</p>
<p>“She’s sleeping.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” Levi seemed happy that Erwin was here, and not in bed with his wife. “Tomorrow’s the anniversary.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He lowered his voice. “This must be hard.”</p>
<p>“Two years. I didn’t even notice.” He kept his eyes on the moon. “Every day I wait for something to go wrong.”</p>
<p>“You can’t live like that.”</p>
<p>“Do me a favor, will you?”</p>
<p>“Anything. What?”</p>
<p>“If I die one day, I want you to look after my wife and daughter.”</p>
<p>Erwin was shocked to hear that kind of talk from Levi. Normally he’d worry about Petra or Kuchel’s death, not his own.</p>
<p>“Of course I will. But you won’t.”</p>
<p>Levi shrugged. “It’s a bigass world out there. Lot more enemies, and they’re a lot smarter than…what I used to deal with. Honestly? Petra’s better equipped to handle it than me. She knows how to talk to people. I just know how to break them.”</p>
<p>“You don’t give yourself enough credit.”</p>
<p>“Maybe. But my wife and daughter are going to survive all this. They have to.” He looked at Erwin. It almost felt like Levi looked through him. “Even if they can’t be with me.”</p>
<p>“L—Kenny.”</p>
<p>But Levi walked away, trudged back with his hands in his pockets. Erwin couldn’t guess what had inspired this. Seeing how large Marley was? The power of its military? The anti-Eldian fury at the opera?</p>
<p>Whatever had happened, Levi had sounded almost defeatist. And Erwin had never known that. He had seen Levi Ackerman beaten, but never defeated.</p>
<p>It scared the hell out of him.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Goddamn, he wanted to lie down for five minutes. Even he got tired now and again. Every second he spent in this house with all of these freaks, he felt himself walk the thin, fragile line between victory and defeat. It wearied him. Levi liked to put his enemies down. He didn’t like to sleep alongside them, eat with them, talk to them like they weren’t against him. If this was the new way of the world, the new way of fighting, it was only a matter of time before he screwed up. Then he left Petra widowed and Kuchel fatherless.</p>
<p>But he would make sure they were both protected. His death meant nothing if he could give them that.</p>
<p>When Levi opened the door to his room, he kicked off his shoes and reached for the switch.</p>
<p>“Don’t.”</p>
<p>Giulia Tybur was naked in his bed, her robe spread at the foot. Maybe she’d had four kids, but she looked damn good. She reclined in a shaft of moonlight, contorting herself in such a way as to make her tits look great. Her lips parted. So did her legs.</p>
<p>“Like what you see?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He’d be honest. She was a good-looking woman. Her lashes lowered.</p>
<p>“Then come on. Enough games.”</p>
<p>Yeah. Enough games was right. Levi went over to the bed and scooped the naked woman into his arms. He crossed the room, opened the door with his foot, and dumped her into the hallway. Giulia let out a shriek.</p>
<p>She was still there, trembling in fury, when he tossed her the robe. It landed on her head. Satisfied, he locked the door and went to wash up.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“This is a very interesting way to get to know someone, isn’t it?” Petra asked, trying nervous laughter. She was lying in a chair, her feet in stirrups, and Dr. Fischer was using something called a speculum on her. She bit her lip and winced. In order to be convincing for Brigitta’s sake, she’d had to agree to a basic examination. She winced and shifted as the doctor studied her, well, anatomy. But there was no lecherous vibe from Fischer. He didn’t touch her more than he needed.</p>
<p>They were in the back room of his house, where he kept his home office. You wouldn’t think he’d need all his instruments in a tiny house out in the middle of nowhere, but women came from nearby villages for aid. He apparently treated many for free. On his walls hung photos of beaming women holding babies that he’d delivered. She saw certificates from his university and medical school. Everything in his exam room was neat, the metal instruments sterilized.</p>
<p>“Sit up.” He removed the speculum, thank god, and placed his instruments on a metal tray. Petra sat up, covering her legs with the cloth he’d given her. “Now. What seems to be the problem?”</p>
<p>“Um. I don’t get my period regularly. Sometimes it comes after four weeks, and sometimes six. Sometimes it lasts for three days, and sometimes for five. And usually I have terrible cramps.” All this was true of her sister. “Am I too young for that to be happening?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I’d say so. I’d need to do a much more thorough examination with lab equipment I don’t have on the premises.” He pulled off a rubber glove and tossed it into the bin. “It could be an accumulation of tissue around the uterus or ovaries, which can be tricky to deal with and requires surgery.”</p>
<p>Damn.</p>
<p>“Or,” he said, “it could be a simple hormone imbalance. If that’s the case, I have a series of shots that should help regulate your cycle.”</p>
<p>He pulled out a drawer and displayed the bottles to Petra. Six bottles of yellow liquid, along with a selection of needles.</p>
<p>“Do you think it could be hormonal?” she asked. That would be nice. Brigitta could actually follow the treatment in that case.</p>
<p>“Perhaps. But as I say, I’d need further tests. I was planning to be in Valle the week after next for a conference. If you’d like, you could make an appointment at my clinic.” He smiled, his eyes kindly.</p>
<p>“Oh. That would be wonderful, but Karl and I are leaving in a couple of days for Hizuru.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” He nodded. “Well, if you’ve only been married two months I think you should just wait and see what happens. If you like, you can come back in six months if you’re still not pregnant and we can conduct more examinations.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled, but looked at the drawer as he closed it. She wanted to take the bottles, but couldn’t. Damn.</p>
<p>“Besides, I’m glad you came to see me. Gynecological health is important, especially if you’ve never seen a specialist before.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. You’ve been very kind.”</p>
<p>Maybe she could come back later when he was having dinner at Willy’s and nab at least one bottle. He likely wouldn’t miss it.</p>
<p>“Enjoying your stay? First time in Marley, yes?”</p>
<p>“Since I was about four years old. I do love it here, though I miss some of the simplicity of island life.”</p>
<p>“Ah yes, your convent. It must have been quiet.”</p>
<p>“It could be.” When titans weren’t trying to eat you, that is. Petra stepped behind his changing screen and shimmied back into her dress.</p>
<p>“If you’d like, I can show you something I’ve been working on. Quite revolutionary,” Fischer said as she came back out. He slid out of his lab coat. “Just down the hall, in my study. Might be helpful to your problem.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Great!”</p>
<p>Petra followed him out of the office and through the main level of the house. The floor plan was open, the furniture handsome if a bit old. A bachelor doctor didn’t need much. The doors were open to let in summer air, though a screen kept the bugs out. They wandered down a long corridor, until they came to a door at the end of the hall. Fischer took out a ring of keys.</p>
<p>“Oh. Very top secret?”</p>
<p>“It is. Only a select few can see my research.”</p>
<p>He opened the door and flipped on a light. Petra entered. It was a normal study, with bookshelves and a desk and chair. There were no windows, which was odd. Petra also discovered another odd thing: two large cages at the other end of the room, each of them about four feet high. Inside of those cages were two young women.</p>
<p>“I… Wha…” She staggered back.</p>
<p>“Oh don’t worry, don’t worry! They’re Eldians.” He said it like that would explain everything. “Come closer. They won’t hurt you.”</p>
<p>“I…can’t…what?” Petra crept nearer; she couldn’t stop staring at the women. One lay naked on her side, knees pulled to her chest. The other wore a dirty smock and huddled in the corner of her cage. She bared her teeth at Fischer, and howled as she banged against the bars.</p>
<p>“Bastard! Fucking bastard!” she screamed. Petra stopped about two feet from the cage. The girl sneered. “Brought some bitch to impress? Fuck you.”</p>
<p>“Enough.” Fischer calmly took a spray bottle from off a nearby table and spritzed the girl through the bars. She wailed and clawed at her eyes, curling into a ball. He looked at Petra with regret. “Apologies. Inga’s usually more docile after lunch.”</p>
<p>“Inga. And.” Petra gaped at the naked, younger girl. Fuck, she couldn’t be more than fourteen.</p>
<p>“Elsa. This one’s much calmer.” Fischer knelt by her cage, smiling fondly. “I think taking out the ovaries makes them more docile.”</p>
<p>When Elsa shifted, Petra saw the bright red scar running along her abdomen.</p>
<p>She looked at Fischer. <em>Kill him.</em></p>
<p>The voice in her head was dispassionate. Petra had never wanted to kill anyone in her life, but she wanted to kill this man.</p>
<p>“Is this allowed?” Her voice sounded hollow.</p>
<p>“Of course. I have to get the government’s consent, but it’s all perfectly legal. I try to locate differences between an Eldian woman’s anatomy and a normal woman’s. So far, I’ve determined no abnormalities on a structural level. It seems that the differences lie in the blood, not the physical body.”</p>
<p>“Then…why keep them?” She was growing faint.</p>
<p>“There are some new frontiers of medical science that can only be explored through considerable risk to the subject. I find it’s better to experiment on Eldians so that real women don’t have to suffer complications unnecessarily.”</p>
<p>Real women. He did not see the girls in the cages as real.</p>
<p><em>Kill him.</em> She didn’t want Levi to do it. She wanted to choke the life out of this man, see the light in his eyes go out.</p>
<p>
  <em>Pretend. Pretend. Your life depends on it.</em>
</p>
<p>“Mrs. Smith? Are you all right?”</p>
<p>“I’m…” She swallowed, and looked at Inga. The girl shivered as she hid her face. “I’ve never been in a room with real Eldians before. These aren’t the Tyburs. They’re horrible.”</p>
<p>The tears that came naturally to her had their way. She turned and wept into her hands. Fischer made apologetic noises as he opened the door and let her out. As Petra walked away, she heard Inga screaming her head off. When Fischer shut the door, the noise ceased. He’d soundproofed the room.</p>
<p>He held Petra’s elbow. She thought of breaking his nose and then mashing his face into the wall again and again. Instead, she let him lead her away.</p>
<p>“Why did you show me that?” He walked her into the living room and set her upon the sofa.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I thought it would be easier to explain my methods if I showed you the faces of the test subjects.”</p>
<p>That was such horseshit. Fischer had wanted her to look at those girls. He’d wanted her to see their pain. He probably got off on it. Indeed, the pleasant man’s pleasant face boasted an unusual sort of smile. Petra’s skin revolted where he touched her.</p>
<p>“Do you feel odd treating Eldians next door?” she asked. “I mean, since they’re not…real.”</p>
<p>“Mrs. Tybur is not Eldian,” he said simply.</p>
<p>“But her children are.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I respect Willy Tybur and his family. They carry themselves as Eldians should, with quiet dignity, and are always sincerely apologetic for their race’s history. They understand they are unnatural. As such, I confess I see them as fully human.”</p>
<p>
  <em>How big of you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Sorry I almost fainted.”</p>
<p>“Not at all.” He went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of ice water. Petra drank greedily; she wanted to finish it and get the fuck out of here. “I’ll see you at dinner tonight. We can discuss future steps, if you like.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She smiled, got herself under control. “Thank you, Dr. Fischer. And thank you for showing me what Eldians truly look like.”</p>
<p>He smiled, his round glasses twinkling. “My pleasure.”</p>
<p>Petra left, walking sedately down the path until she knew she was out of sight of the house. Then she ran, arms pumping as she sprinted to find Erwin and Levi. Petra Smith wouldn’t have been able to run a hundred yards without getting winded; Petra Ral Ackerman could have gone two miles easy. It felt good to run again. Petra needed action. She needed wind in her hair. She needed life.</p>
<p>Those two girls did not have life. They were alive, but it wasn’t the same thing.</p>
<p>
  <em>Kill him.</em>
</p>
<p>She had to bite her lip to get herself under control as she ran across the lawn and launched herself over her room’s balcony. She threw open the shuttered windows and found Levi and Erwin chatting. Both men whirled around when she entered. Petra slammed the doors and closed the shutters tight, then found her legs couldn’t support her any longer. She collapsed slowly to the floor, sobbing bitterly.</p>
<p>“Petra!” Levi lifted her. She flung her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. He was here, wonderfully solid. Nothing bad could touch her if he was near. He carried her to the bed and laid her down. Levi and Erwin hovered over her, both pale with shock.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Erwin whispered. “Are we in danger?”</p>
<p>“N-No.” She took a few heaving breaths and regained control. “I need to tell you something.”</p>
<p>She told them what she had seen in Fischer’s house. By the time she was done, Levi was standing at the foot of the bed, both hands on his hips. He glared at the floor, worked his jaw. He looked calm as ever, but she knew that inside he was raging.</p>
<p>Erwin had his head in his hand. “Those poor creatures,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“What do we do?” Petra looked to the men. “I mean, Karl, what do you think the plan should be?”</p>
<p>“Plan?” He looked at her in surprise.</p>
<p>“To rescue them,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Erwin’s face crumpled. “We can’t do that.”</p>
<p>Petra couldn’t have heard right.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“There can be nothing suspicious while we are here, Petra. If Fischer’s two test subjects happen to go missing the day he shows them to you, it will be very obvious who freed them. That’ll bring attention we desperately don't need.”</p>
<p>Levi made a noise. But he still didn’t move.</p>
<p>“You’re going to abandon them?” She couldn’t believe it.</p>
<p>“We have no choice. The mission comes first.”</p>
<p>“They’re Eldians.” <em>They’re us.</em></p>
<p>“And we will avenge them, I swear it.” Erwin barely breathed the words, but his eyes were blue flame. “One day, there will be a reckoning that will bring the Fischers of this world to their knees.” Petra knew they were not mere words. Erwin Smith had always delivered on his promises. “If those girls are still alive on that day, we will free them. I swear it. But we can’t do it now.”</p>
<p>“If we leave them behind, we’re just like any other Marleyan.”</p>
<p>“Right now, any other Marleyan is precisely who we need to be. It’s two girls against our homeland. Against Kuchel. Against the millions of oppressed who struggle throughout this world. We can’t risk all that for two people, no matter how innocent.”</p>
<p>Levi made another noise. Petra looked to him.</p>
<p>“You don’t agree, do you?” Of course he didn't. To Levi, there were no acceptable losses. He grieved every single fallen comrade. Levi saw every human being as an individual. It was what she loved about him.</p>
<p>He came and sat beside her. The three of them made a little conspiratorial triangle. Levi looked exhausted now, the bags under his eyes more swollen than ever. He seemed to have aged in the last five minutes. He shook his head slowly.</p>
<p>“Karl is right.” He sounded miserable saying the words. This killed him. “You can’t save everyone in this world.”</p>
<p>“One of them was just a child.” She started crying again, angry tears. “What if it were Kuchel? What if it were her, and someone could rescue her and they didn’t because it’d be too dangerous?”</p>
<p>He jerked like she’d shocked him with electricity, but he held firm.</p>
<p>“This world’s cruel. It’s not fair. But I give you my word, the day we don’t have to hide anymore I will find this guy and I will kill him slow.” Levi hated death, but he did not have a problem making this oath. “I’ll make him feel every inch of what he did.”</p>
<p>“I can’t…” She fell onto her elbows. They hadn’t seen it. They hadn’t smelled the sweat and stale urine, they hadn’t heard the screams. “I can’t do this. I can’t go out there. I can’t be with these people. I can’t. I can’t.” She buried her face in the bedspread. Levi’s rough hand cupped the back of her neck.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Petra.” Erwin sounded mournful. “But I need your eyes and ears. I can’t do without them.”</p>
<p>She wanted to scream and punch him until he acquiesced. Instead, she felt Levi’s hand on her while she cried herself out. He smelled like talcum powder, cool and fresh. He petted her hair until she calmed down.</p>
<p>Erwin wore the most heartbreaking expression. He seemed to hate himself so much that she couldn’t feel any anger towards him.</p>
<p>“I will make this right,” he breathed. His fist clenched. “Just not today.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said listlessly. Erwin got up.</p>
<p>“I have to meet with Magath, if you can believe it. Exhibit the prototype.” Erwin grumbled as he got out the case Kiyomi had arranged for “special viewings.” The gun wasn’t so advanced yet that Magath would be ordering them in bulk anytime soon. But it would provide Erwin with an excuse to deepen the relationship. “Kenny, why don’t we give Petra some privacy?” To her, “Maybe a shower would do you good.”</p>
<p>She nodded listlessly. He was right, about everything. It just made her want to die.</p>
<p>Erwin and Levi left her, quiet as they filed out of the room. Petra sniffed. Of course Levi would take Erwin’s plan over hers. He was Erwin’s man through and through. He was…right.</p>
<p>She hated that he was right.</p>
<p>Petra went to the bathroom, removed her clothes and turned on the water. The shower stall began to fill with steam. She stepped inside and closed her eyes, letting the pounding spray soothe her. But she cried, wrapping her arms around herself as she remembered that girl lying on the cage floor, listless. Petra could save her. There was no reason not to.</p>
<p>Except that there was every reason. Petra leaned her hands against the tiled wall and sobbed. Her cries echoed back to her, overwhelmed her.</p>
<p>A figure appeared outside of the shower door, almost causing her to slip.</p>
<p>“Who’s there?” She couldn’t see who it was through the steam. The door opened, and…it was Levi.</p>
<p>Entirely naked.</p>
<p>She couldn’t have chosen a more welcome sight. But…</p>
<p>“Are…are you—?”</p>
<p>“Karl’s gone to see Magath. He told me to stay and look after you.”</p>
<p>Thank god for Erwin. He had given them a small moment of reprieve. Levi’s normally stoic face showed the faintest tinge of relief, and sorrow. He hated to see her cry, and hated the reason she was crying. But at last they were alone. Together.</p>
<p>He stepped into the shower with her, closed the door behind him. The water plastered his hair to his face, ran in steaming rivulets down his body. Along his pectorals, his sculpted abdominal muscles, all the way to his…</p>
<p>For a second, Petra forgot what she’d seen in Fischer’s house. But only for a second.</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>He simply held her. Petra leaned her cheek against his shoulder, lost in the clean scent of her husband. He kissed her head, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. They were pressed together; she could feel his erection pulse. The sensation almost made her faint.</p>
<p>It had been only a week, but life without him in her arms was torment. She turned her lips to his, and kissed him. When she was united with him, naked and alone, she felt invincible. Pain did not exist when they made love. Their kiss deepened. His hands cupped her ass. His cock twitched.</p>
<p>“Happy anniversary,” he whispered. “This is the best damn gift I could’ve gotten.”</p>
<p>“Then enjoy all of it.” Petra tilted her head back and felt his mouth on her neck, her collarbone, her breast. She gasped as he sucked and licked her.</p>
<p>“Tell me what you want,” he whispered. “How can I make you feel good?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Be with me always. </em>
</p>
<p>“I want you to fuck me until it doesn’t hurt anymore,” she said. That he could do. That he could do right now.</p>
<p>“Mmm.” He gripped her left leg and hitched it to fit around his hip. His eyes locked on hers, Levi grabbed himself and stroked his cock’s tip up and down the seam of her cunt. Petra whimpered as he pressed against her clit, then stopped just before she came. He repeated the delicious torture until she was whimpering.</p>
<p>“Please. Please.”</p>
<p>“You want to come?” He kissed her again, his tongue searching against hers. She rocked back and forth, letting his cock almost enter her…almost… “You’re mine,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Yes. She wanted to see possessiveness in his flinty gaze. She wanted to be owned right now. She wanted to let go of responsibility.</p>
<p>“I’m yours. <em>Oh.</em>” The orgasm spiraled through her when he pressed his cock against that tender spot one last time. It was the sensation of running downhill at full speed, hands flung free in the air. Petra collapsed against him, moaning as she came. Her lips found his neck and she licked, kissed, sucked him. Her hips moved against the tip of his cock.</p>
<p>“Stop.”</p>
<p>She did as he said, eyes shut as she felt him begin to slide inside of her. Petra bit her lip, but didn’t move. She felt every glorious inch of him as it made its way within. He took his time. He let her want more. Desperately.</p>
<p>“This is mine,” he said, as he sheathed himself fully. His voice was steel and fury in her ear. “It belongs to me. No one else touches it.”</p>
<p>At that moment, she wanted to be reduced to a single part, the bit of her he craved. She welcomed it with pleasure.</p>
<p>Petra clenched around him, loving how he cried out as she did so.</p>
<p>“It’s yours,” she whispered. He began to thrust. She was lost in a world of steam and water, feeling him move inside of her. Petra groaned as he fucked her. His gasps of pleasure remained close to her ear.</p>
<p>“You don’t own your cunt. It exists for my pleasure,” he rasped, thrusting so deep that she gave a sharp cry. Even amid the patter of the shower, the violent noise of his fucking rang loud and clear.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she breathed. <em>Levi.</em> She didn’t even dare say his name. “Every inch of me belongs to you. Oh.”</p>
<p>She bit at his shoulder. He stopped to lift her onto the shelf, knocking aside bottles of shampoo. It was the perfect height. Petra clung tight as he pounded inside of her, her breasts bouncing with every thrust. The water poured down Levi’s frame. Petra placed her hands on his chest, felt the wild beat of his heart. She stroked her thumbs along his nipples, which made him growl.</p>
<p>“I like owning you,” he growled. Petra’s eyes rolled back in her head.</p>
<p>“I love that you own me.” She gasped as her excitement grew, as he fucked her well. Levi looked down at his body where it joined hers. His eyes grew wider as he watched his cock move in and out of her.</p>
<p>“He doesn’t get to touch this. He only gets to dream about it,” he rasped. <em>He.</em> They both knew whom Levi meant. Petra had felt Erwin’s frustrated desire in the air between them in their bed at night. He never touched her, but she could feel the ghost of his longing. Levi sneered, taking his pleasure in her body. “He wants to touch this, but he never will.”</p>
<p>“No. He never will,” she echoed. “You’re the only man alive who can have this.” She loved the animal growl of approval he gave. He began moving in fluid, rocking motions. Petra felt his cock hit something deep inside of her, something swollen and needful that he’d never discovered before. She shook with the coming violence of her pleasure.</p>
<p>“Yes. Yes. Please.”</p>
<p>“Your body is mine. Your cunt is mine. You don’t touch it unless I tell you to.” His thrusts were growing erratic as he neared his end. “It exists for me.”</p>
<p>The last thrust rubbed against that throbbing, secret spot inside of her. Petra saw only black, then explosive white. She screamed, actually screamed as the orgasm possessed her. She came so hard that she forgot her name, forgot how to speak, forgot everything that wasn’t his cock. The scream lasted so long she went limp against him.</p>
<p>Levi softened inside of her as she laid her ear against his chest, cooed breathlessly. He slid out and ran his hands over her, kneaded her breasts as she luxuriated in the aftermath. His eyes were no longer hard, but hazy with lust. He licked water as it ran along her breasts, sucked her nipples.</p>
<p>“Did you come?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Fuck, I think I came three times just listening to <em>you</em> come.” He kissed her, pulled her back to her feet. “Goddess,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Petra’s body throbbed in satisfaction. The high of the orgasm carried her away for a few blissful moments…but misery was too painful to forget, even after amazing sex. When she cried once more, he held her until she was finished, then turned off the water.</p>
<p>They toweled dry, then Petra wrapped the fluffy white towel around both their waists, uniting them. She twined herself in her husband’s arms. His normally stony features were softer now. Tender. “Did that feel good?” he whispered.</p>
<p>“You’re the only thing that can make me feel good.” They kissed, his hand lazily playing with her breast until she was swollen and desperate again. She rubbed herself against him, begging for a second release. Levi gave a soft moan as she grew more insistent.</p>
<p>“Fuck, you’re so horny,” he muttered. He became stiff. “How do you do this to me? Make me feel like a goddamn teenage boy.”</p>
<p>“You don’t like it?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I don’t want it to ever change,” he rasped, dropping the towel. He slipped a finger inside of her, and Petra clenched around him. She passed her hands down his back until she gripped his ass. It was rock hard, spectacular.</p>
<p>“Fuck me again.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He sounded desperate. He belonged to her as much as she belonged to him. Levi pushed her out of the bathroom, pushed back the netting and flung her onto the bed. His face was determined as he gripped her legs and slid them over his shoulders. Petra groaned as he entered at a very different, wonderful angle and rode her. She cooed as he took her.</p>
<p>“Oh. Oh I love you.” She dug her fingers into the bedspread as he moved fast. She felt like he’d been born to fit perfectly inside of her body. Levi’s eyes gleamed as he beheld her excitement. She felt herself flushing, and touched her breasts to let him see she enjoyed it. She moaned with pleasure as he fucked and she fondled.</p>
<p>She was more than married to him. They were united in every way. Even when he wasn’t physically inside of her, he was hers, and she was his.</p>
<p>“Beautiful,” he whispered, then squeezed his eyes shut. She felt him come inside her again. Petra lifted her hips, let his cock strike once more against her clit. The orgasm this time was softer, subtler. Deeper. She hummed with the pleasure, her body writhing beneath his to wring every last drop of ecstasy. She finally came to rest underneath him. Levi after an orgasm was like some tender newborn thing, his face slack, eyes shut. He didn’t usually come this hard twice in a row, and gave soft, astonished moans that delighted her. She nibbled at his jaw. She kissed his neck and sucked. She loved the flutter of his pulse, the way his jawline felt against the bridge of her nose.</p>
<p>“There’ll never be anyone else for me,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“None for me, either.”</p>
<p>“I love you. Damn brat, I’d kill for you,” he growled. “Die for you. Tch. Give up my damn soul for you.” They kissed once more.</p>
<p>Slowly, he rolled off of her. Petra brought her legs down, and basked in the afterglow. But it didn’t take long after the high of the orgasm for her to plunge back into the abyss. After the trauma of the day, and the pent up lust of this last agonizing week, she needed another release. She put her hand between her legs to touch herself, but Levi rolled on his side and helped her along.</p>
<p>“I want you to come five more times like this.” It took only a few strokes of his fingers for her to erupt again. Petra gathered enough breath before he made her come once more. She gave little shrieks, arched her back as he sucked at her nipple. Yes. When he touched her, everything was easier. When he made her come, the world made sense. She turned lazy eyes to the shuttered doorway—</p>
<p>A shadow was there. Someone stood outside in the afternoon sun. Listening to them.</p>
<p>Petra gasped. The shadow fled.</p>
<p>“Oh. Oh my god.” She bolted upright, and so did Levi. With a curse, he got off the bed, grabbed his pants and shoved them on. But they both knew he couldn’t chase that mystery figure.</p>
<p>Petra tried to recall if she’d used his real name in the throes of passion. But even if she hadn’t, someone now knew.</p>
<p>“Who do you think—”</p>
<p>“Don’t know.” Levi’s eyes were dead. “Could’ve been anyone.”</p>
<p>Oh. <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Petra noticed that everyone seemed…tense…at dinner. The grandparents weren’t there—Willy said they needed to sleep early because the “ritual” tomorrow was just before dawn. When Petra asked again what this ritual was, she received a smile and was told that these things were not explained ahead of time. Any witnesses must observe it with entirely open and unblemished minds.</p>
<p>That sounded really terrifying.</p>
<p>
  <em>We shouldn’t have come. This gamble didn’t pay off.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin sat beside her and, unusually, was not much of a conversationalist. He seemed a little flat and subdued. Maybe it was the heat—every one of them shone a bit in the candlelight, perpetually damp. Clara looked especially withdrawn tonight. She didn’t even smile at Petra. She just stared at her plate and barely ate anything.</p>
<p>Across the table from Petra, Dr. Fischer smiled and guided what little conversation there was. She gripped her fork and imagined plunging it into his eye.</p>
<p>Levi sat beside Fischer, and the occasional looks he shot the man were pure acid. But he kept his eyes down for the most part.</p>
<p>Giulia wasn’t chatty, either. The woman seemed to deliberately avoid looking at Levi’s side of the table.</p>
<p>
  <em>Because she heard us having sex?</em>
</p>
<p>Petra tried to calm herself. Say she was right. After all, what’s the worst Giulia could do? Tell Petra’s husband? He’d be irritated with Petra and Levi for letting people see, but no more. After all, to the outside observer it had to look like a common affair. Maybe it made Petra look cheap, but it wouldn’t give them away. She took up a paper fan and cooled herself. The night air was boiling, and there was no wind. They all stewed around the table.</p>
<p>Magath wasn’t there. Maybe that’s why Erwin looked subdued? Shit. What had happened while Levi and Petra had had their moment of lovemaking?</p>
<p>So many questions.</p>
<p>But she couldn’t think of Giulia, or Erwin’s problems, or Clara or Willy or Zeke. All she could feel was Dr. Fischer’s smiling gaze. All she heard was the gentle, almost singsong way he spoke, like to a child. He and Zeke were the only party members who seemed to want to talk.</p>
<p>“I’ve never met a Warrior before.” Fischer nodded to Zeke, who was sitting to Erwin’s left. “I think it’s so admirable to fight for a country that isn’t even yours.”</p>
<p>Zeke had been born and raised in Marley, yet people like Fischer would forever consider him alien. It almost made her feel for him. Almost.</p>
<p>“I can’t pretend selflessness was the sole reason I joined up. Being allowed outside the internment zone appeals to many of us.” Zeke grinned. So did Fischer. Both lied with their smiles.</p>
<p>“How long is left in your term?”</p>
<p>“Hmm. Three years, I believe.”</p>
<p>“Does it bother you, knowing you’ll die young?”</p>
<p>Petra and Levi quickly glanced at one another, sharing the same bewilderment. What a bunch of cheerful freaks.</p>
<p>“Well, many in this world also die young, only they don’t have the benefit of knowing death is imminent. I like that it won’t come as a shock. It’s comforting, really, to know the date and method of your end.” Zeke sounded positively cheerful as he took a mouthful of food. “Mmm. I have to say, river trout is normally so bland, but this is flavorful.”</p>
<p>“It’s some herb our cook uses. I can get the recipe.” Giulia said it like she was half dreaming. Willy sat at the other end of the table. He looked at her with an expression somewhere between hostility and resignation.</p>
<p>Petra found in that moment that she felt sorry for both of them. They hadn’t married for love. Giulia had been forced to marry someone she saw as a monster. Odd that they had four young children, since that implied a lot of…closeness. But then again, it was important to have an heir and extra spares for the War Hammer. Just in case.</p>
<p>How did it feel to give birth and know that your child might meet a violent and untimely death?</p>
<p>As if in answer, Giulia swallowed an entire martini in one go, then gestured for another. Willy didn’t try to stop her.</p>
<p>“Are you married, Jaeger?” Fischer asked.</p>
<p>“No.” Zeke’s cocksure smile evaporated a little. “I don't see the point.”</p>
<p>“It’s probably for the best.” Fischer nodded sagely. “Normally a man want to leave behind the legacy of children, but in your situation it would be almost cruel.”</p>
<p>Erwin shut his eyes.</p>
<p>“I don’t see the point of a legacy,” Zeke said. Something in his voice was different; it was honest. “The world doesn’t need another Eldian, and I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this pain.”</p>
<p>Fischer sighed. “If only others of your race were as clear sighted. You have my respect.”</p>
<p>He said it like Zeke was a primate who had completed a very difficult trick. Petra gripped her wine glass, trying to steady her nerves.</p>
<p>“I quite agree with Mr. Jaeger,” Giulia said, swallowing another martini. Already, her voice began to slur. Willy rolled his eyes discreetly. “I love all my boys, but I would be so so much happier if they’d never been—”</p>
<p>“Giulia.” Willy’s voice was acid. Petra could feel energy rising in the room, lightning about to strike. Giulia made a hateful face at her husband. “Do not.”</p>
<p>“I will do. I do. I wish my babies had never been born—”</p>
<p>Willy threw down his napkin and signaled for a servant. The man hastily pulled back Giulia’s chair, and she almost spilled out of it. Fischer seemed aghast; Zeke watched with interest; Levi and Clara both did their best to look anywhere but at the fight.</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Willy darlin’.” She sneered in his face as the servant “helped” her to her feet. The man “escorted” her down the room, heading for the door. As they passed Willy’s seat, Giulia spat in his face.</p>
<p>Petra had been holding her wine glass tighter and tighter. She squeezed too tight, and felt the thing break in her hand. Pain lanced her palm instantly.</p>
<p>But even bleeding, she couldn’t stop watching the train wreck of the Tyburs’ marriage. Giulia was taken from the room. Willy wiped his face, got up, made a quick excuse, and then followed. The door shut behind him. Everyone remaining at the table looked at one another like they’d survived some natural disaster.</p>
<p>“You’re hurt.” Clara sounded so small, and only then did Petra realize her hand was gushing blood. Oh shit.</p>
<p>“Fuck.” Levi got up, but Erwin already had her. He picked shards of glass from her palm—only three small ones, not too bad, but she was bleeding quite a bit.</p>
<p>“Are you all right?” He sounded worried.</p>
<p>“Fine. Sorry.”</p>
<p>Fischer was by her side. He took out a handkerchief and wound it around and around her hand to staunch the bleeding. Petra shivered at his hateful touch, but at least he knew what he was doing. Erwin rubbed her back while Fischer went to get iodine and bandages.</p>
<p>“Well.” Zeke took a deep gulp of wine. “This has been a fascinating evening.”</p>
<p>“Shut up,” Levi snarled. Fuck; he’d let their natural animosity bleed through. Quickly, he added, “You fucking devil.”</p>
<p>Not terribly polite, considering Clara was here, but at least it was a smooth cover. Petra winced at how much blood was soaking the handkerchief. Fischer returned, and Erwin made space for him to treat her. The doctor removed the handkerchief, cleaned the wound, used iodine, and then wrapped a clean cloth bandage around her hand a few times before tying it off.</p>
<p>“You don't need stitches, and there shouldn’t be an infection. Maybe from now on you should switch to beer.” He winked at her, and the men laughed at the harmless joke. Petra imagined taking off his glasses and digging her thumbs into his eyes.</p>
<p>“Thank you, doctor.” Petra stood, a bit wobbly. “Ah.”</p>
<p>“Sweetheart? Are you all right?” Erwin put his arm around her. Levi studiously avoided looking at them.</p>
<p>“I…I think I’d like to go to my room, if that’s all right?” She winced at Clara. “I think it’s too hot.”</p>
<p>“It’s a lot to get used to.” Clara smiled at her.</p>
<p>“Rest up. I’ll be in soon.” Erwin let her go, and she felt Levi watching as she staggered out.</p>
<p>“Need me to escort you, Mrs. Smith?” he asked.</p>
<p>“No, thank you, Kenny. I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Drink some water and take a salt tablet,” Fischer said. She nodded, and wobbled out the door.</p>
<p>Once she was halfway across the house, she stopped feigning weakness. Petra stared at the moonlight lying across the floor, and thought. She understood Erwin’s point. Two lives couldn’t be weighed against an entire race.</p>
<p>But if one of those lives had been Kuchel’s, Petra would risk the world’s wrath to save her. Someone somewhere must feel about those girls the way she felt about her daughter. Somewhere a mother might be praying on her knees for someone to rescue her baby girl.</p>
<p>If Petra did this, she would be a stupid person. If she didn’t, she would be a bad person.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please forgive me, Levi. Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>Fischer was here having dinner. His house would be empty. She would not have another chance.</p>
<p>Petra hurried to her room. She needed a few things before she returned to the doctor’s house.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Levi asked quietly as they headed back. Erwin was so weary he almost couldn’t answer. The commander wanted to lie down and simply drift away. He couldn’t remember being this tired before. For one thing, the damn heat was oppressively sticky. It was like living in a sauna. Flies and mosquitoes buzzed past your ear wherever you went. The cool coastal city of Valle was a paradise in comparison to this.</p>
<p>There was no way the Tyburs kept this as their main residence, particularly not in the summer months. Whatever they wanted to do with this ritual required privacy. Excessive privacy.</p>
<p>So why invite a bunch of near strangers along? It could not just be Clara’s friendship with Petra.</p>
<p>Erwin was growing ever more certain that he had been played in some way. He’d been sure of it this afternoon when demonstrating his prototype to Magath. The man was simply awed by the weapon’s firing capability; they’d gone deeper into the jungle and Erwin demonstrated on a few fallen trees. The bullets shattered them. It was remarkable; Hange was a true genius. And this wasn’t even the final version.</p>
<p>“Remarkable,” Magath breathed, cradling the weapon. He fired a few shots of his own, commented on the smooth recoil. Erwin did not expect to receive an official order. Magath couldn’t sign off on buying them right here, and Erwin wouldn’t have accepted, anyway. But he anticipated that Magath would want to take this to the Marleyan higher ups.</p>
<p>“What do you think?” Erwin had asked.</p>
<p>Magath handed back the gun.</p>
<p>“No,” he’d said simply. “I don’t think I’ll be recommending that the general meet with you, Mr. Smith.”</p>
<p>Erwin did his best not to look surprised. Magath’s good humor disappeared abruptly.</p>
<p>“Any particular reason?”</p>
<p>“You seem like the answer to our every prayer,” Magath said. “That’s what worries me.”</p>
<p>He’d walked away at once. Erwin had stood in the empty clearing with the hum of insects all around, and thought that perhaps he had made on gamble too many.</p>
<p>“Karl?” Levi whispered. “Do we need to leave?”</p>
<p>If he ran now, he would confirm any suspicions Magath possessed and Willy Tybur would be closed to him. He wasn’t even certain he could find their way back to the docks, or that a boat would be there. Too many chances to fail if they ran.</p>
<p>“I think perhaps Petra’s condition is more serious than we originally thought,” he said. Levi nodded. If the woman became “desperately ill,” ill enough that a simple country doctor couldn’t treat her, the Smiths would have to return to the boat. Immediately.</p>
<p>“You were right,” Erwin whispered. “I put you both in danger.”</p>
<p>“Let’s see how Mrs. Smith is doing,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>Erwin stewed in his defeat. Magath had led him on, made him believe that the military would be interested in contracting with him. Then he’d grown icy. That suggested he had been playing Erwin from the start. For all Erwin knew, Reiner had actually seen him at the opera that night. And if Magath mistrusted him, then perhaps Willy did as well. No. It was almost a guarantee.</p>
<p>
  <em>They may not let us leave under any circumstances.</em>
</p>
<p>“If we have to make an abrupt departure…” Erwin trailed off.</p>
<p>“I know who to ‘talk to’ first,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Clara. The War Hammer. Levi had no ODM, and would have to kill her while she remained in human form. He would have one chance if it came to that. Erwin wasn’t certain how Zeke would get involved, but he had to accept it as a wild card.</p>
<p><em>I fucked up. I thought I was so damn clever, but now I don’t know if I can get us out of this.</em> Since that meeting with Magath, Erwin had felt the noose tightening around his neck. He had been played for the fool.</p>
<p>Granted, if he shifted he could obliterate every last one of them in instants. But Petra and Levi would likely be unable to get away in time, and he hated the thought of murdering innocent children. Erwin had sacrificed lives, but never like that. He wouldn’t start now.</p>
<p>Unless the choice was between four children and millions of Eldians around the world.</p>
<p>“Kenny. I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Levi grunted.</p>
<p>All of a sudden, they heard explosive shouting in one of the rooms. Erwin stopped as the door slammed open and Giulia Tyber rocketed out of it. She yanked her pearls from her neck and chucked the broken string of them back at her husband. A few pearls scattered upon the floor.</p>
<p>Willy appeared in the doorway, sleek and cool in contrast to Giulia’s heated fury.</p>
<p>“If you think I’ll let you go through with it, I’ll <em>fucking kill you! Devil scum! You filthy-blooded shit! You animal!</em>”</p>
<p>Levi rarely looked surprised, but he gaped at the Tyburs.</p>
<p>Go through with it? Go through with what?</p>
<p>“If I am an animal, so are your children,” Willy said, his voice ice.</p>
<p>“<em>I won’t let you do it! I won’t! I won’t!</em>” Giulia launched herself onto Willy, clawing at his eyes. He held her by the wrists, a look of contained loathing on his face. His wife struck him in the shin with her heeled shoe, and he winced. Levi calmly picked the woman off her husband and held Giulia securely while the woman flailed. She was sobbing, mascara streaking her face. She was unhinged.</p>
<p>“Stop it,” Levi whispered. “Stop.” He was not cruel. He lowered her to the floor, and Giulia wheeled around and slapped him hard across the face, twice. He allowed it.</p>
<p>“You ugly little dwarf,” she hissed in his face. He let her do that, too. Giulia, upon realizing that the men would intervene against any further assault, staggered away. Her cries echoed back to them as she turned the corner and vanished. Levi looked shaken. He nodded at Erwin, the message clear; they needed to get out. Now.</p>
<p>“Is everything all right?” Erwin asked. Pause. “It’s clearly not, but—”</p>
<p>“My wife isn’t much for family tradition.” Willy straightened his jacket—man wore it even in the height of tropical summer. He smiled at Erwin, charming as ever. No discernible problems. Willy Tybur was a master of self-containment. “Sorry you had to see that.”</p>
<p>“Not at all. I just wanted to go check on my wife. See if she’s feeling better.” He’d see to it she’d grown ever so much worse.</p>
<p>“Mind coming in here for a moment? I could use someone to talk to.”</p>
<p>“Ah. Let me see to Petra, and I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>There it was, the hint of steel under the charm. If Erwin refused, Willy would try to force him. Levi would attack. It would all be over.</p>
<p>Whatever was about to happen could not be avoided. Might as well meet it head on.</p>
<p>“Kenny, would you see to Mrs. Smith? I’ll be right in.” If nothing else, Levi could try to escape with her. They deserved a chance to return to their daughter, even if it was astronomically slim.</p>
<p>“Think I should stay.” Levi was a slave to his duty, as always. He would not abandon Erwin, even to see his wife, and Erwin loved him for it.</p>
<p>“There’s no need. It’s just a friendly chat. Please. Go deal with her, see if she needs anything.”</p>
<p>Erwin told Levi with his glance that getting out of here was the right idea. That he did not intend to be taken alive by Willy, and that he was prepared to transform and detonate everyone in this building. That he wanted to give Petra and Levi a fighting chance to escape the blast zone.</p>
<p>“Sure, boss. See you soon.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I hope so, my friend.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi walked away. Willy Tybur beckoned.</p>
<p>“Come in. Have a drink.”</p>
<p>Erwin entered the room, a sitting area with wicker chairs and cushioned seats, a pitcher of something cold on the table.</p>
<p>Magath was seated in one of the chairs, and regarded Erwin coolly. Erwin looked at the open veranda doors, and the jungle night beyond. He strolled over, stood and looked out across the moonlit lawn. He heard the clink of ice, and then Willy handed him a frosty glass of what turned out to be spiked lemonade. Tasted good, if a bit sweet.</p>
<p>Erwin took the opportunity to enjoy his drink. Every second that passed was a gift now.</p>
<p>“So.” Willy smiled at Erwin. Magath watched him calmly. Zeke was nowhere to be found. “Magath tells me you have a weapon of staggering design.”</p>
<p>“I flatter myself it’s a quality product,” Erwin said. Willy never stopped smiling.</p>
<p>“He finds you fascinating. I confess I do, too. So much so that I’ve conducted my own little investigation these last few days.” The Tybur man’s dark eyes grew flat and empty as a shark’s.</p>
<p>“And I have learned, Mr. Smith, that you are a liar.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The doctor didn’t even lock his front door. Petra crept along the hall, ears straining for a telltale noise. None came. She patted a satchel that swung from her arm. She didn’t want to flip on a light, but had to when she got to the locked study door. She didn’t know where the key was, but that didn’t much matter. Levi was a former thief, and he had taught her many secrets. She slid out a hairpin and, after working on the lock for a solid four minutes, felt it give. Petra yanked open the door and slipped inside, flipping on another light. She dropped the satchel on the floor.</p>
<p>Inga sat up at once. When she saw Petra, the furious expression shifted to confusion. Elsa, meanwhile, was awake but non responsive.</p>
<p>“What are you—?” Inga began.</p>
<p>“Do you know where the keys are to your cages?” Petra whispered. Off Inga’s baffled look, she hissed, “I’m getting you out of here.”</p>
<p>The young woman made a choked noise. Tears spilled down her cheeks at once, and her shoulders trembled. Poor thing.</p>
<p>Petra would not regret this.</p>
<p>“The keys?” Petra pulled at the lock on Inga’s cage, but it wouldn’t budge.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I…I think he keeps it on him,” Inga whimpered.</p>
<p>Oh <em>fuck.</em> Petra stifled a curse, then took out her bent hairpin again. She started to work on the lock, teeth bared with concentration.</p>
<p>“Do you think he’ll come back in here before he goes to bed?”</p>
<p>“No.” Inga sounded certain. “He keeps office hours with us. That’s what he calls it.” She sounded bitter. “He won’t be back until tomorrow morning.”</p>
<p>Good. They had a chance. “He’s at the Tyburs’ right now having dinner. After you two are free, you need to hide somewhere off the path until he locks up and goes to bed. When he and the Tyburs are asleep, take the path back down to the river. I think there’s a village upstream.”</p>
<p>“Saluzzo. I know it, he gets supplies from there. I don’t think we’ll blend in, though. Looking like we do.” She was right; both girls were dirty and wearing medical smocks. Petra nodded at the satchel by the door.</p>
<p>“I brought you some clothes. They’re the plainest things I own, though they might still be a little too fancy. And they might not fit perfectly.” Elsa would be fine, but Inga would find things tight. “Also, I don’t think the shoes will fit.”</p>
<p>“Lots of people around here go barefoot. It won’t be a problem.” Inga’s breathing was ragged now; she could feel freedom only a moment away. “Please, please, please.”</p>
<p>“Almost there.” Petra grunted; the lock was a bitch.</p>
<p>“Won’t he suspect you?”</p>
<p>“I’m going to leave the hairpin right outside your cage door. I can claim I dropped one near you today when I got upset, and you used it to escape.” Inga could reach the lock from her position. “You did it yourself.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” It really sounded like it could work. “Th-thank you. Why would you do this for us?”</p>
<p>The girl sounded so heartbreakingly confused. To her, non-Eldians had probably only ever been cruel, or maybe indifferent. Never helpful.</p>
<p>“Because no one should have to live like this.” It was the most honest answer she could give. Petra cursed as the hairpin slipped from her hand. Damn. Almost. She snatched it up and tried again. “Where do you come from? Do you have a home to go back to?” She needed to keep from losing her nerve right now. Talking helped.</p>
<p>“I come from an internment zone near Noto. My parents died when I was a baby. I think Elsa’s mother is still there, though.”</p>
<p>Probably wishing her daughter would come home. The thought spurred Petra on.</p>
<p>“It’s not always going to be like this for you,” she whispered. Her wrist was growing sore from all the twisting, but she could feel it; the lock was close.</p>
<p>“How could it be any different?” Inga sounded baffled.</p>
<p>
  <em>Because Erwin Smith is going to save you. Someday.</em>
</p>
<p>“Because—”</p>
<p>“What do you think you’re doing?” Dr. Fischer asked.</p>
<p>Petra dropped the hairpin. Inga started screaming wildly, sobbing as she beat against the bars of her cage. So close. So close, and now…</p>
<p>Petra turned around. The little man stood in the doorway, and he was not smiling now. His gaze was deadly.</p>
<p>“I’m…I’m setting these poor creatures free.” She cleared her throat. “You may be legally allowed to do this, but it’s evil.”</p>
<p>She’d been caught, but at most he’d have her arrested for attempted theft of property. She’d ruin Erwin’s social ties with the Tyburs, but at least they wouldn’t be exposed.</p>
<p>“To you, perhaps, it’s evil.” He shut the door.</p>
<p>“To anyone.”</p>
<p>“No. Not anyone.” Fischer smiled then, a smile devoid of all life. “Only an Eldian bitch would care about these devils. And an Eldian bitch is just what you are.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi didn’t want the building to blow with him and Petra still in it. Fuck, he wasn’t sure if they could even make it out of the blast radius before Erwin went off, but he was determined to try. Kuchel right now would be tucked into bed, sailing off to sleep. She was not going to be made an orphan tonight. He wouldn’t fucking allow it.</p>
<p>“Petra.” He flung open the door, ready to tell her to leave with the clothes on her back and take nothing. But the room was dark and empty.</p>
<p>The fuck?</p>
<p>Where would she have gone? Had she figured out things were fucked and run for the river? But why not wait for him? Besides, she couldn’t know the shit Erwin had just waded into. If she was out having a fucking tea party with Clara Tybur he’d put her in a sack and carry her around for the rest of her life so she couldn’t wander off anymore.</p>
<p>He’d…</p>
<p>The idea came, and it stopped him cold.</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>All the while they’d made love this afternoon, she’d interspersed it with moments of grief. <em>We told her. We told her no.</em></p>
<p>“Shit.”</p>
<p>Levi opened the shutters and leapt over the balcony’s railing. He darted across the lawn, headed for the doctor’s house. That brave, sweet, selfless woman. He was going to kill her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re saying.” Petra acted appalled. “Maybe I feel sorry for these poor creatures, but that’s no reason to assume I’m one of them!”</p>
<p>“Stop playing games.” Fischer closed the door and pulled two things from his pockets. One was a bloodstained handkerchief. The other was a gun. Fuck. “I had my suspicions this afternoon, during your examination. You claimed you’d never been pregnant.” He smiled. “Yet your preliminary exam showed me that you’d had a child. Specialists can tell those sort of things.”</p>
<p>Idiot. What a fool she was.</p>
<p>“All right.” Act. She had to act. “I…I got pregnant when I was sixteen and gave the baby away. I didn’t want Karl to know. But I don’t see how you think I’m an—”</p>
<p>“I figured a mysterious woman who’d lie about such a thing might lie about something even more sinister. I decided to test you. I gauged your reaction to my specimens.” Specimens. Fuck him. “You were as heartbroken as I thought you’d be. And finally, this.” He held up the bloodied handkerchief, the one he’d used to bind her injured hand. “I needed one sample of your blood to be sure. And now I am.”</p>
<p>She had to do what she could to save Erwin and Levi.</p>
<p>“Please,” she whispered. “Karl doesn’t know. I don’t want him to know.”</p>
<p>“I think after my little discovery the government will require a blood test from Mr. Smith. And his bodyguard. We’ll see if they’ll be shipped off to Paradise. But you.” He approached her now with barely contained excitement. “I’m going to ask them to let me have you. These others are getting stale.” He vaguely gestured to the cages. “I need a fresh subject.”</p>
<p>Time slowed, as it often did for her on the battlefield. If Fischer grabbed her, Erwin and Levi were screwed. If he killed her, Erwin and Levi were screwed. There was one, and only one chance to survive.</p>
<p>Petra felt the most incredible calm wash over her.</p>
<p>“Now. If you don’t want me to blow your pretty head off, lie down on the ground and put your hands behind your back.”</p>
<p>“You’re making a mistake,” she said softly. She backed up into the small table beside Inga’s cage.</p>
<p>“You have three seconds, or I will shoot.” His voice was dispassionate. The glee was all internal, buried deep within his heart. This was a man who had indeed treated many poor women of neighboring villages for free. He’d delivered babies for rich and impoverished alike. He was clearly a very good doctor.</p>
<p>But he was also a torturing bastard.</p>
<p>“You said you’d send them to Paradise,” Petra said softly. She felt the spray bottle in her hand, the one he’d used on Inga earlier. She peeked up at Fischer through her bangs, and sneered. “We <em>come</em> from Paradise.”</p>
<p>That startled Fischer, and that was all she needed. Petra sprayed the doctor in the face. He screamed, and fired a round. It was deafening, but Petra took the chance. She knocked the gun out of his hand and put his arm in a joint lock. Fischer went to the floor. His glasses fell off. Petra could see that they’d borne the brunt of the spray, so he wasn’t in such bad shape.</p>
<p>“The fuck,” he spluttered as Petra put extra pressure on the joint.</p>
<p>“I am one of those island devils you people hate so much,” she snarled. Looking at this plump, complacent man, all she could see was hateful ignorance. An inhumanity she couldn’t have imagined. “I’ve spent years battling the titans you people sent to keep us caged in behind our walls. I’ve fought the roughest gangs in the capital’s underground. Do you think I’d ever let a worm like you take me down?”</p>
<p>Petra was not an Ackerman by blood. She did not know what their awakenings felt like, but she could imagine it now. She had never felt as strong as she did now. The world seemed lit with electricity; everything was so bright and clear. The fear was entirely gone.</p>
<p>She glanced at the gun lying on the floor. Pick it up, shoot him, and be done with it. She’d told him what they were. He already knew she was Eldian.</p>
<p>A world in which she, Erwin, and Levi made it back home was a world in which this man couldn’t be alive.</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to do this.</em>
</p>
<p>She wished suddenly and entirely that Levi were here. She winced; she wanted him to do the dirty work for her. Petra didn’t want to lose this last trace of innocence.</p>
<p>She had to, though.</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>The man started blubbering. He shook in Petra’s grasp, bawling into the floor. “Please don’t kill me! I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Please. Please don’t.”</p>
<p>“Shut up,” she snapped.</p>
<p>“Please! Please don’t kill me. Please, please.”</p>
<p>He whimpered. It was pathetic, but…</p>
<p>Could she kill a defenseless man?</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s a monster. He’s tortured these girls. He wanted to make you his slave. Levi needs you to do this.</em>
</p>
<p>But Fischer just kept crying, and Petra could not find it in herself to simply execute him.</p>
<p>“Stop,” she muttered. He slumped further in her grasp. That loosened her hold on him.</p>
<p>That one second was all it took.</p>
<p>Fischer grabbed the gun, turned, and fired point blank.</p>
<p>But Petra was too fast for him. She’d already dodged before he aimed. She grabbed the man by the head, tackling him to the ground. She got him in a headlock, the one Levi had taught her. It was effective, but like it or not even a highly trained female soldier didn’t have the pound-for-pound strength of an average man. Levi had always told his soldiers to finish a physical fight as quickly as possible, especially the women. The longer a woman went up against a man, the likelier it was that she’d lose. Simple, unfair biology.</p>
<p>If Petra didn’t move fast, she would lose. Fischer struggled in her grasp, and even in the headlock she felt him breaking free.</p>
<p>“Eldian bitch! Whore! Fucking breeding bitch!” he screamed.</p>
<p>He would have put her daughter in one of those cages. He would have vivisected Kuchel while she screamed. He would have scooped out her organs and turned her into a living shell of herself. The thought of him doing such a thing to her daughter sent a rush of strength through her body. She snarled.</p>
<p>“Shut. Up.”</p>
<p>Petra gripped his head and gave one swift, wrenching twist to the side. She heard the snap, felt the tremors go up her arm. She lay beneath the crumpled figure of the now very dead Fischer. Someone in the room was breathing erratically; it was her. Petra rolled the body off and got to her feet. She looked down on the man. His lips were parted, his eyes already glazed over. His head was bent at an unnatural angle. He was dead. She’d killed him.</p>
<p>
  <em>I took a human life.</em>
</p>
<p>She had killed people as titans, but by the time she went up against them they were something else. Something pitiful. Unintelligent. Killing was really a mercy. This was the first time she’d killed a true human.</p>
<p>And the worst part was that she didn’t hate herself for it.</p>
<p>Petra’s hands shook. Her knees gave out, and she folded next to the body. She hated him now, even in death. But he was dead. And she had done it.</p>
<p>She hurked a few times, but didn’t throw up. Petra pressed her forehead to the carpet and took long, shuddering breaths. She was a murderer. No way to dress it up, that’s what she was.</p>
<p>“Hey. Hey!” Inga rattled the bars. “Check him for a key. Hurry!”</p>
<p>Yes. She came back to herself somewhat, even though she was numb. When she felt again, it would be awful. But Petra needed to finish this, so she searched the doctor’s pockets. She found a key in his breast pocket, but it wasn’t for the cages. It locked and unlocked the door. Much good that did.</p>
<p>“Okay. I, I can do this.” She staggered almost drunkenly and picked up the hairpin. Her vision wavered; if she passed out now, they were all dead. Inga looked terrified.</p>
<p>“You can do it. Come on!”</p>
<p>Yes. The girls needed her. Petra went back to working on the lock.</p>
<p>She felt him in the doorway before she heard his approach. Inga screamed, backing against the cage, and Petra wanted to tell her it was okay. It was her husband. He was the only man who’d know she’d come here, who’d follow her anywhere.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Petra almost cried in relief as she turned around.</p>
<p>“Sorry to disappoint,” said Zeke. He leaned against the doorframe and studied Fischer’s body. He lifted his eyebrows. “You really have been busy, haven’t you?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When Erwin was a boy of about eight, he’d been alone. His father had been alive, of course, but Erwin had not been good at making friends. Ironically, he hadn’t been a good-looking child, a bit round-faced with those enormous eyebrows and that protruding nose. He also had a habit of correcting kids’ mistakes in class, unasked. One day he came home crying. His father had been in the middle of grading tests, but put them aside and sat his son at the table.</p>
<p>‘What’s wrong, Erwin?’</p>
<p>‘They say I have a creepy smile. They say I’m a freak. I tried to join a game and they told me to go away.’ He started crying so hard that his father hugged him. Papa had always smelled of pipe tobacco, though he rarely smoked it. Erwin pressed his face to his father’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. When he calmed down, his father gave him some advice.</p>
<p>‘If you want to get along with other people, look at them and ask yourself what kind of people they like to be around. Those kids from school, for example. Can you tell what they like about each other?’</p>
<p>Well, some of the boys were loud and annoying, but generally they liked laughing. They always laughed at one another’s jokes. Erwin didn’t unless they were funny, which they often weren’t. If they helped one another with schoolwork, they usually waited to be asked instead of just bluntly telling someone what they were doing wrong.</p>
<p>‘Do I have to laugh when jokes aren’t funny?’ He didn’t want to be someone else.</p>
<p>‘It doesn’t have to be a big laugh. When people tell jokes, they feel uncomfortable when people don’t laugh. Just a smile will do. And instead of constantly correcting, you should compliment people when you see them doing a good job at something. Like if Ana paints a nice picture, or Einar did really well in a ball game. People like to be liked. If you like them, they’ll like you.’</p>
<p>Erwin sniffed. ‘What about my smile?’</p>
<p>Papa frowned. ‘I don’t see anything wrong with your smile.’</p>
<p>So Erwin followed his advice. The next day, he found his way into a group of kids. Fritz told an obnoxious joke, but Erwin laughed along. He found it was easier to fit in. They asked him to play with them, and he made sure to tell them when they did a good job, or to compliment them some other way. Over time, he became liked. The others wanted to play when he suggested a game. In fact, he became one of the popular boys.</p>
<p>It was a little game he played. His father never suggested Erwin change himself to suit others, just to adjust his reactions to them. As such, he started divvying the kids up into those who he felt could be real friends, and those he called his ‘play’ friends. He was equally nice to all of them, but felt truly good when the real friends liked him.</p>
<p>Then Papa died. Erwin was taken from his town to Mitras, to his aunt and uncle’s house. And there, his aunt had given him a more thorough education.</p>
<p>‘In this world, Erwin, you can be yourself with only a select few.’ She said this to him as he stood in front of her in the parlor. She often made him stand there when he needed to be disciplined. She smoked cigarettes; Erwin loathed the smell. As she gave an elegant puff, she sized him up. ‘When you’re facing someone who’s of greater rank than you, figure out what his weakness is. Or what he wants most. Or what hurts him most. Once you know those things, you can bend him to your will. It takes time to learn, of course, but you’re still young. You have plenty of time.’</p>
<p>Erwin had been an adept student of her teachings. The day before he left forever, the day before his nineteenth birthday, she’d told him he had made her proud. She’d expected him to go to the university in Wall Sina, start politicking at court. Instead he’d looked her in the eyes as she reached up to stroke his hair, one of the few times she offered an affectionate gesture.</p>
<p>‘I’m joining the Survey Corps,’ he said. She froze. ‘And I will never see you again.’</p>
<p>Her face paled when he said that. From age fourteen on, he’d worked hard to make her like him. He’d made her see him as a project she was managing splendidly. He’d taken all he could from her and her husband, the education and the lodging, the lessons, the introductions. He’d played them until the second he didn’t need them anymore. Now he was done with them.</p>
<p>‘Why?’ She seemed truly at a loss. She had a pale, narrow face. If she looked like his mother, he didn’t know. He couldn’t remember her features.</p>
<p>‘Because I don’t like you,’ he said coolly. Then he’d gone upstairs to pack.</p>
<p>Her husband, his uncle, died five years ago. Erwin hadn’t gone to the funeral.</p>
<p>When Erwin saw that look of utter shock on her face, he knew that he had mastered her game, that he played it better than she could. He didn’t want to. He wanted to find open people, honest people, talented people whom he could call his friends. His real friends. But if he had to, he could do what she did. He could manipulate.</p>
<p>And now, his father’s teachings and his aunt’s intersected. He had one chance to prove he had mastered this game. Or everything was over. This man was just another ‘play’ friend; Willy Tybur simply held more power than a god.</p>
<p>
  <em>Think. Think. What does this man want? What drives him?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His sister holds the War Hammer.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His wife hates him for his Eldian blood.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sins of their family. Not sins of Eldia. The Tyburs. What is their sin?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Guilt? Eldians in Marley at least have a few rights. He procured those for them. Why be guilty for that?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The military comes to talk to Willy Tybur. They seek his counsel and advice. Why? He is a free Eldian, a respected Eldian, but he is still only a private citizen. A bit of a politician, but that’s due to being the face of Eldians worldwide.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So why should the military government seek his advice?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Who is in charge here?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Who is the enemy?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Who is the—</em>
</p>
<p>It all came together in a breathtaking snap of white. Erwin felt every muscle in his body relax, even as Willy began laying into him.</p>
<p>“The Brothers and Sisters of Helos, that was the church your father was a missionary for, yes?” Erwin didn’t reply. “You said you were in the Mid-East, near Fort Slava. I’m sure you chose that organization because it’s common knowledge that the BASH, as we like to call them, kept phenomenally poor records. But you’re forty years old, or thereabouts. I’m certain you didn’t know that up until 821, the BASH were being scrutinized by the Marleyan government. The military feared they were radicalizing ordinary citizens to try annihilating all Eldians in a bid for peace. Eldian hatred is good, but must be kept to a simmer, never brought to boil. They’re useful, after all. We have all the names of all the missionaries from that time period on file. Meticulous work, you see. There is only one Smith on record from 800-810. Wilhelm Smith. Unmarried. No children. I looked into him, found he was in a lifelong partnership with someone named Kurt. And that he’d done his missionary work in Hizuru and Nambia. Never the Mid-East.” Willy and Magath stared at Erwin, looked through him. “I want to know why you would lie about something like that.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Sins of our family.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>People want to be liked. They want to see themselves in you. They like themselves.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin wet his lips. “Shame,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“Shame.” Erwin said it with conviction, such conviction that it took both men aback. “Because my father—my real father—his sins haunt me to this day.”</p>
<p>Something moved in Willy Tybur’s eyes, but it vanished immediately.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>He thought of Levi’s mother, Kuchel, the epitome of a martyr. An impoverished woman with a charitable heart, loving despite the beating she took from the world.</p>
<p>“My mother was a prostitute,” he said gruffly. Levi had told him enough about those days in the underground, the smell of sweat and sex, the filthy floor, the clients who would hurt Kuchel, or Levi. Erwin felt those stories in the marrow of his bones, and he knew that translated. The men were now listening to him. “She was Mid-Eastern. That was one thing I wanted to hide. I’m not a pureblood Marleyan.” Indeed, only too true. That truth registered again with Willy and Magath.</p>
<p>“And your father was Marleyan?” Willy asked.</p>
<p>“Yes. But he wasn’t a missionary. I lied about that to make myself sound good. To suggest I came from a zealous, patriotic background.” His face crumpled, and he was barely acting now. The fear had him in near collapse. Think, and fast. What was one profession his father could have that they would not be able to trace?</p>
<p>Kenny Ackerman. Levi’s family history colored Erwin’s.</p>
<p>“My mother and I were never sure what precisely he’d been before coming to the Mid-East, but given his associates around Fort Slava, it’s likely he’d been some level of criminal. He came from Liberio. The truth is, my last name likely isn’t Smith. He used different names when he had to move to different cities. If he was on the run from Marleyan justice, he wouldn’t have kept his real name. I don’t know who I am.” He clenched his fists. The shame of using Levi’s life as his own, taking everything from his best friend, turned him red with self-hatred. And it showed on his face. It was real.</p>
<p>“I at least know he was my real father. He and his gang entered the whorehouse one night and took what women they wanted. They rode into the desert to hide out from the law a while. He was my mother’s only client for several months. Then she had me.”</p>
<p>Magath now looked blank. Willy frowned.</p>
<p>“He got tired of her when she was pregnant and eventually they brought the women back. She gave birth to me. I lived in the whorehouse until I was four. She died of syphilis—stupidly easy to cure, if you aren’t rotting away in the middle of nowhere. They put me in an orphanage in town. I stayed there two years. Hellish as it was, it was paradise in comparison to the whorehouse and what came when my father found me. He discovered I was alone—perhaps he was feeling paternal, but likely it was pride in having a legacy. He carted me around with him. By that point, his hellion days were done. He was mostly an itinerant worker at that point, drifting always from one place to the next. He’d drink. He’d fight. He’d get fired. We’d move on. And this was my first impression of my homeland. My mother and all the other women, or the teachers in the orphanage, they talked of Marley as the wonder of the civilized world. And there I was, with the scum of the earth. Finally, when I was twelve, he about drank himself to death. It meant taking me back to an orphanage, and I couldn’t wait.” Mid-East orphanages out in the wastelands probably kept poor records. Good luck tracking him there. “But as a parting gift, he told me something that burned like a brand on my soul. He told me that he’d been in the Marleyan military years ago. He said Marley was a great lie. That it was a rotting corpse, the spirit long gone, but one that was being propped up and made to move like it was alive. He said that a country’s soul”—and here Erwin looked Willy in the eye—“is its king. But that ours abandoned his duty.”</p>
<p>Willy’s eyes widened. For a moment, he looked almost faint.</p>
<p>“King Fritz was hardly the soul of the nation,” Magath drawled.</p>
<p>“Not Fritz. The one who dethroned him, the true king. But he turned away from his duty, like Fritz had, and gave the country over to a bunch of, in my father’s words, lying, thieving scumsuckers in the military. He said Marley was nothing to be proud of. Better to drink yourself to death in a foreign land than take pride in your home.”</p>
<p>The idea of it gave Erwin tears that he fought. This was barely an act now, and the men saw it.</p>
<p>Magath looked at Willy. He appeared quietly shocked. Tybur cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Colonel, would you mind stepping outside?” His tone was genial, but a chill lay beneath it. Magath did as asked. Willy and Erwin stared at one another, energy crackling between them.</p>
<p>“You realize how difficult this story would be to prove?”</p>
<p>“Believe me. That was the reason I came up with the missionary façade in the first place. I guess I never believed you’d go to such lengths.” He bowed his head. “Your Majesty.”</p>
<p>“Shut up.” Willy barely moved his lips. So it was true. Erwin delighted in his own intuition.</p>
<p>“Your family has been content to let Marley bleed itself dry with ceaseless war, to rely solely on the titans for domination. You’ve let this country go to the brink of destruction. It was your job to save her, and you turned your back.” Erwin narrowed his eyes. “Why?”</p>
<p>“The Tyburs were never kings.” Willy sounded defensive. “We were simply the nearest thing to a centralized authority Marley had once the Titan War had finished.”</p>
<p>“And you gave your power away.”</p>
<p>Willy came near him, fire in his eyes. “What reason do I have to believe you aren’t a spy for the Mid East?”</p>
<p>“Would a spy have made up the indescribably ridiculous story I just told you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” He stepped back, appraising Erwin. “I just don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Besides, what harm could it do for the world to know that you’re the neglectful leader of this nation?”</p>
<p>There was panic in Willy’s eyes, buried deep. This man was a king, essentially, but that was not what he feared getting out. The identity of the War Hammer? But then again, what technology did outside governments have to even attempt to subdue Clara, let alone take her power?</p>
<p>“After all,” Erwin said quietly. “Your ancestor and Helos saved this world from evil King Fritz. It would only make sense that you would rule after he was gone.” Erwin cocked his head. “Except that Helos only appears in children’s stories and textbooks. There’s no hard historical record of such a man having ever existed.”</p>
<p>“What are you saying?”</p>
<p>“Exactly what I’m saying.” Erwin couldn’t give away too much. He tested the waters. “I don’t think you’re afraid I’ll tell the Mid-East that you rule Marley from the shadows. I think there’s a lie somewhere, right at the base of your family.”</p>
<p>“What do you want from me?” Willy snarled. The handsome young man’s expression grew so fearsome, Erwin was afraid that Petra had it wrong and this was the inheritor of the War Hammer.</p>
<p>“I want to create the Marley I dreamed of in my childhood.” Erwin drew nearer. “I want the vision of prosperity I was promised. I want to see my country safe from dirty backwaters like where I grew up. And I can’t get that without you. I enjoy your company.” He meant it, too. “I think you’re a brilliant man. But you’re worthless to me if you shirk your duty.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t even know what my duty was until four years ago.”</p>
<p>He blurted it out in anger, then froze. The pieces conjoined: four years ago, Clara inherited the War Hammer. Four years ago, she saw her ancestors’ memories. Four years ago, she told Willy.</p>
<p>“Did you make up Helos? Is he a fabrication?” Erwin pressed Willy now, and the slighter man withdrew a bit. “Because a family that would lie about that would lie about anything. What lies are you hiding?”</p>
<p>“You come into my home as my guest and you interrogate me?” Willy regained his composure. His voice was ice.</p>
<p>“A king has no right to privacy.”</p>
<p>“I’m not a king!”</p>
<p>“Because you hate your Eldian blood? Is that it?”</p>
<p>“I’m going to call Magath in here to—”</p>
<p>“Arrest me? Shoot me on sight?” Erwin dared everything now. He laid everything on the table, bet it all on the next thirty seconds. “I have spent my entire life searching for the answers at the heart of my world. Nothing ever added up. I felt like a child fumbling in the dark, looking for a meaning to my life. Why was I born? Why did I have to live in such hell? Why couldn’t I have something that was grand, and clean? As soon as I set foot on Marleyan soil, I cried. I knew that I was home, but I also knew that my home was in disarray. The more I read of the Tybur history, the more convinced I became that you are meant to lead us in the open. Rise above your blood. Be greater than it. All I have ever seen in you is a cunning, brilliant, resourceful man with the air of a king. But you spend time floating through parties, smiling, shaking hands, doing what little a socialite can for your country, but <em>this is your time.</em> I started selling arms simply for a chance to meet you, and to ask what I ask now.” Erwin knelt at Willy’s feet. The younger man gaped in shock. “Become the man you were born to be. The man I would kneel before and follow into hell. Take back your power, stop hiding in the shadows. Wrest control from this puppet military government.” Considering Erwin’s own role in the long-ago Uprising, this was especially funny. “Forge a new path, one that isn’t reliant on war as its reason for and method of existing. Be the man who saved the world. Be the king I’ve waited for my entire life, the one I dreamed of when I was living on a dirty floor in some obscure desert town. And if you won’t, then take the gun I showed Magath and shoot me in the temple, because there is no point to living in a world without order. Hate me for what I’m saying. Hate me for lying. Hate me for hating you. But for my wife’s sake, and the sake of all Marley, take back your throne and save us all.”</p>
<p>The room was silent. Outside, the jungle gave forth its evening rhapsody. The only movement was the ceiling fan, shifting Willy’s long hair ever so slightly. The two men stared at one another. It was an eternity in a second.</p>
<p>“Get up,” Willy said softly. There was no anger in him now. Only sadness. “You shouldn’t be kneeling to me like this.”</p>
<p>“Who else deserves this gesture?”</p>
<p>“It’s all a lie.” The words were ripped from him. Willy went to the open window to look at the night. Erwin stood, but didn’t approach. “Do you know how you make a king, or a legend? Tell a story. A good story, with a hero in a feathered hat and an evil king banished. Common people, the mob that needs to be ruled, don’t understand internecine politics. They don’t care about the merits of one economic policy over another. To get their cooperation, you only need love. And to get love, you need one good story.”</p>
<p>The words resonated deep in his breast. In that moment, Erwin Smith saw the path ahead and knew exactly what he had to do. He would not die tonight. Though soon, some would wish he had.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me how it’s a lie. If it’s a good story, use it. If one lie gives birth to a greater future for all, it’s worth it.”</p>
<p>“You think you have some right to talk like this.” But Willy sounded hollow.</p>
<p>“If you suffer for what your ancestors did, you won’t absolve yourself by hiding. I learned it from my own fractured family. Remake yourself. Remake the world.”</p>
<p>Willy turned his face away, and it was then that Erwin saw the man crying. He had won. Minutes passed. Willy got himself under control. Erwin offered a handkerchief. It was refused.</p>
<p>“Should I call Magath back in?” Erwin asked. “What will you tell him?”</p>
<p>“I’ll tell him…” Willy looked at Erwin with those black, crackling eyes. He smiled. “That sometimes a good story is true.”</p>
<p>Erwin smiled, and looked out the window. He stopped smiling when he saw a dark figure cut across the lawn. Levi? But where was Petra?</p>
<p>“Isn’t that your man?” Willy asked. Shit.</p>
<p>“Maybe he senses a threat. He’s a bloodhound like that.” Erwin gestured. “Come on. I’ll go get him.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra knelt on the floor; she couldn’t feel her legs. Zeke strolled over and oh so casually crouched beside her. He wore a linen suit of cream. He dressed well for an Eldian. The bright armband marking him as other stayed on, of course.</p>
<p>“Any particular reason why he’s dead?” Zeke stared at her through those owlish specs, his eyes lazy with enjoyment. He liked watching her squirm on a hook.</p>
<p>“Aren’t they reason enough?” she croaked. Inga banged on the cage again. Zeke sniffed.</p>
<p>“Eldian, I assume. Pity. Such a pity. Poor things.” There was genuine sympathy in his eyes. “I can’t fault you for your reason, but you’ve really fucked us over. It’s hard to imagine Fischer accidentally broke his neck at this angle. Besides, there’s also the matter of this.” He held up a sheet of paper between two fingers. “I helped myself to a tour of his house when I arrived. He left this tasty detail right out in the open for anyone to find. Lucky for you, I found it.”</p>
<p>The blood test confirming her as Eldian. Petra shivered. She reached for the paper, and Zeke snatched it away. He folded it and slid it into a pocket on the inside of his jacket. He gave an oily smile.</p>
<p>“Give it to me.”</p>
<p>“I like it where it is.”</p>
<p>“If anyone finds that—”</p>
<p>“They won’t. Not if I don’t want them to. And I won’t want them to.” He narrowed his eyes. “Provided you do a favor for me.”</p>
<p>He was blackmailing her? The bastard, the ape bastard, he—</p>
<p>“Before you hit me, understand something. Without my help, they’ll find the good doctor dead. They’ll interview everyone in the house. They’ll dust for prints and find yours all over this room, and on him.” He nodded at Fischer. “They’ll detain you. And then…well.”</p>
<p>“And you’re offering to what? Help me?”</p>
<p>“I can make it so that his body disappears. I can make it so that all evidence is erased. And in return, I ask only one thing.” Zeke placed his palms together. “One day, I will go to Paradis. When I do, I want to meet my little brother face to face.”</p>
<p>“Eren? Isn’t that a given?”</p>
<p>“Your husbands, real and fake, don’t trust me. They need me, but I know that they’re making headway into Marley in order to need me less. They’ll keep Eren from me, especially now they know the power that can spark when royal titan blood meets a free Coordinate. They’ll refuse to let me meet Eren in private. That’s where you’ll come in. Whatever it takes to accommodate me, do it. If you don’t…” He patted his breast pocket.</p>
<p>“When I go home, they won’t be able to get to me. Your threat’s hollow. And they’ll be suspicious of why you didn’t tell them.”</p>
<p>“Anonymous tips come from everywhere, all the time. Truth is, Marleyan authorities care more about knowing whom to crush than they do how the evidence was gathered. Exposing you puts Erwin and Levi at risk. It puts Paradis at risk. If nothing else, it will hurt the Eldians living in Marleyan internment zones. Do you want blood on your hands?”</p>
<p>“I hate you,” she whispered. A tear slid down her cheek. This man saw a dead body and two trapped girls, and all he thought of were deals.</p>
<p>“I confess I don’t see the appeal of you, either. I have no idea why Levi likes fucking you as much as he does. The way you both gasp and moan mid coitus is disgusting.”</p>
<p>She saw red. Petra rose, shaking. He rose with her.</p>
<p>“It was you. Outside my room. Listening. Why?” She curled her lip in disgust.</p>
<p>“I’ve never liked the idea of intercourse that leaves a chance of someone getting pregnant. Someone’s mouth works just fine, same as other non-reproductive orifices. I’m a curious man. And I wanted to know just how weak Levi can become.” His lifeless eyes finally caught a spark. “Between you and Commander Handsome, he’s a mindless drone.”</p>
<p>Petra slapped his face so hard that his glasses flew off. Zeke rubbed his cheek, then picked up his spectacles while she seethed.</p>
<p>“Levi is a better man than you could ever hope to be. And so is Eren.” Creepy as the boy had become, there was nothing cruel in him. Not like this freak.</p>
<p>“Attribute my deficiencies to an unhappy childhood.” Zeke smirked again. Untouchable. “I don't mind getting a slap. Even if it’s from you.” He raised an eyebrow. “Do we have a deal? Or should I start calling for help?”</p>
<p>Petra hung her head. She stared at the corpse on the floor. <em>Forgive me, Levi.</em></p>
<p>“All right,” she whispered. “Clean this up. And I’ll help you.”</p>
<p>“Pleasure doing business.” With that, Zeke knelt and fumbled with the body. “If you’re looking for a key to the girls’ cages, I’ll find it. Men hide things in secret ways known only to their own sex. Same with women, I’m sure. Once I release them, I’ll put my plan into action.”</p>
<p>Petra looked at Inga, who was now weeping with joy. Her tormentor was dead, and they were getting the key to her freedom. Petra reached out and touched hands with her, just once.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you sometime,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Inga cried; Elsa didn’t move.</p>
<p>“Go! The greater the distance between you and this place, the better.” Zeke glared at Petra until she backed out of the room. She left the satchel of clothes for the girls, and staggered down the hallway. The corridor seemed to tilt at insane angles. She stumbled against the wall a few times, sagging under the weight of that body.</p>
<p>She’d killed someone. A human being. A monster, yes, but a human being.</p>
<p>As she reached the living room, she spied the door to Fischer’s office. The bottles. Why not? She tried opening it, but found it locked. Exasperated, she kicked it open. The lock flew off, and she flipped on a light. Petra rummaged through the drawers, collecting all six or so of the bottles she’d seen this afternoon. Let this whole horrible experience have some reason, besides those poor girls. She slipped the glass bottles into the pockets of her light summer jacket, turned off the lights, and left.</p>
<p>Petra rushed out the front door and down the path, hands over her mouth so she didn’t sob. She needed to get back to the house, to her room. She needed Levi.</p>
<p>She needed to forget, but knew she never would.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>These poor things. Why be born only to suffer such a fate? If Zeke had any religious beliefs, the sight of these wretched girls would’ve knocked them away.</p>
<p>He stopped to pick up the gun on the ground, checked the chamber. Four bullets. He shoved it into the band of his pants and continued prodding the body.</p>
<p>“Thank you. What’s your name?” The talkative one sniffed. The younger appeared quite mute.</p>
<p>“I don’t think we need names.” He patted Fischer’s pockets, then felt something. He unbuckled and opened the man’s pants, wincing as he reached within. Zeke didn’t go in much for sexual feelings. He’d let Yelena get on her knees to him a couple of times mostly because she wanted it badly and he was curious. Mostly women, but he’d never dismissed the idea of men. Good idea, really. Generally, slim chance of procreation. This man, however, did not interest him. But maybe he’d…</p>
<p>There. Hanging on a loop just behind the left pocket, a key.</p>
<p>“Smart man. No one would ever want to look here.” Zeke yanked off the key and held it up. This had to be for the cages. He smiled; he loved solving puzzles. Always had. Inga gasped, banged on the bars.</p>
<p>“Here. Here. Hurry!”</p>
<p>“In a moment.” Zeke pocketed the key, then made a sweep of the room. A fairly standard study, but in the drawer of Fischer’s desk he found a flask of, from the smell of it, bourbon, and a half-used carton of cigarettes. A doctor who smokes? Tsk. There was also a book of matches.</p>
<p>Perfect. Zeke took the flask and matches. He went to the body and sprinkled alcohol liberally all over Fischer. He also soaked as much of the floor as he could.</p>
<p>“What’re you doing?” the girl asked.</p>
<p>“I’m going to set him on fire. The house will go up in no time, destroying every last trace of evidence.”</p>
<p>“Yes. That makes sense. Come on, let us out and let’s go.”</p>
<p>Oh, the poor thing. Zeke didn’t let emotions show much, but he felt actual distress on his face. Fighting it away, he came and knelt before her cage, three feet off. She’d only committed the sin of being born. Hateful parents had put their selfish desire to fuck or to love some tiny baby over the reality of the hell that baby would inhabit.</p>
<p>He could have done it and gone, but after all she’d been through she deserved an explanation.</p>
<p>“Where would you go?”</p>
<p>“Down to the river and then up to Saluzzo.”</p>
<p>“They’ll catch you.” It was a fact. “They’ll send you to Paradise. Take it from me, being a pure titan for even thirty seconds is a nightmare you wouldn’t wish on anyone.”</p>
<p>He had very little recollection of the day he’d eaten Mr. Xavier—dad, his real dad. Over time, he remembered that after injecting himself with the serum the world had gone blurred. It had been like a siren blaring in his head every second. He’d been trapped screaming in a nightmare. When the world went black and he emerged from the titan body, steam rising around him, Zeke had shaken with gratitude. If nothing else, being a shifter meant he would never be able to experience that again.</p>
<p>No. Better anything than that. He felt some guilt for his mother. If he’d known what it would be like, he might not have had the strength to…</p>
<p>Not now.</p>
<p>“We’ll hide in the jungle until everyone’s gone,” she said.</p>
<p>“Even if you do, you can’t go to civilization. You’ll starve in the woods, or die of some tropical disease. Or thirst, or hunger. You wouldn’t thank me for that.”</p>
<p>“We’d have a chance.” Her voice had an edge now. She was starting to suspect the truth. The girl shook the bars. “Let us out.”</p>
<p>“You’ll die in the woods or you’ll be captured and transported to a living hell. There is no happy ending for you.” He meant it. Every word. The poor thing. Zeke sighed. “Besides, I’m afraid you’ve seen and heard too much. If the authorities captured you, you might do or say anything to avoid being shipped to Paradise.”</p>
<p>“I’d never tell. She was kind to us. She wanted to save us.”</p>
<p>“She’s kind, yes. And utterly common. No brain, none.” Zeke took off his glasses; he didn’t need them to see, after all, and it was a way of removing a barrier between them. “Don’t you understand? You were dead the moment she decided to free you.”</p>
<p>“I’m not dead yet.” She pounded on the bars. “Let me out! Let me out!” Seeing he wouldn’t, she fumbled for something on the floor. A bent hairpin? That idiot Petra. He snatched it and tossed it away. The girl extended her arms through the bars, wailing.</p>
<p>“I can’t risk you talking. And it would be wrong to send you to either a lingering death or titanization. You wouldn’t thank me.” He stood, put his glasses back on. “There’s no place in this world for beings like us. Better to have never existed at all. Your parents were selfish. So was Petra. I won’t be.”</p>
<p>“You crazy bastard!” She screamed, sobbed as he sprinkled more alcohol on the body and the floor. Zeke tossed the empty flask aside, took out the matches, and lit one. “Don’t! Don’t!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I hope that, if there’s existence beyond this, you find some peace.”</p>
<p>He tossed the match. Blue flame rippled over the body and in a pool across the carpet. Smoke started rising at once. Zeke headed for the door.</p>
<p>“No! No! Please!” The wailing girl made him stop. She had been tortured her whole life, and now faced an agonizing death. Zeke could be sadistic, but he wasn’t a sadist. He looked back, sighed, and then took out the gun from the band of his pants. He emptied the chamber and hurried to kneel before her cage. He placed the bullets and the gun side by side. Would’ve handed her it already loaded, but she might have shot him.</p>
<p>“Load this. Use it on her first.” He nodded to the other girl. She still hadn’t moved. “Then yourself. It’s all I can give you. And…” He frowned. “I’m truly sorry.”</p>
<p>“Wait! Stop!”</p>
<p>Her screams escalated as he made his way out of the fiery room. She screamed until Zeke shut the door. Then, there was no sound at all.</p>
<p>Good. So much easier to move forward when you didn’t hear screams. Zeke tossed the key to the cages on the floor and left the house.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi ran for the treeline, fists pumping at his sides. He’d get her out of there, and then he’d carry her away bridal style and then when Erwin had exploded the place he would put her in a crate and not let her out until they were back on Paradis. Why? Why had she done this?</p>
<p>Levi glanced left when a figure came down the path, heading away from Fischer’s. She was in a jacket, stumbling, and clearly struggling not to cry.</p>
<p>Oh thank fuck.</p>
<p>“Petra!” He turned, gestured to her. She only shook her head and kept running. What the living fuck? What was she doing?</p>
<p>A wash of heat hit the back of Levi’s neck. He turned around and saw, through the foliage, a wall of flame rising into the sky. Had to be Fischer’s house.</p>
<p>Oh. <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p>“Kenny!” Erwin ran up to him, Willy at his side, Magath not far behind. Holy shit, whatever problem had existed between them seemed to be over. The three men stood close together as they gaped in horror at the fire.</p>
<p>“Sam.” Willy turned and ran for his house, yelling for help. Erwin put a hand on Levi’s shoulder, as if keeping him from moving.</p>
<p>“Is Petra safe?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I just…yeah.” Levi avoided confessing that he’d seen his wife running from the scene of the very probable crime. He cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go check on her again.”</p>
<p>“Good. We’re not leaving, by the way. All’s well.” The fire glowed on Erwin’s face. It lit his eyes. “All’s very well.”</p>
<p>Good. Only Erwin could turn a situation like that into a trump card.</p>
<p>Levi ran into the house while servants rushed past him. At this point, the fire was roaring. The whole place had to be engulfed. Levi turned back, frowning as the servants came to stop beside their master. Willy, Erwin, Magath and the others watched the wall of flame. Fuck. Try doing something, assholes.</p>
<p>Then, the wind rustled. From the wrong direction.</p>
<p>As Levi watched, some kind of crystal—titan crystal—grew up around the house. It encased the fire. Within instants, the flame was gone.</p>
<p>“What the—”</p>
<p>Wait. He understood. That fancy crystal shit was the War Hammer at work, huh? But he didn’t see any titan around.</p>
<p>Fuck only knew how good these Tybur bastards really were.</p>
<p>So they’d engulfed the house in crystal to keep the flames from spreading, and the lack of oxygen would kill the fire. Kill anyone who was still inside, too, but anyone inside at that point was already dead. Pretty damn practical. At least he didn’t have to worry if Petra was in there.</p>
<p>But he was still worried as to what had happened. Levi went back to the house, and returned to Erwin’s room. But she still wasn’t there. Damn it, where the hell was she?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra shut the door to Levi’s room. It was smaller than hers, but she saw his clothes neatly put away through the open closet door. The smell of him, the clean soap scent, soothed her nerves as she went and lay down on his bed. She buried her face in his pillow, breathed him in. Tears wet the cloth. Petra gave a few hushed sobs into the pillow, bunching it tighter against her face.</p>
<p>She’d taken a life. A hideous life, but a life. She’d killed someone.</p>
<p>She could never, ever take it back. Zeke could burn the evidence, but he couldn’t erase what had happened. She’d go back into that room over and over again for the rest of her life, to see those two girls in their cages, the dead man on the floor.</p>
<p>“I want to go home,” she sobbed. She wanted to hold her baby. She wanted to see friendly faces. She wanted to get away from this nightmare, all of its cruelty. She had thought titans were cruel, but they were only forces of nature. They were victims. This was cruelty. This was suffering for the sake of suffering.</p>
<p>Petra felt her heart hardening against them all, desperate to keep the pain at bay. She wanted her husband. She wanted his arms around her.</p>
<p>The door creaked open. Petra gasped and propped herself on her elbows, looking behind her.</p>
<p>Giulia Tybur wobbled in the doorway. Even from here, Petra could smell the booze.</p>
<p>“Knew it,” Giulia growled. Petra felt her heart stop, but she continued. “Knew you were fucking each other.”</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>The woman marched over to the bed as Petra got up. Giulia’s beautiful face was twisted up in anger.</p>
<p>“I never liked you. Never. Only made like I did ‘cause Willy said he wanted t’know all about your husband.” She belched, put a hand to her mouth. Her shoulders slumped. “Told him I ‘spected you were screwin’ around. He won’t tell your husband, though. Says he respects him too much.” She giggled, the sound close to crying. Petra glared at her; she’d had enough shit for one night. For one lifetime. “You’re jus’ an insipid, boring li’l thing. Of course men like you. Cute li’l mouse. You don’t have a clue about the world, do you?”</p>
<p>The irony almost made Petra laugh. But she had no laughter tonight.</p>
<p>“My husband asked about you, too.” She leaned nearer. “I told him you were a drunk and sloppy. Nothing interesting about you. No wonder Kenny doesn’t want you. Who would?”</p>
<p>She had never been cruel like this before. Consciously. Taking delight in it. But she could still feel the tremor as she snapped Fischer’s neck, and she wanted to divorce herself from the trembling woman she’d been. She watched Giulia’s face fall as the words landed. Petra left the woman and headed for the door.</p>
<p>“You don’t know what it’s like.”</p>
<p>The words stopped Petra. Giulia spoke them through tears. Her shoulders trembled, heaved as she sobbed and sobbed. Messy, wet sobs. She staggered and sat on the bed, crying her heart out. “You don’t know what it’s like. No one knows what it’s like. No one. No one knows. No one.”</p>
<p>She wailed into her hands, bent over with some secret grief. Petra’s instinct was to go and comfort her. But that would mean feeling. She couldn’t. Not yet. If she felt at all, the dam would burst. Then they would all die.</p>
<p>She walked back into the hallway, and ran almost smack into Levi. He gripped her arms, relief and fury mingling in his gaze.</p>
<p>“Damn you. Where you been?” He hauled her off to another room, and she let him. He pressed her into a closet, turned on the light. They were so near. His soap scent was so close and warm. She almost leaned her cheek against his shoulder, but he radiated fury. “Why the fuck were you…?”</p>
<p>He trailed off when he looked down at her side. Her jacket pocket hung open; a couple of vials of hormones were visible. He looked at her, and she at him. They knew each other.</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>“Listen.” He held up a hand. “He’s going to want to know everything I know. I can’t lie to him.” Levi buttoned up the gaping pocket. His eyes stayed on the floor. “This one time, I’m not going to ask. I don’t want to know.”</p>
<p>He was protecting her.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Like I said, I don’t know. I don’t want to know.” He looked at her with rage simmering in his eyes, and she knew that while protected she was not forgiven. “Go back to your room.” He opened the door and ushered her out. Petra watched him walk into his bedroom without another word and closed the door. Thirty seconds later, the door opened and he walked Giulia Tybur out. But there was nothing harsh in his treatment. The woman was still sobbing, so he led her over to Petra.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Smith. She’s pretty drunk. Can you get her back to her room?”</p>
<p>An order. Petra took Giulia’s arm. The woman kept crying and babbling.</p>
<p>“Yes. I can.”</p>
<p>She led Giulia along corridors as servants and family members ran around shouting. She saw Clara walk by, eyes downcast and cheeks pale. Petra helped Giulia into her room, sat her on her bed. Then she walked away.</p>
<p>“Good thing I found you there,” Giulia said. Petra stopped. “In his room. My husband was with yours when the fire started, and they saw Kenny run across the lawn. They mighta suspected you if I hadn’t found you.”</p>
<p>Yes. True.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Petra muttered, and left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was two before the crystal was down and the fire fully out. Waking at half past five was slow agony, but apparently even fire and death couldn’t keep the Tyburs from their “ritual.”</p>
<p>Petra gulped coffee, as did Erwin. He hadn’t said anything to her of the fire. Levi had told him that he found Petra wandering the hall right after the fire started, so no suspicion there. It really was just going to be a freak accident. Already the whispers had started. Maybe Fischer fell asleep with a lit cigarette. Such things happen. Terrible shame. Such a good man. Nothing left but ashes.</p>
<p>Petra found Zeke in the hall. He seemed fresh and fine. Probably never went to sleep.</p>
<p>“Um.” She stopped him as the others gathered, the Tyburs and the grandparents. The four little boys were done up in nice suits, and yawned with exhaustion. The baby started crying. Giulia, hungover as hell, tried soothing him. “Did you…? The, um, the two—”</p>
<p>“I set them free.” He was utterly sincere. It was some relief.</p>
<p>“Ladies and gentlemen,” Willy said. He was dressed in the old Eldian robes, same as his grandparents. Only Clara was absent. Willy gestured to the back lawn. “Come with me.”</p>
<p>There were seats arranged on the back veranda. Dawn was just lighting the treetops, and illuminating the expanse of lawn. The grandparents tottered down the stairs, taking the children to stand at the edge of the lawn. Willy handed thuribles of incense to the elders, and they chanted some old, unknown tongue while waving the fragrant smoke around the children. They giggled, or complained. The baby fell asleep.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Petra whispered to Erwin. Around them, it felt like the world held its breath.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Levi sat on Erwin’s other side, looking sullen as ever. Magath and Zeke were behind them. Erwin had told Petra everything from last night. Apparently they might all have been killed without his quick thinking. More than ever, she was grateful for the commander.</p>
<p>She felt Zeke’s oily gaze on her. She should tell Erwin and Levi. She should tell them about the deal. Only…</p>
<p>Zeke would find out. She knew he would. He’d find a way to punish her.</p>
<p>
  <em>What’ve I gotten myself into?</em>
</p>
<p>Fearful, she gripped Erwin’s hand. He squeezed back.</p>
<p>The party gasped when a great burst of lightning appeared in the distant trees. A titan transformation. A hot wind swept through the foliage, blowing the treetops and tossing everyone’s hair and clothes. The children laughed and squealed as above the treeline rose the War Hammer.</p>
<p>It was the size of Eren’s titan, a pure, milky white with a kind of armored face. It looked like it was wearing a helmet of some kind. Clara.</p>
<p>The War Hammer walked out of the jungle to stand directly before the children. The grandparents moved away. Slowly, the titan knelt before them. There was another wind as it settled. Petra stared at the thing, heart hammering. The grandparents kept singing in that alien tongue and waving incense. Willy watched his children. Not the titan.</p>
<p>Giulia shook badly.</p>
<p>The War Hammer extended its hand. For minutes, the children gasped, or yelled at it, or cheered, or shrieked. Then, slowly, one of the children got up. Cassius, the little one Petra had caught the other day. He toddled over and grabbed the titan’s finger. The War Hammer helped him climb into her palm. Cassius looked up in awe, and waved. He giggled. His aunt’s titan only watched.</p>
<p>The grandparents went to the titan, this time with a bowl of something. They plucked Cassius out of the War Hammer’s hand. Shaking with age, the grandmother dipped her fingers in the bowl and smeared something on Cassius’s face. Done, she nodded. The grandfather raised hands over the boy and sang. Cassius watched, sucking his thumb.</p>
<p>Once the song was over, the War Hammer stood and slowly returned to the trees. It would go away now. Its job was done.</p>
<p>But what had happened?</p>
<p>Giulia gave a full-throated sob. It increased in pitch, hysterical. She knocked back her chair and attacked her husband. Willy caught her, held her tight as she battered against him, sobbing and screaming.</p>
<p>“You monster! No! No!”</p>
<p>“Take her,” he murmured. Servants pulled her off and escorted the screaming woman into the house. Her wails faded as they took her away.</p>
<p>Willy knelt when Cassius mounted the steps and hugged his child. Petra saw then that he loved his boy.</p>
<p>She saw the tear in his eye. Saw him fight it away.</p>
<p>And she understood. Her heart sank.</p>
<p>Nine years from now, thirteen-year-old Cassius would take the titan serum and devour his aunt to gain the War Hammer’s power.</p>
<p>Thirteen years later, twenty-six-year-old Cassius would die to pass on that power.</p>
<p>Giulia and Willy had just watched their son condemned to an early grave.</p>
<p>Cassius looked at the audience and giggled. A strange symbol was painted in red on his forehead.</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. She imagined it was Kuchel, and her heart broke for Giulia.</p>
<p>“Now is the time of a new day,” Willy said, standing over his little son. The boy grinned, unaware he had just signed his own death warrant. “Now is the beginning of new life.”</p>
<p>The door opened, and Clara Tybur stepped out. She stood beside Petra’s chair.</p>
<p>She, too, was crying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra nearly ran up the gangplank of the ship. Petra and the men waved goodbye to the Tyburs with the promise to come back soon for a visit. Giulia was sober when they said goodbye. She was shocked when Petra hugged her.</p>
<p>Now, in the first class cabin, she sat on the edge of the bed while Erwin and Levi talked. The ship had just left the Marleyan coast behind.</p>
<p>“You got what you came for?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“Yes. Exactly what I needed.” Erwin looked tired, but content. At least it’d been worth it for someone. The promise to Zeke still sat within her. She wanted to tell Levi. He could help. He could do something.</p>
<p>Or he could get her exposed, and him as well. Zeke was no match for her husband in a physical fight, but Petra got the sense he could outmaneuver Erwin if he wanted.</p>
<p>She had to keep this secret. If she were lucky, Zeke would be dead before she needed to make good on her promise.</p>
<p>“What’s the next step?” Levi sat next to her. She placed her hand in his.</p>
<p>“I have to create a really good story,” Erwin said simply. “And I want to see how King Tybur goes about asserting his power. I can be there to prod him in the right direction if need be.” His eyes gleamed. His smile creeped her out a bit. “We’re going to be close friends, he and I. I’ll see to it.”</p>
<p>“What story?” Petra asked. Erwin sighed.</p>
<p>“When I have it sorted, I’ll let you know. In the meantime…” He put on his hat and headed for the door. “I think I’ll leave you two alone for a little while. You’ve earned it.” He looked back at them, all sincerity. “I couldn’t do without you both.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Erwin,” Levi said. Then they were alone. Petra cuddled against her husband, who held her tight. He’d forgiven her for the night of the fire, though he’d be furious if he ever knew what had truly happened.</p>
<p>He’d never know. Her first secret from him lumped in her chest.</p>
<p>“Know this’d be the right time to fuck, but I’m tired.” He sounded like it.</p>
<p>“I just want to hold you,” she whispered. “I love you more than anything.”</p>
<p>He kissed the top of her head. “One day, we’ll take Kuchel on a ship like this. Give her everything other kids have. This’ll be worth it. Long as I have you, it’ll be worth it.”</p>
<p>They kissed. Soon they’d be on Paradis, nothing to hide from the world. Petra stood, went to the radio. She turned the knob, and soft music floated across the room.</p>
<p>“Dance with me?” she whispered. Since it was private, Levi obliged. He held her close, her arms around his neck. He swayed side to side with her, kissed her. Their foreheads touched as they moved. Their eyes were shut.</p>
<p>“Let’s go home,” he murmured.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra smiled even as she cried. “Home.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Slow down.” Petra laughed as they tied up the horses and went to knock on Brigitta’s door. Levi practically bounded up the steps, buzzing with excitement. He knocked several times, unruffled on the surface but secretly, she knew, delighted. “Kuchel hasn’t gone anywhere.”</p>
<p>“Eh, you don’t know.” True. Levi never believed those he loved would be there the next day. Even years after being together, he still feared her loss at any moment. She squeezed his arm.</p>
<p>“Trust me.”</p>
<p>He grunted, and the door opened. Brigitta appeared, her blue eyes going saucer wide when she saw them.</p>
<p>“Oh! Hi!” She quickly hugged Petra. “Ah, we didn’t expect you until tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Kiyomi was faster getting us back from Hizuru than we expected,” Petra said. She grinned, a bit puzzled as to why her sister hadn’t invited them in yet. “Where’s Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“Ah. She…” Brigitta’s face paled. Petra’s stomach began to sink, and she felt Levi tense.</p>
<p>“Something wrong?” Levi pushed past Brigitta. Her heart was pounding. What had happened? “Kuchel? Oi!”</p>
<p>“No no, nothing bad. That is, um…”</p>
<p>“Puh PAH! Puh PAH!”</p>
<p>Kuchel squealed with delight as she rounded the corner and toddled towards them. She was fast already—her father’s daughter. Levi’s shoulders sank with relief, and Petra grinned. Until…</p>
<p>“Oh no.” She clapped a hand to her mouth as Kuchel tracked little muddy footprints behind her. Their daughter was smeared in mud from head to toe, splotches of it festooning her little blue dress. Mud clung in her hair, and covered half of her face. She squealed with delight, her little arms outstretched, ready to be picked up.</p>
<p>Levi looked like he was going to pass out. Petra quickly knelt and picked up her daughter under the arms. Kuchel babbled happily as Petra kissed what few clean spots existed on her face.</p>
<p>“Oh, hello. My precious baby, hello. Mommy missed you so much.”</p>
<p>Kuchel wriggled, wanting a big hug. She was the most loving little girl…but so damn dirty.</p>
<p>Levi looked at the child with a mixture of horror and betrayal.</p>
<p>“She just loves mud,” Brigitta whispered. She was struggling not to laugh as Levi had to put a hand to the wall to steady himself. “I’ve had to give her about three baths a day. The instant she gets outside, she runs straight into the garden to roll around in the dirt. We had a rain yesterday, so she’s been wallowing in the mud. I think I’ve changed her twice by now. She loves dirt.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” Levi breathed. Petra struggled not to laugh as she handed him his daughter. Kuchel grew especially animated when she saw him, kicking and extending her little baby arms.</p>
<p>“Puh PAH!”</p>
<p>Levi looked ill. Kuchel reached down and wiped a muddy little hand on his jacket sleeve. Levi stared at the smudge, then glared at the child.</p>
<p>“I still love you,” he growled, almost like he needed to convince himself. Kuchel giggled and clapped her hands.</p>
<p>“Here.” Brigitta took Kuchel away and set her on the floor. Kuchel toddled off, giggling like mad and talking nonsense to herself. “Why don’t I give her a bath, and you two have some tea? Then we can all sit down and talk for a bit. How was your trip?”</p>
<p>The bottles of hormones were safe in Petra’s trunk. She didn’t dare hand them over just yet, though. She wanted Hange to look at them first, and see if she couldn’t get information out of Kiyomi.</p>
<p>“It was fun. Tiring.” Petra smiled; had to make it look like nothing too terrible had happened. Even though it had. Seeing Kuchel had pushed Fischer’s dead face from her mind for a few blissful moments, but these past days she’d existed under a cloud.</p>
<p>“Bath. Where?” Levi really looked like he was about to collapse.</p>
<p>“Sorry. Let me just get her.”</p>
<p>As Brigitta said that, Kuchel toddled across the hallway, still laughing. And completely naked.</p>
<p>“Oh! Right, also she’s going through kind of a nudist phase,” Brigitta said as she gave chase.</p>
<p>“Breathe. Breathe,” Petra whispered, wrapping an arm around Levi as he started to turn green.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“See how nice this is?” Levi asked through clenched teeth. Kuchel was sitting in Brigitta’s bathtub, splashing in the soapy water. He lathered her hair until it was a cloud of white foam. Kuchel grinned as she reached for the soap bubbles, mystified when they popped. “Yeah. Soap is so much better than mud. Look how fun this is.”</p>
<p>He had never fainted before in his life, but the sight of a muddy Kuchel had brought him to the brink.</p>
<p>“We love staying clean. We love it.” He whispered it like a prayer, over and over. There. Now that his daughter was clean and pink and glowing again, the moment of stress dissipated. Levi took a deep breath. He and Petra didn’t have a garden, so the kid wouldn’t be able to get her mud fix. Maybe for her next birthday, he’d get her a mop of her very own. Never too early to drill cleanliness into her.</p>
<p>Kuchel giggled, then talked nonsense like ‘bah bah oo’ sounds over and over. Now that she was clean, he remembered how damn cute she was. Levi poured water over her, plastering her dark hair to her head. Kuchel rubbed her eyes as he lifted her out of the bath and wrapped her in a towel. She smelled like soap now, the perfect scent. She smiled at him. Waved.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Missed you, too,” he muttered.</p>
<p>They got the kid dressed and took her home. Opening up his front door after weeks away, Levi felt an indescribable sense of peace. He liked the lemon scent of the floor wax, the way dust motes danced in sunbeams through the window. Petra carried Kuchel upstairs while he dragged in the trunks and laid them against the wall. Time to unpack later. Right now, he wanted to be home.</p>
<p>Weird to have a home. A family. When he thought of how narrowly he’d avoided never seeing his daughter again, he felt a sharp pang of something like fear. He took off his boots and put them in the hall closet, then went up to enjoy some much needed relaxation.</p>
<p>When he opened the bedroom door, he got the opposite.</p>
<p>Petra sat on the bed, cuddling Kuchel and crying. Not a few sniffles, full on crying. Tears streaked her face, which was turning a blotchy red. She kissed the baby, cried, kissed the baby again. Kuchel started whimpering, her face screwing up to cry as well. Shit.</p>
<p>“Petra. I got her.” Levi lifted Kuchel into his arms. His daughter calmed immediately, but his wife did not. Petra started to say something, then burst into tears again. There was a wild, unhinged quality to her crying that scared him. “Baby. What the—?”</p>
<p>“I can’t…I can’t…” She struggled to get herself under control, sucking in deep breaths but never getting a full sentence out. She wiped her cheeks. Cursing, Levi went to Kuchel’s room and quickly laid her down in her crib bed. She was an easy baby, happy to reach for a doll while he went back to deal with his wife. He found her lying on her side, curled up in a ball. She cried and cried, gasping ‘sorry’ now and then.</p>
<p>Levi’s impulse was to leave. Let her have her cry, come back when she wanted to talk. But he’d been Petra’s husband a while now, and he’d learned one thing: when she was this upset, not talking to her was bound to make everything much, much worse. So even though it wasn’t his natural inclination, Levi sat on the bed next to her.</p>
<p>“Okay, baby. Just breathe.” He was gentle with her, awkward as he felt. He leaned over and kissed her temple; already her sobs were lessening. Good. “I felt weird when I saw her again, too.”</p>
<p>That was the truth. He imagined never picking Kuchel up in his arms again, and the thought made him almost frantic.</p>
<p>“It’s n-not that. Not just that.” Petra sniffled. Levi gave her his handkerchief, let her wipe her face. She bunched the handkerchief in her fist as she sat up. Petra’s lip quivered, her face screwed up. Another round was coming.</p>
<p>“Is it what happened in the jungle?” Fuck. He hadn’t wanted to do this, but he couldn’t have Petra this distraught. She bit her lip and nodded, squeezed her eyes shut. Tears leaked down her cheeks again. “All right. You, uh, want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>“You said we shouldn’t—”</p>
<p>“We’re out of that shit place now. We’re safe. Unless it’s something that’ll make a big difference to Erwin, I can keep a secret.”</p>
<p>Petra breathed. She leaned against the headboard and closed her eyes.</p>
<p>Her stomach growled. Loudly.</p>
<p>“Oh.” She looked genuinely surprised. Fucking adorable. “Sorry. Let me just eat something first and—”</p>
<p>She started getting up, all earnestness and purpose again. She was all emotion and passion and gentleness and strength. Again, he fell in love with her. Levi gently pressed her back.</p>
<p>“We got nothing in the house. Remember? Didn’t want rats.” He kissed her. “I’m gonna head to the market, get some stuff for dinner.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I can—”</p>
<p>“Know you can. I’m doing it. You lie here and calm down. That’s an order.” His voice was flat. She wrestled against a smile. “I’ll come back, make something, then we’ll talk. Meantime, you want to sit with Kuchel?”</p>
<p>She nodded, relief washing over her face. Damn brat. He didn’t ever want her to lose the ability to feel fully. It was one of the things he needed her for. What he loved about her. Levi brought in their daughter with one of her dolls and a storybook. Petra cuddled Kuchel who babbled happily and chewed on her doll’s arm.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said quietly. Levi kissed her again.</p>
<p>“You’d do the same.”</p>
<p>The market wasn’t too far from the house, and Levi had his pick of the good stuff. Every stallkeeper was still only too happy to serve him, even after a couple of years. He got some potatoes, carrots, celery, eggs, some bread, even a small roasted chicken because why the fuck not? When he passed a fruit stall, he hesitated. Fuck it. He bought a peach. Insisted on paying full price for everything</p>
<p>When he slipped into a tea shop, though, he was happy to accept some of their finest blend for free.</p>
<p>As he walked the market, checking prices and the firmness of a piece of fruit, he flashed back to himself ten years ago. Young man, lord of the underground. He remembered Furlan standing by his side, grinning down at a vanquished enemy, boss of a rival territory. Levi had shoved the toe of his boot into the bastard’s mouth while the guy whimpered. ‘You don’t need teeth to talk,” Levi said before kicking them out.</p>
<p>He thought of himself three years ago, swinging through the air and slashing a fifteen meter’s nape before landing on a rooftop, covered in blood.</p>
<p>Now here he was, buying groceries and thinking about preparing dinner for his wife and daughter.</p>
<p>And he didn’t hate it. But it felt fucking weird.</p>
<p>
  <em>Guess you really don’t know where life’ll take you.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman fought a smile as he walked home with a full bag of groceries over his shoulder. He let himself in, listened as Petra’s voice rose and fell; she was reading Kuchel a story. Decided not to butt in on that. He put the food away, then got to prepping a meal.</p>
<p>Levi’d never understood why some men got all blustery about never cooking, or it being demeaning or some shit. He’d had no one to rely on for food for most of his life, and definitely no one to cook it for him. Cooking was a necessary life skill underground, same as sewing a button, same as knocking a guy’s teeth out or running an illegal gambling ring. Really, it was just food. Middle class people were idiots.</p>
<p>He cleaned and sliced the vegetables, put them in a pot, then filled it with water and let it cook. The soup’d take too long to be a meal tonight, but they’d have it ready to go tomorrow. Meanwhile he sliced some bread, cut up the chicken. Easy meal. He placed the food on plates and set them on the table, then thought better of it and got out a tray. Glad now Brigitta had given it to them as an anniversary present. ‘If you want breakfast in bed’, she’d said. Levi hadn’t understood her words. He placed the chicken and bread on the tray, then cut up the peach and sat it alongside. He finished it up by brewing some tea, poured two cups. Then, carefully, he carried the meal upstairs.</p>
<p>Petra was reading some story to Kuchel about mice helping a princess go to a ball. Weird shit. When his wife saw him, she gaped. Kuchel by now was fast asleep against her mother.</p>
<p>“Put her on the foot of the bed,” he whispered. She did as asked, then took the tray. While Petra got it settled for them, Levi picked Kuchel up and took her to her room. He laid her into her little crib bed, freezing when she gave a grunt. But she didn’t wake. He pulled the blanket up, put her doll in beside her. Then he stood over her and just looked.</p>
<p>She really was the image of him, or his mother. Made him picture himself at that age. Made him remember the earthen walls of the whorehouse, the lack of natural light, the leering bastards tearing at his mother’s skirts. Thought of the scum of the underworld standing over his little bed, staring down at him with cruel smiles. Thought of that one rough customer with his erect, veiny dick, sloppy and wet, the matted chest hair, the sweaty smell. The one who threw his mom to the floor, picked Levi up and chucked him against the wall like he was trash. Levi felt nausea rock his gut. He shut his eyes tight, and when he opened them he saw only his daughter in her little room above ground, tucked into her clean bed with her toys put away in a chest in the corner. He saw the pink and white curtains Petra had sewed and hung by the windows. He saw a little painted rocking horse Pieter had made. Kuchel slept soundly, secure in being loved and cared for. His mother had loved him more than anything, but she hadn’t been able to care for him. Wasn’t her fault, she’d done her best, but Levi would bear the scars of that failure for the rest of his life. He wanted Kuchel to have no scars. He wanted her life to be free of blemishes and pain, much as he could make it. He wanted her to grow up in this house, to play with kids in the streets, to always have three full meals a day. He wanted her to be carefree and laughing. He’d kill for her to have everything he never had.</p>
<p>Levi kissed her cheek. Kuchel stirred, but didn’t wake. His little baby. She’d turned him all the way around, altered his mind. And he was afraid. He was afraid that she’d softened him to the point he might be less effective.</p>
<p>Maybe if he’d been the hardass he used to be, Petra wouldn’t be crying in their bedroom right now.</p>
<p>But he could never trade his little girl for toughness. Light of his damn life.</p>
<p>“Love you,” he whispered. He shut the door and went back to Petra. She placed the tray on the bed between them. He got an extra sheet out of their bottom drawer, made her lift the tray so he could spread it on the blanket like an indoor picnic. “You spill anything, it’ll be your ass,” he said. Petra made a face, and smiled.</p>
<p>“You know just how to sweet talk a woman.”</p>
<p>They ate, drank, and he let the food do its work. Petra looked calmer now. Her cheeks were still swollen from crying, but her eyes got brighter. He liked watching her eat, take pleasure in a leg of chicken or a sip of tea. She glowed when she got to the peach.</p>
<p>“Be a good girl and finish that,” he said. She wrinkled her nose at him.</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>Dad</em>.”</p>
<p>“Hey. I’m an old man, but I ain’t <em>that</em> old.” She leaned over and kissed him. The kiss tasted like tea and peaches. “Why’d you ever fall in love with an old, grumpy bastard anyway?” he muttered. She was so damn young. Sometimes he felt like he’d done something wrong, taking a much younger girl.</p>
<p>“Because I really don’t feel the age difference.” She shrugged. “I never have. It doesn’t hurt that you look so young.” She grinned at Levi’s irritation. He hated having a damn baby face. “And because there was a lot you still didn’t know when we got together.”</p>
<p>“Like how to fuck. Made up for that, didn’t I?”</p>
<p>She blushed deep. “Very much. But more than that, you needed to learn how to be with somebody. Erwin’s not much older than you, but if he’d gone after me it would’ve felt wrong because of how much more experience he has in everything. You felt right for me.”</p>
<p>“Stunted for someone my age, you mean.”</p>
<p>“I mean right. If you hadn’t been just the way you were, we wouldn’t have matched like we did.” She took his hand. “You know more about some things, and I know more about some things. That makes us equal.”</p>
<p>Yeah. She was so much wiser than he was in a bunch of ways. Levi cleared the empty tray, setting it against the wall, then got back onto the bed with her. Then she was in his arms, her lips on his. His dick throbbed, and he wanted to get naked and have a good time. After two weeks of being paranoid every time he looked at her, being allowed to have wild screaming sex whenever they wanted felt luxurious. But he knew his wife so well at this point. First, he had to deal with the crying.</p>
<p>“Wanna tell me what the problem earlier was?”</p>
<p>Petra sighed. He held her, propped his chin on the top of her head. She was silent a minute.</p>
<p>“I…I need to tell you what happened when I went to Fischer’s office that night.”</p>
<p>And she told him how she snuck in with a bag of clothes for the girls. How she had to use a hairpin to try getting them out. How the doctor found her, attacked her, and how she had to use the skills Levi had taught her to kill the man. Honestly, a petite woman snapping the guy’s neck like a twig made Levi a little grotesquely proud. He’d trained her well. She could handle herself. But when she mentioned killing the bastard, her shoulders began to heave once more and Levi had to kiss her, let her cry.</p>
<p>First time she thought she killed someone, she’d thrown up and screamed at him, lost her damn mind. She was more collected this time, but the agony was still there.</p>
<p>“You saved them,” he whispered. “More than that, you saved yourself. And me. And Erwin. And the operation.”</p>
<p>“If I hadn’t gone there, you would never have been in danger.” She bawled against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I told the kids on my squad before: I don’t know what’s necessarily right. Erwin made sense when he said we had to let the girls go to save ourselves. But hearing you now, this story feels <em>right.</em> If that’d been Kuchel, I…” He couldn’t let himself imagine it. “I would’ve let the world burn to get her out. I was a hypocrite, being willing to let those girls go; you weren’t.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered. “Even if setting the place on fire was overkill.”</p>
<p>He felt her hesitate. Levi frowned at his wife.</p>
<p>“About that,” she murmured.</p>
<p>“What? The girls did it?”</p>
<p>Petra froze. She seemed trapped, and he knew that dazed look. Two parts of her were arguing with each other.</p>
<p>“Oi. You clearly got something to tell me. Tell me.”</p>
<p>“I…” She shook now, her whole body trembling. Her teeth chattered. He held her tight, rubbed her back. Fuck, what had happened? He wanted to rip it apart, whatever had done this to her. “Someone saw what I’d done. Zeke. He came in after I’d killed Fischer.”</p>
<p>Levi’s brain lit up, lightning crawling everywhere. He wanted that filthy monkey dead, and the bastard had messed with his wife?</p>
<p>“What’d he do to you?” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“Nothing.” Her voice was small. “He helped me. He set the girls free, and burned down the place so there’d be no evidence. He’s on our side, after all.”</p>
<p>“Okay. I hate the guy, but it sounds like he didn’t fuck up.” Levi frowned. “I still don’t get why it freaked you out so much.”</p>
<p>“He scares me a little. I don’t know what he wants.”</p>
<p>“Erwin said the same thing.”</p>
<p>“And…”</p>
<p>“And?”</p>
<p>Petra lay against his chest now. She’d gone almost boneless, her eyes half lidded. The fear had drained her energy.</p>
<p>“You got anything to add to that? I think you do.”</p>
<p>Petra sat up. She looked him in the eye. She took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“Zeke…knows that you and Erwin are trying to edge him out. He knows you’re trying to make Paradis independent of him.”</p>
<p>“Well. He’s not a stupid monkey, I’ll give him that.” Levi crossed his arms. “He say anything to you about it?”</p>
<p>“Yes. He…” She rubbed her eyes. “He wants to get what he was promised. Coming to Paradis. And meeting Eren.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know. He mentioned it in his damn terms and conditions.” Levi sighed, pulled her against him. He liked having her in his arms. He’d spent over three decades never having anyone to cling to. Even Isabel had only ever given him a quick hug around the neck and then she was out the door again. Levi shut his eyes, luxuriated in the warmth of another human body. “Zeke’ll be dealt with. Don’t worry.”</p>
<p>“So…” She sounded wary. “He won’t be coming to Paradis?”</p>
<p>“I trust Erwin. He’s going to fix this whole situation, the whole damn world. He already talked that Tybur guy into regaining his power, he’s damn persuasive. Pretty soon we won’t need Zeke Jaeger. Trust me.”</p>
<p>She sighed deeply. “I trust you.” He kissed her. “Also…”</p>
<p>Once more, she looked hesitant.</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. She gathered her courage. She spoke.</p>
<p>“Zeke was the one outside our room listening to us have sex.”</p>
<p>“That dirty fucking animal,” Levi snapped. He hated to imagine Zeke Fucking Jaeger standing there smugly while Levi moaned and gasped and cried out in ecstasy. Or maybe Jaeger got off on it, even worse. Levi sneered. Petra kissed him. “Yeah, I see why you didn’t want to tell me that.”</p>
<p>“He’s so creepy,” she whispered. He gathered her in his arms.</p>
<p>“Yeah. But you know what?” He kissed her again. “He’s not here right now, is he?”</p>
<p>“No. We’re alone.” She put her arms around him. “I want to be yours tonight.”</p>
<p>He loved those words on her lips. He kissed those lips, then let her undress him as he undressed her. Their lovemaking was slow, sensual, feeling every bit of each other. Petra climaxed early, then climaxed again when he neared his own end. She clung to him, wrapped herself tight around him. Her face flushed with pleasure. She looked weightless.</p>
<p>Sometimes all it took was a good cry. Huh. Who knew?</p>
<p>When they’d finished, she took the tray downstairs, teasing him that he’d done enough today—especially in the last twenty minutes. Levi washed up, and soon they were back in bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. He wasn’t much for sleeping, and lay awake long after she’d fallen into a deep sleep. But before he got up to wander the house, make tea and sit at the kitchen table until three in the morning, he liked holding her.</p>
<p>If he lost her, if he ever lost her, they wouldn’t be able to fix him.</p>
<p>It scared the shit out of him, but he also wouldn’t have it any other way.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>I trust Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra sailed off to sleep with those words in her head. Levi was right. Erwin would fix this situation. He would remove the need for Zeke Jaeger, and somehow turn this world upside down. Only he could.</p>
<p>She’d told Levi enough to ease her conscience. He didn’t need to know about a deal that was never going to be called in anyway.</p>
<p>Petra decided to put Zeke and his deal out of her mind, and look to the future.</p>
<p>She slept very well.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin opened the front door softly and heard music. Marie was playing the phonograph, listening to one of the operas Erwin had gotten from Kiyomi. It was <em>Kronus</em>, his favorite. Too cerebral for many, but not for her. Erwin shut the door and crept over to the parlor. He gazed in at her. She was standing before her easel, trying desperately to capture a pink slant of light as the sun went down. Her sleeves were rolled, and a dab of blue was smeared on her temple. When she was working, she couldn’t be disturbed.</p>
<p>She was sensual, and alive, and brilliant. Erwin grinned as he entered the room fully.</p>
<p>When Marie saw him, she gasped and dropped her brush. Paint splattered on the floor, but they’d clean that easily enough. Marie rushed over to him, already crying.</p>
<p>“Oh thank god. Thank god,” she whispered, folding into his arms. Erwin stood in a room filled with light, a woman who loved him in his embrace. She smelled of turpentine and roses. Erwin lifted her chin.</p>
<p>“I love you,” he said, delighted as ever with the truth of the words. She beamed, and kissed him. He picked her up and spun her once, overcome with the ecstasy of being alive in this moment. Marie laughed when he set her down, kissing him over and over.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she echoed.</p>
<p>They stayed in one another’s arms until long after the sun went down.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Isn’t it a pretty horse? Yeah, the prettiest.” Levi held Kuchel up to his horse. The mare stuck her head over her stall door and blustered as Kuchel wonderingly patted her face. His horse was a bruiser, an absolute machine of an animal, but so gentle as well. The creature was calm as Kuchel gripped a handful of its forelock and yanked. Levi cussed, but his horse only gently lipped at the girl’s legs. Kuchel chuckled and let go. Levi put her in one arm and stroked the horse’s muzzle with the other. The mare blustered, content when he patted her. “This one’s been with me from the day I joined the military.”</p>
<p>Levi took up a carrot and showed Kuchel how to feed the horse. The mare nickered in pleasure, crunching away. Kuchel clapped her hands gleefully.</p>
<p>The horse gently nosed at the child’s head. He knew they’d get along.</p>
<p>“Hello, Captain!” A stablehand saluted him with awkward eagerness.</p>
<p>“Get her saddled up for me. We’re riding out in half an hour,” Levi said. It was a week after the return home. He and Erwin had to go up to Mitras for a meeting with Historia and a bunch of high lords. Fancy, boring shit. Petra got to stay behind and oversee training and spend time with Kuchel. Lucky girl.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” He beamed as Levi stroked the horse’s snout again. “She seems to like you.”</p>
<p>“Damn right she does. Best friend I’ve got in the service.” His horse blustered in seeming happiness. He gave her a small smile.</p>
<p>“They’re magnificent creatures.” The stablehand sighed, shook his head. “At least she’ll have one more good year before we have to put her down.”</p>
<p>Levi froze. The only reason he didn’t instinctively wallop the guy was because he was holding Kuchel. He turned a deadly gaze on the stablehand, who looked ready to shit himself at the sight of Levi’s ‘fuck you’ face.</p>
<p>“What’d you say?” he growled.</p>
<p>“Ah. Next year she’s f-fifteen. That’s the age service horses have to r-retire. Um.” He was sweating.</p>
<p>“So retire her,” Levi growled. His horse nickered.</p>
<p>“Ah, these animals, I mean, that is, the upkeep required is, uh, very expensive on the m-military and, uh, if they’re not useful then—”</p>
<p>“The day I’m not ‘useful’ anymore, you gonna put a bullet in my fucking head?”</p>
<p>Kuchel started fussing; she didn’t like her father’s angry voice.</p>
<p>“N-No! No, sir. But you’re, uh, a person. She’s just—”</p>
<p>“You say ‘just a horse’ I’ll take both your legs off.” Levi approached the quivering kid. “Let me explain this to you: when she ‘retires’ she is going to be kept fat and happy on oats and shit until she dies natural. You get it?”</p>
<p>“S-Sir, you need to take that up with the S-S-S—”</p>
<p>“I will. Fucking believe it. Now get out of here! I don’t want you touching her again,” Levi sneered. The kid ran, almost ran straight into Petra. She gasped as he swerved around her and sprinted away. His wife entered the stable looking bewildered.</p>
<p>“Levi! What the—”</p>
<p>“Hold her.” Levi handed Kuchel to Petra, then went and collected his horse’s tack. His eye was twitching as he opened the horse’s door and led her out, hooves clopping as he hooked her into place to prep her for a ride. “Damn son of a bitch. Damn cheap military bastards,” Levi growled, taking off her blanket and brushing her down. Petra approached carefully.</p>
<p>“Did he say he’s going to retire her soon?”</p>
<p>“Kill her. That’s what he said. Well, it ain’t happening. I’ll snap his damn legs like twigs if he tries.” Levi slapped the saddle blanket onto the horse’s back. Petra came up beside him, and kissed his cheek. That calmed him. A little.</p>
<p>“Erwin won’t let him do that. I’m sure he’ll give her to you as a present. She’ll be fine. So will you.”</p>
<p>Kuchel babbled. Levi shut his eyes. Petra knew how to soothe him. He let her kiss him again.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he muttered. “But if anything happens to this horse—”</p>
<p>“After what just happened, I think all the stablehands will stay well away from her.” Petra grinned.</p>
<p>“Just…” Levi looked at the horse. She looked fine. Healthy. Prime of life. “She’s the only thing in this stupid world never disappointed me.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Petra didn’t sound insulted. Just the truth. “Well. That and Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He let Petra hand him the kid again. Kuchel waved at the horse and made a kissing noise.</p>
<p>“Hohse.” She tried to wrap her mouth around another word.</p>
<p>“Did you hear that?” Petra gasped.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Horse. That’s a horse, good job. You got it, Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“Hohse. Hohse.”</p>
<p>“Great! That makes three now. Oh, you’re so amazing.” Petra took Kuchel back, bouncing her and praising her in a sing song voice. So far Kuchel had puh-PAH, mumma, and now hohse. Real brilliant kid. Levi puffed himself up as he finished prepping his “hohse.”</p>
<p>Soon he and Erwin were saddled up and ready to ride. Levi hugged Kuchel and kissed Petra once more. Fuck, even a day or two away from them pained him. Marie had come along to see them off, and hung on Erwin a second before he mounted. The two waved goodbye to the women and headed out of town, leaving Marie to her painting and Petra to managing the 104<sup>th</sup> assholes. God help her.</p>
<p>Levi was silent until they stopped by the side of the road for a rest. It was almost September, and a nice touch of coolness tinged the air. The very tips of the leaves were turning gold. Erwin took a swig from a water skin, and handed it to Levi.</p>
<p>“Oi. Wanted to ask something.” Levi nodded at his grazing horse. “When she retires next year, I don’t want her put down.”</p>
<p>“That can be arranged,” Erwin said. Good. But he continued, “You’ll have to find a place to put her, though. Maybe Historia’s farm. She’d be happy up there, and good for the children.”</p>
<p>“She’s my horse,” Levi muttered. His. He owned so little in this world. Erwin looked at him with something like surprised amusement.</p>
<p>“You can visit her. She won’t go anywhere.”</p>
<p>“Don’t want another.” It was fucking childish, but the thought of that animal not being with him drove him half crazy.</p>
<p>“That’s the tragedy of living past a certain age. Eventually, everything changes.” Erwin sighed. “You can keep her stabled in the city, but you’d have to pay her food and lodging yourself.”</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>“That comes out to a hundred gold pieces a year, Levi. This breed of horse isn’t cheap.”</p>
<p>Fuck. That was more than he made in a year. With Petra’s salary they’d have a little more than enough, but they also had a kid to raise.</p>
<p>“Ah.” His head turned black as a raincloud.</p>
<p>“Let’s talk about it later.” Erwin mounted up again. “There’s plenty of time. She’s not going anywhere today.”</p>
<p>No. True. She wasn’t. But as Levi got back in the saddle, all he could feel was another loss galloping towards him, overtaking him. This horse had seen all the worst shit with him. Furlan and Isabel’s deaths. The titans, the loss of his squad, Shiganshina. They both knew the same world. Her going away would be just another friend abandoning him.</p>
<p>Idiot. Shouldn’t feel this way. But he couldn’t help it as they rode to Mitras. He was already mourning the goodbye.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>This meeting was not going well. Erwin had anticipated that.</p>
<p>Upon arriving in Mitras, he’d sat down with Historia and a long table filled with fat, happy lords. They were obsequious to him as he entered. They wanted their interests looked after, and thought Erwin was the man to do it. How wrong they were.</p>
<p>“I have seen Marley,” he told the assembled room, Levi seated to his right. “I’ve seen what it will take to prepare to meet them in battle if it should come to that.”</p>
<p>“We have the power of the titans,” one of the men, Lord Bertelheim, blustered.</p>
<p>“Oi. Erwin’s a fucking beast in titan form, and so’s Eren. But if you shitheads think two titans can stand up against five more, plus tanks, airships, and warships you’d better think again.”</p>
<p>“Zeke Jaeger is on our side,” Bertelheim said, obviously upset but not wanting to risk Levi’s wrath.</p>
<p>“Trust me, that’s not the big win you seem to think it is,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“Mining has to go into full production now,” Erwin said, trying to keep on topic. “We have to prepare for a worst case scenario, invasion of the island. We need raw material to use for weapons, and we need extra space and funds to train new recruits. I’m working on a solution that will keep us from war, but if it comes to that we need whole battalions of soldiers.” He steepled his fingers. “Feeding and sheltering that many people costs money. In addition, there’s the human capital required to mine enough crystals to have our weapons up to date in six to eight months.” The timeline had moved up dramatically.</p>
<p>“Of course. So.” Bertelheim drummed his fingers. “Are you asking for a loan?”</p>
<p>The lords looked indulgently at him. Sitting at the other end of the table, Historia looked puzzled.</p>
<p>“It’s more of an estate tax,” Erwin said. “For the next two quarters at least, the military will require fifty percent of all your income. In addition—”</p>
<p>“The fuck did you say?” one of the older men barked. Levi glowered.</p>
<p>“—in addition, for those estates bringing in over one hundred thousand gold coin per annum, the rate goes up to seventy five percent. And one third of your properties must be made available as housing for recruits and expansion for training purposes.”</p>
<p>“That’s outrageous!” Bertelheim leapt to his feet, his jowls quivering in indignation. “You can’t kick us off our own land! You money grubbing…” He slammed his fist on the table, upsetting pens. “How are we supposed to live?”</p>
<p>“If you can’t live on twenty five thousand a year, maybe you need to cut some expenses,” Levi drawled. At the sight of the Supreme Commander’s bloodhound, the lord backed off. A little.</p>
<p>“We have to pay our servants. Our employees would suffer.”</p>
<p>“Employees have been taken into my calculations. You would be able to comfortably pay your staffs and have plenty left over for yourselves. Gentlemen, I am asking for two quarters of the year. Of one year. Though when this is all over, it might be worthwhile looking over the tax code for—”</p>
<p>Someone coughed. All attention turned to Lord Siegfried Morgenstern. The thin, gray man looked at Erwin with barely contained malice. Well. They had a checkered history.</p>
<p>“You forget yourself, Smith. You may ask, as Supreme Commander, for this allowance. You may not demand it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Bertelheim shouted. The lords grumbled agreement.</p>
<p>“Only the crown may redistribute a lord’s resources. It’s not only custom, it’s written into law. The military does not control the nobility. You have overstepped the mark. Greatly.” Siegfried sat back, pleased with himself.</p>
<p>Erwin looked to Historia. She frowned. He knew she wanted to grant his request, but he also knew that her role as queen was precarious. If the nobility went against her, she’d have a friend in the military to back her up, but then he’d be accused of leading a takeover, installing a true military regime. That would sour public opinion.</p>
<p>For the moment, he backed off.</p>
<p>“Then I would ask, gentlemen, that you consider my request.”</p>
<p>“Considered.” Siegfried gave a bloodless smile. “Denied.”</p>
<p>The men grunted agreement. Levi sneered at the assembly.</p>
<p>“Hope you soft fucks don’t mind getting your asses shelled to hell and back. Least you’ll die holding onto your money. It’s all you bitches care about, after all.”</p>
<p>The lords lost some of their smugness at the captain’s crude words. Ah, Levi. Ever one for succinctness.</p>
<p>The meeting ended soon after, and the lords filed out while deliberately avoiding Erwin’s gaze. He was not so beloved now. Shit.</p>
<p>And again, Historia looked at him with sad, understanding eyes.</p>
<p>They didn’t even stay the night in the palace. It had gone so poorly that Erwin and Levi watered their horses and turned back for home. They’d be there by nightfall.</p>
<p>“How do we get the cash now?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“The only other possibility would be to tax the middle class and poor to excess.” Erwin frowned. “I won’t.”</p>
<p>“Damn right.” Levi sighed. “Still. We need the soldiers and the miners. How do we get them?”</p>
<p>Erwin was so quiet and for so long that Levi had to say his name a couple of times to get a response.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I was thinking…” Erwin shrugged. “I was thinking about what Willy Tybur said.”</p>
<p>“About what?”</p>
<p>“About stories. One good story.” Erwin winced. “I think I know what I have to do now.”</p>
<p>“Then do it.”</p>
<p>“That’s just it. I don’t want to.” Erwin sped up his horse, deliberately avoiding riding side by side with Levi for a while. Eventually, the captain took the hint. He didn’t ask what Erwin planned, though he looked unhappy. All of Erwin’s schemes tended to be wild.</p>
<p>This one would be no different.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was thinking,” Erwin said late that night. Marie lay naked in his arms. They’d finally caught their breath after a round of athletic sex.</p>
<p>“Mmm?” She gently toyed with the hair on his chest. “What amazing thoughts are you entertaining now?”</p>
<p>“They’re not amazing. Not all of them.” He grinned as she kissed his neck. He held her tight in his arms, loving the warmth of her naked body. “I was thinking how I lived without you for almost twenty years. Now that I have you, I think about all that I missed.”</p>
<p>“You can’t think like that, Erwin.” She propped herself on an elbow and looked down on him. “We’re together now. That’s what counts.”</p>
<p>The moonlight shone on her face. He kissed her, coaxed her back into his arms.</p>
<p>“I sent you away because I believed I had a duty,” he said.</p>
<p>“But that duty’s over now,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“It is and it isn’t. Paradis still needs to be saved. Eldians worldwide need to be liberated.”</p>
<p>“And you’ll do it.” She hugged him. “And I’ll be there at your side to help you.”</p>
<p>He kissed the top of her head.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he whispered. “I want you to know that whatever happens to me, I’ll always want you at my side.”</p>
<p>She frowned. “What are you planning now?”</p>
<p>“It’s no plan. Only an idea.” He kissed her lips again and again. “It may not even come to fruition.”</p>
<p>They made love, but his mind was elsewhere the whole time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two weeks later, he and Levi were back in Mitras. This time, Eren and Mikasa and Hange were with them. Kiyomi had come to meet Mikasa—to whom she seemed genuinely affectionate—but she was also there for another, more important discussion.</p>
<p>Erwin had heard it before, the idea of “the Rumbling.” Using the wall titans, with the power of the Founding Titan, to trample the entire world underfoot. Total annihilation of all life outside Paradis. Sheer madness. However, the idea of a miniature “rumbling” to prove Paradis’s strength might buy the island time to catch up with the world. According to Kiyomi.</p>
<p>“You’ve made some staggering progress already,” Kiyomi said, giving a compliment to Hange and a warning to Erwin. She did not want them to grow too independent of her, Erwin realized. Like Zeke. “However, you will need at least another two, maybe three decades before you’re prepared to meet the world as a fully integrated nation.”</p>
<p><em>I’d ask for a second opinion, but there’s none to get.</em> Erwin smiled. The idea was to keep them helpless, afraid.</p>
<p>“I know your recent reconnaissance mission was a success,” Kiyomi said to him.</p>
<p>“Please thank your nephew again for being a most gracious host.”</p>
<p>“Of course. But you mustn’t run before you can walk. Your weaponry, while impressive, is still in the prototype stage. Your diplomacy, if you can call it that, is non-existent or at least based solely on a lie. Willy Tybur is not the entire world; he can’t snap his fingers and make everyone forget their hatred and fear. You can’t think of arming yourselves for war. It would be a massacre. You need to go slowly.”</p>
<p>“How should we do that?” Pixis asked. He sat on the other side of the table and frowned. Nile was there too, and wouldn’t look at Erwin.</p>
<p>“You must have a display of “rumbling” so that the world leaves you alone for a few decades. You must always have the potential of that earth-shaking power. And to that end,” she said, looking at Eren and then Historia, “you must always possess the Founding Titan and a titan of royal blood.”</p>
<p>It got very quiet. Everyone understood: only Zeke and Historia had royal blood, and Zeke’s ‘term’ would soon be up.</p>
<p>“The person of royal blood who receives the titan must spend the next thirteen years bearing as many children as possible.” Kiyomi finished her statement, and sat with folded hands and greedy eyes.</p>
<p>“This is Zeke’s plan?” Levi growled. He looked at Historia with quiet pain. Erwin knew he was fond of the girl. “Some shitty plan.”</p>
<p>“You must understand,” Kiyomi said, but Historia interrupted her.</p>
<p>“I’ll do it.” The girl looked resolute. Little as she was, in that moment she seemed bigger than anyone else in the room. “If it’s the only way for us to survive, I’ll do it.”</p>
<p><em>Brave girl.</em> Erwin recalled the kid who’d defied his orders in Orvud District, the girl determined to kill her own father to gain the role of queen in a ‘legitimate’ manner. Historia understood the importance of a good story.</p>
<p>She understood it well.</p>
<p>Before another word could be said, Eren stood up. There was a cold certainty in his eyes that Erwin had never seen before.</p>
<p>“If peace has to be bought with children bred and killed like livestock, then I reject Zeke Jaeger’s plan,” he said.</p>
<p>“Atta boy,” Levi grumbled, but only to Erwin. He was practical enough to keep his mouth shut otherwise.</p>
<p>“Can’t we spend the time we have looking for every possible option? Why rush to this one?” Eren asked Erwin. In that moment, the boy looked like a man twice his age. World weary. Disheartened.</p>
<p>Erwin looked at Historia, who was…crying.</p>
<p>She tried to hide her tears, but she was evidently overcome by at least one person trying to save her life, and the lives of her children.</p>
<p>“Is there another way?” Pixis directed this question at Erwin.</p>
<p>“As Eren says. We should have time to consider every avenue.” He nodded at Kiyomi. “While we search for an alternative, we would much appreciate it if you would kindly continue to act as our go-between with the outside world, Lady Kiyomi.”</p>
<p>“Of course. No decision must be made now.” Kiyomi gave an indulgent smile. “We will happily continue to help.”</p>
<p>
  <em>You’ll give us disguises and let us snoop around the world, but you won’t agitate on our behalf. You’ll give us enough to make us believe you care, but you’ll keep Paradis all to yourself. You’ll sacrifice Historia to attain our crystals.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin was impressed with the woman. It was something he himself would do, wretched creature that he was.</p>
<p>Erwin glanced at Historia again. She was struggling to hide her tears. Eren glared at the table, and Mikasa watched him with evident concern.</p>
<p>“That poor kid,” Levi breathed. He shook his head. “After that Tybur ceremony, I get it. It’s shit.”</p>
<p>Yes. She would have to leave her children when they were still very young. One of them would eat its own mother. The curse and pain would continue for decades at least. Maybe beyond.</p>
<p>“There is only one way to avoid this sad path, I think,” Erwin said. Kiyomi frowned, puzzled. “If Paradis were to step onto the world stage itself and change its narrative, we would be safe within a short amount of time.”</p>
<p>Kiyomi inhaled sharply, struggling not to laugh.</p>
<p>“A pretty fantasy,” she said. “I would love for that to come to pass. If only it could.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Erwin again looked at Historia. “Just a thought.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The meeting came to an end. Levi went back to his room to rest and brood. The plan had left a sour taste in the captain’s mouth. All of Historia’s friends looked glum. The queen herself, once finished crying, was quite unruffled.</p>
<p>When Erwin went to her private chamber, though, he found her sitting on a sofa bawling into her hands.</p>
<p>He couldn’t imagine the fear. The misery of living a stunted life as a breeding machine. The agony of condemning her own children to that pain.</p>
<p>“Historia,” he said gently. He didn’t address her formally. Not now.</p>
<p>“Sorry!” She gasped, sat up, and wiped her cheeks. “S-Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Please. You were extraordinarily composed in there.” He sat in a chair across from her. “You’re a credit to us all.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, commander.” She smiled weakly. He gave her his handkerchief, which she used. “Do you think…it’ll come down to that plan?”</p>
<p>“We’ll use the time we have to research every possible option,” he said. He paused. “But I have to tell you, it’s almost certain we’ll run out of time and options if we follow Kiyomi’s path.”</p>
<p>Historia sniffed. She studied her hands.</p>
<p>“It makes me feel like a bad girl,” she whispered. “Part of me wanted to tell her she couldn’t kill me. Part of me wanted to tell her to shut up.”</p>
<p>“It’s no bad thing to value your own life.”</p>
<p>“That sounds like something Ymir would say.” She smiled weakly, then cried some more. Erwin didn’t know the depth of relationship between the two girls—he knew only that they’d trained together—but he gathered it had been uncommonly close.</p>
<p>“Perhaps you should listen to Ymir.”</p>
<p>Historia blinked at him, wiped her tears again. “Huh?”</p>
<p>“Historia.” Erwin clenched his fist. “Kiyomi wants to box us into a corner. She’s determined to have our resources, even if she has to cripple our foreign policy to get them. If we make conservative moves and bets now, we’ll get nowhere. The world will continue to hate us. If we go mewling to them on bended knee, they’ll kick us in the teeth. If we try to destroy them—if we show them a “rumbling” of any kind—they’ll fear us, but never trust us. We have to enter the world’s arena on our own terms. With our own narrative.”</p>
<p>“Narrative.” She spoke the word dreamily. “Yeah. I like it.”</p>
<p>“You understand stories, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“My sister taught me to love books,” she said softly. Yes, Frieda Reiss. Probably the cruelest thing Grisha Jaeger had done was to kill that gentle girl.</p>
<p>“If we allow Hizuru to tell our story for us, the world will remain deaf. Or they’ll grow irritated. But if we present ourselves as we wish to be seen, we can take our rightful place. Rescue our captive brothers and sisters. And all without bloodshed.”</p>
<p>“That sounds amazing.” She frowned. “But Erwin, it also sounds like a fantasy.”</p>
<p>“All impossible goals sound fantastical. But sometimes they become reality.” After all, someone had once decided that man could fly. People had probably laughed until he built an airship, and then they believed. “If we tell the right story, Historia, our dream can become real.” Erwin took a deep breath. “And I need you to help me tell it. I need you for many things.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Okay.” Historia leaned forward now, determination in her eyes. All business. “What do I have to do, commander?”</p>
<p>Erwin offered his hand.</p>
<p>“You have to marry me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Historia looked blank with surprise, an understandable reaction. Erwin waited for the queen to find her next words.</p>
<p>“Um. What?”</p>
<p>“Marry me. If we marry, I’ll attain the royal rank needed to keep the nobles in line, and more importantly, it will cement a certain role I have to play outside of Paradis.”</p>
<p>“As king?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Um. Can’t I just give you the power you need to do whatever it is you want to do?”</p>
<p>“There’s only one way to give me the necessary power. Through marriage.” Erwin bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t you old?” Historia started as if waking from a daze. Her face flushed. “I didn’t mean that, I meant—”</p>
<p>“No, you’re right. I’m too old for you.” The girl was only seventeen, after all. Little more than a child. “Therefore, I know this is a heavy request.”</p>
<p>“There’s something else.” Historia chewed her lip, screwed up her face, and said, “I don’t like men.”</p>
<p>“Ah.”</p>
<p>She flushed again. “I mean, I like men in that they’re my friends. I like lots of men. I just, um—”</p>
<p>“You aren’t sexually attracted to men.” Best to help her along before she got too flustered. Historia puffed out her cheeks in seeming relief. “I understand.”</p>
<p>“The only person I ever…” She sniffed, sinking into a pocket of sadness. “Ymir. But she’s gone, and…” Her incredibly wide blue eyes filled with tears. She valiantly blinked them back.</p>
<p>“I want to assure you, I have no intention of consummating the marriage,” Erwin said. “In fact, our marriage would save you from unwanted consummation with another man.”</p>
<p>Historia frowned. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“If you accept Kiyomi’s plan, you accept the necessity of bearing as many children as possible. How else are you to conceive all those children?”</p>
<p>“Ah. Right.” The thought seemed to depress her further.</p>
<p>“If my plan goes right, Historia—if my story is told as I want to tell it—then Paradis won’t need decades to enter the world’s stage. We won’t need a deterrent like the Rumbling. We won’t need a titan of royal blood.”</p>
<p>The queen looked very grave as she considered his words. She sat on the edge of the sofa, hands folded neatly. Her light blonde hair was done up, and she wore the dress military uniform she kept to hand for official business. Normally, Historia would want to wear her hair down, dress in a farm maid’s clothes, and look after children. She had royal blood, but she was not a monarch. Not in the sense Paradis needed right now. And she knew it.</p>
<p>“We need each other,” he said. “I need you to confer on me a certain status I can’t attain any other way. You need me to take the burden of governing from you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t govern much at this point,” she said.</p>
<p>“No. But I’ll protect you from ever having to face a person like Kiyomi again. I want you to live a long and happy life. If you have children, however you do, I want you to have them because you want them, not because they can be used as pawns of the state.” He meant all of that, every word. She believed him.</p>
<p>“So. We wouldn’t…consummate?” She looked a bit wary. “Do you promise?”</p>
<p>“I have a woman I’m devoted to already. Besides,” he said with a shrug. “Pretty as you are, you’re just a child. There <em>is </em>such a thing as too great an age gap, believe it or not.”</p>
<p>“My father wouldn’t have thought so,” Historia grumbled.</p>
<p>“Well. I’m not your father.” She still wasn’t convinced. “Do you remember when you told me in Orvud District that you had to be the one to deliver the killing blow to your father?”</p>
<p>She lowered her eyes. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“You were brilliant. You understood that the people needed a narrative to contextualize the transition of power. Because of your courage that day, the people are devoted to you.” It was true. Queen Historia was toasted all over Paradis. They loved her beauty, her gentleness, her motherly concern for orphaned children. Her courage in battle only cemented their adoration.</p>
<p>“So.” She narrowed her eyes. Now she looked a bit shrewd. Excellent. “They’ll have a queen they love, and a king whose commands they respect.”</p>
<p>She really did understand everything so well. He was impressed.</p>
<p>“Exactly. So.” He offered his hand again. “Do we have a deal?”</p>
<p>She studied the proffered hand, and studied him. Then, Historia frowned.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Come in,” Hange called. Petra opened the door and found the woman seated at a table, her goggles on her head as usual. She wore a lab coat marked with strange purple stains, residue from the crystal experiments. Hange’s new laboratory was spacious, filled with books and papers, all of which were out of order. Four half-drunk glasses of water and three mold-gathering coffee cups were perched on tables or even empty chairs. Levi’s worst nightmare. “Hey, Petra!” Hange beamed.</p>
<p>“What’re you up to today?” Petra came over, saw a stack of papers and Hange’s scratchy writing all over them.</p>
<p>“Mmm. Very interesting. Want to hear?” The scientist’s eyes glowed.</p>
<p>“Oh. Ah.” <em>Run away,</em> Oruo would have hissed.</p>
<p>“Fantastic!” Hange pressed some ink-smudged fingers to her lips in thought. “I have a theory about the Founding Titan. You know how the life span of a shifter is thirteen years?”</p>
<p>“Mmm hmmm.” Petra settled in.</p>
<p>“The Reiss family didn’t keep records of the family “tradition.” Whether they wanted to cover their tracks or just because it was considered too holy to be recorded, I don’t know. But when I started piecing a few things Historia told me together, I realized it didn’t add up.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Now Petra was confused.</p>
<p>“First: Historia told us that her sister, Frieda, inherited the Founding Titan when she was fifteen, and died three years later when Wall Maria fell.” She pointed to a note. “Frieda inherited the Founder in 842. That’s when her uncle, Uri, died passing it on.”</p>
<p>“Mmm hmmm.” Petra resisted the urge to bang her head on the table. She had more pressing matters than this, but listened politely anyway.</p>
<p>“If we go by the standard rule of shifters, Uri would have inherited the Founder in 829. But here’s the thing.” Hange grinned. “Uri was almost fifty years old when he died. So that means he should have inherited the Founder at thirty-six or seven, then. Right? That’s the math. But! This is where Historia’s statement becomes important. When she sliced through her father at Orvud and killed him, she inherited a few of his memories. Some Reiss blood power I’d love to study someday. Anyway! She saw that her uncle, Uri, inherited the Founder as a very young man. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-two or twenty-three at the time.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. “But then—”</p>
<p>“Yes. If this went the normal way of shifters, Uri would have died still a young man in his mid thirties. But he didn’t. He lived well past his ‘expiration date’, heh. And that’s not all!” She yanked over another paper and showed it to Petra. “These are records that show Kenny Ackerman going on the MP’s pay roll starting in 819. Kenny was thirty-four at the time. He changed positions in the Military Police in 842, age fifty-seven. The year Frieda inherited the Founder. And Historia heard Rob mention that Uri was the one who brought Kenny in. Like a stray.”</p>
<p>The numbers were addling Petra’s head, but she tried to piece this together.</p>
<p>“So you think Uri, with the Founding Titan, brought Kenny in and then lived another twenty-three years?” Petra rubbed her eyes. “How do you know Uri had the titan when he met Kenny?”</p>
<p>“Well, I don’t know for a fact. But I don’t believe Kenny Ackerman would have followed any ordinary man, do you?”</p>
<p>No. Her blood curdled at the man’s very name. No, Kenny was the type to only follow power. Shit. But then…</p>
<p>“So…what’s this mean?”</p>
<p>“Maybe the thirteen year life span is wrong. Maybe there is no real ‘curse of Ymir.’ Or maybe a person of royal blood with the Founding Titan doesn’t have to live by the same rules as every other shifter.” Hange shrugged and shuffled her papers. “Anyway, it’s a theory I’m working on.”</p>
<p>“Why?” After all, weapons and weapon parts were scattered about the room, as well as shards of glowing crystal. That was way more important right now. Hange slipped her goggles back on.</p>
<p>“Well. Erwin’s only got a decade or so left,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>Petra understood then. She cast down her eyes, ashamed of her impatience. Of course Hange didn’t want to lose one of her best friends.</p>
<p>“Maybe I can unlock Ymir’s secret.” Hange sighed, then immediately brightened up. It wasn’t like her to brood. “Anyway! What can I do for you?”</p>
<p>“Um.” Petra flushed as she pulled a vial of hormones out of her bag. She placed it on the table. Hange immediately snatched it up, eyes wide at a new secret to uncover. “I swiped that from a doctor in Marley. It’s supposed to be some kind of hormonal treatment to help women conceive.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you have that problem. Do you?” Hange looked puzzled.</p>
<p>“It’s for my sister,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>“Oh. Ah. Sorry. Hmm.” She carefully unscrewed the cap and opened the bottle. Hange took out a glass test tube, a dropper, and squeezed a little out of the vial. She squirted it onto the tube. Petra wasn’t sure what that was going to do, but Hange definitely knew more about science than she did. “What are you looking for exactly?” Hange went to the other side of the room, and rummaged through a drawer until she came up with a blue bottle. She went back and squeezed a few drops of the blue liquid into the test tube as well, and mixed them. They started to froth.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” Petra felt so helpless. “I just don’t want to start dosing my sister with this and then find out it’s poison or something. Or that it makes her sick.”</p>
<p>“Well, I can run some tests to determine exactly what’s in this, but you should really talk to someone who knows about dosages. I’d only be able to guess, and you may not want that.” Hange pushed up her goggles again; she wore them so much, two red marks had appeared on the sides of her nose. “Also, maybe you could bring in your sister for a blood test. I have no idea what I’m doing, but there might be a way to see how her blood reacts to the hormone before we jab it in her.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Petra all but bounced. Brigitta was a step closer to her baby. She’d have what she wanted. “I can write to Kiyomi and see if she can give me some information. She can talk to a doctor about dosage.”</p>
<p>“Sounds good! Thanks, Petra. I like a new challenge.” Hange clicked her tongue. “Erwin’s got me working on those crystals, which I’d love normally. But he wants newer weapons, and I’m just not sure how safe some of them are.”</p>
<p>“It’s odd to hear you talk about safety.” Petra grinned.</p>
<p>“Hey! I risk my own life for science, nobody else’s. Besides.” She shuddered. “The one time I almost got Oruo killed chasing that titan, Levi nearly took my head off. Learned my lesson.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled, but the mention of Oruo was a small shaft to the heart. Years later, and she still found she missed him fiercely. She wished he could have met Kuchel. She wished he could have had a wife and children of his own.</p>
<p>“Thank you. I’ll bring my sister the day after tomorrow, if that’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Sure! Hopefully I’ll have some answers by then.” Hange cleared her throat as Petra started to exit the lab. “Er. So. Erwin, huh?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra sighed. Poor Marie. Erwin had told Petra, Levi, and Hange last night, privately. He’d wanted them to know before anyone about his impending marriage. “He’s not going to…well. He wouldn’t actually sleep with Historia, would he?”</p>
<p>“Erwin’s a good man. He wouldn’t take advantage like that.” Hange spoke with the most ironclad trust. Petra wasn’t as sure, but she was pretty sure. “But I wish I knew what he was planning.”</p>
<p>“Don’t we all.” Petra said goodbye and left, walking out of the barracks and back onto the street. She almost turned right and headed for home, until she remembered she’d promised to bring a stack of papers by Erwin’s house. Floch was stationed up north, overseeing new recruits. The little shithead.</p>
<p>Petra couldn’t help her fierce dislike of the man. She went back to Erwin’s office, got the forms, and then walked across the street and made a left. Erwin’s house was a bit larger than hers and Levi’s, and certainly fancier inside. That was down to Marie. The woman had an incredible eye and good taste. When Levi and Petra had gone over there for dinner, they’d sat in open-mouthed astonishment as Marie showed the blend of autumnal colors in the dining room, how she’d made sure the contrast with the peaceful green of the parlor didn’t clash too heavily. Petra had thought she knew how to make a house pretty. She’d been dead wrong.</p>
<p>‘Why aren’t you like that?’ Levi’d teased on the walk home. She’d casually stepped on his foot.</p>
<p>Petra knocked on the door. No answer. She knocked again, shrugged, then stood on her toes and fumbled for the spare key behind the lamp. Erwin told her to leave the papers on the kitchen table if he wasn’t there. Probably taking a meeting with Pixis today. He always liked spending time with the former Garrison Commander.</p>
<p>Petra unlocked the door and let herself in. She made a left, went through the parlor and into the dining room, then off to the kitchen. She placed the papers down, then turned to go.</p>
<p>She heard Marie screaming. It came from upstairs, a scream so shrill and furious it nearly rattled the walls. Petra paled. Shit. She hurried out of the kitchen, went through the dining room, but stopped dead in the entrance to the parlor as Erwin came down the stairs. His face was stony. Marie’s screaming grew louder, and Petra winced as something came hurtling down the stairs to crash against the wall a mere foot from Erwin’s head. It was a small clock; the gears exploded, scattering across the wooden floor. Erwin turned around, faced Marie with a pained, grim expression. They still hadn’t seen Petra.</p>
<p>And she was absolutely trapped.</p>
<p>“It’s not going to be like that,” he said quietly. Petra tried to think which would be worse, running past him right now, or hearing whatever came next.</p>
<p>“You…fucking…” Marie huffed, still halfway up the stairs, and then let out another sharp scream. Erwin ducked as other objects hurtled down at him, including a vial of perfume that shattered on the ground. Instantly, the smell of lavender became so strong that Petra’s eyes watered. “You bastard! You disgusting, child-fucking bastard!”</p>
<p>Okay. Petra had to leave right now, even if she shocked Erwin and Marie. She shouldn’t listen to this. She began to creep into the parlor, but flinched and shied back when Marie rushed down the stairs and flung herself at Erwin. He grunted, catching her raised fists. He held her gently, refusing to hurt her, while she kicked his shin again and again. Erwin grunted, almost falling off the last two steps when she spat in his face. The man and woman got off the staircase and staggered into the parlor. Erwin kept holding Marie, and she kicked him again and again until she got him right in the knee. That hurt him, and he grunted, letting go of her wrists.</p>
<p>“For the last time, I am not going to sleep with her! Ever!” Erwin had used up his stoicism, and he glared at Marie. Meanwhile, she rushed over to her easel and art station, took up a jar of brushes, and flung them at him. Erwin batted aside the jar, which broke, its jagged pieces mingling with the rest of the detritus. The paintbrushes scattered. Petra needed to say something right now. Right now. Oh fuck.</p>
<p>“Oh. Of course.” Marie gulped air, her face red with fury, cheeks wet with tears. “I forgot. Of course you’d never want to fuck your beautiful teenaged bride.” She screamed again, picked up a vase and flung it. Petra was afraid she’d go for the kitchen and get all the plates. “Of course you’d never want royal children when you’re the fucking king. Do you think I’m an idiot?”</p>
<p>“No. Unstable, maybe,” he snapped. Petra understood he was freaked out, but she shut her eyes. <em>Erwin. You moron.</em></p>
<p>Marie screamed again, picking up jagged pieces of glass and porcelain and throwing them. Petra wondered if she could climb out a window without being seen.</p>
<p>“I told her I was committed to you!” Erwin got his arms around Marie, held her against him, her back to his chest. Once in his embrace, she slumped forward, sobbing bitterly. “I told her that I love you. I want <em>you</em>. Not her. And even if I did, she doesn’t want me.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit.” Marie sobbed.</p>
<p>“For fuck’s sake, she doesn’t desire men. Do you understand? I wouldn’t force myself on her, and she’ll never want me anyway. Do you hear me?” Erwin pressed her tight against his chest. Marie’s sobs went from furious to miserable. She began to relax in his arms. “This is a strategy to save Paradis. I don’t want to do this. I wouldn’t if I had any other choice.”</p>
<p>Marie only shook her head, and kept sobbing. Petra didn’t think she could move her body. Ever again.</p>
<p>“I love you. I always have.” He closed his eyes, put an arm across her chest. Marie leaned against him. “I’m not going to abandon you. Ever.”</p>
<p>Marie seemed to be calming down. Petra was going to get horrified looks whenever she revealed herself, but this might be the opportune moment. She began to step forward—</p>
<p>“We can’t live together anymore. Can we?” Marie’s voice was hoarse with pain. Petra froze again. Erwin sighed.</p>
<p>“We can still be together. I can visit the house—”</p>
<p>“<em>Visit?</em>” She turned in his arms and slapped his face, sobbing violently again. Erwin, to his credit, took her blows with his eyes shut. “And we can’t be seen together in public, can we?”</p>
<p>“Marie, I can’t marry the queen and then flaunt my mistress. It’ll be seen as insulting Historia. We need public opinion to—”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck public opinion. Fuck you.</em>” She finally got him in the balls. Erwin’s eyes bulged. He fell to his knee as Marie broke out of his embrace and charged up the stairs. She wept as she slammed a door, and her cries grew muffled. Erwin knelt on the floor amidst all the glass and porcelain carnage. His breathing was ragged, his face tight with pain.</p>
<p>Petra carefully stepped into the room. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Erwin looked up at her. She saw shock and then fury on his face.</p>
<p>“How long were you there?” he growled.</p>
<p>“I, I brought the papers. Let myself in. I’m sorry. I…I didn’t know what to do. I thought no one was home!”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed, then looked away from her. Petra crept nearer. He remained on the floor.</p>
<p>“Erwin? I’m so sorry—”</p>
<p>“Will you shut the fuck up and <em>get out of here</em>?” he roared. His eyes were furious. He got up and turned away from her. “Leave. Get out!”</p>
<p>She sprinted out of the room and out the door, locking it behind her. With shaking hands she hid the key and then raced down the block for home. He’d never spoken like that to her. She’d never heard him speak like that to anyone. Then again, she’d never seen him so miserable.</p>
<p>Petra got home and slammed the front door behind her.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Levi called. He was in the parlor with Kuchel, who was crying. She was teething now; it was not a good time to be a baby. “You okay?”</p>
<p>She walked into the parlor to find her husband on the sofa, their daughter perched on his knee. Kuchel’s sobs were muffled by a teething ring. She chewed, cried, and chewed again. Levi spent two mornings a week with the baby while Petra oversaw things in the barracks, then they traded off. When her husband saw her, he frowned and stood up. He placed Kuchel on the sofa, where she continued to cry and teethe. The sobbing baby wasn’t helping Petra’s blood pressure. “Petra. What happened?”</p>
<p>“I…” She shook her head, then wrapped her arms around him. Levi grunted in surprise. “I had to take some papers to Erwin’s house.” She sighed. “Marie knows. She’s not happy.”</p>
<p>“Ah, fuck.”</p>
<p>“I was trapped there. I heard everything. Erwin saw me, he…got pretty angry.”</p>
<p>Levi sighed. “He do anything to you?”</p>
<p>“He shouted. I can’t blame him.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m only a little rattled, but you should go see him later on. He’s going to need you right now.”</p>
<p>“Ah, fuck.” His vocabulary was not extensive. He held her. “Sure. After I’m done training the brats today, I’ll go next door. You sure he didn’t say anything too shitty?” He frowned. Petra kissed his nose.</p>
<p>“I’m tougher than I look.”</p>
<p>“Damn straight.” He rubbed his eyes as Petra picked up Kuchel. Her little girl was red in the face from sobbing.</p>
<p>“I know, baby. I know it hurts.” Petra rocked Kuchel and made shushing noises. Kuchel whimpered, but stopped screaming quite as much. She chewed on her ring, then cried again.</p>
<p>“How long’s this supposed to last?” Levi growled. He looked haggard, more so than spending a few hours in this chaos would suggest. He was the most patient, calm man alive, but when it came to his daughter crying he became worn out immediately. He couldn’t stand the sound.</p>
<p>“She’s a late teether.” Petra sighed. “I think most of them are in by now. In a day or two she should be fine.”</p>
<p>Levi grunted, then kissed her and left. He was happy now for time spent in the barracks running laps and overseeing weapons training among the newly accepted recruits. Petra smiled. He loved the happy times with Kuchel, but couldn’t abide the bad ones.</p>
<p>“Mumma,” Kuchel whimpered, then gave a scream-sob again. It rattled Petra’s vision, but she only shushed and rocked. Pretty soon, Kuchel quieted. She teethed some more, only sniffling now.</p>
<p>“Mama’s here. Shhhh.” She kissed her daughter’s head. She smelled of soap—Levi’s trademark. Petra cuddled the girl, and closed her eyes. Life was so simple when you were a child. When people talked about wanting to be young again, it wasn’t so much that they wanted to have plump skin or the ability to drink all night. They wanted simplicity.</p>
<p>Poor Erwin. Poor Marie.</p>
<p>“When you grow up,” she whispered to Kuchel, “make sure you always do what you think is right. Don’t do what other people tell you.” If Marie and Erwin had done that, they might have married young and spared everyone this heartache.</p>
<p>Kuchel grunted.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi knocked on the door as twilight crept over the city. The door flung open immediately; Erwin had probably been perched in the hall waiting for the sound.</p>
<p>“Ma—” When he saw Levi, his face fell in disappointment.</p>
<p>“Sorry I’m not as good looking.” Levi entered without being asked. Erwin shut the door.</p>
<p>“Not at all. I’m…tired.” Erwin’s normally pristine hair was rumbled. The top button of his shirt was undone, and he smelled like whiskey. Seeing his friend like this made Levi sick to this stomach; it was like walking into a church and finding one of the goddesses sprawled out on the altar, a half-drunk beer dangling from her hand.</p>
<p>“Gonna brew you some tea.”</p>
<p>“I’m not drinking tea tonight,” Erwin grumbled.</p>
<p>“Tough shit. You’ll take what I give you.” Levi went to the kitchen and put on the kettle to boil. Once the water was done, he warmed the pot, scooped in the leaves, and poured. Nothing soothed him like making tea, not even making love to his wife. It was a series of clean, simple movements. You saw results right away. There was an order to things. In a life of chaos, Levi craved the simple, easy moments. He brought the pot, a strainer, and two cups to the parlor, where Erwin sat with his head in his hands. Levi poured the tea, slid the commander—and future king—a cup. After a minute, Erwin picked it up and sipped some. He grunted.</p>
<p>“It’s good.”</p>
<p>“Only Petra makes it better.” They both drank. Levi let the warmth sit in his gut. “You know I trust your judgment.”</p>
<p>Erwin gave a heavy sigh. He knew what was up. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“So I’m only going to ask this once. But think about it.” He put his cup down. “Are you sure you need to do this? You sure there’s no other way.”</p>
<p>Erwin rubbed his eyes. “A story. I need to tell them a story.”</p>
<p>“What story?”</p>
<p>Erwin leaned back against the couch. He was not a man to slump, or ever be sloppy, but right now he looked like any ordinary man weary after a day working in a vegetable stall. Though probably Erwin was more handsome than the average guy. The fire was out of him.</p>
<p>“The Supreme Commander assuming total control is a dictatorship; the man who becomes king and restores order is a hero. It’s the same action, but the symbols are different.”</p>
<p>“You need total control?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He was damn certain of that.</p>
<p>“After you do this, become king, what then? When does this all pay off?”</p>
<p>Erwin thought a minute. “That will depend on Willy Tybur. How well he heeds my advice. I’ll make sure he does.” He regained some of that composure. “Then I’ll make my final move. A year, I think. Yes, a year should do it.”</p>
<p>“And in the meantime, you whip Paradis into top shape.” Levi nodded. “When you do this, your final move…what then?”</p>
<p>“Then your daughter can move freely in this world, as she deserves. Then those unfortunates around the world are released from captivity. I’ll save them all, Levi. But I need to be king to do it.”</p>
<p>He saw then that there was no bigass arrogance here. Erwin truly wasn’t on a power trip. He believed that Paradis and all Eldians would live if he did this thing. Levi’s gut settled.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said. “I’ll trust you on this.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Erwin frowned. “I think I screamed at Petra today. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“She said she understood. She didn’t mean to hear you two.”</p>
<p>“I know. But apologize for me, please.”</p>
<p>“Eh, apologize yourself. I’m not your errand boy.” Levi drank his tea, and Erwin laughed.</p>
<p>“The pair of you are the greatest help I could have.” He looked kind of wistful then, or maybe even remorseful. “I realize now what danger I put you both in during our trip. I’m sorry. In future, I’ll go alone.”</p>
<p>“You will not. I’ll go with you. Just say Petra’s at home barefoot and pregnant or something.” Levi sipped more tea. Damn it, why did this asshole have to take saving the whole damn world on his own shoulders?</p>
<p>
  <em>Because it’s what I asked him to do when I brought him back.</em>
</p>
<p>The tea soured in his mouth. He tried to remind himself that a dead Erwin could never have become king, or been with Marie, or saved Kuchel. Yes. For that last one, Levi would gladly restore Erwin Smith again and again.</p>
<p>“I should have found a better way to tell her,” Erwin muttered. He rubbed his face. “I’m so tired.”</p>
<p>“There’s no way that was gonna go easy. Look. You were never gonna be able to get married anyway. Plus, this marriage isn’t gonna be real in, y’know. That way.”</p>
<p>“But it’s the end of our open life together.” Erwin seemed to deflate as he spoke. “She won’t be my lover anymore, but my mistress. She’ll be kept to the back, hidden away in the shadows.”</p>
<p>“Look. She made her choice last year. She wanted you instead of Nile, and she got it. She made that choice knowing it’d blow up her kids’ lives.” Much as he liked seeing Nile Dok humiliated, Levi also understood what Petra had meant about the children being heartbroken. He imagined how Kuchel would feel if Petra left tomorrow and didn’t come back. The idea shook him. “Not saying she deserves to feel like shit, but she had to know what she was getting herself into. You’re not abandoning her. She’ll either accept it or she’ll move on.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want her to move on.” Erwin rubbed his eyes. “I do love her.”</p>
<p>“Get the feeling a ‘but’ is making its way into the conversation.” Fuck it, guess they were doing this talking about their feelings bullshit. Levi got cozy and drank some tea.”</p>
<p>“But,” Erwin whispered. “She makes it so difficult sometimes. Not her reaction to the marriage; I deserved all of it. But she feels everything so deeply, and so expressively. It’s the most beautiful and exhausting thing in my life. Sometimes I think about the days of you, me, Mike, and Hange, drinking or planning. Talking into the night. Those were clean days. Romance muddies everything.”</p>
<p>Levi shrugged. “Guess it can.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t with you and Petra.” Erwin maybe sounded a little sullen.</p>
<p>“Eh, we have our moments. She gets pissy with how much I need to clean.” That’d been a fight that hurt. He’d started scrubbing the hallway floor after she walked in from outside because she tracked in a little bit of dirt. Petra had gotten red-faced, telling him how stupid and slovenly he made her feel just for existing. She got mad that he kept remaking the bed because her hospital corners weren’t crisp enough. He’d told her she needed to keep shit clean, and she’d told him that he’d make Kuchel grow up with a complex. Then she’d slammed out the door for an hour to cool off. When she came back, she apologized. He told her he couldn’t handle the sight of dirt, but he’d ease off complaining about how neatly the beds got made and the towels got folded.</p>
<p>“You ever feel exhausted?” Erwin seemed genuinely curious, almost imploring. “Have you ever wished for the old days?”</p>
<p>“Eh.” Levi gave it some real thought. “No. I don’t. Maybe there are moments here and there where the baby’s screaming and Petra doesn’t clean something right and I kind of want to be back in my office all alone. But I don’t want life before her. It was lots of pain, little payoff.”</p>
<p>Erwin’s lips twitched in a melancholic smile.</p>
<p>“I think they were the best days of my life,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>“I don’t mean…shit, Erwin, you know how shit I am with talking. My life’s only what it is because of you.” This was hitting too close to a point where they might hug it out or, god forbid, cry. Levi retreated into himself, and they sat in silence.</p>
<p>“I miss the thrill of not knowing. I miss wanting an answer so badly I could tear something apart to get at it. I don’t miss the titans, or the deaths. I miss the desire.” He sighed. “I miss being young.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Me too.”</p>
<p>“You still are.” Erwin gave a rueful smile.</p>
<p>“Thirty-six. I’m nearly dead.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know. Wait until forty.” Erwin sat back. “But you have your daughter to keep you young.”</p>
<p>“Sure you and Historia will never…” Levi didn’t know how to put it except to say ‘fuck each other.’ “I mean, she’ll grow up. She’s cute. Maybe she doesn’t like men, but she could like you. Eventually. Or at least she could want a kid of her own. An heir.”</p>
<p>“I…” Erwin stared at his hands.</p>
<p>“I know you think about this shit a lot. I’m not dumb.”</p>
<p>“Is it worthwhile? Fatherhood?”</p>
<p>He knew this answer. It was simple. “Yeah. I didn’t know what it’d be, but now I do? Yeah.”</p>
<p>“You seemed like the least likely of all of us to have a child.” It wasn’t meant to be bitter. It was almost pleased.</p>
<p>“Never would’ve. I would’ve made her get rid of the first one if I could.” Hell, maybe the stress he’d put her under <em>had</em> killed their first baby. Even though the miscarriage was the reason they’d tried again and had Kuchel, the simple idea that a child of his had been lost would always sit heavy on his chest. “She was smarter than me. She is smarter.”</p>
<p>“I can’t,” Erwin said. “I have just under eleven years left. I can’t leave a young child fatherless like that, there one day, gone the next.”</p>
<p>“I dunno. Maybe Hange could crack that curse of Ymir thing. Maybe you could get a permanent extension.”</p>
<p>“Even if she could, I wouldn’t want her to.” Erwin was dead serious. “Part of the reason Paradis isn’t concerned with my…rapid rise…is because of the time limit. Knowing I have less than eleven years to live makes me envision the future differently, and my role in it. It’s less self-interested this way.”</p>
<p>“Fair enough.” But it hurt to think of saying goodbye to Erwin when Kuchel was twelve. When Levi’d brought him back, he’d thought it would be a full life term. Instead, it was an extension to execution. “You know, that’s one reason you’re lucky with Marie. Lots of women’d have a hard time accepting you’ll be gone in ten years. Not her.”</p>
<p>“No.” His gaze softened. “She accepts everything about me. She always has.”</p>
<p>“She loves you. When you love someone, you put up with a lot of bullshit.” Petra, after all, still adored him despite the constant cleaning and nagging.</p>
<p>“Yes. She’s the most…” Erwin sighed and sipped his cold tea. “I was forty years old before I had a real, committed relationship. I’m a fumbling novice. She supports me anyway. She loves me. She deserves to be loved the same way she—”</p>
<p>There was a soft noise, a woman’s voice. Levi startled. Marie stood in the parlor entranceway, staring at her lover. Tears stood out in her eyes. Erwin got up, breathed her name.</p>
<p>That was his cue. Levi died a little inside to leave the tea things dirty, but that was Erwin’s problem. He got up and left, quick and dark as a shadow. When he pulled open the front door, he heard Marie crying. But it sounded like her tears were muffled against Erwin’s chest. That’d do for now.</p>
<p>He walked the street back to his house, let himself in. There was still a light on upstairs in Kuchel’s bedroom. He went up and found Petra singing a bedtime lullaby to the baby. Kuchel was washed and in a crisp nightgown—Levi insisted on bleaching the shit out of all her nightgowns. The girl was yawning already, the trauma of teething already behind her for the day. When Levi poked his head in, Kuchel gurgled and waved her arms.</p>
<p>“Puh PAH!”</p>
<p>He went and picked her up, bounced her a little as Petra gave him a loving, exhausted look.</p>
<p>“I just about had her ready to sleep.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you go wash up? I can finish here.” He kissed his wife, and walked his daughter back and forth across the room as she babbled and also started to drool. He wiped her chin. Damn new teeth. “Oi. You gonna be a good girl and go to sleep?”</p>
<p>“Abu oo dah,” she said. Or something like that. Kuchel giggled.</p>
<p>“You’re a happy little shit, aren’t you?” he said fondly. “Don’t know where you got that from. Well. Maybe your great-uncle.”</p>
<p>Hopefully that was all of Kenny that Kuchel would take. Kenny had enjoyed his life, for the most part. Both Levi and his mother had been quiet people. Shadow people. He wanted Kuchel II to blast through life, happy all the way.</p>
<p>Levi stopped in front of the full length mirror Petra had placed in a corner of the room. He saw himself holding his little girl, who was already yawning and ready for sleep. All pink and cream and smiles.</p>
<p>He remembered himself almost two decades ago, standing over some asshole his then-gang had run down. Levi’d taken some pliers to the guy’s thumbnail, asked a question. When he didn’t get an answer, he tore out the nail. Didn’t get the answer even then, and he knew the guy likely wouldn’t talk now if he wouldn’t blab after one nail. But Levi yanked out the rest of the nails ‘cause he had nothing better to do.</p>
<p>He remembered finding the two guys who’d cut off Isabel’s pigtail just because they could. He remembered stabbing them both to death in an alleyway, the fury overtaking all his senses, all his respect for life—what little he had for it back then. They’d hurt his little girl; they should die, even if it was too heavy a price for the crime committed.</p>
<p>And he had once been a baby that looked just like Kuchel. Sleepy and innocent.</p>
<p>Levi feared for her in a way that only someone who came from nothing could fear. He knew what the world could do to his loving little girl. He held her tight, maybe too tight. Kuchel squirmed and started to cry.</p>
<p>“Sorry. Sorry. Shhh.” Levi laid her into her crib, and she stopped fussing. He looked down on her as he covered her in the blanket and gave her the two dolls she loved most. Kuchel loved sleeping with all her toys; she was going to be a clutterbug. Levi was going to have to find a way to live with the toy hoarding. “Oi. Want a lullaby?”</p>
<p>Kuchel grinned toothily at him. To his little girl, he could do no wrong.</p>
<p>
  <em>I want you to always feel that way.</em>
</p>
<p>“Okay.” He cleared his throat. Softly, he sang. “<em>Chairs so close, a room so small. You and I talk all the night long.</em>”</p>
<p>Isabel grinned up at him, her wild red hair getting in her eyes. He ruffled her hair.</p>
<p>“<em>Meager this space that serves us so well. We comrades have stories to tell.</em>”</p>
<p>Kuchel’s eyelids grew heavy. Before he was done, she was asleep. He kissed her cheek, then blew out the candle and slipped out of the room. He went across the hall to his own bedroom, feeling suddenly weary. Erwin felt his best days were behind him; Levi feared every minute of the future, terrified something would hurt his child. Once you hit a certain age, life was just anxiety, titans or no.</p>
<p>He wanted to go right to sleep. He felt tired. Levi opened the bedroom door.</p>
<p>“Hello, Captain.”</p>
<p>Petra had draped herself across the bed, wearing one of the gauziest negligees Kiyomi had given her. It was sheer pink, with satin shoulder straps and nothing left to the imagination. She’d lit several candles around the bed, and had set a basin of warm, soapy water on the table so that he could wash up. She knew him well. Petra gave him the most come-hither gaze he’d yet seen.</p>
<p>“Orders, sir?” she whispered.</p>
<p>He would go to sleep right after he had sex with her eight times. But only eight. He felt tired, after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry we didn’t get to throw you a bachelor party like we did for Levi,” Hange said, looking sad as she and the two men hung out in the waiting area before the ceremony. Levi could already hear the loud murmuring of over two hundred voices as people filed in. Thank fuck Erwin and Historia were doing a ceremony in ‘the old way’, so Erwin didn’t need best men. Levi hated the thought of standing out there looking stiff and awkward in front of all those damn people.</p>
<p>“I, er, think my liver appreciates that you didn’t,” Erwin said. He was dressed in the white robes of the old Eldian Empire, with a belted sash at the waist and sandals on his feet.</p>
<p>“Oi, Hange. Think you’re getting married anytime soon?” Levi drawled.</p>
<p>Hange blew a raspberry. “Nope! Not crying about it, either. I have way too many experiments to run.” She got that manic light in her eye that scared Levi a little. “One day, maybe I’ll find someone to carry my microscope.”</p>
<p>Was that a euphemism? Did he want to know? No.</p>
<p>Levi and Hange stood back and just looked at Erwin in his last moments as an ordinary citizen.</p>
<p>
  <em>When we met, he was some smug asshole in the Survey Corps. Now he’s king.</em>
</p>
<p>Only Erwin Smith could’ve managed such a leap. The large blond bastard looked at Levi, smiled a bit quizzically.</p>
<p>“What is it?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Eh. Just thinking about the old days.”</p>
<p>Erwin nodded. Hange sighed.</p>
<p>“Well. We’d better get to our seats.” Hange nudged Levi, wished Erwin luck, and left. The two men stared at one another a moment longer.</p>
<p>“It’s not a real wedding,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“Well. It’s real enough.” Levi held out his hand. “Good luck, Smith.”</p>
<p>Erwin clasped hands. “Thanks, Ackerman.”</p>
<p>Levi felt that when he let go, he’d be letting go of the man as he’d known him. Erwin was a shifter, the Supreme Commander, but king? That was something mythic. That was larger than life.</p>
<p>“I’ll need you,” Erwin said. He was serious. “When the ceremony is over, for the rest of my life. I’ll need you.”</p>
<p>“Like I said, Erwin. I’m not going anywhere.”</p>
<p>Levi let go, and went to find his seat.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra was filing into the room alongside the rest of the guests. Levi and Hange had gone back to see Erwin before the big moment, leaving her a chance to look around. They were in a ceremonial hall, a section of the palace she’d never seen before. It was old, almost ancient, filled with carved wooden figures of past kings. Though they had crystal lighting now, the room was lit only with candles. There were no windows here. It had some of the gravity of a tomb, even with a marriage altar at the other side of the chamber.</p>
<p>Petra shuddered. Why should she think that?</p>
<p>Someone caught her eye just before she entered. Petra turned her head and gasped.</p>
<p>“Nile? I mean, Commander…I mean, Mr. Dok.” She didn’t know how to address the man now.</p>
<p>She knew one thing: Nile Dok looked like he needed a hug. Badly.</p>
<p>The tall, thin man staggered out of the flow of the crowd. He headed down the echoing hallway, and Petra slipped after him. Why, she couldn’t say. Maybe because she didn’t need to watch a sham wedding ceremony. Maybe because he’d been kind to her once when she badly needed kindness.</p>
<p>“Nile?” She came up next to him. The man stopped walking and slumped against the wall. He unscrewed the cap to a flask, and took a few deep swallows of what smelled like whiskey. He was dressed in his military uniform, but his bolo tie was askew. His hair was rumbled, his eyes bloodshot. “Are…are you all right?”</p>
<p>“Oh. Hi.” He offered her the flask. “Would you like some? Pixis gave it t’me.”</p>
<p>She took it, but screwed the cap back on and put the flask down on the floor. He snorted, and ran a hand through his unkempt black hair.</p>
<p>“How are you?” She touched his shoulder. He startled at her touch, but didn’t pull away.</p>
<p>“Amazing. Incredible. Wonderful.” He sounded like he wanted to die. Petra guided him to an alcove, where they sat. The ceremonial doors boomed shut; she was going to miss the wedding. Well, Erwin was gaining the world today; she could sit with the man who’d lost everything to him.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should find you some coffee,” she said gently. Nile blinked, and looked right at her. It was like he only now had noticed her.</p>
<p>“Ral. That is, Mrs. Ackerman.” He hiccupped. She patted his back. “Forgive me. This is…forgive me.”</p>
<p>He now seemed mortified, and sloppily tried straightening his bolo tie. Petra helped. She recalled disliking this man fiercely for the longest time. He’d been a prick, a Military Police asshole. But she’d also seen that he was a man who loved deeply. Who chose to do right by those he loved. A man who thought a happy family was crucial.</p>
<p>“Tell me,” he croaked. His eyes wandered the hall. “Is she… Is Marie…?”</p>
<p>“She’s not here.” Marie had finally been peaceful about the false marriage, but she couldn’t bear to watch the ceremony. Petra didn’t blame her. “I think she’s somewhere in the palace, though.” Historia had given Erwin’s mistress her own apartments. Erwin would spend his wedding night with Marie, trying to make all this up to her.</p>
<p>“I left Senta with the little ones.” Nile sniffed, his shoulders sloping with exhaustion. Or maybe sadness. “She’s almost sixteen. She should be having fun; instead she’s practically their mother.” Nile’s face twisted up. “That woman just left them.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you want to be angry right now,” Petra said gently. She was afraid that’d make him pissy, but he slumped further.</p>
<p>“No. You’re right.” Nile shut his eyes. She wondered if he was about to go to sleep. “How is she?” he whispered. “Tell me the truth.”</p>
<p>“Um.” How to answer? Did he want to hear good or bad things? Petra opted for the truth, delicately put. “She’s mostly happy. But this marriage is a little hard.”</p>
<p>“Makes me a little glad to know she can never be his wife now.” Nile muttered that more to himself than to her. “Suppose that makes me a bad man.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed. “No. It just makes you human.” Nile didn’t seem to want to get up, so she continued to sit with him. “Can I ask…no, sorry. That’s not my place.”</p>
<p>“Please. I’m just glad anyone wants to talk about it at all.” He seemed to deflate further. “Can’t deny the Supreme Commander—sorry, the king anything he wants. Makes you seem like a traitor.”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. She’d always been forthright, and so she asked what she meant to ask.</p>
<p>“Did you always know she loved him?”</p>
<p>Nile worked his jaw, screwed up his mouth. Flashes of various emotions showed on his face.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he whispered at last. “They thought I was too dumb to catch on, but I saw it. I saw how they always looked at each other.” He sniffed, put his face in his hands. “And I knew they were…he was more right for her than I was. They liked the same things. He was as handsome as she was beautiful. Any other man would’ve accepted he’d always be second best. Any other man would’ve had too much pride. But not me!” He gave a bitter laugh. “All I ever wanted was her.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Petra asked gently. “Because she was beautiful?”</p>
<p>“Well. Yeah.” Nile sniffed. “But more than that. She had this way of looking at things that you felt was special. She made the world feel special. I felt…I felt that if I had someone special like that all to myself…she’d make me special, too.”</p>
<p>Petra pursed her lips. She saw now Nile’s true, miserable mistake. He had loved Marie for what he thought she could give to him, not because she blended with him. He wasn’t the first to do that, but as far as Petra saw it, such marriages tended not to be happy.</p>
<p>“But…” He swallowed. “I, I also wanted to keep her safe. She was all alone, living in that shitty apartment, trying to make a living selling paintings. I wanted to shield her from the worst parts of the world.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I believe that.”</p>
<p>“I knew, you understand? I always knew she didn’t love me. When she said yes, I knew Erwin must have rejected her.” His face twisted up, and she saw to her horror that he was fighting back tears. “But I thought with time she’d forget him. I could make her happy. When we had our girls…she loves our girls.” His voice hitched, and Petra instinctively hugged him. Nile grunted in surprise, but leaned into it. Petra felt how desperate he was for comfort. “I saw her happy over the years. Marie will tell you she was never happy, probably, but I swore she was. Midwinter presents for the girls. Family picnics when I was home…I wasn’t home a lot, but when I was. She didn’t…” He sniffed. “I don’t think she hated making love with me. She must be a pretty damn good actress if she did.” Now he sounded wretched with humiliation. “What did I do wrong?” He looked at Petra now, his face red. He seemed to want an honest answer. “What did I do?”</p>
<p>“You…” She shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault.”</p>
<p>“No. You were going to say something. Please, say it.”</p>
<p>“Nile, you…” She shut her eyes. “You knew she didn’t love you, and you married her anyway. You should marry someone who loves you the way you love them. It’s the only chance for happiness.”</p>
<p>She and Levi were happy because they both wanted and loved each other with equal passion. They stayed happy through affectionate gestures, improved communication, and other things, but the love had been there from the start. She’d seen marriages like hers…and marriages like her parents’. The latter could be happy enough after a while, but there was always a desperate, melancholic tinge to that happiness. Always a question, ‘what if?’ It was a regretful life.</p>
<p>Better never to marry than to live your life with regret.</p>
<p>She expected Nile to snap at her, but he said nothing. When she looked at him, she saw now that the tears had broken through. He was hunched over, biting his lip to keep from making sound as tears slid down his cheeks. Petra felt like she’d been punched in the gut.</p>
<p>“No, I’m sorry. Ignore me, I, I’m all wrong about it,” she said.</p>
<p>“No. You’re right.” He turned from her and wiped his cheeks. After a minute, he looked back with a composed expression. “But even though it’s true, because of her I still have my girls.”</p>
<p>He loved his children. She saw it, plain as anything. She saw the pain he carried over his betrayal and humiliation, but she also saw all the love in him.</p>
<p>“If it makes you feel any better…” Petra hesitated, then went all in. “I think she made a mistake leaving you. And not just because now Erwin is marrying someone else.”</p>
<p>Nile looked quite surprised. Probably no one had ever before told him that he was a better choice than Erwin Smith in any way.</p>
<p>“You gave up your dreams to make her happy.” Petra shrugged. “Erwin would never do that.”</p>
<p>“He’s the savior of the nation.”</p>
<p>“But he would never give up everything for her. You would. Maybe she loves him more, but she made a mistake. I really think that.”</p>
<p>Nile sat there, looking blank. Eventually, she saw his shoulders ease back. He seemed lighter now.</p>
<p>“You’re the first person I’ve spoken to since it happened that felt that way. Pixis said she was ungrateful, but he didn’t say she was wrong.”</p>
<p>Petra remembered Levi’s smugness, saying that Marie had wasted enough of her life on Nile. Probably everyone thought the same. Not only was Nile a cuckold, he had people feel embarrassed for him, not angry on his behalf. He’d been told by everyone what a lesser being he was than Erwin Smith. He’d had to keep himself together for his girls.</p>
<p>“Do you think you’d ever take her back?”</p>
<p>“No.” He said it swiftly, a spark of anger in his eyes. “No, she made her choice. Let her live with the consequences.”</p>
<p>But Petra saw the way Nile’s eyes still scanned the corridor, looking for traces of her. Even if he meant what he said, he’d spend the rest of his life searching for Marie.</p>
<p>Nile finally looked at Petra. Really looked at her.</p>
<p>“Why would you be so kind to me? I tried getting your husband hanged at the gallows a couple of times.”</p>
<p>True. She did resent that. But Petra shrugged.</p>
<p>“You were kind to me when I needed someone to be. When I…the miscarriage.” She cleared her throat, determined not to cry. “You were happy to find out I was pregnant when no one else was.”</p>
<p>“Children are wonderful,” he said lifelessly. She patted his arm.</p>
<p>“I think the world needs good men as much as great ones.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. But Marie never saw it that way.” Sorrow closed in around him again. Nile got up. “You should go find your seat if the ceremony hasn’t already started.”</p>
<p>“Are you coming?” She stood.</p>
<p>“I think I’ll find some coffee, like you suggested.” He looked at her, and smiled a little. “Thank you, Petra.” She nodded, turned to go. “If you ever need anything, let me know.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” She turned around. Nile appeared serious.</p>
<p>“You were kind when no one else was. So. If you ever need a favor, let me know.”</p>
<p>It was, frankly, a bizarre thing to say. But as Nile walked away, staggering a little from the drink, she held his words in her mind, made sure to remember them. Why, she could not say.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Where the hell was Petra? Levi glared at the empty seat beside him. Hange jabbed his ribs, seated on his other side.</p>
<p>“Hey! It’s starting!”</p>
<p>He almost jabbed her back, but instead turned his attention to the altar. A priest in old robes the color of parchment appeared. The priest shuffled over to light incense thuribles, then swung one around and around as he walked about the altar three times. The air filled with sickly-sweet smoke. Levi winced, tried not to cough. He hated smells like this.</p>
<p>The priest then put down the thurible and lifted his hands. He began to speak-sing in words that sounded like Eldian, but with something weird. The vowels were different, the rhythms of the language off. It was the speech of Old Eldia, from the empire’s dawn.</p>
<p>Slowly, Historia and Erwin walked to stand before the priest, each coming from an opposite side of the room. Historia, like Erwin, wore plain white robes and sandals. They stood side by side before the priest, who sang-chanted at them a minute. Then, the king and queen knelt. The old man came back with a bowl of water; he sprinkled some on each of them with what looked like a pine branch. Then he came back with a jar of oil, some of which he smeared on Erwin and then Historia’s foreheads. Finally, he took a dagger, came over, and cut the king and queen’s palms. Levi saw Historia wince. The priest bound the bleeding hands together, and then took a bolt of white cloth and wrapped it around the hands. He chanted some more, bowed three times, then unwrapped the cloth. He gestured for them to stand, and threw out his arms. Though Levi couldn’t understand the language, he knew what this meant: they were married.</p>
<p>The audience applauded, and then Historia looked behind her. A servant came out, bearing a crown upon a velvet pillow. Erwin knelt before his queen—his wife—and bowed his head as she spoke words over him.</p>
<p>She spoke haltingly in the same strange language that the priest had used, though she stumbled on a few words. She seemed nervous, and then relieved when she was done and could rest the crown upon Erwin’s bowed head. Levi understood: Historia had the royal blood, not Erwin. Only she could gift royalty to another person.</p>
<p>When the crown touched Erwin’s head, he looked up. Instead of kissing his new wife on the lips, he kissed her hand.</p>
<p>Then, still holding her hand, he stood and faced the assembly.</p>
<p>The priest shouted some nonsense words, and then:</p>
<p>“King Erwin, Queen Historia!”</p>
<p>The assembly rose to their feet as one, Levi and Hange lagging a bit. He wasn’t sure why they all knew to do that. Maybe it came natural.</p>
<p>“The king! The queen!”</p>
<p>Shouts went up all around the room. Levi didn’t shout or cheer. He only watched.</p>
<p>King Erwin Smith descended with his queen in hand. Head erect, the crown comfortable on his brow, he walked Historia down the aisle and back out the door. The crowd followed in their wake, still cheering. Levi and Hange were among the last to go.</p>
<p>“Well.” Levi glanced at his friend. “Guess that’s that.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” She seemed less enthused than he thought she’d be. “Guess it is.”</p>
<p>Was she mourning the lost days of their status as equals? Or did Hange feel the way Levi did; that something was just off.</p>
<p>Either way, no use worrying about it now. The past was past. Time to focus on the future.</p>
<p>“Come on.” Levi nudged her. “Let’s get some tea.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The reception was at the other end of the palace courtyard. Erwin and Historia had both changed from their ancient get ups to more traditional wedding attire. Historia wore a white wedding gown, Erwin a nicely cut white suit. Levi didn’t go to the newlyweds immediately; they were surrounded by congratulating admirers, and anyway he caught sight of Petra hanging out on the edges of the room. Levi went to her.</p>
<p>“The fuck were you?” he whispered, more relieved than upset.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I caught sight of Nile and…” She shrugged. “He needed someone to talk to.”</p>
<p>Damn angel. Only Petra was enough of a sweetheart to give a shit about a loser like Nile Dok. Levi gave her a quick kiss; he hated public affection.</p>
<p>“You missed a weird show. I was sure they were gonna sacrifice a goat or a titan or some shit.”</p>
<p>She laughed, but still looked distant. Nile’d probably made her sad or something. He could be a real whiner. Fuck him.</p>
<p>Levi was ready to take her aside and get her a drink when a servant showed up.</p>
<p>“Captain Ackerman? His Majesty requests your presence.”</p>
<p>His Majesty. What the fuck was this world?</p>
<p>“Sure.” He kissed Petra’s cheek, then went to Erwin. The man stood beside Historia on a raised velvet dais, receiving homage and congratulations alike. Levi pushed through the fawning crowd and strode right up to them. “Majesties. So. Erwin. What do you want?”</p>
<p>His bluntness with royalty made a few of the nearby nobles clutch their pearls, or at least their diamonds. Levi noted a few of the men who’d been angry with Erwin at the last meeting in Mitras were now desperate to get close to him. Heh. Jerks.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Erwin smiled, a genuine smile.</p>
<p>“Captain Levi.” Historia smiled as well, and he bowed and kissed her hand. The kid was a real queen, and he respected that. Plus, she’d punched him once; he admired her for that, even if it was a weakass punch.</p>
<p>“I wanted a moment of your time,” Erwin said. “Walk with me.”</p>
<p>And just like that, the king descended among the people and walked away, Levi in tow. There were surprised murmurs and exclamations around them; Historia looked confused. Shit. Erwin was already getting used to being a king and having everyone follow his whims. That’d taken all of five minutes.</p>
<p>“Where’re we going?” Levi asked. They headed out of the ballroom, receiving salutes from royal guards as they went. No one suggested the king needed an escort; Levi Ackerman was all the protection anyone would ever need.</p>
<p>“I want to show you something. A surprise.” Erwin was wearing that creepy-excited grin again. Shit.</p>
<p>They went to the eastern wing of the palace, and Erwin stopped them before a large, ornate door. It was festooned with gold leaf vines and all that fancy shit.</p>
<p>“What’s this?”</p>
<p>“This was the palace chamber of the Heiden family. Lord Heiden was one of the few high lords given his own rooms at court. Come.” Erwin opened the door, and Levi followed. The place was sumptuously decorated, with gilt-edged mirrors hanging from walls and silk couches situated on plush, ornamental rugs. The ceiling was fifteen feet high at least, and from what Levi could tell the apartment was huge, vast corridors running in either direction off the main sitting room. Erwin led Levi over to the fireplace, an impressively huge piece of stone masonry. Levi could have slept comfortably inside the grate. “Lord Heiden was one of the lords deposed in the Uprising. His quarters, along with all his estate, have been in control of the crown since.”</p>
<p>“Well, sucks to be him.”</p>
<p>“Look.” Erwin pointed to a wooden carving over the mantel, a shield with two lions flanking it and a green and blue star painted in the center of the shield. “The Heiden crest. Oddly enough for such a powerful family, the Heiden line became ennobled little over a hundred years ago.”</p>
<p>“Interesting.” It wasn’t. Levi frowned when Erwin carefully took up the shield and lifted it away from its hanging. “What’re you doing?”</p>
<p>“Look.”</p>
<p>Beneath the wooden crest, Levi found one carved out of stone. It was also a shield, only a pair of unicorns flanked this one. On the shield, though faded with age, an axe and sword had been painted, crossed together.</p>
<p>Words in an ancient language had been carved beneath the unicorns’ hooves. Erwin translated.</p>
<p>“’Duty Is Freedom.’” He glanced at Levi. “The motto of the Ackermans.”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Levi blinked, screwed up his face. “What?”</p>
<p>“This apartment was taken from the Ackerman family when they defied the crown over a century ago. The more research I have done into the secret history of Eldia, the more I have learned about your family, Levi. They were a warrior clan that served the kings and queens of Eldia. They were the kings’ right hand men and women for centuries. They were the second most illustrious house in all the Eldian Empire, besides the Fritz family. They were nobility.” He nodded, a gleam in his eyes. “Heiden’s apartments at court, his houses and his estates were all spoils of war taken from the Ackermans after their fall from grace. They’re your birthright, Levi. This place, a house in Mitras, lands in all three of the walls, eight estates in total, five hundred servants and ten thousand acres—”</p>
<p>“Wait.” Levi was getting dizzy.</p>
<p>“—and, also, two hundred thousand gold coins per annum. They’re yours. All yours.”</p>
<p>“Not all mine.” He wanted to lash out at Erwin. Levi’d grown up with only the clothes on his back and dirt under his fingernails. You couldn’t tell him he was heir to a noble family and now some rich asshole after almost forty years of the life he’d led. “Mikasa’s an Ackerman, too.”</p>
<p>“Yes. But in our research, we discovered that you stem from the main Ackerman family. Kuchel and Kenny are marked as the great grandchildren of the head Ackerman. Mikasa’s an Ackerman with all their abilities, true, but her father came from a cadet family. A branch of the main Ackerman tree. You can give her as much money and land as you’d like, but that choice belongs in only one person’s hands: yours.”</p>
<p>“I’m a bastard. My mother was an Ackerman, not my father.” He wanted to run out of here. Flee. This wasn’t real. It was bullshit.</p>
<p>“The head of the Ackerman clan could be male or female at any given time. All they needed was the name, and the blood. You will likely never know your father’s name; you’re an Ackerman, then.”</p>
<p>“Erwin, don’t give me all this. I’ll just give it right back.” He imagined Petra’s face when he told her he’d given away a fortune, but he didn’t want any fancy lord crap. He hated the nobles; he didn’t want to be one of them. “Take the estates and the money and put them into training the new recruits and feeding the miners. Give the houses and shit to someone else.”</p>
<p>“You can do anything you want with your property, Levi.” Erwin spoke calmly. “I didn’t bring you here just to tell you you’re rich. The Ackermans were the king’s right hand. His shield. Until they rebelled against him, they were the highest-ranking nobles in all Eldia. They sat on the king’s council. They protected him. They were his most trusted advisors, precisely because the Founding Titan could not control them. The king always knew that the Ackermans would speak their minds. Levi Ackerman.” Erwin grinned, almost mischievous. “Or should I say Lord Levi Ackerman?”</p>
<p>“Do it and I’ll cut you off at the knees.”</p>
<p>Erwin laughed. “Then, Levi Ackerman, I invite you to become the king’s shield once again. Be my second.”</p>
<p>“Your second what?”</p>
<p>“My strong right hand. My advisor. I sit on the throne, and you stand beside me. Your bluntness and your inherent decency are my true north star. Protect me and help me protect Eldia and Paradis. Be the second most powerful man on this island. Take up your family’s mantle once again. Restore the Ackermans to their rightful place. For Mikasa. For Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“You want me to stand next to you?” He felt stupefied.</p>
<p>“I want you to rule at my side. I want you to help oversee my military, my people. I want you to become the man you were born to be.” Erwin’s smile faded. He was all seriousness now. “Serve the king, and rule alongside him. Save our home. Save our people across the sea.” Erwin held out his hand. “Be Eldia’s shield.”</p>
<p>Levi didn’t know what to do with fancy houses and hundreds of thousands of gold pieces. He didn’t know what to do with servants and sycophants. But this? This came natural.</p>
<p>This part was in his blood.</p>
<p>Levi knelt at his king’s feet, and when Erwin gave his hand Levi kissed it.</p>
<p>“Your Majesty,” he said. If the Ackermans shared blood and fighting abilities, they also shared a desire to protect something greater than themselves. And nothing was greater than this man.</p>
<p>“Arise, Lord Ackerman.” Erwin grinned again, the mirth restored. “And don’t go for my knees.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Chel! Come back, Chel!” Connie barreled after Kuchel through a pile of autumn leaves. Kuchel toddled along merrily, giggling as she waved an orange and a gold leaf in each hand like celebratory flags. Connie slipped when he tried to grab the baby and landed on the ground with an oof. Sasha came up behind him.</p>
<p>“Fer cryin’ out loud, Connie! Captain’ll skin us if she gets hurt!” Sasha tried grabbing Kuchel, but the little girl managed to wriggle away and gallop along the lawn, still shrieking with glee.</p>
<p>Petra sat on the porch step, a mug of hot tea in her hands, and tried not to laugh. The two soldiers fussed and shrieked as they tried to catch Kuchel. Finally, Petra put her tea down and stood.</p>
<p>“Kuchel! Be a good girl.”</p>
<p>The child stopped at once, still waving her leaves and giggling. Connie and Sasha were going too fast to stop. They swept past the kid, both reaching down for her, and their heads collided hard. They staggered about before toppling to the ground once more. Petra sighed as she went and picked up her daughter.</p>
<p>“Thanks for watching her.” Petra smiled.</p>
<p>“N-No problem, lieutenant,” Sasha croaked, rubbing her head. “Owww.”</p>
<p>Petra shushed Kuchel, bouncing her on her hip as they walked along. They were outside of Oaken Manor, the Ackerman family property up in northern Wall Rose. Levi had come along to oversee its transformation into a convalescent home for impoverished single mothers and prostitutes who wanted a chance at a better life. The estate home itself was a veritable mansion with three hundred rooms, perfect for women and their children. That didn’t count the twenty-room guest house, or the servants’ cottages, or the farmhouse. The Ackermans had been staying in the farmhouse while plans went into effect half a mile away at the main residence. Petra much preferred the farmhouse to the mansion. It was rustic and cozy here, close to the apple orchard and the cows. Kuchel loved the crisp air and golden fields. Her daughter seemed more at home in the country than the city.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe we should think about moving up here permanently, once Erwin’s plans are finished.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had been king of Paradis for a month now. It was mid November, and the trees were losing the bright October color and deepening into a richer bronze and ochre.</p>
<p>Levi, Petra, and Kuchel had come, along with Mikasa, Eren, Sasha and Connie. Queen Historia was visiting, too, while her husband remained down south. Jean and Floch were still down in Trost as personal assistants to the king. Petra set her daughter down and smiled as Kuchel toddled off to find some new adventure. Brigitta had knitted the child a bright crimson sweater, turning her into a brilliant little dab of color against the autumn background.</p>
<p>Petra chewed her lip as she thought, gazing out across the deepening afternoon fields. The mansion gleamed white far away.</p>
<p>This was how Levi wanted to spend his inheritance. He’d already given Historia the Ackerman lands in Sina to use for more orphanages and hospitals. At Petra’s request, he’d kept the house in Mitras and the palace apartment. He knew his wife loved the capital, and didn’t mind giving her something beautiful there. Other than that, Petra stood behind him entirely in his philanthropy.</p>
<p>Mikasa had refused land, though Levi forced her to take a yearly allowance. He was giving away as much of his gold as he could, but even with five estates turned into charitable institutions he still had almost half of his annual income leftover. Turned out it was difficult to spend two hundred thousand pieces of gold a year. Even when you added in the servants’ wages (Levi had only maintained basic ownership of the properties to ensure no one got fired or their wages cut), he still had over eighty-five thousand for himself. The average family on Paradis lived between two and three thousand a year.</p>
<p>When Ingrid found out Petra had married into the upper echelon of nobility by accident, she began to view her son in law in a whole different light.</p>
<p>‘You’re Lady Ackerman?’ Mama had gaped when Petra explained, almost embarrassed by the fuss. ‘A real lady.’ Ingrid had appeared blissfully shocked. After a lifetime spent reading the society pages and dreaming of the rich and titled, she found herself suddenly enmeshed in that world. Ingrid thought it was a dream come true.</p>
<p>And Levi looked upon all the money as a millstone around his neck.</p>
<p>“Mumma! Ahh! Mumma!” Kuchel bounded back to Petra, then tripped and fell. She started to cry, more out of surprise than pain. Petra picked up the child and kissed her cheek as Connie and Sasha raced over.</p>
<p>“<em>We didn’t do it!</em>” Connie shrieked.</p>
<p>“<em>I don’t wanna die!</em>” Sasha wailed, clutching her head.</p>
<p>“See how naughty you are? You make your auntie and uncle cry,” Petra whispered, nuzzling Kuchel. The girl stopped crying, and hiccupped adorably. Petra gave Kuchel to Sasha, who breathed easier when the baby laughed…and then winced when Kuchel gave her ponytail a sharp tug. Kuchel was not prone to being gloomy, or to keeping her hands to herself.</p>
<p>Connie and Sasha walked away, fussing over the child. Petra looked around, and thought again about retiring here. They could raise Kuchel in the country.</p>
<p>Maybe another little brother or sister as well.</p>
<p>Kuchel was a year and a half old now, and Petra was already starting to miss the baby days. Another little one would be good for her daughter. Children really should have siblings if at all possible.</p>
<p>But…</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not going to miss the last big push due to pregnancy again.</em>
</p>
<p>A year. Erwin said that was how long it would take. Petra could wait. She tugged up her scarf as a chill wind rippled across the field, and headed towards the barn. Levi and Mikasa would be out there. He was stepping up her training, since only she could work at his level. The two would likely never be friends, but Kuchel had softened Mikasa, and she was also grateful for and confused about the money Levi gave her.</p>
<p>Petra walked up to the barn’s entrance, enjoying the musky smell of horses and hay. She heard the animals blustering inside; she’d have to feed them soon. Didn’t matter if she was now a lady, she hated sitting idle. She liked for her hands to be doing things. That was one of the reasons she and Levi got on so well. They were both doers.</p>
<p>Mikasa and Levi weren’t there, but Petra could hear the echo of their voices coming from the back of the barn. She headed around the side, and stopped.</p>
<p>Historia was seated upon a bale of hay. She was dressed in her customary farmer’s clothes—a queen Petra could relate to. Historia worried her lip as she watched Eren, who knelt before her.</p>
<p>His head was bowed, his eyes closed. He had her hands cupped in his. At any other time, this would have looked like a romantic scene, but Petra knew that when Eren’s Coordinate interacted with royal blood, he could see fragments of memory. PATHS. It spooked Petra; what did that mean for an afterlife? Was PATHS heaven? Or hell?</p>
<p>
  <em>Is Oruo there?</em>
</p>
<p>The thought almost made her cry. She shook her head, and gently approached the young man and woman.</p>
<p>“Hello. Sorry,” Petra said when Eren gave a start and released Historia’s hands. They both looked up at her. Historia’s wide blue eyes seemed concerned but relatively untroubled.</p>
<p>Eren’s green eyes somehow looked both dead and feverishly energized. Petra really didn’t spend enough time with him. He’d confided in her once. But she found he scared her a little; she didn’t want his confidence.</p>
<p>That wasn’t kind if he was hurting.</p>
<p>“Captain and Mikasa are around back,” Eren said. He got up and trudged down the hill while Historia hemmed and hawed a bit. Petra bowed to the queen, then went after Eren.</p>
<p>“Hey!” The wind whipped her hair, blowing it into her eyes. She combed it out of the face with both hands. Eren kept his back to her, but he’d stopped. What should she say to him? <em>Just be direct.</em> “What were you, uh, looking at?”</p>
<p>“The information’s still scattered.” His voice was lifeless. “I can’t see anything fully yet.”</p>
<p>
  <em>That’s a lie.</em>
</p>
<p>“Eren. If you ever want to talk…” He turned and faced her, his brow furrowed. “I want to know how I can help you.”</p>
<p>His face grew more troubled. He seemed to waver on the verge of saying something…but then shut down again.</p>
<p>“I’ll talk to you about it one day.” He shook his head. “That’s all I can say for now.”</p>
<p>“Eren!”</p>
<p>But he walked away, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched. That boy. A rare combination of anger and kindness. It troubled Petra, but she decided again not to tell Levi. Not until she had concrete proof that something was truly wrong, that this wasn’t simply an adolescent phase.</p>
<p>Though Eren was almost eighteen. The teenage rebellion couldn’t last much longer.</p>
<p>Petra walked back around the barn, and this time saw her husband and Mikasa. They both moved like shadows, their practiced combat so swift and smooth it had a balletic grace. Levi was teaching her the finer points of his bladework with the two swords, one turned around. It wasn’t as useful now they didn’t have to fight titans, but with the Ackerman speed and strength it was still a formidable attack.</p>
<p>“Good,” Levi said gruffly as Mikasa whirled through the air. “Keep the right arm down. Let the left guide you into the turn. It’s gotta feel like you’re the sword, not the one wielding it.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Mikasa landed and tried again, whirling like a dervish this time. Petra had to gape at her. The biological reality most women faced wasn’t a rule for this girl. Unlike Petra, Mikasa could go toe to toe with a six foot wall of muscle and finish him with one punch.</p>
<p>Sometimes Petra was a little jealous. If she had power like that, the Fischers of this world couldn’t threaten her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Though you still killed him.</em>
</p>
<p>She pushed the thought away and smiled. “Hey! What do you say we head back to the house? The sun’s going down, and I have to keep Sasha away from the stew.” It’d been slow cooking all day. Sasha had sat on the countertop for a while just gazing into the pot. Petra had feared she’d stick her hand in.</p>
<p>“Oi. Don’t forget to stretch and cool down,” Levi said as Mikasa picked up their practice gear. The cousins looked dispassionately at one another, but Petra heard the faintest trace of pride in his voice. “You’re getting to not be shit.”</p>
<p>What a compliment.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Mikasa gave Petra a smile and walked away, the wooden swords over her shoulders. Now that they were alone, Levi would be more receptive to affection. He pulled her into his arms, and their kiss lasted long enough to make her toes curl. He tasted cool, and fresh as the autumn wind.</p>
<p>“How’s Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“Connie and Sasha have her.”</p>
<p>“Oh fuck.”</p>
<p>“Relax. They’re taking good care of her.” They walked back, arms around each other. “I think Connie especially likes babysitting.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. Good.”</p>
<p>He’d never say it aloud, but Levi always tried to keep an eye on Connie. The kid had lost his whole family—his titanized mother might never be human again. Sometimes, around the holidays, Petra would see the normally gregarious boy brood. Levi always tried to ask Connie to tea at their house when that happened. He complimented Connie’s progress more. He wasn’t the type to talk about the problem unless there was no other way, but he’d fix whatever he could. She kissed his cheek as they walked.</p>
<p>“What’s that for?” he asked slyly.</p>
<p>“I think I might love you.”</p>
<p>“You poor crazy girl.”</p>
<p>Sasha stood on the farmhouse porch and rang the brass bell over and over. “Stew’s ready! Come get it now or it’s mine!”</p>
<p>That wasn’t a joke.</p>
<p>“Think we should hurry?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“Tch. I don’t run for any brats.” He paused. “You can save me a bowl, though.”</p>
<p>Petra rolled her eyes and laughed as she trotted off to wrangle Sasha and supper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re making that story up, Connie!” Sasha cried, indignation and fear mixing in her voice as they sat around the fire that night.</p>
<p>“Nope. It’s all real. Dangling from the carriage’s handle…was a hook! My third grade teacher’s nephew told me that it happened to his cousin’s friend.”</p>
<p>“Oh man.” Sasha paled. “Then it definitely happened! Think a hooked madman’ll attack us tonight?”</p>
<p>“If I’m fucking lucky,” Levi muttered under his breath. Petra kicked him gently under the table, and batted her lashes when he glared.</p>
<p>It was after supper and washing up. Levi and Petra sat at the table with cups of tea, while the teens played with Kuchel in front of the fire. They roasted chestnuts (Connie screamed when one was too hot, but Sasha ate it anyway) and told ridiculous ghost stories.</p>
<p>Connie and Sasha did most of the talking. Eren, Mikasa, and Historia all remained a bit withdrawn, though Historia at least laughed along with Connie’s antics. It was good to see her smile like that. She was a queen and a wife, but she was also a seventeen year old girl.</p>
<p>As for Eren and Mikasa…whenever Petra saw them together, she felt as if there was a hole in the fabric of reality where Armin should have been. The boy was long dead, buried with honors, yet thought of him pained her. Even though Erwin had been the logical choice…</p>
<p>Levi had said that he knew in his gut he’d made the wrong decision.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re just being silly.</em>
</p>
<p>Mikasa toyed with her scarf. Eren continued to stare at the floor, though he smiled when Kuchel crawled into his lap.</p>
<p>“Es dough hooma?” she said. Or something like that. When Eren reached for her, she rolled away. “No! No bath.” ‘No’ was Kuchel’s new favorite word. ‘No bath’ was her favorite phrase, to Levi’s eternal chagrin. Kuchel continued playing, giggling as she ran up to Eren, then giggling as she ran away when he tried to grab her. The boy’s eyes came alive fully. He didn’t get to play or enjoy himself very often. Maybe ever.</p>
<p>Poor kid.</p>
<p>“Gotcha!” Eren scooped Kuchel up to her delight. She wiggled and screamed ‘Era!’ and then laughed raucously when he tickled her. Mikasa smiled and Historia also got in on the action, pinching Kuchel’s cheeks. There was something about a baby that lightened even the weariest load.</p>
<p>“Everyone loves her a lot.” Petra sighed.</p>
<p>“Well, they should. She’s perfect,” Levi said with utmost confidence. He sipped his tea, and placed a hand on her knee under the table so the kids couldn’t notice. “She’ll get spoiled, all this attention.”</p>
<p>“She’s spoiled already, but I don’t mind.”</p>
<p>Petra studied her husband’s face in the candlelight. His expression was still the surly one she’d come to know and fear during her early days in the military, but now that she knew him better there was also the softness that had been just as obvious if you knew where to look. When Levi gazed at those he cared about, there was the smallest flicker of light in his eye. Blink, you’d miss it. But it was there.</p>
<p>But when Levi frowned, as he did now, it could freeze the blood in your veins.</p>
<p>“Oi. Eren.” He got up from the table. “What’re you doing?”</p>
<p>Eren and Historia had stopped moving. They were both still touching Kuchel, who was unharmed but growing cranky with not being tickled. Eren stared at the baby with wide eyes, an almost horrified look. Petra got up and instantly scooped Kuchel out of Eren’s grasp. When his hands left the child, Eren’s face lost its fear. He rubbed his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he muttered. Mikasa was at his side instantly.</p>
<p>“Eren?” she asked.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Levi stood over Eren as Petra bounced Kuchel, who’d gone back to happily babbling and yanking her mother’s hair. Made it hard to listen.</p>
<p>“Just…got lost in thought.” Eren looked up, a sheepish expression on his face. Levi was the one person Eren never got broody with. “Sorry, Captain.”</p>
<p>Sasha, Connie, and Historia watched in utter silence. A log snapped in the fireplace.</p>
<p>“Tch. I get it. It’s a phase.” Levi always said that about anything Eren did that was odd. Levi must have had a lot of phases as an adolescent. “Maybe you’re tired from cleaning out the mansion.” Levi had set his squad to dusting the hundreds of rooms. At some point, Connie had fallen asleep with a feather duster clutched tight in his grip. “All you brats, get to bed.” He lifted a brow. “You can do whatever you want, your Majesty.”</p>
<p>Historia only smiled. She got up and walked with Eren up the stairs, talking quietly. Mikasa was in hot pursuit, almost breathing down the queen’s neck. Petra didn’t even want to think about the oddity of that particular triangle, though Erwin had said men weren’t Historia’s type.</p>
<p>“Mumma?” Kuchel patted her cheek. “No bath!”</p>
<p>“Yes bath. Bath right now,” Levi said, taking the baby and walking away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour later, Petra and Levi lay together snug in their own bed. The farmhouse had three bedrooms, and theirs was the largest. The walls were rustic wood paneling, the blanket flannel. Petra laid her cheek against his chest, luxuriating in the furnace-like heat of his body. Outside, a naked tree branch tapped against the window. Idly, she remembered Connie’s story about the hook-handed madman and got irritated with herself for feeling a little nervous.</p>
<p>“Kuchel loves it up here,” she murmured. Somewhere on the opposite side of the wall, Connie and Sasha were arguing over pillows. Kuchel, Historia, and Mikasa bunked together in one room, leaving the other three the one right next to the master bedroom. Petra felt no concern at all about letting Sasha sleep with the two boys. She only feared the girl might get hungry in the night and try gnawing on someone’s leg.</p>
<p>That was only sort of a joke.</p>
<p>Levi pounded on the wall. “I hear another word, someone’s ass is sleeping in the barn.”</p>
<p>Dead silence from then on.</p>
<p>“I always knew you’d be a wonderful father.” Petra grinned as he held her tighter. “You love those kids.”</p>
<p>“Tch. They’re hardened soldiers. Besides, I’ve had squads before.” A squad. Petra’s heart sank to recall it.</p>
<p>“You took us on when we were almost twenty. You’ve had these kids since they were fifteen. It’s different.” She kissed his chest. Levi grunted in appreciation. “They adore you.”</p>
<p>“Tch. They’re scared of me.” But he couldn’t hide the pleased little smile.</p>
<p>“That’s the biggest reason I fell in love with you.” She kissed his lips. “You care so much.”</p>
<p>“Puh. Not that much.” His hand grabbed her ass, and he squeezed. “Wondering how quiet we can fuck,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Uh. Not that quiet.” On the other side of the wall, Connie sounded afraid.</p>
<p>“Shut up and go to sleep!” Levi barked, face red. Petra buried her face in a pillow and giggled. They lay there another fifteen minutes, until they heard Sasha’s snore.</p>
<p>“Do you think Erwin’s plan is going to work?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Probably. It’s Erwin.”</p>
<p>“How is he going to turn the world around in a single year?”</p>
<p>“I have to trust in him. He’s the only man who could do it.” He glanced at the wall, where Eren slept on the opposite side. “Whenever I feel bad about Armin, I remember how far we’ve come.”</p>
<p>Yes. It had been the right choice, if painful. He stroked her hair with his rough hand. His hands were the only part of him that looked his age, maybe older. His palm and the pads of his fingers were white with calluses, and the skin on his knuckles appeared cracked. Veins were prominent on the backs of his hands and wrists. Petra kissed his fingers.</p>
<p>“If it works, and he somehow manages to save us all, then what? Could we move to the country? Maybe here, and work on a farm or oversee the convalescent home?”</p>
<p>“Or open a tea shop,” he said.</p>
<p>“I want to raise Kuchel in the fresh air. I was a city kid.”</p>
<p>“So was I,” Levi said. “There’re good things about being one, I guess, but…” He was clearly mulling it over. “I can’t quit the Guard, though. Not even if Erwin gets us our peace. The situation’ll be too fragile.”</p>
<p>Yes. That made sense. Reluctantly, Petra hugged him. Then, whispering in his ear that he had to make absolutely no noise on pain of death, she kissed down his stomach and slid his underwear off.</p>
<p>True to his word, Levi didn’t make a sound when he came, but she felt the bed vibrate. He gripped fistfuls of the sheets. Petra wiped her mouth and lay beside him, pleased with how spent he looked.</p>
<p>“Think you’ll sleep well tonight?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yeah. After this.” He slid along her body, kissing a line down her stomach while wearing a smirk. “Your turn.”</p>
<p>Petra also managed to be quiet. Just.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she woke up, it was still pitch black outside. She sat up, heart pounding as she wrenched herself from the dream. She’d dreamed of a titan staring in at the window where she sat with Kuchel, unable to move. The titan tapped on the glass, looking to get in.</p>
<p>Tap. Tap.</p>
<p>She nearly screamed until she remembered the branch outside. Ugh. Well, at least now she knew where the dream had come from. Remarkably, Levi slept on. Normally he’d be the one to start awake with nightmares, but she’d knocked him out admirably. Grinning, Petra slipped out of bed and put on her robe. She wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon, so she might as well light a lamp and head downstairs. She could read for a while.</p>
<p>She crept into the hallway, lit her lamp, and closed the door without a sound. But she noticed at once that something was off.</p>
<p>Someone had already lit a lamp downstairs.</p>
<p>And they were crying. Shit. Petra quickly went down to find Eren sitting on the sofa. He cradled a sleeping Kuchel in his arms.</p>
<p>He was sobbing. He was doing his best not to make noise, but the tears raced down his cheeks. He bent over her, a vein in the center of his forehead throbbing.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh god, I’m sorry,” he whispered. Petra burst into the room.</p>
<p>“What the fuck is going on?” she growled. If he hadn’t been holding her child, she might’ve been kinder, but this creepy shit was not going to involve Kuchel.</p>
<p>Eren gaped at her. Petra hastily took Kuchel from him, and the baby began to fuss as she woke. Petra bounced and shushed her, furious. If they woke the whole house…</p>
<p>“What were you doing to her?” Petra snapped.</p>
<p>“Nothing. I haven’t done anything.”</p>
<p>Something about the way he said it—I haven’t done anything—caught her ear. It sounded like the word ‘yet’ should be at the end of that sentence.</p>
<p>“Why did you take her?”</p>
<p>“I just…” Eren put his face in his hands, dug his fingers through his hair. “Oh god. Oh god.”</p>
<p>“Eren.” Now that her daughter was secure, Petra’s compassion returned. She sat beside him on the couch. “You have to talk to me about what’s going on.”</p>
<p>He was still a moment. Finally, he looked up at her.</p>
<p>“When Zeke gets to the island, please bring me to him.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“I…I can’t tell you. Oh god.” He started rocking back and forth, his face in his hands. “He fucked it up so bad. If I can’t fix it…”</p>
<p>“Who fucked what up? Talk to me!” she hissed. But Eren only remained motionless. She sighed. “I’m putting her back to bed. You’d better still be here when I return.”</p>
<p>He was. Eren had calmed down a lot. His face wasn’t panicked any longer, but determined. Petra gave him her full attention.</p>
<p>“Who fucked what up?”</p>
<p>“I really can’t tell you. I just need you to trust me.”</p>
<p>“How can I?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m trying my best to save everyone!” He whisper-shouted at her, the panic back. Fuck, this scared her. Maybe it’d been a mistake not telling Levi about the boy’s episodes. “For your daughter’s sake, bring me to Zeke when he arrives on the island.”</p>
<p>“Why?” She thought it through. Eren’s Coordinate powers could only be activated by touching a titan of royal blood. He wanted to do something. But what?</p>
<p>A cold idea crept over her.</p>
<p>“Eren,” she whispered. “If you’re thinking about activating that rumbling thing—”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck the rumbling, this is bigger than that.</em>” He rose up, furiously leering at her. The gentle boy was gone; the monster Levi had spoken of from time to time replaced him.</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“I. Can’t. Tell you. If I tell you, it’s not going to work. Oh <em>god</em> won’t anybody please believe in me? Just once? Please!”</p>
<p>He crumpled again, sat on the floor and started to cry again. His emotions were erratic, flitting about like paper caught in a high wind. Petra got on the floor next to him and touched his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I believe in you. So do Levi and Erwin. Hange. We all believe in you.” She gripped his arm. “But you have to believe in us, too. You have to trust us.”</p>
<p>“You don’t understand.” He sounded lifeless now. Defeated. “It’s not your fault.”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow morning, I want us to talk to Levi. He can help you sort whatever this is out.”</p>
<p>He yanked away from her and stood.</p>
<p>“If you get Levi involved, I can’t protect Kuchel,” he said.</p>
<p>“What?” She reared up again, all softness departing whenever her child was in the slightest way threatened. “What the fuck did you just say?” Eren was silent. “You know, maybe we ought to wake Levi now. He’ll want to hear this.” She started for the staircase.</p>
<p>“Before you killed Fischer in his office, he said he was going to ask the Marleyan government to let him have you for his experiments. He said his two test subjects were getting stale.”</p>
<p>Petra’s entire body froze.</p>
<p>“What the…?”</p>
<p>“Mrs. Tybur was drunk that night. She cried when you put her to bed. She said that if she hadn’t found you in “Kenny’s” room, they would have suspected you of setting Fischer’s house on fire.”</p>
<p>“Who told you? Zeke?” That bastard ape. But…</p>
<p>No. Zeke hadn’t been there for her conversation with Fischer. She was sure of it. And he certainly hadn’t been there with Giulia. She hadn’t told Levi those details.</p>
<p>How… Who…</p>
<p>“If you get Levi involved, I can’t help any longer.” Eren approached her, steely determination in his eyes. He was at this moment more of an adult than she. Impossibly old. “If you want to save Kuchel, Armin, and all the rest, you have to stay quiet and take me to Zeke when the time comes.”</p>
<p>Petra swallowed. “A-Armin? But he’s dead.”</p>
<p>She began to shake. Eren’s expression was unreadable.</p>
<p>“Armin is your son,” he said.</p>
<p>She shut down completely then. Her son? What? How? How did Eren…? What?</p>
<p>Eren walked past a numb Petra, headed for the stairs. “Make your choice. But know that if you tell Levi, I can’t save them.” He stared at her. “We’re in this together now, Petra. You started it. You have to stop it.”</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>“One other thing. From now on, no more questions. It’s too dangerous for both of us.”</p>
<p>She had no words.</p>
<p>He left her standing in the living room, the lamp casting enormous shadows on the wall.</p>
<p>Soon after, Petra staggered up to bed. She blew out the lamp and slipped in beside her husband. Her chin shook. She wanted to cry, or scream. What had just happened?</p>
<p>Was he crazy? But how could he know those things? How could he know? Maybe Inga had told Zeke about Fischer, but why word for word? And absolutely no one had seen her with Giulia.</p>
<p>If Eren wasn’t crazy, then he was…something else. No, he had to be crazy. He had to be…</p>
<p>“Hmmph?” Levi roused beside her. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Wha? What’re you doing up?”</p>
<p>“I had a nightmare,” she said quietly. “It really shook me, so I went downstairs to try reading.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” He lay down, pulled her into his embrace. “Want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>Petra thought. She thought of Zeke’s threats and Eren’s promise.</p>
<p>To save Kuchel and Armin… Her son…</p>
<p>
  <em>If you tell Levi, I can’t save them.</em>
</p>
<p>“Oi. Petra?” She heard the frown in his voice. “Want to talk?”</p>
<p>“No,” Petra whispered. “There’s nothing to talk about.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>December</strong>
</p>
<p>Petra shivered as she walked the hallway, listening to the wind howl outside. The storm rattled the panes of glass, forcing her to tug her trench coat tighter around her body. Why were the barracks so damn cold in winter?</p>
<p>
  <em>Because it’s winter, dummy.</em>
</p>
<p>She pushed open the door to the kitchen, ready to heat some water for tea. Thanks to Captain Levi, they always had a stash on hand. He made sure they had the good stuff. She slipped through the door, and gasped.</p>
<p>“Oi. Brat. What’re you doing out of bed?”</p>
<p>The captain’s idea had been the same as hers. Here he was with a cup of tea in hand. A single candle flickered on the wooden table before him. Outside, sleet rippled against the window.</p>
<p>“Oh. Excuse me, sir.”</p>
<p>She snapped a hasty salute, feeling her cheeks start to flame. Idiot. She’d joined the Survey Corps eight months ago, all giddy and awe-struck, ready to meet Captain Levi. He was the man who’d inspired her to become a soldier (and the man she’d fantasized about in bed at night.) She’d wanted to meet her hero. She’d met her hero, all right.</p>
<p>The nastiest little man on the planet. She’d never known anyone so rude. And the worst part was that Petra’s body still tingled with lust whenever she saw him, even as she was repulsed by how crass and unsociable he was.</p>
<p>What an idiot she could be.</p>
<p>“Come to stare, Ral? Or were you looking to take a shit and lost the way to the bathroom?” He sipped, stared out the window. Petra winced. The captain thought shit jokes were the height of comedy.</p>
<p>“I came to have some tea, sir.” She paused. He didn’t invite her to sit or get an extra cup. “Um. Is that all right?”</p>
<p>“I’m not your father, kid. Do whatever.” He sipped. “Only keep your mouth shut. I’m in no mood for any giggling or gossiping.”</p>
<p>Oh that arrogant <em>bastard</em>.</p>
<p>“Too bad. I wanted to discuss that hairpin aerial turn you showed us on ODM the other day. But I don’t want to make you gossip. Sir,” she added when he finally glared at her. Captain Levi’s glare could freeze the marrow in your bones.</p>
<p>“You want tea? Get a cup. Or go back to bed. Either way.” He drained his cup in a single gulp, got up, and took it to the sink. He washed it and left it on the drying rack. He didn’t look at her once. “And if I see you yawning in practice tomorrow, you’ll be scrubbing toilets all week. Got it?”</p>
<p>
  <em>I thought you were some kind of gentleman. I was such a fool.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>“Clean this shit up when you’re done. We got no maids around here.”</p>
<p>Levi left without another word or a backward glance. Honestly, it wasn’t surprising to see him awake even at this ungodly hour. The captain patrolled the corridors at night. The rumors were he couldn't sleep. They said he dozed in his chair for a couple hours a night, dressed in his uniform, and never went to bed.</p>
<p>Petra got another cup and poured some of the tea he’d left behind, her cheeks still flaming.</p>
<p>Captain Levi was the most obnoxious, crude man she’d ever known.</p>
<p>She was certain she hated him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>God, she loved him. She was in Levi’s arms, morning sunlight peeking in through the crack in their curtains. Petra had just blinked herself awake and stretched. She propped herself on an elbow and gazed down at the sleeping man. His face was so smooth and gentle when he rested. Once, he’d almost never slept in a bed. Now he shared their bed every night.</p>
<p>She kissed his forehead, then the tip of his nose. He grunted, his nose twitched, and then he cracked his eyes open.</p>
<p>“Good morning. Happy birthday,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Mmm. Uh. Thanks,” he croaked. She rolled on top of him and kissed his lips. He returned the kiss slowly, his hands massaging her lower back. The sensation of their naked bodies pressed together began to wake him up at a faster rate.</p>
<p>“I dreamed about one of the first times we were ever alone together in the barracks. Back when I’d just joined up.” She kissed his cheek. “You were so rude to me. If you’d told me then we’d be in bed together today, I’d have laughed.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” He sounded pleased as his hands slid down to cup her ass. His tongue slipped into her mouth. Perfect way to wake up. Petra ground her hips against him.</p>
<p>“It’s been three years,” she whispered. “Since we did this the first time.”</p>
<p>“Good three years,” he growled. She didn’t have to grind against him again to know he was hard. They’d both slept naked last night, which made sex very simple. Petra slid down on his cock with ease, taking every inch of him with tantalizing slowness. He was throbbing and impatient already. Levi gasped when she sheathed him fully, propped herself up on her elbows, and started to ride. His eyelids fluttered shut. “Oh. Petra. Fuck.”</p>
<p>“Happy birthday.” She moved faster, luxuriating in the sensation of him inside her. She began to huff as her excitement grew. She loved seeing his brow crease as he became lost in pleasure.</p>
<p>“This is a good present.” He hissed as she clenched around him and swirled her hips. His hands caressed her ass.</p>
<p>“Do you like how I fuck you?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Do you have to fucking ask?” He gritted his teeth. “You fuck me good, baby. Oh, <em>shit.</em>”</p>
<p>Petra sat up and rode him hard. Difficult to believe the power she had over this grim, cynical man. Difficult to believe that back then, when he’d been rude to her in the barracks, it’d been because he lusted after her and couldn’t afford to let his feelings show.</p>
<p>The bed rocked rhythmically. Petra smiled when she saw how wide his eyes got, imagined how hard he was going to climax in her. She murmured about his cock. She praised its size. Levi was delighted whenever she talked about how big it was. He had always felt awkward about his height; being called big made his day.</p>
<p>“Fuck me harder,” he whispered. He gripped her thighs as Petra bounced faster than ever. His breath came in short, sharp bursts. “You look beautiful riding my cock.”</p>
<p>When they first got together, talking during sex embarrassed him. She loved that he was warming up to it.</p>
<p>“So good. So good. Oh. <em>Oh</em>,” she whisper-shrieked as she felt her body stiffen, as the little itch at the center of her thighs spread. Levi groaned.</p>
<p>“Come for me, you little slut.”</p>
<p>She loved it, and came hard. She rode his body, felt him spend inside of her, lifted her head to the ceiling with a triumphant grin. “Yes!” she shrieked. They climaxed together, fucked each other at a wild pace as they reached the summit of their ecstasy.</p>
<p>Just in time for the door to open and the servant to enter.</p>
<p>“My lord and—oh no.” The door shut fast. Petra’s high immediately crashed.</p>
<p>“Oh. Fuck.” Levi cursed. Petra clutched the sheets to her body, mortified as her husband slid out of her. She buried herself under the blankets, grabbed a pillow and put it over her head, beyond embarrassed as Levi cursed again. “Just a minute!” he snapped. She heard him spring out of bed, thrust open the curtains, and then fumble for his pants. She heard the click of a buckle. “Uh. Yeah. Come in.”</p>
<p>The door opened.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, my lord. My lady.” The kid sounded mortified. Probably Hans, the newest servant in the Mitras house. It was so strange to have servants. Well, for most of the year the servants were here to keep up the house for visitors; Levi had let it be opened as a museum, the ticket sales going to a charity. But a few weeks out of the year, they lived here as a family.</p>
<p>Levi still felt awkward about that.</p>
<p>“Tch. Told you, kid. Calling me Captain is fine.”</p>
<p>“Yes my lo—Captain.” The kid gulped. “I came because Mrs. Ral wanted to send a message that Lady Kuc—that Miss Kuchel is awake.”</p>
<p>Right. It was Levi’s birthday, but also the midwinter festival. Time for Kuchel to open her new toys.</p>
<p>“Okay. Thanks,” Levi said gruffly. The door closed again. Petra took the pillow from her face. Her husband stood shirtless against the window, arms crossed and a sullen look on his face. She couldn’t help it. She laughed. “Tch. Get up and get dressed,” he grumped. He then went into the bathroom to scrub himself. The one thing she didn’t love about having sex with him was his incessant need to wash himself thoroughly when they were done. Rinsing off was one thing, but…well. That was Levi all over.</p>
<p>Petra sat up. Their bedroom in the Mitras house—mansion, if she were honest—was particularly enormous. The walls were papered a pale blue, the furniture painted in gold leaf with carved wooden ornamentation. The bed was especially lush with a goose feather down mattress. It was so large. There was so much room to play in it.</p>
<p>She went to the wardrobe and opened it. Her few dresses hung side by side in the cavernous space, looking almost awkward. She would never own enough gowns to fill this. Petra splashed water on her face, then pulled on a wool skirt and sweater.</p>
<p>“Weird to think that lots of people come visit the house and stare at the room we fuck in,” Levi muttered. He was tying on a cravat.</p>
<p>“They can add that little fact to the tour.” Petra grinned. “’And in this room, Lord Ackerman gave Lady Ackerman five consecutive orgasms with his expert tongue.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Don’t lie. I only ever got you to four.” But his irritated expression dissipated. He kissed her. “Maybe they can say ‘in this room, the Ackermans got pregnant with their second child after nine solid hours of crazy sex. And a bath.’”</p>
<p>“Maybe.” Petra tried to keep her smile from dropping. She wanted another child, but after what Eren had said last month, she found she didn’t want to give him the chance to be right. She was almost afraid it’d be a boy in keeping with Eren’s ‘prophecy.’</p>
<p>Then again, he’d said the child would be called Armin. Not Oruo. That gave her some comfort. It hadn’t been a prophecy. Just wishful thinking.</p>
<p>“I thought you only wanted one child.” She smiled as Levi kissed her again.</p>
<p>“Now that I know how cute Kuchel is? Fuck. I want at least two more.”</p>
<p>“Two more? Do I get a say?” She wrapped her arms around him.</p>
<p>“I’ll let you pick out the names. Maybe.” He kissed her cheek. “Come on. We’d better get downstairs.”</p>
<p>The servants set up an enormous feast for breakfast every single morning, even if it was just the three of them. Eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fruit, several juices, tea and coffee, pastries, porridge and ham were all set steaming under silver dishes. Petra knew Levi felt very uncomfortable about having that much food, more than even a dozen people could eat.</p>
<p>He felt the difference between this and the children starving underground very keenly. He insisted that the servants prepare less food, and that anything uneaten should be given away at once.</p>
<p>The dining room was a long chamber with silk-papered walls and oil paintings of lovely autumn countryside hanging alongside the coat of Ackerman arms. The table could comfortably seat thirty for dinner, though they rarely entertained more than ten. Honestly, their palace apartment was a little less…well, over the top. But Petra didn’t want her mother hanging around the palace all day. She might go after the king.</p>
<p>The thought was a little horrifying.</p>
<p>“Happy midwinter!” Pieter beamed when Levi and Petra entered. The Rals, Edvard, and Mikasa were already assembled. Petra was glad that Mikasa was spending more ‘family time’ with them.</p>
<p>“Mumma! Puhpah!” Kuchel stood on Ingrid’s lap and joyously waved her arms. Ingrid had put the child in a pretty cranberry dress with a ribbon to match. God, it was adorable. Petra scooped up Kuchel.</p>
<p>“Happy midwinter, my little angel,” she whispered. Kuchel stuck her fist in her mouth and slobbered. Well. Maybe angel was the wrong word.</p>
<p>“Hey, brat.” Levi pinched her cheek, a little hesitant as always to get mushy in front of other people. But Petra saw him melt; it was all in the eyes. Kuchel giggled.</p>
<p>“Puhpah!”</p>
<p>Levi took her and Petra grabbed them some food. Ingrid, Pieter, and Mikasa were all seated at the table, all of them with plates of food at different stages of being eaten. Willem stood by the window sipping some coffee; good that he and Levi had at least started being cordial to each other. (After Levi’s ennobling, Ingrid had forced Willem to start being nice. Her former disdain for Levi had rapidly changed.) Edvard and Brigitta sat side by side a little farther down, talking together. Edvard gave Brigitta all the strawberries on his plate, since she loved them. That was what truly kept a marriage together. Really, they looked happy.</p>
<p>Pretty soon, they might be even happier. The servants had laid all the midwinter presents on the table. Petra eyed a small brightly wrapped box.</p>
<p>She smiled as she poured tea for herself and Levi. Willem sauntered over.</p>
<p>“Hey, Will. Happy midwinter.”</p>
<p>“You too.” He even gave her a quick hug. Such a relief to have mended things. “That Mikasa girl. Levi’s cousin. She’s eighteen, right?”</p>
<p>Well. Sort of.</p>
<p>“Seventeen,” Petra muttered. Willem gave a smarmy grin.</p>
<p>“Hmm. Let me know when that changes. She’s cute.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m going to put this toasting fork in your ear.</em>
</p>
<p>“Just remember you’d have to deal with Levi,” she whispered, and left him to fret.</p>
<p>Most people would never feel sorry for a man who’d inherited a fortune and a place in high society, but Petra often pitied her husband when he had to entertain the family in Mitras. For most of the year, they lived as they had before Levi’s birthright had been restored. They kept their small house in Trost, though Petra had been able to afford nicer furniture. Also, Levi had been able to keep his horse comfortably stabled. She could stay with him even after her retirement next year. Honestly, he pampered the horse more than he did Kuchel. Petra would find that horse wearing a new blanket or eating a whole bushel of apples whenever she passed through the stables.</p>
<p>When Petra and Levi visited his estates-turned-charity homes, they stayed in the more modest cottages or farmhouses. That was the kind of luxury both he and Petra liked; beautiful fields all around, a forest nearby, a cozy home with plenty of food on the table.</p>
<p>But the few weeks out of the year they were in Mitras, Levi had to play a part for her family and for the aristocracy. He had to dress nicer, endure it when people called him Lord Ackerman, figure out how to decline social invitations without burning bridges. Petra helped with that last one. Sometimes he couldn’t avoid it, and they’d have to go to dinners with the king and queen and the rest of the “peers of the realm.” Levi did it for Erwin, as he’d do anything for Erwin. But he hated every minute of it.</p>
<p>Still, breakfasts with the family he didn’t mind so much, even if the breakfasts took place in a room larger than their house. Levi sat at the table, Kuchel on his knee. He only drank some tea and nibbled a crust of toast—he’d never been a big eater when he wasn’t training or on an expedition. Levi ate the same way he slept: only as much as necessary.</p>
<p>“Pieter and I discovered quite an heirloom.” Ingrid practically glowed as she took a spoonful of porridge. “A third century armoire. Your family must go back so far, Levi.”</p>
<p>“Uh. Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled. When Kuchel tried putting her face in his tea, he smiled a little and relaxed.</p>
<p>“Should we open presents?” Brigitta asked.</p>
<p>“Yes! Good idea,” Ingrid said, grabbing one off the top and handing it to Levi. “Here. This is from Pieter and me.”</p>
<p>Levi took the present like he’d accept a ticking bomb. Given his history with Ingrid, it was natural. Petra held her breath as he quickly unwrapped the paper, grumbling about how he didn’t need anything, uh, but thanks a lot.</p>
<p>Petra winced as he pulled out the present. If it was from Papa it couldn’t be too bad, but you never knew…</p>
<p>“Oh.” Levi’s face lit up. Kuchel grabbed at the book in his hand; Mikasa took the child and bounced her on her lap. “An Encyclopedia of Tea. Wow. Fu—I mean, thanks. Thanks Ingrid. Pieter.”</p>
<p>Petra exhaled deeply.</p>
<p>“It also lists the best temperatures and times to steep them.” Pieter grinned. Levi seemed genuinely happy with his gift.</p>
<p>“Now I wish I’d gotten you guys something better.”</p>
<p>Petra rolled her eyes. Her mother was getting a diamond pendant (which Petra had picked out so Levi wouldn’t have an aneurysm at the expense—even though they could afford twelve of them.) Papa was getting fine new leather boots. Only Levi would think a book about tea rivaled those.</p>
<p>“Here. This is for you,” Mikasa said, grinning when she pulled a small package over to Kuchel. The little girl babbled happily, clapped her hands and grabbed at the paper as Mikasa undid the gift. “From me and Eren.”</p>
<p>Eren. Every time she heard the boy’s name, Petra felt lightning strike inside her mind. She had to fight to keep her composure; she didn’t want Levi catching on.</p>
<p>She glanced at her husband. Petra had always loved having sex with him, but these days she initiated sex much more frequently. He certainly never complained, but he didn’t know that she did it in part to tire him out. To keep them from having long conversations. To keep him from maybe learning what Eren had told her in the farmhouse that night.</p>
<p>“Isn’t she precious?” Ingrid cooed. Kuchel had received a rag doll with bright red yarn hair, and was hugging it like she loved it more than anything in the world. Petra mouthed ‘thank you’ at Mikasa, who smiled quietly. Hopefully she’d like the fine new silk-lined winter coat Petra had gotten her. (Levi had wanted to give her some new cleaning rags. Petra had been forced to tell him to his face that no one ever liked getting those from him on their birthdays back in the Survey Corps. He’d sulked for the rest of that afternoon.)</p>
<p>The door opened, and a servant in dark blue livery walked in. He bore a letter on a tray, and leaned down next to Levi. “My lord. This came for you.”</p>
<p>“Huh. Thanks. Oh, and quit the ‘my lord’ shit,” Levi grumbled. He opened the letter, pulled out a couple pages, and read. Probably from Erwin, some new invitation to a formal event. Levi got too many of those.</p>
<p>“Look at her go.” Pieter and Willem laughed as Kuchel ran around the table, hugging her new doll tightly. While everyone was wrapped up in her daughter, Petra decided that now was the perfect time. She caught Brigitta’s eye and jerked her head towards the door. The signal was clear: meet me outside, alone. Brigitta did, a bit puzzled.</p>
<p>“Be right back,” Petra said, snatching a parcel off the table. Kuchel’s audience was too captivated; they barely heard Petra. She slipped into the hall, where Brigitta waited.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to give you this with everyone watching.” Petra handed over the gift. Brigitta unwrapped it, looking nonplussed, and then lifted the lid off the box.</p>
<p>Inside the box was a case. Inside the latched case, six bottles waited in a gleaming row.</p>
<p>“You’re going to need some syringes, but Hange gave me some. I have them upstairs,” Petra said quietly.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Brigitta’s eyes were already filling with tears.</p>
<p>“It took a few months, but I had Hange isolate what’s in this and see how it reacts with your blood. I also got new information from Lady Kiyomi in Hizuru. I told her your symptoms, as well as what medicine I had. Her doctor confirmed that you could be suffering from a particular kind of hormonal imbalance. You have to inject seven milligrams of this every day, and when you start your period you need to take fourteen for three days straight. There are enough bottles here to last you for almost two years. But the doctor said that if it’s what she thinks it is, you’ll be pregnant before then. If and when you get pregnant, stop taking the shots.”</p>
<p>Brigitta closed the case and hung her head. She began to sob delicately. Everything she did was delicate. Petra hugged her tight.</p>
<p>“I th-thought that… It took so long to be sure.”</p>
<p>“I know. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“No. Thank you, Pet.” Brigitta clung to her, her whole body shaking with the sobs. Petra fought back her own tears.</p>
<p>“Now I can’t be sure this is going to work. It may take a while even if it does. But Kiyomi said that if it doesn’t, there may be other things we can try.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t been hopeful for so long.” Brigitta wiped her cheeks and clutched the case as tightly and with as much joy as Kuchel had her doll. “Edvard’s going to be so happy. Thank you. Thank you.”</p>
<p>For this, she’d go to Fischer’s office all over again. She’d kill Fischer and face Zeke Jaeger to see her sister smile like this.</p>
<p>Petra hugged Brigitta again, then opened the door to let them return to breakfast. The women stopped short when they met Levi on his way out.</p>
<p>“Oh. Are you leaving? Kuchel hasn’t opened all her presents yet.”</p>
<p>“Sorry. Erwin needs me for something.”</p>
<p>“On midwinter day?” Petra sighed. Whatever the king needed, the king would get. “Okay. Just please hurry back, would you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah, I will.” He kissed her quickly. She felt some tension in his kiss, an absence of mind. He was thinking hard on something else.</p>
<p>“Can you tell me what’s going on?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“When I get home. I promise.” She believed him. He kissed her forehead and nodded to Brigitta. “Keep Willem in line.”</p>
<p>“I will.” Brigitta laughed as Levi hurried away. The sisters watched him turn down a long, cavernous hall. He never looked smaller than when he was surrounded by this much space and luxury. “What do you think the king wants?”</p>
<p>“The usual. He has a problem.” Petra shrugged. “Levi fixes it.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi could walk into Siegfried Morgenstern’s mansion anytime he wanted as a member of high society, but he still would’ve preferred to climb up a drainpipe and slip in through a window. As a teenager he’d been a thief, picking pockets and houses before working his way up to stealing from the merchant class. They could say he was from nobility all they wanted; it didn’t make his childhood any less grim, his daily fight for survival as a young man any less real. In fact, now he knew the kind of money and power these guys pulled, he hated them more. If all the lords in the walls had come together and pooled even ten percent of their yearly earnings, they could’ve stopped the poverty and misery underground. Maybe you couldn’t stop people from being dicks, but at least you could make sure children didn’t go to bed hungry. They had that power and didn’t use it.</p>
<p>He hated them for that.</p>
<p>“Lord Ackerman,” the servant said, bowing him into Siegfried’s presence. Levi suppressed an eye roll. He kept saying ‘Captain Ackerman’ and people kept calling him Lord Shithead. Exhausting.</p>
<p>“Ah. Levi. What can I do for you?” Siegfried was seated behind a desk in his study. Levi had been here three years earlier during a midwinter ball. The ball where he and Petra had declared their love. Good memories, though Siegfried’s machinations had also meant she almost got raped and Levi nearly hung for a crime he didn’t commit. Stuff like that tended to create resentment.</p>
<p>Levi passed a marble bust of some illustrious Morgenstern ancestor. He patted its head like a dog.</p>
<p>“I think you know why I’m here,” he said quietly. Siegfried steepled his fingers.</p>
<p>“His Majesty requests that I donate seventy percent of this quarter’s profits to fill his coffers. Yes. I received that letter.”</p>
<p>“Wondering if your response got lost in the mail.” Levi stood before the desk, hands deep in his pockets. Siegfried smirked.</p>
<p>“You can tell the “king” that I have no interest in paying.”</p>
<p>“See, that’s a problem. Law says that only the crown can up a lord’s taxes, true. But Erwin Smith is the crown now.”</p>
<p>“Queen Historia is the true royal. She has royal blood.” Siegfried’s smirk curdled. “Erwin Smith is a trumped up—”</p>
<p>“Careful.” He said it soft, but Siegfried heard and understood. He kept his mouth shut. “This is under Historia’s approval.”</p>
<p>“She’d approve anything that her husband told her to approve.”</p>
<p>“Queen’s smarter than you think she is.” Siegfried had a habit of underestimating people. It was very exploitable. “She wants the statement of your quarterly earnings, and she wants the money paid by the new year. It’s a strange time for Paradis. We’re only a tiny fish in a bigass pond. It’s your patriotic duty to help us get ready for Erwin’s final push.”</p>
<p>Siegfried thought a moment. Then he smiled a truly awful smile.</p>
<p>“Please remind the king that I have leverage over him. Leverage that could see him hanged.”</p>
<p>Yeah. During the ball three years prior, Erwin had helped Siegfried escape justice for a murder he committed to get access to the guy’s pocketbook. Not his proudest moment, but what he needed to do to save the Corps’ ass.</p>
<p>“Erwin told me you’d pull this.” Levi smiled back. Felt weird to smile at someone he hated, so he didn’t do it for long. “But see, no one’s gonna believe your word against the king’s.”</p>
<p>“If Erwin believes that, he’s a greater fool than I imagined. The peers despise him. They’ll never believe him over me.”</p>
<p>“Even when you already confessed?” Levi asked. He pulled a letter from his pocket and tossed it onto the desk. “Just so you know, that’s a copy. Go on and tear it up if you want. We got more where it came from.”</p>
<p>Siegfried read it, his face draining of color as he did. He shook his head, threw the letter away like it had bitten him.</p>
<p>“I didn’t write that,” he choked.</p>
<p>“But it’s your handwriting. Your signature.” Levi had learned a lot in the underground; forging a signature and aping someone else’s handwriting were only a couple of the tricks. For a guy who wasn’t much of a writer, he was surprisingly good at copying. “That’s your confession that you planned the murder of your nephew and heir to the Morgenstern fortune. Your plea for the king to show you mercy because you just can’t live with yourself anymore. Kinda hammy, but Erwin dictated the letter. I just wrote it down.”</p>
<p>“You…” Siegfried finally got up. He went from terrified to furious without blinking. “I can still report this to—”</p>
<p>“The Military Police?” Levi drew a few steps nearer. “The entire military’s under Erwin’s control. He has all the money. He has all the power. Even if they believed you, they’d hang you. While you lazy fucks were drinking and whoring and pissing on all us nobodies down below, Erwin Smith worked almost to death to bring humanity forward. He took over the military and became king without breaking a sweat. And you think you’re gonna take him down. A fucking bug like you?”</p>
<p>Fast as lightning, Levi snatched Siegfried by the throat and hauled him to the ground. He applied pressure to the old man’s windpipe, just enough to make him truly afraid as he gasped for air. Siegfried’s eyes bulged as he struggled to breathe.</p>
<p>“Erwin wanted me to pay you a visit today because he knew you’d pull some shit. He knew you’d threaten him with what happened three years ago. <em>You.</em> You threatening Erwin Smith is a sick joke.” He squeezed a little harder; Siegfried was starting to fade. “I could kill you right now and leave your body on the floor. Nobody would stop me. Nobody <em>could</em> stop me. I’ve got the crown and the military backing me. You’ve got nothing.” Levi bared his teeth. “So pay the fucking money. If you don’t, I’m coming in through a window next time, and in the night. And I’ll slash your fucking throat.”</p>
<p>With that, Levi released the man. Siegfried grasped his throat, coughing until he was red in the face. Levi stood, smoothed his overcoat.</p>
<p>“You made me miss breakfast with my daughter. Do that again, it’ll be personal.” He turned on his heel and strode for the door.</p>
<p>“You…” Siegfried wheezed. He pulled himself to his feet, gripping the arm of his chair. He kept coughing, but some bitter laughter crept in there. “You may come…from noble blood…” He collapsed into the seat. “But you’re just…a thug…from underground.”</p>
<p>“Better a thug than a shit like you,” Levi growled. This guy didn’t want to mess with him. He really did not. “By the way, the price just went up. We want ninety percent of your earnings. And we’ll count every penny.”</p>
<p>“You’re a thug…with a boss.” Siegfried’s lips tugged in an ironic smile. “A big…criminal…boss.” He hacked, loosened his collar. “Hope he never…turns on you.”</p>
<p>Levi said nothing. He simply went to Siegfried and broke his arm at the elbow. The old man screamed as Levi casually strolled out, passing a couple of horrified servants. They didn’t try to stop him. He’d been right; he was untouchable. The king’s right hand man.</p>
<p>Erwin was a king, not a boss. Fuck that asshole. Fuck him hard.</p>
<p>As Levi walked the main foyer, he happened to turn his head and catch a glimpse of himself in a mirror. That brought him to a screeching halt. He almost cried out in horror. What he saw was… No. Fuck, that’d been weird. No, he hadn’t seen what he thought he saw.</p>
<p>Levi was wearing a long black overcoat, good for keeping out the winter cold. And he was wearing a hat to keep his head warm. Sensible.</p>
<p>But when he saw his reflection, him with the black coat and hat, he thought he looked like…</p>
<p>Bullshit. They looked nothing alike. Never had.</p>
<p>But just for a moment, Levi thought he saw Kenny Ackerman staring from the mirror.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>May</strong>
</p>
<p>“One more round?”</p>
<p>“What?” Erwin could barely hear Willy over the nightclub’s noise. A band was playing onstage while a sultry woman in blue crooned into the microphone, and there was the ebb and flow of chatter all around as waiters carried trays of cocktails and girls in short dresses sold cigarettes. Many of Marley’s most notable higher ups were here tonight at the Tropicale. Erwin had dressed in a white suit jacket and tie, which darkened his complexion further—he was getting more tan the more time he spent in southern Marley, and Hange had said he looked “healthy”.</p>
<p>He was at a social mixer/fundraiser as Willy’s personal guest. Theo Magath had shown up and slid into the booth with them. Giulia was at home—she had many headaches these days that prevented her from socializing, ever since the selection ritual. Her dislike of her husband had morphed into outright hatred.</p>
<p>The mixer was to support the troops in the Mid East. Some of the younger Warrior cadets were down here tonight to act as servers. Erwin had seen them, all of them no older than eleven or twelve. Child soldiers. The same as he was creating in Paradis. Eldians.</p>
<p>He had a hard time looking at them.</p>
<p>Back to the table. Erwin swallowed the rest of his martini as Magath lit a cigarette, the flame illuminating the crags in his face in the momentary glow. He put out the match and puffed.</p>
<p>“I have to stay until the end. The cadets are in my charge, after all.”</p>
<p>“You have a good crop. Which one’s supposed to inherit the Armored?” Willy asked.</p>
<p>Right. Reiner’s ‘term’ would be up in a couple of years. Erwin knew for certain Reiner and Zeke were far away near Fort Slava, or he wouldn’t have dared come tonight.</p>
<p>“Not supposed to discuss military secrets.” Magath laughed.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Erwin said. “I’m getting rich off the Liberio contract. Surely that earns me a little confidence.”</p>
<p>The men laughed. Erwin had received an official order from the Marleyan government for two hundred thousand of Hange’s ‘hand guns.’ He’d taken the order and the money, and he and Kiyomi had smiled silently and knowingly at one another when he did.</p>
<p>So good to have another piece of the plan fall seamlessly into place.</p>
<p>“Go on,” Willy said. He took a sip of scotch. “Tell us. A hint.”</p>
<p>Magath chuckled. He’d had a few Old Fashioneds and was comfortably loose. He pointed out a little girl moving through the crowd, obediently offering a tray of wine glasses and smiling broadly.</p>
<p>“That one. Gabi. If she doesn’t get it, I’ll…I’ll shave my hair. What’s left of it.” He laughed hard. “She’s Reiner’s cousin, too. Nice to keep it in the family.” He sobered for a moment. “Though if you think about it, having to eat a family member is…”</p>
<p>“An honor,” Erwin said smoothly. Magath blinked, as if remembering he was saying the wrong lines in a rehearsed scene.</p>
<p>“Of course. Huge honor. Oh, here she comes. And Falco’s with her. Doubt he’s got what it takes to inherit a titan, but maybe it’s for the best. He’s a good boy. You know, for an Eldian.” Magath hastened to add that bit.</p>
<p>
  <em>He hates Eldians, yet has no qualms being friends with Willy or doting on his trainees. It’s the most fascinating blind spot. Prejudice is so complex.</em>
</p>
<p>The little girl came over to them, a little boy with blond hair trailing her. The girl stopped and gave a sharp, smart grin.</p>
<p>“Hello, Colonel!”</p>
<p>“Gabi.” Erwin noticed that an especially paternal gleam came into Magath’s eye when he saw the little girl. <em>He loves her. The daughter he never had. </em>“Falco. Everything going all right?”</p>
<p>“Oh. Yes,” the boy said. He seemed very wide-eyed and nervous in this place, with all the noise and, frankly, all the adults giving him filthy looks when they noticed his armband. In contrast, Gabi practically vibrated with energy.</p>
<p>“Falco almost spilled a drink on somebody. I had to help him out.” She sounded delighted with herself. Erwin studied her; Magath had said she was Reiner’s cousin, but something in the dark hair and the clear-eyed, spirited gaze spoke to him of Eren Jaeger. Erwin wasn’t sure how he felt about that.</p>
<p>“Only because you pushed me, Gabi,” Falco murmured. He balanced the drink tray and studied his shoes.</p>
<p>“Gabi and Falco are shipping out tomorrow to Fort Slava. We hope to make real headway against the Mid Eastern forces this time.”</p>
<p>“With me there, everything will be perfect.” Gabi was confident, he’d give her that.</p>
<p>“You can’t be more than eleven,” Erwin said. “You’re a very brave girl.”</p>
<p>She beamed, absorbing the praise like a flower absorbs sunlight. Falco receded further, and Erwin saw him gaze nervously at the girl. But he didn’t seem afraid of her. Rather, afraid for her.</p>
<p>Erwin had trained children about this age. He’d sent many into battle who were not much older than Gabi and Falco. He’d broken thousands of mothers’ hearts when their children were torn to pieces.</p>
<p>Erwin looked back at his empty drink.</p>
<p>“Well, back to your work. Don’t laze around,” Magath said. He tried to sound gruff, but his fondness was evident.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir. We’ll do our best!” Gabi paraded away with her tray, and Falco tailed her.</p>
<p>“You do a good job up in Liberio,” Willy said. He sounded sincere. “Marley wouldn’t be what it is without men like you.”</p>
<p>“And without kids like them,” Magath said. He shook his head, again remembering that he should not praise Eldians too much. “I, uh, like to think of them as what Eldians should be. You too, Willy. Noble, humble, hard working.”</p>
<p>“You don’t think their blood prohibits all of those qualities?” Erwin asked smoothly.</p>
<p>“Oh come on, Karl,” Willy said. He laid a hand over his heart in mock anguish. “How can you say such a thing to me?”</p>
<p>“I think the world only allows for one or two good Eldians at a time.” Erwin signaled a waiter, and exchanged his empty martini for a fresh one.</p>
<p>“Very cold.” Magath chuckled, then lifted his glass. “Well. To the one good Eldian, then.”</p>
<p>Willy bowed his head in receipt of the praise, and lifted his drink. Erwin clinked glasses with them.</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes. You are with one very good Eldian at this table, you piece of shit. And it’s not Willy Tybur.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin drank to forget the momentary sting. His hide had toughened over the months as he ingratiated himself into Marleyan society; he could almost forget he was Eldian when they made jokes or insulted those they saw in the streets, on the rare occasions the poor souls could leave their ghettos. But then Erwin would go home and shave and nick himself, and see a drop of red blood plunk into the soapy water.</p>
<p>Eldian blood. His blood.</p>
<p>“Hey! Karl!”</p>
<p>Hange bounded up to the table, a particularly gaudy looking cocktail in hand. It was some kind of neon blue, with a wedge of pineapple and a few plastic flamingos sticking out. She sipped through a straw as she greeted the men.</p>
<p>“Zoe,” Erwin said. “Want to sit back down?”</p>
<p>He had brought Hange—now Zoe Berner—as his research assistant, the woman responsible for much of the technological innovations that made his weapons possible. That allowed Hange to be her brilliant and eclectic self without censorship. Levi and Petra were both home this time—Erwin had told Willy that Petra was expecting their first child. The lie had given him a pang, that momentary wish it were true, and then the feeling subsided. Willy had been pleased to hear it. As for Levi, Erwin said that ‘Kenny’ was protecting his wife and developing child. He wondered if Willy imagined they were engaged in an affair. The thought tickled Erwin.</p>
<p>Back to Hange. She placed her drink on the table and shrugged the strap of her dress back up her shoulder. She looked honestly quite pretty in the Marleyan fashions, and the royal blue of the dress suited her complexion nicely. She just had a hard time fitting all of herself into it. Hange had a problem with fitting all of herself into anything, really.</p>
<p>“In a minute. I just saw Kanada Azumabito. He wanted me to give you a message. Privately.” She grinned toothily at the table; she was a brilliant woman, but not the actress Petra was. Ah well. The men chuckled as Erwin started to get up.</p>
<p>A photographer approached, a camera in hand.</p>
<p>“Gentlemen! Would you mind if I took a couple of photos for the society pages?” The photographer grinned. In actual fact, Erwin had slipped him a cool fifty to take the picture, and an additional fifty to see it got printed. He sat back down and smiled alongside Willy Tybur and Theo Magath.</p>
<p>Click. Flash. Perfect.</p>
<p>“Excuse me, gentlemen.” Erwin slid out of the booth and followed Hange through the crowd of vivaciously drunk people. They walked out the nightclub’s swinging doors and stood beneath the neon-lit awning. A bright green palm tree glowed against the night, Tropicale beneath it in swirling pink. Erwin and Hange stood out of the way as a group of women in furs glided in, laughing about something. “What is it?” he asked.</p>
<p>Hange’s eyes glowed feverishly. She pushed her glasses up her nose.</p>
<p>“Kiyomi says her scientists ran their own tests to see if I was right. I was. Thank god for their labs, I could theorize but never manage to test it out on…back home.” They didn’t say Paradis under any circumstances. “Anyway. I was right. Even a few ounces of treated, er, crystal contains enough energy to…that is, listen, if it’s harnessed properly and, and there are a bunch of, ugh, what’d Kiyomi call it…her scientists said that fission creates a fusion reaction…or was it the other way around? I didn’t have time to write it down, Kanada went too fast. Anyway! It’s what Zeke hinted at. There’s enough power in a single ounce of crystal to light an entire city if processed right. Or…” She glanced around, to see if anyone was listening. “Or even do something more,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“How much more?” Erwin’s heart beat faster. If this were it…</p>
<p>Hange took a deep breath. “Imagine two hundred thousand tons of dynamite exploding at the same time.”</p>
<p>He could scarcely manage it. “Han—Zoe. It’s <em>that</em> powerful?”</p>
<p>“No.” She seemed pretty proud of herself. “Multiply that by fifty.”</p>
<p>He almost had to sit down right on the sidewalk. If she was right, an explosion like that could level Liberio in half a second. It could leave a crater where the entire city had been in the blink of an eye. And that was just the beginning. Just one ounce of crystal.</p>
<p>What could a pound of it do?</p>
<p>“Karl?” Hange sounded unusual. She sounded shy. Nervous. She played with her glasses. “Um, coming up with the theory behind this was the most fun I’ve had in a while. You know I like a challenge.”</p>
<p>“No one else on earth could have done it.” He meant it. She was smarter than him, or anyone he had ever known. Would ever know. “You’ve saved us…Zoe.”</p>
<p>She smiled, but it was a tight smile. “I liked challenging myself, but when I think about the power this has, and what it could do, well. I need to know you aren’t going to…”</p>
<p>“Use it?” He shook his head. “It’s not an offensive weapon. It’s defensive. No; it eliminates the need for offense or defense entirely. And all because of you.” He gripped her shoulders. “I knew the day you entered the…the military…that you would be our greatest asset. Greater even than the strongest humanity had to offer.”</p>
<p>Hange didn’t look any easier, though. “I wanted to know if I could, Karl. Now I’m worried that maybe I shouldn’t have done it. I mean, Hizuru has a stake in this. You can’t keep this all to…you know, us anymore.”</p>
<p>“Leave that part to me. We’re close now, Zoe. So close.”</p>
<p>“One other thing. When the crystal gets processed like this, it releases a kind of radiation when it detonates. One ounce could level thirty miles in an instant, scorch another hundred or so in every direction, but it’d also release megatons of radiation into the air. It could poison water, animals, humans. It could cause all kinds of side effects. Cancers, sterility, you name it. We need to know more before we do anything.” She rarely sounded this serious.</p>
<p>“We will. There will be all the time you need and more.” He leaned closer and whispered. “We’ll only use this once, and not on any living thing. I give you my word.”</p>
<p>Hange inhaled deeply. Her brown eyes scrutinized him. For all her cheeriness, her disorder, her erratic mind, Hange Zoe was one of the deepest thinkers he had ever known. She could analyze and comprehend advanced equations in the instant it took to blink. She was also, Erwin knew, a deeply good person. She was not afraid to kill if it meant victory, but she would never kill if it meant victory for the wrong thing.</p>
<p>“Trust me?” he asked.</p>
<p>To that, she smiled and relaxed. She had been Erwin’s protégé when she joined the Corps more than Shadis’s. If she trusted anyone in this world, it was him.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she replied.</p>
<p>Erwin looked out at the neon lights of Valle. If he wanted it, in one half second it would cease to exist.</p>
<p>It scared him a little, that thought. It made him very relieved that, bad man though he was, he was not that bad.</p>
<p>Though the fact that he’d instantly imagined the town exploding…</p>
<p>Stop it. This was maudlin nonsense.</p>
<p>“Karl? What next?”</p>
<p>“Hizuru,” he said. “We’ll leave tomorrow. Then after that, the Lotani islands.”</p>
<p>“What’s there?”</p>
<p>“Nothing.” He smiled. “That’s why we’re going.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It would be wise to put these on,” Kiyomi said gracefully, handing Erwin and Hange two pairs of tinted goggles. Erwin did as requested, and looked at the world in violet hues. This would have been a vacation spot ordinarily. They were on the Finger Peninsula, which wasn’t really a peninsula or shaped like a finger, the largest of the Lotani islands. It at least had some infrastructure, such as the concrete bunker in which they all now huddled. Erwin looked out through the window onto the white, sandy beach, a few sparse palm trees flaring up here and there. Out there, far out on the cerulean sea, he could glimpse one of Hizuru’s ships. A battle cruiser, it was stationed fifty miles or so out. The day was bright blue, not a cloud anywhere. Excellent conditions.</p>
<p>Behind Hange and Erwin, a unit of the Azumabito engineers worked hard, speaking rapidly into microphones, coordinating with the plane that was currently circling two hundred miles away. One of them was studying a ‘radar screen’, watching a bright dot ping and ping again.</p>
<p>‘How will we see if it’s so far?’ Erwin had asked.</p>
<p>‘If it’s what we think it is, you’ll be grateful for the distance,’ Kiyomi had replied.</p>
<p>The Lotani islands were an island chain in the direct center of the Western Ocean. They’d had to take Kiyomi’s plane from Hizuru all the way, halfway around the globe. The Lotani islands were two hundred miles away from the Pearl Choker, a particular reef that was known as the most isolated spot on earth. Apart from the islands, there was no mainland for almost a thousand miles in every direction.</p>
<p>There was still some trepidation. What would fallout be like? Would it be able to spread to the mainland? Finally, it was decided that at least it would only fall on Nambia or the Mid East. Not Marley or Hizuru. Not Paradis.</p>
<p>Hange’s leg was jittering like mad. Erwin put a hand on her shoulder to calm her. Normally the scientist would be elated to see a project of hers in action, but Hange’s attitude over the past couple days had been increasingly grim.</p>
<p>
  <em>We’ll only use this once. I promise.</em>
</p>
<p>“Is the camera running?” Kiyomi asked. A small film crew was shooting footage of the beaches, making certain it was working. There was another crew in the bunker next door, and one under shield protection on the roof. Someone would capture good footage.</p>
<p>“Yes, Lady Kiyomi.”</p>
<p>“Then we’re ready.” Kiyomi stood beside Erwin with folded hands. They both gazed out at the untroubled blue.</p>
<p>“We’re entrusting you with a very great secret,” he said. Kiyomi smiled.</p>
<p>“Our interests are one and the same.”</p>
<p>“Of course. I’ll tell Mikasa that back in Mitras.”</p>
<p>Just a friendly reminder that he had the Azumabito’s precious heir. Kiyomi kept smiling.</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Erwin heard an engineer speak rapidly into the microphone, coordinating with the plane. He felt his pulse in his neck. He was terrified, and also excited, a child on midwinter morning.</p>
<p>If this succeeded…</p>
<p>He heard the engineer give the countdown, and then get to one. Everyone stood up then and walked politely to the window to watch.</p>
<p>For a second, nothing happened. And then—</p>
<p>The cloud was enormous. It rose into the air, higher than the walls, twice as high. Maybe more. It was a column of pure light, and then a cap began to swell on top of it. It looked like a mushroom. Around the swelling dome of the explosion, layers of white mist began to form. Condensation clouds.</p>
<p>The cloud only kept ballooning. Even with the goggles, Erwin winced at the light.</p>
<p>“It’s massive.” Kiyomi sounded small.</p>
<p>Erwin could see a wall of mist or vapor come rushing along the ocean. Toward them.</p>
<p>“I thought it was two hundred miles away,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“It is,” Kiyomi said.</p>
<p>He watched in horror and wonder as the vapor enveloped the battle cruiser. The cloud kept erupting, eruption upon eruption, swelling into the sky. Erwin dared.</p>
<p>He removed the goggles. By now, the brightest light had burned out. He saw a column of hot purple light; the sky was turning orange around it.</p>
<p>
  <em>The world has never seen this power. Not even the power of the titans can match it.</em>
</p>
<p>“It’s perfect,” he breathed. They all watched until, little by little, the cloud began to slow its growth. The vapor receded; it had come within a few miles of their bunker. Erwin saw that the ship was still there, so probably it had only been a rush of seawater. Still.</p>
<p>“The ship is reporting intense radiation levels,” one of the men said. He was wearing a headset, speaking into a microphone. “They believe the blast may have killed all sea life on the reef in an instant. Projection says with this level of radiation, the reef may be barren for the rest of time.”</p>
<p>“Hmmf.” Hange clutched the concrete windowsill. She looked about to be sick. He put an arm around her.</p>
<p>“It’s over now. Never again,” he said. “You’ve saved our world, Hange.”</p>
<p>His friend accepted the hug.</p>
<p>“Do we have it?” Kiyomi asked softly. The camera stopped whirring.</p>
<p>“Yes. I think we do,” the director said.</p>
<p>“Hizuru and Paradis are now the holders of the greatest power this world will ever see.” Kiyomi bowed small and graceful to him. “We Azumabito will be forever in your debt, Majesty.”</p>
<p>“As we will be in yours, Lady Kiyomi.” He returned the bow, then watched the violet fallout against the orange sky.</p>
<p>Just a few more months. That was all he needed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I just love her pretty black hair. Isn’t it so soft?” Petra cooed, running her fingers gently through Kuchel’s hair. Levi sat alongside his wife, their baby wedged between them. He had his arm across the back of the couch, loosely around Petra. Kuchel held a stuffed rabbit in her lap and was in a deep sleep. The birthday party had tired her out. She gave soft, snuffling baby snores. Cutest little thing on the damn earth.</p>
<p>“Think we’re gonna be those people that can only talk about their kid?” He smirked at her and sipped his tea. Petra made a face.</p>
<p>“Admit it. She’s perfect. The prettiest hair, and nose, the sweetest little mouth.” Petra sighed as she looked around at the remnants of the party. Paper streamers were hanging from the rafters; the wrapping paper lay crumpled in a series of balls near the door (couldn’t wait to neaten that shit up); Levi had done his best to make certain the cake didn’t get mushed this year. Kuchel’s second birthday had been a success. Petra looked down at their child. “I just don’t want her to be two. She’s getting to be a big girl.”</p>
<p>“She’s growing up great ‘cause of you,” Levi said softly. He stroked his wife’s hair. “She’s got all the best parts of you. Sweet. Fearless. Happy.”</p>
<p>“And she’s strong like her papa.” Petra leaned over Kuchel and kissed him. He cupped her jaw. Fuck, every moment with her was paradise. Years later, and the heat hadn’t left their relationship.</p>
<p>“Let’s have another baby,” he whispered. He felt Petra tense just a little.</p>
<p>“Okay. Next year, we’ll start trying.”</p>
<p>“I was thinking now. Quit taking your tea, and let’s go upstairs for the next five days and give it several of our best shots.” He kissed her deeply. “I want Kuchel to have someone to play with. I want to see you with a baby in your arms again. Also, your tits get nice and plump when you’re nursing.”</p>
<p>“You’re so romantic,” she drawled. Petra smiled, but moved out of his embrace. “I don’t see why we can’t wait until next year to try. I’m certainly not running out of time.”</p>
<p>“I just want it now. Can’t help it.”</p>
<p>Petra looked at him askance. “How about we start trying after September?”</p>
<p>Shit. He tried to keep from looking irritated.</p>
<p>“Why September?”</p>
<p>“Because that’s when Erwin thinks we’ll make our big push.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. And?”</p>
<p>“And I almost feel like you want me to be pregnant now so I have to sit at home and wait for you again. Like Shiganshina.”</p>
<p>“I mean, would that be so shit? Remember what happened in fucking Shiganshina?” he snapped. Kuchel began to stir and fuss. Shit. He tried talking softer. “I want Kuchel to have at least one parent. I don’t plan on dying out there; I won’t if I don’t have to worry about you.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She had that determined look he knew so well, the fiery one that said there was only one way: Petra’s way. “Don’t put your fears on me. This is our time to take back everything the world stole from us. I’m going to be there. Understand? You want to be there, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Not want. I have to be there. If I weren’t so skilled, I’d stay with Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“I don’t have your skills, but I’m one of the best soldiers in the Guard and you damn well know it.”</p>
<p>“Tch. This a pride thing with you? Thought you lost all that glory-hungry, dreamy-eyed brat shit when you were nineteen.”</p>
<p>“I want to make my mark on this world.”</p>
<p>“You’ve made it,” he growled, looking at their baby. “She’s right here.”</p>
<p>“Don’t try to play cute like that. Levi Ackerman.” Fuck, his last name. The big guns were out. “I would never do anything that might hurt Kuchel without a damn good reason. I want to be there when the world changes because I really believe I can help it change. I want to see victory in the front row. I didn’t get to do that last time, and it still eats me alive. I know you want me to be content just to stay home with Kuchel, but I can’t. Maybe it makes me a bad mother, but I’ll be resentful if I stay home this time. That’ll be bad for you and Kuchel. So.” She stood. “That’s the end of discussion. I’ll take my tea until after the big push. Then we can think about another baby.”</p>
<p>Fuck, she was a stubborn little bitch. Levi glowered as she stormed off to start cleaning up the table and the remnants of the cake. Kuchel awoke, grunting as she felt her mother leave. She started to wail, the terrible twos in full force. Levi picked her up and stood, bounced her until Kuchel calmed down. He watched his wife move in and out of the kitchen with those quick, aggressive steps of hers.</p>
<p>He could fight her on this, but he knew her well enough to know he’d lose this one.</p>
<p>“Oi.” He approached her. Petra stopped, bent over the table. She was wary of him. “Can you at least promise me you’re not going to try being a damn hero?”</p>
<p>Petra looked over her shoulder. Anger simmered in her eye. Slowly, he watched her cool down.</p>
<p>“Only if you promise the same.”</p>
<p>“I’ve never been a hero, Petra.” He gave her Kuchel. She bounced the child, kissed her cheek. “I just do whatever I have to do to survive.”</p>
<p>Petra thought, nodded. She knew he was right.</p>
<p>“I have one more thing, then.” She kissed him, all tension evaporating. “If the next one’s a boy, he’s got to be named Oruo.”</p>
<p>He smirked, and kissed her. She sounded so damn forceful about it. Sometimes he didn’t understand her at all.</p>
<p>He didn’t hate it.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>August</strong>
</p>
<p>“If we wanted to watch a movie, we could have gone to the Crest,” Willy drawled. Erwin and Levi readied the projector, Levi handling the film carefully. Magath was in the other armchair in Willy’s study. The men were drinking whiskey; Erwin’s glass was on the polished coffee table.</p>
<p>“This is something extra special.” Erwin grinned as Levi threaded the film. ‘Kenny’ had come with him to Marley this time. They were spending the weekend at Willy’s home in Valle. “Something new that Zoe designed.” He picked up his glass and raised it in a toast. “To innovation. To the next chapter.”</p>
<p>He and Levi exchanged a brief glance.</p>
<p>Magath and Willy toasted as well, and drank. Erwin drained his whiskey and walked around the projector. He clutched the glass tight, anticipation mounting.</p>
<p>“Almost there, boss,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Good. When you see this, gentlemen, you’ll—ah!”</p>
<p>Erwin swore as the glass broke in his hand; his grip was too intense. He winced as shards of glass cut his palm. Willy got up, looking alarmed, but Erwin shook his head as he wrapped his handkerchief around the wound.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I’ll pay for the glass,” he said.</p>
<p>“Not at all. Plenty more.” Willy laughed, then asked for a servant to clean up the mess. The servant came and went, and by then Levi had the projector ready. “Sure you don’t want someone to see to your hand?”</p>
<p>“I prefer to take care of myself. The habits of an orphan.” Willy accepted that. “Gentlemen,” Erwin said. “This footage was taken a few months ago, two hundred miles west of the Lotani islands.”</p>
<p>He dimmed the lights, and Levi ran the film. The picture was grainy black and white—they would not appreciate the scintillating violet, or the heat. But the point was still amply made. Magath got to his feet when the cloud went up. The battle cruiser in the foreground helped give evidence of scale. When the vapor washed over the ship, Willy cried out in horror.</p>
<p>“It’s all right. They survived. Just water vapor,” Erwin said. “The vapor crossed a hundred and fifty miles of ocean to envelop them.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Magath stood before the screen, inches away from the expanding mushroom cloud.</p>
<p>“The future. Zoe’s greatest discovery yet.” Erwin flipped on the lights and unwound the handkerchief from his hand.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Willy whispered.</p>
<p>“They’re calling it a hyperfusion bomb.”</p>
<p>“They?”</p>
<p>“Hizuru. Kiyomi partnered with me to bring Zoe’s calculations to life. This is the result.” Erwin smiled at the two dumbstruck men while Levi moved behind him, quiet as a cat. “This is hundreds of thousands of megatons of energy. It could wipe out a city in a fraction of a second. Nine million dead instantly. Twenty million to follow in short order.”</p>
<p>“This…” Magath sounded hoarse.</p>
<p>“This is a game changing weapon.” Willy spoke as if in a dream. He caressed the screen, touched the cloud. “The country that controlled this—”</p>
<p>“Could control the world. Yes,” Erwin said. He glanced at Levi, nodded. “I’m glad you said that, Willy. I want you to remember those words.”</p>
<p>“What kind of energy produces this explosion?” Magath asked.</p>
<p>“A mere ounce of the Titania Crystal, as we’re calling it,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“Titania?” Willy frowned. “Why that name?”</p>
<p>“Because it’s quite literally titan crystal,” he said pleasantly. “Mined from Paradis Island.” He smiled. “Marley has wanted to get at their reserves for years, isn’t that right? Now I see why.”</p>
<p>“No.” Willy and Magath stared at him, mouths open. “You managed to extract this from Paradis? The devils’ island? How?”</p>
<p>“I mined it myself. Or rather, workers mined it under my supervision. It was from a rich seam in Wall Sina.” Erwin shrugged. “We’ve accumulated quite a stockpile.”</p>
<p>Slowly, Levi stood in front of the door. Willy looked confused.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, wait. How did they let you onto the island? The last time Marley sent a battalion…”</p>
<p>“None of the five or so survey ships have come back. I know,” Erwin said. “The Attack Titan stopped them all cold. There are Marleyan POWs still living at the southern base of the island, helping Paradis develop better infrastructure.”</p>
<p>Now both men appeared quite pale.</p>
<p>“How do you know this, Karl?” Magath sounded tense.</p>
<p>“My name is not Karl.” He held up his bleeding hand; steam was already issuing from the wound. “My name is Erwin Smith. Thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps; a hero of Shiganshina against the Beast Titan; the man who ate Bertholdt Hoover and became the next Colossal Titan—”</p>
<p>“Wait.” Willy sounded sick. “No. Wait—”</p>
<p>“—Supreme Commander of the Paradisian Guard and King Behind the Walls.”</p>
<p>Magath pulled the gun very quickly, but Levi was faster still. He tackled the man, held him down without breaking a sweat. He squeezed Magath’s arm, held it at a bad angle. Willy choked, dropping his drink. Whiskey flooded the carpet.</p>
<p>“That,” Erwin said, “is Levi Ackerman.”</p>
<p>“Hi,” Levi said flatly.</p>
<p>“An Ackerman,” Willy said lifelessly. He looked at Erwin now with the flattest gaze Erwin had yet seen. Beneath it simmered a kind of betrayal; it would have bit Erwin to the bone if he cared in the slightest. “What do you think you’re doing, Commander?”</p>
<p>“King. One king speaks to another now, Willy.” Erwin stepped forward, crushing broken glass beneath his boot. “We are the heads of the two great Eldian powers of the world. You know the power I carry in my blood—the power of the titans. You have seen the immense power my associate has created from the smallest ounce of our titan crystal. Paradis is rich with such material. We have enough power to destroy the world a million times over. Forget the wall titans, the rumbling. That pithy, silly notion dreamed up by King Fritz long ago. I have the Ackermans. I have the crystal. I have legions of soldiers ready to die for me. I have the Attack Titan, and the Founder as well.”</p>
<p>“You won’t get away with this,” Magath snarled. Levi applied more pressure.</p>
<p>“Oi. Let the king talk.”</p>
<p>“Neither will you. Understand, Willy. We’ve been photographed together for a year now. Seen about town. I’ve been taken into your confidence. You ordered hundreds of thousands of weapons from me.”</p>
<p>“The military did!”</p>
<p>“You are Marley, and the military. They did it on your advice.” He tsked. “Bringing all those weapons in to arm the Eldians and stage a coup against Marley? Willy Tybur, the savior’s son, the great traitor of humanity.”</p>
<p>“What?” Willy paled. “You bastard. No. No!”</p>
<p>“Partnering with Theo Magath, who planned to turn his Warriors against Marleyan citizens in the uprising. A real crime. All those Warriors and prospective Warriors would go down together. That little girl, Gabi?” He shook his head. “Such a waste.”</p>
<p>“No!” Magath bellowed. Levi seized him by the throat and applied just enough pressure to stop his voice.</p>
<p>“Tonight, you choose how the world will view you. Pick the story you wish to tell, Willy. Either you are a conspirator with the Paradisian King, responsible for the greatest betrayal in modern history. Or.” He stepped nearer, letting Willy study his bleeding hand. “You are about to save Marley and usher in the greatest rehabilitation of Eldians the world has ever known. You can be a hero, greater even than your ancestor who ‘stopped’ King Fritz. Choose wisely. And if you try to call anyone, I’ll transform and take out this house and an entire city block.”</p>
<p>“Your Ackerman would perish, too.” Willy looked ill.</p>
<p>“I’m expendable,” Levi said. He looked at Erwin. “He isn’t.”</p>
<p>“Victory or defeat, Willy. Hero or traitor. Most people do not get to choose their own labels, but I’m giving you that choice. So.” He held out his bleeding hand. “Do we shake? Or do I unleash hell?”</p>
<p>“You are a devil,” Willy Tybur breathed.</p>
<p>“I am,” Erwin said. “But not because of my Eldian blood. Because becoming one was my choice. Well?”</p>
<p>Willy stared at the proffered hand once more, and Erwin Smith smiled.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra stood in the rows of soldiers, looking up at the royal balcony with her hands behind her back, her feet spaced evenly apart. Her new uniform itched a bit. It was totally black, with plated armor at the breast and stomach. The harness for the new ODM was also black. Everyone in the crowd was dressed identically. They looked up at the king as he stood upon the balcony. Behind him and to his right was Queen Historia; to his left, Levi. Her husband gazed ahead stoically, his usual expression.</p>
<p>He also wore his green Survey Corps cloak, though that had been out of fashion for years now.</p>
<p>Petra fought a smile. Levi never let go of things he liked.</p>
<p>“My soldiers,” Erwin said. His voice boomed without the aid of a microphone. He was also dressed in black gear, but wore golden trim to designate himself as king. Levi’s trim beneath the green cloak was silver, as second. Only Historia wore white. “Today begins the first step in our plan to reintegrate Paradis into the world’s society. It is the first step on the long road to Eldian rehabilitation. Today we safeguard our shores, our families, and begin to liberate our brothers and sisters who live and die in bondage. You are part of history today.”</p>
<p>“Erwin!” Floch cried out. He stood a row down from Petra, and saluted with a frightening intensity in his eyes. “King Erwin! The king!”</p>
<p>“Er-Win! Er-Win!” The men and women began chanting his name. Erwin held up a hand to call for silence, though Petra saw the tiny smile. He was pleased. She saluted along with the others, but didn’t shout along with them. She glanced at the kids around her—because they were mostly kids. Some weren’t even fifteen yet. How many would be dead before this operation was over?</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin knows what he’s doing.</em>
</p>
<p>She heard Levi’s voice in her head, and chose to believe it. Connie, Sasha, and Jean were shouting along with Floch and the others. Mikasa remained stoic and focused, as usual. Only Eren appeared lost in thought, a million miles away.</p>
<p>He wore a unique uniform, black with red trim, to signify that he was special. A shifter. A man with a different place in Erwin’s plan.</p>
<p>Petra shivered as a cool October wind sighed over them. The sooner they got to the airships and took off, the happier she’d be. In truth, leaving Kuchel back at Brigitta’s this morning had been hard. The girl was now old enough to miss her parents, and she’d started screaming and sobbing when Levi and Petra tried to go.</p>
<p>“No! My Papa! My Mama! Papa!” She’d screamed and sobbed and clung to Levi’s leg and bawled until she was red in the face. Petra had almost forgotten the mission and agreed to stay behind with the child. Getting back onto her horse and riding away while Kuchel sobbed and begged her to come back had almost broken Petra’s heart.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is my last mission.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra would remain in the military after this, but she’d never see action again. Not like this. Not with Kuchel old enough to wail.</p>
<p>Then again, if all went right—and it should if it was Erwin’s plan—they would not need to go on any missions after this. Tonight would finish everything off. Tonight would see the entire world change.</p>
<p>“Dedicate your hearts one last time to the cause!” Erwin shouted, positively glowing with a sea of willing soldiers calling his name. He saluted them all, fist over his heart. “This is my full and sincere salute. Your names shall live on so long as there are Eldians to speak them. Tonight the world will know your sacrifice, and your triumph! Tonight is the culmination of over one hundred years of struggle. The dead look to you to make their sacrifice worthwhile. Do not disappoint them! Tonight, we reawaken the slumbering giant that is Eldia! Dedicate your hearts! Dedicate your hearts!”</p>
<p>“ER-WIN! ER-WIN!”</p>
<p>The shouts grew almost deafening. Petra glanced over at Eren once more.</p>
<p>His head was hanging. He stared at the ground, looking haunted.</p>
<p>Once they were dismissed, the soldiers headed for the convoys to take them to their air and naval ships. Petra found Eren in the crowd before they disembarked.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>“Oh. Hey.” He blinked at her. It had been almost a year since that night in the cabin, and she had barely spoken to him. It was too frightening. Too painful. “Good luck.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you know whether or not we survive,” she said. He stayed silent. “I’m not an idiot. You have some kind of power to spy on us, don’t you? Is it because of the Founding Titan?” No response. She sighed. “It almost feels like…when you said Armin was my son, obviously he wasn’t here yet. But he will be?”</p>
<p>“What are you saying, Petra?”</p>
<p>“You can see the future, can’t you?” she whispered. She glanced up at Levi and Erwin, talking on that balcony with Historia. Just saying it sounded so ridiculous. But what other explanation could there be? “So tell me, then. Do Levi and I come home?”</p>
<p>“If Armin isn’t born yet, wouldn’t you say you come home?” He closed his eyes. “You’re going to have two more children. Both boys. Born the same year.”</p>
<p>“So. Twins?” She felt quietly shocked. Eren shook his head.</p>
<p>“No. You’re just…very busy.”</p>
<p>He walked away from her then, leaving Petra reeling. Yet as she followed him and the others out to the convoys, she felt strangely light.</p>
<p>Whatever Eren could see—whatever he’d become—she trusted at least that he was right about this. That she and her husband would come home.</p>
<p>And when they came home, they’d stay.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin had mere moments before the convoy departed, but he needed to say a final goodbye. He left Historia and Levi and walked to the western wing, where he knocked on Marie’s door. He received no answer, and knocked again.</p>
<p>“Mmm? Yes?” she called. He opened and went in. She was seated at her vanity mirror, her cosmetics laid out around her rather sloppily. She stared at her own reflection as he walked over, placed his hands on her shoulders.</p>
<p>“We’re leaving. I’ll see you soon.”</p>
<p>“Mmmhmmm.”</p>
<p>He frowned. “When I return, the world will be different.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I know it will.”</p>
<p>He leaned down to kiss her, and stopped. She reeked of liquor. Marie turned hazy eyes up to him, her pupils dilated. Liquor, and some narcotic. Probably milk of poppy. He straightened up.</p>
<p>“You know I hate it when you’re like this,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“Oh. M’mistake. Sorry.” She reached for a pot of lip coloring. It slipped through her fingers and rolled off the vanity. Erwin picked it up, fuming. “Yes, go off an’ make the world different. That’s what you do. Everything so different.”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed heavily. “You could have at least waited until I’d gone to do this to yourself.” She’d been taking more drugs and more drink recently. It was almost a full year since his marriage to Historia. Marie had been stable for the first few months, but over time being unable to attend state functions, watching Historia parade about on Erwin’s arm in public, began to wear on her. That always gave him a pang of guilt.</p>
<p>But why did she have to behave like this?</p>
<p>“Is His’ria going with you?” She fumbled with a brush, finally flung it at the mirror.</p>
<p>“You know she is.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Of course. You have to show off your beautiful young queen. The world has to know she’s your wife.” Marie scowled at him. She looked especially ugly when she did that.</p>
<p>“I always thought you had more sense than this,” he said coolly.</p>
<p>She responded by wobbling to her feet and shoving him. He didn’t even waver. She burst into tears then and staggered over to her bed. She flopped onto the mattress.</p>
<p>“Yes, off you go. Off you go and have your glory. I’m jus’ sit here and be the king’s fucking whore. Nothing to do but spread my legs in secret.”</p>
<p>“You’re not doing a lot of whoring these days,” Erwin said icily. He was starting to forget when they’d last had sex. He was starting to forget the last time he’d wanted to have sex with her.</p>
<p>“No, no. Yer right. You want someone else these days.”</p>
<p>“For the last time, Historia isn’t—”</p>
<p>“Not her,” Marie growled. She dug her fingernails into the comforter. “If L’vi ever finds out, he’ll kill you.”</p>
<p>Erwin shut his eyes. One time. The last time they’d had sex, weeks ago, he’d needed to focus on something to stimulate him. He’d said Petra’s name just once, but once was more than enough.</p>
<p>“I’m sure you’d like that. Him killing me.”</p>
<p>“How could we ever do without the great King Erwin?” She sat up, wavered on the edge of the bed. Her blonde hair was in disarray. She patted it down haplessly. “Prob’ly want her because she’s young.”</p>
<p>“No.” He meant it. “It’s because she has purpose and dignity.”</p>
<p>“I had both of those. You t-took them away.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t tell you to leave Nile. I’m starting to wish you hadn’t.” He turned for the door, then stopped. What was he becoming? How could he speak to her like that? Erwin closed his eyes, went to her. Marie quietly sobbed into her hands while he sat next to her and touched her back. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean that.”</p>
<p>“You do.”</p>
<p>“No. You saved my life in so many ways, back then. I care for you. I always will.”</p>
<p>“But you don’t love me anymore. Do you.”</p>
<p>The answer was painful.</p>
<p>“Love can grow as well as diminish.” It could grow again, if they both tried. If she would be bold and brilliant again instead of a wrecked shell of herself.</p>
<p>
  <em>I turned her into that. When I married Historia, I should have provided for her but set her free. She could have lived with dignity then. It’s my fault.</em>
</p>
<p>“Maybe it would be best if you returned to Trost for a while. Perhaps some time away from court would help you.” If she didn’t feel she had to be kept out of sight and fucked in a broom closet, she might go back to being herself.</p>
<p>“If I leave you and live somewhere else, it’ll be the end of us.” Fuck, she might not have been wrong about that. Marie sniffed. “And I’m not letting you go. You’re all I have left to be proud of.”</p>
<p>He kissed her cheek and tasted her tears.</p>
<p>“When I come back, we can talk. I promise I’ll listen.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Another talk.” She sounded weary. “All we have now are words.”</p>
<p>Erwin got up and left her staring into the gathering dark. When he shut the door on her room, he felt weary to his bones. Floch approached him, all vibrancy and purpose. The young man grinned at Erwin—the grin of a weasel, Erwin thought. Of all the survivors of Shiganshina, Floch was the only one Erwin truly disliked, though he kept that to himself. The young man was useful, at least. An obsequious bootlicker, but useful.</p>
<p>“Majesty, we’re ready to depart. The train’s at the station, we’ll be at the harbor in twenty minutes.”</p>
<p>Yes. The greatest addition to Paradisian infrastructure: the railway.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Floch.” He followed the young man, then stopped cold.</p>
<p>Shit. He’d forgotten they were coming.</p>
<p>Senta, Isolde, and little Eva walked toward him. They’d find their mother a drunken, drugged-up wreck. Well, that was Marie’s fault. She’d known they were coming for a visit.</p>
<p>Eva and Isolde looked like Marie, both blonde and pretty. Eva was almost four now, Isolde ten or eleven. The younger children smiled at Erwin; Senta did not. The brunette had to be almost seventeen by now, but looked a decade older. Her dark hair was pulled back in a tight bun. She clutched the younger girls’ hands. She’d taken over Marie’s mothering duties admirably, even if it was somewhat tragic.</p>
<p>Unlike Isolde and Eva, Senta did not smile at him.</p>
<p>“Hello, Majesty,” she muttered. The younger children curtsied adorably. Erwin smiled at them.</p>
<p>“Your mother’s a little sick. She took some cold medicine, so she might seem groggy. I’ll have some tea sent to her room for all of you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you!” Isolde grinned cheekily, then took off holding Eva’s hand. They knew their way at this point. That left Senta glaring at him.</p>
<p>“How’s your father?” he asked. Nile was staying behind along with Pixis and other senior officials. They’d await the good news.</p>
<p>“Fine.” She was curt. Senta lifted a brow. “You’re going into battle, too?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “I hope you die out there.”</p>
<p>She brushed past him and went on her way. Floch blustered, his cheeks flaming with indignation.</p>
<p>“H-Hey! Majesty, let’s get the guards and put her in a cell. Wishing for the king’s death is treason!”</p>
<p>“No, Floch.” Erwin watched the young girl walk away. “She has every right in the world to wish that.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zeke really wasn’t fond of this Erwin Smith. He complicated everything.</p>
<p>He looked out the round window of the airship onto the glittering evening skyline of Valle. The sun had just gone down, and the air to the west was a soupy red tinged with molten orange. How pretty. He enjoyed seeing beautiful things, especially as he had so few opportunities. Life in a cage or a war zone offered little in the way of pleasing aesthetics.</p>
<p>“Zeke. What’re you thinking about?” Reiner asked. The young man had started growing facial hair, a thin beard in (Zeke thought) small imitation of his own. They were both of them—all of them, Zeke, Reiner, Porco and Pieck—dressed in their Marleyan uniforms, the color of sand. Here in the large hangar, Pieck’s team was on hand to strap her titan into its armor. The gun sergeants were ready to shoot at her side.</p>
<p>The three younger Warriors thought they were headed back to Fort Slava. They didn’t know that in approximately three minutes and thirty-seven seconds, fire would rain from the sky.</p>
<p>Damn that Erwin Smith. Zeke didn’t know how he’d managed to twist both Magath and Willy Tybur, but they now danced to his expert tune. Zeke had underestimated the king of Paradis. When Erwin had led that final charge against him in Shiganshina, Zeke had thought it mere schoolboy heroics.</p>
<p>Really, it had been a trap. Damn clever. Stupid prick.</p>
<p>What had Reiner asked…?</p>
<p>“Ah. Nothing.” Zeke looked back out the porthole to the city lights.</p>
<p>“It’s strange,” Pieck said. She was curled up on a bench, lying rather like a cat. The young, delicate woman had more animal than person in her at this point, after the combined months and months of running around on all fours as a titan.</p>
<p>“What is?” Zeke asked.</p>
<p>“Magath is sending us into battle again.”</p>
<p>“That’s not odd, is it?” Porco asked. The cocky little shit strutted back and forth, hands on his hips. He also kept glaring at Reiner for good measure. Boys would be idiots, it seemed.</p>
<p>“But we were pulled out of Fort Slava six weeks ago because of their artillery. We were outmatched.” Pieck yawned, cat-like, her long, dark hair falling in her face. She always looked sleepy.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and now we’re trying again,” Porco grumped.</p>
<p>“Then why are they sending us with fewer soldiers as back up? And why are we going past Valle? The quickest route is going down the center of the continent, but they’re flying us along the coast.”</p>
<p><em>Very good, Pieck. Exactly right.</em> Zeke fought a smile. Dear little Pieck. Of all his fellow Warriors, she was his favorite. An odd, sleepy-looking young woman whose mind was almost as sharp as his own. Really, what a waste that she was Eldian. She could have been so many things if her blood hadn’t borne the taint of Ymir.</p>
<p>“No point overthinking it,” Reiner grumbled, though he looked troubled as well. Reiner scowled and ignored Porco’s consistent attempts to irritate him with the constant circling. They were like a great, grass-fed ox and a sleek, spirited pony sharing the same corral. Not the best of neighbors.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s the new surprise strategy,” Zeke drawled, but he kept his eyes wedded to the lights below. Liberio was a desert backwater compared to this tropical haven. Sometimes he dreamed of what it would be like to sit in a café and be served with a smile, to idle in shops and discuss politics and art at the opera. As an Eldian, he was allowed only the most rudimentary forms of culture. For a man of his considerable intellect, it was an additional torture.</p>
<p>Ah, but if Erwin Smith had his way, this world would become very new for Zeke and very quickly. There was part of him that wanted to see it…but also part that fumed inwardly. Because if Erwin thought he could ever turn around the world’s hate, he was a bigger fool than Zeke had imagined him when he led that suicide charge. No, Zeke’s true plan—Mr. Xavier’s plan, dad’s plan—still had to come about for their race to ever have any kind of peace.</p>
<p>He imagined all of them eventually closing their eyes and drifting into a dreamless, eternal slumber. What a heaven that sounded. And maybe, knowing that the Eldian race would die out in seventy years, the world would be a little kinder. Allow them all to simply slip away into the twilight of humanity.</p>
<p>Zeke sighed quietly. <em>Yes, Eren. Our plan can still come to fruition.</em></p>
<p>Yelena had spoken with the boy, she’d returned his answer. Zeke only needed to get to Paradis and see the young man. <em>My little brother.</em></p>
<p>The idea filled Zeke with the warmest kind of pride. Yes, he’d do for Eren what Mr. Xavier had done for Zeke. He’d save the troubled boy and show him a peaceful world.</p>
<p>But first he had to deal with Erwin Smith’s infernal plan…</p>
<p>“Hey. Does that look weird to anyone else?” Porco asked. He crowded Zeke away from the window and stared down at the city. He looked like a fox with the pointed, upturned nose and the swept-back red hair. Like a fox, he bared his teeth. “Shit. Reiner. Pieck. Look.”</p>
<p>Ah yes. There they were.</p>
<p>A series of long, elegant naval ships were gliding in to Valle’s harbor. Zeke watched as bursts of brilliant orange shone in the night. The guns were firing onto the city.</p>
<p>The Mid East attack on mainland Marley had begun.</p>
<p>All according to Erwin Smith’s plan.</p>
<p>“What the—?” Reiner looked pale with shock. Pieck chewed her lip as she studied the attacking cruisers.</p>
<p>“How did they know?” she asked quietly. Clever girl. The Marleyan navy was absent from its two main ports, Liberio and Valle, tonight. A twice-yearly changing of the guard, in a sense. Tomorrow morning, both navies would have been at their posts. But morning was many hours away.</p>
<p>Valle and Liberio were now mostly left open to surprise attack. All they had were a few scraggly army units…</p>
<p>And the titans.</p>
<p>Well. Might as well put the plan into motion. Zeke remembered to appear flustered but quick-thinking. His friends couldn’t know that he’d had any prior knowledge of this. No, they had to believe him to still be utterly one of them.</p>
<p>“Reiner, Porco. Grab parachutes, we can transform closer to the ground. Pieck, let them land the airship a few miles up the coast, then transform and suit up. Move fast. Let’s go!” he barked, and the kids all snapped to attention. The boys followed his word at once, and Pieck began coordinating with her gun unit. Zeke slipped into his parachute, smiling bitterly as he did.</p>
<p>The Warrior unit would defend Valle. As for Liberio…</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope you know what you’re doing, Your Majesty.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I just don’t see why we couldn’t go to Fort Slava,” Gabi grumbled as she stormed through the internment zone, Falco and the others bobbing in her wake. Falco muttered something, but Zofia and Udo didn’t seem to care much either way.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, Gabi.” Zofia glanced slyly at her. “Everyone knows you’re a shoo in for the Armor. Reiner’s not going to lose it before then.”</p>
<p>Ugh. Zofia could be so irritating. Gabi made a face at her friend, who kept grinning that contained, catlike grin.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. You’ll get your chance before the year’s out,” Udo said. He worried his glasses. “They say the Mid East Alliance is going to try for a final push on mainland Marley.”</p>
<p>“They wouldn’t dare,” Gabi said hotly. <em>Not while I’m here. They’d have to be idiots to take me on.</em></p>
<p>“I don’t know why you’re so desperate to go back to the battlefield,” Falco muttered. Ugh, Falco. What a sweet guy, but what a wilting flower. Gabi rolled her eyes skyward.</p>
<p>“Because I’m gonna show them I should have the Armor. I’m the only one who should.” And she’d show the world once again that she was a good Eldian. That good Eldians existed more than the bad ones. Then one day the world would be fairer to them. Yes. It would work. Gabi grinned at the daydream she most cherished, where the rulers of all the countries around the world placed medals around her neck, and the crowds cheered.</p>
<p>She’d show them what a good Eldian looked like. Gabi clenched her fist.</p>
<p>
  <em>Then they’ll let us walk out of the internment zone. I just need to make them see how good I am.</em>
</p>
<p>“Hi, kids.”</p>
<p>The four had wandered over to the internment zone’s gate. Two of the night guards were already there, a couple of plain-faced guys Gabi knew only as the Gate Guards. But they were nice to her and the others. Gabi didn’t think she’d ever heard them use the phrase ‘devil bloods’, at least when she was around.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mr. Gate Guard,” she said. She parked her group in front of the men for a chat. “Everything okay tonight?” The sun had just set.</p>
<p>“Oh, fine. You kids should be home, shouldn’t you? It’s gonna get cold.”</p>
<p>Yeah. But it was cabbage soup night. Mom and Aunt Karina could tell her over and over that cabbage soup was delicious. Didn’t mean it was.</p>
<p>“Thought you all would be down in the Mid East with the other troops,” the other guard said. Gabi frowned. Yeah. So weird. They’d sent all the shifter Warriors off to fight, but left the cadets. Ugh, why was everything run so badly? One day, she’d show them how to fight a war.</p>
<p>“Maybe next time,” Falco said quietly. Gabi glared at him. He really could be such a whiner. No one liked a glum Eldian. They should all be good, cheerful, and helpful to show people they weren’t dangerous.</p>
<p>“Next time I’ll take ‘em all down myself,” Gabi said proudly. The guards laughed, but it was the truth. She could do it. Just get out of her way and let her.</p>
<p>“Well, I’ll be sure to celebrate when you come home victorious.” Mr. Gate Guard smiled fondly at her, and Gabi’s heart swelled. See? He thought she was a good Eldian. And she was, she was.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” Zofia asked. She was looking straight ahead, past the gate.</p>
<p>“What’s what?” Gabi looked where the other girl was pointing. It looked like…</p>
<p>Firebursts? No, cannon fire. It was hard to see from this distance, but Gabi knew where to look. She saw the faintest bursts of bright orange against the gathering night. Huh. What the…?</p>
<p>All the kids jumped in fear when the sirens began to scream. They wailed high and then low, high and then low. Gabi’s heart beat faster as she recognized the sirens. They only sounded in case of attack.</p>
<p>
  <em>The Mid East Alliance is planning to make a final push on mainland Marley.</em>
</p>
<p>“No way,” Mr. Gate Guard whispered. He went white with shock.</p>
<p>“We’re under attack?” Udo looked ready to pee himself. “From the MEA? But how? Why didn’t the navy stop them?”</p>
<p>“Because they’re sailing down to Valle,” Gabi muttered. “And Valle’s navy is sailing…up here.”</p>
<p>Oh shit. They were unprotected. Most of the Liberio troops were already down south, or in the Mid East. Gabi bunched her hands into fists and stared past the gate. If only she could leave, she could go grab a gun and help. She was a crack shot, even Zofia said so. What if Gabi could finish off the entire attack with only her trusty rifle and her cool, steady nerves? She’d be a real hero. The whole city would love her. The generals in the Marleyan military would—</p>
<p>“Gabi, go home.” Mr. Gate Guard looked stern now. “You don’t have a permit to leave. Don’t do what you’re thinking.”</p>
<p>“Gabi, let’s go.” Falco tugged at her arm; Zofia and Udo were already running away, headed for their apartments.</p>
<p>
  <em>But I have to save us. It’s my home. It’s why Colonel Magath left me behind really: to protect everyone.</em>
</p>
<p>“Gabi!” Falco cried. “Let’s—”</p>
<p>But his words were cut off when they heard the thrum of the motor overhead. Gabi, Falco, and the guards all gazed up in astonishment as a large airship cruised by overhead. Lights blinked on the underside. Gabi saw a hatch open in the ship’s hangar, and then bodies tumbled forth into space.</p>
<p>
  <em>The MEA? No. They don’t look like Mid East or Gaolin soldiers.</em>
</p>
<p>As Gabi and Falco watched, open mouthed, the people deployed some kind of hooks attached to their belts. No, not hooks. Gabi recognized them. It was…</p>
<p>
  <em>Reiner said it was ODM equipment. From the devils’ island.</em>
</p>
<p>“No way,” she breathed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“We only get one clean pass at this, so everybody deploy in your correct groups,” Hange shouted. She stood behind Onyankopon’s seat, as the young man expertly piloted the aircraft. Levi hated the fucking roar of the engine; not a moment to think with this much noise. “Group Alpha! Go!”</p>
<p>Levi watched as Petra got into formation with the others in her group. He caught his wife’s eye just before she barreled out of the hangar. She gave him a soft, quick smile, and then she was gone. Group Alpha protected the inner area, especially the internment zone. Less chance his wife would see action here. Small comfort.</p>
<p>Levi glanced at the lines of other soldiers sweating and waiting for their chances to deploy. Beta and gamma squads went next. Delta, Levi’s squad, would take the fighting near the front of the city. The most elite soldiers were in Delta, including Mikasa. He and the brat stood side by side, ready to go. Levi checked on his cousin. She showed no fear, same as him.</p>
<p>“Is Eren in position?” he asked her. She’d know.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Good. Don’t fuck up. Stay loose.”</p>
<p>They’d only fought human beings one other time. The girl would kill if she had to, but he worried she’d hesitate if there were civilians around. She’d never hurt an innocent. But Mikasa only nodded.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>This was about as close to familial as they were gonna get.</p>
<p>“Group Delta! Go, go!” Hange shouted, waving them out of the hangar. She and Onyankopon were going to fight in the sky, ready to maneuver around and pick soldiers up if necessary. Levi stood at the lip of the hatch, felt the wind run icy fingers through his hair. He glanced out to the horizon, where the Mid East’s and Gaol’s ships were coming in. If Erwin was right, it’d mostly be Gaols up in Liberio.</p>
<p>He went. Levi hurtled through the night, deployed his hooks and caught himself on the roof. He swung up into the air, letting the city lights guide him. Below, he saw the first incursion of ground troops making their way into the city. He saw flashes of gunfire, heard people’s screams. The sobs of children.</p>
<p>
  <em>They’re dying for Erwin’s plan.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had ‘slipped’ information on the Marleyan military to the enemy. He’d planned for this day. He’d wanted a great, frightening attack on Marleyan soil.</p>
<p>He’d known some civilians would die. Erwin had shuddered at the knowledge.</p>
<p>“Levi. Please save as many as you can,” he’d whispered on the train ride to the southern end of Paradis.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll follow your orders, Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>He sped off through the night, careening off of lamp posts and between buildings, hurling himself up high and spinning through the air until he came upon a whole host of Gaolin soldiers shooting their way through a square of people. Levi sped down out of the night and sliced one of them through, took the head clean off. The Gaols started screeching when they saw him, tried to shoot at him as he swung back into the air before coming down with another killing blow that took three of them out at once.</p>
<p>These weren’t his enemies, really. He had no idea who they were, or what they wanted.</p>
<p>But he just had to spill a little more blood. Just a little more.</p>
<p>Up ahead, he saw Mikasa killing her way through a whole squad. An armored vehicle was trundling down the street towards them. Hard to destroy it, even for one Ackerman.</p>
<p>But two could probably do the job. He shot his hooks and flew off to join her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Lieutenant? Think we’re doing okay?” Sasha shifted her rifle from one shoulder to the other, the only tell she was nervous. Petra stood alongside the girl on the rooftop, looking down into the internment zone. She saw people fleeing through the streets, headed for their tenement buildings. Below, she saw two men in guard uniforms, and a cluster of children. One of them, a girl with dark hair, was looking intently up at them. Petra raised her hand.</p>
<p>“It’s all right,” she called, just as a shot went off and narrowly missed her. Fuck. The guards had aimed for her. She fell away and yanked Sasha back when she started to take aim. “No!” Petra yelled. “Erwin said we don’t fire on Marleyans and especially not on Eldians.”</p>
<p>“Yeesh. Hope this plan works. King knows what he’s doing, I reckon.” When she got nervous, Sasha slipped back into a south Marleyan accent. It reminded Petra of Giulia.</p>
<p>“Sasha.” Petra pointed at some soldiers in blue Gaolin uniform rushing down the boulevard, shouting and firing at civilians. Petra gritted her teeth and unholstered her handgun. She sighted down the barrel, squeezed the trigger, and watched a man’s brains splatter as he fell to the ground.</p>
<p><em>My second human kill.</em> Petra’s hand trembled for only an instant. Just a little more blood, and it would all be behind them. That’s what Erwin said, and he was never wrong. Not about things like this.</p>
<p>“Make sure they don’t get through the gate,” she said to Sasha, then deployed her hooks and jettisoned to the street. Petra raced on foot, dodging behind a car as another shot went off, shattering the windshield. Fuck. Teeth gritted, she waited until two more soldiers came into view, then took them both out quick and clean.</p>
<p>Levi hated using guns, insisted on wielding his swords even in this new technological world, but Petra was grateful. She didn’t want to look in a person’s eyes as she killed them. The distance stopped her from going insane. She kept her back to the wall and moved slowly, peeking around the corner with her gun up and ready. Petra shot her hooks and went skyward as a group of soldiers hurried down the street, shouting in a nasally language she didn’t understand. Petra secured herself on top of a roof, then took them out one after the other. Four, five, six. Her heart contracted with every kill, and she left her body. This was a game, she told herself. They were toys in a game. She had to think like that, or she wouldn’t be able to function.</p>
<p>Levi was so much stronger than her. Or more damaged. Either way.</p>
<p>Then Petra gasped, because one of the soldiers dodged her last bullet and made for the internment gates, his rifle lifted. He shouted something as the guards were too slow to react, too slow to prevent the man from firing on them and killing them and the children.</p>
<p>A shot rang out. The attacking soldier jerked back as the bullet caught his brain, and he collapsed to the earth.</p>
<p>Sasha truly was exceptional. Petra noticed the little dark haired girl gaze up at the soldier on the roof. Sasha waved, and the child waved back in awe. Petra looked toward the coast as Sasha arrived beside her.</p>
<p>“You get the other snipers around this perimeter,” Petra said. “I’m going to check on beta company.” Petra was a ‘drifter’, a jack-of-all-trades who could fill in anywhere she was needed. She knew Levi would prefer she stay here, in the safest zone. But she couldn’t stand by, not if she could help somewhere.</p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am,” Sasha said. Petra flew off into the night.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Too bad Zeke was down in Valle, doing his monkey show and killing all the MEA assholes he could find. If the ape had been up here in Liberio, Levi might’ve found an opportunity to ‘accidentally’ kill him in some friendly fire. If killing Erwin and the others at Shiganshina hadn’t been enough—and it had been—the ape asshole had also hurt and embarrassed Levi’s wife. Fucker should die for that alone.</p>
<p>“How are we?” Mikasa asked. She was at his back, surveying the streets towards the internment zone. Good. The bodies were thick in the avenue, but they were mostly Gaolin soldiers. Still, Levi saw a few of his own black uniformed brethren. Kids came to a foreign country just to die. Made him feel sick.</p>
<p>But he had a job to do. The ground fighting was starting to clear. Time to set off phases two and three of the Liberio operation.</p>
<p>“You stay down here and regroup with Jean,” Levi said. “Time for Eren’s signal.”</p>
<p>Mikasa grunted in agreement, and Levi flew up to a rooftop. He grabbed his flare gun and a red flare, loaded, and fired. It zoomed skyward, the red a bloody color in an already bloody night. Tch. Levi squinted at the orange lightning flash on the horizon. Eren had been waiting patiently down near the waterfront, where the first ships were landing. He waited until it’d be harder for them to turn their guns on him, until most of the Gaolin soldiers were rushing back to the boats.</p>
<p>With a roar, the Attack Titan started smashing ships and tanks and men alike, barreling his way across the docks. Good. Time for Erwin.</p>
<p>Levi loaded a blue flare just as he felt his skin tighten with goosebumps. Fuck. He could feel the man about to squeeze the trigger, turned around in what felt like slow motion while the sniper on the other roof aimed and—</p>
<p><em>Bam.</em> The Gaolin soldier slumped over, the shot left unfired. Petra swooped down, standing over the soldier’s body as she reloaded her gun. She quickly deployed over to Levi’s roof, and stood alongside her husband. Her chest rose and fell heavily with her breathing—adrenaline was some type of drug.</p>
<p>“Glad I came now?” she asked sweetly.</p>
<p>“I would’ve survived,” he grumbled.</p>
<p>“Maybe. Maybe not.” Cheeky little bitch. “I’ve got your back. Signal Erwin.”</p>
<p>His wife stood behind him while Levi fired the gun, and the blue flare rocketed overhead.</p>
<p>
  <em>Come on, Erwin. End this. End it now.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He’d left the ship two miles behind and motored out into the center of a war zone. Erwin could have chuckled as he positioned himself between the ships that were ready to head into port. Ahead, in the distance, he saw Eren’s transformation, watched the clouds of destruction rise higher and higher into the air, heard the wail of sirens.</p>
<p>It hadn’t been hard to let the Mid East Alliance ‘discover’ Marleyan intel. Erwin had known they would take the opportunity for a land invasion. They were growing desperate, and needed to make a bold move.</p>
<p>He understood that. He sympathized.</p>
<p>“<em>Oi!</em>” someone called overhead. Erwin looked up as a light fell upon him. He squinted; the Gaols were only dark blurs now. “<em>Qui va là? Qui va là?</em>”</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry. You were what I needed.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin raised his hand, and sank his teeth into his thumb. There was a bright flash of pain, the coppery taste of his blood. Then the world became very small.</p>
<p>One instant he heard the rush of waves, the screams of the soldiers, sirens. Then everything became quiet. The ships, so massive mere seconds before, became little more than toys. The force of Erwin’s transformation blew several of them to pieces. He knew that the coastline would suffer some rough waves, but nothing to be done about that. Erwin slowly reached down for one of two remaining ships. Only thing he hated about his colossal body was how slow it moved. He picked one ship up in his hand, lifted it out of the water. He saw the people squirming on deck, moving like ants.</p>
<p>He would make it quick.</p>
<p>He tore the ship to pieces, and from up here he could not hear the screams of terror and death. He picked up the other one, and squeezed it to a pulp.</p>
<p>There were a few more ships on their way, but the Paradisian fleet would finish them off very quickly.</p>
<p>Once the ships were all dead, Erwin knew it was time. Slowly, he began to walk out of the sea, heading for the bright Liberian lights.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zeke picked up the broken shards of what had been a fashionable apartment building. He ground them into rubble, and launched the volley at a whole battalion of soldiers as they made land. The Valle waterfront was almost destroyed by now, but none of it had been the Warriors’ doing. The Mid East soldiers had shelled much of the more fashionable port area, but they’d made very little progress inland. Pieck and Porco were chasing down any enemy soldiers that had made it into the streets. Reiner and Zeke had taken the main job of crushing whoever made it ashore. Zeke broke up some more rock, and this time hurled his projectiles at the enemy ships in the harbor. Bullseye.</p>
<p>The rocks ripped through the ship hulls, and the things instantly became useless. He destroyed the guns on the decks, killed hundreds in a few measly seconds.</p>
<p>Well. At least he hadn’t lost his pitching arm.</p>
<p>
  <em>Eren. At least when this is over, I’ll have my passage to Paradis. We’ll be together soon. I promised I would save you. I promised.</em>
</p>
<p>Zeke’s moment of idleness almost cost him. He roared when a cannon nearly got him across his nape. Shit. He ducked down, collapsing onto the streets and shaking the place. He heard the thud of Reiner’s footsteps as the boy crushed the tank that had made landfall and nearly taken out Zeke. Stomp. Stomp. A few moments later, and the tank was a squashed bug.</p>
<p>Zeke knew he shouldn’t enjoy simply stepping on the enemies, crushing them like bugs, but he derived something like childish glee from the process. Well, his every movement had been curtailed from the day he was born; maybe that’s what made it that so enjoyable to rampage as he pleased. He took care, though, not to squash Marleyans. In fact, he made sure to show exaggerated caution when the citizens were near.</p>
<p>Most of these men and women had grown up knowing of Marley’s wars in the abstract sense. They’d cheered on their soldiers like they would a local sports team. They’d read of conquest in the paper before wrapping fish in it, or turning to the entertainment columns.</p>
<p>For the first time in over a century, Marleyans were witnessing the brutality of war on their doorstep.</p>
<p>They witnessed as Eldians fell from the sky to save them from the foreign hordes.</p>
<p><em>Clever, Erwin. Clever.</em> Zeke had to begrudgingly admire the man. He may’ve gotten a few thousand innocent people killed tonight, but he’d save hundreds of thousands of Eldians and Marleyans both. So he believed.</p>
<p>Only Zeke knew the world could not be changed. Merely managed.</p>
<p>And then, behind him, Zeke felt the heat of a titan transformation. He grimaced as crystal spread along the streets, titan crystal engulfing the enemy and suffocating them in half a second. The War Hammer Titan rose up and sent its power towards the enemy. It impaled them on spikes, encased their tanks in crystal.</p>
<p>Mere seconds later, the battle against Valle truly was over.</p>
<p>Zeke flicked his ear, concentrating on the surrendering enemy soldiers. Valle’s local troops cornered the men, but everyone tonight had seen the titans finish off the enemy.</p>
<p>Everyone here had seen good Eldians at work.</p>
<p><em>How is Liberio, Majesty?</em> he wondered.</p>
<p>Zeke noticed cannon fire on the horizon, but wasn’t worried. Those were friendly ships hunting down the last of the MEA.</p>
<p>Hizuran ships.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin tried to steady himself as the water grew shallower. Eren had already laid waste to the MEA’s first naval attack. His plan, it seemed, had been successful. The Paradisian soldiers were plentiful, and had many of the remaining Gaolin soldiers in different states of surrender.</p>
<p>Through the crowd, some Marleyan officials wandered over to gaze up at Erwin. They had to be confused to see the Colossal Titan again.</p>
<p>They had to know what Erwin’s presence meant.</p>
<p>He saw, far down below, Willy Tybur as well. He imagined Willy looked sick. Magath was down in Valle; Willy was here to help sell Erwin’s final piece of the plan.</p>
<p>The Marleyans held up guns to Erwin, but with so many Paradisians around they were convinced to lower their weapons. Erwin slowly sank to his knees, careful so that water didn’t surge over what remained of the dock and soak everyone. That would be too funny.</p>
<p>As he slowly knelt, he saw Petra and Levi standing together. Her now-long hair was tied back in a braid; Levi’s eyes watched Erwin with half-lidded caution.</p>
<p>
  <em>I promised you both a better world for Kuchel to grow up in. The time has come.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin, on his knees, slowly leaned forward and braced his titan’s hands against the shallow sea floor. The heat of his skin boiled the water a little.</p>
<p>He was now only fifteen feet or so above the crowd. Erwin emerged from his titan, his torso bare. They’d turned on floodlights below, which played over his body. Erwin heard gasps in the crowd. He wasn’t ignorant of his own handsomeness; it was having an effect, as he’d hoped it would.</p>
<p>“Who are you?” one of the Marleyan officials called. Erwin looked at Willy, grim-faced and quietly furious. He looked at Hange, standing with the gamma unit around her, grinning. He saw so many of the people he’d brought to this land, to fight and perhaps die in it. He was overwhelmed with gratitude that the casualties appeared to have been few.</p>
<p>“Who are you?” another man yelled.</p>
<p>“I am Erwin Smith,” he called back. “I come from Paradis Island, where I wrested the title of king away from the evil Fritz family and restored order and decency. I have come with my subjects to assist and safeguard Marley in her wars, and to restore true peace throughout this world as compensation for the crimes my ancestors committed.”</p>
<p>The officials gaped, and looked to Willy Tybur. The man, hands behind his back, gave the lightest nod.</p>
<p>“Then welcome, Erwin Smith. You’ve saved our city tonight. We will hear whatever you have to say.”</p>
<p>Erwin smiled as he heard the cannons firing behind him, as Historia’s ship blew the last of the MEA stragglers out of the water. She would arrive soon. Then the performance would truly begin.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith descended from his titan, and asked for a shirt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra hadn’t seen the footage they’d taken of the explosion in the Lotani islands, so she was as stunned as the military brass seated around the table. As the mushroom cloud climbed higher into the sky, Erwin switched on the lights. He stood beside the projector, where the ghost of the explosion billowed outward.</p>
<p>“Gentlemen.” (Because she’d noticed that none of the higher ups in Marley were women.) “Let’s talk.”</p>
<p>It was three hours later, the dead of night. Historia’s ship had arrived soon after Erwin, and the queen had disembarked to join her husband. By then, journalists and photographers had arrived. They’d been baffled and accusatory, and then Historia had approached them.</p>
<p>Erwin was smart as hell. He knew that Historia’s youth and beauty would disarm the press. With an ethereal young woman on the arm of a tall, handsome man, both of them royal and promising change, the papers would eat it up.</p>
<p>“I am Historia Reiss, of the house formerly known as Fritz,” she’d said. Her rehearsed performance was flawless. “I killed my father, Rod Reiss, the tyrant king behind the walls of Paradis. Royal blood runs through me, but with the help of my husband, King Erwin Smith, I have renounced the despicable ways of my ancestors. Eldians were only ever a tool of a mad king, whose cruelty carried down through the blood for generations. I’ve turned over myself and my power to my husband.”</p>
<p>Another thing the papers loved: a girl ceding power to a strong man. Rejecting father and turning to husband. Petra almost rolled her eyes, and had to force herself not to.</p>
<p>So now the first shot had been leveled across the world’s bow: tomorrow papers would show images of the gorgeous king and queen of Paradis, show photos of Eldian courage as they saved Marley’s two capital ports from certain calamity. It would tell the story of an old tyrannical line overthrown to make way for peace and hope.</p>
<p>That wouldn’t be enough to change hearts and minds at once, but it would be a start. People couldn’t help but assign goodness to beauty; it was one of the oddest things about humanity, to think a pretty shell meant a good egg.</p>
<p>After Historia’s arrival, Willy Tybur had brought the elite soldiers along with the king and queen to discuss terms with Marley’s top generals.</p>
<p>And now, they saw Erwin’s superweapon. Kiyomi stood beside the king, smiling serenely. She had also been on Historia’s ship.</p>
<p>“Are you threatening us with this?” one of the generals croaked.</p>
<p>“Not at all. In fact, it’s a demonstration of the power you could ally yourself with,” Erwin said smoothly. Petra watched the king and the generals, some of whom turned angry eyes to her. Beside her, Levi sneered coldly; he’d accept no bad behavior toward his wife. The men quickly looked away, though Petra pressed his hand. They didn’t want to antagonize these men. To her right, Hange waited, ready to show off more of her weapons if need be.</p>
<p>“Lady Kiyomi. You’d ally yourself with these devils?” another general snapped.</p>
<p>“If the Azumabito believed King Erwin to be a devil, we would never do business with him.” That was a lie—she’d do anything to advance her house. But it sounded good. “As it stands, we and Paradis are now the holders of this great weapon. We intend to be good custodians.”</p>
<p>The message was clear: Marley was never getting the ‘recipe’ for the hyperfusion bomb. Between that and the rumbling, Paradis held enough power to wipe the world clean five times over. This wasn’t a negotiation as much as Erwin dictating terms.</p>
<p>“You knew the Mid East Alliance would attack, yet you let it happen to play the part of protective angels,” Willy Tybur said. He was distancing himself from having known of this plan while also expressing genuine disgust. Erwin bowed his head.</p>
<p>“I confess it was all very serendipitous. But consider, gentlemen. We stopped an incursion into mainland Marley that would have been otherwise disastrous. Soon the papers will show Eldians protecting the great nation of Marley from ugly, foreign assault.” He hit the word ‘foreign’, Petra noticed. It made her uneasy. “I’ve come to show you the power I wield, yes. As Tybur knows, we took the Fritz power from the royal family and gave it to a loyal Paradisian. Eren Jaeger has the means to access the full power of the Founding Titan whenever he wishes.” Not true; Zeke wasn’t on the island yet, and Historia wasn’t a titan. But close enough to fudge the truth a bit. “I am well aware of what this world has done to my people these hundred years. They have been corralled like animals; we islanders fought and died by the thousands, attacked by our own mutated kind. You see, gentlemen, were I a vengeful man, with my titans, my Founder, my weapons, my bomb? I could rain fire down upon the world like a god. Nothing could stand in my way.” Erwin looked to every silent, pale face at the table. “But I concede that my ancestors did do truly terrible things. Perhaps, in some way, we paid the price for a millennium of cruelty. But now that must stop.”</p>
<p>“What do you want from us?” a general whispered.</p>
<p>“I want to make Marley rich. Powerful. It’s only fair. The power of the titans is waning; your shores are open for invasion. If not the Mid East Alliance, then southern Nambia, or any other vengeful colonized people. If you control the entire world, however, and share it jointly with Hizuru and Paradis? Then you are in a triple alliance that cannot be broken.”</p>
<p>Petra gasped unintentionally. Levi squeezed her wrist, but hadn’t he heard? Erwin was talking about allying with the people who’d tortured them for years. He was talking about taking over the damn world.</p>
<p>“How do we know Hizuru and Paradis won’t try turning on us?” Willy Tybur asked. A good question. A rehearsed question.</p>
<p>“I propose splitting the titan powers almost equally. You may keep the Cart and Beast titans, and we shall return Annie Leonhardt, the Female Titan, to you.” Grumbles around the table at that; Annie had been a murderous force. Anyone would want her on their team. But when Petra thought of her, her hands shook. That bitch had killed Oruo and the others. If only they could kill her themselves… “I shall keep the Colossal Titan, Eren Jaeger the Attack and Founder. I will also require you to pass the Armored and Jaw titans to Paradis. Immediately.”</p>
<p>Wait. That meant…</p>
<p>“Reiner Braun and the holder of the Jaws will be eaten by Connie Springer and Jean Kirschtein, respectively. You, of course, keep the War Hammer as well.”</p>
<p>Petra thought of Connie, sweet, sunny Connie and Jean. Jean, who clearly loved Mikasa, who was a bit of an ass but also a bit brilliant. They would both die in thirteen years, be eaten by a successor. She understood then how Giulia Tybur had felt, a little bit at least. Connie and Jean were her boys now; they were going to be turned into weapons with short life spans?</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>“Quiet,” Levi whispered. But she heard the soft shock in his voice. He hadn’t known.</p>
<p>“You want two titans in exchange for one? How is that supposed to make us feel better?” a general snapped.</p>
<p>“You will have access to the weaponry fueled by our titan crystal, weapons designed by the woman who invented the hyperfusion bomb. Hange Zoe.” Erwin pointed her out. Hange looked almost shy, but kept herself together. “You got only a taste of their power tonight.”</p>
<p>“The Azumabito family will broker any and all deals as regards weapons,” Kiyomi added smoothly. Clever woman. Soon, her family would be the richest and most powerful in Hizuru.</p>
<p>“In addition, I propose future titan candidates be jointly trained by Marley and Paradis. They will have loyalty to Marley; we can instill that in them. We can instill in our youth a sense of the burden of history. They can be trained to repent of their ancestors’ crimes. Repent, but they will not abase themselves. This generational guilt will cease. And in return for partnering, Hizuru and Paradis will help you bring every other nation in this world under your thumb. The colonies will belong to you, their labor forces, their resources. Hizuru and Paradis will take our cut, of course, but the lion’s share goes to Marley. And with our hyperfusion bomb and our Founding Titan, we will agree to always have Marley’s back should any dare to oppose your rule.”</p>
<p>Everyone got very quiet. They were thinking. Thinking was a good sign.</p>
<p>World domination? The wars would be never ending. The children would be fed to titans again and again. She was going to be sick…</p>
<p>Even Hange looked quietly horrified, though she kept herself under control.</p>
<p>“What do you really want in return?” the same general asked.</p>
<p>“Eldians are treated as subhuman throughout this world. Only Marley treats us with even the slightest consideration, and not much at that.” Erwin’s smile finally faded. He glared, a picture of righteous fury. “You will cease all oppression against your Eldian citizens at once. They will remove their armbands; they will leave their ghettoes. From this day forward, violence done against Eldians will be met with swift and punitive justice. Your education system will become more balanced; you will meet with our citizens on Paradis and see how good and helpful Eldians are under the correct leadership. You will teach a new version of history, that every cruel thing Eldia ever did was done because of the Fritz family leadership. My wife is the only good royal. You will teach that, show her charitable works. Eldians are not the enemy; Fritzes are. And the Fritzes are out of power now. And as we conquer the world, we free my Eldian brothers and sisters. We wreak vengeance upon those who adopted the most inhumane punishments and treatments. We will summon the heads of every nation on earth and give them a demonstration of the hyperfusion bomb in a year’s time, once we have nicely subdued this world. In about a generation—thirty years, say—we will have bred out the virulent hatred against Eldians. Children are the future; they will be taught the right way to think about us. And in return, you remain secure and in power for generations to come.”</p>
<p>The men around the table looked like ghosts. Finally, Willy Tybur stepped forward.</p>
<p>“We can show the world what happens when good Eldians hold power rather than bad.” He nodded slowly. “I think, Majesty, it can be done.”</p>
<p>“And I think, Majesty,” Erwin replied, “that with the Tybur family on our side the world will be more receptive to our story. What do you think, gentlemen?”</p>
<p>“What if we refused?” One was brave enough to ask.</p>
<p>“The Mid East Alliance is not yet broken.” Erwin looked grave. “Our enemies can become our friends, given all of our power. You want Marley to be our allies, generals. Not our enemies.”</p>
<p>Petra’s knees were shaking. She was watching history right now. She was watching the world change in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>This was real power.</p>
<p>But this was also only the beginning of bloodshed…</p>
<p>“We need time to consider—”</p>
<p>“You don’t have time.” Erwin shut off his politeness like a faucet. “Decide now.”</p>
<p>“You are very blunt, Majesty,” Willy hissed.</p>
<p>“And you are coy, sir. Tell your puppets how to think. They are already under Eldian rule. Show them how a true king acts when his people are on the line.”</p>
<p>Silence as the two kings appraised one another. Then, slowly, Willy Tybur extended his hand.</p>
<p>“Perhaps the time has come for our race to be the true shield and spear of Marley.”</p>
<p>They shook.</p>
<p>“My thoughts exactly,” Erwin said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Half an hour later, it was done. All done. But as Erwin took a private room to meet with his best officers, Petra was already bursting to discuss—no, to beg Erwin not to choose the boys. She, Levi, and Hange gathered with Erwin. He was smiling that frankly creepy smile of his; at least someone was having a good time tonight.</p>
<p>“Sir?” Petra asked. “Please don’t use Connie and Jean.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” His impressive eyebrows furrowed.</p>
<p>“Petra,” Levi said, his voice a warning. She ignored him.</p>
<p>“There have to be other candidates for the titans. What about older people? I…I hate this idea of using children and teenagers to fight wars for us. Connie and Jean will be dead before they even begin living.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked on her with evident sympathy. Hange cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Erwin, I agree. Connie and Jean are two of our veterans—”</p>
<p>“Exactly why I need it to be them. I trust them both. They’re both skilled. I can’t say that about many in the military.”</p>
<p>“Do they have a choice in this?” Petra asked. Connie would want to be reunited with his mother. He couldn’t do that if he lived a shortened life.</p>
<p>“I’ve discussed with both. Connie wanted one of the shifters used on his mother.” Erwin made a pained face. “I wanted to oblige him, but the current situation being what it is, I made a deal instead. Pieck Finger’s titan term is up in about two years. If Connie helps secure Paradis in those two years, we’ll give his mother the Cart Titan. It’s a sturdy and utilitarian titan, but not as important as the others. It could reasonably be given to a civilian.”</p>
<p>“But Marley’s keeping the Cart.”</p>
<p>“Marley will do as I say,” Erwin said quietly. Petra shivered at his words, and the seriousness of his expression. “Connie has agreed.”</p>
<p>“But Jean—”</p>
<p>“Erwin.” Levi finally spoke. “I think you ought to choose someone else for the Jaws.”</p>
<p>“Why, Levi?”</p>
<p>“Let’s face it. You’ve got a little less than ten years before your term is up. That may not be enough time to really stop this anti-Eldian shit. Hange’s a certified genius, but she’s not a natural leader like you are. Or like Kirschtein is. You oughta keep one eye on the future. He could be groomed as your successor.”</p>
<p>“To inherit the Colossal as well as leadership?” Erwin asked.</p>
<p>“Not sure. Let’s see how things shake out a decade down the road. But I agree with Petra on that one. Kirschtein is more useful to you untitanized. At least for now.”</p>
<p>She was also grateful for Mikasa’s sake. Eren would be gone in a few years, and she’d need friends around her. Maybe Jean would never have her heart, but with Connie going her life would grow increasingly small.</p>
<p>Erwin thought about that, and Petra forced herself not to burst into tears. She couldn’t bear to think of Connie…eating Reiner.</p>
<p>Connie becoming a monster.</p>
<p>Dying young.</p>
<p>
  <em>But there’s nothing I can do. He bargained himself away for his mother.</em>
</p>
<p>“Then who would you suggest I choose? It’s not going to be anyone in this room, obviously.”</p>
<p>Levi lifted a brow. “We still need a titan of royal blood to access the Coordinate, and none of us wants to need Zeke Jaeger. Historia—”</p>
<p>“No.” Erwin was firm as concrete. “I honor my agreements. In exchange for marrying me, I promised Historia I’d let her remain utterly human. I won’t break that promise, not for this.”</p>
<p>Levi sighed, but nodded. She knew he respected Erwin’s principles.</p>
<p>“No one’ll like this idea,” Hange said, “but what about Floch Forster?”</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Levi muttered. “No one likes it.”</p>
<p>“There’s no one more loyal to you, Erwin. You know there isn’t.”</p>
<p>“Hange, I don’t think we should give that little shitheel power,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Hange is right,” Erwin said. “Forster is loyal to me and skilled enough. If not Kirschtein, it will be him.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed and squeezed Levi’s hand in commiseration. They both hated that little asshole, but they needed to spare Jean.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Levi muttered. Then, quietly, “Erwin. Look what you did.” He seemed softly amazed. “Look what you did tonight. Look where you brought us.”</p>
<p>“No.” Erwin clapped Hange on the shoulder and looked at Levi and Petra. “This is what <em>we</em> did. Where we brought ourselves. Everyone in this room contributed to our victory tonight in some momentous way. We four changed the world. Together.”</p>
<p>Petra felt her cheeks flush. Levi squeezed her hand, letting her know he understood.</p>
<p>“Well. With the Gaols on the run, we should celebrate properly. Their ‘champagne’ is something spectacular. Let’s have a bottle and toast to a new world.” Erwin smiled. “Thank you, my friends. My dearest friends in this or any world.”</p>
<p>And Petra saw Levi puff up with pride. He and Erwin clasped hands.</p>
<p>But all she could think of was Connie. And Floch. And even Reiner.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You’re fucking kidding me.” Porco spoke lifelessly. It was noon the next day, and the Warriors had helped clear the rubble from the streets of Valle. Yet more good works to show what good devils they were. They’d all taken a break for lunch, and were relaxing in human form within a café taken over by the military. Overhead, a ceiling fan circulated the air, but Zeke couldn’t feel it.</p>
<p>“That clever bastard,” Zeke muttered, reading over the telegram again. Yes, it was all there. Truce with Paradis Island declared; immediate release of all Marleyan Eldians from internment camps.</p>
<p>And Reiner Braun and Porco Galliard were to return to Liberio today and prepare to be eaten tomorrow. By two Paradisians.</p>
<p>“I just got the fucking Jaws,” Porco muttered. He stared into his increasingly flat soda. On the other side of the table, Reiner crossed his arms and brooded. Whatever he was thinking, Zeke couldn’t know.</p>
<p>Pieck had poured a packet of sugar on the table and was drawing swirling designs in it. He knew her well enough to know this was her attempt to not cry. They all knew they were slated for an early death, but Reiner had been a couple of years away yet.</p>
<p>Now he had mere hours. As for Porco, he was supposed to outlive her, and Zeke knew Porco was Pieck’s best friend among the Warriors. These past four years, they’d always done missions together.</p>
<p>And now the ‘enemy’ was going to kill him.</p>
<p>“How did they manage this?” Pieck murmured.</p>
<p>“Not they. That king of theirs, Erwin Smith,” Zeke said. Reiner grunted in agreement.</p>
<p>“Yeah. The commander was a real beast. No one could outthink him.” Reiner’s eye twitched; he seemed on the verge of a smile. “At least now it’s going to be over,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Don’t say that, you cowardly piece of shit,” Porco snapped. He slammed his hands on the table, startling Pieck. Reiner didn’t move at all. “We lost.”</p>
<p>“Technically, we Eldians won,” Zeke drawled. “Our families are going to be free. We’re just not going to live to enjoy this brave new world.”</p>
<p>“You think the people are gonna be fine with Eldians by tomorrow?” Porco scowled.</p>
<p>“No. But Erwin Smith is banking on them coming around.” Zeke pulled his beard. “Whatever leverage he has must be impressive. And real. I’m not sure they have the right conditions for the rumbling.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Reiner paled. For the first time, he looked afraid. “They wouldn’t feed one of us to Christa, would they?”</p>
<p>“You mean Queen Historia?” Zeke shrugged. “Something tells me no. They, er, may have originally had a plan to make her a shifter and have her pump out babies for the duration of her term. I imagine they might have planned such a thing, that is. But this new plan of theirs probably negates that idea. No, whatever they have, it’s something truly good. Unexpected.”</p>
<p>“That’s a relief.” Reiner sighed. “I wouldn’t want Christa to suffer.” Ugh. People with crushes were so…unappealing.</p>
<p>“Magath can’t let them do this,” Porco said.</p>
<p>“Magath won’t have a choice if it’s from the generals.” Pieck sniffled, her hair hiding her face. Her voice quavered only the tiniest bit. “Sorry, Pock. I don’t think there’s a way to appeal this decision.”</p>
<p>“Well.” He grumbled, but squeezed her arm. Zeke was older than these kids by a fair bit. He hadn’t grown up alongside them, not really. Saying goodbye to Porco didn’t mean to him what it meant to Pieck.</p>
<p>Pieck was correct, as usual. Zeke brooded on what this meant for him. Nice he wasn’t going to be eaten, but it sounded like the Paradisians had bartered him away to Marley. Fuck. No easy hop over to Paradis Island now. These blasted cunts. And with this new world order, Zeke’s leverage over Petra Ackerman became meaningless. They’d played all this beautifully. They’d played <em>him. </em>He had to admire the strategy of it, even as he despised Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Reiner picked up his half-drunk bottle of soda and lifted it in a toast. “If this means a better world for my mom and Gabi, I’m happy to give them what they want. Besides.” His face twisted in that pained, oddly happy grimace. “I’ll get to see those 104<sup>th</sup> assholes one more time.”</p>
<p>Zeke knew what it truly meant to Reiner to see them again. He shook his head.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah.” Porco lifted his glass as well, sulking. “We all knew it couldn’t last forever.”</p>
<p>Pieck sniffed, lifted her iced tea. “I’m glad we had this final mission.”</p>
<p>Zeke shrugged, lifted his own drink. They toasted one another, and finished their lunch in silence. While Reiner and Porco faced the grave, and Pieck yet more loss, Zeke considered Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>He’d have to do something about this man. He really would.</p>
<p>Nothing was going to get in the way of Mr. Xavier’s plan.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Hey, Cap’n! Imma be a titan t’morrow. Wha ya think?” Connie bounded over to Levi swinging a bottle of beer, a drunk, happy smile plastered on his face. The streets of Liberio were a scene of celebration for the Paradisians tonight. The Marleyans, meanwhile, preferred to stayed holed up in their houses, peeking through windows at the foreigners who’d suddenly become their saviors and new ‘best friends.’</p>
<p>Lot to take in.</p>
<p>They were outside the internment zone. The camps were going to be disbanded in the coming week. For now, Eldians from Marley hung onto the chain link fence and gazed across at their liberated brothers and sisters. Sasha was also drunk, as was Jean, and Levi saw them yelling about something or other while Sasha danced in triumph and Jean screamed so hard the veins in his face popped. Standard brat behavior.</p>
<p>“You ready, Connie?” he asked. The young man wobbled a bit.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Hic. Yeah. Imma be an armor, an, an then later my mum’ll be a tank. Er, cart. And then it’ll allllll be worth it.”</p>
<p>Levi steadied the young man, walked him over to sit on a city bench. Per Willy Tybur’s orders, sorry, the “military government’s” orders the shops and restaurants stayed open tonight for the heroes of Liberio. All around them people were drinking openly in the streets or sampling different types of food. Earlier, the brats had discovered ice cream. Levi had never seen Sasha cry like that before.</p>
<p>“Give me that.” Levi took the brown paper bag and bottle from Connie, put them on the ground. “Look, kid. If there’s anything about this that’s bothering you, say it now. Once you do this, you can’t take it back.” Why was he saying this? This was Erwin’s command, yet the idea of Connie dying in thirteen years sat like a weight on Levi’s chest. “If you really can’t do this, tell me. I can swing it with command.”</p>
<p>Connie sniffed. He looked so drunk and tired Levi was sure he didn’t understand. Then…</p>
<p>“Gotta. For my mum.”</p>
<p>“Maybe in a couple years we can give the cart to your mother anyway. Kid, if you don’t want this—”</p>
<p>“I wanna have power.” Connie sounded determined now. He wiped his lips. “I wanna have the power that’ll keep my fri—hic—ends safe. I don’t care if I gotta die.”</p>
<p>“When you’re eighteen, thirteen years seems like a whole lifetime. When you get to be my age, you understand just how long life can be. I don’t want you to regret this.”</p>
<p>“You said never regret any decision, cap’n.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well, if you know you can avoid regret, do it.”</p>
<p>“I want it. ‘Sides, if I don’t, they might pick Sasha,” he mumbled. “An’ she’s even dumber ‘n I am.”</p>
<p>Well. True.</p>
<p>“Sober up and think about it.”</p>
<p>“I thought ‘bout it already, cap’n. But thanks.” Connie drunkenly hugged Levi, who froze. Hugging. Fuck it. Why did people do this shit? “Yer the bes, sir.”</p>
<p>With that, Connie staggered off into the throngs of revelers. Levi leaned back on the bench. He’d done his duty. That’s all he could do. He stared at the internment gates, saw a whole group of children watching, children who’d been raised in a cage due to their blood. What if Kuchel…?</p>
<p>“Hey.” Petra sat down alongside him. Always a nice surprise. She frowned. “Why do you have beer in a paper bag?”</p>
<p>“Took it off the next Armor,” he grumped. She leaned back against the seat, and he snuck his arm around her. Hated showing lovey stuff in public, but after the last couple days he was just glad to be able to hold her at all. Every second he spent on this continent felt like an hour. He was being watched. Hated. He wanted to go home.</p>
<p>But even when he left this shithole, he’d be off somewhere new on Erwin’s wars of expansion. Fuck. He looked at his wife.</p>
<p>“So. Erwin and Willy are drawing up plans for Gaol next. Breaking up the MEA for good. Marley hasn’t conquered deep into the Aeropa continent before. That’ll be a first.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed heavily. “Levi…”</p>
<p>“Petra…” he said simultaneously. He stopped.</p>
<p>“Sorry. I’ve already told Erwin that this was my last mission.” She studied her hands. “I’ve agreed to oversee new cadet training in Trost, but I’m done fighting wars. I can’t keep killing people, and I can’t risk leaving Kuchel without a mother.”</p>
<p>All his breath left in one go. He broke his rule about lovey shit in public and kissed her.</p>
<p>“You got any idea what a relief it is to hear you say that?” he growled.</p>
<p>“But maybe you should resign from combat, too. There’s so much you can do as an educator, and that way we don’t have to worry. Or be separated.”</p>
<p>True. If he kept fighting, Erwin would send him on campaign. He’d be gone maybe months at a time. Shit. Levi shut his eyes. Kuchel. Petra. The new baby he hoped would join their family. All that could be his, locked up and safe, but…</p>
<p>“I can’t. If he needs me, Petra, you know I have to follow. If this plan doesn’t succeed, Paradis is gonna be in the shit worse than before. If I’m an important part of making it succeed, I can’t stay home.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed, kissed his cheek. “I knew you’d say that. It was worth a try.” She nestled against him and stared out at the streets, full of boisterous laughter. She looked at the windows, which showed faces full of fear. Levi rubbed her arm, just delighted to be holding her. She’d be safe now. Honestly, knowing she was safe with Kuchel would make the coming wars easier on him.</p>
<p>Just a little more blood. A little more.</p>
<p>“I wish tomorrow weren’t happening,” she whispered. He kissed the top of her head.</p>
<p>“Tried talking to Connie. He seems happy with his decision. Tch. Course Floch’s over the moon. That shithead.”</p>
<p>“I also told Erwin I’d oversee the final meetings.” She sighed deeply. “You know. Parents and friends coming to say goodbye before…”</p>
<p>The thought of it made Levi’s skin crawl.</p>
<p>“You’ll do good,” he said. “I’ll be there for the, er, exchanges. You won’t be alone.”</p>
<p>Petra pressed her face to his chest.</p>
<p>“Don’t let me go. It’s all too much,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Baby, if there’s one thing you don’t need to worry about, it’s me letting go.”</p>
<p>He sat there with his wife in his arms, and waited for the morning when the world would change just a little bit more.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They were transferring the Jaws first. Petra was required to sit behind a two way mirror and observe the final goodbyes. The Warrior, Porco Galliard, walked in with a military escort. He had his hands manacled. Once he sat down at a wooden table, that and two chairs the only pieces of furniture in the room, they unbound his hands. The guards then left to stand outside the door in case the Warrior tried to escape.</p>
<p>A red button waited to Petra’s left. If Porco tried anything, or anything went wrong, she only had to press the button and the guard would be on him in a second. They couldn’t kill him, of course. If he died before the transfer, the power went to a random Eldian baby. They couldn’t have that.</p>
<p>Porco was a young man with a fearsome expression and red hair. Petra watched as the first couple of people came in, friends from the internment camp. It would have been rude to have soldiers or observers in the room itself; the ‘witness’, Petra’s role, allowed Marley to take precautions while being somewhat polite. How nice.</p>
<p>Porco was dressed in a long white robe. He spoke haltingly, laughed a bit. Petra’s heart beat faster as she watched him. In one hour and thirty-five minutes, he would die. A healthy young man. It seemed so wrong. No; it <em>was</em> so wrong.</p>
<p>An older man and woman came in next, the boy’s parents. They wept bitterly, the mother especially, which made Porco angry. Petra shut her eyes, imagined it was Kuchel.</p>
<p>
  <em>How can we allow this to keep happening?</em>
</p>
<p>She had to fight angry tears.</p>
<p>Finally, the Warriors came in one at a time. Not Reiner, as he was being prepped for ‘transfer’, but Zeke. Petra glared at the bearded creep as he sat across from Porco.</p>
<p>“I was planning on seeing you before my own transfer,” Zeke drawled. He was, Petra noticed, not wearing his armband; Erwin’s demands already at work. “I’m sorry it worked out this way.”</p>
<p>“I knew it was gonna happen.” Porco cleared his throat. “It’s just…when you think you have nine years left and then it’s not even one day…”</p>
<p>Petra pressed her hand to the glass unconsciously. She could read Porco’s body language, the tight shoulders, the jittering leg.</p>
<p>He was terrified.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why are we killing him?</em>
</p>
<p>“If there’s something beyond all this, I hope it’s better than what you’re leaving behind.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well. Guess it can’t be much worse.”</p>
<p>Zeke left soon after, and then a young girl entered. She had long dark hair, and walked with the aid of a crutch. Porco smiled warmly when he saw her.</p>
<p>“Back to the old habits?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I forget not to crawl around,” she said as she lowered herself into a seat and laid the crutch on the floor. Ah. This had to be the Cart Titan girl, Pieck. “Is there anything you want me to do?”</p>
<p>“My parents. They won’t have any more kids after this, so if you could look in on ‘em.”</p>
<p>“Of course. At least they’re leaving the internment zone.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Think they’re leaving Liberio. Maybe try further inland, where no one’ll know them. Now they can at least move around without people knowing they’re Eldian.”</p>
<p>“I’ll look after them,” Pieck said. They sat in silence a minute. “Pock. I…”</p>
<p>“You know I hate it when you call me that.” But he didn’t sound mad. Petra watched as the girl wobbled to her feet. Porco got up and came around the table. He hugged the girl tight, swayed back and forth a bit. It wasn’t love like she knew with Levi—Petra was adept at reading these things. But it was its own kind of love. It was special.</p>
<p>“I thought I wouldn’t have to say goodbye,” the girl murmured. Yes. Pieck’s term was up in two years; Porco should have had nine more. “I’m not…quite prepared.”</p>
<p>“No one ever really is.” Porco kissed her cheek as the door opened. Time was up.</p>
<p>“No,” Petra whispered, standing. But what could she do?</p>
<p>Pieck took up her crutch and hobbled out of the room. Petra saw her face start to break, then watched the girl pull herself together and gaze ahead stoically. Then the soldiers put the manacles back on Porco and led him from the room.</p>
<p>Petra wasn’t going to be able to do this. She was already crying as the door opened minutes later and Reiner was led through in shackles. Unlike Porco, there was no agitation in his face. He seemed almost peaceful as they uncuffed him and exited the room. Petra sat back down, shivering, as the door opened again and his visitors came through.</p>
<p>First was the boy’s mother, a hollowed out looking woman with strange eyes. She smiled at Reiner as she sat opposite him.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Mom. I thought I’d have a little more time,” he said.</p>
<p>“Don’t be. Reiner, you’ve done so well.” She squeezed his hands. “My only regret is that Gabi isn’t inheriting your titan.”</p>
<p>Yes. Gabi Braun, the eleven-year-old cousin. Petra had done her research. This woman repulsed her; who the fuck could ever want a child to eat her own cousin, then die at twenty-four?</p>
<p>“Well, Gabi’ll be with you now. She’ll help take care of you.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, Reiner. Now that I can leave the internment camp, I’ll go look for your father. He’ll take care of me. He’ll be so happy to see me, and so proud to know what his son grew up to do.”</p>
<p>Reiner seemed to struggle with himself a minute, then finally smiled weakly.</p>
<p>“Great, Mom. Great. Just…make sure Gabi and Aunt Lou know where to find you.”</p>
<p>“My good boy. Such a good son.” The woman patted Reiner’s cheek, then rose before her time was up and said goodbye. What in the fuck? If it were Kuchel, they wouldn’t be able to drag Petra out of that room.</p>
<p>Reiner Braun had smashed down the walls and helped kill hundreds of thousands of people. But for the first time, Petra wondered what kind of a life this boy must have lived. She suddenly felt horrible for him.</p>
<p>Soon after, another woman entered with a man and a little dark-haired girl. That had to be Gabi. Reiner beamed warmly when he saw her, and hugged her close. The girl was already on the verge of tears, but she fought them off with anger.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” she snarled. “I was supposed to…”</p>
<p>Reiner sighed, patted her head. “I’m glad you’re not going to be a Warrior. I want you to live a long life, Gabi.”</p>
<p>He meant it.</p>
<p>“How can you say that?” The child was almost shrieking, a kind of mania suffusing her face. Petra began to wonder if she should press that button; the kid was scaring her. Even as Gabi’s parents tried to console her, she kept shouting at Reiner. “The whole world hates us more than ever now! That devil king’s taken over! The world will see us all as devils, and nothing more! That whole evil race came over here and, and-–”</p>
<p>“Saved your lives,” Reiner said. He looked weary now. “I hope you understand one day, Gabi. I really hope you do.”</p>
<p>The child hugged him again, this time losing her battle with tears. Petra watched, weary as hell, as the aunt and uncle said their goodbyes and left. Gabi looked back as they pulled her from the room, desperate for one more glimpse of her cousin. <em>She loves him. She doesn’t know how to show it.</em></p>
<p>When would this nightmare end? Petra’s temples throbbed.</p>
<p>The door opened, and Petra was shocked to see Queen Historia enter. Reiner stood up, his mouth open; he and Petra were equally surprised, it seemed. Petra could’ve sworn the boy began to sweat as he sat down and the queen sat across from him. Historia folded her hands in her lap. She didn’t meet Reiner’s eyes.</p>
<p>“I wanted to thank you for delivering Ymir’s letter. I know it would’ve been easier for you not to keep that promise,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah. Uh, you’re welcome.” Reiner gulped. He stared hungrily at the queen, who just appeared sad.</p>
<p>“Why did you do it, Reiner?” she whispered.</p>
<p>He looked down, ashamed.</p>
<p>“I…I didn’t have a choice.” He winced. “No; that’s not true. I didn’t want to turn back. I…I had to make my mother proud. I had to let them see I could do it.” He clenched his fist. “Christa…sorry, Historia. I want you to know that Bertholdt and I…we offered to let Ymir escape before we came back here. She came to Marley because she wanted to, knowing what would happen. We didn’t force her.”</p>
<p>At the girl’s name, Historia began to quietly weep. Her shoulders shook.</p>
<p>“That big idiot.” She sniffed, wiped her face. “I’ll never understand her.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” The seconds crawled by. Reiner took a deep breath, preparing himself for something. “If I hadn’t been…well. And if Ymir had still been…gone. Would you have… Could I, er, could we…?”</p>
<p>He could barely string a sentence together, but Petra got the gist of it. So did Historia. Gently, she reached over and laid her hands on his. Her smile was only sympathetic. He understood; she didn’t have to say the words.</p>
<p>“Sorry for what we did to you,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“If you hadn’t come to Paradis and kicked down the wall, my life would have been very different. Maybe a lot lonelier.” Historia shrugged. “I’m kind of grateful you did. I suppose that makes me a bad girl.”</p>
<p>Reiner frowned, but said nothing. Petra felt bone weary as Historia got up, said a final goodbye, and walked out the door. The clock said Reiner had fifteen minutes left. Then there’d be nothing to do but watch him die.</p>
<p>Petra’s eyes blurred with tears when the door opened again. At first, she didn’t see who it was. Then she heard him speak. She knew his voice.</p>
<p>“Hello, Reiner.”</p>
<p>“Eren.” Reiner sounded shocked. Petra wiped her eyes, and yes. Eren sat before Reiner, his ever-growing hair back in a small bun. Almost nineteen, Eren had grown from the sweet, odd boy she’d once known. He’d become more beautiful than handsome, and the quiet anger she saw in his gaze now gave that beauty a fearsome quality. Petra almost quailed at the sight. Reiner collected himself. “Weird to see you.”</p>
<p>Well, that was at least true.</p>
<p>“This isn’t the way I thought we’d meet again,” Eren said.</p>
<p>“Yeah. You probably wanted to smash my face on the battlefield one last time,” Reiner grumbled.</p>
<p>“No.” Eren’s eyes seemed to glow with an intense light. “No, we were supposed to meet underground.”</p>
<p>Petra leaned forward a little. More of Eren’s bizarre predictions? Reiner seemed as confused as she.</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“Reiner, I thought I was going to be just like you. And maybe I will be, but not now.” What the fuck did that even mean? “I want to believe there could have been a way out of all this for us. But it doesn’t matter when or where; it always ends up falling apart. Maybe this is just the way humans are.”</p>
<p>“Uh, Eren. Gotta tell you, you’re not making sense.”</p>
<p>Eren sighed deeply. He shut his eyes and pulled something out of his pocket.</p>
<p>“Mikasa couldn’t make herself come here today. It hurt her too much. But she wanted to say goodbye. Here.” He handed the pages to Reiner. He sniffed, nodded.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” He placed them to the side. Eren stared.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you read it now?”</p>
<p>“Uh. Okay. Fine.” Reiner seemed increasingly frustrated with this frankly bizarre behavior. Petra watched him start to read the pages; she watched him slow down; she watched his face change from baffled to amazed to potentially horrified. He looked back up at Eren a couple times, as if to ask a question, then stopped. He read on.</p>
<p>What the fuck was this? Petra stood, unsure whether or not to push the button and get someone in there.</p>
<p>But this was a sacred Marleyan custom, the privacy of this final meeting, and nothing was happening that threatened her or Eren in any way.</p>
<p>Finally, Reiner finished. He put down the pages and ran his hands over his face. Then he looked at Eren, who nodded once. Reiner nodded back.</p>
<p>He took up the letter, crammed it into a tight ball, and put it in his mouth.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Petra cried out in shock as the boy ate the damn paper. He swallowed, then crossed his arms over his chest.</p>
<p>“Okay, Eren.”</p>
<p>“I’ll tell Mikasa you got the message,” Eren said quietly. He stood, and so did Reiner. The two stared one another down. Then Eren turned to the window, and stared right at Petra. Even though it wasn’t possible to see her. “Remember. I can’t save them if you ask questions.”</p>
<p>How had he…?</p>
<p>With that, Eren turned and walked back out the door. Reiner sat down at the table, and rested his head against his hands. Petra wanted to mash the damn button, get someone in here to…do <em>something.</em> What the fuck had she just witnessed?</p>
<p>
  <em>I can’t save them. Kuchel. Armin. If you tell.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You started this. You need to stop it.</em>
</p>
<p>The guards entered, shackled Reiner, and took him away. Petra sat down upon the floor, shaking all over. The stress, the pain, and now this insane spectacle made her so light-headed she feared she’d collapse. Her breathing came fast and shallow. She had to put a hand over her heart and feel it pattering to calm herself.</p>
<p>The door opened, and a Marleyan officer came through. He looked at Petra with barely disguised hatred.</p>
<p>“Well. The time’s come. Let’s get this over with.”</p>
<p>“Y-Yes.” Her voice was hoarse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stood in a tall room behind another two-way mirror. By tall, she meant the floor was at least twenty feet below the observation deck, where Petra now waited. The room’s walls were stainless steel, the door massive and made of iron. The only furniture in the room was a raised platform with two posts, manacles chained to each one.</p>
<p>It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.</p>
<p>Petra held her breath as the door opened and they led Porco Galliard through. They brought him up the platform and had him kneel. The guards uncuffed him, then bound either hand to its proper post. Porco stared lifelessly ahead as they did, readying himself.</p>
<p>She would not throw up. Levi stood beside her, and held her hand. To her right, there was Willy Tybur, Hange, and Erwin. The king of Paradis looked on as he prepared to receive another weapon.</p>
<p>“Don’t forget. We’ll want delivery of Annie Leonhardt’s crystal within the week,” Willy said.</p>
<p>“Of course. Send a convoy to Stohess District. We’ll hand her over.”</p>
<p>Petra’s head hummed. They were giving away Annie, the Female Titan. She’d crushed Oruo like a bug. Crushed him like a bug. Was this how they avenged his murder? The deaths of their comrades? Just by letting that bitch go?</p>
<p>“Easy,” Levi breathed. He squeezed her hand. But he understood.</p>
<p>The guards left the room. A red light started flashing inside the observation deck; it was no longer safe to leave.</p>
<p>Floch Forster entered the room alone. He wore a white robe, same as Porco’s. He carried a syringe.</p>
<p>Petra would not throw up…</p>
<p>The two men stared one another down. Porco glared fiercely, while Floch gave his smarmiest smile. She hated him so much…</p>
<p>“Too bad you weren’t on the right team,” Floch said. They heard his scratchy voice through the speaker; the deck was soundproofed otherwise. Petra’s eyes stung with rage. He was gloating, that little shit. <em>One day you’ll die like this.</em></p>
<p>“Do it,” Porco growled. That took Floch aback. Galliard smiled at the sight. “Go on. Do it. Quit your talking.”</p>
<p>Floch bared his teeth, then raised the syringe to his arm. His hand trembled a bit; Porco grinned wider.</p>
<p>“A ten year old girl once injected herself and didn’t even fucking blink. You cowardly piece of shit.”</p>
<p>Snarling, Floch injected himself and pushed the plunger.</p>
<p>The transformation was instantaneous. The lightning crackled all around the chamber, nearly blinding Petra. Then Floch’s titan emerged, roaring in triumph. It was geekish, a huge head on a small body. He didn’t even make that large a titan. Shit. A bigger titan could have eaten Porco quickly.</p>
<p>“Go on. Go on! You coward, do it!” Porco screamed as Floch roared and reached for him. “Eat me, you son of a bitch! Do it!”</p>
<p>Petra stifled a scream when the titan ripped Porco off the platform and shoved the young man into its mouth. Porco never wailed or tried to get away; he was calm as the monster bit down hard, severing his head and shoulders from his body. The spinal fluid dribbled down the titan’s throat as it devoured the rest of Porco. Petra leaned against the handrail, breathing deeply.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Levi took her arm. “You need to step out?”</p>
<p>“Petra?” Erwin looked genuinely concerned. She waved both men away.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.”</p>
<p>She watched as the titan slumped to the floor, as ever so slowly Floch emerged from the nape in a burst of steam. The boy had titan marks like tears on his cheeks. He fainted as the soldiers came in and pulled him the rest of the way out. A medical unit entered, laid the new shifter on a stretcher and rushed him to the hospital wing. They’d monitor his progress until he was stable again.</p>
<p>While they waited for the…remains…to disintegrate, Willy Tybur looked at her.</p>
<p>“I wondered if everything had been an act with you,” he said. Yes, she’d played a part to fool him. She’d played it well. “Now I see your concern for others is genuine.” His brow wrinkled. He glanced at Levi and Erwin. “You’d do better away from men like these.”</p>
<p>“Wanna lose a hand, Majesty?” Levi snapped. “Keep running your mouth.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” But Erwin didn’t correct Willy. He probably agreed. Hange put an arm around Petra’s shoulders as the remains cleared and a unit came in to reaffix the poles and manacles.</p>
<p>Then it was Reiner’s turn.</p>
<p>The boy had only been part of the Survey Corps a month, but she’d seen him around now and again. He’d seemed like a reliable, sweet sort of boy. She’d liked him.</p>
<p>Now she was going to watch him die.</p>
<p>Reiner was calm as they had him kneel and chained him to the posts. They checked the chains, then left. Once more, the red light came on.</p>
<p>This time, Connie walked through the door in that white robe with that syringe in his hand.</p>
<p>No. Not Connie. No. Petra’s breath began to come too fast. She was getting dizzy.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Hange whispered.</p>
<p>“I should take her out,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“You can’t leave now,” Willy replied. Fuck. He was right. The light was on. Any disturbance could be dangerous. She was trapped, watching Connie do this horrible thing.</p>
<p>Unlike Floch, there was no smirking. Connie looked up at Reiner. Maybe this was the first he’d seen of the boy in four years. They’d been trainees together. Friends.</p>
<p>Petra braced herself for the transformation.</p>
<p>Instead, over the speaker…they heard crying.</p>
<p>Connie wept openly, his hand shaking too badly to inject himself. Petra clapped a hand over her mouth. Connie had never looked like more of a kid, even though he was a hardened soldier. Fuck, he was only eighteen. What kind of world was this? What kind of monsters were they to ask him to do this?</p>
<p>“Connie.”</p>
<p>Connie looked up. Reiner smiled down on him.</p>
<p>“It’s all right,” Reiner said. “You can do this.”</p>
<p>“Reiner. I…” Connie started crying again, but Reiner shushed him.</p>
<p>“God damn us,” Levi growled. He looked disgusted, but not with the boys. With himself. With all of them, all the adults in this room watching as kids did their dirty work.</p>
<p>“Make it stop. Please.” Petra wiped her cheeks, turned to Willy. “He can’t do this. Tell him to stop.”</p>
<p>“It’s all right.” Reiner’s voice was soothing over the speaker. “You can do it. It’ll be all right.”</p>
<p>Then they heard the crying stop. Connie looked up at Reiner with a kind of awe now. They’d been friends; Reiner had been the ‘big brother’ of the group, as Eren had told her. Reiner was being a big brother again, was giving Connie strength for the last time.</p>
<p>Petra cried out in horror when Connie injected himself and pressed the plunger.</p>
<p>Again, the lightning. Connie’s titan was larger than Floch’s had been, so big it almost touched the ceiling. He ripped Reiner out of his chains, lifted him to his mouth. Reiner shut his eyes. He looked so peaceful.</p>
<p>Petra screamed and had to look away when Connie bit through Reiner. She huddled in the corner of the observation room, not caring if she looked weak, not caring if they had disdain for her. God damn them all. They were all guilty. Including her.</p>
<p>“Petra. Baby.” Levi knelt beside her. He didn’t sound angry; only sad. He held her tight, let her cry. “It’s over now. It’s done.”</p>
<p>But she couldn’t make herself look at Connie as he reemerged. The moment the red light went off, she flew through the door and into the stark white hallway outside. She staggered down the hall, which seemed to tilt beneath her. She fell to her knees and threw up, choking on bile. She felt hands gently lifting back her hair. Her husband’s hands.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, brat. It’s okay,” he whispered. Petra spit and cried. When she was empty, she sat up against him. Levi hated vomit, and ordinarily would have wanted to be away until she washed up. But he held her close, stroked her hair. “It’s over now.”</p>
<p>His voice sounded tight with rage.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Erwin’s voice. The king stopped beside her and Levi. Her husband looked up.</p>
<p>“I got her,” he growled. Petra shut her eyes and listened to the thud of his heart. She knew Levi was furious with all of them, even with Erwin.</p>
<p>Two boys were dead on his orders; two more would die too young.</p>
<p>The king walked away. Hange knelt beside them both, and rubbed Petra’s back, saying soothing things Petra couldn’t remember. She just cried, and wanted to go home.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zeke paced back and forth across the floor, wishing they could have met outside of the office. But all he needed was Eren in front of him for one second. Then they could touch, and fix all of this. So close. So close.</p>
<p>He’d had Yelena deliver the message, yes. The boy would be here soon. Zeke knew Eren was in Liberio. He held his breath as the seconds ticked away.</p>
<p>
  <em>We understand, Eren. We’re brothers; brothers understand each other.</em>
</p>
<p>Once this was done, they’d have a good life. It would be free of conflict. Erwin had fanned the flames of Eldian hatred, but Zeke and Eren would put them out. Soon…</p>
<p>The knock came. Zeke bounded across the room and flung open the door.</p>
<p>“Er—”</p>
<p>“Surprise, bitch.” Levi Ackerman shoved Zeke roughly. Zeke fell to the floor, all but screaming in frustration. He crawled backward as Levi kicked the door closed and leaned against it. There was an additional darkness in this man today. He must have watched the transfers. That would put anyone in a tense mood. “Expecting someone? Eren, maybe?”</p>
<p>No use denying it.</p>
<p>“Can’t a man be excited to see his little brother?” He got off the floor. “The only family he has left?”</p>
<p>“Touching. Bullshit, but touching.” Levi sneered, ice cold. “The second Eren said his goodbyes to Reiner, we escorted him back to Historia’s ship. He and the queen set sail hours ago. Back to Paradis.”</p>
<p>Zeke clenched his jaw. If he could just rip this man apart…</p>
<p>“What about our agreement?”</p>
<p>“You’ll come to Paradis one day. When we feel you’re ready. Not before.”</p>
<p>“I only have two years left of my term.”</p>
<p>“Then you better hope King Erwin’s impressed with your service in the next two years. We gave you to Marley, understand? You’re their ape. They use you how they want. With our blessing.”</p>
<p>Zeke could only smile. And feel such burning hate.</p>
<p>“Your king is a liar.”</p>
<p>“My king wanted to keep you alive when I suggested cutting off your fucking head,” Levi growled. He took a step forward, and Zeke nearly hid behind the desk. “You’ll meet Eren as a reward for good behavior. In the meantime, Erwin says you two can send letters to each other. Pen pals. The military reads them, of course. Talk brotherly things all you want. Talk sports. They say you like baseball?” Levi bared his teeth. “I remember when you pitched a perfect game.”</p>
<p>Shiganshina. That’s where Zeke’s troubles really began.</p>
<p>“You took that personally, didn’t you?” Zeke asked.</p>
<p>A fire kindled in those flat blue-gray eyes. It went out fast, but it had been there.</p>
<p>“You mowed down a bunch of sobbing kids who had more honor and courage than you’ll ever know, you piece of shit. You laughed about it. One day, your head’s gonna be on my wall. Hunting trophy.”</p>
<p>“But not today,” Zeke Jaeger said.</p>
<p>Levi narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>“No. Not today.” He opened the door. “Word of advice? Don’t get comfortable. We’re always watching.”</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman left. Zeke sank into Magath’s seat behind the desk, blood screaming in his ears. He shut his eyes. Of course. Of course Erwin Smith would think of this. Zeke was really going to have to do something about this problem.</p>
<p>If possible, he was going to have to kill the man.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi had been impatient the whole train ride back from the port. He almost ran up the steps to their house. Brigitta must’ve heard his key in the door; she opened up, and beamed.</p>
<p>“Kuchel! Look who’s here?”</p>
<p>“Papa! Mama! Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa,” Kuchel chanted, racing down the hall and squealing with joy. Petra caught the child first, whirled her through the air and kissed her over and over again.</p>
<p>“Oh, my baby. My precious little girl.” His wife was already starting to cry. “I’m never leaving you ever again.”</p>
<p>“Love you, Mama.” Kuchel lit up when Petra handed her to Levi. “Papa! Puh puh puh.”</p>
<p>“Hey, brat.” He hugged her. He hugged her close and thought of those kids with hungry eyes looking through the cage of the internment zone. He thought of Reiner chained to that post, smiling at his death. He would not let Kuchel go, rocking her back and forth. His eyes burned; his throat tightened. Fuck, he was not going to lose it in front of the others. “Love you so much,” he grunted.</p>
<p>“My Papa.” Kuchel giggled. He gave her a kiss, then set her down. She started racing down the hall, chattering things like ‘we play da horse’. Yeah. Play the horse. Why not?</p>
<p>“Have you both got a minute?” Brigitta asked. Levi finally really noticed her. Huh. She had never smiled wider. “I have something to tell you.”</p>
<p>Levi waited to be told, but Petra seemed way ahead of him.</p>
<p>“Brigitta?” Petra gasped and took her sister’s hands. “It can’t… You’re…?”</p>
<p>“Yes!”</p>
<p>Petra screamed and actually jumped up and down for fuckin’ joy. The sisters hugged one another; Petra was already crying. So was her sister. Levi looked around, unsure what the fuck to do. When the women were a little calmer, Petra scowled at Levi.</p>
<p>“You have nothing to say to Gitta?”</p>
<p>“I don’t understand what the fuck just happened.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Sorry.” Brigitta wiped her cheeks. “I’m pregnant.”</p>
<p>“Fuck. Congratulations.” He even let her give him a hug. Briefly. “Shit, you could’ve just said so.”</p>
<p>“Ignore him. Come on!” Petra slipped her arm through her sister’s and whisked her down the hall, talking excitedly and crying a little. Levi remembered to shut and lock the damn door. He shook his head.</p>
<p>Fuck. People got too emotional. That’s why the world was the way it was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, he and Petra stood over Kuchel’s bed as she slept. He’d read her a story (refused to do the voices for the bunny and her friends, even though Petra asked him to put some energy into it), and Petra had sung a lullaby. Now they just looked down at their daughter. This perfect little thing. How had he made something perfect? He was so fucking far from perfect himself.</p>
<p>“I’m glad to be back,” he whispered, meant it. Even though he couldn’t stay. Erwin had already given them the orders; in two weeks, the campaign against Gaol was gonna heat up. At least Petra would be here. At least he could focus on staying alive and not worry about her. He and his wife left their daughter’s room, hand in hand.</p>
<p>“Maybe when this is all really over, we should both leave the military,” she said quietly, shutting the door to their bedroom. “We could open that tea shop? Or go up north to the farm.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” A year ago, he’d have said never. He’d have said he was a military lifer. But now, seeing more and more of the fucked up world, all he wanted was to focus on keeping this little place safe for Kuchel. For Petra. Levi slid off his jacket and took off his boots, put them away in the closet. When he turned around, Petra had something for him. It was a packet wrapped in ribbon. “Uh, thanks. What’s this?”</p>
<p>“Open it. That’s the point of a present.”</p>
<p>Fuck, so many rules. He undid the ribbon and opened the packet to find…tea.</p>
<p>“Thanks. New blend?” He sniffed, made a face. It smelled kinda rancid, but he didn’t want to offend Petra.</p>
<p>“No. It’s the tea I’ve been drinking every day.” She smiled. “I didn’t take it yesterday. And I didn’t take it today. And I won’t be taking it tomorrow.”</p>
<p>The whole shitty week instantly became worthwhile.</p>
<p>He put the tea down on the bedside table. Levi wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her deeply. His hands traced up and down her back. He wanted to touch every inch of her. What a lucky asshole; he’d get to do just that.</p>
<p>“I want you to make me pregnant,” she whispered. Just those words got him hard.</p>
<p>“Let’s see if I can get you pregnant three times tonight.” He started taking off her clothes.</p>
<p>“That’s not how it works.” She kissed him.</p>
<p>“Well. We’re doing something three times.” He lifted her into his arms and laid her down on the bed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Yelena tried not to grow agitated. These days, she had a new job in the Marleyan military. She had to process all Eldians, outfit them with new identification—more private identification—and receive requests to move to Paradis Island. King Erwin had declared they could only take twenty five hundred immigrants at the moment, and the lottery pool was growing. She was down in Valle now, slaving day in and day out.</p>
<p>She sat behind a desk, Onyankopon at her side. Before them, the line of Eldians stretched down the corridor and around the bend. She’d be here for the next two weeks just processing applications. Yelena sighed.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Onyankopon looked confused.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you at all worried about Nambia?” After all, King Erwin wanted everything under Marleyan control. Onyankopon shrugged.</p>
<p>“Hizuru and Paradis both have a say in how things get done. My country’s already half under Marleyan control anyway. King Erwin promised me he’d see to it conditions improved once the country was reunified.” Erwin, if nothing else, was deeply grateful to Yelena and Onyankopon for their help in all this. He wanted to reward them.</p>
<p>“You believe in him?”</p>
<p>“More than I believe in Willy Tybur. Or Zeke.” He said it casually. She made a fist, restrained herself from hitting him.</p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t know the true plan. He’d never go along with it if he did.</em>
</p>
<p>No, Onyankopon was a good man, but not a visionary like Zeke. Oh, Zeke. Her toes curled just thinking about him, about his anger at Erwin Smith for taking Eren from them. Yelena would find a way to help. She’d be the true agent of change.</p>
<p>“Mind taking over solo for a minute? I need to hit the head.” Onyankopon put down his pen and got up.</p>
<p>“Go on. I’m clearly having such a good time,” Yelena muttered. Onyankopon chuckled and left. She received a few more application forms, sorted them, stamped new identification papers. Her wrist hurt. Ugh.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” a young woman said. Yelena looked up, and forced herself not to cringe. The sight of the young woman was…</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“I have an application for Paradis.” The girl put the paperwork down. “I also need to register my firearm.”</p>
<p>Eldians could own firearms now, but they needed permits. Yelena frowned as the girl set a handgun on the table.</p>
<p>“Is it loaded?” She checked the chamber. Only one bullet. Hmm. “I’ll need to hang onto this until your license goes through.”</p>
<p>“That’s all right. Um, I have a question.” The girl lowered her voice. “Do you know if Zeke Jaeger’s on Paradis?”</p>
<p>“Why?” Yelena instantly went on alert whenever <em>his</em> name was spoken.</p>
<p>“He saved us when the MEA came to Valle. I wanted to express my gratitude in person.”</p>
<p>Yelena smiled a little. Well, that was sweet.</p>
<p>“The attack, eh? Is that how your face…?” Yelena snapped out of it. What a rude thing to say. “Please, excuse me, I—”</p>
<p>“No, that’s all right. This was from long ago. In a fire.”</p>
<p>“Ah. Well, here’s the forms you need to fill out to register the firearm, and here is your new passport.” Yelena stamped the booklet and handed it over. “The Paradis lottery will happen in two weeks. I hope you get lucky. And I hope you get to thank Mr. Jaeger in person one day.” Zeke deserved more praise. He needed to know what a good man he was.</p>
<p>“Oh, me too,” the girl—Strauss, Inga—said. “I really need to repay him for what he did.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was basically part 2 of the last update, it would've been a little too long to post otherwise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra gasped as she lay pinned beneath him, running her fingers up and down the sweaty line of his back. She felt boneless now, and could have shut her eyes and gone right to sleep. They hadn’t had sex three times in a row in ages. It was paradise.</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck,” Levi whispered.</p>
<p>“Yes, we did.” She giggled when he groaned at the bad joke.</p>
<p>“Think I got you pregnant?” He cupped her breast and kissed her. The early afternoon light came in softly through the window. The farmhouse got such beautiful light in springtime.</p>
<p>“You certainly did your best. We’ll see.” Petra sighed as he propped himself onto his elbows to look down at her. She traced some sweaty locks of black hair from his eyes. She loved the way he looked at her just after sex. In everyday life, his eyes were narrowed and flat. When it was just them, naked and vulnerable together, he looked free. Easy. So young. “I just wish we could try more consistently.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Me too.”</p>
<p>Six months had passed, and still she wasn’t pregnant. They weren’t afraid there was anything wrong with her, it was just that Erwin’s wars of expansion kept taking him away from home for days, sometimes weeks at a time. Fortunately, they’d now taken almost all of Aeropa. Levi had a two week leave this time, the most he’d had in ages. It was the second to last day of his leave, and the grandparents had taken Kuchel so that the two of them could have some alone time.</p>
<p>Baby making time.</p>
<p>“But this time, I’m sure it’ll work.” She kissed him. The sweat was already cooling on her skin.</p>
<p>“Let’s have a bath.” He sounded as erotically thrilled at the idea of bathing as he had getting her naked.</p>
<p>“Well. We <em>have</em> spent most of the day in bed.” He’d woken her near dawn, and they’d had sex. Then she’d fallen back asleep, and when they woke up they had sex again. Then she managed to make some tea and bring it to bed before they had sex three more times. The tea was now cold on the nightstand. Oh well. “We should probably eat at some point.”</p>
<p>“Bath first.”</p>
<p>“You know if you sit in hot water on an empty stomach you can pass out.”</p>
<p>“I hate science. I need to get clean.”</p>
<p>“You make it sound like I’m so dirty.”</p>
<p>“You’re the only dirty thing I like.”</p>
<p>She grinned. “What about Kuchel when she rolls around in the mud?”</p>
<p>Their daughter had gotten to do her best pig imitation the day before yesterday. Levi had almost started crying; she’d seen him fight the horrified tears.</p>
<p>“I like her a little less when she does that.”</p>
<p>“Liar.” She kissed his nose. “Okay. Start the bath. I’ll go downstairs and make us some sandwiches. We <em>do </em>have to eat.”</p>
<p>Levi got up and opened the door to the bathroom. Ugh, watching that man walk around naked was like drooling at a living statue. His back and ass could have been chiseled from marble. Petra stretched when she heard the hot water running, put on a robe, and went downstairs.</p>
<p>Yes, when the wars were finally won and they’d both retired from the military, they’d make the northern Wall Rose farm their permanent family home. There was enough room for multiple kids, plenty of fresh air, and lots of idyllic countryside. Petra opened up the icebox in the kitchen—another nice thing about Paradis taking its place in the world; iceboxes and automobiles. She picked out some ham, cut slices of bread, grabbed lettuce and tomatoes as well. She cut up some sandwiches and found a jar of mustard. As she made lunch, she glanced out the window. The fields were green now, the trees in full fragrant bloom. She opened the window and felt the spring wind tease her hair. It smelled floral, that wind. She shut her eyes.</p>
<p>Petra made a decision. She took out a wicker basket from the cupboard, loaded the sandwiches into it. There was a bottle of wine still unopened; she packed it, and a couple of glasses. She grabbed a tiny seed cake and packed it as well. Maybe there’d be wild strawberries growing. They could pick some.</p>
<p>“Levi?” She went up to the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the tub, trailing his hand through the water to test it. He looked up. “After the bath, why don’t we go for a picnic? The day’s perfect.”</p>
<p>He frowned. “Kinda thought after the bath and lunch we’d fuck some more.”</p>
<p>The most romantic man on earth. She stifled a giggle.</p>
<p>“Did you know there’s no law against fucking outside on your own property?”</p>
<p>He looked astonished at the idea.</p>
<p>“But…there are bugs.”</p>
<p>“They don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Crazy girl. What if they get all over the food? Or us?”</p>
<p>“Honey, what kind of bugs do you think we have on the farm? They’re not going to devour us the minute we take our underwear off.”</p>
<p>“Look, eating outside’s bad enough.” Honestly, he could be such a priss. It was another thing she loved about him: the badass alpha world beater who loved laundry and baths and hated insects.</p>
<p>“Well, let’s just go for the picnic. At worst, it’ll take an hour and then we’ll come right back here.”</p>
<p>He narrowed his eyes. “This’d make you happy?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She loved picnics. “Plus, we haven’t had a chance to ride together for a while.”</p>
<p>They both loved horseback riding. It was one of the passions that bound them together.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Okay. But first, take off your robe.”</p>
<p>He looked at her hungrily as Petra slipped the robe from her shoulders and stepped into the tub. After some sloshing, they arranged themselves. She lay against his chest. They rested in the bath, the steam relaxing them further. She traced her fingers along his arm.</p>
<p>“I want life to be like this all the time,” she said.</p>
<p>“It will be.”</p>
<p>Yes, when the wars were over. Erwin had said a year. But Erwin said a lot of things. One relief Petra had was that Erwin always went into battle with his troops. It was good that the king fought alongside his people, and secretly, it was a relief not to have to be around Erwin without Levi there. The king had never done anything to her, and always been respectful. But she could feel the hunger in his gaze when she wasn’t looking his way. He and Marie lived separate lives now, and Petra knew he craved closeness.</p>
<p>But she didn’t tell Levi that. There was nothing to tell.</p>
<p>She soaped a washcloth in the clean, white soap he loved so much. Levi didn’t smell of whiskey or tobacco like other men; he smelled of leather harness, soap, and powder. She loved his particular scent, the same way he loved her lilac and lavender. She started to wash him, which always made him so happy. She felt his erection developing rapidly.</p>
<p>“Why do you always get hard when I get the soap out?” She laughed and kissed him.</p>
<p>“You’re sexiest when you’re cleaning.”</p>
<p>He rinsed off, then washed her down. After that, she straddled him in the tub, and five minutes later they finished at the same time.</p>
<p>“I really am getting light headed now,” she gasped.</p>
<p>“Least we don’t have to clean up.” He kissed her shoulder. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>They drained the tub, got dressed, and went downstairs. Petra took the picnic basket and they walked to the barn. Their horses were stabled alongside each other. Levi’s horse nickered with glee when she saw him. He stroked her muzzle and brought her out. Petra loved the musk and hay smell of a stable, the clop of a horse’s hooves on the floor.</p>
<p>“Maybe we could turn this place into a horse farm when we leave the military,” she said.</p>
<p>“Think I’d like that.” Levi seemed pleased with the idea. “Isabel always loved animals. She’d have loved that.”</p>
<p>Petra always gave him a moment when he discussed Isabel. He’d clear his throat when he was ready to talk again.</p>
<p>They saddled up and rode out. Petra whooped with glee as they charged across the field and towards the forest. The green scent of the earth was most potent in spring. The wind whipped through her hair. Levi and his horse rode alongside her. Petra took the reins in one hand, cupped the other around her mouth, and shouted.</p>
<p>“Race you to the river.”</p>
<p>“Oi! Crazy brat,” he shouted when she sped up. Petra laughed as he chased her, but she knew he enjoyed it. Her horse blustered as they cut across another field and headed along the edge of the forest, skirting around until they found the dirt path that led to the river. They slowed a bit, cantering along the path until she heard the rush of water. She groaned as Levi appeared up ahead, just stopping his horse near the riverbank. He’d found another shortcut. The jerk. “Tch. When’re you gonna stop acting like a damn kid?” he grumbled, hiding his smile. She jumped off the horse.</p>
<p>“When will you stop being such a grouchy old man?” She stuck out her tongue as they tied up their horses and let them graze. She took out the blanket she’d brought and spread it near the riverbank. Dappled sunlight shimmered on the ground. She set down the basket and placed the sandwiches and wine.</p>
<p>“There was a time when you were real polite to me.” He lay out on his side. Petra uncorked the wine and poured.</p>
<p>“Yes, back when you were intimidating.”</p>
<p>“I’m still intimidating.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but not to me.” She smiled to see how he sulked at that. “Do you want me to be intimidated by my own husband?”</p>
<p>“Well.”</p>
<p>“I still admire you. You still amaze me.” She handed him a glass. “Isn’t that better?”</p>
<p>“Eh.” But he’d perked up considerably. Petra took a bite of her sandwich. “Think I was always intimidated by <em>you</em>, actually,” he said.</p>
<p>Her mouth nearly fell open. She chewed instead. “Hmm?”</p>
<p>“You were always so fucking gorgeous and confident. I was afraid what you’d think of me. Being a crass, shitty old man and all.” He sounded flippant as he said it, but she could see the tips of his ears turn pink. She kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“I always thought you were the bravest man I’d ever met.”</p>
<p>“Hmmph.” He ate quietly. After a minute, he said, “That’s why I fell in love with you.”</p>
<p>“Huh?” She’d told Levi how she fell in love with him, but he’d never told her when and why he had with her.</p>
<p>“It was your third mission or something. Not the one you pissed your pants on. Ugh. Disgusting.” She pursed her lips. “No, the one when that friend of yours from training, Kristoph?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” She drooped a bit, as she always did when recalling a dead friend.</p>
<p>“You cut down the titan that crushed his back. Never seen anything so fierce in my life. You had real fire in your eyes. That was your first solo kill, wasn’t it?” She nodded. “But then later, when he was dying in the tent, I came in and saw you holding his hand. You were crying.”</p>
<p>“I’ve always had a hard time keeping my feelings to myself,” she muttered.</p>
<p>“Did I say it was a bad thing? No, first I saw you brave and fiery. Then I saw you soft and tender. And when I realized you were both of those things, I don’t know. You were everything I’d ever wanted.” He drained the rest of his wine, perhaps to avoid speaking further. Petra sniffed, and wiped her eyes. “Fuck. You crying already?”</p>
<p>“Yes, but only because I’m happy.”</p>
<p>“I make you happy, brat? Still?” He said it nonchalantly, but she heard the hesitation. His soft little underbelly, which came out for a select few, was close. She put the wine to the side and scooted across the blanket to him. Petra kissed his lips, and tasted the wine.</p>
<p>“I didn't think anyone could be this happy for this long. I love you all the time. I love you when you’re stone cold and fighting; I love you when you’re telling Kuchel a bedtime story. I love you when you’re angry and when you’re sweet. There’s nothing you could do that could make me not love you.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” He grunted, his eyes cold and closed off. She knew it was to avoid showing how much he felt. “C’mere.”</p>
<p>Levi did not express his love with words very much. But he did with his actions. His body. He held her and kissed her tenderly. It wasn’t the kiss of lust—not right away. He kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, the tip of her nose. He kissed her forehead, her chin, her lips. He framed her face in his hands and kissed her like she was the most precious thing on earth. He was the most dutiful man she’d ever known. He loved his people; he loved his king; he loved his child; and he loved her. What he loved, he loved completely.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” he muttered, her tight in his arms, his lips on the top of her head, “sometimes I feel bad.”</p>
<p>“Bad?”</p>
<p>“I think of all the people I knew underground. Better than me. Furlan. He was kinder, way kinder. But he died and never got to have something like this. Eld died, left his girl all alone. Why do I get this when they don’t?”</p>
<p>“Are you regretting things? For them, I mean.”</p>
<p>“Tch. No. No regrets. But it just reminds me how fucking random and shitty life usually is.”</p>
<p>He always thought hardship was around the corner, and loss. Life had been giving Levi more than it had been taking recently. Her husband grew nervous when he received good things. They could disappear.</p>
<p>Petra sighed. She thought. “Some people never get what Eld had with Katrina, though. Some people never get saved like Isabel when you found her. I think you just take what you can when you can have it and enjoy it. After all, some of those people in the underground had parents who raised them. Mothers who didn’t die; uncles who weren’t…Kenny. You didn’t get that. No one gets everything.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. But I wish they would, if they deserve it.” It was the closest to his own philosophy he’d ever come. She kissed him again.</p>
<p>“You know what I love most? I know something most other people never will. I know you’re the sweetest, kindest man who’s probably ever lived.”</p>
<p>“Eh, that’s bullshit.”</p>
<p>“No, it isn’t. You’re the best father I’ve ever seen. That’s why I can’t wait to have more children with you. The world needs more people like you.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Shut up,” he grouched, but his pale face was turning red. She kissed him again.</p>
<p>“I’ve only ever loved you. I’ll only ever love you. Nothing can change that.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know.”</p>
<p>“I do.” She kissed him deeply. His tongue stroked hers. She straddled him, peppered kisses all over his face as he pressed his cheek to her breast. He sighed as he listened to her heartbeat. Petra smiled as he hitched up her short skirt, as he slipped his hand between her legs. It took very little work to remove her underwear and to unbuckle him. Levi gasped as she slid down around him slowly. She rode him gently at first. There was something so wonderful about making love out in the open, with the burble of the river the only sound. “I’ll never get enough of you.”</p>
<p>“Pet.” His eyes shut. He made soft, astonished noises as she fucked him. She cupped the back of his head, laced her fingers together. She tilted her head to the sky, inhaled the spring air. She breathed in the scent of the earth. She began to flush with excitement as she rode faster. “If I ever lost this, I’d fucking die,” he rasped.</p>
<p>“You’ll never lose me.”</p>
<p>He held her close, kissed and licked her chest as he unbuttoned her. He kissed the hollow of her throat.</p>
<p>“I want you to get pregnant with my baby,” he whispered. She felt him stiffen in her. “I want to see a piece of me swell inside you again.”</p>
<p>“I want it too. Oh,” she moaned as she came. She sighed as he finished, as she felt him fill the lonely space inside her. She rubbed his back. “I love how you talk when we have sex,” she said dreamily. “You say you don’t have good words, but you’re wrong. You could make me come just by talking.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. But that’s not as much fun as actually fucking you.”</p>
<p>They got dressed again and lay on the blanket staring up at the canopy of trees. Levi grunted as he looked around.</p>
<p>“No bugs. So far, so good.” She laughed.</p>
<p>“I love seeing you so relaxed.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He exhaled deeply. Like he was deflating. “Glad Erwin gave me this much time off. It’s been…kind of rough.”</p>
<p>They didn’t talk about the wars unless he broached the subject.</p>
<p>“It’s harder than titans?”</p>
<p>“Not physically. But even knowing titans were people…at least they weren’t themselves anymore, y’know? In a lot of ways, killing them was putting them out of their misery. Didn’t feel good, but at least I could tell myself I was helping them somehow. Now, though, so many people… I killed before, of course. I’m happy to be a fucking lunatic if it means giving us all some goddamn peace. But sometimes when the battles are all over…”</p>
<p>“What?” She felt him tense.</p>
<p>“I have to go after our own troops. Erwin’s gotten me out of getting fucking court martialed more than once.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“The troops…mostly the Marleyans, but sometimes the Paradisians, too. They think they got a right to the prisoners. Y’know. Fucking them up. Or just…fucking them.” He gripped her; she felt the slightest tremor in his hands. “Had to save more than a few girls. Last time I nearly killed a guy. A Marleyan. Erwin almost couldn’t save me after that.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She sat up and looked down on her husband in horror. In his stoic gaze, she saw flickers of misery. “I didn’t know. How long has this been happening?”</p>
<p>“Since we started conquering. Erwin’d call it ‘liberating the Eldians’ but I know what it is. And I get it. If we want to save our people, the only way to do it is to bring the world to heel. There’s no other way. Fuck it, I wish there were. But…” He shut his eyes then. She waited for several minutes. “I keep telling myself it’ll end someday. But when does someday fucking get here?”</p>
<p>Petra fought tears and kissed his forehead.</p>
<p>“You’re a good, just man who’s saved innocent people.”</p>
<p>“But not all,” he said darkly. His brow furrowed. “You know well as I do there’ve been family men who’ve had their teeth knocked out, or worse. Civilian girls who…” He couldn’t say it. “Erwin’s good about it, I mean. Any looting or raping or murdering, he puts them in jail. Hangs them. He won’t stand for it.”</p>
<p>“I know he won’t.”</p>
<p>“But he also told me some of it’s going to happen no matter what we do. He looks as sick as I feel. Hange, too. But we can’t…” He clenched his jaw. “Petra. When the fuck does this <em>end?</em>”</p>
<p>“Soon, baby. Soon.” She kissed his cheek, held him close.</p>
<p>“Erwin stops it, hangs them…but sometimes…” He winced. “Floch. That fucker. I came in one time and found him with two girls who…” He made a wounded animal noise. “I broke the bitch’s teeth. They grew back, and I broke ‘em again. I dragged him to Erwin, told him we needed to find someone to ‘inherit’ the Jaws right now. And Erwin said he’d punish Floch, but we needed him. He’s loyal. Fuck, is he ever loyal to Erwin. At least after a few days in the brig, he swore he’d never do that again. But I watch him and I know. I know. I know when I’m not around…”</p>
<p>Petra was crying now. He cursed and kissed her.</p>
<p>“Look at me. I’m such an asshole. Baby, I’m sorry. I’m ruining your damn picnic.”</p>
<p>“I’d rather you tell me everything that hurts you,” she whispered. “A picnic isn’t more important than you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. But you’re more important than me,” he muttered. They kissed and he held her close. They didn’t talk for over an hour. Levi liked the silence, and she was happy just to be with him. She lay against his chest, listening to his heart, until the shadows started to lengthen.</p>
<p>“Let’s head back before it gets dark,” she said. They packed up the picnic things, climbed into the saddle, and rode through the deepening twilight. By the time they’d arrived home, rubbed down the horses and put away the remains of the picnic, it was almost night. “I’m not hungry for dinner yet,” Petra said. “We had a late lunch.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He wrapped his arms around her from behind, swayed with her as he kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“I had a thought.” She turned and put her arms around him. “No one’s around.”</p>
<p>“You wanna dance?”</p>
<p>She wrinkled her nose. “You know I love dancing with you. But if you’re not up to it—”</p>
<p>“Let’s go.” He took her by the hand and led her to the living room. This was the side of Levi no one would believe until they’d seen it. He was the gruffest, surliest man on the surface, but if she wanted anything he’d lay it at her feet. He cared about her happiness more than his own; she felt the same for him. Levi didn’t see the point of dancing, but she loved it, and so he’d do it. Same way she didn’t need to take so many baths, but it was his favorite thing. She was happy to please him.</p>
<p>Their living room was neater than a pin. Yesterday, Levi had set them on a morning cleaning spree. Again, she was happy to make him happy. He’d finally gotten to wax the floors, which delighted him. At least now they had clean, shiny floors for dancing.</p>
<p>They had a phonograph now, and a few records. She chose one from a Marleyan big band, the Aldo Morelli group. A slow song issued from the phonograph. Morelli began to croon as Levi put his arms around her. They swayed together, his cheek pressed to hers.</p>
<p>“Thank you for always making me happy,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Hey. Fair’s fair. Gotta return the favor.” He kissed her as they danced. “I got to tell you something.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I think we’re close to the end.” He sounded serious. “End of the whole damn war.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Her heart sped up. It was too much to hope…</p>
<p>“Now that Aeropa’s pretty much done, and Hizuru’s helped take the rest of Nambia, everyone’s starting to see the Triple Alliance as inevitable. They don’t want more bloodshed. Erwin’s got a date set next month to show off the hyperfusion bomb back in the Lotani islands.”</p>
<p>Petra shivered, remembering what she’d seen of that film. If a mere film reel was enough to scare her…</p>
<p>“You mean he’ll make the demonstration to the heads of the other nations?”</p>
<p>“He thinks that at this point, showing them in person’ll make the rest of the dominoes fall. The war could be over next month. My part in it, at least. After that the brains like Erwin and Hange will take over. Negotiations and shit. But I’ll come home for good. Leave the military. We’ll move up here.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She almost burst into tears and hugged him close. “Oh god, do you really think so?”</p>
<p>“A horse farm, like you wanted. Sound good?”</p>
<p>“Could you really do it? Could you leave the military?” Could he leave Erwin?</p>
<p>“A while back, I’d have said no. But after these campaigns, I’m sick of the blood. I’m sick of wrecking shit. I want something simple and good.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“More kids. A real home. No fancy shit or politics, just us and some fucking greenery and the horses. I just want to be useless to Erwin, you know? I want him to need big brains and political geniuses, not soldiers.”</p>
<p>“I want that, too. Though <em>I</em> think you’re a genius.”</p>
<p>“Crazy girl.” He kissed her. Petra had a sudden and exciting thought.</p>
<p>“Levi. This, er, viewing next month in the Lotani islands. Is it right after Kuchel’s birthday?”</p>
<p>“Uh. Yeah. I think about then.”</p>
<p>“Then let me come with you.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” He seemed genuinely shocked by the suggestion.</p>
<p>“If this is your goodbye to the military, let it be our goodbye. I’m sure I could come.”</p>
<p>“Well…yeah. You’re active military, I’m sure Erwin wouldn’t mind. But Petra, you know this isn’t a pleasure cruise.”</p>
<p>“I know. It’s not just a vacation for me. I want to be there at the very end of our lives as soldiers. And if we want to keep trying for the baby…”</p>
<p>Levi nodded. Being consistent was as important as having lots of sex.</p>
<p>“Besides, I’ve never been to the Lotani islands,” she said.</p>
<p>“Well, we start off in the Kawani islands, then go south, but yeah.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” She grinned as he held her close.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Fuck it, yeah. Come with me. Let’s see this whole shitshow end together.”</p>
<p>“And then we’ll come home for good.”</p>
<p>“Then we’ll come home for good. We’ll raise Kuchel and the new brat. Or brats. We’ll raise horses. Maybe I can open a tea shop of my own in town. Maybe a life like that’s too good for me after my past, but it’s like you said. Take what you can get.”</p>
<p>“Me, too,” she whispered. She kissed him as the strings shimmered, the brass section boomed. Aldo Morelli sang about the summer wind. “Most people never get to see the end of something.”</p>
<p>“Well, we’re not most people. I’ve learned that lesson a few goddamn times.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed. She kissed her husband, then shrieked gleefully when he swept her up into his arms.</p>
<p>“Just thinking that Kuchel isn’t back until the morning. I got some other moves I want to try,” he said. He carried her upstairs as the band played its next song.</p>
<p>They stayed upstairs for the rest of the record. It replayed itself twice before they came downstairs again and shut it off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Papa. Why you go?” Kuchel pouted, tugging at Levi’s sleeve. He’d come home for a few days for her birthday, and now he and Petra were off. Their daughter was now the perfect picture of a little girl, with black hair that curled slightly at her shoulders, a sky blue ribbon in her hair. She wore a little blue dress (which she loved to get dirty whenever she could.) Leaving Kuchel was harder than ever now, Petra thought. Levi knelt.</p>
<p>“Oi. Brat. What if I told you when I come home, I’m not going anywhere again?”</p>
<p>Kuchel stuck out her lower lip and frowned. She looked <em>so</em> much like Levi when she did that. “You stay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I stay. And pretty soon after that, you could have a little brother or sister. That sound good?”</p>
<p>Kuchel’s eyes lit up. She bounced gleefully.</p>
<p>“Yes! Ba-by bro-ther. Ba-by bro-ther,” she sang.</p>
<p>“Or sister,” Levi said.</p>
<p><em>Probably brother,</em> Petra thought.</p>
<p>“So you be a good girl for Grandma and Grandpa.” Aunt Brigitta couldn’t watch Kuchel this time: she was eight months pregnant. The baby seemed enormous, and Petra had been over there constantly lifting and carrying things for her sister. But Brigitta looked radiant. “And maybe when I get back, I’ll have a present for you.”</p>
<p>“Present! Present!” Kuchel cheered and hugged her father. “I love you, Papa.”</p>
<p>“Love you too, brat.” He kissed her cheek, stood, and ruffled her hair. “Three years old. How the fu—the fun did that happen?” Kuchel beamed.</p>
<p>“Come on. We can’t miss the train.” Petra took his hand. “I think this trip will get her that baby brother,” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>“Or sister.” Levi loved to be stubborn.</p>
<p>“I can feel it,” she said as they walked away. “This is going to be big.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra sipped her cocktail and stared out the balcony window onto the sea. A cool night breeze made the palm trees sway. Below her, the lights of Waitea, Kawani’s capital city, glimmered along the shore.</p>
<p>“Are you enjoying the sights, Miss?” a man asked. He was Nambian, probably the ambassador. Considering he was at a reception with the nations that had conquered his own, he looked surprisingly cool. Or at least, he was very good at hiding his emotions.</p>
<p>“Lieutenant, actually. I’m in the Paradisian army,” she said quietly. The man simply nodded.</p>
<p>“Then how does it look?”</p>
<p>“It’s beautiful here,” she said. Actually, beautiful was an understatement. The Kawani islands had the clearest water she’d ever seen, the whitest beaches, the most verdant and luscious greenery. Her cocktail was made with fresh pineapple juice. Even wearing a loose, strapless gown of pale blue silk, she felt herself starting to sweat. She also liked the Kawani islands because they were one of the few neutral places left on earth. They were small enough that the Triple Alliance allowed them to self-govern.</p>
<p>“Is it as beautiful as Paradis?”</p>
<p>“Well. Paradis is home,” she said, being a little evasive. She smiled as Levi came over, scowling as usual. “This is my husband, Mr.?”</p>
<p>“Abioye. Southern Nambian ambassador. It’s nice to see our ‘liberators’ are so polite.”</p>
<p>Petra flushed at that. Levi grunted; he wasn’t about to snap at a guy whose country was under their control.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Uh. Nice to meet you,” he muttered. He put an arm around her waist almost as if to grab onto something to steady him.</p>
<p>“If you’ll excuse me, I should speak with the hosts of this gathering,” Abioye said. He gazed at Willy Tybur, Lady Kiyomi, and Erwin near the center of the room. They were surrounded by the most influential rulers and ambassadors in the world. “Pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant.”</p>
<p>He kissed her hand and walked off. Petra puffed her cheeks, and Levi guided her onto the balcony.</p>
<p>“Think I’m gonna sweat so hard my fucking skin’s gonna come off,” he said.</p>
<p>“Why did you wear a cravat and such a heavy jacket?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“It’s night! I thought it gets cold at night!” he grumbled. She smiled and kissed him when no one could see. His cheek was fairly dewy, actually.</p>
<p>“Baby, why don’t we at least take off the cravat and unbutton your collar?” She helped him do that quickly, folding the cravat and slipping it into his pocket. “Here,” she whispered, sliding the jacket from his shoulders. Levi gave a soft groan of contentment; dark circles of sweat made his shirt cling to him. What a nice view. “We can let you cool off a little before dinner.”</p>
<p>“Oi, you don’t have to mother me,” he said. But he kissed her anyway.</p>
<p>“Well. Pretty soon I’ll have another baby to look after,” she teased.</p>
<p>“Pet.” His eyes widened. He took her hand. “Fuck, are you—?”</p>
<p>“Oh. No, not yet.” She sighed, and kissed him. “But I was thinking… After dinner, why don’t we slip away from the assembly and go skinny dipping? I saw the most beautiful little place near the hotel.”</p>
<p>“Skinny dipping?” He looked baffled. “What?”</p>
<p>“You know. We get naked and go for a swim. The water’s supposed to be so warm here, even at night.”</p>
<p>Levi dropped his eyes and glowered. “I can’t swim,” he muttered.</p>
<p>For some reason, that caught her completely by surprise even though it shouldn’t have. It made perfect sense. He’d grown up in the underground city, where there were no lakes or rivers. Once he’d entered the service, they’d never had swim lessons. They didn’t fight titans on water, after all.</p>
<p>“Oh. Well. I could teach you a little?”</p>
<p>Levi thought about it. “You’d be naked.”</p>
<p>“Completely. And the cove I saw looks very shallow. What do you think?”</p>
<p>He looked around the reception room filled with swank people in beautiful, expensive clothes. They were deciding the fates of millions over the next couple days, this handful of people. That kind of power and responsibility made Petra dizzy.</p>
<p>It made her yearn for that simple farm even more.</p>
<p>“All right. I can still learn a few things, even being ancient.”</p>
<p>“You’re thirty eight!” She struggled not to laugh at him.</p>
<p>“And a half. I can feel it coming in, like Erwin said. Forty. Fuck, it’s coming.”</p>
<p>“Well. After tomorrow, we’re going back to Wall Rose and we’re raising horses and children. And tea.”</p>
<p>“You don't raise tea, damn it. Have I taught you nothing?”</p>
<p>She laughed and hugged him. Despite his surly countenance, she could tell he struggled not to smile.</p>
<p>“This is really it, huh?” he muttered.</p>
<p>“It is.”</p>
<p>“I never thought it’d be like this.” He trailed his fingers along her arm. “Fuck, I <em>want</em> to leave the service.”</p>
<p>“The titans are dead. It’s natural. There are no more wars to fight.”</p>
<p>“No. But I was thinking, the Ackermans. Shit. They were…we were made to be fighters. Some old king had them experiment on us, make us the way we are.”</p>
<p>“They gave you strength. They didn’t say how you had to use it.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t they, though? We were the king’s blade or whatever.”</p>
<p>“His confidants.”</p>
<p>“The second we didn’t please him, he had us hunted down like dogs.” His expression darkened. If Levi’s great-great-great grandfather hadn’t spurned King Fritz, his mother would have grown up a lady. She would never have suffered, or died in a whorehouse. But she also wouldn’t have had Levi.</p>
<p>“That’s why it’s good that Erwin is king. If there’s one man who would never hunt you…”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He eased up a bit. “But I spent my whole life fighting. I fought to survive underground; I fought to survive titans; I fought to survive these wars. When I don’t have to fight anymore, what the fuck am I going to do?”</p>
<p>“You’re going to be very deeply loved. The way you already are.” She kissed his cheek. “You’re going to have all the tea you want, and play with your children. You’re going to look after the 104<sup>th</sup> kids the way you already do. You’re going to go drinking with Hange and Erwin and talk about old times. You’re going to keep looking after Paradis’s orphans and refugees, the way you already do. You’re going to ride every day, and have lots and lots of sex with me.”</p>
<p>“Fuck. That all sounds too good to be real.” He kissed her. She felt him relax. “I just don’t trust peace.”</p>
<p>“You’ve never known peace. Starting tomorrow, you will.” The idea of peace felt the same as the idea of summer vacation when she was a child. The two months of the planting season, when children helped in the fields to get everything done. Even though it’d been work, it’d also been freedom. She always felt so weightless and joyous when the teacher finally declared class over for two months. She’d rushed out those doors thinking the whole world was spread out before her.</p>
<p>That was the closest she could come to describing this feeling.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Erwin appeared on the balcony, a martini in his hand. Levi cleared his throat as Petra helped him back into his jacket. “Levi, that material is so…heavy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, now everyone fucking tells me,” he growled. Petra drained her cocktail, took her husband’s arm, and led him indoors.</p>
<p>“The ambassador from Hybernia wanted to meet you. She heard you were the man who singlehandedly took down a tank outside of Camru.”</p>
<p>“You did <em>what?</em> You never put that in your letter home!”</p>
<p>“Well. It was just a tank, for fuck sake.”</p>
<p>Petra and Erwin both struggled not to laugh. That was Levi all over.</p>
<p>They went into the long dining room, which was open to the tropical night. Torches flared on the walls to create traditional Kawani ambience. The meal was delicious, sea scallops, a curried coconut soup, a light fish with Macademia sauce, a dense pineapple cake for dessert. The ocean whispered along the shore, enhancing their conversation. Petra spoke with Mr. Abioye again, as well as a woman from Zhonghu. She loved hearing about their different countries, their cities, their families.</p>
<p>She wished she could have seen all these places before Erwin and the others took them over…</p>
<p>
  <em>As an Eldian, you couldn’t have gone anywhere if Erwin hadn’t liberated us. These men and women would have spit on you or killed you on sight before he saved us all. Show some respect.</em>
</p>
<p>“This may sound like a strange question,” she said to Mr. Abioye. “But…what do you think of Eldians?”</p>
<p>“As you’re an Eldian, this seems like a loaded question.” He smiled.</p>
<p>“I suppose you don’t like us much now at all.”</p>
<p>“Well. In truth, Marley has been the chief occupying force my entire life. The Triple Alliance has actually helped lift restrictions on our people in exchange for more protections for Eldian rights.”</p>
<p>“Before this all happened, though. What did you think of us?”</p>
<p>“I thought, quite frankly, that you all were monsters. But not cruel monsters; you simply <em>were</em> monsters, the way a bird is a bird or a fish a fish. Like any other animal, you ought to be left alone.”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm.” She pursed her lips. Animals. Of course.</p>
<p>“But over time, I realized that our prejudice was allowing us to do the most horrific things. Truthfully, Lieutenant, I don’t blame your king or you at all for what you’ve done. When I think of how the world has treated your kind, I feel shame. I really do. That level of hatred, well. Maybe it’s right to be fearful of Eldians. You can, after all, become titans, that’s simply truth. But the way you were hated was wrong. It always made me uncomfortable—I saw it as a mark of ignorance and fear. Now I know that it was. Even though fear was, perhaps, the right emotion.” He smiled softly.</p>
<p>“Well.” She wished he didn’t think her scary, but then again…she did carry the ability to become a titan in her blood. It was one thing to hate a person for their skin color, which was completely absurd and irrational. Hating a person because they could grow to fifty feet tall and kill you? There was at least a reason there.</p>
<p>It wasn’t right, but it was a little bit reasonable.</p>
<p>She didn’t like that.</p>
<p>“I hope things are better for your country now, at least,” she said.</p>
<p>“Thank you. I hope the same for you.”</p>
<p>Across the table, Levi studied her and Abioye. When their eyes met again, she smiled a little. He nodded.</p>
<p>They were okay.</p>
<p>“Ladies and gentlemen,” Willy Tybur said, standing and raising a glass. “To a unified future. A world at peace, and in our time.” He gestured to Erwin, seated at the opposite head of the table. “To the king of Paradis, the architect of our future happiness.”</p>
<p>“The king.” Everyone toasted Erwin, who bowed his head in thanks.</p>
<p>After coffee and cake, Petra couldn’t wait any longer. She could have cried with relief when the party began to break up. She went and took Levi by the hand, leading him along the hallway and to the elevator. They went up to their room, where she started to change.</p>
<p>“If we’re going skinny dipping, we don’t want to ruin our good clothes.”</p>
<p>“We’re jumping in with them on? Thought we were supposed to be naked.”</p>
<p>“We will be. But things get wet.” She smirked as he grabbed her around the waist from behind.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I like when things get wet.” He nibbled at her bare shoulder.</p>
<p>“Soon. Be a good boy.”</p>
<p>They got dressed more casually, Petra in a cotton sundress, Levi in a loose pair of black slacks and a long sleeved gray shirt. Petra had tried to get him to purchase shorts, or at least a short sleeved shirt. Then she tried to get him to buy something in another color, or at least white. No luck. He liked what he liked.</p>
<p>They walked out the lobby and into the warm tropical night. The breeze carried no chill at all, only ruffled her hair delightfully as they walked out of the hotel’s gate and turned down a road into town. The streets of Waitea were alive with light and noise. They passed bars and hookah parlors, stands that sold spears of fresh pineapple and coconut juice. Music poured out of clubs, and people chatted at the tables of sidewalk restaurants. There were cars and taxis, and also horse-drawn carts and bicycle cabs.</p>
<p>“It’s so alive here,” Petra said, her hand in Levi’s.</p>
<p>“Tch. All tourist crap. The guy at the hotel said so. This is for the foreigners who come here and want to spend cash on cheap shit to make ‘em feel like they had an authentic experience.”</p>
<p>“Levi. You <em>talked</em> to someone?”</p>
<p>“Don’t be a brat. Yeah, the guy who brought the bags to our room. Nice kid. Said he was grateful for the money that comes in from the tourists, but gets tired of having to make this place a sort of pretend paradise.”</p>
<p>“Well. I understand. I’m just glad we’re not taking the islands over. I want there to be one place in this world we don’t control.”</p>
<p>“We’re not in control. Not like Marley used to be.” He sounded defensive. They passed into a square strung with paper lanterns. A band was playing on a wooden stage, and people danced. Petra stopped them, hugged him around the neck.</p>
<p>“You’re right. Let’s not talk about this now. Let’s just enjoy the time.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He didn’t dance—she knew he wouldn’t—but he kissed her deeply. His nose brushed against hers. He cupped her jaw, stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You sure you can teach me to swim?”</p>
<p>“Well, there are a few strokes we can try. The dog paddle, the freestyle, the breaststroke—”</p>
<p>“Let’s do the last one first,” he growled in her ear. Petra laughed and led him away, finally leaving the commercial strip behind. They took a path down to the beaches, and walked across the sand. Moonlight glistened on the waves. Petra breathed in the salt tang of the ocean air. “The world was so much bigger than we could have imagined,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Levi sounded subdued. “That Armin kid. Just wanted to see the ocean.”</p>
<p>Poor Armin. Petra squeezed Levi’s arm.</p>
<p>Eventually, they came upon some rocks. Petra led him up a dirt path, skirting the more jagged stones. Eventually, there was a shallow inlet surrounded by rocks on both sides. The water here was so gentle. Petra smiled, slid out of her shoes, and untied the back of her dress.</p>
<p>“I’m glad we came,” Levi muttered as she stood naked on the lip of the cove.</p>
<p>“You next.” She tested the water with her foot. It was so warm, almost the temperature of a bath. Perfect. In the far distance, they heard the steady pulse of music. She walked into the water up to her knees, then to her waist. She swam a few strokes out, and discovered that it went over her head about halfway across the cove. Perfect. Levi would not accidentally drown if they stayed closer to shore. She swam back, and laughed to find him naked with his arms rigid at his sides, glaring at the water like it had threatened him. “Come on. It’s so lovely. And look, I’m standing.” She stood in the waist high water. Grunting, Levi walked in slowly.</p>
<p>“Huh. Feels kind of like a bath.” She knew he’d like it. He walked in up to his waist, then froze. He looked around at all the water on every side of him. “Never been in this much water before.”</p>
<p>True. Even when they went to the beach on Paradis, he always stayed on shore and watched her and Kuchel frolic in the waves.</p>
<p>“New things can be wonderful.”</p>
<p>“Or deadly. Are there any poisonous fish around here?”</p>
<p>“I think they’re much farther out to sea.”</p>
<p>Eventually he calmed down, especially when she started to kiss him. They were wrapped in each other’s arms in waist deep water, and she felt him start to get excited.</p>
<p>“Before that,” she whispered, “I want to teach you one move.”</p>
<p>Levi groaned, but followed her a little deeper. She felt him tensing when they were up to their shoulders. She stopped him.</p>
<p>“All you have to do is paddle your hands like this.” She showed him, moving her hands in little circles. “Keep your legs pumping, too.”</p>
<p>“Hmmph.” But he observed her. He saw her swim around. Levi grew determined, and pushed off. He almost went under a couple times, but did not panic where another man might have. Ackermans had a high threshold for panic. After a minute, she laughed to see him earnestly paddling around her, looking determined. She swept around him, kissing him every time he made a full circle. It didn’t take too long for him to grow more comfortable. He still wasn’t the swimmer she was, but now that he could stay afloat and not drown it would be easier to teach him. They swam back to where they could stand, the water just above the tops of Petra’s breasts. There, she wrapped her legs around his waist and held onto him. Levi grunted, but held her steady. Easy to do in water; so much of her became weightless.</p>
<p>“Thank you for always trying things for me,” she said.</p>
<p>“If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t be here. You pushed me to do everything that scared the shit out of me. That’s why I’ve got you and Kuchel. You’re the brave one,” he whispered.</p>
<p>They both held their breath while he slid into her.</p>
<p>“Let’s be brave again.” She kissed him.</p>
<p>Petra loved listening to his hurried breath as the water lapped against their bodies. His hands caressed her ass as he thrust into her. Making love in the ocean was so different, even from when they’d been together in the forest. She felt entirely part of nature now, not just in it. The splashing grew more frantic as his hips moved faster.</p>
<p>“God, I love you,” she whispered in his ear. When she came, she swallowed her scream and only gave a full, breathy exhale. She felt how hard he was inside of her, how soft she was around him.</p>
<p>“You’re the only woman,” he growled, “ever touched me. Only one…ever will.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes I wish I’d waited for you.” He was bringing her to a second climax. “I wish you’d opened me.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad it was the way it was.” He sucked at her neck; he’d leave a livid spot there tomorrow. “I’m glad…I was special. Better than the rest, oh <em>fuck</em>.”</p>
<p>He came. She clung to him, and joined him in his climax. When they uncoupled, her limbs felt almost rubbery. They went to stand waist deep in the water, where they stayed in each other’s arms for a while. Eventually, they walked back onto dry land. They stood naked together, sheltered by the natural walls, waiting to dry a bit before they dressed. The music from the clubs echoed across the beach. They stared up at the stars. Away from all artificial lights, they were scattered about in an endless expanse.</p>
<p>Petra gasped.</p>
<p>“What?” He looked concerned. She touched her stomach.</p>
<p>“I think we just made a baby,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Huh? Really?” He was amazed, even thrilled. “Fuck, seriously? How can you tell?”</p>
<p>“It happened with Kuchel, too. This feeling like something warm is sitting inside of me. I was right last time, wasn’t I?”</p>
<p>“Holy…fuck. Holy shit.” He hoisted her into his arms, looked at her with light in his eyes.</p>
<p>“When it’s all over tomorrow, we can go home and tell Kuchel. We’ll have to wait until a doctor confirms, of course, but…”</p>
<p>“Fuck it. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to wait for the kid to show up, either. Tell it to hurry.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed as he took her out deeper into the water, where they kissed and made love one more time. All she could do now was be excited. All she needed to do was go home, and then go north. This time next week, they’d be living on a farm, awaiting summer. And the baby.</p>
<p>For tonight, she held Levi close and loved him.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>God, she was beautiful.</p>
<p>He shouldn’t have looked, but Erwin watched Levi and Petra as they came in through the hotel’s front gate. His room overlooked the courtyard, and he stood on the balcony and stared as Petra turned around and around in a giddy circle. Her shoes were in her hand, her hair was damp. Levi was fully dressed, and Erwin could hear the man chiding Petra for not wearing shoes. He’d probably beg her to wipe her feet thoroughly before going upstairs.</p>
<p>But she was still so beautiful. And Levi was so happy.</p>
<p>Erwin had not been with Marie for over five months now, and was certain their time as lovers had ended. He hadn’t been whoring, either. He had too much to do as king, and a façade to maintain. Erwin’s bed was lonely. Tonight, Levi would sleep in the arms of a woman who adored him.</p>
<p>Erwin had once done the same. He felt its absence keenly.</p>
<p>Why couldn’t he be like them? Was it a curse? His duty? Or, Erwin feared, his temperament.</p>
<p>Levi would give up the service for her. He would give up his identity for her.</p>
<p>Could Erwin ever do the same?</p>
<p>
  <em>With her, I could.</em>
</p>
<p>But he never pictured himself fucking her. Always Levi. It was like Erwin hovered over them in their lovemaking, a voyeur.</p>
<p>Erwin wearily watched the couple as they entered the hotel. He turned away from his balcony and went inside to his own empty bed. As he often did, he rebuked himself. He had been given one chance at the type of happiness Levi enjoyed. He had been given Marie, and he had lost her. Not through any fault of her own.</p>
<p>The truth was, much as he had loved her, she had never been enough for him. Nothing ever could be.</p>
<p>He could never love as Levi did. He could never give all of himself to anyone.</p>
<p>But Petra was so beautiful and free. So alive. Erwin hated himself as he thought of her, as he touched himself and pictured her beneath him. And as always, eventually Levi took his place and made love to the woman in Erwin’s stead.</p>
<p>For a few delirious minutes, he called Petra’s name silently until he finished. He imagined Levi calling her name. Then he calmed down, cleaned up, and tried to sleep.</p>
<p>But in his dreams it was Levi and Petra together, laughing at him.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Fuck, she was beautiful.</p>
<p>He looked down on Petra, still asleep, still naked and wrapped in the sheets. He loved the way her lids fluttered in the middle of a dream, the dark amber color of her lashes. He kissed her mouth, felt her stir.</p>
<p>“Morning, brat,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Morning, Papa.” She grinned.</p>
<p>“Tch. Don’t call me that in bed, makes it feel weird.”</p>
<p>He got up, fell to the floor and did a few push ups. He did his daily stretches while his wife yawned and woke up. Levi felt unstoppable today. Though it wasn’t an official diagnosis yet, he was going to be a father again. When he went to the bathroom and flipped on the light, he looked at himself in the mirror and realized he didn’t know this man.</p>
<p>A few years back, he’d lived in a dingy world full of titans. He’d been a harder man, harsh even when he tried to be kind. He never thought once about marriage or children; the idea of being intimate with a woman was more than he could wrap his brain around. Now he was married with a kid, ecstatic at the thought of another one on the way. Now he lived in a world with elevators and electricity.</p>
<p>It was all because of Erwin. Erwin had brought him and Petra back together once, when they’d been on the verge of breaking apart. Erwin had changed this world so that Petra and Levi could live in peace with their family.</p>
<p>He owed everything in his life to Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>He could see that the man was unhappy. The crown was weighing on him. Levi ran the faucet and stared at the water, thinking hard.</p>
<p>
  <em>Can I really just leave? Can I let him take on the rest of this burden for the rest of his shortass life and go be happy on a farm with kids? I’m the reason he’s suffering. I brought him back.</em>
</p>
<p>“Hey.” Petra appeared in the doorway, wrapped in a loose cotton robe. Her hair was mussed, her cheeks glowing. She grinned. “Room service just arrived. They set up breakfast on the balcony.” Her smile faltered when she noticed his taut expression. “What is it?”</p>
<p>Levi turned the water off.</p>
<p>“Pet, I don’t know that I can leave the military.” He didn’t look at her. She said nothing. “It’s Erwin. You’ve seen how stressed he is. I can’t abandon him now, not after everything he did for us.”</p>
<p>Petra stood behind him and laid her cheek upon his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I know you have two great loves in your life,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>“It’s not like that—”</p>
<p>“I know. But it’s still true.” She sighed and kissed his shoulder. “I want you to do what you want. If you want to stay and work with Erwin, I’ll support you. But do me a favor? Let’s see how this demonstration goes today. Maybe Erwin’s burden is about to get a lot lighter.”</p>
<p>Yeah. He could do that.</p>
<p>“You really wouldn’t be pissed if I changed my mind about the farm?”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t be thrilled. But I’d be okay with it.”</p>
<p>They showered and ate on the balcony, watched the sun rising on the waves. Levi didn’t taste the orange juice or the tea or the eggs. Petra nibbled a pastry, her mind clearly elsewhere. Fuck, he’d made a promise to her, too. Why did he ever have to choose between the two of them, Petra and Erwin? Didn’t they both know he couldn’t be right without them?</p>
<p>They got dressed and packed. The bellhop came and took what little luggage they had. They were off to Kiyomi’s plane now, and then it was a two hour hop down to the Lotani islands. Levi hadn’t been there the last time, but if Hange’s hesitation had been any hint, they were in for a hell of a thing.</p>
<p>It was a small plane, with Erwin, Willy Tybur, Kiyomi, Levi, Petra, and Hange. Hange hadn’t been at the reception last night; she would’ve liked it, but she’d been too absorbed in some research. As soon as they landed on the cruiser, she was going to spend time with the Marleyan titan shifters, poking and prodding them.</p>
<p>Levi sat between his wife and Erwin. They all smiled…well, Erwin and Petra did, and made small talk. Levi glanced at Erwin.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe he’ll be okay. Maybe this is really the last step.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe…I just don’t want to leave him.</em>
</p>
<p>Most men would put their wife and children first. Levi wasn’t most men. Just last night, the wife he adored had probably conceived his second baby. The thrill of that was fading with concern for Erwin. Fuck, why couldn’t he just give Petra everything she wanted? Why did he feel this stupid way, wanting to always make sure Erwin’s plans went forward? Maybe Levi just didn’t want to admit he wasn’t gonna be that important anymore. His role as Humanity’s Strongest had been less and less crucial as the years passed, as politics became more important than killing titans.</p>
<p>They flew to the islands, and he felt his mood worsening with every mile.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Do you have to brush your teeth when you’re in titan form?” Hange asked cheerfully. The sleepy-looking young woman seated on the stainless steel table gave her an incredulous look.</p>
<p>“That’s a very rude thing to say to a woman,” Pieck muttered.</p>
<p>“Ah. Sorry. I only thought that since you can live in it for months at a time, you might have some basic hygienic needs.” She felt her face heat up a little. Maybe Levi was right. Maybe she really was too damn weird for the world.</p>
<p>But Pieck only gave a tiny smile.</p>
<p>“They said you were the titan expert.”</p>
<p>“Maybe an expert on pure titans, but not shifters.” Hange kept the conversation going while she tied the tourniquet around Pieck’s arm and found a vein. Upon their arrival, she’d remained on the Hizuran ship for a bit while the rest of the party went to shore. She’d join them soon enough, but she had a couple things to do first. She’d already examined Zeke and taken his blood. She certainly preferred Pieck’s company, even though she remembered the girl from Shiganshina. Pieck had brought Zeke rocks to use against them. That…was a little hard to think about.</p>
<p>Especially since the girl was charming but a bit odd. Hange liked that. The girl seemed kind of funny. And her titan interested Hange most. Its endurance was highest of all the shifters, while Erwin’s was the lowest.</p>
<p>“What exactly are you looking to find?” Pieck asked as Hange inserted the needle and drew blood.</p>
<p>“I’m trying to compare shifter blood and the blood of a regular Eldian. I’m hoping there’ll be some differences I can pin down.”</p>
<p>“Why do you want to do that?”</p>
<p>Hange thought of Erwin insisting he wanted to live out his less-than-ten-years and then be eaten by a successor. She shook her head.</p>
<p>“Well, the Curse of Ymir isn’t magic. You all don’t die after thirteen years because of an actual curse. More likely there’s an enzyme or protein in your blood that starts to break down after a specific length of time. If I can isolate it, I might be able to reverse the breakdown, or at least stop it from happening. That way, you could live a full life as a shifter before passing on your titan.”</p>
<p>“I have only eighteen months left. I doubt you’ll be able to find a cure in time for me,” Pieck said. Hange felt the young woman evaluating her reaction.</p>
<p>“Ah. Ha ha. Yeah.” She didn’t want to tell the woman that Erwin was her sole concern. She filled the vial with blood, stoppered it, and took out the needle. She pressed cotton to the injection point while removing the tourniquet. Pieck worked her arm up and down.</p>
<p>“It’s all right. If I were a Paradisian, I’d want King Erwin to live for a long time, too.”</p>
<p>The girl didn’t miss anything, did she? Well, Hange also had a tendency to ‘be fucking obvious’ as Levi delicately put it.</p>
<p>“Well. You <em>are</em> an Eldian. He’d be protecting you as well.”</p>
<p>“Eldian doesn’t mean to us Warriors what it means to you.” Pieck shrugged and gave that slow, odd smile. “I know King Erwin’s teaching a new history to younger Eldians from Marley, but he’ll find it hard to compete with a lot of what we’ve been taught our entire lives. A lot of us from the camps almost like to think of ourselves as the world’s monsters. Having to pretend our kind have been helpless victims throughout history doesn’t sit well with many proud Eldian Marleyans.”</p>
<p>Hange really didn’t understand human nature. She laid Pieck’s blood sample on a tray.</p>
<p>“Well. Thanks for the blood. If I find anything, I’ll let you know.”</p>
<p>Pieck got off the table, and Hange gradually realized the young woman was standing entirely too close. She looked at Pieck, the smaller woman’s expression very neutral as she regarded Hange. Her long, dark hair curtained her face; she smiled rather like a cat.</p>
<p>“Uh. Yes?” Hange said.</p>
<p>“You have a very pretty brown eye. I like how your glasses make it look bigger.”</p>
<p>With that, Pieck took her crutch and went her merry way out the door. Hange almost dropped the vial of blood, her entire face now boiling hot to the touch. Heh. Heh. What a nice girl. She adjusted her patch, as if wanting to make up for having an empty socket. No two eyes to praise, sadly.</p>
<p>Hange now felt extremely embarrassed about asking if she could ride around on Pieck’s titan the first time they met.</p>
<p>
  <em>Anyone would’ve done the same. Her titan’s like a giant pony! With lips!</em>
</p>
<p>Hange quickly decided to stop thinking about Pieck’s lips and focus on the shifter girl’s blood instead.</p>
<p>But she had to stop her experiments when she heard the clang of a bell, signaling it was time to go ashore.</p>
<p>The demonstration was about to begin. Hange put her microscope and blood away in her little travel case, snapped the lid shut, and swung out of her lab coat.</p>
<p>Time to end this war at long, long last.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zeke walked along the beach to find Erwin Smith talking with Kiyomi. The plane had landed a little while before; the cruisers were fifty miles off shore, objects against which to measure the imminent explosion. Sweat was beading on the bridge of his nose. Zeke began to regret his choice of wardrobe today; a casual linen suit and fine Marleyan leather shoes always looked dapper, in his opinion, but the beach’s sand was a little too…uneven for comfortable walking. He’d never really spent time at a beach before today.</p>
<p>Zeke wasn’t exactly the outdoors type.</p>
<p>“Majesty. Lady Kiyomi.” He smiled graciously. Erwin and Kiyomi looked on him with polite benevolence. Once the three of them had met at Zeke’s stash house in Liberio for a secret meeting. Once, he had instructed <em>them.</em> That evening, he had been the one in control.</p>
<p>Now, of the original trio, he was the least important member. He should have watched Erwin Smith more closely.</p>
<p>“Hello, Zeke. How are you?” Erwin asked.</p>
<p>“Fine. Majesty, can I have a word?” The king took leave of Kiyomi and followed Zeke along the shore. “It’s been six months since the Liberation.” Huh. As Erwin called it. Such optimism. “I’ve been corresponding with my brother, and hoped I might come to the island soon to meet him.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Erwin kept smiling. “You’ve certainly been a great help to the Triple Alliance in our wars.”</p>
<p>A help. Zeke had helped mastermind this whole damn thing. He’d been in the original triple fucking alliance.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” He had to stay polite. “I’m sure you remember that we agreed I’d have residency on Paradis after we made our move. I’ve got about eighteen months left; no, maybe a little less. I want to spend time on Paradis before the end.”</p>
<p>“Why is it you want to see the island so badly?” Erwin asked. Still smiling. “I know you can’t have many pleasant memories of it. Between Ragako and Shiganshina.”</p>
<p>The man’s voice chilled at those words. <em>Murder a man on the battlefield and he holds a grudge forever.</em></p>
<p>“It’s the place where our people have been freest the last hundred years.”</p>
<p>“If you call living behind walls, caged in by titans as free, then yes.”</p>
<p>“Also, I’d like to spend time with my little brother. He’s my only remaining family.” It was true. Zeke’s grandparents had died three months ago, days apart. He was certain the shock of the new world order had done them in.</p>
<p>“Zeke, you’ve been a help to us, despite our bad beginning. So I’m going to speak frankly with you.” Erwin stopped them. “You are never going to meet Eren alone. Ever.”</p>
<p>He had to remain calm.</p>
<p>“I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>“I think you do. Eren possesses the Founder, and you are a titan of royal blood. If you touch, he can access the full power of the Founding Titan.”</p>
<p>“Are you suspicious of my brother?”</p>
<p>“I’m suspicious of the both of you. Even if Eren told me he wanted to use the Founder—even if he told me exactly what he planned to do with it—I wouldn’t allow you to meet alone and face to face. That kind of power, quite frankly, outstrips even my hyperfusion bomb. It can cause the rumbling.” He glared at Zeke. “It can alter Eldians.”</p>
<p>
  <em>How the fuck did he find out?</em>
</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“If Eren wanted to use the Subjects of Ymir for any purpose, he could do it. He could alter our memories, including mine.” Yes, and Erwin Smith must retain control at all costs. “He could turn us all into pure titans. He could play god. I won’t allow him that kind of power. Not him, not anyone. At least, not anyone who does not have my complete and total trust. Eren has my affection, my appreciation, but not my entire trust.”</p>
<p>“You can’t get rid of the Founding Titan.”</p>
<p>“No, I never can. But I can control the Founder’s access to the full spectrum of its power.”</p>
<p>Zeke’s blood chilled.</p>
<p>“You…you wouldn’t feed Eren to someone else before his time is up?” Real brotherly outrage surged in Zeke’s breast.</p>
<p>“I would never want to. I would not…so long as I was given no reason to. Eren Jaeger has helped me remake this world. For that, he will always have my respect and gratitude. For that reason, I want to let him live out his life to the fullest. But if you try to come in contact with him, you risk his life. As a brother, I’m sure you don’t want that.”</p>
<p>Zeke felt dizzy. Mr. Xavier…Dad. He’d failed.</p>
<p>“You go back on your promises,” Zeke muttered.</p>
<p>“I’ll allow you to live on Paradis for the last three months of your life.” Yes, so he could feed Zeke to another royal—maybe Historia, or maybe a child of hers. Erwin Smith would take the Beast Titan from Marley under the guise of doing his duty. “You’ll be made comfortable. And you can meet Eren in the flesh. But you’ll always be kept a minimum of ten feet apart. The Armored and Jaws titans will be there to take one or both of you out should you try anything. If you can agree to those terms, you can see your brother. But you will not touch him. Ever.”</p>
<p>Zeke knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere by arguing about this. The more he fought, the harder he’d make it for himself later.</p>
<p>“You drive a hard bargain,” he said.</p>
<p>“Life isn’t fair. Tell that to the villagers of Ragako.”</p>
<p>The faintest tinge of anger laced Erwin’s voice then. So. He was raw about that as well, it seemed. Perhaps Levi’s idiotic valuing of life at all costs rubbed off on people.</p>
<p>“All right. Thank you, Majesty.”</p>
<p>A false king. Zeke had the actual royal blood, like Historia, his long-lost cousin or whatever she was. He had to bow to the false king Willy Tybur in Marley, and the false king Erwin Smith on Paradis. The red king and the white king, they were called. Willy was red because of the blood spilled by Marley; Erwin white due mainly to how he’d allowed himself and his wife to be photographed by journalists on Paradis. They dressed in simple white robes, and worked on a farm with orphaned children.</p>
<p>Historia, Zeke knew, lived on that farm most of the year. Erwin did not. A publicity stunt, but an effective one.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith walked away. Zeke had to grin and suffer through the rest of that infernal meet-and-greet. He had to see Levi and that simpering little wife of his. Petra glared at him as she walked past. He approached her, desperate to make someone else feel as bad as he did.</p>
<p>“I imagine your husbands don’t know about your deal with me?” he said.</p>
<p>“Stop calling them my husbands,” she snapped. Ha. Hit a nerve. “Besides, Levi knows most of what happened in Fischer’s house.”</p>
<p>Most, but not all. Good to hear.</p>
<p>“Also,” Petra said, this time with a smug smile, “it doesn’t matter anymore. No one would be angry if you told what happened that night.”</p>
<p>“Erwin says I won’t ever meet Eren in the flesh.” Zeke wanted to gauge her reaction. He expected more smug triumph.</p>
<p>Instead, she paled considerably. Well now. What was <em>that</em> about?</p>
<p>“I…” She cleared her throat. “I don’t know what you want me to do about it. I’m not obligated to you now.”</p>
<p>“No. You’re not.”</p>
<p>He watched her walk away, noted the hesitation in her steps. Hmm. Very, very interesting. Maybe Petra Ral Ackerman hadn’t ceased to be of use to him after all.</p>
<p>Zeke thought about his problems as the heads of state and ambassadors were herded into concrete bunkers, as he received a pair of dark glasses to wear to protect his eyes. He was a bit bored as he listened to the Hizuran at the controls count down, coordinating with the plane hundreds of miles away.</p>
<p>Then the bomb went off.</p>
<p>Zeke heard the screams around him; in truth, he almost joined in. His hand clenched in a fist as he watched that cloud billow skyward, balloon at the top into a mushroom shape. He watched a wave of water vapor rush over the ships and spill uncomfortably close to their own shelter on the island. When Zeke removed the glasses, he saw that the sky around the explosion had gone orange.</p>
<p>“Well. The Pearl Choker is definitely empty of all sea life now,” that scientist woman said, reading the schematics as they came in. She was the lanky brunette with the eye patch. Levi and Erwin both seemed to listen intently to whatever she said. “Looks like it’ll be barren for hundreds of years at least.”</p>
<p>“My friends,” Erwin Smith said, facing the assembly. Willy Tybur looked physically ill; Kiyomi inscrutable. The heads of nations faced the man who held such enormous power. “A single ounce of treated Titania crystal enabled that explosion. We have mined over one hundred million tons of the stuff in the years since we started production. Our raw material can be used to make you the finest weapons and greatest, cleanest sources of energy on earth. Or.” He gestured to the window, and the still-erupting cloud. “They can do this. Paradis wants peace, as do Hizuru and Marley. Please enable us to draw this meaningless conflict to its end. You know what we want: release your Eldian citizens, give them full rights, agree to minor occupation by our Alliance forces, and all will be well. If you don’t?”</p>
<p>He let that question go unanswered. The room supplied their own answers, silently.</p>
<p>“This is very impressive,” a woman said. She was pale to the point of bloodless, with vibrant red hair. The ambassador from Hybernia, Zeke recalled. “But why should one man have all this power?”</p>
<p>“He shares it,” Kiyomi said slyly. From Tybur’s long face, Zeke did not think the red king was on the receiving end of that largesse.</p>
<p>It went about as well and as quickly as Zeke had anticipated. The entire world fell gently into Erwin Smith’s grasp.</p>
<p>Zeke looked away from the scene of surrender and noticed Levi Ackerman and his wife. The man had his arm around her waist, discreetly so that none would notice unless they watched closely. She nestled against her husband. She whispered in his ear; he nodded. The picture of marital bliss.</p>
<p>It made him sick, quite frankly.</p>
<p>But he also noticed that they regarded Erwin with hesitant eyes. Hmm. Good to know.</p>
<p>Very, very good to know.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Why are you looking at me like that?” Levi muttered. He and Petra were walking the small perimeter of the island, watching as the ambassadors and other important people took boats back out to their ships. The last to go would be the Hizuran battlecruiser, which carried the titan shifters.</p>
<p>His wife, meanwhile, was doing that thing where she glared at him but tried not to let him know she was glaring.</p>
<p>“Are you really going to stay in the military after that?” she asked.</p>
<p>“What? You think it’d make me some kind of monster?” He really needed to take a shower; he felt grimy for some reason.</p>
<p>“No. But what can you possibly do that <em>that</em> thing can’t?” She gestured to the still-orange sky, the pink and purple clouds of fallout on the horizon. Fuck, just looking at that shit made Levi sure he’d never sleep again. And he didn’t sleep all that much anyway.</p>
<p>“Erwin can’t explode that bomb only a little bit. He can’t talk to the bomb or give it instructions. He still needs me.” Levi quickened his pace, stared out to sea. He looked in the direction that was still blue and calm. “I thought you’d support me. You said you would.”</p>
<p>“I’d support you if I thought any of this made sense. But it doesn’t, Levi! The entire world is Erwin’s now! He needed you to help him conquer it. He doesn’t need you to help run it.”</p>
<p>“Tch. You think that just because we got the world that’s it? No more trouble? You’re smarter than that, Ral.”</p>
<p>She made an aggravated noise. She’d taken off her uniform jacket because of the heat. Her collared shirt was looking a little damp with sweat. “Admit it. You don’t want to leave because you can’t stand the thought that the world doesn’t need you.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“You were Humanity’s Strongest for six years. Everyone’s hope against the titans. But now the titans are gone, and they’re not coming back.”</p>
<p><em>You don’t know that</em>, he wanted to say. Fuck, a childish part of him almost wished for it. Almost, not quite, but then at least he’d have a fucking reason to get up in the morning…</p>
<p>
  <em>Isn’t that the point of having a family?</em>
</p>
<p>“Levi? What is it?”</p>
<p>“I can’t leave him yet. Look, it wouldn’t be for that much longer. Just a year until Erwin’s sure in his role—”</p>
<p>“He’ll never be sure!” She rarely snapped at him. He glared at her in reply. “You’re always going to find some reason to put Erwin Smith over our family.”</p>
<p>“Over? That a fact?” He crossed his arms. “Guess all that ‘best father I’ve ever seen’ crap was just that. A load of shit.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I meant.” Her voice softened. She was backpedaling.</p>
<p>“If you want to leave the service, you can. But Erwin’s got less than ten years left, and I’ve got to see his plan through.”</p>
<p>“Do you even agree with his plan anymore?” she whispered. Levi froze.</p>
<p>“Fuck did you say?”</p>
<p>“You heard me. That bomb… I’ve never been that scared in my life. Not even of the Female Titan. Levi.” She was gentle again. “It’s okay to admit you think it’s going too far. You told me about stopping people like Floch from—”</p>
<p>“That’s not Erwin’s fault,” he snapped.</p>
<p>“No, but it happens because of Erwin’s plan! I don't see how holding the whole world hostage is going to make them like Eldians!”</p>
<p>“You sound like Hange,” he muttered. The scientist was getting sick of the violence as they made their way across the continent. But that was over now. “Erwin gave us all peace today.”</p>
<p>“Do you really believe that?” She looked suspicious. Damn everything.</p>
<p>“Yes. I do,” he snapped. He paused, then took her face in his hands. “I need you on my side on this, brat.”</p>
<p>He spoke softly, stroked her cheek with his thumb. Petra shut her eyes, leaned in to the affection…</p>
<p>“I don’t know that I can be. Not on this.” She looked at him with pleading eyes. “Levi. Please. This isn’t about our family, it’s—”</p>
<p>With a heavy sigh, he walked ahead of her. Petra gave a short exclamation of annoyance, but let him have his space. She just couldn’t see. He was doing this for her and their family, after all. It’s not like he wanted to stay in the military. It wasn’t fun for him.</p>
<p>Erwin needed him. He couldn’t turn his back on that.</p>
<p>Speak of the Eldian devil. As Levi came around the bend of the shore, he saw Erwin, Zeke, and a handful of others standing around and talking. The king of Paradis stood limned against the blue sea…and the orange sky. Levi shut his eyes, felt the ocean breeze mess up his hair.</p>
<p>She was going to understand. She’d see in time. He’d just disappointed her, that’s all, but damn it sometimes husbands and wives disappointed each other.</p>
<p>Erwin walked away from the group of people, smiling as he saw Levi. He must have noticed Levi’s constipated expression, because the smile shifted to a frown.</p>
<p>“Are you all right?” Erwin lifted a giantass eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Tch. Fucking great. Took a real smooth shit ten minutes ago. Feeling amazing.” Levi stared at the battlecruiser, now the only ship left. “So what comes next?”</p>
<p>“Next? We go home. We monitor the situation worldwide.”</p>
<p>“Can we do a job that big?”</p>
<p>“If the Alliance holds true, we should be able. We’re dividing the world into three parts. Hizuru centers its power in Nambia and the southeastern provinces, Marley the Mid East and the Colombian territories, and Paradis much of Aeropa and Zhonghu.”</p>
<p>“Thought you told Tybur that Marley got everything and we’d just take a commission.”</p>
<p>Erwin shrugged. “I think Willy sees this is too big an operation for one country alone.”</p>
<p>“Think the Alliance’ll hold?”</p>
<p>“I trust Hizuru. Well, mostly. Two can hold Marley in check, especially as they don’t have the weapon.”</p>
<p>They’d taken to calling the hyperfusion bomb that. Just The Weapon.</p>
<p>“What do you need me to do in all this?” Levi asked. Erwin looked genuinely surprised.</p>
<p>“I got the impression you’d leave the military once this had ended.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well.” Levi looked up into the sky, where the sun was starting to lower itself. “Petra thought the same.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you want to retire?”</p>
<p>Fuck, wasn’t that the question?</p>
<p>“I want…fuck.” He scratched the back of his head. “I want to watch Kuchel and my other brats grow up on a horse farm. I want to stay in the capital and work with you. I want to run a tea shop with my wife, and I want to be on the front line of defense if any of these Alliance assholes get funny ideas about betraying us. I want to be two different men.”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed deeply. “I know my…foreign policies…have added strain to Paradis. And you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well, if you hadn’t gone on the attack, we’d be getting railroaded by Marley and have no way to defend ourselves except maybe the fucking rumbling. And who wants <em>that</em> shit?” Levi sighed. “No. If I want to leave my kids something that’ll last, I need to stick it out a little longer.”</p>
<p>“Levi…” Erwin’s smile grew. “I’m selfishly glad to hear that.”</p>
<p>He looked up at the giant blond asshole. The king. The god.</p>
<p>“Not sick of me yet?”</p>
<p>“I think you’re one of the few people on earth I don’t get sick of,” Erwin said softly. Levi looked away, careful lest this turn into an emotional moment.</p>
<p>“Well. Same. Shithead.”</p>
<p>“Is that any way to speak to a king?” Erwin feigned horror. Levi tried not to smile. Didn’t quite succeed.</p>
<p>“You’ll always be that pathetic asshole who got his arm chewed off by a titan ‘cause he was giving some bigass speech.”</p>
<p>Erwin laughed then, big and unafraid. Levi rarely heard the man laugh like that anymore. Made his day to hear.</p>
<p>“And no matter how many titles or lands you receive, you’ll always be the man with the crudest mouth I’ve ever heard.”</p>
<p>“Dress classy. Talk shitty. That’s how I live my life.” Levi fluffed at his cravat for emphasis. Yeah, if he gave up the military, he’d have to give up some of his swankery. Not much use for cravats on a horse farm. The cravat was part of who he was. He wasn’t ready to give all that up just yet.</p>
<p>Petra’d understand. Eventually.</p>
<p>“Well,” Erwin said. “I think it’s about time we headed back.”</p>
<p>Petra sat silent in their short boat ride out to the ship. Levi let her have her space, but he felt his gut constrict. They didn’t fight much, but when they did it hurt his damn soul.</p>
<p>When they reached the ship, bad news awaited them.</p>
<p>“Lady Kiyomi.” One of the Hizuran soldiers saluted them. “We regret to inform you that there’s a problem with the plane.” He talked about propellers or nose gauges or wonky wheels or something, Levi couldn’t follow it. He wasn’t plane folk.</p>
<p>“What?” The lady looked incredulous. “How is <em>that</em> possible? It had a thorough inspection before we left Kawani.”</p>
<p>“And it can’t be fixed here?” Erwin asked. Apparently the answer was no. Fucking bad luck.</p>
<p>“My lady, I’m sorry. If you would like to talk to the engineers, we can call—”</p>
<p>“So. Does this mean we sail back?” Willy asked. He looked around the deck of the battlecruiser. “It shouldn’t take that much longer, should it?”</p>
<p>“A few hours more.” Kiyomi sighed.</p>
<p>“Well, that’s a pity.” Erwin shrugged. “Still, not much we can do about it.”</p>
<p>“Not in that plane, at least,” Kiyomi said. “But we could always take the Grasshopper.”</p>
<p>“The what?” Levi said.</p>
<p>“It’s a small private plane designed for short jaunts. I like to have one on hand on every cruiser, for my own personal use. Just in case of emergency.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you had another private plane.” Willy Tybur looked impressed.</p>
<p>“As I say. I like to be prepared.” She nodded at the soldier. “Would you please ready it?”</p>
<p>“Yes, my lady.” Another salute, and the kid was gone.</p>
<p>“There is still one small problem,” Kiyomi said, sounding apologetic. “The plane we came down in had enough seating for all of us, but including the pilot the Grasshopper can take only six. That means—”</p>
<p>“One of us has to take the ship back.” Erwin sighed, then lifted his hand. “I’ll stay.”</p>
<p>“You out of your mind?” Levi said. “You’re a damn king.”</p>
<p>“Well, I could stay.” Hange brightened. “I could spend more time with the titan shifters, getting to know them.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t you say you needed to get your samples back to the lab on Kawani as soon as possible?” Levi asked. Hange couldn’t deny it. “Look, Erwin. It’s simple. You, Kiyomi, Willy, Hange, and Petra go back on the plane. I’ll take the ship. It’s only a couple extra hours.”</p>
<p>“I’ll stay with you, then,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Come on. I don’t need to be looked after,” he grumbled. When she started to argue, his look shut her down. “Maybe this’d give us a nice chance to think some things over. Alone.”</p>
<p>She frowned. She was struggling to hide how pissed she was.</p>
<p>“If you plan on doing some thinking, then okay,” she said crisply. Damn, they were getting close to arguing in front of the Triple Alliance. And Hange.</p>
<p>Well, Hange wouldn’t mind.</p>
<p>About thirty minutes later, the Grasshopper was ready. Levi walked with his wife and Erwin to the aircraft, placed at the very start of the sleek ship runway. Pretty ingenious, having a boat that could also launch planes. What would they think of next?</p>
<p>“See you back at the hotel.” Erwin shook Levi’s hand. “You’ll be in time for dinner. We’ll toast to the day.”</p>
<p>“Eh. I’ll just have tea.”</p>
<p>Erwin hid a smile and left husband and wife alone. Petra was staying stubborn, refusing to look him in the eye.</p>
<p>“Oi. I’ll think it over. I said I would.”</p>
<p>“So you haven’t made a decision yet?”</p>
<p>“What do you think ‘think it over’ means?”</p>
<p>“Well, don’t get snippy.” She sounded cross. Fuck, maybe it was proof that she <em>was</em> pregnant. Pregnancy could make you mean.</p>
<p>“You ought to get on the plane. I’ll see you in a few.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>She walked away from him. Levi cursed and turned around, hating when they fought. But he had to be firm. He couldn’t just let her have her way on every single thing. Even it it’d make his life easier, and happier. He liked giving her what she wanted, damn it. But on this one, he had to think. He just had to think…</p>
<p>“Hey,” Petra said.</p>
<p>Levi turned around. She put her arms around him and kissed him once, then again. Everything in his body relaxed.</p>
<p>“Oi. Don’t want to make a spectacle in front of the most powerful people in the world,” he grumbled. Petra smiled, and kissed his nose.</p>
<p>“I’ll think about it. I promise,” she said. Her voice was gentle again.</p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll do the same.”</p>
<p>“Be good. Don’t let Zeke get the better of you.”</p>
<p>“Who do you think you’re talking to?”</p>
<p>Another kiss, and then he watched her hurry down the runway and climb into the tinyass plane. Kiyomi wasn’t lying; he had no idea how even two people fit in that thing. The propeller started, and Levi watched the plane speed down the runway and then take off into the sky. He sighed as the Hizurans shouted orders all around, as they turned the ship and started back for Kawani. Levi walked over to the railing and stared at the vanishing island with its concrete bunker and its view of total destruction.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. I wish to hell there was another way.</em>
</p>
<p>“Enjoying the view?” Zeke Jaeger drawled as he strolled over. Levi didn’t trust a man who strolled.</p>
<p>“I was,” he growled.</p>
<p>“Don’t be rude.” Zeke leaned on the railing beside Levi as the island vanished in the distance. “They say that the sea air is a real tonic for the nerves.”</p>
<p>“Who’s they?”</p>
<p>“Medical professionals. Celebrities. Everyone.” Well. That sounded nice and bullshit.</p>
<p>Levi walked away, not even taking his leave, because fuck politeness. Especially with Zeke Jaeger. Levi headed along the great length of the ship, leaving the prow and wandering towards the stern. Around him, Hizurans in gray uniform went about their tasks. They mostly spoke in Hizuran, which he didn’t understand, and which left him feeling like he was drifting alone across the cruiser. Not the worst feeling in the world.</p>
<p>He came to a grinding halt when he saw Pieck’s titan waddling across the ship. The Cart Titan had some kind of gigantic vest strapped to it, studded with bulging pockets.</p>
<p>“Uh. Hi,” Levi muttered. He’d met the girl a couple times in human form. She seemed nice enough. In titan form, however, she crawled around on all fours and had a freakishly long face with giantass lips.</p>
<p>“HELLO,” the titan said. One of the few that could speak. The nightmare sound of its voice, like a car revving its engine if that engine tried to communicate with you, made Levi wish it couldn’t talk at all.</p>
<p>“Why’re you wearing all that?”</p>
<p>“BE PREPARED IS THE CART WAY.” Was that a joke? Could titans tell jokes? What a fucking horrifying world. With that, Pieck ambled off in search of some other people to scare so bad they’d shit their pants. Levi shook his head and walked to the back of the ship. He leaned against the rail, stared down into the churning water. His stomach rippled at the sight. Too much water, everywhere. It made him feel unstable. He was the most fearsome thing on earth, but on sea…?</p>
<p>Still, he didn’t feel like talking to anyone. He spent a pleasant hour parked at the rail, watching the sun sink lower against the horizon. He thought about Erwin, and Petra. He thought about Kuchel. He thought about that little farm up north, and making love to his wife in the forest. If you’d told Levi when he was younger that he’d do any such thing, he’d have broken your jaw.</p>
<p>Erwin and Petra had changed him. He owed them both everything. He owed Erwin his purpose, the whole trajectory of his life. He owed Petra his humanity; she’d taught him how to touch and be touched. Both of them were more important to him than he could ever express. But he couldn’t make both of them happy.</p>
<p>Flip a coin? Pick a name out of a hat?</p>
<p>
  <em>What would I regret most?</em>
</p>
<p>Would he regret leaving Erwin alone in the military? Would he regret not going to that farm with Petra?</p>
<p>He loved them both so damn deeply. The choice was eating him alive.</p>
<p>And he wondered, secretly, if he was afraid that, given peace, his aggression would need a new way out. He was a violent man; that would always be part of him. He’d tortured people as a young man to survive; he’d killed and tortured people as a soldier to survive. Would he relax into retirement and love when he left the military? Or…or would his wife and children be on the receiving end of his pent up anger? His violence?</p>
<p>That thought scared Levi so bad he almost couldn’t think.</p>
<p>“You look sour,” Zeke said. Levi nearly leapt out of his skin; that fucker could move quiet as a cat when he wanted. Or an ape. Nah, maybe a cat; apes didn’t seem all that quiet.</p>
<p>“You sure are observant,” Levi drawled. “Fucking genius.”</p>
<p>Zeke leaned his back against the railing. Apparently Levi giving a ‘go fuck yourself’ look meant ‘come talk to me’ in Zeke-ese.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to get to meet Eren.” The brashness left Zeke’s voice.</p>
<p>“No. You’re not.”</p>
<p>“You promised me.”</p>
<p>“And you killed the entire Survey Corps, not to mention Ragako village. Given that, not killing you makes me real merciful. You shouldn’t look for more.”</p>
<p>“It’s human nature to want more.”</p>
<p>“You’re not human. Neither am I. We’re two non-humans.” Levi pushed away from the railing and walked off, hands shoved in his pockets. Fucking ape ruined his solitude.</p>
<p>“That makes us a pair, doesn’t it?” Zeke grinned, showing all his teeth. Hange said apes did that to show aggression.</p>
<p>“We’re so fucking far from being a pair, Beardy, we might as well be on opposite sides of the world.” He stopped, jabbed a finger into the guy’s chest. “Tell me. Why are you so damn desperate to see Eren?”</p>
<p>“He’s my brother. Isn’t that reason enough?”</p>
<p>It was weird. Levi knew there was more to it than that, yet he oddly felt like Zeke was telling the truth.</p>
<p>“It’s not enough for me.”</p>
<p>“What would be enough?”</p>
<p>“Your head on my wall. Like I said.”</p>
<p>“Oh, come on. Must you be so hostile?”</p>
<p>“Have we fucking met?”</p>
<p>Zeke grinned. Disconcerting. “You know, I’ve studied our files on the Ackermans. Mr. Xavier was an expert on titan science and Eldian genealogy. You fit the Ackerman profile to a T.”</p>
<p>Levi frowned. “What’d you say?”</p>
<p>“Your family—”</p>
<p>Whatever Zeke was about to say got lost in the blare of a siren. Some lights started flashing on the ship. Red lights. Not a good sign.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Levi started running, not giving a damn if Zeke followed or not. The two men came to a sudden halt when they saw what sat in the waters just ahead of their cruiser.</p>
<p>It was a battleship. Much larger than theirs. The cruisers were built for speed; the battleships were built to crush everything in their path. If the cruiser wanted that speed to mean shit, it had to get away. Now.</p>
<p>But even if it did, the damn battleship was too close…</p>
<p>“It’s not one of ours, is it?” Zeke said quietly. He already knew; he just had to say it out loud.</p>
<p>Given the way the Hizurans were running to get to the guns and cannon, seemed the other ship was looking to be hostile. It had happened so fast, Levi was almost dizzy. Who the fuck would dare take them on? The Triple Alliance wasn’t going to stand for this bullshit. But that didn’t change the fact they were currently in shit up to their eyes.</p>
<p>“Zeke.” Levi’s throat was suddenly dry. “They got anything for you to throw?”</p>
<p>“As a matter of fact, they keep large chunks of iron on hand for my titan’s particular strengths.” Zeke swallowed audibly. “Be prepared and all that.”</p>
<p>Levi nodded. “Go.”</p>
<p>The bearded bitch didn’t argue or act smarmy. He only raced down the length of the ship, headed for the prow. A minute later, there was an explosion of lightning as Zeke transformed. Even from back here, Levi nearly got bowled backwards by the wind of the transformation. Hopefully the soldiers were hanging onto something.</p>
<p>With a roar, the Beast Titan picked something up and threw. Some projectiles struck the hull of the attacking ship, but many fell in the water. The ship was a little too far away for Zeke to do maximum damage. Shit.</p>
<p>Levi heard the guns start to go off as they launched an attack on the battleship. Levi realized he was now in a unique position: for the first time in his life, he didn’t know what to do to help in a fight. This was the ocean. He barely knew how to dog paddle, for fuck sake. He wasn’t a gun sergeant, or a shifter. He was functionally useless on this ship.</p>
<p>
  <em>You wanted to think you were still Humanity’s Strongest.</em>
</p>
<p>What an arrogant prick he was.</p>
<p>Zeke roared again, and the guns fired again. Levi could see the other ship better now. No mistake: it was Hybernian. So the little island nation thought they could take on a fucking battlecruiser from Hizuru.</p>
<p>But why? Why attack this ship? Sure, it had some titan shifters, but only two. All the diplomats and ambassadors were gone, as were the Triple Alliance leaders—</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>The plane had “malfunctioned,” even though it’d worked perfectly on the flight to Kawani. With all these people crawling all over the ship, sabotage wasn’t impossible. If Kiyomi hadn’t so happened to have a backup plane like the be-prepared woman she was, all three of the Triple Alliance leaders would be on this ship right now. So would Hange, the woman who created the hyperfusion bomb. Trying to sink a ship with all that power on it would be worth the risk.</p>
<p>Instead, they were going to take down a short, cranky man on the cusp of middle age. A man out of step with his time.</p>
<p>Fuck, it’d be funny if it wasn’t so sad.</p>
<p>Another roar from Zeke. Levi watched the ape pick up another handful of iron, ready to launch. Fuck, could they get around these assholes? What if there were more waiting up ahead? What if—</p>
<p>There was a colossal boom from the enemy ship’s cannon. As Levi watched, the blast caught Zeke through the center of the neck. The Beast Titan staggered, then collapsed over the railing and into the water. The impact sent a wall of spray over the side of the ship, soaking Levi in an instant. Blood steamed on the deck.</p>
<p>No. They’d…killed him?</p>
<p>“Zeke!” Levi barked. He gripped the railing, trying to look down to see if the shot had been fatal or only wounding. The Beast Titan bobbed on the ocean, kind of ridiculous when you looked at how fucking big it was. Like a giant furry island. But no pilot emerged from the titan; it stayed facedown in the water. It didn’t move.</p>
<p>Impossible. How could he wish with all his heart that Zeke Fucking Jaeger would get back up and fight another day? How was Levi on Zeke Jaeger’s team? How crazy was this world?</p>
<p>He had no more time to think. An explosion rocked the ship. He nearly pitched over the railing, but managed to keep himself upright. He stumbled to the center of the rear deck. A soldier in gray uniform ran past Levi, who shouted for him. The Hizuran looked pained, wanting to get to his station. Levi kept it brief.</p>
<p>“Did we get them yet?”</p>
<p>“A few direct hits. We’re lucky they’re not going after our guns. They seem to be trying to sink us.”</p>
<p>With that, the kid ran off. Levi doubled over, hands on his knees. He thought.</p>
<p>Sinking them wasn’t a bad idea, but their ship was made of a sort of titanium-Titania alloy. Pretty near indestructible. Trying to blow their cannon away would be the smarter move. If they were going for the hull, it’d take a fair minute for the ship to sink. Not very quick. Which was no problem, but then why not try for the guns as well?</p>
<p>Unless…</p>
<p>What had Hange said? They’d been coming down to Kawani, and the two of them had been hanging out at the ship’s bar. She’d told him about the types of Titania-based weapons they’d be carting around on every Hizuran cruiser from now on, part of a deal with Kiyomi. Levi had drunk his tea and not paid much attention, but Hange had gone on and on about the rifles and handguns she’d designed, as well as…</p>
<p>
  <em>On board every ship, we’ll have about eight thousand barrels of treated Titania powder. Don’t worry, it won’t have a hyperexplosion or anything. Think of it as very, very potent gunpowder. It’ll give us three times as much regular gunfire as normal artillery. Just make sure you don’t light up a cigarette nearby—</em>
</p>
<p>The yellow lightning was everywhere. It crawled over the deck; it wrote itself in letters in the sky; it screamed through his blood. It said one word.</p>
<p>JUMP.</p>
<p>“Everyone! Everyone!” Levi rarely screamed, but he screamed now. He ran across the ship, desperate for attention. “They’re going for the powder! They’re trying to blow a hole in the fucking ship and hit the fucking powder!”</p>
<p>Through the gunsmoke, Levi saw the enormous enemy cannon pointed straight at their ship. The yellow lightning spoke to him in the same way it spoke to him when an enemy was coming up behind him or which way to move to parry a blow that hadn’t been dealt yet. When it spoke to him, it never lied.</p>
<p>JUMP NOW.</p>
<p>This was it.</p>
<p>The Hizurans couldn’t hear him. Weren’t listening.</p>
<p>Kuchel was waiting for him. Petra was waiting, pregnant with his baby. Erwin was waiting.</p>
<p>Apologizing profusely in his heart, Levi raced to the railing and launched himself off of it. He landed in the ocean, not too far from the Beast Titan’s corpse. It was cold and dark in the ocean; the warmth of last night was gone. He wanted to take a breath, but kept his lips clamped shut. He struggled to paddle as Petra had shown him, but his boots instantly filled with water and his clothes weighed eight hundred pounds. He kicked off the shoes, which helped a bit, and paddled desperately for the surface and the ape. Zeke. Was Zeke—?</p>
<p>Then everything was on fire, and Levi went away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I’m sorry if I’m putting a strain on your marriage,” Erwin said. Petra sat beside him in the car, headed back to the hotel. She gazed out the window at the palm trees along the highway.</p>
<p>“I know you’re just doing what you need to do.” She sighed. “I only wish you’d tell Levi you don’t need him.”</p>
<p>“But I do, Petra. I can’t lie to him. Or to you.”</p>
<p>She studied Erwin Smith. He was nothing but deferential to her, but he was firm.</p>
<p>“What do you need him for? What can he do that no one else can?”</p>
<p>“He’s the eyes I wish I had. Everything he sees, he sees for what it is. He’s clear. Politicians like Pixis and Nile filter everything through their own perspective. They color things with their agenda. They don’t come close to doing what Levi can do for me.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Then at least promise me his days of combat are over.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked uncomfortable, and like he was being extremely patient.</p>
<p>“Petra, he’s still the best soldier I have. If Kenny Ackerman was any indication, Levi will be a formidable combatant until he’s in his sixties. I’d be a fool not to want to utilize that.”</p>
<p>She could have told him that he’d set them on the path for never ending war, but Petra just didn’t want to. She was tired.</p>
<p>She was only twenty-five now, but she looked back at the person she’d been four years ago as a girl. Not yet a mother. Still not in love, at least in a reciprocal relationship. Not yet killed anyone. Back when titans were the only threat the world had to contend with. Back when she knew exactly who she was and what she was doing with her life. She thought back to the blushing, starstruck girl she’d been at the midwinter ball in Mitras, the night her whole life had changed forever. How could you transform so completely in four years?</p>
<p>Petra Ral had been a romantic, happy girl. Petra Ackerman was getting weary and sick of all this shit.</p>
<p>
  <em>I could be that person again if we’d just go to the country and live out our lives on a porch, watching our grandchildren play.</em>
</p>
<p>Then again, if Erwin thought Levi was indispensible, maybe they couldn’t achieve that golden future without sacrifice now. Petra rubbed her eyes. She wanted a nap. Levi’s ship wasn’t supposed to dock for another couple hours. She’d go upstairs, grab a shower, and fall asleep.</p>
<p>“That’s an odd welcome committee,” Erwin said. Petra looked up. They were pulling in to the hotel courtyard, and a whole group of Hizurans stood directly outside. Kanada Azumabito was among them, and he looked ill. Very ill.</p>
<p>Petra began to feel cold.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” she said. When the car parked, she got out. Erwin followed. The car behind them arrived with Hange and Kiyomi. The Hizuran lady approached her nephew.</p>
<p>“Kanada? What is it?”</p>
<p>“I have some unfortunate news.” The young man looked briefly at Petra, then snatched his eyes away. Why would he do that? “Approximately one hour ago, a Hyberian battleship launched an attack on the cruiser carrying two of the Marleyan titan shifters.”</p>
<p>Levi. Petra began to shake her head. No. No.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Kiyomi paled.</p>
<p>“A Hizuran fleet twenty miles to the east received the signal for help. The signal cut out abruptly about five minutes in to the call. The fleet of course went to aid them as quickly as possible, but when they got there nobody was—”</p>
<p>“No.” Petra didn’t care if everyone looked at her with shock. “No.”</p>
<p>“Petra.” Hange wrapped her arms around Petra from behind and held her tight. Why was she comforting Petra? When Levi was out there and needed them? When every second counted? When he…</p>
<p>“The enemy knew what they were doing. They breached the hull. The Titania powder ignited, and the entire cruiser went up in flames. By the time help got there, the Hyberian ship was gone and the remains were a smoking shell. There were no survivors.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t true,” Petra barked. Now the men looked uncomfortable. Fuck them. Hange held on tighter. “What about the shifters? There were no titans around?”</p>
<p>“They found a few decomposing bits in the water that indicated titan disintegration. We do not know if it was from the Cart or Beast. They searched the area, but—”</p>
<p>“What about a raft? Did they look for a smaller boat? Did they—”</p>
<p>“Lieutenant. I assure you that if anyone were alive and afloat, we would have found them. But there was no one. They checked the wreckage. I just received a call confirming our suspicions. The cruiser was lost. There were no survivors.”</p>
<p>Petra turned around and got back into the car. She’d do it herself. She’d just do it herself if these fuckers didn’t want to work hard.</p>
<p>“Uh. Ma’am?” The driver looked shaken. The fuck was his problem?</p>
<p>“We’re going back to the airfield. Hold on.” She looked back at Kanada, who seemed to deflate further every second. “I need you to radio ahead and get them to prep the plane again! I have to go back!”</p>
<p>“Petra.” Hange got into the car as well. Good, she could come, too. But Hange only wrapped her arms around Petra. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>And then Hange started to fucking cry.</p>
<p>No. No. Fuck this. Fuck all of them.</p>
<p>“Get the fuck off me!” Petra tried hitting and shoving the woman away. Didn’t Hange realize they were wasting precious time? It would be dark soon, and these idiots weren’t going to search the area. She’d do it herself. She could fix this. They just had to let her get to the fucking plane.</p>
<p>Last night she’d held her husband in her arms. They’d made love in the ocean. She’d teased him, and he’d grumbled. It was only a few hours ago. It was so close. He couldn’t be here ten hours ago and gone now. She’d only given him a quick kiss before she got in the plane. Those weren’t the last words she wanted to speak to him. No. This wasn’t right. They’d made a mistake. She had to fix their idiotic mistake.</p>
<p>“Drive the car!” she bellowed at the cringing driver.</p>
<p>“Petra.”</p>
<p>Erwin leaned into the backseat. He looked at her with such openness. Such a lost expression. She’d never seen him that vulnerable before.</p>
<p>There were tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m…” He bowed his head, covered his eyes with his hand. He couldn’t look at her.</p>
<p>That was when everything shattered around her. If Erwin Smith wasn’t going to go after Levi, the man he needed more than anyone, then that meant Levi was—</p>
<p>Petra started to wail. She screamed and wailed as Hange rocked her and whispered gentle words in her ear. She kicked at anyone who tried to touch her; she screamed to the sky, to the moon and stars. No. No. Not Levi. Not him. He wasn’t supposed to die. He was the one that survived, always.</p>
<p><em>God, I love you.</em> She’d whispered it in his ear as he made love to her and held her. Hours ago. Mere hours. And now she’d never feel him inside her again. They’d never sleep together again. He’d never wake her with ‘Morning, brat’ and he’d never hold Kuchel and he’d never see their new baby and he’d never open the front door again and he’d never come home and he’d never—</p>
<p>Petra dissolved into tears. She felt herself losing control. She clawed at her hair, at the seat as they dragged her from the car. She caught glimpses of Hange’s face, Erwin’s face, Kiyomi’s face, and then she felt the quick sting of a needle.</p>
<p>Her feelings muted then. She began to fade away, dipping into sleep.</p>
<p>And when she woke up, he would still be gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW suicidal thoughts</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be anywhere anymore, but especially not here. Petra got out of the car and stood before the steps to her house. The two windows on the second floor seemed to stare at her like accusing eyes. <em>He’s gone. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>It’s your fault.</em>
</p>
<p>She began to tremble. Petra had woken up strapped down and flying. A larger plane of Kiyomi’s was taking them back to Paradis. No time for a cruise that lasted several days; Erwin needed to meet with his council as soon as possible. And Petra needed to see her…</p>
<p>She’d started shouting on the plane, screaming that they had to turn around and go back for Levi. It had taken Hange several minutes of sitting beside her and openly weeping before Petra had begun to sink back into despair.</p>
<p>‘He’s gone, Petra. He’s gone.’ Hange repeated it over and over, tears from her one eye sliding down her cheek. When Petra broke down again, Hange told the doctor (they’d brought one onboard specifically for Petra) that he didn’t need to inject her again. She’d be okay this time. Just let her cry.</p>
<p>Yes. She had to be calm for her baby.</p>
<p>Petra had already suffered one miscarriage due to stress. She wanted Levi’s last child to be born into this world.</p>
<p>For that reason alone, she quieted. They unstrapped her and let her sit in a seat, staring blankly out a window.</p>
<p>She laid her hand upon her stomach. <em>Little Oruo.</em></p>
<p>It wasn’t going to be named Armin. She wanted to tear Eren Jaeger to pieces. Two children in one year. How was she supposed to do that with her husband dead?</p>
<p>
  <em>I was an idiot. I let myself believe he was some kind of mystical being.</em>
</p>
<p>Her fault. All her fault.</p>
<p>If she just hadn’t come on the trip, there would have been enough room for Levi on that plane. He’d be alive and coming home to her and Kuchel. Now, Petra had to see her daughter alone.</p>
<p>“Are you all right?” Erwin stood beside her, hat in hand. They were both dressed in their military duds. Erwin wanted to appear a commanding officer today. A man who had lost a soldier.</p>
<p>“I’m okay.” Petra wasn’t, but climbed the stairs and knocked on the door. It flung open a second later. Papa looked at her, tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Pet,” he whispered. Erwin had telephoned ahead to let the grandparents know what to expect. They hadn’t told Kuchel. They agreed that was the mother’s job.</p>
<p>“Daddy.” She fell against him, let him hug her. She fought against the tears. No. Not before Kuchel. She had to be strong for her daughter.</p>
<p>“Mama!”</p>
<p>Petra’s father led her inside. Kuchel came merrily bouncing to meet her. Ingrid, meanwhile, stood by her husband’s side and looked stricken. Petra picked up her daughter as Kuchel ran to her. She held the child tight in her arms. Kuchel smelled of that particular honeysuckle soap Levi bought, the gentle one for sensitive skin. Petra’s eyes watered.</p>
<p>“My precious little girl. My angel. I missed you.” She kissed her daughter’s cheek over and over.</p>
<p>“Love you, Mama.” Kuchel gave light baby kisses back. Petra hugged her tight, so tight. Just let her live in this moment a while longer. Just let Kuchel be happy for a minute more.</p>
<p>“Mr. and Mrs. Ral?” Erwin spoke quietly with her parents while Petra carried Kuchel away. She took her into the living room, sat them on the sofa. Kuchel looked around.</p>
<p>“Where’s Papa?”</p>
<p><em>Be calm.</em> Petra had rehearsed this speech over and over. Her heart was beating much too fast.</p>
<p>“Baby, listen.” Kuchel stood on the couch and looked at her mother, her blue-gray eyes piercingly quizzical, her shapely little mouth pursed in confusion. She looked so like Levi in that moment that Petra’s heart broke all over again. She kissed Kuchel’s nose. “Do you remember what we told you about Grandma Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“Papa’s Mama? Mmhmmm.” Kuchel tugged at her skirt. “Um, you said she went up to where the good people live forever. In pardice.”</p>
<p>“Paradise, yes. And you remember how we told you it was a wonderful, happy place, and how Grandma was always watching over us?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmmm.”</p>
<p>Petra’s chin quivered. She smiled and stroked Kuchel’s hair.</p>
<p>“Well that’s where Papa went. He went to stay with Grandma up in Paradise, where he can be happy and watch over us.”</p>
<p>Kuchel frowned. She squinted.</p>
<p>“Okay. When he comin’ home?”</p>
<p>Petra could not cry. She could not. She took a shaky breath.</p>
<p>“He’s not coming home, sweetheart. When people go to Paradise, they don’t come back.”</p>
<p>Kuchel’s frown deepened. A kind of incredulous anger sparked in her eyes. So, so like Levi.</p>
<p>“But I want him to come back.”</p>
<p>“Me too. I want him to come back more than anything.”</p>
<p>“Then why don’ he?”</p>
<p>“Because it just…” She had expected Kuchel to start crying by now. She hadn’t expected to see a three-year-old bundle of rage. “Because he can’t. It’s against the rules.”</p>
<p>“I want him to come home!” Kuchel was starting to shout. Petra heard her parents stand in the doorway, hesitating on what to do.</p>
<p>“I do, too. But baby, he’s always going to look out for us. For the rest of our lives, he’s never going to leave us.”</p>
<p>“But I can’t see him! I wan see him!” Kuchel’s voice was becoming shrill. Her face was growing red. Petra’s nerves were so fragile at this point, and her headache was growing worse with every second. She almost wanted to scream in Kuchel’s face ‘you don’t get everything you want! You have to deal with it!’</p>
<p>Of course she didn’t. She tried hugging Kuchel, but the girl wiggled out of her arms.</p>
<p>“Kuchel, we’re going to be okay. I’m never going to leave you. Sweetheart, please.” She petted Kuchel’s cheek. The girl was growing more frantic, more feral. “Papa wouldn’t want you to be upset.”</p>
<p>“No!” Kuchel’s scream was so shrill, so piercing that Petra might’ve gone deaf. Kuchel leapt off the sofa and toddled away, moving so fast she slipped right past her grandparents and into the hall. “Papa? Papa?”</p>
<p>Petra wanted to die. Kuchel raced from room to room, growing more frantic. Her voice was starting to break.</p>
<p>“Papa? Papa, where you? Papa! Papa!”</p>
<p>Petra got to her knees and caught Kuchel, tried to hug her. Petra was crying now, and so was her daughter.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“No!” Kuchel kicked at her mother, screaming. She yanked Petra’s hair until her eyes watered, and then her short little nails scratched Petra’s cheek. She cried out in pain, and let Kuchel go. The little girl started stomping, jumping up and down on the floor, wailing and red-faced. “I wan him back! Bring him back!”</p>
<p>“Kuchel.” Pieter scooped the child and carried her up the stairs to her room. The man shushed his granddaughter, but she was now sobbing. She kept kicking her legs futilely.</p>
<p>“I want my Papa!” Another shattering sob. “I want my Papa!”</p>
<p>The door to her room shut. The sobs were more muffled now. Petra was on her hands and knees on the floor, the tears dripping from the tip of her nose. She felt her mother’s hands on her. She looked at Ingrid, and saw no tightness or reprimand. Ingrid was just crying.</p>
<p>“My poor baby.” She held Petra close, and Petra cried against her mother.</p>
<p>Heavy footsteps approached them. Erwin looked down on Petra, his expression stricken.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. Petra. Mrs. Ral. I wish there was something I could do.”</p>
<p>Petra sniffed. “I know. It’s all right. We’ll be…”</p>
<p>Well. Not fine. She didn’t know if they’d be fine again. Upstairs, Kuchel was still wailing.</p>
<p>Erwin knelt beside them.</p>
<p>“I have to go to a meeting with the inner council. But I’d like to meet tonight to discuss the coming memorial.” Yes. Levi was a hero of the nation. There’d need to be something. “Will you be home?”</p>
<p>“I’d like to take Petra and Kuchel to her sister’s. You’ve been there before, Majesty?” Ingrid said.</p>
<p>“Yes. If you’re not up for it tonight, it can wait.”</p>
<p>“No. Tonight works. We’ll need to be quiet, my sister’s very pregnant. But we’ll be in.” Petra was grateful to Ingrid. She couldn’t bear to be in this house a minute longer. Not the house where Levi had lifted her into his arms when she teased him about carrying her over the threshold. When he’d carried her in, kicked the door shut, and then carried her up the stairs to their room. She’d laughed about how swooningly romantic he was. He’d called her a brat and laid her on the bed, and then…</p>
<p>She couldn’t be here. Too many memories.</p>
<p>“All right.”</p>
<p>“Please come to dinner, Majesty.” Ingrid stroked Petra’s hair.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Petra said. She felt distant from her own body.</p>
<p>“I shall. Again, Petra. I…”</p>
<p>He was so broken. His face seemed to have aged five years in a day. His eyes were red-rimmed, his voice cracked. Petra felt a surge of warmth for the king.</p>
<p>He had loved Levi. Whatever else Erwin Smith was or did, he had loved her husband dearly.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said. Erwin nodded and left, closing the door behind him.</p>
<p>“Mama.” Petra cried against her mother’s shoulder. Ingrid merely stroked her hair.</p>
<p>Upstairs, Kuchel kept sobbing.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The driver did not even look at Erwin in the rearview mirror. They trundled along the increasingly busy and automobile-choked streets of Trost. Erwin had his face in his hands, jolting with every turn of the car.</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s your name?” He looked down upon the smaller man, on his knees with his hands bound, his face wet and hair dripping from the puddle. Mike held onto this fierce little demon. He looked up at Erwin with the most astounding hatred. Erwin had never seen such aggression.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Levi,” the man growled.</em>
</p>
<p>He could not cry. Tears were not a luxury a king could afford. Especially not when that king had been betrayed.</p>
<p>Levi had taken Erwin’s place on that boat. Levi had died for Erwin, even if he hadn’t known he was doing it.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m…going to…kill you!” Levi roared, his blade crossed with Erwin’s. The rain had just finished pounding down; the world was wet and bloody around them. Erwin gazed once more into the man’s steely eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knew this man could not be tamed. Levi had never been anyone’s but his own.</em>
</p>
<p>He will be mine,<em> Erwin thought. A wolf that would stay by his master’s side.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Levi’s family was dead. Erwin would see to it that the Survey Corps became his family now.</em>
</p>
<p>“I was such a fool,” he whispered. He had thought he would own Levi, but it had become the most equal partnership of his life. An impossible combination, the tall and the short, the personable and the misanthropic, the man from Mitras’s best families and the man from Mitras’s underworld.</p>
<p>And more than that, Levi had been Erwin’s superior in all the ways that truly mattered. A better man. A better soldier. Honest. Truly loving.</p>
<p>
  <em>It should have been me. I should have died, Levi. I can never unhear that child’s screams…</em>
</p>
<p>The car stopped outside the Trost barracks. Erwin gazed up at the second floor window where his council would be assembled.</p>
<p>There was no love in his heart now. After Kuchel and Petra, there was only rage.</p>
<p>He went to the room and found Nile and Pixis waiting. Rico was also there, her gaze flinty behind her owlish glasses. Hange sat at the table in a semi-fugue state. Anka stood behind Pixis, and watched Erwin with caution.</p>
<p>And they had a new addition to the party today.</p>
<p>“Thank you for coming, Zackley.” Erwin nodded.</p>
<p>“Hmm. Your telegram was interesting.” The older man sat at the table across from Hange. His beard had grown longer in ‘retirement’, but the shrewd, sharp look in his eye was the same as ever.</p>
<p>“Majesty. I don’t think it’s possible to say how sorry we are.” Pixis had no usual quips or sly asides today. The man looked incredibly tired.</p>
<p>“I’ve just come from the widow and child. Save your sorrow for them.” Erwin sat at the head of the table. His councilors took their seats. “Now then. Hybernia. They launched an attack on the Hizuran battleship undoubtedly believing that myself, Kiyomi, and Willy Tybur were aboard. They must have tampered with our original plane. The reason I am alive today is because Kiyomi had the foresight to keep additional transportation aboard.”</p>
<p>“Clever woman,” Pixis said. Erwin felt the man studying him.</p>
<p>“As it stands, only Levi Ackerman died,” Nile said. He looked at the packet in front of him, containing all pertinent information. “I’m very sorry.” Sounded like he meant it. “I’m sorry for Mrs. Ackerman and her child.”</p>
<p>“We can’t undo the past. We can’t save Levi.” Erwin glowered. “But we can see to it his death has meaning.”</p>
<p>“What are you proposing?” Pixis looked from Zackley to Erwin. The man already suspected something. He was clever like that.</p>
<p>“The hyperfusion bomb,” Zackley said. He gave a small grin.</p>
<p>“What?” Hange looked up, snapping to attention once more. “That’s…insane. Erwin, if we detonated that it would kill tens of millions of people in an instant. More than that, the radioactive fallout wouldn’t just blight the entire country of Hybernia. It…the fallout would push east into Aeropa. We can’t—”</p>
<p>“We are not dropping the bomb,” Erwin said. He looked at Zackley, who nodded. “At least, not with an entire ounce of the treated crystal.”</p>
<p>“What are you saying, sir?” Rico gazed sharply at him.</p>
<p>“A gram of the crystal, when treated, produces a much smaller and more contained explosion but one that’s still devastating. We produce two bombs, pick a northern and southern city in Hybernia. The losses will be smaller. Nine hundred thousand, say, immediately, with only one or two million more after—”</p>
<p>Hange slammed her hands on the table. She looked at Erwin like she was staring at a ghost. Or a demon.</p>
<p>“No.” He’d never heard her voice clearer. “You told me that the bomb would never be used on civilians. Erwin, you said—”</p>
<p>“I think I understand.” Pixis sounded mournful, and gave Erwin a truly withering look. But he nodded. “If after this attack you don’t use some form of hyperfusion retaliation, the world will see that you’d never use it. Then they lose fear of the bomb and of us. The new world order is still too shaky to risk open rebellion.”</p>
<p>“Besides.” Zackley tugged his beard. “This necessitates action against Hybernia now. They have a good navy; we’ve had ample demonstration of that. A land attack will probably cost us tens of thousands more soldiers’ lives. It’ll weaken us. Whereas with two bombs, we take out millions of them and lose none of our own soldiers.”</p>
<p>“Millions of civilians!” Hange shouted. She pushed away from the table. She looked at all of them like they’d grown several more heads. “They didn’t do anything to us! There…there’d be children in there. Or elderly people. Or just normal, everyday people who never attacked us. Erwin, if you do this you’d be showing them that we’re the monsters they think we are!”</p>
<p>“No. Using titans would make them think that. We should show them we’re normal, everyday monsters now.”</p>
<p>He had to look away. Hange’s incredulous disgust hurt.</p>
<p>Rico kept frowning at the papers in front of her.</p>
<p>“The options are: we do nothing, and let the world know they can attack us without retribution; we retaliate ‘fair’, lose tens of thousands of our own people, and prove to the world we won’t use the hyperfusion bomb; we drop two bombs, kill millions of civilians, but save all of our own soldiers, reestablish dominance, instill fear, and in the long run save <em>more</em> Hybernian civilian lives. We won’t be invading their shores. More would die with a longer, slower attack.” She looked at Erwin. She didn’t like him, but she nodded. “I think it’s clear which is the best option.”</p>
<p>“This is why you brought in Zackley, isn’t it?” Nile curled his lip at Erwin. “You knew he’d back your sick plan.”</p>
<p>“Careful how you speak to a king, Nile.” Zackley grinned, enjoying the chaos. Erwin wished he could push the man out a window. But Nile was right; Erwin needed Zackley.</p>
<p>“Tell me this isn’t just about Levi.” Hange looked ready to throw up. “He’d never let you do this.”</p>
<p>“No. He wouldn’t. But Levi isn’t here now.” Erwin’s voice was acid. They’d taken Levi, and they thought Erwin would not bring down hell upon their heads? “And while Levi’s death does factor into my thinking, it’s not the only reason. Rico just laid it out better than I could have. If we want to safeguard the Alliance and the new world order, and if we want to protect Eldians and Paradisians specifically, we have to drop the smaller hyperfusion bombs.”</p>
<p>“If you do this,” Hange said calmly, “I’m resigning from the military. Effective immediately.”</p>
<p>Erwin had two best friends. In forty-eight hours, he’d lost both of them.</p>
<p>“What will you do?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I’ll find something. But I’ll leave.” Her lip trembled briefly. “You swore you’d never use it on people!”</p>
<p>“This isn’t your fault, Hange.” He spoke gently. “You’re not the murderer here.”</p>
<p>“I assume you’d like the council to vote on this,” Pixis drawled. “Otherwise, this has been a very flashy presentation of the inevitable.”</p>
<p>“I would like your opinions,” Erwin said, looking around the table. “What are they?”</p>
<p>He started with Zackley, who grinned.</p>
<p>“Simple. I vote yes.”</p>
<p>“I vote no,” Hange barked.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t your turn,” Zackley wheedled. Erwin wanted to stab him.</p>
<p>“One yes. One no. Nile?”</p>
<p>The man stared long and hard at a spot on the wall. He closed his eyes.</p>
<p>“I understand the thinking. I do. But I can’t sanction something like this. If we do this, we’re no better than Marley ever was.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. Rico?”</p>
<p>She shook her head. “I’ll hate myself forever for doing this. But yes. We have to preserve the world. We have to save Paradis. This is the best way to do it.”</p>
<p>“Two yes’s, two no’s.” Anka and Pixis remained. “What do you both say?”</p>
<p>Anka looked drained of all energy. “Your strategy is absolutely correct,” she said to Erwin. “I…” She warred with herself, then slumped. “I abstain.”</p>
<p>She could not deliver the verdict she knew was logical; there was too much humanity left in her.</p>
<p>“One abstention. Pixis?”</p>
<p>The older man looked at Erwin with those twinkling, sharp blue eyes of his. Erwin had always respected Pixis, and he saw in that moment Pixis lose respect for him forever more.</p>
<p>“From this day forward, I don’t want to hear anyone at this table ever decry the day Wall Maria fell as the work of monsters. Except for Hange.” He looked gently at the scientist. “She’s the only one with the strength of her convictions. I’m just sorry her genius was used like this.”</p>
<p>“Your vote?” Erwin said crisply.</p>
<p>“Yes. Kill the children. Prove how superior you are to the rest of the human race.” Pixis pushed back his chair. “Now if you don’t mind, this old murderer is going home. Anka? If you’re up for a game of chess, I could use the company.”</p>
<p>Erwin hadn’t dismissed them, but Anka walked out with Pixis. Hange shook her head continuously, looking at Erwin with growing rage.</p>
<p>“No,” she said.</p>
<p>“I’ll get in contact with Kiyomi to arrange everything. Her scientists can begin working on the smaller bombs; it shouldn’t take more than a day. Then we schedule the drop for—”</p>
<p>Hange slammed her fists on the table. Nile startled. Zackley sneered. Rico watched blankly, and Erwin looked on his oldest friend with a weary heart.</p>
<p>“I’ll never forgive you for this.” She spoke calmly, but he saw the pain in her eye. “Neither will Levi.”</p>
<p>“Levi is <em>dead</em>.” Erwin nearly snapped his pencil in half. “Whatever I have to do to protect his people, to protect his wife and child, I will do. And when I die and am alone in hell, I’ll think of you both fondly.” He turned back at his papers. “Goodbye, Hange.”</p>
<p>Zackley chuckled; must have thought it a good line. Hange wavered there, and Erwin wondered if she’d attack him. Instead, she let out a strangled cry and fled the room, slamming the door behind her. Erwin was left with Nile, Rico, and Zackley.</p>
<p>Nile got up as well.</p>
<p>“I used to think you were the greatest man I ever knew.” He said it mournfully.</p>
<p>“Now, now. Don’t be a sore loser. His Majesty will say hello to your wife for you, Nile.” Zackley gave another laugh, clearly enjoying himself.</p>
<p>Erwin looked up in cold fury.</p>
<p>“Thank you for your help, Darius. Now go back to tinkering with your obscene toys and let the relevant people rule the nation,” he snarled. Zackley shrank. He sneered at Erwin.</p>
<p>“You’re already planting the seeds of your own destruction, you bastard.” He said it coolly.</p>
<p>“I don’t even have ten years left on this godforsaken planet. Nothing’s stopped me yet. Now get. Out.”</p>
<p>Zackley left the room. Rico, still inscrutable, followed. That left Erwin and Nile. He could not meet Nile’s eyes.</p>
<p>“I was so happy when you came back from Shiganshina. Now I wish that Armin boy had been revived instead.”</p>
<p>Erwin gave a short, mirthless laugh. “You’re not alone in thinking that, my friend. Unfortunately, the man who made that call is now gone.” He turned a page. “I’m sure he’d agree with you.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Dinner was a silent affair. Kuchel had cried herself to sleep, and was tucked upstairs with Brigitta, who was bedbound until the baby came in a few weeks. Edvard was being incredibly kind, and Petra appreciated that he didn’t try to force chatter or tell her profusely how sorry he was. Her parents barely ate. Erwin stared at his untouched food.</p>
<p>“I wanted to ask if you were up for something,” he said quietly. “I want to go to Mitras tomorrow. The day after, I plan to have a memorial ceremony in Levi’s honor. I’m commissioning a statue of him in the fountain square.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. That’s very…” Her throat closed up. She focused on the potatoes.</p>
<p>“I’d like you and Kuchel to accompany me. You could bring your mother, if you like. Stay in the Ackerman apartment. Or your house. Whatever would be easy, but if you think you can’t go just yet…”</p>
<p>“Mama?” Petra looked at her mother. “Could you come for the service? And to help with Kuchel?”</p>
<p>Her mother’s eyes were bright with tears. Ingrid nodded. Funny; she seemed to genuinely mourn Levi’s death. How things changed.</p>
<p>Levi’s death…</p>
<p>Petra began to silently spiral.</p>
<p>“We can take whatever train you’d like.”</p>
<p>“Early, if it’s okay.” Her voice was rough. “I want to get out of this city.” Her chin wobbled; she forced herself not to cry. “I can’t be where we were—”</p>
<p>She choked back a sob. She just kept eating, the only one with an appetite. The only one who could not cry no matter what.</p>
<p>She saw Erwin to the door after dinner. He was heading for his car when she blurted it out.</p>
<p>“It’s my fault.”</p>
<p>“What? No.” He seemed shocked.</p>
<p>“If I hadn’t gone to Kawani, there’d have been room on the plane for him. It’s my fault. It’s my—” She put her hands over her face so he couldn’t see her cry.</p>
<p>“If I had only stayed on the boat, he’d be with you today.” Erwin sounded quiet but firm. “If I hadn’t dragged him along on some idiot diplomatic mission like a fucking good luck charm, this wouldn’t have happened.”</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault.” She shivered.</p>
<p>“Then it isn’t yours, either.” He came up the steps and put his hands on her shoulders. “Petra. I promised Levi once that I’d look after you and Kuchel if anything happened to him.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need looking after. I can take care of us both.”</p>
<p>“I know that.” He was gentle. “Only know that you don’t always have to be strong.”</p>
<p>He walked to his car then, and Petra went upstairs. Edvard was sleeping in a guest room while Brigitta was pregnant. Her younger sister needed rest, but she’d insisted on snuggling with Kuchel. Petra’s daughter whimpered in her sleep while her aunt rubbed her back. Petra sat on the bed.</p>
<p>“We’re having a memorial service for Levi the day after tomorrow.” Her voice was bleached and lifeless. Brigitta took her hand.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” Her wide blue eyes shimmered with tears. It made Petra mad, all this ‘I’m sorry’ing. Sorry did nothing. It gave her no comfort.</p>
<p>“You know, I lost so many comrades. I lost Oruo…” She choked on another sob. “I saw how the deaths devastated their families, but I never knew what it’d be like until now. I wish it’d been me.”</p>
<p>“No. Stop that.”</p>
<p>“Kuchel loves Levi more than me. She’d get over my death more quickly.” The words were bitter on her tongue, but she spoke them.</p>
<p>“Kuchel loves you both. She’s grieving. She’s only a little girl.”</p>
<p>Petra looked at her daughter. Kuchel’s cream-and-rose complexion was Levi’s; her black hair was Levi’s. Petra touched her stomach. Would this one be like Levi, too?</p>
<p>“I think I’m pregnant again,” she whispered. Brigitta gasped.</p>
<p>“How do you know?”</p>
<p>“I feel it. I felt it with Kuchel.” She squeezed her stomach. “I wanted Levi to meet his baby.”</p>
<p>“It’ll be good for you and Kuchel.” Brigitta was trying to make it positive already. “You’ll have one more piece of him.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want a piece. I want <em>him</em>,” she growled. She wanted his coarseness and his kindness, his hands and his eyes, his lips, tongue, laugh, everything. “He was everything I wanted for so long.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>But she’d had four years of bliss. Four years of damn near perfect love. Some people went their whole lives without it. And she’d been left with a child she adored, another on the way, and lands and money enough to keep them comfortable forever. Erwin had brought the paperwork that declared Petra the controller of all Ackerman properties until Kuchel came of age. Even then, as the widow there’d be a sizeable annuity. Petra had thought Mikasa would get something, but it was all about direct descent. Kuchel was the heiress; Mikasa left out, again.</p>
<p>Petra would keep doing as Levi had, giving nearly everything to charity, looking after Mikasa and the others. But she wished she could do it with him by her side.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to be here anymore,” she muttered.</p>
<p>“Don’t say that. Ever.” Her sister’s softness vanished. “You can’t even think that way. Not with Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t say I would.” Petra laid her head in her hands. Every breath she drew hurt. Every moment without him reminded her there’d be millions, maybe billions more before she got to stop feeling this pain. Before she died. She’d never recover. She’d never love again. All she had to look forward to were decades of loneliness and agony.</p>
<p>Why shouldn’t she want a way out?</p>
<p>“Mmm? Papa?”</p>
<p>Kuchel stirred, woke, and began to sleepily cry as she remembered her father was gone. Petra hushed the girl, pulled Kuchel into her lap. Kuchel’s fire had snuffed out; misery had replaced it. Petra shushed and rocked her daughter as Kuchel cried.</p>
<p>“I w-wish I c-could see him. I wan’ Papaaaaaa.” She wailed the last syllable.</p>
<p>“I wish that too, baby.” Petra kissed the top of her daughter’s head and wet it with tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, Petra, Ingrid, and Kuchel shared a private train car with Erwin as they hurtled up to Mitras. She watched the countryside speed past. Ingrid sat with Kuchel, talking softly to her and her dolls. Kuchel kept randomly crying, but was growing more and more withdrawn. Petra’s happy little girl had vanished.</p>
<p>Maybe she’d go back to her old self eventually. Or maybe this had ruined her.</p>
<p>Petra touched her stomach. <em>I’m sorry, Oruo. You’re not even going to get to meet your Papa.</em></p>
<p>“The idea is a memorial service in the fountain square tomorrow, open to the public. If you can’t handle sitting on the platform you don’t have to, but it would be good to have you. And Kuchel, if you think she can manage it.”</p>
<p>“We’ll see,” Petra said softly. She gazed at her reflection in the window. She imagined Levi’s face appeared, close enough for a kiss. She touched the glass, but found only herself.</p>
<p>“Afterward, I’d like to have a private dinner for his closest friends and family. You and Kuchel and Ingrid, of course, and the 104<sup>th</sup> as well.”</p>
<p>“What about Hange?”</p>
<p>Erwin seemed evasive. “I’ll send an invitation, but I’m not sure she’ll accept.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“We’ve had some disagreements about foreign policy.”</p>
<p>That sounded nice and evasive. Petra imagined that Erwin planned to shed a great deal more blood before this was over. So much for peace in their time.</p>
<p>“Tell her I want to see her,” Petra said quietly. She gazed back at her reflection.</p>
<p>Erwin’s reflection appeared behind hers.</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>“Unwin?” Kuchel toddled over to them and tugged at Erwin’s sleeve. “Unwin?”</p>
<p>She was trying to say ‘Uncle Erwin’, but had truncated it into something adorable. Erwin lifted her onto his lap and bounced her. Kuchel sucked on her thumb, laid her head against his chest, and gazed listlessly at the floor.</p>
<p>“She does love you,” Petra said softly.</p>
<p>“The feeling’s very mutual.” He petted Kuchel’s hair.</p>
<p>Petra noticed her mother staring at her.</p>
<p>“What?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“Oh. Nothing.” Ingrid started to read a book. But Petra felt her mother sneaking glances again and again throughout the trip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you have an appropriate outfit for tomorrow?” her mother asked that night, as they sat before the fire in their palace apartment. Kuchel had finally stopped crying and her angry outburst around dinner had fizzled. She lay snuggled in Petra’s arms, dead asleep. Petra envied her daughter. She herself got maybe two or three hours a night, and kept starting awake to face another round of crushing grief.</p>
<p>“You mean do I have a black dress? Yes.” Her throat tightened. She stared into the flames. This whole apartment felt way too cavernous. There was too much space. She didn’t need all this space. All she needed was a little farm and her children and <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>But he was now one of the few things on earth she couldn’t have.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart.” Ingrid’s tone softened. Petra’s vision blurred as the tears fell.</p>
<p>“Don’t. You’ll wake her,” she whispered when Ingrid started to get up. Her mother sat back down. A log snapped in the hearth. “This must have worked out perfectly for you.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Your granddaughter gets a fortune. I get a fortune. And you don’t have to deal with Levi anymore. I know how much he bothered you.”</p>
<p>She practically snarled the words. It felt like releasing a wild animal that had been trapped in her chest. She wanted other people to hurt. Like she hurt.</p>
<p>“How could you say something like that?” Her mother appeared genuinely horrified.</p>
<p>“You never liked him.”</p>
<p>“Not at first, no. But later—”</p>
<p>“When he had money?”</p>
<p>“—when I saw how truly happy he made you and how much he loved Kuchel, I changed my mind about him.”</p>
<p>Ingrid fumbled for a handkerchief, clearing her throat to disguise the tears. Petra’s arrow had hit its target.</p>
<p>“Mama. I’m sorry.” All her happy rage fled, leaving only shame. “I’m just…so lost.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Ingrid looked into the fire. Kuchel stirred, stretched, and immediately started to cry.</p>
<p>“Where’s my Papa?”</p>
<p>“Shhh, darling.” Petra hugged the child and soothed her tears. Would her daughter ever stop crying about Levi? She was only three; she hadn’t known him that long. <em>But he was her father, idiot.</em> And they’d had such a bond. Petra had been almost jealous of it. Levi only had to poke his head over the cradle wearing a sour expression, and Kuchel would practically burst with joy.</p>
<p>“I, I dreamed th-that he came hoooome.” Kuchel’s wailing grew wilder. Petra’s arms trembled. She couldn’t keep comforting her daughter when she herself needed comfort. God, she was a monster. What a shitty mother she made.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Ingrid picked up Kuchel. “Why don’t you take a walk? You look so tired.”</p>
<p>It was mercy. Since yesterday, Petra had heard nothing but frantic sobbing from her daughter. Her nerves were shot.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She walked out of the apartment and found herself alone in the echoing halls of the palace. She’d always wanted to see the inside of here as a girl. Now she had the full run of it whenever she liked. She could look at the galleries, the gardens, the gilded salons.</p>
<p>But all she wanted at that moment was tea.</p>
<p>She touched her stomach again.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is that it, Oruo? Do you want tea already? Is it my first craving?</em>
</p>
<p>It’d be so damn fitting. Petra almost smiled, then nearly cried, and finally went to find her way to the kitchens.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin was on whiskey number three. He sat in his chamber, next to the fire. He needed warmth tonight, though it was May. Historia was still on the farm up north. She’d be back in time for the memorial tomorrow. Petra was with her daughter and mother.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. I swore I’d take care of them.</em>
</p>
<p>In the slight haze of being semi-drunk, Erwin saw Levi Ackerman sitting across from him. He smiled. The small, raven-haired man looked neutral as ever.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oi. Why’re you drinking so much, dumbass?</em>
</p>
<p>“Because any minute now, the bombers will drop their cargo,” Erwin whispered. He swallowed the rest of the booze, leaned back in his armchair and shut his eyes.</p>
<p>Urich and Camden, north and south: those two cities would be wiped from the face of the earth in approximately three minutes and thirty-nine seconds. Erwin knew a little of them. Some of the oldest examples of Marleyan architecture were there, aqueducts from ancient times. Camden had glittering palaces, Urich was the industrial heart of the country. Hybernia would miss them.</p>
<p>All told, eight hundred and ninety five thousand souls were about to disappear.</p>
<p>Erwin wondered if tonight some young man was walking home, elated after his first kiss. If a child was being tucked into bed, read a story. If people were laughing in a bar, or if some girl was studying earnestly for a chemistry final, dreaming of a place in a university. He wondered if any newlyweds were enjoying their first night together as spouses, sure that fifty or sixty years stretched out ahead of them. That there’d be children and grandchildren.</p>
<p>Less than two minutes now, and all those dreams and all those historical treasures would no longer exist.</p>
<p>The power of a god on earth.</p>
<p>Erwin’s hand shook so badly that he dropped the glass.</p>
<p><em>Erwin!</em> The phantom Levi leaned forward, horrified. <em>You swore to save humanity. I obeyed your orders because I believed in you!</em></p>
<p>What was he doing?</p>
<p>“I have to stop it.” He nearly fell over when he stood up. Erwin wobbled only slightly as he rushed to the telephone beside his bed. He had a direct line to Kiyomi, and she had one to the planes. He could call her, they could stop this thing. Erwin reached for the receiver.</p>
<p>The phone rang. His hand hovered over it as the phone rang again, a piercing, brittle sound. Slowly, Erwin picked up the receiver, fumbled it to his ear.</p>
<p>“Yes?” He croaked.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Your Majesty. It’s done.”</em>
</p>
<p>That girl with her chemistry final; that boy with his kiss; those children; those buildings; that history. Gone. All gone in less than one second.</p>
<p>Erwin made a sick noise.</p>
<p>“<em>Sire?</em>”</p>
<p>“Yes. Thank you.” He slammed the phone down. Erwin sat on the bed, head in his hands, and waited. Five minutes later, the phone rang again. He answered.</p>
<p>“<em>Majesty, the Hybernian First Minister has been in contact. Hybernia surrenders unequivocally.</em>”</p>
<p>“Does Kiyomi know?” His voice was shot.</p>
<p>“<em>Yes, sire. He called her first.</em>”</p>
<p>He knew it was her planes that had dropped the bombs, after all.</p>
<p>“Tell the Minister he’s to come to Paradis at the first opportunity. He will lie down on his stomach and prostrate himself before me.” Erwin swallowed. “The photo opportunity will be priceless.”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes, sire.</em>”</p>
<p>The line went dead. Erwin hung up.</p>
<p>He had saved Paradis. Eldians. No one would dare attack him now, or ever again. If you harmed the Triple Alliance, if you resisted, your people would disintegrate. Levi’s death had not been in vain.</p>
<p>Levi would have hated what Erwin had just done. The same way Hange hated him now. The way Pixis and Nile hated him. Marie already hated him, so…</p>
<p>He made a quick walk to her chambers, knocked. He knocked again. When he entered, he found the place dark and empty. Erwin switched on a light and sat upon her bed. It was an alien sensation to him now, her bed. He picked up the phone, hit a button to be connected with the palace staff room.</p>
<p>“<em>Majesty?</em>”</p>
<p>“Mrs. Dok. Where did she go?” Did he slur those words?</p>
<p>“<em>She went down to the coast for a few days with her daughters.</em>”</p>
<p>Good. Good family time. Marie would like that. Erwin thanked the man, certain the fellow would be shaking his head that the king’s mistress didn’t even tell him where she’d be. Erwin lay down on the bed, tried to inhale the scent of her perfume. He needed her. God, he needed someone.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to be alone with Levi’s ghost tonight.</p>
<p>Erwin just managed to make it to the bathroom before he vomited into the toilet. His head throbbed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tch. Disgusting.</em>
</p>
<p>“I never had your tolerance for alcohol,” Erwin rasped. He flushed and cleaned himself up. He stared at his blurred image in the mirror. He was a murderer. A committer of genocide. In one instant, he had become irredeemable.</p>
<p>He gripped the sides of the sink. He gasped for air.</p>
<p>He needed another drink. Wine. Screw it, he’d go to the kitchen himself.</p>
<p>He ambled out of Marie’s room, shutting off the light as he left.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Oh.” Petra halted in the doorway. Erwin sat at the long kitchen table, a bottle of wine set out before him. “I’m sorry, I can go—”</p>
<p>“Please. Please stay.”</p>
<p>She had never seen him look worse. His eyes were red, his hair mussed. His face sported stubble; he hadn’t shaved today. Erwin tried to drink wine, but his hand trembled. He set the glass down. Gently, Petra moved it and the bottle away.</p>
<p>“Would you like some?”</p>
<p>“No. Um. I don’t think it would be good.” She sat on a stool on the other end of the table.</p>
<p>“I promise, it’s the best vintage.”</p>
<p>“I mean not good for the baby.” She sighed. Erwin appeared stunned.</p>
<p>“When? Has the doctor—”</p>
<p>“It just happened. It’s not official yet, but I feel it.” She rubbed her stomach again, imagined the little life incubating inside of her. “I’ll wait a month until the doctor can confirm it, but I guess you ought to know.” Her throat tightened. “It happened on our last night together.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Petra.” Erwin blearily tried to pat his hair into something acceptable.</p>
<p>“I guess I should be grateful. It’s the last bit of him I’ll ever have.” She hid her face in her hand as she started to cry. “Fuck. Fuck. Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t apologize. Cry all you want.” Erwin got up. “Would you like something? I told the kitchen staff to leave me alone, but if you’re hungry—”</p>
<p>“I just wanted tea. I can do it.”</p>
<p>Sniffing, she got up and found a copper kettle and filled it with water. As she went through the little tea-making ritual, she could feel Levi alongside her. She could recall the genuine smile on his lips whenever he warmed the pot and scooped the tea leaves inside. <em>Tea. Best thing man ever created,</em> he said.</p>
<p>“We first got together in Mitras. At the ball.” She lit the stove, leaned her elbows on the counter. “This is where we had sex the first time. It’s where we survived the underground together. I thought being here would keep the memories away, but they’re louder than in Trost. I’m an idiot.”</p>
<p>“He loved you more than anything,” Erwin said. He remained seated at the table. “I have never seen a man so in love. Without you, Petra, he would never have been as happy. You truly made him a better man.”</p>
<p>Kind words. He meant them, too. She felt it.</p>
<p>“I first saw him when I was fifteen. I knew then exactly what to do with my life. The military was where I belonged. He was who I belonged with. Everything’s so easy when you’re fifteen, or twenty-one.” She suppressed the sudden urge to smash plates. “Why do we have to get older? Why do things have to change?”</p>
<p>“If I could answer that question, I’d be a wealthy man.”</p>
<p>“Well. You <em>are</em> a wealthy man.” Petra grinned weakly. She poured the hot water, brought the teapot to the table. She set out two cups. “You don’t take sugar or milk, right?”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t afford them for so long. I lost the taste.”</p>
<p>“Me, too.” She poured and blew on her cup. Erwin watched the steam rise from his.</p>
<p>“I did something horrible today,” he said softly. She frowned.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I killed almost a million people. No. Probably more, when you add the shock waves and the fallout.” He picked up his tea, sloshed it; his hand shook so badly. “Sorry. I’ll clean it up.”</p>
<p>“Erwin.” Petra gaped. “What are you saying?”</p>
<p>“We dropped two smaller hyperfusion bombs on two Hybernian cities. They’re gone now. Hundreds of years of history, poof.” He snapped his fingers, swaying drunkenly. “I killed them. Because I am the devil of all earth.”</p>
<p>Petra was stunned. She could tell he’d done it not just as revenge for Levi, but as a counterattack. Erwin always had a plan, was always five steps ahead.</p>
<p>“What…what happened next?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“The Hybernians surrendered. The world will never dare attack us again.” He toasted with his cup. “Levi Ackerman died for a noble cause!”</p>
<p>A million deaths? Deaths of innocents, women and children? Levi would sooner cut off his own hand than have such things happen on his account.</p>
<p>“He wouldn’t want that,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I know.” Erwin looked into his half-empty cup. “He was the best of me. He was the best man I have ever known.”</p>
<p>Despite the horror he’d just confessed, he was so genuinely mournful in that moment that Petra didn’t know how to react.</p>
<p>“Did I tell you how I found him?” Erwin looked at her. “I was in the underground, dealing with a Military Police matter. And I saw this man. This small, pale man who looked as though he had never seen the sun before. I saw him swagger by. The look in this man’s eyes…could have burned the world down.” Erwin laughed. “I knew as soon as I saw him that he was born to defy the gods themselves. Before I knew his strength, or his power, or his speed, I saw that limitless fury in him. I knew he’d be the finest recruit I ever brought into the Survey Corps. I scouted talent in every area. I’d take anyone with promise. I’d send them off to die for my dream. I killed thousands of them.”</p>
<p>“Erwin…”</p>
<p>But the man was trapped in the throes of his confession.</p>
<p>“I knew as soon as I saw Levi that I had to have him. I lied to him. I got his friends killed; not directly, but it was so easy to bring him into my fold. Petra, I never expected it.” He looked at her, desperation in his eyes. “I never expected friendship. I never knew how much my superior he was. I didn’t understand how someone so different could fit so well in my life. I never knew I could love another person as completely and selflessly and perfectly as I loved—”</p>
<p>Erwin began to cry. He immediately shielded his face from her.</p>
<p>“Forgive me. I’m sorry,” he whispered.</p>
<p>She reached out and gently took his hand from his face. Erwin’s cheeks were wet. Petra’s eyes filled with tears.</p>
<p>“It makes me so happy to see how much you loved him.” She sniffed. “You say he loved me. But he could never leave you. I told him the day he… I said he had two great loves in his life. I was one. You were the other.”</p>
<p>Erwin squeezed her hand. There was no lust in the kiss he bestowed upon her fingers.</p>
<p>“I disgraced him with what I did today.”</p>
<p>Truthfully, Petra couldn’t wrap her brain around it. If she hadn’t been so stuck in the morass of mourning, she might have been appalled. Levi would have been furious, it was true. She grieved for the innocent lives lost.</p>
<p>But in the worst, most malformed part of her soul, Petra felt a little happy that the arrogant bastards that had killed her husband were suffering.</p>
<p>
  <em>No. Not them. Their wives and children and parents and families. The innocents who did nothing wrong.</em>
</p>
<p>Fuck. She really understood Marley now. Anyone could become like Marley when the ones they loved were taken away. She hated that she understood the genocidal maniacs.</p>
<p>“We’re not very good people,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You had nothing to do with this.”</p>
<p>“Did Hange know? Is that the foreign policy you mentioned?” He nodded. “She probably resigned. She loved Levi, but she wouldn’t go along with this. She was probably outraged.”</p>
<p>“Yes. To all of that.”</p>
<p>“Because Hange is a good person. And you and I,” Petra said, taking a sip of tea, “are not.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked at her. He just looked. Petra felt a little uncomfortable, and shifted in her seat.</p>
<p>“You never fail to surprise me, Petra.”</p>
<p>She wiped her cheeks. “Well. Finish your tea, then get to bed. We have a long, difficult day tomorrow.”</p>
<p>He smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”</p>
<p>They drank in utter silence, and Petra imagined she could feel Levi at her side. She imagined he looked at her in horror for not being more pained on behalf of the Hybernians.</p>
<p>She wanted to be. Perhaps she’d feel the horror later. But tonight, she was too wrapped up in her own suffering to care. Her kindness, her sweetness: all of that had died with him.</p>
<p><em>You said I was your guiding light once. You had it wrong. You were the one who made </em>me<em> better, Levi. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra barely saw the crowd before her, crammed into the fountain square. She sat on the wooden stage, gazing out at rows and rows of people dressed in black. Kids hung off the statues in the fountain, staring at the king.</p>
<p>Erwin stood before a podium with a microphone. Petra had Kuchel on her lap, who thankfully was now very gentle. This was the third day of insurmountable grief; everyone burned out eventually.</p>
<p>Mikasa sat on the other side of Erwin, along with Historia. Only family and the king and queen were on the platform, but Eren and the other 104<sup>th</sup> recruits had seats of honor at the very front. Petra looked down at Eren. The boy gazed ahead, his expression inscrutable.</p>
<p>How could he look so self-possessed?</p>
<p>“Levi Ackerman wasn’t born with the expectation of greatness.” Erwin’s amplified voice boomed across the square. Journalists recorded his words; cameras flashed and filmed. This would likely show up in newsreels in cinemas around the world. “He was born here, in the capital. But he did not spend his childhood on these clean city streets. Instead, he lived in squalor, among the poorest of the poor in the underground. Such crushing poverty has brought down many men, but not him. From the very first, he was a fighter. As a young man, he fought for his own survival; later, he chose to harness his abilities toward saving humanity itself. Levi could be a greedy man, as anyone who ever watched him bargain for the finest tea leaves can tell you.” Small ripple of laughter there. Erwin even smiled. “But he was also the least selfish person I have ever known. We called him Humanity’s Strongest when our only perceived threat was the titans. But even after the discovery of the truth at the heart of our world—even after we entered the international stage, and needed diplomats more than soldiers—he was still the strongest. No man has ever loved his country as Levi Ackerman loved Paradis. No man has ever shown more loyalty to his comrades than Levi Ackerman showed his fellow soldiers. No man has ever been a finer friend. No man has ever loved his wife so deeply, or been so devoted to his daughter. No man has ever inspired such zeal in those he led. Soldiers would follow Levi into the very mouth of hell because they knew he cared for every single one of them. He was a man of impossible contradictions; he believed in presenting himself as a gentleman of great taste, yet he was one of the crassest men who ever lived.” Another ripple of laughter. Petra squeezed Kuchel. “He killed without compunction, yet valued every single human life. His demeanor was often cold, yet he loved more tenderly than any man I have ever met. He despised authority, yet followed orders without question in pursuit of a better world. That better world will never see a better soldier, a better husband, a better father, or a better man. Levi Ackerman was born with nothing, but he died a man who had everything. If there is any mercy in his tragic loss, it is that he perished when he was still young and strong, when he was triumphant and utterly beloved. He will never lose his sheen in our collective memory. He is, and always will remain, Humanity’s Strongest.”</p>
<p>Petra blinked away tears. Kuchel fussed a bit, but Petra bounced and shushed her. Erwin pointed to a space cordoned off by red velvet ropes, directly before the fountain.</p>
<p>“On this spot, we will build a statue commemorating the life and achievements of this, our greatest Eldian. I ask you all now to dedicate your hearts to the memory of this remarkable man. For the last time, Levi, I give you my full and sincere salute.”</p>
<p>Erwin saluted, his body going rigid.</p>
<p>The entire mass of people saluted as one. Petra heard crying in the front row. Sasha was weeping against Connie, who had his arm around her, his cheek against the crown of her head. Mikasa stood and saluted her cousin. Petra couldn’t put Kuchel down, so she only sat there and stared out at the sea of black clothes and wan faces.</p>
<p>“Dedicate your hearts!” Erwin bellowed.</p>
<p>“Dedicate your hearts! Dedicate your hearts!”</p>
<p>They cried out for Levi, for Erwin. Kuchel whimpered, hating the noise. Petra shushed and hugged her, rocked her.</p>
<p>“Le-VI! Le-VI! Le-VI!” They began, as one, to pump fists in the air. “Er-WIN! Er-WIN! Er-WIN!”</p>
<p>The mood began to turn from mournful to ecstatic.</p>
<p>“And as we dedicate our hearts, we remind the world of this truth.” Erwin gripped the sides of the podium. “If you attack us, we will meet the attack head on. For generations, humanity has feared the titans. But now, the sleeping giant of Eldia has awoken once more. We are humanity’s greatest allies. But make no mistake: when threatened, we crush our enemies!”</p>
<p>“Er-WIN! Er-WIN!”</p>
<p>The crowd now verged on hysteria. Erwin looked straight into the cameras. He cut an impressive figure with his slick blond hair, dressed in his black military garb. The sight of all these Eldians cheering, fists pumping in the air, calling his name, got the point across nicely. The world would see them as a united front, led by a powerful, charismatic force.</p>
<p>Petra suddenly wanted to get off this stage. She looked at Erwin Smith and wondered which aspect of the man she would meet when this was all over. Erwin the heartbroken friend? Erwin the devoted uncle? Erwin the god? Erwin the maniac?</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. I know you need me to be strong for Kuchel. But I don’t know how much more I can take.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra noticed Historia stare at her husband like he was a stranger.</p>
<p>And when Petra looked out at the crowd, she caught Eren Jaeger looking right at her. She stared into the young man’s eyes. He stared back into hers, unblinking. Unashamed.</p>
<p>They were going to have words. Soon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m real sorry, Lieutenant.” Sasha sniffled, then took a forkful of cake. “Reaw sowwy.”</p>
<p>Yes. It had been a good idea to have food waiting in the apartment when she returned with her friends. Though even Sasha could only pick at her plate. That meant she was truly grieving. A young man had his arm around her, looking at the girl with gentle sympathy.</p>
<p>“Thank you for coming, Mr.?” Petra extended her hand.</p>
<p>“Oh. Just Niccolo.” He shook. Yes, Petra thought she recognized him. He’d been one of the first Marleyans to make landfall on the island. Years ago.</p>
<p>She smiled at Sasha. At least the girl had found some happiness.</p>
<p>
  <em>My happiness is gone.</em>
</p>
<p>A melodramatic thing to think, but Petra was too raw right now. In a corner, Mikasa spoke with Ingrid while holding Kuchel. The little girl had fallen asleep on her cousin’s shoulder. Connie and Jean were both having a beer, seated on Petra’s couch. She walked over to them. Connie instantly got to his feet.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” His eyes were raw from crying. He hastily swiped at his cheeks. He was a grown man, a titan shifter, but still that young boy she’d met four years ago. Petra hugged him.</p>
<p>“Thank you for being here. You too, Jean.”</p>
<p>The other boy got up, blustering his sympathy. She was glad she had saved him from becoming a shifter. She…and Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>I can’t get away from the memories. He’s in every room, every person’s face. Our lives were completely woven together. There’s nowhere I can escape.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra turned and saw Eren in the window seat, gazing out at the garden. Finally, an emotion other than misery surfaced.</p>
<p>Rage.</p>
<p>She went to him. The boy regarded her calmly.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe I let myself fall for your bullshit.” Her voice was hoarse. Eren said nothing. “Two boys in one year? My husband’s gone. He’s dead.” Dead. Every time she said the word, it broke her a little more. “I really let myself believe you knew the fucking future. God, I’m an idiot.” She wiped her cheeks. Eren just stared at her, and that made her madder and madder. “Well, guess what? I suppose the world’s going to end now. Zeke’s dead, too. So unless Erwin makes Historia a titan, your Founder has no royal blood to access. Why aren’t you more upset?” She leaned in nearer, going insane with how calm the boy was. “Why don’t you say something?” she barked.</p>
<p>Behind her, the gathering quieted. Eren sighed.</p>
<p>“The Founding Titan can restore Eldians who’ve died. Remember that, Petra.”</p>
<p>What the flying fuck? Was he still playing with her? Speaking that mystical bullshit? How was the Founder supposed to bring Levi back from the goddamn dead without Zeke? This little piece of shit. With a wrenching cry, Petra slapped Eren hard across the face.</p>
<p>“Eren!” Mikasa was beside them in a second, blocking Eren from Petra with her body. The girl’s gray eyes were determined. Levi’s eyes.</p>
<p>Petra couldn’t stand it a second longer.</p>
<p>“If you knew something would happen, you should have told us! You should have told me not to go so he could get on the plane! But you didn’t, because you’re a liar!” Petra was screaming now, screaming and sobbing. Eren just stared. “You’re a fucking liar!”</p>
<p>“Petra.” Ingrid took her arm. She murmured excuses as she dragged her daughter away. They went to the bedroom, where Ingrid all but threw Petra onto the bed. “Stay here. Calm down.”</p>
<p>Ingrid left and shut the door, leaving Petra in semi-darkness like a child in a time out. Petra touched her face, as if she’d slapped herself and not Eren. Her hand trembled.</p>
<p>She’d had maybe six hours of sleep total the last three nights. Bad for the baby. Her vision wobbled. She slid off her shoes and curled up on her side in a ball, weeping.</p>
<p>She was a weak piece of shit. Poor Kuchel. Poor Oruo. Stuck with a mother like her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What is it, Historia?” Erwin’s wife stood before his desk. She wore her hair up, dressed in a crisp black Paradisian Guard uniform, albeit with a long skirt. A military sovereign. He approved.</p>
<p>But the look in her eyes was downright hostile.</p>
<p>“Is it true about Hybernia?”</p>
<p>“Yes. It is.” No sense lying. No sense playing pretend. They weren’t children.</p>
<p>The air left her in a rush. She collapsed into a seat.</p>
<p>“You…how could you?”</p>
<p>“Because it was the only alternative that kept everyone on Paradis safe and alive. The only alternative that kept the world from plunging back into war and chaos, which would have killed millions more civilians than died yesterday in Hybernia. And they would have died slower.”</p>
<p>“You can’t justify this. It was murder,” she spat.</p>
<p>“Yes. It was. And I am the murderer, not you.” Erwin looked back at his work, signing letters of thanks for the thousands of condolence cards the crown had received. “I’ve taken on all of your work as well as my own. The glory’s all mine; the hate should be as well.”</p>
<p>“You haven’t—”</p>
<p>“You sit on your farm and play with your orphans. I applaud you for it, but don’t mistake it as important. Not in a political sense. Not in the way of truly saving our people.” Erwin glared coolly at his queen. He was done playacting. Done being deferential to people who took from him and never gave.</p>
<p>“I’m the one with royal blood.” Historia pulled herself up, and in that moment he saw the girl who had challenged him atop the wall in Orvud District all those years ago. The girl who had killed her own father to claim the crown. He respected that girl. “You’re king because of me, not the other way around.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Tell me. If I stepped aside today, what would be your foreign policy? What would you say in meetings with the Triple Alliance? How would you handle the press fallout of the Hybernian bombing?” His glare wilted Historia. “Could you stand on a stage and have thousands of people cheering your name after a speech? You’re a good person, Historia, but an indifferent and ineffective ruler. You are queen because you were born to it; I became a king. Don’t confuse our roles. And don’t think that having the right of primogeniture and hereditary politics on your side would save you if I stepped down.”</p>
<p>She was pale now. Erwin went back to signing the letters.</p>
<p>“If you want to do something useful, you can co-sign these letters when I’m done. People should hear from their queen. Or you could conspicuously lay flowers on the Memorial Lawn, a token for the fallen dead. Let the journalists get a few pictures.”</p>
<p>Historia remained silent for a minute.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry Captain Levi is gone for a lot of reasons. But mostly, I’m sorry because he was the only one of us who kept you from turning into a terrible person.”</p>
<p>Erwin didn’t respond. Historia exited the room. Erwin had to put the pen down. His hand was shaking, and he didn’t want the ink to splatter.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“We should go home,” Ingrid said. It was the following afternoon. They’d taken Kuchel for a walk in the royal gardens. The girl toddled ahead, but didn’t run or laugh like she used to. She was the same as Petra: wound down and broken.</p>
<p>“Why? I thought you liked it up here.” Petra eyed some peonies as they passed.</p>
<p>“I don’t think being here is good for you.” Ingrid sighed as Kuchel sat down in the middle of the path. “Or for Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“We’re not in any danger. Erwin wouldn’t let anything happen to us.”</p>
<p>“I guess he wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>Petra stopped walking. “What does that mean?”</p>
<p>Ingrid pursed her lips. “I don’t like how he is with Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“What? He’s not…”</p>
<p>“No no, not like that. I mean he’s too familiar. He carries her around and lets her lean on him like he was her father.”</p>
<p>“Erwin’s her honorary uncle. He’s more of an uncle to her than Willem is,” Petra snapped.</p>
<p>Ingrid remained unruffled. “I agree. But I don’t like how quickly he’s adapted to being the man in your life.”</p>
<p>“Wha—” Petra didn’t know whether to laugh or start screaming. “When you get it wrong, Mama, you really get it wrong.”</p>
<p>“Fine. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he isn’t trying to get you both to become dependent on him. If you think the king has no ulterior motive toward you in any way, I’ll shut my mouth.”</p>
<p>Petra looked at Kuchel. The girl kicked at the dirt crossly, making angry fussing noises. She’d gone from wailing to silent and now to furious. What joy would tomorrow bring?</p>
<p>“You’re wrong.” She waited a moment. “But if it’ll make you happy, we can leave on tomorrow’s morning train. It’s already afternoon, and I don’t want to keep Kuchel up past her bedtime getting home. I’m tired enough as it is.”</p>
<p>Ingrid sighed. Mollified, she took her daughter’s arm.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” They walked on.</p>
<p>“You know, there was a time I thought you’d be delighted to imagine me and the king together,” Petra drawled. She meant it as a joke, but Ingrid wasn’t laughing.</p>
<p>“I read what he did to Hybernia. There’s nothing he could do to wipe that smudge away.”</p>
<p>Petra wanted to tell her mother that she was being judgmental and small minded.</p>
<p>But was she?</p>
<p>At any rate, she had to stop thinking about it. Kuchel was now angrily yanking flowers out of the ground. Petra had to go pick her up.</p>
<p>They had dinner in their room, though getting Kuchel to eat was a chore. Eventually, Ingrid went to the bedroom to get the child’s favorite doll, hoping that would help.</p>
<p>“Come on, angel. Just a little more.” Petra held out the spoon, trying to feed Kuchel like she was a baby again. But the child pursed her lips tight. Stubborn as her father.</p>
<p>“I. Want. Papa.”</p>
<p>Petra put the spoon down.</p>
<p>“I know. But he’s not here now.”</p>
<p>“I want Papa <em>now</em>.”</p>
<p>“You can’t have him. He’s not coming back.” Petra’s voice lost its sweetness. She thrust the spoon into Kuchel’s face. “Eat your dinner, Kuchel.”</p>
<p>Kuchel glared at her, her baby face twisted in rage.</p>
<p>“I want Papa! Give me Papa! I want him, I want him!” Kuchel stood on her chair and started stamping her feet.</p>
<p>Petra wanted the same. She wanted to do the same. And the last bit of her façade came crashing down. She put her face right next to Kuchel’s.</p>
<p>“You can’t have him because he’s dead!” She was shouting. She couldn’t stop. “You don’t come back when you’re dead! You’re stuck with me. Papa’s never coming home. So you’re going to stop being a spoiled brat and eat your dinner right this minute, and then you are going to go to bed and shut up!”</p>
<p>Kuchel gaped at her. Petra felt like some demon had fled her body. Oh, fuck. What had she said? How could she have said such a thing?</p>
<p>“Kuchel. I’m so sorry…”</p>
<p>Kuchel screwed up her face and wailed. She sobbed and sobbed until Ingrid rushed over and picked her up, swaying her back and forth, shushing and comforting her. Kuchel just wept. She wouldn’t look at Petra.</p>
<p>“Mama. I’m…” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>“It’s all right.” Ingrid took Kuchel away and returned a minute later. There was no anger in her eyes. Only understanding. “I’m going to keep Kuchel with me tonight. You need sleep, sweetheart. You need to feel better.”</p>
<p>Petra didn’t deserve comfort. She cried and cried as her mother hugged her.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Mama,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“This is going to get better.” Ingrid kissed her forehead. “You’re the strongest of my children. You can do this.”</p>
<p>It was rare to hear Ingrid praise Petra over Willem. She was quietly stunned.</p>
<p>“Go take a bath and get a good night’s rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Petra sat there on the floor after Ingrid left. Finally, she got up and did as told. She ran a hot bath and lay in the tub as the sun finished going down. She felt her heartbeat slow. She felt the tension leave her shoulders. She drained the tub, washed up, and got into bed. She hadn’t had a bed all to herself in years. There was something relaxing about it.</p>
<p>She lay under the covers, luxuriating in the quiet. Then someone tapped her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Oi! Petra! What’re you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>Oruo sat at her bedside, fluffing his damn cravat. Oruo. He was alive, making that old smarmy face at her. She sat up and wrapped her arms around him. Yes, it was him. She almost started laughing.</p>
<p>“Oh, thank god. I missed you,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Tch. Women. So emotional.” But he hugged her back. “Listen, though. You can’t stay here, Petra. It’s not right.”</p>
<p>“I know. I—”</p>
<p>But she held empty air; he was gone. She looked around in confusion. A knock came. Sighing, she got out of bed.</p>
<p>“Oruo?” She opened the door.</p>
<p>Levi walked in.</p>
<p>It was relief like she’d never known. Her entire body went limp. She was warm head to toe. It was like being flung high into the air, soaring into the sky. Wings of freedom. She threw herself into his arms, and he held her.</p>
<p>“Petra. Why’re you here?” he asked. She kissed his lips again and again, felt their warmth. She could have eaten him alive. She kissed every inch of his face. Petra hugged him so fiercely she wondered if he could still breathe.</p>
<p>“We thought you were dead. Oh, Levi. Thank god.” She wept and sighed and kissed him.</p>
<p>“Petra?”</p>
<p>Something wasn’t right. In her arms he was distinctly…wet. Petra let go of her husband.</p>
<p>Water dribbled from Levi’s eyes, nose, and mouth. He looked resentful.</p>
<p>“What’d you do to my daughter?” he growled, as seawater poured out of him.</p>
<p>Petra came awake with a shriek. Her heart had never beaten this fast before. She began to cough as she scrambled out of bed and crawled on her hands and knees to the bathroom. She flipped on the lights, and knelt over the toilet as dry heaves wracked her body. She didn’t throw up, though. Her legs were shaky as she stood up in front of the sink, ran the faucet. She should wash her face again to give herself something to do. Levi always said a clean face was a good face.</p>
<p>But Levi wasn’t here anymore. She dropped the soap and sobbed. She turned off the water and opened the medicine cabinet, looking for tablets. Something to take away the headache that threatened to crush her.</p>
<p>She found no tablets. But she did find a razor.</p>
<p>Levi’s straight razor. He left it here so he could always have a shave if he came to town and forgot his overnight bag. Petra picked it up, closed the cabinet, and flipped it open. She traced it along her thumb, winced when it nearly cut her. So sharp.</p>
<p>So sharp…</p>
<p>These last four days, every waking moment had felt like someone was chasing her from room to room, shouting at her and brandishing a knife. There was no respite. There was nowhere to run. She was trapped, and always felt like she was about to die. The strain of being hunted was tearing her to pieces.</p>
<p>She couldn’t go on like this. No one could.</p>
<p>She laid the razor against the soft flesh of her underarm, where the faint blue-green of her veins appeared. One deep cut was all it would take. Then she’d be beyond the pain. She’d be with him again. That was what it meant to have a great love, wasn’t it? When one died, the other might as well?</p>
<p>Petra closed her eyes, tried to gain the last little bit of courage to—</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra!</em>
</p>
<p>Levi glared back at her from the mirror, white with fury.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t you fucking dare leave Kuchel alone! I’ll never forgive your ass! Never!</em>
</p>
<p>She dropped the razor with a clatter. It spun on the floor. Petra sat down hard on the tile, and cried and cried and cried. She hugged her knees, rocked back and forth. No way out. Her heart was going much too fast. No way out. Only pain. She was losing her mind. She could feel it coming off the tracks. About to crash. No way out.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oi. Petra. Come up here.</em>
</p>
<p>With the last of her strength, she pulled herself back up to gaze in the mirror. She saw her own reflection now, but heard the words that came from her mouth in Levi’s voice.</p>
<p>
  <em>Now listen up, brat. Your mind’s about to snap.</em>
</p>
<p>“I think it already has,” she whispered.</p>
<p>
  <em>You can’t lose control. You can’t die, and you can’t go nuts. You have Kuchel to think of. And the baby.</em>
</p>
<p>Yes. The baby. Too much more strain could kill the baby. She couldn’t have that.</p>
<p>“Wh-What do I do?” She started to cry.</p>
<p>
  <em>Stop that. Focus. Now listen. Your body’s been under nothing but stress for four days straight. You’re living in fight or flight all the time. If you don’t do something, you’re going to burn the fuck out. You could actually die for real if it gets bad enough. Your damn heart could stop.</em>
</p>
<p>“How can I stop it? The stress, I mean.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Tch. Think. Use your damn brain. You need to feel something else. You need something that’ll take you out of this state. Because make no mistake, brat. If you don’t get relief soon, or something close to it, you’ll be useless to Kuchel. I can’t allow that.</em>
</p>
<p>“No. You can’t.” She gazed longingly in the mirror. “I miss you.”</p>
<p>But she saw only herself now. Petra ran the water, splashed some on her face. She needed something. A real distraction. Something that would get her out of herself.</p>
<p>Pills? Dangerous for the baby. Booze, same thing. A run wouldn’t work; she’d feel chased by grief. Her heart was beating much too fast. It had to slow down. She needed a powerful sensation to override this pain. She needed…</p>
<p>It all came together. She knew what she needed. Exactly what she needed.</p>
<p>Petra shut off the water. She stared at her reflection, like looking at a stranger. For the first time in days, she felt the utter calm of knowing what had to be done. She’d missed that clarity.</p>
<p>She took a few slow, deep breaths, and put the razor away. Her hair was a tangled mess, so she brushed it, then brushed her teeth again. She unscrewed a jar of ointment and dabbed some under her eyes to reduce the swelling. She held onto the sink and breathed until her heart slowed. She looked herself in the eyes, let herself know exactly what she was thinking.</p>
<p>It was this, or total madness. She did this, or she shattered and became useless to Kuchel. The choice was simple. Petra shut off the bathroom lights. She went to the bedroom, put on her slippers and robe, and quietly left her apartment. She walked the corridors, turning right a couple of times until she came to the royal residence wing. She passed Historia’s door, looking sadly at it as she walked by.</p>
<p>She found Erwin’s door, and knocked. Guards stood on either side, but they didn’t stop her. Everyone knew she had access to whatever she wanted.</p>
<p>Erwin opened up, surprised to find her.</p>
<p>“I can’t sleep. I need to talk,” she said.</p>
<p>“Of course. Come in.”</p>
<p>He let her in and shut the door. She entered the parlor, surprisingly cozy with a plush carpet and shelves upon shelves of books. Petra stared into the blazing hearth, appreciating the warmth. A couple of armchairs and a sofa sat before the flames. Erwin took one armchair, gestured for her to take the other across from him. She did.</p>
<p>“I hope I’m not bothering you,” she said.</p>
<p>“Not at all. Just…thinking.”</p>
<p>“And drinking?” She noticed the whiskey beside him. Erwin sighed, downed it.</p>
<p>“The two things I’m best at these days.” He looked into the fire, lost in thought. She kept staring at him. “I don’t think there’s a way out for me now.”</p>
<p>“I know exactly how you feel.”</p>
<p>He smiled slightly. “Yes. You would. I’ve just been remembering myself as a young man. There was so much fear, but so much excitement. I believed everything would fall seamlessly into place. That was my destiny, after all.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She took off her slippers and undid the belt of her robe.</p>
<p>“When you lose the companions of your youth, you start to wonder what else life can possibly—”</p>
<p>He turned to face her. Petra got up, straddled him in the chair, and kissed him.</p>
<p>Erwin pulled away in shock. The first kiss she’d had since losing Levi. Probably the last first kiss of her life. They weren’t Levi’s lips, but she could pretend.</p>
<p>“Petra. What—”</p>
<p>“Remember when you told me you would only touch me when I asked you?” she whispered. She took his hands and placed them on her hips. He watched her like she had turned into some strange, alien creature. “Touch me now.”</p>
<p>“Petra, you’re grieving. You’re too raw. I’m not going to take advantage of y—”</p>
<p>She wasn’t getting her point across, so she kissed him again. Harder this time. He grunted, but didn’t push her away. Ever so slowly, his hands ran up her back. She ground against him once.</p>
<p>Her soul was dead, but her body was alive enough. Already, her attention shifted away from the helpless grief. She shut her eyes, pretended she was kissing Levi. Erwin was a bigger man, but she imagined he was small, and his lips were thinner, and that she loved him passionately.</p>
<p><em>Levi.</em> She almost smiled.</p>
<p>“We can’t.” Erwin broke from her, though she could hear the hesitation in his voice. “I don’t want to take advantage.”</p>
<p>“I think I’m the one who’s taking advantage.” She slipped the straps of her nightdress off her shoulders, let it pool at her waist. She felt the chill air on her breasts, the warmth of the fire on her left side. Erwin stared, his jaw slightly open. She saw the light of reason leave his eyes. She took his hands and placed them on her breasts. “Touch me, Erwin. Make me feel something else.”</p>
<p>“Petra…”</p>
<p>“I need to feel something else, because if I don’t something bad is going to happen to me.” Her voice was flat, emotionless. She’d burned away her humanity tonight. She was something mechanical. She needed service, or she’d fall apart. She shut her eyes and grinded on him again. She bit her lip when she felt him getting hard.</p>
<p>“Petra.” He gasped her name as she wrapped her arms around his head. She felt his lips on her breasts then. She wove her fingers through his hair, imagined that it was Levi’s hair, imagined that these lips were Levi’s, this tongue was Levi’s.</p>
<p>“I want you to fuck me. I need you to. So do it.”</p>
<p>She gave the orders, and he obeyed. Petra kept her eyes shut; she couldn’t watch as he kissed her breasts, as he licked her nipples into peaks. Whatever part of her could still feel hated herself as she began to get wet. Her body responded to Erwin’s attentions, even if her soul remained dead.</p>
<p>But tonight, she was nothing but a body. Her soul was with Levi, somewhere at the bottom of the ocean.</p>
<p>Erwin’s breath came faster. He passed his hand down her back, slipped beneath her nightdress and cupped her ass. She forced herself not to scream when he slid one finger inside her. He gave a low moan when he found her ready for him.</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck,” he breathed. He kissed her then, kissed her passionately as he lifted her into his arms. Petra stayed wrapped tight around his neck, her eyes squeezed shut because if she had to look at him her heart would break and she’d tell him to stop, and if he stopped she’d truly lose it. Petra heard him kick open a door, then felt a bed beneath her. She let Erwin slip off the nightdress. She lay there, her nails digging into the bedspread.</p>
<p>She could feel him staring at her, naked and waiting for him.</p>
<p>“Incredible,” he whispered. Then she heard him getting undressed.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is Levi. You’re with Levi now.</em>
</p>
<p>Feeling returned tentatively. Levi got undressed while she teased him about his handsomeness. She was with her husband.</p>
<p>When Erwin got on top of her, she thought of Levi, Levi, Levi’s lips. His bare chest pressed against hers, but he still had his pants on. Levi was doing this. Levi was with her now. This other man was just a convenient body, a channel for her to find her love again.</p>
<p>Erwin’s tongue thrust into her mouth. She accepted it, felt him begin to kiss down her body. He stopped at her breasts before continuing the languid journey south. His mouth and breath traced her bare skin. Petra kept her eyes shut. She could do this. She could…</p>
<p>When his mouth found her, she almost screamed. Her eyes sprang open. There was a fire laid in this room, too, and in the light she could see him between her legs. His eyes were half-lidded with lust. He kissed down her inner thigh, and then he—</p>
<p><em>Levi. It’s Levi.</em> But she knew it wasn’t as he teased her with his tongue. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. <em>I can’t bear it. Tell him to stop.</em></p>
<p>But he was good with his tongue, and a rush of pleasure went through her. It sang in her brain. For that one, blissful second, the grief left. It returned immediately, but already the impact had lessened.</p>
<p>Pleasure took the pain away, if only for an instant.</p>
<p>
  <em>So go back to your room and touch yourself. Don’t do this. Don’t!</em>
</p>
<p>But she knew it wasn’t the same as having another body on hers, a conduit for her husband. Erwin moaned as he felt her stiffen from his ministrations. His tongue thrust in and out of her, circled her bud. Petra forgot how to think as she felt the tension build, and build, and—</p>
<p>She cried out as if in pain when she came, writhing on the bed while he held her legs. He whispered that she sounded amazing. Petra kept her eyes shut, panicking as she heard the clink of a buckle. No. No, she had to stop this. She couldn’t go through with it.</p>
<p>She heard a drawer open at the bedside table. She felt the bed shift as he got on top. She finally forced herself to look at the man straddling her, utterly naked. Every inch of him was defined muscle. Her eyes tracked down and widened when she saw…</p>
<p>Oh, fuck. That was too much.</p>
<p>He must have thought the same, because he poured some kind of oil in his hand and rubbed it on…himself. He looked almost apologetic.</p>
<p>“Sometimes it’s easier this way,” he whispered, lying on top of her. He was so heavy. Petra turned her face away so he couldn’t kiss her, shut her eyes again. Please. Please make it stop. What had she done? “Petra? Please look at me.”</p>
<p>He spoke gently. She did as he asked. His face hovered above. His eyes searched hers.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to stop?” He’d stop if she asked. Yes. She needed to say yes. It’d been a mistake.</p>
<p>“No,” she said. She meant it. “Don’t stop. Do it.”</p>
<p>Something else had taken charge of her. Erwin groaned as he covered her with his body, as he positioned himself between her legs, and all she could think was <em>idiot, you idiot, how could you? how the fuck could you?</em></p>
<p>But still she did not tell him to stop.</p>
<p>“I’ve wanted this,” he whispered, and then her eyes bulged when he slid inside of her. She let out a terrified yelp. She almost panicked, afraid he’d tear her somehow. Erwin grew still, gave her time to adjust. Her eyes watered. No, she’d gone past the point of no return. She couldn’t stop now.</p>
<p>This was her punishment. She’d gotten Levi killed; she’d broken her daughter’s spirit; she had to be humiliated. She had to look at herself in the mirror for the rest of her life with loathing.</p>
<p>“Yes?” he whispered. She shifted. It was still a lot, but manageable.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said. She was lifeless now.</p>
<p>He began to thrust. Petra bit her lip as she felt him move inside, his girth on the verge of being too much. Levi had fit perfectly within her. He’d been made for her. This was wrong. She didn’t fit with Erwin. All of it was degradation.</p>
<p>Good. She deserved it. She whimpered as he began to fuck deeper. The springs creaked beneath them as he went faster and faster.</p>
<p>“Wrap your legs around me,” he rasped. Petra wanted to cry. Instead she did as he asked, and moaned a little as the sensation changed. He aligned within her, his every thrust moving her closer and closer to the edge of oblivion. She clung to his back, dug her fingers into his flesh. Erwin grunted, but didn’t slow. The muscles of his back moved under her hands. He was enormous. He was too big for her. He’d tear her apart. But he was so good at what he did…</p>
<p>Petra began to groan, almost against her will. Fuck, this was working; she was having a hard time thinking now. Pleasure obliterated her thoughts and feelings. He began to speed up, filling her again and again as she moaned louder. Levi. Levi was making love to her. Now that it didn’t hurt any longer, she could picture herself with him.</p>
<p>“Hey, brat.”</p>
<p>He smiled down on her with that wry, almost deadpan smile. She kissed him and pulled him on top of her, sighing in relief as he entered her. They looked into each other’s eyes. She loved to see his pupils dilate when they made love and he approached his end. She loved to kiss the V of concentration between his brows as he worked to get her to her pleasure. She loved the smell of soap on his skin, and the warmth of his body in her arms.</p>
<p>Yes. Levi. She moaned.</p>
<p>“Petra,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Levi.” She smiled, called his name. “Oh, Levi. Yes. Yes.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was more than he had expected or ever imagined. She was so delicate. He was afraid at first that he’d hurt her. Some animal part of him relished being too big for her, but the sane part listened for any sound that indicated she was in pain. He heard the opposite. Her gasps and moans spurred him to greater heights. This was paradise. She was so soft, so warm. Even after giving birth, she was tighter than he’d ever experienced.</p>
<p>She was the most exquisite woman he’d had in years. Maybe ever. Reality was somehow better than the fantasy.</p>
<p>He felt himself nearing his end, but he wanted it to last. This might be the only time they ever made love; he wanted to remember every moment. He wouldn’t spend too soon.</p>
<p>Erwin watched her. Her eyes were shut. Her small, pert breasts quivered with his thrusts. He groaned at the erotic sight. Petra gripped the pillow beneath her head; she smiled in ecstasy. Fuck, he was going to come so fucking hard…</p>
<p>“Petra.”</p>
<p>“Levi.”</p>
<p>The word was a bombshell in his mind. He almost fell off the rhythm as she continued to call for her husband. She was with him now, not Erwin. Erwin was only the medium for their reunion. It didn’t surprise him; of course she was only fucking him to feel close to her husband again. But she <em>was</em> fucking him.</p>
<p>Erwin lowered himself so that his breath kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“Petra,” he whispered. She tightened around him; her end was near. “Petra, open your eyes.”</p>
<p>She opened them instinctively, accustomed to following orders. She looked at Erwin as he fucked her. She saw his face, his eyes bright with lust as he took her body. She was not with Levi tonight; she was with <em>him</em>. She’s given herself to him. He was the one inside of her, not her husband.</p>
<p>He saw the realization hit. Her chin trembled. Then she did something remarkable: she cried and came at the same time. Her body arched beneath his; he felt her ripple around him as she screamed. It was a scream of pleasure that merged into a sob of despair.</p>
<p>The animal in him roared its triumph as the man shattered in misery.</p>
<p>He thrust and thrust and a second later he finished, bellowing like a beast as he came in her. He slowed down and stopped, raised himself on his elbows to look at her. Petra lay there, her arms at her sides, and wept as he softened within her. Erwin pulled out, and she rolled away from him. She lay on her side, back to him, and cried as if her heart would break.</p>
<p>“What’d I do? Oh, fuck. What’d I do?” she whimpered.</p>
<p>A good man would have fumbled for an apology. Said he’d taken advantage. Profusely sworn up and down that he was a monster, that they should forget it all. But the naked line of her back stoked something in him.</p>
<p>
  <em>You saw her like this, Levi. You saw her naked beneath you. </em>
</p>
<p>It was like standing on a balcony where Levi had once stood, gazing down at the view he’d once appreciated. For a moment, Erwin felt so close to Levi again. Petra had not been the only one to feel the dead man in the room with them.</p>
<p>Erwin wanted more. He wanted the man’s presence.</p>
<p>He wanted to possess her and summon Levi again.</p>
<p>Erwin leaned over and kissed her back. Petra curled into a defensive ball.</p>
<p>“Look what we did,” she sobbed. He raised himself over her. She was so delicate and small. She had been Levi’s. Levi had loved her so thoroughly.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Please come back to us.</em>
</p>
<p>“This is all my fault,” he said, but not as an apology. As a way of appeasing her conscience. “I should have stopped it. But here we are. It’s my fault, but I’m not sorry.”</p>
<p>She wiped her cheeks and looked up at him, putting her hands over her breasts as if to hide her body from him. It was a little late for that. He started to get hard again. Fuck, a man his age. Erwin hadn’t had sex in almost six months. He wanted her again, badly. She saw it.</p>
<p>“You needed a release to keep from going insane. I needed the same thing.”</p>
<p>“I did. I wanted to do this with you. But I…” She sobbed again. He risked it, leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth. Petra did not pull away from him. Her hands fell from her breasts. She revealed her body again.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s yours, Levi. She’s ours. I’m with you now.</em>
</p>
<p>“I have to feel close to him again, Petra. I have no illusions about us.” He spoke only the truth. She listened. He trailed kisses along her neck as he spoke. “Let me use your body tonight. You can use mine. It’s our way of summoning him.” Erwin lifted her, sat on his knees so that she straddled him. “And if not that, these last five minutes are the first that have made me feel good since it happened. It’s a base, animal goodness. But it’s real.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She cried. He lifted her chin. He was almost inside her once more.</p>
<p>“So. If you want to leave, you can.” He wrapped his arms around her. “But this will feel better than going back to your room now. I guarantee it.”</p>
<p>She shut her eyes, wavered as she made her decision. He kissed her throat down to her breasts. He sucked on her nipple. She moaned softly.</p>
<p>“All right,” she breathed. “Yes. Do whatever you want to me. Just make the pain stop.”</p>
<p>She slid down around him. This time, she rode him. This time, she kept her eyes open and looked at him as they fucked. There was nothing of Petra in her gaze now, nothing of the sweet, kind, thoughtful young woman. This was a shell, something animal that craved only sensation. Nothing loving. Nothing tender.</p>
<p>He gave her everything she craved, and more.</p>
<p>And he felt Levi’s presence sitting alongside them all the while.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She woke up sweating. In her dream, Levi had been trapped beneath a frozen lake, pounding on the ice. She stood above him and screamed for help, tried to find a rock to smash the ice, and sobbed as she watched him slowly drown before her eyes. She couldn’t reach him in time…</p>
<p>Petra stared ahead. The fire had died; only a few embers flared in the darkness. Moonlight came through the window, and in the dim illumination she saw the man sleeping next to her.</p>
<p>He was large, and his naked chest rose and fell. His hand lay across his stomach. His face was turned towards her. His eyes were shut; he breathed peacefully.</p>
<p>Petra sat there and stared at him. Yes. It had all been real. The soreness between her legs was proof. She’d done anything and everything he’d wanted to do with her. She’d wailed like an animal, shedding her humanity and her emotions. The genteel and polite Erwin Smith had vanished as well. He’d been feral with her, and she’d wanted that. She’d wanted to fuck without love. She’d had no past tonight, no thoughts, no soul. She’d been utterly free. Except for the moments when she neared her climax and could feel Levi close again, because only he should ever give her ecstasy.</p>
<p>What the fuck had she done?</p>
<p>This was like scratching a mosquito bite, she thought. Ludicrous, but strangely true. The itch had become so painful that she’d scratched. For a few blissful moments, the agony vanished. But then, after scratching, the itching came back five times worse than before.</p>
<p>She’d done the worst thing she could possibly have done.</p>
<p>Desperate not to wake him, she got out of bed and put on her nightdress. She raced into the parlor, where she grabbed her robe and slippers. She heard the clocks strike four. Petra exited and walked past the guards outside the apartment, her head down in shame. She knew they’d talk. She knew there’d be whispers of what she’d done.</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to get clean. I have to wash him off.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi was no longer the last man she’d slept with. She’d tainted her body with someone else. She couldn’t lie in bed and remember Levi’s body aligned with hers any longer, cherishing the thought that he had been the last one to touch her. She’d erased him in her immediate sensual memory.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m a monster without you, Levi. I’m a terrible mother. I’m a shitty friend and daughter. I slept with the wrong man.</em>
</p>
<p>He was all that had been good about her, and he was gone.</p>
<p>Petra staggered through the moonlit corridors, weeping. Why hadn’t she done as Ingrid said? Why hadn’t they left on the afternoon train? Then this nightmare would never have happened.</p>
<p>Petra disgusted herself. She despised herself.</p>
<p>She couldn’t breathe here. She hurried out the nearest side door into the garden, and raced along the path she’d taken earlier yesterday. Her slippered feet slapped the mud; it had rained a bit around midnight. Petra pumped her arms as she ran, trying to get away from what she’d done.</p>
<p>But she couldn’t. Not ever.</p>
<p>She slipped and sprawled out in the mud. She dug her fingers into the earth and cried. She cried over and over. Petra lifted her face skyward, but he wasn’t there. If he’d watched what she’d just done, he’d have been mortified. How could he love her after this?</p>
<p>Except he was gone, and he couldn’t be mortified because he didn’t exist anymore.</p>
<p>Petra’s sobs wracked her body as she curled into a ball and hugged her knees.</p>
<p>“Levi,” she gasped. She gave a high, keening wail. “Levi, please…”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Death was blue. He hadn’t expected that.</p>
<p>He opened his eyes and saw an endless expanse of blue.</p>
<p>Death also hurt. In the ribs, especially.</p>
<p>He tried to push himself to sit up, but a sharp pain lanced through his side. It felt like a spear sticking into him. He flopped back down, which hurt worse. He groaned.</p>
<p>Overhead, he saw a bird wheeling through the sky. He lifted a hand to reach for it.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he croaked. “Fuck’s a bird doing here?”</p>
<p>It began to occur to him that he was not dead. Which was a giant fucking surprise. The seagull cawed and flew off to find fish or something. He heard the slosh of water against rock. He touched his stomach and discovered bandages wrapped around his body. His breath wheezed a little when he exhaled. Not a great sign.</p>
<p>He was lying on a blanket, he realized. He felt sand under his bare heels. The air stank of salt here. He was on a shallow beach. He tried to lift himself once more, but again failed painfully. He lay there, cursing his throbbing head.</p>
<p>“Well, hello.”</p>
<p>Someone stood before him. A shirtless someone wearing giant, stupid glasses. Zeke. Fucking. Jaeger.</p>
<p>“He’s awake!” Zeke called to someone. He knelt beside Levi, who coughed as the giant monkey man picked up a canteen. “Be prepared is the Cart way.” Zeke chuckled as he helped lift Levi’s head, tipping the canteen so the man could drink. “Careful. Don’t spill. This is a finite supply.”</p>
<p>He drank, and choked, and coughed. But then he drank some more, and felt a little better. Levi groaned as Zeke placed his head back down, then popped his monkey ass on a rock at Levi’s feet so the man could see him easily.</p>
<p>“Now then.” Zeke grinned. “You probably have questions.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This whole interlude was extremely important for several plot points in the rest of the story. I swear I'm not trying to troll anyone or be edgy. I'm sorry, though.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zeke relished any opportunity to regale listeners with what he considered to be his superior storytelling abilities. Unfortunately, he’d been mostly unconscious for much of what had transpired on the Hizuran ship, so he’d left it to Pieck to fill in the details for him. Pieck was, as expected, very succinct and clear. Every detail had to be exactly right. Unfortunately, it left much to be desired in the way of spicing things up.</p>
<p>Ah well. One couldn’t have everything.</p>
<p>Here is what he had been told, more or less:</p>
<p>The Hybernian ship had gotten him right through his titan’s neck, a fairly ingenious shot. If it had been only an inch or two further to the right, Zeke would have been done for. Instead, the shock left him utterly incapacitated. He collapsed from the ship in his titan form, and lay facedown in the ocean. His nape was exposed, but he wouldn’t have been able to harden in order to protect himself if his life depended on it. As it very surely may have.</p>
<p>Fortunately, that gave Pieck in her titan form an excellent opportunity to retrieve him. The instant he’d gone overboard, she’d leapt off the ship as well. Apparently she’d already surmised why the Hybernians were firing at them, and why they were going completely for the hull rather than the guns. Dear little Pieck. Such a mind. Anyway.</p>
<p>The Cart Titan had swum to Zeke and bitten him out at the nape, holding the man in its mouth as it paddled around until it finally submerged in the water, rather like a hippo.</p>
<p>This was one part of titan biology Zeke had never really considered before, though it should have been obvious. Titans had no organs, after all, apart from the stomach. No heart, no kidneys. No lungs.</p>
<p>A titan didn’t need to breathe.</p>
<p>When Pieck went under the water in her titan form, she did not have to surface for air, not for some time. Eventually, she’d need to go back to the surface to give her Cart Titan direct sunlight, or it would start to break down. But she could stay underwater for upwards of twenty minutes at a time.</p>
<p>As it turned out, that was the thing that saved their lives.</p>
<p>This next part Zeke bitterly regretted not being awake for. Pieck had been paddling out to sea, looking for a place to hide underwater until the attacking ship had gone, when she felt the indescribable impulse to turn around. Call it instinct. Call it fate. Call it looking out for sharks. But turn she did, just in time to see a small, flailing figure plunge into the ocean. Her instincts had been invaluable; that figure was none other than Levi Ackerman.</p>
<p>Pieck, knowing that the man was priceless to Paradis and that his survival might net the Marleyan shifters substantial benefits from King Erwin, immediately began paddling to retrieve him, hoping he would not drown before she could get there.</p>
<p>And then came Zeke’s favorite part of the story, the one-in-a-million shot that really added some pizzazz.</p>
<p>The Hybernians breached the hull at that exact moment, detonating the thousands of barrels of powder the Hizurans had on board. It created an enormous explosion, the shock waves of which could absolutely be felt underwater. As the Cart Titan braced for impact, the explosion literally hurtled Levi Ackerman through the water like a rag doll, projecting him directly towards Pieck. (Zeke relished the image of the man flopping around like a noodle. If only he could have seen it.) Pieck knew that she would have one and only one chance; if she didn’t catch him now, they would both be caught in the blast and separated, and he would almost surely drown.</p>
<p>So just as the man was mere feet away, still tumbling through the ocean, and just as the blast was about to catch the titan itself, brave Pieck opened her mouth and swallowed Levi Ackerman in half a second.</p>
<p>(Zeke did actually remember some of this part. He remembered being shocked when a wall of water splashed over him for an instant. Then he remembered not being alone, with Levi at his side, before he passed out again.)</p>
<p>The explosion knocked Pieck’s titan far out to sea, and it was something of a miracle the Cart hadn’t been damaged, and that Pieck had been able to keep her jaws shut and preserve the lives of her cargo. But being the excellent young woman she was, Pieck had managed to save herself and her allies. The blast didn’t kill her, and a moment later she’d righted herself. Now Pieck made a sensible choice at this juncture: she knew that, while help was likely on the way, it would probably not arrive for another twenty minutes at least, and the Hybernians might be on the lookout for any Hizuran survivors. So Pieck elected to wait underwater for half an hour, at which point she would resurface to find the Hybernians gone and, almost certainly, a rescue ship. It was frankly a brilliant plan.</p>
<p>There had only been one small problem.</p>
<p>“The damn Southwest Stream,” Zeke grumbled. Levi remained mostly conscious and a (somewhat literally) captive audience member. “Pieck got caught in the current, and it carried her—and us—away. It wasn’t perceptible at first, but by the time she’d caught on and surfaced, she found herself in the middle of the ocean with no one in sight. She opened her mouth to give us some air while she thought of the next step. Finally, she determined the best bad course of action was to let the stream take us where it would. It just so happened that there was a smaller collection of very much deserted islands along the way. So she made land, and we bandaged your ribs and set up camp, and here you are.” Zeke grinned, feeling that he’d added some flair to the story despite being unconscious and in a mouth for most of it. “Now is that some kind of lad’s adventure tale or what?”</p>
<p>Levi glared.</p>
<p>“I’ll take your silence as agreement.” Zeke felt a bit irritated, really. Drama was clearly wasted on this rudimentary man. “Ah. Here’s the lady of the hour.”</p>
<p>“Hello.” Pieck climbed down a rough section of rock to stand beside Zeke on the shallow beach. “I’m sorry to do this, but we’re going to have to move you soon. The tide’s coming in.”</p>
<p>“How…” Levi coughed. Pieck picked up the canteen and helped him drink a bit more. “Thanks. How long…I been out?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“Almost a full day.” Pieck screwed the cap back on the canteen. “I’m not a doctor, but Zeke and I assessed your situation to the best of our ability. First of all, you must have taken a lot of internal damage from the blast. I’m honestly amazed you’re still alive.”</p>
<p>“The Ackerman genes work their magic.” Zeke grinned. Levi ignored him.</p>
<p>“How bad…?”</p>
<p>“Obviously I can’t tell the extent of the damage to your organs. Several of your ribs are broken, though. We did what we could with the bandages. Also, I’m a little afraid one of the broken ribs is pressing on your lung.” Pieck frowned. “You’re all right for the moment. But I hope we get rescued soon, because I don’t know how long you’ll hold together. I’m sorry. That’s just the truth.”</p>
<p>“S’fine.” Levi didn’t seem to have contempt for Pieck as he did Zeke. Hmmf. “But how… we gon… get help?”</p>
<p>“That is the ultimate question,” Zeke said, muscling in on the conversation because he liked feeling important. “Unfortunately, given that the Hizuran battlecruiser exploded into a smoking shell, it’s unlikely they’ll believe there were survivors. And if they look for any, they probably won’t look as far as we’ve gone. They almost certainly think we’re dead. Honestly? I’d think the same in that situation.”</p>
<p>Levi groaned, muttered ‘Petra.’ How appallingly sentimental.</p>
<p>“I got into my titan form and swam out for several miles in every direction,” Pieck said. “In the end, all I discovered was that sharks enjoy taking bites out of titans. I had to turn back.”</p>
<p>“So…we’re fucked,” Levi grumbled. He frowned.</p>
<p>“Well, you certainly are,” Zeke said. “Most of the supplies Pieck was carrying were fine. We have enough food and water for a two week stay, if we ration sparingly. However, you probably don’t have that long. I hate to say it, but if we don’t find anyone to rescue us I don’t give you even a week. Not in the state you’re in.”</p>
<p>Levi grunted. Even dreadfully injured and incapacitated, he looked like a small, angry bulldog.</p>
<p>“Bet you… like this… Beardy.”</p>
<p>“On the contrary.” Zeke sat on a rock nearer to Levi. “I’m determined to save your life. You just so happen to be my ticket to Paradis.” Zeke chortled. “If I save you, King Erwin will be sure to reward me amply. He’ll at least permit me a visit to your fair island shores.”</p>
<p>“So you… can see… Eren.”</p>
<p>“Brotherly love. Is there anything like it?” Levi didn’t answer that. “We’re doing our best to keep you out of the sun and hydrated. We also have this.” Zeke waved to Pieck, who went and fetched the flare gun. He showed it to Levi. “Unfortunately, the flares were in one of the pockets that got mostly destroyed. This is the last one that was usable. We have to hope that sometime in the next few days, a plane will pass overhead or a ship will float by. We’ll need a round the clock watch. Unfortunately, I don’t know if you can help in your condition.”</p>
<p>Levi wheezed. Even his wheeze sounded threatening.</p>
<p>“I’ll… make it… bitch.”</p>
<p>“You know, considering everything I’ve done for you a tiny bit of gratitude wouldn’t be amiss.” Zeke scowled. Pieck walked off, and a minute later there was the lightning of her titan explosion. She crawled back to them in her Cart form, then delicately slid Levi into her mouth, so that only his head emerged between her lips. She carried him carefully as she would a baby bird, crawling back over the rocks to their camp.</p>
<p>“What…the fuck…” Levi whispered as he was taken away in a giant mouth.</p>
<p>Zeke looked out to sea, the wind whipping through his hair. Yes. There would be a ship.</p>
<p>There had to be.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin startled awake and sat up. Sunlight poured in through the windows. The morning was already advanced. He touched his hair and looked to the other side of the bed. The blankets were pushed aside from where she’d gotten out. She was gone. She…</p>
<p>“What the fuck have I done?”</p>
<p>Last night, he’d been fueled by so many things. Lust. Grief. Hope, even, that Levi would be closer to Erwin as he engaged in that particular coupling.</p>
<p>But now, in the sober light of day, he saw just what he’d done to her. Erwin put his head in his hand. He should have said no. He should have stopped it. She was half out of her mind with grief and exhaustion. She had told him to do it, it hadn’t been rape, but it <em>had</em> been taking advantage of the situation. He had also been mourning, but he had been of fully sound mind. He’d done it because he knew he might not get the opportunity again.</p>
<p>Because he’d wanted to.</p>
<p>
  <em>First Hybernia. Now this. You are pure scum.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin got out of bed, got washed and dressed, and went to his parlor. He sat down in the armchair he’d been in last night when she…</p>
<p>He hated that even the thought of it filled him with desire.</p>
<p>
  <em>You ought to be in hell. The end of your “term” can’t come soon enough.</em>
</p>
<p>He’d turned into a beast. He was an animal, not a man, much less a god. How could he ever face her again? He’d sworn to Levi he would take care of Petra…and instead he’d indulged himself at her expense.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m a fucking monster.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin leaned his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor.</p>
<p>“Papa?”</p>
<p>The little voice came just outside of his door. Then a child’s cries started.</p>
<p>“Papa. Papaaaa.” Kuchel’s crying grew louder, and it sounded like she was wandering past his door and down the hall. Quickly, Erwin opened the door and saw her toddling off, dressed in her little nightgown. He heard her sniffling.</p>
<p>“Kuchel?” he said. She turned. Her little face was stained with tears. Seeing him made her scrunch up her face and cry harder.</p>
<p>“Unwin, where my Papa?” She cried harder, her face turning red. The two guards both looked stricken, unsure what to do. He knelt before the child.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart, where’s your Mama and Grandma?”</p>
<p>“Sleepin’. B-But I m-miss my Papa.” She gave those big, heaving sobs that only small children can manage. “Why can’ I see him? I w-wanna see him.”</p>
<p>“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Shit. He put his arms around Kuchel, felt soft surprise when she hugged him back. God, the little girl looked so like Levi. “Let me walk you back to your Mama right now,” he said. He picked her up and carried her towards the Ackerman apartment. His heart felt heavier with every step; how could he face Petra? Kuchel kept sniffling, but hugged him around his neck. “Do you want to know something?” he asked. She sniffed; perhaps that was a yes. “I lost my Papa when I was a little boy.”</p>
<p>“Hmm? You did?” She seemed shocked by that; perhaps she couldn’t believe Erwin had ever been a little boy.</p>
<p>“I did. It made me so sad. Sometimes it still makes me sad. It’s okay to be sad about this, Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She rubbed a chubby little fist into her eye.</p>
<p>“But eventually, you’re going to start feeling better. When I was a little boy, I didn’t think I’d ever stop being sad. But then one day, it wasn’t so hard anymore. And soon all I could remember was the good times with my Papa.” <em>And the fact that I got him killed with my stupidity.</em> But that wouldn’t have been a good thing to add. “Your Papa loved you more than anything.”</p>
<p>“I miss him.” She started crying again. Her nose was running. Thankfully, he had a handkerchief on hand.</p>
<p>“I miss him too. Your Papa was the best friend I’ve ever had.” It was true. So true. And he’d done <em>that</em> to his best friend’s widow at the height of her grief. Erwin had to look away from the child’s innocent eyes. “Do you know something?”</p>
<p>“Wha?” She sniffed.</p>
<p>“I made your Papa a promise a while ago. I said that if he ever went away, that I would look after you.” Kuchel sucked her thumb now. She looked at him with those big, hopeful eyes. “And that’s just what I’m going to do. You’re one of the most important people in the whole world to me, Kuchel. You and your Mama. And I won’t ever leave you. I promised your Papa, and I promise you.”</p>
<p>God, he wasn’t going to be able to do this…</p>
<p>To his surprise, the little girl nestled her head against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Real promise?” she whimpered.</p>
<p>“Very real.”</p>
<p>Kuchel snuggled more against him. “Love you, Unwin.”</p>
<p>His heart contracted. He hugged her.</p>
<p>“I love you, too.”</p>
<p>And he couldn’t help but imagine just a little, just for a moment, that he was seated with Kuchel on his knee and Petra alongside him, Levi’s second baby cradled in her arms. He pictured himself in that small, safe knot. First he’d have to apologize and atone for what he’d done, of course, but…Petra had sought him out, hadn’t she? She must have liked him a little, at least. Levi wasn’t coming back, though it broke his heart to admit. Still. It would be so easy and pleasant to look after his little family, to slip into the man’s role.</p>
<p>
  <em>She came to me once. She might come to me again, once she’s had time to process her grief.</em>
</p>
<p>It was too much to hope, gaining entrance to that family unit. But he would never feel closer to Levi than he would with his children. Or his wife.</p>
<p>Perhaps, Erwin thought, in a year or so, there might be a way to make this transgression of his honorable. Petra would never feel for him what she had for Levi, but—</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re already married. You want to make her your second mistress? You bastard.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin sighed, and walked on.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra lay in her bed and stared at the ceiling. She’d lain here for two hours and watched the first rays of the sun paint themselves across the room. Her heart had quieted; her breathing was steady.</p>
<p>She felt like a husk of herself, but at least she was calm.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oi. Brat.</em>
</p>
<p>She turned to look at Levi lying next to her. She could still just picture him. Petra smiled, but didn’t dare reach out to touch him. It would spoil the illusion.</p>
<p>“I miss you so much,” she whispered. Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m dead, Petra. You’re not. Kuchel and the baby aren’t. You can’t pull this shit anymore. You have to be there for them.</em>
</p>
<p>When she blinked, he was gone. But his words stayed in her mind as she got up and went to the bathroom. She washed her face, and as she looked in the mirror and saw herself, she had to look away. She really had done it, hadn’t she?</p>
<p>She was so weak.</p>
<p>But Petra remembered learning from Levi in training. Going through conditioning programs. Just because you’re weak now doesn’t mean you have to stay weak.</p>
<p>You could always get stronger if you put in the work.</p>
<p>She turned off the water and toweled her face. She brushed her teeth and her hair. She picked out clothes and put them on. She was mechanical now, functioning more than living. But the crisis was over. It couldn’t come back. She couldn’t allow it to.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ve been acting like a girl. Like that girl I used to be.</em>
</p>
<p>She had to stop being a girl. She needed to be a woman, a mother, someone who kept her shit together. The very thought of the things she’d done last night almost sent her to the floor with shame, but in a way last night had given her what she needed. Not pleasure, no. Not happiness. Clarity.</p>
<p>She saw what she could never be or do ever again. Kuchel needed her to be more than that. So did the baby.</p>
<p>Petra walked through the apartment, headed for her mother’s room.</p>
<p>Really, these past four years she’d been living a faerie tale. She’d been so spoiled. She’d gotten her prince and enjoyed an ecstatic sort of love. How could that have sustained itself for decades? And even if it could have, Petra had lived too charmed a life. The man she adored, a baby she desperately wanted, renown and acclaim for her actions, money and wealth and power. How dare she fall apart when other people lived without any of that?</p>
<p>Sooner or later, the debt would have been called in. No one could have everything.</p>
<p>She gently opened the door to her mother’s room. She saw Ingrid’s sleeping form in the bed, and crept over. Petra sat down as Ingrid stirred.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Petra?”</p>
<p>“Mama. I need to—” Petra glanced on the other side of the bed. The empty side. “Mama, where’s Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“Wha? She’s right…” Ingrid perked up the instant she saw her granddaughter was gone. “Kuchel?”</p>
<p>They went into the living room, calling for Kuchel. Petra’s heart palpitated when she saw the front door was ajar. The girl must have let herself out and gone wandering. Not that she was in a dangerous place, but who knew where she’d gone? Or if she’d somehow wandered out of the palace itself? Cursing, Petra ran to the door and flung it open—</p>
<p>“Oh. Forgive me.”</p>
<p>Erwin had his hand raised, about to knock. The sight of him sent the memories of last night crashing over Petra in a wave. She wanted to throw up.</p>
<p>“Mama.” Kuchel sucked her thumb.</p>
<p>But she heaved a sigh of relief when she saw Kuchel in the king’s arms. Hastily thanking Erwin, not looking at him, Petra took Kuchel and carried her into the room. Kuchel looked concerned.</p>
<p>“Mama. You mad at me?”</p>
<p>“No, sweetheart. No.” Petra kissed her daughter’s forehead. “I was just worried. Grandma and I didn’t know where you went.”</p>
<p>“Unwin got me.” She sucked her thumb again. That little face looked so much like Levi’s. Petra was going to cherish it doubly now. She kissed Kuchel’s cheek again and again.</p>
<p>“Baby, Mama is so sorry about last night. I got mad at you when I shouldn’t have. I know you miss Papa.”</p>
<p>“Mmmhmmm.” Kuchel sniffed. Then she hugged Petra. “I love you, Mama.”</p>
<p>“We’re gonna be okay, yeah? I’m gonna be a lot better. You just need to give Mama a little time, but I love you more than anything in the world. And as long as you need to cry, you can cry.”</p>
<p>Kuchel gave her a little kiss. “Can I go get Gretel now?”</p>
<p>Her favorite doll. “Of course you can. One more hug.”</p>
<p>Petra hugged her daughter, and felt everything inside of her aligning. This was okay. This was good. She put Kuchel down and the girl raced back to her bedroom. Ingrid smiled, then looked a bit wary.</p>
<p>“Anything we can do for you, Majesty?” Ingrid asked.</p>
<p>“Nothing. Petra, I wondered if I could have a moment of your time?”</p>
<p>She shut her eyes. Her heart beat too fast, her stomach cramped. She had never not wanted to do anything as much as she did not want to look at him right now.</p>
<p>
  <em>Girls run and hide. Women face what they’ve done.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra felt the fear diminish.</p>
<p>“Mama, could you go to Kuchel? This’ll only take a second.”</p>
<p>Ingrid left, though Petra felt her mother’s eyes watching the king until she was completely out of sight. Petra listened to his footsteps drawing nearer.</p>
<p>“Petra. I—”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry about what happened.” She made herself turn around and look him in the face. He was watching her with something like blank surprise. The sight of him only made her flash to last night, when he’d roared like an animal as—</p>
<p>She forced herself to stay calm.</p>
<p>“You’re sorry?” he said. “No. I’m the one who should apologize.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t do anything that I didn’t ask you to do.”</p>
<p>“But I should have stopped it. You needed me to stop it, and I didn’t.”</p>
<p>“I think I got what I needed, though it wasn’t in the way I expected. I needed to see just how far I’d fallen.” She flushed. “Not that our…not that what happened was disgusting or anything. But I needed to see how out of control I’d become. I needed to see that I needed to change. For Kuchel. And the baby.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked away. The awkwardness practically sat in the room with them.</p>
<p>“Do you regret it?” He looked at her with a kind of rehearsed calm that let her know he really cared about the answer.</p>
<p>“Levi said to never have regrets. That if you choose the path you regret least in the moment, whatever it is, that you’ll live with it just fine.” She had to tell the truth. He deserved that much. “But I regret what happened. Even if it gave me that revelation, I really, really wish it hadn’t happened at all.”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“Good.” That’s all he said. Not ‘same’, or ‘I agree.’</p>
<p>“I needed to tell you something. I’m resigning from the military.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I thought you might.”</p>
<p>“It’s honestly not because of last night, though that didn’t help. I need to focus on my family. Kuchel and the baby are going to need me around a lot more. They need my full attention.”</p>
<p>“I completely understand. Though I’ll be sad to lose such a competent officer. They don’t exactly spring out of the ground everyday.”</p>
<p>“No.” She managed a smile. They stood in silence a moment; she got the feeling he was getting up the courage to ask something. “Is there anything else?”</p>
<p>“No. Well. Yes. I understand that after last night, you find it hard to be in the same room as me.” No judgment, he just stated facts. “But I promised Kuchel I’d be there for her. That it was her father’s wish. I made a promise. I said I’d look after the both of you.”</p>
<p>Both of them.</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s trying to get Kuchel to be dependent on him. The man in your life.</em>
</p>
<p>Her mother’s words echoed. Petra thought a moment.</p>
<p>“Of course you can be around for her. You should. But I want to make something very, very clear.” She looked him right in the eye. “What happened last night will never happen again. I don’t want to be with you in that way. Things are awkward, and it is really and truly my fault, not yours. I’m sorry for that. I think that in time we can go back to being easy with each other. I’d like that. But if there’s any part of you that hopes this could lead to something more between us, you need to know right now that it’s impossible. I’m very serious.”</p>
<p>Erwin did not change his body language or his expression. But she saw something dim in his eye. She realized with a shudder that some part of him had hoped it. Even if he hadn’t been consciously aware of it, some part of him had hoped.</p>
<p>“I understand,” he said.</p>
<p>“Okay. Thank you. Now I have a favor to ask. Could you have someone take us to the station? We should be packed in about an hour, and I’d like to go home.”</p>
<p>“Of course. I’ll arrange it. They’ll call when the car’s ready. Take your time.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled at him, a small smile that she hoped read as friendly. Because she did want friendship. Eventually.</p>
<p>“Petra…”</p>
<p>Her body tensed as his calm demeanor cracked a bit; he seemed on the verge of stepping over the line. She looked away, and felt his gaze on her. Then she felt it leave.</p>
<p>“Again. I’m sorry,” he said.</p>
<p>“So am I. But thank you for understanding.”</p>
<p>He left then, and Petra practically deflated onto the couch. She felt boneless with relief and also dirtier than she had ever been in her life. She rested her head against a pillow. She’d had so little sleep…</p>
<p>Remembering why she’d had no sleep made her feel worse.</p>
<p>“Petra?”</p>
<p>Ingrid stood in the doorway. By the look on her face, Petra knew.</p>
<p>“You listened in?” Her cheeks were flaming. “That was a private conversation.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I was coming back to ask you something and I couldn’t help myself when I heard…a few things. That was bad of me. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Petra looked away. “So what? You want to tell me I’m loose and disgusting? You can.”</p>
<p>“I’d never say something like that.”</p>
<p>“How about this? My husband hadn’t been dead for four days when I just <em>had</em> to fuck someone to get my feelings under control. What does that say about me?” She was tearing up now. “Nothing good, that’s for fucking sure.”</p>
<p>Ingrid sat beside her and started rubbing her back.</p>
<p>“He should be ashamed, not you.” Her mother’s voice was icy. “He took advantage of you.”</p>
<p>“No, he didn’t. Maybe it’d sound better if he did, but I <em>asked</em> him to—”</p>
<p>“If you were in anything like the state I saw you in before that happened, he should never have gone through with it. You needed someone to help you, not use the situation to his advantage.”</p>
<p>“You’re being too hard on him. It was my choice.”</p>
<p>“Yes. It was. But you weren’t the only one who chose. I know the king’s hurting, but you’re the widow. Your grief trumps his. Levi made him promise to look after you? How was that looking after you?”</p>
<p>“Please stop. I don’t want to argue.” Petra was crying now. The feelings were coming back. Not as powerful as before. She could control them. But they hurt.</p>
<p>Her mother hugged Petra. She relaxed into the embrace. She needed to be held. Actually held, in a way that made her feel more stable.</p>
<p>“I was very proud of you. I thought you handled that situation very, very well.”</p>
<p>Petra sniffed. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Now. Do you want to help me pack Kuchel’s things?”</p>
<p>Petra wiped her eyes and got up. “I’d like that more than anything.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I’m not… playing… this f… ucking game,” Levi wheezed. Sure to shit wished he could get a full breath, and that his ribs would stop feeling like shattered glass inside of him. His coughs were wet now. That wasn’t a great sign.</p>
<p>“Fine.” Zeke sounded kinda sulky. Pissy ape. “Pieck, you’re good at charades.” Then Zeke put his palms together and opened them back up. The fuck?”</p>
<p>“Book,” Pieck said instantly. She was seated alongside Levi. The sun had just gone down on the horizon, and the Marleyans had built a pretty decent campfire. Thank fuck for their supplies. Though they couldn’t last…</p>
<p>It was day two of their stay on the island. Levi was starting to feel his clock running down.</p>
<p><em>Petra.</em> He just wanted her to know he was alive. Even if he died right after, he wanted her to know his death hadn’t been violent.</p>
<p>“Three words. First word, small. Uh, A, An, The… The! Okay.”</p>
<p>Zeke held up two fingers. Second word. Levi wanted to stab his own eyes out. The bearded asshole began to jab at the air, flicking his arm up and down and doing big lunges. If the last thing Levi saw before he died was Zeke Jaeger prancing around on a deserted island, looking like he was having a fit, Levi was gonna be pissed.</p>
<p>“Battle. Sword. Um, war? Cut. Slash. Fight.”</p>
<p>Zeke beamed, pointed at her, and then started moving his hands like he was stretching something.</p>
<p>“Fight? Fighting?” Pieck smiled as she got another ‘that’s right’ gesture. “Okay. The Fighting…what?”</p>
<p>“Sure can’t… wait… to find out,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>Zeke gave him a filthy look. Heh. Then the monkey held up three fingers and tapped four fingers on his arm. Four syllables. Fuck, this would never end.</p>
<p>Mercifully, Pieck seemed to know the book already.</p>
<p>“The Fighting Declaration.”</p>
<p>“Exactly right!” Zeke clapped his hands, then went to the cans of food they had roasting over the fire, jimmied together with some makeshift contraption Pieck had devised. Smart girl. Zeke took out a couple of rudimentary bowls, plucked one of the cans up with the aid of his shirt, and dumped the contents into the bowl. Wow. Tasty. Zeke came over to them, stirring the contents with a spoon. “Pieck, you go ahead and have the other bowl. Let me know when you’re done, I’ll take it for my supper.”</p>
<p>The girl got up and went to the fire while Zeke knelt before Levi. Levi got the unsettling feeling he knew where this was going.</p>
<p>“What… now?”</p>
<p>“Considering I’m trying to feed you from my own hand so you don’t starve to death, you might consider being a little more grateful.” Zeke spooned some beans and extended them to Levi. “Now open up.”</p>
<p>“I’ll… do it… myself,” he rasped, taking the spoon from Zeke’s hand. He stuck it in his mouth, eyes watering because it was a little fucking hot. But he couldn’t show the ape that. “Good.”</p>
<p>He allowed Zeke to hold out the bowl for him. That much he could stand.</p>
<p>“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Zeke grinned; the campfire light reflected on his glasses. “You’ve told me over and over how you’ll kill me and mount my head on your wall. Now that you’re incapacitated, what am I doing? My best to keep you alive, that’s what.”</p>
<p>“Only… cause… it helps… you.” Levi started to cough. Fuck, something was really rattling in his throat now. He struggled to breathe in the position in which he lay, and propping himself on his elbows made it feel like someone was skewering him. Zeke put the bowl down and helped lift Levi. He hated it, but the monkey was really helping. He could breathe again. The coughing passed. Zeke laid him back down, albeit with another tarp propping up his head for more elevation.</p>
<p>“You really think there’s no part of me that wants to reunite a loving father with his precious little daughter? Or an overly amorous husband with his nymphomaniac spouse?”</p>
<p>“I know… enough words… to know I’ll kill you for that,” he growled.</p>
<p>“Not yet. Let’s get off this island first.”</p>
<p>Pieck came over, scraping the bottom of the bowl. She handed it to Zeke.</p>
<p>“Your turn. I’ll sit with him.” Like Levi was a fucking baby. But then, he’d prefer Pieck’s company to this asshole’s. Zeke went to get his dinner, and Pieck picked up the bowl.</p>
<p>“No… luck today?” he asked, taking a wobbly spoonful of beans.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to go more than three miles out in any direction. I’m afraid I won’t find my way back if I don’t have a visual on the island.”</p>
<p>“Not much… of an island… is it?”</p>
<p>An island implied shit like running water and green trees and animals and life. This was more like a sandy rock fifty yards long. No natural vegetation; Hange’d notice that. Hange. Fuck. At least she hadn’t been on the ship when it exploded. Erwin and Petra were safe, too. That was something.</p>
<p>“I ask… something? How long… you think…”</p>
<p>She understood what he implied. The girl pulled up her knees and hugged them. She was an odd looking girl, with long, unkempt dark hair and a round, short face. She might’ve been even shorter than him. Miracles happen. She also went around barefoot, but that was probably just the fun of island living.</p>
<p>“This is day two.” She didn’t look away from him. “I think you have three more days. At best. Without real medical intervention. Honestly, the fact that you’re alive at all is kind of insane.”</p>
<p>Ackermans. Zeke said it was the Ackerman thing.</p>
<p>“Get… Beardy,” he croaked. Pieck got up and went for Zeke, who approached looking somewhat surprised. Rarely did Levi invite him to sit down for a conversation. “So. Ackermans. What… do you know?”</p>
<p>Zeke’s eyebrows lifted. “Ah yes. Our little conversation just before the fireworks started.”</p>
<p>“What… do you know?” he growled. Enough bullshit.</p>
<p>“Well. I know only what Mr. Xavier wrote down in his research. Much of what he learned came from ancient texts, you understand, and some documentation. A few journal entries. Truthfully, we all half-believed it was a myth. But we know this much: your ancestor, a great times who knows how many grandfather, was Ezra Ackerman. King Fritz the fourth prized him above any other soldier in his army. Fritz prized Ezra so much that he had ancient alchemists and other early scientists experiment on Subjects of Ymir, looking for a way to instill the physical strength of a titan into the body of a human. We don’t know how many ‘subjects’ they went through. We only know that it took three years from the project’s inception to its fulfillment. They bestowed upon Ezra a most terrible strength. Ezra was Fritz’s loyal subject, and he promised the king that all who followed in his bloodline would serve the ruler of Eldia until the seas boiled and the sky fell in pieces. Other poetic nonsense; I’m sure Ezra didn’t actually say that. You Ackermans don’t seem a whimsical breed.”</p>
<p>Levi glared. Zeke wisely stopped joking around.</p>
<p>“The Ackermans aren’t able to become pure titans or shifters. Something to do with having a titan’s powers already, plus…well, it’s PATHS related. For over six hundred years your family served the kings and queens of Eldia. There were even bad jokes about how Ackermans were the royals’ preferred lap dogs. But your family grew in power and wealth. Until they disappeared with the king behind the walls of Paradis. No one knew what became of them.” His eyes narrowed. “Judging by your upbringing and the fact only two of you were left when I arrived, I assume it was nothing good.”</p>
<p>“We defied… the king,” Levi wheezed. Zeke cocked a brow.</p>
<p>“Now <em>that</em> interests me. And it adds a little wrinkle to the pet theory I’ve been toying with. I’ve heard how attached your cousin is to my brother. Same way you seem glued to your own Commander—sorry, King Erwin Smith. At first, upon seeing this devotion in action, I wondered if there might be some genetic predisposition towards service. My initial theory was that you mentally bound yourself to a ‘liege’ when they appeared, but that seems wrong. Your ancestors defied King Fritz, and you yourself have argued with and defied King Erwin. So it’s not a form of slavery, and it’s not genetic in the way that your Ackerman powers are. But…” Zeke pulled his beard. “My other theory concerns PATHS.”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“You know enough about PATHS, yes? It’s how the Founding Titan sends instructions to Subjects of Ymir. How the Founder reshapes its people as it sees fit.” He grew quiet a minute, lost in thought. “Yes. Anyway, Mr. Xavier had a theory that Ackermans have their own PATHS. They’re accessible by the Founder, but the Founder has no power over the Ackermans. It can’t change their bodies or manipulate their memories. Think of PATHS, then, as a road. The road leads the Founder to the Subjects of Ymir, and when the subjects die, they walk the PATHS. They <em>become</em> the PATHS, in a way. It’s sort of a storage unit, if you will, for every single Eldian who has ever lived. The Founder’s supposed to have access to all Eldians living and dead. If the theory holds, that is.”</p>
<p>“What’s… this mean?” He was getting tired.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I ramble when I theorize. Here’s my point: Ackermans have their own PATHS. You’re all supposedly so good at fighting when you ‘awaken’ because you automatically inherit the fighting abilities of every Ackerman who has lived before you. So if your titan strength and your Ackerman fighting skills are given to you the moment you ‘awaken’, perhaps there’s a secondary characteristic in there. A faint echo across hundreds of years, suggesting that you serve ‘the king.’ And if there is no king to serve, you might decide to follow another charismatic leader instead. You aren’t compelled by your blood to follow Erwin Smith in the sense that you’re a slave, or you’re destined to do so. Rather, you follow Erwin Smith because it’s ‘in the breed’. Part of your nature. You chose your ‘liege.’ You can choose to defy him. You’re a free man, but your ancestors whisper that you need to serve. Serve the king.” Zeke looked kind of smug, proud of himself. “Yes. I think I like this theory.”</p>
<p>“That… it?”</p>
<p>“Well. I also had the idea that ‘awakened’ Ackermans become inherently moody and anti-social, between you and your cousin. But that might just be because you’re both highly strung and sour people.”</p>
<p>“You… fucking…”</p>
<p>Zeke got up.</p>
<p>“I’m going to keep you alive, Levi. I’m getting off this island, and I’m getting to Paradis. And right now, you have no choice but to hope I succeed.”</p>
<p>With that, Zeke walked all of, like, eighteen feet to the other side of the island. Not a lot of room for privacy around here. Levi lay there as Pieck resumed her place at his side. The kid looked out at the miles of ocean, and seemed real quiet. Real withdrawn. He preferred that to Zeke’s endless bullshitting.</p>
<p>“They’re not… looking for us… are they?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. If they are, they’re not looking this far south. Or west. I suppose I can’t blame them; who’d think we could have made it this far? However far this is.”</p>
<p>Petra. Kuchel. The baby. He had to get back. He’d force his heart to beat and his lungs to work. If he was an Ackerman, he should be able to do that much at least.</p>
<p>“So… It’s just… luck?”</p>
<p>Pieck nodded. “Or someone figures out where we might be. But that seems incredibly unlikely.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Hange had cleared out of the barracks. For the first time in her adult life, she was a private citizen and needed an apartment. She also made the unhappy discovery that she hadn’t saved much of the meager cash she was given over the years. She knew if she appealed to Erwin, he’d give her the funds to start over. But she wasn’t going to ask him for shit.</p>
<p>She knew Petra would gladly put her up in some estate and give her whatever she needed. But Petra had enough to deal with right now.</p>
<p>No. Hange was gonna do this on her own. Whatever ‘this’ was.</p>
<p>Right now, ‘this’ was sitting in a single room apartment in Mitras, her funds almost spent since the landlord required a full month’s deposit and also overcharged for the damn place. But Hange was at least free here. She didn’t have to go along with genocide.</p>
<p>Yippee.</p>
<p>She didn’t have much. What she did have was in boxes around the room. She picked up a whole armful of things in one box marked OFFICE and dumped it all on the table. The single table in the single room. Then she pulled up the single chair and started sifting through everything, not having a clue where the hell to put any of it.</p>
<p>She’d never been organized at the best of times.</p>
<p>Hange put all her pens and pencils into a tin cup, placed that on the windowsill. Then she leafed through all her papers, none of which were in the right order. She put them down on her bed, exhausted already. She took out a funny little toy cat Kuchel had given her as a midwinter present—the kid thought it was just what Hange needed. She smiled warmly at the thought of Levi’s little girl.</p>
<p>Levi.</p>
<p>Hange was just spreading out several of her maps when another wave of grief hit. The one good thing she would’ve had by staying in the service was work. Working meant less brooding. But now her best friend’s death slammed into her all over again. She leaned her elbows on the table, atop a map of Hizuru and the surrounding oceans, and put her head in her hands.</p>
<p>Levi was dead. How? How was it possible? She sniffed, pushed up her glasses and wiped her eyes. Eye. He had survived the unsurvivable time and time again, and now this? Starting over was hard, but not nearly as hard as starting over without him to rag on her. To chew her out for her sloppy housekeeping. To share a drink and laugh with—well, the laughing was always on her part. But still.</p>
<p>What was her life now? Erwin was dead to her. Levi was dead. The military was in the past. Who needed a research scientist on Paradis? The government controlled everything science related. Maybe she could book a ticket to Marley. Now that Liberio was Eldian-tolerant, maybe she could find work…</p>
<p>“Levi.” She sniffed again. She looked down at the map, let her eye trail back and forth. She’d marked in pencil where the Hizuran battlecruiser had gone down, just to see if there were any islands even within twenty miles of the thing. But there weren’t.</p>
<p>
  <em>They didn’t survive. There’s no way.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra had tried to fight them on it, and Hange had had to force the poor woman to see reality. God, the woman was a wreck. Hange had stood in the crowd and watched Erwin deliver Levi’s eulogy. She’d watched Petra. The woman looked like a shell of her former self.</p>
<p>Petra was strong, but she was also emotional. Highly emotional. Always had been. Hopefully, she could find her way through.</p>
<p>And Erwin’s speech… All those cheering, screaming citizens shouting his name as he threatened the nations of the world…</p>
<p>
  <em>What’s happening to our island?</em>
</p>
<p>Hange sniffed again, and looked down at the spot on the map where Levi had died. Then she rolled the map up and put it on a shelf. She went back and picked up—</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>The hair on the back of her neck rose, the way it always did when her intuition was ahead of her conscious mind. Hange unrolled the ocean map again and laid it out on the table. She stared at the spot. She looked around it again. Ridiculous. There was nothing there. Nothing. No islands. No safe harbors.</p>
<p>Only the ocean. Her eyes traced to Hizuru and back, north to south, east to west. What was her gut trying to tell her? Screaming to tell her? She looked across at the—</p>
<p>Southwest Stream. An ocean current that flowed in a lazy S, starting near Hizuru and wending its way down to eastern Nambia.</p>
<p>The Hizurans reported that they’d found traces of titan disintegration. Titan. Not titans. A long shot, but…what if one shifter had survived? Pieck’s Cart was highly durable, the strongest of them all in that way. Suppose… Just suppose…</p>
<p>But it’d been five days since the ship went down. Even if they’d escaped in the stream, they’d be dead by now.</p>
<p>Unless…</p>
<p>Hange grabbed a pencil from her cup, knocking the rest to the floor with a clatter. She didn’t care. Biting her lip, she went back to the spot of the destruction. It was right next to the Southwest Stream. She traced the stream in its lazy curve fifty miles, sixty miles south.</p>
<p>There, scattered like breadcrumbs, was a tiny section of islands. The Gallian Islands. Not really islands, more like small sealife preserves, places where seals sunned themselves, but…</p>
<p>It was very unlikely. It was nearly impossible.</p>
<p>Nearly.</p>
<p>At the very least, she had to know.</p>
<p>Hange grabbed the map, grabbed her coat, and slammed out the door. She raced down the steps, her heart going so fast she feared it’d explode and leave her dead in the street. She ran towards the palace, her arms pumping fast. It was a ten minute run, but she couldn’t afford a cab. Or a bus. She had to go fast…had to go fast…</p>
<p>Maybe. Just maybe.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Maybe.</em>
</p>
<p>She was in sight of the palace when she practically leapt into the street and nearly got hit by a car. It screeched to a stop. Hange jumped back, hand on the hood to steady herself. The driver shouted at her, shaking his fist. She paid no mind. She got to the sidewalk and ran and ran.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. We have to… We have to…</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Was that Hange?” Petra turned in her seat, shocked as the woman sprinted away with a rolled up paper in her hand. Petra started to roll down the window.</p>
<p>“Petra. We’ll miss the train,” Ingrid said. Petra sighed, and the driver kept going. When they were back in Trost, she’d get Hange’s new number and call. Petra wasn’t the only one who’d lost Levi; she had to try to be there for Hange, too.</p>
<p>Kuchel cuddled against her. Petra hugged the child.</p>
<p>When they got to the station, they just made the train. They put their luggage into a rack overhead, then sat in their compartment. The countryside hurtled past as they made their way south. Petra played dolls with Kuchel, until the little girl started crying out of nowhere again. This time, Petra felt a tremendous sense of calm. She lifted the child onto her lap and held her tight, rocking her.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, baby. It’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>Kuchel hugged her.</p>
<p>Ingrid smiled and nodded.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I need…to see…the king.” Hange had her hands on her knees, and gasped for air. The palace guard wouldn’t let her in. She wasn’t active military personnel any longer.</p>
<p>“Sorry. The king’s indisposed right now. He’s had orders handed down not to disturb him for the rest of the afternoon.”</p>
<p>Hange reared up and shook the map in the man’s face.</p>
<p>“I…have information…about Levi Ackerman.” She coughed. “If the captain dies because you wouldn’t let me see Erwin, what do you think His Majesty’s going to do to <em>you</em>?”</p>
<p>That made the guard turn pale.</p>
<p>“Th-the captain?”</p>
<p>“Get! Erwin!” she shouted. Other guards were approaching her fast, she was going to be hauled off the premises—</p>
<p>“Stop!” The palace guard gestured for her to follow. “Come on.”</p>
<p>He led her down the hallways, turning corner after corner until they came to the king’s apartments. The guard knocked.</p>
<p>“Majesty?”</p>
<p>No answer. Oh no. Fuck no.</p>
<p>“Erwin!” Hange pushed the guy aside and pounded on the door. “Open up! It’s Levi! He…he might still be alive!”</p>
<p>She screamed that. Nothing. No answer. The guard cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“If you leave the message with me, I’ll see he gets it as soon as—”</p>
<p>“<em>Levi could still be alive, damn it!</em>” She kicked the door, pulling out of the guards’ grasp as they tried to drag her away.</p>
<p>The door opened.</p>
<p>Erwin stood there, the most intense expression on his face she had ever seen.</p>
<p>“Hange?” he croaked. She shoved the map in his face.</p>
<p>“Let me in. Get Kiyomi on the phone. Right now!”</p>
<p>It took her one minute to explain her theory. It took him thirty seconds after that to pick up the phone and get the line to Kiyomi. He paced back and forth, looking increasingly frantic. There was a chance. A small one, but a chance. But it had also been five days. If Levi was badly injured, or if they didn’t have any food or water, this was the last day they could conceivably be alive. Every second counted.</p>
<p>“Hello?” Erwin’s face turned a shade of bright red. “I don’t give a fuck if you have to interrupt her in the middle of an orgasm, <em>get her on the phone!</em>”</p>
<p>Hange sat on the couch, head in her hands. Please. Please.</p>
<p>“Kiyomi?” Erwin perked up. Hange shot to her feet. “Listen to me. Levi might still be alive, as well as at least one of the titan shifters. But if they are, we’re running out of time. How close is any of your fleet to the Gallian Islands?”</p>
<p>He had Hange read out the exact coordinates. He explained to Kiyomi exactly what Hange’s theory was. Hange watched his face take on shades of pain, and then frustration.</p>
<p>“I understand it’s almost impossible. But if I send a ship from Paradis to those islands, and if I find any bodies, so help me…”</p>
<p>He stopped talking, listened. He nodded, nodded again.</p>
<p>“I need confirmation. Kiyomi! I need confirmation that they’re on their way! How close?” He shut his eyes. “An hour. There aren’t any planes? You said you had one on every cruiser!” He clenched his jaw. “For your own use, yes, I know. When you travel. Damn it, do you not understand how urgent this is?”</p>
<p>Hange had never seen every vein on Erwin’s face stand out like that before.</p>
<p>“Just tell me they’re on their way. I need to be able to verify this! I…” He nodded again. “Yes. Good. I want details within the hour. If they find nothing, I’m sending my own ships down there to verify. Remember that. Yes. All right. Goodbye.”</p>
<p>He slammed the receiver down and paced to the window and back, to the window and back.</p>
<p>“Maybe I’m wrong,” Hange croaked. “Maybe I worked you up for nothing.”</p>
<p>“This is the only glimmer of a chance we’ve had in almost a week. There shouldn’t even have been a chance. How could there be? It was confirmed! The cruiser was a wreck; they searched twenty miles in every direction. Nothing. Oh god.” He collapsed into a chair; she saw him fighting tears. “Please god. Did I give up on him too soon? Maybe he would’ve still been alive if I’d just checked the surrounding area myself. Why didn’t I do that?”</p>
<p>“Petra wanted to go back. We told her it was impossible because it <em>was</em>.” Hange rocked back and forth in her seat. “This isn’t anyone’s fault.”</p>
<p>“What’ve I done? What the hell have I done to him?”</p>
<p>Erwin buried his face in his hands.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Day five.</p>
<p>He had a few lungfuls of breath left. Levi had been given ‘guard duty’, though at this point they all knew it was sort of pointless. Zeke was taking a nap; he’d been up the whole night on lookout. Pieck was swimming south, looking for a ship.</p>
<p>The flare gun lay in his hand. His eyes scanned the horizon.</p>
<p>It was peaceful to die. Death didn’t scare him. Losing his family, his friends, that shit scared him. He had everything. He’d had it all.</p>
<p>Should’ve known it wouldn’t last.</p>
<p>He wasn’t going to see his new baby. He wasn’t going to give Kuchel another good night kiss, or watch her grow. He wasn’t going to lie in Petra’s arms and feel her body warming his.</p>
<p>He hoped she’d find someone new. She was still so young.</p>
<p>He also hoped she never would. The thought was a wound.</p>
<p>His eyes slid closed. Pretty soon…it’d be over.</p>
<p>He’d come down with a fever. The broken ribs and punctured lung or whatever hadn’t been enough. He was delirious now. Imagined his wife’s hands on his face, her lips on his. How could he have expected to keep love like that? He hadn’t been meant for it. Unnatural.</p>
<p>Soon, he’d pay the price.</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra. Erwin. </em>
</p>
<p>He opened his eyes, probably for the last time.</p>
<p>In his delirium, he saw the cruelest hallucination yet: a ship.</p>
<p>Fuck. His chin quivered. Why would his own mind want to hurt him like that? It looked to be a mile or two out, a sleek cruiser.</p>
<p>On instinct, he picked up the flare gun and raised it skyward. If he pulled the trigger, maybe the phantom ship would see.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is the only flare. You use it on this bullshit, the other two don’t have a chance.</em>
</p>
<p>Didn’t care about Zeke, but Pieck didn’t deserve that.</p>
<p>But what if…what if, just what if, that was a real ship? This was their one in a million chance; if that ship passed, there wouldn’t be another. He knew it.</p>
<p>But if it wasn’t real…</p>
<p>“Zeke,” he croaked. Let the monkey tell him if it was real. “Zeke!”</p>
<p>But the bastard slept on. Levi had to make the choice.</p>
<p>His arm couldn’t hold much longer. If he wanted to pull the trigger, he had to pull it now. If the ship was real, he was saved. If it wasn’t, he had about an hour until it didn’t matter either way.</p>
<p>It’d screw Pieck over, but maybe she and Zeke could float out of here. Maybe the stream would carry them someplace else without Levi’s dead weight.</p>
<p>He had to choose. Choose right now. Levi sighed. He started to lower his arm; couldn’t chance it.</p>
<p>And as he did, his finger spasmed and he pulled the trigger.</p>
<p>The flare shot off like a rocket, going across the water instead of high into the air. He heard Zeke’s harsh snort as he awoke. Finally, the bitch was up.</p>
<p>“What the…?” Zeke scrambled towards Levi. “Did you fire the flare? Why? Why did you…?”</p>
<p>Levi’s eyesight was going, but he saw Zeke standing there in open mouthed wonder. The guy had gotten pretty sunburned the last few days. He was red and pink all over.</p>
<p>“Oh my god. Oh my—”</p>
<p>He ran away, and then an instant later came the lightning of a titan explosion. The hot wind rushed over Levi. If the ship—which apparently was real—hadn’t seen the flare, they’d see that lightning.</p>
<p>Huh. Good for Pieck.</p>
<p>Fuck Zeke.</p>
<p>The flare gun tumbled from his hand. Levi went limp.</p>
<p>He went away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Let’s just put your things away, then we’ll go to Auntie Brigitta’s.”</p>
<p>Petra let Kuchel into the house and heard the phone ringing. Ingrid took the little girl upstairs as Petra dragged their bags into the hall, then picked up the phone.</p>
<p>“Hello?” A dial tone. They must have hung up. Huh. Probably a condolence call. She shut her eyes. She just…wasn’t ready for that. She had to be, but she wasn’t.</p>
<p>Petra took the bags upstairs, and stood in her bedroom doorway. She looked at her bed, where he should have been. She thought of waking him up with breakfast in bed on their anniversary, Levi grumbling about crumbs as she poured him tea. She’d kissed his face as he tried eating, as he muttered to let him enjoy in peace. She’d giggled as she snatched toast and wouldn’t give it back.</p>
<p>The memories burned. She sat down heavily on the bed. Two silent tears rolled down her cheeks.</p>
<p>One day. One day the memories would soothe. Just not today.</p>
<p>“Mama? Ready,” Kuchel said. Petra wiped her face.</p>
<p>She had a job to do. She was going to do it well.</p>
<p>“Okay, sweetheart.” She walked out with a smile on her face. Kuchel clung to her hand and kissed it. Petra’s heart melted. “My brave girl.”</p>
<p>They went downstairs when the phone rang again. Petra sighed. Honestly, she just didn’t want to deal with the I’m sorry’s…</p>
<p>“Oh, go on and take it. We’ll be outside.” Ingrid led Kuchel out the front door. Yes. She couldn’t avoid painful things. Best to face everything head on. Petra picked up the phone.</p>
<p>“Ackerman residence.” She braced herself for some tearful—</p>
<p>“<em>Petra?</em>” It was Erwin. Oh, shit.</p>
<p>“Um, Erwin, if this is about—”</p>
<p>“<em>It’s not that. Hange’s here. I…</em>”</p>
<p>She’d never heard him like that. He sounded jumpier than a cat. For some reason, her heart sped up.</p>
<p>“What? Erwin, what?”</p>
<p>“<em>They…they found Levi.</em>”</p>
<p>She sat down in the hallway chair. Okay. Okay. At least they’d found a body. That meant the family could have a proper funeral. Kuchel could see her Papa again, even if it was just to say goodbye. Petra could touch him one more time. It was some mercy.</p>
<p>“The body,” she said to confirm.</p>
<p>“<em>No. Him. He’s alive.</em>”</p>
<p>She made some kind of noise she’d never heard before, a noise she didn’t know a human could make. Petra got to her knees, dug her nails into the hardwood.</p>
<p>“He’s…”</p>
<p>“<em>Please let me finish. They found him and both titan shifters alive on one of the Gallian Islands. But I have to tell you, he’s…he’s in very bad shape.</em>”</p>
<p>No. No, not this. Don’t give him back only to take him away again.</p>
<p>“How bad?” she rasped.</p>
<p>“<em>The Hizurans found them an hour ago. They brought them all onboard, but he has an infection and a high fever. He has several broken ribs, and an inflamed lung. In addition, he’s malnourished and dehydrated.</em>”</p>
<p>“Is he going to get better?” She sounded lifeless.</p>
<p>“<em>They say they’ve got him on an IV and are trying to estimate the damage to his lungs. These doctors…they’re not very specific…</em>”</p>
<p>“Erwin,” she growled. “Tell me.”</p>
<p>“<em>Right now, they say he has a fifty percent chance of survival.</em>”</p>
<p>She started making noises again. He’d been alive. For five days he’d been alive on some island and she’d just abandoned him. She’d abandoned him and she’d…</p>
<p>Oh <em>god</em>.</p>
<p>Somehow, her voice was calm.</p>
<p>“Can I see him?”</p>
<p>“<em>They’re sailing to Paradis’s southern port. Either way, they’re bringing him home. I can’t get more confirmation than that at this time.</em>”</p>
<p>“When’s the ship in?”</p>
<p>“<em>They say tomorrow. Now it’s your choice. You can stay in Trost and wait for—</em>“</p>
<p>“What’s the second option?”</p>
<p>“<em>Take a cab back to the station. I’ve alerted them, and they’ll have a private train waiting to take you to the coast. Hange and I are headed down the instant we get off the phone with you. We can wait at the camp until we get more information.</em>”</p>
<p>“I’m on my way.”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes. We’ll see you there.</em>”</p>
<p>She hung up the phone, then stood. Then fell. She let out a long, long wail.</p>
<p>“Mama?” Kuchel rushed through the door and over to her, her little chin wobbling. These days, crying made her cry.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Ingrid looked afraid.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, sweetie.” Petra got herself under control and kissed Kuchel’s nose. “Um, can you go play in the parlor just one minute? Mama needs to talk to Grandma.”</p>
<p>“O-kay.” Kuchel looked nervous, but did as asked. Ingrid frowned.</p>
<p>“What the hell—”</p>
<p>“Come here.” She dragged her mother into the kitchen. Where to start? How to start? She almost laughed. “He…Mama, he…”</p>
<p>“Petra, what is happening?”</p>
<p>“They found Levi. He’s still alive.” The absurdity finally got to her. She gave a broken laugh, couldn’t control herself. It was better than crying. Her mother looked green.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“A Hizuran cruiser. He’s bad. Sick. He’s got a fifty percent chance. I have to go. There’s a train. To port. They’re bringing him.”</p>
<p>Ingrid grabbed Petra’s arms and made her slow. Made Petra tell it over again until she understood everything.</p>
<p>“Oh god,” Ingrid whispered.</p>
<p>“I abandoned him. I left him behind. I fucked…oh my <em>god</em>.” She almost went to the floor again.</p>
<p>“You can’t do this right now.” Ingrid was icy and firm. “One step at a time. You need to get to the port. That’s the next step. Think about everything after that.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Okay.”</p>
<p>“What about Kuchel?”</p>
<p>Petra shook her head. “If there’s a fifty percent… I can’t tell her Daddy’s back and then have him die all over again. She can’t take it.”</p>
<p>“No. You’re right. Oh god, Petra.”</p>
<p>“Do me a favor? You can tell Papa, but no one else. I don’t want to run the risk of Kuchel finding out.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Good idea. When will you go?”</p>
<p>“Right now.” She hugged her mother and staggered into the hall. She felt woozy. “Kuchel?” Her daughter came over, sucking her thumb. “Grandma’s gonna take you to Auntie’s house. Mama has to go to the port for a day or two.”</p>
<p>“No!” The little face looked stricken. “No Mama, no leave! Don’t leave! No!”</p>
<p>It was panic. To Kuchel, walking out the door meant a very good chance of never coming back. Petra knelt.</p>
<p>“I’m going to come home in a couple of days at most. I’m absolutely coming home.”</p>
<p>“No, no!” Kuchel started crying again, clutching at Petra and screaming. “Stay! Mama stay!”</p>
<p>She hugged her daughter tight. The girl kept crying. Maybe she should bring Kuchel with her…</p>
<p>“I think Kuchel needs to be in quiet, familiar surroundings,” Ingrid said gently. She knew what Petra was thinking. Petra shushed her daughter, kissed Kuchel’s cheek.</p>
<p>“I promise I’ll come back.”</p>
<p>“Papa promised! He promised!” She was bellowing now, clutching at Petra. She bundled her daughter against her and rocked her. Petra couldn’t leave until things were calm again.</p>
<p>“Remember how I said Papa’s always watching us?” she whispered. “Papa will make sure I come home safe.”</p>
<p>“R-Really?” Kuchel sniffled.</p>
<p>“Really. Don’t worry. I’ll call Grandma tonight and tell you a bedtime story. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay.” She cried a little more. “Mama, don’t go away.”</p>
<p>“I will never, ever go away. Ever. You’re stuck with me.” She lavished kisses on the girl. “I love you more than anything in the entire world. I’ll come back.”</p>
<p>Five minutes later, Kuchel was as calm as she was going to be. Ingrid took her, and Petra called a cab. Five minutes after that, she was on her way to the station. Her stomach was butterflies and her brain was poison. She’d never known elation like she had when Erwin said Levi was alive.</p>
<p>And she had never hated herself more.</p>
<p>
  <em>One step at a time. Get to the station. Get to the port. Then we’ll see.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra made her way to the private train. They sped along on an express rail, no stops. End of the line only.</p>
<p>She sat there and looked out the window. She pictured Levi’s reflection in the glass. But when she touched it, she found only herself.</p>
<p>With no one to see her, Petra cried the entire trip down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t remember much of the rest of that day. She saw Erwin. She saw Hange. She ate dinner. She couldn’t remember what anyone said. She called Kuchel and told her a story of three little pigs. She lay on her cot at the camp and thought and thought.</p>
<p>Right now, he could be dead. He could be alive. She didn’t know either way. Erwin had called an hour ago, was told he was still hanging in there but also touch and go. That they were shocked a man in such poor condition was still there.</p>
<p>The Ackermans. They were hardy.</p>
<p>Petra did not sleep that night. She didn’t care that Erwin was in the nearby tent, or worried about what would happen when they both saw Levi. She thought only of him, his small, surly face, his black hair, his eyes. His hands. She would give up anything—his love, even—if it just meant he could go home to Kuchel.</p>
<p>
  <em>If he’s alive, we’ll take the next step. We’ll feel guilty then. Not now.</em>
</p>
<p>The sun rose. She ate breakfast and tasted nothing. Erwin called the ship again; this time, there was interference. He couldn’t talk to anyone. She wanted to break the phones.</p>
<p>Two hours later, she was seated at the lip of the cove, staring pointedly at the horizon. Erwin walked over to her. She barely noticed him.</p>
<p>“It should be soon,” he said.</p>
<p>“Yes. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Petra. If he’s alive—”</p>
<p>She knew what he was going to say. “That’s another step for another time. If he’s alive, we’ll think about it after. Only after. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He retired then, and she kept staring and staring, her leg jiggling. How much more? Was she being punished for what she’d done? If so, she deserved it. Not Levi. Not Kuchel. If there was punishment, it should only be Petra’s. Just please, please…</p>
<p>And then there was a shape on the horizon. She stood, heart going too fast. She almost didn’t want it to be the ship. While she didn’t know the answer, there was at least hope. When she had the answer, that hope might be gone forever.</p>
<p>They waited another fifteen minutes for the ship to steam in to port. Longest fifteen minutes of her life. They waited until the Hizurans had settled and set down a ramp.</p>
<p>Zeke Jaeger and Pieck Finger walked down first. Zeke was all smiles. That should have been good news automatically, but if Levi were dead, the man would probably be only too delighted. Oh god. That meant…</p>
<p>And then she saw a couple of Hizurans rolling a stretcher. She saw a blanketed form.</p>
<p>She saw Levi’s face. His eyes were closed.</p>
<p>She started running. She ran despite Erwin shouting, and she shoved Zeke Jaeger out of the way. She ran up the ramp, hearing nothing but the blood in her veins. She almost ran into the Hizurans as they were preparing to roll her husband down the—</p>
<p>“Hey. Brat.”</p>
<p>He looked up at her. He was looking at her with those flat blue-gray eyes of his, but he was breathing. He even smiled a little.</p>
<p>“Levi?” She clutched the edge of the stretcher. The Hizurans stepped aside, understanding what this was. With a grunt, he pushed himself to a sitting position.</p>
<p>“Fuck. Petra,” he whispered. His neutral expression fell away. He looked so relieved.</p>
<p>So happy to see her.</p>
<p>She started sobbing. She put her arms around him and sobbed against his shoulder as he petted her hair. She couldn’t get enough of his warmth, or the scent of him.</p>
<p>She was such a monster.</p>
<p>“Oi. Steady. Steady. Don’t—” He coughed. “—don’t make a damn fuss.”</p>
<p>But she held him and cried and cried as he held her tight. He was in her arms. He was here. And she had…</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” She wailed. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Baby, you got nothing to be sorry about,” he whispered. He kissed her lips. She melted with his kiss.</p>
<p>Oh, but she did have much to be sorry about. So much.</p>
<p>She couldn’t stop kissing him, and she couldn’t stop crying.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He hated that he needed help getting up the stairs of his own damn house, but he was still a little too weak to do it on his own. He leaned on the shoulder of the officer who’d driven them home. Home. Fuck, never thought he’d be so glad to have a place to attach to that word.</p>
<p>“Levi?” Petra whispered. She was at his back. Damn angel.</p>
<p>“I’m okay. I just…gotta see her.”</p>
<p>Levi climbed. Only a few damn steps, but he was screaming with impatience. Really, he should’ve just been damn grateful. When they’d found him on that island, he’d been about fifteen minutes from death. He remembered flashes of being loaded onto a stretcher, onto a motorboat, hoisted up onto a cruiser. He remembered IVs and doctors shining lights in his face. Apparently his insides had been inflamed. All of them. They’d done their best to save him, and he’d fought through it. ‘Should’ve died’, they said. Yeah? He didn’t like doing what people expected.</p>
<p>When the Hizurans were sure he’d pull through, they’d been stunned and pleased. Levi had asked that they make him look a little more presentable. He was a man who liked looking good as possible to make up for the fact nature had given him a short frame and an ugly face.</p>
<p>They’d shaved him, at least, but there wasn’t a lot they could do to make him look good. He’d gotten badly sunburned, and he’d lost over ten pounds. When Levi saw himself in the mirror, he saw hollow cheeks and sunken eye sockets. He looked frail; never looked like that before. He’d put the weight back on, but until then he kind of resembled a corpse.</p>
<p>When they unloaded him on Paradis, the doctors weren’t wild about him heading home to Trost. They said he should maybe stay at the hospital for a couple days.</p>
<p>No doing. Levi had a very important person to see. Along with Petra and Erwin, the only person in this damn world that mattered more than his own life.</p>
<p>Finally, he got to the top of the stairs. The officer let go, confident in Levi’s ability to walk several feet by himself. Ingrid was waiting by Kuchel’s closed door, hovering like a gray ghost. His mother in law had tears in her eyes. Maybe she was glad to see him. Fuck, what a weird sight.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said.</p>
<p>“Hello.” Ingrid squeezed his arm. She quietly let Levi into the room.</p>
<p>Petra was at his side, and walked in with him. Her cool hand slid into his one moment, then she stepped out of the way. Levi winced as he sat down on the bed. His side still felt bruised all the way through. But he’d live.</p>
<p>His daughter was taking a nap, hugging one of her dolls tight. She was dressed in a little blue smock. Her black hair was all mussed on the pillow. She gave little baby snores.</p>
<p>To think he’d been a few breaths away from never seeing her again. Levi blinked the sting out of his eyes. Then he gently shook her.</p>
<p>“Oi. Kuchel. Wake up.”</p>
<p>She gave little tired grunts. He shook her some more until she turned over, rubbing a chubby fist into her eye. She blinked sleepily up at him. She looked up at him with his own blue gray eyes. He gave a rare, genuine smile.</p>
<p>“Hey, brat.”</p>
<p>Kuchel screwed up her face and started to cry. Miserable cries. Full-throated sobs. She rolled away from him.</p>
<p>“No! No! I don’ like this dream! Stoooop!” She was heading into hysterics. Oh, fuck. He touched her again.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Oi! It’s your Papa. Come on now, stop it.”</p>
<p>Maybe he wasn’t doing this right. Levi didn’t know how to talk all nice and nurturing. Petra came and quickly sat beside him.</p>
<p>“Kuchel, baby, it’s not a dream.” She petted her daughter’s hair. Kuchel kicked.</p>
<p>“Go way! Go way!”</p>
<p>Enough of this shit. He hadn’t come back from death for this. Levi hoisted the girl up beneath her armpits and set her to stand on his lap. He made her face him. Kuchel wriggled around, trying not to look at him. Trying to avoid the ghost that haunted her dreams. That gave her false hope.</p>
<p>His heart withered to think of that. He knew those dreams. He knew the pain you felt when you woke and the person was still gone.</p>
<p>“Look. It’s your Papa.” He was short with her because he was freaked. She sniffled and her chin wobbled. “It’s me, okay?” He bounced her a couple of times. “I’m home.”</p>
<p>“P-Papa?” She started to look shocked. Started to believe. Good. “Papa? Buh, but they say you went pardice.”</p>
<p>Paradise. Right.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well. I got there and they said I couldn’t bring you along. So I thought ‘a world without Kuchel’s boring’, and I came back.”</p>
<p>He was getting embarrassed now. Petra was sitting next to him, Ingrid was crying in the doorway. The officer was probably still here, watching. Too many people were staring at him. But Kuchel finally, fully believed. With a joyful shriek, she plastered herself against him.</p>
<p>“Papa!” She gave big, heaving sobs again. Sobs of relief. He hugged her tight. He smelled her honeysuckle soap; good, they’d kept using it. Her tears would stain his shirt, but he could always get a new one. He hugged his little girl so tight. His baby. “Papa, don’ ever leave me!” she wailed.</p>
<p>Good thing he was faced away from everyone else. They couldn’t see the tears he was fighting. His face broke for one awful second, and he almost started bawling. But he fought back the emotion. He was stone again.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Okay,” he grunted. Levi cleared his throat. “Oi. Don’t keep carrying on. I’m not dead.”</p>
<p>“I love you, Papa.” Kuchel gave him tons of little baby kisses. He kissed her cheek, held her tight. Kuchel patted his face, then looked at her mother, beaming. “Papa came home! You said he stayed in pardice, but, but he came home!”</p>
<p>“That’s right. It’s a miracle.” Petra stroked their daughter’s hair. He studied his wife’s face. God, she looked so tired. He’d never seen such deep circles. Her cheeks were pale and gaunt. She must have lost weight. Levi frowned. That couldn’t be good for the baby.</p>
<p>But she was still so beautiful. Most beautiful sight in this world, along with his daughter.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Ingrid cleared her throat. “I think we should get you set up in bed, Levi. The doctor said—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah.” He stood with an oof, Kuchel still clinging to him.</p>
<p>“No go! Papa stay!” She started fussing.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you go with Papa, Kuchel? Just remember he needs his rest,” Ingrid said. Kuchel brightened at the idea.</p>
<p>“Get Gretel, Mama?”</p>
<p>Petra picked up the doll, grabbed a storybook, and followed Levi as he tromped across the hall and into their bedroom. He almost got damn emotional at the sight of that bed. After nearly a week of lying on rocks and sand, living in constant pain, this was Paradise itself.</p>
<p>And he had his daughter. His wife.</p>
<p>Fuck, he was a lucky man.</p>
<p>Petra pushed back the covers as he placed Kuchel on the bed. She babbled happily as his wife helped him out of his dirty shirt and into a fresh one. She took off his pants so he was in his boxers. She undressed him with those soft, cool hands of hers.</p>
<p>God, hopefully soon she’d take more off of him. He wanted her to undress him all the way. He wanted those soft, cool hands on his body.</p>
<p>Levi put an arm around her waist. He whispered in her ear, her hair tickling his cheek.</p>
<p>“Just wait ‘til I’m feeling better,” he murmured. “And she’s outta the room.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra didn’t look at him. In fact, she felt a little stiff in his embrace. Eh, probably crashing from all the emotional exhaustion. He kissed her cheek. God, she tasted like heaven. She kissed him back, then helped Levi get into bed. Petra covered him with the blanket and Kuchel bounced beside him, making her doll kiss his cheek over and over. Annoying. But he allowed it. His little girl looked at him with the most glowing joy he’d ever seen.</p>
<p>Like a stab to the heart, he remembered finding his own mother dead. He hadn’t been much older than Kuchel when it happened. He remembered the agony, the begging for his mother to return to him. Shaking the corpse to wake it. The dreams that she came alive once more. The prayers to some distant god that he would let Levi’s Mama come home. His wish hadn’t come true.</p>
<p>Kuchel’s had.</p>
<p>In the moments before she believed he’d come home, his daughter’s eyes had been his, long ago. Those empty, sad eyes. Those pained eyes.</p>
<p>Now, at least, she got to replace that worn sadness with happiness, extreme joy that her wish had come true. Maybe all the damage his ‘death’ had done to her would reverse. But if he hadn’t come home, she would’ve suffered like he had. Not as much, maybe, what with her mother, grandparents, and a ton of cash. But it would’ve kept her raw for years.</p>
<p>If he hadn’t come home, Kuchel would’ve started to become just a little more like him. Wary of the world. Cold. Afraid to love in case the worst should happen.</p>
<p>In that moment, Levi made a decision about his future. But that decision could wait.</p>
<p>“Papa, Gretel, um, wants to have a tea party.”</p>
<p>“Man. I like how Gretel thinks.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Petra smiled. Looked kinda tight. She stood at the foot of their bed, her body language stiff. “I’ll run down to the store. We don’t have much—”</p>
<p>“Petra.” Ingrid shook her head. “I’ll go to the market. I’ll make the tea. You stay here with your family.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Ingrid,” Levi said. Gretel kissed him again.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Mama.” Petra sat on the opposite side of the bed. She kept staring at and smiling at Kuchel. But not him.</p>
<p>“Oi. Look at me,” he said. She did. There was a distance in her gaze. Remove. It hurt a little to see that. “I almost died, you know. Thought that’d get your attention.” He smirked when he saw her relax a little. She blushed. There. That was Petra. He ought to give her a break. She was still suffering all that whiplash. He’d been dead, then he was suddenly alive. Of course she was off kilter.</p>
<p>“You have my full attention.” She leaned over and kissed him. He felt some hesitation in her kiss, so he gripped the back of her head and kissed her harder. Her lips were warm on his. He’d been convinced he would never taste these lips again. She relaxed into the embrace. Good. That got his blood fired up.</p>
<p>Levi brushed his nose against hers. He kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“Almost wish I didn’t feel like sh—crap.” He looked at Kuchel, talking to Gretel. “Or that she wanted another nap. But time for that later.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Petra cuddled against him as their daughter started flipping the storybook pages, grinning at Levi every few seconds as if to check he was still there. “Later.”</p>
<p>She was acting a little weird, but she’d had a hell of a week. It’d take them all a little time to get back to normal.</p>
<p>And once they were at normal, they’d stay there. He kissed Petra, and listened to Kuchel try to read a story.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to tell him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Not now. I’m going to wait until he’s healthier. But then I have to tell him what happened.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Do me a favor and let me know when you tell him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I will.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin sat at the table, his quick conversation with Petra playing on an endless loop in his mind. He was in one of the camp tents, waiting on his ‘guest.’ His emotions were all in a tangle. He felt shame. He felt despair. He felt, when he imagined what Levi would do to him when he found out, a little bit of fear.</p>
<p>In truth, he feared a shift in their friendship more than he did physical pain. He liked to think that the fact he and Petra had both been certain Levi was dead when they’d had their…encounter…would solve everything. No hard feelings. Levi wasn’t possessive of his wife in the sense that he treated her as his property. He wouldn’t be mad because Erwin had gone where only Levi could go. Levi acknowledged Petra’s autonomy. He valued it. He was a rational man who would understand that Petra had not cheated on him because she’d believed he was gone.</p>
<p>But Erwin had slept with the woman when she was still grieving and burnt out. It wasn’t honorable, what he had done. Levi would kill him for that.</p>
<p>And that was without Hybernia. When he found out about <em>that</em>…</p>
<p>Another break. Another loss. Erwin wished that he could sleep with Petra again, but he wished that he and Levi could be as they were before Shiganshina even more.</p>
<p>How could two people he loved so deeply be slipping through his hands? He’d already lost Petra. He’d lost any respect she had for him. Any affection.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m going to lose him, too.</em>
</p>
<p>“Majesty?” A soldier was outside the tent, escorting his ‘guest.’</p>
<p>“Send him in.” Erwin forced himself to focus on the moment as Zeke Jaeger entered and sat at the table. The man’s face was lobster red—the sun on the island must have been unforgiving. His face was also…shiny.</p>
<p>“Aloe lotion. It helps the burn.” Zeke gestured.</p>
<p>“Ah. Well. First I’d like to thank you on behalf of all Paradis for saving Levi’s life. I know he would have died without you and Pieck Finger. You’ve done our nation a great service, and you’ve given a little girl her father back. For that alone, I thank you.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.” Zeke polished his glasses. “What’s second?”</p>
<p>“Second. You and Miss Finger will remain here at the southern port until Marley sends a boat to collect you. The Hizurans have gone straight back home; understandable. You’ll be made comfortable, not to worry. If you would like anything, only ask and it’s yours. Money, food, drink. We owe you a debt.”</p>
<p>“So. No seeing my little brother, I take it?”</p>
<p>“We’re grateful, Zeke. Truly grateful. But we aren’t stupid.”</p>
<p>“Is it the royal ‘we’ now?” Zeke put his glasses back on. “Majesty, I think perhaps Pieck and I should remain on your fair island indefinitely.”</p>
<p>Erwin had expected something like this. He just wondered how Zeke was going to pitch it.</p>
<p>“And why is that?” he asked.</p>
<p>Zeke narrowed his sleepy eyes. He gave a cat-with-the-cream grin.</p>
<p>“The Hybernian battleship kept firing for the cruiser’s hull. They completely avoided taking out our guns or soldiers in favor of blasting through the ship itself.”</p>
<p>“In order to sink it.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. But sinking isn’t exactly instantaneous. It’s a long process. Even if you can cripple us, why not remove our defenses? Why not take out the gunners while you can?” Zeke pointed a finger skyward. “Unless you believe that within mere seconds, those gunners can be made ineffective. Made ineffective when the ship itself explodes like a powder keg. I wonder, have you thought of this already?”</p>
<p>Erwin wouldn’t play these games.</p>
<p>“Sabotage,” he said.</p>
<p>“Betrayal. The Hybernians fired on that hull and nothing else, Majesty, because they knew beyond any doubt it was loaded with thousands of barrels of powdered crystal. Enough to kill every soul on that ship in two seconds. But only a select few know of your new weapons deal made with Kiyomi Azumabito. You, the other members of the Triple Alliance, and a group of allies like myself. Someone betrayed you, your Majesty. Someone told the Hybernians to aim for the hull.” Zeke frowned. “You haven’t considered this yet?”</p>
<p>Erwin said nothing. Zeke grinned, apelike.</p>
<p>“Yes, you did. And what else?” Zeke leaned forward, like this was a good game of chess.</p>
<p>Erwin inhaled. “The treachery came from Marley.”</p>
<p>“Good. How do you deduce that?”</p>
<p>“The Triple Alliance was spared because Kiyomi had a back up plane. The saboteurs dismantled the plane we arrived in, but didn’t consider the Grasshopper. A Hizuran onboard that ship or in a position of power would have known Kiyomi’s habits. And the woman herself wouldn’t set up such a situation. First, because all the leaders escaped in the Grasshopper, making such sabotage useless. Second, because Kiyomi is many things, but she is patriotic and loyal to her family. She would never sink a ship filled with her own soldiers. In addition, we have Mikasa, her family’s heir. Blood means a great deal to Kiyomi. She’d never put the girl in danger.”</p>
<p>Zeke looked delighted. “My thoughts exactly.”</p>
<p>“Willy Tybur, then?”</p>
<p>“Well, blowing himself up to ensure he got rid of you and Kiyomi would in fact fit his psychological profile.” Zeke steepled his fingers. “It could be him. Or it’s someone near to him. An advisor. An aide. Whoever it is, they have it out for you and me as well. Maybe I was intended more as collateral damage, but someone high up in Marley’s hierarchy doesn’t mind if I die before passing on the Beast. Maybe they suspect you’ll find a way to snatch Pieck and myself before the end of our terms and pass us to Paradisians.”</p>
<p>“Why would you think that?”</p>
<p>“Well. Am I wrong?”</p>
<p>Erwin wasn’t in the habit of directly lying. He preferred to lie by omission. So he said nothing.</p>
<p>“So they thought to take the possibility of using us off your hands. I’d much rather stay here, in the Eldian stronghold, than go back to Marley. Things are better for Eldians worldwide, but old resentments run deep. Paradis is, in fact, Paradise for our kind. And since I saved your hero, I think that requesting sanctuary isn’t beyond the pale.”</p>
<p>Erwin thought. He thought hard.</p>
<p>“Do you believe that, if you return to Marley, you’re in danger of being forced to pass on your titan before your “term” is up?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yes. Simply put, Pieck and I are in danger if we return. Someone got sloppy. They’ll want to finish their work.”</p>
<p>Erwin couldn’t lose Zeke especially. A titan of royal blood was necessary to use the Founder. If he went now, before Hange could attempt to synthesize his royal blood and use it in place of an actual royal titan, Erwin would be forced to enact plan B.</p>
<p>Historia would not thank him for that.</p>
<p>“Understand. You’ll be taken to a heavily fortified place. Guards will be around you at all times. If you try to contact Eren without our approval, we’ll feed either you or him to our soldiers.”</p>
<p>Zeke paled a little at that. Hmm. He did truly care for his little brother.</p>
<p>“I understand.”</p>
<p>“Then I think we can come to an arrangement.”</p>
<p>What Erwin was going to do with Willy Tybur, he had no idea.</p>
<p>One step at a time. These days, enemies were allies, and allies, enemies.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Can I ride you?” Hange asked. Pieck’s eyebrows shot up.</p>
<p>“Wha?” She couldn’t talk with that tongue depressor in her mouth.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Hange took it out. “I’d love to see what riding a titan is like. How the biomechanics work. If there are shifts in body temperature, too. Your titan would be perfect for such an experiment. It’s so rideable!”</p>
<p>“Gross. No. What?” Pieck looked affronted. “Why would you ask something like that?”</p>
<p>Hange blushed.</p>
<p>“Ah. Well. S-Sorry, that came out wrong.”</p>
<p>“It did. But. It’s okay.” Pieck smiled a little. They were in the medical tent, seeing to her slight dehydration. The girl was hooked up to an IV while Hange inspected the rest of her. “You were the one who figured out where we were. Isn’t that right?”</p>
<p>“How’d you know?”</p>
<p>“It was just a guess. You seem like the type to think outside the box.”</p>
<p>“Well. Good guess.” Hange grinned a bit sheepishly as Pieck stood, holding on to the IV stand for support in place of her crutch. She still had a tendency to crawl around in human form. Little weird. But Hange liked weird. She herself was weird. “So. It looks like you and Zeke are staying around for a while.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Zeke’s heading to Wall Sina, but we’re going to Shiganshina? Why?”</p>
<p>“Because you still need more recovery time.” Pieck had to know that was bullshit. They were really going to Shiganshina because Pieck didn’t need as much observation as Zeke, and Shiganshina had most of Hange’s lab equipment. The girl only nodded.</p>
<p>“Well. Thank you for saving us.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for staying alive to be saved. I’m relieved.” Hange’s face burned. “That you brought back Levi. He’s my best friend. And his wife and daughter—”</p>
<p>“Aren’t you happy I came back, too?” Pieck asked. She looked a little hurt.</p>
<p>“Of course!” Hange barked. Fuck. Her face got hotter. “I, er, was really relieved when you were alive.”</p>
<p>“Because you wanted to ride my titan?”</p>
<p>“Because…I think you’re very nice.”</p>
<p>Very nice. What a line.</p>
<p>“Well. I think the same about you,” Pieck said.</p>
<p>The girl smiled sleepily…then got on her toes and kissed Hange. A good kiss. On the lips.</p>
<p>Hange felt her heart stutter, maybe stop. Pieck smiled shyly, then took her IV stand and rolled out the medical tent. The world tilted at a funny angle. Hange tasted something citrus-y in her mouth; why? She had to sit down. Her heart was pounding. She’d never reacted to a kiss like this before. Maybe this was how Levi felt with Petra. If so, he was a lucky son of a bitch.</p>
<p>The girl was cute, she was smart, she was weird, <em>and</em> sometimes she was a titan. It was a perfect match.</p>
<p>
  <em>Isn’t she a little young for you? Then again, Levi and Petra…</em>
</p>
<p>It was almost the same age gap.</p>
<p>She and Pieck were going to be in Shiganshina together while Hange did work—<em>as a private citizen, of course</em>—for the military. She wasn’t coming back, not after Hybernia. This was purely temporary. Just until they decided what to do about Marley and the shifters. Besides, Hange had to be practical. There was no reason not to make a little money for a job only she could do. Then she could start her life over properly.</p>
<p>And as previously stated, she and Pieck were going to be alone. Together. Doing science.</p>
<p>Hange had never been so excited to do science. And she <em>loved</em> science, so that was a lot of excitement.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She watched the king walk with his entourage to the convoy. Zeke walked beside His Majesty, chatting about something. The man was red-faced. His glasses glinted in the sun. He was smiling; he was happy.</p>
<p>She’d been digging a trench to lay new pipe for new infrastructure. She stopped and watched them go. Sweat dripped into her eyes. Her hands tightened upon the shovel’s handle.</p>
<p>Zeke. Jaeger.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Her supervisor stopped in front of her, blocking her view of that bastard. “It’s not your break yet. Keep going.”</p>
<p>She stuck in her shovel and dug. Sweat poured down her face in the noon sun. Winning the “lottery” to go to Paradis had been good in some ways, shit in others. In order to truly earn her right to be a citizen, she needed to do one year of service. She had to do the jobs no one else wanted to do. Installing a new sewage system; mining; waste disposal. Clever of that king to set up such a system. He ended up with hundreds if not thousands of people working for no wages at all.</p>
<p>But she kept stopping her work and staring at <em>him</em>. Zeke blithely got into a car, and it drove away in a cloud of dust.</p>
<p>He was chatting with the king. Friends in high places.</p>
<p>Why couldn’t she be allowed to have her gun on her at all times? She bared her teeth.</p>
<p>“Where do you think they’re going?” she asked the man working next to her. He wiped sweat from his brow.</p>
<p>“Overheard the king talking when I was on my break. All I know’s they’re headed to Mitras.”</p>
<p>The capital.</p>
<p>“Hey!” The supervisor got right in her face this time. “Schulz! You want to get your ass deported?”</p>
<p>“It’s Strauss, sir. Inga Strauss.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care if it’s Queen of Eldia, dig or you’re done.” He walked on, overseeing everyone else with that whistle swinging from his neck. Inga stuck her shovel in deeper.</p>
<p>She’d work hard. She’d be a model worker. And tonight after lights out she’d leave her uniform and badge behind, the orange badge that marked her as a refugee. She’d steal an attendant’s clothes—she knew where they were kept. She’d take some cash and leave here. It was only half a mile to the train station. She’d catch that train to Mitras.</p>
<p>And she’d bring her gun.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“This’s the only part that scared me,” Levi said. He was gazing down at Kuchel as she slept between her parents. He stroked his daughter’s fine black hair. “Not getting to see her like this ever again. Or you.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Petra whispered. It was night. The lamp glowed on their bedside table. Her husband was sitting up in bed, talking to her. What an amazing sight.</p>
<p>It hurt so badly.</p>
<p>He leaned over and kissed Petra. She smiled against his lips, even as the kiss stabbed her in the heart. She could have kissed him for hours. For the rest of her life. He deepened the kiss, but she gently pushed away.</p>
<p>“You still need rest. And…” She looked down at their daughter, who was hugging Gretel tight. Getting the child to sleep had been a chore. She was terrified that if she fell asleep, Papa would be gone when she awoke.</p>
<p>“Tomorrow. I’ll be rested then.” He kissed her neck. Her eyes fluttered shut. God, just the touch of his lips…</p>
<p>
  <em>Where Erwin’s had been.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra flinched and pulled away. Shit. Tears were filling her eyes.</p>
<p>“Oi. Baby, it’s okay.”</p>
<p>She looked back at him. She’d never seen his face so tan—burned, actually. The skin was peeling on his cheeks and the tip of his nose. His face was slight, no cheekbones to speak of, but now they stood out a little from where hunger had loosened his skin. But he was here again. He was going to live. It was more than she could have prayed for.</p>
<p>If she’d only held out one more night, she’d be in his arms now without a care in the world. But she’d been so weak. So stupid.</p>
<p>And now she had to wait at least a few days for him to heal enough so that she could tell him. She had to look into his loving eyes, feel the desire in his kiss, and not be able to fully submit the way she wanted. She couldn’t do that before he knew.</p>
<p>She tried to stop crying. Levi’s rough hand cupped the back of her neck.</p>
<p>“Petra. It wasn’t your fault.”</p>
<p>
  <em>It was.</em>
</p>
<p>“I’m just so sorry…” She told at least part of the truth. “I should’ve forced them to go back. I wanted to, but then…I gave up on you. I should’ve searched everywhere.”</p>
<p>“You would’ve been an idiot to do that.” He stroked her cheek. He could be so coarse, so vulgar, but when he was gentle with her there was no man more tender on the planet. “Only a maniac like Hange could’ve figured it out. And she only got there at the last minute.”</p>
<p>Petra sniffed. “I love you so much,” she whispered. She let herself lean over and kiss him. His lips were perfect, his face was still perfect. Even after days sick on an island, he smelled of soap. It was part of him. He was clean, and good. “Levi, I’ve never loved anyone but you. Please know that.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I never loved Erwin. I could never love him. But I fucked him.</em>
</p>
<p>Would Levi be able to tell the difference between loving and fucking?</p>
<p>“Tch. Crazy brat.” He kissed her harder, unable to fully take her in his arms with Kuchel wedged between them. “You kept me alive,” he rasped. His lips traced her cheek. “I made my damn heart keep beating so I could see you again. Don’t you know you’re the fucking world to me?”</p>
<p>She started to cry.</p>
<p>“Baby, shhh.” He kissed the top of her head.</p>
<p>He was the most wonderful man in the world, and she was going to lose him. She had him for a few more days, and then she’d tell him and she’d lose him.</p>
<p>At that moment, Kuchel stirred and started to whimper.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Mmm, no no, umm. Papa!”</p>
<p>The little girl bolted upright, sobbing in a panic. Levi hushed Kuchel, hugged her.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Kuchel. I’m here. Your Papa’s here.”</p>
<p>The child cried and hugged him. He hugged her back. Petra saw the faint shine of tears in his eyes. He blinked them away, but they’d been there.</p>
<p>“I’m stayin’ right here, kid. I’m never leaving again.”</p>
<p>“Papa,” Kuchel whimpered. She crawled on his lap and leaned her cheek against his chest, listened to his heart. “Papa, read me a story?”</p>
<p>“Kuchel, Papa needs his sleep,” Petra said, but Levi picked up the storybook.</p>
<p>“Sure, kid. But just one. Then sleep. You got it?” He tried to sound gruff, but when it came to his daughter he was a marshmallow. A gruff marshmallow. He flipped open the book. “Tch. Ugly Duckling? Dumb story. Oh well.”</p>
<p>He read while Kuchel sucked her thumb and stared up at him with big, adoring eyes. Petra looked at her family. This bliss was everything she could ever want.</p>
<p>In a few days, she might never have it again.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I fail to see why it’s so necessary to keep me isolated like this.” Zeke frowned as he felt the needle slide out of his back. This was the third ‘spinal tap’ in as many days. Hange had come up from Shiganshina to collect a few samples from him before heading back down to Pieck. She seemed eager to return to the girl. Hmm. How lovely.</p>
<p>Romance was revolting, but if people liked it they were free to.</p>
<p>“We’re just keeping you safe from the Marleyans. And Eren.” Hange stoppered the vial containing another bit of his “juice.” Zeke sat up, his head feeling a bit light. He saw the six glass vials already laid out upon the table. Hange pulled off her rubber gloves and turned away from him.</p>
<p>Zeke had seen containers of his spinal fluid before. A darkish purple.</p>
<p>“Yes. I understand you’re all very nervous about a family reunion. I suppose even after saving the life of your Greatest Eldian, I’m still considered untrustworthy. Shiganshina. Ragako. Never forgive, never forget.”</p>
<p>Levi Ackerman, Greatest Eldian. Zeke had asked for papers and seen the write up of Erwin’s moving speech. He’d also learned of the Hybernian devastation. Erwin truly was a devil. A fascinating man. In another life, they could have been friends.</p>
<p>Zeke watched Hange carefully. She was searching through a leather bag for something.</p>
<p>He had one chance.</p>
<p>“We know how smart you are, Zeke. We just want to be careful.” Hange picked up another syringe, studied it.</p>
<p>Zeke slipped his hand into his pants. He’d stolen a glass vial yesterday, swiped when she wasn’t looking. He’d requested grape juice last night, and played with it, watering it down until it looked exactly the same color as his spinal fluid. Then he’d filled the vial, stoppered it, and slipped it into his pants.</p>
<p>He pulled out the vial and traded it for another on the table. He slid the real spinal fluid into his pants, finishing seconds before she turned back around.</p>
<p>“Well. I can respect care,” he said. He rolled his eyes as Hange made him open wide and used a tongue depressor on him.</p>
<p>“Think of it this way. If I can isolate what separates shifters from untitanized Eldians, maybe I can figure out how to keep you alive past your “term.”” Hange grinned.</p>
<p>“I’m surprised you’d want the butcher of Ragako and Shiganshina to stay alive,” he drawled. He shifted his hips slightly. The vial lay snug against his body. Good.</p>
<p>“Er. Well. You’ve done a lot for us.” She was a bad liar. She wanted a cure for Erwin Smith, God King of Paradis. Erwin they would keep alive. Not Zeke. She only wanted Zeke’s royal blood and spinal fluid to create a substitute for a titan of royal blood. When they did that, he’d be expendable.</p>
<p>“How’s Pieck?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Er. Ah ha. She’s great. Very great.” The woman was blushing hard now. Adorable. Pathetic.</p>
<p>“How nice.” Zeke held out his arm, ready for the tourniquet. “Shall we?”</p>
<p>Two hours later, he was back in his room. Erwin had given him rooms at the Tower, a fortress/palace on the edges of Mitras. It had been built hundreds of years back, when Paradis had been a summer home for the king and his elites. Before they needed to reappropriate the island as a permanent home for all Eldians. The tower was where enemies of the crown were kept, but also members of the royal family who openly rebelled. As such, some quarters were downright luxurious. Zeke had an entire suite to himself. The bedding was plush, much better than his paltry rooms in Marley or lying on the ground of that desert island. The deep, claw-footed bathtub gave him a glorious soak. He could have as many books as he liked, and a radio. And he could order anything from the kitchens.</p>
<p>That evening, he selected a cream of lobster soup, followed by a shank of lamb with rosemary salt, buttered potatoes, and a raspberry trifle for dessert. Rich, to be sure, but Zeke had never indulged himself before. He was a royal—the true heir to all Eldia, in fact. Historia was a bastard, and Erwin had no royal lineage. Zeke was the true king. Deposed.</p>
<p>Perhaps when he and Eren completed their plan, perhaps when Eldians were allowed to drift mercifully into twilight, he would take over as king and guide them all to live in peace for the rest of their days. He would be a good king.</p>
<p>He also ordered a bottle of excellent wine. They’d imported it from Marley; apparently, some Marleyan down in Shiganshina served it in his restaurants. Quite a treat.</p>
<p>Zeke uncorked the bottle, then poured the vial of his spinal fluid into it. He swirled it around for a bit while gazing out the window. There were stall keepers outside the Tower walls. He saw a few children playing a game. There were also some panhandlers, looking for a coin. Even in Paradis, there were poor. Sad.</p>
<p>He noticed one panhandler staring straight up at the Tower. The figure was hooded, so he couldn’t tell if it was a man or woman. Ah well.</p>
<p>Zeke had also ordered a tray of glasses. He poured a little wine into each. Eight in total. Then he opened the door.</p>
<p>“Hello.” He smiled. “Daz? Boyd?”</p>
<p>“Hello, sir.” The soldiers kept watch on him day and night, but they’d been instructed to be courteous. Unless he tried anything, of course. Zeke brought out the tray, offered them wine.</p>
<p>“I wanted to thank you both, and the others on my personal guard. You’ve been truly good to me while I’ve been here. Join me in a drink?”</p>
<p>“Oh. Uh. We’re not supposed to. On duty.” Daz, a truly ugly looking boy, gazed longingly at the wine.</p>
<p>“I promise you. It’ll be our secret. It’s only a gesture, really. Barely a mouthful each. Plus…” He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “It’s a Marleyan vintage I myself was never able to try. Now that I’m free of wretched Marley, I want to celebrate freedom. A toast to the king. He saved me, after all.”</p>
<p>“Saved all of us,” Boyd said. He rubbed his lips. “Eh. Why not. Just one, though.” He picked up a glass, and Daz joined him.</p>
<p>“Be sure to get the others over here.” Zeke whistled, and the other guards on his corridor crept over. Everyone liked wine. They took their glasses, and Zeke took his. He raised in a toast. “To better days. And Erwin Smith.”</p>
<p>“Better days. The king.”</p>
<p>They all drank. There were smacked lips, sighs of delight.</p>
<p>It was truly a rare vintage.</p>
<p>“Delicious. Thank you, gentlemen.”</p>
<p>Zeke closed the door and sat down to his meal. He sipped more of his wine, and smacked his lips.</p>
<p>He’d always known he had good taste.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She gazed up at the Tower. There was an iron-spiked fence around the whole building, but she imagined she could see him.</p>
<p>Inga sat down against the wall with the other panhandlers. She’d laid out a handkerchief and accepted coins as people tossed them. Hopefully she’d have enough to buy a bun later, and keep her vigil.</p>
<p>It didn’t matter how long it took. Sooner or later, Zeke Jaeger had to come down.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. I have to talk to you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. There’s no way around it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ve made a decision.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi walked through the streets of Trost, Kuchel’s hand in his. It was four days since he’d come home. He’d spent much of the time in bed getting pampered by Petra and Ingrid. They were both good nurses. His recovery’d been miraculous. The doctors were amazed. Levi wasn’t. Zeke had been right about one thing: the Ackermans were built to be hardy.</p>
<p>The 104<sup>th</sup> kids had come by as well, all except Eren and Connie. They had to be down south for obvious reasons. Mikasa had actually hugged him when she saw him. Sasha had bawled. Jean had blustered and wiped his eyes.</p>
<p>Nice to know the kids liked him.</p>
<p>But now that he was feeling better, he was restless. He’d said he was going to stretch his legs. Right now, he was taking Kuchel to the market to look at some pears or something. They wouldn’t be there long. Really, it was an excuse to gently walk the kid in the direction of her aunt’s house. He’d leave Kuchel there for a few hours while he went home and made frantic love to his wife. He’d had four days of her playing nursemaid and not kissing him too passionately for fear he’d get overexcited; four days of wanting to feel her naked body underneath his. Finally, he was healthy enough to fuck her.</p>
<p>He needed to feel that close to her again. He needed to feel her heart beating against his. He wanted to take away all the awkwardness she’d been feeling, all the guilt she’d had about leaving him behind. He wanted to listen to her gasp in his ear as she wrapped her legs around his waist and erupted in—</p>
<p>“Papa?” Kuchel tugged at his hand. She kissed it a few times. The girl always kept her hand glued in his when they walked. She held his hand, or sat on his lap, or clung to his leg. He could hardly take a shit without Kuchel banging on the bathroom door and yelling for him to come out.</p>
<p>The doctor said she’d stop being so clingy in time. She’d been through a trauma. Leaving the kid at Aunt Brigitta’s for a few hours was going to be a small first step. He wanted Kuchel to feel safe…but he didn’t want her to grow up weak and scared. It’d do her no favors.</p>
<p>“Yeah, kid?” He picked her up and carried her. His daughter hugged his head and kissed his cheek again and again. Levi’s heart melted a little as he walked through the market stalls. Tch. His little angel. Wondered if her new sibling would be a boy or girl. Petra was all for a boy, but maybe another little girl’d be nice…</p>
<p>“You not goin’ away again, huh?” She pouted.</p>
<p>“Nope. I’m stayin’ here with you and Mama.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin, I need to tell you something…</em>
</p>
<p>“Well, well. Hello.”</p>
<p>A car slowed down alongside them in the street. The window rolled down. Zackley leaned his head out, smiling smugly as he was chauffeured around or some shit. Fucking asshole.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Hey,” Levi said. Didn’t have to be on buddy terms with the old cunt. “Say hi, Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“Hiya.” She waved.</p>
<p>“Mmm. Precious child.” Zackley quickly ignored the girl. Bitch. “Do you need a ride somewhere?”</p>
<p>“We’re walking. It’s fine.” <em>I shattered several bones in my body, but I’d rather crawl than ride with a prick like you.</em> See? Hadn’t said it. He was getting more diplomatic in his old age.</p>
<p>“It’s a real miracle you’re alive, Levi.” Zackley kept the car at a steady crawl beside him. People were honking in the street. Levi sighed, and stopped. He let Zackley’s car pull over to the curb and get out of everyone’s way. “The king was relieved.”</p>
<p>“I knew Erwin and Hange would figure it out.”</p>
<p>“Of course you did. Though I’m sure you couldn’t have imagined the eulogy the king would give you. It was broadcast in cinemas around the world. Rousing stuff. Finding you alive after all that pomp and circumstance is almost anticlimactic.”</p>
<p>“Sorry to disappoint.”</p>
<p>“If anything, it’s a real disappointment to Hybernia. Now all of those deaths are a little meaningless.” Zackley tsked. “Though I’m certain we’d have dropped the bombs even if you’d been found that day.”</p>
<p>Levi blinked. “What? Bombs?”</p>
<p>Zackley pretended surprise. “Surely you’ve heard. Have they been keeping you under a rock?”</p>
<p>“Do me a favor and quit the shitty acting.” Kuchel tutted; she knew not to swear. Fuck. Well, right now she was gonna have to pretend not to listen. He shifted his daughter to his other arm. “What are you saying to me?”</p>
<p>“The king dropped smaller versions of the hyperfusion bomb on two Hybernian cities after the cruiser went down. Roughly one point five million people died within mere minutes. I know the king did it to make a point to the world and keep Paradis safe, though I wonder if he’d have been so trigger happy if you hadn’t—”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Levi almost dropped Kuchel. He couldn’t feel his feet. One point five…million…</p>
<p>Dead. Cities. Women and children. The sick. Animals, babies, grandmothers and…</p>
<p>Gone. Just gone. On Erwin’s command?</p>
<p>“I’m afraid yes.” Zackley saw the pained question in Levi’s eyes. He grinned. “Oh dear, I hope this hasn’t come as too much of a shock for—”</p>
<p>Zackley barked when Levi grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him halfway out the window. Kuchel started to scream and fuss as Levi bared his teeth in the old goat’s face.</p>
<p>“You tricked Erwin into doing that. He’d never—”</p>
<p>“The king contacted me. He asked me to sit on the council the day of the decision. He wanted me to help sway the councilors. He knew what he was going to do.” Zackley sneered, though he sweated in Levi’s grip. “How does it feel, Levi, to have the blood of hundreds of thousands of children on your hands? Well. Not that there’s any blood left. No bones. No tissue. Only ash. It’s as if they never even existed now.”</p>
<p>Levi let go of Zackley and stepped back. The old man hung half out the window, coughing and unable to either push himself out or pull himself back up. The chauffeur got out, looking panicked, and shouted at Levi as he strode away with Kuchel in his arms. His daughter was crying and fussing, and while he knew he should comfort her he could only shush her harshly.</p>
<p>A million. Over a million.</p>
<p>Dead. On his account?</p>
<p>On Erwin’s orders.</p>
<p>“Papa, was wrong?” Kuchel sniffed. Absently, he kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“Papa’s okay. He’s just gotta…” He didn’t know how to finish that.</p>
<p>He skipped the market and took her straight to Brigitta’s. He barely remembered seeing Pieter, or getting a hug, or greeting Ingrid. He hugged Kuchel goodbye, and the next thing he knew he was right outside his house again. He needed help. He needed comfort.</p>
<p>He needed Petra. In the midst of death, he felt the need to feel gloriously alive.</p>
<p>He opened the door, slammed it shut. She came into the hallway from the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Levi. What—”</p>
<p>Fuck her hesitation, her nervousness. He picked her up in his arms. There was a slight twinge in his ribs, and he winced. But he ignored her cries of concern.</p>
<p>“I want to fuck you now,” he said hoarsely. He carried her up the stairs, kicked open their bedroom door. He threw her onto the bed, got on top and straddled her. Petra looked nervous, but he didn’t care. He was no invalid. He needed her badly.</p>
<p>He needed to lose himself inside of her.</p>
<p>He tore open her shirt, letting the buttons fall away. They could be sewn back later. Levi groaned at the sight of her breasts. They were pert, rose and cream. He remembered the first time he’d seen them. Years later, and they were still perfect. He took them in his hands, squeezed them. Petra gasped and moaned as he kneaded them, her growing arousal getting him harder with every passing second.</p>
<p>He needed to bury himself inside of her body, come in her, fill her. He saw by her flushed cheeks how badly she wanted this. She gasped and cooed as he pulled his shirt over his head and fell down on top of her. Fuck, their naked bodies were connecting. The touch of her skin created a fever in him. He started to hike up her skirt. He wanted to make her come with his fingers, then his tongue, then his cock, over and over until he stopped feeling—</p>
<p>“No. Levi, stop. Please,” she whispered.</p>
<p>He wanted to scream. He wanted to explode. Instead, he stopped and let her sit up. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and clutched her shirt together to hide her breasts. He was so hard he didn’t think he had any blood left for his brain.</p>
<p>“I’m not sick. I’m not an invalid,” he rasped. Her shoulders hunched. “Petra, I want to fuck. I need to feel you. I just heard—”</p>
<p>“What did you hear?” She whipped around, looked panicked.</p>
<p>“Hybernia. Is it true?”</p>
<p>To his shock, she relaxed. Even looked disappointed.</p>
<p>“Yes. I’m sorry. It is,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Wait. What’d you think I meant?”</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>Then her eyes filled with tears. She bowed her head and hugged her arms, started to cry.</p>
<p>“Baby. What the—?”</p>
<p>“Levi. I have to tell you something. I want to…” She got herself under control. Wouldn’t look at him. “I want to fuck you so badly. I want it more than anything. But I can’t until I tell you…”</p>
<p>“Petra, you’re freaking me out. What?”</p>
<p>She looked at him in the face. Her sweet lips quivered. Then she grabbed him around the neck and kissed him hard. Fuck, her lips were silk, her tongue was velvet. He moaned, ready to pull her down onto the bed. But she broke away.</p>
<p>“I wanted one last kiss. I’m sorry,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Now he was fucking scared.</p>
<p>“What? Pet, are you sick? <em>What?</em>”</p>
<p>“No. But…” She stopped crying. She pulled in on herself. She was more self-contained in that moment than he’d ever seen her. “I need to tell you what happened on the night before we found you.”</p>
<p>What the fuck?</p>
<p>“Okay. Tell me.”</p>
<p>She hemmed and hawed. Then she started to speak. Her face got redder the more she spoke. He asked her to slow down so he could understand. She talked about the fourth night of his “death.”</p>
<p>She said Erwin’s name.</p>
<p>She said…</p>
<p>He frowned. Her. And Erwin. Had done…what?</p>
<p>He asked her to repeat. Sure he’d misunderstood.</p>
<p>But she spoke even slower. And she repeated what he’d thought he misunderstood.</p>
<p>The image grew clearer in his mind. Her. And Erwin. In…</p>
<p>They’d been…</p>
<p>He saw an image of the large man writhing on top of her, Petra screaming as—</p>
<p>His wife was crying again. She reached out to touch his face, saying they were sure Levi had died, and so—</p>
<p>He pulled away from her. He got off the bed. Petra began to grow more flushed. Her voice pitched higher in fright. She begged him to…do something. Forgive her? Kiss her? Understand her?</p>
<p>No. No, no, no. The images kept washing over him. He saw them with such grueling clarity, even though he hadn’t been there. Her body. Erwin’s body.</p>
<p>Levi wanted to throw up. He wanted to tear down the walls of this house. He wanted to walk out and walk and never stop walking.</p>
<p>He said something to her. He didn’t know what he said, but it seemed to stun her. Then he was going down the stairs. He picked up his jacket. There was a knife in the pocket. Good.</p>
<p>He walked out the door while she kept screaming his name, but she didn’t follow him.</p>
<p>Levi didn’t realize he’d walked two miles until his ribs started to hurt. Fuck, the doctor would kill him for this shit. But it was okay, he’d gotten to the train station. Where he needed to be. He cursed when he realized he only had change in his pockets. By some miracle, the change was enough for a ticket. He barely made it onto the next train bound for Mitras.</p>
<p>He rode and stared out the window. He saw nothing except Erwin and Petra. Together.</p>
<p>He’d been lying broken on an island, and at that exact moment Erwin had…</p>
<p>With his wife.</p>
<p>He didn’t hear anyone. He didn’t talk to anyone. He got off at Mitras and would’ve gotten a cab but he had no fucking money left.</p>
<p>He walked another half mile to the palace. By this point, the pain in his ribs was getting knife-like. Fuck.</p>
<p>But he walked. No one stopped him when he got to the palace’s entrance. In fact, they’d been expecting him.</p>
<p>“The king is in the pine grove. He asked you be brought to him.”</p>
<p>Oh, how nice of the fucking king.</p>
<p>They took Levi all the way across the palace to the south end, onto the royal park and hunting grounds. Levi didn’t say thank you. He just walked. They told him the king had asked to see Levi alone.</p>
<p>Up ahead, Levi saw the white figure of the king. Erwin paced, hands behind his back. When Levi got there, the king looked sick and relieved. His face was loose with sorrow. Levi had never seen such regret in any human being before.</p>
<p>
  <em>You told me never to regret, you lying son of a bitch.</em>
</p>
<p>“Levi. Petra called an hour ago.” Erwin sighed. “She thought you might come here.”</p>
<p>Levi said nothing. He just stared at the man. Erwin bent over. Such a bigass man bent like a reed in the wind. He was broken.</p>
<p>“It’s completely my fault. I was out of my mind,” Erwin whispered. He winced. “We both were. Please, what do—”</p>
<p>Levi backhanded him across the face. Teeth shot out of Erwin’s mouth—half a mouthful at least. He spat blood and teeth as he collapsed to the ground. Levi had felt nothing up until this moment. Now he felt something, something good.</p>
<p>The desire to inflict pain.</p>
<p>It’d been so long.</p>
<p>“Oi,” he rasped. He stomped, breaking Erwin’s ankle. The king wailed in agony. Levi stomped again, crushing the knee. Erwin screamed, but didn’t get up. Didn’t fight back. In fact, he held up a hand, looking somewhere behind Levi.</p>
<p>“Stay back! Return to the palace! That’s an order.”</p>
<p>The guards, probably. Tch.</p>
<p>“You motherfucker,” Levi growled. He kicked Erwin square in the face. He felt the king’s nose break, his jaw shatter. Erwin howled and collapsed to the ground. He didn’t rise or try to defend himself. He lay there and took it as Levi stomped his ribcage. Let the fast-healing fucker know what it felt like to have crushed ribs, even for a second.</p>
<p>Levi’s own ribs were killing him by now. Fuck it. Let him do this thing.</p>
<p>Let him hurt Erwin Smith to within an inch of his life. Let Erwin beg for death.</p>
<p>Levi reached into his pocket and felt the knife. He took it out, opened the blade, then knelt on Erwin’s back. The king groaned as Levi cut off his right ear and tossed it aside like it was a cherry pit at a picnic or some other useless, unimportant thing. Erwin howled in pain, but still he didn’t fight when Levi took the king’s right hand and cut every finger off one at a time.</p>
<p>While Erwin screamed, Levi bared his teeth. It was getting hard to see what he was doing. Blurry.</p>
<p>Shit. Was he crying? Fuck him. Fuck his tears.</p>
<p>“I told you. To take. Care of her,” he rasped as he sliced off Erwin’s thumb. By this point, the king lay facedown in the earth. He wasn’t dead, but he might’ve passed out. Shit. Levi smacked the back of his head. Erwin moaned. Good. “Get up. Fight me.”</p>
<p>“No. I’m taking this punishment,” Erwin whispered. “I deserve this.”</p>
<p>Levi’s face got hot. It got harder to see through the fucking stupid fucking tears. If Erwin had been arrogant, or defensive… But he was almost relieved Levi was doing this to him.</p>
<p>“Fight me!”</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>With a furious wail, Levi chopped Erwin’s hand off at the wrist and tossed it away. Blood spurted and steamed onto the grass; the healing process began, but it would take time to regrow what he’d lost. Levi got off Erwin, and the king rolled onto his side.</p>
<p>“Levi…”</p>
<p>Levi collapsed before Erwin, his chest heaving. He stared through his tears at the man he’d loved as much as he’d loved anyone. As much as he’d loved his wife.</p>
<p>“She needed you. She needed help. And you <em>fucked her.</em>” Levi’s teeth chattered; why was he cold? Was this shock? Was it shock when you cut off your best friend’s ear, and his hand?</p>
<p>The blood on Levi’s hands was already dissipating. Soon it would be like nothing had happened at all.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” Erwin’s voice sounded syrupy now due to all the lost teeth. He spat onto the grass to clear his mouth. “I…I was insane.”</p>
<p>“Did you go to her?”</p>
<p>“She…she came to me. She said she needed to feel something else or something bad would happen to her.” As he spoke the words, Erwin winced. He could hear what that sounded like. “Looking back now, I see what a horrible decision I made. But I was too raw.”</p>
<p>“Don’t act like a fucking victim. This didn’t just happen out of nowhere. You’ve wanted to fuck her for years.”</p>
<p>“I…yes. Yes, I did.” Erwin lowered his head; he couldn’t look at Levi now. “But it wasn’t only about lust. Much as I wanted her, it wasn’t only about her. Being with her was the closest thing I had to bringing you back to life.”</p>
<p>Levi roared. He couldn’t understand where that noise had come from; the way he was acting and the way he was feeling weren’t connected any longer. He took up the knife and jammed it into Erwin’s eye. The king rolled away, wailing in pain as he pulled the blade out. He’d be blind for a few minutes. He deserved to be blind longer.</p>
<p>“It’s not that you fucked her,” Levi said hoarsely. “It’s that you fucked her when she was so low. You took advantage of my wife, you piece of shit.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Blood oozed down Erwin’s cheek like tears. “I’m a monster.”</p>
<p>“If I weren’t kicking your damn ass for what you did to her,” Levi huffed, “I’d be doing it for Hybernia.” His voice broke then. He couldn’t see through the tears. Why was he crying? Why couldn’t he feel the sadness? It was like he’d split into two different people. His ribs hurt. “Did you really…?”</p>
<p>“I will burn in hell for that if nothing else,” Erwin rasped. He clutched a fistful of grass.</p>
<p>Once Levi had followed at this man’s back, watched the Wings of Freedom on Erwin Smith’s cloak and felt himself begin to fly. They had been saving humanity. So many had died, but Levi had carried them proudly in death. He’d felt them at his back as he showed them the new world their sacrifice had created.</p>
<p>Now Levi’s comrades’ could see that their deaths had led to the slaughter of over one million innocent lives.</p>
<p>That’s what they’d dedicated their hearts to.</p>
<p>“What did I do?” Levi’s ribs hurt too badly. He flopped down, lying in the grass and staring up at the sky. “Who are you? Why did I give you the serum? What’d I do?”</p>
<p>“You’re not responsible for what I’ve done, Levi.”</p>
<p>“Someone has to be!” Levi rarely shouted; his throat hurt. He sat up and stood and kicked at the broken king again and again. He only knew peace when he hurt people. The man who had gotten married and been a tender husband, who carried his daughter around in gentle arms, that man didn’t exist. He was an illusion. This violent shell was the true Levi Ackerman. Always would be. “I chose you instead of Armin. I chose you to save…my kid.”</p>
<p>“And I have.” Erwin choked, coughed up blood. Finally, he pushed himself to a kneeling position. He sounded better; the teeth were growing back. “If I hadn’t bombed Hybernia, the world would have known it was safe to attack us. No one will hurt us now.”</p>
<p>“<em>You killed over a million people. You killed kids. You can’t justify this shit.</em>” Levi coughed again; his ribs hurt like a bitch.</p>
<p>“Hange said the same.” Erwin gave the saddest smile Levi’d ever seen.</p>
<p>Levi stared at the man’s broken face. Once, he’d looked at this face in awe. Not just because of Erwin’s handsomeness; Levi had seen nobility and greatness in every line. That a thug piece of shit like him should be allowed to serve such a man…</p>
<p>Even more. That he’d been friends with such a man. Equals, in their own rough way.</p>
<p>
  <em>You saved my life, Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You got my friends killed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You gave me the love of my life.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You fucked her.</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck. Oh fuck me.” Levi got to his knees. He’d knelt before Erwin Smith once in Shiganshina, when they had been younger men and when the world had been so much easier. Inside, Levi felt the most incredible numbness. Outside, his cheeks were wet from tears. He had not cried in front of anyone in over a decade.</p>
<p>Last person who’d seen him cry was Erwin Smith. Guess it made sense Erwin would see his tears now. Levi fumbled for a handkerchief, but his hands were trembling too badly to use it.</p>
<p>“Levi. What can I say to you?”</p>
<p>“Nothing. It’s what you did. You killed them. You fucked her. Nothing changes that shit.” Levi wiped his eyes with his hand—any other time he’d have been mortified at such behavior. He didn’t feel present. He felt like his body was somewhere else. “Tell me something. Tell me the truth.”</p>
<p>“Anything.”</p>
<p>“Are you in love with her?”</p>
<p>He saw the conflict in Erwin’s remaining good eye.</p>
<p>“I…” The king shook his head. “I love her. I love you. I need the two of you.”</p>
<p>“I loved you.” Now Levi felt it. Now he felt the pain, not just in the ribs but in the chest. He leaned onto his hands and stared at the earth. He swallowed the tears, but felt the pain bloom and invade every part of his body. “I think I loved you more than her. Know why?” He snarled. “Because you were the best of us. And now when I look at you, I see the same dirty, ugly faces I saw in the underground. You look like shit. Like them. Even you could look like that. I…”</p>
<p>Levi went limp. He stared at his hands, the blood now fully evaporated. He took up his knife, which was clean. He put it in his coat pocket and staggered to his feet. He winced as he did; the ribs were throbbing now.</p>
<p>“I’m resigning from the military. Effective immediately,” he croaked. He wheezed. Shit, maybe he overdid it just now.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Erwin whispered.</p>
<p>“We’re not friends.” The words took out bloody pieces of his soul, but he said them. “You have nothing to do with my family from now on.”</p>
<p>He saw a shudder pass through Erwin’s body. For a second, he almost felt bad for the guy.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“And if you’re going to hell, I’ll join you. I brought you back for a shitty, selfish reason. It’s on my head.”</p>
<p>At least they’d be together in the end, then. Erwin gingerly got up. His eye was back, though his hand wasn’t.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Erwin said lifelessly. Then, “I’ll have someone take you home. I’d like a doctor to look at you first; your ribs—”</p>
<p>“I’ll just take the ride. Fuck your doctors. Fuck you.”</p>
<p>Yet Levi could not leave the man. He couldn’t leave the man he’d known, the one who had brought them into battle and led them towards a distant victory; the man who had grieved the loss of every soldier, even if he’d deny it. The man who had given Levi love and purpose…had that man even existed?</p>
<p>Yes. Erwin Smith had existed. And Levi had killed him when he brought him back to life.</p>
<p>For that, he ought to ask for Erwin’s forgiveness.</p>
<p>“Forgive me, Levi.”</p>
<p>Tears dripped out of Erwin’s eye now instead of blood.</p>
<p>“I want the same, Erwin. The same.”</p>
<p>The guards returned. Erwin gave strict orders to see Levi safely home; no action was to be taken against him. Levi was clammy by the time they got him back to the front of the palace and into a car for the long ride home; the ribs really did hurt like a son of a bitch.</p>
<p>But nothing hurt like the memory of Erwin crumpled and bloody at his feet.</p>
<p>Nothing hurt like imagining Erwin’s naked body on top of Petra’s.</p>
<p>Levi thought of her naked breasts beneath his hands mere hours ago. He thought of Erwin kissing those breasts. Of his cock sliding into the place where only Levi’s should have gone.</p>
<p>Levi was disgusting, a middle class moralizing prick. He didn’t own Petra’s body.</p>
<p>But the thought of Erwin touching her made Levi want to go back there and finish the bastard off.</p>
<p>The ride lasted forever and also was over way too soon. The driver stopped. Levi got out of the car and faced his front door. Maybe Petra would’ve gone to her sister’s. She often fled there when things got bad.</p>
<p>But he entered and found her seated at the kitchen table. She must’ve been waiting a while; a cup of tea had gone ice cold. She looked up at him with a swollen face, but no more tears.</p>
<p>“Hello,” she said quietly. She started to rise, but he held up a hand to stop her. She sat. Levi couldn’t look at her. He saw her lips and thought of Erwin kissing them. He had no urge to hurt her in any way like he had Erwin. He wasn’t that much of a monster.</p>
<p>But he wanted tea.</p>
<p>“Let me…”</p>
<p>“I got it,” he said. He winced; his side ached still, though it was better now than it had been. He filled the kettle and turned on the stove. He stood by the sink and gazed out the kitchen window, onto the neighboring house’s brick wall. Petra did not cry. She waited for him to speak. “Thought you’d be sobbing by now.”</p>
<p>“I’m trying to change my habits,” she said.</p>
<p>“Mmm.” He gripped the edges of the sink. No other way around it. Time to talk. He hated talking, but it had to be done. “It’s not that you fucked him. You thought I was dead. You weren’t cheating on me. At least, you didn’t know you were.” He breathed out. Slowly. “He told me he took advantage of you.”</p>
<p>“I asked him to—”</p>
<p>“He said you said something bad would happen to you if you didn’t fuck.”</p>
<p>Petra sniffed. Just once. “I…I had bad dreams. Those four days were the worst of my life. I…thought I’d hurt myself if I didn’t get relief. It was the wrong kind of relief, but…I was afraid I’d do something more permanent.”</p>
<p>His heart weakened. His angel, the damn light of his life had been hurting so fucking bad. He should be holding her, comforting her. She’d hurt because she loved him; she’d fucked Erwin because she loved Levi. It was some help.</p>
<p>Just not enough.</p>
<p>“You both could’ve kept quiet about this shit. I wouldn’t have known.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what a marriage is. I had to tell you.”</p>
<p>“I know. I hate it, but I know.”</p>
<p>The tea boiled. He took the kettle off, poured hot water into the teapot. The ritual of making tea soothed him. And it gave him something to focus on; he couldn’t look at her just yet.</p>
<p>“Levi,” she whispered. “I love you so much. I wanted to die rather than live without you. The only thing that stopped me was Ku…” She started crying then. He felt himself bowing under the weight of her sadness. “After that night with Erwin, I knew what a horrible thing I’d done. I knew I had to change. I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to apologize to me.” He meant it. He finally sat at the table with her. She looked at him with those wide, sad eyes. Those amber eyes. Once, he’d had feverish dreams of those eyes. He’d touched himself desperately, alone in his barracks room, imagining the impossible. That this angel could love him. Love him for what he was, when he couldn’t love himself.</p>
<p>The impossible had come true. She loved him more than he could’ve ever expected. She loved all of him.</p>
<p>Levi took her hands. Petra squeezed.</p>
<p>“You were the one who was hurting. I know that. You felt like shit and you needed help. It’s not your fault, Petra.”</p>
<p>She gasped, tears dropping down her cheeks. She leaned over to kiss him.</p>
<p>He pulled away.</p>
<p>“I know you thought I was dead. I know you were hurting. But…” He bared his teeth, felt the demon take over him. “You couldn’t even go a week without fucking someone else.”</p>
<p>“I told you it’s because I was hurting so much.” She gave a few broken sobs. “Not because I was…moving on from you.”</p>
<p>“I know. I know. But now I also know what it’d be like if I’d died for real. How soon you’d be in someone else’s bed. Even if it was just to feel better. And…fuck.” He turned his face away, full of self-loathing. “I’m a real piece of shit for this, but I think of him fucking you and I can’t even look at you.”</p>
<p>Petra didn’t cry then. She just became very quiet. She wrapped her arms around herself. There was no sound in the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Do you think you can get over it in time?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I want to. Look, I don’t want to make you suffer. I sure as shit won’t leave you. For Kuchel, and the baby. And I love you. Always. But…I don’t know if we can go back. I’m a petty, awful bitch, and I hate that about myself. But you didn’t lie to me, so I won’t lie to you. I don’t think it can be what it was between us now.”</p>
<p>Petra inhaled deeply. She held that breath a long time, then practically deflated.</p>
<p>“All right.”</p>
<p>She got up and poured him a cup of tea. She set it before him. They sat at the table together for another hour. He still burned to touch her, but every time he looked at those sweet eyes, those delicate lips, he thought of Erwin covering her with his body and Levi wanted to walk out that door once again.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re punishing her and you shouldn’t be. She loves you, not him. She slept with him to keep herself from doing something worse. She thought you were dead. This isn’t her fault.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah. I know. But I can’t help the way I feel. I’m not gonna put on a show to make either of us happy. It won’t, anyway. Lying won’t do us any good.</em>
</p>
<p>“Kuchel should be getting back soon. Mama’s dropping her off.” Petra stood, and wiped her cheeks. “I’ll get dinner started.”</p>
<p>“I can help.”</p>
<p>“You need to rest.” She unloaded some pots and opened the cupboard doors. She stopped, her face hidden from him. Her voice was rough when she spoke. “Did you hurt yourself?”</p>
<p>“When I beat the shit out of him? A little. He’s not coming around here anymore.”</p>
<p>“I know. This will sound bad, but…it wasn’t his fault either.”</p>
<p>“He fucked you when you were strung out.”</p>
<p>“Yes. He did. But I asked him to. I wanted him to.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m not hitting you if that’s what you’re after. I’d never do that.”</p>
<p>“I know. But Kuchel loves him. He loves her, and I think he needs—”</p>
<p>“I don’t give a fuck what he needs.”</p>
<p>That wasn’t strictly true, but at least it made them both stop talking.</p>
<p>Kuchel came home. Levi could at least devote himself to listening to her babble happily about ponies and Aunt Brigitta and babies and…knives? The kid was weird. Just like him.</p>
<p>He kissed the girl’s plump cheek.</p>
<p>“I love you, Papa.” She snuggled against him.</p>
<p>“I love you more than anything,” he whispered against the top of her head. Even after years of being a father, saying words like that felt weird. Always would. But Kuchel had made him a father, and he couldn’t go back to who he was before that.</p>
<p>Petra didn’t get in the way. She made dinner, but had to endure Levi taking care of the dishes. He didn’t like being pampered. Not when she was so miserable, at least, and when her misery was his fault.</p>
<p>This was the first night they managed to get Kuchel into her own bed. He had to stay there a damn half hour until she fell asleep, though. Well, one step at a time. Petra sang near every song she knew; he read Kuchel two boring faerie tales. His daughter kept hugging his hand; when he tried to move, she jerked awake. When the kid finally went to sleep, Levi and Petra snuck out of the room. Petra sighed in exhaustion. She looked meaningfully at him, and headed for their bedroom. But Levi stopped.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna make up a bed on the couch,” he said.</p>
<p>Petra stopped. Her shoulders slumped. Took her a minute to answer.</p>
<p>“I’ll sleep there. You need to be in bed,” she said. “For your ribs.”</p>
<p>“Fuck no. You take the bed, I got the couch.”</p>
<p>She fought him for several minutes, but he won. He was stubborn. It was the weirdest, saddest thing he’d ever done, finding the spare blanket and an extra pillow, Petra making up the bed as comfortable as she could. Both of them being extremely polite around each other, her begging him once more to let her take the couch, him insisting she go upstairs and get a good sleep. She made the couch look extremely cozy, fluffed pillows and smoothed blankets over and over, trying to keep the moment going. Finally, there was nothing more to say.</p>
<p>It had been years since they’d slept apart when they didn’t have to. Petra wavered at the foot of the stairs, her eyes pleading with him to relent.</p>
<p>God, he wanted to. He wanted to take her upstairs and wrap himself in her arms. She gave him comfort like no one else could.</p>
<p>She was his sanctuary.</p>
<p>And he just…couldn’t bear it.</p>
<p>“Good night, Petra.”</p>
<p>“Good night. I love you.” She clutched the banister.</p>
<p>“Love you.”</p>
<p>He would always mean it. He just couldn’t stand the pain of it.</p>
<p>She went upstairs. He got clean, then stripped down to his boxers and turned off the lamp. He lay in his lonely bed and stared at the ceiling, imagined her getting under the blankets. He could be there with her. All he had to do was climb some stairs.</p>
<p>But he thought of her riding Erwin, and the thought made his blood freeze in his veins.</p>
<p>Levi wasn’t even sure why he was in this bed. He wasn’t going to sleep tonight either way.</p>
<p>But lying here felt like spite. He was telling her that he wasn’t going to be hers. That he’d take any bed than hers.</p>
<p>He was a bad man. But then again, he’d always been one. She’d convinced him for a few short years he wasn’t a piece of shit. But he was. He was.</p>
<p>Levi lay there and stared into the darkness.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She buried her face in the pillow and cried.</p>
<p>The other side of the bed had never been so cold and empty. Not even when she thought he was dead.</p>
<p>
  <em>If you’d stayed in your own bed for one more night, he’d be with you right now. He’d be making love to you. Now he may never touch you again. It’s your fault.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra got up once and went to the bedroom door. She leaned her forehead against it, and swore she could feel him pressed up against the other side. The way he had that first night in Marley, when they’d had to pretend not to be in love. She’d felt him waiting for her to open the door and enter his arms.</p>
<p>She could feel him now, waiting on the other side. She gasped.</p>
<p>“Levi.”</p>
<p>Petra flung open the door.</p>
<p>No one was there.</p>
<p>She could hear him breathing downstairs. He’d had no desire to come up here.</p>
<p>He was happy to leave her alone.</p>
<p>Petra shut the door, returned to her bed, and lay awake the rest of the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kiss!”</p>
<p>Kuchel sounded cross. Petra was carrying her out the door on their way to visit Brigitta. The woman was due any day now, and looked like an overripe pumpkin. Poor thing.</p>
<p>“Okay, sweetheart.” Petra kissed Kuchel’s cheek, but the girl fussed.</p>
<p>“No. Kiss Papa!”</p>
<p>Kuchel waved her arm behind them. Levi was watching from back in the hall.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Your mother and I aren’t trained damn monkeys,” he grumbled, but Petra walked back to him.</p>
<p>“Oh, a little kiss wouldn't hurt.” Secretly, her heart was beating so fast. These last three days, she and Levi had been polite and kind, but there had been no heat. He’d kissed her cheek, but not her lips. She was so desperate for his touch, but wouldn’t force it. He glared at Kuchel as Petra approached, as if silently reprimanding his daughter.</p>
<p>“Kiss Mama, Papa.” Kuchel pouted.</p>
<p>“Eh.” But he let Petra lean in and kiss his lips. Just once. It was a sweet kiss. Tender. There was no cruelty.</p>
<p>But he stopped after one. No desire for more. It was like a spear going into her heart, but she didn’t cry. She couldn’t. One day, he might be able to come back to her, at least a little bit. He might come back to their bed. Petra had never been as cold in her life as she had these last three nights without him. She would’ve gone downstairs and gotten on top of him on the sofa if she’d believed in even the smallest way he wanted her.</p>
<p>But he didn’t. He’d always love her, but she may have killed his lust.</p>
<p>Sometimes she wanted to burst into tears and scream at him. Why was he punishing her like this? Didn’t he know how much pain she’d been in? If she’d loved him less, she’d never have made such an atrocious mistake.</p>
<p>But she couldn’t cry, or scream. She could only endure.</p>
<p>“Okay. See, Kuchel? Now let’s go to Auntie Brigitta’s.” Petra turned away, fighting down a lump in her throat.</p>
<p>“Oi.” Levi stepped up behind her. “Um. Say hi for me. Be safe. You need me to go with you?”</p>
<p>“No one’s going to jump us. Unless you’d like to come?” Her every cell vibrated with hope.</p>
<p>“Nah. See you later.”</p>
<p>With that, he went into the kitchen, probably for some tea. Petra took Kuchel out the door, and into the streets. She set the child on the ground and Kuchel walked along, her hand in Petra’s.</p>
<p>“Do you still love Papa?” Kuchel sounded unnerved.</p>
<p>“More than anything.”</p>
<p>“Does he love you?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” That answer was less certain.</p>
<p>“Then why he sleep downstairs?”</p>
<p>“His…his doctors said he needs to sleep down there for a while. For his ribs.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Okay.” Kuchel hummed a little song.</p>
<p>Petra wanted to die.</p>
<p>They got to Brigitta’s. Her parents were already there, and took Kuchel while Petra went upstairs and sat with her heavily pregnant sister. Summer was in the air, and Brigitta was always covered in a light layer of sweat. Petra wet a cloth and sat beside her sister, wiping her face.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Pet.” Brigitta sighed and rubbed her protruding belly. “Ugh, this little one can’t come out fast enough.”</p>
<p>“So. Boy or girl? What do you think?” Petra felt a million miles removed from this conversation, but she tried to focus. She could use the distraction.</p>
<p>“Hmm. I’m thinking girl? But Edvard is sure it’s a boy. We’re calling it Oswald if that’s the case. If it’s a girl…” She grinned. “Petra. Since her aunt helped make all this possible.”</p>
<p><em>I hope it’s a girl for poor Oswald’s sake.</em> But she said nothing.</p>
<p>“Hope you’re enjoying the last chances you have to sleep for a while.” She forced a smile.</p>
<p>“Hey. Is everything okay?” Brigitta took her hand. “With you and Levi?”</p>
<p>Petra had told Brigitta about her…indiscretion. Her sister had been shocked and sympathetic. She hadn’t been mad at Petra, or at Levi for his feelings. Brigitta just saw it as a bad, sad situation.</p>
<p>“Um. Kuchel’s starting to notice things are weird.” Petra blinked away tears. “I just wish he’d hold me again,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“He will. You’ll get past this.” Brigitta rubbed her hand. “I’ve never seen two people so in love. I really envy that about you.”</p>
<p>“What, you don’t love Edvard?” she teased.</p>
<p>“Of course I do. But…” She shook her head. “This’ll sound so bad, but I married him because I wanted a baby and he was sweet and kind and wanted one, too. I’m glad I married him, but I could have married lots of other men and been as happy. But I know there’s only Levi for you. It’s wonderful.”</p>
<p>“And scary.” Petra felt so emptied out. “My heart’s broken without him. I feel even further away from him than I did when I thought he was dead.” Her chin quivered. “Why did I have to fuck… What’s wrong with me?”</p>
<p>“Nothing’s wrong with you. You were grieving.” Brigitta huffed. “Honestly, Levi’s starting to make me angry. He can’t hold this against you forever.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t. That’s the thing. If he were mad at me, that’d be one thing, but he’s not. He’s really not. He understands what happened. He just…can’t help feeling the way he does. He loves me. He’s kind to me. But…he doesn’t want to touch me anymore.”</p>
<p>She had to stop, or she’d break. Brigitta tugged Petra to lie down next to her. They shared the same pillow. Petra sniffled as Brigitta stroked her hair.</p>
<p>“You’re the little sister. You’re pregnant. I should be doing this for you,” Petra grumbled. Brigitta laughed.</p>
<p>“When little Oswald or Petra shows up, you can take lots of care of me.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Petra laid a hand on her own stomach for an instant. Was Oruo in there right now? Would his appearance soften Levi at all? God, she hoped it would. She looked at Brigitta, so pale but so radiant. “Any day now. Are you excited?”</p>
<p>“I’m so happy. Thank you, Petra.” Her sister kissed her forehead. “I’d never have this if you hadn’t helped. You made my dream come true.”</p>
<p>
  <em>At least I could do that for someone.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra sighed and got up. “I should see Mama and find out if there’s anything I can—”</p>
<p>“Ahhh!” Brigitta squealed and clutched her stomach. “Oh. Oh my god.”</p>
<p>It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Petra pulled back the cover, and found a large wet stain spreading across the mattress. Brigitta’s water had broken.</p>
<p>“Oh shit…” Petra snapped to it. “I’d better call the doctor!”</p>
<p>“Yes!” Brigitta laughed, almost giddy as Petra hurried out the door and down the stairs, shouting for her mother. Saying it was time.</p>
<p>This was good. At least this would take her mind off of Levi.</p>
<p>A little bit.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I heard you had a little run in with the good Captain Levi a few nights ago,” Zeke drawled. Erwin sat with him in the Tower apartment, taking some afternoon coffee while Zeke continued to lay out everything he’d heard or seen from Willy Tyburn. He wasn’t exactly a fount of information. Besides, they weren’t even certain Willy was the traitor.</p>
<p>Willy was a brave man, but it took a lot of balls to put yourself in the position of getting blown up aboard a ship. And he hadn’t fought Kiyomi at all when they found out about the Grasshopper, though that wasn’t proof.</p>
<p>Well. Back to Zeke’s intrusive statement.</p>
<p>“Yes. Levi came to resign his place in the military.” Erwin tapped the blank page with his pen. “Shall we?”</p>
<p>“He must have been very irate after Hybernia. He’s not the sort of man to understand death that isn’t purely utilitarian. You know. Kill or be killed. He’s not the sort to murder children to prevent more murdered children in the future. Levi’s not like us.”</p>
<p>“No.” Erwin glowered. “He’s not.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Thank god he’s not.</em>
</p>
<p>“Was there any other reason he’d have been so hot under the collar?” Zeke gave a lazy smile. Erwin stiffened. How the hell did he know?</p>
<p>“Has anyone spoken to you?”</p>
<p>“Talk gets around. I was just curious, but I see from your expression something more <em>did</em> happen. You two seem so uncommonly close. Hard to imagine what could come between you. If I had to guess?” Zeke poked his chin. “The wife. Were you a naughty fellow while we were on that island?”</p>
<p>“You’re here because I’m allowing it, Zeke. Remember that.”</p>
<p>“And because you don’t want Marley to keep the power of the Beast Titan. Remember <em>that.</em>”</p>
<p>“There are more effective ways of keeping your power to myself.” Erwin narrowed his eyes. “It’s no trouble to get someone to eat you.”</p>
<p>“You’d do the honors yourself?” Zeke sneered. “Or do you plan on eating Eren when the time comes?”</p>
<p>“I’m tired of your games.”</p>
<p>“As I’m tired of yours. You can’t keep me in this damn tower for the next eighteen months.”</p>
<p>“You’d be surprised what I can do. Now give me some information on Willy that I can use, or—”</p>
<p>“There’s one person who hates Willy Tybur even more than you or I. One person who would do anything in this world to see him suffer.” Zeke pulled his beard. “Can you possibly guess who I mean?”</p>
<p>“Giulia.” It was a thought he’d had before.</p>
<p>“We were both there the day her son was selected for the next War Hammer. We both saw the way she went after her husband. She’s close to him; she hates him; she has access to information and a way to give said information to our enemies. I’d look at her, if you want my advice.”</p>
<p>“I’ve already considered such a thing.” Erwin stood. “Now if you don’t mind, I have other meetings this afternoon. I’d suggest you stay comfortable; Marley will be sending a ship for you in a day’s time.”</p>
<p>“You’re kicking me out?”</p>
<p>“I have no further use for you.” Erwin hoped Zeke would not call his bluff. He wanted to put the man into a state of mild panic; he’d be easier to manipulate then. “Unless you have something important to tell me?”</p>
<p>Zeke’s blue eyes tightened. He scowled.</p>
<p>“I have so many important things to tell you, Majesty. But are you ready to hear them?”</p>
<p>What the fuck did <em>that</em> mean?</p>
<p>Before Erwin could ask, the door burst wide. A soldier entered the room, looking pale and a bit unsteady.</p>
<p>“Majesty.” He snapped a salute. “There’s…there’s been a new development at the southern port.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked at Zeke. The man appeared only curious. Maybe it was real; maybe it was an act. Maybe he already knew what this soldier knew, whatever it was.</p>
<p>“Well?” Erwin glared. “What’s the news?”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Brigitta was in labor. Apparently things were moving fast. Maybe Levi ought to go over there. Maybe he ought to sit with Edvard; the man’d done a lot for him and his family over the years. He was a good guy.</p>
<p>Levi just couldn’t bear the thought of sitting beside Petra, waiting with her while new life came into the world. Reminding him of the night Kuchel was born, the happiest night of his life. Well. That and his wedding night. And the night he and Petra first made love.</p>
<p>And every night they’d made love since.</p>
<p>Fuck. He wanted her so bad. He loved her so much.</p>
<p>He couldn’t stand the thought of touching her. It was fire under his skin, this wanting, but when he looked at her he saw Erwin’s hands all over her body and Levi’s blood turned to ice.</p>
<p>Maybe one day he’d get past this. Just not today.</p>
<p>But it’d be a nice thing for him to go over there. He wasn’t much of a nice person, but the Rals had been good to him. Levi paid his debts. He took responsibility.</p>
<p>The phone rang as he debated getting his coat. He picked up.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” He waited for Petra’s voice with the news. Instead…</p>
<p>“<em>Levi?</em>”</p>
<p>Fuck. Erwin. The sound of the man’s voice was electricity through his body. It thrilled and infuriated him in equal measure.</p>
<p>“Fuck off. I’m not interested.” Whatever it was, whatever the manipulation, Erwin could sit in hell with it. He started to hang up.</p>
<p>“<em>Eren escaped!</em>” Erwin barked. Levi froze. He put the receiver to his ear again.</p>
<p>“Fuck you mean?”</p>
<p>“<em>We just received word from the southern port. He incapacitated Connie but didn’t eat him, thankfully. We don’t know where he is now. But we suspect he’s headed for Mitras.</em>”</p>
<p>For Zeke. Levi’s head spun as he sat down.</p>
<p>“What the fuck is going on? Why’s Eren doing this?”</p>
<p>“<em>I’m afraid he and Zeke may have some sort of plan for the Founding Titan. The boy’s been behaving so strangely for quite some time now.</em>”</p>
<p>Yeah. No shit. Eren was in the running for the ‘craziest asshole’ prize. He might even win. But Levi couldn’t get his mind around this. The kid he’d watched over for four years, the yelling, passionate, good-natured, hypervolatile kid was just…what?</p>
<p>Betraying them? Disobeying Erwin? What the fuck was happening?</p>
<p>“What do you want me to do?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“<em>I’m not asking you to rejoin the military. I just need you to come to Mitras and help oversee Zeke’s removal. I’ve gotten you a private train, you could be here in less than an hour. You are the only man I trust to take down Zeke or Eren if it’s truly necessary.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi shut his eyes. The doctors wouldn’t be thrilled at the idea, but he was almost totally healed by now. His Ackerman genes.</p>
<p>“Think Zeke’s got some kind of plan?”</p>
<p>“<em>I do. It’s my hunch.</em>”</p>
<p>Erwin’s hunches were rarely wrong. Fuck, that evil monkey thought he could put one over on all of them? Levi bared his teeth.</p>
<p>“Fine. This changes nothing between us. But fine. I’m on my way.”</p>
<p>“<em>Thank you, Levi.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi hung up, went and got his coat. On his way out the door, he paused. Fuck.</p>
<p>He had to. It wouldn’t be right otherwise.</p>
<p>He went to the phone and made another call.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Petra gaped, trying to process what he’d told her. Levi’s voice was calm, but rough on the other end of the line.</p>
<p>“<em>I can’t let Zeke and Eren touch. Whatever they’re thinking, they couldn’t tell us they’re up to. They don’t want us to know their plan. I don’t trust them, especially not Zeke.</em>”</p>
<p>She understood. Truly. But…</p>
<p>“What if you get hurt?” she whispered. Or, god forbid, killed?</p>
<p>“<em>If these two have some kind of insane plan, my life’s a small price to pay to stop it.</em>”</p>
<p>“Not for Kuchel,” she whispered. Tears filled her eyes at the thought of her daughter’s agony if Levi…</p>
<p>“<em>This is for Kuchel. And the baby.</em>” A pause. “<em>And you. Zeke Jaeger’s no friend to Paradis. I’ll be careful. But I’m going. I’m on my way now.</em>”</p>
<p>“I don’t get a say in this?” She felt her blood pressure rising.</p>
<p>“<em>No. You don’t.</em>”</p>
<p>It was as if he’d shut a door on her. Petra swallowed; she knew there was no way to change his mind.</p>
<p>“Then go. But be careful,” she said lifelessly. A tear traced down her cheek.</p>
<p>“<em>I will.</em>” Another pause. She heard him breathing.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she murmured. “So much.”</p>
<p>He sighed heavily.</p>
<p>“<em>Love you, too.</em>”</p>
<p>Then he was gone. Petra hung up and pressed her hand to the wall. She wanted to start kicking and screaming—</p>
<p>“Was that Levi?” Ingrid stood beside her. Petra wiped her face.</p>
<p>“Yeah. He, uh, got called away on business and can’t come.”</p>
<p>“Business? I thought he retired?”</p>
<p>“I can’t, Mama. I can’t talk about this. I…” She had to get away from well meaning concern. Petra walked away abruptly and climbed the stairs. She stood in the doorway of Brigitta’s bedroom. The doctor was at her bedside, as was Edvard. Brigitta was red-faced, inhaling and exhaling in time with the doctor’s orders.</p>
<p>Brigitta’s eyes lit up when she saw Petra. She waved at her. The doctor let Petra come in. She stood by Brigitta’s side and held her hand.</p>
<p>“Contractions are coming along nicely.” The doctor took Brigitta’s pulse and nodded. “I’m hoping she’ll start pushing soon.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Edvard said. He was beaming, looked deliriously happy. He leaned over and kissed Brigitta. She beamed, then frowned and cried out in pain, clutching Petra’s hand so hard it was honestly painful. But Petra smiled through the discomfort.</p>
<p>“You’re doing so good,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Oof.” Brigitta huffed and puffed as Edvard and the doctor stepped out into the hall for a quick discussion. “Almost…there.” She beamed.</p>
<p>“You look beautiful. Really.” Petra picked up a wet cloth from the basin on the floor and wiped Brigitta’s forehead. “You’re glowing.”</p>
<p>“I’m so excited.” Tears stood out in the woman’s eyes. “I just want him to get here. Oof.”</p>
<p>She winced. The contractions could be killer.</p>
<p>“It helps if you just focus on getting through the next five seconds. Count them. Then the five after that. It makes the time more manageable.”</p>
<p>“Thanks. I will.” Brigitta relaxed against the pillow and shut her eyes. “Is Levi coming?”</p>
<p>“He’s…he can’t. He got called out of town by the king.”</p>
<p>Brigitta opened one eye with concern.</p>
<p>“Is everything all right?”</p>
<p>How much could she tell?</p>
<p>“There’s an issue with one of the shifters in Mitras. They just need to move him somewhere else. They only trust Levi to take care of him.”</p>
<p>“Is that wise? He’s not fully himself yet.”</p>
<p>Petra tried to stop the stab of fear. It didn’t quite work.</p>
<p>“He’s more dangerous at half capacity than most are at their strongest. Trust me. He’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>She needed to believe that. She couldn’t live otherwise.</p>
<p>“Pet?” Brigitta kissed her hand. “He loves you. Don’t ever think he doesn’t.”</p>
<p>“He won’t come back to me, though. I can feel it.”</p>
<p>Just saying the words almost undid her.</p>
<p>“He will. You two were made for each other.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes I wish he’d find…” She blushed. “I wish he’d find some woman he liked for a night and just…”</p>
<p>“Are you serious?” Brigitta laughed. “Ugh, that’s such a… I don’t know. It’s like you’re trying to even things out. That’s ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know. But it feels fair.”</p>
<p>“What’s fair is him realizing how much you love him and—”</p>
<p>Brigitta’s expression changed. The smile disappeared. Her eyes bulged.</p>
<p>She sat up and screamed. It was a scream Petra had only heard on the battlefield before, as a titan ripped somebody apart.</p>
<p>Brigitta clutched and crushed Petra’s hand. Petra barked in pain, but held onto her sister and shouted for the doctor.</p>
<p>“Hey! Hey, get in here! She needs help!”</p>
<p>The doctor rushed inside, along with Edvard. Petra extricated herself from her sister’s grip and gave the doctor space to work. He laid Brigitta back on the pillow, but her sister kept sobbing. She clutched at her stomach.</p>
<p>“It’s stabbing me! It hurts!” she screamed. Petra heard her parents’ footsteps like thunder on the stairs. The doctor pulled back the bedclothes.</p>
<p>There was blood spreading on the mattress.</p>
<p>Edvard made a gagging sound and collapsed into a chair. Petra stared at the blood. She looked at the doctor.</p>
<p>“Get me some hot water,” he said. His voice was hoarse. “And call the hospital for a nurse. Go now!”</p>
<p>She did, galloping out the door and past her parents. Petra was too dizzy and sick to cry or feel as she picked up the phone and rang the hospital.</p>
<p>She had seen the fear in the doctor’s eyes.</p>
<p>She had seen…preparation.</p>
<p>He was prepared for death tonight.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zeke smiled as they fixed him with handcuffs. Like these would do any good. They marched him down the corridor and down the stairs. A car would be waiting below to take him to some new, isolated location.</p>
<p>
  <em>Eren. It’s time.</em>
</p>
<p>The signal had been given. Eren had escaped.</p>
<p>Soon they’d be together. Soon they’d touch.</p>
<p>Soon all Eldians…and the world…would be saved.</p>
<p>They walked out the front door and down the path. The iron gates opened, letting Zeke and his escort onto the street. A car was indeed waiting. So was King Erwin.</p>
<p>Zeke’s smile withered. Levi Ackerman stood there, glowering at him.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d retired,” Zeke said. Levi fell into step beside him on the way to the car.</p>
<p>“Can’t let you go around unprotected, Beardy,” Levi snarled.</p>
<p>This was no good. Hmm. Riling Levi was a dangerous idea, but it was the only thing that might provide a brief opening for Zeke to slip through.</p>
<p>“Nice of you to work for the man who killed over a million Hybernians,” Zeke said. Levi’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t respond. One more push, then. “Tell me. Does your wife prefer Erwin’s attentions to yours?” Zeke whispered.</p>
<p>Oh, he’d been right about that. He’d been <em>so</em> right.</p>
<p>Levi turned on him in a flash. The man’s eyes held a savage light as he bared his teeth. As he took Zeke by the front of his shirt and hurtled him to the ground. Zeke felt three bones break as he landed. He bit back the pain; they would heal soon enough.</p>
<p>“Levi!”</p>
<p>The king was on top of the soldier in an instant. As they argued, Zeke got to his feet. Damn. He looked at the soldiers who’d escorted him; all the ones who’d guarded him in the hall. Who’d tasted his wine.</p>
<p>Give it a minute. Perhaps he should wait until they were outside the city limits. Yes. Yes, that would be wiser. Easier to get away then; in the countryside, Levi would be less effective on ODM.</p>
<p>Good. Zeke let the soldiers help him up, dust him off. Zeke looked to the right, at the line of dirty hobos and panhandlers who begged for coin.</p>
<p>He saw one of them stand up.</p>
<p>“Let’s go.” A soldier jerked him forward. Zeke let himself be led away—</p>
<p>“Zeke Jaeger?” the hobo said. Zeke stopped in surprise; he didn’t think he was so instantly recognizable. He turned.</p>
<p>“What?” he said.</p>
<p>The figure pushed back its hood. It reached into the band of its pants.</p>
<p>It pulled out a gun and aimed at him.</p>
<p>“Do you remember me?” the woman said.</p>
<p>Her voice was guttural. Her eyes were fire. Half her face was melted away.</p>
<p>The pieces came together quickly. Zeke felt his eyes widen.</p>
<p>“Oh sh—”</p>
<p>She shot him through the throat.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What the fuck?” Levi barked. He turned around just in time to see some homeless woman fire a gun at Zeke. Shit. Shit, she’d hit the monkey. He collapsed to the ground as Levi bolted ahead.</p>
<p>He slammed into the woman, knocking the gun from her hands. He threw her to the ground, not giving a damn if he hurt her. He kneed her in the chest. She coughed as he gripped her throat.</p>
<p>“Who the fuck are you?” he snarled.</p>
<p>Fuck, her face was burned badly. She glowered at him.</p>
<p>Then he heard choking. Fuck. Zeke.</p>
<p>“Arrest her,” Levi snapped at a soldier. He got up and went to stand beside Zeke. He looked down at the ape. Zeke clawed at his throat, which had a bullet hole right in the center. Shit. Was he gonna survive this?</p>
<p>Zeke’s glasses sat askew on his face. He glared up at Levi.</p>
<p>He opened his mouth wide.</p>
<p>The hairs all along Levi’s arms stood rigid. Flashes of insight came to him: Ragako. Shiganshina.</p>
<p>Titans that appeared when he screamed…</p>
<p>“Erwin! Everyone!” Levi shouted. He took out his sword to cut off the bastard’s head.</p>
<p>Too late.</p>
<p>Zeke let out a loud, undulating wail.</p>
<p>And all around them, the night lit up with explosions. Six. Seven. Eight.</p>
<p>The burned girl screamed as eight titans rose up around them, taking the spots where moments earlier Paradisian soldiers had stood.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was almost midnight when she got home. She’d left Kuchel at Brigitta’s, asleep in Ingrid’s arms.</p>
<p>They wouldn’t know anything tonight. Petra needed to pack a bag and bring it over. Everyone needed to try to rest.</p>
<p>The baby was…</p>
<p><em>Right now, I’m focused on saving your sister’s life,</em> the doctor had said an hour ago. The nurse just kept carrying bundles of bloody cloth out of Brigitta’s room. Petra had never heard screams like those in her life. <em>Stillborn. Dead in the womb.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>She’ll never be pregnant again.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra got to her knees on the living room floor. She wanted to lie down right there. She was so bodily weary.</p>
<p>Brigitta’s son had been strangled in the womb.</p>
<p>He’d come into the world wrapped in his mother’s uterus.</p>
<p>She would never be able to have another child.</p>
<p>Brigitta didn’t know that part yet. She only knew that her son was dead. She had screamed like an animal. Kuchel had sobbed. Ingrid and Petra had kissed the girl, promised her Auntie would be better.</p>
<p>But even if Brigitta lived, she would never be better again.</p>
<p>
  <em>This will kill her.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra hung her head. How much more? How much more pain did they have to go through? When was it enough?</p>
<p>She wanted Levi so badly. She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted him to stroke her hair and tell her it would be all right. It would hurt, but they would survive. They always did.</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to get up. I have to pack. Brigitta needs me.</em>
</p>
<p>Yes. No time for tears. She had to be there for her sister.</p>
<p>Gasping, Petra stood and staggered towards the stairs.</p>
<p>There was a knock at the door.</p>
<p>She stopped. Who the fuck would be at her door now? Levi wouldn’t knock. Neither would Ingrid.</p>
<p>Unless…</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s a soldier with bad news. Levi’s in trouble. There’s been an accident.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra dashed for the door and flung it open, bracing herself for a sad, strange face on the doorstep.</p>
<p>Instead, she found a very familiar one.</p>
<p>“Eren?” she gasped.</p>
<p>
  <em>He escaped the southern port. He’s on his way to Mitras. To Zeke.</em>
</p>
<p>Except he was here, with her. Petra stepped back as Eren entered and gently shut the door.</p>
<p>“There’s an old saying,” he told her by way of greeting. “More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones. Your sister found that out tonight.”</p>
<p>“Wh-what are you—?”</p>
<p>“I need your help, Petra. If you help me tonight, I can save this world. Your family. Your daughter.” He kept moving towards her, and she kept backing away. Her mind was whirling, broken. What was this? What was happening to her? “I can save the baby that’s already growing inside you.”</p>
<p>“Save us? What?”</p>
<p>“More than that. I can bring your sister’s baby back to life,” he said. His eyes glowed with the madness of pure sanity. The belief in what he was saying. “I can give your sister her womb back. I can bring all of them back, Petra. Nanaba. Mike. Eld. Gunther. Nifa.” He raised a brow. “Oruo? There’s nothing I can’t do if you help. All you have to do is let me stay here. Let me wait.”</p>
<p>“For what?” she growled.</p>
<p>“For whom,” he answered.</p>
<p>“Zeke?”</p>
<p>He said nothing. Petra saw the phone on its cradle to her left. She looked at it, at Eren.</p>
<p>“Don’t try to call anyone,” he said. He looked so alien now. He was tall, over six feet. His long hair hung around his shoulders. His eyes were feral, a wild cat’s eyes.</p>
<p>He was not the sweet, wild boy she’d known years ago. He was a man now. A dangerous, frightening man.</p>
<p>“How do you know about my sister?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You don’t want to know.”</p>
<p>“I do!” she snapped. Petra lunged to the side, grabbed the phone receiver. She held it up at Eren like a weapon. “What? Will you kill me if I try to call?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “No. I could never do that.”</p>
<p>“Tell me right now. Tell me what’s going on. Tell me what you want with Zeke. Tell me how you know so much about my family!”</p>
<p>“It’s better if you don’t know.”</p>
<p>“<em>I’ll make that decision!</em>” she howled. She shook as she leaned her back to the wall. She nearly dropped the phone, her hands trembled so badly. “Tell me. Tell me, and I’ll sit here quietly and wait for Zeke. If you don’t? I’ll call. I’ll run.”</p>
<p>She gasped, wiped her cheeks. She’d started crying. She didn’t recall when.</p>
<p>With a heavy sigh, Eren stepped back. He appraised her. Then he slowly nodded.</p>
<p>“All right. You were always good to me, Petra. You deserve that much.”</p>
<p>“You’ll tell me what’s going on?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I swear it.” He narrowed his eyes. “You know I don’t lie. Not like this.”</p>
<p>No. He didn’t. Slowly, she replaced the receiver. He gestured to the living room.</p>
<p>“Sit down. I’m not going to hurt you, or stop you from running. But if you want the truth, you need to sit.”</p>
<p>Slowly, she entered the living room. Slowly, she sat on the couch. He sat in an armchair opposite and studied her across the coffee table.</p>
<p>“All right.” She licked her lips. “Tell me.”</p>
<p>“Then let’s begin simply.” He sat back. “Four years ago, you were supposed to die in the titan forest. You didn’t. And as a result, if I can’t meet with Zeke tonight, reality itself is going to fall apart.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>From here on, there may sometimes be big spoilers for the end of the manga/season four of the anime. I'll try to remember to leave a note if or when I spoil something, but I may slip up. Hopefully I won't.</p>
<p>With that said, if you don't want to be spoiled for some major plot points, be careful with this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d given her four bullets.</p>
<p>Inga sat in that cage screaming as the fire burned all around her. She yelled even though she knew no one could hear her. Not that bastard. Not that woman, Petra. Inga screamed for Elsa, who didn’t move. Sobbing, she picked up the gun and, with shaking hands, loaded the bullets into the chamber. Already the heat was making her eyes water, and she coughed as the smoke began to grow. The fire licked up the walls, obliterated papers on the desktop. At least she got to watch that fucking doctor burn.</p>
<p>Inga sobbed as she finished loading the gun. At least that monster with the beard and glasses had given them some release. Better a quick shot to the head than burning alive or dying of the smoke.</p>
<p>But she didn’t want to die. She’d been in a cage her whole life. All she wanted was one free breath.</p>
<p>She sobbed as she aimed the gun through the bars at Elsa and—</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>Her heart hammering, she studied the lock on her cage. She had four bullets. She could use one as an experiment. She could…</p>
<p>It was worth a try.</p>
<p>Inga aimed at the lock. She winced, pulled the trigger…</p>
<p>Nothing. She screamed in horror and frustration until she remembered that the chamber had two empties. The next time she pulled the trigger, there was a deafening blast. The lock shot apart. Inga screamed as the gun recoiled in her hand, but…</p>
<p>The lock was off.</p>
<p>Sobbing, she swung the door open with ease.</p>
<p>She was…out.</p>
<p>She was free.</p>
<p>For the first time in two years, Inga stood up without cage walls around her or shackles on her feet. She sobbed, screamed in joy even as the fire ate the room. Coughing, she remembered Elsa. She aimed well and blasted the lock off the other girl’s door. She yanked the door open, eyes watering. Fuck, the fire was getting so bad…she could hardly see for the smoke…</p>
<p>“Elsa,” she choked. She coughed. The girl would not move. “Come on! Hurry!”</p>
<p>But Elsa only curled in on herself.</p>
<p>She hadn’t always been like this. She’d cried once, begged for her mother. She’d tried to escape, even. Then he’d taken out several of her organs, and she’d stopped trying. She’d started to shrivel away.</p>
<p>Even when he took away Inga’s chance to have children, she’d sworn she would not die here. That her life had meaning anyway. That she deserved to live for her own sake at least.</p>
<p>Elsa had given up after the first surgery. Inga would never give up.</p>
<p>“Come on!” she screamed. She grabbed the girl’s shirt and dragged her out of the cage, but Elsa would not help and she was so heavy. So heavy…</p>
<p>The smoke filled Inga’s lungs. She coughed and choked. It was so hot…</p>
<p>She screamed as the flames licked her body. She smelled her hair as it burned, her shirt as it caught fire. Her face was obliterated with pain when the fire touched her skin, when she smelled it burning, like it was cooking.</p>
<p>She fell away, unable to take the pain. The fire started to eat Elsa.</p>
<p>Sobbing, Inga shot the third bullet. Elsa was beyond pain now.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry.</em>
</p>
<p>Inga stumbled to the door, scrambled to open it. She did, falling into the hallway. It was astonishingly cool after that fiery room. Inga ran down the hall and out the back door, exploding off the back porch and into the jungle. She ran and ran, the gun still in her hand, the single bullet in its chamber. She ran until a bubble of crystal rose around the house to put out the fire. Titan crystal.</p>
<p>Inga shivered and crept through the dark, trying not to make a sound. If they found her they’d kill her.</p>
<p>No. She had one bullet left. She’d do it herself.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, as the adrenaline wore off the pain of her burns became more pronounced. Pretty soon she had her shirt stuffed into her mouth to stifle her moans. Her eyes watered. It felt like half her face was covered in molten lead.</p>
<p>She found a stream and tried putting water on her face. That was a mistake that almost rendered her unconscious.</p>
<p>Desperate, she scooped up mud from the riverbank and smeared it on the burns. That was still agony, but it helped a little. Just a little.</p>
<p>She tried drinking some of the water. She kept walking, hoping to find someone to help.</p>
<p>Though what they’d do with her…</p>
<p>Maybe the water had been dirty. Maybe her wounds got infected. But by morning, Inga was delirious with a fever. Her throat swelled. Her body became so cold. Her burns at least stopped hurting as she sank deeper into illness.</p>
<p>Eventually, she collapsed onto the jungle floor and lay there.</p>
<p>Okay. It was okay if she died now. She’d had one free breath. She hadn’t known love, or kindness. She’d never have a family of her own, or a career of any kind. But she’d gotten to be free for even one night, and not many could say that.</p>
<p>Inga was glad when she became unconscious. Soon she’d be dead, and the pain would end.</p>
<p>She didn’t know how long she lay there. She only knew that at some point, she heard voices. She felt hands.</p>
<p>She thrashed, because she knew that they had found her and would send her to Paradise. She tried to scream, but her throat was too swollen to make a sound.</p>
<p>She felt the sting of a needle. Then she was truly gone.</p>
<p>Inga had been shocked when she awoke again. She was lying in a bed, wearing a clean white smock. She was wrapped in bandages. Her skin still burned, but the burn was manageable now. Someone had put balm on it. She swallowed; her throat was better, too. She’d sat up and found herself in…</p>
<p>A doctor’s office.</p>
<p>“No!” She’d started screaming, tried to run. She’d only fallen out of bed. That’s when he’d come in. The doctor.</p>
<p>“It’s all right. Shhh.” He was a man with graying hair and black eyes. He didn’t smile. He hoisted her up under the arms, but she fought.</p>
<p>“No, no! No! I’m not going back! No!” she screamed.</p>
<p>“Quiet,” he hissed. Then the door opened, and a woman in white entered. A nurse. She was holding a needle.</p>
<p>No, no, no. Not again.</p>
<p>“Let me go,” Inga sobbed, but her legs failed.</p>
<p>“Doctor?” The nurse approached…</p>
<p>“Leave the needle. Leave us. It’s all right,” he said. The woman looked uncertain, but left. “Hush. Miss, hush. They don’t know.”</p>
<p>That’s what he said: they don’t know. That made Inga stop fighting.</p>
<p>“Wh-what?”</p>
<p>“They don’t know about you.” He whispered that in her ear. “I changed the blood test we did when you arrived. They think you’re an ordinary Marleyan.”</p>
<p>This…this couldn’t be what she thought. He was lying.</p>
<p>“I-I’m…”</p>
<p>“They think you’re some girl we found. The victim of some kidnapping attempt. Black market people who take women’s organs. It’s happened before. The story was convincing.” He hissed. “They don’t know you’re Eldian. Stop fighting.”</p>
<p>She didn’t know what to do, so she did nothing. He put her back to bed.</p>
<p>“Now. Stay here. You’re in a hospital about three miles outside Saluzzo. If anyone asks…?”</p>
<p>“I…” She swallowed. “I was kidnapped.”</p>
<p>“You got away.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Good. We’ll talk later.”</p>
<p>And he left her there, sitting in bed and praying this wasn’t the last, cruelest joke of her life.</p>
<p>But the nurses were polite to her. So sweet. They even stroked her hair and gave her extra oranges. They checked her bandages with care.</p>
<p><em>They’re so nice.</em> Marleyans had never been nice to Inga before. But she had to remember that if they knew what she was, the niceness would go away.</p>
<p>Why couldn’t everyone just be nice like this all the time?</p>
<p>She rested. She waited. As the sun went down, the doctor came back. He spoke pleasantly.</p>
<p>“Well. Looks like you’ve got some healing ahead of you, but we can expect a full recovery.”</p>
<p>He gave her a few sheets of paper. Words were written on them. <em>Don’t talk. Just read.</em></p>
<p>“Yes, thank you,” Inga said. She read as the doctor ‘took her temperature’ and other silent activities. It gave her time to read. No talk, in case someone was listening.</p>
<p>Inga learned that his name was Alberto Canuto. He was a doctor. A Marleyan doctor. A Marleyan doctor who hated what was done to people of her race.</p>
<p>He was a man who had falsified many Eldian blood tests in his life. He had helped them to hide in plain sight. To live semi-normal lives, though of course he recommended they never marry outside of their community, or have close Marleyan friends. Still. Better than the camps. Better than the world’s hatred.</p>
<p>She’d made it five miles through the jungle, to the outskirts of his small town. Hunters had found her and brought her to him. Inga was lucky for the first time in her life: any other doctor would have condemned her. But he was going to help her.</p>
<p>While he chatted about the weather and how long she’d been asleep, he gave her a pencil and had her write out her brief story on the back of the paper. She told him where she’d come from. What had been done to her. How she escaped.</p>
<p>Alberto read it. She watched his face darken. She saw his jaw tighten with anger. Then, when he was done, he told her she’d be just fine. He tore the paper into fine bits, then said he was going outside. To smoke.</p>
<p>When he got back from burning the evidence, he told her that he was going to help her fill out forms. Get a permanent ID again. He’d introduce her to a community of her own that could help her.</p>
<p>He did all of that. He healed Inga, then he saved her.</p>
<p>It was the first time in her life she ever fell in love with anyone, though of course she never told him. She was too ashamed, too certain she was unlovable. And it wouldn’t have been wise, anyway. She’d have put him in danger.</p>
<p>Even now, she had idle dreams of going back one day and making him love her in return. But that would never happen.</p>
<p>Because later on, while living in Valle, she saw titans fall from the sky. She saw the face of the man who had burned her as he sat in a café, relaxing with his other Warrior friends. She had learned his name: Zeke Jaeger.</p>
<p>Because almost two years after that night in Fischer’s office, she’d found Zeke Jaeger.</p>
<p>She’d shot him.</p>
<p>And now she was going to die surrounded by titans.</p>
<p>Inga screamed as the men around her…transformed. Bursts of lightning flashed all around, and then there were titans. Inga had seen the titan shifters when they fought in Valle, but she had never seen titans like these. Pure, mindless titans.</p>
<p>She screamed as one that stood almost two stories tall leaned down and reached for her. It wore an idiot grin, and it grabbed her around the middle. It lifted her off the ground, and she was headed for its mouth.</p>
<p>She’d known people like her could become monsters like this. But she hadn’t seen…</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I ought to just die.</em>
</p>
<p>As she was lifted toward the creature’s mouth, she felt that at least her misery would soon be over. That was something.</p>
<p>She cried and—</p>
<p>The titan bellowed. Someone or something spun by, and then she was falling. Inga collapsed back to the ground, screaming as she twisted her ankle. She looked up in horror as a man…</p>
<p>He didn’t seem like a man, though. He moved with almost superhuman speed. He’d been wearing some strange kind of contraption, she’d noticed it when he knocked her to the ground. Now she saw: it whirred, and hooks sprang out of it. The man hurtled through the air, landing upon the titan’s back and slicing its neck. The creature collapsed almost on top of Inga. She wriggled out of the hand: that’s what the man who’d saved her had cut off, the hand.</p>
<p>Inga screamed again as she saw a titan grab one of the soldiers and bite him in half. She watched the flying man kill that titan as well, but too late. She heard the man give a furious roar.</p>
<p>Inga saw the tall blond man—the king. He wasn’t wearing the gear that the other man was. He cursed as a titan loomed overhead. Inga had heard that the king was a shifter himself. Why not use the power?</p>
<p>Unless using it would be too destructive?</p>
<p>“Erwin!”</p>
<p>The flying man bellowed as he spun down and sliced up the titan’s reaching arm. He landed on the back, took out the nape. The monster fell to earth, crashing into a car and turning it upside down like a toy.</p>
<p>Inga gasped and cried as she looked around. In a single minute, she’d been surrounded by titans, almost eaten. And now…</p>
<p>They were all dead. The corpses began to disintegrate as the small man returned to earth. He turned around and around, eyes flashing fire.</p>
<p>“Six…seven…damn it!” he roared.</p>
<p>A titan was missing. And so was Zeke Jaeger.</p>
<p>“Levi!” the king said when the short man turned to go. “They’ll be outside the city limits now. You need a horse or a car.”</p>
<p>Sirens were already approaching. Three automobiles pulled up. The dark man, Levi, snarled some ugly curse word and then ran over to one of the cars. The soldier driving saluted him, then jumped back inside. Levi got into the passenger seat, and the car tore off at top speed.</p>
<p>Inga trembled on the ground. She looked at the gun beside her.</p>
<p>She’d started off with four bullets. Now she had none.</p>
<p>Her eyes filled with tears. And she hadn’t even killed him, had she? The bastard.</p>
<p>Then hands grabbed her and yanked her to her feet. Inga wailed in pain.</p>
<p>“Let me go! Stop!”</p>
<p>“Be gentler,” the king said. He approached Inga. In the presence of such a commanding person, such a handsome man, she felt her own smallness and nothingness. King Erwin frowned. “Why did you shoot him?”</p>
<p>It wasn’t an angry question.</p>
<p>“H-He tried to kill me. Back in Marley.”</p>
<p>Erwin nodded, then signaled to the men.</p>
<p>“Take her into the Tower. I want to question her. In the meantime, send more cars and officers after Captain Levi. The orders are that Zeke Jaeger is to be taken alive if at all possible. But if there is no other choice, kill him.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Son of a <em>bitch.</em></p>
<p>She shot him. Zeke hacked and coughed as he massaged his throat. The wound was healing already. The titan carried him obediently through the dark, out of Mitras and onto a highway. Traveling by titan was pleasant, but conspicuous.</p>
<p>“Stop that car up ahead,” he ordered the titan. “Don’t damage it.”</p>
<p>His titan was obedient. It went faster and swooped out of the dark, grabbing the car by its roof. Zeke could hear screaming within. He winced when the titan squeezed, damaging the sides a little bit. Ah well. If it was functional, it’d do.</p>
<p>“Shake them out,” he said. The titan did. A man and woman fell to the earth, screaming. Zeke had the titan put the car down. Before he got into the driver’s seat, he said, “Eat them, if you must.”</p>
<p>The man and woman didn’t scream for long as Zeke rushed down the highway. Soon, he’d blend in with other cars once he found a crowded area. Levi and the others would be chasing the titan for a little while, giving Zeke ample opportunity to stay well ahead of them. Besides, they didn’t know where he was going.</p>
<p>Trost.</p>
<p>Over the course of several months, Yelena had been the go between, sneaking messages from brother to brother. Synchronizing their movements. Whenever Zeke found his way to Paradis, they both knew Eren and he would be separated. When Eren escaped, Zeke would know it was time. That would be the signal. When he could, he must go to Petra Ackerman in Trost.</p>
<p>Eren would be waiting.</p>
<p>
  <em>Soon, Eren. An hour. Just an hour.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Where do we begin?” Eren mused. Petra felt dead inside at this point. She was out of tears. She would accept anything.</p>
<p>“Let’s start simple.” Reality falling apart could wait. She wasn’t ready for that shit just yet. “What do you mean I should have died four years ago?”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing simple about that.” Eren sighed. He leaned his elbows on his knees, lost in thought. “To understand this, you have to understand the titan powers I possess: the Founding Titan, and the Attack Titan. The Founding Titan is our past: every single Eldian who’s ever lived is stored there, in the PATHs with our founder, Ymir.”</p>
<p>Petra was going to go insane. What was he talking about?</p>
<p>“That’s how I could bring them all back, you understand. With the Founder under my total control, I could have Ymir rebuild every last one of them. It’s how she rebuilds shifters’ arms when they’re lost, or their eyes. She makes our bodies. She designs every bit of us. Do you understand?”</p>
<p>“Maybe. I…yes.”</p>
<p>“We Eldians, we Subjects of Ymir, are all descended from the Founder herself. We’re all hers to play with. The Founding Titan can rebuild bodies. It can restore your sister’s womb. It can fix the problem her body has, the reason conceiving is difficult for her. The Founder controls all Subjects of Ymir.” He held up one finger. “With one big exception. The Ackermans.” His gaze darkened. “We’ll come back to that. It’ll be important.”</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s out of his mind. He’s crazy.</em>
</p>
<p>But was he?</p>
<p>“The Attack Titan, meanwhile, can see the future. Rather, the future memories of other Attack Titan shifters. It can also see past memories as well. You understand, Petra?” He leaned nearer to her, a fanatic light building in his eyes. “<em>I can see my dead father’s memories.</em>”</p>
<p>“Okay. All right.” She took a deep breath. “Let me guess. You saw something bad in the future. You have to stop it with the Founder.”</p>
<p>Eren rubbed his legs. “I’m going to try to explain what I meant about your death.” He took a deep breath, shut his eyes. Focused. “This whole world we’re living in now: it wasn’t supposed to happen. It all happened because of Captain Levi.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“In the right timeline—the correct one—Levi let Erwin die on that rooftop in Shiganshina. He chose to let Erwin rest. This world—the hyperfusion bomb, the Triple Alliance—was never supposed to happen.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean ‘supposed to’? It <em>did</em> happen.”</p>
<p>“Let me finish.” He looked agitated, like he himself could barely understand what he was saying. “There’s choice, but there’s also such a thing as destiny. We were all destined to go down a specific path. On that path, Erwin died in Shiganshina. Paradis fell into disarray. Marley loomed over us, more dangerous than ever. On that path, I grew frustrated. I believed there was only one thing to do to save my people.” He looked at her. “The Rumbling. In that other timeline, I touched Zeke and started the Rumbling.”</p>
<p>Petra was really losing it now.</p>
<p>“Wait. So…you want to meet Zeke because you need to start the Rumbling?” She stood up, alarmed.</p>
<p>“No.” He was dead serious. “Ironically, seeing this alternate timeline—seeing how it doesn’t match up with what was supposed to happen—changed my mind completely.” Eren shook his head. He even laughed a little. “I see now that it’s possible to make choices. Things don’t have to go exactly as planned. I could never start the Rumbling now.” He bit his lip. He looked so unsure in that moment; the boy he’d once been.</p>
<p>“So. Wait.” Petra sat, trying to wrap her head around this. “What you’re saying is that Levi changed history? He was supposed to pick Armin, but chose Erwin.” She frowned. “But our world is so much better with Erwin. He freed Eldians. He brought peace and prosperity to the island.” The mention of Erwin still made her wince, but she could put her feelings aside and acknowledge him as a great leader. “You want to put us back on the original path? Where Armin survives?” Did he want to see his childhood friend again that badly?</p>
<p>“For that to happen…” Eren looked at her. Really looked. “Let’s go back to the Ackermans.” Oh for fuck sake. But he continued. “Mikasa and Levi aren’t bound to the same rules as all other Eldians. Ackermans have their own PATHs. The Founder can’t alter their memories, or manipulate their bodies. It can’t control them in any way. Do you understand? Levi is one of the only truly free people in this world.” He sounded bitter there. “He made a choice.”</p>
<p>“Yes. He chose to save Erwin instead of Armin.”</p>
<p>“Why, though? Why did he make that choice?”</p>
<p>“Because…”</p>
<p>Because of their baby. She stopped. Eren nodded.</p>
<p>“In the proper timeline, you were still on Levi’s squad during the Female Titan mission. You died with the others in that forest.”</p>
<p>“Because Levi and I never fell in love?” She felt hollow at the thought.</p>
<p>“You wanted each other. You even had each other, back at the castle. When I joined you for a month.” He looked almost sympathetic. “But you never fell deeply in love. There wasn’t enough time. But Levi broke that timeline when he started a relationship with you after the midwinter ball. Because he made a choice. Because of your relationship, you left his squad. Because you left his squad, you didn't die in the forest. Because you didn’t die in the forest, you got pregnant. And because you got pregnant—”</p>
<p>“Levi saved Erwin.” She was dizzy now. She felt sick to her stomach. “I don’t believe this. This is crazy.”</p>
<p>“You understand, don’t you? If we wanted to set the timeline back—if we even could—Levi would have to let Erwin rest. And for him to do that—”</p>
<p>“I’d have to die. And Kuchel would never be born.” She touched her stomach. <em>The baby already growing inside you.</em></p>
<p>“I don’t want to do that, Petra. I want to see if I can preserve this current timeline. But it depends on meeting Zeke. More importantly, activating the Founding Titan.”</p>
<p>“You said that reality would fall apart.” She was shaking now. “What did you mean?”</p>
<p>This was crazy this was crazy this was crazy this was crazy…</p>
<p>“Remember what I said about my father’s memories?” Eren counted the steps on his fingers. “My father, Grisha, killed Rod Reiss’s family and stole the Founding Titan the night Wall Maria fell. Soon after, he passed both on to me. Because he did, everything that’s happened in these past four years…happened. Right now, I’m sitting before you. I have the Founder and the Attack Titan. Right?”</p>
<p>“Right,” she said faintly.</p>
<p>“But here’s the thing.” He winced as he spoke. “Grisha didn’t want to kill the children. He hesitated in the Reiss cavern. In the correct timeline, I touched Zeke in Shiganshina. He allowed me to go to the PATHs dimension. And he allowed me to fully participate in my father’s memories.”</p>
<p>“Wait.” Petra was starting to understand.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Eren nodded. “I was the one who urged my father to do it. I was the one who stood beside him and made him kill the Reiss children and devour the Founding Titan. If I hadn’t gone into the PATHs dimension—if I hadn’t touched Zeke—I would never have convinced Grisha to do it. I wouldn’t have the power of the titans. And all of this?” He waved a hand at the living room. “It would be like a house with no floor. No foundation.”</p>
<p>“It’d come crashing down.” Her temples throbbed. “But…it happened. It happened because we’re here talking about it. What the fuck is going on?”</p>
<p>“Listen.” He knelt by her feet and grasped her hand. His eyes were furious. No; frightened. “In order for the past to happen, I need to access the PATHs. If I don’t touch Zeke, or a titan of royal blood, I can’t access the Founder. If I can’t, I can’t go into my father’s memories and manipulate him. And if I can’t manipulate him—”</p>
<p>“Then reality falls apart. Because you can’t have a future without a past.”</p>
<p>She wanted to fall asleep. First Brigitta, now this? Her nerves were shot. Petra swallowed.</p>
<p>“I’m going to run through this one more time,” she said. “You’re saying that Levi fell in love with me when he shouldn’t have. Because he did, he saved Erwin instead of Armin. Because of that, the future changed. Because of that, you might not get to touch Zeke. And because of that, the entire world could end.”</p>
<p>“Not the world. Reality itself.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Like I didn’t hate myself enough already. Now I’m responsible for the end of everything.</em>
</p>
<p>“Petra.” He spoke softly now. Kindly. “This can still be all right. Zeke’s on his way here now. Once he gets here, it’ll take only a second. We touch, and in one second the world is right again.”</p>
<p>“That’s all you want?” She sniffed. The tears were back. “You just want to get your father to kill the Reiss children so the future doesn’t fall apart.”</p>
<p>“Yes. That’s the main reason.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. The main reason?</p>
<p>“So there’re other reasons?”</p>
<p>“Only one other. But I think it’s something you can get behind.” He stood up, towered over her. “I’m also going to kill Erwin Smith.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin felt for the girl. The brief summary he got of her life would have softened the hardest heart. Nothing but bad luck and cruelty. That this Inga had managed to come so far on spirit alone said a great deal about her.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, time was of the essence. He sat opposite her, hands folded on the table. Inga had been given a blanket and hot tea; he’d insisted. She should not be treated as a criminal. She was a victim more than anything else.</p>
<p>Zeke had been planning to use those ‘surprise’ titans. She’d only triggered it early. She might have saved them some lives, since Levi had had ample buildings to swing around on in order to slice titans’ napes.</p>
<p>Those titans had been Paradisian soldiers. Gone forever.</p>
<p>Zeke was going to pay for all of this. Inga included.</p>
<p>“Let me understand this. The night I was at the Tybur household, the night before the choosing ceremony, you escaped Fischer’s lab after Zeke nearly killed you when he set fire to the place. You said Zeke was chatty. Did he say anything to you?” Erwin asked. “The smallest detail could help us determine where he’s gone.”</p>
<p>Why the hell had Zeke even done it? Why kill Fischer and burn the place down? Zeke was an odd man, but he was rational. It made little sense.</p>
<p>Asking Inga about that encounter was likely a dead end, but Erwin knew the value of combing over the smallest details. Inga drank her tea.</p>
<p>“No. I mean, I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“So you have no idea why he went there? Was it specifically to kill Fischer?”</p>
<p>“Oh, no. Sorry, I went too fast.” She sniffed. “Zeke didn’t kill Fischer. He just burned the place down and tried to kill me.”</p>
<p>What the…</p>
<p>“If he didn’t, who did?”</p>
<p>“The woman. She killed the doctor. The whole thing started because of this woman. Earlier that afternoon, Fischer showed her me and…Elsa. She was shocked and came back that night to free us. She said she was from Paradis. She was with you.”</p>
<p>It was a bomb going off in his mind. But…how? She’d been inside the Tybur house the entire time that the fire had started and burned. Levi would have noticed if she was gone. Erwin winced. But of course it had been her. Of fucking course. Petra had been so heartbroken that afternoon when she described the girls in their cages. She hadn’t obeyed his command to turn a blind eye. She would never let an innocent suffer, not even to save her people.</p>
<p>“Petra?” he asked hoarsely.</p>
<p>“Yes. That was her name. She was kind.” Inga’s chin quivered. “I don’t like how Zeke ‘freed’ me, but if she hadn’t tried getting us out Fischer would still be alive and I’d still be in a cage or worse.”</p>
<p>“Did…did Zeke talk to her at all?” His head was pounding.</p>
<p>“It was a long time ago now, but I remember. He said that he’d get rid of the evidence if she did him a favor.”</p>
<p>“Tell me.” But Erwin already knew. He was already rising to his feet.</p>
<p>“He said one day he’d come to this island and he wanted to meet his brother. He—”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Inga.” Erwin walked out, followed by his chief aide. “I need to make a call. To Trost.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra. Don’t tell me…</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You…you want to do what?” she whispered. Her head was spinning now. Petra was going to throw up.</p>
<p>“I have to do two things: close the loop so the past can become the future, and kill Erwin Smith. Even if I managed to close the loop, if he stays alive we won’t have a future. At least in the original timeline, the Rumbling would have left Paradis and our people alive. If Erwin lives, the world itself will end.”</p>
<p>“I thought the world would end if you didn’t close the loop.” She was shaking now. When Eren tried to touch her, she pulled away. “You’re asking me to take a lot on faith here.”</p>
<p>“Like I said. I thought you’d be relieved if he died.” Eren’s eyes grew flat. “You’re embarrassed that you slept with him, after all. No. Ashamed.”</p>
<p>Petra stopped shaking. She stopped feeling.</p>
<p>“You knew?” She barely mouthed the words.</p>
<p>“I saw it. I’ve spent hours with Historia, touching her to access a certain amount of the Founder. I’ve been over your path again and again, Petra. I’ve seen all of this. You almost cut your wrist with the razor, and went to Erwin instead.”</p>
<p>She slapped his face. Twice. Eren pulled away, rubbing his cheek. She wanted to punch him, but what good would that do?</p>
<p>“You knew I’d do it. You knew I’d regret it. You knew it would wreck my marriage.” There was fire in her soul now. She stood. “<em>You knew Levi was alive, and you didn’t tell anyone?</em>”</p>
<p>“Certain events needed to play out. It was the only way to get us both here, in this moment. Waiting for Zeke. I let it happen because I had no other choice.”</p>
<p>Petra screamed. She didn’t attack him. It wasn’t a scream so much as a bellow of rage. She sank back into her seat, pulling at her hair. No. She couldn’t take much more. Not after Brigitta, and Levi…</p>
<p>“If you’re so desperate to save the world,” she croaked, “why not make it easy? Why not turn Historia into a titan shifter, and—”</p>
<p>“<em>No.</em>” For the first time that night, he sounded coldly furious. Eren’s face twisted in rage. “There are certain things I won’t do. Not while I have any other options left. I will not sacrifice Historia.”</p>
<p>“So. You’re in love with her?” Petra felt hollow.</p>
<p>“It isn’t like that. She spared my life once. We understand each other.” He looked distant in that moment. Pained. “Armin and Mikasa were both too good. They couldn’t understand me like she does. She put me on this path when she rejected her father and set me free. I won’t repay her by shortening her life.”</p>
<p>“If you don’t touch a royal titan, she won’t have a life! None of us will! Isn’t that what you just said? Why play with all of our lives just for her sake?”</p>
<p>He looked coolly at her. “Would you do it to Levi? Would you do it if there could be any other choice? Any other way?”</p>
<p>She had nothing to say to that.</p>
<p>“Just sit here and wait, Petra. Just let this happen.”</p>
<p>“Let you kill the king?”</p>
<p>“Let me kill the man who is going to become a monster.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>He scowled. “I can’t tell you about the future. That could alter it, make it even worse.”</p>
<p>“Oh <em>fuck you.</em>” She got up and stalked into the kitchen. He was hot on her heels. She poured herself a glass of water. Petra was usually a good host, but she offered him nothing. “I’m ashamed of what I did with Erwin. It’s the big regret of my life. But that doesn’t mean I want him dead. We need him.”</p>
<p>“Petra. You don’t know what’s going to happen if he lives.”</p>
<p>“Yes, because you won’t tell me.”</p>
<p>“I already told you, if I tell about the future—”</p>
<p>“I don’t think I believe anything you’ve said. I think you’re bullshitting me so I’ll stand by and let you and Zeke start the Rumbling together.” She glowered at him. “Erwin took advantage of the situation that night. We both know he did. He’s not the perfect man he presents to the public. But he’s not evil. He cares about this island. He and Levi saved our people. They kept humanity from plunging into chaos. He may be a bit of a snake, but he’s not a monster. Not even close.”</p>
<p>Eren shut his eyes. “I…I wish I could tell you how he’s going to change. Why he’ll change.”</p>
<p>“You can. You just won’t. Because you don’t actually know the future. You used the Founder to spy on us; I believe that. But you gathered information to manipulate me. You want to do something awful and you need me to—”</p>
<p>“Touching Zeke tonight is the only way I’ll be able to save Kuchel,” he said.</p>
<p>Petra stopped. She stopped breathing.</p>
<p>“Wh-what?” She bared her teeth then. She grabbed a kitchen knife on animal instinct and brandished it, getting into fighting stance. She could do nothing against this obscenely powerful creature, but if he threatened her child… “Tell me what that means.”</p>
<p>“If I can’t touch Zeke, you’ll find out.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you.” Fuck, she got her heart back under control. “You sick bastard. You’re manipulating me with my daughter?”</p>
<p>“If I can’t touch Zeke tonight, Kuchel will suffer. And if she somehow manages to escape, Petra, you’ll suffer the worst of all.”</p>
<p>“<em>Stop. Lying.</em>” So much cryptic bullshit, so much horror, so much… She swung the knife at him. He stepped away.</p>
<p>“I’ll give you this one for free,” he whispered. “You’re pregnant with a boy. Right now. Levi will name him Armin.”</p>
<p>“I told him we’d name a boy Oruo. He agreed!”</p>
<p>“Oruo will be born. But not before Armin.”</p>
<p>“Enough. Enough, enough, fucking enough!” She threw the knife. Her days in the military were still fresh in her muscle memory. The knife lodged directly in his chest. Had he been normal, it would have killed him. Eren pulled the blade out slowly and set it on the kitchen counter.</p>
<p>“When Armin is born, you’ll believe me. And if you make the wrong choice tonight, you’ll know then that it’s too late.” He frowned. “Petra. I’m trying to save your family.”</p>
<p>“By killing the king? He’s the only chance any of us have.” She took a deep breath. Of course. “You said you could see the future. But only Attack shifters’ futures. All this future crap, do any of my kids inherit the Attack titan?”</p>
<p>“No.” Great, finally a simple answer.</p>
<p>“Then this is all lies. You’re trying to twist my head around. It won’t work. Erwin has to live. He’s got to finish what he started.” And Levi. Even if Levi hated Erwin now, even if he always hated him, he would miss the man. She couldn’t take that from her husband.</p>
<p>Eren sighed. He stepped out of the doorway and into the hall. Petra followed. She knew if she tried to run now, he’d grab her. He wouldn’t kill her, she believed that. But he wouldn’t let her out. She stood next to the telephone and almost flopped into the hall chair.</p>
<p>Then the phone rang.</p>
<p>She picked it up instantly, shielded the phone with her body as Eren came over. If it was her mother with news of Brigitta…</p>
<p>“Hello?” she croaked.</p>
<p>“<em>Petra.</em>” Fuck. Erwin. “<em>Petra, just tell me if he’s with you. Is Eren there?</em>”</p>
<p>How did he know? But of course he’d found out. Only one man in this world could move so fast.</p>
<p>Petra realized then that she had approximately two seconds to make a decision.</p>
<p>Eren was coming for her. He would end the call, however he had to do it.</p>
<p>She could say ‘no.’</p>
<p>If she said no, maybe Erwin would believe her. Maybe he’d look elsewhere for Zeke. It would give the Jaeger brothers time to enact their plan.</p>
<p>Time to kill Erwin Smith, along with whatever other things they wanted to do.</p>
<p>If she said ‘yes’, she would call the authorities down upon her house. The brothers’ plan would be in jeopardy.</p>
<p>If she said ‘no’, she chose to believe what Eren had told her tonight. All of it. She chose to believe he could see the future; that reality itself could fall apart if he didn’t meet with Zeke; that Erwin needed to die before he became a monster.</p>
<p>She chose to believe that Paradis and Eldians and the Triple Alliance could continue without Erwin. Even though the Hybernians had attacked. Even though Erwin had launched a massive assault, drawing angry attention to Paradis.</p>
<p>If she said ‘no’, she chose to believe they could all survive without Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>If she said ‘yes’, she chose to believe this was all manipulation. That Eren had gathered intelligence on her to use in his plan. That he was obliquely threatening her daughter—and her—in order to make her do what he wanted. That his plans were more sinister than he was letting on.</p>
<p>If she said ‘yes’, she chose to believe that Erwin could still save them all.</p>
<p>
  <em>He could become a monster.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Kuchel could be in danger.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The whole nation’s in danger.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin’s the only one who can save us now.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin might become a monster.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Reality could fall apart.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The Rumbling could start.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t trust Zeke Jaeger.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I trusted Eren.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knew Levi was alive.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knew and didn’t tell anyone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knew I’d sleep with Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knew all this and let me almost kill myself with the grief.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He let me make the biggest mistake of my life.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He let me break Levi’s heart.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s all part of his plan.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But only if he could really see the future.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Do I believe he would’ve let Levi die on that island?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s manipulating me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s trying to save me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Eren.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Reality could fall apart.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s trying to save us all…</em>
</p>
<p>Petra took a breath.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said.</p>
<p>Eren ripped the phone out of the wall a second later, but the message had gotten through.</p>
<p>They were coming.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Fuck me,” Levi growled. They’d pulled over so the officers could make a call. They’d pursued the titan, zig zagging across fields until they’d finally caught up and Levi had been able to slice its nape. He felt like shit as he killed the poor guy whose only crime had been to trust Zeke in some small way.</p>
<p>When Levi landed, he swore in fury. Zeke wasn’t there.</p>
<p>“He could have taken a car. The titan came across the highway before heading into the fields.” The officer who’d driven him looked ill. “He could be anywhere by now.”</p>
<p>“We need to call Erwin. He needs to put lockdowns on all gates in and out of cities. That fucking monkey can’t hide forever.”</p>
<p>But Levi was sweating because Zeke had to know where Eren was. No way he’d have ever been this bold if he weren’t damn sure of his destination.</p>
<p>So they’d found a farmhouse half a mile up the road. The officer was using the farmer’s phone to get to Erwin. Thank fuck they’d brought telephones and electricity to Paradis. Levi hadn’t wanted the phone—thought it made too much damn noise. But it had its uses.</p>
<p>“Majesty?” the officer said. Good. Erwin. Levi yanked the receiver out of the guy’s hand.</p>
<p>“Oi. Zeke led us on a fucking idiot’s chase. We killed the titan, but he wasn’t there. We don’t know where he—”</p>
<p>“<em>Levi.</em>” Erwin sounded desperate. Levi knew every inflection of the man’s voice. He could hear the terror; the specific terror. The personal fear. “<em>Zeke’s going to your house in Trost. I just called Petra, she confirmed that Eren’s already there. She confirmed it just before the call en—</em>”</p>
<p>Levi dropped the receiver.</p>
<p>He pushed past the farmer and the officers.</p>
<p>He went outside, jumped in the car, and floored it. The automobile roared up the road, bumping along. He went faster. Faster. Now he was fucking glad Petra had badgered him to learn how to drive. He hated to admit it, but a horse couldn’t keep up with this speed. It couldn’t go a hundred miles without tiring.</p>
<p>He needed to get to Trost fast. There were sirens on top of the car. He set them on. Colored lights flashed in the dark. No traffic would get in his way now.</p>
<p>His ODM was in the back seat. His blades were up front.</p>
<p>His house. His wife. These Jaegers thought they could use both?</p>
<p>Someone would be tasting his steel tonight.</p>
<p><em>Eren.</em> He clutched at the steering wheel. That sweet-natured kid; that idealistic brat. Levi had loved him like a damn son. <em>Please. What is this?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t make me kill you.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to do this,” Eren said. He’d put her in a chokehold when the phone clattered out of her reach. She’d passed out while fighting; when she awoke, he’d tied her wrists and ankles. She was lying on the sofa. Petra struggled, but couldn’t move. He’d torn up a couple of Levi’s shirts to fashion the makeshift bonds. Levi’d kill him for that if nothing else.</p>
<p>“You said you wouldn’t hurt me.”</p>
<p>“That I wouldn’t kill you. And be honest, you’re not hurt.” He sat back down in the chair.</p>
<p>“How long was I unconscious?” She wiggled on the sofa. No good.</p>
<p>“Just over half an hour. He’ll be here soon.”</p>
<p>“Eren. Please. Zeke’s manipulating you.” That had to be the answer. This couldn’t all be Eren’s idea. His decision.</p>
<p>Eren’s eyes became dangerous then. “I’m past being controlled by anyone.”</p>
<p>“That time we all spent together in the castle. When you first joined the Survey Corps. Do you remember?” she whispered. “Gunther and Eld taught you that card game. Oruo made you clean the windows twice.” She grinned weakly at the memory. Oruo. That big buffoon. “Nifa showed you how to gain altitude on ODM. And I…”</p>
<p>“You said to trust the team. Always.” He looked at her. Really looked. “You were tough, too. You almost attacked me when I—”</p>
<p>“I apologized, didn’t I?”</p>
<p>“Yes. You were tough but sweet. Strong and kind. It’s why Levi loves you.” Eren sighed. “It’s why I can’t hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Petra. As scary as it is right now, doing this tonight spares you pain. I don’t know what the future looks like past Erwin Smith, but I know it has to be better than where this one is headed.”</p>
<p>“This is revenge for Armin, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “You’re smarter than that. Erwin made life here better in the short term. Armin couldn’t have done that. Hange would have been an inept strategist, though she’d have been a good leader to her troops. Right now, Erwin seems like the right choice. But believe me, Armin had the vision of a new, exciting future. Even Erwin couldn’t see as far or as deep as Armin saw. When I started the Rumbling, Armin…”</p>
<p>Eren grew silent there. Almost despondent.</p>
<p>“He what?”</p>
<p>“It’s not important. What matters is that I know Erwin did a lot of good for us these last few years, but he set us up with a world of problems.”</p>
<p>“Yes, and the Rumbling would solve those problems.”</p>
<p>“Even if I did that now, Hizuru has the hyperfusion bomb. They could wipe Paradis off the world’s map. What would be the point then?”</p>
<p>“Eren. Please. I’m asking you again.” She blinked away the tears. “Trust us. Trust me, if no one else.”</p>
<p>He gave her a sad smile. “Ironically, Petra, I know I can trust you more than anyone else in this world.”</p>
<p>Well that seemed kind of hyperbolic. But before she could ask what he meant—</p>
<p>The squeal of tires outside.</p>
<p>No. Eren stood. He looked out the window, and must have liked what he saw.</p>
<p>“Here he comes.” He walked past Petra. “This’ll be over in a minute. You’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>In a minute, Erwin would be dead. And whatever she felt for the man, however uneasy and awkward he made her, she had to save his life. He’d saved hers. Levi’s. Everyone’s.</p>
<p>Petra huffed in relief. All through the conversation with Eren, she’d been making small, small movements. She’d loosened the bonds on her wrists just a bit. With him gone now, she worked faster. In a few seconds, her hands would be free. A few seconds more, her feet.</p>
<p>But would there be time?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Zeke swore as another car nearly sideswiped him. He pulled over to the side of the road and jumped out, letting the car just sit with its ass in the way of traffic. This was no time to parallel park; the fate of the world hung in the balance.</p>
<p>The maniac driver stopped up ahead as Zeke crossed the street. He mounted the stairs to the house. Hmm. Quite a little shack, really. Rich as he now was, Levi would always have pedestrian taste.</p>
<p>He knocked on the door, his heart thunder in his chest. A shadow through the small window. Movement.</p>
<p>The door opened, and Eren stood before him.</p>
<p>They had not met in the flesh since that day in Shiganshina. The sight of the boy—the young man—took Zeke’s breath away. Eren had shot up almost half a foot. His frame was no longer lanky, but powerful. The outright beauty he must have inherited from his mother was evident in the shape of his face, and especially the extraordinary eyes. There was also a look of such determination in those eyes. Eren as a boy had been frightened and wild.</p>
<p>Eren as a man was already a master of himself.</p>
<p>“Eren.” Zeke almost cried. His last real family in this world. Eren did not smile, but his expression cleared a bit.</p>
<p>“Zeke.”</p>
<p>They reached out to touch. To shake hands.</p>
<p>To save the world.</p>
<p>And just as they were about to touch, Eren screamed and crumpled to the ground. Zeke stared in horror at Petra, who had come from behind like the bitch that she was and sliced the tendon just above Eren’s heel. Steam issued from the wound already, he would recover quickly, but…</p>
<p>Zeke kicked at the little cunt, narrowly missing her face. She rolled away, and Zeke started to crouch, to grab his brother.</p>
<p>“<em>Zeke.</em>”</p>
<p>His blood froze. His heart might have stopped at the sound of that voice. No. No…</p>
<p>ODM cables whirred through the night. Zeke looked up in horror as Levi Ackerman somehow came down upon him with the rage of a god in his eyes.</p>
<p>How? How had he known? <em>How had he known?</em></p>
<p>Zeke cried out and tried to fling himself forward for Eren, ready for this to be his last act on earth. But Levi got between the brothers and kicked Zeke square in his chest.</p>
<p>“Zeke!” Eren screamed. His voice was shrill and broken as Zeke fell down the steps, crying out in pain. He landed at the bottom, gazing up into the night sky. You couldn’t see the stars from here, in the city.</p>
<p>Zeke thought of the day his parents were taken. He thought of Mr. Xavier crying, hugging him. <em>You are a good child, Zeke.</em></p>
<p>All those games of catch. <em>Wanna be a baseball player when you grow up?</em></p>
<p>No. <em>No, Mr. Xavier. I have a mission.</em></p>
<p>Their dream. A dream of peace. A dream so radical, so total in its compassion, that simple creatures like Levi Ackerman would never be able to understand it.</p>
<p>Zeke had given his life to this cause. He had become a martyr.</p>
<p>And that was the last thought he ever had as Levi Ackerman came down through the night and cut off his head.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Unbelievable. The bitch. The absolute bitch.</p>
<p>Levi had just managed to make it in time. He’d driven like hell. He might have killed someone on the road, he didn’t know. He hoped not. But he’d driven like a madman in order to be here in time.</p>
<p>He had made it. Just.</p>
<p><em>Fuck, I killed him.</em> It had to be done, no way around it, but there went Erwin’s royal titan. Levi almost wanted to kick Zeke’s head down the damn street like a ball. Fuck. Fuck, he’d fulfilled the vow he made that day.</p>
<p>The vow he’d made to Erwin, back when he was still the best man in the world. That was something, at least.</p>
<p>Behind Levi, Eren was screaming.</p>
<p>“Levi!” Petra cried. He whirled around. Yes, she was there and unharmed. Oh, thank fuck. Thank everything good in this world.</p>
<p>He hadn’t known true fear until he’d imagined these two men killing or harming her in some way.</p>
<p>“Petra…”</p>
<p>“Zeke!” Eren crawled past Levi, even though the wound on his heel—good job, Petra—had almost gotten better. Levi frowned in disgust as Eren grabbed his brother’s head. In a gesture that would’ve been funny if it weren’t so sick, Eren pressed his forehead to Zeke’s. Eren made little choking noises as he knew the truth: his brother was dead.</p>
<p>Levi had killed him. Blood steamed on the blade.</p>
<p>“Eren,” he whispered. “Get up. Come quietly. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”</p>
<p>Eren looked up at him. In the streetlight, Lev saw tears running down the boy’s face.</p>
<p>“You. Idiot!” He stood, and he pointed back at Petra. “You’ve done this to her! I can’t save Kuchel now, you fucking bitch! <em>You—</em>”</p>
<p>Levi roared and kicked Eren hard in the face. Eren screamed. Levi screamed louder.</p>
<p>“You ever talk to her like that again—”</p>
<p>Oh, shit. Apparently Eren wasn’t so injured that he couldn’t transform. Lightning crackled all around them, and Levi only just managed to get clear before the titan transformation roasted him alive.</p>
<p>“Levi!” His wife screamed his name. Eren’s titan rose up above them, and it roared so loud that the ground trembled and the windows shivered. Horns honked in the street. People on doorsteps screamed at the sight. A titan in Trost.</p>
<p>Not again.</p>
<p>Fucking brat. Levi readied himself to deploy his hooks, to cut Eren out of there…or to kill him if need be.</p>
<p>And Eren had prepared. Instantly, he picked up a car—Zeke’s car—and…</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>The world would have thanked him for taking out Eren Jaeger, but Levi could not survive what would happen if Eren threw that car into Petra.</p>
<p>Petra, who was standing on the step and couldn’t move fast enough.</p>
<p>Eren began to throw the car.</p>
<p>“<em>Petra!</em>”</p>
<p>Levi shot his hooks. He snatched his wife around the waist and hurled them both inside the house, just far enough down the hall so that when the car crashed through the front door and took out most of the front wall, the Ackermans weren’t hit.</p>
<p>Petra cried out in pain as they landed a bit rough on the floor. Levi held her close against him, felt her heart beating so fast. Oh, thank god. He smelled the fresh lilac of her hair, he felt the softness of her in his arms. She was alive. So long as nothing hurt her, he’d survive anything.</p>
<p>Though even now, holding her was a deep, physical pain. It was the knowledge that she had been held in other arms. That she’d known someone else inside of her.</p>
<p>He let her go. He had to. He couldn’t stand it. At least she was alive. At least he’d held her again, if only for a few seconds.</p>
<p>“Shit,” he groaned as he stood. The front part of the house was obliterated. Glass and debris littered the floor. The car’s tires spun and slowed until they finally stopped.</p>
<p>He helped Petra to her feet. They negotiated her way around the car and out safely onto the sidewalk. Then, only then, did he ready himself to go after Eren.</p>
<p>But they found the titan half a mile up the road, already disintegrating.</p>
<p>Eren had gotten out.</p>
<p>He was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Erwin got out of the car and looked at the farmhouse. The front door opened, and a young man stepped onto the porch.</p>
<p>“Hello? Who’s there?” he called.</p>
<p>“The king,” Erwin replied evenly. The door opened again, and Historia stepped out beside the young man. His wife had her golden hair down, and was dressed in her simple farm maid’s outfit.</p>
<p>“It’s all right, Otto.” She walked down to him. “Erwin? What is it?”</p>
<p>“There’s been a significant setback,” he said. “Zeke Jaeger killed our soldiers and attempted to meet with Eren in order to use the Founder. He’s dead now.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” In the mere headlights of the car, it was hard to read her expression. But she looked ill.</p>
<p>“Majesty?”</p>
<p>Mikasa Ackerman came running towards him out of the dark. She, Sasha, and Jean had been sent up here to ‘guard’ Historia while Zeke remained on the island. The girl’s eyes were wide. “Eren. You said Eren?”</p>
<p>“Mikasa.” He wanted to be gentle with the girl. She was their second strongest warrior, and certainly sweeter than Levi. Erwin knew what this would do to her. “Please set up a guard around the perimeter with Jean and the others. I need to speak to my wife.”</p>
<p>“But Eren—”</p>
<p>“Mikasa. It’s an order. You’ll know everything in time, I promise.”</p>
<p>He was gentle but firm. The Ackerman girl clearly struggled with herself as Erwin led Historia back inside the house. There he found a couple of children playing a board game by the fire, and one reading a book in an armchair. Gently, Historia cleared the kids from the room. She had the boy, Otto, give them privacy. Erwin sat before the fire with his queen.</p>
<p>She looked tense, but ready. In that moment, she looked every inch a royal.</p>
<p>“When did this happen?” she asked.</p>
<p>“An hour ago. Levi called to tell me Zeke was dead and Eren had vanished. He’s on the lam now. We’ll find him.”</p>
<p>“And when you do?” She looked at him with extreme wariness.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t worry about him right now.”</p>
<p>“No. Because I should be more worried about myself?”</p>
<p>Sometimes, she could be really very clever.</p>
<p>“I think you know why you were the first person I needed to see.”</p>
<p>She took a deep breath. “With Zeke gone, I’m the last living royal. At least, that we know of.”</p>
<p>“Yes. It makes you important.”</p>
<p>“You told me once that you’d be working on—”</p>
<p>“An alternative. Yes. Hange fortunately <em>did </em>collect plenty of samples from Zeke. She can use them. But we no longer have the eighteen month cushion we thought we did. The world cannot know that Paradis now lacks the power of the Rumbling or the Founder.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t the hyperfusion bomb enough?”</p>
<p>“It’s not just the Rumbling. With the Founder, we could turn every Eldian worldwide into titans in a single instant. We could do so many things. So long as we control one of the world’s greatest powers and keep it all to ourselves, we have an advantage. We can’t show the slightest weakness right now.”</p>
<p>“So. What you’re saying is…I need to become a shifter.”</p>
<p>She looked so grave. So ready.</p>
<p>“No, Historia.”</p>
<p>“But…it’s the only way to use the royal blood. Unless…” She stood then, bolted out of her chair. “No. You’re not—”</p>
<p>“I think I see where you’re going.” He held up a hand. “I am not going to turn you into a pure titan and have you remain that way. I gave you my word once that I wouldn’t turn you into a titan or a shifter. I’m keeping that word.”</p>
<p>Historia sat down, almost collapsed. She was holding it together, but he could see the strain that moment had brought upon her. He hated to imagine what she’d do when she knew the truth of his intentions.</p>
<p>“Okay. Then what can I do for you? Do you need samples from me?”</p>
<p>“Not…exactly.” Erwin cleared his throat. “I need something from you, though. I’m afraid I have to break one of my promises. I’m sorry. If there were any other way—”</p>
<p>“You want me to have a child.” She didn’t react. “With you?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Considering what I’m planning, I don’t want it to be mine.</em>
</p>
<p>“You can choose the father. We need more royal blood, you see. We need options.”</p>
<p>“So…you want me to have a child. Why? So it can grow up and become a shifter?”</p>
<p>“That’s far too much time, I’m afraid. There’s no nice way around this, so I’ll be blunt. Historia, I need you to have a child because…”</p>
<p>Erwin found even he lacked the courage for this next part.</p>
<p>“What?” she whispered. A log snapped on the fire.</p>
<p>“Soon after the child is born, we will turn it into a pure titan. We will keep it underground, in a place where any future possessors of the Founder can have access to it. That way, we have a source of royal titan blood that cannot expire, and—”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Her response was instant. Cold. Certain.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid there’s no alternative.”</p>
<p>“Yes there is. Turn me into a pure titan if you have to. I can do the same thing my baby could.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Brave girl. Good girl.</em>
</p>
<p>“I’m afraid you’re too crucial. You’re a face for Paradis Island, an ambassador to the world. For an Eldian, your public approval ratings are extraordinarily high.” Higher even than Erwin’s. “I’ll be dead in nine years. I don’t want you to follow in thirteen. We’re both the royal representatives of Paradis. If both of us go too soon, it will have a destabilizing effect. In addition to that, you are also my queen. If they discover my queen has been turned into a pure titan, they’ll start thinking me a tyrant.”</p>
<p>“Oh. We wouldn’t want them to think that, would we?” She was shaking now. With rage, with fear, who knew?</p>
<p>“Historia. You are the only one with royal blood. You are also someone we cannot sacrifice to titanization. Alternate routes do not exist. You must give us an heir.” He tried to soften his voice. “You can have other children if you want them.”</p>
<p>“So you can use them if someone kills the first one?” she snapped. She recoiled from him now. He disgusted her.</p>
<p>Good. He knew how she felt.</p>
<p>“I hope that one day we can either give the child a shifter’s powers or let it rest in peace.”</p>
<p>“What would even happen if a baby turned into a titan?” She had scornful tears in her eyes now.</p>
<p>“We know that several infants were transformed in Ragako village. They were as effective as any other titan.” He sighed. “If there were any other way—”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to have a baby just so you can do that to it. You can turn me if you want, but that’s all I’ll give you.”</p>
<p>He leaned forward.</p>
<p>“I know that this makes me a monster. I’m resigned to being one in order to save our island and our people. You have to do this, Historia. I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. But I can’t give you a choice in this matter. You can choose your partner. Otherwise, you must submit.”</p>
<p>“So you’re going to get someone to rape me, impregnate me, and then you’ll turn my baby into a monster.” She almost laughed. She looked grotesque with that mad laughter in her eyes. “You know, I thought Kiyomi’s plan was bad. The one where I became a shifter and had lots of children so that we could continue to keep the island safe for fifty years. If I’d known then what you’d want, I would’ve done what she said. I never would have married you.”</p>
<p>“I understand. And if you hadn’t, Marley would have invaded our shores and half our people would have died in the struggle.” Erwin turned away from her. “I’m an evil man for doing this. But it’s being done to protect every other Eldian child in this world.”</p>
<p>“You know what Eren would say?” She narrowed her eyes. “If you’d sacrifice one child like this, you’d sacrifice all of them.”</p>
<p>“Well. Eren’s the one you have to thank for this.” He stood then, looking down upon his wife. She beheld him with such quiet hatred.</p>
<p>“So. What about the Founder?”</p>
<p>“We will capture Eren. Subdue him. And then I’ll eat him.”</p>
<p>Historia slumped back in her chair. “You incredible bastard,” she whispered. She shook her head. “You’d do anything for every bit of power you could get.”</p>
<p>“I should have done this years ago. Eren is unstable. I wanted to let him live out a full life, but he made that impossible. I will carry the power of the Founder until the end of my term. I’ll pass it to a suitable successor. Paradis will be kept safe for generations to come.”</p>
<p>“Because you’re going to torture my baby!”</p>
<p>She screamed those words. She stood. She started to walk away from him, but Erwin grabbed her arms. Historia was a trained soldier, and she nearly got him in the stomach and groin. But he was simply larger. He held his queen as she struggled.</p>
<p>“I’ll give you three days to decide who you want the father to be,” he whispered. “If you won’t make a decision, I’ll choose someone for you.”</p>
<p>“Levi won’t let you do this.”</p>
<p>He saw the certainty in her eyes. She was probably right, too.</p>
<p>“He won’t know. He’s resigned from the military.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get the message to him,” she snapped.</p>
<p>“Levi has his family to consider. He’s not going to put their lives in jeopardy for this. I’m sorry. He’ll hate me worse than he already does, but he won’t stop this.”</p>
<p>“How does it feel, your Majesty?” she snarled. “How does it feel to be the worst man in the world?”</p>
<p>“Horrible,” Erwin said. He wanted to shake her. He wanted to cry. “But I’m happy to be a devil if it means saving my people and my home. That way, at least no one else needs to be damned.”</p>
<p>Historia grew very quiet. She looked at him with a strange surprise.</p>
<p>“Funny,” she whispered. “Levi said something similar once.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Levi said something similar.</em>
</p>
<p>It thrilled him and broke his heart to be compared to that man. Right now, Levi was looking after his family down in Trost. He likely still did not know that Petra had withheld information from them.</p>
<p>She had never told them of her ‘deal’ with Zeke.</p>
<p><em>I’ll have her head for this.</em> That was the vindictive side of him. But…</p>
<p>
  <em>She told me Eren was there. She put herself in jeopardy to tell me that.</em>
</p>
<p>That was the side of him that still felt tender towards her. That still remembered when he’d picked her up and laid her down in front of the fire to watch the light on her skin as he—</p>
<p>
  <em>You are truly a monster.</em>
</p>
<p>“Majesty?”</p>
<p>Erwin startled.</p>
<p>“Floch. Anything?” He walked alongside the weasel of a young man. Erwin was just glad he’d been able to get at least one of the shifters up here. Pieck was in Shiganshina still—detained while they questioned her to see if she’d known about any of this. Connie was still being treated down at the southern port. Eren had done more than knock him unconscious; he’d lopped the boy’s legs off so he couldn’t shift and follow.</p>
<p>Apparently Connie had wept. He didn’t understand why any of this was happening.</p>
<p>“We don’t see him. Do you really think Eren will come?”</p>
<p>“Historia is the only one who can unlock the Founder for him now. He’ll come.”</p>
<p>“So this is all a trap?”</p>
<p>“I can manage multiple things at once, Floch. Trapping Eren and securing Historia are equally important.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” The man’s eyes gleamed. “Is it true you’re going to make Historia have a kid?”</p>
<p>“<em>Queen</em> Historia, Floch.” God, Erwin despised the man. But he was the Jaws. He was necessary.</p>
<p>“This is exactly why I begged Le—Captain Levi to resurrect you on that rooftop, sir.” Floch’s chest practically swelled with pride. “I said it would take a devil to save us.”</p>
<p>“You’re calling me a devil?” He felt dead inside.</p>
<p>“No, sir. Majesty. You’re a god.” Floch looked over his shoulder. “So. His—the queen. Who’s going to be the father?”</p>
<p>“I’ve given her three days to select him.”</p>
<p>“If she doesn’t, and you have to pick someone…” Floch gave a shit-eating grin.</p>
<p>“You do realize your child would be turned into a titan almost the moment after it was born?” Erwin drawled.</p>
<p>“That’s the nice part about being the father. You’re not involved with any of that messy stuff. And it’d be for Paradis. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to secure the island. Plus…the queen’s my type.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I should transform and eat you. That at least would shut your filthy mouth.</em>
</p>
<p>“As I’ve said. Historia has three days to choose.” He couldn’t resist. “And if the decision falls to me, Floch, I will never subject her to you.”</p>
<p>Floch fell away then, and Erwin walked on alone. Bad idea to insult one of his few enthusiastic supporters, but the absolute vermin…</p>
<p>Erwin didn’t like it. He hated doing it. But there simply was no other way.</p>
<p>Erwin scanned the treeline that rose up all around the farmhouse. Eren would come. Floch would bite him out. They would go a mile or so away, and Erwin would transform and eat the boy. Then the most essential piece of this hideous puzzle would be in place.</p>
<p>No. He looked back at Historia’s lighted window. Not the most hideous. Not remotely.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mikasa knew they were waiting for Eren. It had been days since she’d seen him, and even that short amount of time was eating away at her. Was he all right? Was he hurt?</p>
<p>She’d heard enough. Zeke was dead. Eren was running.</p>
<p>Running. Eren wasn’t a friend of Paradis anymore. At least, he wasn’t a friend of King Erwin.</p>
<p>“Psst! Mikasa!” Sasha came bounding around the corner. She’d hoisted her rifle to her shoulder, and glanced around nervously. “What’s goin’ on?”</p>
<p>“They think Eren is on his way.”</p>
<p>Mikasa felt the most astounding clarity when she thought of Eren. She absently tugged at the scarf around her neck. Eren would come here. He would do what needed to be done.</p>
<p>She would protect him. She would go with him. That way, she would know true peace.</p>
<p>“So he’s after Historia?” Sasha looked confused. Mikasa understood enough.</p>
<p>“She’s the only one who can help him unlock the Founder.”</p>
<p>“Why’s he doin’ all this?” Sasha whimpered. She looked pained. Despite being almost twenty, she was still the gangly, wide-eyed girl she’d been at the start of training. Mikasa smiled a little. Only Sasha could make her smile tonight.</p>
<p>“He’s doing it because he thinks it has to be done.” Mikasa scanned the dark edges of the forest.</p>
<p>“I don’t wanna fight Eren.” Sasha slumped against the side of the house.</p>
<p>“Then don’t.”</p>
<p>“Huh? Mikasa, yer not gonna…I mean, you won’t fight against <em>us</em>. Will you?”</p>
<p>Mikasa was spared from having to speak by the sound of crying. The girls were passing underneath a window. Within, Historia was seated at the foot of her bed. And she was crying.</p>
<p>No. Not crying. Weeping. Mikasa thought this was what weeping looked like.</p>
<p>“Historia?” Sasha whispered. “Oh man, now what? What’s goin’ on?”</p>
<p>Mikasa simply slid open the window and hoisted herself inside. Historia didn’t even startle. She seemed to have anticipated company. She wiped her cheeks as Mikasa stood before her.</p>
<p>“They’re using you as bait for Eren. Aren’t they?” she asked quietly. Sasha, meanwhile, climbed in through the window with a lot less grace before falling to the floor.</p>
<p>“It’s more than that.” Historia glared at her closed bedroom door. “I have to tell you something.”</p>
<p>What Historia told her would have stunned even the most hardened criminal. Even Levi would have been shocked.</p>
<p>“The king…wouldn’t do that. Would he?” Sasha whispered.</p>
<p>“I know what to do,” Mikasa said. She glanced out the window. “When Eren comes, I’ll help you get to him. He can take us somewhere safe.”</p>
<p>“Huh? Us? I mean, we’re all goin’?” Sasha gulped. “I can’t. Niccolo’s starting a whole new menu down at the restaurant. I can’t miss the lobster rolls. I can’t!”</p>
<p>“I’m going with you,” Mikasa said coolly, ignoring Sasha. Historia bit her lip.</p>
<p>“Mikasa. Are you sure?” she whispered. “You’d be giving up everything.”</p>
<p>“It’s Eren. I’ll come with you. I can help keep you safe.”</p>
<p>It would be difficult to leave behind the others. Sasha, Connie, Jean; she ached to think of becoming their enemy. And then there was Kuchel. Mikasa loved the little girl. She would miss Petra.</p>
<p>Levi…he probably wouldn’t notice her absence.</p>
<p>
  <em>But for Eren, I’ll go anywhere.</em>
</p>
<p>She had lost her parents. The Jaegers. And Armin. The thought of the boy brought a moment of weakness that she fought against. She had lost all of her family except Eren.</p>
<p>Levi was blood, but not family. The same went for Kiyomi. Even Kuchel, whom Mikasa loved dearly, was not family the way Armin had been. The way Eren was.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ll stay with you, Eren.</em>
</p>
<p>“Sasha. You don’t have to be involved. When the fighting starts, stay on the roof away from us. But don’t tell anyone,” Mikasa said. Sasha nodded, looking sick. There was no fear that she’d betray them. Sasha was not the type to turn her back on a friend.</p>
<p>When they climbed out the window, Mikasa felt a sense of peace again. Stability. She had a plan. She would save Historia…and Eren.</p>
<p>Now she just had to wait.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin belted his coat against the rather cool spring evening. He was prepared to take a horse and ride a mile or so into the forest, out to the ‘training’ field where he’d spent time with Levi and Hange during the early days. When they’d been testing out his new powers.</p>
<p>When they’d been friends.</p>
<p>Anyway. He’d go there and await the red flare that signaled Eren had been captured. Erwin would transform then, and they would bring the captive young man. Erwin would eat him. It would be difficult as the Colossal was so very, well, colossal. Hard to navigate. But perhaps he could only half-transform from the torso up. Make it easier.</p>
<p>
  <em>Eren. I look forward to working with you.</em>
</p>
<p>He’d shaken the young boy’s hand. He’d been impressed with the kid’s toughness. His rawness. Levi had even been impressed.</p>
<p>Once he and Levi had stood side by side in court. Talked late into the night over cups of tea.</p>
<p>That was gone now. Erwin steeled himself as Jean brought the horse.</p>
<p>“Uh. Majesty?” The young man looked his usual confident self, but the nervousness was in his voice. “Are you sure about Eren, sir? Isn’t it possible there’s another side to all of this?”</p>
<p>Erwin took the reins. Not unkindly, he said, “I understand, Jean. I believe whatever Eren is doing, he believes he’s protecting you and the others. But I can’t trust that he isn’t going to make everything worse.”</p>
<p>Jean nodded, tightened his mouth. “That suicidal idiot. Guess he’s done for this time.”</p>
<p>Decency, cunning, and self-restraint. Perhaps Jean would make a fine king when Erwin’s time came.</p>
<p>“There’s no animosity here, I assure you. Now—”</p>
<p>There was a strike of lightning out in the forest, about a quarter mile away. Everyone whirled to face it. Erwin dropped the reins.</p>
<p>Shit. Eren was here.</p>
<p>“Floch! Go!” he roared. He saw the man sprint by, and bite his hand as he leapt into the air. In a second the Jaws titan emerged in a twin lightning blast. Erwin looked on Floch’s form in disgust. This particular iteration of the Jaws resembled a witch from a storybook, with a pointed chin, bumped and curving nose, and beady little eyes. But the bite was impressive, the whole head almost hinging backwards when Floch opened wide. The titan raced on all fours to meet Eren as he broke through into the clearing.</p>
<p>No time to ride away now. Erwin would subdue the boy, then go and transform.</p>
<p>“Switch to ODM!” he shouted. The soldiers, all of whom had been outfitted over the last half hour, immediately deployed into the air. “Cut Eren Jaeger out of the titan. Under no circumstance is he to be killed. If he dies, the one who did it will answer to me!”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>They all chorused together, and the attack was on. Erwin saw Sasha firing on the roof of the farmhouse alongside two other sharpshooters. They wouldn’t do much, but it might be enough of a deterrent.</p>
<p>Erwin saw two soldiers latch onto Eren’s ankles and go in to cut his feet out from under him. But Eren leapt into the air and then crushed the pair with a piercing roar. He’d learned that move from Annie Leonhardt, probably.</p>
<p>
  <em>Eren. Why have you done this? What’s so important?</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin took out his blade and searched for Mikasa. With Levi down in Trost, only she could cut Eren out.</p>
<p>But Mikasa wasn’t there. Erwin cursed and hurried for the farmhouse. He’d have to take Historia with him as collateral. Use her as kidnapped bait. God. He’d really become something, hadn’t he? A manipulator, a defiler of girls, a murderer.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. At least you’re not here to see me now.</em>
</p>
<p>Eren roared and stomped towards the house. The Guard attacked him still, and Erwin noticed Eren did not kill if he did not have to. That was a relief, and it also made him feel worse as he entered the house and kicked down Historia’s door. The children were cowering and crying in the hall. <em>I’m sorry.</em></p>
<p>“Historia, we—”</p>
<p>She was gone. The window was open. Who the fuck had been watching her? Swearing, Erwin burst back out the house and stopped on the porch. Floch had his jaws in Eren’s arm. Eren roared, the sound trembling the porch. He could have tossed Floch this way, but it would crush the farmhouse. Historia and the children. Erwin bared his teeth.</p>
<p>Floch was good, but Eren was better. Soon, Eren had his hands on Floch, and was attempting to bite out the nape and eat the shifter. Oh, fuck. Erwin couldn’t transform, not here. He’d destroy everyone, including Historia, wherever the hell she was.</p>
<p>He strode off the porch just as he heard a girl’s scream. From up above.</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>Erwin looked back up and saw Historia standing alongside Mikasa. Historia waved frantically to Eren.</p>
<p>
  <em>No. Fucking no.</em>
</p>
<p>“Attack him with everything you’ve got!” Erwin roared, but now that Mikasa was not with them the chance of victory dwindled. He had already strapped into the ODM, and took off for the roof. He landed beside the girls. Historia screamed. Mikasa shielded the girl with her body, and held her blade up.</p>
<p>He did not want to fight an Ackerman. He wasn’t stupid.</p>
<p>“This is a mistake, Mikasa.”</p>
<p>“I won’t let you kill Eren.” It was a prayer spoken by a true believer. “Stay back!”</p>
<p>Another gigantic roar. Fuck. Erwin turned in time to see Eren’s hand coming down out of the night, trying to crush him on that rooftop.</p>
<p>Trying to kill the king. Erwin flew off. Eren stopped in time to avoid crushing the building. He scooped up Mikasa and Historia in one giant hand, and turned. He ran to the opposite side of the forest. He…</p>
<p>He’d taken the last fucking royal they had.</p>
<p>“<em>Get her back!</em>” Erwin roared. “Floch! Now!”</p>
<p>The Jaws scrambled into the forest after Eren. The trees would be helpful to Floch, at least. Erwin got onto the horse and rode hard after them. He rode, and even as he hated Eren he also admired him. Some part of Erwin was relieved.</p>
<p>If Historia were taken he would not have to do…that…to her.</p>
<p>But no. She must submit. She must save their people. Erwin had given up everything for that cause, and so must she.</p>
<p>Erwin charged into the forest. He heard the others at his back. In the distance, he heard a titan’s roar, and another’s merging with it. Erwin followed the sound, teeth bared as he tried to see in the near total darkness. Fuck, this was dangerous. Fuck.</p>
<p>Perhaps he ought to cut away from the others and go to that clearing a mile off. He could transform. It would help. He would annihilate half the people here, but it might help.</p>
<p>And then, up ahead, closer, another roar. Only this one was abruptly cut short. Shit.</p>
<p>“Floch?” Erwin rode into a less dense patch of forest. He swore as he found the Jaws titan lying on its side. The top half of the head was torn off, but Floch had not been eaten. The nape was still secure. Erwin scanned the twisting paths ahead. Fuck. If they didn’t catch Eren fast, he could make it to wall, climb over, and…</p>
<p>Erwin heard crying. A girl’s crying, maybe a hundred yards away. Erwin galloped towards the sound, praying that he would find Historia.</p>
<p>But it was Mikasa, sobbing as she tried to shoot her hooks. Her ODM had been damaged. It looked like…someone had crushed one of the canisters, rendering it useless.</p>
<p>Erwin pulled up beside her and got off his horse. He gazed down at the treacherous girl. Mikasa looked straight ahead and screamed.</p>
<p>“Eren! Eren!”</p>
<p>It was the wailing of an abandoned child. Erwin winced at the noise. He should grab her, but he could not force himself.</p>
<p>“Floch broke your ODM, and Eren left you?” he asked. Mikasa slumped in on herself, sobbing into her hands.</p>
<p>“He…Eren broke it himself.” She looked ahead again, gazing into the darkness. Her wide gray eyes shone with tears. “He crushed it and put me on the ground. Then he kept running. He…he left me.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps it was kindness,” Erwin said. As the soldiers barreled off into the forest—fat lot of good it’d do them by now—the king knelt beside the heartbroken girl. “Wherever he is going may be the wrong place for you.”</p>
<p>“I only want…to stay at his side.” She covered her eyes. “That’s all I want.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Erwin said quietly. He stared at her red scarf. He thought of a white cravat for a second, and looked after the others. “I know what you mean.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Are you going to release her?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>It was two days later. She and Levi stood before Erwin in the barracks at Trost. Mikasa was up in Mitras, in the royal jail. She had been held there in custody since the night Eren and Historia vanished.</p>
<p>“Is there any reason I should?” Erwin appeared distant as he sat behind his desk.</p>
<p>“Maybe she had good reason to help,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Oi. Petra,” Levi said, but she wouldn’t stay silent.</p>
<p>“What was your plan for Historia, anyway?” she asked.</p>
<p>“That isn’t your concern.” Erwin looked at her finally, and he looked irritated. She stared right back at him. The three of them in this room were all massively uncomfortable. She looked at Erwin and saw a man she wished she hadn’t fucked; Levi looked at Erwin and saw a man who’d taken advantage of his wife; Erwin saw her as a woman who’d rejected him, and Levi as a man who wanted a violent end to their friendship. To say nothing of the fact Petra and Levi were awkward with each other. No, there was no comfort here. No ease. They were all uncomfortable and unhappy, but couldn’t show it. Therefore, they all looked pissed at one another.</p>
<p>Every time she looked at Erwin now, she was filled with the worst sort of shame. But she looked. She had to.</p>
<p>“I called you both here to discuss what exactly happened the night that Eren went rogue. Moreover, I want to discuss why it happened.”</p>
<p>Yes. Erwin had learned of Petra’s ‘deal’ with Zeke. He hadn’t arrested her, but she felt his displeasure. She hated him for looking at her with any kind of irritation. After everything she’d gone through—everything he’d done to her body when she was at her weakest—she wanted to punch him in the damn nose. The same way she wished she could beat herself for allowing it. Encouraging it.</p>
<p>“You know what happened.” Levi sounded flat. “You sent the police to watch our street, but they didn’t move in until I showed up.”</p>
<p>“In order to protect Petra and not start absolute war on a residential street, yes.” Erwin looked exhausted. Flat. Petra noticed silver threading his golden hair for the first time. “But how much could have been avoided if Petra had been forthcoming after the first expedition?”</p>
<p>“Nothing was going to change if we knew about her fucking deal.” Levi’s words were clipped. He glowered at Erwin. “She wasn’t in contact with the brothers. She knew nothing about their plan.”</p>
<p>“As far as we know.”</p>
<p>“Why would I have told you Eren was there if I wanted to help the Jaegers?” she snapped.</p>
<p>Erwin shut his eyes then. He rubbed his forehead.</p>
<p>“The smallest pebble can cast the widest ripple in a pond. If we’d known of Zeke’s desire to rope you in, so to speak, we’d have watched you more closely. Maybe we could have caught them both sooner. Kept Zeke alive, so that Historia… Never mind. It’s possible that because you didn’t come forward, we lost them both.”</p>
<p>“Then put the blame on me.” She was too tired of all this shit. “Let it be my fault.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t say it was.”</p>
<p>“You said it could have been. So in that case, make it my fault.” She narrowed her eyes. “Or don’t. But I’m sick of things not being one way or the other.”</p>
<p>Levi grunted. He seemed to understand what she meant.</p>
<p>“I won’t blame you.” Erwin sat fully upright. “You say you’re retiring from the military? You’ve been honorably discharged, Petra.” He pulled out a document and stamped it. And that was it. Her career was over.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She took the certificate.</p>
<p>“Levi?” Erwin gazed at her husband.</p>
<p>“Give me one of those papers, too.” His nostrils flared. “And one for Mikasa. Let that be her punishment.”</p>
<p>“And lose the other most talented soldier in the military?”</p>
<p>“Thought you needed diplomats and shit now, Erwin.” Levi sighed. “Eren left. He’s not coming back. He left Mikasa behind. She knows that. She’ll go to him if he surfaces, but I know her. She’s not going to search the world for him. If he wanted her here, she’ll wait here. For him.”</p>
<p>“Eren won’t turn Historia into a titan, either,” Petra said. “He told me that. He won’t sacrifice her unless he has no other choice.”</p>
<p>“Interesting.” Erwin looked weary. “That means he believes another choice exists.”</p>
<p>“How?” Petra frowned.</p>
<p>“I’m sure we’ll find out in time.”</p>
<p>Petra glanced at Levi. She thought of Mikasa.</p>
<p>“Please let her go. Let her retire,” she said.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Levi sounded resigned. He’d fight for Mikasa…up to a point.</p>
<p>“I won’t keep her locked up. I won’t hurt her or kill her. But I’ll decide what’s to be done. She’s a traitor, Petra. Under the circumstances, I’m being generous out of respect for the sacrifices she’s made in the past.”</p>
<p><em>What about the ones I made?</em> All she could think of was him sweating on top of her. Her lying on the carpet in front of the fire as he did what he wanted. The idea must have shown in her eyes, because Erwin quickly looked away. Levi sneered.</p>
<p>“Give me the paper. I want to get the fuck out of here.”</p>
<p>Erwin stamped the page and handed it over. Levi ripped it out of the king’s hand.</p>
<p>“What will you do now?” Erwin asked. He didn’t look at either of them.</p>
<p>“What’s it matter to you? Not like you have anything to do with us.” Levi looked at Petra, then back at the king. He pushed through the door. “Petra. Come on.”</p>
<p>She gazed at Erwin one last time. She wondered what exactly the man had planned for Historia.</p>
<p>She was secretly proud of Mikasa.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Levi turned in the doorway. She followed him out. They walked side by side along the hall.</p>
<p>“You couldn’t even stand up for her?” she muttered.</p>
<p>“I was too busy watching <em>your</em> ass.” He stopped them. In the morning light, his face looked haggard. He was still too thin after the island. “You could’ve been charged with treason. Maybe you should’ve been.”</p>
<p>“Do you really think so?” she asked.</p>
<p>“No.” His brow furrowed. “But I’m still thinking about that deal with Zeke. That’s something you never told me.”</p>
<p>“I told you that Zeke—”</p>
<p>“You never told me he had that blood test. You never told me he was blackmailing you.”</p>
<p>“He never got to use the blackmail. Once Erwin ‘saved’ Marley it was over.”</p>
<p>“But you didn’t tell me.”</p>
<p>And that was the true pain she saw in his eyes. Levi shook his head slowly.</p>
<p>“Well.” Her breath came shallow now. She would not cry. “Sorry I’m such an endless disappointment to you.”</p>
<p>“Don’t put this on me, Petra. You’re the one who lied.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t lie!”</p>
<p>“You didn’t tell me everything. That’s good as lying.” Someone came up the stairs and started down the hall. “Not now,” Levi growled. The guy turned at once and bolted back the way he’d come. Petra stood silently with her husband. Awkwardly. It had never been awkward before.</p>
<p>“Edvard’s starting to wonder why you’re sleeping on the couch,” she muttered. Since their house had been smashed, they’d been staying in Edvard’s guest room—well, Petra had. Her parents were actually sleeping <em>in</em> Brigitta’s room to make sure she didn’t hurt herself.</p>
<p>Petra’s sister would live. But the one thing she wanted was now impossible. Her hope was gone.</p>
<p>Why was life so endlessly cruel?</p>
<p>“Tell him it’s my ribs.”</p>
<p>“Are you ever…” She didn’t know how to say this without sounding pathetic. “Are you ever going to come back to me?”</p>
<p>“I’m here, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>“You know what I mean, Levi. I want you to hold me. Kiss me.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you, yeah.” He still wouldn’t look at her. He was interested in the wall. “I can’t. The idea of it makes me too fucking mad.”</p>
<p>“Why, because I’m ‘ruined goods’? I’d already had sex before we got together!”</p>
<p>“Yeah but it wasn’t <em>when we were together.</em>”</p>
<p>The words came out in a hissed rush. He shut his eyes, got himself under control.</p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t blame me for… I thought you knew I believed you were dead.”</p>
<p>“I don’t blame you. But I can’t look at you.” His eyes, when he opened them, were bright with anger. “You fucked someone four days after I ‘died.’ You lied to me about Zeke. I don’t know who you are anymore.”</p>
<p>“If that’s all it takes to get you to doubt who I am, then I don’t know you, either,” she said. Silence. “So what comes next?”</p>
<p>“We’re moving up to the farm in Wall Rose when the shit gets settled. That was the plan, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Good. That place has three bedrooms. We’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>Three bedrooms. One for each member of the family. Petra wanted to burst into tears. Instead, she folded in on herself. She gave nothing away.</p>
<p>“It’s going to take that long, huh?”</p>
<p>“Looks that way.”</p>
<p>He walked off and paused at the stairs, waiting for her. Petra joined him. They walked out of the barracks for the last time, their discharge notices in hand. Petra worried about Levi; she worried he wouldn’t have enough to fill the days, not even with Kuchel.</p>
<p>Or Armin. <em>Oruo, not Armin.</em></p>
<p>She still hadn’t been officially diagnosed as pregnant yet, anyway.</p>
<p>She really didn’t know about the farm anymore. About him not having any kind of real career. When they had been certain of love, it would have been enough. She hoped. Them, their children, horses and charity. But without the affection between them, what held all this together?</p>
<p>How had she destroyed everything she’d ever wanted?</p>
<p><em>He’s now being unreasonable.</em> She knew it in her gut. Her gut was probably right.</p>
<p>But Levi never lied to her. Not the way she had lied to him.</p>
<p>When they got back to the house, Levi picked Kuchel up and listened to her talk about her dolls. He at least looked happy when she was there. Petra went upstairs and sat with Brigitta, who’d been given something to keep her asleep. When she was awake, she was frantic.</p>
<p>Petra kissed her sister’s forehead. It was cool. Brigitta murmured in her sleep.</p>
<p>“Maybe it was for the best,” she whispered, thinking of Oswald. Little Oswald, so pale and still. The grandparents held him once and cried. Petra had held him, too. Her little nephew. She had felt herself break a little more.</p>
<p>She hadn’t seen Brigitta hold him. She heard it had been agony to witness.</p>
<p>At least Oswald wouldn’t have to live in this miserable world. Maybe he’d been the luckiest of them all.</p>
<p>It was a selfish, melodramatic thing to think. So she kept it to herself.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Oi, Four Eyes. I don’t see why we had to haul our asses across town for a drink.”</p>
<p>“Levi! It’s fun to try new places. No; inspiring. Invigorating!”</p>
<p>“Tch, shut up. Just shut up and get me some tea.”</p>
<p>Levi shuffled through the restaurant. It was some fancy place that sold Marleyan cuisine. Sasha had told Petra about it. Kid started drooling just listing the menu. He wasn’t sure why they had to be in a damn crowded fancy restaurant for a damn drink when they could hit the local tea shop. So much better.</p>
<p>Whatever. Hange was up from Shiganshina for a couple of days. And he missed her. With Erwin out of his life and Petra a polite stranger, he needed someone to talk to. Or at least, he needed to listen to someone else talk.</p>
<p>The waiter guided them to a corner booth. Nice. From the way heads turned as he and Hange passed, he didn’t want to sit in the middle of the floor. He didn’t want to attract more attention. Levi slid in, and Hange did as well. They faced each other across the table. A single candle in a little glass bowl flickered. Real fancy place.</p>
<p>“Should’ve brought Pieck here.”</p>
<p>“Hopefully she’ll be cleared soon.” Hange grinned nervously.</p>
<p>It’d been a week since Eren and Historia vanished. They’d combed the island, but no trace had turned up. Levi thought about some of the shit Petra had told him that Eren said. The world ending. Reality ending. Shit. Eren had really gone nuts, hadn’t he?</p>
<p>What had happened to the boy?</p>
<p>Anyway, Pieck still wasn’t completely clear, but it was now generally acknowledged that she hadn’t been in on Zeke’s plan. Marley wanted the Cart back—they were pretty pissy about how the Beast was now out of their hands. Infants born in the next few months were going to be searched thoroughly for telltale markings. Shifter lines.</p>
<p>Fuck, some kid was only gonna live to be thirteen before he died. Got eaten. For that reason alone, Levi regretted killing Zeke.</p>
<p>Anyway. The Cart was staying with them, to Hange’s delight.</p>
<p>“You should bring her up to the farm if you can. Could use the company.” Levi ordered tea when the waiter came over. No booze. Just tea. Hange got a whiskey.</p>
<p>“When’re you moving?” she asked as their order arrived.</p>
<p>“Next month, probably. Gotta settle a few things in Trost first.”</p>
<p>Levi could not help but glance at the side of the bench where Erwin should have been. The king was back in Mitras now. They had nothing to say to each other, but every day Levi wished he could think of something. He hated the man worse than anyone else he knew, but he still needed to see him.</p>
<p>Had Zeke been right? Was it the echo of his Ackerman blood? Or did he just miss Erwin?</p>
<p>“Are you sure about leaving the military?” Hange asked, sipping her drink.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I am.” He stared into his tea. “Wasn’t sure until I got home and saw Kuchel’s face when she realized I wasn’t dead. Before I had her, I had to save the rest of humanity. Even when she was born, I thought that was more important. But when I saw her cry like that…” He made sure he wasn’t choking up like a bitch before he continued. “Eh. I realized I’d let humanity burn if it’d save her.”</p>
<p>“I guess that’s what fatherhood does to you,” Hange mused.</p>
<p>“Eh, Four Eyes. Thinking of becoming a father?” He smirked and Hange laughed.</p>
<p>“Honorary Aunt Hange’s more than enough for me. Pieck would…”</p>
<p>Her smile withered. Right. Pieck had eighteen months left.</p>
<p>“You might find a cure for the curse. You’re working on that, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm.” She gave a sigh. He’d never seen her like this for anyone, not even Shadis in her most starstruck days.</p>
<p>“Got it bad.”</p>
<p>“It scares me a little.”</p>
<p>“It should.” He sipped his tea and thought of Petra. He didn’t know who he resented worse, her or himself. “When it hurts you, it doesn’t heal.”</p>
<p>“Levi. Er…” Hange downed the last of the whiskey. Liquid courage. “That’s one of the reasons I wanted to come here tonight. I want to talk about Petra.”</p>
<p>“Okay. I don’t.” He drank and glowered at her from across the cup. “Don’t make me regret talking to you about that shit.”</p>
<p>“I know what she did feels like a betrayal,” Hange said, ignoring his wishes. “But Levi, you didn’t see her. I did. She was about to collapse, and that was when she was holding it together for the cameras. She wasn’t herself.”</p>
<p>“I blame Erwin more than her for what happened,” he growled. He shut his eyes; the imagined flash of Erwin fucking Petra came and went, along with a red haze. “But she…”</p>
<p>“She’d had lovers before, hadn’t she?”</p>
<p>“She asked the same thing. She wasn’t my wife then. She was fucking another man while I was lying on that fucking island—”</p>
<p>“We all thought you were dead.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know why I’m talking about this shit with you.” He slammed the cup down and stood to exit the booth.</p>
<p>He turned right into Nile Dok. What a horrible fucking surprise. Nile didn’t move out of his way.</p>
<p>“Fancy fucking seeing you here,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“That’s another reason I wanted to come here,” Hange said. “It’s, er, more public. So you can’t punch either of us.”</p>
<p>“Don’t put it past me.”</p>
<p>“Can I sit with you for a minute?” Nile asked. Levi sneered at Hange, who looked sheepish. So she’d set all this up, huh? What an asshole.</p>
<p>Fine. Made no difference. And he didn’t want to waste good tea.</p>
<p>“Sure. Sit down,” he said. Nile slipped in beside Hange so Levi could glare at the both of them. “Welcome to the Erwin Smith Fucked My Wife club. Hange’s not a full member yet, but give it a few months.”</p>
<p>“Levi!” Hange snapped. Nile’s cheeks flushed, but he didn’t lose his cool.</p>
<p>“He does seem almost pathological about it,” Nile said.</p>
<p>“I think three times would suggest it’s a pathology,” Hange chimed in.</p>
<p>“I’m about to walk out of this restaurant. The two of you can get cozy.” Levi shoved the empty cup aside. As he started to stand, Hange gestured for him to stay. He sneered at the pair of them.</p>
<p>“I asked Hange to get me a meeting with you,” Nile said. The scrawny guy looked almost fidgety. “She’s told me what’s been going on.”</p>
<p>“She tell you what, exactly? Does she know what goes on inside my house?”</p>
<p>“I know enough,” Hange said quietly. He glared.</p>
<p>“I’m just going to come out and say it, because you could leave at any second.” Nile folded his hands. “My wife left me and my three children for <em>him</em>. She made me a laughingstock in the military. She told me she never truly loved me.” His voice got tight there. Fuck, why did Levi have to watch this? He’d kill Hange. “I tell myself I’d never take her back after everything she did. But I also know that if she came home tomorrow, I’d open the door.” He rubbed his eyes, huffed. Hange patted his shoulder. Weird to see these two buddying up. “I love her. I always have.”</p>
<p>“Sorry you’re that much of a loser.”</p>
<p>“<em>Levi.</em>” Hange had never looked as pissed as she did in that moment. Well. Maybe he’d crossed the line. A little.</p>
<p>“Now you, on the other hand, are married to a woman who worships you. A woman you love.” Nile shook his head. “I’ll never know what that’s like. This woman loved you so much that when she thought you were dead she broke down. She slept with someone else for one night because she thought she might kill herself otherwise. She regretted it.”</p>
<p>Hange nodded. She must have told Nile all these private details about the Ackerman marriage. Levi was going to put her in a suitcase and send her home in the train’s luggage compartment.</p>
<p>“You don’t know me and you don't know my wife, Nile.”</p>
<p>“I do know her. A little. I know she’s a good person. I know she loves you. I know she’d never leave you for him. And I know she’d do anything to take it back.” Nile shook his head, looked bemused. “You have all of that, and you turn her away.”</p>
<p>“This is not your business,” Levi growled. He stood and threw some coins onto the table. He stepped out of the booth, but Nile snagged him by the arm.</p>
<p>“I’m the laughingstock, Levi. But you’re the loser,” Nile said.</p>
<p>So Levi turned around and punched him square in the face. Blood spurted from Nile’s nose. He fell back against Hange, who swore and grabbed a napkin and stuffed it into the man’s face. As Nile groaned, Hange looked up at Levi with something he’d never seen from her before.</p>
<p>Disdain.</p>
<p>“I forgot this Levi,” she said. “The one that hits people because he doesn’t know how else to show how he feels. The one that pushes people away. This is what you become without her.”</p>
<p>He could’ve said or done something in reply, but Hange’s words shook him to the root. He muttered something even he didn’t understand, turned, and swept through the restaurant. He tried not to notice everyone staring at him as he pushed past the hostess and out the door. The early summer air was pleasant in the evening. It smelled like roses, and horses. He walked briskly down the street.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is what you become without her.</em>
</p>
<p>When he was in Petra’s arms, she taught him to be gentle. To talk to her instead of pull away. He wasn’t much of a student, but with her he made progress.</p>
<p>He stalked through the streets until he came to Edvard’s house. He went inside, didn’t bother knocking. He had a key. Brigitta had been moved to the hospital for extra tests…and because she couldn’t be left alone.</p>
<p>What was the point? He liked Brigitta a lot. She was a good person. What was the fucking point of denying a woman like that the chance for joy, and the chance to raise kids? When assholes had kids every day, why deny her?</p>
<p>Sometimes he wondered if the world wasn’t deliberately cruel.</p>
<p>Since Edvard was staying at the hospital now and the Rals had finally had to go back to Calaneth, the Ackerman family was mostly house sitting. Levi put the keys on the hall table and went into the parlor.</p>
<p>“Papa!” Kuchel squealed with glee to see him. The sour mood he’d been in since the restaurant lifted a bit. He caught her as she ran to him.</p>
<p>“How’s my girl?”</p>
<p>“Good, Papa. Look! Is a kitty.” She waved a sheet of paper proudly. He looked. It was a blob that had sticks poking out of it. Maybe the sticks were whiskers.</p>
<p>“That’s great.” Kuchel was the only person he’d ever bullshit.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Petra stood up from where she’d been kneeling on the floor, next to the coffee table. Kuchel’s toys were littered around, which drove Levi a little crazy. But one thing at a time. He looked at his wife.</p>
<p>Petra’s hair was longer these days, shoulder length, and today she’d braided it. It hung over her shoulder, gleaming gold and red in the afternoon light. His fingers itched to touch that braid.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is what you become without her.</em>
</p>
<p>“Oi. Kuchel. I want you to put your toys away,” he said.</p>
<p>“Okay.” The kid yawned wide. Maybe she needed a nap. Perfect timing.</p>
<p>Levi and Petra watched their daughter pick up her dolls and stuffed animals and place them into the toy chest one after another with a kiss. She dragged Gretel away by the leg as she followed Levi into the guest bedroom. She’d been sleeping here with her mother. He picked her up and set her on the bed, took off her little shoes, and covered her with the blanket.</p>
<p>“You take a nap til dinner, yeah?” He kissed her forehead. Kuchel was already falling asleep.</p>
<p>“Love you, Papa.”</p>
<p>He watched her sleep just a minute. Now that he was out of the military, he had more time than he knew what to do with. He’d never had hours and days to waste before. He woke up feeling wound up, anxious to find something to do. When they got to the farm, there’d be chores. That’d help.</p>
<p>But chores would never be as important as what he had been. When he was with Erwin…</p>
<p>
  <em>Think about Kuchel.</em>
</p>
<p>When he looked at his daughter, he remembered that what he did, he did for her. And it all got easier.</p>
<p>He crept out of the room and returned to the parlor. Petra was seated on the couch, studying Kuchel’s drawing. Levi sat beside her. His wife looked surprised; normally he didn’t sit too close these days.</p>
<p>“How was Hange?” she asked, putting the drawing down. She faced him, her hands folded in her lap. Her body language was friendly and polite, like he was a visiting old friend and not her husband.</p>
<p>“Eh. Annoying.” He shrugged. “She brought Nile in.”</p>
<p>Petra’s eyes widened. “Why?”</p>
<p>“Chew me out. Everyone wants to these days.” He rested his gaze on that braid of hair. “How’s Brigitta?”</p>
<p>Petra sighed. “They say she’s not going to hurt herself anymore. Edvard’s so good, but she doesn’t want to see anyone else.” She blinked away tears. “Why is this happening to her?”</p>
<p>“No answer to that.” Tentatively, he placed his hand atop hers a minute. Petra looked at him with hopeful curiosity. He took his hand away. “I think we’ll be ready to go in a couple weeks. Maybe three.”</p>
<p>“You still want to go to the farm?”</p>
<p>“You don’t? Thought it’d be good for Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“Um.” She shifted in her seat. “I thought it would be good when we were…well, before. Now I think that having to be awkward with each other and no one else around…”</p>
<p>He saw her point. Levi exhaled deeply. He reached out and touched her braid. He rubbed it between his fingers. Petra’s eyes widened.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I made you feel so shit,” he said.</p>
<p>“You had every reason to.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but…” He searched for something else to say. He hated words. Preferred action. Like stroking his knuckles along Petra’s cheek. Cupping that cheek in his rough hand while her eyes fluttered shut in bliss. She turned and pressed her lips to his palm. Petra gave a low, grateful moan as she slid across the couch. He took her in his arms. Slowly, he undid that braid of hair. Her red-gold locks framed her face. “Fucking beautiful,” he whispered.</p>
<p>He kissed her, or she kissed him. It’d been almost two weeks. He fell back into the rhythm at once. Petra whimpered, her need growing as she straddled him on the couch. Her tongue slipped into his mouth. She ground against him.</p>
<p>Levi grunted as he turned and laid her on the sofa. He lay on top of her, her legs wrapped around him. Both still fully clothed. He remembered that Kuchel was asleep, and kissed his wife once more. He jerked his hips, moving between her legs. Petra groaned.</p>
<p>“Yes. Oh god, yes.” She started to drag his shirt above his head. But he wouldn’t let her. Undeterred, Petra kissed at his neck as she glided her fingers down the hard line of his stomach. Levi shut his eyes as she undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants. She reached inside, and found him flaccid. “Come on, baby,” she whispered, nibbling at his jaw as she tried to stimulate him.</p>
<p>It took a minute for them both to realize that wasn’t happening. Awkwardly, Levi got off of her. Petra sat up, rigid against the back of the couch. They got their clothes in order.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he muttered. “I thought maybe if we started, I’d want to.”</p>
<p>“But you don’t.” She sounded quiet.</p>
<p>“I’m not like most men, Petra.” Fucking radical understatement. “Until I met you, I didn’t think about sex that much. Just wasn’t too interested.” But she’d awoken such an appetite in him. Now his appetite was gone.</p>
<p>“Do you think it’s going to change?” she said quietly. She turned her face from him so he couldn’t see her fighting tears.</p>
<p>“I want it to. But I can’t make it happen.”</p>
<p>She was silent as the sun went down. As the light left the parlor. Levi switched on a lamp. Still she didn’t turn to him.</p>
<p>“Why are you punishing me this much?” Her voice was still small, but flat now. She was so weighted down by it all.</p>
<p>“It’s not about you. I understand what happened. But I can’t help the way it made me feel.” Feelings. Wasn’t that the shit she liked to talk about?</p>
<p>“Okay.” She cleared her throat. “Could you at least come back to bed? We don’t have to do anything but it’d be nice just to sleep together.” Then, “Kuchel’s starting to notice.”</p>
<p>“Not yet.”</p>
<p>“It might help if we were in the same bed. You might want to again.”</p>
<p>“It’ll make the whole thing worse. I promise.” He was not a good man, or really a kind one, but seeing her in pain broke something in him. <em>This is what you become without her.</em> He inched closer, rubbed her back.</p>
<p>“Are you just sad that he took something that belonged to you?” There was a new depth to her voice now. A raw edge. “Or are you afraid that you can’t measure up against him?”</p>
<p>The nearly two weeks of sweet Petra, dancing on eggshells Petra, whatever-you-need Petra were over. He took his hand away.</p>
<p>“I’ll bet he knew what he was doing,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“He really did.” She got up and kicked the toy chest out of the way as she stormed off into the kitchen. He could’ve stayed and cooled down, but for the first time in weeks he felt his blood like fire once more. He pursued her. Petra was making a lot of noise as she unloaded pots and pans. Her eyes were red, her cheeks puffy. She wasn’t crying. Yet.</p>
<p>“So there was no part of you that ever wondered what it’d be like?” This voice was not his. It was something animal. Less than animal. She turned and faced him.</p>
<p>“Are you afraid that sometimes I was imagining him while I fucked you?” She brandished a frying pan, pointed it at him like it was a sword. “Do you want to know how he fucked me? How many times? Do you want to know how enormous he is?”</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed. He could feel himself coming apart. Petra slammed the pan onto the stove. She pushed her face into his.</p>
<p>“Do you want to know how many times he made me come? Do you ever wonder if I was disappointed when we found out you were alive, because it meant I couldn’t be his any longer? Do you? Is that why you lie on the couch all night, thinking about it?” She was nakedly sobbing by now. She could barely get the words out. “Do you imagine him between my legs, with his mouth on my—”</p>
<p>Levi made a bestial sound. Not a roar. Something beyond primitive. Something that had existed before monsters, before titans. Something at the root of his soul. He grabbed her and threw her onto the kitchen table. He started unbuttoning her shirt, swearing when the buttons were too much. Finally he just ripped the garment open. He put his mouth on her breast, sucked at the nipple through the fabric of her bra. She made little gasping sounds, writhed against him.</p>
<p>“You want to know who’s better?” He pinned her wrists to either side of her. “You want me to fuck you until you bleed?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Her eyes were so naked with wanting. He tore at her trousers, yanked them down. He unbuckled himself once more. Petra gasped, lifting her hips, desperate to be joined.</p>
<p>And Levi <em>had</em> thought about it. He’d thought about how much she might’ve enjoyed Erwin. Petra was more right than she knew. He’d thought about Erwin on top of her, Erwin who was so much better than Levi could ever be. Taller, more handsome, more intelligent, better endowed, richer, more powerful, everything. All Levi could do better was kill and break shit. What woman wouldn’t see Erwin Smith as an upgrade? Now Petra would let Levi fuck her and lie there wishing it could be Erwin again, with his bigger cock and his perfect words and his greater amount of experience.</p>
<p>Levi had despaired, thinking of how she would now always compare him to a god.</p>
<p>If he couldn’t be a god or a king, better to be a thug. An animal.</p>
<p>He freed himself.</p>
<p>And he was still limp.</p>
<p>He even wanted to fuck her now, if only to still the rage. Levi snarled, staring down at himself with utter loathing. Twice he’d disappointed her. She had to see how tiny he was in every way. He could never be enough now. He had been able to fool Petra for years into thinking he was what she wanted. But now she’d had a king. A god. Now she could see the small, flaccid creature she’d settled for.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Petra was crying now. She held her shirt closed with one hand, reached for his face with the other. “Baby, it doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>“Fuck off.”</p>
<p>He stuffed himself back into his trousers and turned…to find Kuchel gaping at them.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck the entire world, no.</em>
</p>
<p>“Ku—how long have you been there?” His voice was hoarse. He was sure this was a nightmare.</p>
<p>“I, I jus’ wanted to, um, ask if, uh, if Gretel can have a snack?”</p>
<p>While Levi faced off against their daughter, Petra hastily put her pants back on and buttoned up what remained of her shirt. She whispered a quick apology and rushed out of the room to change. Levi picked up Kuchel.</p>
<p>“You sure you just came in?”</p>
<p>“Um, were you and Mama fighting?”</p>
<p>From the innocent look in her eyes, he realized that’s all she thought this had been. A fight. A weirdass fight. He could’ve melted in relief. He gave her a kiss.</p>
<p>“A little. But we’re not fighting now. Everything’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. As for Gretel, no snacks before dinner. We told you this.”</p>
<p>“S’not for me! Gretel wants one.” She gave him those big dopey eyes that almost made him laugh. Damn brat. He kissed her again, then put her on a chair as he started to get dinner ready. Petra came in soon after, and he quickly explained it was all okay. She hugged Kuchel, and they made the dinner. They ate at the kitchen table together. Petra even laughed a bit when Kuchel made Gretel talk to them.</p>
<p>After dinner, they put Kuchel to bed. They shut the bedroom door.</p>
<p>“Listen.” He cleared his throat. “I, uh…”</p>
<p>“It’s okay. She didn’t see anything.” Petra went to take his hand. He pulled away.</p>
<p>“There’s an inn a few blocks down the road. I think I should stay there for a day or two.”</p>
<p>Petra’s arm went limp at her side. “Levi. It wasn’t bad. You didn’t hurt me.”</p>
<p>“I know. I’m not afraid I’ll hurt you.” <em>I’m terrified I’ll disappoint you.</em></p>
<p>“I’m so sorry I got mad earlier. Those things I said were so ugly. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I love you so much.” She tried to hold him, and he kept pulling away. <em>This is what you become without her.</em></p>
<p>“I love you more than I’ll ever love anything else,” he growled. That’s all he said before he went to the parlor, got together his few things, and walked out the door. She didn’t try to stop him. Levi went to the inn, got himself a room. He sat in the quiet, listening to the city sounds outside his window. He could at least breathe here. Without the fear of her measuring him, he could think.</p>
<p>He shouldn’t. But he did.</p>
<p>Levi picked up the phone and made a call. They put him through right away. Erwin picked up on the third ring.</p>
<p>“<em>Levi?</em>” He sounded shocked. Maybe hopeful.</p>
<p>“Tell me the truth. Can you do that for me?”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes. Anything. What?</em>”</p>
<p>He shut his eyes, felt like someone was pounding on his skull. Erwin’s smooth words, his big cock, his giant body covering hers…</p>
<p>“Did she like it?” There was silence.</p>
<p>“<em>Levi, we were both out of our minds that night.</em>”</p>
<p>“It’s a simple question.”</p>
<p>“<em>Petra’s the only one who can answer.</em>”</p>
<p>“Horseshit. She’ll probably lie to me. Say I’m better. Say you can’t compare. But I know what’s in her heart.” He felt like his temples might explode.</p>
<p>“<em>It wouldn’t be a lie. She…god help me, she kept calling your name. She wanted you. She didn’t even see me.</em>”</p>
<p>“Why did you do this to me?” He had never been a self pitying man. He had never pointed at others and blamed them for his life. But this… This had him almost on his knees. “I gave everything for you, and you took her away from me. Why?”</p>
<p>“<em>Because we thought you were dead!</em>” Erwin sounded a little frustrated now. Oh, fuck him. “<em>Hate me if you want. I deserve it. But stop punishing her. Can she even hear you right now?</em>”</p>
<p>“I’m at a tavern.”</p>
<p>It was quiet for a full minute. They heard each other breathing.</p>
<p>“<em>I never thought you a weak man.</em>”</p>
<p>Small. Ugly. Evil. Cruel. Monstrous. Dull. Greedy. Awful. He’d been called all that. And worse.</p>
<p>But no one had ever called him weak before. Humanity’s Strongest wasn’t weak.</p>
<p>“You…” He rubbed his eyes. “I wish to fuck you hadn’t found me in the underground. I’d have been some shopkeeper in Mitras. Isabel and Furlan’d be alive.”</p>
<p>“<em>Would you have met your wife? Would you have your daughter? Stop pitying yourself, Levi.</em>” Erwin’s voice was acid. “<em>I won’t apologize for that. But I do apologize for all the deaths I made you suffer. I’ll always regret that.</em>”</p>
<p>“Even you got regrets, huh?”</p>
<p>“<em>Please go home to her. Please.</em>”</p>
<p>What he wanted to say was so big he couldn’t even see all of it. “I just wish…she couldn’t compare me to you.”</p>
<p>His voice did not break, but it came close.</p>
<p>“<em>She compared me to you.</em>” Erwin’s voice changed. It became gentle. “<em>She found me wanting. The morning after… She told me she wanted nothing to do with me. She said it had been a mistake. She meant it. This was before we knew you were alive.</em>” Erwin sighed deeply. “<em>She wants you very badly. Nothing I could offer her could compare with even your memory.</em>”</p>
<p>Fuck. Erwin almost sounded jealous.</p>
<p>What was he doing here? What kind of sick asshole was he? Levi only felt hatred. Not for Erwin, certainly not for Petra. He hated himself. He hated that he’d ever gotten caught in that stupid explosion and made Petra and Kuchel suffer. He hated that Petra loved him so much she almost went crazy. He hated that Erwin knew her now, knew her the way Levi did; one more thing that wasn’t his alone. He hated that he doubted her like this, that he was weak enough to doubt her.</p>
<p>“You still want her.” It wasn’t a question. Erwin made some blustering noises. “Oi. You said you’d tell the truth.”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed. “<em>Yes.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi’s fingers tightened on the receiver.</p>
<p>“I wish we could go back,” he rasped. “When Mike was alive. When it was just titans. When I only dreamed of her. When you were the best man I’d ever known.”</p>
<p>“<em>I’d like that, too.</em>” Erwin sounded so tired. “<em>I wish we could be young men together again.</em>”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well. Wishes can fuck off.”</p>
<p>Silence. Then Erwin laughed, just a little.</p>
<p>“<em>Succinct as ever.</em>” He sounded weary. “<em>I’ll never go near her again. She doesn’t want me. She wants you, Levi.</em>”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He clenched and unclenched his jaw. “Maybe someday, after we’ve all cooled off, you and me…”</p>
<p>He didn’t finish the sentence. They both felt the impossibility behind it.</p>
<p>“<em>Maybe. Please, go home to her.</em>”</p>
<p>Erwin hung up. Levi listened to the dial tone a minute before he did the same. Erwin was not just down the hall and up the stairs anymore. Levi wasn’t under his command any longer, except as a subject. He was a man who’d lived past his usefulness and he wasn’t even forty. He was a disappointment to his wife.</p>
<p>He wished to hell he could just sit with Erwin, but even that phone call had made Levi want to break shit.</p>
<p>He would always want Erwin near, but it was impossible now. Maybe forever.</p>
<p>But Petra…</p>
<p>They had a child. Maybe another on the way.</p>
<p>He had to go home.</p>
<p>Levi didn’t remember checking out. One minute he was in the room, the next walking down the street. The traffic wasn’t much; it was very late. Maybe early morning by now. He walked like the living dead, aware but not conscious.</p>
<p>“Hey. Hey, lookit that fuckin’ shrimp,” someone said. A drunk someone. He came at Levi out of the dark, along with two drunker friends. “Less get ‘em. C’mon, hey li’l guy! You, hee, you wanna candy li’l g—”</p>
<p>Levi turned and punched the man’s nose in. The guy fell, screaming. He kicked the other man in the ribs, heard something crack. More screams. He grabbed the third by the throat and slammed him against the brick wall. The guy—the kid, really—choked and looked on Levi in terror as Levi—</p>
<p>
  <em>This is what you become without her.</em>
</p>
<p>He let the guy go and staggered away as though drunk himself. He disappeared into dark alleys, making sure he did not get caught by the police. Still a slum piece of shit. All his words dried up without her. He had nothing but rage.</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra. Petra, please…</em>
</p>
<p>He wanted to bury his face in her hair.</p>
<p>The idea made him want to throw up.</p>
<p>Levi let himself in. He flipped on a light as Petra appeared in her robe. She sighed in relief when she saw it was him.</p>
<p>“Levi,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he muttered. “I’m an animal.”</p>
<p>“He’s nothing to you. No one can ever be you.” She was crying again, but stopped herself. Wiped her cheeks. “I’d rather live with you forever even if you never touched me again than go and be his.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He wanted to fall to the ground and sleep. He was so tired. Normally he wasn’t tired. “Go to sleep. It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Come to bed. Kuchel would like it.”</p>
<p>There was blood on his hand. He slipped the hand into his pocket.</p>
<p>“Not tonight. Maybe later.”</p>
<p>She deflated, but nodded. “Okay. I love you.”</p>
<p>“You, too.”</p>
<p>A little while later he was back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. He was exhausted, but he stayed awake until dawn.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Two weeks later</strong>
</p>
<p>“Papa? Papaaaaa.”</p>
<p>Kuchel plucked at his nose and then poked him in the eye. Levi woke up; finally managed to get a few hours sleep, and his daughter started in on him like this.</p>
<p>“Oi. Brat. Knock it off.” He sat up roughly, smoothing his hair. This hotel couch was a lot more comfortable than Brigitta’s had been. The last week, the family had been staying at a tavern since Brigitta had come home and needed her space. They still had a week to go before the move, a move that Levi wasn’t even sure should happen now.</p>
<p>Anyway. Kuchel had come out of the bedroom to start smacking his face. He sat up and scooped Kuchel onto his lap. He stared at her as she tried putting her fingers up his nose and being fascinated with his face.</p>
<p>“Kuchel,” he grunted. Then she snuggled against him, and all his badassery went out the window. “You ready to have a nice day with Connie and Sasha?”</p>
<p>And Jean. Levi needed at least one adult to watch over his kid. Mikasa couldn’t, because she was still up in Mitras. She’d been let out after Levi put some pressure on Erwin, but she was under close surveillance. Damn idiot kid.</p>
<p>“Yeah. We gonna see tha zoo, annn see the aminals.” Fuck that was adorable. He hugged her. Perfect little angel. “Papa you like the sofa?”</p>
<p>“Yep. Good, you know the word sofa now.” He kissed the top of her head. “It’s comfortable.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” She sounded resigned. A knock came at the door. Petra scooted out of the bedroom in her robe and slippers and opened on room service. Damn decadence. But there was a silver pot of tea on the breakfast tray. What a woman.</p>
<p>“Morning.” She laid breakfast on the coffee table and poured him a cup. Levi pulled up his legs as she sat on the couch. They were easier with each other now. Resigned, more like it. Eh.</p>
<p>She looked beautiful in the morning, same as she did every time of day. Levi sipped his tea. Kuchel snatched some toast and carried it around in her mouth as she ran across the room and back.</p>
<p>“She’s ready to see the zoo,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Yeah. So… The appointment’s at eleven,” she said gently.</p>
<p>“Mmhmmm.” He drank his tea. They didn’t look at each other.</p>
<p>At ten, the brats came to take Kuchel. Sasha had brought Niccolo with her, which Levi was grateful for. Two adults, three idiot kids. Better odds.</p>
<p>“Have fun.” Petra smiled.</p>
<p>“Don’t die,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Soon after, he and his wife left the inn and made their way into the city, to the doctor’s. The woman was very nice, talking to Petra as she conducted the examination. Levi sat in a chair at the side of the room and looked at the ceiling. Minutes crawled past. He couldn’t take it, and went to stretch his legs a minute. He stood in the waiting room, staring at a bunch of women, two of whom had large pregnancy bumps. They smiled at him. He paced back and forth, until the door opened again.</p>
<p>“Mr. Ackerman?”</p>
<p>Captain. That was his title. Sort of. He let it slide and went back in to Petra. He sat beside her as she tucked her skirts back down. They heard the news.</p>
<p>She was pregnant. About a month along. Levi asked for a specific timeline. The doctor said likely it’d happened in the week of May 16 to 23.</p>
<p>“You can’t get more specific?” he asked. “Like the exact day?”</p>
<p>The doctor looked bemused. “I’m afraid not. Congratulations to you both.”</p>
<p>She walked out of the room, giving them time to get themselves together. He should have taken Petra in his arms and kissed her deeply. Instead, he felt like he’d just flipped a coin, and was waiting to see how it’d land.</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure it’s yours,” she said. She worried her lip. “I’m almost positive.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Levi stared out the window onto the street. He watched cars and carriages drive past. He didn’t even know what he was going to say, or what he was thinking. “So—”</p>
<p>“I’ve made a decision.” She sounded very firm as she studied her hands. “Um. I don’t think I should have it.”</p>
<p>That fucking rocked him. He blinked at her, trying to find his damn tongue.</p>
<p>“Um. Are you okay with that?” he asked.</p>
<p>She looked amazingly cool, but he saw the quick quiver of her chin. The way her hand gripped her skirt for one second. She was not okay with it. Far from okay. But she smoothed her expression and her skirt.</p>
<p>“I just think it’s for the best,” she said.</p>
<p>Levi couldn’t even say how he felt. He’d been bracing himself for a potential collision, like getting hit head on by a truck, and now it was like the car was just swerving out of the way.</p>
<p>“It could be ours.”</p>
<p>“It might not be. And I…” She had to take a few deep breaths. He felt panic bubbling underneath her cool.</p>
<p>“You don’t want it if it’s his.”</p>
<p>She looked away. Got herself under control.</p>
<p>“I know if it’s his it’ll hurt you.”</p>
<p>She would want it. Not because it was Erwin’s, but because it was hers. Petra was opening up her chest, cutting out her heart, and handing it to him.</p>
<p>“Petra…”</p>
<p>“Please listen.” She settled herself again, but the tears were brewing. “I thought about it this past week. If it’s his, it’ll just be a living reminder of what I did. You’ll never be able to get away from it. You’ll…I don’t know if you’ll even want to raise it. We’re already fragile enough, I don’t want to smash what we’ve got left. And…” Her lip trembled. She shut her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you. I hurt you so much, and I can’t stand to hurt you any more.”</p>
<p>“You’d do this for me?”</p>
<p>“I’d do anything for you.”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “Was a time you said you’d never do something like that. Ever.”</p>
<p>“That was before…”</p>
<p>“Before you couldn’t be certain if it was mine.”</p>
<p>“Before I knew how much I loved you.” She spun away from him and bent her back. He saw her shoulders shaking, trying to suppress the tears. Or silently giving them their way. “I love you so much. I’d give up anything for you. I’m not doing this so you’ll come back. I know our time together may just be over. But I’ll take this over any kind of life without you in it.”</p>
<p>She’d cut her soul into pieces for him.</p>
<p>She’d break her own heart for him.</p>
<p>And she’d ask nothing in return.</p>
<p>She’d kill a child she wanted for him.</p>
<p>Just to make him less unhappy.</p>
<p>She didn’t want anything from him.</p>
<p>Oh, fuck.</p>
<p>Levi felt every muscle in his body relax. He stared at the floor, shook his head.</p>
<p>
  <em>What the fuck’s wrong with me?</em>
</p>
<p>Here he’d been afraid she’d prefer Erwin, and she was willing to irreparably damage herself just so he didn’t have to feel pain. Just for him.</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck,” he whispered. He got up. He stood in front of her and took her by the shoulders when she tried to turn away. “Listen to me. I want you to have it.”</p>
<p>The dam was breaking now. She was red-faced. The tears were coming.</p>
<p>“I, I don’t want you to—”</p>
<p>“You want to know something? I ever tell you about the time I killed two guys for Isabel’s sake?”</p>
<p>The two jerks had cut off her pigtail and stuck her face in some trash. So Levi had gone out and stabbed them both to death in an alley. He had felt nothing while he killed them. They’d both been seventeen. Boys. Kids.</p>
<p>He’d killed them and gone home.</p>
<p>“You were protecting her.” Petra looked up with wide eyes.</p>
<p>“From what? She was already safe. They didn’t molest her, or seriously hurt her. They just got rough. They were assholes who deserved broken bones, not death.”</p>
<p>He killed them like he’d take out a bag of trash. He felt nothing. He was abnormal.</p>
<p>“Levi…”</p>
<p>“Someone I loved got beaten up. I killed two people as a response. Everyone shrugs and says that kind of reaction’s fine.” He shook his head. “You thought I was dead. Gone forever. You were in agony. You slept with someone to try to take the edge off…and I’ve been treating you like you were some kind of fucking traitor, or monster.”</p>
<p>“No. You haven’t. I deserve—”</p>
<p>“To be sitting here ready to kill your own kid just so I don’t feel worse? So you can lie in bed without me and remember the shitty thing you did for someone who wasn’t even grateful?” He cupped her face in his hands. He felt the dampness of her tears. That beautiful face. She looked at him with so much love. “I was such a fucking idiot.”</p>
<p>“No.” She was openly crying now. He wrapped his arms around her. So what if she ruined his shirt? He’d get a new one. Try to save this one in the wash, but that wasn’t the priority.</p>
<p>“Baby, I’m so sorry. Fuck me. I’ve been a weak piece of shit. I’ve been a cowardly asshole. I was afraid you’d be disappointed in me, so—”</p>
<p>“Don’t you know how perfect you are for me?” She was heaving with sobs now. The door opened; the doctor wisely shut it again. “I wished he were you the whole time. I prefer everything about you. Your size. Your lips. What you do to me. He can’t compare with you. He’s not even a shadow of you.”</p>
<p>He felt the truth of every word. Levi shut his eyes. He’d been so afraid that Erwin had erased him. Erwin hadn’t even come close.</p>
<p>He kissed the top of her head. He wiped her tears and kissed her forehead. She smelled heavenly, white soap and tea. He kissed her cheek. Her lips quivered as he traced them with his own. Then he kissed her.</p>
<p>Petra gave a soft, gentle moan as he did. He was buried in her again, the feel of her starting to excite him. The flame was lit. She’d give up everything for him. She’d murder her own soul for him. He hadn’t known what he had.</p>
<p>“Have the baby,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“What if it’s his?”</p>
<p>“We’ll figure it out. But I know if you don’t, you’ll hate yourself. And me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to hurt you. You think it’s okay now, but—”</p>
<p>“I’ll deal with it. If this is the big problem of my life, I’ll be a lucky man.” Her lips were sweet. And he felt himself getting hard. Fuck, if they went on like this he’d get arrested for indecency when he tried to walk out the door. He kissed the tip of her nose.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is what you become without her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You can’t be without her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s the best part of you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Let’s go home and tell Kuchel she’s got a baby brother or sister on the way.”</p>
<p>“What if you regret it?”</p>
<p>“Tch. Did you learn nothing from me?” He stroked her cheek. “I have no regrets.”</p>
<p>They walked back to the inn, and for the first time in almost a month he could really feel her at his side. Her hand slipped into his. He squeezed it. They went upstairs, and Petra shut the door. Immediately he took her hand and led her into the bedroom. She gasped in hope, in anticipation. She sat on the bed and gazed up at him with those sweet amber eyes. Levi took off his coat. He stood before her, cupped her chin.</p>
<p>“I want you on your knees,” he said.</p>
<p>“Yes.” She slid to the floor, and immediately undid his belt. He watched her unbuckle him, unbutton him. This time, she gave a joyful sigh when she saw him hard and ready for her. Levi shivered as he watched her take his cock in her hand. He throbbed desperately in her touch as Petra kissed the tip, kissed the length. She closed her lips around the tip, swirled her tongue. Levi grunted.</p>
<p>“You know what I want you to do,” he said hoarsely.</p>
<p>She hummed, and her head began to bob. He watched her lips on him, the golden-red hair swaying as she fucked him with her mouth. Petra made ecstatic noises. She gripped his ass and squeezed. Levi felt the tug begin at the base of his spine, the beginning of an orgasm. She made love to him, licked him, kissed him, cupped his balls. She was happy to swallow his cum. Fuck, he was almost there—</p>
<p>“Stop,” he whispered. She did. She looked up at him with pleading desperation. She wanted more. All of him. “Take off your clothes and get on the bed.”</p>
<p>She obeyed eagerly, revealing the cream and rose and gold of her body. The sight of her naked breasts and the sweet thatch of hair on her sex could’ve made him come alone. She lay down, spread and waiting for him. His hunger was back. He was famished. She was desperate for him, not Erwin. This was what she craved.</p>
<p>He crawled on top of her, hissed in pleasure as his naked body aligned with hers. Petra moaned, her hips bucking. He took himself in hand and trailed the head of his cock up and down her seam, reveling in how wet she was. She kissed him passionately, running her fingers through his hair.</p>
<p>“I’m your master,” he whispered against her throat. Petra gasped. “You let him touch what’s mine.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, sir.” Her voice was breathy, eager. “I was so weak.”</p>
<p>“This is mine.”</p>
<p>He thrust deep inside of her, and it was coming home. She was warm and tight around him. Fuck, he’d dreamed of this when he was dying on that island. He’d yearned for it when he was too ill to take her. He’d mourned it when he knew what’d happened between her and Erwin. But now he was rock hard, deep inside of her soft body. His. She was desperate for his touch.</p>
<p>Petra moaned, shifted under him.</p>
<p>“Fuck me, sir. Please fuck me.”</p>
<p>“Quiet.”</p>
<p>He thrust hard. His hips jerked. They fucked, or he fucked her, and the sounds of that fucking echoed in the room. Petra whispered and cooed ‘oh’ over and over as he fucked harder. He went to the hilt, felt her contract around him. His. This was his. He looked down at her face, at the flushed ecstasy of her cheeks as he took her. Petra wrapped her legs around his waist.</p>
<p>She was pregnant now. It could be his. It could be an intruder. He fucked her harder, the bed screaming beneath them, as he imagined that he was fucking her deeper than Erwin had. That if Erwin had planted himself inside her, Levi could change that through the sheer force of his thrusts.</p>
<p>“Ah. Ah.” She started to grimace as he struck her cervix again and again. “Ow. Levi, ow!”</p>
<p>He stopped. His heart was pounding, he wanted to tear the pillows apart with his teeth. Erwin had taken Levi’s place inside her body, and may have staked his claim. Gross as that sounded. Levi couldn’t…</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he croaked.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. Oh god, it’s so good.” She kissed his lips. She loved him, and inside of her could be growing something that wasn’t his, that…</p>
<p>No. No, he didn’t hate the kid. He didn’t hate Erwin. He just hated…</p>
<p>Oh. <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p>“Levi?” She looked horrified. Then her face blurred. His eyes…</p>
<p>Shit. He was crying. He looked away from her, though he stayed inside her. Shit. Shit.</p>
<p>“Baby. Oh, sweetheart,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Fuck off. Don’t look at me.” Wave after wave of feeling crashed over him. He hadn’t cried in front of her. Ever. Not for any reason. Not even when he came back from the dead. Fuck, he was so fucking weak. He…</p>
<p>“Shhhh.” She stroked his face. She kissed him, though he pulled away. “Please. Let me see.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, so you can be fucking embarrassed.”</p>
<p>“I want to see you cry. I want you to feel everything.”</p>
<p>“Because you can tell yourself I’m a fucking pathetic piece of shit?” he barked. He came face to face with her. Fuck, still crying. She kissed his damp cheek. When he tried to pull away, she held him.</p>
<p>“You’re human. Humans should feel everything,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I’m less than human.”</p>
<p>
  <em>What you become without her.</em>
</p>
<p>“Please.” She wouldn’t unwrap her arms or legs. She held all of him. She kissed his lips, clenched tight around his cock. “I want to see all of you. I love every bit of you.”</p>
<p>No, how could she? He was so fucking small and ugly. He was warped.</p>
<p>“I don’t cry,” he growled.</p>
<p>“Everyone does. You don’t have to cry as much as I do.” She nuzzled him. “But I want to know everything that hurts you. Especially if I do it.”</p>
<p>“You don’t hurt me. I hurt myself.” A tear slid down his cheek. She wiped it away. When his vision cleared, he saw nothing but love in her eyes. Nothing but acceptance. Not a hint of disgust, of embarrassment for him. “Petra, I don’t care what happened.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“I don’t own you. You thought I was dead. I’m not mad at you.”</p>
<p>“I know that.”</p>
<p>“But I just keep thinking of him and I can’t help but…compare.”</p>
<p>“You can’t compare. You’re so far above him.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “He could give me gold, palaces, the best of everything, but he still can’t be you. I want you, even if you’re sick. Even if you’re poor. No matter what happens, I want you instead of him.”</p>
<p>“Not for pity,” he muttered.</p>
<p>“I pity him. Not you.” Her lips caressed his face. He felt her kiss on his cheeks and chin and lips. “He can’t be as good as you are. No one can.”</p>
<p>“I’m a piece of shit.”</p>
<p>“No. You’ve had to be strong for too long, with no one to help you. Please let me.” She kissed him again. “I’d do anything to help you.”</p>
<p>“You would, wouldn’t you?”</p>
<p>He looked at this woman who loved him so damn much. Beyond reason. He didn’t deserve this love, but it was his. He relaxed into her embrace once more. Her heart beat against his. He kissed along her jaw.</p>
<p>“Even if it’s his, I want you to have it. I want as much of you in this world as I can get.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed. She nuzzled him. They kissed. When he was hard again, they didn’t fuck. They made love. Only a few times in his life Levi could say that, but this was one of those times. He felt like he was merging with her body as he made love to it. He stroked, thrust, and kneaded her breasts, angled himself so that he rubbed that one private spot he’d found that time in the shower in Valle. When she came, tears streamed down her cheeks with the sheer overpowering force of her pleasure. She put him on his back and rode him to his climax, sitting up straight so that he could gaze at every inch of her body. Every inch she preferred to give him and no one else. Her hips swirled as she had him touch her breasts. She worked him hard, eyes hazy with lust.</p>
<p>Erwin hadn’t even gotten the shadow of her.</p>
<p>When Levi came, his whole body arched. He didn’t roar, or groan. He gave a high, free yell as he filled her. She cried out in double ecstasy.</p>
<p>Then they were in each other’s arms, a little damp, but a bath could fix that. He stared at the ceiling, running his fingers up and down the sweating line of her back.</p>
<p>“Keep thinking I got to the bottom of you,” he murmured. “But there’s always something new to find out. It’s exhausting.”</p>
<p>“I guess that’s what marriage is supposed to be.” She grinned, and kissed him.</p>
<p>She smelled like heaven, tasted like paradise. She fucked like a goddess. He was getting hard again. She’d broken the spell over him.</p>
<p>“I have to ask one more thing,” she whispered. “Should we tell him?”</p>
<p>He thought. “Let’s wait and see what happens. Maybe it’ll look just like you and we’ll never be able to tell.”</p>
<p>Better not to get Erwin involved until they knew something.</p>
<p>“I really made things complicated,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t just you. He played his part.” Levi rolled back on top of her. “Plus if I’d let Hange stay on the ship, everything would’ve been fine.”</p>
<p>“Hange could have died.”</p>
<p>“I would never be so lucky.”</p>
<p>She gasped and slapped his ass. He had to punish her for that.</p>
<p>He punished her three more times.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“When you’re feeling better, you need to come visit us.” Petra sat beside Brigitta. Her sister looked all right. Her hair was washed. Her nightgown was clean. But she kept staring out the bedroom window, looking at anything but Petra. She took Brigitta’s hand. “There’s so much we can do.”</p>
<p>“You’re pregnant again.” It wasn’t a question. “Mama told Edvard. I heard her on the phone.”</p>
<p>Shit. Petra lowered her head.</p>
<p>“I wanted to tell you myself.”</p>
<p>“I’m happy for you.” She sounded lifeless. “I’m happy for everyone who gets the one thing I wanted.” Her chin trembled. “The only thing I ever wanted.”</p>
<p>“Gitta, please…”</p>
<p>“Maybe the secret is not to want anything. The thing you want most is the one thing you can never have.” Her sister looked at her. Petra had never seen anger in Brigitta’s eyes before. Not for her. “Except you got Levi. You even got him back from the dead. So maybe I’m just fucking cursed.”</p>
<p>“Brigitta, please.” Maybe she shouldn’t say anything, but the words tumbled out. “There are so many children who need to be adopted. You can have a family—”</p>
<p>“I wanted. My own. Children.” There was growing rage in her eyes now. Brigitta beat her fist against the mattress. “Why don’t I get what I want? Why did it get taken away right when I almost had it? Why do you get everything no matter how many times you fuck up, and I don’t?!”</p>
<p>She screamed. She screamed and sobbed into her hands. Petra got up as Edvard rushed into the room. He looked ten years older than he did last week.</p>
<p>“Please. She needs rest,” he said, guiding Petra out. They shut the door.</p>
<p>“Edvard, I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Your mother’s coming down. That’ll help. I’m so sorry she snapped at you.” Gentle man. “She’s got it in her head that you’ve always had it easier than her.”</p>
<p>In some ways, perhaps she was right.</p>
<p>“Do you think we’re cursed to not get the thing we want most?” she asked.</p>
<p>Edvard shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess I never wanted anything that badly.”</p>
<p>She hugged him.</p>
<p>“She’ll get better. Maybe not for a little while.”</p>
<p>No. Petra’s pregnancy would be a sore spot for a long time to come.</p>
<p>She missed her sister. She was right on the other side of the door, but Petra missed her.</p>
<p>“If you need something, please call.”</p>
<p>“I will,” he said. “I’ll miss having you and Levi close by.”</p>
<p>“The house in Trost is fixed. We’re keeping it on. We’ll be back to visit.” She patted his arm. “I have to go. Remember…”</p>
<p>“I’ll call.”</p>
<p>He saw her downstairs and out the door. He waved at Levi, who stood beside the car. Much of their boxes and things had already been taken up to the farm. They had a few suitcases packed in the car. Kuchel waved out the backseat window.</p>
<p>“She okay?” Levi asked as Petra came over. She held him tight.</p>
<p>“I hate the world sometimes.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Only sometimes? That’s generous.” He kissed her. They got in the car. Petra was driving, since she was far better at it. Levi hated cars, and anything mechanical. They both turned to the backseat, where Kuchel was buckled in and surrounded by a whole host of stuffed animals. She loved all her toys. Levi couldn’t understand how one kid could need so much.</p>
<p>Well. Soon she’d share.</p>
<p>“Guess what, Kuchel?” Petra smiled.</p>
<p>“What?” She made Gretel wave at them.</p>
<p>“Mama’s going to have another baby.” Petra held Levi’s hand. “You’ll have a little brother or sister!”</p>
<p>“Yaaaay!” She tossed Gretel into the air and started swaying back and forth, singing her little song. “Ba-by bro-ther, I want to see my ba-by bro-ther.”</p>
<p>“Or sister,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>Brother.</p>
<p>Oruo. Not Armin.</p>
<p>Everything would be just fine. Petra started the car and drove away, heading down the main street of Trost. Heading for the country.</p>
<p>For a quiet life with her family. A life of peace.</p>
<p>Eren was wrong. Simple as that.</p>
<p>He was wrong.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin sat by the window as night fell. He had a glass of whiskey in his hand. He looked at the chairs where Levi and Hange might once have sat. Where they all might have talked through the night, or laughed. Well, he and Hange would laugh. Levi would scowl.</p>
<p>He stared at the spot where Levi should have been.</p>
<p>For the first time in his entire life, he felt truly and absolutely alone.</p>
<p>He put his drink down and placed his head in his hands.</p>
<p>At least being alone meant no one could see him fight the tears.</p>
<p>That was one mercy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You need to shift into third. Levi!” She laughed as they bumped along. The hay in the back of the truck bounced. Her husband grunted, brow furrowed in concentration as he moved the stick shift. The truck was making odd noises now, desperate to change gears. He finally did, and the grinding noise under the hood stopped. They made a right turn, headed back towards the farmhouse. To the right, autumn pumpkins glowed golden in the afternoon sun. There was a nip in the air now. Petra had put on her winter coat for the first time today.</p>
<p>“Sure the bumps aren’t too bad?” he asked.</p>
<p>“A little fewer would be nice,” she said breathlessly. She had her hands on her own bump. Five months along, and the baby was starting to really show. Levi hit the brakes and stopped them on the trail halfway between the pasture and the house. The barn was a hundred yards in the distance. They had to deliver the hay and the sacks of grain that they’d bought in the nearby town.</p>
<p>The engine idled until he turned it off. He leaned back against the seat, breathing a little easier. The cold had reddened his cheeks and the tips of his nose. Petra leaned over and kissed him. He felt chilly to the touch.</p>
<p>“Mmm.” He smiled a little. Since coming north, he smiled more frequently. “You okay?”</p>
<p>“Yes. We’re fine.” She rubbed her stomach again. Levi wore a flannel coat, and fingerless gloves. He looked like a regular rustic now.</p>
<p>“Here.” He pulled a thermos out of the back. “Have some. Sasha packed it.”</p>
<p>“Tea?” She unscrewed the lid. It smelled of cloves and spice.</p>
<p>“Apple cider. Kid knows her way around an apple, I’ll give her that.”</p>
<p>She was touched as she poured a cup. Normally the thermos would have been filled with tea, but he knew she liked apple cider.</p>
<p>“You’re so sweet.” She kissed his cheek and scooted a bit nearer so that he could wrap his arm around her. As Petra sipped her cider, he kissed the top of her head. These days, every moment between them was full of affection. This. This was paradise. She shut her eyes in contentment. “You’re avoiding going back to the house, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“All those brats are so noisy.”</p>
<p>She grinned. “You like it, though.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes. Only sometimes.” He kissed her forehead. Levi sighed deeply. She looked at him. So similar to what he had been in his old life, and yet so different. He still insisted on cutting his black hair in that military undercut. He still shaved thoroughly to avoid even the faintest trace of a beard. He still didn’t sleep that much, and still kept to a rigorous schedule. But now his schedule consisted of getting up to feed and water the horses, to pull weeds or plant vegetables. At first the change from soldiering to farming seemed like it wouldn’t gel with Levi. But soon, he enjoyed seeing things grow under his hands. He fed animals, gave them life. His life had been nothing but death from the day he was born.</p>
<p>This was finally peace.</p>
<p>“Are you happy?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” No hesitation. Petra finished her cider and screwed the cap back on. She kissed her husband. “Mmm. Taste like apples and shit.”</p>
<p>“And shit?” She gave a mock gasp. He kissed her nose.</p>
<p>“You know what I mean.” He started up the car. “I’ll get Jean and Connie and Hange to take the truck up to the barn and unload everything. I’ve done enough shit for those damn horses today.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed. “I need to get dinner going.”</p>
<p>“No, no. The brats and I’ve got it. It’ll do them good to have something to do. They can help clean the kitchen, as well.” He liked that idea. “I’m gonna run you a hot bath. No,” he said when she started to protest. “You shouldn’t be on your feet that much. Doctor said. You take a long soak, and if I’ve got these brats in formation dinner should be ready when you get out.”</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t be this lucky,” she mused. Her hand rested atop her baby bump. Every time she thought of the child inside her, it was with love…and fear. Of course it was Levi’s. She knew it was. But what if…</p>
<p>“Baby, no one should be lucky more than you.” As they bumped along the path, he grabbed her hand for a quick kiss.</p>
<p>Since the day they’d found out about the baby and returned to each other, he’d been more affectionate than ever. Not just sex, though that was part of it. He had an easier time kissing her in front of others. Touching her. He’d hold her without it instantly becoming carnal.</p>
<p>He was more relaxed than ever. It’d only been four months. It would just get better from here.</p>
<p>They pulled up in front of the house. Levi killed the engine and opened the truck door. “Oi! Jean, Connie. Get your asses out here.”</p>
<p>The 104<sup>th</sup> kids were staying over for the ‘harvest gathering’, an agrarian tradition from old Eldian ways. Another bit of culture Erwin had found in his searches through the Reiss family private library.</p>
<p>It also happened to be on the day before the king’s birthday. Funny, that.</p>
<p>Petra didn’t want to think of Erwin. She didn’t bring him up to Levi, either.</p>
<p>Connie and Jean hurried over, arguing with each other about something all the way. They jumped into the truck and headed for the barn as Levi led Petra into the house. There was a fire going in the front living room, and Mikasa and Sasha were seated before it, playing with Kuchel. The little girl skipped back and forth to the two young women, touching them with a ‘magic wand’ (that looked a great deal like a stick) and saying charming things like ‘you’re a ghost now’ ‘okay, you’re not dead anymore.’ Petra tried not to laugh.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Put your toys away. The girls are gonna help me with dinner,” Levi said. Mikasa and Sasha both got up as Kuchel trotted over to her father and mother, beaming. Petra hugged her daughter, smiled at Mikasa.</p>
<p>Erwin let the girl spend time with the Ackermans on their farm. Otherwise, she was still stuck in the capital, kept where Erwin could easily see her. Mikasa still looked withdrawn, almost five months later. She wanted to know where Eren was. They all did. But for Mikasa, it was a special pain.</p>
<p>“Please make more of an effort with her,” Petra murmured as Levi walked her upstairs. He knew who his wife was talking about.</p>
<p>“I’m not the one who helped Eren and Historia escape.”</p>
<p><em>Maybe it was the right thing to do.</em> But she didn’t want any arguments just now.</p>
<p>Levi brought her up to their bedroom. Petra shivered, wrapping herself in the extra flannel blanket at the foot of their bed while Levi went to the bathroom and turned on the water in the tub. Within a few minutes, steam was rising into the air. The bathroom heated up. She watched with a soft smile as he fussed over the temperature, poured in some of the lavender bath salt she liked best. When it was all ready, he watched her get undressed. She wasn’t so big yet that she needed his help with that.</p>
<p>“You light up when you’re pregnant,” he said, somehow both gruff and tender. He helped her step into the bath, then helped her ease down. Petra gave a low, contented sigh as the hot water lapped over her body. Just the top of her belly protruded until she made herself sink the last little bit. Levi rolled his sleeves and slipped a hand and arm into the water. He stroked her stomach.</p>
<p>“The baby should be kicking soon,” she whispered. She laid her hand atop his. They both looked at her ever-growing stomach. “Levi…”</p>
<p>“Told you already. It’ll be fine. No matter what.”</p>
<p>He kissed her, then soaped a washcloth and helped her sit up so he could get her back. Petra’s eyelids slipped shut. It was so wonderful in this warm, fragrant world with her husband’s hands on her body. He leaned over and kissed the back of her neck.</p>
<p>“You spoil me,” she said.</p>
<p>“I like doing it.” Simple honesty. He rinsed her off and Petra leaned back in the tub. He hooked an arm around her, just avoiding the water. She kissed his arm, nestled her cheek against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“We should get some pumpkins in. Kuchel liked carving faces into them last year.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. The brats want to go pick apples tomorrow before they head back to the city. Think she’ll like that, too.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed deeply. “Do you promise me you’re happy?”</p>
<p>His breath ruffled her hair as he laughed. “You hear me laughin’, right?”</p>
<p>“Just because this is the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t want anything to change.”</p>
<p>“I’m pretty fucking abnormal, but I’m not too worried about it. That’s gotta mean something. Maybe this time, it’ll stay good for longer than five minutes.”</p>
<p>“It’s been longer than that!” She giggled.</p>
<p>“Fine. Longer than five months.” He kissed her cheek, leaned his cheek against hers. “I like to think after we die, there’s a real paradise. And it’s just this, forever. Long as it’s with you and Kuchel, it’s fine.”</p>
<p>He didn’t mention the baby. They both pretended not to notice. But Petra kissed his nose.</p>
<p>“Thank you. For giving me another chance.”</p>
<p>“Same, kid.” He kissed her. “Now stay here, relax. Get warm. I’ll get Hange and the guys to finish the last chores, and I’ll finish up dinner. Then you’re gonna eat, and then you’re gonna get to bed.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. I should be doing something to help.”</p>
<p>“You’re making a kid. That’s something. Shut up and let me pamper you, damn brat.”</p>
<p>She laughed. She almost sloshed the water, she laughed so hard. It was and always would be Levi, rough, coarse, grumpy Levi. But he was the sweetest man. The kindest man. After the agony of the days without him, she knew now that every moment with him was a gift. She intended to cherish every bit of the time, and him.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she said. He kissed her one more time.</p>
<p>“Fucking adore you. Now relax.”</p>
<p>He left the bathroom and shut the door. Petra lounged in the water, feeling all the tension leave her muscles. The air was cloudy with steam. She could hear the dim shouts of someone, probably Hange, outside. Petra idly caressed her stomach as she lay there, looking down upon the developing bump.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re Levi’s. I know you’re Levi’s.</em>
</p>
<p>She bit her lip. She would love this baby no matter what.</p>
<p>She just wanted to make it easy for Levi to love him, too.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Oi. Four Eyes. Go pull some potatoes from the side garden. I’m afraid Sasha’ll eat ‘em straight out of the dirt if I send her,” Levi said. He passed the kitchen window as he spoke, and heard Sasha squawk within.</p>
<p>“Seriously? The potato thing again? That was one time! One!” she shouted. Levi didn’t pay any attention to her.</p>
<p>He rounded the corner and found Hange and Pieck. The scientist was writing away in her notebook, eye glowing with joy as her girlfriend crawled around on all fours.</p>
<p>“You have to tell me what the impulse feels like. Is it like an electrical surge? Or does it feel more natural that way?”</p>
<p>“I’m glad this is exciting for you, but would you get my crutch?” Pieck sounded sleepily exasperated.</p>
<p>To Hange, love and science were the same thing. Levi rolled his eyes and picked up the crutch that leaned against the house. He offered it to Pieck, who climbed her way up and took it from him. She never lost that calm smile. Hange flushed, realizing she’d gotten carried away by the moment.</p>
<p>“Er. Sorry.”</p>
<p>Pieck stumped over and kissed Hange.</p>
<p>“Maybe if you’re very good, I’ll let you ride me later.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Hange’s face lit up.</p>
<p>“Fuck, please do that in your own private room,” Levi muttered, turning and walking away.</p>
<p>“Levi! She meant as a titan!” Hange called.</p>
<p>“That’s worse! Now get the potatoes,” he snapped. Shook his head. Damn scientists. Damn titans. He saw Connie and Jean driving back down from the barn. Connie was standing on the truck bed, cackling as the wind whipped through his hair and jacket. Jean had his arm resting on the window, trying to look impressive.</p>
<p>These idiots were nineteen. Would they ever grow up? When did boys become men?</p>
<p><em>Maybe they never will.</em> Then, <em>Maybe I never want them to.</em></p>
<p>Levi couldn’t help thinking of Eren as he corralled the guys inside to wash up and help with dinner. He looked out at the barn, the acres of land, the horses grazing in the nearby pasture, and thought of Eren pointing at Petra.</p>
<p>
  <em>I can’t protect Kuchel anymore.</em>
</p>
<p>Fuck had that meant? Levi shook his head and went indoors. Obviously he’d been manipulating Petra. The kid couldn’t see the future or anything. That was bullshit.</p>
<p>Where the fuck had he and Historia disappeared to, though?</p>
<p>Right now Erwin was doing a lot of tap dancing to convince Marley and the world that while Zeke Jaeger was dead, they still had the requirements for a Founder. Everyone took it to mean that Historia was pregnant. The fact that she’d vanished from public life helped support that theory. Almost five months, and the queen had never surfaced outside of Paradis to tell tales of the evil Erwin Smith. That was some relief. Still, what the fuck was she up to?</p>
<p>This wasn’t his job anymore. He stubbornly reminded himself of that. He went inside and scooped up Kuchel as she raced back and forth waving a stuffed elephant and yelling BOOM. His daughter happily made the elephant kiss him as he carried her into the kitchen. Hange and Pieck were washing and peeling potatoes. Sasha and Connie were having a splash contest at the sink, which was rapidly soaking the kitchen floor.</p>
<p>After he threatened them and they were on good behavior again, Levi realized that Mikasa and Jean weren’t there. Tch. Slackers.</p>
<p>He put Kuchel on a chair, where Pieck and Hange began to immediately praise and pamper her. He walked down the hall to the back porch, the one with a screen. He halted as he saw the two out there together. Mikasa was picking something up—firewood, good thinking—and Jean was talking.</p>
<p>Levi shouldn’t listen, but he couldn’t help himself.</p>
<p>“You know how sorry I am about Eren.” Jean normally was all puffed up, or arguing, or griping about something. Rarely did he sound genuine…and nervous.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said. She wore her cranberry sweater. Her short black hair gleamed in the afternoon light as Jean stared pointedly at her. Levi swore he could see sweat on the guy’s upper lip, where he was trying to grow a moustache.</p>
<p>“He and Historia…I mean, I’m sure he had his reasons. Taking her.”</p>
<p><em>And not you.</em> The words were unspoken, but loud. Levi saw Mikasa’s shoulders tighten. Careful, Jean.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe he wants to hurt us,” she said.</p>
<p>“Of course not. No way.” The relationship between Eren and Jean had always been playfully fraught, in no small part (at least for Jean) because of Mikasa. Levi was sure Jean had more to say on that subject, but he wisely didn’t elaborate. Jean cleared his throat.</p>
<p>Oh fuck. Levi really had to go.</p>
<p>“I just want you to know…that we’re all here for you.” His voice sounded breathy now. Nerves. Breathe deep, Jean. “I’m here for you.”</p>
<p>Mikasa didn’t move. Levi could practically see the wheels turning.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said quietly. She rose, holding the logs. Jean tried to take them, but she politely refused.</p>
<p>“Mikasa. I…I know I never said anything before.”</p>
<p>Oh fuck. Levi shut his eyes.</p>
<p>Mikasa said nothing.</p>
<p>“I know that you and Eren… I mean, I know that you…”</p>
<p><em>Abort. Abort the mission.</em> Jean seemed mercifully to realize this was a bad road to go down, and he switched.</p>
<p>“Jean?” she said.</p>
<p>“I know I can’t be what Eren was to you. But I…I like you, Mikasa. I always have, since the first time I saw you.” Now that the words were out, he sped up. “You’re the most beautiful and the bravest girl I’ve ever…”</p>
<p>He trailed off. Levi wondered if he saw in Mikasa’s face what Levi imagined to be there: kindness, and sorrow. Sympathy.</p>
<p>Pain for causing disappointment.</p>
<p>“I can’t imagine you feel anything for me now. Not like that. But I hoped that you could think about it. Maybe with time—”</p>
<p>“Jean.”</p>
<p>Levi heard it all in that one word. Fondness. Care. Love…platonic love.</p>
<p>“Uh huh,” he said. Kid could put a lot of heartbreak into two syllables.</p>
<p>“Thank you very much. Really.”</p>
<p>Levi heard her coming inside, so he hastened back down the hall. He sighed. Jean was gonna have a rough night sleeping down here on the couch, trying to let go of his last desperate hope. Levi thought of Oruo; he thought how he would’ve felt if he’d been that guy, loving Petra and never getting a chance with her.</p>
<p>No, he felt real sorry for Jean. And the boy’d also be sharing the room with Connie, who was often way too cheerful and tactless.</p>
<p>Sometimes Levi was glad he wasn’t young anymore.</p>
<p>By sometimes, he meant always.</p>
<p>“Papa!” Kuchel waved her arms to be picked up. Maybe carrying her around so much was spoiling her, but he’d almost died. He got to spoil her if he wanted. He lifted her and supervised dinner, cleaning up after every dish. Making the kids clean the place better. Ordering Hange to wash her hands and face twice. Levi finally carried his daughter out of the kitchen. He turned and looked back at the whole gathering.</p>
<p>Was this really his life?</p>
<p>Holding his daughter; his pregnant wife upstairs in the bath; a whole houseful of people, friends, making dinner; a damn house.</p>
<p>Blue skies. Country air. None of it had seemed possible when he was a boy.</p>
<p>
  <em>Only one man made this all possible for me.</em>
</p>
<p>Even after everything, Levi’s thoughts trailed down to Mitras. For almost ten years, he had seen Erwin Smith just about every single day. Sometimes all day. Now four months had gone by since they’d spoken or met.</p>
<p>What was Erwin doing right now? How was he? Levi’s thoughts were damn mother hen thoughts, worrying over Erwin like a chick. Except Erwin was a six-foot-two chick with a crown and, apparently, an enormous penis.</p>
<p>That thought cooled Levi’s concern. But only a little.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tomorrow’s his birthday.</em>
</p>
<p>“Well! Things smell great in here,” Petra said, coming down the stairs. She was dressed in a woolen maternity dress, her housecoat on over it. She looked so damn snug and domestic that he wanted to take her upstairs and just bury himself in her arms. Not even sex, though that wouldn’t be bad. He just wanted to hold her. Look at her. Listen to her laugh, or talk.</p>
<p>She was the only person who could keep the pain of Erwin at bay for an hour or more.</p>
<p>“Lieutenant! I mean, Petra. You got another butternut squash?” Sasha asked, waving frantically as she and Connie took turns stirring a saucepan. Hange and Pieck kissed and talked about some crossword puzzle in the newspaper while they took out plates and utensils to set the table. Mikasa cut up vegetables while Jean had his back to all of them, listlessly cleaning dishes.</p>
<p>Levi was going to give the boy the evening off from kitchen duty. Sometimes a man needed to lick his wounds in private.</p>
<p>Levi handed Kuchel off to Petra, then went in to supervise the final touches. Petra joined him, though he told her it was too damn crowded in there. Still, she helped because that was just her way. Couldn’t get her to leave off. Not ever. She’d been the biggest help on field missions, never afraid to assist with a titan kill. Now she shepherded all of them to the table, carrying a plate of steaming potatoes. Sasha followed close behind, looking pretty ravenous.</p>
<p>They sat down to dinner. Petra had made pumpkin soup ahead of time. There were potatoes, vegetables, plus a joint they’d had roasting in the oven. Pieck and Hange had brought some wine. The table was loud as they all sat down together. Levi kissed Petra before she took her seat. Felt damn weird to do that in front of other people. But everything was different now. His life. How he was with her.</p>
<p>It was better in just about every way, but it was different.</p>
<p>“What was that for?” She grinned.</p>
<p>“Tch. Can’t a man kiss his damn wife?”</p>
<p>Well, maybe it wasn’t that different after all.</p>
<p>They all sat down and passed the salt and took turns answering Kuchel’s questions about what kind of animals they’d like her to turn them into. What a weird kid. Levi was proud. Levi squeezed Petra’s hand beneath the table. He was really a man with everything.</p>
<p>His eyes moved to the empty chair at the other end of the long table.</p>
<p>Everything but Erwin Smith.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Thank you for having us,” Kiyomi said as they all sat down to dinner. She spoke politely, but only just. Erwin was at the head of the table, Anka and Nile in attendance as his ‘allies’ for the evening. Kiyomi and Kanada were in from Hizuru.</p>
<p>Willy Tyber was there as well, the irate guest of honor.</p>
<p>Night had just set in as the servants poured wine and brought in the first course, a butternut squash puree. It was the harvest festival, after all.</p>
<p>“I’d propose a toast to continued harmony, but I’m not so sure that would be entirely truthful,” Erwin said. Willy sat at the opposite end of the table, and glared.</p>
<p>“Smart of you to bring in all of your backup for this meeting,” the king said.</p>
<p>“This is hardly all of it,” Erwin said, though that itself was almost untrue. Pixis liked to pretend not to know him except when it was necessary, and as for Hange, Petra, and Levi…</p>
<p>“I want you to return the Cart Titan to Marley.” Willy wasn’t wasting time.</p>
<p>“You act as though I’d stolen the titans from under your nose, Willy.” Erwin sipped some wine. “They came to me by chance.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Hizuru sent them from the island.” Willy glanced at the Azumabitos.</p>
<p>“My aunt and I didn’t have an ulterior motive behind that decision,” Kanada replied. His tone was a bit cool, and hurt. He and Willy were genuine friends, after all. “We needed to return Levi Ackerman as quickly as possible.”</p>
<p>Kiyomi said nothing, but observed.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Willy cooled a bit. To Erwin, “But you killed Zeke Jaeger.”</p>
<p>“He got himself killed. You know all this,” Erwin said. Willy merely scanned the room.</p>
<p>“Where’s your queen, exactly?”</p>
<p>Danger. Erwin appeared unruffled.</p>
<p>“She’s up on her farm. She doesn’t like to be away from it for any length of time.”</p>
<p>“We heard she’s in confinement. Pregnant.” Willy cocked a brow. “Is it true?”</p>
<p>“I prefer not to speak too loudly of such matters. A private superstition,” Erwin said smoothly.</p>
<p>“And Eren Jaeger?” Kiyomi asked.</p>
<p>“He’s confined as well to the far north. He and his brother were plotting together, but Eren has the Founder. At the moment, I prefer to keep him alive.”</p>
<p>They needed off this topic. He glanced at Anka, who knew her role.</p>
<p>“We can’t offer you the Cart Titan back just yet, Majesty,” she said to Willy. “But it’s really the least important titan as far as combat goes.”</p>
<p>“All Marley has left is the War Hammer,” Willy snapped. “We can’t get Annie Leonhardt to come out of that fucking crystal.”</p>
<p>“We were certain once she was home that Annie would come out of her own accord.” Erwin shook his head. “I’m sorry we were mistaken.”</p>
<p>“Either you give us the Cart back, or we’ll need to negotiate a settlement. The Armor or the Jaws for—”</p>
<p>“No.” Erwin’s voice was cold now. “We keep every titan we have thus far. Be grateful we’re letting the Tybers keep the War Hammer.”</p>
<p>“Grateful?” Willy almost spluttered. He half rose to his feet. “You—”</p>
<p>“The Triple Alliance has brought a global peace previously undreamed of,” Erwin said. “The power of the titans has become more symbolic than anything else. The age of science has fully descended upon us. We don’t need to use the titans any longer.”</p>
<p>“Then giving one back shouldn’t matter.”</p>
<p>“We are Paradisians. Ours is the homeland of the Eldian people now. The holy land. We should have most of the titans. We could negotiate for all if we wished.” Erwin frowned. “We don’t wish. At the moment.”</p>
<p>If they took the War Hammer, the Tybers were truly powerless, at least on a global stage. Kiyomi dabbed her mouth with the napkin.</p>
<p>“Perhaps such unsavory talk is better left for dessert?” She appraised both men coolly.</p>
<p>“Excellent idea, my lady,” Erwin said. “Why not—”</p>
<p>The door banged open.</p>
<p>The party looked up, and Erwin’s heart dropped to his stomach. Marie stood in the doorway. She was dressed in one of her finer gowns, a shimmering golden satin with beaded decoration as trim.</p>
<p>She looked terrible apart from the expensive garment. Months of drinking and narcotics had turned her face puffed and craggy. Her eyes were hazy; her lipstick had been sloppily applied. She shuffled into the room, weaving a bit to indicate she’d taken drugs and drink before deciding to come.</p>
<p>She had not been issued an invitation.</p>
<p>“Marie,” Erwin said, his voice a warning as she slumped into a seat next to Willy, who regarded her with a horrified curiosity.</p>
<p>“Marie,” Nile whispered. Erwin saw the man ready to throw down his napkin and get up.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure,” said Kiyomi. Kanada looked shocked, one of the few times his tranquil mask slipped.</p>
<p>“What’s for dinner?” She snapped and waved at a servant, who hurried to fetch her a bowl of soup. She grabbed a decanter of wine and sloshed some into a glass. Wine splattered on the linen tablecloth. Erwin shut his eyes, trying to focus himself. “Mmm. Nice t’see you all. Been soooo long since I was at a party. Er’in never lets me go anywhere. Do you, <em>darling</em>?”</p>
<p>She turned to look at him, winked and grinned. He glowered at her as Marie tipped back a glass of wine, some of the liquid running down her chin as he drank. Nile turned away, heartbreak written on his face. Anka looked at her food.</p>
<p>“Pleasure to meet you, Marie.” Willy glanced at Erwin, looking sly. Shit. “What’s your relation to the king?”</p>
<p>“Well, let’s see let’s see. He used to fuck me.” She said it brightly, beaming at Willy. Kiyomi concentrated on folding her napkin in her lap. “See he married his pretty little queen, buuuut then he kept fucking me because his pretty little queen doesn’t like cock.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” Anka breathed. Erwin signaled for a servant at once.</p>
<p>“Get her out of here,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Of course, sire. I have no idea how she—”</p>
<p>“I don’t care how it happened, get her out.”</p>
<p>Nile watched his wife as his lip trembled. Willy seemed to be enjoying this conversation. He poured Marie some more wine, which she happily accepted.</p>
<p>“That seems so surprising,” Willy said.</p>
<p>“Eh. Her loss. His cock is <em>huge</em>.” Marie cupped a hand around her mouth and gave a loud, theatrical whisper. Two servants walked over. One tried to discreetly move Marie’s chair away from the table. She whirled around and struck the woman hard across the face. The girl cried out.</p>
<p>Erwin had to end this. Now. He threw down his napkin and rose.</p>
<p>“Oops! I got a liiiittle carried away. Anyway, Erwin’s cock. The king’s cock. He knows how big it is. He <em>loves</em> to be told. He loves his cock so much that I think if he could fuck it himself, he would. He could use the Founding Titan to do that, couldn’t he?”</p>
<p>She giggled. Willy actually smiled, relishing all of this. Erwin stood behind Marie.</p>
<p>“I’m very sorry. She’s been sick,” he said, which wasn’t completely untrue.</p>
<p>“Uh uh, nooooo. I’m not sick. I’m just <em>bored</em>.” She tipped a whole glass of wine onto the tablecloth and started painting quick swirling patterns as it was absorbed. “See I use to be a pain’er. I was <em>real</em> good. But I don’ paint anymore. Mmm mmm. I don’t fuck anymore, either. All I do’s sit around like a big fat spider and <em>wait</em>.”</p>
<p>What the fuck was she talking about. Erwin leaned close to her ear.</p>
<p>“Get up now. I’ll only ask once.”</p>
<p>“He’ll only ask once,” she whispered harshly to the rest of the table. Marie whirled in her seat and faced him, her hazy eyes gleaming with triumph. “Well, darrrrrling. I think the whole table would love to see how good you are. Less do it. Lemme throw up my skirts, and you whip out your giant cock, and you can fuck me on the table and make all those noises you make when you’re just. So. Close.”</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes and started making obscene groaning noises while she rocked back and forth in the chair. Kanada had his arms folded and stared at his lap. Kiyomi excused herself with a whisper and glided from the room. Willy seemed to love every second.</p>
<p>“Stop embarrassing yourself,” Erwin said, his voice ice.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m embarrassing you. And I’m enjoying myself <em>immensely.</em>”</p>
<p>Erwin was starting to wonder if he shouldn’t just pick her up and carry her out of the room…when Nile appeared at her side.</p>
<p>“Marie.”</p>
<p>He spoke softly as he knelt beside her. When Marie saw her husband’s face, all her glee vanished. Her face sagged further, making her look a good tent to fifteen years older than she was.</p>
<p>“Nile? I…” She opened and closed her mouth like a landed fish. Erwin saw tears in her eyes. “Oh, I’m so… Uh.”</p>
<p>“Come on, sweetheart.” Nile gently pulled her chair out, and Marie staggered to her feet. She leaned on Nile’s arm as he ushered her from the room. Marie was just starting to weep when the door shut behind her. Erwin was left standing there, feeling like an idiot.</p>
<p>“I have to applaud you, Erwin.” Willy toasted with his wine. “I never thought I’d see anyone worse than Giulia. In every way, you’ve surpassed me.”</p>
<p>Erwin almost smashed the man’s face in.</p>
<p>“Start the next course without me,” he told the servant. He walked from the room, following Nile and Marie.</p>
<p>He exited and saw them standing in the center of the hall. He stepped behind a pillar and listened.</p>
<p>“I’m so s-sorry, Nile.” Marie was heave-sobbing. She staggered back and forth, Nile’s arm around her waist for support. “I, I din’t know you were there. I, I d-din’t…”</p>
<p>“Don’t apologize, sweetheart.” Nile let her lean against him, stroked her hair. The man was on the verge of tears himself. “What happened to you? Senta didn’t say it was this bad.”</p>
<p>“Because she lies to pro’tec you,” Marie muttered. “Nile…I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for wha…”</p>
<p>She started sobbing again. Nile only held her, and Erwin saw the man look rapturous just to hold this broken, bloated woman again.</p>
<p>“It’s all right. I forgive you. I forgive all of it.” He kissed the crown of her head. “Marie. Just leave this place. Let’s go home.”</p>
<p>“Wha? Home?” She stopped crying and swayed back and forth, disbelieving. “Oh, I can’t. Nile, it’s too late.”</p>
<p>“No, it isn’t.”</p>
<p>“The girls… Sen’a hates me.” She sniffed.</p>
<p>“Senta will come to understand. You’ll get better. You’ll be happy again.” Nile cradled her face. “Marie… I still love you. I’ve always loved you. There’s nothing you could do that…”</p>
<p>He couldn’t finish, because he was starting to cry. Marie pressed a hand to his cheek.</p>
<p>Erwin watched, unsure what he felt.</p>
<p>“Nile.” She kissed his forehead. “Yer too good fer me.”</p>
<p>“I’m not. I’m nothing without you. I never have been. I…” He gripped her hands and kissed them. Then he leaned forward and kissed her lips. He kissed her with rapturous intensity. He wanted this woman who had broken him. Who was a shadow of her former self.</p>
<p>That was love. It was delusional, perhaps. But it was also total.</p>
<p>Erwin had only ever loved one other person with such absolute completeness.</p>
<p>His mind traveled to the farm in northern Wall Rose, where Levi would be sitting down to dinner with his own family.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m lost without you.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin leaned against the pillar.</p>
<p>The Doks ended their kiss. Marie held Nile’s face. She stroked his hair.</p>
<p>“Nile…you are the best man I, I know.” Marie sighed. “But I still don’ love you. I’m sorry.” Her lip trembled.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to love me as I love you. But you do care about me, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said at once. “I thought I didn’t. That was awful of me. I will always care.” She released him. “But I can’t go from him to you. Going back t’you would mean I wanted to live a lie. And I, I want you to have what you really should have. A woman who loves you like you deserve.”</p>
<p>She was slurring less now. Good.</p>
<p>“I can be happy with whatever you can give,” he said.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t sell your life short.” She stepped away from him. “The only real purpose I have anymore is to be the stone aroun’ his neck.” She gave a sloppy, bitter smile. “Even if he keeps me in the closet, he knows I’m there. Waiting.”</p>
<p>“Marie, please.”</p>
<p>But she shook her head and then hugged him. She started crying again. He held her tight, tried not to let her go.</p>
<p>“I thought for a while that not loving you made me bad,” she said. She kissed his cheek. “But that’s not it. Marrying you when I din’t love you’s what made me bad.”</p>
<p>“We wouldn’t have our girls if you hadn’t.”</p>
<p>She shut her eyes. “They’re the only good things I ever did. I th-thought when I was young that my life would be something amazing. But this is where it went. Because of the choices I made. Because of the choices he made, and you made. Things jus’ don’t work out sometimes.” She blew him a kiss as she wandered away. “But you deserve real happ’ness, Nile. I’m so sorry I did this t’you.”</p>
<p>“Marie!”</p>
<p>He followed her down the hall. Erwin stood a moment, then returned to the dining room.</p>
<p>He carried through the rest of dinner as though nothing had happened. The others played along with him, though Willy never lost his sly grin. Anka didn’t look at him once.</p>
<p>When the meal was finally concluded, and the business was as well—when it was agreed that Willy would not get the Cart or any other titans, to his chagrin—everyone left. The guests returned to their rooms. Anka went home. Erwin found out that Nile had left a while ago.</p>
<p>Erwin made his way to Marie’s room, and entered without knocking.</p>
<p>She sat at her vanity, her hair a mess, her dress hanging off one shoulder. She stared into the mirror at him.</p>
<p>“Gonna turn me out?” she asked.</p>
<p>“No.” He shut the door and advanced. “Have you heard of Candlemoor?”</p>
<p>“No. What’s that?” She wiped the makeup from her face with a cloth.</p>
<p>“It’s a royal alpine retreat in the far north of Wall Maria. A place of absolute scenic beauty and seclusion.” He nodded. “You’ll be taken there tomorrow. The place is extremely elegant and comfortable. You’ll have servants to attend you. And you and I will never see each other again.”</p>
<p>“But you’ll know I’m there.” Her voice was gravel. Her eyes were full of hate.</p>
<p>“Yes. But I can live as though you aren’t.”</p>
<p>“So I’ll be your prisoner?”</p>
<p>“You can have your daughters up. Nile. Some friends. But you won’t leave unless you can clear it with me. I’ll be selective with where I’ll allow you to go. If this is too much trouble, of course, you’re free to go wherever you please. Back to Nile. Back to Trost. To Marley. But if you want to continue to live off of me, you’ll go to Candlemoor and never return to Mitras.” She said nothing. “What do you say to this?”</p>
<p>“You think you can forget about me. But you never will.”</p>
<p>“No. You’re right. But at least what happened tonight will never happen again.” He sneered. “I’d harbor some respect for you if you left me. But you’re too weak to do so.”</p>
<p>“I’m your reminder.”</p>
<p>“You’re a coward. You’re afraid of facing a world without me. I used to love you. Now, I find you disgusting.”</p>
<p>She got up and slowly made her way to him. She looked in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I thought I’d always love you. What’d I know?” She scowled. “You used to be a good man,” she said.</p>
<p>“You’re right. I know that I’m not one any longer.” He shut his eyes for one moment, and saw himself charging down that field towards the Beast Titan. The basement in the distance. Levi’s love and acceptance in his heart. Erwin had in that moment been glad to lay down his life for his comrades and his people.</p>
<p>He had died a good man.</p>
<p>And he’d been brought back.</p>
<p>“I know what you did,” Marie whispered. “I wouldn’t even tell those people at the table. It’s too disgusting.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>She leaned nearer. “Servants aroun’ here talk. Talk gets back to me. She fucked you, didn’t she? Or you fucked her. Her husban’ was dead. At the time.” She gave a bitter smile. “How’s it feel t’know that you couldn’t compare to a dead man?”</p>
<p>It was the first and last time he was tempted to strike a woman. He restrained himself, and stepped away.</p>
<p>“She’s twice the woman you could ever be. As he’s three times the man I am.” He gave her a mocking bow. “We’re both utterly ordinary people. We deserve each other.”</p>
<p>“Bastard.” She hissed and flung something at him, perhaps a clock or a vase. He shut the door on her, and nodded to the soldiers standing guard. When Marie tried to chase him, they held her back and returned her to her room. “Bastard!” Her screams echoed, chasing Erwin all the way back to his chambers. He poured a whiskey and sat before the fire, too tired to feel shame at what had happened.</p>
<p>
  <em>You used to be a good man.</em>
</p>
<p>He hadn’t wanted to stop being one. What had been the first step towards this? Taking Marie? Acquiring sole power of the military?</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Why aren’t you here? Why couldn’t you stop this transformation?</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin slumped back in the chair and stared at the ceiling. He was waiting for daylight now. His life was a waiting room, seconds ticking away as he waited for daylight. For next year. For death.</p>
<p>Hange was still looking for a break to the titan curse. He should get her to stop.</p>
<p>He had no reason to live past his term.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?”</p>
<p>Petra lay in bed on her back, a hand draped over her stomach. Levi was propped on his elbow over her. They’d been simply looking at each other for a few minutes. She trailed her fingers along his jaw, touching the faint grooves of age finally forming at the sides of his mouth. They’d read Kuchel a bedtime story (that Sasha had also loved) and all the kids were in bed. Hange and Pieck were next door. It was quiet in the farm house.</p>
<p>“Thinking about you. Damn brat.”</p>
<p>He kissed her forehead. He was so tender with her nowadays. Since she’d lost him and then found him again, and since he’d been heartbroken and then mended, their love had taken on a new dimension of sweetness. It wasn’t like before, a faerie story. They’d both known real hurt now. They’d seen the true other sides of each other.</p>
<p>But it only made Petra the more grateful for every moment she spent with him. And he felt the same.</p>
<p>“Thinking about what?”</p>
<p>“You’re just good. You’re good with all the kids. You’re good to me. You’re the most beautiful woman alive.”</p>
<p>“And you’re the sweetest man.”</p>
<p>His words to her in private were more tender than they had ever been. He hadn’t cried in front of her since that day, but something in that breakdown had bridged the final divide between them. Levi kissed her lips gently. She pulled him down and wrapped herself in his arms.</p>
<p>“Thank you for being so good,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I can’t be without you. Hange said it. She was right.”</p>
<p>“You can be.” She kissed his nose. “It’s just not as fun being good without me.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” He held her. They were warm together. His hand caressed her bump for a second. Then he took it away.</p>
<p>The unknown bump. It was the last discordant note in their relationship.</p>
<p>“Oi. I’m gonna make a quick phone call.” He kissed her cheek as he slid out of bed.</p>
<p>“Why? It’s almost midnight.”</p>
<p>But she didn’t argue further as he put on his robe and headed quietly into the hall. Petra lay in bed and looked at the ceiling. She stroked her stomach.</p>
<p>Tomorrow was Erwin’s birthday, after all. Tomorrow was almost today.</p>
<p><em>I know you’re Levi’s.</em> She stilled her hands atop the baby bump. <em>In a few months, all this tension will be over. Forever.</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi padded downstairs, headed for the small western sitting room. He passed Jean and Connie laid out on the sofas in front of the dying fire. Connie was chatting about something—anything, probably. Jean just lay there in dejected silence. Levi felt for the kid.</p>
<p>One day. One day it’d get better for him.</p>
<p>“Night, Captain!” Connie said brightly.</p>
<p>“Shut up and go to sleep,” he said fondly.</p>
<p>While the boys tried to get comfortable, Levi shut the door on the sitting room. The ‘telephone room’, they called it. Good for privacy and taking calls.</p>
<p>Levi picked up the receiver, hesitated, and then dialed. He got the operator to connect him to the palace’s switchboard. They instantly put him through to the king.</p>
<p>“<em>Levi?</em>”</p>
<p>“Oi. You sound kinda weird. You okay?” He frowned. Erwin really sounded unsteady.</p>
<p>“<em>Just a few whiskeys. I hate to drink alone, but…</em>”</p>
<p>He didn’t answer. Both of them knew it was too sad.</p>
<p>“Called because I wanted to say…”</p>
<p>He wanted to say happy birthday.</p>
<p>He wanted to say that Petra might be carrying Erwin’s child.</p>
<p>He wanted to say he hated the man.</p>
<p>He wanted to say he missed the man.</p>
<p>He wanted to say that at the table tonight, there’d been a gaping hole. It was a hole Levi saw wherever he looked.</p>
<p>He wanted to say he was sorry, again, for bringing Erwin back into all this.</p>
<p>He wanted to say it was his fault.</p>
<p>He wanted to say he loved…</p>
<p>He hated…</p>
<p>“<em>Levi?</em>”</p>
<p>“Just wanted to say happy birthday.” He shut his eyes.</p>
<p>“<em>Oh. Thank you.</em>” Erwin cleared his throat. “<em>It’s not yet tho—</em>”</p>
<p>The clock in the house started to chime the hour. They both waited until the twelfth chime.</p>
<p>“<em>Well. Now it is. Thank you.</em>”</p>
<p>“Forty-three. Huh. Hard to believe.”</p>
<p>“<em>Only eight more to go.</em>”</p>
<p>He sounded too relieved. It made Levi feel a sharp stab of self-hatred.</p>
<p>“Maybe Hange’ll scrounge up some more time.”</p>
<p>“<em>For Pieck’s sake, I hope she does.</em>”</p>
<p>He left it at that. Nothing more to be said. Levi leaned forward, trying to put together words. It had always been easy between him and this man. Levi remembered the first time he’d really made Erwin laugh. Couldn’t even remember the joke or observation, but he’d been drinking tea and said something and Erwin just threw his head back and laughed. He sounded so damn delighted. They were seated side by side, and Levi leaned his arm against the bigger man’s shoulder.</p>
<p>It’d never been that easy to talk to anyone before. Not even Furlan or Isabel. Not even Hange. He got there eventually with Petra, but it took work.</p>
<p>Nothing with Erwin had ever been work like that.</p>
<p>“<em>Is there anything else?</em>” Erwin asked, not unkindly.</p>
<p>
  <em>The baby. The baby. Mention the baby. He should know there’s a possibility. He believes it’s absolutely yours. He believes that because he trusts you. </em>
</p>
<p>“Nah. Just wanted to say it.”</p>
<p>“<em>Thank you. Again.</em>” More silence. Erwin cleared his throat. “<em>Well. Give my love to Kuchel and Pet—ah. Say hello to Petra for me.</em>”</p>
<p>His head hurt. “Yeah. Will do.” He leaned back in his chair. “Look, maybe sometime soon…”</p>
<p>He heard calm breathing. He could feel Erwin’s hope through the phone.</p>
<p>
  <em>Once the baby is born. In a few months. We’ll know what to do then.</em>
</p>
<p>“<em>Sure</em>,” Erwin said, though Levi hadn’t finished the sentence. Then, “<em>Say hello to Hange and Pieck.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi felt like kind of a cunt in that moment. Like he’d hoarded all the gold to himself.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Okay.” He sniffed. “Better get to bed. Petra’s…there. Uh. You know.”</p>
<p>He shut his eyes. Yeah. Erwin did know. The anger flared hot in his breast for one second.</p>
<p>“<em>Uh. Yes. Good night, Levi.</em>”</p>
<p>“Night.”</p>
<p>He hung up first and sat back. He gazed out the window onto the moonlit fields. The pumpkins had turned silver.</p>
<p>Just a few more months…</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin hung up the phone.</p>
<p>He waited to see if Levi would call back.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, he had another whiskey and then went to bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Petra felt about the size of a house. Every person who saw her said so, confirming her suspicion. The last time Hange had been there, a week earlier, she’d tried to measure Petra’s circumference ‘for science.’ When Petra’s mother had arrived to help with the birth three days ago, she’d taken one look at Petra laid up in bed and given an inadvertent gasp. ‘It’s going to be enormous,’ she’d said. ‘You look like a planet.’</p>
<p>Levi had grumbled something Petra was glad Ingrid couldn’t hear.</p>
<p>Petra hadn’t gone downstairs in almost a week, not since the last doctor’s visit. He’d told her and Levi that any undue strain on her body was a bad idea right now. Plus, she was so big that if she fell over it could do serious damage to her and the child.</p>
<p>That was wise. She could barely get out of bed at this point. She got out of breath just going to the bathroom, and she had to grip the edge of the sink when she was in there in case she tilted over. She was a soldier still, always would be, and faced the physical discomfort with stoicism.</p>
<p>Emotionally, though, she was a mess.</p>
<p>“I’m going to scream,” she told Levi when he came up to check on her that afternoon. Ingrid was downstairs making lunch. He’d just come in from feeding the horses and settling them for the coming snowstorm. His cheeks were crimson, and when she kissed him his face was wonderfully cool. He’d finished his work just in time. Snow fell heavily outside the window, blanketing the world in white.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re not the lay in bed sort.” He kissed her. He kissed her neck. “Least, not the lay in bed <em>alone</em> sort.”</p>
<p>She made a noise of protest, then gripped his collar and kissed him deeply. God, he tasted wonderful. When she was right at the end of pregnancy, she always got extraordinarily horny. And once the kid was born, they’d have to abstain for six weeks. She nibbled his lower lip. Levi groaned.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to be alone right now,” Petra whispered. Levi understood her, and quickly took off his boots and jacket. He put them away in the closet, then slid into bed with her. Petra turned on her side and gazed at the door, moaning softly with pleasure as he gently lifted her nightdress. Levi ran his hand up and down her leg, whispering how fucking gorgeous she was. Petra felt like a balloon, but he made her feel beautiful with only a whisper. She bit her lip as he entered her from behind and started thrusting. He was pleased with how wet she was. He had been as ready as Petra; he also knew their favorite activity was about to go away for a while.</p>
<p>They didn’t speak. Their breath came faster as he slipped a hand down the front of her nightdress and cupped her breast. He rolled his thumb around her nipple again and again, and that was enough, along with his expert movements and the simple pressure of being heavily pregnant, for her to erupt. She moaned his name as she climaxed, then felt him spend soon after. He kissed the back of her neck and stayed inside until he’d fully softened. Even then, he was reluctant to slip out of her.</p>
<p>“You’re about to be someone’s mother. Again.” He shook his head ruefully. “Way too dirty-minded, Ral.”</p>
<p>“You love it,” she whispered, grinning when he kissed her cheek over and over. “Please stay for a minute. Hold me.”</p>
<p>He went to wash up, as always, then came back and spooned her. His hand ran along the taut bump.</p>
<p>“So. Oruo or Nifa. Which do you think?” he asked. His breath tickled her hair.</p>
<p>“Oruo.” Oruo. Not Armin. She hugged his arm. “Promise?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He bit lightly on her earlobe. Petra moaned. “I hope it looks like you. Or it could have black hair again, wouldn’t mind that.”</p>
<p>Neither voiced their shared secret thought: they hoped it would not be blond.</p>
<p>“Kuchel can’t wait.” Petra rolled onto her back. Her husband gazed down on her. His expression never changed, no matter how big pregnancy made her. It was always gentleness and love, with a spark of lust. He kissed her lips several times. “Mmm. Where is she?”</p>
<p>“With Ingrid in the kitchen. She’s making you some cookies.” He grinned. “Means Ingrid’s makin’ ‘em, of course. But Kuchel’s adding faerie dust and shit.”</p>
<p>Petra laughed heartily, groaning when the baby kicked and somersaulted. She rubbed her stomach. Sorry, Oruo.</p>
<p>“The doctor’s on his way. We’ve got it all arranged; he’s gonna stay on the estate in one of the guest cottages. And Ilsa should be here in a couple hours.” He smoothed her hair from her face. “She’ll share the guest room with Ingrid. I’ll sleep in Kuchel’s room.”</p>
<p>“No need to make such a fuss.” She sighed as he caressed her cheek.</p>
<p>“I don’t want what happened with Kuchel to happen again. We were damn lucky nothing went wrong.” He frowned. No matter how happy he was nowadays, that fear of bad luck never quite left him. It was inside of him. Unhappiness had wired his brain differently when he was young. He couldn’t untangle it completely.</p>
<p>“Okay.” She kissed his nose. “If it’ll make you feel better.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Acting like this is all for me?” He kissed her neck. “Spoiled brat.”</p>
<p>“Very spoiled.”</p>
<p>It was February now. The last few months had been a dream. Midwinter had been so much fun this year. They’d even gotten Brigitta and Edvard up for a visit. They’d given Kuchel a sled, which she loved and which left Levi in a constant state of anxiety. They’d had evenings in front of the fire, watching Kuchel play on the rug while Levi held Petra. She’d never seen him look so relaxed. They brewed cinnamon tea and Petra read from old collections of ghost stories. Levi did work around the farm, his hands growing rougher, his body stronger. It was now customary to see him smile at least twice a day. He had even started sleeping through the night on occasion. Now when he held her in his arms as she fell asleep, Petra had a good chance of waking to find him still in that position.</p>
<p>Kuchel was finally old enough to participate fully in winter. She had built snowmen, and they’d hooked horses up to a sleigh and taken a ride along the forest. Levi read the newspapers every day, but there was no sign of trouble on the horizon. He never received a call asking for his help in a national emergency. Hange and Pieck showed Kuchel how to ice skate (which scared Levi so desperately he almost slid out there to grab her a couple of times.)</p>
<p>The world had given them peace.</p>
<p>Now all they had to do was bring this baby into that world.</p>
<p>They looked at her stomach with a mix of anticipation and fear. Concern, rather. There was a fifty percent chance that…</p>
<p>She wouldn’t think about that.</p>
<p>“Hungry?” Levi kissed her forehead. “I’ll go get the tray.”</p>
<p>“What did I do to deserve you?” she asked, batting her lashes. He grinned.</p>
<p>“Well. You’re all right. You do your best.” He kissed her shoulder when she playfully smacked him. He left and went downstairs as Petra pushed herself up, plumping the pillows. She groaned; it was hard to get a full breath sometimes. The ninth month was exciting, but also perpetually uncomfortable. Sometimes she wanted to scream at the baby to hurry it up.</p>
<p>Levi brought up lunch. It was stew, with bread and tea. Some ginger cookies waited on a plate with a note ‘From Kuchel’. The little girl came upstairs, a dab of paint on her cheek. Ingrid had been teaching Kuchel the basics of art. Levi cleaned the spot thoroughly. Petra ate lunch with her daughter snuggled up next to her in bed. She gave Kuchel a couple of the cookies, and then after lunch read her a story. As the sky began to darken, Kuchel fell asleep beside her. Levi gently lifted their daughter and carried her to her room for a nap. Ingrid came in.</p>
<p>“How are you?” Ingrid smiled warmly. Really, these last couple of years had been the easiest Petra had ever had with her mother. It was a relief.</p>
<p>“Good, Mama. Thank you so much for lunch. And Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“Please. I just can’t wait to see my second grandch—”</p>
<p>She cut off her words. Oswald. The memory was still painful. Ingrid rubbed her eyes purposefully for a minute, then was her usual stoic self.</p>
<p>There was a knock downstairs. Levi walked past the open bedroom door.</p>
<p>“Probably Ilsa,” he called, then headed down the stairs.</p>
<p>“A doctor will be here, yes?” Ingrid said.</p>
<p>“Yes. But Ilsa got me through last time. I really trust her.”</p>
<p>“I mean, a midwife is all well and good for simple country people, but—”</p>
<p>“We <em>are</em> simple country people. Mama, don’t start.”</p>
<p>Ingrid gave a beleaguered sigh. “I just think it would’ve been smart to be in Mitras with the best hospital in Paradis. I’m not sure why you wanted it this way.”</p>
<p>“Because we don’t want to stay in Mitras for weeks after the baby’s born.” Petra tried not to be irritated.</p>
<p>Erwin at least was off the island at the moment. He was making an inspection of Aeropa, showing his face and being diplomatic with the conquered nations. He wouldn’t be back for almost a month. So if the baby…</p>
<p>If it was his… Well. She didn’t want to be around a bunch of officials and nurses who might notice a resemblance. Besides, Petra wanted time and space to think of how to approach it with Erwin. If.</p>
<p>But it wouldn’t be his. It was Levi’s. It had to be.</p>
<p>Ilsa barged in without knocking. Ingrid nearly leapt into the air, undoubtedly shocked at the sight of the burly, unflappable woman as she placed her kit on a chair and sat on the bed next to Petra. Levi trailed in her wake.</p>
<p>“How’re you doing, sweetheart?” Ilsa spoke kindly. She felt Petra’s pulse.</p>
<p>“I’m all right. I just want to be a little less heavy, if you know what I mean.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I do.” Ilsa chortled as she pressed on Petra’s neck, just below her ears. She nodded, seemingly happy with what she found. “My kids were all pains in the ass during the last month. Couldn’t wait to shit ‘em out by the end.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Ingrid appeared faint.</p>
<p>Levi looked pleased.</p>
<p>“Your guy says a doctor’s coming?” Ingrid tried to hide her contempt.</p>
<p>“Yes. He’s a few hours away.”</p>
<p>“Hope he gets here soon. Storm’s kicking up in a couple hours.”</p>
<p>Oh. Great. Petra tried to get comfortable as Ilsa talked to Levi, walking out of the room with him. Ingrid looked ready to collapse from all the uncouth talk as she followed them.</p>
<p>For an hour, Petra tried to read. Levi came in to check on her. Ilsa did, too. All throughout, Oruo did somersaults. She grunted when she felt him lean against her bladder. She didn’t love the sensation.</p>
<p>It began to get fully dark, and the doctor still hadn’t arrived. The phone rang a couple of times. Someone got it. A minute later, she heard Levi banging around downstairs. He spoke to Ilsa. Then they both came up to her. He looked pissed, but Ilsa seemed unfazed.</p>
<p>“Just heard from the doc. He’s stuck at a tavern in town, ten miles out or so. He’s gotta stay for the night.”</p>
<p>“Again with this shit,” Levi growled. The lines that were slowly developing on his face deepened.</p>
<p>“I did just fine the last time, son.” Ilsa remained one of the only people on earth utterly unafraid of Levi Ackerman. “Besides, it’s not like she’s in labor or any—”</p>
<p>“Don’t say it,” Petra barked. “Don’t tempt fate.” She kept pulling herself up, trying to sit comfortably. Ilsa helped with more pillows. Levi hovered beside the bed, looking anxious.</p>
<p>“Maybe you should get dinner going,” Ilsa said.</p>
<p>“Tch.” Levi hated being ordered around, but he also admired Ilsa’s sheer nerve. He took Petra’s hand, kissed it. “Soup and sandwich sound okay?”</p>
<p>“Of course.” She beamed up at him. He leaned down and kissed her. “But hurry back.”</p>
<p>“Miss me that much, Ral? Tch. Weakling.”</p>
<p>She made a shocked noise and kissed him harder.</p>
<p>And that was the moment when her water broke. Petra shrieked as she felt the liquid gush out of her.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Levi went from frightened to borderline irritated when he beheld her face. “Oh no. Don’t fuckin’ tell me.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Petra said. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>He glared at Ilsa. “You did this.”</p>
<p>The midwife didn’t reply, only pulled the covers down. She nodded.</p>
<p>“Okay. Better get goin’ on that soup, son. She’s gonna need her strength pretty soon.”</p>
<p>Levi swore colorfully and walked out the door, calling for Ingrid as he hurried down the stairs. Ilsa chuckled and shook her head.</p>
<p>“Men. They get so flustered around this sort of thing.”</p>
<p>“I’m pretty flustered myself,” Petra said. Ilsa went to her kit and started pulling out linens and vials of strange liquids.</p>
<p>“Don’t know what he’s so freaked out about. He knows how this ends, and he knows that it’s his.”</p>
<p>Ilsa said it breezily, but Petra’s smile disappeared.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi glared at the snow as it came down. Wanted to go out there and punch the weather in the face.</p>
<p>Three hours had passed. Or more. He’d gone up a couple of times but Ilsa wouldn’t let him in. Petra sounded fine. Just needed her space. He’d at least been allowed in to give her dinner. He never liked seeing her in labor. Her face was perpetually red, her eyes tight with oncoming pain. He’d sat with her a little until the contractions started up again. Then he was kicked out. Damn midwife.</p>
<p>Levi had called the doctor. The storm made connection kind of a bitch, but the guy said everything would be fine. In fact, there was a good chance his services wouldn’t be required. He asked Levi to call back if Petra delivered, or if things took a turn for the worse.</p>
<p>Levi hoped for the former.</p>
<p>He sat before the fire in the front living room. He looked into the hearth, his leg jiggling. He wished now that he and Mikasa hadn’t chopped so much damn wood last month. Chopping wood would’ve been something to do, even in a blizzard.</p>
<p>He was a man of action. This was one area that left him completely helpless. He hated that feeling more than he hated physical pain.</p>
<p>“Papa?”</p>
<p>Kuchel came over, sucking her thumb. She dragged a teddy bear by its leg. Ingrid had dressed her for bed. Levi picked his daughter up and put her on his lap. She patted his face.</p>
<p>“Papaaaa.”</p>
<p>“What, Kuchel?” He wasn’t normally short with her. Just the stress. He’d be fine in a little while.</p>
<p>“Is Mama okay?” She gave him those big, hopeful eyes that could’ve melted his heart at its stoniest. He hugged her.</p>
<p>“Yeah. She’s fine. Oi.” He kissed the top of her head. “Pretty soon you’re gonna have a new baby brother or sister.”</p>
<p>She cheered and started singing her ba-by bro-ther song. She added a bunch of nonsense la la la’s as Ingrid came out of the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Time for bed, sweetheart.” She picked Kuchel up.</p>
<p>“Nooo! I wanna, I wanna see my ba-by bro-ther.”</p>
<p>“It’s gonna be late when the baby gets here,” Levi said. “Go to sleep.”</p>
<p>Kuchel fussed and made faces. Sometimes she was a little too damn spoiled for her own good. She was gonna be four in a few months. Maybe it was time to start handing down more rigorous punishments. Though the idea made him feel a little sick. Still, Levi tried to stay patient; it was something he worked on for Petra’s sake.</p>
<p>“Oi. I remember the night you were born.” He stood and took Kuchel from Ingrid. He walked her upstairs as the wind howled through the eaves. The house creaked a little. He hated that sound. At least in the underground, you weren’t afraid of the wind. You didn’t feel like the house could get knocked away around you. “Uncle Erwin and Aunt Hange were there. I heard this cry, and I went in the room and there you were.”</p>
<p>Kuchel leaned against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Was I loud?”</p>
<p>“Very. But that was good.” He opened her door and carried her to bed. Kuchel’s room had a little rocking chair and a toy chest, a dresser, a bookcase, and a lamp shaped like a heart that Petra had found. It was a soft room filled with soft things. He wanted Kuchel to stay soft, at least a little. Ingrid stood in the doorway and watched as he tucked Kuchel in under her little pink and blue blanket. She reached out her arms, so he put the teddy bear in with her, and Gretel. She loved sleeping with all her dolls. Sometimes she had so many that it looked like some giant form was sleeping in the bed alongside the kid.</p>
<p>Levi listened. Good. You couldn’t hear Petra from down the hall. He didn’t want Kuchel to hear the labor groans. She’d only hear her mother if Petra started screaming.</p>
<p>Hopefully, Petra wouldn’t.</p>
<p>“Papa, read me story?”</p>
<p>“I will if you stop sucking your thumb.”</p>
<p>She did, so he read some real quick story about three bears or wolves or pigs, whatever, he wasn’t so focused. He kissed his daughter and turned out the light. He left the door ajar, like she preferred. Then he walked downstairs, Ingrid right behind.</p>
<p>“Everything will be fine, Levi.” She sounded gentle as they returned to the living room.</p>
<p>“It’s not always fine.”</p>
<p>He froze. He’d meant that in the abstract, but then remembered Brigitta. Shit. Idiot.</p>
<p>“Uh. I mean…”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Ingrid said. She sat down. She looked tired whenever Brigitta was mentioned. Haunted. “Some things just…aren’t meant to be.”</p>
<p>True. Life was a force you couldn’t fuck with. Want to find love? Too bad, not your choice, it either happens or it doesn’t. Want a family? Better hope fate doesn’t fuck with your biology. Want food, security, peace? Better hope you live in a prosperous time and a prosperous place.</p>
<p>Levi knew that life carried you along, not the other way around. But the fact that you could choose so little of it pissed him off.</p>
<p>“How is Brigitta?” he asked.</p>
<p>“She’s…well, she’s having a hard time with the fact that Petra’s new baby is coming.” Ingrid spoke plainly. “Some days she’s better than others.”</p>
<p>“She can adopt.”</p>
<p>“I know. In time, I hope she will. But right now, I think she feels too cheated.”</p>
<p>“She was.” He shook his head. “She’s one of the kindest women I know. She’d raise a great kid. It’s not fucking fair.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Ingrid didn’t even tsk about his language. The house creaked once more as the wind picked up speed. Levi watched the stairs, waiting for a sign. “Levi, this is probably going to take a while.”</p>
<p>“Last time it was pretty quick.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t mean this time it will be. Willem came so fast I was almost disappointed. I expected a real struggle. Then Petra came.” She laughed. “I was in labor for almost a solid day. She was too stubborn.”</p>
<p>“Things don’t change. She still <em>is</em> stubborn.”</p>
<p>And things could still go badly wrong. He hadn’t been there for Brigitta’s ordeal, but he’d heard about the blood. The screams. His palms began to sweat; he rubbed them on his pants. Anyone would say one family couldn’t have that much bad luck, but then Levi Ackerman wasn’t just anyone. He had endured some of the worst luck ever known…and some of the best. But he believed everything had its price. Happy now? You’ll pay for it later. That thought always soured joy, but he couldn’t help it. It’s how he was wired.</p>
<p>“How about I make us some tea?” Ingrid said.</p>
<p>Well. He’d never say no to that.</p>
<p>Another two hours passed. It was closing in on midnight. Ingrid had fallen asleep in the chair, her knitting laid in her lap, and the fire was burning down. It just was too fucking quiet. He didn’t even hear any of those short, cathartic screams women give when they’re pushing as hard as they can. Fuck. Levi climbed the stairs and knocked on the door.</p>
<p>“How’s it going?” he asked.</p>
<p>No answer. He knocked again.</p>
<p>“Yes?” Ilsa sounded a bit terse. His heart slowed.</p>
<p>“Can I come in?”</p>
<p>He expected her to tell him no, but the door opened. Levi entered.</p>
<p>Petra was lying on the bed. She was flushed. Her hair was plastered to her face with sweat. And…tears ran down her cheeks.</p>
<p>“Baby?” he rasped. He pulled up a chair and sat by her side. She gripped his hand. “What’s going on?” He looked back at Ilsa. “What?! Is the baby turned around like last time?”</p>
<p>“No.” Ilsa looked tense. “I…I think the head might be too big.”</p>
<p>Petra gave a little shriek, almost like a teakettle going off.</p>
<p>“Too big? What’s that mean?” No, no, no, fuck no, no…</p>
<p>“It means that the baby can’t come out naturally. I was hoping it would prove me wrong…but it’s looking more and more like it’ll come down to an operation.”</p>
<p>He felt like he was falling down into a deep pit.</p>
<p>“How can a baby be too big for its goddamn mother?”</p>
<p>“The child’s large, and Petra’s small. We humans were designed wrong. Too many natural flaws.”</p>
<p>“Were you gonna tell me this was happening?” he snarled.</p>
<p>“You knocked just as I was about to come downstairs.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” Petra squeezed his hand. Her brow furrowed; she bared her teeth. “Please be calm. It… Uuuuugh, god, it hurts!”</p>
<p>She started weeping. The pain was too much.</p>
<p>“Operate. Get it out of her.” This wasn’t happening. Last time he’d been so certain it’d go wrong, but Kuchel had come easy. This time he’d let himself believe it’d be simple…</p>
<p>Never trust good things. Never.</p>
<p>“I can operate if it comes down to it, but I think we should try to get the doctor. I need more sterilized equipment. A more sterile environment, honestly. If it’s a C section, she should really be in a hospital—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, thanks for that fucking helpful observation,” he snapped. “How do you expect us to do that now? Huh? Got a hospital in that fucking bag of yours? You seem to have everything else.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be rude,” Petra hissed. Even through the agony on her face, she looked a little cross. Always ready to scold his bad behavior. Damn brat. Damn angel.</p>
<p>“What happens if we don’t get it out?” he asked. Ilsa hesitated.</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid,” Petra said. She blew out her cheeks, then groaned as the contraction got worse. “Just tell us.”</p>
<p>“The baby will die.” Ilsa worked her jaw, made a decision. “Petra could die as well.”</p>
<p>He would take a knife and cut the damn thing out himself. He wasn’t going to lose her. Not after all this shit. Not after the fucking nightmare of last year.</p>
<p>“I’ll call the doctor.” He kissed her forehead. It was clammy. “Just keep breathing. You’re doing okay.”</p>
<p>“Actually, I should call. I know what to tell him,” Ilsa said. Fine. Fuck. He told her where the phone was, and stayed right at Petra’s side. He held her hand. She was warm. She was still here. She wasn’t gone. Not yet. Not ever. He’d go after her and drag her back from death if he had to. Levi gripped her tighter, wouldn’t let go. Why had he wanted another baby? Why hadn’t he been happy with just Kuchel? Why had he believed he could ever be lucky? Why had he gambled with her life?</p>
<p>“Levi, you’re squeezing too hard.”</p>
<p>“Sorry.” He kissed her fingers. “You’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>“Of course I will.” She gave a weak smile. “This’ll be a great story one day. Giving birth during a snowstorm. Needing an operation. It’ll be very dramatic.”</p>
<p>Tears stood out in her eyes. He knew she was thinking of Brigitta. He kissed her forehead again and again, her cheeks. He devoured her face.</p>
<p>He had never been a demonstrative man before her. He wasn’t open like this with anybody else on earth. But he showed her he loved her as he kissed her.</p>
<p>In case there wasn’t another chance. In case these last hours were all he had left.</p>
<p>Should he wake Kuchel? He didn’t want to scare her, but if Petra started to go downhill fast the girl wouldn’t be able to say a proper goodbye. She’d wake to find out Mama was dead and the baby brother was never coming.</p>
<p>The door opened. Ingrid entered, looking serene. But Levi saw how pale she’d gotten. This had to bring up the nightmare of Brigitta all over again.</p>
<p>“Talk to Ilsa?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“Yes.” She knelt beside the bed and smoothed Petra’s hair out of her eyes. “Levi, would you get me a basin of cool water and some cloths?”</p>
<p>He wanted to apologize to Ingrid. She’d been right, and he’d been an asshole. If they’d been in Mitras now, it’d be fine. But Petra might die because of his stupid, backward—</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>He went downstairs and passed the phone room on his way to the kitchen. He heard Ilsa speaking loud and enunciating clearly. Storm probably had the phones on the fritz. As he banged around the kitchen and got everything together, he heard the wind whipping past the door. It screamed like a devil.</p>
<p>If that’s what a devil sounded like.</p>
<p>He filled the basin and brought it back upstairs. Ingrid dunked and wrung out a cloth, then cooled Petra’s forehead. Levi felt so helpless, but this woman knew what to do. He hovered behind her. Right now, he was a fucking lost child.</p>
<p>“Is the doctor on the way?” Ingrid asked.</p>
<p>“Ilsa’s still talking to him. I’ll see.” Thank fuck, something to do.</p>
<p>He stumbled downstairs, feeling like a damn errand boy. A useless kid. He almost ran into Ilsa as she was headed for the stairs.</p>
<p>“What’d he say?”</p>
<p>She sighed. “He’s going to see if there’s anyone in town with a vehicle powerful enough to make the trip. If not, he has to wait. It’s ten miles. He—”</p>
<p>“I’ll go.” He went for his coat, and nearly socked the woman when she grabbed his arm and whirled him around.</p>
<p>“Listen to me! Your car isn’t going to be strong enough to get through the storm, especially if snow has blocked off the roads. Riding a horse would be crazy; the doctor can’t travel that way, and you’d die trying to get there. If you go out there, we’re going to end up sending a search party. And if you take away help or attention from your wife right now, I’m going to kill you myself when they find you.”</p>
<p>What a bitch. She was absolutely right.</p>
<p>“Hey. Thanks,” he croaked. She released him. “Lots of people try to be nice and soothing when this shit happens. I needed you to tell me off.”</p>
<p>Ilsa gave a quick laugh. “Well. I appreciate that you don’t mind <em>getting</em> told off.”</p>
<p>“So what now?”</p>
<p>“The doctor will call back with an answer. If he can get here, we’ll wait. If not…”</p>
<p>“You’ll do it yourself?”</p>
<p>“I’ll have to. I’ll give it a little more time just to see if I’m wrong, but if I’m not I’ll do the operation. I have a painkiller, something to keep her from going crazy when…if I have to cut. If it all goes right, I can have the kid out in a few minutes.”</p>
<p>“Have you ever done this before?”</p>
<p>She hesitated.</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I have.” She didn’t meet his gaze now. “I’ve worked with a doctor several times, and it always went smoothly. And…I did it alone once.”</p>
<p>That didn’t sound like a happy incident.</p>
<p>“Let me guess. The kid didn’t survive.”</p>
<p>“The…the mother didn’t, either.”</p>
<p>He wanted to lie down on the ground and rip his heart out of his chest ahead of time, so he would not feel too much when she was gone. Inside, he was a maelstrom of chaos and horror. On the outside, he probably looked vaguely annoyed.</p>
<p>“Guess I’m glad you’re honest. Though I wish you lied.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think lying solves anything.” Ilsa squeezed his arm. “The doctor should call back in half an hour. Let’s wait.”</p>
<p>He went up and down the stairs, checking on Petra, waiting by the phone. He repeated this over and over again. When the phone finally rang, he almost tore it out of the wall.</p>
<p>“Yeah? Doctor? Hello?”</p>
<p>“<em>Mr. Ackerman?</em>” It was so damn hard to hear. “<em>I’m sorry the…storm it…</em>”</p>
<p>“Listen to me. Listen. I just need a simple answer. Can you get here or not?”</p>
<p>Silence. Clicks. The whine of what sounded like wind, and in the distance a static-y voice.</p>
<p>“Hello? Doctor? Fucking asshole, talk to me!” he barked.</p>
<p>“<em>Sorry.</em>” Guy sounded affronted. Too bad. “<em>The storm dies in…few hours. We…then.</em>”</p>
<p>“No. No, get here <em>now</em>.”</p>
<p>“<em>I can’t! The plough…in this weather. Once it stops, we can…</em>”</p>
<p>He cut in and out, but Levi got the picture. “So what? We…we cut it out on our own?”</p>
<p>“<em>Talk…Ilsa.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi handed her the phone and stormed out of the room. He stood at the foot of the stairs, trapped between motion and stasis. Ilsa came up to him.</p>
<p>“What’s he say?”</p>
<p>“We hold on until we absolutely have to do it. They might get here by then.”</p>
<p>“When will you know?”</p>
<p>“I’ll know.” She patted his shoulder. “Right now, you have to stay calm. You have to tell her it’ll be all right. If this goes the C section route, she’s going to be in a lot of pain and terrified.”</p>
<p>This was his fault. He’d wanted a baby. He wanted to see her with another baby, and he’d killed her for his selfish wish. How could he have been so stupid? Didn’t he realize that a long, happy life together couldn’t be on the cards for him? He was fucking cursed.</p>
<p>Levi went up to Petra while Ilsa discussed the logistics with Ingrid out in the hall. Levi stood over the bed. His wife looked so tired. Tears kept leaking down her cheeks, and her nose was running as well. Disgusting. He took his handkerchief and wiped her down.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Exhaustion. Ilsa said that was the real culprit. If she became too exhausted, she wouldn’t be able to push no matter what. That’s when things got bad.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna be fine. We’re just waiting on the doctor,” he said. He almost believed it himself.</p>
<p>“Do me a favor?” She gave short, shallow breaths as she squeezed. Her eyes shut, and she wailed. When she relaxed against the bed, she cried again.</p>
<p>He wished he could take the pain from her. He’d do anything. Kill him, let her live. Better he die than her.</p>
<p>“Baby.” He kissed her forehead. She was still here. But if… But if something went wrong and she left, he could only imagine all the cold and lonely hours that stretched ahead of him.</p>
<p>“Please get Kuchel. Just in case,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“She’s dead asleep.” He didn’t want this to scar the kid.</p>
<p>“I know. I’ll be calm. Please, Levi.”</p>
<p>He checked with Ilsa. She said okay. He went to Kuchel’s room and picked her up gently. The girl didn’t like being woken out of a cozy sleep. She whimpered and almost cried with her tiredness. He carried her to Petra’s room. Ingrid and Ilsa were all strained smiles. Petra beamed when she saw Kuchel.</p>
<p>“Mama? You okay?”</p>
<p>“Of course, sweetie. I just wanted to give you a big hug.”</p>
<p>Kuchel yawned, but happily nestled against her mother. Petra kissed her over and over, stroked her hair, and told her what a wonderful girl she was. Levi felt trapped. This was a nightmare. Petra was saying her fucking goodbyes.</p>
<p>“It’ll be fine,” Ilsa whispered. “It’s just a precaution.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I used up all my luck when they found me alive on that island. I knew I’d pay the price someday.</em>
</p>
<p>“Mama, is the baby here yet?”</p>
<p>“Almost. It’ll be here when you wake up tomorrow.”</p>
<p>
  <em>That’s a promise you can’t know that you’ll keep.</em>
</p>
<p>Ingrid’s lips trembled. That smile was going to fall. Levi pulled her outside and suggested she get some sleep. Just an hour or so. He’d wake her if anything happened.</p>
<p>He didn’t feel like he was living his own life anymore. He was watching it, like a play. He hated plays.</p>
<p>“Okay. I love you so much, my beautiful girl. I love you so, so much.” Petra hugged Kuchel; her face started to break. This could be the last time. The last hug.</p>
<p>Fuck the world.</p>
<p>“Love you, Mama.”</p>
<p>Then Levi took Kuchel back to bed, tucked her in. She fell right asleep, smiling as she hugged her teddy bear.</p>
<p>Hopefully she would see her mother alive again.</p>
<p>Levi went back to the room. Ilsa was working with Petra, trying to see if they couldn’t get this done naturally. She helped the woman stand, hoping the force of gravity would just rip the kid out. Levi supported her as well. Petra screamed so loud that Kuchel woke up and fussed. Levi had to go back and forth between them for ten minutes or so. Finally, he got the kid asleep again. When he returned, Petra was back in bed. Ilsa looked grim.</p>
<p>While Petra lay there and struggled not to cry, Levi and Ilsa met in the hall once more.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be a C section.” Ilsa sounded resigned. “I want the doctor to be here if only because he’s got a shot that’ll numb her from the waist down. He’s certified to have it. All I’m allowed is some basic pain reliever.”</p>
<p>“How long can we wait?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you when it’s time. For now, we make her comfortable.”</p>
<p>They did. Levi brewed her cinnamon tea. He wiped her face. Ingrid woke up, and Levi tried to lie down in the hallway and nap, but that was impossible. He sat by the bed and held Petra’s hand while Ingrid sang a few songs. Nursery songs. Songs Petra had heard as a baby.</p>
<p>His wife was starting to lose the will to fight. She didn’t cry with the pain so much anymore. She was winding down. Too exhausted.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she told him. She sounded calm. He kissed her hands and lips.</p>
<p>“I love you. You’re going to be fine. Just hold on.”</p>
<p>At three in the morning, the wind finally stopped. Levi went outside with a lantern and saw that the road was layered in white. The doctor said they had a plough. He had told Ilsa that an emergency team was standing by, waiting to move the second the storm ceased.</p>
<p>They’d be on their way now.</p>
<p>“How long do you think?” he asked when he returned. Ilsa was just giving Petra a pain reliever.</p>
<p>“Ten miles? They have to plough?” She shook her head. “Two hours if we’re lucky.”</p>
<p>“Just two more hours, baby. You can do it.” He kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“Levi. Listen.” She pulled him down to whisper in his ear. “If I go, and it’s his…”</p>
<p>“We’re not talking about this right now.” He’d go insane if they started planning Petra’s funeral and Erwin’s…</p>
<p>“I just don’t want you to hate it.”</p>
<p>“I won’t hate it,” he lied. He kissed her again. “If it’s yours, I can’t hate it.”</p>
<p>She smiled gently. He knew she knew he was lying. But there was only so much you could do.</p>
<p>One hour passed.</p>
<p>Petra kept pushing, but now it was hard for Ilsa to get her to do it. Levi got some hot water at Ilsa’s request, and more clean cloths.</p>
<p>Ilsa rummaged through her kit and took out a box. Inside were a few scalpels.</p>
<p>Levi wanted to scream.</p>
<p>Two hours passed.</p>
<p>It was five. He was both exhausted and wide awake. He sat on the floor beside her bed. He kept holding her hand and kissing it.</p>
<p>Petra’s breathing was slow. She wasn’t trying anymore. She was exhausted.</p>
<p>The baby was just too big.</p>
<p>Half an hour later, the sky was turning gray. Ilsa checked Petra’s pulse. She pursed her lips.</p>
<p>“It’s time,” she said.</p>
<p>“The doctor’s not here.” Levi got to his feet.</p>
<p>“I have to move now. I promise…” She looked him in the eyes. “I’ll do this right.”</p>
<p>
  <em>You killed the last woman you did this to.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra gazed sleepily at both of them. She shook her head side to side. No.</p>
<p>“Baby, we gotta cut it out. You’ll both be okay,” he said, not believing what he said. Ilsa took the cloth from Levi. She had him help her move Petra so that she was lying on the extra sheet. Then Ilsa gave the woman another drink of that pain reliever, and brought out iodine and antiseptics from her bag…along with a leather strap.</p>
<p>“You’ll need to bite on this,” she said. Petra started to cry.</p>
<p>Levi couldn’t fucking breathe. He…</p>
<p>There was a sound. Outside. A motor. Men’s voices.</p>
<p>He and Ilsa looked at each other. She nodded.</p>
<p>“Hurry. Go now.”</p>
<p>He exploded out the door and down the hall, down the stairs. He raced outside and leapt off the front porch. Fifty yards off, he could see them coming up the road. The plough was pushing snow out of the way, sending sprays of white to either side. Levi charged over, yelled for the doctor. A small man with graying hair jumped down from the plough, and he and Levi ran for the house.</p>
<p>“She’s starting. She said you’ve got…a shot.” Levi didn’t know what he was saying.</p>
<p>“All right. I’ll need to speak with the midwife.” The doctor breathed heavily. He wasn’t an athletic man. Levi grabbed him around the waist and fucking carried him the last ten yards. The doctor whimpered; too fucking bad. They went faster.</p>
<p>They were inside. Ingrid stood at the top of the stairs.</p>
<p>“Is that—?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Doc. Go. Now!”</p>
<p>Levi shoved the man. He almost stumbled on his way up the stairs, speaking to Ingrid as—</p>
<p>Petra screamed.</p>
<p>It was the longest, loudest scream Levi had ever heard in his life. It sounded like agony. When she finished, it seemed to hang in the air.</p>
<p>Ingrid ran for Kuchel. The doctor ran into Petra’s room. Two doors slammed.</p>
<p>That left Levi, alone and absolutely fucking useless.</p>
<p>Levi just slumped to his knees in front of the stairs. He leaned over, knitted his fingers behind his head, and waited. He waited five minutes. Ten minutes.</p>
<p>Then he heard a child cry. An infant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The baby was here.</p>
<p>Twenty minutes had passed since he’d heard the baby cry. Ilsa had exited the room soon after, carrying a bundle. Ingrid met her in the hall. They spoke urgently together as they went to Ingrid’s room.</p>
<p>Then Ilsa went back inside to Petra. Levi didn’t even try to stop her to ask about his wife. Maybe he was too afraid. Levi stood outside his bedroom door and listened to the voices…</p>
<p>“Don’t go in.” Ingrid stood next to him, looking almost delirious. “They have to get her stable.”</p>
<p>“So she’s alive?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Will she be okay?” Why was he so calm? He wanted to pass out.</p>
<p>“Probably.” That wasn’t good enough. “Levi. Let me wait here. He’s in my room.”</p>
<p>He.</p>
<p>The baby.</p>
<p>The boy.</p>
<p>Ingrid shoved Levi back down the hall to the guest room. He opened the door and saw the bundle lying on the bed.</p>
<p>Then he looked at the child.</p>
<p>That had been almost twenty minutes ago. Now Levi stood there with his hands in his pockets, staring at the wall. On the bed, the baby gurgled. Levi didn’t want to look at it. He’d seen enough.</p>
<p>He’d turned on the lamp and brought it close to the boy, just to make sure.</p>
<p>He was sure.</p>
<p>The kid didn’t have much hair, but what little there was, well, it was not ginger or black. It was fair blond.</p>
<p>The kid was huge, far as babies went. Much longer than Kuchel had been.</p>
<p>Levi knew that babies’ faces changed. That what they looked like just out of the womb wasn’t how they necessarily looked later. But even with the squashed newborn thing, he knew the shape of that face. The shape of those eyes.</p>
<p>And just as a finishing touch, he had seen the faint outline of eyebrow, where the hair would eventually grow in.</p>
<p>The kid’s eyebrows would be fucking huge.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath. He released it slowly.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oruo.</em>
</p>
<p>But that was the name of his, of Levi’s son. This kid was not…</p>
<p>This <em>fucking </em>kid.</p>
<p>Levi had told her to have the baby. He’d told her he could handle it. Maybe if Petra was all right, maybe if he knew she’d live, this would be easier. But it felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Kicked in the balls. He felt fucking cheated. Like he was some bird coming back to the nest, ready to feed its baby, and what he found was a giant fucking cuckoo.</p>
<p>He felt like this little bastard had killed Levi’s son.</p>
<p>He turned and leaned against the dresser. His arms were shaking. The baby gurgled again. It started to cry. The sound split his brain.</p>
<p>He felt in that moment the urge to take the knife from his pocket and stab the—</p>
<p>“Papa?”</p>
<p>Levi whirled around. Kuchel was there, rubbing sleep from her eyes.</p>
<p>“Hey. Brat,” he croaked. He went and knelt before her. “Listen, Mama—”</p>
<p>Kuchel gasped. Her face lit up like it did on midwinter morning, when she saw all the presents waiting under the tree.</p>
<p>“Is that him? Izzit him?” She bounced on her toes.</p>
<p>“That’s…yeah. That’s him.”</p>
<p>Kuchel raced over to the bed. She gazed rapturously on the baby’s face. The kid’s eyes were shut. His crying had stopped; good, because Levi wasn’t going to pick him up and comfort him. He hated that creature in ways he couldn’t believe. He—</p>
<p>“Ba-by bro-ther,” Kuchel sang. Grinning, she nuzzled his cheek. “I love my ba-by bro-ther.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Levi said. He stared stupidly at her. “Yeah. He <em>is</em> your brother.”</p>
<p>Kuchel loved the kid. That was…something.</p>
<p>“Ba-by bro-ther.” She kissed his cheek. The baby made a face and started to cry again. Kuchel shushed him, then tried poking his nose. That only made the kid cry harder.</p>
<p>Levi couldn’t stand the red-faced thing.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Go get Grandma.”</p>
<p>“Okay!” She ran out of the room. Ingrid could comfort the baby. Levi didn’t want to touch him. He backed away, then took a step forward.</p>
<p>Erwin’s son stopped crying again. He waved one tiny fist.</p>
<p>
  <em>Well. At least we got a clear answer. We know whose you are. </em>
</p>
<p>Fuck, he was gonna have to talk to Erwin. Should Levi call? Could you send a telegram about this? You’re a father—stop. Congrats, asshole—stop.</p>
<p>Ingrid came in and picked up the child. She shushed and swayed him. The baby stopped crying again. She kissed his face, looked lovingly on him. Then she glanced at Levi. He saw her expression. She knew.</p>
<p>“So,” he said.</p>
<p>“I’m very sorry.” She bounced her grandson. “I…I know Petra spoke to you about this already.”</p>
<p>“This was my idea. She was gonna get rid of it. For me.” He shook his head. “I knew she’d never forgive herself if she did that.” Though now he wished she had, just so he didn’t have to suffer this pain. He couldn’t help it.</p>
<p>“You’re a good man.”</p>
<p>Such words from Ingrid. It was definitely a mixed up world.</p>
<p>“I don’t even know if she’s gonna make it.” He sat down on the floor.</p>
<p>“She will. I know she will.”</p>
<p>Levi looked at the wall. “Ingrid, if she doesn’t…”</p>
<p>Send the brat to Erwin? Maybe give it to Brigitta?</p>
<p>“Don’t talk like that, please.”</p>
<p>Fine. They waited until Ilsa came in. When she entered, Levi sprang to his feet.</p>
<p>Her face told him everything. He could’ve melted in relief.</p>
<p>“She’s stable. She’s delicate right now, but she’ll make it. It didn’t damage her uterus either, so if you want more children it’s not impossible.”</p>
<p>Petra had two children; Levi only had one. He wondered if Ilsa had put two and two together when she saw the big blond kid. If she noticed how not-Levi the brat was.</p>
<p>“Petra’s asleep right now. Obviously she can’t breastfeed at the moment. I’d like to feed him; do you have any milk?”</p>
<p>Levi glared at the baby. <em>Starve, bitch.</em></p>
<p>It was so ugly a thought he winced. He almost made himself sick.</p>
<p>“Yes. In the refrigerator,” Ingrid said. “And we have bottles.”</p>
<p>“Good thinking. I’ll go sterilize them and warm the milk.” Ilsa left. Ingrid sat back down on the bed as Kuchel bounced into the room. She looked joyful. To her, this was a great day. She sat next to Ingrid and sang little songs to the baby, kissing his bald head and tapping his nose. Ingrid beamed at the little boy; she couldn’t help it, the kid was her grandson.</p>
<p>Levi was the only one here with no relation to the bastard.</p>
<p>He hated it. The hate boiled behind his eyes. He ran his hands down his face. He hated it and he was so fucking tired. He was almost delirious.</p>
<p>But Petra would live. That was what mattered.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna see her,” he said, and left. He went into the bedroom, where his wife was asleep and very pale. He sat beside her and brushed hair out of her face. Her chest rose and fell softly. Her lips were bloodless, but they’d get rosy again. He kissed her forehead, her cheek. “It’s a boy, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” She shifted and smiled a little. She would love her son. Levi would hate it. Hopefully one day he would stop feeling that way.</p>
<p>For Petra, he would learn to endure anything. But this, man. This fucking stung.</p>
<p>“Mr. Ackerman?” The doctor came in, his hand out. Levi shook hard. “Let me tell you, having that midwife here saved the child’s life. She started the procedure just in time.”</p>
<p><em>Thanks a fucking lot, Ilsa.</em> He winced. Ugly thoughts. For an ugly man.</p>
<p>“Thanks for saving my wife,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“I’m just glad we got here in time for me to contribute anything.” He laughed a little. Levi didn’t see the joke. “Anyway. I need to write out the birth certificate.”</p>
<p>Oh. Right. That. The doc went to his bag and took out some papers and a pen.</p>
<p>“Just a few questions. Specifically, what’s the child’s name?”</p>
<p>“Uh.” He looked at Petra, dead asleep. She had said Oruo, but…that had been the name for <em>their </em>baby. Levi’s son. He felt attached to the name; didn’t want to give the intruder in there one more thing. Levi was already gonna give it his damn last name, since otherwise it’d be a giant walking advertisement to the world: my wife fucked another man.</p>
<p>Erwin. This was Erwin’s fault. If Levi had just chosen different on that roof in Shiganshina, none of this would’ve happened. He couldn’t think straight. He just thought of that roof, of Erwin, of Armin…</p>
<p>“Mr. Ackerman?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I got the name,” he grumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour later, they were sitting by the bed, all of them. Ingrid soothed the baby, while Kuchel was asleep next to her mother. Levi leaned over and kissed Petra. This time, she woke. Damn sleeping beauty, another of Kuchel’s faerie stories.</p>
<p>“Morning, brat,” he whispered. She beamed, then seemed to remember what was going on because she shot straight up. Petra cried out, grabbing her stomach. The stitches, they hurt. “Oi. Pet. You gotta take it easy.” He sat on the bed and laid her back down.</p>
<p>“The baby. Is it…?” She looked panicked.</p>
<p>“He’s fine. He’s here.”</p>
<p>Levi helped her sit up more slowly, then moved aside as Ingrid deposited the child into his mother’s arms. Petra slid away the blanket from around his face, taking a good look at her son. Levi saw it all happen; first came the blind surge of love. Adoration. Mothers ought to love their children, no shame in that.</p>
<p>Then she slowly realized what she was looking at. He saw the horror on her face.</p>
<p>“Levi…” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Mama! Mama, Mama.” Kuchel woke up and climbed on her mother. Ingrid and Levi both snapped at her to stop that, which made Kuchel start to cry. Which made the baby start to cry. Two sobbing kids; Levi’s new hell. He stayed against the wall while Ingrid got them both under control. Then Kuchel snuggled against Petra, and patted the baby’s face. “He’s my dolly,” she crowed. She gave lots of little kisses, planted them all over the kid’s face. The baby sneezed in response.</p>
<p>“My poor little guy,” Petra whispered. She kissed his forehead. Levi could see how much she already loved this brat. She glowed with it. But when she looked at Levi, the happy radiance diminished. She bowed her head, ashamed. “I’m so sorry. Oh god, I’m so…”</p>
<p>Ingrid cleared her throat and went to get lunch. Levi came and sat on the bed again. He looked at the boy in Petra’s arms. Kid looked so natural there. So loved.</p>
<p>“I told you to keep him,” Levi said. “I knew the risk. Plus, he’s a cute little shit.”</p>
<p>“Papa, bad word.” Kuchel shook her finger at him. Little scold. Then she had her mother lay the baby on the bed, so Kuchel could pat his belly and adore him. She had her doll say hello, kissing the baby and talking in a weird, high voice. The kid just looked stunned, one fist raised.</p>
<p>“I ruined your life.” Petra sounded despondent. He cradled her face.</p>
<p>“You gave me a life. Shut up.”</p>
<p>She smiled a little. He kissed her.</p>
<p>“What do we do?” she asked. He knew what she meant.</p>
<p>“I don’t think we should…” He sighed. “Let’s wait until he comes back. This feels like news you want to give in person. Phone calls and telegrams, there’s too many ways they can get messed up.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “Okay.” She bit her lip. “What should we do about the last name?”</p>
<p>“I gave him mine,” Levi muttered. Petra gripped his hand.</p>
<p>“Are you sure? We…we could always just give him my maiden name.”</p>
<p>“And let the whole world know? Nah. We’ll keep it simple.”</p>
<p>“Well.” Petra lifted the boy again. The baby looked at his mother. His eyes opened fully for the first time. “Hello, my angel,” Petra whispered. She loved this kid. She couldn’t help it. She laid the baby in her arms, and Levi started in surprise.</p>
<p>The boy’s eyes were a warm, liquid amber.</p>
<p>“He’s got your eyes,” he croaked. At least one thing that wasn’t Erwin’s. Looking at those eyes made Levi a little bit easier. He leaned over the kid. “Hey. You got nice eyes.”</p>
<p>The baby cooed at him. The little guy was pretty still. Very relaxed.</p>
<p>“He’s not like Kuchel was,” Petra said. “She was grunting and squirming around the minute she was born.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, this one’s quiet.” Levi liked that fine. Kuchel giggled and then tried biting the baby’s nose. What a fuckin’ weirdo. Levi corralled her onto his lap.</p>
<p>“Hello, Oruo,” Petra said. She beamed at him. Shit.</p>
<p>“Ah, Petra? I didn’t name him Oruo.”</p>
<p>She whipped her head up. He saw a strange look in her eyes. It was wary, strangely…fearful.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Look, I wanted Oruo to be <em>our</em> son’s name,” he grumbled. “I mean, this kid is…he’s ours because he lives with us. I gave him my last name. But…” Fuck. Levi shook his head. “I named him something else.”</p>
<p>“Armin?” she asked softly.</p>
<p>He frowned. “How the fu—fun did you guess that?”</p>
<p>His wife collapsed against the pillows, holding the baby—Armin—to her breast. She stared off into the middle distance. She looked pale again. Like she was a million miles away.</p>
<p>“Oi, Petra? You okay?”</p>
<p>She recovered a moment later. But he could see a new, tight desperation whenever she looked at the baby. Ilsa and the doctor burst back into the room, talking fast. They stole everyone’s attention. Levi resolved to ask Petra about the weirdness later. How she could’ve guessed the name like that.</p>
<p>But the place was a madhouse that day, with the doctor and Ilsa and Ingrid, Pieter insisting on coming up despite the weather and Levi having to brave the snow to get to the station, talking to Brigitta and Edvard and Willem on the phone, calling Mikasa and the rest of the brats, calling Hange, figuring out where to put everyone for the night because Ilsa and the doc didn’t want to head home until tomorrow so they could observe mother and child, and eventually Petra looked fine anyway. Rosy cheeked and laughing.</p>
<p>So Levi just forgot to ask.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>From the moment Petra held her son in her arms, she was in love. He was her baby, after all, and the sweetest little creature alive. She got him to nurse. He was obedient and gentle. Afterwards, Petra just was happy to sit there the whole afternoon rocking him in her arms. Pieter and Ingrid both fell in love as well, and Kuchel didn’t want to leave Armin’s side. She kept bringing him toys, and telling him bizarre stories. She tried to feed him cookies, which the adults told her he couldn’t eat. Then she said they ought to get a leash for him, which everyone found frankly strange.</p>
<p>But Armin was so good. He was fine being passed around, and didn’t cry much. But when he was in Petra’s arms, he was at his most blissful.</p>
<p>‘He’s such a love’ Ingrid said. He was. Over the next two weeks, Armin wanted nothing more than to feed and be cuddled, especially by his mother. He would open his amber eyes and gaze at Petra, his little newborn mouth curling in a smile. ‘He’s a Mama’s boy’ Pieter said. And he was.</p>
<p>Petra adored Kuchel with every breath in her body, and she knew the girl loved her in return, but Kuchel was Levi’s. Their bond was almost mystical. She worshipped her Papa. Petra felt something similar here with her son. They could just stare at one another for minutes on end, beaming endlessly.</p>
<p>She knew he looked like Erwin, but for some reason could forget that fact completely. It was the eyes. They were her eyes. Petra seemed fated to have her children take after their father…fathers. It was satisfying to make her mark in even a small way.</p>
<p>Ingrid and Pieter stayed on for that first week, then Ingrid remained for the second. Because of the C section, Petra was on total rest. She could only get out of bed to use the bathroom. Her mother changed Armin and bathed him.</p>
<p>Levi watched, but he didn’t touch the child any more than he had to.</p>
<p>That was the fracture in Petra’s heart. She had never expected that Levi would love Erwin’s child right away, obviously not as much as he loved Kuchel. But she’d hoped it would be easier for him than it was. It really was the one dark spot.</p>
<p>Well. Maybe not the <em>one </em>dark spot.</p>
<p>
  <em>He’ll name it Armin. Then it will be too late.</em>
</p>
<p>A few nights after Armin was born, Petra had told Levi what Eren said. It had rocked the stoic man a little.</p>
<p>“Look. I know he’s got some freaky Founder powers,” Levi said. He kissed her hand. “My guess is he saw a few sneak peeks of the future, and tried to use that information to convince you to do whatever he said. When his plan with Zeke failed, he wanted to scare you. Shitty payback. Simple as that.”</p>
<p>“I suppose that makes sense,” she said. She wanted to believe it.</p>
<p>She almost believed it.</p>
<p>After two weeks, Petra was up and moving again. After being bedbound for so long, she wobbled a bit. Taking a shower was a tricky proposition, since she had to avoid getting water on her stitches. They said in time you wouldn’t know the scar was there.</p>
<p>She took care of Armin, and Levi managed Kuchel. They met in the evening for storytime, where Kuchel would crouch by Armin’s bassinet and smoosh his cheeks while Petra read tales of glass slippers and beanstalks.</p>
<p>“She really adores him,” Levi said. He was happy to see his daughter so happy. Kuchel’s love was what the man liked best about the new child.</p>
<p>Armin was good for a newborn, but he still cried in the night. This time, Levi did not walk the baby up and down the halls as he’d done with Kuchel. Petra didn’t expect that. But…</p>
<p>“Do you think you can like him in time?” Petra asked one day. They were downstairs, sitting by the fire. Armin was asleep in her arms, the firelight glowing on his soft, full cheeks. Precious cheeks. Petra glanced at Levi, who always made a point not to look at the kid more than he had to. “I know I can’t ask you to love him.”</p>
<p>“No, no. I get it.” Levi rubbed his eyes. “Pet…”</p>
<p>She watched her son sleep, and didn’t press Levi to elaborate. It was touch and go. Sometimes Levi seemed okay with the boy. Then he’d see Armin nursing—Erwin’s face sucking on Petra’s breast—and he’d walk straight out the door and pace on the porch for a while. Once he went out to the garden shed. Ingrid told Petra he’d smashed a few clay pots.</p>
<p>But he was never aggressive to her, or angry in the house. She was lucky that he was so disciplined. So good.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Stop saying that.” He was a little terse. Then he sighed, slid over. Put his arm around her, kissed her head. “Now <em>I’m</em> fucking sorry.” He held her close and looked down at the baby. “Look. I’ll be honest. The first day I wanted to throw him out the window.” Petra flinched, but she wanted his honesty. “Now I’m starting to like him. Most of the time.”</p>
<p>“Erwin gets back in a couple of weeks. I think we’ll have a better idea of what to do when he knows,” she offered.</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Levi stroked the baby’s cheek with one finger. Armin gave little whimpers as he woke, then reached out his tiny fist. He clung to Levi’s finger, gazing at the man with fascination. Levi smiled; a real smile. “Know what? When I see him like this, I think of Erwin. Way he used to be. Curious. Chubby.”</p>
<p>“He was never chubby!” Petra giggled.</p>
<p>“I dunno, he started stress eating a couple years after I joined the Corps. Got kinda moon-faced.” Levi was teasing, of course. But he let Armin hold his finger. The baby even gave a little smile. “Yeah. I sort of see the best of Erwin when I see him like this.”</p>
<p>“We’ll figure out a way to take the burden of caring for him off of you,” she whispered. “I don’t want you to have to give too much.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” He sounded relieved. He kissed her cheek. “Look, just give me time.”</p>
<p>She would. She’d give him everything he needed, as much of it as she could.</p>
<p>Things began to go back to normal. Three weeks on, Petra was operating at fifty percent capacity again, though she needed to spend a lot of time in bed. She’d almost opened her stitches a few days before, and Levi had forced her to rest again. Petra would watch the snow falling outside her window. She would feed her son. She would read stories and cuddle with Kuchel. She would lie there with her husband, her head on his chest, his hand in her hair, and just enjoy the silence. When Armin needed to be changed or bathed, Levi helped Petra out of bed. He liked the boy better these days, but he still didn’t want to change him if he could help it. He just didn’t like holding Armin all that much. Petra understood.</p>
<p>Though Levi did do little things, like help fill the tub for Armin’s bath. He did pick out the soap, and seemed to like the fact that Armin loved his bath time so much. The baby splashed happily.</p>
<p>“It’ll get easier,” he told Petra.</p>
<p>She did not deserve this man.</p>
<p>Three weeks after Armin’s birth, Petra was becoming more comfortable and confident. She felt less apologetic about loving the boy. She loved Armin’s soft cheeks, his little grasping hands. She let Kuchel sing lullabies to the baby. Levi was easier now, happy to get into bed and sit alongside her, ankles and arms crossed. Kuchel would bounce around, he’d tell her to quit it, Petra would soothe Armin when he cried.</p>
<p>They were really a family in those moments. She loved that.</p>
<p>But she thought of Erwin. Her stomach contracted then.</p>
<p>One week to go. Levi had planned everything. He’d meet Erwin at the new airfield up north; Paradis was getting its own air force now. He’d pull the king aside and calmly explain the situation. Then he’d bring Erwin here, to meet his son.</p>
<p>It would be handled delicately. Everything would be fine.</p>
<p>Mama returned to the farm at the end of the third week. Petra wasn’t progressing as well as they wanted as far as getting out of bed was concerned, and Ingrid wanted to help with the baby. Neither wanted to put too much stress on Levi. He appreciated that. The days were simple.</p>
<p>Petra watched the snow outside and kissed Armin when he fussed.</p>
<p>One more week.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin was glad to cut his trip short by a week. He smiled as they descended through the clouds and he saw the runway below. He never got tired of going up into the air, seeing the world from such a distance. Up high, it looked so pristine. A toy world. But landing always gave him a little anxiety. He sighed in relief as the plane set down and they landed smoothly.</p>
<p>The pilot was excellent. Hard to believe only six months before, she’d never flown an aircraft. Kiyomi was being gracious, teaching the Paradisians the ways of aviation.</p>
<p>And the tour of Aeropa itself…</p>
<p>Erwin had sometimes forgotten he was a conqueror. He had been fascinated by the different styles of architecture, the food, the different histories. He had loved the customs. He was that young boy again, the bright child with an appetite for innovation. Change.</p>
<p>He had always wanted to see the world. He’d now seen a good portion of it. Humanity was wonderful…when they didn’t want to kill him.</p>
<p>The tour had yielded some good diplomatic results. After Hybernia, Erwin had gained the world’s fear. Now he was showing that so long as he wasn’t attacked, he could be a good and just ruler. He left as much autonomy in each nation’s hands as he could. He respected their traditions, had no inclination to force them to adopt Eldian customs. That earned him a lot of gratitude. He was not like the Fritz kings of old. He made certain that the newspapers printed that over and over. Erwin was not a Fritz.</p>
<p>He was a new king.</p>
<p>His only remaining problem was Historia. Her absence was growing louder with every passing day. Pretty soon he was going to have to come up with a story…</p>
<p>“You okay, sir?” Floch asked. He’d been Erwin’s ‘titan’ aide on this trip. Connie was too essential to protecting Paradis, and Pieck still wasn’t one of Erwin’s own. It had to be Floch. Sadly.</p>
<p>“Only thinking that it’s nice to be home.” The propellers stopped. People ran out with a rolling ladder to let the passengers down.</p>
<p>“Nothing beats Paradis.” Floch’s eyes shone. He had the fever of nationalism; Erwin had seen it. He didn’t love it. He believed you should take pride in your homeland, but you should not believe that simply being from a place made you superior to anyone else. Being the descendant of great men and women did not gift you their greatness. The door opened, he and Floch deboarded, and they walked across the tarmac. Vehicles were waiting for them. Erwin blew on his hands and rubbed them. His breath steamed in the air. It was early March. Spring was close, but not close enough. They got into the car. It pulled away, heading down the road. This far north, there were only the foothills of mountains and farmland. It was peacefully sparse. There was rarely any traffic around here on the trans-island highway. A straight shot to Mitras, passing all the way through Wall Rose.</p>
<p>Erwin looked out the window. He thought of Levi and Petra. The baby must have arrived by now. He smiled; Levi was probably being hassled by the demands of two young children. What a delight.</p>
<p>These last few months, he and Levi had exchanged a few phone calls. They didn’t last long, but they grew longer with every session. Erwin could feel the thaw begin. Their lives could never go back to what they had been, but evolution was still possible. He hoped for some reconciliation, some renewal of friendship.</p>
<p>A new baby was a prime opportunity for a visit…</p>
<p>No. He couldn’t just show up. Spring himself on them.</p>
<p>Erwin sighed. He leaned against the seat and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>“You all right, sir?” Floch asked. He always sounded so eager to leap whenever Erwin needed anything.</p>
<p>“I was thinking that the Ackerman farm is just on the way. Levi’s new child has probably arrived by now.”</p>
<p>“Should we stop over?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to inconvenience them,” Erwin said, desperate to be talked into stopping. Floch obliged him.</p>
<p>“Do you think they don’t want you there?”</p>
<p>No, actually. Levi had explicitly said that Erwin should come see the baby when it arrived. He’d as good as invited the king. There really was no traffic at all. They’d be at the farm in an hour at this current rate…</p>
<p>Oh, why not? Erwin had brought some trinkets from his travels. He had a good bottle of Gaellin wine. Some bright strings of beads from the interior countryside. He’d even made sure to pick up a doll for Kuchel, one of Madrian porcelain. He’d only stop in on them for a minute, leave at once if he felt unwelcome.</p>
<p>He missed the Ackermans. It had been almost a year. Levi said he and Petra would want to see Erwin at some point. He told Erwin Petra wasn’t angry with him.</p>
<p>Why not? Erwin should dare.</p>
<p>“We’ll be making a stop on the way,” he told the driver. Erwin felt his heart beating faster. He felt almost giddy with anticipation. He wanted to see Levi’s face again. He’d be utterly respectful to Petra. So much time had passed since…that night.</p>
<p>Even if it was a reduced form of friendship, Erwin would take what he could get.</p>
<p>He felt almost shy as the car pulled up to the farmhouse. Erwin got out, nodding respectfully as the door opened and Petra’s mother emerged onto the porch.</p>
<p>“Good afternoon, Mrs. Ral. I hope I’m not inconveniencing you?”</p>
<p>“Oh.” The woman looked plainly shocked to see him. Perhaps the change in his appearance surprised her. Erwin’s hair had grown a bit longer in back. The undercut was a thing of the past. And he’d developed a thin line of beard. It traced his square jaw rather nicely. He looked like a proper king, he’d been told. A sedate, older man. He was getting noticeably gray, and wanted to look distinguished. “Majesty. I…I’m just here visiting. I…” She looked back at the house. Erwin frowned.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>“Um. No. No.”</p>
<p>“I’ve come to see the baby. That is, if Petra’s delivered?”</p>
<p>“The baby?” She looked wary. “So you know?”</p>
<p>“Know what?” This woman was starting to worry him. “Is everything all right?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Petra’s fine. She had a boy.”</p>
<p>Erwin beamed. “That’s wonderful. Is Levi in?”</p>
<p>He began to feel odd just standing in the snow like this. He approached the house. Mrs. Ral stepped to the side to allow him entrance. But she looked so damned weird that he didn’t feel right going in.</p>
<p>“Levi’s out. He had to go to town. The market.”</p>
<p>“I see.” Erwin hovered on the threshold. “Perhaps…perhaps I should wait for him? Or perhaps I’ve been too forward, coming here.”</p>
<p>Erwin’s heart sank. Of course the woman was jumpy around him. He was persona non grata to the Rals and Ackermans now. What an idiot he’d been.</p>
<p>“Mama?” Petra called from inside the house. She sounded close by. “Who’s at the door?”</p>
<p>“The king,” Ingrid replied.</p>
<p>“What?” Petra sounded shocked. “I thought he was coming home next week.”</p>
<p>“Change of plans,” Erwin called, still parked on the threshold. Now he really felt stupid. He heard a baby’s cry, and Petra making shushing noises. “Petra, may I come in?”</p>
<p>“Um. It…” She sounded hesitant. Erwin backed away, ashamed. Of course she didn’t want him here without Levi present. Erwin was an arrogant fool. He should go…</p>
<p>“Unwin! Unwin!” Kuchel exploded at him out of nowhere, jumping up and down. He lifted her up. The girl hugged him tightly. “I missed you!”</p>
<p>“I missed you, too,” he said fondly. He found himself stepping inside the house as Kuchel tugged on his collar.</p>
<p>“See Armin! Armin’s here!”</p>
<p>Armin? The baby. The name made Erwin flinch, but he understood. A nice gesture, that.</p>
<p>Well, he could simply deposit Kuchel with her mother and then take his leave. He carried the child into the living room where Petra was laid out on the sofa, a blanket over her legs. On the table beside her was a wicker bassinet. The baby within had stopped crying, and now gurgled.</p>
<p>“Erwin.” Petra gaped at him. She looked almost dizzy. “I…”</p>
<p>“Sorry to intrude. I was on my way home and thought… I see you’re busy.” He set Kuchel down. She ran to the bassinet and cooed at the bundle within. “Please, tell Levi I said hello. If you’d like, we could—”</p>
<p>“See Armin! He’s my dolly.” Kuchel pulled Erwin’s hand. Petra looked faint.</p>
<p>“Are you well?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yes. I…you know what? Yes. I think you should see him,” she murmured.</p>
<p>Odd. She sounded like she was preparing herself for something. Erwin knelt down and smiled into the bassinet.</p>
<p>It was like being hit with a hammer. The sensation shocked him, almost rendered him unconscious. His body reacted before his brain understood what he was looking at.</p>
<p>The child…Levi’s child…looked so…</p>
<p>For Erwin, it was like looking at a long ago family drawing. A sketch of himself. A half-remembered dream of childhood.</p>
<p>The eyebrows were so…</p>
<p>How could Levi’s son look so exactly like Erwin? How?</p>
<p>Then he remembered that Petra…</p>
<p>Only a couple of days after Levi’s ‘death’, she claimed she had just gotten pregnant. A couple of days after that conversation, she and Erwin had sex.</p>
<p>He and Levi had made love to her in the same week…</p>
<p>The math wasn’t impossible.</p>
<p>He was…</p>
<p>Erwin was…</p>
<p>The air went out of him. He bent over.</p>
<p>“Erwin?” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>He pulled himself together and looked into the bassinet again. He’d just imagined it. He waited to see a little boy with black hair. Erwin had been mistaken. He’d imagined himself, superimposed himself onto the baby. Pure egoism.</p>
<p>But the baby still had his face. The baby had the shape of Erwin’s eyes.</p>
<p>The fucking eyebrows. He saw the outline of how they’d grow in. They’d be massive.</p>
<p>“Ah.” It was all he could say. He heard Ingrid and Floch talking by the front door. They sounded like they were at the bottom of a well. Erwin stood, wavered. He sat down in a chair. Hard.</p>
<p>The child…</p>
<p><em>His </em>child. It was as much his as Kuchel was Levi’s. He…he had a son.</p>
<p>He was a father.</p>
<p>He didn’t know what to do. Laugh? Cry? Both?</p>
<p>“May I hold him?” He sounded so faint.</p>
<p>“Of course.” Petra’s eyes were filled with tears. Gently she lifted the child from his bassinet and laid him into Erwin’s arms. Erwin cradled the boy—his son. He gazed down in adoring wonder. He could feel his life expand in that moment. The little boy squirmed just a bit, made adorable little noises. Erwin whispered hello. The baby’s eyes opened.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m your Papa. Hello.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin grinned then. He grinned as the tears welled in his eyes. This was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He couldn’t believe the love that he felt. It was so natural. It was bottomless. It warmed every bit of him. He could not imagine ever getting tired of adoring this little bundle. He could not imagine ever wanting to do anything but hold him.</p>
<p>“Erwin, we were going to tell you,” Petra said. She sounded mortified. “We wanted to wait until you got home. Levi was going to meet you at the airfield next week. But then…”</p>
<p>“I believe you,” he said. Of course he did. The Ackermans were honorable people. The baby raised his little fist. Erwin held it delicately between his fingers. His son yawned wide. Erwin lifted the boy, kissed his forehead. This child. This perfect miracle. “It’s all right. I’m here now.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Hello. I’ve spent my whole life waiting for you.</em>
</p>
<p>He had wanted a child, and he had resigned himself to living without one. And now, a miracle.</p>
<p>He looked at Petra. She had her hair down. She was dressed in loose, sloppy clothes. Comfortable clothes. But she was so beautiful.</p>
<p>She had conceived his son. She had carried his son. She had given birth to his son.</p>
<p>Without her, Erwin would not have this joy.</p>
<p>“Petra,” he whispered. “He’s ours.”</p>
<p>She made a soft noise and looked away. Erwin only had eyes for his baby. <em>His</em> baby.</p>
<p>“Armin is my dolly,” Kuchel said proudly.</p>
<p><em>Armin.</em> That name suddenly burned like acid. Erwin shook it off.</p>
<p>“He’s beautiful.” He smiled at Kuchel. “Just like his big sister.”</p>
<p>Kuchel beamed and twirled. That precious girl. She loved her little brother so. She was so like Levi, and…Armin…was so like Erwin. They should be always together. The best of friends.</p>
<p>The idea warmed him. He felt the baby grip his finger. The boy cooed.</p>
<p>“I love you so much,” Erwin whispered, kissing the baby’s cheek. Five minutes ago he had been happy for his friend and nervous to see him, and now the most wonderful event of Erwin’s life had occurred. How quickly things could change. The boy squirmed, and smiled. He opened his eyes—he had his mother’s eyes. How wonderful. Erwin imagined the years ahead of them, what he would teach the boy, how he’d see him grow into a man…</p>
<p>
  <em>You will die when he’s eight years old.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin came crashing down from the glorious heights. That wasn’t enough time. Not nearly enough.</p>
<p>“My little boy.” Erwin felt almost dizzy.</p>
<p>“Please. Can I have him back?” Petra extended her arms. Erwin almost wanted to say no. She’d had weeks with the boy; Erwin had only just met him. But he acquiesced, laid the child in his mother’s embrace. Petra shushed the boy, bounced him. She looked on him with such love, the emotion overcoming her plain discomfort in this situation.</p>
<p>
  <em>She loves him so much.</em>
</p>
<p>In that moment there was no woman more radiant on this planet. She had given Erwin a son. She loved his son.</p>
<p>“Petra,” he whispered, rising.</p>
<p>Then he heard voices. Floch’s. Ingrid’s.</p>
<p>Levi’s.</p>
<p>Levi came racing into the room. He tracked in snow; he hadn’t even stopped to wipe his boots. He had truly been in a great hurry.</p>
<p>“Hey. Erwin,” he said. He was breathless. Must have come in at a run.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I should have phoned ahead of time.” Erwin felt like an idiot, but he was still in a daze.</p>
<p>“Nah. It’s fine. Glad you’re here. I just wanted to meet you at the airfield is all.”</p>
<p>“My fault. I changed the schedule.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Good. How about we talk outside a minute? Let Petra feed Armin?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Armin.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>The two men stepped onto the front porch. Erwin sent Floch back to the car. Floch wanted to know what was going on, but Erwin demanded he leave. He was brusque. Floch retreated like a dog that’s gotten a harsh word. Finally, Erwin and Levi were alone. Erwin stared at the smaller man. This was the first he’d seen of Levi in almost a year, a reunion he had wished for every single day, and now the delight of this didn’t register too strongly. Erwin was still in euphoric shock.</p>
<p>He had a son. He was a father. It was incredible.</p>
<p>“I am so sorry,” Levi said. He was earnest. “This went wrong.”</p>
<p>“Please, I’m not angry. I know you planned to tell me when I landed next week.” Erwin frowned. “But why not tell me there was a possibility?”</p>
<p>“It was my shitty idea. We were afraid the kid would look like Petra or something, and then neither of us would be able to tell. It’d get awkward.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I see.” It did make sense. Levi looked so much older than he had a year ago. Wrinkles were finally forming at his eyes. He seemed so tired. Perhaps the weariness had come from his wife having a child that wasn’t his. Erwin felt a flash of guilt. “Are you very upset?”</p>
<p>“Tch. Eh. Took some getting used to, but I’ll be fine. He’s a cute kid.” Levi gave a smile. “Real image of you, huh?”</p>
<p>“It took my breath away.” He laughed, almost giddy.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I know what that is.” Levi was sincere. “I’m just glad you know now. We can start talking about how we want to do this.”</p>
<p>“Do this?”</p>
<p>And then it hit Erwin. It was so obvious. He didn’t live here. He wasn’t Petra’s husband. He had to go back to Mitras, an hour or so away. He couldn’t just walk into a room and hold his son whenever he liked. Levi must have seen his expression change, because he talked fast.</p>
<p>“We had some ideas, but we want to hear what you think. The first year’s tricky because he needs his mother so much, but after that we were thinking you could have him at least one day a week, two weekends a month. You could have your pick of holidays. And you can visit whenever you want. Our door’s open.”</p>
<p>Visit.</p>
<p>He would be able to knock on the door and visit his son for maybe two hours a day. He would be able to have the boy in his home one day a week.</p>
<p>After the first year. Erwin would miss most of the joys of babyhood.</p>
<p>He had no words. He was supposed to sit in Mitras and grab small snatches of affection wherever he could. Be a benevolent stranger in his son’s life. A friend of the family. Levi would be here all the time. He would teach the child how to be a man by example.</p>
<p>Then again, maybe that was for the best. After all, Erwin would die when the boy was eight. Then Levi would be the only father he had.</p>
<p>And that thought almost sent him to his knees.</p>
<p>“What’s his last name?” Erwin asked.</p>
<p>“Ackerman.” Levi winced. “We can change it if you want. Just didn’t want to presume.”</p>
<p>Ackerman.</p>
<p>The boy would have Levi’s influence. Levi’s name.</p>
<p>Erwin would not even get this one precious thing.</p>
<p>“Listen. Fuck. I’m doing this wrong.” Levi gripped his arm. “How about you come up here tomorrow and we’ll talk everything out? We could do it now if you want.”</p>
<p>“I’m a bit…overwhelmed…at the moment.” Understatement. Levi nodded.</p>
<p>“Okay. You got it. Listen, fuck what happened last year. Petra agrees with me. We want to start over.” He looked quietly pleased. “I know it’s under the weirdest fucking circumstances, but it’s good to see you.”</p>
<p><em>Thanks for the visit. Now kindly get out of your son’s life.</em> Erwin felt dizzy.</p>
<p>“Likewise.” He felt hollow.</p>
<p>“Look, you don’t have to go right now. Do you? Wanna come back in? We were gonna start dinner soon. Why don’t you stay?”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, I have to get back.” He felt like an actor with a rehearsed line. Exit stage right. “Tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Come up whenever. Stay all day. Oh, shit. I’m real fuckin’ glad you know now. I wish I could’ve prepared you better.”</p>
<p>Prepared.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you tomorrow. In the morning.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Good. Want to say goodbye to him?”</p>
<p>If Erwin held his son again at this moment, he knew he would not be able to leave without him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I have to go.”</p>
<p>Erwin didn’t remember Levi going back inside. One instant he was talking to Levi, the next he was on his own, standing outside of the living room window. Looking in.</p>
<p>The family didn’t notice him there. Petra and Levi spoke rather intently. Petra was cradling Armin—Erwin’s son. Levi nodded, absently picked up the boy. He held Erwin’s son, bounced him. He would hold Erwin’s son often. More often than Erwin would.</p>
<p>After that, Erwin was in the car, staring dead ahead as they drove down to Mitras. He didn’t remember getting inside.</p>
<p>He had gone from the greatest happiness of his life to the most numbing despair in one afternoon.</p>
<p>“What happened in there?” Floch looked concerned.</p>
<p>“Nothing.”</p>
<p>And everything.</p>
<p>The rest of the day was a blur. Erwin sat before his fire that night, reliving every instant of those few, precious minutes. He could still feel the boy’s warm, tiny body nestled in his arm. He had kissed that little head. His son had that fresh, strangely sweet baby smell. His son. Erwin was a father.</p>
<p>He had a legacy now. A true legacy.</p>
<p>He laughed quietly to himself, giddy as he recalled the boy’s eyes opening. That little fist. He had never loved anyone or anything like he loved that child. He would give everything he was and had to keep that little bundle safe.</p>
<p>And Levi would…</p>
<p>Tonight Levi was sitting with Erwin’s son. Bathing him. Putting him to bed. And Erwin was here, alone.</p>
<p>He stood, gripping his whiskey glass tighter and tighter. His son. <em>His</em> son. He recalled that one night with Petra, maybe the most erotic night of his life. He’d gotten her pregnant. She must have known there was a chance the baby was Erwin’s, but she’d kept it. She could have killed the child, that one little chance Erwin had for true joy. But she’d spared his life.</p>
<p>That boy needed his mother. She was a good woman.</p>
<p>But what of his father?</p>
<p>The glass shattered. Erwin hissed, picked the shards out of his palm. As his wounds steamed closed, he leaned against the mantelpiece and gazed into the flames.</p>
<p>He needed to be calm. They would resolve this. There was no way they would not. Because Erwin had sacrificed everything he had for Paradis. He had sacrificed every last one of his friendships. He had sacrificed Marie. He had sacrificed his soul. And he would sacrifice them all again to preserve his people.</p>
<p>But not his son. No. This one thing, Erwin would not sacrifice.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The stitches were hurting again. Badly. Ingrid insisted that Petra had to stay in bed for all of the next day, meaning that she had to sit there awkwardly under the covers like a little girl while Levi and Erwin sat in a couple of chairs at her bedside. Erwin was holding Armin, and whenever his eyes turned to the child his face softened into an expression of complete bliss.</p>
<p>This whole situation admittedly made her a lot more nervous than it made Levi. But seeing Erwin so adoring gave her some relief. This boy would be deeply loved by both his parents. That meant they both wanted what was best for him.</p>
<p>“Petra and I talked last night,” Levi said. Well, she’d done most of the talking. Levi was good at empathizing with people, though he seemed bad at it; however, putting all that emotion into words left him kind of stumped. “We agreed that this has to work for all of us. We want to hear what you want. How much do you want to be involved?”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Erwin said. Armin fussed, and the man rocked him. Shushed him. Erwin kissed the boy’s cheek. Petra saw Levi’s eyes; he looked damn sympathetic. He knew what that love was. He knew what Erwin was feeling. “I want to be completely involved. I want continuous and sustained access.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Levi nodded. “What’d you have in mind?”</p>
<p>“I came up with my own plan last night.” Erwin looked at the both of them. “I’d like your family to move to Mitras and make the Ackerman apartments in the palace your permanent residence. The first year Armin does need his mother more, you’re right about that. But after that, I want him to spend equal amounts of time with the both of us. In addition, I want a firm hand in how he’s raised. His education, his doctors, his friends, what have you: I need a completely equal say. My word should carry the exact same weight as yours, Petra. Everything to do with him, from disciplinary measures to his diet, is to be discussed with me. In return, I intend to pay for everything he needs, since I don’t want Levi to have to shoulder the financial burden at all. And finally, Armin doesn’t leave the palace grounds unless I approve.”</p>
<p>Petra felt her head spin. She and Levi looked at each other. Most of that made sense, but…Mitras?</p>
<p>She would have to live in the palace…and she couldn’t leave without Erwin’s permission? At least, not with her son in tow.</p>
<p>Petra knew that Levi would be more amenable to the idea than she would. But she also knew that Levi was a staunchly independent person. He followed orders because they advanced his goal of a better world; he didn’t follow orders that might end up curtailing his own movements.</p>
<p>“Erwin, <em>this</em> is our home,” Levi said. “We can come to Mitras a lot more often when he’s a little older, but we’re not moving to the city.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked at both of them carefully. Petra suspected he might have anticipated this.</p>
<p>“Erwin, the move isn’t even the biggest problem. I really don’t like the idea that I can’t take Armin out of the palace without your permission,” she said. “And while I appreciate you wanting to make sure Levi doesn’t have to take care of Armin financially, I have my own money. My own savings. I don’t want to be completely dependent on anyone for what my son needs.” She tried for a smile. “But we’re negotiating, aren’t we? If you take the move and the restrictions off the table, the rest sounds very—”</p>
<p>“I can’t be up here every day.” Erwin leaned back in his chair. Armin gurgled. “You know that’s impossible.”</p>
<p>“We’re not going anywhere,” Levi said. “Even if you show up at ten o’clock at night, you’re welcome.”</p>
<p>“Do you remember when Kuchel was born?” Erwin spoke softly. “Think of how you felt when you held her in your arms for the first time.” Levi paled. Erwin nodded. “Now imagine being told that you couldn’t see her every day. And that when you could see her, you had only an hour or so at a time.”</p>
<p>Levi grunted. Petra saw the words land.</p>
<p>“What if we compromised?” Petra said. “What if we spend all holidays at the palace? No exceptions. And a few weeks in the summer.”</p>
<p>“No.” He spoke clearly. Firmly. “I want constant access. I can’t have that if we live an hour apart. I don’t see why you’re so hesitant to move, to be perfectly honest.” He softened a bit. “I know that what happened between us probably makes both of you uncomfortable.” She almost laughed hysterically. Yeah; a little uncomfortable. “But the apartments aren’t in the same wing. We wouldn’t actually be living together. We’d only be very close neighbors.”</p>
<p>“Look. It’s not that I think you’re gonna try pouncing on Petra when my back is turned,” Levi said. She wondered if he really meant that; well, he didn’t tend to lie. “But that’s not why I don’t want to do this. I was a city kid. Sure it was the underground and not a palace, but a city’s a city. Believe me, this farm life’s better for kids,” Levi said bluntly. He leaned his elbows on his knees. “And on top of that, I agree with Petra about the restrictions. Saying the kid can only leave the palace with your permission is too much. We don’t want to move down there and not be able to be independent.</p>
<p>“You can no longer be independent. At least, not as you were.” Erwin looked down as Armin giggled. “We’re all bound together now.”</p>
<p>Petra suppressed a shiver. That’s what she hated the most. That and hurting Levi were the only ugly parts of Armin’s birth. The second he was born, she and Levi weren’t alone anymore. From now on, there would always be someone else in the room. Someone else contributing to their decisions as a family.</p>
<p>“How about this?” Levi held out his hand, like offering something. “Right now, the kid needs his mother more than anyone else. It’s better for Petra’s health to be up in the country while she’s recovering from the C section. I think you know that’s true.” Erwin said nothing, but nodded slightly. “Okay. So how’s this? In six months, we can revisit the idea. Maybe by then we’d be ready to discuss moving in, at least part time. We just need to get the kid stabilized first. I know it’s a pain in the ass, but I mean it when I say you’re welcome anytime. You can stay for a week if you want. No one’s gonna keep the kid from you. Hell, this estate’s got another fucking guest house, which is practically a mansion. We haven’t gotten a use for that yet. It’s a mile up the road; you could have it be your weekend house. Fuck, there’s no reason you can’t move up here permanently. Sure, sometimes you have to be in Mitras, but it can’t be all the time.” Petra did not say that Erwin as a permanent neighbor made her uncomfortable. The fact was, Erwin had a right to want access to his son. Better up here than in Mitras. “Besides, you’re the fucking king. I know the hours you work. There’ll be lots of days you don’t have fifteen minutes to put together for yourself.”</p>
<p>Erwin chewed the idea over. He shook his head. “We could discuss the weekends, but I can’t be here permanently. My duties simply won’t permit it. Mitras is the hub of Paradis. I can’t be away all the time.” Levi sighed, but nodded. He understood. With that, Erwin looked at her. “Petra? What do you say?”</p>
<p>“I want you to be in Armin’s life.” She noticed he flinched at the name. Shit. “You are his father; no one is going to take that away from you. I agree with Levi. Give us six months to get the baby a little stronger and let everything settle down. Then we can talk about spending time in the palace.”</p>
<p>“But you won’t move permanently.”</p>
<p>“This farm is better for children. You have to know that.”</p>
<p>She waited. Erwin said nothing. He merely looked at his son. Her heart did break when she imagined Levi if he had to be parted from Kuchel. Driven an hour away from her. But…</p>
<p>Maybe this was selfish. Maybe it was cowardly. But…she just didn’t want to move in with Erwin. Her gut told her no. The way he’d looked at her yesterday…</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra. He’s ours.</em>
</p>
<p>And she could tell that once under the king’s roof, he would find ways to tighten his grip on their schedules and lives. She needed some space from him. She wouldn't mind too much if he were up here, on the family’s own turf. But she didn’t want to feel his eyes on her every day while living surrounded by soldiers who obeyed his every command.</p>
<p>Levi also looked unhappy. Petra knew this was eating at him. It was in his nature to obey Erwin’s commands; saying no went against his instincts. Also, Levi was a good man, and she knew he sympathized with the impossible situation that Erwin now faced.</p>
<p>She wanted to give Erwin access to his son. She wanted him to see Armin every day, whenever he liked. But she did not—could not live in the capital with him. Even if he let them use the Ackerman house, not the apartments, they would be too much under his eye. If Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps had asked this of her, Petra would have done it in a heartbeat. But King Erwin Smith was a different man.</p>
<p>She still wasn’t certain how different.</p>
<p>“All right,” Erwin said. He looked at them. “I’ll agree to the six months if you agree that afterwards, you’ll live in the palace at least three months out of the year.”</p>
<p>“Erwin. We can’t make that promise,” Levi said. He rubbed his forehead. Petra hated herself for putting all this burden and stress on him. “Like Petra said earlier, we could agree to always spend the midwinter festival down there. Two weeks in the summer, two in the winter. But we can’t guarantee three months. Not right now.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked down at the child in his arms.</p>
<p>She watched all the pained love in his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. She hung her head. “I made everything so awful. This all started with me. If we hadn’t…”</p>
<p>She felt Levi tense beside her, and stopped talking. Honestly, this whole conversation was proof of how abnormal he was. A normal man might strut around and refuse to talk to anyone about this, nursing his justified hurt. Levi suppressed his own pain for the sake of her and Erwin’s happiness.</p>
<p>She would never make it up to him.</p>
<p>“If we hadn’t that night, then I wouldn’t have my son.” Erwin shook his head. “I’m sorry Levi. Petra. I can never regret that night now.”</p>
<p>True. If she hadn’t slept with Erwin, she wouldn’t have Armin. And while her husband’s pain and Erwin’s unhappiness was excruciating, she still adored the baby. Armin was part of the fabric of her world now, just as Kuchel was. Petra didn’t want to imagine a life without him in it. He was hers.</p>
<p>Levi exhaled sharply. He stood.</p>
<p>“I promise at the end of the six months, we’ll take him to Mitras for two full weeks. See how we feel about things. Maybe we’ll like it. We can spend those two weeks seeing how it goes, and negotiating things from there. You have my word on that.”</p>
<p>Erwin thought for a long, long time. She held her breath. At last, he nodded. “I know what your word’s worth, Levi. It’s practically an oath.”</p>
<p>He finally, fully smiled. She could have melted in relief.</p>
<p>Erwin gave Armin back to Petra. Her baby cooed and grinned. She nuzzled the top of his soft little head.</p>
<p>“Look at that.” Erwin sounded delighted. “He adores her.”</p>
<p>“She’s his favorite person. I mean…” Levi cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“No, no. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Erwin sighed. “All right. Six months for two weeks. No matter what.”</p>
<p>“No matter what.”</p>
<p>“And access whenever I want.”</p>
<p>“No matter what. There’ll be room for you. You can stay here, or the guest place is yours whenever you want it, for as long as you want it.”</p>
<p>Petra nodded. “And as far as diet, education, friends, everything, I agree. You should absolutely have an equal say.”</p>
<p>“Well then.” Erwin sat on the bed. He looked at the boy. He looked at Petra. She looked away. His gaze reminded her of… She suddenly, viscerally remembered that night, all the rough ways he’d had her. In front of the fire, her lying on the floor as he grabbed her legs, pulled her against him, and thrust—</p>
<p>But Armin wouldn’t be here otherwise.</p>
<p>Still. That night had given her a baby, but it had also ended her simple life with Levi. Those carefree days were gone forever now.</p>
<p>
  <em>Or at least for eight more years.</em>
</p>
<p>After all, Erwin had a term limit. She hated that she felt any relief at the idea.</p>
<p>“I accept the conditions,” Erwin said. He rose. “You made a decent point about my schedule, Levi. I’m due for a meeting back in Mitras.” He held Armin one last time and said goodbye. Whenever he looked at the baby, Petra’s discomfort vanished. Maybe this would be good. This would be something to tether Erwin to reality. “Levi. Walk me out?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Petra took Armin back, and Levi and Erwin left the room. She leaned back against the pillows, boneless. That had been stressful…but not too bad.</p>
<p>“Your Papa loves you a whole lot,” she whispered to the baby. “But I guess you really are just that lovable.”</p>
<p>Armin cooed, snuggled against her, and went to sleep.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Honestly, Levi could’ve shit his pants he was so relieved. They had a plan, and it wasn’t a terrible one. He and Erwin stepped onto the porch. Erwin pulled up his collar and signaled to his car, which had parked a little farther away. It started up and drove to get him.</p>
<p>“Thank you for being generous,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“Shit. It’s your kid.” Levi cleared his throat. “Look, I know how you feel. Believe me. I want you to be happy. We’re gonna make this work.”</p>
<p>“You must really despise me now,” the king said softly. “How much more can I possibly take from you?”</p>
<p>“No. I don’t despise you.” Strangely enough, Erwin meeting the kid had removed a lot of Levi’s anger. Maybe because he saw the kind of joy Armin brought to the guy. That happiness had been lacking in Erwin’s life for so long.</p>
<p>Maybe it’d be good for Paradis. Good for the world.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Erwin smiled, a sad smile. “Thank you, Levi.”</p>
<p>“Hey. I’m glad about this in a weird way. I kind of missed your blond ass.”</p>
<p>Armin had forced everything out in the open, and put everything into perspective. This whole situation couldn’t be about Levi’s pain any longer. Erwin’s heart was on the line. A kid’s happiness was at stake. And Levi couldn’t help it; he liked kids. Even this kid.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed you. Really,” Erwin said. He smiled. Fuck, he looked so different. A year had turned him craggier. He was a bit gray. Middle age had officially found him.</p>
<p>“Kuchel loves Armin like crazy. You’re both part of the family now.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Family.” Erwin gazed at him. “Speaking of family, I have a favor to ask.” He sounded apologetic. “I have to be at the northern airfield three days from now. Kiyomi is visiting. It’s not a matter of state, you understand. I’m supposed to simply greet her and escort her to meet with Mikasa. It’s an informal family get together. She wants to have tea with the girl.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah. Part of your agreement with Hizuru.” In exchange for their help, Kiyomi got access to Mikasa at least a few times a year.</p>
<p>“The thing is, it’s such busy work. Chauffeuring more than anything. And Kiyomi doesn’t need much—”</p>
<p>“I’m ahead of you. You want me to go and bring her to Mitras to meet the brat.”</p>
<p>“She won’t be insulted if you’re there in my place. You’re Mikasa’s other blood relative. Hizurans care about decorum, meaning you’re the only one I can ask.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it done.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. I’ll call tonight with the details.”</p>
<p>The car stopped in front of the house and idled. Levi turned to go back inside.</p>
<p>“Levi.”</p>
<p>Erwin sounded strained. Levi turned around. In that moment, he saw a kind of desperation in those blue eyes. A deep, deep pain.</p>
<p>“What? You okay?”</p>
<p>Levi frowned. But Erwin only smiled, and extended his hand. The pain vanished.</p>
<p>“Thank you for not bearing a grudge. I don’t know any other man who’d be this noble.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m the type to keep grudges.” He clasped hands with the king. Good to feel Erwin’s grip again. “But I guess you’re special.”</p>
<p>“So are you.” Erwin nodded. “You are the most extraordinary person I have ever met.”</p>
<p>Tch. Levi waved him away. Erwin got into the car and drove off, while Levi went back inside and upstairs. He felt kinda light-hearted now. Giddy as a schoolgirl, as the clichés went. Looking at Armin didn’t piss him off anymore. Petra smiled when he came in and got on the bed with her. Armin was dead asleep in his mother’s arms. His little mouth hung open. Yeah. Yeah, the kid was cute.</p>
<p>Maybe in a weird way he was grateful to Petra for that…night. It had brought them Armin, and Armin had brought Erwin back. Given the king some ballast.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?” Petra kissed him.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I just gotta go north and pick up Kiyomi in a few days. Little favor for the king.”</p>
<p>“Well, I think we owe him a few little favors.” She leaned against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry that things got complicated.”</p>
<p>“Things’ll settle. Maybe it’s good this happened.” Levi frowned. “Guy’s only got eight years left. He’s tired; I see it. He hates being a devil. And if he’s a devil, it’s because we all asked him to be. Because I brought him back.” Armin. He’d named the kid well; one innocent blond kid dies, another springs to life. And from the guy Levi picked, no less. “Maybe this’ll give him something good for his last years. Maybe he’ll make the world a better place if he’s happy.”</p>
<p>“That’s a good point.” Petra sighed.</p>
<p>“Remember. However tough, he’s gonna only have eight years. We got the rest of our lives to live.” He felt a little ashamed. “I agree with you about the city; moving there’d be a mistake. But we should help him out where we can.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” She kissed him. “I love you.”</p>
<p>“Love you.”</p>
<p>Armin gurgled in his sleep. Eh. Levi liked the brat. That was a good place to start.</p>
<p>Kuchel came in. They ate dinner together on the bed, though Levi was a freak about crumbs, as usual. Ingrid even came in, though she sat in a chair. The evening was long and lazy. Kuchel snoozed against Levi, and Petra kissed him over and over again.</p>
<p>Those kisses were worth it all. Armin. Erwin. Everything.</p>
<p>He was a damn lucky man.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Three days later, Petra was still stuck in bed. They’d been worried that the incision was getting inflamed. Ingrid had her on extensive bed rest. She drowsed while Armin slept in his bassinet. Kuchel napped beside her mother. Only Ingrid was fully awake, downstairs preparing Kuchel’s lunch.</p>
<p>Maybe Brigitta could come for a visit soon. Maybe…</p>
<p>Levi had been gone a couple of hours by now. Petra loved this sweet, heavy silence. Her two children asleep. Warm sunlight streaming in the window.</p>
<p>It was a good life. Better than she deserved.</p>
<p>She heard a knock downstairs. Huh. Probably the farmer’s kid, the one from across the field. He loved going to the barn and feeding carrots to the horses.</p>
<p>“Tell him he can, Mama,” she called. Petra stroked Kuchel’s hair as the little girl grumbled and woke up. Petra leaned over and kissed the child’s cheek. “Hey baby girl. Ready for lunch?”</p>
<p>“Mmmhmmm. Is Armin gonna eat, too?”</p>
<p>Whatever Kuchel did, she wanted Armin to do as well. If she could have, she would have dragged the boy with her everywhere like a living doll. Petra laughed.</p>
<p>“When he wakes up.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. She could hear voices down below. Low, male voices. Several of them. Was it the farmer himself? His sons? But why would they be here? Then she heard heavy boots climbing the stairs.</p>
<p>Then she heard Ingrid scream.</p>
<p>What the—</p>
<p>The bedroom door opened. Several men in black Paradisian Guard uniforms entered. They looked neutral, utterly resolute. They didn’t speak to her.</p>
<p>“Who the fuck are you? What are you doing here?” she barked. They didn’t answer. One man pointed at her, then the bassinet.</p>
<p>Oh. No…</p>
<p>“Get away from him!” Petra tried to go for the soldier that picked up Armin’s bassinet, but she almost fell to the floor. Her stomach was on fire with agony. She was so weak…</p>
<p>“Mama!” Kuchel sobbed. Petra tried to claw her way up the bedspread to stand. To protect her girl.</p>
<p>A man scooped her up in his arms. Petra tried to strike him, but screamed as she felt the stitches burn.</p>
<p>“What about the little girl?” one of the men asked.</p>
<p>“Orders were the woman and baby.”</p>
<p>Orders? Fucking orders?</p>
<p>Then they were carrying Petra down the stairs. She heard Kuchel sobbing and screaming her head off. Ingrid was yelling as well, and tried to attack one of the soldiers. Shit.</p>
<p>“Mama, don’t fight them. Stay with Kuchel! Try to find Levi! Call Hange!” she screamed as they carried her out of the house and into a running car. When Petra tried to claw at their eyes, they bound her wrists in front of her. Not too tightly, but firm enough. Petra screamed when she saw the soldiers get into another car with Armin’s bassinet. “No! No, my baby!”</p>
<p>She screamed until her ears rang with the noise. It didn’t matter. She got no response. The soldiers just drove away, leaving Ingrid yelling on the porch.</p>
<p>They drove south. After a while, Petra stopped screaming. She stopped fighting. She stared straight ahead, readying herself.</p>
<p>She knew where they were taking her. She shouldn’t waste her efforts on these drones.</p>
<p>No. The real enemy was still ahead.</p>
<p>They drove to Mitras, winding through the city streets. They had to slow a bit due to traffic, and Petra wondered if she could try rolling out of the car. But if she did, then Armin would be gone. She couldn’t lose him. So she sat quietly as they arrived at the palace.</p>
<p>“Levi Ackerman is going to kill every last one of you,” she said.</p>
<p>The soldiers remained silent. They knew she was right.</p>
<p>She wanted to walk on her own just to spite them, but in truth she was in too much pain. They carried her into the palace, down a long corridor. They brought her to a bedroom.</p>
<p>It was the most splendid room she’d ever seen. The bed was a sumptuous canopy, its covers gold silk, and every piece of furniture was an exquisite and expensive antique. Oil paintings that showed titans frolicking through the countryside were displayed prominently on the walls. The soldiers pulled aside the bedclothes and laid her down. When one leaned over to pull up the blanket, she punched him straight in the face. Her hand ached, but she still knew what she was about; he swore and crouched, nursing his bloody nose.</p>
<p>But no one struck her in return. They wouldn’t dare.</p>
<p>Then another soldier entered with Armin’s bassinet. The baby was crying.</p>
<p>“Give him to me,” Petra snarled. She had to look insane right now. She didn’t care.</p>
<p>They laid the bassinet at the foot of the bed, placed Armin with her, and saluted as one. Then they filed out of the room and closed the door. Petra was alone here, with only a crying child for company. She glanced at the closed door, but didn’t get up. She was too weak, and besides, she knew running was useless; they’d have at least two soldiers posted to stop her from leaving.</p>
<p>Armin’s little face was bright red. His screams rattled her.</p>
<p>“Hush. My angel, hush. We’re safe now.” Not true, but she had to calm him. She shushed him, rocked him. Eventually, he whimpered and began to calm. His little eyes were bright with tears. She kissed his nose. He settled a bit, but then started giving hungry cries. Petra unbuttoned her front and gave him her breast. Armin stopped crying and suckled. He gave happy little grunts as he nursed. Petra shut her eyes. Levi… He would come. Oh fuck, she’d ruined his life. But he would come. “It’s all right, sweetheart. We’re okay. Shhh, my love. My little guy.”</p>
<p>“I love how tender you are with him,” Erwin said. Her eyes snapped open. Erwin Smith, who had come the fuck out of nowhere, approached the bed. His body language was stiff. He looked almost shy…but also resolute. “I love how much you love him.” He stood at the foot of the bed.</p>
<p>“Get the fuck away from me.”</p>
<p>But he didn’t. Armin stopped suckling and began to fuss. She put her breast away, furious that Erwin could see even that much of her. Even though it had given her Armin, she now hated that this man had ever seen her naked body. That she’d been so weak…</p>
<p>“Where in the palace are we?” she growled.</p>
<p>“These were Historia’s old rooms. Traditionally, they’re the sovereign’s chambers. The finest in the entire palace.” He took one step nearer. “I wanted the best for you.”</p>
<p>“Levi is going to kill you.” He didn’t respond. “Why did you do this? We were going to give you what you wanted!”</p>
<p>“You did not give me what I wanted. You gave me very little of what I wanted.” The shyness evaporated. He looked icy and angry now. Every inch a king. A tyrant.</p>
<p>“How was I supposed to know that? You didn’t say! You just agreed and then fucking kidnapped me!”</p>
<p>“I didn’t say anything because I knew it would be hopeless. Because I knew that what I want would be impossible to attain with your full and free consent. I knew three days ago that what I truly wanted…no, what I <em>needed </em>couldn’t be. You wouldn’t even move down here, to Mitras. That was a test. I knew by how vehemently you were opposed that you would never agree to the second and most important part of my strategy.”</p>
<p>Petra felt fear descend on her. Strategy.</p>
<p>“What do you really want, Erwin?”</p>
<p>She saw such sadness in his eyes. She saw bitterness in the line of his mouth. He came nearer. She pulled away, clutching her son to her chest.</p>
<p>“My son is going to have everything that I never had,” he replied. “I don’t remember my mother, you see. She died when I was two years old. I can’t have that. Armin is going to have his mother with him. Always.”</p>
<p>“I agree with that part.” Her voice was weak now. “I would’ve agreed with you if you said that when we were up at the farm. So. What’s this have to do with me getting fucking kidnapped?”</p>
<p>“My son also faces some challenges that I have never encountered. Right now, he’s a bastard.” Erwin winced at the word. “He’s going to be legitimate.”</p>
<p>The bottom dropped out on her world. No.</p>
<p>“You’re crazy,” she said. No, no. She wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t. She couldn’t even feel.</p>
<p>Levi. Please, Levi…</p>
<p>“If only I were insane. I might not hate myself so much,” he whispered. “Listen to me. What I’m proposing does not mean that you can’t be with Levi. If I can adjust the laws, and I believe I can as head of the church, you can even stay married to him. That doesn’t need to change. I would never separate the two of you.”</p>
<p>“But you want to…” She couldn’t say it.</p>
<p>“You can be Levi’s wife…and mine. We can share you in private, but you’ll be mine exclusively on the world’s stage.” Share her. This couldn’t be happening. But it was. Erwin had never looked this serious before.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to do this,” she said quietly. Plead. Make him see reason. “Erwin. If you put me in a car and take me home right now, I’ll talk to Levi. He’s going to be furious, but he won’t kill you. You’re stressed. You have a lot to deal with. I know that this isn’t you. You don’t do things like this.”</p>
<p>“To safeguard my son’s interests, I’ll do anything.” Then Erwin sat beside her. His weight was heavy on the bed; it triggered flashbacks to that night, when she’d opened her eyes and found him towering above her, utterly naked and— “I gave away everything, Petra. My life is entirely empty. But this boy, he’s all I have. The only comfort that remains to me in this world. You understand, I think. At least a little. You have your family. A happy home. Friends around you. Someone you love passionately. I have none of those things now. Through my own fault, yes; I am not delusional. I know I condemned myself. But I will never sacrifice anything to do with my son. He will have the world. Everything he needs. He needs his mother, and that means I need to be married to her. To you, Petra. You’re going to become my queen.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was supposed to just drop Kiyomi and go, but fuck it. There was tea. And since Mikasa wasn’t much of a talker, and Levi was a blood relative, Kiyomi thought it was okay that he sit in on their little family discussion. Plus, this ginger tea was incredible. Kiyomi had excellent taste.</p>
<p>They were in one of the fancier inns in Mitras. There were small cakes and sandwiches as well, but Levi was happy with only the tea.</p>
<p>Mikasa sat there, looking polite and stoic as ever. Her hair was now cut boyishly short, and she still wore that red scarf. She treated Kiyomi with the same respectful distance she did Levi, though at least she didn’t give any ‘get away from me’ vibes to the Hizuran woman. For ten minutes, Kiyomi had chatted about the coming spring blossom festival in Hizuru. How much she wanted Mikasa to be able to see it.</p>
<p>Woman kept pushing for the kid to come see Hizuru, and Mikasa kept politely declining.</p>
<p>Why? Levi knew. Because one day, Mikasa believed Eren would return. He’d left her here on purpose.</p>
<p>Levi thought again of what Petra had told him about Eren’s future predictions. He frowned. Nah. Bullshit.</p>
<p>Though he couldn’t help but wonder where Eren and Historia had got to. It’d been almost a year…</p>
<p>“Captain?” Kiyomi turned to him, politely smiling. “Would you like anything else?”</p>
<p>A smiling waiter stood at attention.</p>
<p>“Oh. No. Thanks,” Levi grumbled. He returned to enjoying his tea. When Kiyomi had asked if he wanted a spoonful of honey, he’d almost decked her on impulse. How dare anyone sully good tea?</p>
<p>“Are you staying in Mitras long?” Mikasa asked, polite and cool as ever.</p>
<p>“Only a couple of nights. I had hoped you might agree to accompany me back to Hizuru for a few weeks when I return home. The Azumabito clan have longed to meet you, and so far only Kanada and I have had the pleasure.”</p>
<p>“Thank you very much,” Mikasa said. She even smiled. “Perhaps another time.”</p>
<p>“Ah.” Kiyomi sighed. She never lost the pleasant façade, but Levi could tell she was weary with this whole thing. Sick of trying to crack Mikasa’s façade. Get her to open up.</p>
<p>Levi hadn’t been able to do it, and Mikasa had not only known him for years, she loved his wife and kid. Kiyomi didn’t stand a chance. If Mikasa decided you weren’t family, no amount of trying would make you so.</p>
<p>“Guess I don’t need to take you back up to the airfield?” Levi asked. Thank fuck.</p>
<p>“No, thank you.”</p>
<p>“Okay, let me just call my wife then. She can expect me before dinner.”</p>
<p>While the women kept talking, Levi asked for the inn’s phone. They put him in a small parlor, and he sat down and dialed. He hated this shitty thing, the phone. Buzzing, tinny noises. He hated all this new crap that Hange loved.</p>
<p>As he dialed, he gazed out the parlor window and onto the elegant main boulevard of Mitras. In the distance, he could see the palace rearing up all golden and gleaming white.</p>
<p>The phone rang only once before someone picked up.</p>
<p>“Oi. Pet? I’m—”</p>
<p>“<em>Levi?</em>”</p>
<p>It was Ingrid. Her voice was raw; sounded like she’d been crying, or screaming. He heard something in the background.</p>
<p>Sobs. Kuchel’s sobs.</p>
<p>His entire body became rigid. His heartbeat actually slowed; his instincts lit up, ready to do whatever it took to stop his daughter’s crying.</p>
<p>“Ingrid. What’s wrong? Is Petra there?”</p>
<p>“<em>Oh god. Oh Levi. They…</em>” Some words got lost in a garbled sobbing. Now a splash of anger blended with his icy calm, a drop of red into blue.</p>
<p>“Ingrid. What?” he snapped.</p>
<p>“<em>They took her. And Armin. The soldiers, they came in here and…</em>”</p>
<p>He stood. No.</p>
<p>No, that fucker hadn’t…</p>
<p>It did not take a genius to figure out whose soldiers they were. Levi had to stop the humming in his ears, to listen to Ingrid. She said they’d put Petra and the baby into separate cars and taken them away. But where? Where had they taken them?</p>
<p>Levi knew <em>exactly</em> where.</p>
<p>He looked out the inn’s window once more. He looked at that gargantuan fucking palace.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. What are you…?</em>
</p>
<p>But Levi locked it all away. His bewilderment. His heartbreak. His rage. His Ackerman instincts focused only on what was relevant. Petra and Armin had been kidnapped. Erwin had kidnapped them. He had them at the palace.</p>
<p>Levi had to save them. Simple. Clean. Easy.</p>
<p>The one not-easy part was Kuchel. He heard his daughter still sobbing hysterically in the background, and the yellow lightning hissed in his blood. They had traumatized his baby. They were fucking dead. All of them.</p>
<p>No matter who. No matter how many it took. He’d get Petra back.</p>
<p>“Ingrid. Wait,” he growled. The yellow lightning laid everything out easily in front of him. Kuchel first. Petra second. Erwin might come back for his daughter, might try to use her to get to Levi. Unacceptable. “Here’s what you’re going to do. Grab Kuchel and pack a small bag. You can drive our car? Good. Take the back roads down to Wall Maria, all the way to Shiganshina. Avoid highways. Don’t take the train. Take Kuchel to a woman named Hange Zoe. Yeah, you’ve met her. I’ll give you the address right now.”</p>
<p>Hange worked from home. Levi knew she would help. Once off the phone with Ingrid, he would call her. Tell her what was happening. Tell her what to expect.</p>
<p>And then, when Kuchel was taken care of, his mind would turn to murder.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I…can’t,” Petra breathed. She waited for Erwin to grin and say ‘just kidding!’ But he looked perfectly serious. “I can’t be your queen. You already have one!”</p>
<p>“I’ve already thought of that.” Of fucking course he had. “In the Old Eldian Empire, it wasn’t unheard of for a monarch to take multiple spouses, particularly a king. It was done to increase the amount of royal blood. This specific polygamy is reserved only for the royal family. Of course, it hasn’t been in use for hundreds of years, but old customs can be revived.”</p>
<p>“You said royal blood. You aren’t royal,” she snapped.</p>
<p>“I am the king of Paradis. I wield far more power than Historia ever could have. Besides, one day soon we’ll find Eren and I’ll eat him. Then I’ll truly be the Founder, and when I have Historia again my control will be complete. My word will be absolute law, if it isn’t already. As for Historia, this provides a good explanation for where she’s been. She has always loathed the spotlight; journalists have made mention. She is still queen regnant, but retired from public life. Meanwhile, the king takes a queen consort, one who will give him children and sit at his side.”</p>
<p>Children. He thought…he actually thought he was going to have more with her.</p>
<p>“Which reminds me. This insane, disgusting idea that you and Levi are going to <em>share</em> me,” she said. In that moment, Erwin Smith became the ugliest man in the world to her. The idea of his touch made every inch of her body revolt. “I can guess what that means.”</p>
<p>Erwin cleared his throat. “I won’t force myself on you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, right. You’ll kidnap me, force me to marry you, but raping me is something you would <em>never</em> do. You’re such an honorable man, after all!”</p>
<p>“You were the one who came to me, Petra.” His voice was silk, with a dagger underneath. “You were the one who stayed for hours. I know that you enjoyed it.” She wanted to block her ears. His every word was like a wound. “If you came to me once, I believe in time you’ll come to me again.”</p>
<p>“You’re right. I went to you. You’re right. I enjoyed it, as much as I hate myself to admit it.” She clutched Armin closer. He made little whimpering noises as she sneered in Erwin’s fucking face. “But even though it gave me Armin, fucking you is the biggest regret of my entire life. You are the most hideous, most revolting, most disgusting piece of shit I’ve ever laid eyes upon. Whatever part of me cared about you or how you felt is fucking dead now.” She felt Levi speaking through her at that moment. It was freeing. “I would rather take a kitchen knife and shove it up my cunt multiple times than ever, and I mean <em>ever</em>, let you touch me there again. I’d fuck a horse before I’d fuck you again, you ugly, awful, evil <em>fucking</em> thing!” she shouted. Armin started to wail then. She cuddled and cradled him, but didn’t wrench her eyes from Erwin’s. He did not react. In fact, he’d gotten noticeably more relaxed while she shouted. Colder. He no longer worried about hurting her feelings, or being delicate.</p>
<p>“Levi makes such language endearing. It only coarsens you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t give a <em>fuck</em>!” Armin continued to fuss. Erwin reached for the baby, but Petra pulled the child away. Erwin’s flat gaze became a warning.</p>
<p>“If you won’t let me hold my son, I can have him taken from you.” The words were soft, but deadly. Petra froze. “If you give him to me freely, you have my word I’ll return him. I don’t violate a given promise. You know that.”</p>
<p>“No. But you’re a snake. You’ll always find a way.” But she believed him this much. Fuming, Petra handed a fussing Armin to Erwin. The king rocked and shushed the baby. He looked upon the boy with rapture. “You’ve blown up all our lives because you couldn’t be satisfied.”</p>
<p>“You expect me to be satisfied with any separation from my son?” He shot her a venomous look.</p>
<p>“We could have worked things out over time!”</p>
<p>“He needs me.”</p>
<p>“Right now he needs me more! I’m his mother!”</p>
<p>“And I’m his father!” Erwin barked. “You seem to think that Levi has more rights to this child than I do. That you should take <em>his</em> feelings into consideration before mine!”</p>
<p>“It’s because I love him!” She was shouting; she shouldn’t be, but she was. Armin wailed again, and Erwin shushed the boy. “I only went to you because I loved <em>him.</em> And now I hate you. God, I hate you so much.”</p>
<p>“Then hate me,” he said simply. “But you’re still going to marry me.”</p>
<p>“You can’t force me.”</p>
<p>“That’s exactly what I can do. I don’t want to.” He sounded gentler again. “I want Levi and Kuchel to live here with us. Both Levi and I have a child by you, Petra. We’re linked now. We can all be one family.”</p>
<p>“So what? You imagined me splitting nights between the two of you?” She sneered. “Or maybe having the three of us share a bed.”</p>
<p>“I’m amenable to either option,” he said, his tone withering. “The three of us should be together, with our children.”</p>
<p>“You fucked things up with Marie. You can’t take our family because you couldn’t make one of your own,” she snapped.</p>
<p>Erwin’s gaze became dangerous for one moment.</p>
<p>“This boy <em>is</em> my family. For his sake, you will be, too.”</p>
<p>“Armin isn’t—”</p>
<p>“That’s another thing. I don’t like the name Armin.” Erwin frowned upon his son, who was now gurgling and fussing. “I can imagine why Levi named him that. It doesn’t make me happy.”</p>
<p>“Too fucking bad,” she growled. She gripped the covers; she wanted to hold her baby again. “It’s already on his birth certificate. Armin Ackerman.”</p>
<p>“That will be easily dealt with. I’ve thought of a better name. Siegfried. Do you remember that book I loaned to you years ago? The Ring Cycle?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Fuck, of course he wanted to name their son after some mythological hero. Nothing could touch such divine beings. “I don’t like that name.”</p>
<p>“You’ll have to make some concessions. Besides, Siegfried was a great hero.”</p>
<p>“He also died tragically.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Erwin sighed. “All mythic heroes meet tragic ends.”</p>
<p>“Give him back to me.” Erwin hesitated. “He needs to be burped.”</p>
<p>Grudgingly, Erwin gave the child back. Petra burped him, <em>Armin.</em></p>
<p>“I remember that woman from the Ring Cycle, Brunnhilde,” Petra muttered.</p>
<p>“Yes, the warrior goddess. Laid low and turned mortal. Left to slumber in a ring of fire,” Erwin said. His gaze softened a minute, and he reached out to stroke her face. Petra jerked away, baring her teeth. “The fate of a goddess who defied the king of the gods.”</p>
<p>“But Brunnhilde is saved,” Petra said. “By a hero.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“<em>I’m so sorry, Levi.</em>” Hange sounded sick. “<em>I’ll be waiting for them.</em>”</p>
<p>“Find a place for them to stay. Remember, if I’m not there by—”</p>
<p>“<em>I know. Don’t worry. I can handle it.</em>”</p>
<p>The lightning told him to hang up now. There was killing to be done. He got off the phone and stood. Levi looked out upon the city streets, the long straight shot to the glittering white palace. His wife was there. Erwin had…</p>
<p>Erwin. Levi could feel his mind exploding with the mere idea, the knowledge that the king had ripped his wife out of bed and taken her away. Just taken her.</p>
<p>It made him feel insane. It made him…</p>
<p>The part of Levi that could feel shut down on impulse. No. He couldn’t grieve, or try to understand how. The new, modern Levi, the Levi with a beloved wife and daughter, the Levi who raised horses and grew crops, that Levi vanished like smoke. All tenderness leaked out of him. It was like turning around and seeing his shadow on the wall, except the shadow was himself as he had been once, when he was younger: dead-eyed, remorseless, ready to break bones and spill blood to achieve his desired outcome. When he hadn’t minded playing a maniac in order to save humanity.</p>
<p>Now humanity could fuck itself. Petra and Kuchel were all that mattered.</p>
<p>And honestly, none of this was Armin’s fault. Levi worried for the kid, too.</p>
<p>Okay. Kuchel was taken care of. Levi called his house again. He told Ingrid to go, and go now. She said she would. When Levi hung up, the lightning spelled out the next step in yellow letters: arm yourself.</p>
<p>Tie up any loose ends.</p>
<p>It’d been so convenient, hadn’t it, that Erwin had been able to send Levi on this ‘errand.’</p>
<p>Kiyomi. What good timing to show up today, of all days. Really, the woman was very good at being in the right place at the right time. Too good.</p>
<p>Levi strode back into the private room Kiyomi had arranged. He shut the door. The women looked up; Kiyomi put down the teapot.</p>
<p>“Captain. Would you like some—?”</p>
<p>He gripped her by the throat and hauled her up and out of her seat. Kiyomi lost her expression of calm for the first time ever. Levi slammed her bodily against the wall; the woman kicked and choked, gripped his arm. One of her heeled shoes shot off and landed halfway across the room.</p>
<p>“Levi!” Mikasa was coming for him. But Levi Ackerman was the only person on earth Mikasa could not defeat physically. He easily tripped and flipped the girl, then pressed his boot on her chest. She looked shocked. Vengeful.</p>
<p>“Wha…?” Kiyomi choked.</p>
<p>“Did you know?” Levi asked. His heart was beating so slowly now. He felt absolute calm. He had missed this, he realized. He had missed the violence. The force. The sensation of beating down some asshole. Mikasa struggled to get up, but he wouldn’t let her. He hadn’t taught the kid all his tricks, and with good reason. It gave him an advantage in moments such as these.</p>
<p>“Know…what?” Kiyomi whispered.</p>
<p>“Erwin has taken my wife.” <em>And her son</em>, but that opened the door to too many questions. “He made me drive you around today so he could send some goons up to the farm to snatch her. Did you know it was happening?”</p>
<p>“No. <em>No.</em>” Kiyomi coughed. Her face was scarlet. Levi loosened his hold enough for her to draw full breaths. “I came to see Mikasa. That is all. She is the only reason I care to set foot on this <em>damned island.</em>” For the first time, Levi saw Kiyomi Azumabito lose her temper. For a tiny, older lady, she could be impressively frightening. It was the eyes. “If you say Erwin kidnapped your wife, I believe you. I wouldn’t put it past him. He’s a damn monster.”</p>
<p>Levi felt no impulse to defend Erwin for the first time in over ten years.</p>
<p>“He took Petra?” Mikasa stopped fighting. She looked horrified. The door opened. A waiter came in, saw Levi with the two women, and wisely ran away.</p>
<p>“And Armin,” Levi growled. Mikasa gasped. Since she’d heard the name of the new baby, she’d been especially fond of the boy. She’d seen the kid once, and had wisely not commented on how not like Levi the boy looked.</p>
<p>“I…I think I know why the king took them,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yeah. You think right,” he said. Sensing that Mikasa would be on his side now even if he had to rough up Kiyomi further, he let her off the floor. He also set Kiyomi back on her feet. She rubbed her throat. Maybe he’d leave bruises. Too bad.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is what you become without her.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had taken Levi’s heart. His compassion. His kindness.</p>
<p>Erwin was going to find out how dangerous Levi could be without those things.</p>
<p>“Why would Erwin take your wife and son?” Kiyomi asked.</p>
<p>Levi shut his eyes. No way around this.</p>
<p>“Because the kid isn’t my son,” he rasped.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Kiyomi sighed. “<em>Oh.</em>”</p>
<p>“She thought I was dead. She wasn’t thinking. She—”</p>
<p>“I think I understand.” Good, because sometimes Levi still had trouble understanding. “Captain, listen to me.” Kiyomi had resumed an air and expression of complete serenity. Woman was ice cold, he’d give her that. “Erwin Smith has become the most powerful and dangerous member of the Triple Alliance.”</p>
<p>“He bombed Hybernia with your help,” Levi said. Mikasa lowered her eyes.</p>
<p>“And not a day has gone by that lets me escape that fact,” Kiyomi whispered. “What I’ve done can never be undone. Since that day, the world has existed in a state of perpetual fear.” She narrowed her eyes. “Tell me. What do you plan to do now?”</p>
<p>Why not? He’d tell the truth.</p>
<p>“I’m going to the palace. I’ll retrieve my wife and…her son. And if he tries to stop me, I’ll kill Erwin Smith.” He meant every word. Even though the idea of killing Erwin was a blow, it was now a minor one. This was all his fault. Levi had given the man too many chances. And Erwin had taken his wife.</p>
<p>He had made Kuchel cry.</p>
<p>He would pay for that.</p>
<p>Kiyomi nodded. “Then I will not stand in your way. Not in the slightest.”</p>
<p>“Say I go get them, and Erwin dies. Paradis becomes kinda fucked, doesn’t it? You and Willy Tyber don’t exactly love us.”</p>
<p>Mikasa stepped in. “We can’t let that happen.”</p>
<p>No. Kid loved her homeland. Her friends. Mikasa was loyalty personified.</p>
<p>“I understand. You both may as well know. Dot Pixis and I have been in…regular communication.” Kiyomi glanced at Levi and Mikasa, back and forth, gauging their reactions. “Erwin was the right man to lead Paradis into the modern age, but now he’s outlived his usefulness. Pixis would make a much better king.”</p>
<p>“He’s old,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Experienced. And more importantly, moderate.”</p>
<p>Now he was feeling fucking dizzy. He’d gone from busting in here ready to throttle Kiyomi’s ass to discussing treason. He fucking hated all these politicking types. Truthfully, he didn’t give a shit about any of this. Erwin had Petra. Levi would kill Erwin and take Petra back. Easy. Straightforward. Just.</p>
<p>“If you could find a way to incapacitate Erwin, giving us enough time to feed the Colossal to someone else, then—”</p>
<p>“Lady, I don’t give a shit about your plans. I’m not your fucking puppet. I’m going to get my wife. If I somehow manage to maim Erwin’s ass, I’ll drop it on your doorstep. But that shit isn’t my priority.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Mikasa nodded. She probably felt sympathy for Kiyomi’s position, but she was also more like Levi than she was the Azumabito woman. Yeah. Mikasa was an Ackerman. That gave him a weird little feeling of pride. Kiyomi continued looking slyly at the girl. Fuck, this woman was too smart. Levi had a bad feeling.</p>
<p>“And when you’ve taken your wife back? Do you imagine they’ll let you walk out the front door?” Kiyomi shrugged elegantly. “Mikasa? I imagine you wish to accompany the captain on this…errand?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” the girl replied simply. Oh, fuck.</p>
<p>“You stay here. I don’t need you slowing me down,” he said. The kid was on thin enough ice. If she defied the king again, it wouldn’t be jail. She’d get the rope.</p>
<p>“You’ll be up against the entire palace guard, the king, and maybe Connie and Floch,” Mikasa said. “You’ll need me. And I’m not letting him hurt Petra and Armin.”</p>
<p>Loyal girl.</p>
<p>“If I may,” Kiyomi said. “I can offer some help. You’ll most likely want to escape the island after your, well, coming bout of treason. I can help get you away. You, your wife, your children.”</p>
<p>“And what’d you want in return?” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Mikasa. If you go through with this, you’ll be in trouble. At least, until Pixis has taken control of the situation. Come with me to Hizuru.”</p>
<p>Levi understood. This was a trade, basically. Mikasa was the payment to save Petra and keep her alive. He seethed, but he saw the Hizuran woman’s thinking. It was solid.</p>
<p>Mikasa paled. “But I—”</p>
<p>Fuck, she was still hung up on waiting for Eren. “Mikasa! We’ll both need to get off the island,” he said. “Kiyomi’ll make you comfortable.”</p>
<p>“I hope you understand, Captain. I can’t offer you shelter on Hizuru, at least not right away. If you fail in this attempt, the king will hunt you and—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah. You gotta cover your own ass. I get it. Enough talk, unless it’s strategy. We need weapons, including ODM. Erwin’s got titans. And we need to know where Erwin’s keeping my wife. Don’t want to bust in there until we’ve got intel.”</p>
<p>“I can assist in equipping you,” Kiyomi said smoothly.</p>
<p>“You can get ODM?” Since the power of the titans had become less important, Erwin had reduced the number of people with titan slaying equipment to a handful. He said it was a show of peace, but Levi now imagined it’d been a way to keep dangerous weapons in the hands of only his most loyal followers.</p>
<p>“No. But I can get you guns.”</p>
<p>Levi fucking hated using guns, but he would if he had to. Besides, the guards would be armed with them.</p>
<p>“I also need swords. If I don’t get any ODM, finding a way to cut the titans off at the ankle’s gonna be my best bet.”</p>
<p>But this was really why he needed to get in and out quickly. If he had to choose between getting Petra and escaping or killing Erwin and getting caught, he’d pick the former. But if he could save her and kill him…</p>
<p>“I’ll go with Kiyomi to get equipped,” Mikasa said. And to keep an eye on the old bat. Good thinking.</p>
<p>“Meet at the south end of the palace, next to the royal park.”</p>
<p>“Why so far from the entrance?”</p>
<p>“I need a little privacy. I’m going to grab one of the guards and get my information.” Levi made a fist. “And I’m not gonna ask nice.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Well, I heard he wants to make her queen.”</p>
<p>Inga normally kept her head down when she was at work. But occasionally the other palace maids would gossip, and she couldn’t avoid hearing it.</p>
<p>King Erwin had been kind to her after the whole debacle with Zeke. He’d granted Inga automatic citizenship and offered her a job in the palace. She’d taken both, gladly. Most days she’d polish silver or lay fires or sweep. Better than digging trenches.</p>
<p>But today, she heard about the “visitor.” The woman they’d brought.</p>
<p>Petra.</p>
<p>Now, Inga was laying fresh sheets on a bed with two other women, and all they wanted to talk about was “the visitor.”</p>
<p>“How can he? He already has a queen.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but he didn’t sleep with <em>that</em> one.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t she already have a husband?” The other one, a girl with frizzy hair, curled her lip. “Ugh! This is so messy.”</p>
<p>“Well. Sara says when she went into the room, that woman was sitting there in bed, hugging the baby and crying. Like she has it tough. ‘Oh no, I’m going to be forced to be queen, feel sorry for me.’” The other maid giggled. Inga left off making a hospital corner and reared up.</p>
<p>“He kidnapped her.”</p>
<p>“Um, pretty sure it’s <em>treason</em> to say that, Inga.” The blonde wrinkled her nose. “Anyway, she must have known the baby could be his. She made the choice to have it.”</p>
<p>“This isn’t the baby’s fault,” Inga said. The others rolled their eyes at each other. “You’re going to blame her for having a baby and not the king for sending his soldiers into her house to—”</p>
<p>“I think she’s going to cry now and be happy to suck the king’s dick later on when she sees what she’s getting out of it,” the blonde said coolly. “I saw the jewels he’s giving her. I think they were some old empress’s or something? Sorry. No sympathy.”</p>
<p>Inga stepped towards them. She was a tall, strong-looking girl. The other maids automatically stepped back.</p>
<p>“Stop talking about her like that,” Inga said.</p>
<p>“Why do <em>you</em> care so much? She doesn’t even know <em>you</em> exist.”</p>
<p>“She’s the one who saved me,” Inga snapped. “Back in Marley. She killed the doctor who was torturing me because she was trying to save me.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well. You’re a girl with an unfuckable face who’s going to be washing dishes the rest of her life. What exactly did she save?”</p>
<p>The frizzy haired girl shied away. She looked terrified, like she knew what was coming. Wise girl. The blonde—Greta, yeah, that was her name—looked smugly up at Inga.</p>
<p>Inga slapped her hard across the face.</p>
<p>Greta sobbed while the other maid tended to her. Inga just got on with her work. Her hand smarted a bit, but she’d hurt worse. Maybe they’d fire her, and maybe they wouldn’t. She’d gotten used to things being impermanent.</p>
<p>And she felt sorry for Petra. Inga hadn’t gotten to know the woman back in Valle, but what she’d seen had been brave, and kind. The king even told Inga during their second debriefing that he had ordered Petra not to go back to Fischer’s for the sake of the mission. But Petra had dared everything just to try to save Inga’s life. Just to save an ordinary girl she didn’t know.</p>
<p>Maybe Petra was too emotional for her own good. Inga could believe that. That didn’t mean she deserved what was happening.</p>
<p>Inga finished making the bed on her own. Greta and the other maid were still crying. She then headed for the door, dusting off her hands.</p>
<p>“If you don’t want to work—” she began.</p>
<p>A noise cut her off. Noises, really. Inga heard shouts coming from down the hall. She poked her head out the door, then had to pull back as a guard nearly ran into her. They were all rushing together, eight or ten of them, going fast.</p>
<p>“Wh-what is it?” Greta sniffed.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Inga called. Most of the soldiers ran by, but a woman turned to Inga. She looked tense. Nauseated, even.</p>
<p>“The Ackermans,” she said. That was all she said, and then she followed the rest of her squad around the corner.</p>
<p>Inga stepped back into the room, worrying her lip.</p>
<p>“Like…Levi Ackerman?” the frizzy-haired girl squeaked. “What’s he doing here?”</p>
<p>“Well, it was his wife the king took,” Inga muttered. “So guess.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was so easy, becoming the monster again. Like breathing. It’d been so easy to pull up the hood on his coat and sneak up behind one of the guards as he was getting off patrol. Levi had followed him a safe distance away, then incapacitated him. Then he’d pulled him off a little farther away, into the park.</p>
<p>Then he broke the guy’s wrist, and his arm.</p>
<p>“Tell me where the king took Petra and the baby,” he said, lifeless. He didn’t see a human being in agonizing pain; he saw a tool. A means to his end. “I know they’re in the palace.”</p>
<p>The palace was the closest thing to safe Erwin could get from Levi Ackerman.</p>
<p>“I-I don’t know. I—”</p>
<p>Levi broke his other wrist. At some point Mikasa joined him. She had a rifle strapped across her back, but she’d also been equipped with a few blades. She gave him a couple. Good. He felt better with sharp objects in his hands.</p>
<p>The guy screamed face first into the snow as Levi made him bleed.</p>
<p>“I got no reason to keep you alive if you can’t tell me what I need to know,” Levi said. He was the king of the underworld once again. He was a passionless murderer. It was such a simple, clean feeling. He loved clean things. “So if that’s it…”</p>
<p>He lifted a blade to take the kid’s head off.</p>
<p>“Wait!” The kid rolled over and shrank away. “She’s in the royal quarters. Q-Queen Historia’s old room. Please… Please…”</p>
<p>Killing would’ve been easier, but Levi knocked the guy unconscious and left him out in the snow. If he froze to death, tough shit. Life was like that.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is what you become without her.</em>
</p>
<p><em>Erwin. Why? I think I know why, but…</em>why?<em> Why did you do this?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Why are you making me do this?</em>
</p>
<p>The yellow lightning flashed warning signals, but he ignored them. Mikasa hadn’t been able to lay hands on any ODM, but Petra’s location wasn’t all Levi had gotten from the kid these last twenty minutes. He also knew where the weapons room was. And that it had what he needed.</p>
<p>Getting into the palace through the side entrance involved killing a couple of people. These were men on Levi’s side. Patriots of Paradis.</p>
<p>He cut them down without a second thought, because the choice was them or Petra.</p>
<p>While he and Mikasa entered and crept into the bowels of the palace, while they found that storeroom and equipped themselves with ODM and titan-killing blades, Levi found he could scarcely feel anything.</p>
<p>Petra. Erwin.</p>
<p>This debacle was happening for many reasons. Because Petra fucked Erwin. Because Erwin didn’t stop her. Because Levi had gone along on that trip to the Lotani islands. Because he stayed behind on the ship and got blown up. Because he stayed in the war when he could have retired.</p>
<p>Because he needed to serve Erwin Smith no matter what.</p>
<p>Levi knew then, bitterly, that he had allowed three people into their marriage. He had let Petra know by actions, by decisions, that she and Erwin occupied equal space in his heart.</p>
<p>They were here now because Erwin had kidnapped her. But he’d kidnapped her because Levi had never made a choice between them. Not really.</p>
<p>
  <em>Today, that changes.</em>
</p>
<p>Armed, he and Mikasa moved like shadows up the staircases, hiding in corners; they didn’t want to fight unless they had to. Once they had Petra, they could decide the next step and how overt they needed to be. Levi had to admire the kid as she hunted alongside him. That serenity never went away, but he sensed the steel in her heart and bones. He had the same qualities. He’d trained her well enough. And she had killed humans before.</p>
<p>“If things turn bad, escape any way you can. If things go <em>real</em> shit, get into the royal forest across the south lawn. I know a secret way into the underground city if we need to hide.”</p>
<p>With Petra. They would hide with Petra. And the kid.</p>
<p>They avoided servants and soldiers alike until they reached the royal corridor. Levi hustled over to Historia’s room, and entered while Mikasa kept watch in the hall outside.</p>
<p>“Petra,” he whispered, opening the door.</p>
<p>He found himself facing a whole squadron of guards. Petra was nowhere to be seen, and neither was the baby. The bed was empty.</p>
<p>“She’s been moved,” one of the soldiers said. He sounded high-pitched with fear. Kid couldn’t be more than nineteen. But he tried for bravado. “Did you really think the king hadn’t planned for this?”</p>
<p>“Sure. I just didn’t think he’d play keep-away with a bedridden woman. Real cowardly piece of shit,” Levi growled.</p>
<p>There were nine soldiers in here. They aimed their rifles at him as Mikasa burst through the door.</p>
<p>Avoiding gunfire was tough, but with the help of their ODM and the fact that he and Mikasa were fucking Ackermans, it was a little more than child’s play. Soon Historia’s royal carpet was stained with blood. Nine bodies lay on the floor. Levi moved to the window, and gazed out. There was a straight view towards the royal forest from here.</p>
<p>And there they were.</p>
<p>“Mikasa,” he said. She stood beside him and swore gently. There were rows of soldiers out there. Levi could see Connie and Floch as well—the two titans.</p>
<p>And before them, dressed in white, was Erwin.</p>
<p><em>Go to him.</em> That was the message in his blood.</p>
<p>“Mikasa. Go back down the southern corridor. Try to get outside and come up from behind through the trees.”</p>
<p>“Roger.”</p>
<p>She started to walk away, that utter resolution evident in the set of her shoulders.</p>
<p>“Oi,” he said. Then, “Remember. If shit goes wrong, head deeper into the forest. The secret entrance is there, and at the very least you can get away on ODM.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She frowned. “We shouldn’t look for Petra?”</p>
<p>“This place is huge. She could be anywhere. Erwin did this deliberately. He wants me to go out to him. We can’t get Petra without getting past him. You understand what I’m saying?”</p>
<p>He couldn’t get to his wife while Erwin Smith lived.</p>
<p>She nodded grimly. “Be careful.”</p>
<p>“Likewise.”</p>
<p>Then she was gone. Levi believed in the direct approach, so he shattered one of the windows and leapt outside. He trudged towards Erwin across the snowy field, his breath steaming in the air. The sky had taken on that deep, almost purple-ish blue of winter afternoons. It’d be dark in a couple hours. He needed to move fast.</p>
<p>They didn’t attack him as he approached. He realized then that at some point he’d lost his coat. Sweat froze to his skin, but he didn’t care.</p>
<p>Levi stopped twenty feet away from Erwin. He gazed at the man. So tall. So blond. So fucking immaculate, in his white winter robes. For a minute, the two just stared at one another.</p>
<p>
  <em>“What is your name?” The tall, arrogant blond shithead looked down upon him as he knelt in that filthy puddle.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Levi,” he growled. Beside him, Isabel and Furlan watched in fear and awe.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then the giant man knelt before him. He smiled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi had never hated anyone like this before. Or been this secretly fascinated.</em>
</p>
<p>“I knew you’d come,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Kinda had no choice.” Levi looked at the shifters. Connie was fighting tears; Floch was fighting a smirk. “Oi. Hello.”</p>
<p>“C-Captain.” Connie’s face broke. “Please don’t make us—”</p>
<p>“Quiet,” Floch snapped. Erwin held up a hand, and both fell silent. He advanced two, three steps.</p>
<p>Fucking ballsy.</p>
<p>“Give them back,” Levi said quietly.</p>
<p>“Them? You mean give you my own son?” Erwin’s eyes narrowed. “That makes little sense.”</p>
<p>“The kid needs his mother. His mother is my wife. The logic works fine.”</p>
<p>“Yes. She <em>is</em> your wife.” Erwin looked oddly curious now. “But what if she could be <em>ours</em>?”</p>
<p>Levi blinked. On the outside, he looked stoic as usual. On the inside, he was chaotic as fuck.</p>
<p>“Pretty sure that’s illegal,” he growled. Why was he speaking so calmly? Why not chop the king’s head off where he stood? Because he knew it would be wiser to wait? Or because maybe…maybe he wouldn’t be able to lift his sword.</p>
<p>Even now. Fuck, Erwin’s hold was tight on his brain.</p>
<p>“You’re no stickler for convention. I know you. This is exactly as it should be.”</p>
<p>“Me getting ready to kick your ass in the snow?”</p>
<p>“You have a daughter by her. I have a son. Our families are united, Levi. We should be as well. Don’t you see? Can’t you imagine?” And now Erwin’s face was suffused with a truly frightening expression; one of complete joy. “I believed there was no comfort left to me in this world. Now I see. This was always our destiny.”</p>
<p>“You sound like some religious nut. Or a shitty salesman.”</p>
<p>Erwin had the audacity to smile, to be charmed by that shit.</p>
<p>“Think about it. United, the world is entirely at our feet. It could be the five of us together, you, me, Petra, the children. Your daughter deserves to grow up as a princess.”</p>
<p>“And my wife’d be your fucking queen. Right?” He had to be dreaming this. No one was this fucking crazy.</p>
<p>But that light in Erwin’s eyes reminded Levi of those days in the Corps, when they’d stood together on the top of battlements and looked out across titan territory. When they’d been young men. When Erwin had promised that a future for humanity lay beyond the horizon.</p>
<p>“The world would see her that way, but in private she would have the both of us. I wouldn’t force myself onto her, you understand. But would it be so terrible? She wanted me once, after all.”</p>
<p><em>She wanted me once.</em> The dreadful images of Erwin taking Petra flooded his mind again. But Levi shut them out. This was a trap, a way for Erwin to set him off kilter, trick him into making a mistake.</p>
<p>He had seen the horror in Petra’s eyes. The misery. The genuine regret. It had been a mistake. More than that, it’d haunt her always. There was no way she would want that to happen ever again.</p>
<p>Because he knew her as he knew himself.</p>
<p>“Nice try, you blond cunt. But I know my wife doesn’t want to be here.”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t want to leave her son, Levi. He’s her child. She’ll choose him over you. Mothers choose their children over every living soul on earth.” Erwin narrowed his eyes. “She’ll choose this world with him in it. It would be wise if you joined her.”</p>
<p>She would leave him. Levi forced himself to stay focused. But she would always love her own child over him; it was true.</p>
<p>“And Kuchel?” Erwin said. “Would she prefer Kuchel grow up in a palace, be given a place as a king’s beloved stepdaughter? Growing up with her parents and her little brother? Or would Petra prefer the child grow up without a mother entirely?” Levi had to stop this talk. It was twisting his brain up, pounding him down with sheer, ugly logic. Petra was a mother, and mothers loved their children. Why wouldn’t she choose a palace, a handsome king, and her beloved kid over a short, ugly, foul-mouthed—</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>“I trust my wife,” he rasped. “I know she doesn’t want this. She never will.”</p>
<p>“Levi. Listen to me.” There was urgency in Erwin’s voice now. He saw that Levi was avoiding his traps. The bastard was cunning. “With you and Petra and Kuchel by my side, I can be a good king. I can be merciful to the world. You are all the better part of me. All I ask is that you live with me, live as my family. I won’t take Petra if she doesn’t want it. She can be yours entirely in body, and ours in spirit. This is the family we always should have made. Now, because of my son, it’s possible. Please.” Erwin held out his hand. His eyes held a genuinely pained light. “Join with me. Be at my side, as she will be. Rule this island with me; hell, the world will follow wherever we lead. Use your compassion to guide me. This world can be what we make of it. This is the reason you brought me back on that rooftop. Isn’t it? I saved our island. Our people. I gave up everything I ever loved to protect Paradis. Now I’ve been given this one chance at salvation. I admit that I overreacted when I took her and the boy. I should have done this differently, but can you blame me? Imagine if it were Kuchel. Imagine if you had to go one day without holding her in your arms. The agony you’d feel. Haven’t you done extreme things when those you loved were threatened?”</p>
<p>He’d killed two boys who’d cut off Isabel’s pigtail…</p>
<p>“I…” Levi felt himself wavering.</p>
<p>“We can work this out. We can have whatever we want—the farm, the palace. Petra will be one of the most revered, no, <em>the</em> most revered and elevated woman in the world. You’ll be at my side and hers the whole way. And in private, you can have her all to yourself if that’s what she wishes. Everything you have ever wanted can be yours. You can have more children with her; I’d like that. You sacrifice practically nothing, and gain the world. The world, Levi! It’s what we dreamed about all those years ago.”</p>
<p>“You dreamed it,” Levi croaked. He felt weak. “All I ever wanted was to get rid of those fucking titans.”</p>
<p>“You imagined a world beyond death. A world of peace. We can give them all of that, Levi. If you thought you were happy before, just wait. It all is yours. All you have to do is take my hand. Be my family.”</p>
<p>Erwin held out that hand. Levi stared at it.</p>
<p>He had worshipped this man. He had followed this man into hell. Erwin was the greatest man Levi had ever known. Would ever know.</p>
<p>He had suffered so much…</p>
<p>He had knelt before the man in Shiganshina and made promises. Kill the Beast Titan. He’d kept that promise. He kept his promises to this man.</p>
<p>His king.</p>
<p>His liege.</p>
<p>Slowly, Levi knelt in the snow at Erwin’s feet. He bowed his head.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” Erwin whispered.</p>
<p>“No. I am. I’m sorry because I know this is all my fault.” He stared at the snow, at Erwin’s feet, his blue shadow. “You said you gave up everything for us, and you’re right. I made you do that. I’m sorry.” He sighed deeply. “I didn’t want to believe it. I’m a piece of shit.”</p>
<p>“You are not. Just come with me.”</p>
<p>The world lay at his feet. Exclusive sexual rights to Petra. More children. Power beyond anything he could have dreamed. Wealth. This man was offering him everything.</p>
<p>The yellow lightning crackled through his brain.</p>
<p>The Ackermans of hundreds of years whispered in his blood.</p>
<p><em>You are free</em>. Zeke’s voice. <em>You can choose.</em></p>
<p>Levi had always had a choice between Petra and Erwin.</p>
<p>“I did this to the world,” he whispered. “So it’s my responsibility to fix it.”</p>
<p>He pulled the blade from his belt with a speed most would describe as inhuman.</p>
<p>“I have to kill you.”</p>
<p>He roared as he swung for Erwin’s legs. The king leapt, his reflexes good, but Levi nabbed the other sword and thrust it up simultaneously. Erwin howled as it got him through the face, slicing through the cheek and ripping out the eye. Levi stood, snarling, and swung for the head.</p>
<p>Any other man would have died then, but Erwin knew Levi’s tricks. He’d sometimes sparred with the man during training, and had always laughed breathlessly at how easy it was for Levi to defeat him. Erwin was a remarkable athlete, only considered average in the company of Mike and Levi. But Levi had shown Erwin all his feints and dodges. He had let Erwin know every one of his tricks.</p>
<p>Because he trusted he would never have to turn his blade on the man.</p>
<p>Because he loved him.</p>
<p>Levi snarled as bursts of titan lightning went up on either side of him. The hot wind bowled him backwards as Connie assumed his armor, and Floch his jaws. The soldiers immediately surrounded Erwin and aimed their guns at Levi. But the king was able to speak.</p>
<p>“I want him taken alive!” he roared. He held his face; blood dripped between his fingers.</p>
<p>“Bigass mistake,” Levi snarled. He deployed his hooks and shot up, latching onto a tree and sailing right over Erwin’s head as the titans tried and failed to nab him. He somersaulted through the air, turned around, and aimed for Erwin’s back.</p>
<p>
  <em>From this moment on, Erwin, you’re a dead man. You’ll die by my blade. I’m the only one who should kill you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I saved your life. I owe you your death.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi’s heart sank briefly, but he blocked the pain away.</p>
<p>The Erwin Smith he had known, followed, the man that he had loved was gone.</p>
<p>He’d been gone since Hybernia, at the very least. But Levi had been too stuck in the old ways to see it. For fuck sake, the man had fucked Levi’s wife at her lowest and most vulnerable, and Levi had <em>still</em> wanted to fix things between them. He’d let Petra see that there was nothing Erwin Smith could do to her that Levi could not forgive. He had chosen Erwin over Petra again and again.</p>
<p>And this was where it had gotten him.</p>
<p>For years, he’d been split between two faces, two images that always appeared whenever he made a big decision. Now, Levi saw one face only. A face with those amber eyes.</p>
<p>She was the center of his world now, and he would get her back.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’ll choose the baby over you.</em>
</p>
<p>No. Couldn’t think of that now. Levi flew through the air, aiming for Erwin’s nape in the split second he had left before they caught up to him. Maybe Levi loved Petra more than she did him; fine. So long as he had her in his life, he’d be content.</p>
<p>So long as he had someone to soothe him, make him forget the shit he’d made of Erwin’s existence.</p>
<p>He aimed for Erwin’s nape, but even he was not fast enough.</p>
<p>Levi had less than a second to change course, and yanked his legs out of the way just in time to avoid Floch chomping them off. The Jaws grabbed one of the forest trees, turned himself around, and hurtled back at Levi as Connie crouched in his armor, ready to pummel the man.</p>
<p>
  <em>Connie. Damn kid.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi maneuvered fast, heading left and then back into the forest and narrowly avoiding both titans. Shit. At least they weren’t trying to shoot him, since Erwin wanted him alive, but the soldiers were mostly equipped with ODM. They came at him, bobbing between the trees as they pushed him back into the forest.</p>
<p>And Erwin was crossing the field quickly, guided by a squadron of his soldiers.</p>
<p>Erwin had Petra. Levi sneered, and rocketed forward. He sliced one man in half with a single stroke of his blade. Blood rained on the snow as he dodged, and cut, and dodged, and stabbed. He was making his way to the edge of the forest, but then he’d be in the middle of a field. ODM would be useless. And the titans…</p>
<p>Floch leapt at him from down below, jaws open to swallow Levi. He turned upside down and sliced the top of the head clean off. Floch’s titan collapsed. Levi made it to the edge of the forest. He sneered, seeing Erwin almost at the palace.</p>
<p>Connie stood before him. As the Armored Titan, Connie looked like a rock-hewn version of himself, only over fifty feet tall. Levi hung there, looked the Armored Titan in its eye.</p>
<p>“Connie! Erwin’s crazy. You know he is. Help me! Let me ride on your shoulder. We can still catch him!”</p>
<p>It was a long shot, but the alternative was fighting Connie one on one, because Levi would be in a bad tactical position if he left this forest right now. With nothing for his ODM to latch onto, he’d be seriously handicapped. He believed he could take the kid down…with time. But he didn’t have time.</p>
<p>Connie’s titan couldn’t speak. But he held up one hand, palm facing Levi. He shook his massive head. Levi could read the sorrow.</p>
<p>“Don’t make me kill you, brat,” he said mournfully. If he had to, he’d remove Connie from Erwin’s arsenal. The man had become too powerful…and Levi had helped him attain all that power.</p>
<p>Then Connie took a step back. He was retreating. Because…</p>
<p>Because <em>they</em> were coming for Levi. He felt them as he turned around.</p>
<p>At least one hundred soldiers were advancing on ODM. Fuck. Erwin had thought of everything. He’d ordered the reserves to lie in wait.</p>
<p>Levi would fight. But even for him, one hundred alone…</p>
<p>Then, one of the advancing soldiers lost their head.</p>
<p>Mikasa appeared above them, a darting shadow through the trees. Only her crimson scarf identified her. Back up would help right now, but…Levi looked back across that field, and roared his fury.</p>
<p>Erwin was now inside the palace. Getting past all this shit, into the palace, and through the masses of guards to the king was too much work even for an Ackerman. Two Ackermans.</p>
<p>Connie advanced while the other soldiers approached, boxing him in.</p>
<p>Levi’d lost his one fucking shot to do this easy.</p>
<p>Petra…</p>
<p>For her sake, and for Kuchel’s, he had to stay free and fight another day.</p>
<p>“Mikasa! Back!” he yelled. He launched and gutted a soldier, swinging through the trees as he had long ago, when the world was different. His cousin practically ricocheted off a trunk and speared another soldier on her blade before following him. Behind them, Connie roared. But he didn’t follow. The forest was too dense for his titan, after all.</p>
<p>Or maybe…he just wanted to let them go.</p>
<p>Fuck. Fuck, it had all gone so wrong.</p>
<p>“We need to lose them. I don’t want them to find the entrance,” he snarled. Once they were clear of the soldiers, Levi went faster than he had before, maybe in his life. He thought of the slums under the earth, waiting for him. He had grown up beneath a palace, but he’d never enjoyed any of the privileges of such a place.</p>
<p>He could have enjoyed them if he’d given Erwin what he wanted. That lightning impulse still wanted to, in a weird way. Maybe it always would.</p>
<p>But he wanted Levi’s family for his own. To share.</p>
<p>And Levi was a greedy man.</p>
<p>“Down!” He spotted the gap in the rocks, and he and Mikasa hit the ground and raced over. Together, they managed to roll some debris out of the way. Levi jumped down, felt some wooden boards give beneath his feet. They boarded up every way out of the city they could.</p>
<p>He needed in.</p>
<p>With a roar, Levi kicked and kicked until a hole formed in the makeshift roof. Then he and Mikasa fell down, back into the underground.</p>
<p>Back home again.</p>
<p>He wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t. It was real fucking funny, huh?</p>
<p>Once again, the Ackerman clan was on the run from a king.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“We’ll find him,” Erwin said. It was later that evening, and Petra was weak from the medicine they’d given her. She lay against the pillows, her eyes drooping shut. The royal physician had said that she needed total rest for a few days, as well as antibiotics. Grudgingly, she admitted that she might have gotten truly sick without the doctor’s help. The woman had administered a sedative as well, to keep Petra docile.</p>
<p>It’d take more than a sedative.</p>
<p>“He’s going to kill you,” she said. Erwin held Armin, bouncing the boy a little before the fire.</p>
<p>“No. I saw him start to understand me. Levi’s a stubborn man, he always has been. But in time, reason will win out over pride.”</p>
<p>“If you believe that, you’re crazier than I thought.” What an ugly man. What a stupid bitch she’d been to fuck him.</p>
<p>“I may as well tell you. I sent a squadron back to the farm, to pick up Kuchel. It was an oversight on my part not to include her in the “evacuation.””</p>
<p>“If you fucking touch my daughter!” she barked, trying and failing to sit up. Erwin came to the foot of her bed. No farther. Good.</p>
<p>“She and your mother were gone. We don’t know where. Kuchel must be afraid, Petra. She could be here, with you and her little brother. Warm and safe, fed and loved. Instead she might be cold, or even hurt. She must be so scared.”</p>
<p>“I guess she would be since your soldiers fucking <em>kidnapped me.</em>”</p>
<p>“I want you to help me locate her.”</p>
<p>“So you can have one more thing to hold over Levi?” She slumped back in bed, but gave a small, triumphant smile. “I hope he finds her first.”</p>
<p>“And then what? Take her into the underground city? We’re positive that’s where he and Mikasa fled.”</p>
<p>“Mikasa?” Oh, that poor girl. Petra felt a stab of fear for her.</p>
<p>“Yes. The Ackermans will be hunted once more. Hunted, but not persecuted. All I want is to give the three of you everything.”</p>
<p>She saw then the true mourning in his face. He was grieving their relationship like a normal man would a death.</p>
<p>“All you want is to control us. Because everything else in your life is shit,” she whispered. Armin fussed, but his father kissed his head and the baby calmed. It hurt her on a deep level to see her baby so happy in Erwin’s arms. But why should she feel that way? He was Armin’s father.</p>
<p>“Incidentally, Siegfried—”</p>
<p>“Armin.”</p>
<p>“<em>Siegfried</em> will need a proper naming ceremony after our marriage. In a few days, when you’re up and healthy, we’ll have the wedding. Then directly after, we can have him named and photographed in front of the world.”</p>
<p>“So you’re going to just divorce me and Levi? Because I think you need our consent before you do something like that.”</p>
<p>“As I said, you don’t have to divorce. I’ll be taking you as my second bride, and you, being then royal, will be allowed a consort of your own. But you <em>will</em> be seen only with me in public from now on.”</p>
<p>“You don’t really think this is going to work. Do you?” she asked softly. He wouldn’t look at her; he was fixated solely upon his son. “I won’t let you. Neither will Levi.”</p>
<p>“You’ll both come around. You’ll have to,” he said darkly. Petra shivered.</p>
<p>The baby started to cry. His hungry cries. Erwin let her have Armin back, and she fed him. She wouldn’t look at the king.</p>
<p>“I have something for you,” he said. He pulled on a bell cord and waited. Minutes later, a couple of footmen entered carrying parcels. One spread a white satin gown out upon the bed, and the other presented a small wooden chest. Erwin took the box and sent the men away. Then he approached the bed, and set the box on the bedside table.</p>
<p>“What the hell is that?” she asked.</p>
<p>He opened the lid. Even in the dim light, they glowed. Petra’s jaw fell open as she saw the multitude of jewels on display. There were sapphires and rubies, diamonds as well as emeralds. Gold and silver bracelets and rings, a necklace of gems, even a small crown of white gold and blue diamonds.</p>
<p>“These were the Empress Frieda’s from the Middle Imperial Age,” he explained. He took up an emerald bracelet, let its facets wink in the firelight. “The superstitions and simple trappings of the Old Empire were a good start, a way to get the world to see us as humble people. But now it’s time to establish ourselves as rich and powerful. We must command the international stage. Historia was a farm girl through and through—she never looked comfortable in finery. But I believe you’ll do nicely.” He offered the bracelet. “They’re for you. The mother of my son should be respected and admired by all who look on her.”</p>
<p>Petra felt numb. She kept staring at the jewels, making no move to take them. Armin finished feeding and squirmed, giving little coos. She covered herself again, but couldn’t look away from the box. Erwin gently knelt before her. She felt his eyes tracing her face over and over.</p>
<p>“This is an Eldian Restoration. A true restoration. No; a renaissance. A rebirth. Historia was the Old Empire: simple and humble. You’re the face of our next phase, Petra. You’re older and more poised. The mother to a royal child. You—”</p>
<p>He was right next to her. Just what she’d wanted.</p>
<p>Petra spit in Erwin’s face. He cursed and moved away, wiping himself off.</p>
<p>“I’m the daughter of a vegetable seller. I’m not some fancy queen. I never will be. Levi and I understand each other. I belong with him, not you.”</p>
<p>Erwin finished cleaning himself. His gaze was flat, but deadly.</p>
<p>“I <em>will</em> find Kuchel. I’ll bring her here for safety. And if Levi won’t be tamed or reasoned with, I’ll be forced to take him down. And then Kuchel will have one father. Just as you’ll have one husband.”</p>
<p>Petra was shaking now. If she hadn’t had Armin warm and cuddly against her, she might have lost it entirely.</p>
<p>“You have to know what you’ve become,” she said dully.</p>
<p>His face changed. Every crease and wrinkle displayed pain.</p>
<p>“Of course I do. But I lost my soul a long time ago. This isn’t for myself, Petra. It truly isn’t. It’s for <em>him.</em>”</p>
<p>Armin had fallen asleep against her breast. He looked so soft and innocent just then. Petra held him tight.</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you so much. But was bringing you into this world a mistake?</em>
</p>
<p>No. No. Armin deserved life. All this was Petra’s fault, and no one else’s.</p>
<p>“And I may as well tell you.” Erwin sounded harsh again. “Levi and Mikasa killed over twenty soldiers in their failed attempt to find you today. Those soldiers’ only crime was protecting you.”</p>
<p>“No. They died because you took me,” she muttered. But Erwin’s words hit like an arrow to her heart. She glanced at the white gown laid upon the foot of her bed. A satin wedding gown. “I’m not marrying you,” she said. “Not ever. I’ll kill myself first.”</p>
<p>“And leave your children motherless? Perhaps that’s to be expected from such a selfish woman.”</p>
<p>She sneered at him. “I’m the one who’s selfish?”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who comes out of every situation with whatever she wanted, Petra. You want what you want, take it, and then never believe you should suffer any consequences. You wanted me to take the pain of Levi’s supposed death away. I gave you what you wanted that night. <em>He</em> is the result.” He gestured to the baby. “You honestly expected to manage my investment in him? You’re spoiled.” His tone softened. “Yet I’d give you whatever you wanted if you didn’t deny me the one thing I need.”</p>
<p>“Me? Or Levi?” she whispered.</p>
<p>He didn’t answer that.</p>
<p>“Don’t be like Levi. Don’t be so proud that you ruin your own chance at happiness.”</p>
<p>Before she could continue to spit invectives, he left the room. Fucking coward.</p>
<p>But he was right, wasn’t he? She took, and took. She satisfied every urge and craving. She always had done.</p>
<p>Everyone had joked that joining the Survey Corps meant you had a screw loose somewhere. ‘Why’re <em>you</em> here, Petra?’ they’d often asked. She’d been the ‘normal’ girl, on the outside. Bright, smiling, sensible, and competent. Truly, she’d seemed like the last person to ever sign up to fight titans for a living.</p>
<p>But the other Petra that lurked beneath the surface of her smile had always <em>needed.</em> She wanted to experience, to indulge. She loved physical action and pleasure. The other Petra was greedy, hungry, insatiable. She wanted experience. Even when she hadn’t been attracted to men, she’d slept with them to know what it was like. Even when she’d pissed her pants in fear the first time beyond the walls, she’d been impatient when she got back, eager to do it again. She liked to read, but she wasn’t a thinker like Hange and Erwin; she loved doing. She loved danger. She’d always climbed on rooftops as a child, balanced on ledges with the thrilling knowledge that if she fell she could really hurt herself…but she didn’t fall.</p>
<p>He whole life, Petra had crept closer to the edge, terrified and eager to see if she would die.</p>
<p>And now she was paying for all that self-indulgence. But she could live with paying the price; Levi, on the other hand, deserved none of this. He deserved easy love and kindness, of being put first no matter what…</p>
<p>Petra looked at the ceiling. Armin gave a little gurgle. She rubbed his back…</p>
<p>Where was Kuchel?</p>
<p>The thought had plagued her all day, and it was like half her heart had been ripped from her chest. She had forbidden herself to cry in front of Erwin, but now the tears came back.</p>
<p>Her little girl had to be so scared. What if they found her? What if they <em>didn’t</em> find her?</p>
<p>What if Levi…?</p>
<p>
  <em>Please let him be safe. You can have anything from me. You can let me die, or be miserable forever. Just keep him safe. Please. Let him find Kuchel. Let them be okay. It doesn’t matter what happens to me.</em>
</p>
<p>The tears dropped from her cheeks as she prayed to some nameless deity.</p>
<p>Maybe Erwin was right. No. Erwin <em>had</em> been right. She was spoiled. So fucking spoiled. She was married to the greatest man in the world who accepted her and loved her no matter what pain she put him through. She’d already stabbed him in the heart with Armin, but he never spoke harshly to her. Now he was risking his life and Kuchel’s safety to get her worthless ass.</p>
<p>
  <em>He should leave. Leave, take Kuchel, and forget about me.</em>
</p>
<p>But he never would. He was too wonderful. She didn’t deserve it.</p>
<p>And he’d keep trying to find her and the soldiers would keep trying to capture him and—</p>
<p>Didn’t he know she wasn’t worth the effort?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Hange really had no idea what the fuck was going on. Normally that feeling excited her; now it just made her exhausted. The sun had fully set by the time a car pulled up in front of her building, idled, then rumbled around the corner. A minute later, a woman hurried down the walk, cradling a child. She hurried inside the apartment building, where Hange met her.</p>
<p>“Hi. Ingrid?” She tried to shake hands, but the woman was carrying Kuchel. The little girl had fallen asleep. Hange saw that her cheeks had been stained with tears, and her eyes were swollen from crying. She clutched a doll, even in the grip of sleep. Poor little thing. “Come on.”</p>
<p>Hange hustled them upstairs and into her apartment. Pieck sat by the window, keeping watch outside. She waved softly at Ingrid as she carried Kuchel into Hange’s bedroom and laid Kuchel onto the bed. Er, Hange had to make it first—she wasn’t much for housekeeping. And she had to take out a few crumpled papers lying on the floor and toss them in a wastebasket. She also found one of Pieck’s bras lying across the back of a chair, and hastily shoved it into a drawer. Heh. Fun having guests.</p>
<p>“So. Ah. Want some tea?” she asked Ingrid.</p>
<p>Kuchel whimpered in her sleep.</p>
<p>Minutes later, the women were seated at the kitchen table with their drinks. Pieck had a cup as well, and sipped it as she gazed resolutely out the window. She was dedicated. One of the things Hange loved about her.</p>
<p>Pieck…</p>
<p>If Erwin found out about all this, Hange’s involvement, would he…he wouldn’t take it out on Pieck.</p>
<p>Would he?</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s still the same man I used to know. Buried somewhere underneath.</em>
</p>
<p>She remembered her first day in the Survey Corps, when she’d been a gangly nineteen year old. She’d been even more disruptive and effusive back then, and everyone had sort of edged away from her when she started speaking too loud out of sheer excitement. But then she’d shown them all her unique way of approaching ODM out in the field; some of her techniques worked, some didn’t. But at the end of the day, a handsome young man had approached her. Honestly, he’d been the best looking guy—or gal—in the entire Corps. Hange almost doubted he was coming over to talk to her with a smile on his face; surely he was going to someone more normal.</p>
<p>But he wanted to talk to her.</p>
<p>“I’m Erwin.” He sat down at dinner with her. “Your strategies were pretty brilliant.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well. They didn’t all work,” Hange said. She flushed a bit. Getting any attention at all was a new experience for her. At home, her parents had always looked a bit tired when she really got going, babbling about something new and exciting. Her two sisters had told her to her face that she was a ridiculous person.</p>
<p>“Listen. The Commander’s considering giving me my own squadron,” Erwin said. She’d gaped at him. What was he, twenty-five? That was a lot of responsibility for someone that young. “I’d like you to be on it.”</p>
<p>“Me?” She almost fell over from the shock.</p>
<p>And from that day on, Erwin became her friend. Soon, her best friend. Him and Mike, and a few years later Moblit and Nanaba. And then Levi had joined, and—</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Erwin. This can’t be happening.</em>
</p>
<p>The three of them had gone everywhere together. She’d felt invincible in their company. Now…</p>
<p>“This tea is very good,” Ingrid said softly.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Hange shook her head. “I mean, thanks. Levi taught me how.”</p>
<p>“Do you know where he is?” Ingrid looked a bit unsteady. Hange gave her more tea.</p>
<p>“Here’s what he told me: he was sending you and Kuchel down to me. Hopefully, he’ll be here in a couple of hours with Petra and the baby. If he isn’t, though, we have to assume he’s either hiding or captured. Probably hiding.” Or dead, but she didn’t say that. Ingrid looked fragile enough. “He thinks Erwin may eventually send people here looking for Kuchel. So I’ll have to move you both.”</p>
<p>“How is this going to end? I can’t just take Kuchel with me to Calaneth?”</p>
<p>“If Levi’s right, and I think he is, Erwin’s taken Armin and Petra as leverage. We got lucky that he didn’t think to nab Kuchel as well.”</p>
<p>“Would he hurt her?” Now pink spots appeared in the woman’s cheeks. She looked pissed at the idea.</p>
<p>“No. I think in his own weird way, he wants to take care of her. I don’t know the whole story, but…” She sighed. Hange hadn’t seen the baby yet, but Levi had told her enough. “I know Armin isn’t Levi’s. Erwin’s been alone for a while now; he probably panicked when he thought the baby was going to be out of his reach. Maybe he’s holding Petra and the kid to negotiate a better deal for himself, weird as that sounds. Or…”</p>
<p>She didn’t want to say what else she was thinking. That Erwin wanted Levi’s family for his own.</p>
<p>That he’d…gone truly insane.</p>
<p>“They can’t stay on Paradis any longer, can they?” Ingrid slumped.</p>
<p>“No.” Might as well tell the truth. “If Erwin’s decided to start kidnapping, he’s not going to be reasoned with. You’re all going to have to escape. Or at least, Levi, Petra, and the kids are. You and your husband might want to go, too.”</p>
<p>“Paradis is our home.” Ingrid rubbed her eyes. “I’ve heard what life is or was like out there in the world for Eldians. I’m not like my daughter. I don’t want to go on any adventures or gamble anything. I want to stay here. I’d be useless anywhere else.”</p>
<p>Hange nodded. “You understand Erwin could use you and your husband to lure them back?”</p>
<p>“I’m willing to risk that. Now. What’s your plan if Levi doesn’t come?”</p>
<p>“There’s a safe house. Well, sort of a safe house. More like a warm, dry crawl space I can put you in. Heh. Sorry. Anyway, in a couple of hours we’ll—”</p>
<p>“Someone’s coming.” Pieck sat up straighter. “A car. It’s parking outside.”</p>
<p>“Shit. Uh, are you sure it’s for us?” Hange bolted out of her chair and went to stand behind her girlfriend. She placed her hands on Pieck’s shoulders as they both watched…</p>
<p>Yep. A man dressed in the black of the Paradisian Guard got out. <em>Shit.</em></p>
<p>Okay. Plan C: bullshit your way out, and if you have to, fight.</p>
<p>“Ingrid. Get in the bedroom with Kuchel. If she wakes up, you have to keep her absolutely quiet. You got it?” Hange said. Ingrid nodded, jumped up, and rushed into the darkened room. Hange heard the door close. “Uh, I’m hoping we don’t have to fight. If we do—”</p>
<p>Pieck squeezed her hand. “I can go in the bedroom and get out through the window with them. Maybe I should go now.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” She leaned down and kissed Pieck. Her heart seemed to pause at the idea of the Guard getting their hands on her. Of Erwin…transferring her power. “Just stay out of their reach. No matter what.”</p>
<p>Pieck hurried down the hall, and Hange faced the front door with a rehearsed smile. Okay. This was okay. Just smile, and laugh, and act weird, and he’d want to go away. That strategy had worked on many men in the past.</p>
<p>A knock. Hange waited a second; didn’t want to look like she was expecting it. A knock again, harder this time. “Okay, hold on,” she called, adopting a relaxed, casual air as she crossed and opened the door. “What can I—? Oh.”</p>
<p>Nile Dok stood outside, wearing a grim expression. He removed his black Guard’s hat. His silver buttons had been polished very nicely. He looked very…police-y. Shit.</p>
<p>“May I come in?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Oh. Sure. Yeah, come on.” She ushered him into the hall and closed the door. She leaned against it, and watched Nile’s back as he sauntered into the apartment. He took a good look all around. “Can I get you something?”</p>
<p>“Were you having tea?” he asked. He looked right; the kitchen door was open. “Hmm. Two cups. Did you have guests?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Shit fuck shit.</em>
</p>
<p>“My girlfriend and I were unwinding. She went to bed a little while ago.” Hange pushed off the door. As she did, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small knife—always keep a blade handy, that’d been Levi’s teaching. She hid it behind her back. “What’s going on, Nile?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you don’t know?” He turned and regarded her coolly. “We have a fugitive situation on our hands.”</p>
<p>“Fugitive?” She frowned. “Who?”</p>
<p>“Fugitives, really. Levi and Mikasa Ackerman.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t the actress that Petra was, but Hange did a pretty convincing job of not understanding, then getting bewildered, then downright caustic. Through it all, Nile watched her closely. She felt his appraisal.</p>
<p>“So you don’t know where they are?” Nile asked. Then, “Or Levi’s daughter, Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“She’s not at home?” Hange’s shredded nerves were helping her performance. She wanted to either laugh or scream. “Shit. Shit!”</p>
<p>“And you’ve had no contact with Levi at all today?” Nile stepped towards her, and Hange suddenly remembered that this guy had once risen to be Commander of the whole Military Police. Levi liked to give Nile shit for being a dumbass in comparison to Erwin, but Nile was smart and competent. He’d had to be to earn that job.</p>
<p>“No. I still don’t understand, why is he running?”</p>
<p>“That isn’t your concern.” Nile glanced around the living room and out into the hall. “Tell me something. Is there anyone else here tonight?”</p>
<p>“My girlfriend, I told you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but besides her.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” Nile scratched his chin. “I just wondered why you had three coats hanging in the hall instead of two.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Fucking. Fuck. Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>Ingrid’s coat. Ingrid’s goddamn coat. Holy fuck, Hange was an idiot.</p>
<p>“Is it a crime for my girlfriend to own more than one coat?” She tried to sound nonchalant. She sounded sick instead. Great.</p>
<p>“Let’s stop playing games, Hange,” Nile said. “I’ve spoken with Kiyomi Azumabito. She told me everything. You must know why I’m here.”</p>
<p>Kiyomi. Fucking bitch.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said, ready to whip out the knife and attack. “I do.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had not been back to the underground in years. Not since that one crazy time with Petra. The earliest days of their relationship had been spent down here, running from Kenny and all his asshole friends. Yet she had still loved him. No matter what, she had loved Levi.</p>
<p>She was not here now, with him. She wasn’t at home, she wasn’t anyplace where he could touch her. She was trapped.</p>
<p>In his mind, he was trapped as well. Levi stared out the window onto the gloomy streets of the city. Things were a little better down here since Historia had put together her charitable programs. You didn’t see orphans huddling in doorways any longer. That was something. But people here still wore those lost, hungry looks.</p>
<p>Hopefully by now, Hange had stashed Kuchel somewhere. He had to figure this out. He had to—</p>
<p>“You need to eat something,” Mikasa said. She sat at the opposite end of the room. Levi had pilfered a loaf of bread a while ago, casually breaking someone’s nose to get it. Old habits, they died hard.</p>
<p>“Not hungry. Tch. Just keep a lookout. Kiyomi said she’d send someone.” Normally Levi would not put so much faith in someone, especially someone he didn’t fully trust. But these were desperate times. Before Levi had gone, he’d told Kiyomi where to meet them underground in case things went south.</p>
<p>Now Levi sat in a building directly across the street from that spot, watching. Like hell he’d sit there like a stooge waiting to see if the woman would keep her word or not. If someone trustworthy showed, he’d go down. If not, he’d either wait here until they left or kill them. One or the other.</p>
<p>Still so easy to kill. He was so fucking busted.</p>
<p>But she loved him. Why did she love him?</p>
<p>“What time is it?” Mikasa asked.</p>
<p>“Fuck knows. The bells rang a little while ago, didn’t they?” Had it been two or three strikes? Either way, it was early morning. Levi didn’t sleep much normally, and now he was way too jumped up to be tired. He and Mikasa had sat in silence most of the last few hours. He liked quiet. He looked at the brat as she sat in the window, knees pulled to her chest. She tugged absently at that red scarf. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and Eren’ll be on Hizuru.”</p>
<p>“He wanted me to wait here,” she said. Stubborn to the end.</p>
<p>“He didn’t want you to go with him. That’s not the same as wanting you to wait.”</p>
<p>She pulled her scarf up so it covered her nose. Took comfort from it.</p>
<p>“Why? Why is he always going away from me?” she whispered.</p>
<p>If Levi hadn’t made that choice in Shiganshina, at least she’d have Armin right now. And he…he wouldn’t have his own Armin. God, he felt all mixed up about that kid. Didn’t hate him, but couldn’t stand to look at him. But the baby was Petra’s, and if she wanted him Levi would make sure she had him. Levi was a tough asshole to the world, but to those he cherished there was nothing he would not do. He cherished her beyond the world. She’d have whatever he could give her.</p>
<p>She loved him. Not as much as he loved her, but she loved him.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” he grumbled at last in answer to Mikasa’s question. “Look, maybe this’ll be good for you. Kiyomi wants to make you part of the family. She’ll be better about that than I was.”</p>
<p>“You do fine.”</p>
<p>“Petra does. I’m not the type.” He looked again at the kid. Truth was, she was too much like him. For that reason, he’d never really warmed to her. He cared about her, same as he cared about the rest of the 104<sup>th</sup>. But she was not special to him in the way family should be. Mikasa was right; he was her blood, not her family.</p>
<p>But Kuchel was both to her.</p>
<p>“Maybe one day, you can see Kuchel again,” he said. Scratched his chin. “I’d like that. She loves you.”</p>
<p>Mikasa’s flinty gaze softened. “I love her. I just wish that we all didn’t have to go away. So far away.”</p>
<p>Her mind was still with Eren. Levi looked back out the window.</p>
<p>He would be going away from Erwin now. No; he was already gone from Erwin.</p>
<p>No. More than that. Erwin had been gone for years. Levi had watched him that day in Shiganshina as he charged on horseback towards the Beast. In that moment, he had seen a true hero. A great man. A good man. A man at peace.</p>
<p>Then he gave Erwin the injection, and tore all those qualities away from him.</p>
<p>Erwin had crossed the line. He needed to die, for his own sake as well as Petra’s and the world’s. But Levi was the true piece of shit. His selfishness had caused all this.</p>
<p>Petra had told him what Eren said, that Levi changed the world when he chose to love her. How could he regret that shit? He couldn’t. It’d given him Kuchel. He had found something to live for with his wife and daughter, something beyond death and emptiness. Erwin had saved Paradis, giving meaning to their comrades’ deaths.</p>
<p>Like Kiyomi had said. Erwin had been useful once. Now, for all their sakes, he had to die.</p>
<p>Levi had to be the one to do it. It was only right. You clean up your own mess.</p>
<p><em>I’m free, Erwin. I’ve said goodbye.</em> He shut his eyes. <em>But I’ll always look for you. Even after I take your head, I’ll look the rest of my fucking life.</em></p>
<p>“Hey.” Mikasa shook his shoulder. “Look.”</p>
<p>They both gazed out the window. Someone dressed in black was headed for the meeting spot. Levi drew his weapon as Mikasa drew hers. They stood, waited. Watched the figure go up the steps, knock. Knock again. A third time. Then they watched the figure kick in the door and enter the empty space. Levi waited patiently until the guy came back out and faced across the street. Levi could see his face, and his irritation.</p>
<p>His face. Shit.</p>
<p>“Nile,” Levi breathed. Nile fucking Dok.</p>
<p>Mikasa looked tense. Levi nodded. He understood.</p>
<p>If Nile knew where they were, then either Kiyomi had betrayed them or Erwin had found them out.</p>
<p>“On my signal,” Levi said coolly, staring at the man as he walked down the steps, “we get him.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra awoke the next morning, bleary after only a few hours of sleep. She managed to get out of bed, and discovered that she moved better now. Her pain was almost gone. She used the bathroom, then opened her door to the hallway.</p>
<p>Two soldiers stood guard.</p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am?” one said. They politely wouldn’t let her leave.</p>
<p>Petra shut the door on them. Hard.</p>
<p>Armin woke and fussed. Petra fed him, but paced the room with him in her arms. Around noon, the servants brought lunch and wanted to take Armin. The king wanted to see his son for an hour or so.</p>
<p>“He’s not taking my baby out of this room,” she snapped. She would not risk him snatching Armin away. But he’d grow angry if she kept the boy away. “Tell him to come here if he wants.” The servants left. Soon after, the king arrived.</p>
<p>“It’s nice to see you out of bed.” His eyebrows lifted. “You look lovely.”</p>
<p>“It’s not for you,” she said. She hated sitting around in her nightgown all day. The wardrobe had boasted some nice offerings. She’d found a cranberry colored day dress that mostly fit. Erwin came to her. Petra hated it, but knew she had no choice. She gave him Armin. He ignored her then, walked the room while talking to the gurgling baby. He looked blissful. Like the man as she’d known him back in the day, when she’d first joined the Corps. A young man in his mid-thirties, with age and weariness still on the horizon.</p>
<p>“They haven’t found Levi yet. Or Kuchel,” he said evenly.</p>
<p>“Good.” She could have melted in relief.</p>
<p>“The longer this charade goes on, the more useless pain it’ll cause.”</p>
<p>“You can’t have us,” she said.</p>
<p>“I can and will have my son. And you.” Erwin looked at her. “You’re indispensible to him, which means I’ll keep you close.”</p>
<p>“We’ll get away from you. You’ll see.”</p>
<p>“I would hunt you.” He said it softly, then kissed Armin’s cheek. The baby had started dozing. “I’d tear the world apart to find you both. To find him.”</p>
<p>Yes. She believed him. Oh god, she believed him.</p>
<p>“I’m not yours.”</p>
<p>“Levi destroyed my life for your sake,” he said darkly. “All I ask in return is to share you and be with my son. And you say <em>I’m</em> the monster. Again, Petra, all you do is take.”</p>
<p>“Right. And <em>you’re</em> so perfect and good.” She stepped backwards as he advanced on her. He stood a few feet from her, holding the baby. Petra’s heart beat so fast. She was better, but still weak. If he tried anything, she might not be able to fight him off.</p>
<p>“After the wedding, when you’re fully healed, you’ll be moved out of this room.” He looked at Armin. “You’ll share quarters with me. Siegfried is going to see his parents together.”</p>
<p>“You mean I’ll have to sleep with you?” She could have laughed, but she felt too hollow. “Your ‘no rape’ plan lasted almost a day. Good job.”</p>
<p>“We don’t have to be intimate. But you’ll stay with me.”</p>
<p>“Where I can stab you during the night while you sleep? How thoughtful of you.”</p>
<p>“If you try that, you’d better aim well. If I survive the attack, you won’t like what I’ll do.”</p>
<p>“Beat me? Torture me?”</p>
<p>“I won’t hurt you like that. But there are many forms of punishment.”</p>
<p>She found she didn’t want to know what he had in mind.</p>
<p>“Besides,” he continued. “Over time, I believe you’ll come closer to me once more. I’m a very patient man. I’ve had to be.”</p>
<p>“If you’re waiting for me to love you, or even just to fuck you again, you’ll need to wait a lifetime. Which for you is, what? Eight more years?” She gave a withering smirk. “I can’t wait.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Eight more years.” He gave her back Armin. “For now.”</p>
<p>What the…? But he bowed and left her there. Petra held her son and felt cold. At least the king still didn’t have Levi or Kuchel. Please let them have found each other.</p>
<p>Levi. Please go. Take their girl and go.</p>
<p>Petra was restless for the afternoon, and into early evening. The servants came in around six and began setting up a dinner table for her. There were two chairs. Apparently Erwin was joining her. “Family” time.</p>
<p>Maybe she could stab his eye out with a fork. Even if he tortured her, at least it’d hurt him.</p>
<p>Petra sat down heavily on the bed and put her head in her hands. They closed the door. She waited there in darkness, dark inside and out. If she were truly brave, she’d cut her own wrists and free Levi. Free Kuchel. Spite Erwin.</p>
<p>But Petra had only <em>thought</em> she was brave. The door opened again.</p>
<p>“I’m not eating with you,” she said, turning around. But Erwin wasn’t there. She almost did a double take. “Nile? What the hell are you doing here?”</p>
<p>The tall, thin man shut the door and came to her. In his black Guard uniform, he was an inky shadow in the fading afternoon light.</p>
<p>“We’ve had a council meeting. This was my only chance. I would’ve sent a letter, but it’d be too easy to intercept.” He spoke low. “I’ve seen Hange. And Levi.”</p>
<p>“You…?” Now she felt dizzy.</p>
<p>“We’ve come up with a plan. I’m getting you out of here.”</p>
<p>Now <em>this</em> was a trap. Petra couldn’t believe Erwin would try something this obvious. Nile must’ve seen the thought in her eyes.</p>
<p>“Do you remember years ago, during Erwin’s wedding, when I promised to help you one day? I said that you could call in the favor, but, well, I’ve called it in for you. The day after tomorrow, at eleven o’clock at night, I’m getting you out.”</p>
<p>“Wha…?” This was too much. Could she trust him? Did she have a choice?</p>
<p>“Listen.” Nile sat beside her, whispered. “I can’t tell you how. But at eleven the day after tomorrow, be ready to go. I can get you and the baby out of the palace. Kiyomi Azumabito will have transportation waiting. You’ll head down to the southern port. There’s a ship that leaves at five in the morning for Valle. I’ve booked passage for you and Levi and the children.”</p>
<p>“You…you’re not serious.” She was absolutely going to collapse.</p>
<p>“I am not going to stand by and watch Erwin Smith ruin another family,” he growled. She saw then that the man was perfectly serious. Nile stood, glancing at her door. “I have to go now. Remember. At eleven, be ready. Make sure the baby is, too.”</p>
<p>Petra could leave this place. Her heart began to beat faster, her brain to buzz. She, Levi, and Kuchel all together. Going to Marley. Starting again. If they hid on the vast continent, Erwin would have a hard time finding them. They could change their names. They could…</p>
<p>Armin gurgled. Petra looked at him, snug in his bassinet.</p>
<p>
  <em>He will follow us to the ends of the earth. He’ll follow the boy.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra went numb.</p>
<p>“Nile,” she said. Her voice shook, but she got the words out. “Thank you. I’ll be ready. But…you’ll only be taking me.”</p>
<p>Nile appeared shocked.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Be brave. Be strong. You know it’s right.</em>
</p>
<p>“I have to leave Armin behind. With him.” Already, tears flooded her eyes. She wiped them away.</p>
<p>“No. He doesn’t deserve your child.”</p>
<p>“It’s his child, too,” she whispered. “But it’s not for Erwin.” She sighed. “Levi won’t leave Paradis without me, will he?”</p>
<p>“What? He—”</p>
<p>“Will he?”</p>
<p>Nile paused. Perhaps he was getting it. “No. He won’t.”</p>
<p>“The longer he stays here, the longer he risks his life. And Kuchel. She’s in danger, too. So if he stays, she’ll either stay as well, or he’ll send her away without her parents. She’s too little for that.”</p>
<p>“But if we leave the day after tomorrow, that won’t be too late to protect them. I don’t understand,” Nile said.</p>
<p>“Armin’s only a month old. He’s too little to make a journey like this. And…Erwin. He’ll hunt me. But if I take his son, he’ll rip the world apart. He won’t hesitate. He’d demolish more cities to find the baby. If I give him Armin, he might learn to be satisfied. So.” She picked up Armin and cradled him. The little corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. He loved being held by her. “It’s better for Levi, Kuchel, Armin, and the world if he stays here.”</p>
<p>“But you…”</p>
<p>“I’ve thought about myself enough.” Her voice was breaking. Already she was saying goodbye, and it was ripping her down the center. She kissed her son’s little head while she still could. “The world matters more. Kuchel matters more. Levi…I don’t deserve him.”</p>
<p>“Petra.”</p>
<p>“You know it’s the right decision.”</p>
<p>His silence spoke for him.</p>
<p>“Honestly, I hate risking your life like this,” she said. She looked at Nile. She’d hated this man once. That was so long ago, when she’d been young and stupid. “I don’t deserve to be free. But the longer I stay here, the more dangerous it is for Levi. So I’ll go.”</p>
<p>“All right. If you’re sure.” She was.</p>
<p><em>Will I ever see you again?</em> She looked at her baby’s smiling face.</p>
<p>“You’d better leave,” she whispered. “He’s coming here for dinner.”</p>
<p>“The day after tomorrow.” Nile sighed. “Be ready.”</p>
<p>He squeezed her shoulder once, and then he left. Petra sat there rocking Armin. He wouldn’t remember his true name. He wouldn’t remember her face.</p>
<p>But this was her punishment for that one moment of weakness almost a year ago. It had to be.</p>
<p>When Erwin came in for dinner, she was muted. Listless. He didn’t force her conversation; maybe he thought he’d broken her spirit enough.</p>
<p>She watched him across the table. He <em>did</em> love Armin. He’d never hurt the boy.</p>
<p>All she’d done for a long while now was hurt the people she cared most about. Time to stop the bleeding.</p>
<p>Petra sighed, picked up her fork, and ate.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Life at Candlemoor was pleasant. The alpine air cleansed her. There were trails to walk in autumn, and in winter the place took on the trappings of a romantic setting from a gothic novel. Now that she didn’t have to see <em>him</em> every day, it was easer to avoid drugs and drink. Marie always winced whenever she looked into a mirror now; the drugs had rapidly aged her, so now the last vestiges of her beauty were gone.</p>
<p>But it was all right. He would always know she was here, waiting for him. Hating him.</p>
<p>Marie was in the eastern parlor, sitting before the fire. Outside, snow fell heavily. She gazed into the hearth, forgetting about the open book in her lap.</p>
<p>Senta had called her yesterday to tell her the news. It was spreading secretly, but quickly. Erwin had a son.</p>
<p>It wasn’t hard to do the math. Poor Petra. Poor Levi. At least Marie had been able to get free of that monster. She’d gotten out of it with a nice ‘retirement’ package. The younger girls lived with her in Candlemoor most of the time. Her relationship with Senta was improving. Nile had even come up last week for a family evening.</p>
<p>She remembered while they were eating dinner and laughing that he had been her friend once, and that she’d valued his friendship. Her affection for him had tripled, she realized, now that she didn’t have to pretend to feel love that she just couldn’t feel. They were more of a family than they had been in years. Maybe ever.</p>
<p>She’d told Nile to come up as often as he liked. She hoped she’d see him soon.</p>
<p>“Ma’am?” A maid curtseyed beside her. “There’s a phone call for you in the salon.”</p>
<p>“Hmm? Who?” She hoped and feared it was Erwin. She wanted always to be the millstone around his neck, and to remind him of that fact, but she also hated hearing his smooth, icy voice.</p>
<p>“Mr. Dok.”</p>
<p>“Oh! Thank you.” Marie smiled as she wrapped her shawl around her, got up, and went to the salon. She shut the door for privacy and picked up the phone. “Hello, Nile. How are you?”</p>
<p>“<em>I’m well. You?</em>”</p>
<p>Marie’s smile disappeared. She knew the man’s voice well, all its inflections. He sounded…</p>
<p>“Are you all right?”</p>
<p>“<em>Heh. Can’t get anything past you. I never could.</em>”</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“<em>Nothing. Nothing. I’ve just been sitting here, having a couple of drinks.</em>” She frowned. He didn’t sound drunk. “<em>I, uh, well. I just wanted to call and tell you…</em>” He sighed.</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“<em>I understand you never loved me. But I will never regret any of the time we had together.</em>”</p>
<p>He sounded so sincere. Tender. As if…</p>
<p>“Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye? What is it?” She gripped the receiver tighter. “Are you sick?”</p>
<p>“<em>No! No, not at all. Guess I’m just being sentimental. Listen, Senta’s bringing the girls back up to you.</em>”</p>
<p>“Already? This was your week with them. Why?”</p>
<p>“<em>Work’s gotten to be too much. I can’t spend the time I’d like.</em>”</p>
<p>“Well, why don’t you come up here with them when you’re done? There’s plenty of room. We could have a nice weekend.”</p>
<p>He laughed softly. “<em>I’d really like that.</em>”</p>
<p>She shut her eyes. Any other man would have never spoken to her again. Any other man would have scoffed at Nile, called him weak and less than a man for letting Erwin take his wife, for forgiving that wife. She’d even shared that unflattering opinion of him once.</p>
<p>What a fool she’d been.</p>
<p>“Please. Is there anything bothering you?”</p>
<p>“<em>Just memories. You know.</em>”</p>
<p>He was being evasive. He was very good at that.</p>
<p>“Then while we’re confessing things. Nile…I know what I’ve done to you is unforgivable. I have no right to offer comfort. Just remember that I’m on your side. If you need anything. If anything’s wrong. Know that I’m here for you.”</p>
<p>It was silent for a minute. She wondered if the line had cut out.</p>
<p>“<em>I love you, Marie. Even if you don’t feel the same, I love you. I just wanted you to know that, one more time.</em>”</p>
<p>“One more time? Now you’re really scaring me.”</p>
<p>“<em>Sorry. All I meant was I wanted to say it again, even though I should stop. So. I have.</em>”</p>
<p>She bit her lip. “I…I don’t feel it the way you do, it’s true. But I love you, Nile. In my own way, I love you very much. In my own way, you’re the man I’ve loved most in this world.”</p>
<p>He sighed deeply. He sounded almost relaxed. “<em>Thank you. That was what I needed to hear.</em>” He sounded choked up.</p>
<p>“It’s true. So if there’s anything wrong, pick up the phone. All right?”</p>
<p><em>“All right. I, uh, better go. Work. The girls should be up around dinnertime tomorrow.</em>”</p>
<p>“Yes, all right. See you later.”</p>
<p>“<em>Later. Marie? Thank you.</em>”</p>
<p>He hung up the phone. Marie hung up as well, but hovered for a minute, wondering if she should call back.</p>
<p>One more time?</p>
<p>What did he mean?</p>
<p>Eventually, she decided he meant what he said he’d meant. That he wanted to tell her one last time before shutting his mouth forever.</p>
<p>Hopefully, their forever would last a while.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You sure about this?” Levi muttered. He sat in the backseat of the car and stared out the window. They were near the palace’s service entrance, where deliveries were made and dropped off.</p>
<p>“Lady Kiyomi has ensured that all things are in order,” the driver said. Sounded pissy. Well, Levi’d asked a few times already.</p>
<p>Pretty soon, Petra would come through that door with Armin. They’d get in the car, and the guy would drive. He’d drive them out of the city, and they’d switch cars with another driver. Eventually, they’d change a third time. That’d get them to the southern port, and onto a ship.</p>
<p>He looked at the other occupant of the backseat. Mikasa plucked at her scarf, the only nervous tell in her otherwise serene countenance. In a minute, she’d be getting out and grabbing her own transport. There was an eastern port as well, and Kiyomi’s personal ship was waiting to take the women to Hizuru.</p>
<p>“You’ll be okay,” he said.</p>
<p>“I know. I wish I could have seen Kuchel before I go.”</p>
<p>“She’ll see you again. Don’t worry about that.”</p>
<p>He should have been down there in the southern port by now, hiding with Kuchel. She needed him. But he had to see Petra. He had to hold her. He had to protect her on the way down.</p>
<p>He had to know she was all right.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he grumbled. “Again. You didn’t have to blow up your own life for me.”</p>
<p>“Well.” Mikasa sniffed. “I suppose…you’re all family.”</p>
<p>He looked up in surprise. First time she’d used that word and included him.</p>
<p>“You’ll find Eren again. Kid’ll show up. He doesn’t know how to stay out of the action,” Levi said. She smiled at that.</p>
<p>“Yes. I just wish I could’ve said goodbye to Sasha, Connie, and Jean.”</p>
<p>Connie especially. Levi thought again of his confrontation with the Armored Titan. Could’ve gone bad. Worse. Could’ve been a real fight to the death. But Connie had not wanted to hurt him.</p>
<p>He was a good kid.</p>
<p>They all were good kids. Hell, just kids.</p>
<p>A car pulled up behind them. The guy flashed his lights once. Mikasa’s car.</p>
<p>“Be safe.” Levi held out his hand. “Til we see you again.”</p>
<p>She hesitated, then took his hand. They shook.</p>
<p>“You, too.”</p>
<p>Then she was out and gone. The car drove away down the street, taking her to Kiyomi and safety. Levi was left alone with his thoughts.</p>
<p>He wanted Petra. He wanted to see Erwin, to kill him. Then he could sever this ache under his ribs. This feeling like he was being ripped away from something, something attached to the core part of him.</p>
<p>
  <em>An Ackerman can choose.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s free.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He can choose.</em>
</p>
<p>That was Levi’s whole problem. He hadn’t made a choice. He’d kept putting it off and putting it off.</p>
<p>No more. Never again. Just…</p>
<p>
  <em>Please, Petra. Let me see you.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Hey.” She was holding Armin before the fire. The palace was silent tonight. She’d cuddled the baby every chance she got the entire day. The child slumbered peacefully, but when she kissed his nose he awoke. He looked up at her with those bright, happy eyes. He grinned. “I want you to know that I love you. You’re not going to remember me, or what I’m saying. But I love you so, so much. I always will. I’m going to think about you every single day for the rest of my life.” She kissed his forehead. The baby gurgled. Her head felt tight; her throat closed shut. She wouldn’t cry. She tickled his little socked feet—he was wearing socks Ingrid had knitted him, the socks he’d been wearing when they were taken. She plucked one of those socks and held it tight in her fist. She’d have it with her always, no matter what. “One day, I’ll find you again. I promise. In the meantime, be good for your Papa. He loves you very much. He’ll take good care of you.”</p>
<p>
  <em>You won’t remember that your name is Armin. But I’ll know, and I’ll tell you one day.</em>
</p>
<p>Armin cooed, and beamed up at her. Petra forced back the tears, and smiled in return. She kissed him one more time, then laid him into his bassinet as the clocks started striking eleven. She tucked him in one last time, and stroked his plump little cheek with one finger. She rocked the baby back and forth, and he fell asleep almost instantly. The fire crackled in the hearth.</p>
<p>They had a nurse come in every couple of hours to check on mother and child. She’d be here around one, and find the baby alone. She’d raise the alarm, but Armin would be taken care of.</p>
<p>“Petra?”</p>
<p>She almost leapt out of her skin. Nile was standing before her—he’d just appeared, like Erwin had that first day he’d brought her here.</p>
<p>“Where did you—?”</p>
<p>“The servant’s entrance is built into the wall.” He pointed it out. Yes, a panel opened and shut. He could take her out without anyone seeing. Huh. Nile looked at the bassinet, and frowned. He studied the sleeping baby. “Are you sure about this?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” It was some of the worst pain of her life, but Levi needed…</p>
<p>He needed her. He needed safety. He needed so much that she hadn’t given him. And so did Kuchel.</p>
<p>One last time, she kissed her baby’s cheek. He gurgled, and smiled in his sleep.</p>
<p>If she stayed one more second, she wouldn’t be able to leave him. Her jaw clenched shut to keep from making noise, Petra rushed past Nile and into the servants’ tunnel. She lost the fight against her tears, but didn’t make noise as they hurried along the corridor. Nile guided her along, his hand on her shoulder. They went down a few steps, passing beneath the palace itself.</p>
<p>She understood now. The snaking corridor would lead them up to the kitchens, and from there it was a straight shot across the room and out the servants’ door. This time of night, no one would be there. They had a single chance.</p>
<p>Petra hurried, faster and faster. Nile kept a grip on her shoulder, just to make sure she didn’t stumble.</p>
<p>Every step took her farther away from her baby…but closer to Levi and Kuchel.</p>
<p>It was Petra’s fault, this pain. She’d have to live with it for everyone else’s sake.</p>
<p>“Almost there,” Nile whispered. They came upon a wall. He pushed at a panel, and they stepped outside and into the kitchen. It was enormous, the size of some people’s entire houses. Past the ovens and rows of kitchen tables, she saw the narrow hallway that led to the outside. Petra and Nile hurried over the floor. Soon, soon they’d be out—</p>
<p>Someone stepped out of the shadows, stopping them in their tracks. Petra bit her tongue to keep from screaming. Nile reached for something in his jacket pocket—maybe a gun—but Petra stopped his arm.</p>
<p>In the moonlight, she saw this was a maid, a young woman. What she was doing here, Petra didn’t know. But she saw that the left side of the girl’s face was badly scarred.</p>
<p>But that wasn’t why Petra stared. She could swear she knew this person. It was a blurry memory, but it started to come back to her in color and sound.</p>
<p>Oh. Oh god. “Inga?” she whispered. Petra took a step closer. The maid looked down at her, seemingly lost for words.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Nile whispered.</p>
<p>Yes. If Inga screamed, even one short scream, the watchmen in the outer corridors would hear. It’d be over.</p>
<p>“Don’t,” Petra whispered, hand behind her. She stopped Nile. Whatever he was about to do… She licked her lips. “What…what happened to you?” She had to say something.</p>
<p>“Zeke. He set the fire and left me locked in that cage. But I got out.”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. What a fucking idiot she’d been to think that miserable ape would ever do the right thing.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be. You’re the reason I…” Inga gnawed her lip. Then she nodded once. “Go. Right now,” she whispered. Inga walked past them and away, back down the corridor.</p>
<p>She’d let them go.</p>
<p>Petra was so tightly wound at this point that she almost started giggling like a maniac. She barreled ahead, Nile right behind. He stopped her in the foyer, and opened a closet. Yes, it was where servants kept their outdoor coats. He grabbed one and wrapped her in it. Petra shivered, then put up the hood.</p>
<p>“Go slow,” he whispered. “They patrol the grounds, but they don’t have people at the back entrance right now. That’ll change soon, so go. There’s a car on the street. Levi’s inside. It’ll take you to the port.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She looked back at him. A few years ago, she’d thought him an arrogant, stuck up idiot. She’d thought Erwin was the greatest man in the world. Quickly, Petra hugged him. Nile grunted, but patted her back awkwardly. “I won’t forget this.”</p>
<p>“Make sure Levi doesn't either,” he joked. “Go.”</p>
<p>She went. Petra hurried out the door, finding it mercifully unguarded. She went down the snowy path with her head down and hands in the pockets of her coat. The wrought iron gate was locked from the outside, but not chained. Petra unlocked it, searching around in case anyone spotted her. But nothing happened. She slipped out and closed the gate, turned around. She was free. On the street.</p>
<p>Right across from her was a car. The back door opened.</p>
<p>And Levi was there.</p>
<p>She started shaking all over. She almost sat down on the ground she was so dizzy. Petra rushed into the street, nearly getting hit by a damn car for her troubles. The driver swerved and swore at her.</p>
<p>And then Levi was standing in front of her. He was touching her.</p>
<p>He was real.</p>
<p>“Come on, brat.”</p>
<p>He hustled her into the car, slammed the door, and they drove away. Petra breathed heavily. She started to hyperventilate, and then she was in his arms. She was pressed against him and smelled the clean, cool scent of his skin. His lips were in her hair, tracing her forehead. Until…</p>
<p>“Wait. Fuck,” he croaked. “Where’s the baby?”</p>
<p>She didn’t let him go. She only held him tighter.</p>
<p>“Safe,” she said. “And so are you.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Nile returned to his apartment at a quarter to midnight. The girls were up in Wall Maria with Marie now. Good. He hadn’t wanted them to witness this.</p>
<p>Even though it was late, he put on a record and played music very quietly. He poured himself a drink, and then sat in his armchair and gazed out at the city streets. He smiled at his reflection, and toasted it.</p>
<p>
  <em>I wish I could have told the girls more. Everything. I wish I could have said one more time how much…ah well. Bad idea to have regrets.</em>
</p>
<p>He leaned back and thought about Marie. How decades ago he and Erwin had been drinking at that one table and caught sight of her sitting at the bar with her rolled canvas beside her. When she’d looked up, Nile’s heart almost stopped. She was beautiful. Fresh. Yet worldly. Everything a naïve boy could want.</p>
<p>He remembered Marie’s smile. Her dressed in white on their wedding day. He thought of the day Senta was born, and how she’d cried with happiness. That was the first time that she kissed him and he felt she truly meant it.</p>
<p>Their life together hadn’t been perfect. But for him, it had been enough.</p>
<p>He sat there and drank as one o’clock came and went. At one thirty five, cars pulled up outside his apartment building. Nile knocked back the last of his whiskey, and got out of his chair. He put a hand in his pocket, and turned around.</p>
<p>The urgent knock came on his door.</p>
<p>He didn’t answer.</p>
<p>Nile heard voices. Then there was a crash as they bashed his door down. He just remained there, smiling, as Erwin entered his apartment.</p>
<p>The king seemed enormous in this space. Nile’s life had grown so small; Erwin’s had expanded. But Nile was the one smiling now.</p>
<p>That felt good.</p>
<p>“Where is she?” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“I don’t know who you mean.”</p>
<p>“I know you were in her room a few days ago. Alone. I know none of the servants did it. Tell me where she went, and I could be merciful.”</p>
<p>“You? Merciful?” Nile scratched the back of his head. He laughed. He felt very free now. Weightless. “If this has been your mercy, maybe punishment would be better.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be smart.”</p>
<p>“I never have been, remember? If I were smart, I wouldn’t have done this.”</p>
<p>Nile pulled the gun out of his pocket, aimed for Erwin’s face, and pulled the trigger.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was almost five in the morning. Erwin was running out of time. He sat there grimly as the convoy roared down the highway, right for the southern port. He absently rubbed his cheek; the bullet wound had healed hours ago, but he could still feel the burn. He’d never been shot in the face before.</p>
<p>He didn’t like the experience.</p>
<p>Nile had held out for a while. Longer than he should have. Erwin hadn’t wanted to resort to torture, but his son’s happiness was at stake. He’d stood outside the room and listened to Nile’s screams.</p>
<p>Maybe he’d felt sick. But Erwin had stayed resolute for Siegfried’s sake.</p>
<p>Finally, just before four, they had the information. The southern port. The ship bound for Valle.</p>
<p>Erwin had called ahead to the port, but they were giving him trouble. This was a Marleyan ship, and they didn’t like being ordered around. So the king went down there himself, to find Petra and drag her back if he had to.</p>
<p>And wherever she was, Levi might be. The thought made Erwin even more desperate to reach the ship. To see him again.</p>
<p>Levi had tried to kill him, but it was pride guiding his actions. Erwin had felt his desire. The way he’d started to fall to Erwin’s suggestions.</p>
<p>Levi wanted to join their lives together. Erwin knew that he did.</p>
<p>Sirens blaring, the vehicles roared into the southern military camp, where an escort guided them the rest of the way to the ship. Erwin sent his soldiers onboard and waited. The soldiers tied down the captain and any who resisted. They made a clean sweep of the passengers, bringing out young red-haired women, short, dark-haired men, and any small girls for Erwin’s inspection.</p>
<p>He looked at every last one of them. But none were Petra, or Levi, or Kuchel.</p>
<p>“Look again,” he snarled. “Turn the ship upside down. Tear it apart. Sink it if you have to, but find them!”</p>
<p>Erwin cursed loudly as he walked back to the convoy. Nile had told them the southern port. The five o’ clock ship. Perhaps the Ackermans hadn’t come.</p>
<p>Or perhaps…</p>
<p>“No,” Erwin whispered. He grew slack with wonder. Despite the situation, he almost laughed.</p>
<p>For the first and last time, Nile had really gotten one over on him.</p>
<p>It was nearly wonderful.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi kept her in his arms as they arrived at the eastern port. He saw the figures on the dock, waiting to board. Kiyomi. Mikasa. Ingrid, and Kuchel.</p>
<p>When her parents got out of the car, Kuchel screamed and exploded out of Ingrid’s arms. She raced to them, sobbing her heart out.</p>
<p>“Mama! Mama!”</p>
<p>“Oh god, my baby.” Petra caught the girl and held her close, covering her with kisses as Levi guided them hurriedly to the ship. Damn. Nile was a smarter son of a bitch than Levi’d given him credit for. He’d even convinced Levi that they were heading south. Smart guy.</p>
<p>“Here.” Ingrid met them, hugged Petra, gave her Gretel and a small packed bag. She kissed Kuchel. There was no time for long goodbyes, but Levi shook her hand warmly.</p>
<p>“Be safe,” he said.</p>
<p>“You, too.” His mother in law patted his shoulder, and then walked away. She kept her hands in her pockets. Ingrid wasn’t a woman of big emotions. He liked that about her. He understood it.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Kiyomi said, guiding them up the plank and onto the ship.</p>
<p>“Thought you couldn’t help us,” Levi said, hurrying up behind her. The woman’s white-coated back remained turned to him. Not a strand of her sleek black hair was out of place. A real shark, this one.</p>
<p>“You’re still going to Valle. This is all I can do for you,” she said. She looked at Mikasa. “But…Mikasa could not leave the little girl’s fate to chance.”</p>
<p>Mikasa said nothing, only kept her head down and helped them all get aboard. Levi and Petra watched as Ingrid waved from the dock for a full minute. Then she got into her car—their car—and drove away into the early morning.</p>
<p>Levi realized with a twinge that he was leaving his horse behind…</p>
<p>Well. He didn’t think Erwin was the type to take out his revenge on animals.</p>
<p>Probably.</p>
<p>And then they were leaving. They pulled away from the dock, empty at this hour, and steamed off. Levi stood at the railing and watched Paradis’s coastline disappear into the blackness.</p>
<p>He was gone.</p>
<p>He’d left home before for missions, for war. But now he was gone indefinitely. Maybe even forever. He didn’t know when he’d see the place again.</p>
<p>After Erwin was dead?</p>
<p><em>I have to kill him myself.</em> It was a promise. Mercy. But…</p>
<p>But then there were his wife and daughter. They weren’t on the deck. He found them in the cabin Kiyomi had set aside for them. Petra was cuddling Kuchel on the bed, hugging her so tight that he almost feared she’d choke the kid. But Kuchel only giggled, happy once more. Trauma bounced off this kid. She had seen her mother taken away, screaming, along with her baby brother, and…</p>
<p>Yeah. Armin.</p>
<p>Levi leaned against the doorframe. Petra hadn’t brought the kid along. Levi could understand the reasoning. Made sense. But…also, it was such a fucking weight off his shoulders. He’d endured it all for Petra’s sake, even gotten to like the kid, but—and it pained him to think this, what a piece of shit he was—but Armin’s presence had been like a nail inserted into his flesh, driven a little deeper every day. Now they’d pulled the nail out entirely.</p>
<p>Fuck. He needed to stop thinking like this.</p>
<p>“How’re my girls?” he asked, closing the door. Kuchel bounced over to him. He lifted her into his arms and hugged her. Him, Petra, and Kuchel. Together again. Alone together.</p>
<p>He hated that he loved it.</p>
<p>“Good. Papa? Um, Papaaaa?” She started squishing his cheeks. The brat was handsy.</p>
<p>“What?” He sat on the bed beside Petra.</p>
<p>“Where’s Armin? Wh-where’s Armin? Isn’ he here?”</p>
<p>Petra looked away. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Hey. Uh. Armin…” Tell as much of the truth as possible. “He’s staying with Uncle Erwin for a while.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Okay.” Immediately, she relaxed. Then she frowned. “He’s comin’ back, uh huh?”</p>
<p>“Sure. Eventually.” He kissed Kuchel and laid her on the bed. Petra started to tickle her stomach, and the child shrieked with glee. It took so little to make her happy. Thank god for that. She soon fell asleep, hugging Gretel, her stuffed bear lying on the pillow over her head. They only were able to bring two of her toys. Eh. There were toys in Valle.</p>
<p>When their daughter was asleep, Levi took Petra aside. The cabin had two rooms, a bedroom and a small sitting area. He shut the door and sat with her on the couch.</p>
<p>“Petra,” he breathed.</p>
<p>He brushed the back of his fingers against her face. She gripped his wrist and kissed his fingers one after the other. She melded into his embrace so seamlessly. He could breathe again. Her heart beating against his, he could breathe.</p>
<p>And for the first time in his life…there was no storm in his mind. Because now he knew everything. What he was. What he wanted.</p>
<p>She whispered his name. Her lips found his. He ran his hand along her breast, her waist, the swell of her hip. They couldn’t fuck yet, still too soon after the C section, but it was so quiet here.</p>
<p>So free.</p>
<p>No Erwin. No Armin. Just them, floating away.</p>
<p>“Did he hurt you?” Levi whispered in her hair.</p>
<p>“No. He wanted…” She shuddered. “He’s lost it. The Erwin we knew is gone.”</p>
<p>“He has been for a while.” He ghosted kisses along her forehead. “Since Hybernia. I should’ve killed him for that. But I didn’t want to let him go.”</p>
<p>“This all happened because of me.” She hugged him tight. “I was such an idiot.”</p>
<p>Levi stroked the back of her head, breathed in the warm, floral scent of her.</p>
<p>“No,” he said. “It was my fault.”</p>
<p>“No, Levi. You can’t take everything on yourself.”</p>
<p>“Let me finish. Tch.” He kissed her neck. “Remember the night we got back together in Trost? A month after the thing in Mitras.”</p>
<p>“I remember.” She sniffed, rubbed her eye.</p>
<p>“Remember how I said I’d choose him over you every time? How you’d always come second?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Levi. Don’t—”</p>
<p>“Let me finish, you brat. I never really chose between you. I let you both be the most important thing. And you knew you had to share with him. That’s why you kept forgiving him no matter what he did to you. Because you knew <em>I</em> needed him.”</p>
<p>Petra’s cheeks became flushed. She looked down. Levi wasn’t the world’s most intuitive guy, but these past days he’d had plenty of time to think about how the fuck they’d all gotten here. And he’d finally made sense of it.</p>
<p>“I didn’t…do what I did for you, though. I did it because I was selfish,” she said.</p>
<p>“You were out of your mind with grief. I’m getting sick of telling you that.”</p>
<p>“I cheated—”</p>
<p>“You thought I was <em>dead</em>. It’s not like we had a fight and you went out, got loaded, and crawled into his bed. What you did’s not cheating, Petra. Even when I was feeling raw about it, I knew that much.”</p>
<p>She shook her head, but kissed him. She kissed him again. God, those lips were so soft. So perfect. He would spend the rest of his life devouring them.</p>
<p>He’d live and die in her arms.</p>
<p>“What we had was so perfect, and I ruined it,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“What we have <em>is</em> perfect. Least I think it is. If you don’t…”</p>
<p>He saw the shock in her eyes, and it made all the tension in his chest unknot. That look told him everything.</p>
<p>“Every second with you is perfect.” She hugged him again, held him tight. “I just…”</p>
<p>“Listen to me. I let Erwin Smith be the third person in our marriage.” And it was true. Always filtering every decision he made with her through the lens of how it’d affect Erwin. “Look. If I’d stopped fighting his wars when you asked me to, neither of us would’ve gone to Kawani. I never would’ve gotten blown up. You wouldn’t have gone out of your mind. And I knew in my gut he didn’t need me anymore, but <em>I</em> needed <em>him</em>.” Levi shut his eyes with the pain of remembering. “I had to be somebody.”</p>
<p>“But you are.” She kissed his cheek. “You’re Humanity’s Strongest.”</p>
<p>“Fuck that. I was somebody when it was just you and me on the farm, making love in that forest. I was yours. Your husband, Kuchel’s father. That should’ve been enough. I didn’t want it to be.”</p>
<p>“What happened isn’t your fault.”</p>
<p>“Then it ain’t yours, either.” She stroked his cheek, and he kissed her palm. “Life takes you in fucked up directions. When we left Paradis, I left him. You understand?” Levi’s hands shook, but only a little. He got himself under control. “Erwin’s dead to me now. If I get the chance to kill him one day, I don’t even know if I’ll take it. ‘Cause that’d put you and Kuchel in danger.” Levi huffed. He tried to put his fragmented thoughts into words. “Look. Zeke said something about Ackermans. We’re free. We can choose our liege, or let ‘em go. We can choose what we care about.” He held her face in his hands. “My life is simple for the first time since I drew a goddamn breath. It’s you, and Kuchel, and any other kids we have. I’ll live for you. I’ll die for you. Only for you.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She wiped away a tear, and kissed him. She held him in those gentle arms of hers, and he felt something still inside his chest.</p>
<p>For the first time since he could remember, there was no tension. No concern. Life was simple again.</p>
<p>He had cut the last tie with Erwin. The king drifted away behind them, vanishing into the blackness. Now it was only her.</p>
<p>And if he felt a twinge for what he’d left behind, he thought only of the woman in his arms and it all got a little easier. Her breath, her lips, her tongue, her cheeks, her chin, she was every bit his.</p>
<p>“He wanted to make you queen,” Levi whispered, his lips at the corner of her mouth.</p>
<p>“I’d rather live with you in a shack than be his anything.” She brushed her nose against his.</p>
<p>“Hey, you might get your wish. We’re going to Marley with nothing.”</p>
<p>“No. We’ve got Kuchel. And I’ve got you.” She leaned her forehead against his, and smiled. But he felt that little bit of tension.</p>
<p>Even though he was happy with how things had turned out, he couldn’t help feeling sorrow for her. Because what she’d left behind had to hurt worse than what he’d lost.</p>
<p>“You could have brought the kid,” he whispered. “I wouldn’t have minded.”</p>
<p>“Erwin would have blown up the world to find him.” Petra sniffed. “And I had to keep you and Kuchel safe.”</p>
<p>“I can take care of myself.”</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t I know it?” She smiled a little, kissed him again. “But also…”</p>
<p>Her expression changed, became muted. He could see her fighting some small battle inside of herself.</p>
<p>“What, baby?” He cupped her chin.</p>
<p>“I saw how much he hurt you,” she whispered. Her eyes closed. Levi felt stunned. Too stunned to… She didn’t mean…</p>
<p>“You gave him up for me?” He expected her to be aghast at the suggestion, to ask how important he thought he was. But Petra only leaned her head against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I’m a bad mother. I’m a terrible person,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You are a wonderful mother, and the best person I know. My word trumps yours,” he whispered in her ear. Petra looked him in the eyes. The light made her tears shine.</p>
<p>“I know giving him up was better for him, and for the world, and for Kuchel. But I also…god help me.” She wiped her cheeks. “You sacrificed so much for me, and I couldn’t watch him break you a little bit more every single day.”</p>
<p>“You gave up your son…so I wouldn’t feel bad?” He didn’t feel bad now; only kind of numb.</p>
<p>
  <em>She loves me like that. </em>
</p>
<p><em>She loves me like </em>that.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>“From the second I saw you all those years ago, I knew you were what I wanted most in the world. You’re still everything I want. I don’t care where we live. I just need to be with you. And I need you to be happy.” Her chin trembled. “Or at least, I can’t be the thing that makes you unhappy.”</p>
<p>And here he’d thought that he loved her more than she loved him. What a giant idiot he’d been. She’d given up a piece of her soul for his damn sake. Levi sat in the revelation. He held her, sat in the quiet with her for a while.</p>
<p>“One day, you’ll see him again. I promise,” he whispered, kissing the tip of her ear.</p>
<p>“I know Erwin will be good to him. Maybe Armin really will change him. I hope so.”</p>
<p>“Me, too. But I’m not gonna stick around to find out.” He kissed her cheek, her temple. “My life’s you and Kuchel. Kenny said we all were slaves to something. He said I was a slave to being a hero. And I was. But now, you and that kid are what keep me going. You’re what I wanna be tied to.”</p>
<p>“And you. I want the same thing.” She kissed him again, harder this time. They practically melded together. For the first time in fuck knows how long, Levi felt truly light. It was like those first days of their relationship in Mitras, no baggage or complications, only possibility. “I told my father once I wanted to devote all of myself to you. Now, finally, I can do that.”</p>
<p>“You said that?” His tongue was clumsy. He just kissed her instead.</p>
<p>“Yes. I think everything kept getting in our way. The estates, the politics, Erwin, the kids in the military, everything. Though I love those kids.” She sniffed. “I hope I see them, too. Someday.”</p>
<p>“You will. But yeah, I see what you mean. All that shit got too complex. And I kept getting torn between him and you.” No wonder she’d gone to Erwin. Levi had shown her that Erwin mattered as much in their marriage as Petra did. Erwin was the closest thing she’d had to Levi’s proxy. Fuck, it had never been about the king’s looks or status. It’d been the link to get back to him, to Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>She loves me like that.</em>
</p>
<p>“We can’t go back to who we were before all this,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“When we had Kuchel, we couldn’t go back to who we were at that midwinter ball. Shit doesn’t stay the same, Pet. It keeps rolling downhill.”</p>
<p>She giggled. “I love how you phrase things.”</p>
<p>“You know what I mean. Only kids believe in something good that never changes. But now…” He got up, pulled her to her feet. Petra shrieked a little as he lifted her up, his arms around her waist. She looked shocked, but also delighted. He held her there; she was his alone. “I know what I want, and who I want. And it only took getting killed to figure that shit out.”</p>
<p>“I love you.” She laughed and cried a little as he set her down. She held him close. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making you so damn happy.”</p>
<p>“Good. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” Again, he pressed his forehead to hers. They swayed back and forth, much the same way they had that first night in Mitras after the ball. Them in the stables, her in her nightgown and army coat. They had danced; she loved dancing. And he’d known at that moment that she was no fantasy, and that she was just for him. What an asshole he’d been to doubt that for even a second.</p>
<p>He didn’t know if you could make your family your ‘liege’ as an Ackerman. But he was going to try.</p>
<p>Petra sat them both on the couch again. She laid down, her head in his lap. He stroked her hair.</p>
<p>“Oi, Pet?” He cleared his throat. “I know Armin…fuck. If you need to cry about him, it won’t be awkward for me. If you were wondering.”</p>
<p>“I was.” Her voice sounded small, but soft. “Thank you. I…I think I will. No, I know I will.” Only natural. His heart broke a little to know that hers was damaged now. Mothers didn’t forget their children. She’d never forget the boy. Levi didn’t want her to. “Another thing.” She sat up again, straddled him on the couch. She wove her fingers together, clasping the back of his neck. “Eren said Erwin would become a monster. He said we’d have Armin. Everything he’s said so far has come true. He also said…Kuchel would be in danger.”</p>
<p>Levi nodded. “Remember what Zeke told me. Ackermans can choose things. Change things. Kuchel’s gonna be safe. I’ll see to it.”</p>
<p>He slid his hands along her thighs, gripped her ass. He smiled a little when she gasped in mock horror. Then Petra looked up. Her expression changed to one of awe.</p>
<p>“Look. The sun’s rising.” She got off of him. He followed her to the porthole and looked out. The sky was lightening, and there was pink on the horizon.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He pressed her to his chest. She relaxed into him. She was utterly his again, at last. “The night’s finished.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>Two days later</strong>
</p>
<p>He stood on the cliff as the sun was rising. The breeze played with his long hair, which he tied back into its customary bun. He stretched his arms up to the sky, and felt the coming warmth on his skin. Mornings felt like possibility. Like freedom.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Historia appeared beside him. She yawned. They’d spent the night in the brush, sheltering out of plain sight. These days, their home was on the ground or in a cave as much as in some halfway house. But she never complained. “What are you thinking about?”</p>
<p>“We’re getting close to our second chance,” he said softly. Historia frowned and bit her knuckle.</p>
<p>“Eren, maybe you should just transform me,” she said. He wouldn’t look at her. “This is leaving too much to chance, and I don’t want to do, well, what you’re planning. It’s too cruel.”</p>
<p>“I already said I would never sacrifice you, not if there was any other way.” Eren watched the horizon. “Besides, I told you what I saw.”</p>
<p>He’d spent months holding her hand, searching every possible thread of every possible path, past and future. Nearly all ended in disaster of some kind.</p>
<p>“You did tell me.” She combed her fingers through her blonde hair. Historia hated how tangled and matted it could get when they slept rough. “You’re sure those are the only two paths? Really?”</p>
<p>“Every other possibility led to annihilation. No, Historia. If you have to be sacrificed, it’ll be at the last possible second. That’s the only way the world has a chance.”</p>
<p>Historia walked to the very edge of the cliff. There was still that wild, self-destructive impulse in her that Eren knew would never be totally gone. She gazed out at the sea.</p>
<p>“If this second chance is lost, we’ll only have one more,” she said.</p>
<p>“The world will only have one more. And if it does, you’ll have to be in charge.” He stood beside her and crossed his arms. “But I think we can make it work this time. As long as I don’t lose my courage…and I won’t.”</p>
<p>She leaned against him. It was soothing to have her. When Eren thought of Mikasa, it was like a stab to his heart. But it had been right to leave her behind. She could never understand. She would have tried to stop him if she knew what he was preparing for.</p>
<p>Unlike him and Historia, Mikasa was perfectly good. As Armin had been.</p>
<p>Armin…</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m looking at the sea, Armin. I did it for you, like I promised I would.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Mikasa. I’ll save you. I swear.</em>
</p>
<p>“What are you looking for?” Historia asked quietly.</p>
<p>Eren scanned the horizon again and…there.</p>
<p>A black dot appeared. As the minutes ticked by, the dot grew. It was becoming larger.</p>
<p>A ship.</p>
<p>“Levi’s on that boat,” Eren said quietly. “He’s bringing me what I need to save this world.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone. I wasn't sure about writing this note, but I felt like it'd be better if I did. First of all, thank you so much to everyone who comments on this story. Your passion is so amazing, and I love how much you engage. That's a huge gift to me as a writer, so thank you again very much. I know that the story has gone in some directions that have shocked and even upset a few people, and I completely understand that reaction. It's extremely valid. I'm glad that people are upfront and honest about their emotions. I want that honesty. I also appreciate that when people comment, even if it's an upset or angry comment, they never attack me personally. I'm so grateful for that. You are all a wonderful bunch of readers, the best I could ask for. But I also wanted to say that while I haven't been getting any cruel notes about me as a person, some of the more upset comments are starting to weigh me down. This chapter took a lot longer than usual both because it's massive and because sometimes just thinking about it made me anxious. It's getting harder to want to write more of this story because I'm afraid of what someone's going to say, or that I'll get another private note from a (really amazing) reader telling me what they don't like. I am not asking you to avoid big issues or feelings at all. I want honest reactions and opinions. Just please remember that I'm only human, and that I don't want to start dreading this project because then I won't be able to finish. And believe me, as we're rounding the corner towards the end a lot of really strange stuff is going to happen, and the ending is going to be unabashedly happy. (I don't blame you if you don't believe me right now, but it will.) Thinking about it makes me excited. I really want to share it with you all because, at the very least, I think it'll become clear why I've made all the story decisions I've made thus far. I never do anything to deliberately shock or hurt anyone. If some of this has struck a nerve in a painful way, I'm very sorry. It was never intentional. And again, thank you for giving me your real thoughts and feedback. I value all of it. I love learning what people feel, and what touches them. I just wanted to give you all my honest feelings going forward because I do want to finish and I think it'll be worth it. So again, thank you all so much for reading and commenting. You make my day a little brighter when you do. xo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a line to get through immigration. They moved at a crawl, the sun beating down on them from above. Unlike the last time they’d been to Valle, they didn’t have falsified Marleyan passports; Kiyomi had only been able to give them applications for temporary visas, which she’d helped them fill out. Petra carried their small bag while Levi held Kuchel, who’d fallen asleep against him. The people around them were perspiring, and talking loudly. She knew it was too close for Levi’s comfort, all these sweating bodies in such close proximity.</p>
<p>But it was freedom. True freedom. Petra smiled at her husband, and he smiled back. Well, Levi didn’t smile so much as stop frowning. But it was enough. She kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“Eh, not in public,” he grumbled. But he held her to his side.</p>
<p>Petra presented their applications for asylum at the front of the line. A Marleyan officer looked the Ackermans up and down, and sneered.</p>
<p>“More refugees from that devil’s island,” he grumbled, stamping a couple of booklets. “World’s gone to hell.”</p>
<p>Levi made a move like he’d grab the man. Petra managed to catch his arm.</p>
<p>“If we start trouble, they might not let us through,” she whispered. He sneered, but eased off. They accepted the officer’s scowls and the paperwork. They’d been approved for temporary housing, and Levi was going to be put into a ‘labor exchange program’, which meant that he’d work for a year or more doing menial labor until their citizenship could be approved.</p>
<p>It wasn’t a very fair program. Essentially, it was almost indentured servitude. No, that’s exactly what it was. However, Petra couldn’t exactly get mad at it. Erwin had instituted the program on Paradis first. Willy Tybur just made his own version.</p>
<p>They were approved—the Braun family. Kiyomi had changed their name to help them avoid detection.</p>
<p>Kuchel woke and started getting grouchy when they finally loaded onto the bus that would take them to their new assigned housing. Kuchel cried until Petra bounced her and sang a song. While they traveled, Petra looked out the window onto the highway. At least the housing was near the ocean. That’d be nice.</p>
<p>This was quite a change. One day, she’d been living in a palace, presented with jewels, told she’d be a queen. Today, she was on a bus that smelled like stale cigarette smoke, packed with other people like tinned fish, headed for life as the working class.</p>
<p>And she was happier here, with Levi at her side, than she ever would have been in that palace. She slipped her hand into his.</p>
<p>There was one and only one thing that marred her relief and newfound contentment. Armin…</p>
<p>The little sock was safe in Petra’s pocket. Just thinking about the baby brought a lump to her throat.</p>
<p>
  <em>I did the right thing for him. And for us.</em>
</p>
<p>But that didn’t make it hurt less.</p>
<p>Still, she remained cool as the bus trundled into a gated area surrounded by square-shaped apartment buildings. The Ackermans got off, and presented their paperwork. They were instructed to head to the second floor, apartment 2F. Kuchel had fallen asleep again, and was drooling on Levi’s shoulder. He looked pained. Petra laughed as they carried their meager belongings up the stairs. Her stomach ached a bit, but it wasn’t as horribly painful as it had been days before.</p>
<p>They opened the door to their new home.</p>
<p>Petra bit her lip; she knew Levi’s first mission would be to go and wrest as many cleaning supplies from the janitorial closets as he could. It was a small living room with a tiny stove and oven in the corner. There was also a single bedroom to the left, with a bathroom as well. The place smelled like cigarettes just as the bus had. They entered, and Levi shut the door with his foot. Petra looked overhead, and tugged on a ceiling fan’s cord. The fan began to slowly spin, creaking with every third turn.</p>
<p>“Well. Shit,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Petra took Kuchel and brought her into the bedroom. She laid her daughter on the bed and covered her with the thin blanket. She tucked in Gretel beside Kuchel, and the toy bear. Then she shut the door and returned to her husband. Levi looked jumpy as a cat; if he could have hovered above the floor, touching nothing, he’d have probably been happy.</p>
<p>“It’ll be okay. It’s temporary,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Tch.” He frowned deeply. His thin eyes narrowed further. “Guess this is what choosing a shit like me gets you.”</p>
<p>“No.” She put her arms around his neck. “Choosing you gets me <em>you</em>. Which makes me happy.”</p>
<p>“Damn brat.” But he kissed her. He tucked himself into her embrace. They stood there, wrapped tight in each other’s arms. She kissed his shoulder. “I’m gonna get a mop, a broom, a dustpan, some cloths, a bunch of soap and water, some detergent, some bleach…”</p>
<p>“I’ll help.”</p>
<p>“Nah. This’ll give me something to do. My muscles are cramped since being on that boat for two days. Plus, you don’t clean as well as me.”</p>
<p>“Well. No one does.”</p>
<p>“Go take a nap with Kuchel. I’ll also see what I can do about food. They gave us some grocery vouchers.”</p>
<p>“Let me do that part.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” He kissed her. “Go stay with the kid while I get all my supplies together.”</p>
<p>“Levi?” She combed her fingers through his sleek black hair. There was now a visible, thin stripe of gray on the side of his head. Bags were starting to develop beneath his eyes, more pronounced than before. He was on the very threshold of middle age. He looked tired. She kissed him deeply. “I know this is hard. But our life is really starting now.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He gave a ghost of a smile. “You’re all mine now.”</p>
<p>“And you’re all mine.”</p>
<p>They kissed once more, so deeply Petra felt herself getting heavy and warm. She had to let him go; making love right now would be a bad idea, as Kuchel could wake at any moment. Levi had the same idea.</p>
<p>“Don’t make me lose my mind, kid.” He kissed her cheek. “Go rest up.”</p>
<p>Then he left.</p>
<p>Petra snuggled with Kuchel and tried to nap, but every time she closed her eyes she saw Armin asleep against her, smiling as she cuddled him. She woke and buried her face in the pillow, trying not to make a sound as she let a few tears fall. Whenever she thought of her son, she felt a pain under her ribs. It felt like some part of her had fallen away.</p>
<p>But it was for her family. For the world. For Armin, and for Kuchel. For Levi.</p>
<p>She’d deal with it for their sakes. When Kuchel awoke, Petra sat up and pulled the child onto her lap. She recited stories from memory while Kuchel yawned and whimpered.</p>
<p>“I’m hungryyyy,” she cried.</p>
<p>Levi returned soon after. Petra took the food vouchers and went out while her husband began cleaning and talking to their daughter. The immigrants weren’t allowed off the camp’s property, but there was a ‘market’ of sorts, where they could redeem their vouchers for food. Petra got milk, bread, eggs, and a little bit of butter. She could have gotten some fruit, but decided on tea instead. Levi needed something good. He deserved a few nice things after this nightmare.</p>
<p>When she presented the groceries, she saw his whole face light up at the canister of tea. Petra laughed, and kissed him. Levi picked her up by the waist and spun her. The tea made him happy; the freedom made him happier. Kuchel sat on the living room sofa, hugging Gretel and grinning as she watched her parents turn around and around, locked in each other’s arms.</p>
<p>“It’s so simple now,” he whispered in Petra’s hair. She kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“It feels good.”</p>
<p>“Better than good.” They embraced, and Petra felt the space inside of her fill with his presence. She kissed the line of her husband’s jaw and the lobe of his ear. With him, anywhere was home. Paradise. No matter what.</p>
<p>“Gotta be good in front of the kid,” he muttered. Though he sounded regretful.</p>
<p>They made toast and eggs for dinner. Kuchel got sleepy soon after. Levi had scrubbed the bathroom, so they gave her a quick bath and then put her to bed. They’d been given parcels of clothes when they arrived, charity gifts for refugees and poor immigrants. None of the clothes fit perfectly, but they were better than nothing. They put Kuchel in a little blue nightdress. The Ackermans got into bed and turned off the lamp. They lay in the semi-darkness, as the window blinds didn’t close perfectly and there was some shouted voices and music from a phonograph playing off in the dark, on the other side of the apartment complex. Petra sang lullabies until Kuchel nodded off to sleep. She petted the child’s hair. Kuchel finally fell into a deep sleep. Petra and Levi lay on opposite sides of their daughter, staring at one another.</p>
<p>She still marveled at him. Every moment of being with him was a shock. How had she attained such a man?</p>
<p>But he looked tired. And she felt guilty for that.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” she whispered to him.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I am.” He sighed deeply. He reached out and stroked her cheek. “It’s gonna be hard, though. Sharing a room.”</p>
<p>Yes. Kuchel was going to make their love life difficult. Petra pressed her thumb to his lips.</p>
<p>“You know,” she whispered, “we don’t have to wait a whole other month.”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“The doctor only said you’re not supposed to lie down on top of me because of the stitches. He said nothing about me…on top. And we have a sofa.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t sure if he’d go for it, since this place wasn’t spotless. Making love was dirty business to begin with, and a less than clean environment made it all worse. But Levi’s eyes seemed to glow in the dim light. The desire overcame the disgust.</p>
<p>“Come on.” He got up, very careful not to wake Kuchel. Petra did the same. They went to the living room. She shut the bedroom door behind them, then put a kitchen chair in front of it just in case Kuchel tried opening it. The noise would alert them. Then she turned back to her husband.</p>
<p>The pain she’d been living with these last days diminished as they found each other again. They stood in the middle of the living room, kissing until she was almost breathless. Levi moaned softly. She guided him backwards, making him sit down on the sofa. With a tug, she removed his shirt. Petra wore a long, shapeless gown that fell to her knees. It buttoned down the front. Slowly, she unbuttoned it as she straddled him on the sofa. With a sigh, Petra settled into his lap as she shrugged the garment from her shoulders. Her breasts and stomach were on display for him. Levi’s eyes became hazy with lust as he took her breasts in his hands and squeezed. She bit her lip, suppressing a lustful moan as he played with her tits. His thumbs stroked her nipples, hardening them into beads.</p>
<p>“I hate how soft I am now,” she whispered. Her breasts were full, and her stomach flabbed a bit. But Levi’s hands only stroked her breasts, and her stomach, careful to avoid the stitches.</p>
<p>“I love your body, no matter what,” he whispered hoarsely. She felt how much he liked her through the thin cloth of his boxers. She shifted back and forth, seeing stars as his bulge rubbed against her. Levi leaned forward and sucked on one breast, then the other. Petra tilted her head back, her breath quickening as he licked, sucked, then grazed his teeth on the right, then the left, then the right again.</p>
<p>“Oh,” she whispered. She hoisted herself up as his hand tracked down her body and disappeared between her legs. He moaned when he slipped a finger into her. She was so wet.</p>
<p>“I’d kill for this,” he whispered against the base of her throat. She shifted her hips as his fingers slid in and out of her. She loved the wet sounds, how ready they signified she was. Levi nipped at her throat as Petra whimpered, hips bucking as he pressed a thumb to her clit.</p>
<p>“Stop,” she hissed as she was about to climax. He did. “I want to come with you inside me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am.” Levi rumbled in his throat as she reached down and pulled his boxers off. Petra grinned to see his erection in the dim light. It pointed so starkly upward, surrounded by that thatch of dark hair. It was so…enthusiastic. She took his cock in her hand.</p>
<p>“I love this. It’s so cute,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Hmmph.” Levi scowled. “Think cute’s really the right word?”</p>
<p>He lost some gruffness as she started to stroke him. His eyes shut.</p>
<p>“It’s so happy to see me. And it’s so thick, and hard, and hot,” she whispered in his ear. Levi’s breathing became shaky.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t want your hand.”</p>
<p>Yes. Petra positioned him and gave a long, soft gasp as she took him inside. She settled all the way down, until he was in as deep as he could get at this angle. She kissed Levi for a minute, kissed passionately as he throbbed inside of her.</p>
<p>“I want you to fuck me,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>She rocked back and forth, up and down as he kept sucking at her tit. Petra whimpered; she’d still been breastfeeding when they left, and him sucking on her nipple activated…well. Levi grunted when he tasted some of the milk. He didn’t seem to mind. He just buried his face between her breasts, breathed on her, kissed her.</p>
<p>They had slow, sweaty sex. As the music throbbed outside, they lost themselves in each other’s bodies. Petra felt sweat drip down her back to the base of her spine. Levi’s breath heated every inch of her. She lifted her arms over her head and bit her lip so as not to make a noise as she rode him rough. His breath came in short, hushed gasps.</p>
<p>“That’s right, baby,” he whispered, kissing beneath her breasts. “Fuck me good.”</p>
<p>“Oh yes.” She felt herself approaching the climax. She loved the butterfly sensation in her stomach as it arrived. “You’re a god. You’re so good. Mmm. I want to fuck you all day. All night.”</p>
<p>“So. Sweet.”</p>
<p>His hips thrust as he came in her. She came soon after, following him down into the blissful oblivion of orgasm.</p>
<p>Then they held each other, damp and breathing as the music pulsed outside the window. Petra wiped her face, looked down on Levi as he reclined against the sofa. He breathed gently, his eyes shut. She sat beside him, hooked a leg over his. They luxuriated in the neon darkness together.</p>
<p>His fingers played up and down the soft expanse of her thigh.</p>
<p>“I love you. Fuck. I love you,” he whispered.</p>
<p>She’d die without him. Without this. She cuddled next to him on the couch and whispered that in his ear. Levi held her close.</p>
<p>A little while later, when he was hard again and she was sore with wanting, she got on her hands and knees and panted as he took her from behind. Feeling him come in her was the most heavenly sensation.</p>
<p>When they were done, he kissed the whole length of her back. He told her that she was a goddess.</p>
<p>They crept past Kuchel into the bathroom. They were afraid the shower would wake her, but she was knocked out entirely. Petra stood in Levi’s arms, luxuriating in the cool water. With their naked bodies pressed together, she knew utter peace.</p>
<p>
  <em>Armin…</em>
</p>
<p>Thought of her son was a quick dagger right beneath her heart. Her tears melded with the shower water. Levi kissed her forehead when he saw her start to cry. He didn’t need to speak. He just understood.</p>
<p>They turned off the water, dried themselves. They lay together with Kuchel in bed. They looked at one another in the darkness, and Petra smiled. She traced her fingers along his lips, and found he was smiling, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For one month, this was their life. Levi went to work five days a week, breaking rocks or pouring tar on the highway. He never complained, and Petra heard murmurs from the other guys when they came home in the evening. They’d never seen anybody as strong as ‘the little grouch.’ Petra grinned when she learned that nickname.</p>
<p>As a woman with a child under six, she wasn’t required to work outside the home. But she was required to take older children in and look after them for shifts while their mothers were at work. It was okay, really. Kuchel loved having new friends. Petra was a good caretaker. When Levi came home in the evening, they’d make dinner and she’d brew tea for him. She learned how to make iced tea, and would run him a bath and let him soak and relax after work, bring him a frosty drink. Levi’s face was getting perpetually sunburned from all the outdoors labor, but he never complained.</p>
<p>“You spoil me, brat,” he’d murmur when she let him soak, brought him tea. She knelt beside the tub and kissed him.</p>
<p>“You went from being a lord to working construction for my sake. Spoiling you is the least I can do.”</p>
<p>“I’m happier this way than I was back there.” He’d kiss her nose. Sometimes, if Kuchel was playing next door with her new friend, Petra would join him in the bath.</p>
<p>It was a more frugal life. A harder one, in some respects. But Petra was happier than she could have imagined.</p>
<p>The only snag was when the sun started going down, and, like clockwork, the gray weight of Armin’s absence would settle on her shoulders. Then she’d take out the little sock, go into the bedroom, lie on the bed and hug the sock and cry for fifteen minutes. Levi never let Kuchel go inside when that happened. ‘Mama needs her privacy’ he said. When Petra had finished, she’d open the door and find him standing there. She’d lean against him, and he’d hold her. Never said a word, but he was there in the way that mattered.</p>
<p>Kuchel was also a problem. As time passed, she grew weary of the novelty of her new surroundings. She missed her room. She missed her toys. She missed her grandparents and ‘Misa.’</p>
<p>And she missed her brother most of all.</p>
<p>“When’s Armin coming? I want Armin! I wan’ him!” She started screeching and sobbing one night as Petra made dinner. Levi picked the child up and carried her to the couch. He sat with her on his knee.</p>
<p>“Armin’s with Uncle Erwin,” Levi said. He sounded pained. Kuchel usually was a doll for her father, but she stood on the sofa and jumped up and down in her fury.</p>
<p>“But he’s my brother! My dolly! I miss him!”</p>
<p>“Kuchel, stop.”</p>
<p>But the child kept crying and started kicking her father. And that was it. Levi rose up, stared down at her.</p>
<p>“We don’t kick people to get what we want!” he barked. It was a lesson he himself had learned far too late, and he’d see to it Kuchel didn’t follow his path.</p>
<p>“I wan’ Armin! I wanna go hoooome!” Kuchel bawled and kicked at Levi again. Snarling, he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. He placed her on the bed, and Petra heard him shout. She’d never heard him shout at Kuchel before.</p>
<p>“You’re being punished for being a brat. You sit in here until I tell you to come out. Got it?”</p>
<p>Kuchel had never experienced her father’s anger before. She started screaming at a level that could probably shatter glass. Petra rushed into the bedroom. Kuchel was having a fit on the bed, while Levi looked shellshocked. She grabbed her husband’s arm.</p>
<p>“Levi. Go stir the pot. I’ve got this,” she whispered. Levi just kept staring at Kuchel like he didn’t know her. Or maybe it was that he didn’t know himself. He left, shut the door, and Petra sat on the bed. Kuchel had her face buried in the blankets, and was squalling and kicking and sobbing. “Kuchel. Sit up. Come on, honey.”</p>
<p>Gently, Petra lifted the child. Kuchel sniffled and wiped her nose. She was four years old next month. They hadn’t been disciplining her enough. Petra took a handkerchief and wiped her face.</p>
<p>“Mama. Where’s Armin?” She whimpered. Petra understood then that this would only get worse unless she was honest.</p>
<p>“Okay. I’m going to tell you what’s going on.” She stroked Kuchel’s cheek. “You know how I’m your Mama and Armin’s Mama?”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.”</p>
<p>“Well, you know how Papa is your Papa?” Kuchel nodded. “Well…Uncle Erwin is Armin’s Papa.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” She nodded, accepting it fully. She did not yet understand what all of that meant. Kuchel probably thought both Levi and Erwin had given Petra an egg to hatch, like a faerie tale. “S-So Unwin wants to be Armin’s Papa?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Like Papa would always want to be with you, no matter what.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” She frowned. “But, but why can’t we all be together then?”</p>
<p><em>Erwin would entirely agree.</em> Petra kissed Kuchel’s little hands.</p>
<p>“Uncle Erwin…wanted to take me away from you and Papa and have me be with him. Like how I’m married to your Papa. That’s what he wanted.”</p>
<p>Kuchel gasped. “But you’re not…”</p>
<p>“No. I’m married to your Papa. But Uncle Erwin…it’s complicated. But he’s the one who had those men take me and Armin away. That’s why we left Paradis and changed our name. It’s sort of like a big hiding game; we don’t want Uncle Erwin to find us for a while. And the only way we could get him to let us leave at all was to let Armin stay with him.”</p>
<p>“So…we’ll never see Armin again?” Her chin wobbled. Petra hugged her.</p>
<p>“We will. It may take a while, but we will. And we’ll see Grandma and Grandpa and Mikasa. And Auntie. Okay?”</p>
<p>Kuchel sniffled. “Okay.”</p>
<p>And she accepted it. Children were as resilient as they were fragile.</p>
<p>“Now you do have to stay here for a while. Do you understand why?”</p>
<p>Kuchel sulked. “’Cause I kicked Papa.”</p>
<p>“That’s right. We use our words when we’re angry.”</p>
<p>“Papa doesn’t.”</p>
<p>Petra’s blood chilled. She kissed the top of Kuchel’s head.</p>
<p>“He’s changing. He doesn’t want you to do what he does. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay. Sorry, Mama.” Her little eyes filled with tears again. “B-but I still miss Armin.”</p>
<p>“Me too, baby.” She hugged Kuchel tight. “We’ll see him one day. One day.”</p>
<p>And so another month passed.</p>
<p>It was May. Kuchel turned four. There wasn’t much of a cake for her birthday, but the woman next door, mother of Kuchel’s friend, donated a food voucher to help get some sugar and flour. They baked a little vanilla cake together, and sang happy birthday. Kuchel had no presents, but she didn’t seem to mind. So long as she had people to love her, Kuchel was happy. In that way, she wasn’t spoiled.</p>
<p>Levi had issues at work. He was the best man on the job, but he was solitary. Petra understood why—they didn’t want Erwin to be able to trace them. They didn’t want to get close to people, let them discover the family’s secrets. Petra had to remind Kuchel that their last name wasn’t Ackerman anymore. Kuchel remained grouchy on occasion, and still wanted Armin. Every time Petra heard that, her heart broke a little bit more.</p>
<p>But they kept going. She bought food, kept the place clean, looked after other people’s children, and in her spare time tried to figure out the next step. Once their year was up and they were granted citizenship, they could go anywhere. Be anyone.</p>
<p>Petra tried to deduce what would be a good job for her to have. After all, Kuchel would be five in a year, ready to start preliminary schooling. They could use the extra money.</p>
<p>Though if Petra got pregnant again…</p>
<p>For the last two months, nearly every night, she and Levi had made quiet but frantic love after Kuchel went to sleep. Clinging to each other kept the desperation of their situation at bay. Petra’s milk had dried up a month back—which had hurt, badly, a reminder that she wasn’t feeding Armin, that he was gone.</p>
<p>But still.</p>
<p>This couldn’t be a good time for a baby, but then again when <em>would</em> be a good time? And there was always Eren’s voice in her ear: <em>two boys in the same year.</em></p>
<p>Petra thought about this on the day she went with Kuchel to launder clothes in the communal washroom. She hung up sheets and shirts, pinned them, and thought. What was the rest of her life going to look like? Would she see her family again? If Erwin found her…what would he do?</p>
<p>Would he take her?</p>
<p>The thought made her drop a pillowcase. Cursing, she pinned it back up while Kuchel scampered around, playing and laughing with another child. She was faster than some of the kids three years older than her. Her father’s daughter. Petra grinned.</p>
<p>She heard a bus rattle through the gate. Another convoy delivering more approved immigrants. Petra watched the bus pass, kicking up clouds of dust. She sighed, then looked again as she saw a sleek car follow behind the bus. Probably some high ranking general taking a tour of the place. Petra hummed as she laid one of Kuchel’s dresses on a washboard and scrubbed hard. In truth, all the physical work helped a little. She preferred physical activity, being surrounded by other people who talked and laughed while going about their day. Petra had never been a great lady. She had no appetite for sitting around and being delicate. This was who she truly was.</p>
<p>No. Not really. She was truly a soldier, someone who lived free and wild in the open air.</p>
<p>
  <em>Not anymore.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra winced as she felt her gut rumble a bit. She hurked, but mercifully didn’t throw up. Shit. Shit, shit. She’d started feeling nauseated a few days ago. What if…</p>
<p>Two boys in one year…</p>
<p>“Mama!” Kuchel bounced up and down beside her, flailing her little arms. “Watch me. Watch, watch!”</p>
<p>“I’m watching, sweetheart.” Petra smiled and sighed as her little girl turned in circles, spinning like a top until she collapsed to the floor, giggling. Petra grinned and picked Kuchel up as one of the ‘camp guards’ entered and called out in a booming voice.</p>
<p>“Visitors. Everyone, stand up.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. Sometimes they brought higher ups in for a full inspection. She didn’t love this; it felt like being back in training all over again. Or like some sort of zoo animal. She stood, holding Kuchel’s shoulders as she faced the doorway. A couple of military personnel entered in brown Marleyan uniform.</p>
<p>And then…</p>
<p>“Mama?” Kuchel sounded surprised as Petra shrank away. Shit. She tried to turn her head so that her hair shielded her face from…</p>
<p>Willy Tybur walked alongside the men, chatting amiably. He wore a light summer suit, and fanned himself with a hat. His hair was still blond, and hung to his shoulders in a sleek curtain.</p>
<p>No. No. If he saw her… Erwin had to have put out word to the other Alliance members. Willy would turn them over. He would—</p>
<p>Petra pulled Kuchel backwards, angling them both behind one of the taller women. Sheila looked surprised, but didn’t say anything. Thank god. Petra hung back there, staring at the floor, waiting until Willy’s shoes passed by. He passed Sheila and didn’t look at the woman huddling behind her. He had no real interest in any of these people. Thank god.</p>
<p>The military men made their rounds, and then left the room. Petra let out a shuddering breath.</p>
<p>Sheila turned. “Everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Just…feeling a little sick. Didn’t want to throw up in front of them.”</p>
<p>If Sheila was still unsure of that explanation, she didn’t say anything. Once the laundry was done, Petra grabbed her basket and rushed Kuchel up the stairs back to the apartment. She looked around, relieved when she didn’t see Willy anywhere.</p>
<p>“We’re gonna stay inside and be quiet the rest of the day, sweetie,” Petra said, fumbling the key into the lock. Please, let Levi keep his head down. Her heart was loud in her ears as Petra opened the door.</p>
<p>Willy Tybur was seated at the kitchen table, chin in hand, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. He looked bored, but smiled when he saw Petra.</p>
<p>She dropped the basket. The clothes spilled onto the floor.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Braun?” Willy said. He stood, neatened his jacket. “I think we need to have a little talk.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi wiped sweat from his eyes when the whistle blew for the end of his shift. The back of his neck burned as he and the other workers got hauled onto the bus and driven back to the encampment. He hated the end of the work day, when he felt so covered in grime. Hopefully Petra’d have a cool bath drawn when he got in. She was so damn good about it. Perfect angel. He tried to think of things he could give her, treats to spoil her, but she always told him he was enough. Of course she said that. But she deserved more. Everything.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I don’t think I can make it another ten months,” Edgar groaned. He always sat next to Levi on the bus. Levi didn’t talk much, but Edgar provided his own conversation. “Eh. Maybe I can.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Levi said. He looked out the window, saw the highways of Valle speed past. Where was he gonna take Petra and Kuchel when their time was up? Maybe to the country’s midlands. Good farming communities out there. He liked farming and shit. A place to start, anyway.</p>
<p>They pulled through the gates, and Levi got off with the others. He wiped his face again as he trekked up the stairs. Damn. That bath was gonna be necessary. They were hitting summer now, and the days were gonna get even hotter. He was sticky with sweat. Disgusting.</p>
<p>Levi opened the door. He found Kuchel seated on the couch, playing with her doll and singing to herself.</p>
<p>He found Petra at the kitchen table.</p>
<p>With Willy Tybur.</p>
<p>“Hello, Levi.” Willy gave a slick smile. He looked as blond and cool as ever. Petra gazed up at him with wide, uncertain eyes.</p>
<p>The yellow lightning told Levi to choke the man out. He and the girls could run. They could hide. Somehow, he’d get them out, even if he had to give his own fucking life to make it happen.</p>
<p>Levi shut the door, prepared to move. Prepared to take out Willy Tybur.</p>
<p>“Wait!” Petra held up a hand. She clearly saw where he was about to go with this. “Levi, just listen.”</p>
<p>“Listen to who? Erwin’s best fuckin’ friend?” he growled. “Can’t imagine that’ll be worth my fucking time.”</p>
<p>“Bad word,” Kuchel sang, snuggling Gretel. He almost yelled at his daughter, but kept his cool.</p>
<p>“Believe me. I’m not Erwin’s friend,” Willy said coolly. “Between you and I, we’ve seen how he treats those he claims to care about.”</p>
<p>“What do you want?” Levi approached the table.</p>
<p>“I want to offer you a job,” Willy said simply. The two men stared each other down a minute. Levi heard a fly buzzing around the kitchen. He weighed what to do next. He made a decision.</p>
<p>“Petra. Could you take Kuchel in the bedroom?” he muttered.</p>
<p>“Sure.” She picked up the child and carried her away. Shut the door.</p>
<p>“Now. What kind of job, and what kind of stupid do you think I am that I would ever trust you?” Levi growled. Willy fought a smile.</p>
<p>“You really are the man I met that first night at DeLuca’s party. Surly and straightforward. You and Petra are both exactly yourselves. You always have been. It’s Erwin who’s the liar.”</p>
<p>“How much do you know about my family?” Levi didn’t sit. He stayed loose, ready to kill if need be.</p>
<p>“If I wanted to threaten you, I could have simply told the camp guard to take Petra and Kuchel while you were at work. But I wanted to see you as a friend. We have a common enemy, Levi.”</p>
<p>“Erwin’s not…” Well, Erwin <em>was</em> actually. Willy noticed his hesitation.</p>
<p>“I’m asking for something simple. I want you to come work for me as my personal bodyguard.” Willy rubbed his chin. “These days, being a member of the Triple Alliance has its own special hazards.”</p>
<p>“Sure. You want to keep me close and hand me and my family off to Erwin when you get the chance.”</p>
<p>“I hate Erwin Smith,” Willy said softly. He studied his pristine white hands. “You should know what’s been going on these last two months. He’s gone mad. Utterly mad. He wants your wife. He’s ordered both Kiyomi and me to hand you all over the first chance we get, whenever we find you.”</p>
<p>“So you’d risk his anger to employ me? That’s pretty fucking dumb.”</p>
<p>“Employing you gets me two things. One, it gets me your protection skills, which are extraordinary beyond any measure. I’d like that.” Willy counted on his long, slim fingers. “Two, having you at my side means I have something that Erwin desperately wants.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and you can use us as leverage to get what <em>you</em> want outta him.” Levi leaned forward, hands gripping the back of a chair. Willy watched him carefully.</p>
<p>“If you kill me, you’ll die here,” Willy said.</p>
<p>“I can buy my wife and daughter time to get away. That matters more than my shitty life.”</p>
<p>Willy looked Levi in the eyes then. To Levi’s surprise, Willy seemed…wistful.</p>
<p>“What’s it like to truly love your spouse?”</p>
<p>“It’s good. Good enough I’d happily get her out of here and swing for your murder rather than hand her over to Erwin Fucking Smith.”</p>
<p>“He hasn’t made his son’s birth public yet,” Willy murmured. His son. Levi flinched. “I know everything, Levi. He wants Petra. He’s determined to have her as his queen, his wife. His son must be legitimate. This obsession with creating the perfect life for the boy…well. It’s a true weakness, finally. One I can exploit.”</p>
<p>“You will not put my wife in danger to win some shitty political game,” Levi snarled.</p>
<p>“If you work for me, Levi, Petra will be safer than she could be anywhere else. With anyone else. I swear to you.”</p>
<p>Levi wasn’t allowed to carry weapons anymore. His knives had been taken from him by the camp guard when they first got here, months ago. But his body was a weapon. He was in front of Willy so fast that Willy jerked in shock. Horror. Levi gripped the man by his shirtfront and hauled him out of the chair. Willy hissed, his dark eyes wide in terror. He gripped Levi’s wrists, but he might as well have fought a bear, or a statue. Some inhuman creation.</p>
<p>“You expect me to trust you? You’re Erwin’s bitch,” Levi snapped. Willy dangled in his grip.</p>
<p>“I want to stop being his bitch,” Willy said. His black eyes glittered with fury. “If I have you working for me, Petra under my protection, Erwin loses two of his most important pieces.”</p>
<p>“And you’ll strike a good deal with him and give us over. You must think I’m such a fucking fool.”</p>
<p>“I need you!” Willy barked. He sounded strangled; Levi loosened his grip. “Erwin has people coming for me. I feel the snare closing around my foot more and more every day. He’s waiting for the right moment to take me out.”</p>
<p>“Why would he?”</p>
<p>“Because he won’t feel secure in Marley if he isn’t ruling it himself! He’ll go for Hizuru as well. He’ll take over the world himself if he needs to!”</p>
<p>“Why? That’s not Erwin. He’s not greedy like that.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you see?” Willy whispered. “He’s not a man now. He’s a father. Think, Levi. The world hates Eldians in general, and him in particular. He’ll die in a few years, leaving that vulnerable child alone. He won’t let his son be in danger. He won’t let any threat stand while he draws breath. He no longer trusts the Triple Alliance in the slightest. He knows Kiyomi and I are dangerous if we take the boy from him. He’ll kill us. He’ll take over the world. He’ll…”</p>
<p>Willy abruptly stopped.</p>
<p>“What?” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“I’ve heard rumors.” Levi let him go. “They say there are experiments being conducted clandestinely on Paradis. They say Erwin is trying to find a way to break Ymir’s curse. To save his life, to let him protect his son. They say he wants more than a full lifetime.” Willy looked afraid now. Truly afraid. “They say he wants to live forever.”</p>
<p>“That’s impossible.” Levi almost sat down. Erwin was…what? Experimenting with what? On who? All for the sake of that little boy…</p>
<p>
  <em>You shouldn’t have had the kid, Petra.</em>
</p>
<p>He shut that thought away. These were just rumors. Willy could be manipulating him.</p>
<p>“If you want to risk Erwin’s wrath just to get me to shield your ass, you’re either stupid or lying,” Levi grunted.</p>
<p>“I’m neither. You are probably the only man on earth who can keep me alive if Erwin Smith wants me dead. And he does. Whether I help you or not, he wants me dead, Levi.” And Willy was telling the truth. It was there, a sick gleam in his eye. “He wants my sister’s titan power. He wants every titan power under his own control. You have to help me. Not just for my sake or my family’s, but for Marley’s. Erwin is asking me to ship Eldian prisoners to Paradis for his experiments. Those who go never come back. Soon he’ll ask for more and more Eldians, normal, law-abiding Eldians. I need someone to help shield me and stand against him.”</p>
<p>“I can’t,” Levi said. “I can’t risk my wife or my daughter.”</p>
<p>“If you don’t help me, you’ll condemn them.”</p>
<p>“Why? ‘Cause you’ll snitch to Erwin?” Levi grabbed the guy’s throat again, but Willy didn’t fight. He shut his eyes, yielding himself like a damn martyr.</p>
<p>“If I die, I can’t keep him from doing whatever he wants. So far I haven’t allowed him to tear this country apart looking for you. When I’m gone, he will. Your family will suffer, as will millions of other families.”</p>
<p>“Erwin’s not…this nuts.”</p>
<p>“You haven’t seen him in two months. Believe me.” Willy scowled. “He’s a changed man.”</p>
<p>
  <em>I changed him. I ran. I…had to run.</em>
</p>
<p>“Say I work for you,” Levi growled. “What’re the perks?”</p>
<p>He released Willy.</p>
<p>“You and your family are under my protection. He has no power of extradition. Any move on you is a declaration of war, and he’s still afraid enough of Marley’s power that he won’t risk it. He could crush us with the hyperfusion bomb, but the world’s opinion would sour further. There’d be open rebellion. He’s still too weak for that. The other countries in the Alliance would go against him. He needs to keep the peace. For now. So Petra stays here. I’ll give you citizenship right now. Remember, until you’re citizens he has a right to legally bring you back to Paradis. And I’m not the only one in the military who noticed Petra in the washroom today.” Willy shook his head. “By the end of day today, Erwin will have gotten word.”</p>
<p>Shit. Could he trust this asshole? Could he…?</p>
<p>“You’ll also be given a nice salary, and fine living arrangements. Your daughter will be dressed and fed well. And Petra will be healthy when she delivers.”</p>
<p>Levi blinked. “Delivers?”</p>
<p>“Forgive me. Perhaps I was mistaken. But she went into the bathroom an hour ago to vomit. Maybe it was just nerves. But something tells me it’s more than that.”</p>
<p>Levi’s whole mind went blank. Was it possible?</p>
<p>Petra had told him Eren’s prediction. Two kids in a year. All Eren’s visions had come true so far.</p>
<p>It was June now, meaning she’d have to be…</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>“So. Citizenship. Safety. Money. Comfort. It’s all yours, Levi Ackerman.” Willy extended his pale hand.</p>
<p>“I don’t trust kings,” he rasped.</p>
<p>“I never wanted to be one. Erwin did.” Willy narrowed his eyes. “I’m not the brave man the king of Paradis is. But in my own way, I’ve tried to be humane over the years. I value our way of life over greatness or personal gain. Decide for yourself which is the safer route.”</p>
<p>Levi studied the hand. He hadn’t wanted to get pulled back into Erwin’s world, but if what Willy said was true then Levi would be pulled back whether he wanted it or not. He would die to defend his family. If he led them into a trap, he’d go ballistic. But if this was all true, not taking the job would leave them vulnerable. And he couldn’t have that.</p>
<p>Especially not if Erwin had become what Willy said he’d become.</p>
<p>“Well?”</p>
<p>Levi sneered. “You say you got a better place for us to live?”</p>
<p>“I do.” Willy stood. “Let me show you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi stood in the space, dumbfounded. Willy’s convoy had driven the Ackermans out of the encampment and into the heart of Valle. They’d gotten out before some swank apartment building, one with stone pillars and granite flowers adorning the exterior. They’d been whisked in a brass elevator up to the top floor, seventy feet above the ground.</p>
<p>The apartment consisted of fifteen rooms, including three bedrooms and a small guest chamber. The apartment was more like a penthouse, taking up half the top floor of the entire building. There was even a small staircase that led up to a study and a private balcony. Kuchel was running up and down the length of the hallways, squealing with delight. The floors were hardwood or plush carpet. The walls could be papered in silk, or painted. The windows were tall and arched.</p>
<p>Willy had left the Ackermans to get used to the space. Petra walked around and around the room—the master bedroom, if they took the place. She kept a hand to her stomach unconsciously. Levi noticed.</p>
<p>“Willy said he thinks you’re pregnant,” Levi murmured.</p>
<p>“I…” She rubbed her cheek. “I’ve been feeling sick. I remember what Eren said.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>“I think…” She came over to him. His wife looked so pale now. Her hair was scraggly, her body thin from their newfound poverty. She looked tired in such splendid surroundings. She should never be tired or poor. She should live in beauty and splendor. He put his arms around her. “I should go to a doctor,” she whispered. “Find out.”</p>
<p>“What do you think?”</p>
<p>“I’ve been wrong before. But…” She turned her eyes down. “I think I am.”</p>
<p>He looked down, looked at her stomach. A baby. His child this time, no doubt. Levi hadn’t told Petra about Armin yet, or what Erwin was doing. He’d save that for later. He didn’t want her to suffer too many shocks in one day.</p>
<p>“Should I take the offer?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Do you think Willy’s right? Do you think Erwin might find us?”</p>
<p>“I think Willy’s right that Erwin wants him dead.” The lightning had agreed with Willy, and it was never wrong. “I think him dying would be bad for us, no matter what.”</p>
<p>Petra nodded.</p>
<p>“What do you think I should do?”</p>
<p>“I know we wanted our own life.” She sighed. “But I think we should take this offer. One day, when Erwin’s gone, we’ll be free. Not before.”</p>
<p>He would tell her later that Erwin probably wanted to stick around for more than eight years. Maybe forever. But that was later. Now, he was with her. She was all he wanted. He kissed her, took comfort in her. She brushed her nose along his.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I made a mess of our lives,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“This is the only mess I don’t hate.” He smirked. She made a face of false outrage, then kissed him. They held each other as they heard Kuchel bashing up and down the hall outside, singing a happy nonsense song. The kid would be happy here. She’d be safe, and fed, and cared for. “But you’re right, Petra. This is a bad time to be without powerful allies. We need Willy.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She kissed his cheek. “Not as much as I need you, though.”</p>
<p>“Same, brat.” He kissed her forehead. He imagined the little life now growing inside of her. His little baby. “Same.”</p>
<p>So when Levi met Willy in the front hall, Levi didn’t stop scowling. But he nodded, just once.</p>
<p>“Okay. You’ve got me.”</p>
<p>Willy Tybur had never looked happier. Least, not that Levi had seen.</p>
<p>“You won’t regret this.”</p>
<p>“Hey. I don’t have regrets.”</p>
<p>Not really.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They stood together side by side, looking up at the apartment window. It was rush hour, and the cars honked as they sped along the streets of Valle. The two wore cloaks with the hoods up, even though it was summer and the air was sweltering. He felt a drop of sweat trickle down his nose.</p>
<p>“How do you know they’re in there?” Historia asked.</p>
<p>“I know.” He had seen it. He had known where they would be, and when. He’d never have gotten access to them in the encampment, so he’d bided his time until they moved. Good. Very good.</p>
<p>Historia was satisfied with his answer. “Why don’t we move now?”</p>
<p>“Because it isn’t the right time. We have to wait one more month.”</p>
<p>She groaned in frustration. He didn’t blame her. They were still living rough. Even her delicate beauty was fading under the constant grime and strain. “Remind me again why another month?”</p>
<p>“Because,” Eren said. “Plan B needs to be in place.”</p>
<p>He turned away and walked down the street, Historia trailing in his wake. They pushed through the afternoon crowd. Eren barely noticed anyone else. He thought hard. He nodded to himself.</p>
<p>One more month, and then he would save them all.</p>
<p>Well. All except one.</p>
<p>There could be no saving Kuchel now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Aren’t you just the cutest little thing?” The woman behind the counter beamed at Kuchel, who was clutching Petra’s hand. Petra smiled as she was rung up; department stores in Marley were truly wonderful, she had to admit. They’d gone to Valentino’s, the biggest store in Valle, to buy a few maternity dresses. Petra wanted to be prepared.</p>
<p>She’d gotten the confirmation last week. She was pregnant again.</p>
<p>Somehow, the new baby both made her happy and lowered her spirits; she thought of Armin. She thought of what Levi had told her last month, that Erwin was going mad on Paradis, according to rumor. Her baby…</p>
<p>She had to focus. She forced a smile as the woman finished ringing her up and put the dresses into a paper bag.</p>
<p>“Did you want to open an account with us, Mrs. Ackerman?” The woman kept smiling. Petra and Kuchel dressed nicely now, in fine summer outfits of white and blue. Willy was extremely generous to their family. She dressed almost as fine now as she had as “Mrs. Smith.” Levi wore sharply cut suits to work every day, which pleased him. He loved the feel of silk and fine material against his skin.</p>
<p>“Oh. Thank you. Maybe another time.”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna have another ba-by bro-ther,” Kuchel sang, clutching Petra’s leg. The saleswoman laughed.</p>
<p>“That’s so exciting.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh. I had another baby brother, but we hadda leave him behind.” Kuchel frowned and scuffed her shoe. Petra cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Come on, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no.” The saleswoman looked politely confused.</p>
<p>“Uh huh. We left him on pardice.” Kuchel sniffed.</p>
<p>It was like a cloud going over the sun. The saleswoman’s face went from warm to icy in an instant.</p>
<p>“Oh. Paradis Island.” She sniffed, looked away. “How nice.”</p>
<p>She turned on her heel and stalked away from Petra. She sighed and picked up her daughter.</p>
<p>“Baby. What did Papa and I say?” she whispered. Kuchel sucked her thumb.</p>
<p>“Um. Don’ tell people we’re from pardice.” She frowned. “Why can’t I?”</p>
<p>“Because…” How to explain prejudice to children? “Lots of people think that anyone who comes from Paradis is bad.”</p>
<p>“But why?” She looked so surprised.</p>
<p>“I’ll explain when you’re a little older.” The Eldian Empire could wait. “Just keep that our secret from now on, okay?”</p>
<p>“O-kay.” Petra set Kuchel down and walked out of the department with her. Valentino’s was bustling today, mostly filled with “women of leisure” as they lunched and shopped. Petra <em>was</em> a woman of leisure again; she didn’t have to work. Until the baby was born, she probably wouldn’t.</p>
<p>But it depressed her. Still, at least she had Kuchel to worry about. She squeezed the child’s hand as they passed fine evening gowns, and a jewelry counter. They took the escalator to the third floor, where there was a café. It was lunchtime, and Petra needed to eat much more frequently these days.</p>
<p>At least they were almost out of the third trimester.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oruo. Oruo will be born, but not before Armin.</em>
</p>
<p>Eren’s voice haunted her. She looked down at her daughter as they walked.</p>
<p>
  <em>No saving Kuchel now.</em>
</p>
<p>A chill walked down her spine. She squeezed her child’s little hand. Impossible. Ridiculous.</p>
<p>“Petra!”</p>
<p>She almost screamed when someone popped up in front of her. Petra skidded to a stop, shocked to find Giulia Tybur standing before her. The woman’s hair was blonder than ever, and she was dressed in a sharp fuschia suit with a matching hat and sunglasses. The woman took off her glasses, her eyes crinkling at the corner when she smiled.</p>
<p>“Giulia. Uh. Hello.”</p>
<p>“Takin’ a nice afternoon constitutional? It’s the perfect day for it.” Giulia smiled down at Kuchel, who was twisting back and forth on her heels. “Haven’t met this little lady yet. Hello, darlin’.”</p>
<p>“H’lo.”</p>
<p>“So sorry we haven’t had the whole family over to dinner yet.” Giulia gave an exaggerated pout, then smiled wide. It was all a performance; the woman’s life was fake, every aspect of it. Why perform for Petra? She knew everything about the Tyburs already.</p>
<p>Maybe Giulia needed to perform for herself. To get herself through the ordeal of her life.</p>
<p>“We’d be happy to, anytime,” Petra replied. “I just…well, with the baby on the way, it’s hard for me to stay out too late.”</p>
<p>“Of course. Another little one. Such a blessing.”</p>
<p>“How are your boys?”</p>
<p>Giulia’s megawatt smile flickered, dimmed. She loved her children. One of them was slated to be sacrificed in a few years. Petra could understand Giulia’s…behavioral issues.</p>
<p>“Good. Delightful, as always.”</p>
<p>“And Clara?” It made Petra sad that Willy’s sister had cut her off after discovering how badly she and Erwin lied to everyone. Petra wanted to be an actual friend to the woman. Not because she was the War Hammer, but because she was lonely.</p>
<p>“Fine. Fine. She’s got about six years left, and she’s starting to brood. More on Cassius’s account than her own.”</p>
<p>It was startling honesty.</p>
<p>“I see,” Petra said. “Well. I don’t want to keep you. Kuchel and I were on our way to lunch.”</p>
<p>“Well, isn’t that something! I’m having a little pit stop myself.” Giulia’s smile all but ordered Petra to go through the motions expected of her.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you eat with us?” Petra forced a smile.</p>
<p>“Oh, I couldn’t intrude on mother-daughter time.”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna have a ba-by bro-ther,” Kuchel sang, sitting down on the floor out of boredom. Petra picked her up.</p>
<p>“Please. I insist,” she said. Another performance.</p>
<p>“Oh, if you don’t mind. I do love a good gossip. And it’s been <em>so</em> long.”</p>
<p>Giulia chatted as they went to the café and took a seat. Petra tried to pretend to be engaged, but it was exhausting. In a way, she’d been happier back at the refugee camp than she was here. Petra lived to do things.</p>
<p>Now she felt ornamental. Levi would’ve supported any decision she made as far as a job went, but she knew that for the next six or seven months at least, her time was spoken for.</p>
<p>And she had to spend parts of it with people like Giulia Tybur. Petra sighed inwardly. At least Levi seemed to genuinely enjoy working for Willy.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi stood in the corner of the office, relaxed against the wall. He had his hat tipped over one eye, but kept the other eye fixed squarely on the prick seated before Willy’s desk.</p>
<p>“You laid off half your work force in a single day, Mr. Adorno. Do you understand why that seems strange?” Willy leaned back in his leather office chair. The merchant in front of him appeared coolly indignant.</p>
<p>“They weren’t working hard enough. Besides, it’s a private business.”</p>
<p>“When you fire every single Eldian and not one Marleyan, it looks a bit suspicious. You remember the recent proclamation forbidding racial prejudice in hiring or firing?”</p>
<p>Adorno looked over his shoulder. Levi glowered at the asshole. He stood straighter, came over while adjusting his cuffs. He was something of a famous figure around here. An Ackerman. Willy’s right hand man. One month after the refugee camp, and he and his family had become pretty well ensconced in Valle. Thanks to Willy.</p>
<p>Much of Marley respected him, even if they couldn’t like him.</p>
<p>And then there were pricks like this guy, who just wanted to be a racist piece of shit.</p>
<p>“You can’t prove it was ‘cause they were Eldian,” Adorno muttered. He shrank away a little as Levi leaned over him in the chair.</p>
<p>“Why’d you fire ‘em, then?” he muttered. He cocked his head to the side. “None of ‘em know how to make a decent cup of tea?”</p>
<p>“My associate makes a good point,” Willy drawled. He smiled at Levi. “It seems unlikely none of the Eldians on staff suited. I suggest hiring most of them back, if not all.”</p>
<p>“Y-You’re the king, but you said you’re not a dictator.” Adorno was ballsy, Levi’d give him that. “You can’t tell me how to run my business.”</p>
<p>“He can, actually.” Levi gripped the guy by the back of the neck. Adorno whimpered and slumped forward. “If you don’t listen to him, well. That’s up to you. But you won’t like the results.”</p>
<p>“I hate using any form of muscle,” Willy said. “I despise coercion. Perhaps you might reconsider rehiring at least two thirds of the workforce you dismissed. That would satisfy.”</p>
<p>Levi wouldn’t be satisfied without all of them reinstated, but he wasn’t king. He took his orders and that was that.</p>
<p>“F-Fine.” Adorno practically leapt out of his seat and bowed, keeping Levi always in his sights. “Anything. Sure.”</p>
<p>“Wonderful. Have a good day,” Willy said. Levi stalked Adorno until he was out of the room, the door shut behind. Willy chuckled as he stood and stretched. “I do hate the more tedious aspects of this job.”</p>
<p>“Guy’s the biggest tire purveyor in all Marley. He’s gotta know he’ll be watched extra close.” Levi straightened his dove gray silk tie. He loved how sharp he looked these days. Marleyan tailors just couldn’t be beat. “You do good, king.”</p>
<p>Willy chuckled. “As do you. Though you’re a little blunter than I’d sometimes like.”</p>
<p>Levi shrugged. “Whatever gets results. So.” The two men stopped enjoying themselves. They looked to each other. “It about time?”</p>
<p>“His plane should have arrived an hour ago. The airfield’s thirty miles north.” Willy nodded. “Within fifteen minutes, I’d say.”</p>
<p>Levi looked out the window, stared at the boulevard below the palace’s eastern wing. Soon a shining car would drive down the street with the Eldian flag waving for everyone to see.</p>
<p>Four months since Levi had last seen the king of Paradis. Erwin Smith was on his way; Levi would meet him again for the first time since that afternoon in the palace’s forest. Last month, after Erwin found out what Willy had done for the Ackermans, he’d apparently thrown a world class shit fit. But Willy hadn’t allowed himself to be intimidated. He was still powerful enough in his own right not to be bossed around by Erwin. And he had the man’s former best friend; the mother of Erwin’s son. Willy could no longer be trifled with.</p>
<p>It had taken a few weeks for Erwin to orchestrate a meeting in Willy’s offices. Levi would be present. This meeting was supposed to be a routine meeting between Alliance members, but Levi knew what it really was. A way to confront Levi. To try forcing his hand. Levi was in no mood to be forced.</p>
<p>“Are you concerned?” Willy asked.</p>
<p>“Nah.” Levi watched a group of teenagers run down the sidewalk dressed in their summer clothes, laughing about something. “Petra and Kuchel are out shopping for the new baby.” The word ‘baby’ lifted his spirits a bit. “They’ll be safe.”</p>
<p>“Erwin isn’t going to resort to kidnapping.” Willy stood beside Levi. The sly man looked at Levi with some authentic concern. “He’d never be able to take her out of the country.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Levi shut his eyes. What would it be like, to see Erwin again? To have that man’s death sitting in his pocket, waiting to be pulled out? Levi owed it to him. But…it couldn’t be today. For Willy and Petra’s sakes, it was too dangerous.</p>
<p>“If you need to leave at any time, just go. He won’t be able to follow.”</p>
<p>“I’m not scared of him.” Erwin only made him feel sad. Once they had stood beside each other in that titan forest, spoken of strategies; once they’d sipped tea late into the night. Once they had shared everything. And now there was only coldness and distance.</p>
<p>Levi did not regret choosing his family over Erwin. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.</p>
<p>“Speak of the devil,” Willy murmured. Levi watched as a sleek black limousine pulled up to the curb, signaled, and then pulled in through the gates. The two men returned to their stations, Willy behind his desk, Levi leaning against the wall. He crossed his arms and stared at the doorway, his heart getting faster and louder as he waited for Erwin to walk into the room.</p>
<p>He respected Willy, even liked the king, but he would never hold the same fury and fascination for Levi as the king of Paradis did.</p>
<p>At least Petra was safe, and far away from here.</p>
<p>The phone buzzed. Willy had the secretary send them in. The door swung open.</p>
<p>Levi stood up straight and neatened his jacket.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I just <em>looooove</em> her li’l li’l cheeks.” Giulia was on her third glass of white wine; her chicken and arugula salad was only half eaten. Petra had to sit there, enduring the whole charade as she ate her club sandwich as quickly as possible. Giulia pinched Kuchel’s cheek, which the little girl blithely didn’t even notice. She was too busy slurping her chicken broth out of its dainty little cup. “Queen soup” she called it, though Petra had no idea why. Kuchel also dutifully took all the rolls from the breadbasket, ate the center of them, and then tossed them back. “She looks so like her daddy, huh?”</p>
<p>“She does.” Petra wondered if she could get the check. When Giulia got extremely drunk, it was more sad than amusing.</p>
<p>“I always wan’ a li’l girl.” Giulia stroked Kuchel’s hair as the child slurped her soup and dribbled some down her front.</p>
<p>“Kuchel! Honey, we use spoons.” Petra sighed as she dipped a napkin into her club soda and wiped Kuchel’s face and dress.</p>
<p>“Sorry Mama. I, I wanna go home an’ see my dolly, an’ my baby, an then, um, uh.” Kuchel lost her train of thought. Petra knew the feeling.</p>
<p>“She is <em>so sweet</em>.” Giulia put her chin in her hand and beamed at the child. “My boys’d jus’ love her.”</p>
<p>“They should play together sometime.” Petra actually meant that. She wanted Kuchel to have friends her own age.</p>
<p>“Yes! I love that idea. Is a date.” Giulia gulped down the rest of her glass. “Ssssso, y’know who’s visitin’ today?” She wrinkled her nose. Probably thought she was being coy.</p>
<p>“King Erwin.” Petra now redoubled her efforts to get the check. The waiter mercifully arrived and handed it over. Petra paid for the whole meal. Giulia really could put a dent in a bottle of wine, huh? Petra shook her head as she signed the bill; alcohol was expensive.</p>
<p>“Mmmhmmm.” Giulia glanced at Kuchel, who was talking to her napkin. “Tell me. I’m curious.” Giulia’s eyes became hazy with inebriated malevolence. “How good was he?”</p>
<p>Petra managed to restrain herself. She did not punch the woman. Good work.</p>
<p>“I’ve had better,” Petra said sweetly, then took up her bags and nabbed Kuchel. “Come on, baby girl. Time for your nap.”</p>
<p>“O-kay.” Kuchel had been yawning vigorously the last five minutes.</p>
<p>“He musta been real thick.” Giulia held her hands more than a foot apart. “Like that?” She chortled.</p>
<p>“Please contain yourself,” Petra said, ice cold now.</p>
<p>“Willy says you coulda been a queen.” Giulia tsked. She gave a disturbing smile.</p>
<p>“Well. You’re a queen. It doesn’t look like a fun job.”</p>
<p>“You mus’ really love yer husband to give up all that. A crown. A man that tall.”</p>
<p>“There was only one part that was hard to give up,” Petra said quietly. She forced herself not to think of Armin, then laid down five bills. “Here. For some coffee. You need it.”</p>
<p>“Bitch,” Giulia said. She chortled as Petra hurried away, Kuchel’s hand tight in hers.</p>
<p>“Why’s that lady so sad?” Kuchel asked, trotting along beside her mother.</p>
<p>“Because she doesn’t like how her life turned out,” Petra said. Which was true.</p>
<p>Half an hour later, they were walking down the apartment hallway. Petra fumbled for her keys as Kuchel tugged her other hand, nearly ripping the paper bag and spilling the purchases. Petra grunted as she shuffled her daughter and the shopping and pushed open the front door. They walked inside.</p>
<p>“Hi, Gretel! Hi, Pooky! Hi, Petey!” Kuchel skipped into her room, calling hello to her toys. Petra followed, setting her shopping down in the hall and following Kuchel. The girl was busy kissing every last one of her dolls. Her new bedroom was pink and white, with a rocking horse, a dollhouse, a whole loveseat of stuffed animals, and a chest of games and puzzles. ‘Spoiling her’ Levi had grumbled even as he’d built the dollhouse himself. Petra smiled as Kuchel kept yawning.</p>
<p>“Here. Let’s take your shoes off.” Petra reached for Kuchel and—</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>The keys were still in her hand. Why was she staring at them like this? Why was she concerned?</p>
<p>Because…</p>
<p>She hadn’t used them. She’d been juggling Kuchel and just opened the door. The unlocked door.</p>
<p>Had she forgotten to lock it before going out? But…</p>
<p>She felt it. Someone was in the apartment. Someone who was not Levi.</p>
<p>“Kuchel,” she whispered. “Come on. We’re going back out.”</p>
<p>“Huh? I’m sleepyyyyy.”</p>
<p>“I know, baby. We’ll get you an ice cream.”</p>
<p>Petra’s heart hammered as she took her daughter’s hand and led her out the bedroom door, down the hallway, where…</p>
<p><em>He</em> was standing. Blocking the exit.</p>
<p>Petra dropped Kuchel’s hand. She dropped the keys.</p>
<p>Kuchel gasped in joy. “<em>Unwin!</em>”</p>
<p>Erwin stood there, hands behind his back. He stared at Petra with glacial coldness. But when Kuchel ran to him, he smiled at the little girl.</p>
<p>“Hello, sweetheart.” He picked Kuchel up and gave her a kiss as Petra staggered towards him. She tried to think. Get a knife. Where? Get the phone. Would she have time to call Willy? How had Erwin even known their address?</p>
<p>Had Willy betrayed them?</p>
<p>“Where’s Armin. Is he with you?” Kuchel tugged at Erwin’s beard, which was now quite full. Well trimmed, but it covered his face. A patch of gray ran down the bottom. His hair was thinning on top, creating a deep widow’s peak. He dressed in a well-tailored dark suit.</p>
<p>His eyes were…strange. Empty when he looked at Petra.</p>
<p>“I had to leave him on Paradis. He’s still too little to travel.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Kuchel drooped.</p>
<p><em>Should I scream? Try to ring for the concierge?</em> But Erwin was holding her daughter.</p>
<p>“But soon, you can come home and visit him. Would you like that?” Erwin asked. Kuchel cheered, and hugged him.</p>
<p>Petra needed to get Kuchel out of his grasp. Now.</p>
<p>“Baby, why don’t you go take your nap? Uncle Erwin and Mama need to talk,” she said.</p>
<p>“O-kay.”</p>
<p>Mercifully, Erwin put Kuchel down. The little girl scampered to her room and shut the door. Petra and the king stared at one another. Each waiting for the other to make a move.</p>
<p>“How did you know where we were?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“In Valle? Or the apartment?”</p>
<p>“Don’t get cute. Did Willy—?”</p>
<p>“It’s Mrs. Tybur you have to thank. She’s been very helpful.”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. Giulia. That bitch. Maybe she’d even followed Petra to Valentino’s to ensure Erwin had time to get into the apartment.</p>
<p>“I’m not going anywhere,” Petra growled.</p>
<p>“Neither am I,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Oi.” Levi frowned at Connie and Floch, both dressed in their military garb. Connie looked wide-eyed and nervous as ever, while Floch pretended that Levi didn’t even exist. “Where’s your boss?”</p>
<p>“Is Erwin outside?” Willy frowned as he came around the desk.</p>
<p>“He. Uh. The king…” Connie gulped in fear.</p>
<p>“Spit it out,” Levi snapped. Already, the lightning was starting to crackle.</p>
<p>“The king had us drop him off at Palmieri Circle,” Floch said breezily. He gave a shit-eating grin. In his black Paradisian Guard uniform, he looked like an oily punk.</p>
<p>Palmieri Circle. Where the Ackermans lived. Levi headed straight for the door.</p>
<p>“You fucker,” he growled at Willy.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t—Levi! Wait for us!” Willy cried. Levi just stormed out, letting the fucking Marleyan king struggle to catch up. They had made certain Erwin didn’t know the Ackermans’ location. Right now, whether or not Willy had actually spilled their secret to Erwin or not, Levi didn’t give a fuck. The man was waiting for his wife and daughter.</p>
<p>He had to get there first.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What do you want, Erwin?” She refused to cower or back away as he drew nearer. The king reached into his breast coat pocket… Petra shifted her weight, ready to attack. Pregnant or not, she could still go on the offensive. Easily.</p>
<p>But Erwin held out a slip of paper. A photograph.</p>
<p>“I thought you might want to see what our son looks like,” he replied.</p>
<p>Our son. Petra winced, but snatched the photo from his hand and backed up, gazing at it.</p>
<p>Armin was a little bit bigger than when she’d last seen him. He had wider, more awake eyes. He reached for the camera with those little hands of his, and smiled. If Erwin had shot her in the chest, he could not have hurt her worse. Petra wheezed as she sat down in the hall chair and stared at the baby. His picture blurred with her tears. She clutched the photo to her chest and glared at the king. Erwin did not advance further.</p>
<p>“How is he?” she muttered.</p>
<p>“He’s doing as well as can be expected without his mother.” Erwin sneered at her. There was such coldness in those blue eyes. The gray in his hair and beard lent severity to his appearance. Dressed in his dark blue suit, he was the picture of elegant fury.</p>
<p>“I never wanted to leave him,” she snapped.</p>
<p>“But you did. You abandoned your child for your own sake.”</p>
<p>“For Levi and Kuchel, <em>and</em> Armin’s sake. You never would have let him go.”</p>
<p>“Is that what you tell yourself? That you were so selfless when you left him behind?” Erwin’s eyes glittered with contempt. “You didn’t want to interrupt your perfect life with Levi. That’s the real reason. You’d do anything for that man. I’m sure if he’d asked, you’d have killed Siegfried with a rock. Just to make Levi Ackerman smile.”</p>
<p>“That’s not true,” she croaked. But she remembered telling Levi that maybe they shouldn’t have the baby, that she was doing it for his sake. She shuddered.</p>
<p>“If it weren’t for Kuchel and Siegfried, I’d kill you,” he said softly. He meant it. “I’ve never seen a more wretched, worthless woman.”</p>
<p>“Then isn’t it good you didn’t fucking marry me?”</p>
<p>In response, Erwin merely dug into his coat pocked and produced something. He laid it on the hall’s side table. Petra got to her feet to stand away from him. She looked at what he’d set down.</p>
<p>A ring. A platinum ring with a round cut blue diamond the size of her fingernail. Another of Empress Frieda’s treasures, most likely.</p>
<p>“What’s that?”</p>
<p>“Your wedding ring. When you return to Paradis, you’ll wear it proudly.”</p>
<p>“Are you shitting me?”</p>
<p>Erwin sneered again. “Vulgarity doesn’t become you.”</p>
<p>Fucking asshole. “Levi is not going to share me. That’s why we left.”</p>
<p>“He won’t be sharing you. You’ll be my wife, exclusively. I’ll divorce you from him. You had a chance to have everything, Petra. You broke my son’s heart instead. If Siegfried didn’t need you, I’d throttle you for that.”</p>
<p>“Wow. What a romantic proposal.” She crossed her arms. “You can’t extradite me. I’m a Marleyan citizen now.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be obtuse. If I wanted to extradite you, I’d go through legal channels. If I wanted to kidnap you, you’d already be on a ship bound for Paradis. I’m not a fool, Petra. I won’t incite Willy’s wrath. When you come to me, you’ll come freely. You’ll divorce Levi, and marry me.”</p>
<p>“What fantasy world are you living in, exactly?”</p>
<p>“Don’t misunderstand. I despise you now.” That haunted light shone brighter in those mad, blue eyes. “If it weren’t for Siegfried…but this is all for him. He’ll have his parents together. And you’re going to give him brothers and sisters; I won’t have him growing up an only child.”</p>
<p>“He had Kuchel. You took her away from him.” This was madness. She couldn’t believe…</p>
<p>“I want Kuchel to live with us in the palace. I love that girl.” His gaze softened just a bit. “Siegfried is the only child on earth more precious to me than she is. But I have no legal right to her. Levi will be allowed to decide what to do. If he’s a real man, he’ll at least give her to us for half the year. Or he’ll be smart enough to give her to me to be raised entirely.”</p>
<p>“You are out of your mind.” She was breathless. “We’ll never do any of this. You can’t force us.”</p>
<p>“You’re half right. I can’t force you onto a boat. I can’t carry you to Paradis in chains.” He drew a step nearer; she backed away. “But you left so many loved ones behind. Your parents. Your sister. Your friends.” His full mouth settled into a smirk. “Do you ever wonder how they are?”</p>
<p>“You…bastard.”</p>
<p>She almost went for him, but her stomach lurched. Oruo wasn’t doing well with all the strain. She put a hand to her belly, and Erwin noticed. His eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>“You’re pregnant again, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Because my milk dried up. Because you forced me to give up my baby.” Her left hand made a fist. She could go for him. Just one blow landed, and she’d be happy forever.</p>
<p>“Then Levi will have another child to raise on his own.”</p>
<p>“I won’t go with you.”</p>
<p>“Come whenever you like. Do you want to know where your sister is in my palace?” His voice dropped to a soothing hush. “Do you want to know what I’ve been doing to her?”</p>
<p>She almost screamed and went for him, but Petra had enough intelligence to know then she’d be within his reach. He could hold her. Take her. She remained standing.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you. That isn’t your style. You’re not that man.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t,” he whispered. “But now I’m a father.”</p>
<p>Petra snorted. “With eight years left exactly. When you die, I’ll take <em>Armin</em> back.”</p>
<p>Erwin bared his teeth. “I’ll outlive all of you.”</p>
<p>“Because you plan to kill all of us with your hyperfusion bombs? You ugly, fucking thing.”</p>
<p>“When we’re married, you’ll stop using that language. I won’t let you speak like that in front of our son.” Erwin sounded tired. Strained. Almost as if he were hypnotized. Petra remembered what Eren had said: you won’t know what will make him go so bad until it’s too late.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry, Eren. I should have let you touch Zeke that night.</em>
</p>
<p>“What have you been doing on Paradis?” Petra whispered. “We heard things. That you’re…experimenting. That you want to break Ymir’s curse.”</p>
<p>“I would have gone quietly into that eternal night if you hadn’t given me a son.” Erwin glared hatefully at her. “But now, I have to keep him safe. The world is my enemy. They’ll try to use him against me.”</p>
<p>“Give him to me and they’ll leave him alone.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be an idiot. He needs safety, and you. I’ll give him both. And you’ll give me more children once we’re married.”</p>
<p>“So. Rape’s on the table, then?”</p>
<p>He lowered his eyes at that. At least there was some humanity left. “When you come to me willingly, you’ll come knowing what’s required of you.”</p>
<p>“I’ll never come to you. This is a waste of time.”</p>
<p>“Take the ring,” Erwin said. “Wear it when you book passage. Wear it when you return to Mitras. If you want your parents to be well; if you want Brigitta’s safety; if you want me to stop hunting Mikasa, you will come. Or you will be responsible for the blood spilled.”</p>
<p>“Get out of my <em>fucking house.</em>” She snatched up the ring and chucked it at him. It bounced off Erwin’s chest and rattled on the floor. “This is all your fault. You’re the monster here.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said quietly. Then, something moved in his eyes. He appeared so…raw. “I’ve seen things. I’ve done things that… Whatever scraps of a soul I had left are gone now. I’m not human anymore, if I ever was.”</p>
<p>Petra’s knees shook. “What have you been doing, Erwin?”</p>
<p>He glowered at her.</p>
<p>“Come and see,” he whispered. He didn’t pick up the ring. “Give Kuchel a kiss for me. Remember, Levi is barred from Paradis forever, but she is welcome anytime.”</p>
<p>“Get. Out.”</p>
<p>Her head spun; her mind reeled. Brigitta? What had he done? Was it a lie? What…</p>
<p>Her parents. Her sister. Her family. Petra was about to fall to her knees when the front door slammed open and Levi stood in the doorway.</p>
<p>He wore his gray pinstripe. He’d left his hat somewhere. Her husband snarled when he saw Erwin in their hallway.</p>
<p>“Wait!” Petra cried when he flicked open his knife. “Kuchel,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Levi growled, but didn’t attack. He understood. They could not have their daughter witness this. “Why don’t you step outside, you big blond shit? We can settle this right now,” he hissed.</p>
<p>“There’s no need for violence. I came to give Petra a picture of Siegfried. And a gift.” He nodded at the ring. “She won’t come today, Levi. But soon, she will. She’ll come to save her family. Her island.”</p>
<p>“Just let me kill you, Erwin.” Levi did not move; neither did the king. They seemed locked in a scene all their own, the world disappearing around them. “Let me give you peace.”</p>
<p>“You had the chance once, Levi.” Erwin scowled. “And you only get one chance.”</p>
<p>Petra waited for Levi to attack, but Willy was at the man’s back all of a sudden. He breathed heavily, and glared daggers at Erwin.</p>
<p>“How did you…?” Willy asked.</p>
<p>“You really ought to ask your lovely wife,” Erwin replied coolly. Both Willy and Levi swore. Petra wondered what would happen to Giulia tonight. When Levi appeared ready to raise his voice, Erwin hushed him. “Careful. The little girl is having her nap.”</p>
<p>“Get out of here.” Levi advanced. “You come near my family again, I’ll stuff your skull fulla shit.”</p>
<p>“Petra is mine now, Levi. Not yours. You have her on borrowed time.”</p>
<p>“And you’re living on it, too.” Levi was about to attack; Petra sensed it.</p>
<p>“Stop,” Willy said. “Levi. No. You can’t.”</p>
<p>Levi glared at Willy. Petra hurried past Erwin and put her arm around her husband’s waist.</p>
<p>“You know we can’t. Not yet,” she whispered in his ear. But one day. One day. Levi grunted, but squeezed her close to him.</p>
<p>“I came to deliver a message. I have.” Erwin nodded at Willy as Connie and Floch appeared behind the king in the hallway. “With my affairs settled, I intend to return home immediately. I don’t like to be away from my son longer than necessary.”</p>
<p><em>Armin.</em> Petra felt like she’d been kicked. She clung to Levi, who understood. He hugged her close.</p>
<p>“I do not like being made a fool, Erwin,” Willy snapped.</p>
<p>“And I don’t like you giving shelter to my enemy,” Erwin replied. “But you’re right.” He sniffed. “I shouldn’t run off straight away. I should give Petra a chance to come to her senses.” He looked back at her again. “My plane will be on standby until midnight tonight. If you come to me before then, you have my word I’ll release Brigitta.”</p>
<p>“What are you doing to her?” Petra snapped. Levi pressed her closer.</p>
<p>“You piece of shit,” he snarled at Erwin.</p>
<p>“The only way you’ll know what’s happened to your sister is to come with me.” Erwin gave a languid shrug. “Understand that if you don’t come tonight, I may never release Brigitta. Even when you come home to Paradis.”</p>
<p>“Levi.” Willy spoke a warning. Levi was straining to put his knife to Erwin. But her husband was a good soldier. He didn’t revere Willy as he once had Erwin, but he would do as the king asked. Within reason.</p>
<p>“Think of your son, Petra. Since you’ve never thought of him before.”</p>
<p>She felt her heart break and her temper rise.</p>
<p>“I’ll get him away from you,” she snapped.</p>
<p>“Not while I live. And I plan to live a long, long time.” Erwin looked at Willy once more. “Why don’t you walk me out? We have things to discuss.”</p>
<p>Willy seethed, but gestured for the other king to join him in the hall. Willy was a professional in every sense. The two men exited. Petra stayed in Levi’s arms as Floch smirked and departed. Connie stared at the Ackermans, his lip wobbling.</p>
<p>“I…I’m sorry.” He sniffed, wiped his eyes. “I’m real sorry.”</p>
<p>“I know, Connie.” Levi did not speak cruelly. “Leave him. You know you should.”</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah, but…” The boy’s shoulders slumped. “I gotta get my Mom back. Only a few more months before Pieck’s term is up.”</p>
<p>Petra winced. Poor Hange. But she couldn’t chide Connie. She would have likely done the same in his case.</p>
<p>“Goodbye,” Petra whispered. Connie looked at her, miserable.</p>
<p>“See you later, Lieutenant.”</p>
<p>With that, he turned and rejoined his king. Petra shivered as Levi shut the door and locked it. He gathered her to him. She squeezed him tight. She was never safer than here in his arms.</p>
<p>“He hurt you?” Levi asked gruffly. She shook her head.</p>
<p>“He said…he had Brigitta.”</p>
<p>“He’s a liar,” Levi whispered.</p>
<p>“But what’s he been doing on Paradis? He said he’d done things that made him totally inhuman. He…” She blinked away tears. Her stomach rumbled, somersaulted.</p>
<p>“He’s a liar.” But Levi sounded grimly determined now. Like he was trying to make himself believe it was true. Petra looked into his eyes. They were narrowed. She knew he was saying that to ease her pain. Her conscience. “Whatever he’s done’s got nothing to do with you. It’s on him. He’s gone fucking crazy.”</p>
<p>No. Crazy would be too easy an explanation. Petra looked at the floor, where she’d dropped the photograph of Armin. The ring lay several feet further away. She gathered them up, clutched the photo close, but handed the ring to Levi. He pocketed it. She didn’t care what he did with it, she just wanted it far away.</p>
<p>“I don’t feel safe here,” she said softly. She hated that feeling, because she’d come to love their new home. In only a month, she’d made the spaces bright and sun-filled. The furnishings weren’t expensive, but they were plush and comfortable. At last, the family seemed to be returning to normal. Now, this.</p>
<p>
  <em>Armin…</em>
</p>
<p>Her hands shook. She couldn’t bear to see that little face and not hold him, kiss his cheek. Erwin had destabilized her, frightened her. That’d been his intention.</p>
<p>Levi put his arms around her. He kissed her. He kissed her deep and pure. They stayed together for a minute, giving and taking love and pain.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna stick with Willy and Erwin the entire day,” he whispered. “I’ll see that asshole to his plane tonight. Then I’ll come home. Do you want to go to a hotel in the meantime?”</p>
<p>“No. I feel safer here than I would anywhere else.” They had a couple of blades. She could protect herself.</p>
<p>“Lock the door. I’ll call if I need you to move. Are you okay with that?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She kissed his forehead. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about all of this.”</p>
<p>“You did. Not. Do this,” he whispered. “It was him. He’s to blame. Not you.”</p>
<p>Levi saw the photo again. He rubbed her arm. He understood.</p>
<p>“Stay here and be with Kuchel until I either call you or come home. Okay?”</p>
<p>Petra nodded. She kissed him once more.</p>
<p>Why was she so afraid? Then again, why wouldn’t she be?</p>
<p>Levi left her. She locked the door behind him, then pressed her back to it. She looked at the apartment, then went through every inch of it. She went up to the guest room, she inspected the bathrooms, she looked in on Kuchel as she napped with a white stuffed bunny. The only noise was the tick of a clock. Petra was alone. She was safe here.</p>
<p>She was going to fucking kill Giulia.</p>
<p>But Levi would not let Erwin take her. He’d get rid of the king if he had to.</p>
<p>But the anxiety would gnaw away at her heart. Brigitta. Her parents. Mikasa. What was happening on Paradis?</p>
<p>What had she done to her country? To the world?</p>
<p>To Armin?</p>
<p>Petra eventually fell into bed and, utterly exhausted, drifted away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi did not talk to that blond bastard. He would not give Erwin the satisfaction of seeing him fucking pissed.</p>
<p>But he couldn’t help glancing at Erwin throughout the day, as Willy tried to keep himself under control—the Tybur king was furious. Almost as mad as Levi.</p>
<p>Erwin had given Petra a fucking ring. He expected Levi’s wife to leave him.</p>
<p>It wasn’t just that Erwin wanted Petra, though. No; the way Erwin kept sneaking glances at Levi, it was obvious that he really wanted to take something precious away from the man.</p>
<p>Levi provided cover in the restaurant where the kings went to discuss affairs of state. He glared at Floch, and tried to avoid looking at Connie. Poor kid. Poor stupid kid.</p>
<p>Poor Hange. Poor Pieck.</p>
<p>And yet the unease kept growing in Levi’s stomach. What had Erwin done to Paradis exactly?</p>
<p>Why had he told Petra he was no longer human? What had happened to Brigitta?</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s not my concern anymore. I’m here to protect my family. They’re what matters now. I can’t save the island anymore. I have to make a choice.</em>
</p>
<p>And he did, though it ate him alive.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. Why are you doing this to me? Why do you want everything I have?</em>
</p>
<p>Still he did not talk to the king. He stayed focused on his job of protecting Willy. Of going home to Petra and Kuchel and the baby.</p>
<p>Poor Armin. Poor…</p>
<p>No. Focus.</p>
<p>As the hours wound down, as the sun started to lower on the horizon, Willy told Levi to go home. The king gave his bodyguard a wry, sad, and understanding look.</p>
<p>“It’s my job to stay with you,” Levi grumbled. He kept an eye on Erwin as he said it. The Paradisian king was speaking with his own soldiers. He avoided Levi as studiously as Levi avoided him.</p>
<p>“He’s not going to hurt me. Besides, I have back up.”</p>
<p>Levi saw a black car pull up with Willy’s, er, night guard inside. Usually Levi stayed at work later, but he knew Willy was being kind. Letting him see his family. Protect them if need be. Though Petra would be safer in that apartment than anywhere else.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he muttered. He took his leave of Willy and managed not to look at Erwin as he turned and headed back down the boulevard. The lights of cars washed over him as he crossed the street to stand beneath a hotel awning. He’d hail a cab, get back uptown, and have dinner with his girls. That idea gave him strength. All he needed in this world was in that little apartment. With them, he was powerful. Without…</p>
<p>He couldn’t imagine it. Levi ambled over to the hotel, waved at a doorman in red livery. The guy would happily hail a cab for Levi—when you dressed as snazzy as he did, the world was your friend. Tch. Some logic. He walked over and—</p>
<p>“Captain Levi?”</p>
<p>He stopped. That voice…</p>
<p>He looked to his left. The girl was standing in the alleyway. Her pretty face had grown gaunt after a year on the lam. Her blonde hair was scraggly. But he would know those wide blue eyes anywhere.</p>
<p>“Historia?” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Please don’t say anything.” Her lip quivered. “Please help me. I…I need to get away from here.”</p>
<p>“Where’s Eren?” He looked behind her into the darkness. Historia trembled.</p>
<p>“He…he left me. I don’t know where he is. But I need your protection. Please.” The former queen looked ready to cry, but then stopped. Her eyes grew hard. The girl had become a woman now. “Please help me.”</p>
<p>Levi gaped at the girl.</p>
<p>“I can’t—”</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell anyone. Not yet. Please.” Historia shook. “I’ve been following you for days. I need your help. God, I need your help.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t kidding. Of all the times to approach him, when Erwin was in town… The king couldn’t take Levi or Petra with him, but he could take Historia if he found her. She was not a Marleyan citizen; Willy had no power. And if Erwin took Historia, Levi got the feeling her life would be hell. Her fear confirmed that suspicion.</p>
<p>“Maybe we oughta go to my place,” he said.</p>
<p>Historia quailed. “I don’t want to put your family in danger.”</p>
<p>Fuck. Nice kid, and a smart one. Shit. Levi was torn. Do the right thing, or go home and be safe. But…</p>
<p>“I have to tell you about the king,” Historia whispered. “I’ve been trying to find a way to get to you for months. You don’t know what he’s planning. I do.”</p>
<p>Shit. “Erwin’s here right now.” Historia shrank back into the shadows. “Relax. He leaves soon. When he does, I’ll take you to Willy.”</p>
<p>Yes. There was a clear path now. He’d hide out with Historia for a little while, let Erwin leave, and then take the kid to Willy Tybur. They could figure out what to do with the girl secretly. Historia blinked away tears.</p>
<p>“Thank you. Oh god, thank you. I…” She huddled in on herself. Fuck, what’d she gone through this past year? She looked dirty and horrible. “I promise I’ll do whatever I can to help you both if you’ll just keep me safe.”</p>
<p>“You really don’t know where Eren is?” Shit, having the Founder running wild wasn’t great. But Historia shook her head.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Well. One step at a time.</p>
<p>“Okay. There’s a café a block down. I’m gonna take you there, get you something to eat, hear your story. I can’t promise what I can do for you, kid.” But becoming a father had made him feel the hurts of vulnerable girls in a way he hadn’t even previously. Historia was afraid. He had to do what he could for her. He owed it to her. “But I can promise Willy and I are on your side in this.”</p>
<p>“Just keep me out of Erwin’s hands, and you can do whatever you want.”</p>
<p>Fuck. That was one thing he could definitely promise.</p>
<p>He led Historia away, checking over his shoulder as they went. No one was following. He wanted to keep it that way. Well, he had to do one thing. One important thing.</p>
<p>He had to call Petra.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Mama? Mama, da phone!”</p>
<p>Kuchel was tugging at Petra’s ear. Petra awoke, groggy as hell. What time was it? When pregnant, she got so tired during the day. That plus the stress and the misery of seeing Armin’s picture had really knocked her out. She’d meant to take a quick nap, but it was now dark outside. Shit.</p>
<p>“Sorry, baby. Mama’s sleepy.” Petra pushed the blankets aside and got up. She felt drunk with sleep as she wobbled to the phone and picked up. “Hello?”</p>
<p>“<em>Mrs. Ackerman?</em>” Benito at the front desk. “<em>Sorry to disturb, ma’am.</em>”</p>
<p>“It’s fine. What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“<em>Mr. Ackerman called and left a message. He wants you to take your daughter and leave the apartment.</em>”</p>
<p>Her heart slowed. “Did he say why?”</p>
<p>“<em>I only know what I wrote down. He said…here it is. He said he’s seen Christa. You need to come meet them. It’s important.</em>”</p>
<p>Petra immediately woke up. Shit. Christa. The girl Historia had been once upon a time.</p>
<p>Levi had found Historia? At first she wondered why he didn’t bring the girl here, then realized how stupid that was. He couldn’t risk anyone tracking them. Did this have something to do with Erwin’s arrival? She shook her head.</p>
<p>“Where does he want us to go?”</p>
<p>Benito gave her an address. It was the Balencio Docks, halfway across town. Petra knew the place. It was secret, and safe from prying eyes. But her stomach twisted.</p>
<p>“Did he say why there?”</p>
<p>“<em>Sorry, ma’am. That’s all I was told.</em>”</p>
<p>Petra sighed. “Okay. Thank you.”</p>
<p>She hung up and sat there, stewing. She wished Levi could have phoned himself. Then again…</p>
<p>“Baby, did the phone ring before while Mama was asleep?”</p>
<p>Kuchel nodded, stroking Gretel’s yarn hair. “Couple times.”</p>
<p>Well, that explained it. She rubbed her face, got up, and went to get her shoes and coat. If Levi wanted her and Kuchel, they had to go. She trusted very little in this world. But she trusted him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is dark here,” Kuchel said when the cab pulled up to the docks. Levi had said to be at hangar 14. She had the cab pull over and let them out. Petra frowned; the area was deserted at this time of night, the only light the electric lamps spaced too far apart. She turned to ask the driver to wait, but he’d already sped off. Shit. Son of a bitch. Kuchel grumbled as Petra lifted her and carried her along. “Why Papa say here?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Petra searched the area for Levi. For Historia. And as she did, she began to feel worse and worse. Shit. For all she knew now, Erwin had laid a trap for them. Her blind trust, her pregnancy brain, had led her to make a real shit choice.</p>
<p>“Okay, we’re gonna walk right back up the docks and find another cab. C’mon.” Petra turned around and walked, her heels clacking on the wooden dock. Her heart was beating faster with each step. Kuchel hugged her around the neck and looked over her shoulder. “Hey! Izzat Papa?”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>Petra turned around and saw a figure walking towards them. He was not Levi; he was entirely too tall. But he wasn’t Erwin, either. He was too slender. He…</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>“Don’t scream,” Eren said softly. He came out of the darkness at her with one hand raised.</p>
<p>His hand was bleeding. Petra gave a stuttering breath.</p>
<p>“Era!” Kuchel giggled, waving her arms. Petra pulled her daughter away, but Eren shook his head gently.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to transform here, Petra. But I will. I’ll do whatever it takes to end this tonight.”</p>
<p>“What do you want?” She felt dizzy.</p>
<p>“Come into the hangar with me. I’m going to explain everything before we begin.” He looked on her with the most alarming pity. “You deserve that much. And…I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Historia ate like she’d never seen food before. Kid put away a cup of chili, a ham sandwich and fried potatoes, and was tucking into a piece of cherry pie like she’d die if she didn’t. Levi nursed a cup of tea as he watched the disgusting display. Poor thing.</p>
<p>“When’d you last get a good meal?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Two months ago. I’ve been living on scraps ever since,” she said. She looked at him with those hunted rabbit eyes. She wiped her mouth with a napkin.</p>
<p>“Tell me more. Where you been? What happened to Eren?”</p>
<p>Historia sipped her bottle of soda. She seemed kinda evasive now. He noticed she kept glancing at the clock on the wall.</p>
<p>“We came here after Erwin tried to…well. Uh. Maybe I should start there. See…”</p>
<p>She kept stopping and starting, her face growing red. Levi was about out of patience, but he tried to stay cool. Something about this was starting to feel fucking strange, and he liked to listen to his gut.</p>
<p>“You sure Eren just up and left you?” he asked. Historia paused. “That doesn’t seem like him.”</p>
<p>“No. It doesn’t.” She huffed, twisted her napkin in her hands. Historia’s eyes held a tense, haunted light.</p>
<p>“Look. Oi. What’s wrong? Is it Erwin? Eren?”</p>
<p>“It’s both.” Her voice trembled. “See…”</p>
<p>“<em>Historia.</em>” He hissed her name. “What the fuck is going on?”</p>
<p>“I…” She looked at Levi. She worried her lip. “I need…to tell you something.” She blinked away tears. “I can’t. I can’t do this,” she muttered to herself. Now he was more than pissed. He was getting scared. He hated that shit.</p>
<p>“You got three seconds to talk before I break your fuckin’ hand,” he growled. Maybe it was too much, but something about this was feeling worse and worse. She had begged him not to call Petra. She’d been so adamant about it. Why…</p>
<p>Historia took a deep, ragged breath.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Eren,” she whispered. Then she looked Levi in the eye. “You need to call Willy right now. You need to tell him to get to the Balencio Docks, hangar 14.”</p>
<p>“Why?” he growled.</p>
<p>“Because you have maybe fifteen minutes before Eren does something awful.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Just stay calm, baby,” Petra whispered. Kuchel was whimpering as Eren stood before them. The hangar space was vast and dimly lit. Every footstep echoed tremendously. The place was empty of cargo, save a few crates. Eren had seated mother and child upon one of the crates. Petra held her daughter close as Eren crouched before them.</p>
<p>“I’m about to show you something,” Eren said gently. He held out his non-bleeding hand. “Kuchel. I want you to touch my fingers.”</p>
<p>“No,” Petra growled. She hugged the girl.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to get off your Mama’s lap. She needs to be touching you, too.” Eren sighed. “Please, Petra. It won’t hurt her. I swear.”</p>
<p>“Why…?”</p>
<p>But his other hand was still dripping blood. Grunting in frustration, she watched as Kuchel stretched out her little hand and touched Eren’s fingers. And…</p>
<p>Petra gasped as blue lightning seemed to crackle all around her. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She smelled ozone. And…</p>
<p>She saw.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>He stood outside the closed door, his heart pounding wildly. He looked at his brother, standing to his left. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I…I don’t know about this,” he said. His brother rolled his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’ve never done this before. After the ceremony, you may not want to do it again. Come on.” His brother hugged him around the neck. “You’ll thank me later. I talked to the guy downstairs. He said she’s the sweetest one he’s got.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He felt sick to his stomach, but…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“O-Okay.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Good. Now knock. Go on.” His brother stepped away, grinning. “And don’t cry.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His cheeks burned as he knocked. A soft, feminine voice called ‘Come in.’</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He entered and shut the door. He stood in a small chamber with flower-papered walls and a big brass bed. The covers were pink. Candles were lit all around. Here in the underground, candles were a major necessity.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The girl…the woman…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was…so beautiful.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hello.” She grinned at him, charmingly shy. She slipped her black hair over one shoulder. “My name’s Olympia.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“H-Hi.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was small and dainty, wearing a pink gown that exposed her shoulders. Her skin was alabaster, and her hair was sleek and black as a raven’s wing. Her eyes were a soft blue-gray. She got up off the bed and came to him. She was petite, probably not even five four, yet also a few inches taller than he was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just about every woman was taller than him. He was barely five flat.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But she didn’t laugh at him, or mock him. She was older, and taller, but there was such sweetness in her smile.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Your brother mentioned this was your first time,” she said softly. She wound her arms around his neck.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Y-Yeah. I’m…that is, I’m taking over for my father…um.” His cheeks burned. He never felt brave in front of girls. “Next month, I’m starting a new position. I really wanted to…uh…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Of course.” She beamed at him. “I think you’re very sweet.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His heart sank. Girls didn’t like sweet. But…she did. She really seemed to. Olympia leaned forward and kissed his lips.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His heart went crazy. He felt stirrings all through his body. He felt his cock twitch. She led him by the hand and brought him to the bed. She sat, and he sat beside her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Just tell me what you like. If you want me to stop, say so. I want to please you.” Gently, she undid the first two buttons on his shirt. “I really think I’m going to like you.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She sounded so soft and shy. He suddenly wanted to take off all her clothes. He wanted to lie on top of her, and in her, and…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He kissed her. The kisses went from gentle to heated. She lay down on the bed, and he lay on top of her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s your name?” Olympia asked breathlessly as he began to unbutton his shirt all he way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Uri,” he whispered.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Uri Reiss.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra jolted as she came out of the vision. She held Kuchel tight; the little girl whimpered and started to kick, frightened by what had just happened. Petra shivered as she stared at Eren. What she had seen…</p>
<p>She had seen Kuchel Ackerman. Not the one she held in her arms, but the one from decades ago. Levi’s mother.</p>
<p>God, Kuchel looked just like her grandmother.</p>
<p>And the man whose head she’d been inside was…</p>
<p>“Why did I see King Uri’s memories?” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>“Because I was able to channel them through the power of the Founder.”</p>
<p>“Why did you need to touch Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“Surely you can guess.” She didn’t want to. Eren sighed. “Because Kuchel is of royal blood.”</p>
<p>No. Petra started shaking her head slowly. Kuchel clung to her mother.</p>
<p>“Petra. I can only show people memories when my Founder is in contact with a person of royal blood. Uri Reiss,” Eren said, “was Kuchel’s grandfather. Levi’s father.”</p>
<p>“We don’t know that.” Her head was spinning. “Ku—Levi’s mother was a prostitute. We don’t know who his father was. It’s impossible to know.”</p>
<p>“If Kuchel had no royal blood, I wouldn’t have been able to do what I just did. She is royal. Levi is royal. Do you understand what that means?”</p>
<p>Eren stood. Petra squeezed Kuchel tight. She should scream. Could anyone hear? She wished she’d brought a fucking knife. The way Eren was looking at her…</p>
<p>“I need to touch a titan of royal blood to unlock the Founder and save the world. I’m sorry.” His voice broke as he reached into his coat pocket. “I warned you.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“I told you to let me touch Zeke.”</p>
<p>“Mama.” Kuchel started to cry. She didn’t understand what was happening. But Petra did.</p>
<p>When Eren pulled the box out of his jacket, she got to her feet.</p>
<p>When he opened it and revealed the syringe, she knew that no one could help them, but she didn’t care.</p>
<p>She started screaming.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You…” Levi knocked the chair aside and got to his feet. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. What Historia had said. He… His father…</p>
<p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p>
<p>“What fucking game is this?” he croaked. Historia stood up.</p>
<p>“Please. Get Willy. They have to go now. There could still be time!”</p>
<p>Eren was going to…</p>
<p>To Kuchel? Levi backed up. Then he grabbed Historia and slammed her against the wall. There were shattered dishes behind them and screams, but he gave no fucks. He started throttling the queen. She choked.</p>
<p>“Why not do it to me, huh?” He brought her face to his. “<em>Why not do it to me?</em>”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Because Levi is an awakened Ackerman.” Eren said this calmly as he filled the syringe.</p>
<p>Petra was sprawled out alongside one of the crates. He’d lunged and choked her until she almost passed out. She could barely hear or understand him now, but at least she was conscious.</p>
<p>She could hear Kuchel’s screams as her daughter tried to run. But Eren had his knee pressed into her back.</p>
<p>Petra could still see Eren fighting the tears.</p>
<p>“Ackermans have their own PATH,” he said. He sniffed. “They can’t turn into titans, it’s true. But if an Ackerman breeds with a royal, both bloodlines are represented. Both abilities.” He squirted some of the spinal fluid. He was getting ready to inject Kuchel. “Once an Ackerman awakens, they really can no longer turn into a titan. No matter what. That’s why Levi’s not an option.” He shook his head. “It’s funny, isn’t it? He was the son of the true king all along. If he hadn’t awoken, he could have taken Uri’s place. But now that he can’t become a titan and unlock the Founder, he’s functionally useless as a royal. But Kuchel is not.”</p>
<p>“Mamaaaaa!” Kuchel sobbed. She screamed. Petra tried to will her body to move. To save her baby.</p>
<p>“I’d like to tell you I can turn Kuchel back after I use the Founder.” Eren’s lip quivered. “But…I never saw that in any of my visions. I don’t know I can. And if I can’t…” His voice nearly broke. “I’m sorry. I’ll have to release her.”</p>
<p>
  <em>No. No. My baby. No.</em>
</p>
<p>Kuchel kept wailing and blubbering for Petra. Eren had readied the injection.</p>
<p>“You said…” Petra could barely move. “You wouldn’t…use…children…”</p>
<p>“It’s this or let the entire world end.” Eren’s face twisted into an expression of such hatred. “You did this, Petra. I told you about Armin, and Erwin. You didn’t listen. I’m sorry.” His anger broke into sadness. Tears streamed down his face as he gripped Kuchel’s hair and bared the back of her neck to him. “I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p><em>I’m sorry.</em> She’d found him in the farmhouse that night, years ago, sobbing as he held her daughter. He had seen this day. He had seen what he would do.</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>“Kuchel…”</p>
<p>As Eren lowered the needle, Petra put every drop of strength she had into action.</p>
<p>She lunged off the ground and stumbled into Eren. She crashed to the floor, taking him with her. Getting him off Kuchel.</p>
<p>“Run!” Petra’s voice sounded groggy to her ears, but she clung to Eren. “Run, Kuchel! <em>Baby, run!</em>”</p>
<p>“Mama!”</p>
<p>Kuchel sobbed as she ran for the door, screaming in terror as Eren snarled, put a hand to Petra’s throat. As he choked her. As she started to black out, her body growing more and more slack.</p>
<p>“I have to save everyone!” he sobbed. “I didn’t want to! I didn’t want to!”</p>
<p>His voice grew fuzzy. The darkness grew more oppressive. And then Petra felt his hand leave her throat. Her whole body was leaden as she watched Eren go after her daughter. Furry black spots dotted Petra’s vision.</p>
<p>No. Kuchel.</p>
<p>The little girl zig zagged away from Eren, but he was too fast for her. Eren caught her up in his arm as Petra began to drag herself across the floor. She wheezed. Tears flowed down her face. No. Not her baby.</p>
<p>“No! You bastard, <em>no!</em>” she screamed.</p>
<p>“Mama! Mama, Mama!” Kuchel wept and thrashed as Eren knelt and laid the child across his knee.</p>
<p>“Kuchel!” Petra wailed.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Eren whispered.</p>
<p>Kuchel screamed one high, awful scream as he stuck the needle into her neck and pushed the plunger.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>Almost there, almost there, almost there, come on.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi sat in the back of a car with Historia beside him, studying her hands. Behind them, several police cars drove with flashing lights.</p>
<p>Willy was coming. Erwin was coming, too.</p>
<p>Fuck Historia. Erwin could have her, do whatever he wanted. She was lucky Levi didn’t fucking kill her.</p>
<p>So what if she’d had a change of heart about her and Eren’s plan, warned Levi? If they were too late…</p>
<p>They could not be too late.</p>
<p>Kuchel. His little baby. Asleep in his arms, giggling, kissing her dolls good night, galloping around and playing hide and seek.</p>
<p>Without her, he would not be a man. He would not be himself anymore. He would die.</p>
<p>He couldn’t live with this loss.</p>
<p>Faster. Faster…</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” Historia whispered.</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p>
<p>Didn’t matter one shit that he and this girl were technically related. That he, if this was all true, knew who his father had been. That his true name, if he wanted it to be, was Levi Reiss.</p>
<p>Fuck that. Levi Ackerman was enough for him. It honored his mother. Even Kenny. The two people who’d actually raised him.</p>
<p>Fuck the Reiss family and all their royal shit.</p>
<p>The cars pulled into sight of the docks. Levi leaned forward. Soon, soon, soon—</p>
<p>Everyone in the car cried out as a great bolt of lightning crackled in the air overhead. It was orange, and seemed to emanate from one spot on the ground, rather than spearing in from the heavens.</p>
<p>It was the lightning of a titan transformation.</p>
<p>Levi’s heart stopped.</p>
<p>Kuchel…</p>
<p>Giving those little baby kisses, snuggling up as he read her a story, twirling around and around with her arms out as she danced and—</p>
<p>Levi went blind.</p>
<p>Levi stopped feeling.</p>
<p>
  <em>Kuchel my baby, my baby, my little baby—</em>
</p>
<p>He screamed. He did not stop screaming. He would never stop screaming.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi was at the door before any of the officers, before Erwin or Willy. He had heard a giant, titanic crash as they pulled up. The sound of that hangar, at least part of it, splitting. Right now, he was trying to keep himself from feeling anything. A sword. He would need a sword if he had to put down—</p>
<p><em>No.</em> He couldn’t. He could never…</p>
<p>Levi felt himself unraveling as he went up to the hangar’s entrance and kicked down the door. In his fury, the damn thing splintered apart. He entered, staring ahead into the dim light.</p>
<p>At the titan.</p>
<p>Levi made a noise deep in his throat. He collapsed to his knees, all energy out of him.</p>
<p>Oh fuck…</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Kuchel!” Petra screamed and reached for her baby as Eren finished injecting her and then moved out of the way. Petra screamed from the root of her being as she waited for the lightning to begin, and for her baby to be transformed into a giant, ravenous monster. For her innocent little girl to be taken from her. Forever.</p>
<p>She was useless. A terrible bitch of a mother.</p>
<p>She stared at Kuchel, who lay there stunned. <em>I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m a bad Mama. I’m sorry, my love.</em></p>
<p>Petra whimpered as…</p>
<p>Nothing happened.</p>
<p>Five seconds. Ten seconds. Fifteen. Petra pushed herself to a sitting position. Did it always take this long? She glanced at Eren, who was watching Kuchel with a furrowed brow.</p>
<p>The little girl climbed to her feet and wobbled. She stood fully upright.</p>
<p>“Kuchel?” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>Then the child looked up at Eren with narrowed eyes. Cold, furious eyes. And in that moment, she looked exactly like Levi.</p>
<p>Levi…</p>
<p>“Oh,” Eren whispered. He seemed to pale. “<em>Shit.</em>”</p>
<p>Kuchel ran at him. No, she didn’t run; she sped. She went faster than Petra had ever imagined a child could run. And as Petra watched, mouth open, Kuchel turned a perfect somersault through the air, graceful as an acrobat.</p>
<p>She kicked Eren right in the stomach.</p>
<p>She sent him flying twenty feet. Kuchel landed well, rolling to a stop. She didn’t hurt herself.</p>
<p>
  <em>The Ackerman awakening. Levi said he experienced a moment of great stress, a life or death situation…</em>
</p>
<p>Kuchel ran after Eren as he tried to get up. She was only a very little girl, but her movements were frighteningly perfect. They had weight to them. As Eren tried to stand, she jumped and kicked him square in the face. She shattered his mouth, his teeth flying in every direction. As Eren cried out in pain, Kuchel began stomping on his hand. Petra heard the bones shatter.</p>
<p>She got to her feet in a daze. It was…over.</p>
<p>An awakened Ackerman could never become a titan. Kuchel must have had her power activated mere seconds before it was too late. Petra could have sobbed with gratitude.</p>
<p>But her baby looked so fearsome as she attacked Eren.</p>
<p>“Kuchel!” she cried. “Stop!”</p>
<p>Petra knew that Eren would not hurt them now. He had never desired harm. And while it’d give Petra pleasure to see him dead after what he’d tried to do, she knew that they couldn’t lose the Founder. Not like this.</p>
<p>The little girl stopped kicking and looked at her mother. That dead-eyed, too-old look vanished from Kuchel. She sat down, collapsing like the little girl she was.</p>
<p>“Mamaaaaa.” She wailed and held out her arms. She needed comfort. Petra swept in and picked the child up, holding Kuchel tight to her chest. She rocked her baby, tears streaming down her cheeks. Oh, thank god. Thank god for the Ackerman power. Petra hugged Kuchel tight.</p>
<p>“Baby, are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Uh huh. Uh…uh uh.” Kuchel kept blubbering, but she was entirely herself again. Petra almost fell down in relief. She’d been afraid that activating the genes would mean that Kuchel would become just like Levi and Mikasa, stoic and emotionless. While she loved those two, she did not want her happy little girl to become a shadow of her former self. But it seemed that wouldn’t happen. Kuchel kept giving huge, heaving sobs as Petra shushed her and kissed her. Eren managed to stand up, wavering on his feet. His face was a mass of bruises; his damaged hand hung at his side. Petra sneered at him.</p>
<p>“You <em>bastard</em>.”</p>
<p>“Too late.” He sounded dizzy. He shook his head. “The Ackermans…are all free.”</p>
<p>Yes. Eren had seen the future, but when Kuchel awoke she took control of it for herself. As Levi had when he fell in love all those years ago. Petra kept rocking the frightened girl.</p>
<p>“Levi’s going to kill you,” she snarled.</p>
<p>Eren fell to his knees. He bowed his back, hung his head so that his long brown hair fell into his face.</p>
<p>He…laughed.</p>
<p>The fuck?</p>
<p>“Soon it’ll be over,” Eren said to the floor. He sat up, looked at Petra. “At least for now. For a little while. But I’m sorry, Petra. Kuchel was the second chance we had to get it right.” He shook his head. “The third and final chance is the one that’ll be truly painful. But don’t worry. I’ll help you when the time comes.”</p>
<p>“I have had enough of your crazy shit!” she snarled. Kuchel was sniffling and weeping now; she’d cried herself mostly out.</p>
<p>“But my part right now is done. The rest is going to be up to you.”</p>
<p>Eren stood. Would he attack her?</p>
<p>Then she heard them. Sirens. They were getting closer.</p>
<p>Levi? Oh, please god.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Eren looked her right in the eyes. “Don’t tell Erwin where I am.”</p>
<p>“Huh? What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Then, beside the hangar, a great burst of orange lightning crackled. She saw it through the high window. It was a titan transformation. Petra winced and crouched as the impact exploded the glass. Kuchel squealed in terror at the loud noise.</p>
<p>Petra jumped backwards as the eastern wall of the hangar was ripped apart.</p>
<p>The Armored Titan entered. Connie in his massive form looked down on them. He came forward.</p>
<p>And Eren went to meet him.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is he going to transform? Fight Connie?</em>
</p>
<p>But Eren stood his ground and reached up. Connie reached down.</p>
<p>The Armored picked Eren up in his hand and…</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh no.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra shielded Kuchel as the titan brought Eren to its mouth…and bit him in half. She gaped in horror as Connie ate Eren. One bite, and Eren’s legs jerked in a final spasm of death. In two bites, Eren Jaeger was gone from the earth. There wasn’t even blood or body parts left behind. He was absolutely gone.</p>
<p>Then the Armored Titan gazed down at Petra. Slowly, it got to a knee and loomed over her.</p>
<p>“What the…?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t tell Erwin where I am.</em>
</p>
<p>She gazed up into the titan’s eyes and could swear, somehow, that Eren Jaeger was looking back at her.</p>
<p>Maybe it was all the shock she’d endured this evening. But Petra felt herself become strangely calm.</p>
<p>Somehow, even though she didn’t understand…she believed.</p>
<p>She swallowed and nodded.</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, Eren. I swear. You’re a hateful bastard, but I swear.</em>
</p>
<p>And then the hangar door splintered as someone kicked it down. She whirled and saw Levi stagger inside, his expression breaking.</p>
<p>When he saw Petra with Kuchel in her arms, he collapsed to his knees, like all the wind had been knocked out of him.</p>
<p>And Petra ran to him.</p>
<p>“Papa!” Kuchel screamed as officers rushed inside the space, skirting around Levi. Her husband managed to get up and practically lunge at them. Kuchel leapt into his arms, bawling as he rocked her back and forth, hugging her tight, stroking her hair.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Oh god.”</p>
<p>Petra put her hands to her mouth. She watched Levi do everything within his power not to start weeping. His eyes were boiled red, but he fiercely refused to give in. He just squeezed their daughter tight as she sobbed.</p>
<p>“I got you, sweetheart. I got you. Fuck.” Levi’s voice broke. He looked at Petra, his war with himself evident. “What happened?”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. Eren injected her.” She could tell by Levi’s look and his reaction that he knew Eren’s purpose. Petra saw Historia hovering nearby, looking shrunken in on herself. “The only thing that saved her was the Ackerman power.”</p>
<p>“She…” Levi looked distant. “She awoke?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I’m sorry.” Petra felt wretched. “I couldn’t protect her. I’m too weak now, and sluggish. I—”</p>
<p>He grabbed her and pulled her against him as well. As Petra wound her arms around her husband, embracing him and their daughter, she recalled being nineteen and seeing the great Captain Levi running drills out in the field. How hard he had looked; how resolute. How distant. His every expression like it had been chiseled out of stone.</p>
<p>And now he was warm and human in her arms. She kissed his temple.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yes. Fuck.” He sniffed. Kuchel had started calming, too.</p>
<p>“Papa. Bad word.” She sniffled.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” He gave her cheek a ferocious kiss. “It’s all right. As long as you’re both here.”</p>
<p>He always, in some small way, expected to find the worst had happened. He expected Isabel and Furlan all over again. Their old squad. Petra saw then the unbearable strain this produced. He was always primed for tragedy. She kissed him again.</p>
<p>Finally, Petra took back Kuchel and they walked over to Connie’s titan. Erwin and Willy strode up; Erwin looked upwards, fury in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Connie! Where is he?”</p>
<p>Petra gnawed her lip as the Armored Titan knelt and Connie emerged from the nape. He scratched his head.</p>
<p>“Thought he might be here in his titan form, so I came in prepared,” he called. Connie glanced at Petra just once. “But he was gone.”</p>
<p>“Is that right?” Willy turned to Petra. She nodded weakly.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t tell Erwin where I am.</em>
</p>
<p>“He tried to turn Kuchel into a titan,” she croaked. “He only failed because her Ackerman genes were triggered. When he realized he couldn’t use her anymore, he got furious and ran out. I don’t know where he went.” She looked at Connie again. “That was at least five minutes before you all got here.”</p>
<p>Erwin swore colorfully as Willy frowned. “But why would he want to turn your child into a titan?”</p>
<p>Petra and Levi shared a look of understanding. There was going to be no way of keeping this secret.</p>
<p>“Because Eren found out who Levi’s father was,” she said softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were all back at the Ackerman apartment soon after. Petra had put Kuchel to bed in her and Levi’s room, promising to be in very shortly. She needed to finish with everyone first.</p>
<p>Willy, Historia, Connie and Erwin all sat around their dining room table. Considering Erwin’s great, dramatic presence here mere hours before, it was kind of funny to find him sitting with his tie loosened and a bleary look on his face. He was stunned, truthfully.</p>
<p>Stunned at Levi’s revealed parentage.</p>
<p>“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Willy said, wearing a smirk. “But if you’re the direct descendent of the true king, Levi, that gives you a better claim to the throne than even Historia.”</p>
<p>“No,” Levi said bluntly. He kept glaring at Historia, who was sandwiched between Connie and Erwin. She stared at her cup of undrunk tea. She was not a Marleyan citizen, and would be returning with Erwin to Paradis tonight. Petra couldn’t help it; despite what the queen had nearly done to her daughter, she pitied the girl. Trapped with Erwin Smith. A true nightmare. “The king or queen of Paradis is the one who holds the Founder. You know that shit. I can’t ever be a titan because of the Ackerman power. I can’t be the king.”</p>
<p>“Yes. And besides, now the Founder is on the lam once more,” Erwin growled.</p>
<p>Petra made sure not to look at Connie.</p>
<p><em>Don’t tell Erwin where I am. </em>In a way, Eren Jaeger was seated at this table with all of them right now. Wearing the perfect disguise.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s best the Founder is lost, anyway,” Willy said. “That kind of power in the wrong hands could be dangerous. Extremely dangerous.”</p>
<p>Everyone avoided looking at Erwin, but they all thought the same thing.</p>
<p>“The point,” Erwin muttered, “is that the people of Paradis don’t give a shit about all of that.”</p>
<p>“Vulgarity doesn’t become you,” Petra muttered. He glared. She grinned.</p>
<p>“I mean that it’s what you said years ago, Willy.” He sneered. “People follow a good story.”</p>
<p>They all understood. A true king, a war hero, rising up to take back his birthright from the usurper? Nice tale. A story people could get behind.</p>
<p>“What’re you saying, Erwin?” Levi had taken off his coat and tie. He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, glaring down his nose at the Paradisian king. Petra thought about how once they all would have gathered around a table and talked well into the night. Laughed. Shared wine, or tea. And now it was this.</p>
<p>Whenever she felt the urge for pity, she thought of her son’s photograph and hardened her heart.</p>
<p>“Willy Tybur now holds the true heir to Paradis. I doubt he’ll want to keep that ace up his sleeve.”</p>
<p>“Are you suggesting I’d want to overthrow you, Erwin?” Willy wasn’t smiling now. He looked utterly blank. “That would destabilize one third of the Alliance. Two thirds, if Hizuru wasn’t behind me. At the moment, there’s nothing happening between our nations that makes me think we should install a new ruler in Paradis.”</p>
<p>At the moment. Petra was clever enough to know that those words were loaded. So long as Erwin behaved, Willy would not consider moving against him.</p>
<p>Erwin and Levi just continued to stare at one another. Even now, their friendship shattered beyond repair, Petra could feel that impossible tension between them. Would it always be there? Probably.</p>
<p>“I got no reason to want to be king,” Levi said. “I’m a soldier. A thug. People like you, Willy, and Kiyomi are rulers. Leave me the hell alone.”</p>
<p>“You have no reason,” Erwin said. He frowned. “Now.”</p>
<p>Petra didn’t want this to turn into hours of glaring and pissing, so she thrust herself into the conversation.</p>
<p>“Are you going to try to extradite us, Erwin? Are you going to try to kill Levi? Or are you going to accept what we tell you? Because only one of those options means Willy won’t have to consider going against you.”</p>
<p>The table grew silent. Willy gave a nod, as if tipping her.</p>
<p>“The lady speaks true. This is where faith in the Alliance comes in, Erwin. Are you one of us?” His voice grew soft. Deadly. “Or do you want to stand alone?”</p>
<p>Erwin considered them. He tapped a finger on the table. He made a decision.</p>
<p>“Returning with the queen will be enough. Her presence will stabilize the island and calm the international press.”</p>
<p>Historia said nothing. She seemed oddly serene. As if she had already made peace with what was going to happen to her.</p>
<p>Or as if…she already knew what would happen.</p>
<p>
  <em>Eren…</em>
</p>
<p>“Then in that case, and I don’t mean to be rude, but I need all of you to leave right now. My daughter needs to be looked after.” Petra got up from the table.</p>
<p>“Ball buster.” Levi sounded proud. “She’s right. I’ll walk you out.”</p>
<p>Petra watched the kings get up from the table. Willy gave her a smile as he left, and Erwin studiously ignored her. Bitch. Historia walked behind her husband, all tension out of her body. She did not seem like a scared little girl. She was a woman. Every inch of her.</p>
<p>Petra hoped it would be enough to help her.</p>
<p>As Connie passed, she snagged his arm. She pulled the boy in for a hug. It was a natural motion—he’d once been a fixture in their family home. She felt a sisterly love for him. As she hugged him, she whispered in his ear.</p>
<p>“Was it on the paper?”</p>
<p>Throughout the night, ever since seeing Connie walk in and devour Eren, she’d been trying to puzzle it out. How it had happened. How Eren had known it would happen. And then she remembered: years ago, before Connie ate Reiner, Eren had visited the boy for a final talk. He had given Reiner a letter, which Reiner had read…and then eaten.</p>
<p>Connie, as the inheritor of Reiner’s memories, would have seen that note. Internalized what Reiner had been told.</p>
<p>What else had been on that paper?</p>
<p>“Can’t,” he whispered back. She could hear Eren in that one word. Then Connie kissed her cheek, and that was all the gangly, sweet Springer boy. She let him go. Petra understood.</p>
<p>If Erwin ever found out Connie’s secret, the boy would be eaten in under five minutes.</p>
<p>But based on the slight nod he gave her, she knew she’d been correct.</p>
<p>She saw them all out. Erwin put a hand on Historia’s back, guiding her where he’d lead. Connie followed. Willy and Levi spoke quietly together, and then the Tybur king left. Petra shut and locked the door.</p>
<p>Levi looked so worn. His flesh was colorless. The stress had almost broken him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered.</p>
<p>He didn’t speak. He just kissed her. She clung to him, kissed him back with equal passion. They held tight to each other.</p>
<p>“I’m too slow now.” She winced. “I’m too weak. I haven’t been training.”</p>
<p>“He’d have killed you,” Levi said. “It’s good you didn’t go all out against him.”</p>
<p>“The old me would’ve given him a better fight. I failed her.” Petra finally broke again. She wept against his shoulder. “I’m a shitty mother.”</p>
<p>“I was supposed to protect you both,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m the asshole.”</p>
<p>She denied it, kissed him. He denied her belief that she was weak. They started to soothe each other. Petra kissed the tip of his nose.</p>
<p>“Tell me, though.” He looked serious. “What really happened to Eren?”</p>
<p>She told him everything. He looked green by the end of it.</p>
<p>“He said there’s one more chance. It’ll hurt the worst, or something. I don’t remember. Levi. We’re so fucked.”</p>
<p>Not the most eloquent speech. And punctuated by her daughter’s started cries, it felt that much more nightmarish.</p>
<p>“Mama? Papaaaa.” Kuchel whimpered from their bedroom.</p>
<p>“Everything Eren said is coming true,” she murmured.</p>
<p>“Oi. He said there was no saving Kuchel. But she’s saved. Because of her Ackerman power or whatever the shit it is.” He looked fearsome. Determined. “We beat it before. We can do it again.”</p>
<p>“But…” She was torn, wanting to go to her daughter and wanting to spit it out. “But if this last chance passes, reality… He said it would unravel. The universe would…”</p>
<p>Levi took her hands and pressed his lips to her knuckles.</p>
<p>“We’re going to solve this. Somehow. I got you, brat. That’s all I need.” He shrugged. “Though Hange’d help.”</p>
<p>She choked on a laugh. “It’s going to come back to us at some point.”</p>
<p>The darkness. The strife. He just nodded.</p>
<p>“Now Erwin knows about me… At least me and Kuchel can’t access the Founder.”</p>
<p>“But the baby could.”</p>
<p>Petra touched her stomach. So did he. Levi worked his jaw, deep in thought.</p>
<p>“Sooner or later, he’ll make a move on us again.”</p>
<p>“What do we do in the meantime?”</p>
<p>“Get stronger.” He looked at her. He stroked her cheek. “But also…fuck it. I keep almost losing you, or her. I always spent my life obsessing over the next loss I’d have to suffer. I’m done with that shit. While I have you, I’m going to really have you. No matter what. No regrets.”</p>
<p>She blinked back tears. “Levi Ackerman. You’re a very wise man.”</p>
<p>“Nah. Just dumb and slow to learn.” He kissed her.</p>
<p>“I’m going to get Kuchel a snack. She’s more than earned it.”</p>
<p>Petra poured a glass of milk and took a Macademia nut cookie. She brought in the plate and glass to find Kuchel snuggled up with Levi. She huddled close to him, looking at him with those adoring eyes.</p>
<p>“So you understand, Kuchel?” He petted her hair. He looked so softly at her. Petra realized that he was more tender now than he had even been after his “death.” He had nearly lost her. Lived without her. “That strength you feel’s a good thing. But you have to make sure you control it.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” She brightened at the sight of her snack. “Mama!”</p>
<p>“Because you’re such a good, brave girl.” Petra and Levi petted and fussed over the child as she drank her milk and ate her cookie. Levi didn’t even get mad about crumbs. At least, not too much. Petra just kept staring at her daughter, adoring the girl. Already, the panic of the evening was wearing off, though Kuchel still looked worn. The poor baby.</p>
<p>Then again, she now had her father’s power. Mikasa’s power. Petra knew Levi had wanted Kuchel to live life as a normal girl, but in a world like this, that strength meant Kuchel would not need to fear much. She’d also be faster, and heal better than most. The power kept her safe. Petra was grateful.</p>
<p>“Willy gave me the rest of the week off,” Levi said. He pinched Kuchel’s cheek. “Thought you and me could practice a little tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Kuchel beamed, the idea of time with her father lighting her like a candle. Petra kissed the top of her head.</p>
<p>When Kuchel was finished, Petra cleared the plate and glass and returned to find the child snoozing, thumb in her mouth. Petra got into bed and looked at Levi across their sleeping daughter.</p>
<p>“Do you think it’ll be dangerous? I mean, she has so much strength and she’s so young.”</p>
<p>“The power, it’s weird. You feel like you always know just what to do. You only ever get as out of control as you want. But yeah, it’s a little scary. We’ll work on it.”</p>
<p>They looked down at Kuchel with her little rosy cheeks. Petra stroked her hair.</p>
<p>“At least she’s safe now.”</p>
<p>“If she’d been a titan, I would’ve died.” Levi had never spoken like that before. He looked so distant. “I would’ve stopped breathing. Just fuckin’ stopped.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She kissed him tenderly. “That’s the price of having her. That feeling.”</p>
<p>“But it’s worth it,” he growled. “Can’t believe it’s true, but it is.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what Eren’s plan is.” She sighed. “But I know one thing; he’s still carrying it out.”</p>
<p>“Hey. As long as it doesn’t involve our children, I’m fine with any plan that shitcans Erwin at this point.” He still flinched when he said it. Likely he always would. But he was steadfast.</p>
<p>Petra touched her belly again. Another baby so soon after Armin was…just a lot of hormones. And she felt so soft. So doughy.</p>
<p>“Oi,” he whispered. “When the kid’s born, we’ll train you up again. We’ll get you strong. Ready to fight.”</p>
<p>She sighed in relief. “I love being their mother. I just don’t want to be…”</p>
<p>“Not yourself,” he finished. “Baby. You’re gonna be as much you as you want to be.”</p>
<p>She kissed him, this gruff, utterly sweet man. They lay down and slept, holding their little girl. Holding each other. Knowing how fast it could all go away.</p>
<p>Pushing forward anyway.</p>
<p>Cherishing what they got, as much as they got.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Three months later</strong>
</p>
<p>“Looks like a rainy day.” Petra looked out the kitchen window at the cloudy skies above. She liked autumn in Valle. The heat subsided, and the days became cool and gray every once in a while. The city streets glimmered under the ripples of rain.</p>
<p>Kuchel and Levi were at the breakfast table. It was one of Levi’s days off, and he read the paper while Kuchel sang songs to her pancakes. Her father looked at her with a small smile every minute or so, as if just happy to see her there.</p>
<p>Petra’s stomach was swelling now. It was the end of the second trimester. Her movement was about to become much more limited as she headed into the final three months of pregnancy. Oruo somersaulted and kicked in her belly. She sat down, rubbing her bump.</p>
<p>The radio played an upbeat song about a little bugle boy, or something. She never listened to lyrics especially hard.</p>
<p>Petra sipped her herbal tea. She wiped Kuchel’s face, getting rid of the syrup.</p>
<p>“Had an idea.” Levi folded the paper. “Want to go to a movie?”</p>
<p>Kuchel stood on her chair and shrieked gleefully. They’d been to the Crest a few times, and Petra had admittedly been spellbound. She had never imagined what it would be like, watching enormous moving images walk around. Speak. The silvery black and white photography lent everything a dreamy quality. She took Kuchel at least a couple of times a week for a matinee. The little girl couldn’t get enough.</p>
<p>“Stop at a coffee shop, maybe look at some toys for midwinter. Just to get ideas.”</p>
<p>Kuchel was now going absolutely mad with joy. She bounced off her chair, kissed her father, then her mother, then tore through the apartment making odd little hooting and whistling noises. Petra laughed and took Levi’s hand.</p>
<p>“No training today?”</p>
<p>“She’s really gotten the hang of it. Talented kid.” He looked especially proud. He wasn’t teaching Kuchel combat, but control. The girl was an adept student. Though Petra had found her carrying her whole dollhouse over her head a couple times, gleefully cheering at her own strength. And they’d had one bad incident the month before when Kuchel got temperamental about a time out. She’d put her foot through the wall.</p>
<p>Levi asked her how she’d feel if she did that to Mama or the baby, and Kuchel had never done it again. Levi took their empty cups to the sink and washed. “Besides, I feel like I never just spend the day with you both. Waste it, I mean.”</p>
<p>“We can go to that new diner around the corner from the Crest. Maybe take a rainy day cab ride through the park.” Petra grinned. “I like it.”</p>
<p>“Pretty soon, it’ll be a family of four thing.” He kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>They both grew still a moment. Four. Not five. Levi only held her close as that common wave of grief passed over Petra.</p>
<p>Every night, she took up the box with Armin’s photo and sock. She kissed them both, even tucked them in with a little handkerchief, like a blanket. Maybe a little crazy, but it was a way of staying sane.</p>
<p>He’d be eight months old now. She’d missed almost all of his babyhood.</p>
<p>But Petra had to put that away. Today, she was with Levi and Kuchel. She hugged her husband.</p>
<p>“We can also stop by that new tea shop and try some holiday blends,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I married the perfect woman.”</p>
<p>Smiling, Petra went to get ready. The radio played merrily as she helped Kuchel put on her little cranberry dress and white, ribboned knee socks. Petra belted on her coat, put in her earrings, and Levi slipped into his overcoat and hat. They left the apartment, Petra’s arm through her husband’s, Kuchel prancing down the hall.</p>
<p>This was an utterly normal family moment on an utterly normal day.</p>
<p>She cherished every second.</p>
<p>Their first stop was to Valentino’s, where they watched Kuchel run wildly through the dolls and stuffed animals. Petra had a good memory, and recalled every single bit of dollhouse furniture, every jump rope, every plush lion.</p>
<p>“Kid’s gonna be spoiled,” Levi said, but this time he didn’t sound cross. He sounded happy.</p>
<p>Every second with Kuchel after That Night, well. It was a blessing.</p>
<p>“Mama! Mama, pleeeease?” Kuchel pouted as she came over, showing Petra a stuffed pig with a ribbon.</p>
<p>“Wait until midwinter,” Petra said. Levi sniffed.</p>
<p>“Eh. One pig’s not gonna put us on the street.”</p>
<p>Petra tried to disagree, but she had to smile as Levi plucked the toy and went to pay, Kuchel clinging to his leg in gratitude.</p>
<p>These last months, Levi had been both softer and harder than she had ever seen him. When he was at home, he was the most tender he had ever been. The most attentive. He rubbed lotion onto her stomach, or even played dolls with Kuchel. He was always gruff and unsure what to say, but that was part of the charm.</p>
<p>When he went to work for Willy, he was icy. He carried out the king’s every order with absolute precision.</p>
<p>He was building up Willy’s loyalty to him in turn. Waiting for the day Erwin would turn his gaze to the Ackermans again. The true royal family.</p>
<p>Petra put that aside. For now, her daughter was pink with joy, squeezing her new stuffed animal. Her husband wore a small, genuine smile. She kissed his cheek as they stopped in to look at baby furniture. They’d bought a cradle a while ago, but Petra also needed a new changing table. A rocking chair.</p>
<p>She was, as always, excited for the new baby and heartsick for Armin.</p>
<p>But she put that aside for today, too.</p>
<p>They bought a new chair and paid to have it delivered the next day. They wandered down the street under an umbrella, stepping out of the rain and into the newest tea emporium. There, Levi sat Kuchel down and showed her all the different blends. Kuchel almost fell asleep from boredom. Petra waited until they’d been there half an hour, then gently suggested they get lunch. Levi left…after buying a few new tins of their green and white teas.</p>
<p>They were cozy in the coffee shop when the storm really let loose for fifteen minutes. Rain poured down the window as they ordered hot sandwiches, fried potatoes, and, for Petra and Kuchel, a strawberry milkshake. They took turns sipping. Kuchel loved the whipped cream most of all, so Petra put a dollop on her nose. Levi sipped his black tea and shook his head in mock horror.</p>
<p>“Both such messy damn brats,” he said.</p>
<p>Petra stuck her tongue out at him, which sent Kuchel into a riot of giggles.</p>
<p>After lunch, they got in a cab that took them across the park to the upper west side of the city, where they got out at the Crest. Kuchel pleaded for popcorn and soda.</p>
<p>“We just ate lunch!” Levi gaped at her. “Where do you put all of it? Got an extra stomach?”</p>
<p>“Pleeeeease Papa?”</p>
<p>“Tch. Spoilin’ you.”</p>
<p>But he bought her the treats. Kuchel cheered and tossed her pig, now named Porky, into the air. They walked through the brightly lit lobby into the theatre and took their seats. It was a double feature matinee, with cartoons and newsreels in between. They just arrived as the next cartoon came on, the adventures of Roberto Robin and some other woodland creatures. Kuchel bounced in her seat, loving the cartoons the best. She even stood on her chair at some point, laughing wildly and clapping.</p>
<p>“Hey! Tell your stupid kid to sit down,” some man behind them snapped.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Don’t stand on the chairs,” Levi said gently.</p>
<p>“Okay, Papa.”</p>
<p>She obediently sat. Then Levi reached behind, grabbed the man by his collar, and about pulled him out of his seat.</p>
<p>“H-Hey!”</p>
<p>But Levi’s grip was firm.</p>
<p>“Ask with better manners next time. Or I’ll have to clean out your filthy mouth.”</p>
<p>Petra put her face in her hand. The guy stammered, and did not bother them again.</p>
<p>The next newsreel started, showing the results of some beauty contest up near Liberio. Kuchel crunched her popcorn. Petra took Levi’s hand. In the flickering lights of the projection, she saw him smiling a little.</p>
<p>“Happy?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Extremely.”</p>
<p>He kissed her hand. “That’s all I need.”</p>
<p>She sat back, took a sip of soda as Oruo bounced. She was utterly peaceful in that moment. She had everything that she could possibly need.</p>
<p>Until the next newsreel.</p>
<p>“<em>On Paradis Island, crowds gather in the capital of Mitras to witness the presentation of Prince Siegfried, son of King Erwin and Queen Historia.</em>”</p>
<p>Petra dropped the soda. It spilled on the ground. She cursed, but couldn’t mop it up. She was frozen.</p>
<p>She saw the flickering images of Erwin and Historia side by side on the western balcony. The royal couple waved to the crowds, as a nurse held Armin. The baby stared out at camera, looking absolutely astonished. If babies were even capable of being astonished.</p>
<p>Petra felt that knife twist in her heart.</p>
<p>“Pet,” Levi whispered. She didn’t hear.</p>
<p>“<em>The royal couple’s formal introduction of their son marks the end of months of speculation as to the queen’s whereabouts. Prince Siegfried is another child of royal blood, which increases the royal family’s means of controlling the Founding Titan. Big news for a small island.</em>”</p>
<p>The scene changed to another story, but Petra’s eyes stayed latched onto Armin until he finally disappeared.</p>
<p>He looked bigger. He’d probably be sitting up on his own now. Start crawling soon. She’d missed it. All of it.</p>
<p>“Ah.” Petra shivered.</p>
<p>“Wazzat Unwin? Armin? Arrrmiin!” Kuchel shrieked. Petra heard Levi shush her.</p>
<p>“Pet,” he said again.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I’ll go get a new soda.” She grabbed the empty cup and stood. Levi didn’t try to stop her. He understood. She went to the concession and bought another cup. She barely heard anyone speak to her. When she returned to her seat, they watched the newest romantic drama, <em>Vittoria</em>, some Gothic romance by the sea. Kuchel fell asleep by the end, and they carried her out to the cab. When they got home, Petra laid her in bed and settled Porky beside her.</p>
<p>“She’s knocked out,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“Mmhmmm.” Petra took his hand as they walked to the living room. They sat down.</p>
<p>She burst into tears. Wretched, heaving sobs. He let her bury herself against him. He kissed the crown of her head.</p>
<p>“I…I had a wonderful day,” she said before disintegrating once more.</p>
<p>“I know you did, baby.” He was firm, but gentle. “I know.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <strong>Three months later</strong>
</p>
<p>Levi paced back and forth in front of the living room window. Outside, snow fell in flurries. He could hear horns honking in the street below, music whirling up to the penthouse. There were parties going on all over the building. But this New Year’s Eve, the party was him, Kuchel, and the doctor. The doc was with Petra in their bedroom. Night had fallen fully about an hour ago. They had a few more hours to midnight.</p>
<p>The next year.</p>
<p>The kid hadn’t been due for another week, but Petra’s water had broken that morning. With all the concern they had about Erwin potentially sending assassins or shit for them—the birth of a new royal baby, after all—they opted for another home birth. The doctor this time was the type to look after the height of Marleyan society. There was also a nurse, so they were well covered.</p>
<p>Kuchel knelt on the rug before the fire, playing with her new toy car. She made whooshing noises as she ran it across the carpet. She made screeching sounds as it avoided hitting Porky.</p>
<p>Levi wasn’t much of a drinking man, but he went to their small bar area and poured himself a tumbler of whiskey. After last time…</p>
<p>
  <em>The kid isn’t that big. It’s my kid. </em>
</p>
<p>The radio was playing big band music. The midwinter tree was still up, candles twinkling in its branches.</p>
<p>Sometimes Levi would look in the mirror and see a forty year old man nervously awaiting the birth of his child. He was really forty now. Erwin had been right—forty was different. At thirty-nine, Levi had thought he was middle aged.</p>
<p>Well. Now he knew better. It wasn’t like he woke up on his birthday this year feeling old. But forty? There was no turning back.</p>
<p>You couldn’t pretend to be young anymore.</p>
<p>He was a middle aged man now. Last week, he’d crossed the threshold.</p>
<p>And he was scared outta his mind. Petra…the baby…</p>
<p>He drank some more, watched Kuchel. Levi wished that the Rals could’ve been here. The Ackermans’ one big problem was that they hadn’t been able to get word through to Paradis since they arrived in Valle. Pieter and Ingrid didn’t even know they had another grandchild on the way. And they didn’t know what had happened to Pieter and Ingrid.</p>
<p>And Brigitta…</p>
<p><em>He hasn’t done anything to Brigitta.</em> Levi had to believe that.</p>
<p>“Papa?” Kuchel scampered over. “Is Mama okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. She’s having the baby. It’ll be here soon.”</p>
<p>“Ba-by bro-ther,” she sang, spinning around. She stopped. “I miss Armin.”</p>
<p>Levi sighed. He picked her up and carried her to the couch, sat with her on his knee.</p>
<p>“Know what? I miss him, too.”</p>
<p>He missed the boy for Petra and Kuchel’s sake. And he hated to think of the kid in the fucked up environment of Erwin Smith’s Crazy Asshole Palace.</p>
<p>The boy was Erwin’s, but Erwin was the one who’d blown up all their lives. Levi pitied the child. He deserved his mother.</p>
<p>
  <em>I sort of wish she’d brought him now. He was a good kid.</em>
</p>
<p>Fuck it. Kuchel cuddled next to him as they listened to a holiday radio program. Levi finished his drink, set down the glass on a coaster. Maybe he ought to go check on…</p>
<p>Then he heard it.</p>
<p>A baby’s cry.</p>
<p>“Huh?” He stood. The doc had only gotten here a few hours ago. How could it be over?</p>
<p>But sure enough, he heard the bedroom door open.</p>
<p>“Mr. Ackerman?” The doctor stepped out, smiling. He was a man with thick gray hair and glasses. Very classic, rich person doctor. “Congratulations. It’s a healthy boy.”</p>
<p>A boy. Huh.</p>
<p>Levi had prepped for a long, grim night waiting, tension building, and now—</p>
<p>“That was quick,” he said, dumbfounded. The doctor laughed.</p>
<p>“This is her third child? At this point, her body sort of knows what to do. Come on.”</p>
<p>“Baby brother? Baaaaby brooooother,” Kuchel sang, skipping ahead of Levi. He followed her, still shocked.</p>
<p>The nurse was at Petra’s bedside, cleaning some things up. And Petra lay in bed, looking flushed but happy, reclining with a tiny baby lying against her breast.</p>
<p>Levi saw black hair, same as Kuchel’s. The baby looked even smaller than she had been; some kids were just small. Petra grinned at him.</p>
<p>“Come see him.” She kissed the tiny head. “Oruo Eld Gunther Ackerman,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Maybe too many names, but the guys on their old squad deserved to be remembered. Every single one.</p>
<p>Levi sat on the edge of the bed. He stared. It was definitely his kid—a nice experience after the weirdness of Armin’s birth. Petra and the nurse laid the tiny bundle into the crook of his arm. Levi stared down into his son’s face.</p>
<p>His son.</p>
<p>He had a son now.</p>
<p>Kuchel was straining to get a look, but Levi took a moment for himself and the boy.</p>
<p>Oruo had a more smushed face than Kuchel had had, and a bit of redness on his cheek. Normal newborn stuff. The boy cracked his eyes open and looked at Levi. Levi looked back.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he whispered.</p>
<p>The baby yawned wide. Oruo gave some grumbling sounds, then fell back asleep. He wasn’t the fidgeter Kuchel had been. There was something in the pouting mouth that reminded Levi a lot of himself. On the kid, it was sort of endearing.</p>
<p>“Hey, little man.” He kissed the baby’s cheek. Oruo squirmed and whimpered a bit.</p>
<p>“He’s perfect.” Petra was trying not to cry. Levi scooted over so the parents could stare down at the new child together. She stroked his cheek.</p>
<p>“Looks just like me. Again.” The eyes had been blue gray. “I want one to look like you.”</p>
<p>“Well.” She kissed him. “Maybe in a few years. It’s been an active eleven months.”</p>
<p>True. Two consecutive kids was a lot.</p>
<p>“Guess I can’t help wanting more of you.” He kissed her back. Oruo made a rattling, grumpy noise. Almost a cry.</p>
<p>“Can I see him? Can I?” Kuchel hopped up and down. Petra helped her onto the bed, and the girl squished Oruo’s cheeks and tapped his nose. The baby frowned and sneezed. “He’s grumpy,” Kuchel said.</p>
<p>“He’s my son.” Levi couldn’t help smiling. Already, he could sense that this kid was tough. Levi himself hadn’t been born tough; he’d had it driven into him. Maybe a little of Kenny Ackerman lived in this new boy.</p>
<p>A little was fine. So long as it wasn’t a lot.</p>
<p>My son. <em>My son.</em></p>
<p>A grumpy boy that looked just like him…if Kuchel’s birth had been like holding his mother in miniature, this was holding himself. And he would not fuck it up. Not a chance.</p>
<p>His heart expanded itself again, small, tight muscle that it was. He kissed the boy’s forehead. He held Oruo tight.</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you. I’ll protect you. Swear to god I will.</em>
</p>
<p>“He’s perfect,” Petra sighed.</p>
<p>“Like I said.” Levi gave a small smile. “He’s my son.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi sat in the living room as the clock wound down to midnight. Petra was asleep. Kuchel had tried to stay up, but was sprawled out on the sofa, dead to the world. The lights were all off. It was warm and cozy in the near darkness.</p>
<p>Levi sat by the window, the city lights softly illuminating the baby in his arms. Oruo had woken a few times and gazed up at him. Levi felt a kind of quiet understanding between the two of them.</p>
<p>Both small, grumpy bastards. He chuckled a little as Oruo frowned, waved a defiant fist, and went back to sleep.</p>
<p>Outside, in the streets, Levi heard people shouting down the time.</p>
<p>“Ten! Nine! Eight!”</p>
<p>“You made it just in time for a new year,” Levi whispered to the boy. He stood and looked out the window, Oruo held tight to his chest.</p>
<p>“Seven! Six! Five!”</p>
<p>Levi watched the falling snow. Who knew what the next year would bring? And if they were lucky, the year after that?</p>
<p>But…he had to stop looking to the future. Dwelling on the past. He’d been right, hadn’t he? He had these people, this wife, these children, for at least a while. No guarantees.</p>
<p>He had always feared being happy. But finally, Levi Ackerman was going to conquer this fear.</p>
<p>“Four! Three! Two!”</p>
<p>“Thank you for showing up,” he whispered. Oruo smiled in his sleep. A smile at last.</p>
<p>“One! Happy New Year!”</p>
<p>Father and son stood looking out on the city’s bright lights. Levi had never called himself a lucky man. Anyone familiar with much of his history would agree.</p>
<p>But tonight, he was lucky. Lucky indeed.</p>
<p>In the sky outside, fireworks bloomed in red and blue.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“One! Happy New Year!”</p>
<p>Erwin stood before the terrace, the doors open to the cold winter air. He smiled as he watched the fireworks rocket across the sky.</p>
<p>“See? See those?” he asked the small boy perched on his arm. Siegfried was almost eleven months now. He was developing more and more shining blond hair with every passing day. The boy was dressed for bed in his blue pajamas, but he’d awoken just in time for the new year. Erwin bounced him and kissed his head. “Those are fireworks. Yes. Fireworks.”</p>
<p>“Uh oooh ah la?”</p>
<p>“Close.” Erwin laughed and kissed the boy’s cheek. “Close enough.”</p>
<p>Siegfried clapped his hands and giggled. Every time he looked at the boy, Erwin felt his entire life grow. How could anyone ever feel so proud? He beamed at the child.</p>
<p>
  <em>My son.</em>
</p>
<p>Historia’s return had been good for one thing, at least. His son was now a legitimate prince of the realm. The queen herself remained confined to her chambers upstairs. The best place for her since her return six months earlier.</p>
<p>“You are the most precious thing in this world to me.” Erwin smiled lovingly at his son. “Those fireworks are all for you. This world is yours. I’ll always be here for you.”</p>
<p>He would see Siegfried grow to manhood. He would see Siegfried prepare to become a king.</p>
<p>This island was Erwin’s. And his son’s.</p>
<p>“Erwin?”</p>
<p>He turned. Every time he saw her now, he jolted. For one second he thought…</p>
<p>“Yes, Brigitta?”</p>
<p>She stood with her hands folded. She really did look so like Petra in a certain light. She was daintier than her older sister, but when the fire was lit and the lights low…</p>
<p>It also helped that she now ironed her hair straight, and had dyed it a bright red. Per his instructions.</p>
<p>“I should put him back to bed. It’s late.”</p>
<p>“Of course. Go with Auntie. I’ll see you in the morning.” He kissed Siegfried once more, then gave the child to Brigitta. She carried him off to the nursery, fussing over him quite happily. Erwin gazed out at the fireworks once more, while the servants cleared up around him. He’d had a few people over for the holiday. Pixis, Anka, Rico. Hange came, too, along with Pieck. They didn’t dare refuse an invitation now.</p>
<p>Speaking of Hange, he ought to go down to the pits tomorrow. See how the latest experiments were going.</p>
<p>But that could wait.</p>
<p>Erwin would have time. His top scientist was working to crack the curse. He would have all the time in the world.</p>
<p>He walked the empty halls of his palace. He could still hear his people celebrating out in the streets. They were happy. Free. Safe.</p>
<p>He’d damned himself for their sake. It was, he felt, a fair trade. He smiled to imagine all the parties. Families.</p>
<p>One family in particular, across the sea in Valle…</p>
<p>He put Levi and Petra out of his mind as he loosened his collar and opened the door to his chamber.</p>
<p>He found her there. Just as he’d wanted.</p>
<p>Brigitta knelt before the fire. She was on her knees, her head bowed, her folded hands in her lap.</p>
<p>She had stripped down to only her underwear. Her breasts were smaller than her sister’s. A bit more pert. Erwin shut the door.</p>
<p>Good. He hadn’t needed to tell her. She always knew his desires so intuitively.</p>
<p>“Why are you here?” he asked. Erwin removed his coat and vest. His shirt. Bare chested, he went to a cabinet on the other side of the room.</p>
<p>“Because I’ve failed you,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“Yes. You have.” He opened the cupboard door, and chose a leather strap. He turned around. “What else?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m a horrible woman.”</p>
<p>“And?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m a terrible mother.”</p>
<p>“Get on your hands and knees.”</p>
<p>She did. He gazed at the supple line of the young woman’s back. As the firelight warped over her skin, in that moment, he saw <em>her</em> again. His grip on the strap tightened.</p>
<p>“You’re a real bitch,” he said as he walked over to her. He stopped, towering above the woman. “Petra.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>She even sounded like her sister in that moment. Such good work.</p>
<p>Once, Erwin had been a good man. Once, he had loved people other than his son. But they had all betrayed him. They had asked him to be their monster, and then rejected him for it.</p>
<p>And poor Siegfried. That bitch of a mother…</p>
<p>“Take off your underwear,” he whispered. His hand stroked the leather. “It’s time to pay for what you did.”</p>
<p>Again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 39</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I still can’t believe you told my sister she had to rescue me.”</p>
<p>Brigitta spoke calmly. They lay side by side in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Erwin always found it so odd, after their tussles, how companionable it became between them. Not in the way of domestic bliss, as he’d known briefly with Marie. Simply like they were two old comrades.</p>
<p>“I didn’t quite put it like that. I intimated that if she returned with me to Paradis, I’d let you go.”</p>
<p>Brigitta laughed. She had such a bright, clear laugh, like glass. It wasn’t like her sister’s. Petra’s was warm and earthy.</p>
<p>“She has no idea what’s really going on. Does she?” Brigitta turned her head to him. There was no lust in her eyes. She seemed only sedate.</p>
<p>“It would have been complicated to explain,” Erwin said. “I was doing whatever I could to make her return with me.”</p>
<p>“Very sneaky.”</p>
<p>He flinched as Brigitta gave a pained noise when she shifted under the blankets. He might have gone harder with the strap than he usually did. But every time he saw Siegfried, he thought of how his wretched mother had…</p>
<p>He always thought of that night.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Ten months earlier</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Let him be there. Please. Let him be there.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin ran down the hall with his robe flapping open, his heart beating a war tattoo. If Petra had absconded with his son, he would find her. Put her in a real prison. Kill whoever had helped her escape.</p>
<p>But when Erwin entered the bedroom and found the bassinet still there, the baby inside, he felt true relief. A boneless, dreamy relief.</p>
<p>Until the baby started crying.</p>
<p>Siegfried sobbed. He wailed louder than Erwin had yet heard, perhaps louder than he’d ever heard a baby cry before. He ushered the nurse aside and lifted his son from the bassinet. The tiny child was red faced, tears shimmering on his cheeks. His little fists were clenched in agony. He gave another hard, full throated sob.</p>
<p>“Shhh. Siegfried, it’s all right.” Erwin rocked him. But the boy would not calm.</p>
<p>And Erwin could feel it. Hear it in the timbre of those wails. This was not a cry of hunger, or fear. It was of grief.</p>
<p>The baby had been abandoned, and he knew it. Siegfried screamed and sobbed for his mother. Despite his best efforts, Erwin couldn’t calm the child. When the nurse arrived with warm milk, he wouldn’t eat. He only whimpered, rattling out a howl of absolute grief.</p>
<p>Erwin would kill that <em>fucking bitch.</em> He was almost in tears at the sounds of his son’s misery.</p>
<p>He now almost wished she’d taken the boy with her. Then at least Siegfried would not be in so much pain.</p>
<p>He would find her. He’d find her, and bring her back. He’d chain her to the bed if he had to. Erwin had been apologetic time and again. He had pled for that woman’s forgiveness at every turn. And now she did this.</p>
<p>All so she could be with Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>They can just walk away from me. It’s easy for them. They put me in hell, and they walked away.</em>
</p>
<p>He’d have them both. Somehow.</p>
<p>In that moment, hearing his child’s sobs, Erwin felt something leave him. It was as if the last guest at a party had slipped out the door; that moment of absolute silence, when you know you’re alone in your own house again.</p>
<p>Whatever feelings he had had, whatever doubts, whatever scruples, they had vanished.</p>
<p>He was a king and a father. Not a man. Never a man again.</p>
<p>And Erwin became quite calm.</p>
<p>“How did this happen?” he croaked.</p>
<p>And that was how he learned about Nile’s visit to Petra’s rooms mere days before.</p>
<p>How he knew, absolutely knew, that his oldest friend had betrayed him one final time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Guess you…didn’t…catch them?” Nile sounded grimly triumphant as Erwin had his soldiers march the former commander through the snow. Dawn was just on the horizon. Nile sometimes collapsed to his knees; they dragged him. Crimson droplets of blood rained down to either side of the man. Erwin casually followed.</p>
<p>“It appears you tricked me. Well done.”</p>
<p>“At least…I did it once.” Nile coughed. They must have broken a rib when they beat him.</p>
<p>“Why, Nile? You gained nothing. Lost everything. All for some inconsequential former soldier.”</p>
<p>Nile finally got to his feet again. He managed to walk.</p>
<p>“Because she was…good.” He looked scathingly at Erwin. His right eye was almost bruised shut. “I won’t…let you…do it again.”</p>
<p>“To another family, you mean?” Erwin narrowed his eyes. “Marie came to my room that night in Mitras. She followed me to Trost; I didn’t ask her to come.”</p>
<p>“You…didn’t send her away.”</p>
<p>“Because I loved her. And she loved me.”</p>
<p>He hadn’t meant for those words to land like another blow on Nile, but they visibly did. Erwin waited to feel discomfited by that. He did not. The humanity truly had leached out of him.</p>
<p>“Put me…in prison. Kill me. Doesn’t…matter.” Nile gave a wet laugh. “Got nothing…left.”</p>
<p>“Your children.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t…much of a father. When Marie…”</p>
<p>Yes. Senta had apparently assumed much responsibility.</p>
<p>“Well. I’ve some good news for you. I’m not going to kill you, Nile.”</p>
<p>Erwin signaled for the soldiers to halt. They did. Erwin stepped forward, peered over the edge of a rather steep drop.</p>
<p>They’d found three of these massive pits a while back. The old kings of Paradis had never been certain what they were for. Erwin understood their function now. The pit was approximately fifty feet deep, with banks of cascading sand twenty feet below. You didn’t want someone to die as they fell.</p>
<p>“What…is this?” Nile sounded nervous.</p>
<p>“The Curse of Ymir isn’t magic. Hange’s said as much before. It’s something in the blood. A chemical breakdown. Hange wants to try comparing shifter blood with normal Eldian blood. She’s been working on it. She’s made progress. But there’s a third Eldian life form that hasn’t been utilized in her research.” Erwin looked at Nile. “A pure titan.”</p>
<p>“The titans…are gone.”</p>
<p>“No. <em>We</em> are the titans. With a little help.” Erwin signaled for a female soldier to come forward. She presented a case. He undid the clasps, lifted the lid. There was a bottle of purple liquid. A syringe.</p>
<p>“Wh-what are you…?”</p>
<p>“Hange will need test subjects. And I need only loyal men in my service.”</p>
<p>“Erwin!” Nile began to struggle now. The men held him fast as Erwin filled the syringe. “No! No!”</p>
<p>He filled it, and turned to look at Nile.</p>
<p>His first friend in the Training Corps.</p>
<p>His drinking buddy.</p>
<p>The third point of the Tavern Triangle, as they called themselves: Erwin, Nile, Marie.</p>
<p>Marie’s husband.</p>
<p>A father.</p>
<p>A man.</p>
<p>
  <em>If I do this, there will be no turning back. Nile will never be human again…and neither will I.</em>
</p>
<p>And Erwin wavered on the edge of that steep, steep fall.</p>
<p>“Please!” Nile openly sobbed now. He slumped to his knees. Begged. “Please don’t, Erwin. For what we used to be. Don’t!”</p>
<p>Nile was a father.</p>
<p>And so was Erwin.</p>
<p>If Hange did not break the curse, Erwin would die when the boy was eight. Leaving him alone in a hostile world. Surrounded by enemies.</p>
<p>He might have considered being content so long as the boy lived with his loving mother. But that loving mother was a malicious cunt.</p>
<p>No. Erwin must save his son. To do that, he must damn himself.</p>
<p>“I’ve known for a while what I had to do, but I couldn’t find the strength to do it.” He nodded at the soldiers. They dragged Nile so that he knelt at the lip of the pit. “Thank you for facilitating this.”</p>
<p>“No!” Nile wailed and sobbed and fought. Fought in vain. Erwin approached, brandishing the needle. “No Erwin, no! Please! Please no!”</p>
<p>And even then, he wavered.</p>
<p>His hand shook.</p>
<p>“Nile…” he whispered.</p>
<p>He thought of waking up in Shiganshina and of every moment after that. Of every step that had led him to the throne. To world peace. To winning love. To losing love. To despair.</p>
<p>And the only thing he saw that made any of it worthwhile was Siegfried’s face.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>He meant it as he inserted the needle into the back of Nile’s neck and pushed the plunger. Nile shrieked as a soldier kicked him in the back, sending him into free fall. Nile hit the sand with an oof, rolled down the hill. Erwin waited. He frowned.</p>
<p>Perhaps it hadn’t worked?</p>
<p>And then…</p>
<p>The soldiers cried out in awe and fear as lightning crackled all around them. Erwin saw the titan’s bones and flesh appear as if out of nowhere. Ymir at work. Nile, in a flash, was gone.</p>
<p>A twenty-foot titan remained. Good. Erwin hadn’t wanted it too big. This would be easier for Hange to work with. The Nile titan gnashed its teeth. It looked like an idiot nutcracker version of the man with a large head and a ridiculous, toothy grin.</p>
<p>Nile was now a titan.</p>
<p>And Erwin was something much worse.</p>
<p>Inside of him, there was one long, silent scream. And then…nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I should probably get dressed.” Brigitta sat up. She never spent the night in his chamber. She always returned to her own, down the hall from Siegfried’s. Erwin lay there, frowning. He had known Brigitta many more times than he had her sister, but he could never quite recall the exact instances of their lovemaking, even moments after it had ended. Whereas with Petra…</p>
<p>
  <em>That monster.</em>
</p>
<p>But he remembered every detail.</p>
<p>“Do you need anything?” He sat up as she got out of bed and fished around for her clothes. She even hummed a bit as she slipped into her undergarments. She seemed moderately happy now. A stark improvement from when she’d first arrived. “I didn’t mean to be as hard as I was.”</p>
<p>“We agreed to stop if I ever asked. I didn’t.” She stepped into her skirt.</p>
<p>Did it ever frighten her? Getting fucked while he pretended she was her sister? Getting ‘beaten’ in Petra’s place?</p>
<p>Except that she seemed beyond fear. There was a deadness at the center of those sweet blue eyes. Even now, with Siegfried, that vacancy persisted.</p>
<p>But she <em>was</em> better than before. At least that much was true.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Eight months earlier</strong>
</p>
<p>Erwin received Edvard and Brigitta in Siegfried’s room. It was a vast space, already appointed with everything the boy could possibly want. A cradle, toys, a dresser, a changing table. Siegfried had a wet nurse who provided for his every craving. But he did not have the one thing he most needed.</p>
<p>Erwin wanted a substitute. The second best thing.</p>
<p>“Mr. and Mrs. Blomquist?” He nodded as they entered the chamber.</p>
<p>The man was tall and a bit gawkish looking. Erwin remembered him from Kuchel’s first birthday. The woman…well. He froze for a moment, recognizing her sister in that elfin face. A flash of disgust went through him, and subsided.</p>
<p>“Majesty.” Brigitta nodded, but her eyes went straight to the baby in Erwin’s arms. Siegfried fussed a little; he always got cranky in the afternoons. “Oh. Armin…”</p>
<p>“Siegfried,” Erwin said politely. He stepped nearer. “You’ve seen him before, surely.”</p>
<p>“I… We never got up to see them while Levi and Petra were still…on Paradis.” He could see that she itched to hold the child. “He’s so sweet.”</p>
<p>“He’s a good boy. The best boy.” Erwin smiled at the baby, who was blowing a spit bubble. “Here. Take him.”</p>
<p>He placed the boy into his aunt’s arms. Brigitta shushed him, rocked him. Erwin watched as for Brigitta this room, Erwin, her husband vanish. There was only the baby now. The woman lit up as she gazed upon the child.</p>
<p>“He seems very happy with you.” Erwin smiled.</p>
<p>“Majesty. What can we do for you?” Edvard looked concerned. “If this is about Levi and Petra, we don’t know where they went.”</p>
<p>“You’re not under arrest or suspicion. Mrs. Ral told me everything she knew. She’s been set free, so there’s nothing to fear.” Erwin would never deprive Siegfried of his grandmother.</p>
<p>Otherwise, he would have titanized the woman for Hange’s experiments. That bitch had helped Petra escape.</p>
<p>“Then what can we do?” Edvard visibly relaxed.</p>
<p>“Siegfried’s mother is gone. That’s obvious. And she clearly doesn’t plan to return.” He noticed Brigitta flinch at that. “My son is well cared for, but he’s withering without his mother. If I can’t give her back to him, I want a good substitute.”</p>
<p>“Pardon?” Edvard frowned. But Brigitta understood.</p>
<p>“You want me to be his nanny?”</p>
<p>“More than that. I want you to be his mother.” Erwin saw those words land upon Brigitta. He saw the fever it sparked in her eyes. “I don’t mean to lie to him about your blood relationship, but in every way I want you to take Petra’s place. Devote yourself to him. Nurture him. Play with him. Love him.”</p>
<p>Brigitta looked onto the baby with an almost hungry expression.</p>
<p>“We’d be honored to help out, Majesty.” Edvard smiled. Cheerful man. “Maybe we could come up here on weekends and—”</p>
<p>“You misunderstand. I want you both to move into the palace. You’ll be given excellent lodgings. But Siegfried must have a mother’s love. For that, Brigitta must remain here.”</p>
<p>And in truth, Siegfried looked settled in her arms. He beamed gummily up at her.</p>
<p>“Ah. Well.” Edvard flushed.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to kidnap Brigitta. It’s your decision.”</p>
<p>Edvard rubbed his forehead. “Sir, we live down in Trost. My business is there. I can’t give up my job and move to the capital.”</p>
<p>“Then go back.”</p>
<p>Brigitta said that without taking her eyes from Siegfried.</p>
<p>“Wha… Gitta?” The man looked liable to faint. Even Erwin was surprised by her sureness.</p>
<p>“I’d be happy for you to stay here with me, Edvard.” She looked at her husband; finally paid attention to him again. “But I’m not leaving.”</p>
<p>“I…I can’t.” He moved like a puppet whose strings are roughly pulled, jerking this way and that. “Sweetheart, we have to go home.”</p>
<p>“I’m staying here.” She looked back at the baby, and smiled in bliss. “With him.”</p>
<p>“Well. I’m not.” Edvard finally looked serious. He frowned. “And you’re my wife.”</p>
<p>“You don’t own me.”</p>
<p>“No but… Gitta!” His stoicism instantly fractured. Now he seemed panicked. “We’re married. That means… We love each other.”</p>
<p>Erwin watched quietly as the woman looked back at her husband.</p>
<p>“I do love you.” She took his hand, cradling Siegfried in her other arm. “But I don’t love you enough for a lifetime without this.”</p>
<p>She looked back at the baby. It was like watching an addict take a hit of some narcotic.</p>
<p>“Wha…” Two red spots appeared on Edvard’s pale cheeks. “We can adopt!”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to adopt. I wanted my own children. But I don’t get what I want,” she muttered. “But Ar—Siegfried is family. That’s close enough.” She kissed his forehead. “If Petra isn’t going to be back, I have a responsibility.”</p>
<p>“You don’t!”</p>
<p>“I do. And it matters more. I’m sorry.” She looked at him. There was apology in her voice as well as her words. “I really would like you to stay. Or you can come visit on weekends, like you said.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to visit my own wife!” Edvard shouted. Siegfried began to cry, and Brigitta bounced and hushed him. Erwin stepped in between the married couple.</p>
<p>“You absolutely have an invitation to stay whenever you’d like.”</p>
<p>“You can’t do this.” Edvard appeared stunned. He staggered backwards. Erwin looked down as the man’s eyes filled with tears. “Gitta?”</p>
<p>Brigitta fought tears of her own. But she stood firm. “I’m sorry. I’m staying.”</p>
<p>“If you stay, I won’t come back.” He pointed at her. “And you can’t come home. We’re finished.”</p>
<p>Erwin wished that this would speed to its inevitable conclusion. He felt distinctly uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“All right.” She sniffed. A tear went down her cheek. “I’ll miss you. Really.”</p>
<p>Edvard stood there, trying to look imposing. But he deflated in the face of his wife’s rejection.</p>
<p>“Gitta, please…” He was about to start openly weeping.</p>
<p>“The guards will see you out,” Erwin said. He pulled a cord, and soldiers entered the room. Edvard was not a fighter; he knew he was done here. He looked at his wife one last time, now truly crying. Shit. Erwin turned away.</p>
<p>“This is why she ran away from you,” Edvard said. His voice was louder than Erwin had yet heard. “This is why they both hate you.”</p>
<p>Both. Petra. Levi.</p>
<p>Hated him.</p>
<p>Erwin almost turned around and killed the man where he stood.</p>
<p>“Show Mr. Blomquist out,” Erwin said icily. He listened to Edvard’s sobs and struggles as they echoed down the hall. Then he gently placed a hand upon Brigitta’s shoulder. She was still bouncing Siegfried, but crying. “Give him time. I’m sure he’ll come around.”</p>
<p>“He won’t.” She shook her head. “And I’m sad. Because I don’t care that he won’t.”</p>
<p>Ah.</p>
<p>“Why don’t I leave you two alone? I’m needed in a meeting.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“I’ll see you tonight. We can discuss specifics over dinner.” He left her there, looked back once. The young woman stood rocking his son. A nice family dinner. She and the child were family, after all.</p>
<p>For the first time since Petra’s flight, Erwin felt a sense of miraculous peace.</p>
<p>And he felt it again that evening, as he and Brigitta ate and he listened to her talk excitedly about Siegfried. She seemed to have utterly changed from the woman with tears in her eyes from that afternoon, the one who had effectively lost her husband. She took the deepest joy from his son.</p>
<p>Erwin warmed to her greatly.</p>
<p>And more than that, he saw Siegfried regain some of his former happiness. The child never looked as utterly blissful in Brigitta’s arms as he had in Petra’s, but it was by far better than the wet nurses and nannies Erwin had tried. Erwin would sometimes finish early with a council meeting and look in on Brigitta reading Siegfried stories, or laying him down for a nap, or singing him a song.</p>
<p>She didn’t seem to ever tire of just sitting with the baby, watching him sleep, even changing his diaper. Erwin had people who could do that, but Brigitta insisted. She wanted to be the child’s sole attachment, apart from his father.</p>
<p>And it went on like that for a few months.</p>
<p>Not that long after he returned from Valle, after Eren’s escape, Kuchel’s awakening, and Petra’s ugly refusal to come with him to see her son once more, Erwin and Brigitta were sitting before the fire in his room after Siegfried was in bed. Historia was the child’s mother on paper and in public, though Erwin refused to let her see the boy. He kept her confined upstairs, a comfortable prisoner.</p>
<p>He’d hoped to put his plan into effect and breed more royal children, as he’d told her he would over a year ago. But she’d made that impossible…</p>
<p>“You look unhappy,” Brigitta said quietly.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Oh. I suppose I can’t help thinking. It’s a terrible habit.” He smiled joylessly. “Why is everyone so entirely disappointing?”</p>
<p>“Siegfried isn’t.”</p>
<p>“No. Of course not. And neither are you.” He shut his eyes. It was soothing, to listen to the crackle of the fire and not feel any animosity coming from the woman seated before him. “You’re both rare exceptions.”</p>
<p>“Are you going to try taking Petra back again?” He could not read her tone. Was she wary? Hopeful?</p>
<p>“With Historia returned, I’ve made Siegfried legitimate. My immediate need for Petra has gone away.”</p>
<p>“But you still want her back?”</p>
<p>“For Siegfried’s sake.”</p>
<p>Silence. “I think he’s starting to forget her. I don’t think he even remembers her. He was a month old when she left.”</p>
<p>Erwin wouldn’t argue. Brigitta had not seen the child with his mother. Siegfried had adored Petra. He had been shattered when she left. Anyone would agree with Brigitta, that one month was too young to know. But Siegfried did know. Erwin was certain.</p>
<p>He hated that bitch…</p>
<p>“You’ve done wonders with him,” Erwin said, smoothly avoiding further discussion. “Thank you.” He opened his eyes and looked at her. In the firelight, she looked so like… “What can I give you, Brigitta? I want to thank you for everything you’ve sacrificed.”</p>
<p>“It really wasn’t a sacrifice.” She looked into the hearth, a small wrinkle appearing in her brow. “I did a terrible thing when I married Edvard. He’s such a good man. He deserved to marry a woman who loved him.”</p>
<p>“I never thought you didn’t.”</p>
<p>“I did. I do. But I married him to get children. I was ready. More than ready. And he was willing, and had enough money to support our family. And he was sweet. I’m not like Petra.” She sighed and studied her hands. “I don’t really need passion. A man never meant too much. I just wanted a baby of my own.”</p>
<p>And she had lost the only thing she ever truly wanted. The world could be so fantastically cruel.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry for you both,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>“Hmmm.” Brigitta looked at him. There was a shrewdness in her gaze he hadn’t seen before. “Do you love my sister?”</p>
<p>“Not now.” He still wanted to throttle her. He imagined striking her and for one violent moment delight flooded his veins. He looked down in shame.</p>
<p>“But you did.”</p>
<p>“I needed her.”</p>
<p>“But she didn’t need you.” Bluntly put. Erwin frowned.</p>
<p>“Apparently not.”</p>
<p>Brigitta bit her lower lip. “She and Levi have always been so…involved with each other. I sometimes envy it.”</p>
<p>“Yes. She gave up her own son for his sake.” Erwin remembered Levi’s glowering eyes, his small, furious face when they discovered he was Uri’s son. He said he didn’t want a kingdom, but he would. No man could resist a claim like that forever.</p>
<p>“Do you think it’s just sex?”</p>
<p>“I think it’s more about sex than either of them wants to admit.” He felt pissy. His blood was up as he thought of them fucking joyously while Siegfried wailed, abandoned. God, he hated them.</p>
<p>“Maybe I don’t understand it because…” Brigitta trailed off.</p>
<p>“Because?”</p>
<p>“I’ve only ever been with Edvard, and he never made me come. Not once.”</p>
<p>He looked at her. She looked at him. He saw the invitation. No, the curiosity. She asked him obliquely. He said yes.</p>
<p>Erwin had not taken a mistress since Petra left. He picked Brigitta up and took her to the bed, more out of a desire to relieve an itch than desire in its own right. He put his hand between her legs, and listened to the shocked scream as she climaxed. Poor girl. It was so different to achieve orgasm with another person than on your own. He touched her again; she came again. By this point, he was fairly hard. They undressed, and he rode her until she erupted a third time. Erwin was present enough to enjoy himself, divorced from the experience enough to notice how much like her sister she sounded when she came.</p>
<p>That thought made him hard again.</p>
<p>It also infuriated him. He imagined throttling Brigitta in place of Petra. Of course he resisted.</p>
<p>Finished, they lay side by side. He did not feel energized, exploding with desire as he had with her sister. He felt sated. It had been enough. A nice sensation.</p>
<p>“Did that help you understand?” he asked.</p>
<p>“A little. But I still don’t completely get it.” She shrugged. “Since Oswald, I…” She swallowed tears. Yes, the baby she’d lost. Poor girl. Poor boy. “Fucking just feels like an empty exercise. I know there’s no way I can get pregnant again. If I’m going to do it, I might as well enjoy it.”</p>
<p>“You enjoyed it just now?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I’d do it again.” Another oblique suggestion.</p>
<p>Erwin pondered it. “You can move into the royal apartment if you like. There’s a room across from Siegfried’s.”</p>
<p>He didn’t suggest she move in with him, into this bedroom. Neither wanted that level of closeness.</p>
<p>“All right.”</p>
<p>Neither said that she would be his mistress, but they both understood it. That would give them enough of a family bond to keep them both happy. They’d also be free enough that neither felt pressured. Erwin was too old to want to go out whoring, or to bring women into the palace to sample. A woman to love his son and fuck him was more than enough. He didn’t require anything else.</p>
<p>And for a few weeks after that, it was almost mechanical. She would spend the day with Siegfried; Erwin would work; they would dine together in the evening, put the child to bed. They would fuck. She would go to her room, and he would read or something.</p>
<p>And then one night he felt a perverse desire to see her in uniform.</p>
<p>Hard to remember now how he’d found it. The archival room where they kept records and some memorabilia from the days of the Survey Corps. A miniature museum, with him its sole patron. A way to remember the days of his youth. His friendships.</p>
<p>He had found the jacket and the breeches, and thought how it was small enough that it might have once fit Petra. Or Levi.</p>
<p>Something stirred within him. That night, he offered it to Brigitta. Try it, he said.</p>
<p>She did. In that moment, she did look so like her sister apart from the hair that Erwin had been overcome with desire. With anger.</p>
<p>That was the night he’d wanted to beat her.</p>
<p>He’d had enough control, thankfully, to make certain he had her permission. But as he tore the clothes from her and struck her, entered her, he half-feared she would want to stop doing this altogether. But she went along with it. She didn’t mind any of it. Not even when he snarled Petra’s name as he finished.</p>
<p>When the dust settled, as it were, Erwin had looked down at the prostrate young woman, damp from her exertions. He’d seen what he’d done, and felt so ashamed that he apologized and left his own room. The entire next day, he’d made sure not to look for her.</p>
<p>So it was a great surprise to him that night when she found him in his room. Brigitta was once again wearing the uniform—a maid had stitched it up where he’d torn it. She straddled his lap as he sat in a chair.</p>
<p>The sudden heat between them was not only on his end.</p>
<p>“Do you mind that I said her name?” he asked.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Did you like what I did?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She wet her lips. “You can do it again, if you want.”</p>
<p>He did want.</p>
<p>She let him undress her. He became rougher as he went along.</p>
<p>“Do something for me,” he whispered, his face between her breasts.</p>
<p>“Yes. What?” she gasped.</p>
<p>“Dye your hair.”</p>
<p>And so he’d continued to mold her into the perfect copy, an almost exact replica of the sister who’d escaped him. Brigitta went along with all of it, seemingly satisfied. She wanted to be a mother, and she wanted physical pleasure. Those two things were all that were left to her now. She was a shell of herself, whatever had been there before. When they were finished fucking, they’d lie in bed like polite strangers. Erwin would look at her, and see what becomes of a person whose dreams are totally crushed.</p>
<p>He sympathized. He knew her pain.</p>
<p>And that was their life. She would wake, love Siegfried, fuck Erwin, and sleep. He worried less and less about his son’s well being. Though Siegfried never returned to the state of bliss Erwin had seen when he’d lain in Petra’s arms as such a tiny baby.</p>
<p>Still. The child would never remember his mother, or that happiness.</p>
<p>So he crafted Brigitta. He made her what he wanted. She let him. She liked it, what little she liked anything now. She even allowed him to dress her in the ODM harness, to hang her from the ceiling. To do with her what he wanted in that state.</p>
<p>They were physically so intimate, and both utterly divorced from their own thoughts and feelings.</p>
<p>It was as close to good as Erwin could get any longer.</p>
<p>And after what had happened with Nile, with Hange’s experiments…with Marie.</p>
<p>Good was almost a miracle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think Siegfried’s almost ready to stand on his own,” Brigitta said. She beamed with pride as she stepped into her dress. Erwin got out of bed, still naked, and helped zip up the back. It was a small, cozy moment in an otherwise warped relationship.</p>
<p>“I hope I’m not working when he does.” Erwin smiled at the thought of that perfect child. Siegfried was all that could make him truly, deeply smile.</p>
<p>“If it’s possible, you should spend at least half an hour before dinner with us in the nursery. He loves when you visit.”</p>
<p>“Does he?” He smiled down at the delicate woman. She was so enthusiastic. So involved in every detail. Siegfried, the mention of him, was all that gave those blank eyes a spark of life. “And what do you love? What can I give you to thank you for everything you’ve done.”</p>
<p>She blushed in the firelight. “I only did what anyone would.”</p>
<p>“Not anyone. Not his own mother.” Petra. He imagined her in Levi’s arms tonight, both looking on each other with the most simpering, entire sort of love. It made him want to punch a wall. She had given away her own son for just that. Love. Sex. She probably would drown Kuchel if her husband wanted it. A tarantula would make a better mother.</p>
<p>Brigitta would be a flawless one. That poor girl. To be denied such a—</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>“I have a gift for you,” he whispered. “One you’ll love. Or at least, I hope to have it soon.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” She tilted her head.</p>
<p>“Petra never told you about the Founding Titan, did she?”</p>
<p>“I know it controls all Eldians.” Brigitta frowned.</p>
<p>“But did she tell you what Eren Jaeger told her in her home in Trost? The night that you…”</p>
<p>Brigitta made a wounded noise. The night her son died, and she lost her womb.</p>
<p>“We didn’t get too specific,” she croaked.</p>
<p>“Eren told her, and she told me. When the Founder connects with a titan of royal blood, they have control over every aspect of Eldian biology. They can turn us all into titans in the blink of an eye. They can give us all three noses, or eight feet. Or…” He gripped her slender shoulders. “Specifically, Eren said he could restore your womb. Fix the problem that had made childbearing difficult. Even restore your son.”</p>
<p>Brigitta stared blankly at him. He wondered if she’d even heard or understood.</p>
<p>“She… Why didn’t Petra ever tell me?”</p>
<p>“Likely because the Founder had vanished, along with Historia. She didn’t want to cause you excess grief.” He’d give her that much. “But I have Historia now. Soon, we’ll have Eren, and I’ll eat him. And when I do, I’ll turn Historia into a mindless titan.” The girl queen had made Erwin’s plan for her own children impossible. Unless he got his hands on Levi’s new baby—and he wouldn’t hurt the child, for Kuchel’s sake—Historia was the only royal of active blood left. And he’d use her. “I’ll access the Founder, and give you back what nature took from you.”</p>
<p>Brigitta opened her mouth. Closed her mouth.</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>Then she began to shiver. Violently tremble. She fell to her knees, and he caught her. The woman clung to him, sobbing. But it wasn’t tears of grief.</p>
<p>She was wild with joy.</p>
<p>“Can you really? R-Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Eren didn’t lie to Petra. I know he didn’t. You ought to be happy. A woman like you should be happy,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Then her arms were around his neck, and her lips were on his.</p>
<p>Erwin realized then that he had never kissed her before. He had explored every other part of her body, but never this.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She wept, she kissed him, she molded herself against him. “Thank you, thank you.”</p>
<p>So wonderful, to make a woman happy. He returned her embrace. He imagined then that it was Petra back in his arms, sighing in delight.</p>
<p>He took her back to bed, and undressed her again. This time, he didn’t strike her as they made love. He kissed her instead.</p>
<p>When they were done, he hovered over her, trying to catch his breath. He shut his eyes as she petted his cheek, his beard.</p>
<p>“I could have children with you. If you wanted,” she whispered. He looked down at her. For the first time, he saw fire in Brigitta’s eyes when she was not with Siegfried. Life in her smile. Yes. More children. Siblings for Siegfried. His awful mother was going to keep his half siblings from him, and that darling, perfect boy deserved to have every good thing in this world.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he whispered. He cupped her cheek in his hand. “And when you do, I’ll make you my queen.”</p>
<p>Historia would be as good as dead by then, a mindless titan in a pit. Erwin did not plan to turn her into a shifter. She didn’t deserve it after leaving him in the lurch for over a year. After what she’d done to herself to interrupt his Founder plan.</p>
<p>And when he had the Founder entirely to himself and a limitless life span, Willy would see just how far his wheedling threats would get him.</p>
<p>Brigitta smiled again. Joyously. She kissed him once more. Yes.</p>
<p>This time, he’d get it right. He’d tried to make Petra love him, but her selfish heart had room in it for only one man. Levi had abandoned him, used Erwin for the sake of an unborn child and abandoned him once it became convenient to do so. He had broken Erwin in ways and places he hadn’t even known existed.</p>
<p>Marie…</p>
<p>Erwin tried not to think about Marie. It was too…</p>
<p>He tried not to think about it.</p>
<p>Now he’d found a woman who wanted nothing from him but children and a little bit of pleasure, the same he wanted from her. Not love. Reciprocity.</p>
<p>Perfect.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erwin went down to the pits, crunching through the snow and feeling very calm and centered. The roaring and gnashing of the titans grew louder the nearer he came. He never felt completely easy when he came this way. That was, to his mind, the right way to feel. He would do anything for his son’s sake, but the way those convicts had screamed and pleaded as they were lined up, ready to be injected… One had pissed himself.</p>
<p>Erwin fought against the twinge of despair that came from recalling it.</p>
<p>
  <em>This will be worth it.</em>
</p>
<p>Guards stood around the pits around the clock, always ready to swoop in and slice a nape if it were ever truly necessary.</p>
<p>Hange’s laboratory was in a bunker not five hundred yards from the pits. Erwin knocked and entered without her calling for him to come in.</p>
<p>“Nothing new today,” she said, staring into a microscope with rather frightening intensity. Hange liked to have any excuse possible not to look at Erwin these days.</p>
<p>There was a cot in the corner for when she had late nights, and rows of chemicals and vials. Spinal fluid was arranged upon a tray in neat rows. Recently, they’d discovered a way to extract the spinal fluid from a pure titan. Three soldiers nearly died in the process, but they’d succeeded. Hange was now running experiments, comparing the fluids of normal Eldians, shifters, and titans. Hopefully, they were close to a breakthrough.</p>
<p>For Pieck’s sake, Hange had better hope they were. The girl had been coughing up a lot of blood recently. She had exactly six weeks until the end of her ‘term.’</p>
<p>Erwin saw the girl wasting away, and knew that would not happen to him. He would not allow it.</p>
<p>“Is there a difference in any significant way in the fluid from a larger titan versus a smaller?” He crossed his arms.</p>
<p>“I told you. Nothing new.” Hange sounded barely polite.</p>
<p>“How is Pieck?” he asked quietly.</p>
<p>He saw the woman’s shoulders tense at the name of her beloved.</p>
<p>“She’s okay,” Hange muttered, adjusting her microscope. Okay. Last week, she’d been fine. Time was indeed running down.</p>
<p>“Remember. If you can’t get me results soon, I’ll be keeping my promise to Connie.”</p>
<p>His mother would eat Pieck and regain her humanity. Hange’s hands trembled. Erwin knew that once he would have felt this separation between the two of them, Hange and him, like a knife. Once they had loved each other as comrades and best friends. But he had given all of that away. No; Hange had turned away first.</p>
<p>“Okay.” She sounded strangled. “I’ll have a report for you tonight.”</p>
<p>“Excellent. Work well.”</p>
<p>He left her and headed back towards the palace alone. But Erwin found his feet taking him away from the southern entrance, back towards the eastern wing.</p>
<p>He had a quick visit to make.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Seven months earlier</strong>
</p>
<p>“Majesty, she’s very insistent.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked up at the valet’s face. Grimes looked dignified as ever, but also concerned. He operated also as Erwin’s private secretary.</p>
<p>“She knows she’s not supposed to call. Ever.”</p>
<p>“She’s started yelling. I believe that she’s…aware.”</p>
<p>Erwin put down his pen and frowned. “Who the fuck told her?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, sire. Please. I know she’ll call back.”</p>
<p>He could have told Grimes to hang up if she ever called back, or he could have set plans in motion to evict her from her extremely comfortable home. But Erwin was not yet that callous.</p>
<p>She had to know sooner or later.</p>
<p>“Patch her through,” he said. Grimes left. A moment later, the phone in his study rang. Erwin picked up. “Hello, Marie.”</p>
<p>“<em>Where is he?</em>” She practically snarled the words.</p>
<p>“Nile? What does it matter to you?”</p>
<p>“<em>He’s my husband, you bastard!</em>”</p>
<p>“In name only. I had no idea you were so fond of him. You’ve done little enough to show it,” he said. Marie practically hissed. Secretly, Erwin was starting to sweat. Three months on, and he’d hoped to keep this whole thing quiet as long as possible. Especially from Marie.</p>
<p>“<em>I want you to tell me something. I want to know that even you wouldn’t sink to this level.</em>”</p>
<p>“What do you want to know?” His heart pounded. He knew the words she’d speak.</p>
<p>“<em>I’ve heard that…you transformed him.</em>” Her voice broke.</p>
<p>“Into what?” Erwin’s head spun a bit. He’d tried to mentally prepare for this moment, but easier said than done.</p>
<p>“<em>A titan, you playacting fuck!</em>”</p>
<p>“Speak to me that way, and see how magnanimous I become,” he whispered. “See how well you’re treated then.”</p>
<p>“<em>Tell me.</em>” No anger now. She sounded desperate. His stomach clenched.</p>
<p>“Who told you this story?” He wanted to stall for time.</p>
<p>“<em>Senta. One of the footmen in the palace is fond of her. She’s been trying to get information for months.</em>” Yes. Erwin had turned her away every time. He got the feeling Marie would die sooner than give up the identity of this romantic footman. She knew that Erwin would hurt him. She was loyal like that. “<em>He called her and told her what you did to Nile. She’s in hysterics. We both are.</em>” Her voice trembled. “<em>Erwin. Tell me you’re not this far gone.</em>”</p>
<p>He could have told her he’d had Nile executed; she’d hate him, but not as much. He could say Nile was in prison, or had been banished. He could have made it easier.</p>
<p>But when he thought of Nile, he was in pain. It was a wound to his soul.</p>
<p>And…he wanted someone else to hurt with him.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he whispered. Silence on the other end of the phone. “He helped my son’s mother leave the palace. He committed treason. He’s now paying the ultimate price in a pit out in the palace forest. He’s still alive, Marie, but your husband is gone for good.”</p>
<p>More silence. Erwin glanced out the window onto the still, moonlit south lawn.</p>
<p>“<em>I want to see you.</em>” She spoke calmly. She sounded shocked.</p>
<p>“I’m busy.”</p>
<p>“<em>You owe me one visit, Erwin. I want to see you.</em>” Her voice trembled lightly. “<em>I want you to tell me and my daughters to our face just what became of Nile. I want you to explain why you did it. And I want you to look the children in the eye as you do.</em>”</p>
<p>“I’m under no obligation.”</p>
<p>“<em>Whatever shred of humanity you have left, I’m appealing to it now. Come and meet us. Come see me one last time. After you come, I plan to leave Candlemoor. I’m taking the girls with me. You won’t see us again.</em>”</p>
<p>They’d go to Marley, most likely. Erwin sighed. Very well. For what he’d done to the Dok family, and for what he’d felt for Marie and Nile, he would do this one last decent thing.</p>
<p>“Tomorrow night,” he said.</p>
<p>“<em>Very well. Seven o’clock.</em>” She hung up without saying goodbye.</p>
<p>Erwin put down the phone, already tired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next evening, his car pulled through the gates of Candlemoor. It was a beautiful summer evening in the mountains. The sun had only just fully set as he walked up the path to the front door. Crickets sang as the servants let him in, bowing him into a receiving chamber.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Dok is bathing,” he was told. Erwin frowned.</p>
<p>“She said seven.”</p>
<p>“Apologies, Majesty. She and Miss Senta had difficulty getting the younger girls to eat their dinner.” Delicately, the butler said, “They’ve been very upset.”</p>
<p>Of course they would be. Erwin did feel a twinge of shame when he thought of Nile’s daughters. They were blameless in this messy affair.</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>So Erwin waited. He waited ten minutes. Fifteen minutes.</p>
<p>When it was seven twenty, his patience was at an end. He rang a bell. The butler reappeared.</p>
<p>“Is Miss Senta here?”</p>
<p>“She should be with the girls in the nursery.”</p>
<p>“Have her come see me.”</p>
<p>Erwin stood and paced, hands behind his back. Oil paintings of former Fritzes looked down on him from the walls. They seemed to judge him. The interloping king. A man with no royal blood. He looked away. Where the devil were—</p>
<p>Then he heard the screams.</p>
<p>Erwin opened the door and saw a maid come racing down the stairs, almost tripping over herself. She screamed and sobbed in terror. In grief.</p>
<p>Erwin’s heart beat faster.</p>
<p>“What happened?” he snapped, approaching her. The girl kept screaming. He wanted to shake her.</p>
<p>“Th-the girls…” She sobbed anew.</p>
<p>Erwin took the stairs two at a time as the rest of the house began to go into an uproar. He made his way to the nursery.</p>
<p>He found the three bodies sitting at the table.</p>
<p>The three girls looked like dolls. Sleeping princesses in an enchanted fable. You might have thought they’d wake up at any moment. Erwin stood over them, dumbstruck. They were pale. He saw then that they all had cups of tea in front of them. The liquid wasn’t even that cool yet.</p>
<p>This had just happened. How?</p>
<p>Erwin’s gaze fell to the sugar bowl.</p>
<p>Arsenic? Cyanide? Whatever Senta had put in there, it had been fast acting.</p>
<p>Little Eva had her eyes peacefully closed. It must have been over in seconds.</p>
<p>The girls…</p>
<p>Marie…</p>
<p>“Marie?”</p>
<p>He ran then. He ran past the servants as they crowded into the children’s room. He ran to Marie’s chamber, bashed open the door.</p>
<p>He could feel it. The lack of warmth in the bathroom. The air there had been cold for some time.</p>
<p>Erwin opened the door anyway.</p>
<p>She was reclining in the bathtub. The water had turned a cloudy red. Her head hung back limply, like a doll’s. Her eyes stared glassily at him.</p>
<p>“Marie?”</p>
<p>He put his back to the wall and slid down. He sat on the floor.</p>
<p>“Marie,” he whispered, as if hoping to wake her. Erwin looked around, dizzy, as if trying to find a way to help. He saw the mirror over the sink. She’d written a final message in lipstick.</p>
<p>
  <em>Burn in hell</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin took a deep breath. He let it out.</p>
<p>
  <em>He looked over at the bar and saw her. The most beautiful damn girl he’d ever seen. She sat there drinking a little pink concoction, a rolled canvas at her side. Erwin lost his heart in two seconds.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Let’s get her over here,” Nile whispered, equally enthralled.</em>
</p>
<p>“Marie.” Erwin cleared his throat. He spoke as if sternly reprimanding her for sleeping. “Marie.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m Marie Bonner.” She tossed her golden hair and beamed at the two young men. “And who are you charming fascists?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It so disarmed him that Erwin laughed.</em>
</p>
<p>“Marie.”</p>
<p>Erwin’s eyes filled with tears.</p>
<p>
  <em>The first time he kissed her, it was paradise. He was a man with no pain. He was free. He held her in his arms, and tasted heaven.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Burn in hell</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin gave soft cries. Ahh. Ahhh. And he wept.</p>
<p>It was the last time he ever cried. He sat there and stared at the woman he had loved, and he grieved for all of them. For her, for Nile, and for himself.</p>
<p>Erwin wept and wept and wept.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erwin stood in the snow, hands in his coat pockets. He looked down at the gravestone.</p>
<p>
  <em>Marie Bonner Dok. Beloved wife and mother.</em>
</p>
<p>He had buried the children at her side. There would be no gravestone for Nile. Whenever he finally passed, there would be nothing left to bury.</p>
<p>But Erwin would put a memorial stone there anyway.</p>
<p>It wasn’t much. But it was the best he could do now.</p>
<p>His best was not enough. Not even a little.</p>
<p>But he’d do it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Once upon a time, there was a beee-yooo-tiful faerie princess named Oruo.”</p>
<p>Kuchel spoke in a high, fluting voice. Petra had tears in her eyes from struggling not to laugh. Levi sat on the sofa next to her, arm wrapped around her shoulders. He squeezed her tight, suffering the same battle.</p>
<p>The siblings were performing a little play. A month after Oruo had been born, and he was already a star.</p>
<p>Kuchel had strapped some of her doll faerie wings to him, and placed a toy crown on his head. The baby lay in his reclining chair, glaring at his sister like a small, irate blob. Oruo’s brows were knitted in fury as Kuchel waved a tinsel-covered wand over him.</p>
<p>“He was the loveliest princess in allllllll the world.” Kuchel turned around a couple of times like a ballet dancer. Oruo gave a cry that sounded like an old, sick cat getting run over by a truck. Petra buried her face against Levi’s shoulder and began shaking with suppressed laughter.</p>
<p>“My son sure makes a pretty princess,” he whispered. That sent her into a coughing fit.</p>
<p>“But one day, the evil witch came. And she said, ‘I curse yoooou, Princess Oruo! You are not the prettiest, I am! Mwaaahahahaha!”</p>
<p>Kuchel gave a fairly good witch’s laugh.</p>
<p>Oruo drooled in defiance.</p>
<p>“And, and Princess Oruo said, ‘Nooooo! I am the prettiest! La la la la laaaaaa.’” Kuchel tickled Oruo’s face with the tinsel. The baby started screeching.</p>
<p>“Okay. I think the princess needs to be fed,” Petra said, hiccupping as she gently lifted the baby up. The crown fell off, but the wings stayed on.</p>
<p>Oruo’s grumpiness evaporated when Petra held him. The baby waved his arms enthusiastically as she sat down with him, and kissed his little nose.</p>
<p>“He loves his mother.” Levi sounded proud.</p>
<p>Oruo’s eyes bulged in joy when Petra unbuttoned her front. He reached out in excitement, making rapturous little grunting noises.</p>
<p>“He’s just like me.” Levi sounded even prouder. Petra lovingly kicked him in the ankle as she felt Oruo latch onto her breast. Kuchel sat next to her father and babbled about witches while Petra nursed the baby. She beamed down at her son.</p>
<p>Another two months, and she’d be ready to start training again.</p>
<p>Levi had started turning their upstairs guest area into a gym. There were weights and ropes, a mat where the two of them could start sparring again. Petra would likely never be as fit or trim as she had been at twenty-one, but she was going to be well muscled again.</p>
<p>She loved grappling with Levi in bed. But soon, they’d be wrestling on the mat once more. Not in a sexual sense.</p>
<p>Well. Most of the time.</p>
<p>“I think I am a very lucky woman,” she said. She kissed her husband’s cheek.</p>
<p>“No argument here.” He gave her a small, sly grin.</p>
<p>Petra looked down at her tiny son, happily nursing away.</p>
<p>In about a week, it would be Armin’s first birthday.</p>
<p>She felt that shaft to the heart, but kept her face neutral. She stayed smiling. For her family’s sake, she would smile.</p>
<p>Maybe one day Kuchel and Oruo would see their brother. Maybe one day.</p>
<p><em>I’m never letting you go, little boy.</em> She looked down on Oruo, who had Levi’s face, and her heart healed just the tiniest bit.</p>
<p>He was her little angel. And she was going to keep him and his sister safe.</p>
<p>She was not going to rely solely on Levi to protect the family.</p>
<p>She was a mother. But she was also a soldier.</p>
<p>And she was happy to be both.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi killed Erwin every night.</p>
<p>It was always good to see the taller man’s face when Levi put the knife to him. When he took a sword and hacked Erwin’s head clean off. When he crushed the man into a bloody pulp beneath his boots.</p>
<p>Tonight, Levi was just punching him. Breaking that handsome, arrogant face over and over again.</p>
<p>Erwin tried fighting him, but his blows never landed on Levi. Not once.</p>
<p>‘Bastard,’ Levi snarled.</p>
<p>‘Levi.’</p>
<p>He didn’t listen to Erwin’s groans, his curses, his pleas for mercy. Levi crushed the king’s windpipe with a solid jab. He caved in Erwin’s temple with a roundhouse kick. And then the king of Paradis went down, destroyed.</p>
<p>Annihilated.</p>
<p>Levi stood over him, breathing heavily, satisfied with himself.</p>
<p>
  <em>Piece of shit.</em>
</p>
<p>‘Levi.’</p>
<p>Erwin smiled at him. A younger Erwin, a clean shaven Erwin. Erwin, dressed in the green of the Survey Corps. Erwin seated on that crate in Shiganshina.</p>
<p>Erwin smiled, tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>‘Thank you’ he said.</p>
<p>And Levi woke up, sweating.</p>
<p>He stared ahead into the darkness, Petra asleep at his side.</p>
<p>Bad dream. That’s all. Unexpected ending.</p>
<p>He lay back down and tried to sleep.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Thank you. Levi.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>But sleep did not come.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 40</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh. I’m sorry, I thought you had a boy,” some woman said. She was the mother of one of the brats currently running full speed through the Ackerman apartment. Balloons were all over the place. Levi had whapped one out of the way as he went to the kitchen to get some tea. Spring sunshine poured in the window, glinting off of the HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KUCHEL banner hung over the wall. Petra had taken the cake out of the fridge a little while ago, getting ready to cut it.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Levi had been carrying Oruo around. He looked down at the baby in his arm, and frowned.</p>
<p>“He <em>is</em> a boy.”</p>
<p>“Oh!” The woman’s eyes widened. She pursed her lips. “He’s dressed so…well!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, my daughter likes dressing him up.”</p>
<p>Oruo was in a pink, poofy gown today. Kuchel had also put a frilly bonnet on the kid. ‘He’s my dolly!’ she’d crowed. For her birthday, she’d also put a little heart sticker on his cheek. Levi’s take was that until the kid was aware enough to pick out his own clothes, what he wore didn’t much matter.</p>
<p>“Well, Kuchel’s a sweet little girl.” The woman beamed. Levi really ought to ask what the hell her name was. “But aren’t you worried?”</p>
<p>“About what?”</p>
<p>She kept doing that thing where she smiled and the corners of her eyes crinkled in an effort to be polite.</p>
<p>“Well, what if he gets used to it?”</p>
<p>“To what?”</p>
<p>“To wearing a dress.” She sounded on the exasperated end of friendly now. Levi frowned.</p>
<p>“Then he’ll wear dresses. Who the hell cares?”</p>
<p>“Well.” Pink spots appeared on her cheeks. “Well, well.”</p>
<p>“Better my son wear dresses and be happy than walk around a constipated shit his entire miserable life,” Levi said. “Enjoy the party.”</p>
<p>Levi left the woman stuttering to herself. Bunch of moralizing pricks. They were everywhere. Levi looked down at Oruo, frowning in his pink, sparkly dress.</p>
<p>“You look fine,” he said to the kid.</p>
<p>Oruo made a <em>raaaar</em> noise and scowled deeper. He agreed.</p>
<p>Levi bounced his son as he walked the halls, feeling like a stranger in his own home. Kuchel had the social ease he’d never acquired. The birthday girl ran past him, being chased by six little kids. Levi noticed Cassius Tybur, Willy’s son, gleefully leading the pack. He’d never catch Kuchel, though. She was an awakened Ackerman, and fast as hell.</p>
<p>Giulia had done her part in helping hook Kuchel up with all the most high ranking Marley society kids, and since his little girl was a damn delight they all took to her. That was her mother’s influence. Kuchel was already a ringleader, often telling the others what they were going to play next.</p>
<p>For her birthday, they’d pinned a tail on a donkey, played a ducking goose game or whatever the fuck they called it, and now were charging up and down the hallways in a screaming game of tag. Maybe he ought to put a stop to that, but eh. If a kid slipped, fell, and cut his lip, that was life. No sense coddling them.</p>
<p>Levi watched Kuchel prance back his way, giggling wildly with a balloon clutched in her hand. The kids charged after her.</p>
<p>Five years old. Fuck. Where’d it gone? In the fall she’d start school, just the pre-elementary stuff, but…</p>
<p>His baby was making friends. He wasn’t going to be her whole world soon. And that was as it should be, but Levi found his heart cracked a bit.</p>
<p>He looked down at the scowling baby in his arms.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna have to stay this size a while,” he said to Oruo.</p>
<p>Oruo growled. Levi smiled.</p>
<p>The kid started fussing soon, so Levi made his way to the parlor where Petra was gamely organizing the kids into a round of hide and seek. She was always so assured when ordering people around. A real ball buster. But she did it so sweetly.</p>
<p>Levi felt himself relax just watching her laugh and pat Cassius on his curly blond head. What a woman. How did he deserve her?</p>
<p>Oruo started screeching, which rocked him out of romance a little bit.</p>
<p>“Oh, is he hungry?” Petra came over and took the baby. Oruo gurgled. He only ever smiled and cooed when his mother held him. Levi didn’t mind one bit. She bounced the little boy and kissed his sparkly forehead. “I’ll go feed him. Can you watch the kids a minute?”</p>
<p>“I’m good with brats,” he said. Petra grinned, that adorable wrinkled nose grin that got him a little weak at the knees and tight in other areas. She kissed him. Still wasn’t comfortable with too much affection in public, but he was better about it these days. Her kiss tasted like strawberries. Some new lip gloss. He was going to be tasting it a lot later.</p>
<p>“I’ll hurry back,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You better.”</p>
<p>He watched her walk away, forcing himself to tear his gaze from her. Levi heard a couple of soft female sighs right next to him. He looked at a pair of those society moms, both of them cooing like he was a cute little puppy dog.</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen a couple so in love before,” the one with the dye job said.</p>
<p>“What keeps the spark alive in a marriage?” the one with the chemical tan asked.</p>
<p>“Marathon sex,” Levi replied, then clapped his hands and walked away. “Oi! Brats. Line up. We’re going over the rules of the game. I don’t want to hear any talking right now. Stand up straight.”</p>
<p>Some of the kids look scared. Well. Fuck ‘em, they were in the army now.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Feeling better?” Petra asked, after Oruo had burped. She wiped his face and did up her shirt. The baby grinned as she kissed his cheek. “My little baby boy. My little precious guy.” She cuddled Oruo as she sat on the bed, and her son looked positively gleeful. He scowled at the world but melted for her; he was absolutely his father. She kissed his little nose.</p>
<p>Oruo had done so much to heal her heart. More than anything else these last couple of years, he’d cauterized the wound she’d inflicted on herself.</p>
<p>If only he could meet his brother…</p>
<p>
  <em>One day. Today, it’s Kuchel’s birthday. You’re holding your son. Be present today.</em>
</p>
<p>Every day she had to say a variation on those words to herself. And every day she did, and felt a little stronger.</p>
<p>“Let’s go see Kuchel. Huh? It’s almost time for cake. Ooooh boy, cake!” She swung Oruo up over her head, and he squealed with glee. Petra carried her son back into the hall, stopping to speak pleasantly with guests, letting them all fuss over the baby. She’d started getting to know them, the movers and shakers of Valle. She liked them all well enough, but she always found herself looking around for familiar faces. She missed her family. Friends. While Marley was more technologically advanced than Paradis, the island was home in a way this would never be.</p>
<p>And Oruo had been born here, not on Paradis. Kuchel as she grew would have only vague memories of her homeland.</p>
<p>It always dragged her down a bit, those thoughts.</p>
<p>“This is a splendid party, isn’t it?” Giulia Tybur asked, appearing as if out of nowhere. She was wearing spike heels, even at a child’s birthday, and a vanilla colored day dress. She had her sunglasses on even indoors, probably fighting off a hangover.</p>
<p>“Giulia. Hello.”</p>
<p>“What a precious little…baby.” She seemed puzzled by the sight of Oruo. Whatever. Petra nuzzled the baby’s plump cheek. Oruo, seeing someone who was not his mother, responded with his customary glare.</p>
<p>“He’s a good boy,” Petra said. Oruo growled. “I was just about to put him down for a nap. Care to join me?”</p>
<p>“Oh of course.”</p>
<p>The woman followed Petra down the hall and into the Ackerman bedroom. Oruo would stay here in his bassinet until he was six months old. Petra shut the door on the party hubbub, though it still bled through the walls. She took off Oruo’s bonnet and laid him in the cradle. Her grouchy little boy grumbled, yawned, and immediately fell asleep as she rocked him.</p>
<p>“They’re precious when they’re that size,” Giulia said quietly. One of her few organic moments. She did love her sons. Petra would give her that.</p>
<p>“Kuchel certainly loves playing with your boys,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“Yes. She’s a sweet little girl.” Giulia headed for the door.</p>
<p>“Just a minute. I want you to look at something.” Petra opened the terrace doors. The sounds of traffic could just barely be heard from up here. “The view is spectacular.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. How lovely.” Giulia strolled out, looking politely bored. Petra shut the doors behind her. Giulia stood just before the balcony railing, gazing out at the city skyline. “Well. How about a little drink? I think I spotted some adult beverages in the kitchen…”</p>
<p>Petra calmly walked over there and wrenched Giulia’s arm behind her back. The Tybur woman screamed as Petra gripped a handful of her hair and bent her over the railing.</p>
<p>Giulia’s screaming became more shrill as she stared at the thin line of cars below. The penthouse was high up enough to make her death quite messy.</p>
<p>“Don’t struggle,” Petra hissed. The month or so of weight training she’d done was already paying off. The other woman flailed, but couldn’t break free. “I don’t want to drop you accidentally.”</p>
<p>“You crazy bitch! Help! Help!” Giulia shrieked.</p>
<p>“No one down there can hear you. The terrace doors shut out a lot of sound, and the bedroom door is shut as well. The kids are playing and screaming. No one is going to come.</p>
<p>“What is this? The fuck are you doing?” Giulia stopped struggling, but her voice was ragged. “Willy is going to tear your throat out.”</p>
<p>“Willy asked me to do this.”</p>
<p>The silence was priceless.</p>
<p>“Wh-what?”</p>
<p>“Willy’s given me a little job of my own,” Petra said calmly. “I’m going to be your shadow from now on. And if you ever try to fuck with him, Marley, or by extension my family ever again, I’m going to throw your ass off a higher roof than this.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean? What the fuck? Petra!”</p>
<p>“Shut up.” Petra bent Giulia’s wrist at a painful angle. The woman squealed. “You told Erwin where I lived. You’re the reason he broke in here last year.”</p>
<p>“No real harm done,” Giulia growled. “Can’t you take a fucking joke?”</p>
<p>“Hilarious.” Petra squeezed harder. “For that alone I could kill you. But we all know, Giulia. Willy knows.”</p>
<p>“Knows what?” she gasped.</p>
<p>Petra yanked the woman back up and then slammed her against the opposite wall. Giulia flailed to get away, but she wasn’t a soldier. Petra held her firm.</p>
<p>“We know you’re the one who fed Hybernia information about the Triple Alliance. You’re the reason that cruiser was sunk.” Petra bared her teeth, animal rage filling her. “You’re the reason my husband almost died.”</p>
<p>Giulia, to her credit, didn’t deny it. She only breathed heavily, the adrenaline leaving her in a rush now that she wasn’t in immediate danger.</p>
<p>“You have no right to judge me.” Her lip curled. “You fucking devil blood.”</p>
<p>“Willy doesn’t want you marked up during the party. Or I’d slap the shit out of you for that. Why, Giulia? Why do all of that? Why betray your own country?”</p>
<p>“Good reasons. The Triple Alliance is letting you demons mingle with normal folks. It’s dangerous, you all running around free and wild. For that reason alone I would’ve done it.” Petra heard furious tears in her voice now. “But also because I hate that fucking devil I’m married to.”</p>
<p>“You committed treason just to kill your husband.”</p>
<p>“I’d kill every person here if I knew it’d get rid of him.” Her voice was lifeless. Truthful.</p>
<p>“Even your sons?”</p>
<p>Giulia’s lip quivered. “My babies should never have been born. If I were a stronger woman I’d finish them but…I can’t. I couldn’t ever. I…”</p>
<p>“Your children are the only reason Willy doesn’t have me kill you.”</p>
<p>Giulia sneered. “Both Ackermans on my husband’s payroll. How nice.”</p>
<p>“You and I are going to be great friends in public. We can hate each other in private. Like normal society people.” Petra brought her nose close to Giulia’s. She could smell gin on the woman’s breath. “I’ll watch you. And at the first sign of trouble, I have permission to kill you. I’ve killed over fifty titans, Giulia. You’ll be easy in comparison.”</p>
<p>She felt the woman trembling.</p>
<p>“You ought to thank me,” Giulia whispered. “If Levi hadn’t been caught in that explosion, you never would’ve fucked the king.”</p>
<p>Petra almost choked the life out of her right there. She settled for digging her heel into the top of Giulia’s foot. The other woman gave a cry.</p>
<p>“You almost took the love of my life from me. It makes me tempted to throw you over that railing and risk the consequences.” Petra remained icy. Levi’s training went deep in her. “But if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have had…” Armin’s face floated before her for one moment. She cleared her throat. “I know I should claim he’s a regret, but I can’t. He’s my baby. For that reason—that reason alone—I’m not going to kill you today. But if you ever conspire with anyone again, especially Erwin Smith, your life is over. Do you get me, you callous bitch?”</p>
<p>Giulia went statue still. Finally, she jerked her head. It was a small nod.</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>Petra kicked open the terrace door and threw Giulia into the Ackerman bedroom. Giulia scrambled up off the floor as Petra shut and latched the doors, patted her hair into place, and then gave a large, warm smile.</p>
<p>“Let’s have a drink, shall we?” she said sweetly.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Wonder if Petra’s made herself known to Giulia yet,” Levi said. He and Willy were taking a time out from the kids, hiding in the “study.” Levi didn’t have a ton of books, but Petra had given him a couple. Mostly he came in here when he couldn’t sleep, sat behind this desk, and pretended he was back on Paradis in the barracks.</p>
<p>Only then did he fall asleep. Feel calm.</p>
<p>“I’m certain she’ll do a good job,” Willy said dryly.</p>
<p>“She will. She’s the best.” Levi sipped his iced tea and replaced it carefully on a coaster. “Said you wanted to see me about something?”</p>
<p>“It’s a delicate topic.”</p>
<p>“I’m a delicate guy.”</p>
<p>Levi enjoyed watching Willy struggle not to laugh.</p>
<p>“Anyway. Kiyomi and I have been in regular contact. Secret contact.”</p>
<p>“Mikasa okay?” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“She is. That’s not the issue. Erwin is.”</p>
<p>“Figured.” Levi stared at his glass, sweating in the warm spring day. “What’s he up to now?”</p>
<p>“The usual, I’m afraid. And the usual is never good. He’s started locking down the border of Paradis. It’s becoming harder and harder to get non-Eldians to come any farther than the edge of the port. He’s open to trade, of course, but not visitors. It’s breeding tension. People want to know what he’s doing on that island. They want to know if they should fear the Rumbling.”</p>
<p>“They shouldn’t.” Levi sighed.</p>
<p>“Yes. But only you, Petra, and I know the truth of what happened that night,” Willy said softly. When Eren had been eaten. When the Founder had passed to a new titan. “That gives us an advantage. We know where the Founder is; Erwin doesn’t. And given that Connie and Eren were working together, we can guess that Eren—and now Connie—opposes Erwin’s rule.”</p>
<p>“If Erwin gets any hint that Connie ate Eren, the kid’s life is over,” Levi said. “I don’t want to risk him if we don't have to.”</p>
<p>“My point, Levi, is that I think it might be time to start crafting a new narrative.” Willy smiled. A sleek smile. “The tyrant king of Paradis—the false king—enslaves his people and frightens the world. Then the son of the true king arises to take back his father’s throne.”</p>
<p>“That’s not how it works.” Levi crossed his arms and scowled. “I can never inherit the Founder. I can’t be king.”</p>
<p>“The rest of the world doesn’t know that. I’ll wager most of Paradis doesn’t know that. They accept Historia as queen, after all, even though she’s not the Founder. The truth matters less than the story, Levi. With me to help you tell it, it can be a good one. Great, even.”</p>
<p>Levi regarded Willy with a blank, level gaze. He hoped the king could feel the chill he was putting out.</p>
<p>“I’m a soldier. I follow orders. I can lead a team, sure, but only with someone else’s plan. If I became “king”, I’d be like Historia. Some puppet on the throne, letting you and whoever else control things in the background.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t be a puppet.”</p>
<p>“I would. I see shit clearly. It’s a gift.” Levi clenched his jaw. “Erwin <em>is</em> the reason Eldians were set free worldwide. He’s why I can live here, in this swank apartment, without wearing an armband. He’s why my kids don’t get harassed on the street. Why my wife is secure. Like him or not, he’s keeping Paradis secure and the rest of the world is too scared of him to fuck with the island or us Eldians. I can’t do those things. And sorry, Willy, but I don’t trust you enough to believe you’d keep it all running the way it is now.”</p>
<p>Willy smiled. “Thank you for your honesty.” He sighed. “You understand that Kiyomi and I may have to act against Erwin at some point, with or without your approval.”</p>
<p>“That’s up to you guys. You’re the strategists.”</p>
<p>“If I had no choice but to act, would you back me up as king of Paradis?”</p>
<p>Levi scowled at the floor.</p>
<p>“If there was no other way, then yeah.” He looked up. “But I’d have to be convinced that Erwin needed to go. So far, I’m not convinced.”</p>
<p>“For now, that’s all I need. Shall we rejoin the party? The children sound as if they’ve gone feral.”</p>
<p>Yes. Screams bled through the walls. Levi and Willy exited into a maelstrom of cute insanity.</p>
<p>Kuchel was at the center, running around with Cassius held over her head. It was a freakish display of strength for such a little girl, but her iron Ackerman grip never faltered. Cassius squealed in shock.</p>
<p>“Oi! Kuchel!” Levi barked. His daughter stopped at once. “What do we tell you?”</p>
<p>Never use too much strength with other kids.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Papa.” She set Cassius down and plucked at her little sky blue dress. How the hell could he be mad at her when she gave him those big eyes? He was a soft piece of shit. As he patted his daughter’s head, Petra entered. Giulia staggered behind her, white as spoiled milk.</p>
<p>Good. Petra had had her ‘talk.’</p>
<p>“Who wants cake? Yay, cake!” Petra grinned as the children chorused ‘I do!’ The adults herded the little brats into the parlor, where they’d set up a long plastic table. As the kids found their seats, Petra went to the kitchen to light the candles. Levi followed, and pressed up behind her as she stood at the counter. “You have to wait for a piece like everyone else.” She smirked. Damn brat.</p>
<p>“No I don’t.” He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I can have this whenever I want. All mine. No one else gets a taste.”</p>
<p>“You act like I’m some object.” She feigned outrage. “Like you own me.”</p>
<p>“And you love it.” He kissed her throat.</p>
<p>“Oh yes.” She beamed. Petra turned around, and they became entwined in each other’s arms. Fuck the kids, they could wait for their cake. This was sweeter.</p>
<p>He had to stop kissing his wife when the damn buzzer sounded. It was the phone, the front desk calling. Levi frowned, let go of Petra, and went to grab the receiver.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” He stuck a finger in his ear to block out the racket the children made in the background.</p>
<p>“<em>Package, Mr. Ackerman.</em>”</p>
<p>Birthday present, probably.</p>
<p>“I’ll come get it.”</p>
<p>“<em>Er, think the boys better take it up to you. It’s big.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi’s instincts were immediately on high alert. He felt something akin to a tremor pass through his body. He looked over his shoulder at Petra, who frowned and mouthed ‘who is it?’</p>
<p>“I think someone sent a big present for Kuchel.”</p>
<p>She immediately picked up on who the ‘someone’ might be. Petra sighed.</p>
<p>“What do we do?”</p>
<p>“I say we look at it and decide later.” To Benito, he said, “Send it up.”</p>
<p>Petra waited on lighting the candles until a knock came at the door. The children were excited and babbling as two men carried a box inside. It was large, five feet high and seven long. They deposited it in a corner of the parlor at Petra’s request. Kuchel bounced around in ecstasy.</p>
<p>“Izzat for me? Is it?”</p>
<p>“Looks like it. Sure isn’t my birthday,” Levi said, watching the men open the box with trepidation.</p>
<p>Kuchel screamed and jumped around when she saw what it was.</p>
<p>“I love it! I loooove iiiit!” She rushed over to her new rocking horse.</p>
<p>Thing was so ornate and beautiful, it almost could’ve been a real horse. It was a creamy white with a silver mane, roses along its bridle and saddle. The kids all immediately wanted a ride and forgot about the cake in their mad rush. Kuchel had climbed into the real leather saddle and was gleefully rocking back and forth already.</p>
<p>“Did it have a card?” Petra sounded weary. Levi snagged one from the delivery guy after he signed for the package.</p>
<p>“’To Kuchel. Happy birthday. Love, Uncle Erwin and…’” Levi jerked in surprise. Petra took the card, and her face paled.</p>
<p>“’…and Aunt Brigitta.’” She almost dropped the card. Petra leaned against the wall, staring ahead into nothing. “What does this mean?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“It means that once again, Erwin is a clever bastard.” Willy had overheard them, and stood alongside the Ackermans. He wore a grim expression. “He accomplishes multiple things at once. He sends his very likely genuine love to your daughter; he makes you uncertain of your sister’s fate; he displays his power and wealth in front of me and Marleyan society. And if you return the gift—”</p>
<p>“We will,” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“—then you succeed in undoubtedly hurting your daughter. And Erwin wins again. He looks like a loving uncle, and you a tyrant. And if you keep the gift? He knows he’s strongarmed you.”</p>
<p>Petra rested against Levi. He put his arm around her and stared at his kid as she gleefully rocked back and forth on what was now, undoubtedly, her favorite birthday present.</p>
<p>Of course Erwin would do this. Only a bitch like him could make so many moves in one go.</p>
<p>This was why Levi could never be king. Kings had to think like this, all directions at once. He had one direction: forward. Love his wife and children, follow orders. That was it.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should get the cake,” he said, and squeezed Petra.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” She sighed. “I could do with some sugar.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Isn’t he perfect?” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>They were in their bedroom, standing over Oruo’s bassinet while he slept. He looked pretty comfortable in the little unicorn onesie Kuchel had asked to put on him.</p>
<p>They had let her dictate Oruo’s sleepwear tonight, trying to soothe her sadness after they explained, once the guests had left, that they had to return her present from Erwin.</p>
<p>There’d been shouts, and tears, and jumping up and down and screaming. Levi had even yelled at her, finally, telling her she had to stay in her room the rest of the night. Kuchel had slammed the door shut and wailed, and he looked sick.</p>
<p>Just what Erwin wanted. Their home in chaos. She narrowed her eyes. If she hadn’t hated him before, ruining her daughter’s birthday did the trick.</p>
<p>Petra admitted to herself that it was nice to have a baby right now. Oruo just wanted to cry, scowl, and feed. A simple creature.</p>
<p>“He’s pretty great.” Levi stood behind her, arms around her. He leaned his cheek against hers. “You worried about Brigitta?”</p>
<p>“I have to believe she’s okay.” Petra had not been able to contact anyone on Paradis since fleeing to Valle. Her letters were returned, and she couldn’t call. They had phones on the island, but they didn’t connect to the mainland. What if her parents…?</p>
<p>Brigitta had to be okay. Petra was just worried that her sister was Erwin’s prisoner.</p>
<p>Or even worse: that she was his willing guest.</p>
<p><em>I want to go home.</em> She shut her eyes.</p>
<p>Valle was beautiful, her new job was interesting, her children were safe, but Petra was a homebody at heart. She missed Paradis’s fields and mountains, its lakes and rivers. She missed her family.</p>
<p>This was all her fault. If she hadn’t fucked Erwin…</p>
<p>“We’re all paying for my mistake,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“No.” Levi kissed her cheek. “Only one person’s the shithead here. It’s not your fault Erwin used you.” He growled. “Same way he used me.”</p>
<p>The same way he’d used the squad. Petra thought again of Oruo, lying on the grass and broken. She looked at his snoozing namesake, and trembled with anger to think of how her old Oruo would never meet the baby. They should have had decades together, arguing and nagging each other, attending each other’s weddings and baby showers.</p>
<p>Oruo was gone because Erwin had made the choice not to save him.</p>
<p>“There’s one thing that I know for certain.” She looked her husband in his icy blue gray eyes. “I love you so damn much.”</p>
<p>She was one of the few on earth who could make those eyes soften.</p>
<p>“You’re perfect.” He kissed her cheek. Her lips. “While the kid’s asleep,” he whispered, starting to hike up her skirt.</p>
<p>“Oh, Mr. Ackerman.” She giggled, shoving him back onto the bed. Petra got on top of him, relishing the light chuckle she wrung from his lips. They kissed deeply, arms around each other as—</p>
<p>The phone buzzed.</p>
<p>“Ah, shit.” Levi sat up as she got off him. “Probably another present from the King of Fuckheads,” he muttered. “Maybe it’s a real pony this time.” He took her chin in his hand. “You wait here.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t.” She smiled, happy to see him scowl.</p>
<p>“Damn brat.”</p>
<p>Levi went to deal with the call while Petra stood over Oruo and rocked him gently in his bassinet. Little dumpling. He looked so gentle when he slept. It made for a nice change.</p>
<p>She heard Levi’s voice in the other room.</p>
<p>She heard Levi stop short, and his voice warp. He sounded…shocked.</p>
<p>Petra frowned and went to him as Levi hung up the phone. He looked pale, like someone had died. Petra’s heart beat faster.</p>
<p>“What is it?” she asked.</p>
<p>“We got a visitor,” he croaked. He seemed to be in a daze, and walked right past her as if she didn’t exist. Petra pursued him, now both nervous and irritated.</p>
<p>“Do I get to know who?”</p>
<p>The doorbell buzzed. Levi went and opened the door.</p>
<p>Hange stood there, a small satchel in hand. Her hair looked massively unkempt, even by her own lax standards. She seemed to have lost weight, and now looked gaunt.</p>
<p>Petra noticed a ring glinting on her left hand.</p>
<p>And she noticed that Hange was alone. Quite alone. Where was Pieck?</p>
<p>“Hange?” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“Heya, Levi!” The woman tried for a convincing smile. She failed. “Wondered if you could put me up for a few nights. And maybe get me emergency citizenship. But only if it’s no bother.”</p>
<p>“Hange, what happened?” Petra gaped.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s a long story. I <em>am</em> going to need sanctuary, by the way. That’s not a joke.” She held up her satchel. “I’ve committed a little high treason, and if Erwin gets his hands on me again I’m dead.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Chapter 41</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You didn’t have to,” Hange said, but she immediately began stuffing her face with the leftovers from the party. Petra sat with her hand on top of Levi’s while their friend ate like she’d never tasted food before.</p>
<p>“Hange. The fuck happened?” Levi said when the woman had mostly finished. Hange pushed up her glasses and rubbed her eyes.</p>
<p>“Ah. Where to start? Hmmm.” Petra noticed then that Hange’s smile was wavering, but she held onto it desperately. Shit, she was close to breaking.</p>
<p>“We can do this in the morning if you need to sleep,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“No. I’d really like to talk about it.” Hange’s hand trembled on her water glass. Her glance kept darting to Petra and back, Petra and back. “Erwin’s gone. I mean he’s out of his mind. He…”</p>
<p>Hange shivered violently then, clutching her arms. The ring still glinted on her finger, but Petra could wait to talk about it. First, she had to get the situation under control.</p>
<p>“It’s all right,” she whispered. She took Hange’s hand.</p>
<p>“It started the night you left.” Hange wouldn’t look at them as she spoke. “That’s the night Erwin really lost it, and went away forever.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Hange stood there in her robe and slippers, shaking not because of the snow on the ground, but from the sight of the…thing in the pit.</p>
<p>“That’s…” She fell to her knees, hands braced on either side of her. “Nile?”</p>
<p>The titan had Nile’s face, the narrow jaw, even the scraggly black hair.</p>
<p>“That,” Erwin said, standing over her, “is what happens to people who betray me.”</p>
<p>Hange shut her eyes. “So. I guess that’s why I’m here.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He crouched beside her. The horror was in looking at his face. It was still Erwin’s face, the Commander, the man she’d loved as a comrade, one of her two best friends in this world. The man who’d sacrificed everything at Shiganshina. But now, the light in his eyes was gone. It was like some malevolent creature was wearing Erwin like a suit and speaking with his voice. “I know you helped Nile. I know he went to Shiganshina soon after Petra was brought here. I know he discussed plans with you to move the Ackermans.”</p>
<p>If she was going to be subjected to a fate worse than death, she’d do it proudly. Hange looked him right in the eye and sneered.</p>
<p>“Yes. I’d do it again. You kidnapped Petra! Our Petra, from the Survey Corps! You treated her like she was a criminal!”</p>
<p>“If being dressed in jewels and promised a queen’s crown is prison, Hange, you have a very unusual understanding of reality.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be smart. You knew what that would do to Levi. You knew she didn’t want it, but you did it anyway.”</p>
<p>“She’s my son’s mother.” Erwin sneered right back. “This is what was best for him.”</p>
<p>“We aren’t your fucking chess pieces!” Hange shouted. Screw it, maybe he’d just push her into the pit and let Nile eat her. At least it’d be over quickly. “We’re people! We don’t always want to do what you tell us, Erwin! This isn’t a fucking command strategy, this is life!”</p>
<p>Her voice echoed across the snowy woods. Hange glanced at the soldiers to their right, hands on their blades. Ready to draw. Erwin held up his hand to them.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” he said softly. “This isn’t a game, or a strategy. This is indeed life.” He stood and towered over her. “It’s the life I was returned to. I was brought back against my wishes,” he hissed. Hange froze. That couldn’t be true…could it? “Levi restored me to this life to protect his child and Petra. Selfish. Greedy. And I?” He gave a smirk. “I accepted the charge. I restructured Paradis to give us a fighting chance on the world stage. I braved danger undercover to cultivate ties that let us influence Marley. I launched a war that freed every Eldian in this world from captivity, and restored us to a position of power that the world can’t easily go against. I sacrificed my blood, and my heart, every day to the carnage of those wars. I gave up the woman I loved in order to become king and protect this island. The woman I loved now hates me.” There was the slightest waver in his voice. “When the cruiser was attacked and Levi killed, I sacrificed the good opinion of my entire council, and your friendship, to retaliate in a brutal manner. Brutal, but correct. One million died in the attack on Hybernia; five to six million would have died with a prolonged conflict.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Hange felt numb now. They had run the numbers a while ago. The estimates did say that.</p>
<p>“So. One of my two best friends now hates me. I accepted it.” Erwin’s voice was growing gravelly now. “I saved your life, and this island, and you only gave me scorn. But I understood why. Then Petra came to me. I <em>did</em> take advantage of the situation, but she came to me! I protested several times, but she kept saying she wanted it. God help me, I wanted it too; I needed that comfort. So I took her, and in the morning she hated me. And I understood. I accepted it. I hated myself. And then.” He laughed almost in disbelief. “A miracle. Levi lived. And he came home and discovered what I’d done, and came to this forest and mutilated me while I lay on the ground and allowed it to happen, because I understood!” he roared. Hange flinched. “He hated me then as well, and I accepted it. I was alone in this world. Yes, my own actions were my downfall, and I accept that. But there was never a shred of patience in any of you.” He advanced on her. Hange got to her feet and backed away. “You brought me back and used me. You had to know that the path forward would involve the blood of innocents; you can’t be that naïve. You let me damn myself to save you.”</p>
<p>“Erwin…”</p>
<p>But there was madness in his eyes now.</p>
<p>“I gave up <em>everyone and everything I ever loved</em>, just to save you! And I was content, Hange! Content to die alone and hated in a few years, because at least I’d served my purpose and saved you all. But then…”</p>
<p>The most horrible thing. Erwin struggled with tears for a moment, and clenched his fists.</p>
<p>“Then this miracle occurs. This little boy. The only family I have left; the one person who wouldn’t turn away from me. Some comfort in this barren existence.” He bared his teeth. “And they wanted me to <em>visit!</em> To leave them in their happy family—a family I paid for with my soul. Levi would’ve been more a father to him than I’d have been. I won’t <em>stand for it!</em>” His face was a mask of righteous anger. “I gave you all everything I had to give, but I would not give up my son. That one thing, that one joy I wanted for myself. And you all denied me yet again, and told me I was the monster.”</p>
<p>Hange shook, her teeth chattering. It was the fear more than the cold.</p>
<p>And a tear fell down her cheek, because even though he was wrong…he was a little bit right.</p>
<p>It was the last scrap of pity she had for him.</p>
<p>“So…what do we do now?” she asked.</p>
<p>Erwin approached slowly, his eyes taking on a predatory light.</p>
<p>“If you were anyone else, you’d join Nile in that titan pit. Either as a companion, or as food.” He sneered. “But you have a greater purpose. I’m going to open the Reiss archives to you in their totality. The volumes of titan science, the ancient scrolls. You will work day and night to find a cure.”</p>
<p>“To…?” But she knew. Oh, she knew.</p>
<p>“The Curse of Ymir. I will not die in seven years. I intend to have a full life span. I want to see my son grow up, and teach him to be king. The Smith line of kings begins now. We will be the guardians of Paradis, and Eldia. And you are going to help me accomplish this. Because,” he said, gripping her shoulder and squeezing hard. “If you want your beloved Pieck to live even a moment longer, you will agree.”</p>
<p>“I…” Hange winced as she heard Nile’s fevered roars in the pit. “You know I’ll probably need test subjects.”</p>
<p>“I’ll supply the subjects. You do the rest.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“And then?” Petra whispered. Hange by this point was drooping. Petra knew that kind of bonelessness. It was the first moment of relief after consecutive days of tension.</p>
<p>“The library was extensive. I spent the first solid month just reading. Pieck was allowed to help me; we ended up living in the damn archives for a while. We ate, we slept, and we read. There was a lot about the ancient titan science that I just couldn’t understand. They used archaic phrases and terms that were probably self-explanatory, but if you don’t have a clue what they mean… Well.”</p>
<p>Levi had brewed tea, and now poured her a cup. He sat back down, took Petra’s hand. She could feel the tension in his fingers.</p>
<p>“Eventually, I had enough of a knowledge base to begin trials.” Hange nearly dropped the tea; her hand shook that badly. She smiled, and Petra saw she was fighting tears. “We used irradiated titan crystals, Zeke’s blood and skin and spinal fluid samples, even bits from Historia. Most of Erwin’s “test subjects” were criminals. But some…some came from the lottery system.”</p>
<p>The people who’d fled to Paradis for a better life. Petra gasped.</p>
<p>“No,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“They thought they were getting a new start,” Hange said darkly. She stared into her cup. “But it was the end of the line.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Please! Please stop, please!” The man screamed hysterically as the attendants strapped him down to the table. Hange came forward, tapping the syringe filled with the revamped serum. She looked at the man, some refugee from Aeropa who’d longed to see his people’s homeland.</p>
<p>He was now in an underground bunker in Wall Sina. Hange didn’t know if he was aware that his wife had received this treatment yesterday. That she was dead.</p>
<p>
  <em>If there’s a hell, I’m going to it.</em>
</p>
<p>“I’m very sorry,” she whispered, and injected him. The scientists stepped back. Hange and the other soldiers put hands upon their weapons, waiting.</p>
<p>The man was still. Then his body began to convulse, strain against the straps. He let out a piercing shriek, and then…</p>
<p>First his right hand swelled to an insane degree, then returned to normal size. His gut expanded like a balloon, then went down. Finally, his head began to grow, his eyes to bug out of their sockets, and Hange and the rest turned away before the man’s entire head splattered open like a ripe cantaloupe.</p>
<p>She felt the brain matter strike her back. Shivering, she turned around.</p>
<p>Another Eldian. He’d endured decades of oppression and ended up done in by his own people.</p>
<p>“I think we’re finished for the day,” she said lifelessly.</p>
<p>The attendants began to clean up the splattered mess as Hange trudged wearily into the observation room next door. Erwin stood behind the two way mirror, arms folded, staring intently at the wrecked operating chamber.</p>
<p>“This isn’t working,” she said.</p>
<p>“Make it work.”</p>
<p>She wondered if she’d have enough time to chop his head off if she drew her blade. For Pieck’s sake, she didn’t test it.</p>
<p>“I’ve spent two solid months comparing your blood and spinal fluid to Zeke’s, Historia’s, Nile’s, my own, and a random selection of other pure titans and Paradisians. All I can tell you is that there’s a marked deterioration in shifter cellular structure that occurs over time. Zeke had maybe a year left, or less, when he died. His cells are more decayed than yours, and yours are more decayed than Connie’s. I can’t program the damn cells to want to repair themselves, Erwin. And every time I try to administer a “booster” serum, all it does is destroy the test subjects. I don’t want to sit here butchering people when we could spend more time in research.”</p>
<p>“Your time is running out.” He glared at her. “Rather, Pieck’s is.”</p>
<p>Yes. Six months left, if that.</p>
<p>“What about Uri Reiss?” Erwin asked.</p>
<p>“What about him?”</p>
<p>“You noted that every other Reiss shifter seemed to expire directly at the thirteen year mark. But for whatever reason, Uri lived well beyond that time.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” She rubbed her temples. “One possibility is that since Rod didn’t want to take the job, they had to wait for one of the children to grow up enough to take the Founder.”</p>
<p>“But Uri just kept living. He survived long enough to make that transfer. How?”</p>
<p>“Maybe he was an anomaly. I don’t know, I don’t have his material to study!” She tried not to shout.</p>
<p>“But that begs the question. Did he live longer because only he could? Or did the other Reisses die before they had to? Did they know they could live longer? If they did, why didn’t they take the opportunity?”</p>
<p>“I don’t have answers to those questions.”</p>
<p>“I gave you access to the archives. Do your work.”</p>
<p>And he left.</p>
<p>Bastard.</p>
<p>Hange finished up in the lab and went to the palace, where she had a meeting with Historia for new samples. The young queen was sitting at her window when Hange entered. She always seemed to be at the window, gazing at the world. A world she could no longer touch.</p>
<p>“What do you need today?” Historia was paler now than she’d ever been. Months indoors in a single suite of rooms would do that to a person.</p>
<p>“Just some more blood. We’ll do another spinal tap tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Historia rolled her sleeves without complaint. There were shadows under her eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Hange asked. “Any pain?”</p>
<p>“It’s just another day,” the queen said evasively. They sat at the table, and Hange got out her kit. Her eyes kept tracking to Historia’s stomach; the shirt was untucked rather sloppily.</p>
<p>“Is it hurting again?” she asked quietly.</p>
<p>“No.” Historia smoothed the front of her shirt.</p>
<p>Beneath the cloth, there was a long, red scar across her pelvic area. Hange didn’t know where the queen or Eren had found someone willing to perform a hysterectomy on a young, healthy woman, but it likely hadn’t been in any savory location. The stitch job was straight up butchery. But Historia had gotten rid of her reproductive abilities.</p>
<p>Erwin could torture her, but never her children.</p>
<p>She drew blood, stoppered the vials, and smiled sadly. Historia looked off into a distant corner of the room. She was a shell of the vibrant girl Hange had once known.</p>
<p>But at least she seemed proud.</p>
<p>“This won’t last forever,” Hange murmured.</p>
<p>“I know it won’t.”</p>
<p>The sureness in the girl’s gaze was…unnerving.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t even know what we’re supposed to be looking for.” Pieck coughed into a handkerchief as she came around a pile of books, an open file in her other hand. “Haven’t you told him there’s vocabulary we don’t understand?”</p>
<p>“Not only that, a bunch of dates don’t add up,” Hange grumbled, tossing her pen aside and rubbing her temples. “Not all of the Reiss “coronation” dates are the same across all recordings. Which means I don’t know if they’ve been fudging the “thirteen years til death” rule.”</p>
<p>“Do you think it’s possible the whole curse is a myth?” Pieck sat on the cot beside her. They were in their home away from home, the underground research bunker. Hange’s girlfriend laid her head upon Hange’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Zeke’s cells showed bad signs of deterioration.” She sighed heavily. “Yours are worse every time I take new samples.”</p>
<p>“So my body breaks down? That’s it?”</p>
<p>“Something inside of the cells…whatever it is that allows you to become a titan also starts killing you after a certain amount of time. Maybe it’s the rapid multiplication of cells. They can only reproduce so many times before they die. I don’t know. You and Erwin and the other shifters are all different from normal Eldians and pure titans.”</p>
<p>That was the strange thing. While studying pure titan blood and fluid was made difficult by the fact that it disintegrated quickly, Hange had found that there was no cellular structural difference between “pures” and humans. Apart from the evaporation, of course.</p>
<p>The shifters were their own special breed. They had their own rules.</p>
<p>And Hange didn’t understand the game.</p>
<p>“I think I need better equipment.” She flopped onto her back, the springs squeaking beneath her. Pieck lay down next to her and draped an arm around Hange’s stomach. “Paradis is leagues better now, but we’re nowhere near Marley or Hizuru.”</p>
<p>“Maybe Kiyomi will let you use her labs again,” Pieck said.</p>
<p>“That’s an idea.” She kissed the frail young woman. Pieck’s lips were growing chapped these days. Her funny, sleepy look was starting to become almost haggard, making her look fifteen or twenty years older than she actually was. Hange kissed the girl’s thin cheek. “Maybe when I’m in Hizuru, I can find out a little about Levi and Petra,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You don’t think they’re there, do you?”</p>
<p>“Kiyomi wouldn’t tell us where she was taking all of them. Erwin keeps me in the dark on everything concerning the Ackermans.” Once, there would have been no secrets. The thought pained Hange. “Either way, I’ll find out something. I have to. I need to know they’re okay.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure they are. We’re all survivors; we made it this far because we just refuse to die.” Pieck grinned, but then coughed wetly into her handkerchief. They both saw blood in it when she finished wiping her mouth. “Well. Maybe I’m less of a survivor.”</p>
<p>“You made it through Marley before the Restoration, became a Warrior, and survived tons of combat scenarios. You’re the biggest survivor of all of us,” Hange grumbled. She hugged Pieck tight. She felt the girl’s heart beating. She wouldn’t let that heart stop.</p>
<p>“I’ve only got a few months left,” Pieck said quietly.</p>
<p>“I’ll solve this.”</p>
<p>“But if you don’t. I was thinking…” The girl sounded almost shy. “Maybe…you’d like to make it official?”</p>
<p>Hange’s brain almost shorted out. That couldn’t mean what she imagined it meant. She sat up.</p>
<p>“Official? Like…”</p>
<p>Pieck blushed hard. “I, uh, only mean that if I die, my father would need someone. I had to leave him back in Marley. I’m sure he’s frantic. If you were my wife, you could bring him here. I mean, and make sure he wasn’t experimented on.” She looked hopeful. “Or…you could go and live in Marley.”</p>
<p>“Not without you.”</p>
<p>Pieck held her hand. “We’ll see.”</p>
<p>Hange sighed, scratched her head. “This is all wrong.”</p>
<p>Pieck deflated a little. “Well. Yeah, I understand. It was just a suggestion.”</p>
<p>“No. I mean,” Hange said, sliding off the bed and kneeling on the floor. Ack, the ground was sort of cold, and she was in her late thirties; her knees weren’t at their happiest. “I mean I’m supposed to ask you.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m older. I think that’s how it’s supposed to be done.”</p>
<p>“I’ll accept that.” Pieck grinned, her pale, funny face glowing with relief. “So. Go on.”</p>
<p>“Pieck Finger.” Hange cleared her throat. Truly, her beloved had the strangest name of all time. “Will you marry m—?”</p>
<p>She didn’t quite finish the sentence before they were kissing, but she didn’t mind much.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Is that why you have this?” Petra gasped, forgetting the intermittent horrors of the story for an instant as she snatched Hange’s hand and gazed triumphantly at the shining ring. “You got married?”</p>
<p>“Damn it, Four Eyes. I was supposed to be your best man. I was supposed to give you a boring ass bachelor party,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>Hange smiled and shrugged.</p>
<p>“But where <em>is</em> Pieck?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>Hange’s smile faltered.</p>
<p>“Let me get there,” she said, and cleared her throat. “Erwin allowed me to go to Hizuru. I was under pretty heavy guard most of the time, though Kiyomi got them to ease off of me after a few days.”</p>
<p>“Did you see her?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“Kiyomi? Oh. You mean…” She nodded. “Yes. Mikasa. She’s…interesting.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Hange stood up, shocked. “Mikasa? You look so…prepared.”</p>
<p>They were in the laboratory; Hange had been minding her own business, looking through her microscope, when she felt the air shift slightly. Mikasa Ackerman was just standing there, right next to her. The girl had taken to wearing clothes of more Hizuran design, with a navy colored shirt that wrapped loosely around her body and cotton trousers that belled and allowed for easy movement. She also kept a sword strapped to her waist, and clearly not just any sword. The design was one Hange had never seen before. Hizuran.</p>
<p>Most of all, there was an intensity in the young woman’s eyes that Hange hadn’t seen before.</p>
<p>No; not intensity. Self possession.</p>
<p>Mikasa looked hardened. Not necessarily by battle, but spiritually.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s had to be alone for months in a strange country.</em>
</p>
<p>The girl had always craved home and family above all else. Both had been stripped from her. She was a survivor, though. She’d endured.</p>
<p>“I’m not here,” Mikasa whispered. Hange looked around. Yes, of course. Erwin was still hunting her. She came softly to Hange. She moved like a ghost. “Eren. Have you heard anything?”</p>
<p>The panic and need in Mikasa’s eyes hurt the heart to see.</p>
<p>“No. Sorry. He hasn’t been caught, but we don’t know where he is.”</p>
<p>Mikasa frowned at the floor.</p>
<p>“Are Levi and Petra okay? And Kuchel?” Hange whispered. “I can’t get any clear information.”</p>
<p>Mikasa gave a microscopic nod. “Kiyomi dropped them off in Valle.”</p>
<p>Good. Now at least she knew they had made it to the mainland, and she had an idea of their location.</p>
<p>“What’ve you been doing here?” Hange glanced around again. How had the girl even gotten inside the room? They’d stuck Hange in an underground lab; there were guards posted at the door while she worked.</p>
<p>“Training. And learning.”</p>
<p>Hange frowned. “Learning what?”</p>
<p>“My ancestor was the son of Hizuru’s shogan,” the girl sad. She sounded almost shy; she hated bragging. “The Azumabito always give their standing army to the most direct descendent of that shogun.”</p>
<p>Hange’s brows lifted. “You. You have an army?”</p>
<p>Mikasa shushed her. Shit, the doorknob was turning.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t here.”</p>
<p>They were whispered words, and when Hange blinked the girl had vanished just as the door to the lab opened. Hange turned around as Kiyomi entered. She was dressed in a Hizuran outfit, a “kimono” if Hange recalled the word correctly. She approached Hange almost silently. Maybe Mikasa got that sleek grace from the Azumabito as much as the Ackermans.</p>
<p>“How is your progress?” Kiyomi smiled.</p>
<p>“It’s coming along. Thank you for lending me three of your top chemists.”</p>
<p>“It’s nothing.” Kiyomi went to the worktable and peered through the microscope a minute. She studied the vials of different colored liquids. Hange waited, now a little confused and concerned.</p>
<p>“Is anything wrong, Lady Kiyomi?”</p>
<p>“Nothing at all.” The woman kept delicately studying and sometimes touching things. “Do you enjoy your work?”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“Would you say you take pleasure in this endeavor?”</p>
<p>The woman’s dark eyes met Hange’s. Then Kiyomi gazed at the door. A signal that anyone could be listening.</p>
<p>“I…I always like trying to solve problems.”</p>
<p>“So you like the project? Its goal?”</p>
<p>“I want to save my gir—fiance’s life,” Hange said. “And the life of another boy.”</p>
<p>“Only those two?” Kiyomi said it so quietly Hange almost though she misheard. But slowly, she nodded. Kiyomi’s mouth tightened in an almost-smile. They both understood what had just passed between them.</p>
<p>Hange did not want to save Erwin.</p>
<p>“We’re selecting the new shogun soon.” Kiyomi sighed. “I’ll be glad of some new blood. The old one has really become so unmanageable. So corrupt.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. He must be that way,” Hange said, glancing at the door.</p>
<p>“In my place, wouldn’t you do anything to see a tyrant taken out of power?”</p>
<p>“Anything?” Hange swallowed. “Uh. Yeah. I think I would.”</p>
<p>“I knew you’d say that.” Another half-smile. “Incidentally, I hope you’ve been enjoying our local cuisine.”</p>
<p>“The fresh fish and rice wraps, whatever they’re called, are the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted,” Hange replied.</p>
<p>“We’ve struck a deal with King Erwin. Hizurans are unparalleled in the commercial fishing industry. We’ll be bringing boats of the freshest product to Paradis very soon. Hopefully you’ll enjoy our wares.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure I will.” What the fuck was this conversation?</p>
<p>“We have a regular schedule. Every Thursday afternoon, we go to the eastern docks on Paradis and unload. The boats usually remain there for another hour or so after the exchange is done, refueling and such. If you wanted, I’m sure you could stop by and say hello. We might even give you some flounder on the house.”</p>
<p>Every Thursday afternoon. The eastern docks. Hange began to get a clearer picture of what Kiyomi was saying.</p>
<p>“I’d like that. But the fish is really fresh, right? I mean, the boats don’t make any other stops.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no. They leave Hizuru, fish, and then go to Paradis. Sometimes they come straight back to Hizuru, though other times they head for southern Marleyan waters. The swordfish there can’t be beat.”</p>
<p>In other words, there was a way off the island if Hange could manage it. There was a way of getting her to Valle. She nodded. The women understood each other.</p>
<p>Hange wasn’t sure if Willy was part of this or not, but this much was clear: Kiyomi was looking to take Erwin off the board. Permanently.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Willy has to be in on the plan. Right?” Petra turned to Levi, who was frowning deeply as he listened to the story. “He has to want to dethrone Erwin.”</p>
<p>“Or kill him,” Levi said quietly. Did he sound sad because even now he hated the idea of Erwin’s death, or because he wanted to make sure he and only he ended the king’s life? Either way. He looked somber. She took her husband’s hand, and he squeezed.</p>
<p>“That’s partly why I wanted to get here.” Hange jumped in her seat when a baby’s cry sounded through the walls. It was incredibly loud. Oruo was in rare form tonight. “Wha—? Oh, yes! Word trickled down through Erwin’s ranks that you two had a baby.” She beamed, looking properly happy for the first time tonight. “Boy or girl?”</p>
<p>“Boy. Oruo. Here.” Petra got up and went to the bedroom. Oruo was screeching in his bassinet, and only calmed down when she picked him up and bounced him. The baby blubbered as she walked him to the table, shushing him all the way. “You wanna see your Auntie Hange? You wanna see her? Yes you do!”</p>
<p>Oruo grinned at Petra, but when she placed the baby in Hange’s arms his eyes widened with shock, and then fury. He glared at Hange, as if questioning how she dared try to take his mother’s place.</p>
<p>“Levi, he’s just like you!” Hange crowed. “That little scowl. Dressing up like a unicorn.”</p>
<p>“Ha,” Levi grumbled. They gave Hange a minute to coo and smile at Oruo, while the baby looked increasingly irate.</p>
<p>“Maybe I should take him back.” Petra didn’t want Oruo to combust with anger.</p>
<p>“Bet he’s already calling you Shitty Glasses inside his head.” Levi smirked. Hange laughed and waggled her finger in Oruo’s face. Oruo, now happily back in his mother’s arms, deliberately ignored the other woman and went to sleep. Petra rocked him.</p>
<p>“So then you escaped. I mean, clearly,” she said.</p>
<p>“Not right away. If it’d been just me to consider, I would’ve left the second I hit Paradis again. But…Pieck needed treatment.” Hange stared back into her tea. “I knew it was dangerous, that a potential cure would just give Erwin the last drop of power he needed to be unstoppable. But I couldn’t help it. I had to try to save her.” She sighed, looked up. “And then I did.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Okay. Lie still,” Hange whispered. Pieck coughed again, something rattling in the back of her throat as she lay on the table with her sleeve rolled. She’d hardly been able to get out of bed this past week. Their “six month anniversary” hadn’t been all that spectacular. Just sitting in bed, drinking tea, and discussing plasma. Outside, the snow fell heavily. Here in the lab, they had days left. Maybe hours.</p>
<p>“What’s this one got?” Pieck croaked.</p>
<p>“There’s a particular element in Zeke and Historia’s blood that’s not present in any other samples,” Hange said as she filled the syringe. “Hizuru helped me isolate the… Never mind.” She was too nervous to talk science. Hard to imagine. She hadn’t yet given an injection to one of the shifters, and imagined Pieck’s head exploding, or her screaming in pain as her stomach ruptured. But Pieck had insisted on being the test subject.</p>
<p>She had nothing left to lose.</p>
<p>“So you hope it’ll, what? Reverse the damage?”</p>
<p>“On a cellular level, yes. Maybe the DNA that links a royal to the Founder can heal cells in the way that shifters’ bodies heal themselves after injury. I don’t know. It’s all a guess. Ready?” She turned with the needle raised. Pieck looked sleepily up at her. Her undereyes were bruised with lack of sleep. She smiled wanly.</p>
<p>“Ready. Just in case…” She held out her hand. “I love you.”</p>
<p>Hange couldn’t cry now. She took her girlfriend, sorry, <em>wife’s</em> hand and kissed her lips. This could be the last time. She didn’t speak, afraid she’d start bawling.</p>
<p>Hange took a deep breath, and administered the injection.</p>
<p>They waited a full minute. There was no obscene reaction. Pieck lay there, pale and tired. Hange pulled up a chair.</p>
<p>An hour later, neither had moved. Then, Pieck sat up very suddenly.</p>
<p>“Huh.” She and Hange looked at each other. “I’m feeling a little better.”</p>
<p>“It could be a psychological effect. If you believe the medicine heals you, then you can imagine you’re better. But let’s see.”</p>
<p>They waited until the evening, and then Hange took some samples. She studied them, and there was no doubt.</p>
<p>Some of the damage had reversed itself.</p>
<p>She let out a wild scream, pumping her fists in the air and leaping up and down. Pieck laughed, cried, and then they embraced. As Hange held her wife close, she thought that she would have done just about anything for this moment.</p>
<p>She would even give Erwin Smith an unlimited life span.</p>
<p>But she would not be happy about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is excellent news.” Erwin sat upon his throne, where he received all formal meetings. Hange stood before him, Connie and Floch to his left and right. The king was smiling in a non-creepy way for the first time in a long, long time. “And there’ve been no side effects?”</p>
<p>“We want to keep a close eye on her for at least six months,” Hange said. Erwin nodded.</p>
<p>“Of course. I still have plenty of time. Enough for that. And then you’ll administer the serum to me, yes? And my men.” He gestured to the boys. Floch grinned; Connie looked pale.</p>
<p>“If this goes the way I want it to, you’ll need to receive regular injections for the rest of your life. But that can be an indeterminate amount of time.”</p>
<p>Erwin laughed and clapped his hands once. He leaned back in his throne, positively beaming.</p>
<p>“I knew you could do it. I never doubted you,” he said reverently.</p>
<p>“Er, don’t congratulate me just yet. We still have a long way to go at proving long term efficacy. But yes. This is a very positive step forward.” Positive for Erwin. Shit for the rest of the world. “So, we can stop the human trials now. Yes?”</p>
<p>That would be another bright spot.</p>
<p>“Of course. Ah, this is the most wonderful news. It calls for a celebration.” He looked to his shifters. “The three of you, dine with me tonight. And Pieck as well. We’ll toast to long lives.”</p>
<p>“With pleasure, Majesty,” Floch said reverently.</p>
<p>Connie wavered on his feet. Hange saw him struggling against some impulse.</p>
<p>“Connie?” she said.</p>
<p>“Is everything all right?” Erwin asked.</p>
<p>“Um. My…my mom.” He looked at the king with a quiet horror. “You told me if I took the Armor, you’d give my mom the Cart when Pieck’s term was up.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Erwin sighed. He did look sympathetic. “Well, we need an extension on that. At least another six months, and probably at least a year after that. Maybe two. Pieck’s an important test subject now, and besides, it wouldn’t be right to Hange to deprive her of her wife. Not after all she’s done.”</p>
<p>Hange was relieved to hear him say that, but her heart also hurt for Connie. There were tears in the boy’s eyes now.</p>
<p>“But I…I don’t know how many years I have for…” He scowled. “We don’t know the serum’s going to work! I want my mom to come back while I’m still alive!”</p>
<p>“We’ll see what we can do, Connie,” Erwin said. He was kindly but very firm. “Perhaps I can strongarm Willy into giving us Annie Leonhardt’s crystal. Floch has the jaws; perhaps he could crack it and we can feed the Female Titan to your mother.”</p>
<p>“But when?” Connie wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I…I held up my end of the bargain. I did everything you asked. You promised me!”</p>
<p>“This is for more than my sake, Connie, or yours.” Erwin grew a touch icy. “This is for the good of the nation. The good of Eldians. If you took the Armor only to save your mother and not Eldia, then you are a poor excuse for a soldier.” Connie kept his mouth shut, but his face turned red. Floch grinned, relishing this. That fuck. “I will restore your mother. You have my word. But only when we have a titan to spare.”</p>
<p>Connie looked at the floor. Hange watched him tense all over, suppressing the urge to shout. To scream. To threaten.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Good. Then come.” He stood, even clapped Connie on the shoulder. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>Floch proudly paraded out of the throne room at Erwin’s side. Connie trailed listlessly behind them. Hange followed, and discovered Pieck waiting for them outside the door. She took her wife’s hand.</p>
<p>“It went well?” Pieck asked.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Hange watched Connie with some sadness. “For almost everyone.”</p>
<p>And so months passed.</p>
<p>Hange monitored Pieck’s every movement, every up and down. She continued to study the serum formula. She continued to improve it.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Is that what’s in the bag?” Petra stared at the leather satchel, all but bursting to know. She’d always been inquisitive. Maybe a little pushy.</p>
<p>“Petra. Let the woman tell her story,” Levi grumbled.</p>
<p>Oruo awoke, blew a raspberry, and reached for her with a big smile on his face. Then he looked back at Hange and glowered.</p>
<p>“Ah yes. The bag.” Hange patted it. “That’s—”</p>
<p>“Mama? Papa?” Kuchel shuffled into the room, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “Who’s… Aunt Hange!”</p>
<p>“Hey, kiddo!”</p>
<p>Kuchel flung herself into Hange’s arms. The little girl clearly eased some of the sad tension written on Hange’s face. Kuchel was good at that. Oruo growled at his sister, and Petra kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“You, you, didja bring Grandma and Grandpa?” she asked eagerly, bouncing up and down. “An’ Aunt Brigitta and Unca Erwin?”</p>
<p>At Erwin’s name, all the adults tensed up.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Go back to bed. It’s late,” Levi said. The little girl pouted.</p>
<p>“Can I stay up ‘til Oruo goes to sleep? Pleeeease?”</p>
<p>“Hmmph.” Levi narrowed his eyes, but when Kuchel asked like that he could refuse her very little. He patted his knee. His daughter came over and sat. “Remember, be quiet. Aunt Hange’s telling a story,” he said.</p>
<p>“Uh huh.”</p>
<p>“So. The serum?” Petra prompted.</p>
<p>“Yes. Well, here’s the thing about that…”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“How is it going?” Erwin asked. He stood in the laboratory’s doorway, watching Hange pack up her equipment for the day.</p>
<p>“Things are progressing,” she said. She picked up a few books and papers, sliding them into her satchel. “Oh, I’m taking some of the research materials home with me to copy. Do I need to clear that with the royal library?”</p>
<p>“I think it should be all right. Just make sure to have them back by tomorrow.” Erwin was relaxed with her again. It was spring now, and for four months Hange and Pieck had been utterly cooperative. She had discussed progress with him, explained Pieck’s improvements. Erwin had grown more excited with every new stage.</p>
<p>Two months ago, he’d given Hange most of her liberty back. She and Pieck did still have to live in Mitras, but they could have their own place. They could go anywhere within the walls that they wanted, though they needed clearance to go to the ports.</p>
<p>Pieck and Hange had been models of obedience. He was extremely happy.</p>
<p>“I’m taking Pieck for a picnic. Did you know they don’t have picnics in Marley? At least, not for Eldians.” She shouldered the satchel. “That woman’s never sat on the ground and eaten a sandwich before.</p>
<p>“Truly, a horrible turn of events.” Erwin smiled as they walked out together. “Well. Just be sure to—”</p>
<p>“We’ll be back in Mitras by eight o’clock. No worries.” That was the other thing: the curfew. At least it was at eight. Hange lifted her hand in farewell as they reached the front door and Erwin went left. “Kiss Siegfried for me.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>He was so happy, she realized, because he had her friendship back. Her constancy.</p>
<p>Hange went home. Pieck was waiting with the picnic basket.</p>
<p>“This should be delicious.” Hange hugged and kissed her.</p>
<p>“Great way to spend a Thursday afternoon.” Pieck gave that slow, lazy smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They drove their cart out to Wall Rose, all the way out to the heart of the farmland. No cities around here, just little villages with cheery red barns and whitewashed houses. Eventually they found a cozy spot under a tree. They ate, laughed, kissed, and drank a little of some very good wine. Not too much; Hange needed to drive the cart, after all.</p>
<p>“I think this is the moment I’ve liked best,” Pieck said. They were lying on their backs, looking up at the dappled sunlight through the tree branches.</p>
<p>“Out of what?” Hange asked.</p>
<p>“All of them.”</p>
<p>“Really?” She rolled onto her side. “I feel kind of less than adequate in bed if lying under a tree is more exciting.”</p>
<p>Pieck laughed, kissed her, and grew serious. “It’s peaceful. I didn’t know a lot of peace in my life. Until here. You.” Pieck cuddled against Hange. “I got to live a full life. Not many Marleyan Eldians can say the same.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Hange kissed her. “That’s a nice thing to think.”</p>
<p>“Should we go? The sun’s starting to go down.”</p>
<p>“Yes. We can’t be late.”</p>
<p>They packed the basket and rumbled down the hill in the cart, cutting across a couple of fields until they spotted a village up ahead. Or what remained of one, at any rate. The roofs of the houses were all caved in, like bombs had dropped throughout the town. Hange hummed a tune as they drove to the other side of the village, all the way to a barn with an open door. There she stopped the horses, and helped Pieck climb down.</p>
<p>Within the barn, they heard a deep, ragged breathing. Hange usually loved to take a peek at the titan on its back, but today she didn’t feel like it. They walked past the helpless figure of Mrs. Springer. They both sat down a little ways away from the door. For a few minutes, they held hands and gazed ahead at nothing.</p>
<p>“I know this is the only way,” Hange began. She couldn’t go on.</p>
<p>“We don’t have much choice.” Pieck leaned her head on Hange’s shoulder. “My time’s almost up.”</p>
<p>They hadn’t told Erwin that these last three weeks Pieck’s cells had decayed again. Rapidly. That she was hurtling towards death.</p>
<p>Apparently the royal blood only stretched so far. Maybe a pure Reiss could maintain it, but a normal Eldian shifter could not.</p>
<p>“Right.” Hange sniffed. Idiot, she’d said she wouldn’t cry. “And we owe it to Connie.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Pieck said. She held Hange close, and Hange clasped her tight. She tried to believe that if they just didn’t let go, that the whole thing could be avoided. Death, Erwin, everything. Against this, what could life really do? Against love.</p>
<p>Hange had never really believed she’d fall in love. Not like Petra and Levi. It was a snobby opinion, but she’d always thought those above a certain level of intelligence almost couldn’t fall in love. They couldn’t be animal enough for that emotion.</p>
<p>What an idiot she’d been.</p>
<p>“Will you do something for me?” Pieck whispered. “Find my father. Take care of him.”</p>
<p>“I will. I promise.” Hange kissed her wife again and again, fighting those stupid, horrible tears. “You know, if what Eren said is true, there’s some kind of path out there where all the Eldians go when they die. I’ll find you there.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be waiting.” Pieck grinned. There were tears in her eyes, but she slowly blinked them back. “A woman of science believing in an afterlife? Incredible.”</p>
<p>“Well, you have to admit, titans are bizarre from a biological standpoint. Everything in this world is strange.” Hange shrugged. “It makes a believer out of you.” They laughed.</p>
<p>Then it was time.</p>
<p>“Don’t watch,” Pieck whispered.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I could.” Hange swallowed. “But I’ll be here.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I know.”</p>
<p>Another kiss, then two, then several, and then Pieck was walking away, headed for the barn. Before she disappeared Hange felt the urge to get up and tackle her, refuse to let her go. But she would have to let Pieck go sooner or later. Sooner, really. And better they do it this way than force her to be poked and prodded in Erwin’s underground bunker, desperately trying to prolong her life and find a cure.</p>
<p>Hange clasped her knees and stared at the ground. Her ears strained. She couldn’t hear Pieck.</p>
<p>Then she heard a growl, and the hard snap of titan jaws closing.</p>
<p>It was over. And because it was now over, Hange had so many things she wanted to say, things she couldn’t any longer. With no one to see her, Hange cried as she heard the sound of hissing steam coming from the barn. After a few minutes, she got herself under control.</p>
<p>A middle aged woman came tottering out of the barn. She wore only a shift, and looked around in a dazed manner.</p>
<p>“Wh-where…? Sonny? Martin?” she called. Fuck. Her children.</p>
<p>Her dead children.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Springer?” Hange approached and held the woman’s shoulders to support her. She looked entirely confused. There were shifter lines running down her cheeks. “I’m Connie’s…friend. Hange.”</p>
<p>“Connie.” Her face cleared a bit. “Where is he?”</p>
<p>“I’ll take you to him right now. I’ll explain everything on the way.”</p>
<p>Hange helped the woman into the cart, climbed into the driver’s seat, and looked at the empty barn. There were the last few traces of titan disintegration.</p>
<p>Titans were amazing creatures.</p>
<p>She looked at Mrs. Springer. The woman looked back.</p>
<p>Hange swore she could see Pieck somewhere in those eyes.</p>
<p>“Okay.” She sniffed and cracked the reins. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>She had to move fast. She had a boat to catch.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I dropped her at the nearest farm with written instructions,” Hange said. Her voice was thick with tears. She struggled to keep from sobbing. “I’d had papers doctored that gave me permission to access the eastern port. I got on the fishing boat, and it took me to Valle. I’ve spent most of the day trying to find you guys. And that’s it.” Hange looked at them with wet eyes. “That’s the story.”</p>
<p>Petra was crying. She got up, and handed Oruo to Levi. The baby grumped to be handed off. Then Petra hugged Hange tight, and let the woman cry against her. Kuchel whimpered; she hated to see people upset, even if she didn’t understand the reason why.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Hange.” Levi’s voice was flat, but Petra could see the dim sorrow in his eyes. It said everything. “I’m so…”</p>
<p>Petra knelt beside the chair. Hange wiped her face with the back of her hand. Levi, pained, slid her a handkerchief.</p>
<p>“So that’s what’s in the bag?” Petra sniffed. “The serum notes, and the research papers?”</p>
<p>“Yes. But there’s one more thing. The one Erwin will kill me for.”</p>
<p>The others weren’t enough? Puzzled, Petra got back in her seat as Hange opened the satchel.</p>
<p>“Wherever Eren is, he’s not with Erwin. Which means Erwin lacks the power of the Rumbling, and anything else he might want to try with the Founder. So Erwin’s chief deterrent against Marleyan aggression is the hyperfusion bomb.”</p>
<p>“Right. Hizuru and Paradis have it, but have refused to share with Marley.” Marley had a much larger military than the others did, even combined. Marley had a greater population. The bomb in Erwin’s hands was what kept them from getting too cocky.</p>
<p>“Well. Willy Tybur’s in luck.” Hange took out a sheaf of papers and slid them over to Petra. She looked at them, but it was all calculations. Might as well be a foreign language. “That’s the schematics for a hyperfusion bomb.”</p>
<p>“Wait.” Petra and Levi looked at each other. “That means…”</p>
<p>“Erwin Smith just lost a lot of sway in the Triple Alliance. And that’s going to shift the balance of power. A lot.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Chapter 42</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi stood behind Hange’s chair, watching Willy closely as he leafed through the papers. The king’s face slackened with every new revelation on the pages. Finally, he pushed a button on his desk. The door opened, and his aide came through.</p>
<p>“Contact the joint chiefs of staff and Dr. Carr. Have them come see me at once.”</p>
<p>“Even the ones in Liberio, Majesty?”</p>
<p>“Tell them it’s a Rose Falcon,” Willy said. The aide lifted one brow.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” She left. Levi frowned.</p>
<p>“A what now?”</p>
<p>“There are certain code words I’ve developed with top Marleyan brass over the years,” Willy said, shuffling the papers. “Rose Falcon is a scenario in which we can topple Erwin Smith.”</p>
<p>“And. Er. What about Paradis?” Hange sounded jumpy. Even after having bathed (thank god) she still looked scroungy from the weight loss and the months of stress.</p>
<p>“The island won’t fall.” Willy looked secure. Levi itched to ask how the king could guarantee that, but he kept silent. He wasn’t much of an intuitive guy, but he had gut feelings about people. Over time, Willy had proven himself the type to keep his word, even if he was a little slick while he went about it. “There may be a way to beat Erwin without killing him.”</p>
<p>Levi’s heart thudded hard. He couldn’t understand his own feelings. Was he furious, afraid his chance to end the king would vanish? Or was he glad, because he always would want to keep Erwin alive? Erwin Smith could fuck his wife, kidnap his kids, and even then a part of Levi would always want to go to him.</p>
<p>So fucked up.</p>
<p>“Dr. Zoe?” Willy smiled, stood, and extended his hand. “Welcome to Marley. I can’t tell you the great service you’ve done humanity.”</p>
<p>“Er. Thanks.” She shook nervously. “It’s not really doctor. I don’t have a degree or anything. But if you’re looking to prove your gratitude—”</p>
<p>“Fast tracked citizenship to avoid extradition? Of course. In fact, I want you on Carr’s team as they develop the hyperfusion bomb. It would be good to have the weapon’s inventor on board.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Hange sounded uneasy. “I’m starting to wish I hadn’t invented it, though. No; I really wish I hadn’t.”</p>
<p>“I have no intention of ever using them,” Willy said.</p>
<p>“<em>He</em> told me that once,” she grumbled. Erwin.</p>
<p>“If all three members of the Alliance have hyperfusion power, and if Erwin Smith lacks the Founding Titan, then our powers are equal and can do equal damage. Erwin will have to fall in line with Kiyomi and me. We can get him under control.”</p>
<p>“You’d be the first,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“I intend to be.”</p>
<p>“But what if Erwin <em>does</em> nab the Founder? What then?” Hange looked concerned.</p>
<p>Levi shrugged at Willy. <em>Up to you,</em> he basically said.</p>
<p>“You’ve more than earned our trust, Ms. Zoe.” Willy sat back down. “As a result, I’m going to give you top secret information of the most critical kind.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I don’t know why you have to follow me everywhere,” Giulia grumbled. They sat on a park bench while Kuchel played on the swings. Petra rolled Oruo’s carriage back and forth while the baby fussed.</p>
<p>“This is hardly everywhere,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“You keep showing up to dinners Willy doesn’t even know about.” Giulia glowered.</p>
<p>“Willy <em>does</em> know about them. Whoever your latest fling is, he doesn’t care. Just so long as there isn’t anything more going on.”</p>
<p>“It’s easy for you to judge me, isn’t it?” Giulia slid her sunglasses back on. Her gardenia perfume was eye-wateringly strong today. “You don’t have a damn clue what it’s like.”</p>
<p>“I guess not.” Petra smiled in at Oruo. The baby blew a spit bubble at her. Petra laughed, charmed as ever by any little thing the child did.</p>
<p>“I was supposed to marry someone else,” Giulia blurted out.</p>
<p>Petra stopped rolling the carriage and looked at the other woman.</p>
<p>“What? Who?”</p>
<p>“Michel. Just a boy. Only a simple boy.” For the first time ever, Petra saw Giulia give a warm, real smile that wasn’t directed at her children. “My family was Marleyan high society. We all despise Eldians, of course, but it’s the dream to marry into the Tybur family. Wealth and power beyond measure. Meanwhile, the Tyburs were always looking to expand into new, lucrative businesses to grow the base of their wealth, and it just so happened my father owned oil wells out in the midlands. Willy’s father wanted to corner that particular market, and so they agreed that his son and heir would marry my father’s eldest daughter. Well.” She shrugged. “It made sense at the time.”</p>
<p>Petra waited. She was patient.</p>
<p>“My older sister Serena was supposed to marry Willy, and that meant I could do what I wanted. I had my choice of society men, of course, but that’s not who I fell in love with. Michel was so…” Her lips trembled. Petra knew that twitch, when you were struggling not to cry. However many years on, this story still hurt. “You know, maybe one thing I hate about you and Levi being so disgustingly happy together is that it reminds me of what I used to have.” Giulia looked away sharply to get herself under control. “But self pity’s never attractive.”</p>
<p>“Giulia…” Petra tried to imagine loving Levi the way she did and then being forced to marry someone else, like Erwin. She could never have done it. She’d have escaped, or died. “So. What happened?”</p>
<p>“Michel asked me to marry him. I said yes. We announced to our families, picked out a date. I remember waking up every morning feeling like everything was perfectly all right. I was always happy. I thought I always would be.”</p>
<p>“Did Serena die?” Petra asked, puzzled.</p>
<p>“Oh, no. That would at least be an interesting story.” Giulia smirked. “No, we had a party to celebrate my engagement to Michel. Serena came with her own intended, Willy. They were chaperoned, of course. They’d met maybe three times. And it was pretty clear there was nothing “there” between them. Serena…she was never exactly pretty. Or clever. Or funny. Or anything except nice and quiet and dutiful. Which, ironically, would’ve suited him perfectly.”</p>
<p>“I think I see where this is going.” Petra winced.</p>
<p>“Yes. I got to talking with Willy. I was so happy that night. I loved everyone I met, even the Eldian. I hate to be vain, but even I acknowledge I was enchanting. Willy found out I was Serena’s sister, and the next day…” Her gloved fist tightened. “The Tyburs called my father. Willy wanted me, not Serena. He wanted the one that was pretty and vivacious. As far as he saw it, this was all a business transaction. He wanted a different model.” She shrugged.</p>
<p>“But you were engaged,” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>“Like that stopped them. My father did try to talk him out of it for that reason, but the Tyburs made their position plain: it was me, or there would be no wedding. No business. No deal. And my family were new money; they desperately needed the social boost, snobs that they were.”</p>
<p>“Holy shit.” Petra’s head spun. How could anyone…? How <em>could</em> they?</p>
<p>“I tried everything. I sobbed. I pleaded. I threatened to run away or kill myself, or both. They wouldn’t let me talk to Willy, but they let me send him a letter begging for him not to do this. I begged. I <em>pleaded</em> with that devil.” Giulia’s face twisted in bitterness and fury. “And he wrote back and politely said that he would make me happy. Happier than I could dream of being.”</p>
<p>“What? How?” Petra’s mouth fell open. Willy had been good to her family, but this was…unforgivable.</p>
<p>“Michel was middle class. He owned a shoe shop. His ‘low birth’ embarrassed my parents, but I loved him. I did love him. I…” She turned her face away again. Got under control. “I didn’t care. But Willy saw it the way everyone else did: I could marry an ordinary man with ordinary looks, or I could marry the handsome, brilliant, powerful and wealthy man who was at the pinnacle of high society.” She chuckled. “Every woman’s fantasy. That’s what women really want in a man, after all: status. They told me that. Even when they locked me in my room and wouldn’t let me out to see Michel, they kept fucking telling me that!” she barked.</p>
<p>Oruo began to sob. Giulia cursed and wiped her eyes. Petra shushed the baby, picked him up and bounced him.</p>
<p>“The last I saw of Michel, he was being pushed out the door of my father’s house. He promised he wouldn’t give up on me.” Giulia sat back, that icy chill descending upon her again. “Two years after I was married, we were finally back in town. I can tell you, I couldn’t rush out the door fast enough. I ran down to the shoe store, ready to find Michel. Ready for us to run away. And when I walked in, I saw him with his pregnant wife.” Giulia tilted her head back and shrugged. Her voice grew dull and tired. “There I’d been, plotting my escape for two years, yearning to see him again, and he was over me in months.”</p>
<p>“He must have known it was hopeless,” Petra said gently. She didn’t want to defend Michel as much as she wanted Giulia to feel less raw. “He knew you could never be together. Willy would always find you. It doesn’t mean he didn't still love you.”</p>
<p>“I just don’t understand why some people’s lives go so right and others so wrong.” Giulia sounded hollow now. Tired. “Ah well. That’s why we invented alcohol and casual sex.”</p>
<p>She sounded forcibly bright again.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” Petra tried to take her hand, but Giulia pulled away.</p>
<p>“I don’t want your pity. I just want you to understand why I gave the information to Hybernia. Why I was willing to sink hundreds of people, even your husband, for the sake of getting rid of that one bastard.”</p>
<p>Petra didn’t even grow angry at Giulia’s reminder that she’d almost gotten Levi killed. Instead, she just sat there. She could barely think of Willy the same way now. The man could be charitable, wise, good natured and kind…and he’d also done <em>that</em> to someone.</p>
<p>“What you did will never be right,” Petra said briskly. “You killed innocent people. Nothing excuses that.” She watched as Kuchel came running over to them, skipping gleefully. Petra laid Oruo back in his carriage. “But I <em>am</em> very sorry, for whatever it’s worth. I understand why you have all those…er, male friends. You deserve to find something that makes you feel good.”</p>
<p>Giulia <em>hmmph</em>ed. “It is what it is, I suppose.”</p>
<p>And that was the last she said on the subject. Petra just sat there, watching Giulia from the corner of her eye. If that had been her, what would she have done? She could never have given that man four children. She could never have kept from running away. She could never have played a smiling society wife to perfection, the mask only slipping on rare occasions.</p>
<p>Giulia was much stronger than she’d known. In a way, Giulia was much stronger than Petra could ever be.</p>
<p>“Well, aren’t they darling together?” Giulia smiled a bit as Kuchel waved at Oruo in his carriage.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Your little boy truly is <em>original</em>, isn’t he?”</p>
<p>Today Kuchel had insisted they dress Oruo in a frilly pink dress with strawberries on the front. They’d also tied a giant bow around his head. Oruo snarled as Kuchel tried tapping his little nose.</p>
<p>“Yes. Well, he’s too young to know what he’s wearing, and it makes Kuchel so happy.” Petra beamed.</p>
<p>“Strawberry princess. Straaaawberry princeeeeeess,” Kuchel sang.</p>
<p>Oruo started rocking back and forth, howling and spluttering with rage. The noises grew downright bestial.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I’ve ever heard a baby…<em>hiss</em> before,” Giulia said, a hand pressed over her heart.</p>
<p>“On second thought, maybe I should rein this in a little,” Petra muttered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She tried to keep quiet, but it was so difficult. Petra arched her back as the sensation pulsed through her skin. She gasped softly, bit her lip to keep from moaning. Afternoon sunlight slanted through the bedroom windows. She looked down her naked body to where Levi’s dark head was stationed between her legs. He gripped her thighs as he kissed her clit and stroked it again and again with his tongue.</p>
<p>“Hmm.” She squeezed her eyes shut as the orgasm drew nearer.</p>
<p>“Like that?” he breathed. He looked at her with lust shimmering in his eyes, a wicked smile on his lips. He kissed her soft inner thigh, then returned to flicking his tongue across her swollen bud as she watched. The sight was so erotic she had to stare at the ceiling as the waves of pleasure began to build.</p>
<p>“I like it. Oh god. I like it so much,” she whispered. She twitched as his tongue thrust deep inside of her. “Oh. Oh.”</p>
<p>“I want you to come for me,” he whispered. He kissed her opening, sucked her clit into his mouth.</p>
<p>“Aahhhh.”</p>
<p>Her body convulsed as the orgasm detonated inside of her. She rode it out with his tongue thrusting within her, until finally she lay spent and flushed, naked against the sheets. Levi knelt above her, looking smugly pleased as he wiped his lips. His cock was hard and more than ready for her. Petra sighed, and looked up at him with half-lidded eyes.</p>
<p>“Was that good?” He stroked himself a couple of times as he looked at her supine figure.</p>
<p>“Amazing,” she breathed.</p>
<p>They had trained for an hour in the homemade gym upstairs. Afterwards, they’d rinsed off in the shower, and even though the kids and Hange were home, Petra had found she was far too horny to do anything other than fuck him. He’d been more than happy to help with that.</p>
<p>Levi laid down on top of her, kissing her deeply. She tasted herself on his lips, shivering as his tongue stroked hers. He was such an expert with that tongue. Once she’d proven to him that she took very good care of herself—cleaned herself thoroughly—he’d come to love going down on her. He seemed to love the control it gave him, how expertly he could make her come, or not come. He loved to listen to her muffled cries, her heated gasps.</p>
<p>“You’ve been a good girl today,” he muttered. His teeth grazed her lower lip. “You did so well in training.”</p>
<p>“Do I get a reward?” She brushed her nose against his.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he hissed, and sank deep inside of her. Petra sighed as she wrapped her legs around him and felt him thrust, his every movement effortless. She grinned as she heard the wet, almost obscene sounds of their bodies merging. She thrust her hips back against his. They moved in perfect union. “Good. So good. You fuck so perfect,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m so proud of you. Such a good girl.”</p>
<p>“Fuck me, sir. Fuck me,” she pleaded. Petra ran her fingers through his hair, down his muscled back, all the way to the dimples above his ass. He growled as she squeezed him, animal-like. Levi was already picking up the pace, his cock getting so hard inside of her, ready to burst with—</p>
<p>“Hey, Levi!”</p>
<p>Hange banged on the door. He froze on top of Petra, the both of them staring into each other’s eyes with looks of horror and fury.</p>
<p>“What?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“You mentioned that leaky faucet in the guest bathroom? Well, I think I got it fixed!”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Hange,” Petra groaned. Levi stayed on top of and inside her, looking more murderous with every passing second.</p>
<p>“No problem! But you know, we could talk about getting in a new sink. I don’t think this one fits into the—”</p>
<p>“<em>I’m in the middle of something, Four Eyes!</em>” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“Oh. <em>Oh.</em> Shit, sorry! Sorry…” They heard Hange pad away, heard her speaking in a sing song voice. “See, Oruo? We’re not gonna go in <em>there</em> right now.” Then they heard the baby’s guttural growl. The Ackermans looked at each other.</p>
<p>“This is why we should only have sex in the middle of the night, with the lights off, as fast as possible,” Petra said in her most deadpan manner.</p>
<p>“Shut up, Petra.”</p>
<p>She smiled as he got back into the rhythm. It didn’t take long until they were both damp, and breathing hard, and happy.</p>
<p>When he was finished, Levi rolled off of her. Petra cuddled against him, pressed her cheek to his chest as he smoothed her hair.</p>
<p>“I don’t want this to change,” she murmured.</p>
<p>“How can it? Unless you think I’m gonna stop loving you,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “Which’d make you a fucking idiot.”</p>
<p>She playfully smacked him. “Erwin has to come for Hange at some point.”</p>
<p>It had been almost two weeks. Willy had heard nothing from Erwin. He thought that the silence was a little too complete.</p>
<p>“Willy has a plan.” Levi sounded determined to believe in it.</p>
<p>“If you think you can trust him that much.” She sighed deeply.</p>
<p>“This about Giulia?” Levi hugged her. “That was a shit move on his part.” He’d been mildly horrified when Petra told him what Giulia had admitted. “They’re both paying the price for it now. I’ve never seen two people hate each other more.”</p>
<p>“I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if they’d forced me to marry Oruo and leave you behind in the barracks.” She huffed. “What my life would have been.”</p>
<p>“But it never would’ve happened. Unlike Giulia, you’d climb out a window and hitchhike back to me. And unlike Michel, I’d never leave. I’d break in and steal you if I had to.” He kissed her forehead. “It’s like Erwin said once.” He sounded bitter, but sincere. “When you let other people start to make your choices for you, then you’re already dead. You’re just waiting to die.”</p>
<p>“I guess we’re both stubborn characters,” she said.</p>
<p>“Fucking right we are. One of the things I love about you.”</p>
<p>“And that I love about you.” She kissed his nose. They lay there, relaxing in each other’s arms. She stared into the depths of those cold eyes, and saw the smallest flicker of light. Only a few in this world could bring out that warmth in him. “Even if it may have ended up destroying the world,” she said, laughing a little, “thank you for choosing me after the midwinter ball that night.”</p>
<p>“Impossible not to.” He nibbled along her jaw. Petra’s toes curled in pleasure as he kissed down her neck. “I can’t imagine a world where you actually died in that stupid titan forest.”</p>
<p>No. She couldn’t either. But if Eren were to be believed, it had happened in the ‘right’ timeline.</p>
<p>The world might end because Petra had survived.</p>
<p>She still didn’t know how to feel about that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But, but I wanna put it on him!” Kuchel pouted, holding up a peppermint striped doll’s dress. “He’s still little enough!”</p>
<p>“Sweetheart, I don’t think Oruo likes dressing up like that,” Petra said gently. The Ackermans and Hange were seated around the breakfast table. Petra sat with Oruo on her knee, the baby dressed in a blue and white striped onesie. He looked much happier, and also glared murderously at Kuchel when she showed him the candy cane dress.</p>
<p>“But he’s my dolly!”</p>
<p>“No. He’s a baby. Everyone’s allowed to do whatever they want with their own body,” Petra said gently. Oruo blew a ferocious raspberry. Honestly, sometimes she really felt like he understood everything.</p>
<p>“I mean, the kid’s still too little to know,” Levi said, sipping tea. Petra made a face at him. Levi loved both his children, but Kuchel had him wrapped around her finger.</p>
<p>“If he wants to wear dresses, he can. But he’ll let us know if that’s what he wants. Okay, honey?”</p>
<p>“O-kay.” Kuchel sulked as Petra gave her a kiss. She sat down and immediately brightened as she ate her waffles. Petra noticed that the baby reached out for his sister.</p>
<p><em>It’s almost like he wants to strangle her. Ha!</em> Petra tried to smile. <em>Ha.</em></p>
<p>“How’s work going, Hange?” Petra asked, passing the syrup. Hange smiled brightly. It was good to see the life back in her eyes. These past couple weeks, they’d done what they could to help her overcome her grief and her trauma. Petra had heard the woman’s muffled crying coming from the guest area upstairs, and would go up to sit with her. Hange would apologize, try to quiet down, but Petra didn’t mind just sitting and talking a while. One night she awoke to find the bed beside her empty. She’d discovered Levi and Hange at the kitchen table, drinking tea in silence. Levi wasn’t much of a hugger or talker, but he was there when you needed him. The most reliable man.</p>
<p>Work had also helped the woman. Hange had been put in charge of an elite team of scientists, tasked with replicating the hyperfusion bomb as quickly as possible. A couple nights she hadn’t even come home, remaining locked in the lab.</p>
<p>“It’s great. I think we’re close!” Hange took a bite of waffle, then sipped her coffee. She, like Petra, had come to prefer coffee to tea. Levi acted betrayed whenever he saw them with a coffee press. “The biggest issue will be manufacturing enough to be a good deterrent for Paradis. We’re at a disadvantage there.”</p>
<p>True. Erwin was sitting on the world’s supply of the Titania crystal. He had the greatest source of energy of all the Triple Alliance. Marley had a good stockpile of the crystal, but nowhere near as good as Hizuru. Before Willy reached out to Kiyomi for more supplies, he wanted to deal with Erwin. He had to do this carefully.</p>
<p>“If we have enough bombs to wipe Paradis off the map,” Levi said darkly, “we should be fine.”</p>
<p>The adults were silent. Kuchel, who understood none of this, tried offering a piece of waffle to Oruo. He turned his face away from her.</p>
<p>“It won’t come to that,” Petra said. She hugged Oruo, who gurgled. “Erwin may be crazy, but he’s still a smart man. He won’t push for war.”</p>
<p>“I hope not.” Hange tried to smile and failed. “You didn’t see him on Paradis these past months. He’s just…gone.” She took up her cup, but didn’t drink. “I’m honestly afraid what he’s done now that I’m gone.”</p>
<p>“At least you took the research with you,” Levi said. Hange shrugged.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t take all the ancient texts. He still has all the crystal. He could still do damage.”</p>
<p>Silence descended on them again. When the phone rang, Petra jolted. Oruo screeched, annoyed at being jostled.</p>
<p>“I’ll get it!” Kuchel raced out of her seat. They heard her pick up the phone in the hall. “H’lo? Uh, Ackerman residence,” she said, just as Petra had taught her. Petra smiled. Good girl. “Uh huh. Okay!” Kuchel came racing back in. “Papa, Misser Tybur’s on the phooone.” She plopped back into her seat and started singing a song about baby mice to Oruo, who took a swipe at her. Kuchel giggled; Oruo growled.</p>
<p>Levi went to take the call. Petra lifted up her baby and looked him right in his soft, grumpy face. Immediately, he beamed. She rubbed noses with him, and he kicked his little legs. He was just like his Papa. Her adorable little bundle of rage.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Willy.” Levi hung up and returned. He stood in the kitchen doorway and stared at the table. His face looked tight.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“Erwin’s coming to Valle. Tomorrow. He wants a meeting.” He looked at Hange. “With you present.”</p>
<p>The brunette took a deep, shuddering breath.</p>
<p>“Needless to say, I’ll be there,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Petra touched Hange’s hand.</p>
<p>“I’m coming, too.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” Levi said. He frowned. “I don’t want that bastard getting near you.”</p>
<p>“Papa, bad word.” Kuchel waggled her finger.</p>
<p>“I like to face my problems.” Petra frowned. “I can get Mrs. Bonetti from downstairs to watch the kids for a couple hours.”</p>
<p>Levi nodded. He didn’t try to argue. He knew that when she had her mind made up, there was little point.</p>
<p>“Then we’ll all stand together.” He sat back down. “Against him.”</p>
<p>No one had much of an appetite anymore.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I can’t remember the last time I felt this sick,” Hange muttered. She and Levi were standing next to the water fountain, watching Willy and Petra as they chatted near the king’s office door. “I don’t think it was even this bad the first time I went outside the walls.”</p>
<p>“He can’t get to us.” Levi just kept his eyes on Petra. Erwin would never touch her. Not while Levi lived.</p>
<p>“I hope he let Connie’s mother stay alive,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“My guess is he needs Connie’s support, and since the kid had nothing to do with your plan Erwin’ll just take the loss.” Hopefully.</p>
<p>The phone rang on the assistant’s desk. She picked it up, then said to Willy, “He’s here.”</p>
<p>Levi’s heart never picked up pace when he was in battle, or killing thugs. But now he heard his heartbeat in his ears. Once again, there was that itch to kill Erwin. Right next to the longing to see him.</p>
<p>
  <em>You chose your family over him.</em>
</p>
<p>But could you ever really let go of something like that? Someone who had been your world for a while? Fuck, you had to try.</p>
<p>Everyone assembled in Willy’s office. The king sat behind his desk, while Hange and the Ackermans took seats flanking the Tybur king. They all watched the door. They heard muffled voices. The door opened.</p>
<p>Levi held his breath.</p>
<p>Erwin entered. He was starting to look even more distinguished as he grayed, while Levi just looked like a sour, aging woman. He ignored that.</p>
<p>“Well, Hange,” Erwin said. His voice could have chilled water.</p>
<p>“Well, Erwin.” She frowned. Petra laid one hand on Hange’s arm for comfort.</p>
<p>“Sit down, Erwin.” Willy steepled his fingers as Erwin took the seat before the desk, and looked at them all one by one. He wore a cream linen suit, exquisitely tailored. He looked like any rich Marleyan gentleman out for a stroll. Erwin locked eyes with Levi for a moment. The world seemed to haze around them.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. I expect you to follow me.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi bared his teeth. Erwin smirked.</p>
<p>“This will be a brief, frank conversation,” Erwin said to Willy. “Give me Hange Zoe. Return the information she took with her when she absconded from Paradis. Destroy any copies of that information you might have made. Do this, and I won’t take any action against Marley.”</p>
<p>Willy reclined in his chair. “Remind me. What information did Hange steal?”</p>
<p>Erwin narrowed his eyes. “The formula for a rejuvenation serum,” he said slowly. “Along with ancient texts instrumental to titan science.”</p>
<p>Levi clenched his fist in triumph. Erwin didn’t know about the bomb yet.</p>
<p>“Ah yes. They’ve both been most helpful.” Willy smiled as Erwin struggled with his temper. “You look a bit flushed. Care for some ice water? The day is scorching.”</p>
<p>“I’m simply uncertain why a bodyguard and a housewife need to be present at this important meeting,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>Petra looked like she was ready to throw hands. Levi caught her arm. They didn’t want Erwin knowing she was a spy on Willy’s payroll, anyway.</p>
<p>“Just couldn’t wait to see your fucking face,” Levi replied.</p>
<p>“These three are some of my closest confidantes,” Willy answered. They all watched Erwin almost give in to his fury. Once, he’d stood with the three of them against Willy. Now, it was reversed. “They’ve become my friends.”</p>
<p>He enjoyed needling the other king. The White King.</p>
<p>“You should know that their friendship is exceedingly fair-weather.”</p>
<p>“The bar for our friendship is pretty low,” Petra said. “You just can’t be a monster.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yes. You can say that <em>very</em> smugly, can’t you?” Erwin’s rage was starting to bubble over, though he kept himself under control. “Better a monster than a whining mediocrity.”</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up,” Levi growled. Willy held up a hand, and everyone fell silent.</p>
<p>“This is between us, Willy.” Erwin leaned forward. “You and Kiyomi have played me for a fool for far too long.”</p>
<p>“Is that so?” Willy gave away nothing.</p>
<p>“Kiyomi helped the Ackermans escape. You gave them protection. You do the same to a woman who blithely betrays her king. There’s no honor in these people. Thieves. Whores. Traitors. Every one of them.”</p>
<p>Levi had never wanted to punch anyone as bad as he did now. But he stayed sleek and silent. He was a good dog; he waited for his master’s signal.</p>
<p>“These people came to me in fear for their lives, Erwin. You even kidnapped Mrs. Ackerman and were ready to force her into a bigamous marriage. She had to abandon her beloved son in order to keep not only her family safe, but the world as well. She knew you would burn and pillage until you found him.” Willy looked seriously angry now, though he was quiet. “And Hange has given me a written testament saying that she was forced to perform experiments that amount to crimes against humanity. All because you want to extend your life span—when you agreed years ago that you would not seek an extension.”</p>
<p>“It’s difficult to believe you’re a father,” Erwin replied. “There is nothing human in you, Willy. Your veins are ice.”</p>
<p>“Better cold and humane than someone with a beating heart who transforms innocent victims into monsters with no agency,” Willy said softly.</p>
<p>“Most are not innocent.”</p>
<p>“Most.”</p>
<p>“Enough!” Erwin barked. He seemed poised and ready to spring up and attack them. Petra gripped Levi’s wrist. He held her.</p>
<p>“You turned Nile into a titan,” Petra murmured. All eyes turned to her. She was shaking with rage. “He saved my family, and you did the worst thing you could possibly do.”</p>
<p>“Yes. He sacrificed himself for you, Petra. Let that sit on your conscience.”</p>
<p>“You weak, evil fuck,” Levi growled, getting to his feet. And Erwin’s eyes sparked, because he’d gotten the reaction he wanted. The excuse he needed to make this physical. He could always transform if he wanted, take out the building and city block if he felt ‘threatened.’</p>
<p>“Sit, Levi.” Willy frowned. Levi wavered, but sat. He knew it was right, but hated it.</p>
<p>“My terms,” Erwin said to Willy, “are that Hange Zoe and her information be returned to me, all copies of said information destroyed, and in return I will not carry out an immediate assault on—”</p>
<p>“No,” Willy said simply. Erwin paused; in all the years Levi had known him, the man had never been thrown off during a strategy.</p>
<p>“No?” Erwin chuckled, bemused. “Why should you be so bold with me? You’ve plenty of armed forces, but Marley can’t withstand a single one of my—”</p>
<p>“Hyperfusion bombs? Funny you mention that.” Willy opened a drawer and tossed a schematic and some photographs onto the desktop. “Here. Have a peek.”</p>
<p>Erwin took the papers up, looking bewildered. As he looked—as he saw that they were the schematics for a hyperfusion bomb, and photographs of Marleyan physicists assembling one—the color leached from his face. He actually slumped.</p>
<p>Levi knew, in that moment, that Erwin had been hit in a place and way he’d never been hit before. When the king looked at Hange, his eyes were those of a lost child. A brother betrayed by his own blood.</p>
<p>“You…” He shook his head. The photos spilled from his hands; Erwin didn’t pick them up. “Taking the formula and the ancient texts was betraying me, Hange. This?” He brandished the schematics. “This is betraying your country.”</p>
<p>Hange didn’t flinch, but Levi saw her hand shaking in Petra’s.</p>
<p>“I believe the Triple Alliance should share everything equally.” Willy stood and leaned on the desk. In that moment, he seemed to grow, and Erwin Smith to shrink.</p>
<p>Levi had never imagined the day would come when Erwin looked undone. It was like watching a parent die in front of your eyes. He almost wanted to scream with horror.</p>
<p>“Now, King Erwin. Here are <em>my</em> terms.” Willy sneered. “My scientists have recreated the hyperfusion bomb, and are already stockpiling enough to blow Paradis off the world’s map with the press of a button. I have the formula for the serum that could promise an expanded lifetime; I have the ancient texts. I also know that you, Erwin Smith, do not possess the Founding Titan.” His voice became harsher. “I know and have documented evidence of the atrocities you have committed on Paradis, and I know that Levi Ackerman is the true king of Paradis and all Eldia.” Willy leaned a little bit forward. “What do you have to counter this? We’ve reached a mutual deterrent as regards the bomb, and you cannot access the Rumbling. The most you have are more shifters, and I’m afraid that, as you’ve said before, the time of the shifters’ supremacy is done.” Willy’s face was suffused with joy; Levi realized he’d wanted to get back at Erwin for years, to make a fool of the man the way he, Willy, had once been made to look foolish. “My population is five times yours, and in addition you’ve lost both Ackermans. You are alone. Aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Erwin looked as if he’d turned into a statue. He sat there, staring at Willy. Past Willy. Looking into the world of strategy, and finding nothing. Nothing to save himself.</p>
<p>Levi knew enough about chess to know that they called this move checkmate.</p>
<p>“Now given our spotted history, I might be right in attempting to stage a coup and remove you from the throne.” Willy sat back down. “But I acknowledge that you are a powerful leader, and a fixture for most of your people. The new world order is still young. Therefore, I’ll remain silent if you agree to my terms.” Willy counted them off on his fingers. “One: you agree that, for the remaining seven or so years of your life, you remain on Paradis Island and do not come to Marley, Hizuru, or the outside world unless you have express invitation from Kiyomi or myself; two: you stop playing games with my subjects, especially Levi and Petra Ackerman and their family. In addition, you allow the Ackermans to come to Paradis unmolested when they choose, and allow their friends and family safe passage to meet them if they so desire.”</p>
<p>“Does this include my son?” Erwin finally had a spark of life again. “Because that is out of the question.”</p>
<p>“You’d risk open war for him?”</p>
<p>“I’d risk the world.”</p>
<p>That deadly seriousness spooked the rest of them a bit. Levi could feel it in the air.</p>
<p>“Then I’ll make an addendum when I get to condition three: you stop looking for a way to expand your life. Live out your seven years in peace, appoint a successor, and then give up your titan. In return, when your death comes, you send the son you fathered with Petra Ackerman to live with his mother and half siblings in Marley.”</p>
<p>Erwin trembled one minute, as if taking an arrow to the chest.</p>
<p>Petra gave a stifled cry; tears sprang into her eyes at once. She was practically buzzing. Levi held her close. The idea of Armin coming to live with them in no way stung him now. The kid deserved better than his father.</p>
<p>“Do these things,” Willy said, “and I will remain silent forever about your loss of the Founder, your crimes, and the truth of Levi’s identity. Refuse, and prepare not only for war, but the utter annihilation of your character, and the rise of the man many will hail as the true king.”</p>
<p>Levi flinched. Fuck, he did not want that. But if it would save Petra and the kids and Hange, he’d do it.</p>
<p>Erwin mulled it over a minute.</p>
<p>“I have an amendment,” he said.</p>
<p>“You’re in no position to dictate terms.”</p>
<p>“I have a few personal tidbits I could share with the press on you, Willy.” He gave a sour smile. “Courtesy of your lovely wife.”</p>
<p>Petra cursed. “When the hell—”</p>
<p>“Last year. She’s determined to see you in ruins, Willy. But I also know that the information you have about me can also do a great amount of damage. Therefore, I’ll keep my silence on certain intimate matters if you make one change to the terms.”</p>
<p>Willy paled. He said nothing.</p>
<p>“Until my passing, Petra will not have any contact with our son.”</p>
<p>Petra got to her feet. She looked murderous.</p>
<p>“No!” she barked.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Willy gestured for her to sit. When she did, Levi held her close.</p>
<p>“Hang on,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“In return, she may come to Paradis whenever she likes. Or,” Erwin said, “the alternative is that the Ackermans are forbidden from coming to Paradis for the remainder of my life, save one occasion. At some time in the future, before my death, they will come to the palace and Petra will meet our son. One meeting before I’m gone.”</p>
<p>Petra made a noise like a wounded animal. Levi held her, glared at Erwin. But Willy didn’t fight it. He seemed to have intuited whatever Giulia might have told Erwin. Shit.</p>
<p>“Those are your choices. Which would you prefer?” He spoke to Levi then. Levi wanted to rip the bastard’s face apart…</p>
<p>“One day,” he whispered, “I’m coming for you.”</p>
<p>“Afraid not. Not if you want your wife to see her child.”</p>
<p>Petra shook, but remained calm. Levi saw the pain in her eyes, and his heart felt pierced.</p>
<p>“Pet?” He took her hand. “It’s your choice.”</p>
<p>“I…” One tear rolled down her cheek, then she was utterly calm again. “I want to see my son.”</p>
<p>“Then it’s settled. Your family has the right to move between Marley and Paradis, but you are barred until I choose the time of our little reunion.” Erwin looked a little healthier now; he’d managed to do some damage.</p>
<p>“Why?” she whispered. “Why are you so hateful? How did a man like you become <em>this?</em>”</p>
<p>Erwin’s smile died. He ignored her, but Levi could see it bothered him.</p>
<p>“I’m assuming Hange won’t be extradited?” Erwin drawled.</p>
<p>“She’s an incredible asset. All three of them are.” Willy was cool. Detached. Kingly. “Look at this picture before you, Erwin. All of your former friends and comrades have come to my side. Tonight, on the plane home, ask yourself how this came to be. And ask yourself what you did to make it so.”</p>
<p>Erwin looked at Levi again. Again, the room seemed to fade around them.</p>
<p>“Of all the betrayals,” Erwin said softly, “yours hurts worst of all.”</p>
<p>It was a shard of ice buried in his chest.</p>
<p>“I could say the same thing,” Levi replied.</p>
<p>“If the theatrical spectacle is over, perhaps we could have the audience leave? We need to discuss a few specifics.” Erwin stared at Willy; Levi could feel the pointed way Erwin ignored him.</p>
<p>“I agree. Thank you, all of you. Your help has been nothing short of tremendous,” Willy said.</p>
<p>Levi got up and helped Petra to her feet. Feeling numb, he and the women shuffled out the door, and didn’t stop walking like zombies until they’d hit the street and the rush of traffic was all around them. Petra checked her watch.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Bonetti’s staying until five. It’s four now.” She looked at them. “I know it’s a little early, but who needs a drink?”</p>
<p>“Me,” Hange said at once.</p>
<p>They found a restaurant and sat at an outdoor table, splitting a bottle of wine. They all gulped their first glasses.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t drink too much. You’re breastfeeding,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“I think we can give Oruo formula just for one night,” she replied, before knocking back a second glass. Fair.</p>
<p>When the bottle was almost gone, they stared into their glasses. Levi felt no buzz at all, but he needed the companionship that drinking afforded. Petra suddenly gave a laugh.</p>
<p>A startling laugh. Hange almost fell over.</p>
<p>“Pet, what is it?” Levi nearly inched away from his wife as she pressed her hands over her chest and laughed and laughed and laughed.</p>
<p>“We’re free. Do you realize that?” She drummed her feet on the pavement. “We’re all free. He’s going to leave us alone; he’s going to die in seven years. It’s over. We’re free. We’re free!”</p>
<p>Hange rocked back and forth, laughing almost insanely herself. The two laughed until tears came to their eyes. Then they took up their glasses and toasted.</p>
<p>“Levi! C’mon.” Hange yanked him up by his collar.</p>
<p>“Tch. Shitty glasses-wearing asshole,” he grumped. But he raised his glass as well.</p>
<p>“To a new chapter,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“To a life of peace,” Hange said.</p>
<p>Levi thought of staring at Erwin’s back all those years ago. The Wings of Freedom emblazoned upon his green cloak. He thought of the world they had fought for, and won. He thought of the Erwin he had once known, back before the man exchanged wings for a crown.</p>
<p>Levi gave a small, sad smile.</p>
<p>“To freedom,” he said softly, and they clinked.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Chapter 43</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>856</strong>
</p><p>The lack of stress left them with a lot more energy to devote to each other and the children. Petra was easing off of around the clock surveillance of Giulia; since confessing her pain in the park that day, the Tybur woman had become a little easier. Perhaps she’d just needed to say it out loud, and have someone sympathize. But Petra was able to be home with the kids, and three times a week leave them with Hange so she could go to a gym and be properly reconditioned. Doing crunches, lifting weights, running laps, and doing sit ups and even pull ups was agony after several years without too much activity, but it made her feel alive. Even if they were out of immediate danger now, she always wanted to be prepared to defend herself.</p><p>Levi always wore that stoic mask, but she could tell on days that she bragged of a new milestone, a record run, the most weight crunched, that he was proud.</p><p>Hange, meanwhile, was given an apartment in their building, just a couple of floors below. Willy wanted to thank her for being instrumental in finally relieving them all of Erwin’s crushing grip. Most days, Hange would work at the lab, but on Fridays she tended to stay home and do research on her own. She was always happy to see Petra then for lunch, or join the family for dinner in their apartment. Levi grumbled about not being able to get away from her. But again, Petra saw that pleased gleam in his eye.</p><p>By the end of June, Oruo was six months old. He was already struggling to sit up on his own. Physically, he seemed very advanced for such a small baby.</p><p>“He’s a little tough guy.” Levi grinned as he looked down on Oruo in his crib. The baby waggled his arms and legs and made little ‘ust’ noises, trying to sit up. Petra watched Levi pinch his son’s cheek. Over time, Oruo was learning to be a little more civil to other people. He now simply ignored Hange when she held him, and gazed back at his father in what Petra could only describe as a challenging but respectful way. That day, Oruo even had a rare grin for his father.</p><p>The one who never got anything other than a scowl, however, was Kuchel. Oruo looked absolutely livid any time she entered the room. Since she could no longer dress him up, Petra had allowed her to put the baby in her doll carriage and have tea parties with him. Kuchel laughed and tickled Oruo’s belly, mirthful whenever he tried to grab a fistful of her hair and yank. He succeeded a couple of times. Petra had had to intercede then, because Kuchel started shrieking and she feared her daughter losing control and punting the baby across the room.</p><p>“He’s a gloomy baby,” Kuchel had said sagely, rubbing her scalp.</p><p>Oruo only opened and closed his little hands like a crab clicking its claws, waiting for his victim to come closer.</p><p>On Sundays all that summer, they walked through the park with Oruo in his little carriage and Hange tagging along, pointing out different varieties of leaf, or fungus, or insect. Levi’s whole body seemed to pucker whenever Hange showed Kuchel something, or even worse, let her touch it. Kuchel loved the creepy crawlies, though. She loved tea parties, pink dresses, bugs, dirt, and her little brother. Levi was fine with three of those.</p><p>But every time Petra watched her husband push their daughter on the swings, or sat with Oruo on his lap in the evening, showing him different types of cleaning brushes, Petra felt that sweet, absolute relaxation. They were safe.</p><p>They were happy.</p><p>Petra’s happiness was almost complete.</p><p>She still took out the picture of Armin every night and kissed it. She still kissed the little gray sock. Some days, she still needed to put herself away in a room for fifteen minutes so she could cry it out. Occasionally, the pain would last most of the day. Levi was perfectly understanding every time. He held her when she needed it.</p><p>
  <em>Seven more years. And before then, I’ll get to see him. At least once.</em>
</p><p>Part of the “treaty” said that Petra could send letters and presents to the little boy. She knew he was still too young to read or understand, but she wanted to give him as many messages as she could, so he could read them when he was older. Understand why his mother wasn’t with him.</p><p>Petra wrote page after page and sent them, along with little gifts like a teddy bear.</p><p>And she sent letters to her sister and parents, too. Even Willem. Asking them to please tell her what was happening. How they were. Or even to come visit.</p><p>Petra sent all her letters, and waited.</p><p>***</p><p>Brigitta kissed him deeply, seated on his lap before the fire. She had never kissed anyone like this before. Like she was hungry for more, and more famished after every one. She shivered in Erwin’s arms as the autumn rain pattered against the window. The king made a soft sound of amusement.</p><p>“Cold?” he whispered. Brigitta cuddled against him, ran the bridge of her nose up and down his bearded jaw. She had undone the top button of his shirt, and played her fingers along his chest.</p><p>“Not now.” She sighed. Laughter rumbled in his throat.</p><p>“I swore that you came in here to talk about Siegfried.”</p><p>“Yes. But I got distracted.” She kissed him again. It didn’t bother her that he was so much older; in some ways, it was what she liked best. He was so masterful. Experienced. He made her feel safe.</p><p>“It’s a welcome distraction.” Erwin toyed with the zipper at the back of her dress. He sighed heavily. “But I have to decline. Tonight, after dinner, I’ll be more at liberty.”</p><p>Brigitta pouted a bit, something that men had often loved. He seemed no exception. Erwin muttered about an incorrigible girl, and kissed her again.</p><p>She had never been “in love” before. She had loved Edvard, but not like this. Edvard hadn’t lit her body on fire. He hadn’t been the subject of her daily fantasies.</p><p>“I love you,” Brigitta whispered against his lips.</p><p>Erwin smiled, and kissed her forehead. “You’ve been the greatest comfort to me. Really.”</p><p>He gently set her on her feet as he stood up. Brigitta forced a smile; getting nit-picky about the words he used wouldn’t get him to say the three words she wanted most. She was young. She was lovely. She was the perfect surrogate mother to his son. She wanted to have his children. All these things were what men wanted most. He wanted her more than anyone else. He didn’t take any other lovers.</p><p>“I hope you’ll come to the nursery before dinner,” she said lightly. Erwin neatened the front of his clothes. She was a bit satisfied to see an obvious bulge in his trousers.</p><p>“Of course.” He winked. “Kiss Siegfried for me.”</p><p>“I will.” She almost left the room, then paused by the door. “It…it’s going to be all right, isn’t it?”</p><p>She looked up at him shyly, half afraid. Erwin, seated at his desk once more, turned to her.</p><p>“What will be?”</p><p>“The…” It felt so impossible to say. “What Willy Tybur wants from you. It’s not going to really happen, is it?”</p><p>He’d assured her before, but the fear of it bit her to the bone. Erwin, dead in seven years. The Founding Titan lost to them, Brigitta’s womb forever gone.</p><p>Siegfried, her most precious angel, taken out of her arms and sent to live with a mother he wouldn’t remember.</p><p>“Of course not.” Erwin sounded gentle. He stood, came to her, and held her shoulders. “I have my spies on the mainland in every single country. We’re going to find Eren. We’ll bring him here, and I’ll eat him. Then it’s a quick stop to the pits for Historia, and everything will be fine.”</p><p>He cupped her cheek. She nuzzled his palm. His hands were a bit soft, but also callused. His hands had wielded weapons in battle many times. The perfect hands for a man.</p><p>“I know it’s selfish to keep asking. But…”</p><p>“I will restore what nature took from you. We’ll have children. We’ll marry. Don’t worry.”</p><p>It should have filled her with relief, but it never did these days. Brigitta found her lip quivering; shit, her eyes filled with tears.</p><p>“Gitta?”</p><p>“I, um. I got a letter from my mother.” She wiped her eyes quickly. “Edvard’s been in touch. He’s getting married again.”</p><p>“I see.”</p><p>A lump formed in her chest.</p><p>“And she’s pregnant.”</p><p>A moment of silence passed. The hearth crackled. Erwin gently pulled her against him.</p><p>“You have Siegfried. You’ll have our children,” he said.</p><p>God, he was so large. She felt almost like a child in his embrace. Brigitta smiled.</p><p>“I can’t lose him. Or you.”</p><p>“Petra won’t have him.” Erwin sounded firm. Resolved. “I promise you that.” He touched her chin as Brigitta stopped her tears. “I’m sorry about Edvard.”</p><p>“He has every right to be happy. I’m glad that he’s found someone.”</p><p>“Does any part of you feel hurt?”</p><p>She hadn’t been “in love” with Edvard, but there’d been so many little moments. Him picking all the strawberries off his plate and giving them to her; patiently massaging her feet when she was pregnant; walking down the street hand in hand, laughing about something. Brigitta knew that he’d been possessed of a rare quality. Genuine kindness.</p><p>It was something she assured herself Erwin also had.</p><p>“Just sad. I shouldn’t be. I love you, not him.” She blushed, waiting for his reply in kind. He only looked at her with tenderness. Good enough. “But…I still care about him.”</p><p>“Of course.” He led her by the hand. “Here. I have something for you.”</p><p>He sat her upon his bed and went to a safe hidden in the wall behind a painting. He unlocked the safe and took out a carved wooden box. Erwin presented it to her. Brigitta gasped.</p><p>In the firelight, they glittered spectacularly. So many jewels, of all kinds. She clasped her hands over her heart.</p><p>“They were the Empress Frieda’s,” he said. “The jewels of a queen of Eldia.”</p><p>Queen. Brigtta gently took up a bracelet that shone with emeralds.</p><p>“I…I can have one?” She was half-afraid he’d slam the box shut, as if in a cruel joke.</p><p>Erwin smiled. “Take two. Anything you want.”</p><p>The jewels of a queen of Eldia. One day, Brigitta would have all of them. For now, they were a promise. She would be queen. His queen.</p><p>She blushed and stammered and finally selected a necklace strung with sapphires and a diamond ring. She slipped the ring onto her left hand, thrilled when it fit. She gently laid the necklace around her neck and fluffed her curls.</p><p>“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. He kissed her. She was on fire with love. With joy.</p><p>After that, Brigitta practically floated down the hallway, admiring her diamond ring. Her engagement ring. Everything would be all right. He was the strongest, smartest man in the world. He’d fix everything.</p><p>Brigitta had never been like Petra. She hadn’t wanted a life of action. Petra had always looked past the city rooftops and wished to see beyond the horizon. Brigitta truly didn’t want much. Just to raise children.</p><p>And now, to raise children with a man she loved.</p><p>To her, men and women were easy to understand. Petra would scoff if Brigitta said these things, but it was true. Women fell in love with security. With the promise of status. She was business minded, in this way her mother’s daughter. Edvard had been well off. Maybe there were other men Brigitta found more handsome, but he’d offered her a home and tranquility. A family.</p><p>Now she had a palace. An adored child. Jewels.</p><p>No other man could compete with Erwin. How in the hell had Petra given him up to run away with Levi? Brigitta truly did love Levi as a brother. She knew he was a good man. But nothing he had measured up to Erwin.</p><p>Petra had always been strange. Then again, if she hadn’t preferred her husband, Brigitta would never have gotten Erwin.</p><p>She pushed open the nursery door.</p><p>“Oh!” She jolted in surprise.</p><p>“Sorry, m’lady. Just delivering some mail. The third footman’s sick today, so I’m helping where I can.” The maid dropped into a curtsy.</p><p>“Oh, it’s fine.” This maid was… Poor thing. Her face was half melted. “What’s your name?”</p><p>“Inga, m’lady.”</p><p>“I’m not a lady. Don’t worry.” Brigitta went to the crib and lifted up Siegfried. He’d been standing, cooing and gurgling. The most precious little thing. He was soft and sweet. He giggled when his aunt rubbed noses with him. “’Miss’ is fine.”</p><p>“Very good, Miss.” Inga smiled at Siegfried, who waved at her. Truly a little sweetheart.</p><p>The maid left, and Brigitta walked Siegfried around the room a couple of times. She whispered little nursery rhymes as he sucked his thumb. Perfect angel.</p><p>Brigitta looked at the mail on the dresser. A letter from her mother—oh dear. That could wait. An invitation from Lady Mueller to a small luncheon. Brigitta wasn’t official in any capacity, but everyone in Mitras knew she was the king’s mistress. She was the one Erwin took to dinners or the opera now instead of Historia, who remained shut away. The fact that Erwin did this without fear showed how much power he had. That he was truly the king.</p><p>She’d have to RSVP yes. Then there was a thank you note from Mrs. Krause on her daughter’s thoughtful wedding present, and…</p><p>A letter from…</p><p>Brigitta furrowed her brow.</p><p>Not again.</p><p>Brigitta’s face fell when she saw Petra’s handwriting. In Siegfried’s cradle was the little gray teddy bear his mother had sent months ago. Brigitta was happy to give him the toys, but these letters… He couldn’t even read! He had no understanding.</p><p><em>This will only confuse him.</em> She looked at the beaming, golden child. <em>It’ll make him resent me. He’ll want her, not me.</em></p><p>Everyone did. Everyone always loved Petra more, or thought about Petra more. Petra had always been the star of the family. Brigitta didn’t mind, truly. She did love her sister. But how many times did Petra get to make mistakes and have everyone falling over themselves to accommodate her? To forgive her and make it all better? Brigitta had never done anything wrong, and she’d lost everything she cared about.</p><p>
  <em>Petra tried to help me.</em>
</p><p>But Petra’s help, ironically, had led to Brigitta’s dream dying forever. Until Erwin. Until Siegfried.</p><p>Brigitta didn’t open the envelope. She went to the nursery fire and tossed the letter into the flames. She’d done the same with four others so far.</p><p>One day. When Siegfried was old enough, she’d discuss his mother with him. By then, he’d know who loved him most. Who had given up a husband for him, instead of giving him up for a husband.</p><p>
  <em>I love Petra. But she has two children. She can have more. It’s not fair.</em>
</p><p>Brigitta sang a little song and kissed Siegfried’s cheek.</p><p>She was a woman who had almost everything she’d ever wanted.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>857</strong>
</p><p>“Remind me why we had to do this again?” Levi grumbled. He adjusted his dark blue pinstripe suit as Petra sat down on the photographer’s stool, arranging Oruo on her lap. The Ackermans were finally getting a family portrait done. Kuchel was starting elementary school in a couple of months, and Oruo was now a squirming year-and-a-half. Petra laughed as her son slipped her grip and toddled around and around, practically bashing off the walls like a pinball. Kuchel picked Oruo up by his armpits and proudly carried him back to Petra, while the little boy turned pure scarlet and yowled at her.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe he’s more cat than child.</em>
</p><p>She lifted Oruo back onto her lap. She neatened his little shirt while Kuchel pranced over to Levi.</p><p>“Where do I stand?” She hummed a little as she stood on her tiptoes in her patent leather shoes. She was dressed in a light blue dress with a matching bow.</p><p>‘Perfect’ Levi had said this morning, looking proud enough to burst.</p><p>Then Kuchel and Oruo had started playing their favorite game ‘Catch Sister.’ Kuchel sped up and down the hallways, laughing wildly as Oruo cruised behind her in his walker. His arms were always outstretched, a look of clenched fury on his little baby face. He’d never Caught Sister yet. Petra was half afraid of what would happen when he did.</p><p>‘Not so perfect’ Levi had grumbled when something in the living room knocked over.</p><p>“Stand right next to Papa.” Petra smiled. Levi stood behind the chair, and Kuchel stood just to the side so that she was completely visible. Petra smiled as the photographer got behind his camera.</p><p>“All right. Smile, family!”</p><p>Petra smiled. She knew Kuchel would be smiling. She hoped Levi was.</p><p>The man didn’t take their picture.</p><p>“Something wrong?” Levi asked.</p><p>“Erm. Is there a way to make your son…frown less?”</p><p>Petra looked down at Oruo, who was glaring at the camera. She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Oruo. Look at Mama.”</p><p>He looked up and beamed.</p><p>“Amazing! Okay li’l guy, look back at me just like that and one, two—”</p><p>The flash went off. Petra blinked, and Kuchel rubbed her eyes.</p><p>“How’s it look?” Levi asked.</p><p>“Erm. The, uh…”</p><p>Levi went over to look at what the guy was seeing. Looking through the camera lens, her husband cursed.</p><p>“Damn brat’s mad again.”</p><p>“Oh, Oruo.” Petra sighed. Her son looked up, and beamed at her. Levi took his place again.</p><p>“You know what, I’m getting his profile. You can have both pictures. Okay, family. Smile!”</p><p>The camera flashed again.</p><p>When they got the envelope with their photos back, they inspected them. The first one showed Oruo beaming up at Petra, the rest of the Ackermans smiling.</p><p>The second—the first one taken—showed Petra and Kuchel beaming while both Levi and Oruo scowled.</p><p>Petra laughed so hard that tears ran down her cheeks.</p><p>“Sometimes I forget how to smile,” Levi grumbled. They were lying in bed, deciding which to put in the frame on their bedside table.</p><p>“This one.” Petra waved the scowling picture. “It’s absolutely our family.”</p><p>“Tch. Sorry I ruined your big photo,” he said, looking uncomfortable. Petra wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled his ear.</p><p>“I like you just this way. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have married you.”</p><p>“Hmmph. Yeah. I guess that’s true.”</p><p>This time, the smile came to him effortlessly. Petra kissed and kissed her husband as the kids played ‘Catch Sister’ all the way down the hall.</p><p>***</p><p>“Can you say ‘Papa’?” Erwin asked. He knelt on the ground and watched Siegfried hug his stuffed bear. He was almost two-and-a-half years old. How time flew.</p><p>Six years left. The anniversary of his rebirth had just passed. Erwin was officially more than halfway done. He lifted the boy into the air and sat in his rocking chair, the child perched on his knee. Siegfried looked up with those big, soft amber eyes. Erwin could always feel Petra looking at him when he saw those eyes. Judging him.</p><p>Two birthdays her son had celebrated without his mother.</p><p>She could have come with him. With Erwin, back to Paradis. But no. Never. She’d just sit there and wait, let her son grow and become more and more of a stranger.</p><p>Still, Erwin ruffled the boy’s fine, fluffy hair. Siegfried grinned shyly and hid his face in his bear. He was such a sensitive child. Such a perfect child.</p><p>“Go on. Papa. Can you say Papa?”</p><p>Truthfully, Siegfried should have been talking much more by now. He’d said a few words, but preferred to be quiet. Erwin didn’t want his son, a future king, to be so shy that he couldn’t formulate arguments or speak to his subjects.</p><p>“Papa?” Erwin grinned.</p><p>“Mumma,” Siegfried said. He almost asked it balefully. Erwin’s smile fell.</p><p>“She’s not here, Siegfried.” He kissed the top of the boy’s head, then lifted him back into his crib. Siegfried waved shyly at his father, then turned away and continued playing with his bear. Erwin frowned. Sensitive was good; delicate was not. He’d have to keep an eye on this.</p><p>Inga entered and curtsied. “Your Majesty, Mrs. Ral is here again.”</p><p>Erwin sighed wearily. “Yes. Thank you, Inga. Could you watch Master Siegfried until I return?”</p><p>“Of course, sire.” Inga beamed into the crib, and Siegfried beamed back at her. It was nice to see them get along. Sometimes it felt like Siegfried warmed to everybody except Erwin.</p><p>Nonsense.</p><p>Erwin walked down the hall, following the increasingly loud sounds of shouting. He braced himself as he entered the western parlor and found the two women on opposite ends of the chamber screaming at each other, their combined volume loud enough to crack a mirror. The footmen had fled.</p><p>“You always take her side! You always take everyone’s side but mine!” Brigitta shrieked.</p><p>“Because Petra’s the only one of you that has her life together!” Ingrid roared. Both women had clearly been crying, or were about to begin.</p><p>“What the hell is going on?” Erwin snapped. “I have to be told by my servant that you’re both screeching like animals.”</p><p>“Just go away, I can deal with this!” Brigitta shouted. He gave her one quiet look—he did not appreciate being screamed at, and she knew it. Brigitta immediately stopped her bellowing and looked at the floor. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” he said gently.</p><p>But to Ingrid, none of this was fine.</p><p>Erwin had seen the woman only a few times these past two years. They were always chilly to each other when they met; both hated the other for the part he or she had played in Petra’s flight. But Erwin wanted Siegfried to have his grandparents. His uncle, Willem, was totally indifferent and seemed to have distanced himself from the family. How could everyone be so dysfunctional?</p><p>Ingrid did not like Erwin. But she was always frostily polite to him.</p><p>Until now.</p><p>“Why do you have to hurt my daughters? Hmm?” The delicate woman rounded on Erwin, her fists tight with fury. “You drove one away and then you made the other some kind of…concubine!”</p><p>He knew the word she’d really wanted to use.</p><p>“Brigitta is doing the motherly duties that Petra shirked.” Erwin was maddeningly polite. “You should be proud of her. She’s conscientious.”</p><p>“What a romantic word.” Ingrid gave a terrible, insulting grin as she stalked over to Brigitta. The young woman was holding onto herself as if cold. “Edvard’s got a wife and baby boy now. He’s happy. You gave up your husband. You gave up your home. You’re almost twenty-seven, and you’re infertile.” That word made Brigitta flinch. Erwin could see how much she longed to throw his promise to restore her womb in her mother’s face, but he’d told Brigitta to keep that secret. “You’re not going to have as easy a time finding a husband as before, but there’s still time. That window is shrinking! I want you to be happy!”</p><p>“I am happy!” Brigitta shrieked. Erwin felt a headache coming on. How could he get them to stop? “I have Siegfried!”</p><p>“<em>Armin</em>,” Ingrid growled. Erwin’s jaw locked. The old bitch had never been this bold before. “You only have him until Erwin’s term is up. Then he goes to Petra!”</p><p>“<em>He’s my baby, not hers!</em>”</p><p>“<em>Will you listen to yourself? You sound insane!</em>”</p><p>Their throats had to be wrecked by now. Erwin stepped between them. His much larger body silenced the conversation.</p><p>“Siegfried’s going to stay with Erwin,” Brigitta said, speaking around him to her mother. She clung to Erwin’s arm, almost like a child. “And so am I.”</p><p>“Right. Which brings us to the reason this shouting all got started in the first place.” Ingrid glared up at Erwin. He had never seen loathing like he saw in that woman’s eyes at this moment. “She tells me you’re going to marry her. Make her queen.”</p><p><em>Damn it.</em> He glared at Brigitta, who wilted a bit.</p><p>“She wouldn’t stop bothering me. It slipped out,” she hissed.</p><p>“Yes, Ingrid. That’s our current understanding,” Erwin said.</p><p>“Listen to him. Listen to the words he used. They’re bloodless. Gitta.” Ingrid now looked pleadingly at her daughter. “He’s just using you. It’s the same thing he did to Petra.”</p><p>“No. Petra made a mistake. I didn’t,” Brigitta said coldly.</p><p>“I don’t know what your plan is,” Ingrid said to Erwin. “But I don’t want you to involve my daughter or my grandson in it.”</p><p>“Siegfried’s my son. He stays with me. And Brigitta chooses to. That’s her right.”</p><p>“Yes,” Brigitta said.</p><p>“He should be with his mother.” Ingrid was <em>very</em> bold today. Erwin took one slow step forward. She backed away. Good.</p><p>“I’ve given you a lot of freedom, madam. I’ve kept you alive and healthy for Siegfried’s sake. Don’t start endangering yourself now.”</p><p>Ingrid drew herself up. They appraised each other like fighters before a match.</p><p>“My husband and I came to a decision. We want passes of transport. We want to leave Paradis and go to Marley. Valle.”</p><p>“To be with Petra.” His grin was tight-lipped.</p><p>“What?” Brigitta went to her mother. “Mama… When are you coming back?”</p><p>“I don’t think we are. Pieter and I don’t like the changes that’ve come to Paradis these last few years. We want a fresh start.” Ingrid said all that to Brigitta, but she looked at Erwin.</p><p>“You’re just going to leave me here?” Brigitta sounded shocked. “And Siegfried?”</p><p>“I’m barely allowed to spend fifteen minutes alone with him now.” Ingrid looked somewhat regretful. “Besides, I haven’t seen Kuchel in years, and I have another grandson I’ve never met. I want to fix that.”</p><p>“Why is it so easy for you to leave me?” Brigitta’s voice was different now. It was thick with tears, almost unhinged. It was the kind of voice that comes from childhood, and wounds that haven’t healed.</p><p>“You could come with us.” Ingrid took her daughter’s hand.</p><p>“But you choose Petra and her children over us,” Brigitta muttered.</p><p>“Your “fiancé” hasn’t left us much choice.”</p><p>“Why can’t you ever choose me?” Brigitta clutched the sides of her head. Erwin half-feared she was having a fit. “Petra was always Papa’s favorite, and Willem was always yours! I was never anyone’s favorite!” She was almost sobbing now. “Someone has to choose me!”</p><p>As Brigitta cried, Ingrid looked both sympathetic and sad.</p><p>“Edvard did.”</p><p>Erwin cleared his throat. “I think it’s time for you to go, Ingrid. I’ll call a car.”</p><p>“Don’t bother. I’ll walk to the train station. It keeps me fit,” the woman grumbled. She took her daughter by the shoulders one more time. “I love you.” Her voice cracked a bit. “Come with me. You can have a brand new life. Petra will be thrilled to see you.”</p><p>“Petra.” Brigitta’s voice was empty. All of her had bled away. “Petra wanted to be a soldier, and I wanted to be a wife and mother. Petra got her wish, and mine, too. She didn’t even want it, and she got to have it! I didn’t get anything!”</p><p>These were childish words, but Brigitta had regressed in the last few minutes. She sobbed against her mother, who was on the verge of tears herself.</p><p>“You can start over. You can have a good life,” she whispered. “Just come with Papa and me.”</p><p>Brigitta shoved away. She stood before Erwin, small and frail-looking against him.</p><p>“I <em>have</em> a good life.” Brigitta sniffed, under control again. “If you don’t want to be part of it, then go.”</p><p>Ingrid’s lip quivered. She looked at Erwin with seething hatred.</p><p>“You’ll burn in hell,” she snarled.</p><p>“Women keep telling me that,” he replied. He watched Mrs. Ral exit the room, slamming the door behind her. Brigitta turned into him, buried her face against his chest.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said.</p><p>He didn’t embrace her in turn. He only spoke.</p><p>“We agreed you wouldn’t tell anyone about our ‘engagement’,” he said. She peered up at him.</p><p>“I had to tell her something to get her off my back. I got flustered and it came tumbling out.”</p><p>“I understand that, but think. If word gets around that I’m marrying you, people might suspect I have designs on Historia’s life.” They already suspected it, to be fair. “And then they might start asking themselves what I’m doing. What my plans are. Orchestrating a worldwide search while I’m supposed to be quarantined isn’t exactly easy, Brigitta.”</p><p>He tried not to be cold with her, but he didn’t feel like sugar coating any of this. She backed away.</p><p>“Yes, Erwin. I’m sorry.”</p><p>She really wasn’t like her sister at all. He could iron her hair and dye it, but there wasn’t fire in her like there was in Petra. He had completely dominated her, a fact that made him feel simultaneously tender towards her and also a bit disgusted.</p><p><em>All she wants is to be loved. Chosen.</em> He sighed.</p><p>“Please go look in on Siegfried.”</p><p>“Will I see you for dinner?”</p><p>“I have business with the council. I’ll be home late.”</p><p>She wavered on her feet. He knew that she wanted to go to him and kiss him, but that she wasn’t sure if it was right. If he’d allow it. Poor thing. She really didn’t know what this relationship was. Well, he’d give her what he’d promised her. She’d more than earned it.</p><p>Taking pity on her, Erwin bent down and kissed her gently on the mouth. That was all it took to get a smile out of her.</p><p>Times like this were when he missed Marie the most. She’d had such fire. She’d been such a partner, both lover and opponent. Erwin liked women of spirit.</p><p>Poor Brigitta.</p><p>“Love you.” She smiled gently as he left. Erwin shook his head as he walked down the hall.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>858</strong>
</p><p>“Go to Grandpa. Oi! Don’t give me that look, go to Grandpa.”</p><p>Levi leaned back in his chair as snow fell outside the windows. Oruo had just turned two, and they were trying to get him to listen to them. Obey their commands, really, like a damn dog. But the kid was willful. Tell him to go left, he toddled right. He ripped up everything that wasn’t nailed down. Levi had found him yesterday trying to pry the floorboards up with his bare little baby hands.</p><p>
  <em>Kenny. I think he takes after you.</em>
</p><p>The thought almost made Levi laugh.</p><p>“Come here, sweetie. Grandpa loves you.” Pieter beamed as Oruo wandered past by accident. He grabbed the child and hoisted him up. Oruo squalled until Pieter plunked the kid down on his knee. Oruo looked up and beamed. Maybe he just liked the Ral genetics. Or Pieter and Petra’s coloring. “Aww, you’re my little gentleman. Yes you are.” Pieter gave the baby a kiss. Oruo scowled, but didn’t try to run or attack. Progress.</p><p>“Grampa, Grampa!” Kuchel bounded in, a book in hand. “Read me a story? Pleeeease? Papa doesn’t do the voices good.”</p><p>“Why’s a rabbit need a special voice?” Levi grumbled. Kuchel snuggled up on the couch next to Pieter.</p><p>“Of course, angel.” Pieter, Levi thought, had never looked more content than he did here with his two grandchildren, one lovingly leaning against his side, the other trying like hell to get away.</p><p>Petra and Ingrid’s voices grew louder as they came down the hallway with a tray of drinks. Petra placed the tea tray on the center of the coffee table, then backed up. Levi snatched her by the waist and sat her on his lap. She looked at him with a smug little smile.</p><p>“This is very daring in front of our children,” she drawled.</p><p>“If you knew what I was thinking,” he whispered in her ear, “you’d realize this is absolutely nothing.”</p><p>“Don’t kiss! Ewwww!” Kuchel covered her eyes with her hands. These days any indication that her parents were in love horrified her. She wasn’t even a teenager yet. Levi smiled as Ingrid poured the tea and handed everyone the cups. Kuchel got a glass of milk. Oruo was finally given freedom, and raced off down the hallway making strange little noises.</p><p>“He’s such an interesting boy,” Ingrid said faintly, seated on the couch with Pieter, Kuchel sandwiched between them.</p><p>“He’s gonna grow up to be a badass,” Levi said proudly. <em>Or in prison</em>, but he didn’t say that out loud.</p><p>“We can’t thank you two enough for letting us stay here,” Pieter said as they all drank. “I know it’s been a hectic few months.”</p><p>“Papa, we love having you and Mama upstairs!” Petra beamed. Levi stared into his tea. The Rals being here did help. They both loved staying with the kids, so Petra and Levi had a lot more couple time. They could go on dates…or get a hotel room. Or both.</p><p>But having Ingrid around every hour of every day was…smothering was too strong a word. ‘Choking’ could be good.</p><p>He and his mother in law got along much better these days, but Ingrid had her own ideas about how to clean. Some of them contradicted Levi’s. Petra had once had to break them up as they both stood in the kitchen arguing over who got the mop.</p><p>“We really should start looking for our own apartment,” Ingrid said delicately. Kuchel gasped.</p><p>“Nooo! Gramma, Grampa, don’t go!”</p><p>“We’d just be downstairs, sweetheart.” Ingrid petted the child’s hair. “Or down the street. Well, maybe on the other side of town; this district seems awfully expensive.”</p><p>Levi knew what his line was supposed to be, but he refused to give in to this indirect bullshit. Petra did it for him.</p><p>“Mama. You and Papa are going to live here. You have your own place upstairs, and the kids love having you. The apartment has so much room. We want you to stay as long as you want. Right, Levi?”</p><p>He made a noise that could be construed as agreement. That was good enough.</p><p>“Oh. It’s too much of a sacrifice.” Ingrid sighed. Levi rolled his eyes.</p><p>“For shit’s sake, Ingrid, you want to stay and we want to have you. Cut it out.” All the adults glared at Levi as he drank his tea. Didn’t want it to get cold.</p><p>“Levi’s blunt, but right. We’d love to stay.” Pieter smiled as Kuchel cheered and hugged him. Levi sighed. His baby girl was always with Pieter or Ingrid these days. It was the novelty of having her long-missing grandparents around, he knew that. But it kinda made him sad.</p><p>Or maybe it was the fact she’d be seven in a few months. The days were sliding away from him. The kid was in school now. How the fuck had that happened?</p><p>‘She’s your first baby,’ Petra had said one night as they lay in bed. ‘Of course you hate seeing her grow up.’</p><p>‘Dumb thing to say, but I never thought she’d get bigger than a toddler.’ Levi shook his head. ‘I’m a moron.’</p><p>‘No.’ She’d kissed his cheek. ‘You’re a good Papa.’</p><p>Well. At least he still had Oruo. Levi smiled warmly and looked around for his son. He heard the kid’s feet padding down the hall. Oruo was even giggling like a normal kid. Nice change.</p><p>Wonder what’d made him so happy?</p><p>“Oh my—” Pieter’s whole face went white. He leapt to his feet. “<em>How did he get a knife?</em>”</p><p>“Not again,” Petra growled. She sprang off Levi’s lap and was down the hall like a shot. “Oruo? No no, knives are not a toy. Not a toy!”</p><p>The child kept giggling enthusiastically.</p><p>
  <em>Kenny. Guess it runs in the blood.</em>
</p><p>Levi sighed deeply, and drank his tea.</p><p>***</p><p>Erwin sat behind his desk. The clock struck midnight, but he did not move.</p><p>Thirteen years since 845.</p><p>Eren had received his titan the day Wall Maria fell.</p><p>Today was the thirteenth anniversary of that day.</p><p>The end of Eren’s life.</p><p>Erwin got up and walked to the windows. Had Eren transferred the power to anyone else? Or had he simply allowed himself to expire naturally, giving the power to some random Eldian baby?</p><p>
  <em>I need that power. I must have it. I will die without it.</em>
</p><p>His spies had turned up nothing all these years. Erwin turned as the door opened and Connie poked his head in.</p><p>“Majesty? You wanted to see me?” The young man looked strangely hesitant. Well, Erwin had a reputation for having a temper these days.</p><p>“In the morning, I’m going to put the order out, but I wanted you and Floch to be aware. I’m rounding up all of the Eldian babies on Paradis that were born this past year. From twelve months ago to exactly today. We’ll be subjecting all of them to tests.”</p><p>“Tests?” Connie looked ill. He must have suspected. Sometimes he was strangely perceptive.</p><p>“One of them may have inherited Eren’s Founder. We’ll inject them with spinal fluid one at a time.”</p><p>“But…” Connie’s eyes widened. “S-Sire, if the babies don’t have a shifter’s power, they’ll turn into mindless titans. We’ll have to—”</p><p>“We’ll strongly encourage parents to report any strange markings they may have noticed upon a new child’s body. Hopefully someone will come forward right away.”</p><p>“But we don’t know that the Founder is even on Paradis!” Connie looked almost panicked. His eyes filled with tears. “Please, Majesty. I-Isn’t there some other way?”</p><p>Erwin sighed. Connie loved children. He was a sweet, good boy. Stupid, but good. Erwin patted his arm.</p><p>“We will recompense any parent who…loses a child,” he said. Of course he knew the stark evil of what he was doing. He imagined anyone doing such a thing to Siegfried, and wanted to commit murder at the mere thought. But for his son, he would do any monstrous thing. Like any parent, he adored his child. Like any parent, he would do whatever he could to ensure the child’s safety.</p><p>As king, he could do much.</p><p>“Erwin, don’t—”</p><p>Connie shut up at once, but the king glared. Connie had never overstepped the mark with him before.</p><p>“Do you know something?” Erwin narrowed his eyes. “Do you know anything about the Founder that might prevent me from committing to the horrible task set before me?”</p><p>“No,” Connie whispered. Two tears streaked down his cheeks. He hung his head. “I…I don’t.”</p><p>“If you feel that badly about it, perhaps we could feed your mother to one of the unfortunates,” Erwin snapped. Connie flinched. “If you’d rather not, then obey my orders and keep your thoughts to yourself. Understood?”</p><p>“Yes, sire.”</p><p>Connie saluted and left. Erwin turned back to the window and gazed up at the moon.</p><p>
  <em>I am the devil of all earth. I am the true monster.</em>
</p><p>He leaned his forehead against the glass. He knew his own evil, but he would still do it. Did that make such actions better? No. Surely worse.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>859</strong>
</p><p>“Hey, everyone! Everyone, shaddup!” Hange was drunk as she stood on her chair in the niceass restaurant that Levi had spent a lotta fucking money on this evening. He would kill Four Eyes. He wound his arm around Petra’s shoulders as she bit her lower lip, panic in her eyes.</p><p>They were dining in a rooftop restaurant at the Amalfia, the swankest hotel in all Valle. They’d had four bottles of sparkling wine so far. Levi, Petra, Hange, Willy, Giulia, and the Rals had all assembled here for a very special occasion.</p><p>“Hey! Shhhhh!” Hange managed to get the band to stop playing. Levi wondered if he could kill her and somehow get away with it. “I jus’ wanna let you all know that <em>this lady</em>,” she yelled, gesturing at Petra, “is thir—hic—irty years old today! Wooooo!” She pumped her fists in the air. “Y’know, back inna day we didn’t think she’d even make it to twenty-five before a ti’an ate her, so this is <em>amazing!</em>”</p><p>“Do something,” Petra whispered. She hid her face behind her hand.</p><p>“My big present to you,” he said. “I’ll throw her over the balcony railing.”</p><p>Giulia actually did them a favor. She surreptitiously kicked Hange’s chair so that it wobbled. The woman nearly collapsed to the floor, but Levi was fast. He got up and caught her in time. After all, if she hit the marble she could bleed or have a concussion and totally ruin the damn party.</p><p>“Uh. Would you like us to play happy birthday?” the band conductor asked, clearly at a loss.</p><p>“No,” Levi said.</p><p>“Please.” Giulia gave a big, fake smile.</p><p>As the whole restaurant sang in a clearly bewildered manner and the band played, Petra looked like she wanted to slip under the table and disappear. She smiled graciously even as her cheeks flamed. When it was over and the applause had mercifully died, she gripped Levi by his tie.</p><p>“Promise me we’re going to have a very, very good time tonight, because I need to forget this ever happened,” she whispered.</p><p>“After dinner, your folks go home to the kids. You and me go downstairs to our own suite. I will fuck your brains out,” he promised. She sighed and cuddled against him.</p><p>“You make everything better.”</p><p>“Hey. Least I can do now you’re an old woman.” He smirked as she elbowed him in the side. Truthfully, Petra forever looked to him like that beautiful young girl who’d stood on the staircase back at that inn at Mitras. The night of the midwinter ball, when his life changed forever.</p><p>“Now that Hange’s seated again,” Willy said evenly, “I’d like to propose another toast.” He lifted his glass, as did the rest of the table. “To Petra, a woman of grace and poise. A damned fine actor.” He smiled, clearly remembering that first undercover operation years back. He didn’t feel any rancor towards the Ackermans now. “It’s rare to find someone so principled and yet so kind. You have been an excellent addition to Marley.”</p><p>“Yes.” Giulia clinked glasses with Willy and nodded at Petra. Things seemed to have gotten easier between them. You could almost say they’d become genuinely friendly.</p><p>Everyone clinked as Petra blushed. Levi wrapped his arm around her tighter.</p><p>“What about you, Levi?” Pieter smiled. Oh shit. “Everyone else has made a toast.”</p><p>“I’ve been toasted too many times, Papa.” Petra spoke up quick. “Levi doesn’t need to make a toast to show me how he feels.”</p><p>“Psssh.” Hange blew a raspberry then cupped her hands around her mouth. “Speech! <em>Speeeech!</em>”</p><p>Yes. He would kill her after he got out of these nice clothes, because blood was hard to get out of silk. In the meantime, Levi looked at Petra. His beautiful Petra. His angel.</p><p>“Um.” He shrugged. “Sure. Why not.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,” she whispered.</p><p>“Eh.” He looked at her face. He looked into those wide amber eyes. He remembered the way those eyes had expressed all her different emotions over the years. The look of fear when he was in danger. The look of relief when he was safe. The sparkling friendliness when she was with the guys. The half-lidded, seductive gaze when it was just them together in bed.</p><p>Levi didn’t do preambles or big speeches. He just told the truth.</p><p>“You’re the only person in the world I ever would’ve married. Uh. You’re the only completely good person I’ve ever known.” Maybe the champagne had loosened his tongue a bit, or maybe being annoyed at Hange made him less self conscious. “Um. You’re the only woman I’ll ever love. You’re one of the only people ever saved me.”</p><p><em>Erwin.</em> The face haunted him like a ghost these days. Levi let the image die.</p><p>“So…I don’t want you to ever die.” He could see the shine of tears in her eyes. “So don’t.” She gave a little smile. “I want a bunch of lives with you. Because you made me a good man. Because you’re the perfect woman. There. Done.”</p><p>He looked around the table and, to his horror, saw all the women and Pieter were on the verge of tears.</p><p>“Oh, Levi.” Petra kissed him. He didn’t mind, but with all these people watching? Shit.</p><p>“I know that feeling.” Hange sniffed and looked away at the band. She gave a sad smile. Pieck. The girl’s face must haunt the woman everywhere. Maybe like Erwin still haunted Levi.</p><p>Well. Not just like.</p><p>Ingrid and Pieter had their arms around each other and beamed at their daughter and son in law.</p><p>Fuck. Attention. He hated that shit. Levi wanted to tell them all to stop fucking looking at him. But the delight in Petra’s face hypnotized him. If she looked at him like he was a hero, he could believe he was one.</p><p>Same way Erwin had told him he was a hero…</p><p>
  <em>Stop thinking about him.</em>
</p><p>He briefly noticed that Willy and Giulia were both looking down at the floor and away from each other. Giulia seemed lost in thought.</p><p>The rest of the dinner passed. Soon they got to leave the loud restaurant and all the fancy assholes eyeing them. The king and queen of Marley, after all, demanded attention wherever they went. As Levi rode the elevator down with Petra later, his wife holding onto his arm, he thought of another king. Far away across the sea. What was Erwin thinking as the clock ticked away every last second of his life? Thoughts like that could put anyone in a sour mood.</p><p>But when he was alone with Petra in a swank hotel room, and when he held her and kissed her, undressed her, lay with her in a silk-sheeted bed and entered her, afterwards relaxed in her arms as she laughed and told him breathlessly how she loved him, thoughts of Erwin mercifully faded.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>860</strong>
</p><p>“Okay, Papa. Watch!”</p><p>Levi waited to the side of the gym, watching as his daughter, her long black hair in a ponytail, began pounding the shit out of a punching bag. The bag swayed violently with every one of Kuchel’s jabs, and the kid hadn’t even broken a sweat. She got so into it that the bag started to creak on its hook. Uh oh.</p><p>“Kuchel, don’t—”</p><p>He winced as the bag exploded and millions of little pellets sprayed through the air and rolled across the ground. His daughter winced.</p><p>“Oops. Sorry, Papa.”</p><p>“Eh, it’s okay. You gotta know how to rein it in, though.” He went to the nine-year-old and hugged her against his side. His baby was almost as tall as his shoulder now. He prayed Kuchel would be a midget, too, and never outgrow him. Frankly, he wished she’d stop growing. Years passed in the blink of an eye now. His child was one of the most popular kids in her class. Everyone wanted her as their friend, or on their team during recess.</p><p>Made sense. She was stronger than the toughest gym teacher.</p><p>Thankfully, Kuchel had never hurt anyone when playing with them, but mastering herself was crucial. Levi would not teach her as Kenny had taught him; he would wait to show Kuchel how to handle weapons in a year or two, when she was more solid.</p><p>He hated the thought of that beaming little girl ever facing down an enemy, knife in her hand. But he had to teach her. The world was violent enough.</p><p>“Why can’t we do these lessons with Oruo?” she asked as the Ackermans walked off the mat and a beleagured gym assistant came to clean up the bag’s remains. Levi’d have to pay for that.</p><p>“Because he’s not awakened like you and me.”</p><p>“Why not? Can’t we wake him up?” Kuchel pouted. She wanted her little brother to do everything with her.</p><p>“Er, something really bad has to happen to you in order to wake up. You have to be so scared you think you could die. It’s not something you choose to do to a four year old.”</p><p>Kuchel had been four when she awoke, but that’d been by accident. Plus, Oruo as a four year old with god-like power…kind of concerned Levi. The kid was already willful to the point of obstinacy, and he was a grouch.</p><p><em>Just like me.</em> Levi always smiled when he looked on the feral little boy. Oruo was tougher than Levi had been as a child. Kenny had beaten strength into Levi; Oruo had it naturally in spades.</p><p>But hopefully his Ackerman powers could wait a while.</p><p>Though if Oruo awoke, Levi would never have to worry about Erwin potentially involving the kid in some Founder related plot…</p><p>“Oi. Gonna have a special guest when you get home,” Levi said as Kuchel grabbed her little pink gym bag.</p><p>“Who? Who?” She bounced. “Uncle Erwin?”</p><p>Levi tried not to frown. Kuchel still loved her “uncle” no matter what happened. Ah well.</p><p>“Nope. You’ll see.”</p><p>When they opened the apartment door, Kuchel screamed and jumped up and down.</p><p>“Misa! Misa!”</p><p>“Mikasa,” Levi grumbled. Time for Kuchel to get names right. The little girl dropped her bag and launched onto Mikasa, who was seated in the living room having tea with Petra. Mikasa got up and hugged Kuchel, smiling.</p><p>“Hello, Kuchel.” Her voice was still soft after all these years. Levi stood in the doorway and regarded the girl—no, the woman. His cousin was dressed in sedate Marleyan clothes, but he saw her Hizuran sword hung on a peg beside her coat. Always went around armed. Smart lady.</p><p>Mikasa was twenty-five now, truly a woman. Her face had lost some of its babyish roundness. Her hair was still styled short. She looked tired around the eyes, even when she smiled.</p><p>Once Erwin had been sent back home into exile, Petra had gone to Hizuru to see Mikasa and tell her what had become of Eren. When his wife returned home, she looked very sad. Apparently Mikasa had refused to believe it and sobbed bitterly for hours. When she was done, she’d simply sat there, an empty husk while Petra hugged her.</p><p>‘I knew he was gone,’ the girl had said. ‘I couldn’t feel him anymore. But I hoped I was wrong.’</p><p>Now, the girl was in control of herself. Levi had to admit, he was impressed with the brat.</p><p>“Wassat? Who da in hew?” Oruo trundled down the hall, then sneered when he saw Kuchel. “Ahh. She back.”</p><p>Hopefully one day Oruo would forgive his sister for the dress thing. Petra kept saying he couldn’t remember, but Levi didn’t think that was true.</p><p>“Oi.” He picked his son up under the arms and swung him through the air. “Don’t pull a face.”</p><p>Oruo giggled, the rare little boy sound. He kicked as Levi put him back on the floor. Oruo stood on Levi’s feet as his father walked him to the room. Eh, Levi didn’t mind. Kid wouldn’t be this size forever. Oruo immediately raced to his mother and launched himself into Petra’s lap. She hugged him and smiled at Levi, who sat beside her on the couch and put his arm around her shoulders. Meanwhile, Kuchel sat with Mikasa, who was admiring her tiny cousin’s growth.</p><p>“You’re so big now,” Mikasa marveled. Kuchel giggled.</p><p>“I’m gonna be <em>reeeeeal</em> tall someday! As tall as Papa!”</p><p><em>Bless that perfect child.</em> She thought he was a big man. Levi had to fight a weird surge of emotion.</p><p>“Mikasa was just telling me she’ll be in Marley for a few weeks. Kiyomi wants her to take part in Willy’s negotiations.”</p><p>Right. The annual meet-and-greet with conquered nations. Erwin never came to these any longer, but Mikasa as Hizuru’s representative was big shit. Kid must be impressive back in Hizuru.</p><p>“Any plans to move here? Or to Paradis?” Levi asked.</p><p>Mikasa took up her teacup. “No. Now that Eren’s gone, there’s no home for me to go back to,” she said softly. “Kiyomi and the Azumabito have given me a place.”</p><p>“You know you can always be here with us,” Petra said gently. Levi tried not to flinch. They only had so much damn space.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah!” Kuchel hugged Mikasa’s waist. Mikasa stroked the child’s hair.</p><p>“I feel like I know who I am in Hizuru. It’s where part of my family came from. Paradis is where my other family lived. But I don’t have that here in Marley. You’re all my family,” she added quickly. “But I need something…”</p><p>“More solid,” Petra finished. Mikasa nodded in relief at the understanding.</p><p>“Well. Glad you’ll be in on these shit conferences,” Levi said.</p><p>“Bad word,” Kuchel sang. Oruo pouted.</p><p>“Tish,” he said. “Tish!”</p><p>Ah. He was trying to say shit. Atta boy.</p><p>“Please control your language,” Petra said, glaring at him. Levi only trailed his thumb up the back of her neck, making her shiver. Heh.</p><p>“But tonight,” Levi continued, “you gotta come with us. Oruo has a preschool play.”</p><p>Petra nudged his ribs. Her eyes widened. <em>Smile when you say that,</em> her glance said.</p><p>“Oh.” Mikasa looked nonplussed. “I’ve never seen one before. That sounds nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is this?” Mikasa whispered. She was crammed in a folding chair next to Levi, who was next to Petra, who was next to Kuchel who was next to Ingrid and so on and on and on.</p><p>“Hell,” Levi answered. Petra elbowed him again. He was tempted to snap her bra strap, but felt like that might be a little too juvenile for a children’s play.</p><p>They were stuffed into a smelly gymnasium, all seated on these shitty plastic chairs while on the stage ahead their adorable, snot-nosed brats danced and sang like lobotomy patients.</p><p>The teacher gently corralled the kids, and read the “story” to the audience as the tots tried to display decent motor skills.</p><p>“One day,” the teacher read, her voice cloyingly sweet, “the little bunny came to a big field of beautiful sunflowers!”</p><p>Some girl hopped onstage in a bunny costume. Levi wanted to die.</p><p>“Here he comes,” Petra whispered.</p><p>The sunflowers all trudged onstage. They stood front and center, and most of the kids pretended to sway in the wind, or else gazed ahead in open-mouthed stupor.</p><p>Except Oruo. Oruo was the world’s angriest sunflower.</p><p>His son was dressed in little green pajamas with a big poofy sunflower affixed to his head. He crossed his arms and glowered at the audience, hating them for forcing him to be here.</p><p>Mikasa and Levi began to cough; both were trying not to laugh. Petra shot them both a dirty look.</p><p>“The little bunny stopped to smell the beautiful sunflowers!” the teacher said.</p><p>The little girl hopped from one student to the next, sticking her face in every one of theirs. Scintillatng drama. But then the bunny got to Oruo.</p><p>Oruo squirmed away from her, all but falling over to make sure she didn’t bring her face anywhere near his.</p><p>“Oh dear. That’s Annabeth,” Petra sighed. Right. Some kid in preschool who was a shit to Oruo. Of course she got to be the star. Levi glared at the bratty kid as she kept picking on his son. Girl was a full head taller than Oruo. She gripped Oruo by his shirt and shoved her face into his, even as he wriggled to the floor. The audience tittered.</p><p>Levi frowned.</p><p>Then Oruo gave some kind of yelp, and the bitchy bunny hopped away. Levi almost stood up.</p><p>“What happened?” Petra hissed. Levi watched his son get to his feet, wiping something off of his cheek.</p><p>The girl had either spit on him or licked him.</p><p>Either way, Levi knew there was no stopping what came next.</p><p>With a shattering roar, Oruo chased after the dumb bunny and leapt on top of her. As the sunflowers screamed and cried, the bunny and Oruo-sunflower rolled across the stage, biting and kicking. Oruo got up and chased Annabeth as she went around and around, screeching bloody murder until she ducked to the left and tripped him. That little bitch! Great coordination for a four year old, but still!</p><p>Oruo splatted on his belly. Annabeth stood over him, hands on her bunny hips. She looked smug. Levi frowned deeper. By now, half the parents were on their feet, collectiong their sobbing flowers as they fled the stage. A couple of cardboard trees fell over. The teacher was flailing, trying to figure out what to do next.</p><p>And Oruo got up. He faced his bunny oppressor. He sneered.</p><p>Annabeth screamed as he launched himself onto her. He caught her when she tried to run away, and yanked her to earth. The kid landed on her belly, and Oruo quickly sat on top of her back. The winner. The dominant one.</p><p>Oruo roared his sunflower triumph as the entire auditorium became utter chaos. Petra raced up to get her child. Levi and Mikasa were now both smiling.</p><p>“That’s my son,” he said proudly.</p><p>Something else collapsed backstage. It sounded heavy.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>861</strong>
</p><p>Erwin felt the other man shudder against him, around him. Philippe gave a rending cry as he finished upon the sheets. The sensation sent Erwin over the edge, and he groaned against Philippe’s bare shoulder as he finished. As he spiraled down from the delicious high, he lightly bit then kissed that soft space where neck and shoulder met.</p><p>“Did you always know?” Philippe asked, after they had cleaned up. He was lying against Erwin’s bare chest. Erwin closed his eyes in sated contentment.</p><p>“Know what?”</p><p>“That you were bisexual?”</p><p>The king made a dismissive noise. “Funny enough, I never considered that. Well, I suppose that these “interludes” of ours indicate such a predilection.”</p><p>Philippe chuckled. The sound sent the hairs on Erwin’s neck standing up straight. The man had a husky, cigarette-stained voice. It was gravelly enough to remind Erwin of—</p><p>“Then did you always know you wanted to fuck him?”</p><p>Erwin’s eyes opened. He stared at the ceiling; a muscle twitched in his jaw.</p><p>“I assume you mean—”</p><p>“You still call me ‘Levi’ now and again.” Philippe squeezed Erwin’s cock, which began to twitch. He frowned; this wasn’t the time for arousal. “Is that what drives you crazy? That you can’t have him?”</p><p>“I…” Erwin had not opened this particular door. For years he had seen it, bright red in his mind, but he had never wanted to glimpse the other side. Perhaps he would not like what he discovered. But Philippe’s words were a tug on the brain; he had turned the knob and opened that door. “I don’t want to sleep with him,” Erwin said.</p><p>Philippe snorted. “Daddy, that is some bullshit.”</p><p>Erwin gripped the young man’s black hair, but not too hard. Philippe gave him that insolent smirk. So much like—</p><p>“Levi was mine,” Erwin said quietly. “I found him underground. He was like some diamond I excavated. A diamond in the rough. I shaped his life and destiny. I depended on him. No.” He sighed. “We depended on each other. At first, when Petra came into his life, I was simply jealous of his stolen attention. But I was over that in mere days.” It was true. Erwin had brought the pair back together after they’d fallen apart. He had wanted to. “Perhaps this need to dominate him has always been within me. It’s only surfaced at certain moments.”</p><p>Yes. This desire, this spurned, upset feeling hadn’t started with Petra. She’d only exacerbated it.</p><p>“And you want to dominate him like this?” Philippe whispered, his teeth grazing Erwin’s earlobe. Insolent fellow. Erwin smiled.</p><p>He liked the fight. It made the conquest sweeter.</p><p>“When I fuck you, I’m not fucking him. I’m controlling him. Possessing him.”</p><p>“Hmm. I sorta get what you mean.” Philippe propped up on his elbows and arched his back. His perfectly sculpted ass was begging to be touched. Or struck. “But you don’t get hard just from an idea.” He gave that smug grin. “Very hard.”</p><p>Erwin chuckled, then pulled the young man down into his embrace.</p><p>“Then maybe that’s just you,” he whispered against the other man’s lips. They kissed, and as they kissed Erwin again believed that he was holding Levi down, keeping him locked here, in Erwin’s orbit.</p><p>“We’re opposites, then.” Philippe rolled over. “We enjoy two kinds of dishes, but you prefer women and I prefer men.” He shrugged. “That’s very flattering for me. To be the one that makes you hungry.”</p><p>Erwin sighed and closed his eyes again. He got relaxation from this he could not find with Brigitta.</p><p>“Are labels so important to you?”</p><p>“I like to know what things are. Who people are.” Philippe cuddled against Erwin’s side again. “Part of what happens when you grow up in a family like mine.”</p><p>“Why? What happened?”</p><p>“I’m a whore,” Philippe said conversationally. “Guess.”</p><p>“You really do have a sharp tongue.” Erwin kissed him, felt that tongue in his mouth. “And you think you can label people perfectly?”</p><p>“I saw your captain a few times. My “twin”,” Philippe drawled. He smirked. “I think he’s more complicated than you believe.”</p><p>“How so?” Why did Erwin’s heart begin to beat faster?</p><p>“That is not a man who hunts for pussy,” Philippe said. “He probably barely even knows other people exist. He’s the type who loves whoever he loves, however he loves them. I don’t think it’d ever matter to him if the person he loved was a man, woman, neither, whatever. I don’t know a lot about him, but I would bet money that guy never thinks about this shit. But he should. Because,” he said, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling, “he clearly loves that wife of his. He’s in love with her. But he’s in love with you, too.”</p><p>“Not anymore.” Erwin felt dizzy. Philippe snorted.</p><p>“You never really fall out of love with someone. Believe me.” He glanced at Erwin. “I know.” Philippe stretched and sighed. “I don’t think ‘in love’ has only one meaning, you know. I don’t know if he’s in love with you the way he is with his wife. But he’s in love with you. And I’ll bet the poor bastard doesn’t know how to begin to think about it.”</p><p>Erwin rubbed his forehead. He felt confused, and subtly thrilled. He was horny again all of a sudden. He kissed Philippe, then looked to the other side of the bed.</p><p>Brigitta lay on her side, her bare back exposed to him. The three of them had enjoyed a very eventful night. Erwin did know how fucked up it was that he had fucked her as her sister, and also fucked a proxy of her sister’s husband. But time was running out. His scholars were researching every single day, looking for a cure for his curse. But he had two years and some change left.</p><p>He needed answers now. And in the meantime, he scratched every itch he felt. No time for indulgence when you’re dead. Though he would not die.</p><p>“Are you awake?” he asked. Brigitta stirred and sat up. It was obvious she’d been awake for some time.</p><p>“I’ll go check on Siegfried,” she said. Her voice was muted. Her eyes looked empty as she took up her robe and belted it as she left. Erwin shook his head. This last year she’d been getting rowdy. She was nearing thirty, she needed to know when they were getting the Founder back, what if Erwin died, and so on. They’d started spending more and more time apart. Which was fine. They didn’t have to be in love for her to bear his children. They just needed an agreement.</p><p>He had buried love with Marie out in the royal graveyard.</p><p>“Now.” Erwin looked down on the younger man and his smug mouth. He kissed that mouth. “Where were we?”</p><p>***</p><p>Petra held Giulia’s hand tightly. So strange, to think that she’d be comforting this woman. But it had been about nine years since they first met.</p><p>Cassius was thirteen now. And Clara’s War Hammer term was at its very end.</p><p>The two women stood with Willy and Levi in an observation deck, much like the one in Liberio where they’d watched Connie and Floch take on both their titans.</p><p>Willy made a noise when his sister was led through a door and up the stairs. He looked ready to throw open the door and run down to stop it when the attendants chained her wrists to the posts. Clara was calm and resigned. She’d been coughing up blood more and more these days. She was ready to move on.</p><p>Hange had spent years trying to develop a proper serum, but it never worked out. The Curse of Ymir seemed indestructible, whatever it was.</p><p>‘I think the cells just finally give up,’ Hange had said to Petra once over coffee. ‘Shifters shouldn’t exist in nature. Their bodies just break down; nothing to do about that.’</p><p>And in thirteen years, a twenty-six year old Cassius would be ready to die. Giulia was breathing rapidly now. Petra put her arm around the woman.</p><p>If it were Kuchel, or Oruo. Armin…</p><p>“Stay cool,” Levi said to Willy. The king had spent an hour speaking with his sister. But Petra knew that no matter how much time you got, it was never enough. How do you say goodbye to someone who’s still healthy, still sitting there talking to you?</p><p>The attendants left. Another door opened, and Cassius entered. He was dressed in that white smock, and held a syringe. He was already crying as he gazed up at his aunt.</p><p>Petra’s stomach dropped to her feet.</p><p>The red light started flashing. It was dangerous to leave the room now.</p><p>Cassius looked quite a bit like Willy, a gangly boy of thirteen just growing into his adolescence. He still looked so much like a child, was a child. The boy wept as he stared up at his aunt. Who would want to do this? Kill someone they loved, devour someone who had raised them?</p><p>“It’s all right, Cassius.”</p><p>Clara’s voice was hoarse. Petra had never been able to become friendly with the woman again, and she would regret that forever. Clara had become more and more withdrawn over the years. It had not been much of a life. And now it was over.</p><p>“Stop him. Stop him, stop him, stop it!” Giulia wailed. She tore from Petra’s embrace and clung to Willy, shaking him. Her husband only held her, looking at her with empty eyes.</p><p>And then the fierce, sudden blast of lightning. The roar of a beast where Cassius had once stood. Petra watched in horror as the titan ripped Clara from her chains, lifted her to its mouth, and bit her in half.</p><p>Giulia was screaming, her face pressed to Willy’s shoulder just so she didn’t have to watch. Petra put a hand to her mouth as the titan collapsed and the nape of its neck began to open. When Cassius had reemerged, shirtless, the red light went off and a medical team came in, placing the boy on a stretcher and wheeling him out for care and observation.</p><p>Willy stared at the empty platform where his sister had once stood. And then Petra saw that his eyes were full of tears.</p><p>To her astonishment, the Tyburs clung to each other and cried, Giulia openly, Willy silently. Levi took Petra’s arm, and they left the couple. The door shut behind them and they walked a few feet down the hall before stopping. Petra leaned her forehead against the wall, and Levi slumped beside her.</p><p>“The kid’s clock is running down starting now,” he muttered.</p><p>“Giulia will be okay. Once she sees him again.” Petra wiped her eyes.</p><p>“But every day she’ll look at him and now it’s one day less she’ll ever have.” Levi looked at the floor, his gray-streaked hair hanging in his eyes. She read the tightness of his mouth and jaw. He was furious. Coldly, quietly furious. “He didn’t ever offer to do it himself.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Willy.” Levi glowered at the closed door. “He let his own son go through all that, and he stood there and watched.”</p><p>Petra kissed his shoulder.</p><p>“The world needs Willy,” she said. “He can’t die in thirteen years. Millions depend on it.”</p><p>“If it were one of our kids, I don’t care if the universe’d fucking implode without me,” he replied. “I’d step in.” And Petra knew he was telling the truth. Levi did not just love. What he loved, he protected.</p><p>“I want to go home and see the children,” she whispered. He hugged her around the neck.</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah.”</p><p>When they got home, Kuchel wanted to go to the park. At ten years old, she was fast approaching the age when she might not want a whole day with Mom and Dad, so they were happy to oblige. Oruo came along, his hair in disarray. Unlike Levi, Oruo had wild, almost spiky hair. Maybe it would calm down in time, but it made him look even more like a feral child. Petra smiled at her son.</p><p>At the playground, the swings were empty. Oruo climbed into one, and Petra started pushing him. She watched his little five-year-old body as it arced up and down through the air. Such a fragile little guy. Everyone she loved was a frail bundle of blood and nerves and bones.</p><p>“Papa? Push me?” Kuchel plopped down in a swing next to Oruo.</p><p>“Sure,” he said. Levi pushed Kuchel, and Petra pushed Oruo. They watched their children as Kuchel laughed and Oruo made explosion sounds with his mouth. Petra grinned, the two of them so alike and yet so utterly different.</p><p>When she turned to say something to Levi, Petra quickly looked away. He wouldn’t want her to see; he’d deny it vehemently if she brought it up. But she had seen it.</p><p>His eyes had been shining with tears as he watched his children.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>862</strong>
</p><p>“Night, sweetheart.” Levi sat at the side of Kuchel’s bed. She smiled up at him, dressed in her purple pajamas. She’d begun to refuse nightgowns, saying that no girls at slumber parties ever wore them. Petra had said that the trials of adolescence were about to begin. Levi though, hey. The kid was only eleven. Not just yet.</p><p>How had it happened? It seemed like almost a decade had blown past in a single minute. It felt like just yesterday he’d toasted Erwin’s defeat with Hange and Petra. Two days ago, it’d been Kuchel’s fifth birthday.</p><p>At least she still slept with her stuffed bear. The day she stopped doing that Levi’s heart would break.</p><p>“Night, Papa.” She smiled as he kissed her cheek. “Are we going to train tomorrow?”</p><p>“Sure you don’t have any playdates with your friends?” he asked, though he was secretly thrilled that she seemed happy at the idea of spending the day with him.</p><p>“Bernadette’s got an ice cream party, but that’s at two o’clock. Mama said there’ll be time.” She kept smiling that happy smile. He wanted her to be this happy the rest of her life. He’d die to keep her that way.</p><p>“Sounds good. Don’t wanna miss ice cream.”</p><p>“Maybe they’d have some tea ice cream.” She giggled. “You’d like that.”</p><p>He tweaked her nose. “Know me too well, you brat. Get some sleep.”</p><p>He flipped off the light as he headed out and shut the door all the way. Kuchel wasn’t afraid of the dark.</p><p>He walked down the hall and opened Oruo’s door. Unlike Kuchel’s room, which was painted white with pink-striped curtains and fluffy toys everywhere, Oruo had about a million toy soldiers spread all over the floor. There’d been another battle today, absolute carnage. The sight of the mess made Levi’s vision double.</p><p>“Oi. You don’t get to listen to any radio programs tomorrow until this room is picked up. Got it?”</p><p>“Yes, Papa,” Oruo grumbled. The kid dove into his bed and slid under the blankets. They had knights all over them. Oruo had wanted knights because they were the closest thing to soldiers the store had been selling.</p><p>Least the kid was consistent in his interests.</p><p>Six years old. What the hell?</p><p>Levi came and sat on the kid’s bed. Oruo gazed up at him in slight defiance. Levi grinned, and kissed his son’s forehead. Oruo made a ‘yuck’ sound and wiped it away. But then he sat up and threw his wiry little arms around Levi.</p><p>“Night, Papa.” Then, almost a grumble, “Love you.”</p><p>“Love you too, little man.”</p><p>It had gotten easier these last six years to say that he loved his children. That he loved his wife. That he loved.</p><p>Levi turned off the light and shut the door. Then he went to his own bedroom to find Petra under the covers, reading some new romance book. She grinned as he undressed and got into bed beside her.</p><p>“The kids okay?” She looked back at her book.</p><p>“Fine.” He studied his wife’s face.</p><p>Thirty-two years old. The first faint lines had started appearing at the corners of her eyes. That just made her sexier to him. Everything about her was sexier than it had been the day before. Levi embraced her. Petra nearly purred as she snuggled against his chest.</p><p>“What’s this one about?” he whispered.</p><p>“It’s a historical romance about a young Marleyan woman in the fourth century,” she replied. “Lots of court masquerades and muskets.”</p><p>“Nice.” He kissed her cheek. “I don’t know about masquerades, but I can get a gun if that turns you on.”</p><p>She laughed, the corners of her eyes crinkling adorably. They kissed. Petra put her book down and held him close. Levi loved the thud of her heart against his. He loved the smell of her nightly lotion, rose oil and lavender. He loved the top of her head, with one or two telltale gray hairs starting to show. He would love her until they were both old and gray. He would love her forever.</p><p>“I love our life,” she whispered. She rubbed noses with him. His whole body could’ve melted from just that touch.</p><p>“Somehow it turned out pretty decent.”</p><p>“So hyperbolic. As always.” She rolled her eyes. He lay her on the bed while she laughed helplessly.</p><p>“Hyperbolic. That a fancy word you found in a book?”</p><p>“Yes. A romance about a young woman and a surly, grouchy, grumpy captain who’s her commanding officer and—” He stopped her mouth with his.</p><p>“Sounds like total bullshit,” he said. They kissed again. He was getting a little excited, but then Petra broke apart for a minute.</p><p>“Next month it’ll be one year until…”</p><p>Yeah. Erwin’s term would be up.</p><p>“You want to know when you get to see the kid?” Damn that Erwin. He had total control of this one point. Petra had written letter after letter to him and never gotten a reply.</p><p>“I’m so afraid something’s going to go wrong.” She worried her lip. “I’ve never received a letter back from Armin. He’ll be seven now, old enough to write. Or draw a picture. Anything.”</p><p>“What’s important is he gets those letters and presents from you. He knows his mother cares about him.” Levi kissed her. “Erwin is a shit, but he keeps his promises. We should hear soon. Everything will be okay.”</p><p>She sighed and relaxed her head on the pillow. “I have the most wonderful husband in the world,” she marveled.</p><p>“Yeah. Guess you do.”</p><p>They collapsed into each other’s arms. They made love while their children slept securely, knowing they had parents who would do anything for them. This was going to be the rest of Levi’s life. Wife, children, nosy in-laws. Birthdays, midwinters, anniversaries. Growing old and gray with his beloved.</p><p>And he would leave Erwin in the past. He would finally, totally be free.</p><p>***</p><p>There were more and more riots on Paradis these days.</p><p>Erwin stood by the eastern window and looked out on the graveyard. The garden beyond. The experiments with the babies had not yielded fruit. The mothers’ sobbing…</p><p>He would never unhear it. And now the anger was growing on Paradis.</p><p>He never wanted to send the Guard and the shifters against his own people. But he did what he had to do to keep the peace. A strict curfew was now in place. There had had to be a few public executions to let people know they were serious. Painful, but it had to be done.</p><p>Erwin grew increasingly bitter these days. It was now entirely clear that the Founder was not on Paradis. It would be tricky to search the rest of the world’s Eldian population.</p><p>If he wanted to do it, he needed to start now.</p><p>“Sire?”</p><p>His personal aide entered and bowed. She smiled.</p><p>“You asked to see me, Majesty?”</p><p>“Yes. I need to send a letter to Marley. To Petra Ackerman by way of Willy Tybur.”</p><p>He thought of Siegfried. He thought of how that sweet boy’s future dangled on the edge of a knife.</p><p>Yes. It was time.</p><p>It was time for Petra to meet her son again. And for the next and almost last piece of Erwin’s plan to fall into place.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Chapter 44</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Almost every night, Siegfried dreamed of a woman with golden eyes. She hovered over him in a soft light and smiled. He liked that dream so much that he hated whenever he woke up and she was gone. He kept hearing her say over and over ‘I want you to know that I love you.’ Those words stayed with him even after he’d rubbed all the sleep from his eyes.</p>
<p>He had stopped asking Aunt Brigitta about the dreams. She’d get very upset if he asked about a woman with golden eyes.</p>
<p>This morning, Siegfried woke from the dream and sat up in his bed. His toys always looked sort of scary before the curtains were opened up; they sat on his shelves like monsters. Siegfried whimpered but didn’t cry out. Papa kept telling him that he had to be a brave boy, and brave boys weren’t scared of their toys.</p>
<p><em>Monsters.</em> But Papa didn’t believe Siegfried.</p>
<p>The bedroom door opened, and Aunt Brigitta came in. She opened the curtains and let in the sun. Siegfried was a very little boy, but he was good at watching people and knowing things about them from the way they looked or said a word. Auntie today was wearing her big, fake smile.</p>
<p>
  <em>Because someone is coming to see me.</em>
</p>
<p>Siegfried’s heart sped up when he thought the word: <em>Mama.</em></p>
<p>Papa and Aunt Brigitta had only mentioned her a few times to him, and they always looked grouchy, like Siegfried should think she was bad. He had kept asking for pictures of her since he could remember, but he never got them.</p>
<p>So two weeks ago, when Papa told Siegfried that his mama was coming to see him, it had been like hearing that his favorite faerie tale character was going to step out of the book and talk to him. Siegfried had had to stop being so excited on the outside, though. It made Aunt Brigitta upset.</p>
<p>“Good morning, sweetheart.” His aunt came and sat beside him. She gave him a big hug and kiss good morning. Siegfried loved his aunt, and smiled at her. “Now. What are we going to wear today? Hmm?”</p>
<p>Siegfried didn’t say anything. She always had him wear what she liked best.</p>
<p>“How about the little blue suit that makes you look so handsome?” Auntie kissed his forehead.</p>
<p>“Okay!” He smiled, and she smiled. That was good. Auntie Brigitta picked out his clothes while Siegfried went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and combed his hair just like she’d taught him. Then he dressed himself, but she had to watch and make sure he did all the buttons right, and got everything straight.</p>
<p>“You are such a handsome little man.” Auntie sighed. She looked so happy. “Just like your Papa.”</p>
<p>“Can I see Papa, Auntie?”</p>
<p>“<em>May</em> I see Papa.”</p>
<p>“May I see Papa?”</p>
<p>She took his hand and walked with him down the palace hallway. All the servants stopped and bowed when they passed. Siegfried was a ‘prince.’ As it turned out, most children were not princes. He was special.</p>
<p>But special was sometimes a lonely feeling.</p>
<p>Papa sat at the breakfast table reading his paper. Papa loved his papers. Siegfried had often stared at papers very hard, trying to see what Papa liked about them so much. His father had laughed and patted Siegfried’s head. <em>You have to read what’s on them, Siegfried.</em></p>
<p>“Good morning, Papa.” Siegfried hoped that today would be a Good day.</p>
<p>Papa lowered the paper. He was smiling. It was a Good day!</p>
<p>“Hello, Siegfried.”</p>
<p>On Good days, Papa picked him up and kissed his cheek and patted his head. On Good days, Papa played on the lawn with Siegfried and showed him how to swim. On Good days, Papa was his favorite person on earth.</p>
<p>But on Bad days, Papa yelled at everyone not to bother him and sometimes went around being very mad and ordering people around. Papa had more Bad than Good days, especially now.</p>
<p>But today was Good.</p>
<p>Papa lifted Siegfried into the air, the little boy giggling wildly as his father swung him high overhead. Papa plopped Siegfried on his lap and kissed the top of his head. He let Siegfried take some toast and put a lot of raspberry jam on it. His favorite.</p>
<p>“Today is a big day, isn’t it?” Papa asked. Siegfried nodded, mouth full of jam. “Are you excited to see your mama?”</p>
<p>“I am!”</p>
<p>Siegfried noticed that Auntie looked really small and tired, but she couldn’t say anything or yell at him when Papa was here. In fact, Papa stared at Auntie almost like he’d asked that question to her and not Siegfried. Grown ups were strange.</p>
<p>“When I see Mama, can I ask her anything?” Siegfried almost sucked his thumb because asking those types of questions could make Papa upset. But sucking his thumb could make Papa more upset.</p>
<p>“Of course you can.” Papa ruffled his hair.</p>
<p>“Can I ask Mama…why I never seen her ‘til now?”</p>
<p>“Why I <em>have</em> never seen her until now,” Papa corrected gently. “Yes. You can ask that.”</p>
<p>“And he <em>may</em> ask it?” Auntie said. She sounded upset. Uh oh.</p>
<p>“Yes. He may.” Papa took a bite of toast.</p>
<p>Siegfried wished he could understand how clocks worked, because he wanted to know if it was almost time to go see Mama. He gave a big sigh as Papa finished his coffee and set him back on the floor.</p>
<p>“Now why don’t you and Auntie go and read a story or play a game? They won’t be here for a while yet.”</p>
<p>Yes. They. Not just Mama, but Mama’s husband and their kids. That’s what Papa always called them, Mama’s husband and their kids. Siegfried was pretty sure that if Mama had other kids than him, then those kids might be his brothers and sisters. They might play with him. The idea made him want to jump up and down.</p>
<p>Auntie walked down the hall, clutching his hand this time. When they returned to the nursery, she started angrily slamming drawers open and shut and rearranging books and toys on the shelves, even though there wasn’t anything wrong with them. Siegfried got that flutter feeling in his stomach. She was Upset.</p>
<p>“I love you, Auntie.” He’d learned that saying that usually made her less Upset. And it did calm her a little. But she was still making that ‘sunken face’ Siegfried called it.</p>
<p>“You can be a very selfish boy.” She sounded ready to start crying. She’d gotten more and more Upset over the years Siegfried had known her, just as Papa had more and more Bad days. Siegfried cringed.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said softly.</p>
<p>“I do everything I can for you.” Slam. “I love you so much. More than anything.” Slam. “And you always make me feel like I’m not good enough. I don't do enough for you. You really hurt my feelings. You can be a little brat!”</p>
<p>She almost shouted that last sentence, picking up Toby the Tiger and throwing him against the wall. Siegfried ran to get Toby, fussing over him. He almost cried. Poor Toby. That had to hurt. As always, Siegfried felt that sad little bubble come down around him. If only he could be a better boy, a nicer boy. If only he didn’t make Auntie cry, maybe he’d be okay. But he should really stay away from people. He only ever seemed to make things worse.</p>
<p>Siegfried cuddled Toby. At least Toby never thought Siegfried was mean.</p>
<p>Auntie sniffed. Then she lifted him up under his arms and was hugging him so hard he thought his ribs would break.</p>
<p>“I love you so much.” She was really crying now. That made Siegfried cry. She sat on the bed and rocked him. “You’re the most important person in the world to me. You’re the light of my whole life.”</p>
<p>“I kn-know.” He sniffled. Sometimes Auntie would calm down, and sometimes she’d really start screaming and crying. Siegfried had to say something to keep that from happening. “You’re the best Auntie in the whole wide world,” he said. He sometimes really did mean it. He loved her. He did.</p>
<p>Auntie covered his face in kisses and smiled. When she smiled, she looked all right. Not so sad.</p>
<p>“Remember. She left you behind.” The smile faded. Siegfried’s heart wilted, but he listened. “She left you and went away with her husband because she wanted him more than she wanted you.”</p>
<p>If Siegfried could just be a good boy, his mother would have wanted him. But Siegfried just seemed to do everything wrong. He wished he could be as good as almost everyone else.</p>
<p>“Uh huh,” he said.</p>
<p>“And she’s never written to you before. Has she?”</p>
<p>No. Ever since he’d been three or four and found out that his mother was alive and not on Paradis, he’d prayed for letters from her. They never came. His heart sank further.</p>
<p>“Uh uh.”</p>
<p>“She’s your Mama. Of course you should love her, and she loves you.” Auntie smoothed his hair. “But she doesn’t love you as much as I do. Right?”</p>
<p>“Right,” he said listlessly. She kissed the side of his head.</p>
<p>“Auntie is going to go get ready. Can you stay here and play like a good boy?”</p>
<p>A good boy. He’d try.</p>
<p>“Okay. I love you.”</p>
<p>She beamed again and hugged him, then she left.</p>
<p>Siegfried had nothing much to do, and didn’t feel like doing much. He dragged Toby by the tail as he opened one of the drawers Auntie had slammed shut and peeped. This one was full of his old baby clothes—she loved saving them. He poked at a couple of old onesies. He picked up a little gray sock. They must have lost the other. He’d never seen its mate. He shut the drawer, because looking at things didn’t stop the emptiness inside.</p>
<p>Siegfried sat on his bed and hugged Toby. A couple of tears fell on the tiger’s head, getting him all wet.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra clung to the railing and stared straight ahead as the island came into view. She had not been home in almost ten years. Already she could see the shining stretch of beach at the southern port. She could have bounced up and down with glee.</p>
<p>“How you feeling?” Levi came up behind her and hugged her around the waist.</p>
<p>“Scared. Excited.” She leaned into his embrace. Levi’s touch was all that could calm her in this world. “I want to see him so badly. I could scream. But.”</p>
<p>But Petra’s stomach cramped at the thought.</p>
<p>“You scared, brat?” he said softly. He nuzzled her cheek. She beamed, and kissed him.</p>
<p>“You are a sweet man,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Tch. Don’t let it get around.”</p>
<p>With his arms around her, Petra could do anything. Honestly, she wanted to jump off the railing and swim to shore, sure she could move faster than this boat. She wanted to see her baby.</p>
<p>But not a baby anymore.</p>
<p>
  <em>I missed his first words. His first steps. I missed kissing him good night.</em>
</p>
<p>She took a deep breath to stop the tears. Soon she would be holding her little boy again.</p>
<p>What was Armin…Siegfried like now? Still that sweet, gentle little bundle she’d cuddled all those years ago?</p>
<p>She hoped so. Petra gazed lovingly at her other two children. Kuchel and Oruo stood next to each other fifteen feet away, talking about something. Kuchel was wearing her best outfit, a little blue and white puff of a child’s dress. Oruo had somehow managed to look unkempt even in a perfectly starched shirt and trousers. She grinned as her son scratched his messy black hair. The only thing that set him apart from his father was that wild mop.</p>
<p>Oruo…</p>
<p>“We did the right thing bringing him, yeah?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I’d be more anxious leaving him at home without me to protect him,” Levi replied. Oruo was the last of the functioning royal Reiss blood, after all. He and Historia were Erwin’s only two hopes for unlocking the Founder. But as long as Connie remained a secret agent, Erwin had nothing.</p>
<p>Petra still wondered what Connie and, by extension, Eren’s plan was. But that could wait.</p>
<p>They were afraid of Erwin taking their son. Which was why they’d brought him on this boat…along with several smaller Hizuran cruisers. The boats flanked theirs, with Marleyan officers on board ready to fire if need be. The Ackermans would be safe today.</p>
<p>Petra fiddled with the clasp of her purse. Inside was the picture of Armin and the little sock. Her talismans. The only part of her baby she’d been able to cling to for years.</p>
<p>Every night she saw his little face so perfectly in her dreams. Petra trembled as Levi tightened his embrace.</p>
<p>“He’s going to love you,” Levi whispered.</p>
<p>Petra smiled. Armin would love her, and his siblings. His perfect, angelic siblings who—</p>
<p>“You’re a <em>butt!</em>” Oruo snarled. He tried grappling with Kuchel, who was holding him off with one hand while giggling helplessly. Oruo’s arms pinwheeled. He gave a cry that sounded more tortured wolverine than small boy.</p>
<p>“You’re a butt’s butt!” She laughed harder and raced away as Oruo charged after her, howling his rage. Kuchel sprinted far ahead, her Ackerman powers making her that much fleeter than her little brother. He screeched as he charged at her across the deck.</p>
<p>“Could you deal with that?” Petra asked faintly.</p>
<p>“I’ll kill ‘em both for you.” Levi kissed her cheek and went to reprimand his insane children. Petra looked at the mainland as it grew larger. She gripped the railing so hard her hands ached. Home.</p>
<p>Paradis was home. She had missed the fields and forests, the mountains and the rivers. She had wanted her children to grow up out in the country, breathing clean air and riding horses. Away from all the politics and hardships.</p>
<p>Petra clutched her purse as the ship finally docked. Levi came over to her, gripping both of his children by the backs of their collars. Kuchel grumbled, and Oruo furiously tried to lick his father’s hand.</p>
<p>“Stop it, both of you,” Levi snapped. He let them go and gazed sternly at Kuchel. “You’re the big sister. You need to be responsible today and not act like a brat.”</p>
<p>Oruo grinned, delighted that Kuchel was in more trouble. Honestly, siblings.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Papa.” Kuchel turned down her eyes and stuck out her lower lip. And Levi crumbled like a fortress made of sugar.</p>
<p>“Well. Just be a good girl.” He gave her a squeeze. Oruo’s eyes narrowed; not the execution he’d been hoping for. Petra sighed and patted his wild head.</p>
<p>The family walked down to the dock, flanked by Willy’s soldiers. Petra fought against a sneer when she saw Floch Forster waiting below with his own entourage. The weasel wore a shit-eating grin. Petra instinctively wanted to put the children behind her. Almost like she was afraid he’d transform and eat them to be spiteful. Maybe she wasn’t wrong.</p>
<p>“The king’s sent his personal train car to take you to the capital. Lunch will be waiting when you arrive.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, shithead,” Levi said conversationally. Floch scowled. Petra tried not to snort.</p>
<p>“Papa, bad word.” Kuchel tutted as she climbed into the waiting vehicle. The car would take them to the train, the train would take them to Mitras, and then…</p>
<p>
  <em>My baby.</em>
</p>
<p>She thought of the little gray sock. How it would no longer fit Armin’s little feet.</p>
<p>Petra’s heart pounded and her stomach lurched as they got in the car and drove away.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Siegfried knew that big boys didn’t cry, but he was having a really hard time. Papa and Auntie had started arguing about something in their room. He’d stood outside the door and listened when Auntie started shrieking and Papa finally shouted so loud it scared Siegfried. He ran away and played with Toby, pretending he hadn’t heard anything.</p>
<p>Auntie was looking more and more Upset. Papa was starting to have a Bad day.</p>
<p>And Siegfried was going to meet his Mama who didn’t want him anyway.</p>
<p>Siegfried wanted to be loved by someone who wasn’t angry or sad all the time. But he knew in his sad way that everyone had to be angry and upset because of him.</p>
<p>‘It’s because of that brat,’ he’d overheard one of the maids say one morning. He’d hidden out of sight. ‘The king only started searching for some idiot cure because that little bastard was born. We wouldn’t be like this today if she’d just scraped the little fucker out when she had the chance.’</p>
<p>Siegfried knew that even his being born had made everyone sad. Before Siegfried, people were happy. But now everyone was Upset. It was all his fault.</p>
<p>Siegfried liked nothing more than sitting on his own and imagining a whole world filled with people who wanted to be his friend. He was a hero in that world, someone who made everything better all the time. His Mama told him that he was the most important person to her. Papa was happy. All his toys cheered for him, and his friends lifted him on their shoulders and paraded him around. Sometimes the pretend world made him so happy that when he was done dreaming, it only made him sad.</p>
<p>But if he told Auntie about this, she’d be Upset.</p>
<p>And Siegfried had hurt everyone enough already.</p>
<p>Now Auntie and Papa were dressed in very nice clothes. They walked to the palace’s front hall, Siegfried’s hand in Auntie’s. His tummy was sick. He was afraid Mama would come here, look at him, and go ‘oh no. That’s why I went away. I don’t love him.’</p>
<p>Siegfried might die then. Wouldn’t that be better for everyone if he did?</p>
<p>He had to fight the tears.</p>
<p>“Are you ready?” Papa patted his head. Siegfried looked up. At least he knew Papa loved him. Papa was happy to see him. When Papa was having a Good day, he and Siegfried had the most fun times. On those days, Siegfried felt like the happiest boy in the world.</p>
<p>“Can we go fishing again soon?” he asked Papa, who laughed.</p>
<p>“Of course we can, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>Siegfried beamed. So did Auntie. But when they arrived at the front hall, she didn’t look so happy anymore. There were servants all around them, and Papa looked kind of quiet-mad. Auntie shook her head and muttered something Siegfried didn’t understand.</p>
<p>“We will not have this discussion here,” Papa said softly.</p>
<p>“You spineless piece of—”</p>
<p>Before Auntie could finish, Papa cleared his throat and made a sharp move with his hand. Follow me, it said. They were going to yell about something again. They walked off, leaving Siegfried standing alone as he stared at the big front door. Soon Mama would be there, with the husband she loved more than Siegfried and the children she loved more than Siegfried. And they would look at Siegfried like he was a sad animal in the zoo, pet him, and then go home to be happy with each other.</p>
<p>They would leave him behind.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Siegfried didn’t want to see Mama. He didn’t want to see anyone. His throat and tummy hurt. While Papa and Auntie used shout-y voices, he turned around and fled down the palace hallway.</p>
<p>He wanted to be alone. At least alone, he wasn’t making anyone else unhappy.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The cars pulled up before the palace’s front steps. Petra stared out the window, unthinking, unhearing. Armin. Her baby. Soon she’d see him, hold him. Soon…</p>
<p>“Mama!”</p>
<p>Kuchel finally burst through Petra’s fugue state.</p>
<p>“What, honey?”</p>
<p>“Will Armin remember me?”</p>
<p>Petra smiled. Her daughter was such a beam of sunshine. Kuchel’s eyes were bright, her smile always full. Over the years, she’d kept asking about Armin. She drew pictures for Petra to send to her little brother.</p>
<p>“We left Paradis when he was a little baby. He won’t remember any of us.” She reached out and petted Kuchel’s cheek. “But he’ll be so excited when you tell him you’re his big sister.”</p>
<p>“I never met him,” Oruo said flatly. Her son’s eyes were half-lidded.</p>
<p>“No. You weren’t born when we left home.”</p>
<p>Her little boy looked out the other car window. “It’s not as fun here as Valle,” he said.</p>
<p>No. Oruo was a city boy. Levi had even told her one night that Oruo showed some of Kenny’s exact proclivities. He had his great-uncle’s inherent toughness and his love of tall buildings and fast action. Oruo wasn’t a country mouse. Petra smiled and ruffled her son’s hair. Oruo smiled at her, and snuggled against her arm. He was only ever a sweet little boy for his mother.</p>
<p>Levi chuckled and shook his head as the doors opened and the servants bowed the Ackermans from their car. Petra held Levi’s hand, and put her hand on Oruo’s back as they walked up the steps to the door. Kuchel bounded ahead of Levi, squealing with glee.</p>
<p>“Oi! Kuchel!”</p>
<p>But their daughter had seen someone. Someones.</p>
<p>“Uncle Erwin! Aunt Brigitta!” she shrieked.</p>
<p>There he was. King Erwin Smith stood just before the threshold, watching them with that cold, imperious gaze of his. Almost fifty, the lines in his face were now very apparent. His hair had gone almost entirely gray.</p>
<p>But the serious expression melted when he saw Kuchel. Erwin looked truly happy as he caught the little girl when she jumped into his arms.</p>
<p>“Hello, sweetheart.” He hugged the child, set her on her feet, and stroked her hair. Erwin looked proud. Levi gritted his teeth.</p>
<p>“Kuchel.” Brigitta threw her arms around the girl, kissed her and fussed over her as Petra approached.</p>
<p>“The fuck?” Levi whispered.</p>
<p>Petra stopped dead in her tracks. Brigitta was…</p>
<p>She had lost so much weight. Her cheeks and eyes were sunken. But more than that, her hair looked ratty. It had been ironed straight repeatedly, and had clearly been damaged as a result. And she’d colored it.</p>
<p>Red. Bright red.</p>
<p>Petra saw that her sister looked as much like her as possible. She almost fell to her knees and threw up, because now she understood exactly what had been happening these past years. The tense looks that Erwin and Brigitta exchanged only confirmed that story.</p>
<p>“That bastard,” Levi breathed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Armin. Find Armin.</em>
</p>
<p>“Stay calm,” Petra said. They walked up to Erwin and Brigitta as Erwin spoke lovingly to Kuchel, asking her about friends and sports and school. Petra’s happy little girl giggled as her parents and brother approached. Erwin stared down at Levi’s son.</p>
<p>“This must be Oruo. Hello, young man.”</p>
<p>Oruo clung to Petra’s leg and actually growled. Levi looked insanely proud of his feral son.</p>
<p>“Erwin,” he said. The king glanced at her husband, and in that moment it seemed that something immense passed between them. The two men had not seen each other in so long.</p>
<p>“Levi.” In that word, Erwin put his scorn and his shame and his hope and his hatred.</p>
<p>“Gitta.” Petra tried for a smile and a hug, but Brigitta only returned both reluctantly.</p>
<p>“Lunch should be ready on the south lawn. We thought the children would like it,” Brigitta said stiffly. We. She sidled close to Erwin and slid her arm through his. The king paid no attention. Petra felt her heart fracture. She and her sister had always been close, whispering stories and secrets to one another in their shared childhood bedroom. She’d written to Brigitta over and over these long years. Never once had she heard back.</p>
<p>Petra made sure not to let the pain show.</p>
<p>“And where’s—”</p>
<p>Petra looked down, waiting to find a little blond boy looking up at her. Instead, she saw nothing. No one. She frowned.</p>
<p>“Where is he?” She stared at Erwin in alarm. “Where’s my son?”</p>
<p>Now she was demanding an answer.</p>
<p>“He’s right here.” Erwin looked down, then behind, and then he cursed. He turned cold eyes to Brigitta. “I thought you were managing him.”</p>
<p>“He’s seven years old! He can stand still for five minutes!” But Gitta looked worried as she turned back and walked deeper into the hall. “Siegfried? Siegfried?”</p>
<p>“Oi.” Levi looked at the empty spot beside Petra, bewilderment on his face. “Where the fuck’s Oruo?”</p>
<p>Oruo? Petra found that sometime in the last thirty seconds her feral little boy had slipped away from all of them. Unless…</p>
<p>“Did you take him?” she snapped at Erwin. Shit, had this all been a ruse? Maybe Armin wasn’t even here. Maybe they’d brought Oruo as a sacrifice like a pair of fools. Erwin made an incredulous noise as Petra shoved her way into the palace and took off after Brigitta.</p>
<p>“Oruo?” she called. Her heart was loud in her ears. Not her two little boys. Where were they? Where were her sons?</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Siegfried huddled in the corridor and cried. He hugged his knees to his chest, wanting to go sit in his room and read a story to Toby and his other animal friends. They would tell him that they loved him, that he was clever and good. <em>We’re glad your Mama had you, Siegfried. You make the world a better place,</em> Toby would say.</p>
<p>Lies. But comforting lies.</p>
<p>Siegfried shivered, not wanting to see Mama or Papa or Auntie or anyone. He just wanted to not be a prince, or anything special. He felt the big, fat tears fall on his cheeks. They splashed on his trousers; Auntie would be Upset. They’d stain.</p>
<p>Two maids had walked by earlier. Seeing Siegfried alone, they did what they usually did when no one else was by and made faces at him, or scowled. There was one maid, the one with the funny face, who was always kind to Siegfried. He liked her. But the others would pinch him hard when no one was looking, or call him names. ‘Your fault’ they’d say. ‘Wish you’d never been born.’</p>
<p>Apparently there were a lot of sad people on Paradis because of what Papa did. And he only did it for Siegfried’s sake. That’s what Auntie said.</p>
<p><em>Why couldn’t I have not been born?</em> He sniffled.</p>
<p>“Oi.”</p>
<p>Siegfried was shocked by the sound. A boy. Another boy about his age. He looked up at someone standing before him, an untidy someone with black hair and sharp, pale eyes. The little boy’s tie was on crooked, and his jacket looked like it was itchy on his body. Siegfried almost never got to play with other children, since Papa was so afraid of someone trying to hurt the prince. He gaped at this boy like he was some kind of strange, mythic creature from a storybook.</p>
<p>“H-H’lo,” he replied.</p>
<p>“Why you crying?” The other little boy had a low, almost raspy voice. He narrowed his eyes. He was very little, maybe even younger than Siegfried, but he didn’t seem afraid of anything. Like a grown up.</p>
<p>“B-Because I’m scared.”</p>
<p>“Of what?”</p>
<p>“Um. Uh, of the maids?” Siegfried rubbed his eyes. “’Cause they’re mean to me.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you punch ‘em?” the kid asked. Siegfried was shocked.</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“When my Papa’s mad at someone, he punches ‘em.” The boy swung his arm to serve as a point. “Bam.”</p>
<p>“Oh. M-My Papa doesn’t do that.”</p>
<p>“What’s yer name?”</p>
<p>“Siegfried. Siegfried Smith.” Prince Siegfried Smith. “Who’re you?”</p>
<p>“Oruo Ackerman.” Oruo held out his arms on either side and walked in a careful line, almost like he was balancing on an invisible wire. “I’m from Marley. I got a sister. My Mama says we can get a dog next year if I’m good.” He looked at Siegfried with smoldering pride. <em>Bet you don’t have a dog,</em> the look said. “You got any sisters?”</p>
<p>“Um. I got a brother and sister,” Siegfried said shyly, hoping the strange boy would not press him and find out Siegfried had never seen them before.</p>
<p>“Hmmph.” Oruo scowled, then walked over to Siegfried. He balled up his little fist. “Papa says punch ‘em when they’re mean. S’the only way they’ll stop.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Siegfried didn’t want to argue. He just marveled at this small boy, this bundle of energy and strength.</p>
<p>“My sister punches good.” Oruo frowned deeper. He even growled a little. Siegfried had never heard a little boy growl before. Kind of scary. But cool.</p>
<p>“Do…” He summoned all his courage. “You wanna play?”</p>
<p>“Sure.” Oruo shrugged, like he might as well. Siegfried’s whole insides lit up with happiness. He’d never asked someone else to play before. “Wanna go find my sister? The grown ups were talking an’ I got bored.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Siegfried said quietly. He walked away with the smaller, snarly boy at his side. Siegfried smiled at Oruo, who walked straight ahead with his head tilted back and a gleam in his eye. ‘I’ll punch mean maids’ that look said.</p>
<p>Siegfried didn’t feel so afraid anymore.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Fuck fuck fuck fuck.</p>
<p>“<em>Oruo?</em>” Petra cried, now almost running. Levi shot past, having just snarled something at Erwin while the Marleyan soldiers and the king’s guard faced each other. Erwin and Brigitta at the very least seemed equally as befuddled about Armin’s location, which helped, but Petra would put nothing past that king. Erwin was the smartest man she had ever known…and the most treacherous.</p>
<p>She turned a corner and hurried past a couple of footmen, who flattened themselves against the walls to let her pass. Petra ran, turned a corner, ran, turned a corner, and—</p>
<p>There he was.</p>
<p>There they were.</p>
<p>She stopped dead to see her two sons walking side by side, Oruo his itchy-looking self, and Armin…</p>
<p>Siegfried. He was Siegfried. But to her he was still that little bundle. The precious baby she’d held in her arms for a few blissful weeks. She could still remember the sweetness of his gurgle, how he loved to snuggle against her, how he had laughed most when in her arms.</p>
<p>He was a proper little boy now. He was already taller than Oruo, and would probably grow to be very tall. For now, he had a round little face and fluffy golden hair. His nose would be large, and probably aquiline one day like Erwin’s. But his eyes…</p>
<p>Were her eyes. He looked at her questioningly when Oruo grinned.</p>
<p>“Mama!”</p>
<p>Oruo ran over and hugged Petra as she sank to her knees on the carpet. She hugged Oruo tight while looking over his shoulder at the shy little boy. Armin…Siegfried…sidled away, looked at his shoes. He looked ready to blend in with the wallpaper or furniture. Her eyes welled up with tears.</p>
<p>
  <em>My baby.</em>
</p>
<p>“Ar…” she whispered.</p>
<p>“<em>Armin!</em>”</p>
<p>Kuchel rushed past Petra with her arms open, joyous as she grabbed her little brother and held him. The boy made a frightened noise, and Kuchel let him go. Armin retreated, his little shoulders hunched, looking at Kuchel, at Oruo…at Petra.</p>
<p>“I…” he squeaked. “Um. I’m not…”</p>
<p>“It’s me! Kuchel.” The little girl simply could not believe that her brother wouldn’t remember her, even though he’d been a month old when they parted. Kuchel still smiled, but became more subdued. She could tell he didn’t recognize her, and a small crease of hurt formed in her forehead.</p>
<p>“Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“Wait. <em>That’s</em> Armin?” Oruo rasped.</p>
<p>“I’m not Armin!”</p>
<p>“Shhhh. Kuchel, both of you, shhhh,” Petra said. Kuchel came to her mother, who let go of Oruo and stood up. She approached Armin as she would a shy pony. The little boy looked at her with such fear. He seemed afraid of almost everything. What fears had he suffered since she’d left him behind?</p>
<p>Petra struggled not to cry as she gently sank before the child. Her heart throbbed; it was like the moment he’d been born all over again. She had loved him for years, but seeing him again now she might have cracked open her own chest and pulled out her heart to give to him. Her baby. Her precious, sweet little boy. She adored him with her eyes, while he looked at her warily.</p>
<p>“I’m Siegfried,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Hello, Siegfried.” Petra’s throat was dry. “I’m…I’m your Mama.”</p>
<p>He froze. He looked at her like a prey animal ready to hide from a predator.</p>
<p>“That’s Kuchel and Oruo.” She gestured behind her. “They’re your sister and brother.”</p>
<p>“Wh-Why she call me Armin?” The boy leaned away when Petra reached for him. Her soul cracked to see it.</p>
<p>“When you were born, I named you Armin.” Levi had, technically, but now was not the time to be technical. “But your Papa wanted to name you Siegfried instead.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm.” He took a wary step away. Armin stared at her; he looked her right in the face. “You got golden eyes,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“So do you. We have the same eyes.” She opened her arms again. “Baby, can I have a hug?”</p>
<p>She almost wept as she said it. And Armin still hesitated.</p>
<p>“Why’d you leave me?” he said to his shoes. “’Cause you didn’t, didn’t want me?”</p>
<p>His little voice quavered. Now Petra was crying. She tried to control it.</p>
<p>“Baby, I didn’t want to leave you behind. I love you so, so much.” She inched towards him. Her little baby. Her son. She’d dreamed of holding him every single night for seven years. She’d wanted to cry when she woke up without him every single day. “It’s complicated. Grown ups are complicated. But I’ve thought about you all the time. You’re one of the most precious things on earth to me.”</p>
<p>Armin’s chin wobbled, but still he shrank away. Sniffling, Petra yanked open her purse and took out the photo and sock. The picture had yellowed, and the edges had creased over time. There were a few red stains from when she’d kissed the photo while still wearing lipstick. She held them out to him.</p>
<p>“See? This is your baby picture. I look at it every single night before I go to bed. And I took this so I could remember you.” She gestured with the sock.</p>
<p>Armin’s eyes widened when he saw it. He approached and looked at it closer.</p>
<p>“That’s the sock,” he said softly.</p>
<p>“I’ve been waiting for this day for so long.” Her voice broke. “I love you so much. My angel, I love you more than anything.” She took a shuddering breath. “The night I had to leave you, I kissed your little nose. I said that I want you to know that I love you. I—”</p>
<p>Armin looked up in shock, and Petra saw the fear melt from his eyes. His little face beamed, was almost suffused with pure light.</p>
<p>“Mama!” He threw himself into her arms. Petra cried as she hugged him against her chest, her chin atop his head. She squeezed him so tight, covered his face with kisses, leaving little lipstick traces she’d have to wipe away. Armin cuddled against her, a look of pure bliss on his little face. Dimly, Petra was aware that the others had found them, that Levi and Erwin and Brigitta were standing by watching this reunion. She didn’t care. As long as she had her little boy, she cared about nothing.</p>
<p>Kuchel knelt beside them, grinning at Armin. Oruo stood in front of mother and child, a look of quiet rage and shock on his face. Seeing his mother hug and adore another little boy had probably set off alarm bells in his head. Ah well. They’d deal with that, too. One step at a time.</p>
<p>Armin smelled like soap and jam. Petra cradled the little face, rubbed noses with him. Armin kept saying Mama over and over as they sat there and she squeezed him so tight. That beautiful connection that had formed between them from the moment he was born had been restored, as if it had always been there. As if they’d never been parted.</p>
<p>“My little angel.” She hugged him so tight and rocked him, never minding she was sitting on the floor. “My sweet little boy.”</p>
<p>“So. There you are,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Her husband, Erwin, and Brigitta had found them. Armin snuggled up against her, looking at her with adoring eyes as Levi stood next to Petra. He helped her up, and then Armin looked at the dark, sullen man. He shrank a little bit.</p>
<p>“Uh. Are you Mama’s husband?” he asked quietly.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Then Levi gave a rare, genuine smile. He crouched a bit and ruffled the boy’s hair. “Tell you what. Why don’t you call me Uncle Levi?”</p>
<p>Armin beamed. He went and gave Levi a gentle hug. Her husband looked a bit shocked, but patted the child’s back. Levi’s gaze softened.</p>
<p>“Tch. Man, you look just like your father.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Erwin said. Everyone looked to the king. His gaze was unreadable; Brigitta appeared to be stewing.</p>
<p>“Papa, can I show Mama my room?” Armin bounced. Erwin smiled and hugged the boy to his side.</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Petra took her son’s hand and wandered down the hall with him. Kuchel and Oruo walked alongside, both babbling happily or angrily, depending on who you turned to. Levi and the others kept a small distance, giving Petra her time.</p>
<p>But just feeling her son’s tiny hand in hers, seeing those big, sweet eyes, that delighted smile, was worth every bit of pain she’d ever suffered. Petra stroked his hair as he led her and his siblings around the palace.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He was a nice kid.</p>
<p>Levi watched against the wall as Petra sat on Armin’s bed and talked to all his stuffed animals. There was Toby the Tiger, Petey the Bear, Gunther the Elephant, and so on. The boy looked so much like Erwin, but there was a tender uncertainty in him that the king had never displayed. Armin was soft in the best sense, a kind little thing. He politely let Kuchel and Oruo play with anything they wanted. Oruo kept staring murderously at the boy who’d taken his mother’s attention, but they could figure that out over time.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m going to like this boy.</em>
</p>
<p>All anger Levi had felt towards the child had evaporated. He’d had years with his own children, and he knew how it had hurt Petra to be separated from the kid. Plus, Levi believed he’d just genuinely enjoy having this boy around.</p>
<p>Armin would remind him of Erwin. The Erwin he’d used to know. Next year they’d buy a house just outside of town, with a garden and dog. The kids would play together. Life would be good and quiet.</p>
<p>But Levi was a little worried about Brigitta. She hovered in Armin’s doorway, staring at Petra with a wraith-like intensity. Levi edged closer to her.</p>
<p>“Good to see you,” he said.</p>
<p>“Yes. You too.” She didn’t look at him.</p>
<p>“Petra and I wanted to thank you for doing so much for the kid.” He had to be careful. Ingrid had told him Brigitta was almost unhinged about this. “He loves you a lot. You really saved the day.”</p>
<p>“I did,” she said quetly.</p>
<p>Levi cleared his throat. He hated this delicate shit.</p>
<p>“Next year, we hope you’ll come back to Marley with him. With us. Your parents are there already, anyway. It’ll be good for the kids to have you around. Ar—Siegfried especially.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She was terse. Still didn’t look at him. Fuck it, he’d tried.</p>
<p>Erwin entered the room.</p>
<p>“Lunch is ready on the south lawn. We should go,” he said. Petra left with the children, hugging Armin to her side. He giggled and beamed at whatever his mother said. Levi’s heart softened further towards the child. He loved Petra. He had good taste.</p>
<p>Lunch was pretty good, cold ham and salad and ice cream for the kids. Petra and Armin did most of the talking, her asking the boy every little thing about himself. Favorite color: green. Best friend: Toby and Auntie Brigitta. (Toy for a best friend? Kinda sad.) Favorite story: The Little Wooden Knight. Petra tickled him, made him laugh. Kuchel told him all about his first month, back when he’d lived with them. Armin absorbed it all like a sponge. His golden cheeks grew pink, his eyes bright. Erwin watched his son closely, looking quietly surprised.</p>
<p>Petra and the kids were good for Armin. As they should be.</p>
<p>After eating, the kids played tag on the lawn while the adults watched. Armin screeched with joy as Kuchel easily caught up with him, whirling him through the air. Oruo roared, charging here and there, but his legs were shorter than his siblings’ and they easily evaded him. That only made the little boy more grimly determined.</p>
<p>“He’s so like you, Levi,” Erwin said as Oruo tried flinging himself onto Armin and knocking him to the ground.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Siegfried’s like you, too.” Clipped. Polite.</p>
<p>Petra cleared her throat. She frowned at Erwin while Brigitta picked at a fruit salad.</p>
<p>“I’m a little surprised he didn’t know anything about me, or life in Marley, or the kids. I’ve been sending him all those letters over the years.”</p>
<p>Levi noticed that Brigitta stopped chewing. He watched her closely.</p>
<p>“I know you’ve sent letters.” Erwin frowned. “Of course Siegfried should have read them.” He looked to Brigitta. “He has, yes?”</p>
<p>Brigitta mumbled something. Dangerous light gleamed in Petra’s eye.</p>
<p>“My son has been getting my letters. Hasn’t he, Brigitta?” she asked. Brigitta glared and threw her napkin onto the table.</p>
<p>“Do you really think that was a good thing to do? They’d only make him miss you more!” Brigitta snapped. Levi narrowed his eyes. This woman had been sabotaging Petra? That bitch. “You think you can just waltz in here and do whatever you want with him? You didn’t raise him! I did!”</p>
<p>“Brigitta.” Erwin looked truly shocked. That was no act. Erwin Smith was a cunt, but at least he wasn’t that much of one.</p>
<p>“How fucking dare you,” Levi growled as Petra grew pale, red spots forming on her cheeks from rage.</p>
<p>“How dare <em>I?</em>” Brigitta stood up, her fists clenched. “You abandoned him!” she shouted. Petra looked taken aback.</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up,” Erwin hissed. The children had stopped playing and were regarding the adults with some confusion. Petra quickly got up and took Brigitta by the arm, marching her away. That left the men glaring at each other from across the remains of lunch. The kids continued playing; for children, no argument lasted long or left indelible marks. Not yet.</p>
<p>“More tea?” Erwin asked. Levi sneered.</p>
<p>“Weird fucking thing to do to Brigitta’s hair,” he said. “Being a redhead doesn’t suit her.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps not, but she’s amenable to changes,” Erwin said softly. Bastard.</p>
<p>“You’ll never have Petra,” he muttered. “Or me. One year left, Blondie. Then your ass is eaten.”</p>
<p>Erwin only stared sedately at Levi. There was a laziness about those blue eyes, that graying, golden head. He was like an aging lion licking its paw, reclining on a rock, wild plains stretching in every direction. King of all he surveyed.</p>
<p>“You’ll be sad to see me go.” It wasn’t a question.</p>
<p>“Tch. Like fuck I will.” Levi decided to twist the knife. “Besides, I’ll have your kid. The better version of you. That’s all anyone needs. Armin, not you.”</p>
<p>“Siegfried,” Erwin whispered.</p>
<p>“<em>Armin.</em> I think the kid likes his real name better. The one I gave him.”</p>
<p>The silence between them grew tense, almost painful. The men watched their children play. Kuchel was showing Armin how to do handstands and cartwheels. Oruo kept trying to trip both of his siblings. Armin seemed to be having the time of his life.</p>
<p>“Kuchel should have been a princess,” Erwin said softly. “She should have been raised with everything a child could want.”</p>
<p>“She has been. She’s got food, shelter. Toys. Love. Me, Petra, and Oruo. All she needs is Armin.” Levi scowled. “And she’ll have him.”</p>
<p>“As you say.” Erwin sipped his tea. “I have only a year left, after all.”</p>
<p>He sounded sincere, but Levi knew better than to trust the bitch. He watched Erwin carefully from the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“How could you?” Petra had dragged Brigitta into a parlor. They stood on opposite sides of the room, radiating fury at each other. “You’ve been trying to turn him against me! Why?” She was starting to shout. Brigitta seemed to bristle, clenching her jaw.</p>
<p>“You left him,” she whispered. Her voice was steel. “You ran away and left him behind.”</p>
<p>“It was the only way I could keep him, Levi, and Kuchel safe!” Petra barked.</p>
<p>“It was all for Levi. Everything you do is always for Levi.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t true and you fucking know it!” Petra could not remember every screaming at her sister before. Brigitta was the family sweetheart. No one ever had a cross word from her or to say to her. Brigitta was permanently sweet-tempered. Or she had been. Now Petra’s sister looked like a wasted shell of herself. Her cheeks were hollow, bags under her eyes. Wrinkles had sprouted along her forehead, and her hair had been dyed too many times. It was scraggly, a dull brown wherever the roots appeared. “Gitta. Please.” She tried to be gentle. Her sister was so…not herself. “Look what Erwin’s done to you.”</p>
<p>“Erwin?” Brigitta’s chin trembled, but she got herself under control. “<em>This</em> is what he’s done for me.”</p>
<p>Her sister held up her left hand to show off her diamond ring. Petra had noticed it earlier, but declined to say anything.</p>
<p>“You want to marry a man who’ll be dead in a year?” Petra tried approaching her sister, because there was a broken look in Brigitta’s eyes. She reached out for Brigitta’s hand. “You have done so much to raise Armin,” she said, trying for a softer tactic. “I know that. You did everything. I’m grateful for that. Really grateful. And I can understand why you kept my letters from him; you were trying to protect him.” She had to keep her voice calm and level. The anger could not win. “He loves you so much. Anyone can see that.”</p>
<p>“His name is Siegfried,” Brigitta said, her voice flat. Petra retracted her hand.</p>
<p>“Siegfried,” she said stiffly. “But he’s my son. And he’s going to come home with me.”</p>
<p>“You have two other children,” Brigitta grumbled. She hugged herself, pressed her back to the wall. “And now he loves you best. He loves you more!” she barked. Her face was crumbling, her strength dissolving. Petra’s heart ached.</p>
<p>“Gitta…”</p>
<p>“Everybody always loves you more than me!” She was crying now, her voice a wail. She sounded almost like a thwarted child. “You did whatever you wanted, and I always tried to make sure things were good. I made sure things were calm. I took care of everyone, and you didn’t, and everyone still loves you better! Why?” she sobbed. Brigitta faced the wall, slammed her hands against it. She heaved with sobs.</p>
<p>Petra came over, tried touching her sister’s shoulder. Brigitta shrugged out of the way.</p>
<p>“I love you the most,” Petra said softly. “You’re my favorite sibling. I love you more than Willem. Much more. I want you to be happy.” She bit her lip. “Come back with us. With Siegfried. You can live with us. We’ll be getting a big house next year, and you and Mama and Papa can live there. You can have your niece and nephews around all the time. Siegfried will need you. Please come.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Brigitta sniffed. She sounded lifeless. “I can be the sad, unmarried aunt who lives in a little room upstairs and looks after her sister’s children. Always in the way. The one everyone pities.”</p>
<p>“You can find someone again.” Petra felt stung. “You can start a career. You can marry again. You can adopt children.”</p>
<p>“I have a child!” Brigitta whirled to face her. She was filled with rage. Petra backed up. “You ran away from him! You gave him up! You don’t get to take back what you gave away!”</p>
<p>“He’s not a sweater, Brigitta, he’s my son!” Petra shouted. God help her, she was not going to shake her sister, but Petra wanted to. She really wanted to.</p>
<p>“<em>He’s my son!</em> In every way that really matters, he’s <em>mine</em>,” Brigitta hissed. Veins stood out in her forehead. Petra felt so shaken she almost sat down.</p>
<p>“You can feel any way you want about it,” she said coolly. “But next summer, he’s coming back to Marley with me. You can join us or stay here, it’s up to you. But my son is going to be with me. No matter what.”</p>
<p>Brigitta took a ragged breath and slumped against the wall. Her eyes were dead. A shark’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Why does it always work out for you and never for me?” she croaked.</p>
<p>Petra couldn’t answer that. Because life was cruel? Because Brigitta had made certain choices that were bad for her? Marrying Edvard, leaving Edvard, sleeping with Erwin. Petra had made plenty of mistakes, including that last one, but at least she’d learned. Brigitta never learned. She kept trying to do the exact same thing in the exact same way over and over, waiting for it to finally yield the result she wanted.</p>
<p>In her own way, Brigitta was as stubborn as Petra. Tragically so.</p>
<p>“You’re only thirty-one. You’re young,” Petra whispered. “You are always going to be special in Siegfried’s life. More special than anyone. You have so much time to make the exact life that you want. Please, Gitta. Just come home with me.”</p>
<p>Brigitta’s face fell. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Petra went and put her arms around her sister, felt how frail her little body was.</p>
<p>Brigitta roughly shoved her away.</p>
<p>“No!” she cried. She ran out the door and slammed it, leaving Petra shaken and alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The rest of the day passed too quickly. There were not enough minutes in an hour to adore Armin. Petra chased him across the lawn in a game. She cuddled on his nursery sofa and read him a story. She played a board game with him, Oruo, and Kuchel. Kuchel doted on her long lost little brother, hugging and kissing him. Oruo continued to glare murderously, but he also huffily agreed to play soldiers with Armin. That was a start.</p>
<p>“I love you, Mama.” He looked up at her with her own eyes. Petra covered that sweet face in kisses.</p>
<p>“I love you so much, my angel. My darling little boy. My perfect child. I love you, love you,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Oruo growled right next to them, but Kuchel picked him up and carried him away.</p>
<p>Levi was kind to Armin. So kind. He pinched the boy’s cheek and ruffled his hair, and patiently asked the names of all the toys. Armin took to his Uncle Levi. Petra’s heart could have melted at the sight. Levi wouldn’t just tolerate Armin for Petra’s sake; he would love her son. She could already see it.</p>
<p>She was too lucky. Brigitta was right about that.</p>
<p>And then the sun began to set. They were walking back to the palace’s front entrance, Armin’s hand in hers. Petra stared at him, trying not to let the tears build. How could she say goodbye? Now that she’d held him, seen him, how could she let go for another year? It was too cruel.</p>
<p>“Can Mama stay, Papa? Can she?” Armin hugged Petra’s hand and kissed it. Brigitta looked at them with cold fury; Petra ignored it.</p>
<p>“Mama has to go home to Marley,” Erwin answered.</p>
<p>Armin frowned. “Can I go with Mama, then? An’ Oruo an’ Kuchel an’ Uncle Levi?”</p>
<p>Erwin didn’t flinch or bat an eye. “No, sweetheart. You will one day. But not today.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Armin pouted. “When can I go see Mama?”</p>
<p>Erwin knelt before his son. He stroked the boy’s hair and hugged him. It gave some relief to Petra. Erwin loved their son deeply, and she saw Armin loved him.</p>
<p>“Soon. I promise.”</p>
<p>“Uncle Erwin?” Kuchel bounced on her toes. Erwin smiled at the girl tenderly. “Can’t Armin come home with us for a visit? Pleeeeease?”</p>
<p>Kuchel gave those big eyes that got her almost everything she wanted from her father. Petra saw Erwin waver just a moment. He kissed Kuchel’s forehead. He didn’t correct her use of the name Armin.</p>
<p>“Not today, angel. But soon.”</p>
<p>Levi meanwhile had been keeping Oruo almost glued to his hip. They were still wary in case Erwin tried anything with their son. It was one big reason they wouldn’t be staying overnight. Petra feared what Erwin could try to do to make off with a child of royal blood while the family slept.</p>
<p>“But I want him to come.” Kuchel pouted again. Oh dear. She was a sweet, wonderful child, but Petra would lie if she said Levi hadn’t spoiled her a little. Kuchel could not conceive of asking for something sweetly and being rejected.</p>
<p>“He’s my son. And he’s your mama’s son, of course. But Siegfried lives with me and Auntie Brigitta. He’ll come and see you next year.”</p>
<p>“Next <em>year?</em>” Kuchel cried. “No! That’s too far away!”</p>
<p>Armin whimpered. “Please, Papa? Can’t I go with Mama and Kuchel? Please? I’ll be so good! I’ll do my lessons and brush my teeth, I promise! Please?”</p>
<p>“Siegfried,” Brigitta hissed.</p>
<p>“No, Siegfried,” Erwin said sternly. He gripped his son by the shoulders. “It’s an agreement Mama and I made. You can go see her next year.”</p>
<p>“Then when can she come back and see me?” Armin’s eyes started to water. Petra winced from the pain.</p>
<p>“Next year,” Erwin said patiently.</p>
<p>“But why not sooner? Why can’t she come for midwinter? Why can’t she come here again? Why not?” Armin’s voice quavered and began to rise in volume. Petra hugged him tightly to her.</p>
<p>“Maybe I could come once a month,” she said.</p>
<p>“We had an agreement.” Erwin’s voice was ice. “You’ve had your one visit. Now wait until next year.”</p>
<p>Armin burst into tears and clung to Petra. She hushed him, stroked his hair.</p>
<p>“I know we had an agreement,” she snapped. Levi stood behind her, at her back. “But maybe we should change our plans.”</p>
<p>“Erwin. The kid wants to see his mother.” Levi’s tone was deadly. “He has that right.”</p>
<p>“A bargain is a bargain.” Erwin got up, and tried taking Armin away. But he latched on to Petra, and began screaming.</p>
<p>“No, Mama! Don’t go! Mama, Mama, don’t go, please! Please!” He screamed and wailed, and Petra wrapped her arms tight around him. She would never let go of her baby again. They could kill her, but she would not let him go.</p>
<p>“Let me talk to you alone,” Levi snapped. “Erwin. <em>Now.</em>”</p>
<p>Petra buried her face in Armin’s shoulder as Erwin and Levi walked away down the hall. She kissed her son as he whimpered and clung to her. Petra felt Kuchel and Oruo sit beside her. And she knew Brigitta was watching closely.</p>
<p><em>My son. He’s my son.</em> She nuzzled his soft little cheek. <em>He’s mine.</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They got stuck in some kind of library. Levi smacked a wooden globe that stood beside the door. The world spun like crazy.</p>
<p>“What do you have to say?” Erwin glowered.</p>
<p>“Don’t be a cunt. There. That’s it.” Levi crossed his arms. “That kid’s crazy about his mother. I’m not saying you have to give him to us now, but you can’t ask him to go another full year without seeing her. It’ll hurt him.”</p>
<p>“The world is cruel. You know that well.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I do. But we don’t have to make it even more cruel, you fucking asshole.” Levi strode forward, ready to pound the king into paste. “He’s your son. If you love him, do what’s best for him.”</p>
<p>“I am,” Erwin replied.</p>
<p>“Sorry if I think that’s bullshit.”</p>
<p>Erwin smirked. Once again, Levi felt that closeness hook under his ribs, draw him nearer to the king. His liege. His commander. Levi’s stomach sank. Why the fuck did the people you loved most have to disappoint you? It’d been a running theme throughout Levi’s life. Was it like that for everybody? Or was he just phenomenally unlucky?</p>
<p>“If you want me to give up my titan at the end of my term and send Siegfried to you in Marley, you will respect my wishes and our agreement.” Erwin frowned. “Petra has had her visit. I will reunite her with her son again soon. And that is all that’s to be said on the subject.”</p>
<p>Levi approached him, and Erwin took a step back. He was the Colossal, but Levi was an Ackerman. Erwin wouldn’t want to explode into his titan right now. He’d kill Armin if he did. Levi had the advantage, and the king knew it.</p>
<p>“I can kill you,” Levi said softly. “Whenever I want. I can come back here and end your fucking life.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Erwin lifted a brow. “And that would be contrary to the terms of our agreement. Floch and the Guard wouldn’t take kindly to that. Nor would our other territories.”</p>
<p>“If Petra and <em>Armin</em> get to be together, it’s a risk worth taking,” he snapped.</p>
<p>“Really? Your wife over humanity?” Erwin clucked his tongue. “That’s not a choice you want to have to make, Levi. I know you. You will always choose the world. The many over the few. It’s what makes you honorable.” He sneered. “And foolish.”</p>
<p>He’d show this asshole foolish.</p>
<p>But right now, it was getting late, and Levi did want to get Oruo away from here. So far, the boy had been safe. So far. Even speaking privately with Erwin was giving his goons too much of an opportunity.</p>
<p>The Ackermans had to catch the boat home.</p>
<p>“This isn’t over,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh, I think it is,” Erwin replied.</p>
<p>In a huff, Levi stormed out of the room. Tension pounded behind his eyes. Bastard.</p>
<p>He had to grimly watch as Petra and Armin were separated. The poor kid bawled, but his mother kissed him and promised to send him lots of letters and tell him about all the fun things they were going to do when he came to Marley. Kuchel sniffled and looked incredulously at Uncle Erwin, who had never denied her anything before. Levi just kept a grip on Oruo, made sure the sulky kid remained safe. It was the end of the visit, and anything might happen.</p>
<p>He’d be ready for anything.</p>
<p>“Sir?” A maid came to him, her head bowed and his coat in hand. Levi took it.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he said. He glanced at the girl as she curtsied to him. She turned on her heel and quickly walked away. There’d been something familiar about her, though he couldn’t place it.</p>
<p>Fuck it. He had bigger problems.</p>
<p>Levi kept his head down as he ushered his kids into the waiting car, then watched in pain as his wife clung to her son. Armin seemed like the kind of kid who never made much of a scene, but he was making up for that now. His face was red, tears on his cheeks. He gripped Petra’s skirt so tight Levi was almost afraid they’d rip it away as they got him off.</p>
<p>“I love you.” Petra said it over and over, kissed him over and over. “My baby, we’ll be together so soon. We’re going to have the most wonderful time. I’m going to write you every single day. Don’t cry, baby. I’ll see you soon.”</p>
<p>Finally they managed to pry Armin off his mother. Petra shuddered and tried to wave as her son was hauled back into the palace like a sack of potatoes. Levi helped her into the car. They closed the door and drove for the train station.</p>
<p>Kuchel was crying, too. Oruo just looked bewildered, somewhere between glad that the interloper in his mother’s affections was gone, sad because his mother was clearly heartbroken. Petra collapsed against Levi, who held her. He pressed her head to his heart. He kissed her hair. She didn’t wail like Armin had. But she sobbed. She was broken.</p>
<p>“Soon, baby,” he whispered. “We’ll get him back soon.”</p>
<p>Levi tried to focus on anything that was not breaking Erwin Smith in half.</p>
<p>He was on high alert as they traveled down to the port in their train car. Kuchel tried to play a game with Oruo, but her heart wasn’t in it. Petra stared listlessly out the window. Levi watched his son, the hallway, the window, everything. He just wanted to get his family safe. Then he’d deal with the rest.</p>
<p>When the train stalled out near a station and sat on the tracks for twenty minutes, Levi was ready to go out of his skin with worry. Was this it? Would Erwin make his move now? He watched every corner of the compartment, listened hard for the softest footstep. A commercial train hurtled past them at some point; great, why hadn’t they caught a ride on that shit? But finally, the train started again. Some mechanical malfunction. Of course. Why get rid of horses for all this fancy shit?</p>
<p>Horses. That was another pang in his heart. Erwin had told Levi what became of his horse. Erwin hadn’t harmed her; she’d lived out her life on Historia’s farm. They’d had to put her down last year.</p>
<p>Shouldn’t have mattered that much. She was just a horse. But Levi was miserable with it. She’d never seen him again. Never knew what became of him.</p>
<p><em>Just a horse.</em> Which wasn’t exactly true, but right now he had to protect his family.</p>
<p>They finally reached the port. Paradisian Guard soldiers saluted them as they hurried to board their ship.</p>
<p>Levi stood on deck with Oruo clamped to his side as the main ship coordinated with the Hizuran cruisers. Finally, the ship left the port and sailed out to sea. Levi let out a deep breath as he watched Paradis’s coast fade into the darkness. He hugged Oruo tight.</p>
<p>“You’re okay,” he said.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” His son squinted up at him. “Why’s he my brother?”</p>
<p>Later. They could explain all that later.</p>
<p>“Do me a favor. Go inside and give Mama a hug. She needs a lot of hugs right now.”</p>
<p>Oruo nodded. He gave Levi a hug as well, one of his brambly, grumpy embraces. Levi smiled as his son raced back inside to his mother and sister. Levi followed, hands in his coat pockets.</p>
<p>His right hand touched something. Paper. It crinkled as Levi pulled it out.</p>
<p>It was a letter. Who had…?</p>
<p>He opened it up and read.</p>
<p>
  <em>Captain,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My name is Inga Strauss. We met years ago, when I shot Zeke Jaeger.</em>
</p>
<p>The girl had kept her face turned down so Levi wouldn’t see the burns. He read on quickly.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is my only chance to get word to you. Please help us. Paradis is under attack from the king. No one in the outside world has any idea what he’s been doing here. If they find out I wrote this, I’ll be sent to one of the pits in the castle grounds. Please talk to King Tybur. Please do something. We’re desperate.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi read the three pages she’d included. His eyes almost crossed with the details he read. His mouth went dry.</p>
<p>No. Erwin hadn’t done…this.</p>
<p>He hadn’t become this. Had he?</p>
<p>Levi gripped the pages tightly and raced inside to find Petra. He went in just as the Hizuran cruisers turned away from the Marleyan ship and headed for home.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Turning for Okiya Port now. Yes, sir.” One of the Hizuran soldiers spoke with the captain of the fleet. He hummed as he charted the course.</p>
<p>Well. Strictly speaking, he wasn’t a Hizuran soldier. He was a Paradisian soldier dressed like a Hizuran.</p>
<p>“Has it worked?” Erwin asked, seated comfortably within the cruiser.</p>
<p>“You got here with plenty of time before the Ackermans, Majesty.” Yes. The delayed train had worked perfectly. Erwin had rocketed past them on a commercial train of his own, giving him plenty of time to reach the port and climb aboard the commandeered vessel.</p>
<p>“How long until we reach Okiya?”</p>
<p>“By sunrise, I’d say.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Erwin reclined in his chair. As soon as the Ackermans had been taken to Mitras today, a small stealth team of his had infiltrated one of the Hizuran boats. They’d done it perfectly; every crew member had been killed, their bodies now stored below deck. Regrettable. Very regrettable. But necessary.</p>
<p>Paradis’s boats had been taken by Marley. This had been one of the few chances to escape the island.</p>
<p>Erwin closed his eyes. Tomorrow would be a very busy day, and he needed rest.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I’m sure Captain Ackerman will be glad to see you,” Kiyomi said, walking with Mikasa down the garden’s winding path. In late summer, Hizuran gardens were a sight to behold. The bees hummed in the white and pink blossoms, the trees gave small, sweet pears. Kiyomi was dressed in a kimono of pale blue silk, while Mikasa had put on Marleyan attire. Though she still kept the Hizuran sword by her side, always.</p>
<p>“It will be nice to visit,” Mikasa said softly. Kiyomi inspected the woman’s profile. At twenty-seven, Mikasa had come into the height of her beauty. Her face was perfectly sculpted with high cheekbones, her dark gray eyes were heavily lashed. But she always looked quietly sad. Often Kiyomi would come in for afternoon tea and see the girl staring out onto the ornamental gardens, lost in thought.</p>
<p>Missing that boy, Eren.</p>
<p>Mikasa dressed like a Hizuran woman more often than not, but she almost always kept that red scarf around her neck, no matter how it clashed wth an outfit. She tugged at it now, a talisman against harm.</p>
<p>“Besides, it will be good for you to oversee joint training.”</p>
<p>Mikasa and the Azumabito soldiers were going to Marley to learn and teach. They would learn more about Marleyan’s war tech, and Marley would receive the finest instruction in hand to hand combat. A well-trained Azumabito retainer could take down five armored men alone. Mikasa, gifted with the Ackerman blood, had stepped up an already impressive training program.</p>
<p>Marley and Hizuru continued to strengthen ties, ensuring stability against Paradis.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Mikasa said quietly. They stopped just before the front door, the car waiting in the drive to take her to the shipyard.</p>
<p>“For what?”</p>
<p>“For everything. For giving me a home.” The young woman gave a delicate bow, perfectly managed. A sign of deference. “I’m not sure how I would have survived these last few years if you hadn’t taken me in.”</p>
<p>Kiyomi did not show her feelings much. But she took Mikasa’s face in her hands.</p>
<p>
  <em>You are the daughter I never had.</em>
</p>
<p>“You bring great respect and honor to this family. Thank <em>you</em>,” Kiyomi replied. It was the closest she could come to saying she loved the girl. Mikasa smiled, bowed again, and walked down the steps. Kiyomi watched as she got in the car and was driven away. Sighing, Kiyomi walked back inside.</p>
<p>Kiyomi had never wanted domestic tranquility. She had never wanted to marry, as that would require her to take a husband’s name, work for a husband’s family. She was proud of her Azumabito heritage. She did not want a man’s love, or children. She had wanted to run her clan, to bring them out of obscurity and back into the center of the world, right where they belonged. Now in her sixties, though, she felt how tired she was becoming. She didn’t want to fight these battles forever. And she had no husband or partner or children to fill the empty silence in her house.</p>
<p>But Mikasa had changed everything. Kiyomi had learned how nice it was to teach a child. To instruct. To shape them.</p>
<p>Not that Mikasa had been a child, but…</p>
<p>
  <em>She is my pride. The pride of my house.</em>
</p>
<p>That was enough for Kiyomi. She slid open the door and entered her private sitting area. She needed to do some work on the accounts before—</p>
<p>“Hello, Kiyomi.”</p>
<p>She stopped dead. Erwin Smith stood in the center of the room, arms crossed. For a moment, they just looked at each other.</p>
<p>“I suppose it would be useless to scream?” she asked calmly.</p>
<p>“You suppose correctly.” He shrugged and sauntered closer. “My clock has been running down. I’m afraid time is of the essence now. Normally, I’d try to coax you to my side, but that would take a tremendous amount of time. I don’t have the luxury.” He looked around the space. “Most of the Azumabito engineers live in this vicinity, don’t they? The ones who helped Hange with the hyperfusion bomb.”</p>
<p>Why lie?</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“I see.” He uncrossed his arms and opened his hands. Blood dripped from his left palm to patter on the floor. Kiyomi watched it carefully.</p>
<p>“Don’t do anything you’ll regret, Erwin.”</p>
<p>“I regret nothing. I refuse to.”</p>
<p>“Hmm. Care for some tea?”</p>
<p>“Not just now.” The large man came towards her, like a predator. Kiyomi stood her ground.</p>
<p>“You won’t win, you know,” she said gently. He stopped a few feet before her. He’d left a trail of blood behind him, like…breadcrumbs in the woods. Where had she gotten that idea from? A story. Some Marleyan story she’d heard as a child.</p>
<p>It was about a witch who wanted to eat two good little children. And the children burned the witch.</p>
<p>Why think of that right now?</p>
<p>“Whether I win or not,” Erwin Smith said kindly, “you won’t be alive to see it.”</p>
<p>She would not be afraid. Kiyomi did not give him the satisfaction of her fear as the lightning began to spark around him. As she felt the hot wind of imminent transformation on her cheek. There was nowhere for her to run. This would just happen.</p>
<p>She accepted it.</p>
<p>At least Mikasa was safe, headed across the sea. At least the Azumabito soldiers were with her. They would protect her. Or she would protect them.</p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye, sweet girl. I’m glad I gave you a home.</em>
</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there would be no home for her to return to.</p>
<p>Kiyomi stood there with folded hands, waiting politely until Erwin Smith erupted into his titan form. She didn’t shut her eyes when the end came. When the entire house exploded, and when she was incinerated to nothing but ash in the blast, she never thought to cry out.</p>
<p>She did not get to see Erwin rise above the streets of Okiya, towering in his colossal glory. Spreading a cloud of destruction to the surrounding area. Beginning his final, great war.</p>
<p>Kiyomi did not see it. But in her final moments, she could imagine it very well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Chapter 45</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“’It started with the children.’” Willy’s voice quavered slightly as he read over Inga’s letter. They were in his office, the king, Levi, and Petra. Levi stood against the wall, hands jammed in his pockets, trying to think. He could not put it together. Inga said that all this had happened, but Erwin had not done these things. Erwin could not do these things. He’d changed, sure, but no one could change this much.</p>
<p><em>Inch by inch. One step at a time.</em> Today someone relaxes their belief surrounding theft, then torture, then murder. One action leads to another. Levi understood it all too well. That was how he’d gone from being frightened when he broke into old ladies’ houses to kicking people’s teeth in and yanking out their fingernails without a care in the world.</p>
<p>If the stakes were high enough, a man could do anything. Even a good man. A great man.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. Why?</em>
</p>
<p>Then again, suppose it’d been Kuchel or Oruo at stake. Levi would gladly burn down the world to save his kids; he’d told Petra as much after she killed Fischer all those years ago. Erwin had a son, and that child was all that mattered to him. Levi could understand, and he hated that he understood.</p>
<p>Willy continued.</p>
<p>“’The king tested every single child on Paradis who’d been born the year Eren Jaeger died. Some families tried fleeing the island, but all we’re allowed now are rowboats or fishermen’s boats. No one could make it to Liberio in one of those. Eventually, there was too much suffering and they rebelled, especially when Erwin took the babies from Wall Sina as well as from Maria and Rose. When the wealthy understood he wouldn’t let them out of this deal, they joined the rebellion and helped the citizens. But the Guard was too strong. The rebels were defeated, and the king had every single noble executed, man, woman, and child. He took over all noble lands, saying they were the crown’s now.’”</p>
<p>Every single noble gone from Paradis. Levi didn’t think he’d ever shed a tear for the rich fuckers in Mitras, but the children had died, too. The innocent. Their graves were some pit dug deep in the earth, sprinkled with lime.</p>
<p>“He needed total control.” Petra sounded lifeless. Levi could see the thought in her tired eyes: <em>this is my fault. He did this for Armin. I gave birth to Armin.</em> <em>If I hadn’t, they’d all still be alive. We’d still be home on Paradis.</em></p>
<p>Even a loving mother would have a hard time justifying one kid’s life over the lives of thousands.</p>
<p>“Don’t,” Levi said. He went to her, gripped her shoulder. “Don’t think that way.”</p>
<p>She gave a wan smile. “You know me so well.”</p>
<p>“And now there’s a curfew,” Willy said, summarizing the rest of the letter. He looked grim, his mouth a tight, firm line. “Erwin has basically enslaved the population of Paradis. They take shifts working the fields and the mines. He’s started giving noble lands and titles to those most loyal to him. He’s building a world under his absolute control. If he ever got his hands on the Founder…” Willy shuddered and folded the letter shut, tossed it on his desk.</p>
<p>“That’s not the man I knew,” Levi grunted. Petra kissed his hand.</p>
<p>“The man you knew is gone.” Willy slumped into his chair and stared at the ceiling. Levi saw the king’s mind churning. Glad someone else was doing the thinking. He, Levi, only wanted to fight. He wanted to go home and fight and fight until he’d freed every citizen, until he’d brought down the Guard, until he’d…</p>
<p>Killed Erwin. The thought made him nauseous.</p>
<p>“Levi,” Petra whispered. She knew.</p>
<p>“Levi,” Willy said. He fixed the man with a piercing look. “Do you remember what I asked you years ago? At Kuchel’s birthday?”</p>
<p>“Would I be willing to become king,” he said lifelessly. He was such a piece of shit that for an instant he wanted to curse and say it wasn’t fair. He almost had the life he wanted. A simple life with a house, garden, the kids, Petra, some dog. Levi was not a man built for the world of kings. Maybe he had the blood of kings in his veins, but it meant exactly shit to him. He was half Reiss, but he only saw himself as an Ackerman. A warrior. A simple man with simple motives. Fight the enemy, kill the enemy, protect the innocent. Easy. Clean.</p>
<p>“I ask it now. Will you help me overthrow Erwin?” Willy leaned forward, clasped hands on top of his desk. “Will you help me save Paradis?”</p>
<p>“Why do you care so much?” he muttered. “You hate your own blood. Why give a shit about Paradis?”</p>
<p>“Levi!” Petra cried. He left her, paced back to the window. He was a wolf in a cage. Let him out. Let him out. Don’t make him do this.</p>
<p>“I care because Erwin Smith is our mortal enemy. Because I think we know him well enough to know that he has no plans to die next year. With these crimes against humanity, he’s…” Willy shook his head. “He plans to be around a long while. I don’t know what his game is. I…I can’t outmaneuver him.” It was a grim admission. Willy scowled. “I’ve only beaten him once, and that was with all of you helping. I need you again, my friend. Will you help me?”</p>
<p>Friend. Were they friends? Amazing how after over half a decade, Levi still wasn’t sure. He and Willy got along well, even drank together sometimes. But was it friendship? Friendship was what he had with Hange. What he’d had with…</p>
<p>He cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“How would we even swing this?” He looked at Willy. “How do we know making a big damn deal about it wouldn’t drive Erwin into a corner? Bastard gets canny when he’s cornered. I don’t think going in with trumpets blaring’s gonna do any good.”</p>
<p>Willy sighed deeply. “You may be right.”</p>
<p>“You don’t want to be king,” Petra said. It wasn’t a question. She was sympathetic, but up to a point. She reached out her hand, reached for his. He didn’t give it. Couldn’t.</p>
<p>“Correct, Ral. I’d be a shit king. Just another puppet.” He gazed out the window, frowned. There was some weird commotion happening in the streets. A bunch of guys in suits talked together, then took off running. Strange.</p>
<p>“Kiyomi and I have no designs on Paradis. With you at the island’s helm, we could have a true Triple Alliance again. We could have decades of peace.” Willy stood. “Levi? What is it?”</p>
<p>“What’s happening out there?”</p>
<p>People came together and scattered, shouting as they turned up car radios. At that moment, he heard voices rising outside of Willy’s door, all throughout his office. Someone knocked rapidly. His aide entered, looking pale.</p>
<p>“Majesty,” she whispered. “I…”</p>
<p>“Grace, what?”</p>
<p>Grace only turned on the radio. Levi had seen fear like that a few times in his life. It was the fear of seeing a titan at the gate. The fear that said the whole damn world could end. Somehow he knew what he would hear before she found the news.</p>
<p>“<em>…that the capital city of Okiya has been destroyed,</em>” the Marleyan announcer said. “<em>The Hizuran government is in shambles, as the shogun and his family appear to have been killed in the initial blast.</em>”</p>
<p>“Erwin wouldn’t dare,” Willy breathed. Petra dug her nails into Levi’s hand. The king almost fell into his seat. “How? They couldn’t have gotten the hyperfusion bomb all the way out there. Paradis’s air force has been demolished.”</p>
<p>Levi knew in his gut.</p>
<p>“It’s Erwin. He’s there,” he croaked. Petra shuddered. Sure enough, a second later it was confirmed.</p>
<p>“<em>The Colossal Titan exploded in the midst of the Takaba Garden district, where the most influential and powerful in Hizuran society live. While we don’t have confirmation yet, sources on the ground tell us that the blast appears to have emanated from the Azumabito clan’s stronghold in the cty. Lady Kiyomi Azumabito and all her family are reported to be dead. In other news—</em>”</p>
<p>“Mikasa,” Petra gasped. Willy shook his head.</p>
<p>“Mikasa and the Azumabito retainers are supposed to be on their way to Marley now. I had it confirmed an hour or so ago. Our cruisers did pick them up.”</p>
<p>Levi’s heart was racing. He hadn’t realized until it seemed all but sure that the brat was dead just how much he’d miss Mikasa if she ever…</p>
<p>“But Kiyomi’s dead,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“Grace. Radio our embassy in Hizuru. See if…” Willy trailed off. Of course. The embassy was in Okiya. Levi sat beside his wife and held her hand. He stroked Petra’s palm with his thumb. Holding this woman, he could believe this was not happening. With her safe in his arms, Levi could believe that the world itself was make believe. None of this was real.</p>
<p>And then…</p>
<p>“<em>Ladies and gentlemen, we are receiving a transmission,</em>” the announcer said. She sounded grim. “<em>From King Erwin Smith of Paradis. Stand by.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi’s whole body clenched as he heard Erwin’s voice. It was rough silk, a bit gravelly with age but still fucking smooth and controlled.</p>
<p>“<em>This is Erwin Smith,</em>” the king said. Petra made a wounded sound. Willy looked like he might be sick. Levi just stared at the radio. “<em>By now, word is already spreading across the continent and the world. I have come to Hizuru. In my Colossal form, I have eradicated the Azumabito family, the shogun, and much of the military infrastructure in the Okiya province. As I speak to you now, my people have overtaken the Hizuran navy. They are steaming their way across the globe, preparing to subdue all Hizuran territories. The Triple Alliance is no more. Kiyomi Azumabito is dead, and Marley and her territories now stand alone against the might of Paradis and Hizuru both.</em>”</p>
<p>“This can’t be real.” Willy sounded nauseated.</p>
<p>“<em>I have also taken Hizuru’s stockpile of hyperfusion weaponry. Including their newest innovation: the missile launch program.</em>”</p>
<p>“Fuck.” Willy slammed his fist on the desk. Levi just kept rubbing Petra’s hand, his mind spiraling downward. Yes. The missile program. Hizuran innovation had eradicated the need for bomber planes to drop death from the sky. Thanks to the new program, hyperfusion bombs could be launched from mainland Hizuru and directed to just about any point on the globe.</p>
<p>With the press of a button, Erwin could eradicate whole countries.</p>
<p>“<em>While I could turn this world into a smoking crater if I wished it, I have never desired omnicide. My goal has always been to preserve life, Eldian and otherwise. This world can still live in tranquility. All you must do,</em>” he said, speaking to everyone listening, “<em>is stand by and allow this Alliance to become what it should always have been: an empire. The Eldian Empire arises once again. Marley, Nambia, the Mid East, all must fall under my control.</em>”</p>
<p>“Why is he doing this?” Willy was red-faced. He looked like he might collapse from a stroke. But Levi understood. He would always understand Erwin.</p>
<p>“He thinks we put him into a corner.” His voice sounded tired. “He’s afraid for his son. He doesn’t want to die.”</p>
<p>“He’s planning to bomb the entire world if…” Willy couldn’t finish.</p>
<p>“No,” Petra whispered. The men looked at her. “We have enough hyperfusion bombs to retaliate. We could destroy Paradis if we wanted. Erwin knows that.” She swallowed, looked dizzy. “And his…my son lives on Paradis. Erwin won’t risk it. He’ll use the missiles if he has to, but he just wants to hold us all hostage.”</p>
<p>“She’s right,” Levi said.</p>
<p>“<em>If you will not submit, you must prepare for war,</em>” Erwin said. “<em>In the meantime, I shall take control of the worldwide Eldian populations.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi thought of what Inga had written. The babies…</p>
<p>“He’s trying to find the Founding Titan,” he said.</p>
<p>“Shit.” Willy screwed up his face. “That bastard.”</p>
<p>“He’s going to kill all those children.” Petra looked dizzy.</p>
<p>“Connie can’t blow his cover,” Levi said, hating the words. “He can’t.”</p>
<p>“What <em>is</em> Connie’s plan, anyway?” Willy snapped.</p>
<p>“Don’t know. But whatever it is, we won’t help him by tipping our hand to Erwin that we know.” Levi sighed. His head was pounding.</p>
<p>They could hear even more shouting in the streets below. Car horns blared. Petra was trembling. She had to be thinking of Armin.</p>
<p>“He used me seeing my son as a way to get off the island, didn’t he?” she whispered. His wife bent over. “I destroyed everything. This is my fault. If I hadn’t fucked him—”</p>
<p>“This isn’t your fault, or Armin’s,” Levi hissed. He cupped her cheek. “It’s his. Only his.”</p>
<p>“My little boy.” She sounded so broken. Levi hugged her fiercely. He would not let Erwin, that fucker, hurt her anymore.</p>
<p>“I have to get Nambia on the phone.” Willy sounded dazed as he stood. But he stopped and regarded Levi. “So. Levi. What’s your answer?”</p>
<p>Levi stared up at the king. The Tybur king. He imagined for one second that it was Erwin across that desk, asking Levi what to do. What to say. How to act.</p>
<p>Paradis was under attack from within. Levi’s home. His people. And now the world was under attack as well.</p>
<p>He shut his eyes. He should have seen this coming. Perhaps he even had, but had wanted to live as much of his life in peace as possible. Unfortunately, peace was no longer an option. Maybe it never would be again.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said. He looked at Willy. “Yeah, okay. I’ll become king.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin was exhausted when he returned to Paradis. He had been gone for three days, overseeing the final takeover and surrender of the rest of Hizuru. The Kaitanaka Provinces up north had given him great trouble, but they had fallen. The fission scientists and engineers had either been eradicated or brought firmly over to Paradis’ side. Erwin had the missile launchers, most of the hyperfusion weaponry in the world, and a nearly limitless supply of material. Marley still oversaw a sizeable portion of the world’s population and hyperfusion arms, but Willy could not overpower Erwin. Not with Kiyomi gone.</p>
<p>Erwin returned home to wait for the new shipments of Eldian children. He felt sorrow for their young lives, and the way he was ripping their families apart. Still, this would enflame tensions worldwide once more between Eldian and non-Eldian. Erwin anticipated new uprisings, which would only weaken Marley’s infrastructure. He had created chaos. He would bring peace, though.</p>
<p>He would unlock the Founder and bring peace.</p>
<p>It was dark by the time Erwin arrived home to Mitras. He wearily climbed the stairs, ready to sit with Siegfried for an hour or two. His little boy. His perfect child. That sweet angel was all that could lift Erwin’s spirits now.</p>
<p>But when he approached the nursery door, he heard shouting. Brigitta’s voice, and Siegfried’s. Erwin burst inside to find the woman with a stuffed tiger in her hands. She was shrieking at Siegfried, who was huddled in a little ball on his bed, wailing and sobbing like his heart would break.</p>
<p>“Put Toby down! Auntie, please!” he wailed. But Brigitta ripped the tiger’s ear right off its stuffed head. Siegfried screamed like she’d done it to him, and not his toy.</p>
<p>“You’re so spoiled! Why do you hurt me like this?” she bawled. Brigitta had a frenzied look in her eye. She started to rip the tiger’s other ear. “You’re Siegfried! That’s your name! You ungrateful—”</p>
<p>“<em>What is going on in here?</em>” Erwin boomed. Brigitta dropped the tiger, and Siegfried launched himself at his father. Erwin picked up the child, shushed and hugged him while Siegfried wept against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“He…” Brigitta wiped her face. She looked ill and sweaty, fever-eyed. “He won’t stop telling me to call him Armin. I can’t…”</p>
<p>“My name’s Armin! I, I wanna be called Armin!” Siegfried bellowed. Erwin only hugged his son, shushed him. “T-Toby got huuuurt,” he wailed.</p>
<p>“It’s all right, sweetheart.” Erwin kissed the boy’s cheek. “I’ll have someone sew Toby right up. He’ll be good as new. Okay?”</p>
<p>Siegfried sniffed, but calmed down. “Thank you, Papa.”</p>
<p>The little boy’s eyes swam with tears. Erwin hugged him, put him on the bed. Siegfried scampered to hug Toby, sniffling over the torn ear, the little ball of fluff that had fallen out. Brigitta stood there looking hunched and withered, some crone from a Gothic tale.</p>
<p>Erwin rang a bell cord. He asked a footman to send a maid to sew the tiger back up. Then they were alone again.</p>
<p>“Now.” Erwin sat on the bed and patted Siegfried’s hair. “I’m going to have a little talk with Auntie, and then why don’t I come back here and read you a story?”</p>
<p>“O-Okay.” Siegfried snuggled against Erwin. The king’s heart expanded as he hugged that little child. His only true reason to draw breath. “I love you, Papa.”</p>
<p>“I love you more than anything in this world.”</p>
<p>Erwin summoned Brigitta with a look. She followed him out of the nursery and down the hall to their bedroom. He walked calmly while she cried and snapped at him.</p>
<p>“He won’t stop asking for his mother! I told you not to let her come! Now he’s all upset and wants to be called Armin. He hates me!” She wailed as they entered the bedroom and Erwin shut the door. “I gave him everything, and all he wants is her! I told you, I told you that—”</p>
<p>Erwin grabbed her shoulder and flung her onto the bed. Brigitta landed with a gasp, the springs creaking. He made no other move on her, but stood there with a fist loosely formed at his side. She looked up at him in astonishment.</p>
<p>“If you ever touch my son again, I’ll kill you.” There was no anger in his voice. It was the simple recitation of a promise.</p>
<p>“Erwin?” She gaped in horror.</p>
<p>“Listen to me. You’ll be moved out of this room and this apartment. You will only be allowed to see Siegfried while I am present.”</p>
<p>“No. No!” She tried to get up, but he lifted his hand and she collapsed. He wasn’t even going to hit her. He just wanted her attention.</p>
<p>“If I see you near him without my express permission; if I see you when I do not explicitly wish to see you; you will be thrown into a prison cell and remain there indefinitely.”</p>
<p>“But…” She looked dizzy. Had she taken to drink, like Marie? Perhaps Erwin was bad for people’s health. “But I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You and I, Erwin. We were going to be—”</p>
<p>“What? Married?” This bitch had scared his son. She had hurt his son. “Why would I need you when I can have <em>her</em>?”</p>
<p>Brigitta didn’t ask whom he meant. The mother that Siegfried longed for and preferred. Brigitta slumped over, a discarded doll.</p>
<p>“You bastard,” she said quietly. But Brigitta could not compete with Petra. The mother of his son. Erwin would have Petra again. Seeing Siegfried with his mother, the joy that she brought the child, had assured Erwin that he would have her. Petra was what his son wanted; Petra was the mother Siegfried would have.</p>
<p>And the wife Erwin would take. The empress at his side. Whether she wanted it or not.</p>
<p>“I’ll give you one hour to remove any trace of yourself. I’ll have Klein arrange a new room for you.” He turned to go. Hesitated. “If you still want me to restore what nature took from you when I claim the Founder, you’ll behave yourself. Stay away from me and from Siegfried unless I request your presence.”</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>She muttered nonsense to herself as he walked out and returned to the nursery. There he found Inga speaking kindly with Siegfried, darning Toby’s ear with needle and thread. The child leaned against the maid, sniffling and smiling a bit. Erwin felt a flush of deep warmth.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Inga. You may go.”</p>
<p>“Majesty.” She gave a curtsy and left. That was a good woman. When Erwin had the Founder, he would restore everything the doctor had cut from her. He would restore her face. Erwin was hateful to his enemies, but to those who served him well he would show generosity that none could match. “Is Toby better?”</p>
<p>“Yep.” Siegfried cuddled the tiger as his father sat beside him. Erwin pinched the soft little cheek. Siegfried beamed and hugged his arm. “Papa. C-Can you call me Armin?”</p>
<p>Ah yes. That.</p>
<p>“Why, sweetheart?”</p>
<p>“Mama said she called me that when I was born.”</p>
<p>“You like that name better than Siegfried?”</p>
<p>“Ummm. I dunno,” he said shyly.</p>
<p>“Do you miss Mama?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm. Papa, can we see her soon?” That sad little face.</p>
<p>“What if I told you that very soon now, Mama is going to come here and live with us?”</p>
<p>Siegfried all but bounced.</p>
<p>“Really? Really, Papa?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” He tickled the child’s stomach. Siegfried giggled with joy. He crawled into Erwin’s lap, and Erwin hugged the beloved boy tightly. “She will live here with us, and so will Kuchel. You’ll have both of them to play with you.”</p>
<p>“An’ Oruo? An’ Uncle Levi?”</p>
<p>“Of course, sweetheart.” Erwin kissed the child’s forehead.</p>
<p>Yes. Oruo and Uncle Levi were Siegfried’s now, too. And Erwin would claim them.</p>
<p>Levi was his.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I can’t remember all these damn words,” Levi growled as Petra helped button up his military jacket. He wasn’t the type to get nervous, but right now the lines of his palms were sweating. His undercut felt slick with sweat, too. He hoped he wouldn’t appear dewy in front of the world. They stood before a closed pair of doors, and Levi listened to the click and whirr of cameras as the international press recorded this little conference Willy had put together.</p>
<p>Willy had dressed himself in his Old Eldian Empire best, robes and sandals, the works. Levi and Petra, meanwhile, wore the military regalia of the Survey Corps. Levi felt a little stronger with the Wings of Freedom insignia on the back.</p>
<p>They were wearing wings and brown jackets to contrast the Paradisian Guard’s crown and black. The message was clear: Erwin Smith is all about power. Levi Ackerman’s all about freedom.</p>
<p>‘Ackerman?’ Willy had asked. He’d wanted Levi to adopt his father’s surname. No doing.</p>
<p>‘You made everyone hate the Fritzes and Reisses’ Levi had replied. ‘You and Erwin. The Ackermans are warriors, not kings or politicians.’</p>
<p>Occasionally Levi won an argument.</p>
<p>But he still hated the idea of standing out there in front of a microphone and talking to literally the entire fucking world.</p>
<p>“Willy said there’d be a teleprompter for you.” Petra’s hands were steady, her voice gentle. Nothing fazed her. She was the brave one. He kissed his wife—his queen.</p>
<p>
  <em>Only way I can do this king shit is with you by my side.</em>
</p>
<p>“Looks like you’re gonna be a queen after all,” he murmured.</p>
<p>She kissed his cheek with such tenderness. “You’ve always been a king to me. It’ll be easy.”</p>
<p>He felt his face flush. Damn embarrassing brat. He worshipped her.</p>
<p>“It’s just not me. Tch.” He screwed up his face. “’My fellow Eldians, the usurper Erwin Smith has taken my father’s throne. I, the true king, Levi Ackerman, will—’fuck.”</p>
<p>“Yes. You will fuck.” Petra lifted a brow. “But not until later.”</p>
<p>“I’ll kill you,” he said affectionately. They kissed. “But it ain’t me, Petra.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be right at your side. So will the kids.” She hugged him tight. He returned the embrace.</p>
<p>“Ready?” Willy asked. He appeared beside them, dressed in that ridiculous getup of his.</p>
<p>Ready to be king? To take on Erwin?</p>
<p>
  <em>Guess I have to be.</em>
</p>
<p>“Sure,” Levi said. Willy shook his hand, and then got into position. The Ackermans stood out of the way and awaited their cue to enter. Kuchel and Oruo scampered over; the grandparents had brought them. Kuchel looked ready for her moment in front of the cameras. The little girl was beaming, well-scrubbed and adorably outfitted. Oruo, meanwhile, looked like he’d rather dangle off a high balcony than be photographed. Levi hugged the boy to his side. They were alike in that way.</p>
<p>“Everyone ready?” Petra made last minute inspections of her children’s clothes and faces. Kuchel bounced.</p>
<p>“So if Papa’s a king, does that make me a princess?” She looked ready to burst at the idea.</p>
<p>“I ain’t a princess,” Oruo snarled.</p>
<p>“Yes. We’re royalty because of Grandpa Uri,” Petra said. She hugged her children close. She kissed Levi. They were all together, all unified. It calmed him. “But no matter what, we’re a family. That’s most important.”</p>
<p>“Listen to your mother,” Levi said softly. The love of his life.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. I’m coming for you.</em>
</p>
<p>The thought was a knife in his side. But no more time to think; he heard Willy’s microphoned voice boom out across the balcony, onto the world’s stage. Levi waited in the wings, his heart loud, his breath shallow. He hated crowds. He hated public speaking. Erwin and Willy had been born for this shit. Levi was the only real king of the three, but he had no aptitude for it. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Ladies and gentlemen of Marley. Of Paradis. Of the world,” Willy said. Levi heard the cicada whirr and buzz of hundreds of cameras. His stomach lurched. “You all have known me for years as head of the Tybur line. Controller of the War Hammer Titan. The Savior’s Descendant. The last scion of the great Eldian families. And most recently, the King of Marley, and one third of the Triple Alliance.” Willy’s voice fluctuated between sincerity and sorrow. Fucking perfect. “As an Eldian, I grew up despising the blood that ran in my veins. Most, if not all Eldians have felt as I did. That we were born of monsters, and that we must atone for those ancestral sins. In recent years, we Eldians have reasserted ourselves upon the world’s stage at the behest of Erwin Smith, the so-called King of Paradis.” So-called. Nice. “The world has seen for nearly a decade the truth of Eldians: that we are, by and large, a humble people whose only goal is to serve mankind and repent for the cruelties of our past. But now, that image and that truth are threatened by the imposter, Erwin Smith.”</p>
<p>Imposter. Levi thought again of riding alongside Erwin under that large, blue sky. Seeing far into the distance, towards the sunset, towards the truth of their world. The salvation of their species. An imposter? The greatest man who had ever lived, an imposter?</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s greater than you or me, Willy.</em>
</p>
<p>Even now, it burned him to think of such insults being hurled at that godlike man. Erwin…</p>
<p>“Levi.” Petra squeezed his hand. “Get ready.”</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>“And as a custodian of Marley, and Eldians worldwide, I declare this: I, Willy Tybur, king of Marley, have made a declaration of war upon Paradis Island, and upon the false king and tyrant, Erwin Smith!”</p>
<p>The camera clicks reached a crescendo. The crowds gathered around the balcony cheered, got so loud Levi was afraid they’d start rioting.</p>
<p>“And now, I want to introduce to you the true king of Eldia, and the true king of Paradis. Historia is a false queen, as her husband is a false king. The true heir to the throne of Paradis, the long lost son of King Uri Reiss, was not born to privilege. He was raised amongst the lowest of his father’s citizens. Levi Ackerman—not Reiss, no, as he’s foregone the titles of his father’s house—was born to squalor and ruin. But he has risen over the last forty years to become a great man. A warrior. A tireless fighter for the freedom of all peoples, Eldian and non-Eldian alike. It is my privilege to stand alongside him, to join in the fight to reclaim his father’s throne. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the true king of Paradis, Levi Ackerman.”</p>
<p>Here it was. Levi walked out onto the balcony, stiff as a petrified board. Petra’s warm hand never left his. She had picked up a sulking Oruo and bounced him on her hip. Kuchel pranced alongside her father, eyes sparkling as she met her public.</p>
<p>It was a wall of light and noise. Levi blinked; could barely see shit. He felt Willy’s hand on his shoulder, and Petra’s hand leave his. Fuck. Then he was thrust before a microphone, blinking owlishly at the press and the cameras that captured every second of his humiliation. Fuck this.</p>
<p>Why the fuck was he here?</p>
<p>
  <em>To save Paradis. Come on, bitch. Focus.</em>
</p>
<p>“Um.” Levi swallowed. His eyes focused on that teleprompter in front of him. The white letters started rolling against a black backdrop. Time to go. “My fellow Eldians, the usurper has taken my father’s throne,” he read. Even Levi could hear how hollow and monotone his voice was. He tried not to frown, which only made his shoulders hunch up to his ears. Click. Click. Whirr. Fuck, the noise was everywhere. Those cameras. He was naked before the world.</p>
<p>How could he try to stand up against a charismatic force like Erwin Smith? This was Erwin’s domain. Levi was a soldier. Just a soldier. A family man. He didn’t want to be a fucking king.</p>
<p>“I, the true king, Levi Ackerman, will…”</p>
<p>And then the teleprompter broke. Levi stared. He waited for it to right itself. Nothing. No go. All the words he’d practiced leaked out of his head. He froze before the entire world. The crowd began to titter. He could feel Willy trying to work out what to do, quickly.</p>
<p>“Uh.” Levi grunted. “<em>Fuck.</em>”</p>
<p>The crowd gasped. The cameras collected his every moment of humiliation. Maybe he should just turn around and go back inside.</p>
<p>“Papa! Bad word!” Kuchel cried. It’d come out of her without thinking. His daughter gasped and clapped hands over her mouth; Petra had told Kuchel to be silent today.</p>
<p>The crowd suddenly burst into a round of laughter. Levi looked over his shoulder at his little girl, who was bright red. She stared at the shiny leather toes of her shoes. Fuck it. He waved her over. Willy watching, looking queasy, Levi gathered his daughter against him. He hugged her to his side.</p>
<p>“Yeah. That’s the good thing about having daughters. They keep you honest,” he mumbled. The microphone caught it. The cameras caught it.</p>
<p>More laughter from the crowd. And then…applause.</p>
<p>Kuchel giggled and buried her face against Levi’s shoulder. The crowd aawwed and cheered. Levi saw Willy, who now was staring out at the audience and the cameras with an interested expression. And Petra was laughing. Laughing til tears ran down her cheeks.</p>
<p>She came over and gave him a quick kiss. That brief touch of her lips centered him. Anything could be all right with such a woman at his side.</p>
<p>More cheers from the crowd. Oruo glared out at his adoring public and roared his anger, shaking his little fists. Petra whispered for him to knock it off and kissed his cheek. He instantly became a lamb for his mother, hugging Petra tightly. The crowd ate it up. The cameras whirred.</p>
<p>“Uh. Look. Screw it, I’m not the kind of guy who talks to cameras. I’m a soldier. I’ve fought my whole life,” Levi said, desperate to wrap this up. “I don’t really want to be king.” He heard Willy make a noise like he’d been punched. “But Erwin Smith’s enslaved Paradis. My home. He’s killed thousands of Hizurans. He has to be stopped. So if becoming king is what it takes to stop him, I’ll do it. Whatever it takes to stop him, I’ll do it. You have my word. And you have my word that I won’t try to be some fancyass king, lording it over everybody. I just want Eldians to live peacefully with everyone else. That’s it. So. Thanks.”</p>
<p>Clicks. Whirrs. And then applause.</p>
<p>Cheers.</p>
<p>Stamped feet, cries of ‘King Levi!’</p>
<p>Petra, his wife, his queen, wrapped an arm around his waist. Tears shone in the amber depths of her eyes, and she smiled. That gentle smile. Those loving eyes. She kissed his cheek. He became centered in that moment as his wife smiled and his daughter clung to him and his son blew a raspberry.</p>
<p>“King Levi! Queen Petra! The king! The queen!”</p>
<p>The cheers became roars. The press ate it up.</p>
<p>Willy stood alongside the Ackermans and waved, grinning widely. He shook hands with Levi and leaned down to speak in his ear.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t have designed this better myself. Congratulations, my friend.” Willy Tybur winked. “Your Majesty.”</p>
<p>Yeah. Time to be king.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra made a pretty good queen, if she said so herself. She’d been afraid at first that she’d have to try to appear dainty and meek, the model wife and mother when she was none of those things. But as it turned out, the worldwide press and the people had loved Levi’s press conference. They had seen a devoted family, a husband and wife blissfully in love, two rambunctious children. In comparison, Erwin and Historia were distant and almost unreachable, too pretty and polished and cold.</p>
<p>Petra worked alongside Willy and Levi to get their Eldian fighting forces ready to go to Paradis. The newspapers loved her, following her all around and taking photographs as she instructed soldiers, ran drills. As she shopped for groceries, picked the kids up at school. A regular woman, a strong soldier. A queen anyone could relate to.</p>
<p>The papers called Willy the Red King and Erwin the White King. Levi became the True King, and Petra the True Queen.</p>
<p>“We’re all members of the royal family, aren’t we?” Ingrid had asked one night, eyes practically goggling as she considered her newfound status as grandmother to a prince and princess.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Levi sounded resigned as he drank his tea. Petra kissed him. In the privacy of their room, she made love to him. Wrapped in each other’s arms, they gave whispered promises. They would always be together. They would always fight together. They would liberate their homeland. Their family would be safe.</p>
<p>Willy soon came to realize that Levi was not the best representative of the royal family as far as the press went. But Petra was adept at playing her role. She showed reporters her best fighting techniques, which the women’s magazines ate up. ‘A Strong, Independent Woman’ the headlines said, showing Petra’s grinning image on the glossy front covers. She also let the Better Living columnist for the Valle paper into the family apartment, showing off the kitchen and the parlor. A woman who was as domestic as she was warlike? The world went crazy for her.</p>
<p>They even made a newsreel of Petra cutting her long hair, returning to the short bob of her youth. ‘A Queen’s Sacrifice’ they called it, since long hair was a detriment when fighting. Women all over Marley adopted her hairstyle, some even going so far as to dye their hair red. ‘The Petra’ became the fashion for much of that summer and into the fall.</p>
<p>Kuchel adored all the attention. She trained with Levi and Mikasa, showing off her Ackerman fighting skills for all the world to see. Watching an eleven year old girl flip one burly man after another was tabloid fodder. As the Ackerman family revealed themselves—Levi’s stoicism and humble origins, Petra’s charm, Kuchel’s sparkle, even Oruo’s spirited fury—the world fell in love with the new royals.</p>
<p>The press turned against Erwin and Historia…and even Armin. ‘Not a real family’, they said. ‘A lifeless doll’ they called Historia. ‘A sad little lump of a boy’ they termed Armin. Petra had wanted to rip their heads off when she read that.</p>
<p>Her baby.</p>
<p>“We’ll get him back,” Levi would whisper in the night, after she wept just thinking about her son. Her husband stroked her hair. “He loves you. He’ll see you again.”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t I just take him with me? I should have fought harder for him,” she sobbed.</p>
<p>“Baby, there was nothing you could do. But we’re going to Paradis, and we’ll take him back. I swear it.”</p>
<p>There’d been a time where Levi would never have sworn any such thing. But for her, he’d do it. Do anything. Make any vow.</p>
<p>Promise her anything, no matter how impossible.</p>
<p>For the Ackermans, the war seemed an abstract thing. Petra knew intellectually that the fighting had begun off the shores of Nambia, that the Mid-East was experiencing a terrible schism of territories that supported Erwin vs. Levi’s claim. Some had even broken off and started to agitate for an independent nation of their own. Erwin had tipped the world straight into chaos. Levi wanted to go where the fighting was thickest, but he’d been advised, and rightly, that doing so would only make the situation harder.</p>
<p>“You don’t want to die on the battlefield,” Willy had said one night at their dining room table. He and Petra had been growing irritated, trying to get Levi to see reason. Hange had been there as well, also doing her best. “You’re the one piece we can’t afford to lose.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Pieces. Like this is some fucking game,” Levi had said.</p>
<p>“It is,” Petra had snapped. Honestly, this man… “It’s like…like chess. Remember when we used to play?” Attempted and failed to, that is. “The moment the king falls, it’s over.”</p>
<p>“Tch.”</p>
<p>But Levi had finally softened when Oruo scampered into the room, flying a model plane through the air and making it crash land against his father’s side. Levi had scooped the boy onto his lap as Oruo continued making horrific explosion sounds. Petra understood. For this little boy, Levi would restrain himself.</p>
<p>He was the most dutiful man alive, but he’d told her once that she and their children were his top priority. Family changed a man.</p>
<p>And so Levi and Petra waged a war of propaganda, designed by Willy. Petra spoke to newsreels, did interviews, showed people how to plant their own little vegetable gardens even in the city. They wanted to free up as much food as possible to go to the troops, after all. Petra and her father had even discussed it on camera. As a former vegetable seller, Pieter had had much to say. Seeing a queen with dirt on her hands, one who came from such humble origins, only made the people love her more.</p>
<p>When Levi and Petra went to one of Willy’s fundraisers or galas now, dressed up in white tie and evening gown, people mobbed the sidelines and screamed Petra’s name more than the king’s. ‘The True Queen’ also became ‘The People’s Queen.’ Levi loved reading all those articles supporting his wife in the paper. She’d come in and find him at the breakfast nook with his morning tea, practically glowing as he read how people loved Petra.</p>
<p>‘She’s so relatable! She feels like me!’ ‘I know just how she grew up. You feel like you can trust her.’ ‘You can see what a good mother she is. She’s so natural.’</p>
<p>“All the housewives love you,” Levi would tell her, folding the paper and taking her onto his lap. They’d kiss deeply. “That means you’ve got the whole world by the balls.”</p>
<p>She giggled, kissed his nose.</p>
<p>Willy had even told her that she was the campaign’s most valuable asset. Levi’s gruffness only went over so well because it had her natural sweetness and cheer to balance it out. People loved seeing them together. Levi occasionally got short with photographers who snapped photos while they took the kids to the park for a rare family outing. But Petra reminded him that this was their new normal. They were fighting Erwin with pictures as much as with bullets and tanks.</p>
<p>By far the most hilarious aspect of their new lives was the society balls that Willy and Giulia hosted to get the world leaders on their side. Levi was finally forced to dance in public. Not just to dance, but to dance alone in the center of the room, all eyes on him. The first time he did it, Petra had found him hanging at the edges of the room, dewy with sweat. He’d looked like a cornered rabbit.</p>
<p>“Look in my eyes the whole time,” she whispered as she led him to the floor for the first dance. “Remember that night in the stables in Mitras?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. They’d danced the Marian Waltz, Petra’s favorite. She hadn’t been able to dance it at the ball, and so it had just been them in the musky, dimly lit stable with only the horses as an audience. As they prepared to dance, Petra’s gloved hand in his, his hand on her waist, she saw the look in his eyes shift from mortal terror to fond remembrance. “Dancing with you’s the only way I know how to dance,” he said.</p>
<p>“Then here we go,” she whispered. The music struck up, and they turned around the floor. Levi’s eyes never left hers, and she grinned as they hurtled back across the years to being two shy people, new in love and on the brink of a relationship, wondering what the future had in store for them. She mouthed that she loved him. His eyes told her that he adored her. When the crowd began to applaud—because despite his shyness, Levi danced very well when he knew the steps—it didn’t rouse her husband from his pleasant stupor. He remained captivated by her as the waltz finished. As the room cheered.</p>
<p>Levi pulled her close and kissed her lips just once. But it was not a rehearsed gesture. Everyone could see the genuine feeling behind it.</p>
<p>The leaders loved the Ackermans as a couple. The people adored them. For the first four months of the war, they lived in an enchanted bubble of interviews, parties, and speeches. Levi trained Kuchel alongside Mikasa and her Azumabito warriors. Petra would never forget the way the Ackerman girl broke down when she reached mainland Marley and learned the full extent of what had happened to Kiyomi. Petra had held the girl, stroked her hair as Mikasa raged at the unfairness of it. Her family kept slipping through her hands.</p>
<p>Kuchel had crawled onto Mikasa’s lap, and Oruo had even deigned to sit beside her on the couch. “We’re still your family,” Kuchel had said, snuggling against her cousin. Petra had watched as, through her tears, Mikasa beamed.</p>
<p>“And I’m not going to let anything happen to any of you.” She kissed Kuchel’s head. “Ever.”</p>
<p>After running drills, Petra would go and watch the Azumabito fight her small, eleven-year-old daughter. Petra never ceased to be amazed and a little alarmed at the way Kuchel could flip a grown man three times her size, or take down five attackers with a single practice blade. In those moments, her sweet little girl became a dead-eyed warrior, as talented as her father and cousin.</p>
<p>“Why can’t I do it, too?” Oruo grumped one day as he and Petra watched Kuchel and Levi spar in the ring. Levi corrected Kuchel’s footing, gruff but clearly bursting with pride.</p>
<p>“Because it hasn’t been unlocked in you. But I don’t want it to be,” Petra said softly. She hugged her little boy. “I don’t want you to ever need to fight like this.”</p>
<p>“But I’d be better’n Kuchel,” he said, narrowing his eyes. Well. He probably would at that. Oruo’s instinct for fighting was five times naturally keener than his sister’s.</p>
<p>“Well. Maybe one day. But could you stay my little guy just a while longer?” she asked. Oruo beamed at her, looking in that one moment like a sweet boy instead of a malevolent gremlin. ‘Malevolent gremlin’ had been Hange’s words. Oruo had been very proud to hear it.</p>
<p>“Okay, Mama.” He hugged her tight. She stroked his hair as he thought. “So. Armin.” His little voice became gravelly again. “He gonna come live with us, too?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I hope so,” she said. Oruo made a weird little grunting noise. She knew he liked being the only boy in the family. “He’s your brother, after all. Do you think you could be happy with that?”</p>
<p>Oruo ruminated a minute. Then he nodded. “I’ll finally have someone I can beat in a fight,” he said sagely.</p>
<p>Petra sighed and hugged him tighter. One step at a time.</p>
<p>For four months, it was hectic but mostly normal.</p>
<p>And then that changed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let the memories guide you!” Willy called through cupped hands. Petra and Kuchel stood alongside the king, watching as the War Hammer made a great shining spear that it hefted to its shoulder, prepared to throw. Cassius Tybur made an impressive titan. His War Hammer wasn’t as sleek looking as his aunt’s had been, but the squatter frame seemed more densely muscled. The helmet even had a pair of twisting horns on either side. Petra grinned to see it. The boy did love fantastical designs.</p>
<p>The Tyburs had a policy of never sending the War Hammer into battle, and since the current holder was only a teenage boy they especially had no intention of sending him overseas. However, they all agreed that the War Hammer could be very useful in the event of an invasion, and wanted Cassius to be prepared.</p>
<p>The press was forbidden from recording the War Hammer, or even from knowing that Cassius was the one who held it. The Tyburs had always kept their family secrets close, and this particular secret closest.</p>
<p>They trained in an arena on the outskirts of Valle, away from prying eyes. Petra watched as the titan turned the spear into a shield, and then eventually into a large, spiked mace. She imagined that mace clobbering tanks and battalions, and a shiver ran down her spine.</p>
<p>Kuchel giggled and jumped up and down when the War Hammer eventually finished its exercises and melted down for the day. Cassius emerged from the dissolving crystalline substance and grinned as he ran over to his father. The boy had Giulia’s curling hair, and Willy’s coloring. Kuchel ran over to Cassius.</p>
<p>“Good job! You’re getting super amazing at it,” she crowed. Even though she was several years younger than the Tybur boy, Cassius smiled shyly and rubbed the back of his neck. He was easily embarrassed. He was one of Kuchel’s very best friends. Giulia would cluck and say how she could hear wedding bells whenever they played together. Petra thought it was a little weird to see potential romance in childhood games—after all, she and Oruo had been best friends and nothing had ever come of it. But she appreciated that at least Giulia seemed to like the idea. She’d come to really care about Kuchel, as almost everyone did. The Giulia who’d committed treason against her country and nearly gotten Levi killed was gone. Petra knew she’d never do anything that could harm Kuchel, not now.</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Cassius bumped fists with Kuchel as the adults and kids made their way out of the arena. Cassius stopped for a little while to let the shifter marks fade from his cheeks. It was best if no one saw him like that. When he was good to go, they drove back to the city. Kuchel and Cassius were laughing about some comic book. Willy appeared a bit remote, but seemed happy enough. He wore a comfortable grin.</p>
<p>“How’s it on the front lines?” Petra asked quietly.</p>
<p>“Southern Nambia has fallen back,” he replied. He gave a sigh as he turned the steering wheel, guiding them into rush hour traffic. “It looks like we’ll lose that territory.”</p>
<p>“Is it a mistake not to send the War Hammer in?” she murmured, snatching a glance at the kids in the back seat. They were laughing and pointing at a page.</p>
<p>“Annie Leonhardt still won’t come out of her crystal. Her “time” is up, but she hasn’t passed on her titan. I think we may have lost the Female, at least for the foreseeable future.”</p>
<p>Petra didn’t mind too much. That bitch had killed Oruo and the others. She would not greet Annie Leonhardt warmly if they ever met.</p>
<p>“If we lose this titan,” Willy said softly, “Marley loses its final spear.”</p>
<p>“But we have the hyperfusion,” Petra said, hating how the hairs on her arm stood up.</p>
<p>“I don’t want Erwin Smith to have nearly all the titan powers to himself. Even if he doesn’t know he possesses so many.” Yes, the oblique reference to Connie’s secret. Petra felt a headache starting. She kept thinking of Paradis, the subject of constant shell fire. No one was using hyperfusion weaponry because the effects and fallout would be catastrophic for all involved. At least Erwin hadn’t gone that mad. Not yet.</p>
<p>But the danger loomed overhead, a sword dangling in the air.</p>
<p>“Besides,” Willy said, “it’s symbolic. The War Hammer belongs to the Tybur family. If we lose it, it’s almost like being castrated in the public eye.”</p>
<p>“Pretty graphic.”</p>
<p>“But still true.”</p>
<p>Petra sighed as they remained stuck in traffic. She frowned when the car in front of them didn’t move, even with the green light. Willy honked twice. Petra rolled her eyes at the car before them. Idiot. Probably daydreaming.</p>
<p>“Mama,” Kuchel said. Her voice was not its usual happy chirp. She sounded flat. Grim.</p>
<p>Whenever she sounded that way, Petra knew it was the Ackerman family speaking through her. Their instincts. Their intuition.</p>
<p>Something bad was happening.</p>
<p>“Kuchel?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Get out of the car!” the child cried. Willy and Cassius thankfully did not need to be told what this was. Everyone unbuckled and rolled out of the vehicle just as the car in front of them…exploded.</p>
<p>It wasn’t a bomb. All of a sudden, a great crone of a titan loomed over them. They’d only just managed to get out of the blast zone. Petra wailed as she felt heat sizzle along her arm. Her eyes watered. She’d have a burn there.</p>
<p>But that didn’t matter. The Jaws titan glared down on them. Floch. How the fuck had he…?</p>
<p>Petra did not have the Ackerman instincts, but in that instant she knew what this was.</p>
<p>“Cassius, quick!” she screamed.</p>
<p>The young boy raised his hand, ready to bite himself and transform. But he was already weak from the previous training session, and he was too gentle by nature.</p>
<p>And Kuchel was right next to him. Petra knew from the way the Tybur boy glanced at her daughter that he would not risk transforming and killing her in the blast.</p>
<p>That mercy brought him no reward.</p>
<p>Kuchel shrieked and rolled away as Floch pounced, his freakish head hinging backwards as he went to bite—</p>
<p>“<em>Cassius!</em>” Willy screamed. He held out a hand for his child. Petra had never heard Willy Tybur this raw. This human. This much a father.</p>
<p>But there was nothing they could do as Floch devoured Cassius Tybur, snapping through the boy’s body and drinking his spinal fluid. Petra began to shake. No. Erwin wouldn’t…</p>
<p>But he had. The bastard had ordered the death of a child to gain his power.</p>
<p>Willy screamed. It was a scream that came from a person’s very soul. The scream of a heart shattering.</p>
<p>Petra kept shaking, and then her heart sped up as Kuchel whirled around. Tears streamed down the child’s cheeks. Her friend was gone. Floch’s titan grimaced at her.</p>
<p>“Aaahhhhh!”</p>
<p>Kuchel shrieked as she dodged and spun through the air, landing a kick in the center of the titan’s eye. Floch roared, crawling backwards as steam spouted from the injury. Petra’s little girl did a somersault and landed unharmed, but she chased after the titan. She was an Ackerman, but without blades she would die.</p>
<p>“Kuchel, no!” Petra raced after her daughter. But she moved in slow motion. The world stilled around her as Floch opened his jaws wide, as Kuchel tried turning through the air to change her direction, but too late. Too late.</p>
<p>
  <em>Snap.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra felt her heart stop. She collapsed to the ground and made a low, animal noise. Her baby. Her baby. She’d rip Floch’s heart out. His and Erwin Smith’s. They’d pay. They—</p>
<p>“Mama!”</p>
<p>And then Kuchel was in her arms. Petra made insane noises as she pressed the child close to her. She squeezed Kuchel so tight, too relieved to chastise her. Ahead, she saw that Floch had created a large crystalline wall, shielding himself from Kuchel before he turned and raced away. Already Petra heard the police sirens, but she knew that Levi was in Liberio today. He was the only one who might have stopped Floch. They could try, but it would be a losing cause. Damn it.</p>
<p>Petra covered her daughter in kisses. Kuchel wailed, arms wrapped around her mother. Her little girl sobbed from a broken heart. Her friend was dead. Killed in front of her eyes.</p>
<p>Why had Floch spared Kuchel? Surely he’d want to take an Ackerman off the board.</p>
<p>But then Petra thought of Erwin. Of how he loved her daughter. Likely he had issued a directive to Floch and the rest of Paradis’s military: if any harm comes to Kuchel Ackerman, the one who did it will pay dearly.</p>
<p>She had never despised Erwin and silently thanked him in the same breath before. It was a rotten experience.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi sat and watched his daughter as she slept. She’d begged him not to leave until she fell asleep, and now he could only watch her breathe, her little stuffed bear cuddled in her arms. He could not imagine if his daughter had disappeared into that titan’s mouth. He felt the strongest surge of empathy for Willy and Giulia possible. The Tybur family was sequestered right now. Petra had seen Giulia. She said that no one should have to suffer like that woman was suffering.</p>
<p>No one should have to lose a child. Even though Giulia knew Cassius would die young, she’d thought he’d at least see manhood.</p>
<p><em>I’d have died</em>, Levi thought as he watched his innocent baby sleep. <em>Giulia’s stronger than me.</em></p>
<p>He kissed Kuchel’s forehead and left the room. At the dining room table, Hange and Petra were assembled. Oruo was snuggled in his mother’s lap. He didn’t look scowly right now. Instead, there was real fear in those eyes.</p>
<p>They’d made his son afraid. Levi would kill them.</p>
<p>
  <em>But if Petra’s right, and she probably is, Erwin’s the reason Kuchel’s still alive.</em>
</p>
<p>He hated when shit got complicated.</p>
<p>“What’s the word on the street?” Levi sat down. His tea was ice cold in front of him. He pushed the cup away.</p>
<p>“Losing the War Hammer’s not good for morale.” Hange looked exhausted. Her eyes were red from lack of sleep. “Security’s been amped up around Annie’s crystal, but with the War Hammer powers Erwin has a much easier time of taking her whenever he wants.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Fucking asshole,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Oruo said. Unlike his sister, he didn’t mind swearing. Petra hugged the little boy tight. She must be imagining what would happen if he were wrenched from her arms.</p>
<p>Levi was almost blinded by hate.</p>
<p>“There’s more infighting between different political groups in the conquered territories. Some people are afraid to go against Erwin now. And more and more countries are starting to fight for their own independence, abandoning the Marleyan army and warring with us and with one another. It’s no good.”</p>
<p>“Hange. You’re the brain trust,” he said. “You’re the only person Erwin ever said was smarter than him. I know you’re not a strategist, but think. How do we win this?”</p>
<p>“We’re losing soldiers left and right, but there’s one thing that’s been pretty consistent. The government’s been tracking your approval ratings, yours and Petra’s. Everyone loves you both, especially her.” Of course they did. He’d married an angel. “I guess Erwin and Willy would say we need to tell the world a story. Right now, you’re both just seen as public figures. People love you, but soldiers won’t follow you if all you’re doing is going to dinners and making speeches.”</p>
<p>“And they’d be right not to,” Levi said. Fuck, this might end up being an answer he actually wanted. “I’m not a natural king. You both know that. I’m a soldier.”</p>
<p>“And soldiers will follow you into hell,” Petra said quietly. “Erwin said it, and he was right. It’s because you care about them.”</p>
<p>“If we want to unite and strengthen the Marleyan armies,” Hange said, summing it all up, “then you’re going to have to take an active part in the war, Levi. You and probably Petra as well.”</p>
<p>That was the one detail he didn’t like, but he saw the spark kindle in her eyes. She was like him, no real society darling. She was a worker. A soldier. And if the people united behind a king and queen they loved, they could overcome Erwin’s bullshit.</p>
<p>“Pet? What do you say?”</p>
<p>“I say yes.” She looked down at Oruo. There was some hesitation in her gaze; she was afraid of leaving her children parentless. But she shook her head, as if shedding the thought. “We can’t lose this war. If we do, Erwin’s got the entire world. Who knows what he’ll do then?”</p>
<p>“He’s only got eight or nine months left,” Hange offered. “If we’re lucky, he’ll just run out of time.”</p>
<p>“You know Erwin, Four Eyes.” Levi reclaimed his cold cup of tea, and took a sip. Eh. Still tea. Good enough. “He wants to break the curse. And he’ll do whatever it takes up to the very last second.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin sat before the fire, head in his hands. More failed experiments. More failed children. They’d started bringing the children over by Hizuran ships, all so Erwin could try and see if one had the Founder. But none. None did. And he didn’t want to hear those fearful screams. He didn’t want to see those children sob and beg for their parents as they were injected. He didn’t want to watch those children cut down by his soldiers when they became pure titans.</p>
<p>He hated it. Hated himself. But he had to survive. The very actions he was taking to save his son would ensure Siegfried’s destruction if Erwin did not break the curse and win this war. The world would hate Siegfried. Revenge themselves upon him.</p>
<p>How much more suffering? How much farther did Erwin have to fall?</p>
<p>A knock came, and his guards announced Connie Springer. Erwin sat up, patting his hair as the young man entered and saluted. Not such a young man anymore. Well, at least not a boy any longer. In his late twenties, Connie was beginning to develop the leaner features of full manhood. There was even an early crease forming between his eyes.</p>
<p>“Yes?” Erwin asked. He did not have the time or inclination for niceties. Not anymore.</p>
<p>“Um. Majesty. I…” Connie’s chin wobbled a second. Erwin felt disgust. He did not need to be made to feel worse about these unfortunate children. Everyone knew that Connie felt broken up about this development. That he hated the policy, even if he said nothing against it.</p>
<p>“Say it, whatever it is,” he snapped, expecting pleas for mercy. But Connie surprised him.</p>
<p>“I’ve been seeing some of Reiner’s memories.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Yes?” Of course, as a shifter Connie had inherited his predecessor’s knowledge and experience. Erwin himself had learned much of Marleyan custom by reliving memories from Bertholdt Hoover’s perspective.</p>
<p>“You’re looking for the Founder, Majesty. But maybe you don’t need to find the kid who inherited it.”</p>
<p>Erwin frowned. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Um, well…” He rubbed the back of his neck. Connie was not the best equipped to offer verbal explanations for complicated scenarios. “Like…the Founder Ymir.”</p>
<p>“Yes. What of her?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think she’s dead,” Connie blurted out. He winced. “I mean, not dead-dead.”</p>
<p>“How dead, then?”</p>
<p>“Um, you know about PATHS, right?” Erwin really did not have time for this meandering nonsense.</p>
<p>“Connie, say whatever you have to say in the plainest terms possible.”</p>
<p>“Okay. You know how Ymir, um, is supposed to be the one who makes titans? And, like, sends the bodies and stuff along the PATHS? Right?”</p>
<p>“Yes. That’s…wait.” Erwin squinted. “You mean to tell me that is <em>literally</em> the explanation? That some ghostly woman is out there in another dimension, literally building us with her own two hands?” It sounded frankly insane. “How did Reiner even get this bizarre idea?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think it’s an idea. Or not one he came up with. I’ve been getting more of his memories lately, and I think it’s real. It’s some intel briefing he received when he got back to Marley, after Shiganshina. Zeke told him. Zeke’d been doing a lot of titan research, you know?”</p>
<p>Yes. True. Erwin sat back. That would explain why he hadn’t seen any such thing in Berholdt’s memories.</p>
<p>“But even if an entity such as Ymir existed, what does that have to do with our situation?”</p>
<p>“She’s the Founder. She’s the one who can make anything happen to us, if this is all true. She’s the only person who can give you what you want. Like, she can stop the curse.”</p>
<p>“But…even if that were true, I’d have to go to PATHS. Which is an impossible concept.”</p>
<p>“But Ymir’s got a direct link to the world through her royal blood, doesn’t she?” Connie sounded anxious. Unusual for this boy to be so enterprising and far thinking. Then again, he loved his homeland. He wanted Paradis to survive. For that, Erwin must survive. The king rose from his chair.</p>
<p>Thoughts began falling into place.</p>
<p>“Oruo. And Historia,” he whispered. He had one of them just upstairs.</p>
<p>“Reiner said…I mean, like, Zeke told Reiner that scientists had wanted to try actually summoning Ymir to this world through someone with royal blood. Maybe you could use Historia?” The boy’s voice faltered then. Erwin studied him carefully.</p>
<p>“Connie. When did this idea occur to you?”</p>
<p>“L-Last week,” he whispered. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Of course. He had known this would put Historia in grave danger. He had wanted to protect his friend and queen.</p>
<p>Erwin did not feel the anger he perhaps should have. Connie was above all a decent person. Erwin preferred him to Floch for that reason alone.</p>
<p>“We’ll have to begin searching through records,” Erwin mused. He frowned. “If you can recall exact details about this ‘process’, write it down. Why didn’t Marley ever try this themselves?”</p>
<p>“Because Zeke was the only royal they had, and he was in hiding.”</p>
<p>Well. That made sense. It was all a theory…but a theory worth pursuing. At the very least, it would give the children a reprieve. It would allow Erwin a little sleep at night.</p>
<p>“I’ll have Pixis and Anka begin organizing a research team. In the meantime, the queen will be moved to Hange’s old laboratory.”</p>
<p>“Near the titan pits?” Connie scratched his head.</p>
<p>“Yes. It will be comfortable enough. And her guard will be expanded. She might be the last chance we have to stop this fucking curse.” Erwin nodded at Connie. “For both our sakes.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Majesty.” Connie saluted again.</p>
<p>“Connie?” Erwin gave a rare smile. “This was well remembered. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Connie bowed and left the room, leaving Erwin before his fire. His shadow flared upon the wall. He stared into the flames, lost in thought.</p>
<p>Perhaps. Perhaps…</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Connie let out a big sigh as he wandered back towards his chambers. Man, he was real bad at acting. But the instructions Eren had written on that paper for Reiner had been very detailed.</p>
<p>This had been the time to mention to Erwin about Historia’s “potential.” Historia herself had known it was coming. She’d been preparing herself for this day for years.</p>
<p>She was about to endure hell on earth. But, Connie thought sadly, it was nothing compared to what Petra Ackerman would soon face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Chapter 46</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>June, 863</strong>
</p>
<p>Kuchel put her left foot back, her bare toes digging into the gym mat. Mikasa circled her, the woman’s eyes totally unreadable. Mikasa was the coolest person Kuchel knew. She wanted to be like her…except she totally wasn’t. Kuchel always ran around shouting and squealing and jumping up and down. Mikasa was like Papa: totally quiet.</p>
<p>She had to focus. Kuchel narrowed her eyes as Mikasa circled. Kuchel turned, never giving her back to the woman.</p>
<p>“What do you think I’m going to do next?” Mikasa asked softly. She held a wooden practice sword in her right hand. Those things <em>hurt.</em></p>
<p>“You’re gonna go for my legs,” Kuchel replied. Papa called it ‘the yellow lightning’, but for her it was more like a big, painted sign. GOING FOR THE LEGS in bright pink paint. Kuchel liked pink.</p>
<p>“How can you tell?”</p>
<p>“I just know.”</p>
<p>“Very good.” Mikasa lunged then, moving so fast an ordinary person almost couldn’t have followed her. But Kuchel tucked into a ball and somersaulted through the air, rolling across the mat before springing to her feet and kicking at Mikasa. Her cousin sidestepped Kuchel’s attack. She swung for the girl’s head, but Kuchel rolled again. She grabbed her own wooden practice sword—Mikasa had insisted they start this training round with Kuchel unarmed. Pleased with herself, Kuchel attacked. She was much smaller than Mikasa, and that, combined with their equal physical strength, made this difficult. Kuchel frowned in concentration, trying to keep track of the blur of Mikasa’s sword. Kuchel mostly defended herself, letting her mind wander. Letting the pink sign tell her what to do.</p>
<p>LEGS. It flashed in her mind. Kuchel ducked at Mikasa’s next thrust and swung for the legs. She would have hit any other person. But Mikasa Ackerman wasn’t anyone else.</p>
<p>Her older cousin flipped in the air, landing behind Kuchel and laying the blunt edge of the wooden blade against the child’s throat as she stood up.</p>
<p>“Dead,” Mikasa said.</p>
<p>“Crap.” Kuchel pouted. Papa and Mikasa never let her win. They believed she wouldn’t improve if they didn’t treat her like a grown up.</p>
<p>“Hey, you’re getting better.” Mikasa patted her head before taking the practice swords and placing them against a rack across the room. The gym had a full mirrored wall. Kuchel saw how pink and sweaty her face had gotten. Ew, gross. “You’re lifting almost two hundred pounds. That’s remarkable for a little girl.”</p>
<p>Kuchel beamed, skipping towards the lockers alongside Mikasa. She loved training days. Afterwards, Mikasa always bought her an ice cream. She wanted a strawberry sundae. Since Mama and Papa were away right now, no one would tell her not to eat too much ice cream.</p>
<p>Kuchel’s stomach felt sick. She always felt sick when Mama and Papa went away. The last eight months or so, they’d been gone for two weeks out of every month. Mikasa usually went with them, so Kuchel and Oruo had to stay with their grandparents. They were nice, but they couldn’t take away the fear that her parents would never come home one day.</p>
<p>“When are Mama and Papa getting home?” she asked softly as she and Mikasa took out their gym bags.</p>
<p>“Soon.” Mikasa smiled and gently hugged Kuchel. “We got a telegram from the Gaelin front this morning. The mission was a success. They’re both okay, and should be coming back next week.”</p>
<p>Kuchel sighed in relief. Her stomach lifted up. She felt weightless when she knew they were safe.</p>
<p>“When’s this gonna end?” They walked out to the street. The gym was in the center of Valle, and the bodyguards were waiting for them. They trailed Mikasa and Kuchel as they headed towards the ice cream parlor. “Why can’t Uncle Erwin stop all this?”</p>
<p>She missed Armin. Why couldn’t they all be friends?</p>
<p>“Uncle Erwin…” Mikasa sighed heavily. “I know this sounds like a dumb grown up thing to say, but you’re a little too young to understand everything. But I promise, in a couple of years I’ll explain everything that happened. It all starts before you were born. It’s been going on a long time.”</p>
<p>Wow. Over twelve years? That was a huge amount of time. Kuchel was stunned into silence.</p>
<p>“But you need to know one thing. Your Mama and Papa love you. Uncle Erwin loves you. I love you.” Mikasa petted Kuchel’s hair. “None of us is ever going to let anything happen to you.”</p>
<p>“Can’t I go and help?” Kuchel had asked this question multiple times. “Pleeeease? I’m twelve now. That’s how old Papa says you were when you started training.”</p>
<p>“I started <em>training</em> for war. I didn’t fight until I was fifteen. And even that was too young,” Mikasa said sternly. Whenever they talked about this, her cousin got a tight, hard look on her face. “Your Papa wouldn’t be able to fight so well if he had to worry about you. He could make a mistake. You don’t want that, right?”</p>
<p>“Nuh uh.” Kuchel pouted, scuffing her sneaker along the sidewalk as they entered the ice cream parlor. A bell tinkled over the door. The shop smelled like caramel sauce. The best. Maybe she wanted a caramel sundae instead. “I miss them,” she said quietly.</p>
<p>Mikasa hugged her again. Her cousin didn’t hug people much, but she gave Kuchel really good hugs. Mikasa only showed her love to a few people. She’d never had a boyfriend as far as Kuchel knew, or a girlfriend. Whenever Kuchel and Oruo went over to Mikasa’s apartment, they saw it was really boring with white walls and gray carpet. Mikasa didn’t like making things pretty. She just seemed to…exist. It was weird. Like caring about things was too much energy.</p>
<p>She just fought a lot.</p>
<p>“Your parents will be home soon.” Mikasa smiled as they sat down and ordered a vanilla cone for her and a strawberry waffle sundae for Kuchel. “They’ll be back next week. I’ll be taking their place.”</p>
<p>“Where are they now?” Kuchel always wanted to hear it again and again. It was a way of picturing her parents in a specific place. Making it real. That made them safer, in a weird way.</p>
<p>“In Gael. They’ll be home soon,” Mikasa repeated. Grandma would call that “evasive.” Mikasa always got quiet about where exactly they were. Spies could be around all the time. Spies for Uncle Erwin.</p>
<p>Kuchel frowned. She knew Uncle Erwin was the bad guy now, but she still loved him. He always sent presents on her birthday and at midwinter. Mama told Papa last year that Uncle Erwin would never hurt Kuchel.</p>
<p>It’s why she’d lived when Cassius hadn’t.</p>
<p>Her eyes got blurry with tears. Kuchel rubbed them away and took a big gooey spoonful of vanilla ice cream with strawberry sauce. Cassius had been her best friend, and…Uncle Erwin had told Mr. Forster to kill him.</p>
<p>It ripped her heart down the middle. Why would Uncle Erwin do that? Why?</p>
<p>“It’ll be okay.” Mikasa stroked her hair. “I’ll never let anything happen to you. I promise.”</p>
<p>“I love you, Mikasa.” Kuchel beamed up at her cousin. Mikasa’s face usually looked kinda sad, but she smiled at Kuchel. Everyone did.</p>
<p>“Love you, too.” She didn’t say that to a lot of people, which made Kuchel feel special.</p>
<p>When Mikasa dropped her off at the apartment, Grandma was making lunch. Grandpa and Oruo were at the table. Grandpa was reading the paper, and Oruo was munching on his favorite: a banana and peanut butter piece of bread with the crusts cut off. The peanut butter was smeared all over his face. Her brother attacked the bread, smacking his lips. They were gooey.</p>
<p>“Oruo, you need to swallow!” Kuchel said. He glared at her.</p>
<p>“Ah doo whuh ah wah,” he said, and took another ferocious bite.</p>
<p>“Oruo Ackerman!” Grandma put a glass of milk in front of him as Kuchel sat down. Grandpa pinched her cheek and smiled, but he had tired eyes. Kuchel was always a little afraid that he’d have Bad News for her about Mama and Papa. But mostly, he was just sad because the war was horrible. That’s what they called it. Horrible.</p>
<p>
  <em>I could help. I could fight with Papa and Mikasa. We’re the strongest people in the whole world. We could finish it.</em>
</p>
<p>Kuchel thought of what Papa had said, that she had all of her Ackerman ancestors whispering in her ear, telling her what to do. Her great-uncle Kenny was in there somewhere. Mama didn’t seem to like him whenever Papa brought him up. Apparently Oruo was a little like great-uncle Kenny…but not too much, which was good.</p>
<p>“Mikasa says Mama and Papa will be home soon,” Kuchel said. She frowned at her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Grandma didn’t like her getting ice cream before lunch, so Kuchel had to pretend she wasn’t full. She took a bite.</p>
<p>“Yes. They will be.” Grandma gave her a kiss and a glass of milk. Oruo stared at Kuchel, chewing with a wide open mouth so she could see his mashed up banana and sludgy peanut butter. “Oruo, you’re so gross!”</p>
<p>“Aaaahhh maaaaah maaaaah,” he said, making monster noises.</p>
<p>“Oruo!” Grandma fussed and wiped his face with a napkin while Oruo drooled peanut butter. Ewwww. “Honestly, Mikasa could have stayed for lunch. Always in a hurry, that girl.” Grandma tsked as she put away the peanut butter.</p>
<p>“I asked her if I could go fight with her and Papa,” Kuchel said. “She told me no.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Grandma sounded very tight and proper as she sat down and took a bite of her sandwich. “War is no place for little girls.”</p>
<p>“But Mama and Mikasa—”</p>
<p>“Your Mama was eighteen the first time she went beyond the walls. You’re only twelve. It’s not the same thing.” Grandma got the scary eyes. “Kuchel Isabel Ackerman, I am tired of talking with you about this. Your Mama and Papa would agree with me, and if I hear too much more about this I’m going to recommend to them that you stop training altogether.”</p>
<p>“No! Don’t do that!”</p>
<p>“Then eat your lunch and go do something nice. Play with your dolls.”</p>
<p>“I don't play with dolls anymore,” she grumbled. She still cuddled all of them, but her friends didn’t know that. It was kinda embarrassing.</p>
<p>“Then go play in the park with your friends. Honestly, you’re just like your mother.” Grandma seemed pretty upset, so Kuchel stopped talking and ate. Oruo took a huge slurp of milk and glared at her.</p>
<p>“What, Oruo?”</p>
<p>He hurriedly took another bite of his lunch and a huge swallow of milk. Then he made swamp monster sounds as he let the whole slushy mess drool from his mouth while Grandma shrieked and started to clean him up.</p>
<p>Kuchel smiled and ate.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mikasa did not have friends in this city apart from the Ackermans. She didn’t need friends. She had her Azumabito warriors. After sparring with Kuchel, she caught a street car to the north end of the city, then a bus to the training grounds. She could have called for a car, but she liked the busy solitude of city transport. As she rode on the rickety bus, she imagined Armin and Eren seated to either side of her.</p>
<p>“Did you visit the sea, Mikasa?” Armin, forever fifteen, had those wide, excited eyes.</p>
<p>“Of course she did. We were all supposed to go together.” Eren fidgeted, restless as always. She stared at him, tried recalling every detail of his hair and eyes and face. She tried to—</p>
<p>“Uh. Can I help you?” The girl seated next to her looked concerned.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” Mikasa looked away.</p>
<p>She was always alone. Petra had encouraged her to try meeting people her age and going on dates. Mikasa had allowed a couple of guys to kiss her, but when she thought of going to her apartment with them, removing her clothes, and all the thrusting and sweating that would result she just got so tired. If she was going to sweat, better to train or to fight.</p>
<p>She’d only ever wanted one boy. She’d only ever thought of one face when she touched herself. She’d started doing that very late, at least as far as she knew. And whenever she did, she whispered his name when the pleasure filled her all the way up. For those perfect five seconds, she wasn’t sad or alone.</p>
<p>But when she opened her eyes, Eren was gone. Then she’d curl up on her side and stare at the clock on her bedside table, counting the hours until she could get up and train.</p>
<p>Life had been cruel. Beautiful, yes, but she’d learned early on that she wasn’t going to get the things she wanted most. Mikasa had accepted it; no one seemed to truly get what they craved. Except then she’d see Levi, and she’d see him with Petra and his children. Mikasa saw that some people did get their heart’s desire.</p>
<p>She just wasn’t going to be one of those people.</p>
<p>But she wasn’t the type to dwell. She cried, and then she got up and did what she had to do. She had his memories. That would be enough.</p>
<p>She could have gotten together with Jean, who would have adored her. But she knew that it would have been using him. She would have resented him over time, and he would have given all the best of himself to someone who didn’t want him.</p>
<p>She knew enough to know no good could come of it.</p>
<p>So she remained alone in her bed, only her fingers as company. But it wasn’t so bad. It was a small life, maybe, but it was an honest one. There was clarity in that.</p>
<p>Mikasa got off at the right stop. Guards waited at the gates to the training grounds, and let her through with the tip of a cap. She went to the lockers and changed into her traditional Hizuran gear. On the battlefield, they all dressed in body armor. But here, they observed the old ways. Mikasa liked traditions. They gave her habit in place of happiness.</p>
<p>It was enough.</p>
<p>She walked out to the field. Her five hundred soldiers were assembled in perfect stance, awating her instructions as their leader. Hizurans did not have queens, but they had masters. Mikasa was their one master. They followed her out of duty, and out of love.</p>
<p>They loved that she fought at their side. And she loved them all, in her own way.</p>
<p>Mikasa unsheathed her sword.</p>
<p>“Let’s begin,” she said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Fire!”</p>
<p>Petra stood alongside the gunner, the hot, dust-filled air whirling about her as the machine guns rattled off. She wondered if the Gaelin were falling on the opposite end of that dusty cloud. The thought rippled her stomach.</p>
<p>Petra drew her sword from its sheath very slowly. The Gaelin and many others on the Aeropan continent had come to realize that, if you could make it close to the big Marleyan artillery, the people knew nothing about hand to hand combat. Surprise ambushes of that variety, along with a smattering of guns, had made a big impact recently. So Petra, Mikasa, and Levi had worked with the different battalions on swordplay.</p>
<p>“Hold steady,” Petra said. Her hands gripped the hilt tightly. She wished for some ODM, but nowadays it’d be too easy to shoot her out of the sky.</p>
<p>Through the choking dust, screams surrounded the battalion. Figures raced out at her through the cloud, men and women now so sandy-colored you might think they were monsters who’d been formed from the earth. Petra’s sword met an enemy’s. Being a petite woman, she had to finish off human opponents quickly. Only Mikasa had the capacity to engage in prolonged swordplay with a burly man. If an encounter lasted longer than five swings of the blade, Petra’s chance of death tripled.</p>
<p>Fortunately, she had learned how to be quick.</p>
<p>She struck the blade to the side and then buried her sword to the hilt in the man’s stomach. He screamed as she yanked it out, then ducked as his sword swished just above her. He’d tried to take her with him into death, but hadn’t succeeded. The soldier collapsed, blood gushing from his wound. He groaned as he died.</p>
<p>Petra did not feel when she was on the field. She couldn’t. But she knew that she’d hear that sound in her dreams tonight. For every night for the rest of her life.</p>
<p>Teeth gritted, she shouted for the machine gunners to fire again. The slower line of surprise attackers were mowed down in a cloud of red. Petra stared at the blood dripping down the line of her sword. Unlike Titan blood, this would remain. She’d have to wash it off herself.</p>
<p>No getting away from what she’d done.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tomorrow we’re going home to Kuchel and Oruo. Focus.</em>
</p>
<p>She gritted her teeth when another attacker swung at her from out of the dust. Another man. She parried his blow, shoved him away with her foot, and then sliced her sword neatly across his throat. Blood spurted everywhere, and she watched him fall with a heavy dullness in her gut. <em>I’m sorry.</em></p>
<p>Around her, the screams of the dying made an awful music.</p>
<p>Petra looked down at the man as he bucked and died. Her brow furrowed; he was a kid. Couldn’t be more than eighteen or nineteen. Tears shone in his eyes as he raised a bloody hand to her.</p>
<p>Levi had once clutched the hand of a dying soldier, told him that his death had meaning…</p>
<p>This boy probably had a mother who would never see her son again. Impulse drove Petra to her knee. She clasped the boy’s hand.</p>
<p>“I’m here,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Majesty!”</p>
<p>Petra could sense the attack coming from behind. She turned with awful slowness to find a Gaelin soldier so close, the sword raised to cut through her neck. Petra couldn’t get away in time—</p>
<p>A whirling flash sped by. The soldier’s head flew into the air, landing on the ground beside Petra.</p>
<p>“Oi. Brat. Don’t let your guard down,” Levi snapped. But when he saw what she was doing, he sniffed and kept lookout over Petra and the dying boy. She squeezed his bloody hand. Tears slid down his dust-streaked face.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she said. Petra closed his eyes when they became vacant. He was dead. She tasted something bitter in the back of her throat, and rose beside her husband. The king and queen looked out onto the wasteland ahead of them, both poised and ready for an attack.</p>
<p>As the dust settled, they saw a massive graveyard before them. Over two hundred slaughtered bodies riddled with bullets from machine guns.</p>
<p>“Guess we won.” Levi sounded hollow.</p>
<p>It was war. But it was also hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra’s hands shook a little as she poured water into a basin and soaped her bloody hands. The dried blood flaked away. She removed her field jacket and shirt and washed her neck and face, her chest and arms. She splashed water on the back of her neck and shut her eyes. The king and queen’s tent was spacious, but it was still a tent. Outside, she heard the constant crunch of military boots and the rise and fall of voices. Somewhere in the distance, there was a whistle. Meal time.</p>
<p>As royalty, she and Levi could eat in the privacy of their tent if they wished. Normally they sat with the men, but Petra wasn’t sure she could face the soldiers tonight.</p>
<p>That boy. He could have been Kuchel or Oruo. Armin. They could die on some far off field one day, bleed out while crying and she would not be there to save them. To hold them. Her babies…</p>
<p>She hadn’t understood war until she became a mother. She understood its tragic necessity; she wasn’t a pacifist. This war was too important to lose, and soldiers died. But she detested it. There was no honor in this. Anyone who would take pride in seeing a teenage boy dead under his boot was not a person. Not in the strictest sense.</p>
<p>She wanted to go home. But she would not let other people shoulder a burden she should carry as well.</p>
<p>Petra looked up as Levi entered the tent. His face and clothes were streaked with dust. He looked like a faded memory of himself.</p>
<p>“Hi,” he croaked. She watched him pour his own water and wash while she dried herself with a towel. Petra eyed her husband as he stripped his torso bare and scrubbed until his skin was pink and raw. He wasn’t even that dirty.</p>
<p>“Levi.”</p>
<p>He looked at her. He toweled off his face, came over, and held her. Petra moaned as his lips pressed hard against hers. His cheeks rasped slightly on her own; he hadn’t shaved yet. She sighed as he undid her bra. He quickly unbuttoned his trousers and slid out of his boots while Petra did the same. When they were both naked, he led her by the hand to one of their army cots. He laid her down upon it, then lowered himself on top of her. There was no foreplay. When he had this madness in his eyes, he wanted release. Immediately.</p>
<p>Petra was already wet, and gasped as he filled her. Just wet enough that it wasn’t painful, but unprepared enough that she felt him stretch her. Her eyes fluttered shut in pleasure as his hips jerked and he rode her. Petra lay on the thin army cot, looked up at her husband as he fucked her. Their breath came faster. It felt almost daring with the voices of men and women mere feet from where the king and queen made love. A piece of tarp was all that separated them in their most intimate moment from the eyes of the whole camp.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Petra shivered as Levi picked up the pace. He grunted as their bodies slapped together. He bared his teeth. He had hoisted himself up, looking down on her as he thrust. They only touched where his body entered hers. He didn’t need love right now. He needed sex. So did she.</p>
<p>She tilted her hips, felt his cock rub her clit. Petra bit her lip and finally moaned as she came. It felt so decadent, so wrong to come in a military camp. Levi followed after her, finally collapsing on top of her. As soldiers drilled outside, they held each other, hearts beating in frantic unison.</p>
<p>Afterwards, they cleaned up and lay naked together. Levi propped himself on an elbow and clasped her breast. His thumb rolled around and around her nipple. Petra trailed her fingers along his stubbled face.</p>
<p>“Thank god I got you,” he whispered hoarsely.</p>
<p>“The same,” she replied. He kissed her. He lay down beside her. She slipped her leg between his, and held him close. They lay there, listening to the camp.</p>
<p>“Willy’s here,” he said. “Got in an hour ago. Wants us all to meet tonight. He brought Hange with him.”</p>
<p>Petra frowned. If Willy had brought Hange, it meant that hyperfusion was very likely the reason for their visit.</p>
<p>They got dressed and waited for Hange and Willy. The two arrived as dusk was settling. They were served dinner, which amounted to some beans and hard tack. As king, Levi could have requested poultry and vegetables, but he wanted the good food to go around to the soldiers. One of the reasons they were willing to die for him.</p>
<p>There were the customary smiles, how are you’s. Willy looked distant these days. He’d finally cut his long hair, as it was starting to thin on top. Plus, there were bags under his eyes when he was still a little too young for them. When Cassius had been killed, Willy had been diminished. Levi told Petra once that he came in on the king drinking and sobbing in his office.</p>
<p>“Should’ve been me.” Willy had knocked his glass of whiskey over. “If I’d jus’ eaten the damn Titan, he’d still be here. I should’ve died, not him.”</p>
<p>Levi had clumsily offered comfort. But Petra knew those words would play in Willy’s mind for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>As for Giulia…</p>
<p>“So. What’s going on?” Levi, blunt as ever, asked.</p>
<p>“When Erwin took most of Kiyomi’s engineers and physicists hostage last year, we knew to expect something like this.” Willy dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief. Hange looked thinner than ever. She never ate when she was obsessed with a problem, and now there was no Moblit or Levi or Pieck there to look after her.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“The missile launch program. He’s concentrated it onto Paradis Island.” Hange took over while Willy kept looking grim. “Reconnaissance over the island is pretty impossible these days, and approaching it over sea…” She trailed off, shrugged. That said everything. “But we’ve received intelligence that says hyperfusion production is off the charts. The engineers have created a working launch program. And it sounds like they’ve outdone themselves. The propulsion alone—”</p>
<p>“Hange. What are you saying?” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“I’m saying that if the reports are correct, Erwin has enough bombs stocked that he could leave the rest of the planet in a pile of rubble,” Hange replied. “Or at least this hemisphere.”</p>
<p>“He wouldn’t do that.” Petra shook her head. “Erwin’s a monster, but he told the truth when he said he doesn’t want to kill everyone. He wants to rule the world, not a pile of ashes.”</p>
<p>“Besides, that fallout you talked about,” Levi said. “Wouldn’t that shit make it bad for Paradis in the long run?”</p>
<p>“Most likely, yes,” Hange said. “It won’t be as bad as everywhere else; the parts of the world that aren’t obliterated on impact will experience a kind of endless winter. Crops will fail. People will die. The radiation will make those who weren’t killed wish they had been.” Petra had never heard Hange sound this bleak before. This woman had been the most brilliant member of the Survey Corps, and a bundle of energy. Petra had never understood Hange like Levi did, but she’d always been fond of the eccentric squad leader. Now that bright, chipper young woman had vanished. A weary middle-aged scientist had taken her place, a woman ground down by life.</p>
<p>Petra hated Erwin for that.</p>
<p>“But Paradis?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“It’ll experience some of those symptoms, but lesser. There’ll be eventual crop failure. Some sterility. Cancer. Probably a third of the population will be dead in twenty years’ time.” She sighed. “But after that, things’ll start to get better. The rest of the world will be blown off the map, but Paradis will come out all right.”</p>
<p>“I agree with Petra,” Levi said. He looked hard. “Erwin’s not that man. Look, Sieg—Armin’s all he cares about, right? Why would he create a situation that has a one in three chance of his son dying?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think he’s planning on ragnarok,” Willy said. Petra recalled the Ring Cycle. Gotterdammerung, they’d called it. Twilght of the gods. Same thing. The end of the world. “I believe he intends to take down a few random cities worldwide to show the efficacy of his plan. Then he’ll give us a choice. Surrender, or let the devastation continue.”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. That sounded more like Erwin.</p>
<p>“What the fuck do we do?” Levi rasped.</p>
<p>Willy and Hange exchanged looks. Petra felt some hesitation.</p>
<p>“What?” she asked.</p>
<p>“We’ve been trying to breach the island for a while, but between Paradis’s arms and the titans, making landfall is nigh impossible. The biggest goal, of course, is Erwin’s death and Paradis’s disarmament. But…” He looked at Hange.</p>
<p>“We’re afraid of what happens if we try attacking head on and he unleashes the hyperfusion bombs,” she said. “It’d be a hell of a deterrant. Sow a lot of chaos.”</p>
<p>“Four Eyes. Tell me what you’re not telling me.”</p>
<p>“A surprise attack on Paradis,” she said softly. Petra watched Hange grip the loose fabric of her trousers. She needed something to hold on to. “Hyperfusion bombs delivered to Mitras, Shiganshina, Calaneth—”</p>
<p>“What?” Petra felt the world slide away beneath her feet. Her home. <em>Their</em> home. Hange didn’t mean to destroy it. Did she?</p>
<p>“A concentrated hyperfusion attack would kill much of the population and create the endless winter we discussed on Paradis,” Willy said. He didn’t look at them. “But the fallout wouldn’t be too bad worldwide. And Erwin and his arms would be taken off the map.”</p>
<p>“So you want me to be king of what, exactly?” Levi stood up. When he was this still, this calm, was when you needed to be most afraid. “A pile of shit? A dead population?”</p>
<p>“It’s a last resort,” Hange whispered.</p>
<p>“It’s a “never in a million years” resort,” he snapped. He turned flashing eyes to Hange. Petra shivered thinking of Brigitta. Armin. Pixis, and Anka, and Rico. Home. The fields she’d run through as a child, the city streets. The memories soaked into every blade of grass. Her homeland. They’d destroy it?</p>
<p>“How could you even let him suggest this?” Levi snarled at Hange. She shrank a little.</p>
<p>“I suggested it to him,” Hange mumbled. That rocked Levi back on his heels.</p>
<p>“Who are you? Who the fuck are you?” he barked.</p>
<p>“Levi. Stop.” Petra grabbed his wrist. She forced him to sit back down, though he kept shooting Hange the filthiest looks. Petra had to be calm. She had to save her son. She would not let him disintegrate in a blast. She’d die before she let that happen.”</p>
<p>“I tried so hard never to bring it up.” Hange’s voice was flat. Dead. Her spirit was gone. “I’ve had it in my mind for almost a year, but I couldn’t say the words until we got this new information.” She drew a deep, shuddering breath. “We may have to choose between Paradis and the rest of the world.”</p>
<p>“That’s not a choice. I’ll never fucking agree to that,” Levi snarled. Now he was going on the attack. Now they all held their breath, knowing what this man could do if he stepped over the edge. “I am not going to sit back and murder hundreds of thousands of innocent people to get one asshole. And my word trumps both of yours. I’m king, after all.”</p>
<p>“Not quite yet,” Willy said quietly.</p>
<p>Petra’s eyes widened. It was silent in the tent.</p>
<p>“Tell me something, Willy.” Levi’s voice was a deadly hush. “You planning on telling me what to do and who to kill <em>after</em> we take back Paradis, too?”</p>
<p>“You said yourself that you’re a soldier. Not a politician.”</p>
<p>“There’s politics, and then there’s this.” Now Petra had to try reining herself in. “You’re asking us to blow up our home. Our people. What kind of king and queen does that?”</p>
<p>“It’s a last resort. It probably won’t happen,” Hange said.</p>
<p>“So you came all the way over here to tell me some shit that’s ‘never gonna happen’?” Levi said, his tone mocking. Hange shut her eyes. “We got one month until Erwin dies. One month! We can do this.”</p>
<p>“It’s likely that even if Erwin can’t save himself, he’ll appoint a successor to carry out his wishes. The likeliest candidate is Floch Forster. Why else would Erwin have allowed him to eat such a valuable titan as the War Ham—” Willy froze in the middle of speaking. His voice failed. He put his head in his hands. Petra felt for him in that moment. She could not imagine the horror and the pain of losing his son.</p>
<p>But if he wanted her to know from experience how it felt, he was mistaken.</p>
<p>“I think we need to try something else,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“Petra?” Levi turned to her.</p>
<p>“We can destroy Paradis. Erwin can destroy the world. We’re each holding a gun to the other’s head. Fighting at this point is only going to make us trigger happy, especially as Erwin’s time ticks down. We have to try to negotiate with him.”</p>
<p>“That man lives to get people to negotiate.” Levi sounded aggrieved. “You can’t talk your way around him. He’ll end up making you give him everything wrapped up in a shitty bow.”</p>
<p>“What other choice do we have?” She looked at them all, one by one. “Because let me be clear: I will <em>never</em> let you kill my son. If you want to launch those bombs, you’re going to have to kill me first.”</p>
<p>The tension in the room shifted. Levi would never let harm come to Petra, and no one could get through Levi.</p>
<p>“You both thought of this negotiation thing. Didn't you?” Levi asked. Hange nodded.</p>
<p>“We actually came to the same conclusion as you, Levi.” Willy’s voice quavered as he continued to get himself under control. “Talk with Erwin rarely succeeds. A war of attrition is ruining all of us, causing more global chaos, and will likely be made moot by who deploys their warheads first.”</p>
<p>“So the choice is we try talking to Erwin, or we accept that millions of people are going to die?” Petra snorted. Bright lights flashed at the edges of her vision. Her heart pounded. “I think it’s worth a shot, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Erwin won’t leave his stronghold on Paradis, and I don’t want Levi or myself to go to him. Too much can happen,” Willy said.</p>
<p>Petra took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“Then it’s simple. You have to send me,” she said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi must not’ve heard that right. He looked at his wife, saw that, yes, her head was indeed on straight.</p>
<p>“Pet. Be logical,” he said. She glared at him.</p>
<p>“I am. Willy’s king of Marley. You’ve got the “blood” that makes you king of Paradis. I’m a queen consort.” She recalled Erwin using that phrase a while back, the day he kidnapped her. “I’m not essential.”</p>
<p>“You are,” Levi snapped. Was he gonna have to tie here up? Was that it? He’d do it.</p>
<p>“Levi is right,” Willy said. “You are a prime motivator for the troops, and an essential figure to the press. People love the royal family namely because they love <em>you.</em>”</p>
<p>“And if I stand by and let you blow up my own country, will people love me then?”</p>
<p>“Petra!” Levi never yelled at her, rarely snapped at her. But between being told he had to murder everyone he’d ever known back on Paradis and her offering to fling herself onto Erwin Smith’s mercy, he’d had enough. “I am not going to let you do this.”</p>
<p>“Let me?” She looked pissed.</p>
<p>“If Erwin takes you hostage, he’ll have me by the balls. I can’t lose you. Ever,” Levi choked. “I’d kill anyone who tried to bomb Paradis with you on it, and that’d just give Erwin all the freedom he wants to do any heinous shit.”</p>
<p>“You have to trust me.”</p>
<p>“I do. I don’t trust <em>him.</em>” Petra looked ready to keep arguing, so he headed her off at the pass. “This isn’t some male bullshit thing. I’m not protecting you. I’m protecting Marley <em>and</em> Paradis. If you’re taken, the world’ll go nuts. I’ll go nuts. You know I can’t promise I won’t.”</p>
<p>She quieted at that. She shut her eyes, but took his hand.</p>
<p>“You know he’ll have me at his mercy,” Levi said.</p>
<p>Petra sighed. “But if we can’t talk, that means millions of people are going to die either way!”</p>
<p>Hange coughed. Everyone turned to her.</p>
<p>“Why don’t I go?” she asked. The brunette fiddled with her glasses. “I know Erwin as well as Levi does. I know how to work around his mind games better than anyone else here.” That was true. Hange was the only one here that had insane smarts <em>and</em> deep understanding of Erwin. “If I’m captured, the allies don’t lose power. Erwin’s already taken my hyperfusion ideas. He can’t pump me for tactical information, because I’m in my lab most of the time. And I’m the only one here who knows what to look for when it comes to those weapons. Maybe I can find out how stocked he really is, and how ready to launch.”</p>
<p>The tent was silent. Willy cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Delaying a surprise attack may end in us losing this war.” Blunt, this king. “Between fighting Erwin’s nationalist troops and fending off insurgents declaring their own independence, we’re overwhelmed. It’s unlikely this talk will result in a favorable outcome, let alone a compromise. Bombing Paradis means killing innocents. But ten times as many innocents will die if Erwin attacks first.”</p>
<p>“He has to know we can bomb him easily as he can bomb us,” Levi said. “If he sets off those missiles, he’s just inviting us to kill him and his son.”</p>
<p>Petra made a noise.</p>
<p>“Levi has a point.” Hange sounded eager. Didn’t want to kill her home, either.</p>
<p>“If we attack first, we can destroy his weaponry and prevent a counterattack. Besides, for all we know Erwin’s anticipated us attacking him in retaliation. Knowing him, he probably has a backup plan to shield himself and his son. If Paradis falls, he has armies of nationalists spread all over the world at this point. The fighting will only grow bloodier. If he attacks first, he must have a plan to keep us from retaliating. Our only chance is to do this before him.”</p>
<p>Everyone looked grim and sick. The candlelight turned everyone’s faces craggy, hollow. Skeletal.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to do it,” Levi said at last. His eyes narrowed. It felt like someone was pounding on the inside of his skull. His whole head felt tight. “I can’t do it. I can’t knowingly kill all those people.”</p>
<p>“You’d let millions die to avoid blood on your hands?” Willy asked.</p>
<p>Levi sneered. “I’ve killed more people with my two hands than you can imagine. I killed and tortured people to save Paradis during the Uprising. I’d do it again. I’m not some faint-hearted bitch.” He pulled his shoulders back. “But I’ve never killed kids. I’ve never killed innocent women, or sick people. I kill those who threaten me and mine. I’ll go to Paradis and fight my way down the whole fucking island, killing every last soldier and person who tries to stop me. But I am not going to kill innocent people to get Erwin.”</p>
<p>“You’d just consign more innocent people to death.” Willy sounded pissed.</p>
<p>“Y’know, king, when Marley ordered that secret attack on Paradis to steal the Founder all those years ago, I saw the refugees. I saw them starving when there wasn’t enough food to go around. I saw the kids cry when their parents were forced to fight the titans back, literally to decrease the population to an acceptable level for survival.” Levi tightened his fist. “I saw pain like you wouldn’t believe. To you, it’s a numbers game. But I’ve seen the faces of those who wind up in the ‘acceptable losses’ category.” He looked Willy right in the eyes. “I will kill you if that’s what it takes to keep those bombs from going off. Won’t want to do it, but I will. So where’s that leave us?”</p>
<p>Petra took his hand. She squeezed his fingers, and he knew she was proud.</p>
<p>“I have to try,” Hange said simply. Levi saw sick relief in her eyes. She had come here because she knew he’d never allow this thing. He realized that now; she’d brought Willy here so Levi could stop him. He almost smiled. Damn Four Eyes. She was clever. “Let’s at least reach out and see if Erwin’s willing to talk. Can we do that much before we move forward with any other plan?”</p>
<p>Petra and Levi regarded Willy with their flat, level gazes. The Tybur king knew when he was outnumbered.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said at last. Though he didn’t appear pleased. “I think we can manage that.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Kuchel squealed with glee when her parents returned home, even though Papa looked so tired. Oruo grunted, but hugged them both. Papa took her and Oruo to the movies, their favorite treat. Then he took them to the park, and bought them ice cream. Kuchel hugged Papa. He always looked kind of mad at the world, but when he got a hug from her he smiled.</p>
<p>“I’ve got a real good girl,” he said.</p>
<p>Oruo walked over, frowning.</p>
<p>“I’m not a girl,” he said.</p>
<p>“Nah. You’re a good boy.” Levi tousled his hair.</p>
<p>“No. Imma monster.” Then Oruo made horrible gnashing sounds and stomped off to ruin a sandcastle he’d built.</p>
<p>“Well. He’s not wrong,” Papa said.</p>
<p>Everything got better when Mama and Papa came home. Mama braided Kuchel’s hair, and Grandma and Grandpa seemed so much happier. Kuchel and Oruo wanted to go to the beach one day, since it was summer. Usually they’d stop at the pier and ride the carousel and eat caramel apples. But Mama and Papa said that they couldn’t. Too much work. They both looked real tired, Kuchel realized.</p>
<p>She didn’t press about the beach. She just made them a paper heart and got Oruo to sign it as well. That cheered Mama up.</p>
<p>“I have the sweetest little girl.” She hugged Kuchel.</p>
<p>Kuchel was worried that her parents would go back out there soon, but Papa assured her they were home for a few weeks at least. They had to talk to Willy Tybur a lot. It sounded tiring.</p>
<p>Kuchel couldn’t help wondering just what was going on out there. They wouldn’t let Kuchel listen to the news programs. She saw some newsreels when she went to the movies with her friends, but there just wasn’t enough information. She did see Uncle Erwin a couple of times. Kuchel’s heart always hurt when she saw him.</p>
<p>She knew there was a way to make this all stop. Why couldn’t they just talk to Uncle Erwin? She knew that would fix everything.</p>
<p>But Kuchel tried not to think about it too much. She trained at the gym with Papa and went shopping for a new dress with Mama. She yelled at Oruo to get out of her room and went to the beach with her friends. They had sleepovers in the Ackerman apartment a couple of times. Regina, Camilla, and Patrizia were her best friends, and they’d all sprawl out in the big living room with sleeping bags and blanket forts, giggling as they listened to all the romantic radio programs with the volume turned way down low. Mama would be mad if she found out. Kuchel wasn’t much of a rebel, but it felt very daring.</p>
<p>But as one week turned into two, she couldn’t help but feel that something was really, really wrong.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The maid let Petra in. She knew her way, and knocked on the bedroom door.</p>
<p>“Wha?” a woman’s voice croaked.</p>
<p>“Giulia, it’s me. Can I come in?”</p>
<p>The woman made a noncommittal noise. Petra entered. Even though it was two in the afternoon, the shades were still drawn. Giulia had not been out of bed yet. Her hair was rumpled, one strap of her silk nightdress fallen down her arm. Petra noticed a half empty bottle of red wine, and a glass with a crimson residue at the bottom. There were also a few prescription bottles. She hoped to hell Giulia hadn’t been mixing them with the booze.</p>
<p>“Willy called. He asked me to come over and see if you wanted to get up.”</p>
<p>“Hmmmph.”</p>
<p>Petra opened the curtains, letting the afternoon sun flood the room. Giulia hissed like some nocturnal animal, rolling over so her face was in the pillow. Petra compromised and half shut them again, then went and sat on the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>She wrinkled her nose. She’d been here last week, and didn’t think Giulia had bathed since then.</p>
<p>“Hey. How about this? Why don’t you grab a shower and get dressed, and I’ll get the kitchen to make us some lunch?”</p>
<p>The Tyburs lived in a palatial mansion in the Bluffs District, the priciest part of Valle. The house stood near a cliff overlooking the sea. It was gorgeous today with blue skies and fluffy white clouds.</p>
<p>“Then we could take a walk! Get some fresh air. What do you think?”</p>
<p>“Petra?” Giulia peered up, her eyes half lidded. “I know you mean well, darlin’. But fuck off.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t deterred or offended. It only made her sad. Giulia had been like this ever since the day Cassius died. Petra had been there when Willy told her the news. Whatever resentment she’d still harbored in her heart evaporated when she saw Giulia fall to her knees and utter the starkest wail of horror she’d ever heard in her life. Petra had gone home shaking, and after she looked after Kuchel and left her with Ingrid she’d gone into her room, turned on the shower, and sat fully clothed on the floor and sobbed, letting the water drown out the noise.</p>
<p>No mother should ever have to lose a child.</p>
<p>“It’s good you’ve been taking your pills,” Petra said softly. “But Willy says you stopped going to see Dr. Schroeder.”</p>
<p>“Woman’s a quack.”</p>
<p>“She’s a well-respected psychiatrist. She wants to help you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want help. I want to go to sleep.”</p>
<p>Petra took a deep breath. “We’re afraid you’re sleeping too much.”</p>
<p>“<em>We?</em>” That finally got Giulia to sit up. She looked haggard. “You and Willy? Like you both care so fucking much.”</p>
<p>“We do.”</p>
<p>“That man’s waiting for me to kill myself and release him.” She sniffed and flopped back into bed. “Only reason I don’t do it. I want to spite him.”</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes. She felt so heavy.</p>
<p>“Marcus, Brutus, and Julius need you,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“And I need Cassius. But I guess we’re all going to have to live with disappointment,” Giulia spat. She curled in on herself. “He was my favorite.” Giulia whimpered. Her face began to break. “I know you shouldn’t have favorites as a mother. I love all my children. But he was such a sweetheart. So gentle.” She cried. Petra didn’t dare touch her. “I should’ve known they’d use him for the War Hammer. That stupid fucking ritual! Willy wouldn’t do it; his fucking mother wouldn’t do it. No, they let a little baby boy shoulder all that shit. They’re evil! They’re fucking evil!”</p>
<p>She was starting to shout. Petra knew trying to hush her would make it worse, so she calmly waited. Besides, she didn’t entirely disagree.</p>
<p>“There’s nothing I can do or say that’ll make this better.” Petra spoke calmly after Giulia cried herself out. “There’s no way I can understand what you’re feeling right now. And I know feeling guilty is the last thing you need. But I don’t believe Cassius would want you to be like this.”</p>
<p>“Well, lucky for Cassius he’s dead and gone and can’t see. So thank fuck for that, I guess,” Giulia growled.</p>
<p>Shit. That’d been the wrong move. Petra had never felt so tired. Whenever she tried to imagine Kuchel dead like that, or Oruo, or Armin, there one second and gone forever the next, her mind nearly broke. She remembered the instant she thought Kuchel had followed Cassius into death. She’d felt an ache right at her center. It was like reliving in an instant all the pain of carrying Kuchel, giving birth, nursing her. All the extraordinary changes her body had made to bring that little life into the world, and all that incredible work undone in half a second. She’d felt her whole body ripping to pieces.</p>
<p>Every life was an incredible miracle. Generations upon generations falling like dominoes to create this one particular person, this unique individual. All that work, gone in an instant.</p>
<p>She had killed people. She knew what it felt to potentially do that to some other mother somewhere.</p>
<p>Maybe she shouldn’t be here. She had no right to offer Giulia any comfort or judgment.</p>
<p>“Can I at least get the cook to make you some lunch?”</p>
<p>“If you want.” Giulia shrugged. “Won’t eat it.”</p>
<p>Petra stood there, so numb. So miserable. So guilty.</p>
<p>“Giulia. I…” She said the only thing she could think of. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”</p>
<p>Giulia roused herself and looked at Petra with puffed, empty eyes.</p>
<p>“What good’s that do me now?” she croaked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pet? You okay?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>She snapped out of it and looked at her husband and Hange. They’d all gathered in the living room around the coffee table. Their tea had gone cold, the cookies remained untouched. Only Hange’s glass of whiskey had been replenished. They were speaking softly about her upcoming trip to Paradis.</p>
<p>That was the big news of the day. After some negotiaton, Erwin had agreed to let Hange come on a diplomatic mission. It was a small victory, but they had to proceed with excess caution. For instance, Erwin had, of course, made a demand. When all trade and travel between Marley and Paradis shut down a year ago, both Marleyans and Paradisians had been stranded in opposite countries. Many on Paradis wanted to return home, and more importantly Erwin was certain there were plenty in Marley who wanted to go back to the island. They’d agreed on a swap of sorts, setting up ships in both Libero and Valle to receive and send people to and from their homes.</p>
<p>In exchange, Willy had ensured that Hange would come with an entourage, all equipped with weapons. Should negotiations falter and Erwin get any funny ideas.</p>
<p>The king had agreed. So now they were just setting the date and going over every last detail.</p>
<p>“Pet?” Levi prompted when she remained silent.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Just thinking about Giulia.” She had a headache. Never been this exhausted before.</p>
<p>Levi looked down in sympathy.</p>
<p>“The boats start moving next week,” Hange said. She scratched her messy brown hair. “Willy thinks I should fly over next Wednesday. My guess is Erwin and I will be in negotiations until at least Friday. Then I’ll come back.” She’d been guaranteed safe passage.</p>
<p>“Will there be any time to scope out the weapons situation?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“I’ll see what I can do. At the very least, I’ll probably get a look at the palace’s titan pits. I can also see how Erwin’s feeling. If he’s trigger happy.” She heaved a sigh. “I know this is a crap thing to say, but I’m sorry I pressured you to choose Erwin in Shiganshina.”</p>
<p>“You never know how things’ll work out,” Levi replied instantly.</p>
<p>Except they did have an idea. Petra had heard Eren speak of a world in which Armin had been chosen. It had…sounded like a potentially better one.</p>
<p><em>But it’s a world where the kids and I are also dead.</em> She didn’t care for her own sake, but for her three babies she couldn’t regret the decision.</p>
<p>“Does Willy really believe it’s going to come down to…” The words stuck in her throat. “Bombing Paradis?” she murmured.</p>
<p>“I hope not.” Hange’s eyes closed. “Back in the Survey Corps, we always talked about saving humanity from the titans. And now—”</p>
<p>“Now that means maybe blowing up our own country. Yeah. It sucks,” Levi said. He looked so flat and empty. Petra rubbed his arm.</p>
<p>“It can’t come to that,” Petra said.</p>
<p>“It could.” Hange slumped. “I’m sorry, Petra, but if we have to choose between the rest of the world and Paradis, I—”</p>
<p>“<em>No!</em>”</p>
<p>The adults all flinched as Kuchel raced into the room. Her black hair was rumpled from sleep. Shit, they must have woken her. And as her daughter’s eyes filled with tears, Petra’s heart sank. Kuchel had heard enough.</p>
<p>“Baby, come here.” She held out her hand.</p>
<p>“You’re, you’re not gonna do it. Papa? Papa, don’t let them! No! N-Not Armin! And what about Auntie Brigitta? Wh-what about them, and Connie and Sasha? You can’t! You can’t!” The child began to scream and sob. Petra got up, but Levi got to Kuchel first. He took her shoulders.</p>
<p>“I’m not gonna let it happen. Okay, kid?” He sounded hard. Strained.</p>
<p>Petra winced. Levi could not make that promise. And Kuchel could tell. She began bawling, shoved her father away.</p>
<p>“Kuchel!” Petra gasped. Levi looked like someone had shot him. His daughter had never done that before.</p>
<p>“You’re all lying! You’re all a bunch of liars!” She was sobbing now, her little face bright red. “Why can’t you just talk to Uncle Erwin? Why not?”</p>
<p>“Aunt Hange’s going to do just that, sweetheart,” Petra said. She reached for Kuchel, who pulled away. “She’ll talk to him.”</p>
<p>“But why can’t you? Huh? Why can’t you just get him to let us see Armin? <em>Why not? Why can’t we?</em>”</p>
<p>Petra had never seen Kuchel hysterical like this before. Her gut chilled as she imagined the girl tearing the place apart in an Ackerman rage.</p>
<p>“Oi! Stop crying! Stop this bullshit!” Levi snapped. He gripped her shoulder, holding her as the child pulled away. Kuchel couldn’t stop weeping. Petra realized that this had been the dam bursting. Her parents going away, the newsreels of war, the fear for Armin and them and even Erwin…she’d heard that her father might kill her Uncle Erwin and little brother and she’d officially lost it. Petra tried to hug the girl while Kuchel batted wildly at Levi. But her father held her.</p>
<p>And Levi looked possessed. All the pain and stress was tearing him down. Having his little girl look at him like a monster was shattering something.</p>
<p>“No! Nooooo!” Kuchel screamed at a pitch that could break glass. Petra heard her parents’ door close upstairs, heard their slippered feet on the staircase. Ingrid rushed down with her hair in curlers.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” she barked.</p>
<p>“Kuchel’s going to bed now.” Levi sounded so tired. He’d never looked this miserable before.</p>
<p>Then Kuchel, still screeching, slapped her father hard across the face. With her Ackerman strength, it was horrifying.</p>
<p>“Levi!” Petra cried. He fell, stunned. She rushed in. “Kuchel Isabel Ackerman, how <em>dare</em> you?”</p>
<p>Her daughter hugged herself and rocked back and forth, shivering and weeping. Petra’s heart broke.</p>
<p>But Levi got up, massaging his jaw. He looked at his daughter with fire in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Get in your room.” His voice had never been that cold, not with her. “<em>Now.</em> Or so help me, I will bust your ass open!”</p>
<p>“Levi!” Petra and Ingrid were horrified. But Kuchel fled. She rushed down the hallway, Levi storming after her. Petra chased them both. Oruo’s bedroom door opened. Her son rubbed his eye.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” he croaked.</p>
<p>“Go back to bed. Now!” Petra would go to him in a minute. Ingrid thankfully dealt with Oruo as the parents entered Kuchel’s room. Their daughter flung herself face down onto her bed, kicking and sobbing. Levi stood over her, shuddering with impotent rage.</p>
<p>He had never scared Petra like this before.</p>
<p>“Levi,” she said in warning.</p>
<p>“Look at me. Oi. Look at me!”</p>
<p>“Why, why can’t you make it all stop? Wh-why can’t you just talk to him?” Kuchel gave a wrenching cry, gripping her pillow. “Why are you so mean?”</p>
<p>“I’m mean?” Levi looked utterly white. “<em>I’m</em> mean?” Then something changed in his eyes. “You spoiled little brat, you want to see mean? You got any <em>idea</em> what mean looks like? Take a look now! Right fucking now!”</p>
<p>He had never screamed at Kuchel before. Petra had only heard him yell a few times in her life. It was monstrous. He didn’t grab their daughter, but he stood over her and shouted while she curled into a ball.</p>
<p>“You want nice? You think Uncle Erwin’s <em>nice?</em> After everything he’s done to your mother? You ungrateful, selfish, spoiled little <em>bitch!</em>”</p>
<p>“Levi!” Petra put herself between him and their daughter. Her husband’s horrific grimace relaxed. He blinked, as if waking from a trance. Kuchel continued to kick and sob. She wailed like a banshee. “Let me deal with this. Please.”</p>
<p>He looked like he’d argue, but when he blinked at Kuchel a look of pure, sick horror washed over him. He staggered out of the room. Petra sat beside her daughter.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. Look at me,” she said calmly.</p>
<p>It took half an hour, but she finally got the girl to stop crying. Ingrid brought a glass of water. Petra saw to it that Kuchel calmed entirely. She told the girl they’d discuss it tomorrow morning, but only like civilized people. Kuchel nodded, and sheepishly apologized. Petra kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>When she shut out the light and left the room, she found Levi standing just outside. He looked like a haunted man. His face was slack.</p>
<p>“I gotta—”</p>
<p>“No. Tomorrow.” Petra gently took his hand and led him to the parlor. Hange had put on her coat.</p>
<p>“Er. I’ll come back up tomorrow. We can discuss it all then.” She paused. “Or maybe you both should come downstairs.”</p>
<p>Good idea. Petra saw Hange out, locked the door, told her parents to go back upstairs, and then went to bed with Levi. He shambled through the nightly routine, looking like he’d faint if she breathed on him wrong. She helped him into bed, and sat beside him.</p>
<p>“I…I yelled at her.” He looked ready to vomit.</p>
<p>“It was going to happen sooner or later.”</p>
<p>“I called her a bitch. Why did I do that?”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t a good word, you’re right. But it was a stressful moment. You can both apologize to each other tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“She hates me now.” He looked dizzy. Ever since he’d held Kuchel as a tiny newborn, he’d adored her. The idea that she hated him was crushing.</p>
<p>“You are her favorite person.” Petra kissed his cheek. She held him close. “We’re going to have a good talk with her tomorrow. We’re going to explain how the bomb is almost absolutely not going to happen.”</p>
<p>“She’ll notice the almost,” he croaked.</p>
<p>Yes. There was still the possibility that they would have to… Or even more likely, that Erwin would bomb Liberio. Or Valle.</p>
<p>The thought turned Petra’s stomach. If the bomb fell, they’d all be dead in half a second. Nothing could save them.</p>
<p>But Erwin would probably only attack major cities…</p>
<p>“I have an idea.” She kissed his temple. “Remember that summer camp we talked about a couple of months ago? The one that’s three weeks long and on the Amalfia Islands?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah, that adventure camp.” It was for ages six to sixteen. They’d thought the kids might like it. There was hiking, swimming, boat rides and campfires. A good opportunity for two city kids to run around in nature.</p>
<p>“I think there’s still time to enroll them. For the True King, they’ll be sure to accommodate the kids. We can get them out of here until…”</p>
<p>Levi understood. The camp would wrap up right after Erwin’s ‘deadline’ passed. If he died, a lot of the threat went away. If he didn’t…well. They’d be nowhere near a point of hyperfusion attack.</p>
<p>“They need some fresh air,” Petra said. “They need to have some fun without any radios or newsreels to scare them.”</p>
<p>“Fuck, Petra.” His face began to fall. He was fighting tears. A broken man. “I called my little baby a…”</p>
<p>He fought himself. The great Levi Ackerman, the most frightening warrior alive, reduced to nothing after a fight with his daughter. War didn’t break him; love did.</p>
<p>“Baby.” She kissed him. “It’s going to be all right. This is not going to tear you apart. Everything will be fine.” He kissed her back. He hugged her close. She was an anchor in his arms. “Tomorrow I’m going to call that camp. And we’ll talk to Kuchel and Oruo. Okay?”</p>
<p>“You are the only thing in my life that doesn’t suck,” he breathed. She grinned.</p>
<p>“Neither do your kids, who adore you. The world loves you. We’re so close to finishing this.” She kissed his cheek. “And then we’ll find a good, quiet part of Paradis and get things back on track. We’ll live our lives in peace. Our kids will be safe. Just a little more stress, and it’ll be over.”</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve you.” He kissed her lips. “You damn goddess.”</p>
<p>She held him tight.</p>
<p>The next day, they sat down with the children and calmly talked it all out. Levi apologized to Kuchel, and she apologized to him. Father and daughter hugged. When Levi asked if they all wanted to get an ice cream, Kuchel said she was tired. But they should go. Levi instantly deflated, but Oruo was so excited that they had to make the trip.</p>
<p>When they returned, Petra saw Levi outside Kuchel’s closed door, poised to knock. But finally, he was defeated. He skulked away. She’d never seen him like that before.</p>
<p>And over the next few days, Kuchel was cheery and sweet. She kissed her parents good morning and good night. She was never rude.</p>
<p>But she didn’t want to go to the park with Levi and Oruo. Or the movies. She only wanted to go out with Petra or her grandparents. Levi never let any of it show, but Petra would come in at night and find him already in bed, weary as hell. He looked deflated.</p>
<p>Finally, it was the night before Hange’s trip, and the kids’ as well. Everyone was nervous. Everyone felt ill.</p>
<p>“Go and give Papa a hug,” Petra whispered to Kuchel. “He could really use one.”</p>
<p>Kuchel did. Levi made sure to look stoic, but Petra could tell he was breaking inside.</p>
<p>“Love you, Papa.” Kuchel kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“You too, little girl.”</p>
<p>Then, to Petra’s delight, she cuddled up on the couch with him and Oruo. They listened to their favorite radio programs, laughed at the funny bits, and played a board game after dinner. By the time he went to bed, Levi looked weak with relief. Petra hugged him as they settled in for the night.</p>
<p>“That could’ve been the last night for us as a family,” he said matter-of-factly. Petra bit her lip. It was true. “Thank fuck.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She kissed him, and turned out the light.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, they said goodbye to Hange first. The military convoy picked her up in front of the apartment building. She was dressed smartly in her military uniform. Willy was there as well to see her off.</p>
<p>“There’s a lot riding on you, Hange.” He shook her hand. “Good luck.”</p>
<p>“This’ll be fun.” She sounded so flat when she said it that Petra laughed. They hugged. Levi even deigned to give her a salute. The gangly brunette saluted back, smiling. Some things never changed. But Petra saw the tight set of her husband’s jaw. <em>Come back safe. I can’t lose you.</em> Words he couldn’t speak.</p>
<p>Hange got into the truck, and they headed out for the airfield. Willy left, and at eleven the kids came downstairs with their bags packed. The camp bus trundled around the corner, ready to transport them to the marina and from there to the Amalfia Islands. Kuchel and Oruo both smelled strongly of sun lotion. The little girl wore her hair in pigtails. Oruo was even more rumpled looking than usual. Petra kissed and hugged her children goodbye. Oruo especially clung like a little monkey.</p>
<p>“Be so good,” she whispered. She could not cry. This could be the last time…</p>
<p>“Love you, Mama.” Oruo gave her a big kiss. So did Kuchel. And their daughter hugged Levi so tight. He maintained his composure.</p>
<p>“Love you both more than anything in the damn world,” he said, glancing at Petra. <em>And you, too</em> the look said.</p>
<p>They loaded the bags onto the bus, and the kids went to take their seats. Kuchel sported her little pink backpack. They waved out the window as the bus rolled away. Petra waved until the bus vanished. She trembled, but didn’t cry.</p>
<p>“They’ll be okay,” Levi said. He put his arms around her. “And so will we.”</p>
<p>She sighed and pressed her cheek to his. The kids were safe. Hange was going to negotiate.</p>
<p>Perhaps things would work out after all.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The bus was loud. Kuchel and Oruo argued a bit about who was taking up too much room on the bench as the bus hissed and turned left. It pulled in to the marina. Several boats were all lined up, ready to go. There were boats going to Liberio, to Bohtaswa in Nambia, to Shongwai in Zhongu. There was even a boat going to Paradis, for the people who’d been trapped in Marley and wanted to go home.</p>
<p>Just like Mama and Papa had said.</p>
<p>“Everyone off!” The camp counselor, a lady with bright blonde hair, clapped her hands at the front of the bus. “You’ve got thirty minutes until we board, so pair up and use the buddy system. If you need to use the restroom, now’s the time.”</p>
<p>The kids laughed as they climbed off the bus. The porters unloaded their bags, taking them to the ship. Oruo looked up at Kuchel.</p>
<p>“Guess you’re my buddy.” He sounded less than thrilled. She made a face.</p>
<p>“Hey, you wait here. I just gotta use the bathroom,” she said. He scowled.</p>
<p>“Hurry back.”</p>
<p>Kuchel went over to the restroom. She saw a line for the ladies. She got into it…and after a minute, got out of it.</p>
<p>Mama hadn’t checked her backpack, thankfully. She probably thought Kuchel had put in her stuffed bear and some books. She didn’t know there was a plastic canteen of water, and some bread and fruit. The trip to Amalfia was only a few hours…but the trip to Paradis lasted a couple of days.</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to talk to Uncle Erwin. He’ll make it okay. He just needs to understand. Grown ups never know how to talk.</em>
</p>
<p>She knew it in her bones. She knew how true it was.</p>
<p>Kuchel hid out behind a soda stand for a while. She winced when she thought of Oruo waiting on her. But the Paradis boat left in five minutes, and they had another twenty until Amalfia boarded. He never cared where she was, anyway. By the time they realized Kuchel was gone, it’d be too late.</p>
<p>She glanced at the Paradis boat. Boarding had almost finished. She took a breath, and started to run.</p>
<p>“I know what you’re doing.” Oruo appeared out of nowhere like a creepy little ghost. Kuchel came to a sudden stop. He glared at her, his little arms crossed. “You’re goin’ to Paradis.”</p>
<p>“Oruo! I am not!” She wanted to scream.</p>
<p>“Are too. I saw you put the fruit in your bag. You didn’t bring Pookie, either.” Her bear.</p>
<p>“I’m too old for bears.” She blushed.</p>
<p>“You’re goin’ to Paradis. So.” He lifted his chin. “I’m goin’ with yah.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you are not.” She gave up the charade. “Mama will kill me if I take you.”</p>
<p>“She’s gonna kill you anyway. But if you don’t take me, I’m gonna start screaming. And I’ll tell them what you’re doin’. And you’ll be in biiiiig trouble.”</p>
<p>That little brat. Kuchel wanted to pick him up and hurl him over the railing and into the sea.</p>
<p>“You can’t—”</p>
<p>“Just try.”</p>
<p>For a seven year old, Oruo could be pretty scary sometimes. Kuchel freaked out as the Paradis boat sounded its horn. She had to make a choice. Now.</p>
<p>If she didn’t go now, it could be too late for everyone. She gritted her teeth.</p>
<p>“Come on. But you have to do whatever I tell you, or they won’t let us on board.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” He rushed along with her, keeping up on his wiry little legs. Kuchel hurried to the end of the line; they’d be the last to board. She gripped Oruo’s hand tight.</p>
<p>“Whoa. Young lady, you got a ticket?” The uniformed man stopped her at the ramp. Kuchel looked agitated.</p>
<p>“Please, please. Our Mama’s up there. We can’t miss the boat! My little brother had to pee! I forgot the tickets, oh, please!” She started to cry.</p>
<p>To her shock, Oruo played along. Beautifully.</p>
<p>“Mama.” He started to sob. The guard cursed; he knew the boat was seconds away from leaving.</p>
<p>“Okay, go on. But get your tickets next time!”</p>
<p>“Thank you!” the children chorused. They rushed up onto the boat. Kuchel knew she’d have to play this carefully over the next couple of days. They didn’t have a cabin, after all. But her Ackerman instincts had never failed her yet. She always knew just what to do.</p>
<p>They held their breath until the anchor went up and the boat steamed away from the dock. People waved from down below. Kuchel and Oruo made sure to hide themselves in the crowd.</p>
<p>When they were comfortably out at sea, they leaned on the railing and stared at the horizon.</p>
<p>“You did a good job.” Kuchel couldn’t help her surprise. “You actually cried and everything.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Of course.” He sounded full of himself. She rolled her eyes. Brothers.</p>
<p>Armin…</p>
<p>Kuchel was going to save her brother. And her aunt. And Paradis. She was the only one who could do it now.</p>
<p><em>Hold on, Armin.</em> She smiled as she stared at the endless sea. <em>I’m almost there.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Chapter 47</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi knew something was wrong the second he walked into the kitchen. First, Kenny was at the stove making scrambled eggs. Second, Zeke was sitting at the table with his chin in his hand. Third, they were both dead.</p>
<p>“What the fuck?”</p>
<p>“Oi, Levi! Yah shitty li’l run, set yer ass down for a while.” Kenny was still dressed in his old clothes, that blood-stained coat and the wide-brimmed hat. The grizzled old man sneered into the pan at the eggs he was scrambling. “This’s gonna be shit.”</p>
<p>“Your uncle, I presume?” Zeke drummed his fingers on the tabletop. “His vocabulary is as colorful as yours.”</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you two doing in my house? You’re dead,” Levi snapped, waiting for them to concede the obvious point. Kenny just rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“That was always the problem with yah, Levi. No imagination.” He killed the fire and slid the eggs onto a plate. Then he set it before Zeke, who stared at them like he’d never seen food before.</p>
<p>“Where’s the balloon juice?” Zeke sounded deeply hurt.</p>
<p>“Get yer own, yah fuckin’ hairy ape.” Kenny started banging through the cabinets, looking for something and muttering under his breath. Levi realized that sometime in the last thirty seconds Kenny had put on a frilly apron.</p>
<p>Slowly, Levi sat down at the table as Zeke proceeded to pull balloons from out of thin air and pour them all over his plate.</p>
<p>“This is a dream, isn’t it?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>“Better fuckin’ hope so, ‘cause Petra won’t be thrilled otherwise.” Now Kenny was upside down on the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Levi. I’ve decided that I won’t take my murder personally. You have plenty to deal with as it is.” Zeke threw the balloon eggs out the window.</p>
<p>“Look, whatever weird reason my brain spat you both up, could it get to the point?” Levi grumbled.</p>
<p>All of a sudden, the sun went down. The three men were in a pitch black kitchen, except they could see one another perfectly. Zeke scratched the tip of his ear. His hands were real hairy.</p>
<p>“Fine. We’re here to remind you, Levi.” Zeke’s glasses became points of light, like a car’s approaching beams. “It has to be done. You know it does.”</p>
<p>“What does?”</p>
<p>Why was his heart pounding like this? Why did he feel ball-shrinkingly terrified of Zeke and Kenny as they watched him in the darkness? Kenny’s eyes were red and glowing, like a rat’s.</p>
<p>“Yah can’t be selfish, midget. Gotta face it like a man.”</p>
<p>“Face what?” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“Sooner or later, the bill comes. When it does, you have to pay it. And tip well,” Zeke said, pulling a very solemn face.</p>
<p>Levi realized then that he was dressed in his Survey Corps uniform again. Blades in his hands, he swiped at the phantoms on the other side of the table.</p>
<p>“Get the fuck out of my head!” he shouted.</p>
<p>Like a light, the sun came back on. Birds sang outside the window. His blades vanished. Kenny and Zeke were normal again.</p>
<p>“Tch. Yer problem’s that yah were always too damn touchy.” Kenny spat a line of tobacco juice onto the tiled floor. Levi burned to clean it up.</p>
<p>“I know what this is.” Levi clenched his fists. “You.” At Zeke. “I feel guilty ‘cause this whole war could’ve been avoided if I’d let you and Eren touch that night. I don’t know what other kind of freaky plan you had, but I know whatever it was had to be better than where we are now. But I’m not sorry I killed you. Bastard.”</p>
<p>“He really is so highly strung.” Zeke pulled a hat out of his mouth. He handed it to Kenny, who ate it. “Remember what I said about the bill.”</p>
<p>“Be a man,” Kenny said. Levi stood and slammed his hands on the table.</p>
<p>“Both of you get the fuck out of my house!” he shouted. Zeke and Kenny exchanged looks. Kenny sneered.</p>
<p>“Prissy little bitch,” he said. Then he climbed into the sink and disappeared down the drain.</p>
<p>“Well. I’ve got my singing lesson, anyway,” Zeke said in a hurt tone. His body turned into that of a bird. His human head remained. “Don’t forget the custard!”</p>
<p>Zeke-bird flew out the window.</p>
<p>Levi sat up in bed, heart pounding, sweat making his shirt cling to his torso.</p>
<p>“Mmm? Levi?” Petra shifted beside him, yawning as she awoke. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Eh. Bad dream. That’s all,” he muttered. She didn’t like hearing about Zeke or Kenny at the best of times, and something about what they’d said to him, ‘you have to do it’, the bill, all that shit…</p>
<p>Put him in a bad mood.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Mr. Grumpy.” His queen hugged and kissed him. Tch. Even with rumpled bedhead, she was the sexiest thing alive. Petra wore a clinging little pink silk negligee. He loved it when they were on vacation and she could dress in all the frilly things that were impractical back home, with kids running down the hall and vomiting at two AM.</p>
<p>But after that dream, he wasn’t feeling particularly sexy anymore.</p>
<p>“C’mon. Ass outta bed. We’re heading back to Valle and I don’t want to miss the plane.” Levi got up and threw open the curtains. He looked down on Liberio’s main boulevard. It was a breezy summer’s day. Sometimes he liked the more arid climate up north. Valle could get too muggy in the summertime. Kids must be sweating balls at that camp by now.</p>
<p>“You’re the king. Planes wait for you.” Petra stretched.</p>
<p>“I don’t like hearing that. Don’t lose your discipline, brat.”</p>
<p>But he couldn’t stay grumpy when he had a warm, sexy woman beaming up at him from his bed.</p>
<p>Levi smiled out the window as Petra came up behind him and hugged him around the waist. She nibbled at his neck and jaw, and he started to get hard. She could make even nightmares shrink away into nothing.</p>
<p>“Is there time for some morning exercise before our flight?” she asked. Petra took his earlobe between her sharp little teeth. Levi grinned.</p>
<p>“Only if you’re gonna be efficient and work hard. I expect to be satisfied.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He placed Petra so that her legs hung off the edge and, still standing, wrapped her thighs around his waist. Levi easily freed himself from his boxers and slid into her. Fuck, she was ready even without foreplay. He loved how horny for him she was. As his queen murmured and writhed, her pussy clenching around him so beautifully that he almost came too soon, the shitty dreams faded. Everything got a little easier in the morning light with Petra tight on his dick.</p>
<p>By the time he climaxed, Kenny and Zeke were long gone.</p>
<p>They showered together, then dressed and packed. Levi hated having servants do anything for him unless it was absolutely necessary. The Liberian bells chimed nine o’clock by the time they’d had breakfast and were out the door. They’d been staying in Willy’s Liberian house, the ‘small’ estate. Fucking thing was almost the size of Levi’s apartment building.</p>
<p>How many homeless could this one building have housed? Levi really wasn’t meant to be a king, thinking about shit like that.</p>
<p>They’d flown up to Liberio about an hour after sending the kids off to camp. It was a business/pleasure trip, a couple days of just them. No parents. No kids. No clothes. Levi had only had to make one evening appearance, and Petra had contrived a way to get him out of the gala after an hour and a half. She got an extra orgasm for that.</p>
<p>He rode back to the airfield with his queen cuddled against him. He couldn’t stop staring at her. She was gorgeous in the morning, wearing a soft yellow dress with a string of pearls. Levi knew she looked beautiful wearing nothing but the pearls, too.</p>
<p>But she was a tough girl. Toughest woman he knew in a lot of ways. He loved both qualities, the sweet and the rough. That was Petra, that rare combination.</p>
<p>“Hope Pieter and Ingrid haven’t burned the place down,” he said as they boarded Willy’s private plane. Being friends with a king had its perks.</p>
<p>“Mama and Papa went to the midlands for that winery tour. Remember?”</p>
<p>Right. Both Rals and Ackermans had leapt at the chance for a vacation that the kids’ absence provided. Levi looked out the window as they buckled up and the plane took off. Today was Friday. Hange should be leaving Paradis in a couple hours, then fly to Valle to debrief him and Willy and Petra. It’d be good to have her home. Levi hated the idea of Erwin Smith keeping anyone he cared about trapped behind enemy lines.</p>
<p>When their car pulled up in front of the apartment building, Levi felt ready for a late morning nap. He got strangely lethargic these days, probably due to being forty-fucking-six. More gray in his hair than black now. Sometimes he wished he could grow a full beard and look a distinguished middle age instead of a withered kid. Ah well.</p>
<p>First a nap, then tea, then more sex. Then a bath. Then more tea. Maybe more sex. Then dinner. Vacation was amazing.</p>
<p>They entered the apartment and he took the bags to their room. No sooner had he set them down than the phone rang.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” He picked up as Petra hummed, unpacking their clothes.</p>
<p>“<em>Mr. Ackerman?</em>” It was Benito. “<em>Sir, you got about twenty-five messages from the same place over the last day or so.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi frowned. “From where?”</p>
<p>“<em>The lady said her name was Teresa Gambini at the Adventure Youth Camp.</em>”</p>
<p>Instantly, Levi’s heart crashed into his stomach. He felt the earth moving, felt himself falling and falling.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” His heart was liable to explode. Petra came over, looking concerned.</p>
<p>“<em>She said she needed to speak with you directly. She didn’t want this information in the wrong hands.</em>” Benito sighed. “<em>Sorry, Mr. Ackerman. I kinda worried and called the king’s offices, but they wouldn’t say where you’d gone.</em>”</p>
<p>No. A way of ensuring enemies couldn’t know where Levi and Petra were. Only those who truly needed to know were privy to the Ackermans’ whereabouts.</p>
<p>“Give me the number.” Levi wrote it down, then hung up and redialed. His fingers almost trembled on the numbers.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Petra had gone white.</p>
<p>“The camp called twenty-five times. That’s all I know.” He was terse, emotionless. Petra gasped as someone picked up his call.</p>
<p>“<em>Amalfia Adventure Youth Camp, how may I direct—</em>”</p>
<p>“This is Levi Ackerman. Teresa Gambini called me,” he said.</p>
<p>It didn’t make him feel great that the woman only gave a hushed ‘right away’ and put him on hold. If everyone knew what was up, this had to be serious.</p>
<p>“Oh god. Levi. What?” Petra moaned.</p>
<p>“Not yet,” he said, and then the phone clicked in his ear.</p>
<p>“<em>Mr. Ackerman?</em>” a hesitant woman’s voice asked.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Cut to the chase. Always good.</p>
<p>“<em>I…</em>” He could hear Ms. Gambini trying to put her thoughts together. He couldn’t take this shit.</p>
<p>“Are my children hurt? Are they dead?” he asked emotionlessly. Petra made a horrible noise.</p>
<p>“<em>No, sir. They’re missing.</em>”</p>
<p>He tried to get his head around this. “Missing. For how long? Where’d you last see them?” If she’d called yesterday, they’d been gone a while. Maybe they’d gotten lost in some nature trail. Fuck, he’d let two city kids wander into the jungle like an idiot—</p>
<p>“<em>We discovered they were gone yesterday morning.</em>” She spoke carefully.</p>
<p>Discovered.</p>
<p>“When did you last see them?” Now his skin felt real tight.</p>
<p>“<em>As far as we can tell, their luggage arrived without them.</em>”</p>
<p>“As far as you can fucking tell?” he snapped.</p>
<p>“Levi. What?” Petra looked ready to collapse.</p>
<p>“<em>They were on the bus when it entered the marina. We have confirmation of that. But…it appears they may not have gotten onto the boat for Amalfia with the group.</em>”</p>
<p>“How the fuck could you let that happen?” he barked. Petra continued to hiss and tug him and beg with increasing fervor to let her in on what was happening. While Teresa stammered apologies and explanations, Levi’s mind spun. They’d made it to the marina. Fuck. Had someone taken them? Kidnapped them?</p>
<p>But if that’d happened, why not contact him or the embassy?</p>
<p>Had the children been killed by insurgents? He almost blacked out at the thought. But the same point: why not take credit for it?</p>
<p>Had they run away? Maybe Kuchel had been sweet that last night together because she was telling him goodbye? But why would Oruo go with her?</p>
<p>The marina…the marina…</p>
<p>And then, in a flash of yellow lightning, an awful thought spelled itself out. He felt his whole body go cold.</p>
<p>“Ms. Gambini,” he said lifelessly. “Do you know if that marina had a departing boat for Paradis Island?”</p>
<p>At that, Petra walked away. He heard her slam the bathroom door. Then he heard her start to scream.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Kuchel wished she could take a shower. She felt so grimy and gross. She hung onto the railing and watched the island come into view, getting bigger and greener the closer the ship came. She felt all tingly in her stomach. Soon she’d see Armin and Uncle Erwin and everything would be all right.</p>
<p>“Oi.” Oruo appeared next to her. His black hair was an even bigger mess after a couple days without a bath. He handed her half of a sticky bun. “I got some lady to give me her breakfast.”</p>
<p>“Got?” Kuchel frowned as she took a bite.</p>
<p>“I took it when her purse got knocked over.” Oruo sniffed. “I knocked it over.”</p>
<p>“Papa would say that’s just like Uncle Kenny.”</p>
<p>“Tch. He said Uncle Kenny was tough.” Oruo sounded proud as he hung on the railing. He was smaller than Kuchel, and could barely reach the bar. “How we gonna find Uncle Erwin?”</p>
<p>“We’ll just tell the people at the dock to call the king and say that we’re here,” she answered primly. She knew her uncle would be so glad to hear that Kuchel had arrived.</p>
<p>“You sure this was a good idea?” Oruo frowned.</p>
<p>“Little late to ask that now!” They’d spent the last couple days hiding out in the boiler room at night and wandering the ship’s deck during the day. Kuchel was pretty hungry and tired. She wanted some hot food. “It’ll be fine. Why’d you come if you’re worried?”</p>
<p>“’Cause you could get in trouble.”</p>
<p>“I’m the one with the powers and the training.” She didn’t mean to make him feel bad, but it was the truth. “I’ll end up having to protect you.”</p>
<p>Oruo’s face got red. “No you won’t. I can take care uh myself!”</p>
<p>He raced away. Kuchel rolled her eyes. The ship steamed nearer to the docks. She could see people waiting down below, and soldiers in uniforms waiting to meet everyone as they got off the boat.</p>
<p>She grinned. Soon, everything would be okay.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The coughing was getting worse.</p>
<p>Erwin felt the rattle in his chest as he coughed into the handkerchief. He frowned at the black-and-red wetness left behind on the cloth.</p>
<p>“Feeling okay?” Hange, opposite him in the train compartment, looked quietly sympathetic. She knew what was happening.</p>
<p>He had weeks left. If he couldn’t make the deadline, he’d give his crown and power to Floch. But he <em>had</em> to make it. Historia had to yield the fruits of their labor soon, for her sake as well as his. He doubted her body could take much more.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said stiffly. They began to slow as they neared the southern docks. He glanced at Hange again. They’d had two days of negotiations, meeting over tea or dinner, discussing in a conference room with other military brass. Little had come of it. Erwin had refused to sign a treaty ensuring that he would take no hyperfusion action against the rest of the world. He insisted that Levi and Petra come to negotiate such terms with him, which Hange had said was impossible. The best they’d done was agree that a massive hyperfusion attack would be in no one’s best interest.</p>
<p>But they also agreed that without the “true” king, there could be no declaration of peace or negotiations.</p>
<p>So Hange was headed back to Marley to see about getting Levi on a plane and over here.</p>
<p>Erwin hated to admit that over the last two days he’d had moments of enjoyment. His oldest friend was home. Even after her total betrayal, he’d yearned for her company. The fun they’d used to have playing chess, or debating her findings late into the night. Levi could not give Erwin intellectual companionship as she could. There was a difference between being intelligent, which Levi was, and being intellectually curious, which he was not. Hange and Erwin both thrived on curiosity.</p>
<p>Perhaps that was what killed Erwin the most about this plan of conquest. He was a man who yearned to see and experience and understand, and he had become a butcher instead.</p>
<p>For Siegfried, though, he would be a monster.</p>
<p>“How long until your term’s up?” she asked. Bold of her.</p>
<p>“Today’s the twenty-seventh of June. Three more weeks exactly,” he said. It would be thirteen years to the day since Shiganshina. “Counting down the hours, Hange?”</p>
<p>“What’s your plan for when time runs out? We didn't discuss succession.”</p>
<p>“There won’t be a succession.” He would live. He would live a long time.</p>
<p>“You know you can’t promise that.”</p>
<p>“I do. Have you ever known me to submit, Hange?”</p>
<p>She looked at the bloody handkerchief. He turned to the window angrily.</p>
<p>“Even you can’t fight your body,” she said.</p>
<p>“That’s what you wish to be true. It’s not fact.”</p>
<p>The train pulled into the station. Hange’s personal guard had stood outside the compartment during their journey down. They followed the king and the ambassador as they made their way off the train and into the waiting vehicle. Hange looked so much older. Her brown hair had liberal streaks of gray now. Her mouth was heavily lined. Her eyes had bags.</p>
<p>
  <em>How did we all get so old?</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin had died young and strong and dashing. He had returned to life only to mellow into deep middle age. It wasn’t that much fun.</p>
<p>They drove down to the port, both of them utterly silent. Hange crossed her arms and frowned.</p>
<p>“How is this supposed to end?” She sounded honestly curious now.</p>
<p>“All Marley has to do is submit,” he said quietly. “I don’t want a pound of flesh. I’ve even stopped using Eldian children to…” He couldn’t finish that horrible sentence. “Just agree to my rule, and the pain will stop.”</p>
<p>“Levi’s the king. Not you.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Levi will undoubtedly lead Paradis and Eldia into a bold new age,” he muttered. Hange was uncomfortably quiet. She knew the same thing that Erwin did: Levi did not want to do and could not do what came so naturally to Erwin. Erwin, hateful as he had become, had saved their world when it hung on the brink of destruction.</p>
<p>Levi could never have done that.</p>
<p>“Willy’s supportive of him.”</p>
<p>“He’s Willy’s puppet now.”</p>
<p>“No. They’re friends.”</p>
<p>She could not have said anything to hurt Erwin more. He winced as headache knotted at the back of his skull. He coughed, and brought up more blood and brackish fluid. Shit.</p>
<p>“You’ll all have a good time when I’m gone. That’s what you’re thinking,” he snapped.</p>
<p>“I haven’t had a good time for a while now.” Hange gave a weary sigh. All her bright energy had dissipated. She looked exhausted. They had that in common.</p>
<p>The car stopped at the port. A new ship had just steamed in, one escorting those Paradisians who’d been stranded for almost a year in Marley. Erwin smiled. It was good that they’d wanted to come home. He appreciated loyalty. He and Hange walked with her guard, headed for the plane at the opposite end of the port. They’d created a decent airfield, enough for one aircraft to land and take off at a time. Now Hange was bound for Valle. For Levi.</p>
<p>Erwin envied her.</p>
<p>“Be sure to radio and tell us what the “king” is planning,” he said. Erwin glanced left at the crowds of people as they filed through customs. “I can make no promises or pledges without Levi here in front of me.”</p>
<p>“He’s not crazy enough to show up here.” Hange looked ready to collapse. Erwin knew it was more than physical exhaustion. Her soul was simply weary.</p>
<p>“Pity.” Erwin heard a child’s high, shrill voice. Sounded excited. “Pass my regards to Petra and the children. When—”</p>
<p>Erwin, Hange, and both their guards stopped. He listened in amazement as that little girl’s voice called…</p>
<p>“Uncle Erwin! Uncle Erwin!”</p>
<p>Impossible. Erwin and Hange turned to find, at the front of the line, a little black-haired girl jumping up and down, a small, scratchy looking boy huddled at her side.</p>
<p>Kuchel and Oruo Ackerman.</p>
<p>“What the—?” Hange looked ready to fall over.</p>
<p>“Let them in!” Erwin shouted, hurrying over to the customs line. The soldiers let the kids through, and Kuchel flung herself into his arms. Erwin gave a shocked laugh, strangely happy. Sight of the child always lifted his spirits. “Kuchel! Sweetheart, what are you doing here?”</p>
<p>She was dressed in yellow shorts, a white shirt, and a denim jacket, but the child also looked grimy. There was no way in hell that Levi and Petra were with their children. Erwin’s mind spun, trying to arrive at an explanation.</p>
<p>“Uncle Erwin, please don’t kill anybody.”</p>
<p>Kuchel had appeared perfectly fine before. Now, whatever type of strain this child had been under caused her to collapse into tears. Erwin held her close as she wept against his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Hush now, angel. I’m not going to do anything to hurt you.” While Kuchel wept, Erwin glanced down at Oruo. The small boy glowered up at him, his little fists at his side. Uncanny. He was the perfect image of his father. “Hello, Oruo.”</p>
<p>When Erwin reached down for the boy, Oruo backed up.</p>
<p>“What are you both doing here? Where are your parents?” Erwin asked. Kuchel wiped her face, still weeping.</p>
<p>“Uh, um. They don’t know that—”</p>
<p>“<em>Kuchel. Oruo. Get away from him.</em>”</p>
<p>Erwin turned. Hange and her own personal guard had weapons out and aimed at Erwin. Meanwhile, the king’s Paradisian Guard lifted their own guns, ready to blow the threat away.</p>
<p>“<em>Don’t fire!</em>” Erwin bellowed. Kuchel clung to him, whimpering at the sight of all those adults with weapons. “Hange, put the gun down. Do it! I don’t want any harm to come to these children!”</p>
<p>“What the hell are they doing here?” He had never seen the woman so terrified. Or so angry. Erwin realized that she believed he’d manipulated these events. “What did you do to Petra and Levi?”</p>
<p>“Nothing. Put the guns down now!” he shouted.</p>
<p>“Aunt Hange, Oruo and I came on our own! Mama and Papa don’t know!” Kuchel shrieked. Erwin held the girl close. Sure enough, the sight of all those guns trained on the princess caused Hange to return to her senses. She ordered her soldiers to stand down. Erwin ordered his to do the same.</p>
<p>“Kids, come here.” Hange extended her hand. When Oruo started for her, Erwin grabbed the boy’s shoulder. “Erwin!” Hange bellowed.</p>
<p>“It’s okay!” Kuchel cried. She squeezed Erwin around the neck. “Aunt Hange, Uncle Erwin’s not gonna hurt me!”</p>
<p>“Kuchel.” Hange appeared dizzy. Erwin did not envy her. Hange had to be borderline out of her mind with fear. “Oruo. Your parents would want me to take you home. Come on, let’s get on the plane and call them.”</p>
<p>“They just arrived,” Erwin said. Hange shot him a filthy look, but already his mind was spinning up new ways to turn this situation to his advantage. “They’re in no danger from me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be an idiot, Erwin. Kuchel, Oruo, come here!” Hange shouted.</p>
<p>Erwin held up his hand when his own Guard threatened to lift their weapons.</p>
<p>“Anyone who raises their gun right now risks the prince and princess. Do that, and you’ll answer to me,” he called. That at least got everyone to calm down. “Hange, come with us. Let’s return to Mitras and wire Levi and Willy and Petra. We can discuss this calmly.”</p>
<p>“Like hell we will!” Hange’s eyes widened with fear. Anger. “You know damn well Levi wouldn’t want his kids here.”</p>
<p>“Aunt Hange, please just come talk. Please?” Kuchel started to cry again. Oruo hovered at Erwin’s side, unwilling to move forward without his sister. Good boy. Erwin patted his head. Oruo snarled in reply.</p>
<p>“Erwin, give me those children right now!”</p>
<p>“They need food and rest. There will be time to decide what to do back at the palace. And I’m certain they’d like to see their brother.” He hugged Kuchel. “Would you like that, darling?”</p>
<p>“Yes! I want to see Armin!” Kuchel’s eyes brightened with eagerness. Perfect little creature.</p>
<p>“Come with us, Hange. We can have a much more frank conversation with Levi now, can’t we?”</p>
<p>Hange’s eyes appeared strangely dead. She looked at him like he was nothing. At least before the attack on Hybernia, Hange had been disgusted with him. Now, she seemed to believe he was past all form of concern. Past saving. Erwin looked away.</p>
<p>“Give them back. Now,” she growled.</p>
<p>“If you raise arms against these children, I will be forced to kill you.” Erwin walked off, holding Kuchel in one arm, grabbing Oruo’s hand. The young boy squirmed but could not free himself. “Come along, Hange. Don’t be a hero. It’s not your role.”</p>
<p>“My role?” Her voice pitched higher with fury. “My <em>role</em>? Fuck you, Erwin!”</p>
<p>He quickly placed Kuchel into the back seat of his armored vehicle. A servant lifted in a struggling Oruo. Erwin turned and faced Hange across the field. She had never appeared so small as she did now. Never before had he seen such terrifying ferocity in her face, or the curl of her lip. She hated him.</p>
<p><em>Hated </em>him.</p>
<p>“Hange,” he said in warning.</p>
<p>But it was too late. She lifted her sidearm, ready to fire through his neck, or his brain. To finish him entirely.</p>
<p>A soldier collapsed on top of Erwin, bringing him down to the earth for protection. He landed hard on his stomach, the wind knocked from his lungs. Erwin watched in horror as—</p>
<p>The Guard did not fire on the Marleyans; Hange and the Marleyans did not fire on the Guard. Erwin gasped, mind reeling with relief as the Marley soldiers spoke with Hange. They must have explained the situation to her, because she slowly lowered her weapon. Yes. She was going to allow a conversation. She still looked disgusted with Erwin, but at least she was now unarmed.</p>
<p>A shot rang out. Hange jerked backwards, a spray of blood arcing into the air as a bullet slammed through her brain. Erwin watched, his mouth open, as his friend crumpled to the ground, dead before she landed.</p>
<p>Hange. Hange was—</p>
<p>
  <em>He sat with the gangly young woman at dinner. She had a short bob of brown hair and the largest, happiest eyes Erwin had ever seen. The girl beamed up at him, a kind of eccentric joy shining in her expression.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin knew he would like this girl.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You were brilliant today,” he told the new recruit.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Me? Wow, thanks!” She tossed her hair from her eyes. “Let me tell you, I’ve got some ideas—”</em>
</p>
<p>Half a lifetime later, she was dead. Erwin felt as if an invisible thread connected this moment with the first one. That no time at all had occurred between these moments of greeting and parting.</p>
<p>Hange. His Hange. She was…</p>
<p>Kuchel screamed. Erwin watched in despair as she banged her palms against the car’s back window, sobbing hysterically as the two sides opened fire on each other.</p>
<p>“Aunt Hange!” she wailed. Cursing, Erwin let the soldier help him up and into the vehicle. Since it was armored, the bullets could not get through. They slammed the doors shut. In the back, Kuchel and now Oruo were sobbing and shrieking. Erwin felt his head start to burst.</p>
<p>“Go. The train. Now!” he roared. His driver instantly threw the vehicle into the proper gear and they sped towards the station. Erwin looked back as they drove away, watched the last of Hange’s entourage as they were gunned down. He could not take his eyes from that lone, limp figure.</p>
<p>Hange Zoe. His friend. His best friend.</p>
<p>She was dead and gone. Erwin slumped in his seat, listened to the children keen and grieve. He could only see the moment when she’d jerked backwards and the bullet sliced through her brain.</p>
<p><em>I damned myself for your sake.</em> His hand tightened to a fist. <em>I gave up my soul to save you.</em> His temples throbbed. His vision blurred with tears. <em>Hange. You can’t be gone. You can’t be gone.</em></p>
<p>As Kuchel and Oruo gave great, heaving sobs, Erwin collapsed internally.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“How can you be certain they took the boat to Paradis?” Willy asked. They were seated in the king’s office. Petra had her head in her hands. Levi paced back and forth, desperate for his energy to go anywhere useful.</p>
<p>“I know my kids. Kuchel loves her “Uncle Erwin.” She probably went there to, I don’t know, talk to him or some shit,” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“Have we been in radio contact with the boat?” Willy asked. He looked like he had a bad headache coming on.</p>
<p>“One was supposed to be arriving this morning. They’ll check the passengers when they arrive. We couldn’t get in contact with the boat itself,” Petra said lifelessly. Levi gripped her shoulder. He could feel how tense she was. If his kids had gone on their own, he was going to murder them both. For doing this to their mother if nothing else.</p>
<p>“What about Hange’s plane?” Willy stood up.</p>
<p>“We’ve been trying Paradis. For some reason no one’s been able to get through to them,” Levi said. He felt so fucking tired.</p>
<p>“Perhaps we should go through official royal Marleyan channels,” Willy said. “It might impress upon them that we mean business.”</p>
<p>A knock came at the door, and the king’s aide came through. She looked paler than usual.</p>
<p>“Majesties,” she said. All three sat up. They could tell by the tone of her voice that something was badly wrong.</p>
<p>Levi felt dizzy as he followed her down to the radio room. The operators got out of the way, the women at the switchboard plugging wires in and wires out. Levi stood there, his whole body buzzing as he, Petra, and Willy were left alone, staring at the giant wall of wires.</p>
<p>“Erwin?” Levi said. They’d unplugged the headphones. The White King’s voice filled the room with a rumbling, faint static.</p>
<p>“<em>Kuchel and Oruo are all right. They’re safe with me in Mitras.</em>”</p>
<p>Petra made a low, deflating noise. Levi held his wife as she clung to him, her whole body trembling in his embrace. Levi hugged her, but the world narrowed down to him and the king’s voice coming over the system.</p>
<p>“You took them, you bastard.”</p>
<p>“<em>I did not. They came to me. They boarded a ship out of Valle two days ago. I’m simply amazed that they made it all the way here without you noticing they were gone.</em>”</p>
<p>“They’re supposed to be at camp,” Petra moaned. Levi clutched her tighter.</p>
<p>“You honestly want us to believe you had nothing to do with this?” he snarled.</p>
<p>“<em>Believe what you want. It’s the truth.</em>”</p>
<p>“Let me talk to my children,” Levi said. Silence on the other end. “Oi, Eyebrows. You want to talk to me? I need to know my kids are there like you say.”</p>
<p>Silence. Static. Then, “<em>One moment.</em>”</p>
<p>They waited, and then Levi heard Kuchel’s high, bright voice.</p>
<p>“<em>Papa?</em>” Her little voice wavered. “<em>D-Daddyyyyyy.</em>”</p>
<p>She started to sob. Petra buried her face in his shoulder and gave a long, soft scream. He petted her hair.</p>
<p>“You hurt her, you son of a—”</p>
<p>“<em>Papa? Mama?</em>”</p>
<p>Oruo sniffled. For some reason, that made everything worse. His little boy didn’t cry. If Oruo was shaken, something awful had happened.</p>
<p>“We’re coming to get you. Oi. Kids? Mama and Papa are coming to get you,” Levi growled. He heard them sniffle, and sob, and then he heard them walk away. “Erwin, what’d you do to them?” he barked.</p>
<p>“<em>I did nothing.</em>” The king’s voice was hoarse. Sounded almost like he’d been drinking.</p>
<p>“Fuck you. Let me talk to Hange.” More silence. Levi’s heart sped up. “You son of a bitch, where is she?”</p>
<p>“<em>Hange’s dead.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi’d been ready for a debate, a rumble, but now all his words fled. Petra sobbed. She screamed.</p>
<p>“No,” Levi whispered. He cleared his throat. “Fuck you, you lying piece of shit.”</p>
<p>“<em>It’s true.</em>” And this time, the slightest waver in the king’s voice told Levi that the horrible, the unthinkable was real. Levi immediately recalled that bright, gangly woman handing Isabel that bag of candy when they’d bunked down for the night in the castle during their first mission. The way she’d beamed and welcomed Levi to the Survey Corps, the first friendly face he’d ever met on the surface. The first person up here who ever treated him like he was a person. Hange had never judged people by where they came from. She’d never hated a person for being a thug piece of shit.</p>
<p>Dead.</p>
<p>“You killed her.” Levi choked on the words. Now he struggled to get his breath under control. He fought the tears. “You murderer. You evil piece of shit.”</p>
<p>“<em>The children arrived just as I was taking her to the plane. It was serendipity. Fate.</em>” Erwin definitely sounded drunk. “<em>She and her escort drew on us. In the chaos, someone fired the first shot. You should be grateful I got the children away.</em>”</p>
<p>“Give them back to me.” Petra shoved away from Levi. She leaned in and put her lips to the microphone. Levi had never seen such a furious sneer on that beautiful face. “You motherfucker, give me back my children!”</p>
<p>“<em>I am not holding them prisoner.</em>”</p>
<p>“Then put them on a boat or a plane and send them back.”</p>
<p>“<em>I’m also not going to waste this opportunity, Petra. I haven’t gotten to where I am by passing up any good thing.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi could feel the suggestion in those words. It conjured up visceral, horrible images of Erwin in bed with Levi’s wife. Sweating on top of her, thrusting in and out of her. Petra made a wounded noise and hung her head. She felt the same.</p>
<p>Hatred blinded Levi.</p>
<p>“You’d threaten a couple of innocent kids, you bitch?” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“<em>It’s the other way around, Levi. You have hyperfusion weapons pointed at Paradis, ready to wipe our homeland off the face of the earth. Those weapons are now pointed at your children. All of your children, and Petra’s.</em>” Levi winced. Armin, too. Of course. “<em>If you want to deescalate this situation, we need to talk.</em>”</p>
<p>“We’re talking now.”</p>
<p>“<em>In the flesh. I’m not leaving the island. Hange was returning to give you this very message. If you want to fix this, we need to meet face to face. You know what that means.</em>”</p>
<p>“The king and queen of Eldia are not going to enter enemy territory,” Willy snapped. A light red blush suffused the Tybur king’s face.</p>
<p>“<em>Willy. I’m not certain what you have to contribute to this discussion.</em>”</p>
<p>“You disarmed the Tybur family when your minion ate my…” Willy cleared his throat. “Anything to do with you is now my business.”</p>
<p>“<em>Ah yes. You may not believe this, but I’m truly sorry for Giulia’s sake that I took your son.</em>” The worst part was that Erwin sounded sincere. “<em>I can’t imagine her pain.</em>”</p>
<p>“Or mine?” Willy looked ready to snap.</p>
<p>“<em>You could have taken the War Hammer and spared your child an early death. You get none of my sympathy, you bastard.</em>”</p>
<p>A vein throbbed in Willy’s forehead. Levi had to pull him aside.</p>
<p>“Pet. I need you both to leave me alone with him for a second,” Levi said. Petra clearly didn’t want to, but she obeyed. His queen took Willy outside and shut the door. Levi turned back to the wall of wires and machinery. It was no substitute for Erwin’s presence. Even now, Levi wanted to feel the man near him, breathe the same air as the king…if only so Levi could know the pleasure of experiencing the minute Erwin stopped breathing. “Erwin,” he hissed.</p>
<p>A deep breath. “<em>Levi.</em>”</p>
<p>“I can’t go to Paradis. You know that.”</p>
<p>“<em>And I can’t leave Paradis.</em>”</p>
<p>No, he couldn’t. “Every minute you hold those kids, you’re threatening their lives. This isn’t you. Let them go.”</p>
<p>“<em>And I suppose you’re the innocent champions of justice? Hmm?</em>” Erwin’s voice was cold and hard as steel. “<em>If you had surrendered to me one year ago, hundreds of thousands of innocent lives would have been spared. You fought this losing war, and spilled all that blood.</em>”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who gave us the choice of slavery or death,” Levi growled. “Don’t you fucking dare come at me and act like this is my fault.”</p>
<p>“<em>But it </em>is<em> your fault. This whole nightmare has been your fault, hasn’t it?</em>” Erwin whispered. His voice was poison. “<em>You chose wrong in Shiganshina, didn’t you?</em>”</p>
<p>That was what Eren Jaeger had said to Petra. He’d told her that in the right timeline, he, Eren, had taken it on himself to destroy the world in order to save their people. That didn’t seem like the right timeline to Levi.</p>
<p>If that was the ‘right’ one, how badly had Levi fucked all this up?</p>
<p>“Like I said. Let me make up for that mistake. Just let me kill you, Erwin.”</p>
<p>“<em>No. I won’t leave my son an orphan.</em>”</p>
<p>“He still has his mother.”</p>
<p>“<em>And she should live as his mother. Which brings me to the solution to our problem. You won’t come to Paradis; I understand why. So send an envoy in your place.</em>”</p>
<p>“No.” Levi felt dizzy.</p>
<p>“<em>Yes. Send Petra. I’ll accept her as your proxy. She can speak for you. If you send her to me, then whether or not we reach an agreement I will send one of the children back with her. Either Oruo or Kuchel. Your choice. In addition, you have my word that Oruo will not be touched.</em>”</p>
<p>Oruo. Levi’s son had the active royal blood of a Reiss. His vision blurred as he imagined Erwin injecting his son, tossing that little child into some cold pit and turning him into a monster to be used.</p>
<p>“I can’t trust you,” Levi rasped.</p>
<p>“<em>You can trust me this much. We both agree I have nothing to gain by returning Oruo and everything to lose. Two sources of royal titan blood are better for my aims than one. But I will literally give away an enormous source of power in exchange for nothing more than another talk. Because I care about your family, Levi. I care about Kuchel; it would break her heart to lose her little brother. I don’t want to have to set off my weapons. I know you don’t, either. Even if the children were returned to you, you could never rest easily knowing you had killed Paradis Island. Don’t look at this as a checkmate. Indeed, I have as much to lose here as you. Let the children’s coming be a way to put an end to this destructive war once and for all. If you agree to these peace talks, I’ll make all necessary arrangements. If you don’t?</em>” Erwin hissed. “<em>Well. I have my hyperfusion arsenal. You won’t dare attack Paradis, but Paradis can attack you with impunity. And I make no guarantees for your son’s safety.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi knew that the correct strategic move would be to count his children as lost and forge ahead with whatever plan came to him. It was a choice between two kids and the entire world. As a king, he needed to make the right choice for his people.</p>
<p>But as he’d told people over and over again, he was no kind of king. His babies were in danger.</p>
<p>Levi was a soldier. A father. That was all he ever would be.</p>
<p>“I’m going to bring Petra and Willy back in here. Let’s talk.”</p>
<p>But already Levi knew there was nothing left to say.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin entered the nursery to find Kuchel sprawled out on Siegfried’s bed, bawling face first into a pillow. Siegfried was curled up in his window seat, hugging that stuffed tiger of his. Oruo, meanwhile, crawled along the floor and patted the wall. He was looking for some loose board or other way out. Ingenious child. So like Levi.</p>
<p>When Oruo caught sight of the king, he made some snarling sound and ran behind a chair. So, so like Levi.</p>
<p>“Kuchel.” Erwin gently sat on the bed beside the crying girl. “Sit up, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“Uncle Erwin?” She looked up at him, her little eyes puffed and red. “Aunt H-Hange is…” She wailed louder, and Erwin quickly hugged her. He shushed her, rocked her back and forth as Siegfried trotted over. The little boy sniffled up at them.</p>
<p>“I said she could have Toby if she wanted.” He shyly extended the tiger for a hug. Erwin patted his lap, and the boy sat down. He held both children. The two most precious children in the world to him.</p>
<p>Oruo just muttered at Erwin, then went about trying to pull up the carpet.</p>
<p>“Your mama’s coming to get you,” Erwin said softly. Kuchel cried as he wiped her cheeks. Siegfried gasped in excitement. “She’s going to come here and be with all of you.”</p>
<p>“And Papa?” Kuchel sniffled.</p>
<p>“Soon. I just finished speaking with him and your mama. She’ll come first, and then he’ll come afterwards.”</p>
<p>“But Aunt Hange…” Kuchel wailed. Erwin hugged her. “It’s my fault! It’s all my fault!”</p>
<p>“No, sweetheart. It’s not your fault.”</p>
<p>“B-But if I hadn’t come here, sh-she’d be aliiiiive!”</p>
<p>Siegfried wept in solidarity. He didn’t know Hange, but he felt his sister’s pain. Erwin hugged them both tightly.</p>
<p>“Kuchel, you’ve done such a good thing by coming here,” Erwin whispered. “You see, if you hadn’t, I might have had to release some of my weapons. Or your papa might have done the same. But now, with you here, all the grown ups are going to sit down and talk this out. All right?”</p>
<p>Siegfried hugged Kuchel. He made Toby kiss her cheek.</p>
<p>“They’re gonna be so mad at me.” She whimpered.</p>
<p>“You probably saved millions of people’s lives. You’re the reason we’re going to peacefully end this war. You’re the best girl in the whole world.”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Siegfried smiled. Erwin beamed upon him. The best girl and the best boy. And Oruo. He had all of them here.</p>
<p>Kuchel began to calm down. “I miss Mama.”</p>
<p>“Me, too,” Siegfried said.</p>
<p>“She should be here by dinner time. And we’ll all have a nice dinner together. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be all right now. I promise.”</p>
<p>“B-But Aunt Hange…”</p>
<p>“She’s watching over you right now, and she’s so proud.” Erwin kissed her head. “Now. Why don’t you three stay here and play for a while.”</p>
<p>“Can we have some ice cream, Papa?” Siegfried gave his biggest, sweetest eyes. Erwin laughed.</p>
<p>“Of course you can, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“C-Can we have strawberry?” Kuchel whispered.</p>
<p>“Anything you want. I’ll get Inga to bring some to you.” Inga was now Siegfried’s personal nanny. She doted on the children. Such a good woman. Erwin hugged his son, and his future stepdaughter. His whole being felt suffused with wonderful light and warmth. He had his family here. Soon, Levi and Petra would arrive, and his happiness would be complete.</p>
<p>Oruo came over and stood directly in front of Erwin. The boy wore the most dead-eyed sneer Erwin had ever seen. Even Levi couldn’t match it.</p>
<p>“Yes, Oruo?” Erwin made sure to smile.</p>
<p>“Papa wants us to go home. I know he does. Why don’t you just put us on a plane?” the boy asked. Perceptive child.</p>
<p>“Oruo!” Kuchel hissed. “Don’t be rude!”</p>
<p>“As soon as your Mama gets here, we’ll discuss all that.” Erwin stood up. Even though he towered above Oruo, the child continued to glare up at him. Truly, he was Levi’s son. “Why don’t the three of you play a game?”</p>
<p>“I don’t wanna,” Oruo muttered. Erwin ruffled his hair. The boy stepped away and patted it back the way he had it before. Like Levi, it would take time to like this boy. But Erwin was certain he’d come to love the child. After a while.</p>
<p>“Wanna play with Toby?” Siegfried asked shyly. He held out his tiger while Kuchel hugged her little brother. Oruo just walked away from the pair. Erwin smiled as he rang for Inga and then left the room. He had preparations to make before Petra arrived in a few hours. He also ought to stop in and see Brigitta, let her know that her sister would be here soon.</p>
<p>Erwin stopped when he began to cough once more. He spat up blood into his handkerchief, and when he studied the gore all he could see once again was Hange in a crumpled heap, the back of her head blown out against the ground.</p>
<p>His hand trembled. Before anything else, he ought to stop by the bunker next to the titan pits and look in on how Historia was doing. Erwin hurried his steps. They said that they were making real progress with the queen, but it was wise to keep on top of them.</p>
<p>Historia had almost died a couple of times now, and they couldn’t have that. After all, if the queen died, Oruo Ackerman would be the only person left who could unlock the Founder, or summon Ymir Fritz. And for the child’s sake, Erwin didn’t want to have to strap him to that table underground and let the doctors do their work.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra sat beside her husband for the flight from Valle to Liberio, quiet with Levi’s arm wrapped around her shoulders. She’d been numb since Erwin’s call. She’d been barely present as Levi and Willy congregated, as Mikasa was brought in. The Ackerman girl had been part of the planning, jumping straight in and coming up with her own ideas. Mikasa was a godsend. Petra could only feel a hollowness behind her breastbone. All of her children were in that maniac’s hands.</p>
<p>Kuchel had gone to try to solve the problem. Her sweet little girl believed completely that the adults in her life were good and kind. That they’d do everything possible to protect the children, and the world. While Petra was angry with her daughter, she wanted nothing more than to hold Kuchel and Oruo again. And Armin. Her little babies…</p>
<p>“This has to work,” she whispered. Levi kissed the side of her head. She gave him her lips. Despite the numbness she felt, she kissed him every chance she had until they were both breathless. If this didn’t work, this was the last time she’d feel his arms around her.</p>
<p>“Mikasa’s going to get in position. We’ve got a plan,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Petra shut her eyes, recalling the meeting. Her, Levi, Mikasa and Willy had all discussed a path forward. Grief for Hange had to wait.</p>
<p>The plan had been simple. With Erwin’s attention focused on Petra, and Levi sitting in Liberio acting as a decoy, the military’s eyes would be fixed south. Levi and the Marleyan army couldn’t charge because of the large amount of hyperfusion weapons that Paradis had, most of which were stationed on either the southern shore or in the capital.</p>
<p>The least guarded point on Paradis was the northern tip near Wall Maria. The mountains there were difficult to navigate, and cold even in summer. No large army could launch an assault from there.</p>
<p>But five hundred well-trained warriors might be able to.</p>
<p>Mikasa had agreed to take her Azumabito warriors and airdrop themselves into the northern Wall Maria mountains. All of them were hardy survivors, and would easily make their way south to the border towns near Wall Rose. They knew that Jean Kirschtein had been made an acting commander in the northern regiment. Mikasa believed that she could get him to come to her side. If she managed that, Jean and his forces might fall to Marley’s aide, and they could sweep south to Mitras. By wreaking havoc in the capital, the goal was to seize control of the hyperfusion missile program, thereby giving Marley time to charge from the south. Levi would take off in a plane and parachute into Mitras, confronting Erwin. Killing him.</p>
<p>And then the war would be over.</p>
<p>It was a plan they’d been discussing for some time, but all were too nervous to try it without a good reason. Now that good reason was here. Petra’s job was simple: keep Erwin occupied while Mikasa and her warriors made the two day trek into Mitras. If they failed, then Petra and her children would likely never be able to leave the island.</p>
<p>It was a risk. But it was the only real choice they had if they wanted to stop the war and save the kids.</p>
<p>“I should be going, not you,” Levi growled. He devoured her face with his lips. She pressed her body close to his.</p>
<p>“You need to be free to confront him. There’s too much he could do to you if you surrendered to him now.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “Mikasa’s already getting into position. This is going to work.”</p>
<p>“Tch. Hopefully they don’t notice the plane dropping a shit ton of flying warriors off in the mountains,” he muttered. But they knew it was unlikely. After all, parachuting into those conditions would kill virtually anyone who tried. Erwin likely didn’t believe that anyone could do it, not even the Ackermans.</p>
<p>“I’m going to get them back,” she said. Petra needed to believe that. “And when I do, you’re going to come and get us. And then it’s going to end. No more death. No more hyperfusion bombs. We’re going to get our children back and live on Paradis and grow old together.”</p>
<p>“You can’t know that, brat.” His voice was rough. She kissed his forehead.</p>
<p>“I’ve seen it,” she whispered. Petra wove her fingers through Levi’s. “Look at how far we’ve come together. It’s been so much to handle, but we’ve gotten through all of it. I’ve always dreamed the same dream. It’s us, and the kids, living together in a little house with a garden. We’re happy around the table. And…” It sounded silly, but why not tell him? “And we own a little tea shop. We live together, and we work together. That’s the rest of our lives. Happy, and safe, and quiet.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t sound like ruling a kingdom to me.” But he petted her cheek. “I’m holding you to that, brat.”</p>
<p>She kissed his palm. “We’re going to make it. Just a few more days, and we’ll have the rest of our lives in peace.”</p>
<p>Levi held her close as the plane descended and touched down. Petra clung to her husband as the impact shuddered through her. They slowed, and stopped. Then Levi kissed her deeply and whispered against her lips.</p>
<p>“You are the love of my life. I didn’t go through all this just to lose you now.” He kissed her forehead. “You get those kids and you stay alive. You wait for me to come and find you.”</p>
<p>“I’ll wait as long as it takes.” She pressed her forehead to his. “Levi Ackerman, I’ll wait for you for the rest of my life.”</p>
<p>“Not that long.” He held her close. He held her as they got off the plane and were taken to the Liberian port. As they approached the dock, saw the king’s boat awaiting them, saw the black Paradisian Guard uniforms, Levi dug his fingers into her arm. He growled low in his throat, refusing to give her up. Petra kissed his jaw.</p>
<p>“Come and find us. The kids and I will be waiting,” she murmured.</p>
<p>“Majesty?” A youth in the Guard uniform approached and saluted the royal couple. “King Erwin wishes to know if you’re wearing his token. It was part of the agreement, after all.”</p>
<p>Levi snarled, and the kid stepped back. Petra quietly showed off her right hand. Erwin’s blue diamond glinted on her finger. He had told her to wear it when she came to Paradis to be his. The meaning wasn’t lost on anyone.</p>
<p>Well, at least Petra had refused to remove the brass band that Levi gave her on their wedding day. Erwin could choke if it bothered him.</p>
<p>Petra shivered in Levi’s arms, and her husband’s sharp gray-blue eyes bored into hers. She saw glittering rage in the center of them.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Levi said. No matter how many times he spoke those words to her, Petra felt like it was the first time. That first night in Mitras just after the ball, when he’d entered her and lost his virginity. ‘I love you’, he’d said then, and started to thrust. God, she loved him. She would always love him, and only him.</p>
<p>“You’re my one love,” she whispered. She brushed her fingers along his undercut. He moaned low in his throat as she kissed him and held him close. “My great love.”</p>
<p>“Stay alive, and I’ll see you soon,” he whispered in her ear. Then they kissed once, twice, three times. Only the need to find her children could convince Petra to let him go, and when the Paradisian Guard stood to either side of her and began to guide her away, she had to force herself not to shove them off and return to Levi. Her husband, her king, glared as she was led away from him.</p>
<p>“King Erwin wishes to know if you’ll respect the terms of the agreement,” the young soldier asked him. Levi snorted.</p>
<p>“I’m staying in Liberio until I get word from him. I’m not going anywhere.” Levi glowered at the ten Guard members stationed to either side of him. “And you freaks are welcome to wait until ol’ Eyebrows gives word.”</p>
<p>Petra smiled weakly. Now that she was parted from him, she only wanted to rush back into his arms. It didn’t matter how many more kisses they exchanged, it would never be enough. She could never hold him and love him enough.</p>
<p>
  <em>Find the children. Protect them. Wait for Mikasa, and then destroy Erwin. Just a little while longer.</em>
</p>
<p>She lifted her hand one more time, and saw the pain in her husband’s eyes. Petra whirled around and hurried up onto the boat, afraid if she remained another second she’d fling herself back into Levi’s arms and never leave.</p>
<p>She couldn’t bear to watch him as the ship steamed out of the port and back onto the seas. The soldiers left Petra alone, allowing her privacy to stare at the boundless horizon and think. Think of her children, and of Levi. Think and pray that Mikasa would keep her word, and that this last ditch plan would work.</p>
<p>Because she knew one thing: Levi would never allow an attack on Paradis so long as his wife and children were there. If Petra, Mikasa, and Levi failed in this mission, then Erwin truly would control the world.</p>
<p>It was only victory or defeat, salvation or destruction. There was no in between.</p>
<p>When the ship docked at the southern port in Paradis, Petra disembarked to find Floch awaiting her. The young man wore a weasely grin, as always. She allowed him to inspect the diamond ‘engagement’ ring on her finger. Satisfied, the little prick waved her on.</p>
<p>“His Majesty’s waiting for you.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said stiffly. “The king <em>is</em> waiting for me.”</p>
<p>Floch gave an irritated smirk. He knew she did not mean Erwin.</p>
<p>Petra rode the train in silence, and was escorted to her car and then to the palace. The sun was starting to go down by the time she arrived. As she drove through the streets, Petra looked out the vehicle’s window and saw that Mitras was nearly empty. Cadres of black-uniformed soldiers patrolled the streets, but most shop windows were boarded up. Most apartments were shuttered. She could feel the truth: people were in hiding.</p>
<p>They were afraid.</p>
<p>When the car pulled up to the palace, Petra allowed herself to be led through the twisting halls until she was finally brought to a bedroom. Not just any room. She recognized this one from the day Erwin had kidnapped her, years ago when Armin was just a baby. The bedspread was still gold, the carpeting rich, the oil paintings gleaming on the walls. These had been Historia’s chambers, the rooms belonging to the queen of Eldia. Petra waited for a while, gazing out onto the summer lawn until the door opened once again. Maids in starched uniforms bowed to her, and laid a gown out upon her bed. The gown was pure white with clusters of diamonds sewn into the fabric, descending like raindrops or snowflakes all the way to the very bottom of her skirt. The neck was high, the sleeves long. They also presented her with teardrop diamond earrings and a platinum tiara.</p>
<p>She was to be dressed like a queen. Their queen.</p>
<p><em>His</em> queen.</p>
<p>“No,” Petra said simply. She turned her back on the gifts. One of the maids cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Majesty, the king says that if you don’t want to wear this, then you won’t be allowed to wear anything at all when he visits.”</p>
<p>Petra squeezed her eyes shut. She counted to ten. Slowly.</p>
<p>“The king’s a fucking pig,” she snapped. The maid gave an uncomfortable cough. With a sigh, Petra snatched up the gown. “Fine. I don’t want any of you to get in trouble.”</p>
<p>“Majesty.” The women curtsied to her and left, their relief evident. As the sun finally set behind the palace, Petra slipped on the gown. A maid came in soon after to help her do her hair, and to apply her makeup and jewelry. Erwin had ensured she’d sparkle tonight. Petra watched as servants brought in a table and cloth, laid silverware and delicate porcelain plates down. They lit candles, and stoked the fire in the hearth. It was going to be a “romantic” evening then.</p>
<p>When she was dressed and alone, Petra went to the table and selected a knife. She touched the sharp point to her finger; it’d do. Petra was delighted to find she could slip the knife up her sleeve, have it shoot out when she wanted. It wasn’t likely she could kill Erwin, but it never hurt to be prepared.</p>
<p>When the clock struck seven, Petra heard footsteps outside her bedroom. She kept the knife behind her back…</p>
<p>The door opened.</p>
<p>“Mama!”</p>
<p>Armin raced into the room, his big eyes shining to behold her. Gasping, Petra quickly laid the knife under a pillow before gathering her son into her arms.</p>
<p>“My baby! My little boy, hello. Oh, my angel.” She hugged and kissed him a thousand times over. Her son snuggled into her arms, his eyes shining with joy. And for one second, Petra forgot the war and her fear and fury. She adored the child, her spirit lifting just to hold him again.</p>
<p>“I knew you’d come back.” Armin hugged her tightly.</p>
<p>“I can think of few lovelier scenes,” Erwin said.</p>
<p>Petra’s good mood evaporated as she gazed up at the king. He was dressed in a gray suit this evening, his mostly white hair slicked back. He stared at her, his piercing eyes hawkish beneath his salt and pepper brows. Petra cuddled Armin closer.</p>
<p>“Where are they?” she asked calmly.</p>
<p>“Mama! Mama!”</p>
<p>In answer, Kuchel and Oruo raced into the room. Petra gave a soft cry and gathered all three of her children into her arms. Oruo clung to her like a little monkey, and to her shock she saw tears on his cheeks. Her little tough guy hardly ever cried.</p>
<p>“Aunt H-Hange’s dead,” he croaked. Petra pressed him close to her.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, baby.” She kissed him, kissed Armin. Kuchel stood a little apart, staring at her shoes. She’d been dressed in a lovely white frock with a matching ribbon in her hair.</p>
<p>“Hi, Mama,” Kuchel said softly.</p>
<p>This is where Petra should have shouted at the girl. Her eyes stung with tears; none of this would have happened if Kuchel hadn’t dragged her brother to Paradis. But…but Petra was also hugging Armin. She’d faced the possibility of bombing the island and losing her baby forever, and now he was here. That was thanks to Kuchel, too.</p>
<p>And Kuchel had been through enough. Petra hugged her daughter close.</p>
<p>“I’m just so glad you’re all right, sweetheart,” she said. Kuchel wept.</p>
<p>“Children, why don’t you take your seats? Dinner will be ready soon,” Erwin said. As Petra watched, servants brought in more chairs and place settings. “You can tell Mama all about the last few days while we eat.”</p>
<p>“Okay, Papa.” Armin trotted over and hugged Erwin, who beamed. Petra guided her other children to the table as the “family” took their seats. To her disgust, she realized that’s just what this was. Erwin had assembled a family meal. Without Levi.</p>
<p>
  <em>Remember the plan. You need to occupy his attention for the next couple of days. Argue with him, debate with him, even negotiate with him. Play at being a family. It’s what he wants most.</em>
</p>
<p>So they sat down and ate. There was pear soup, followed by river trout and a green salad. Dessert was a fluffy chocolate cake, one that Kuchel especially seemed to love. Petra realized that Erwin had made certain to serve what the children liked best. He ruffled Armin’s hair and gazed adoringly at Kuchel. He seemed to somewhat ignore Oruo, who kept clinging to Petra’s arm.</p>
<p>“How’s my brave little boy?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I wanna go home.” He looked up at her with Levi’s pinched little face. Her heart melted. “Um. Sorry, Mama.”</p>
<p>He was the only child present who seemed to believe coming here had been a mistake. She hugged him close.</p>
<p>“We’ll go home soon, baby. Soon.”</p>
<p>“Mama. You’re not gonna leave again, are you?” Armin looked stricken. Petra glanced at Erwin, then smiled at her son.</p>
<p>“I’m not ever going to leave you again. I promise, angel.”</p>
<p>Armin cheered, and Kuchel clapped. Petra knew that Erwin had picked up on her subtle signal: she would not leave Armin. That did not mean she would stay here.</p>
<p>Finally, dinner was over.</p>
<p>“When’s Papa coming?” Kuchel bounced eagerly in her seat.</p>
<p>“Soon. Mama and Uncle Erwin need to discuss a few things before Papa comes,” Petra said smoothly. Erwin wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin.</p>
<p>“Indeed. We should begin our discussions now, I think. All right, everyone. Bed time.” He smiled as Kuchel and Armin made sad noises. “Now, now. Tomorrow I thought we might all go down to the river for a picnic. What would you say to that?”</p>
<p>Kuchel and Armin cheered. Oruo just kept clutching Petra’s hand.</p>
<p>“Don’t wanna go to bed,” he grunted. She didn’t want him to leave, either. But they couldn’t have this discussion before the children.</p>
<p>“Nothing bad will happen tonight,” she whispered. Petra kissed her son’s forehead. “My little guy. Go have a good sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning.”</p>
<p>“Promise?” He looked so wary. She realized how scared her little Oruo actually was deep inside. How well he hid it, like his father and great-uncle. Petra did not have any love for Kenny Ackerman, but she knew that the man had been a survivor. The strongest around. She hoped a little of that grit resided in her son. Kuchel was a delight and Armin a love, but Oruo was the strong one. Petra saw that now.</p>
<p>She didn’t want him to have to be too strong too soon.</p>
<p>“Promise.”</p>
<p>“Can we stay up and tell stories?” Kuchel asked, hugging Armin. Petra smiled to see her little boy so happy.</p>
<p>“Not too late,” Petra said.</p>
<p>The kids cheered, and Erwin rang a bell. Inga came into the room. The two women quickly looked away from each other, not wanting to show too much recognition. Petra was just glad that Erwin had never discovered Inga’s help in allowing Petra to escape that night. Oruo threw a last look over his shoulder as Inga took the children away, and then Petra and Erwin were alone once more. She pushed her half-drunk tea aside. Erwin watched her. She could feel the weight of his gaze.</p>
<p>“They saw Hange die,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“I wish to god they hadn’t.”</p>
<p>“It’s your fault,” she snapped.</p>
<p>“How exactly so?” His voice was soft and dangerous. “She pulled her weapon on me first. I asked her repeatedly to calm down. I didn’t bring the children to Paradis, either.”</p>
<p>“Don’t put the blame on my children.”</p>
<p>“I don’t. I blame you, Petra, you and Levi and Willy.” His eyes blazed with feeling. “If you had behaved like rational adults from the beginning, a twelve-year-old girl would not have been so frightened that she fled to Paradis to try to stop genocide from taking place. That child is traumatized by your ineptitude.”</p>
<p>“Always my fault, or Levi’s. Never yours.” She shook her head. “I really can’t believe I ever thought you were a great man.”</p>
<p>“I <em>am</em> a great man.” He said it honestly. “I’m just not a good one.”</p>
<p>“We can agree there.” She looked into the fire.</p>
<p>“The diamonds look beautiful on you,” he said. She shut her eyes tight to hear the lust in his voice. She had agreed that she would keep his attention focused on her for a few days. But she would not sleep with him. Petra didn’t think she could do it, not even if victory depended upon it.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to wear them. I don’t want anything you give me.”</p>
<p>“The ring?” She showed it to him. Erwin frowned. “It’s on the wrong hand.”</p>
<p>“My wedding ring’s on my left hand. Where it belongs.” Petra stood and stormed off, headed towards the bed. She looked for the right opportunity to grab her knife, and shuddered as she heard Erwin get up and follow her.</p>
<p>“You want at least one of my gifts,” he said flatly. “Our son.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Armin,” she muttered. Erwin plainly didn’t like that name. Good.</p>
<p>“You can have him and your other children. You can have the throne of Paradis. You can have the world.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I can.” She didn’t turn to him, only slipped her hand surreptitiously under the pillow. “When Levi kills you, I’ll have all those things.”</p>
<p>“You can have Levi, too. I’ll permit it.”</p>
<p>“You won’t <em>permit</em> me to see my husband.” Petra slipped the blade into her sleeve. She heard him approach. She felt him stop just behind her.</p>
<p>“My scientists are close to a breakthrough with Ymir Fritz,” he hissed. “Soon, I’ll meet with her and demand that she end her thirteen year curse. I’ll have a normal lifespan. And I’ll have you and Levi at my side.”</p>
<p>“Not alive.”</p>
<p>“You say that now, but I think choosing between happiness with your children and the cold uncertainty of death will not go as you believe. You’re not an idealist, Petra. You’re not a visionary like Hange was. You’re a normal woman, with normal appetites. You want love. Children. Creature comforts. I’ll supply you with all of those.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want your love. Neither does Levi.” She felt him take one step closer.</p>
<p>“You’ll accept it.” Erwin was almost touching her. “I hope you like your accommodations.”</p>
<p>“I remember this place.” Petra looked at the golden bedspread. “It’s fine.”</p>
<p>“Better than fine, I think. This is the queen’s bedchamber.” She shut her eyes as he placed a hand on the back of her neck. “This is where the rest of our children will be conceived.”</p>
<p>Petra roared as she spun around and lunged for the back of his neck. Her knife was fast…but not fast enough. Erwin caught her wrist and squeezed tightly. Petra wailed as she dropped the blade, and the king thrust her against the bedpost. Petra tried kicking and fighting her way free, but while she was a trained soldier, he was equally well trained and stronger and faster. She bared her teeth in his face as Erwin watched her. He grinned, holding her body captive against the bedpost. Petra was trapped.</p>
<p>“I don’t see any reason to delay,” he whispered, and brought his mouth down on hers. Petra groaned, eyes squeezed shut, hating his lips as they kissed hers. She fought, but he only held her tighter. The post pressed into her back, and she cried out in agony. That let Erwin’s tongue thrust against hers. Afterward, he threw her onto the mattress. Petra tried to get up, but the king held her wrists above her head, wedged his leg between her knees. Petra was at his mercy.</p>
<p>“No!” she screamed. Erwin gripped her chin with his other hand and kissed her harder. She managed to wrench her mouth from his and turned her face away. “I knew you’d be fine with rape sooner or later,” she hissed.</p>
<p>“Ever since Levi brought me back on that roof in Shiganshina, this has been our ultimate destination.” His lips caressed her cheek. “He bought your child’s safety with my soul. He bound you to me. You and your children are payment for services rendered. The children you have with him, and those you’ll have with me. Your body is mine now.”</p>
<p>Erwin forced her to kiss him. Petra strove to get free, but she had to lie there and let him finish. When he took a breath, she spat at him.</p>
<p>“Fucking me isn’t the same thing as fucking Levi,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Erwin stiffened on top of her. For an instant, utter rage flashed across his face.</p>
<p>“A simple girl like you could never understand,” he muttered. Erwin squeezed her wrists tighter; it was painful. “You’ll never understand what’s between his soul and mine.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have a soul. You made yourself less than human.”</p>
<p>“Yes. <em>For you.</em> And for him.”</p>
<p>“And for Hange?” Petra’s eyes flooded with tears. “You wanted to save her, didn’t you? You killed her!”</p>
<p>“Shut up.” Erwin gripped her throat. Petra began to cough as his lips hovered above hers. He kissed her roughly, more out of hate than desire. She wanted to die. “You’re going to fuck me. When this war is over, and it will be soon, you’ll marry me. You’ll be my empress and provide me with more brothers and sisters for Siegfried and Kuchel. My son wants his mother, and that means you’ll be my wife. And Levi will either accept his place as second in your affections and your bed, or he’ll be imprisoned. Or killed. I haven’t decided.”</p>
<p>“You only want me because of what I can give you.” Petra smiled grimly. “But you want him to see you take me and the kids. You’re obsessed with him.”</p>
<p>“Of course I am.” Erwin said it as if it were obvious. “You were more intelligent and desirable than I knew, Petra, but if you hadn’t caught his eye I would never have noticed you. I want you. I’ll have you. Because I’ll take whatever he has.”</p>
<p>She wondered if the king even knew how much he loved and hated her husband. Petra didn’t think it was possible to hate as much as Erwin Smith did without also worshipping what you despised.</p>
<p>“You can overpower me tonight.” Petra tried not to shake with fear. “But if you do, you’ll be a rapist. Well, Erwin? What are you?”</p>
<p>The king claimed her mouth again and rolled his weight on top of hers, forcing her legs apart. Petra shut down, leaving her body behind. She could endure this. She would slip into a quiet little pocket in the back of her mind, and she would endure what the king would do to her. She would be with Levi as this man took her body. She would not give Erwin any other intimate part of her.</p>
<p>He yanked up her skirt and slid a hand up her bare thigh…</p>
<p>And then he stopped.</p>
<p>Erwin rolled off. Petra curled into a ball and pulled down her skirts. The king got off the bed, kept his back to her.</p>
<p>Petra waited. But he didn’t turn around or touch her again.</p>
<p>“So.” She licked her lips. “I guess even you’re not that much of a monster. Huh?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you think yourselves so clever.” He sounded sick. Frustrated. “You think I’m an idiot? That I don’t know you’re planning something?” He looked back at her, disgust written on his face. “He’d never have sent you here without a plan to stop me. I’m sure Levi believes that in a mere few days, he’ll kill me and take you back. But I’m prepared, Petra. Whatever move he’s got planned, I’ll counter it. And when I do, he’ll have the choice of either kneeling before me or dying. And I promise you, Mrs. Ackerman: the man would rather kneel to me than die for you.”</p>
<p>With that and a muttered curse, Erwin stormed out of her room and slammed the door. Petra lay back on the bed, shivering despite the fire and the summer night.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Connie wandered slowly through room after room. The bunker was quiet at this time of night. Even the scientists had gone home for the day. He passed several cases of spinal fluid, all taken from different titans and shifters over the years. He wandered past a couple of guards playing a card game. They nodded at him as he opened the door and entered the laboratory.</p>
<p>Most could never get access to this, but Erwin’s royal shifters were allowed to go anywhere and everywhere they pleased.</p>
<p>He walked slowly to the table. Historia lay strapped down at the center of it.</p>
<p>Connie winced. He hated to see her like this. He’d known it would happen, but that didn’t make the visceral reality of it any easier to bear.</p>
<p>They’d shaved her head a while ago. A thin, blond fuzz covered her skull. Historia’s right eye was permanently closed; they’d removed the eyeball months earlier, to see if they could use the optic lens as a way of “seeing” into Ymir’s realm. That hadn’t worked.</p>
<p>The girl was skin and bones at this point. Tubes ran in and out of her veins. She was hooked up to a few different IVs pumping nourishment into her. What little her body would accept.</p>
<p>There was a large scar scrawled across the side of her head, from when they’d tried getting at the brain.</p>
<p>Historia breathed shallowly as he stood over her. Her eye fluttered open.</p>
<p>Connie gently reached down and took her hand.</p>
<p>A spark flashed between the two of them. They nodded.</p>
<p>“Almost,” Historia croaked. “Almost.”</p>
<p>Connie stroked her cheek and left her behind. He walked back outside and took a deep breath of the summer night.</p>
<p>Almost.</p>
<p>But not yet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hopefully there won't be another wait this long again! Fingers crossed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Chapter 48</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mikasa gripped the parachute straps tightly as the wind jostled her about. Her ears were already frozen, and her stomach fluttered as she tried to touch down on the mountainside. Navigating her way to a soft landing amid a scattering of trees was no easy feat, but her Ackerman instincts helped. ‘Left’ or ‘Hold down’ would flash before her eyes, plain, white typeset letters against a black backdrop. She pulled the strings down, collapsing the parachute and falling the last ten feet to earth. She rolled to absorb the impact and managed not to get tangled in her straps. Mikasa unhooked herself, and gazed skyward at the rest of the Azumabito as they floated to the ground.</p><p>The plane had dropped them off moments ago. Willy and Levi had been correct; there was no concern that anyone would drop into these mountains.</p><p>She scanned the steep slope. Paradis had good reason to feel that way; the climb down would be perilous. Fortunately, Hange had designed a more lightweight form of ODM gear. What it lacked in titan-killing oomph, it made up for in versatility. Purely on foot, it would take a frightening week to climb down this mountain to the foothills. If everyone was careful, with this new equipment they’d be down by tomorrow morning.</p><p>But it would be a long, difficult afternoon and night.</p><p>The warriors landed alongside her. Mikasa looked up when she heard a soft, disgruntled noise. One of them had gotten caught in a tree branch and dangled thirty feet above the ground. She moved at once, swinging up with the aid of her grappling hooks to slice the soldier’s straps. The man tumbled through space before expertly using his own gear to land on the ground. Normally, at least a few casualties would be expected during such an operation, but the hundreds of Azumabito retainers landed without a single problem.</p><p>They looked to Mikasa.</p><p><em>I hope Jean can help us.</em> She smiled to think of seeing her old friend, even under these circumstances. She hoped he’d found happiness in the years since they’d parted.</p><p>She hoped she wasn’t about to ruin that happiness.</p><p>“Let’s go,” she said softly. Her soldiers followed her down the mountain, making sure never to put a foot wrong as they made the precarious descent.</p><p><em>Eren. Can you see me now?</em> She tugged quickly at her scarf, a real godsend in this alpine chill. <em>What do you think about all of this?</em></p><p>More than anything, Mikasa wished that Eren and Armin were at her side right now. But she had to make all the next movements alone.</p><p>***</p><p>Levi had not slept. Even at his worst, his insomnia had still allowed him a couple of hours of rest. Now, he didn’t even have that. The entire night he’d walked back and forth across his chamber, wishing to fuck he could speak to Petra and the kids.</p><p>Wishing he could tell Erwin to go to hell.</p><p>“You have to eat something.” Willy sat at the table, toying listlessly with a fruit plate.</p><p>“Not hungry.” Levi barely had a taste for tea, even.</p><p>“You have to be prepared to move if need be. Petra will need you to be rested and fueled.”</p><p>“Tch. Like you know shit about what she needs,” he snapped, irritated. Willy mercifully fell silent as Levi gazed out the window. His wife was in Erwin’s clutches right now, trying to negotiate a way out for herself and their children, and Levi was sitting here like an idiot fancying around with fruit cups and shit. “Besides, the signal’s not supposed to come for another day at least. I got time to not eat.”</p><p>Willy sighed. “Yes. Let’s hope Mikasa’s able to radio in.” They had to be extra quiet about this shit. Erwin’s lackeys could hide around every corner. The fact Levi and the Marleyan king had even this short breakfast to themselves was a luxury. At the moment, Erwin had the upper hand and everyone knew it.</p><p>Willy knew that Levi would kill him and every single Marleyan soldier before he’d let anyone set a bomb onto Paradis while Petra and the kids were there. The whole thing was pure shit.</p><p>“Do you think it’s true?” Willy asked. He sounded more than a little irritated. “That your daughter simply gave her handlers the slip and dashed off to Paradis?”</p><p>“You blaming this on my kid?”</p><p>“This war? No, of course not. But this situation is dire because she and your son went to that island. I still don’t understand why they didn’t have royal guard attending them.”</p><p>“We wanted to let them just be kids.” Levi hung his head, too fucking furious to move. Too tired. “Just like everyone else.”</p><p>“Yes, but now our entire offensive plan is up in smoke because of them. Clearly they are not just like everyone else.”</p><p>Levi turned. “I know I’m a fucking idiot, all right? I know that! Stop dragging my kids into this.”</p><p>He’d been on the verge of saying something truly cruel: that at least he, Levi, loved his children enough to refuse to sacrifice them. But no one deserved those words. Both kings grew silent as they waited for a signal they weren’t sure would ever come.</p><p>“Then again, if this plan succeeds we’ll end the war in a single moment. That would have been impossible without Kuchel.” Willy sounded almost apologetic. Gee.</p><p>“Then give her a medal when we get her back.” Levi slung on his coat. “I need some air.” He left Willy behind and walked down the hall. The sunshine was like a steel rod in his brain. Even blinking hurt. Every bit of him was tense. What had Erwin done to Petra? Levi did not fear for a second that the king would hurt Kuchel, and he believed Erwin when he said he wouldn’t do anything to Oruo. But Levi’s wife was at Erwin’s mercy now.</p><p>She had to keep Erwin’s focus until Mikasa could get there. If Erwin tried anything, Levi knew his wife would fight like hell. Besides, Erwin couldn’t be so far gone that he’d force himself onto her.</p><p>Could he?</p><p>Levi walked out of the building and across the Tybur courtyard. He headed along the street, deeper into the center of town. He headed for military headquarters.</p><p>There was a moment coming soon. A moment when Levi would slice Erwin’s head from his neck. When he would finally put an end to the horror that he, Levi, had created.</p><p>Petra could tell Levi over and over that this shit wasn’t his fault, but that was her prerogative as his wife. Levi liked things simple, and this shit was simple. He’d brought Erwin back for a selfish reason. Erwin had saved their people and now might destroy the world. If Levi had done what he knew in his heart to be right, Erwin would not have killed all those soldiers and civilians.</p><p>But the vast majority of this bloodshed had come about because Erwin was trying to protect Paradis. His people. His son. Levi.</p><p>It was like a fucking knot you could never untie. The more you picked at it, the worse it got. It was absolutely true that Erwin had done evil; it was absolutely true Erwin had done all that evil to save people like Levi and his family.</p><p>The deepest truth, the one Levi had tried not to look at for years, was that if he had waited another full second on that rooftop in Shiganshina he would have changed his mind and injected Armin. That was how close he had been to making another decision. The right decision.</p><p>Because he remembered that kid’s eyes.</p><p>It was true that Erwin was Levi’s primary focus in those last minutes on that rooftop. But what had made him ready to choose Armin were those eyes. Armin’s eyes had always been a wide, vivid blue. The kid had been so excited to see the ocean, jungles, fiery volcanoes and glacial islands. Armin had possessed that pure, happy curiosity. Levi had seen it on occasion in Erwin, especially before the years and the basement started to weigh him down. Levi had seen it in the faces of his lost comrades. Idealists. Dreamers. Believers. Those people had dreamed of a better world, believed it was possibly to create one.</p><p>Levi had never possessed that kind of mind or soul. He had desperately latched onto Erwin because he craved that purpose. That sureness. And in that moment before he made his decision, he had realized that Armin was Erwin’s natural continuation.</p><p>Truth was that if it had been Floch burned to a crisp on that rooftop, or Mikasa, or even Hange, Levi probably would have chosen Erwin despite knowing the suffering it would cause. He wanted to let his beloved friend rest, but couldn’t throw away the entire world’s future on fucking Floch.</p><p>But in Armin’s eyes, Levi had seen the glimmer of a chance. Just the faintest glimmer of one, but it’d been there. Levi had realized that he wouldn’t just be giving Erwin a gift; he could be saving the world as well. Because Armin could do it. He had the same visionary mind as Erwin, but also the innocence and sweetness the commander had lost. A boy like that, one who was both sharp and good, brave and pure, could make the world into what they had always wanted it to be.</p><p>Eren was dead many years now, and Levi had come to realize that the fiery, angry boy hadn’t been the one who could’ve saved them from Marley. Eren had only ever known fury and passion, eyes fixed dead ahead. Armin had known subtlety, and wisdom. That was what they’d needed against Marley, not simple force.</p><p>Erwin had provided that. But he’d also lost himself in his duty.</p><p>And he’d lost himself because Levi had brought him back. Because Levi chose wrong.</p><p>He’d forced Erwin to destroy his own soul, and that part was not Erwin’s fault. That was Levi’s.</p><p>So now people like Willy were mouthing off about how great it’d be to get rid of Erwin, like the king was a tumor on the lip they had to cut away. Erwin Smith, the greatest man in history, had outlived his usefulness and now they just wanted him to go away. They wanted Levi to chop his head off like it was nothing.</p><p>Levi had to clean up his own mess. He had to set free the one he’d imprisoned. His body felt so heavy as he turned the corner and came upon military HQ. Then he stopped dead, because he had been going to visit Hange and now he remembered that Hange would not be there. She’d never be there or anywhere else ever again.</p><p>Levi bunched a fist, wanted to pound a nearby wall. God, he wanted it all to stop.</p><p>
  <em>He has my wife and children. I need to get them back.</em>
</p><p>Levi felt like his head would explode. He ought to return to Willy’s house, but the military gate opened and a few armored cars rolled out. They were escorting a couple of long trucks, headed for the port.</p><p>Something about the whole thing set Levi’s hair to standing. Why were so many heavy duty armoreds guarding what appeared to be a couple of trucks’ worth of equipment?</p><p>What was the equipment?</p><p>Levi let his steps guide him over to the gate guard. The man saluted Levi at once, and went rigid. Guess Levi made people nervous.</p><p>“What’s all that shit I just saw heading east?” he asked.</p><p>“Uh, Majesty?”</p><p>“On the trucks. With the armored car escort. If you need to get me clearance to find out, go ahead and do that.” Levi narrowed his eyes. “The top brass know who I am.”</p><p> </p><p>He was not going to kill Willy, but he sure felt like giving it a shot.</p><p>Aides and workers jumped out of his way as he strode to Willy’s office door and almost kicked it open. The Marleyan king looked up from behind his desk, put a few papers down.</p><p>“Levi. What is it?”</p><p>“I want to know why you’re increasing the amount of warheads at the launch sites,” he said quickly and as calmly as possible. “I want to know why you’ve ordered scientists on fucking stand by in case a launch is needed in the very near fucking future.”</p><p>Willy sat quietly. “It’s just a precaution.”</p><p>“My family is still on Paradis Island. Until they’re off, I don’t want a single fucking hyperfusion bomb pointed in their direction.”</p><p>“The weapons won’t be fired while Petra and the children are still on the island.”</p><p>“I didn’t say shit about the weapons you already had, or the troops at the launch sites. I just don’t see why you had to level it all up while my family’s sitting dead smack in the middle of the target.” A bad idea itched at the back of Levi’s mind. He ground his teeth. “Willy. I’ll ask this nicely once, so think how you wanna answer. Does this have anything to do with the fact my son’s—”</p><p>“No one is going to harm Oruo. You have my word.” Willy’s eyes flashed. “I know what it is to sacrifice a son. I won’t ask you to do that.”</p><p>That was a little relief.</p><p>“But,” Willy said.</p><p>But…</p><p>“But what?”</p><p>“But we know that Erwin has the Founding Titan directly under his nose. If he realizes that fact and manages to restrain Connie, he now has two sources of royal blood he can utilize. Historia is the Reiss that doesn’t challenge his rule; Oruo is the Reiss that does. Given a choice between the two, it’s likely he’d use your son to unlock the Founder’s full potential. Oruo being on Paradis is dangerous to us on two levels. He’s your son, which means a hyperfusion attack from Marley can’t happen, and he’s a powerful weapon that’s landed in Erwin’s hands. It would be irresponsibile to not think of Oruo as a hazard as well as a child. If there is even the slightest chance that Erwin can fulfill the necessary criteria to bend the Founder to his will—”</p><p>“If you fire on my family, I’ll kill you.”</p><p>It wasn’t delivered with fear. Levi wasn’t angry. He was just making a promise.</p><p>He kept his promises.</p><p>“I said it wouldn’t come to that,” Willy snapped.</p><p>“It won’t come to that, but you laid out why it may have to happen. How dumb do you think people are, Willy?” Levi sneered. “Or just how dumb do you think I am?”</p><p>Hange could have helped Levi negotiate his way through this, but Hange was gone. She would never come back. It was another blade to the center of his heart.</p><p>“I honestly wish you were stupid,” Willy said. He sounded pissed and weary. “You’re smart enough that you make my job difficult, and you’re ignorant enough that you do the same.”</p><p>“I want those extra troops and weapons pulled.”</p><p>“You’re the king of Paradis, Levi. Not Marley. We’re allies in this war, but I and I alone control the military of this country.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s right. And you wanna make me king of a dead island, husband and father to a dead wife and kids.” He grabbed Willy by the lapels and yanked the king from his seat. Levi pressed their faces close and looked the Marleyan king in his eyes. “I’m no you, Willy. I’m no Erwin. I don’t know much about politics, but I do know this. If you cross me, I’ll kill you. And if I kill you, your whole country really goes to hell. I have nothing much to lose if those bombs go off, but you’ve got a lot that could just go away.</p><p>Willy’s nostrils flared. They two men stared deep into each other’s eyes. Finally, Willy nodded and Levi let him go. The Marleyan king sat back down, while Levi went to the other side of the room. Willy reshuffled his papers and looked over them, but Levi could still feel that he had the man’s attention.</p><p>“I know you think I’m a terrible man for letting Cassius burden himself with the War Hammer.” Willy scribbled something, never looked up. “Letting him become a martyr for my family is the most evil thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done my share of evil. But I did it so that millions of other people’s children could be safe. I did it to stay alive so I could guide Marley and the rest of the world into a clean, safe age. And it killed me. It’s killing me now.” He looked up at Levi. “A real king is willing to destroy his own heart and soul to keep his people safe. I think you’re right that you’re no true king, Levi. But it’s not the wonderful personal quality you take it to be.”</p><p>With that, Willy went back to work.</p><p>***</p><p>Brigitta was allowed to attend the picnic, and made sure to apply a lot of rouge before she went. She hadn’t seen Erwin or Siegfried in at least a month. She spent her days knitting sweaters for Siegfried, or mending something that had torn. Erwin allowed those articles of clothing to be handed off to her. He knew she needed something to do.</p><p>The last of the red dye had finally gone away, and she was no longer ironing her hair straight, but the damage had been done. Her light brown hair had no shine to it any longer. The ringlets had relaxed into stringy waves. Wrinkles had sprouted along her brow and at the corners of her eyes and at the sides of her mouth.</p><p>She’d taken to ensuring she never left her room without a cream foundation and rouge.</p><p>Her heart pittered quickly as she imagined seeing Siegfried. Her little angel. And Petra. Brigitta’s eyes stung with tears as she passed a brush along her hair. What had the year done to her big sister?</p><p>Brigitta hadn’t spoken to Petra in any way since her last visit to Mitras. But now…</p><p>She slipped into her shoes and left her chambers. Servants bobbed in curtsies or bows as she passed, some looking surprised to see her. Brigitta’s life these days was mostly solitary. She was allowed to walk in the gardens, to go to town for shopping or tea, to wander about the palace as she wished. She’d seen Willem a couple of months ago. He was finally getting married, but had no interest in letting Petra or their parents know. He’d half-heartedly invited Brigitta to come live with him and his wife, but she’d politely declined. As long as Siegfried was here, she’d stay.</p><p>Other than that, she’d met Edvard by chance at a tea shop a month ago.</p><p>They’d sat down for a polite cup and fifteen minutes of chat. He’d revealed that his wife had given birth to a daughter three months earlier. At least his children hadn’t been born in the age range where they could have been subject to Erwin’s…experiments.</p><p>She’d smiled and asked what his daughter’s name was. Edvard had gently said they’d named the child ‘Brigitta.’ She’d been flattered, and gave him a hug when his wife showed up with a stroller and their son. Brigitta had fondly said goodbye to Edvard and Flora, his wife, and to Hans and little Brigitta.</p><p>The family had left. Brigitta had gone home and sobbed alone in her room for a full hour.</p><p>She walked the halls, feeling like she was haunting them. <em>Why is my life like this? I never tried to hurt anybody. I just don’t understand.</em></p><p>Maybe…</p><p>Maybe Petra was right. Maybe, hopefully, Levi would win this war and take Paradis back. And then if they became king and queen, Brigitta could remain with them. She could still give her love to Siegfried and Kuchel, and little Oruo. Maybe in time she’d regain some of her bloom and find someone new, and adopt. Maybe she could manage one of Levi’s orphanages.</p><p>Brigitta felt a sharp relief that her sister was here. That Erwin was being challenged.</p><p>Except that…</p><p>Petra might not want to show any friendship after the despicable way Brigitta had behaved when last they met.</p><p>Brigitta left the palace and walked across the gardens. It was ironic. She’d always been called the Ral child with the most sense and grace, and somehow she’d fucked up worse than either of her siblings could have ever dreamed of doing. She had to believe it was all her own fault, because if it wasn’t then that meant life had been cruel to her. Not deliberately, but randomly.</p><p>
  <em>Please. Let Petra be happy to see me.</em>
</p><p>Brigitta steered clear of the titan pits, but came upon Erwin’s underground experimental bunker as the door opened and the “king” stepped out into the sunlight. Brigitta dropped a quick curtsy, eyes down so she didn’t have to look at the man.</p><p>“How are you today?” he asked calmly. She did not have his full attention.</p><p>“Fine. Where are the children?”</p><p>“Inga is bringing them from the river. They all wanted to go swimming.” Erwin regarded her with mild curiosity. “I imagine you’ll be happy to see them.”</p><p>“Of course. They’re my niece and nephews.”</p><p>Siegfried, though…he was more than that. She adored Kuchel and Oruo on instinct, but she had washed and fed and clothed and loved little Siegfried his whole life. She remembered the endless hours of joy she’d had cuddling and rocking him as a baby. She had sung him songs and told him stories, and he’d beamed gummily up at her.</p><p>He was the sweetest of Petra’s children. The tenderest, the most loving and gentle.</p><p>All Brigitta wanted was to be first in his heart. It was all she’d wanted for a long time now.</p><p>Erwin nodded. He was satisfied with her calmness; he’d told her that before. But neither of them had suggested becoming lovers again. Truthfully, when Brigitta remembered everything she’d done with him, she felt cheap. Ugly.</p><p>She stayed only for Siegfried.</p><p>“Is everything going all right?” She eyed the barracks door. Erwin nodded.</p><p>“Well as can be expected.”</p><p>Brigitta feared knowing what went on there. All she knew for certain was that Queen Historia was still alive and not doing too well.</p><p>She walked beside the king as they made their way to the river. Brigitta’s heart lightened a bit when she heard laughing up ahead. The children raced into view, their swim clothes dripping and their hair wet and stringy from the river. Servants followed them, carrying blankets and baskets and umbrellas to keep the sun off. Erwin strode ahead, and against the tree line Brigitta noticed Inga.</p><p>And there…Petra.</p><p>Her sister wore a bright yellow day dress. Erwin had probably insisted she dress to please him; Petra would never have worn anything as crisp and dainty for the daytime. Her sister had always been the tomboy.</p><p>Petra grinned as her children gathered around her, hugged and kissed them each in turn. When she hugged Siegfried, Brigitta’s heart twisted. But then the kids went to lie down on the blanket and sneak sandwiches. Erwin watched over them with an adoring eye and a smile.</p><p>“Hi, Pet.” Brigitta spoke quietly. Petra looked up at her. For a minute, her older sister did not react. Brigitta cleared her throat. “I’m glad you’re all right.”</p><p>“Yes. You, too.” Petra sounded kind, but a little distant. Brigitta looked at the ground to hide the tears.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “What I did to you was unforgivable. With Siegfried. I know I did it all wrong but—”</p><p>Then her sister was hugging her tightly. Petra hushed Brigitta, squeezed her. It was an embrace of absolute forgiveness. Nothing was held back. Brigitta clung to her sister, feeling so insanely grateful in that moment. All the weight seemed to lift off of her.</p><p>“No. <em>I’m</em> sorry,” Petra said. “I never stopped to think about how this would’ve affected you. I’m so sorry, Gitta.”</p><p>“I should have listened to you and Mama,” she whispered. “Erwin’s a monster.”</p><p>Petra stiffened. Had something happened?</p><p>“We just need to hang on a little longer.” Petra kissed Brigitta’s forehead. “But we’re sisters. That’s what matters most. When this is over, we’re all going to be together.”</p><p>Brigitta hugged Petra again. She realized, as Petra rubbed her back and spoke gently, that finally they’d assumed their proper places. She, Brigitta, was the wayward younger sister, and Petra the older, soothing her and guiding her.</p><p>Took thirty or so years to get there. Brigitta smiled.</p><p>“Let’s sit down. We don’t want to draw too much attention,” Petra murmured. She went and sat between Siegfried and Oruo, stroking both boys’ hair.</p><p>Brigitta felt fully herself for the first time in what felt like years. Yes. It was going to be over. They were going to be together.</p><p>She smiled in gentle relief.</p><p>“Mama!”</p><p>Siegfried hugged Petra tightly. Petra lavished kisses on the little boy. They gazed adoringly at each other.</p><p>Brigitta’s shoulders slumped.</p><p>***</p><p>Jean Kirschtein had risen through the ranks admirably. That’s what Pixis said on his last inspection of the northern regiments. The old man had retired last year—forced retirement, some said, with orders from the king not to leave his home in Wall Rose without invitation. During that inspection Pixis had clapped Jean on the shoulder. ‘You make a fine leader, son,’ he’d said. Then, with a twinkling eye, he added, ‘My deepest condolences.’</p><p>Jean stood outside the barracks as the sun went down, overlooking the edge of the forest as he took a smoke break. Una kept telling him what a filthy habit it was, but since they weren’t married or even really together he didn’t see that he had to stop.</p><p>She kept insisting they should think about the future, though. Una was a nice girl. Pretty. Black hair. Good in bed. But something always stopped him from posing the question. They’d been dating on and off for a year, usually for a couple months at a time before one of them took a break for whatever reason. Still, since they were in their late twenties everyone expected marriage. Living the eternal bachelor life wasn’t a great idea. But sometimes Jean would see Una’s face in the firelight at just the right angle. Her features would change, and with her black hair she would become somebody else. Someone he missed.</p><p>There was sex, and then there was love.</p><p>Fuck. Jean threw his cigarette to the ground and stamped it out. Why couldn’t he get that idiot schoolboy crush out of his head?</p><p>
  <em>Except it wasn’t a crush. You were together almost every day for years.</em>
</p><p>Mikasa had always been aloof. Regal as a queen, but also kind. Gentle. He could imagine how soft she’d smile at the one she loved.</p><p>Also, she could bench press a full grown man. Something about that was a turn on.</p><p>Jean shut his eyes. Forget. Couldn’t he just forget?</p><p>“Hey, Jean!”</p><p>Sasha swaggered over. She was just coming in from guard duty at the edges of the wood. It was an unnecessary use of manpower in Jean’s opinion, but the king liked to have all his areas checked. Made sense. Sasha shouldered her rifle and stopped next to him.</p><p>“If I’m right, you’ve got two days furlough now,” Jean said. He scratched his nose. He tried to rotate Sasha as much as he could, to give her a chance to get home.</p><p>“Yeah. Niccolo’s gonna be super pleased to see me. Luca and Mikasa are a nightmare.”</p><p>Every time he heard Mikasa, his heart seized. When he remembered they were discussing Sasha’s twins, it just wearied him further.</p><p>“Are they teething yet? Anka said babies teethe.”</p><p>“Yeah, they’re li’l chew monsters.” Sasha sounded proud. The kids were just like their mother. “I’m gonna change into my civvies and head for the train. Hoping I can be in Trost by nine.”</p><p>“Say hi to Niccolo.” Jean leaned his back against the barracks wall. Sasha paused.</p><p>“Hey, Jean?” Her large brown eyes darted about, making sure they were alone. “You hear what they’re sayin’? Those reports about the hyperfusion—”</p><p>“Keep your voice down.” Jean lit another cigarette to give himself something to do. He knew what she knew: that Erwin’s Final Push was coming. That there was a reason he’d wanted as many Paradisians as possible off mainland Marley. Sometimes Jean tried telling himself that this all would’ve happened anyway, and that Paradis had a right to defend itself.</p><p>But it wasn’t the island defending itself. It was the king defending himself.</p><p>Jean, of course, had never spoken those words aloud.</p><p>“Jus’…they’re not gonna do it, are they?” Her eyes appeared full of pain. “There’s gotta be another way.”</p><p>Since having children, Sasha had lost some of her sweet thoughtlessness. Events had more weight to them now. Jean shrugged.</p><p>“Don’t know. It’s not our place to know.” He nodded. “Better head home.”</p><p>She entered the barracks, leaving Jean to stare at the darkening woods. He sighed. At least if this war ended in victory, Paradis would be truly safe. Wouldn’t it? Bet he’d get a promotion. Maybe become the king’s right hand.</p><p>But all those opportunities felt hollow. He turned to go back inside—</p><p>What?</p><p>Jean pulled out his gun at once, because he swore he saw something move at the treeline. But that wasn’t possible. There were guards posted in the woods, all the best marksmen. No one could get past without them firing a shot. Probably a deer.</p><p>Except that he <em>did</em> see a flash of movement. And it was human-shaped.</p><p><em>Shit</em>.</p><p>Jean aimed his gun and opened his mouth, ready to shout…</p><p>But it was her.</p><p>“Jean.” She appeared at the forest’s edge, her face pale as the moon, her eyes luminous. Trembling, Jean lowered his weapon.</p><p>It couldn’t be…Mikasa?</p><p>His head spun. He knew his duty. She was an enemy of Paradis now, and if he didn’t arrest her…or kill her…it was treason.</p><p>But he couldn’t. He realized as he lowered his weapon that he could never hurt her. Better to die than do that. As if in a dream, Jean hurried the fifty or so yards to the forest. The longest journey of his life.</p><p>Mikasa held up a hand when he joined her. “I promise we’re not going to hurt you.”</p><p>We?</p><p>Oh, <em>fuck.</em></p><p>As if creeping out of the shadows themselves, a whole crowd of black-geared Hizurans rested their gazes upon him. Jean went for his gun again, but they drew on him too quickly.</p><p>“Stop!” Mikasa hissed. “Please. Listen to me. We don’t mean you or the barracks any harm.” She touched his arm. “Jean?”</p><p>Her touch set his whole body on fire. He looked into her clear gray eyes, swallowed a lump in his throat. Fuck, he’d dreamed of this. He’d had sex with Una while she was on her stomach multiple times, just so he could look at her bob of black hair and imagine…</p><p>He’d almost convinced himself it’d been a schoolboy crush. But Mikasa Ackerman would never release him.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Jean cast a glance at the barracks. “What do you want from me?”</p><p>“We want you and your soldiers to join us when we march on Mitras.”</p><p>He kind of wanted to laugh hysterically. Jean leaned his shoulder against the tree, half-smiling as he looked into her eyes. Waiting for the punchline.</p><p>“We’re the king’s men, Mikasa. That’s treason.”</p><p>“Not if you’re behind the right king,” she said.</p><p>Captain Levi. Right. He was the long lost son of Uri Reiss or something. Jean was smart enough to know that much of the ‘false king’ narrative that Erwin had concocted for Levi was bullshit. Just propaganda. If Mikasa had come here with the Azumabito warriors just to fight for Levi Ackerman’s cause, she had to believe it was right. Because Mikasa would never do anything that wasn’t good or right.</p><p>The opposite of him.</p><p>Jean tried not to stare at her face too much. She was a woman now at the height of her beauty. Her cheekbones were perfectly defined, her figure gorgeous.</p><p>In that moment, he hated Eren Jaeger more than ever before, though the guy was years dead. If that stupid kid just hadn’t been around…</p><p>And Jean knew something then. The guy he was now, with the possible promotions and the cushy life in the capital, the marriage to Una and the children they’d have, none of that could compare to Mikasa. Whatever she did had to be right.</p><p>And Marco…Marco would always want him to do the right thing if he could help it.</p><p>Jean would go with her. But as for his soldiers…</p><p>“Look. Sasha’s here. I know she’ll back you, but I can’t be sure about the others,” Jean said. “If it turns to fighting—”</p><p>“It won’t,” she said calmly. “I know it won’t. We have the reports from Paradis. We know what Erwin’s done to the island.” She lowered her eyes. “How many children he sacrificed. I think most will want to join us. Then we’ll go to Mitras and dismantle the missile launch program. We’ll save the world.” Her eyes softened. “It’s what Eren would’ve wanted. I know it.”</p><p>It was a kick to the balls. She would never see him, not even standing in front of her. Jean tucked the hurt away, though. He wasn’t just some simpering admirer. There were reasons to follow Mikasa. Good reasons.</p><p>He just…</p><p>“I’m not sure you’ll convince them,” he said. His body stiffened. “And I can’t just choose between you or them. They’re my soldiers.”</p><p>“I understand.” She gave him that soft smile that she gave so rarely. Jean could have lived the rest of his life in that smile. “Don’t worry. I don’t think a single shot will be fired. If,” she added, stepping towards the end of the treeline, “you allow us to go inside the barracks.”</p><p>Jean stared at her back, and wondered…how would this go?</p><p>***</p><p>“Mama, will you be here tomorrow morning?” Armin asked as he lay in bed. He gazed up at his mother’s face. She was so pretty. And she called him Armin, which he liked. Ever since he found out that was the name she’d given him, he secretly called himself Armin. Papa got mad when he did it out loud, though.</p><p>“Of course, angel.” She kissed his nose and laughed as she wiped lipstick off. “Little cherry nose,” she said. Armin hugged her tightly. She smelled like flowers.</p><p>“And the next day? And the next?”</p><p>“We’ll be together for the rest of our lives.” She kissed the top of his head. “My little bundle. My little piece of sunshine.” Mama’s eyes got teary. “I missed you so so much. My heart had a big hole in it until I got you back.”</p><p>Armin couldn’t get enough of Mama reading to him or playing with him. She was so gentle, and had such nice soft hands. He’d always dreamed of an angel with golden eyes, and she was real. Mama tucked him into bed.</p><p>“What ‘bout me?” Oruo demanded as he jumped onto the bed and bounced next to Armin. His brother had a frown on his face. He had that a lot. “You got a hole without me, too? An’ Kuchel?”</p><p>“All three of you are the most important pieces of my heart.” Mama tucked Oruo in beside Armin and rubbed noses with him, too. “My little babies.”</p><p>Oruo seemed satisfied. He only ever really smiled for Mama. Armin beamed; he liked having a real family. It made him feel warm inside, like he had a full belly.</p><p>“Mama, do you hafta go? Can’t you stay with us?” Armin asked. He hated when she left him alone. He’d been alone so much.</p><p>“Your Papa needs me to have dinner with him and some friends. Like a party.” She smoothed his hair from his forehead. “So I gotta go. But I’ll be in the palace, so if you really need me I’ll come rushing back.”</p><p>“Like really, really fast?”</p><p>“I’ll fly back. Like this.” She thrust out her arms to either side and made a whooshing sound, then leaned in and gave him a kiss. Armin giggled; Oruo demanded his own kiss. He got it. “But you and your brother and sister can have a fun sleepover.”</p><p>Yeah. They were in their pajamas, and could tell scary stories or hopefully not so scary ones. Kuchel was brushing her teeth in the bathroom. Mama stood up and sparkled in the light. She was wearing a real pretty green dress with lots of diamonds.</p><p>Papa knocked and came in. Armin sat up and bounced.</p><p>“Night, Papa.”</p><p>“Good night, Siegfried.” Papa kissed him. He was dressed in the old robes he sometimes wore. He said it was their ‘heritage’ or something. Papa placed his hand on Mama’s back, and Armin noticed her make a tiny face. That made him sad. He wished they could all be friends, and stay together forever. Maybe someday Mama would like Papa better. Then Mama’s husband could live here, too. Uncle Levi. Armin liked him.</p><p>“See you in the morning.” Mama winked, then hugged Kuchel when she came out of the bathroom. His sister gave Papa a big hug, too. That made him happy.</p><p>It was so strange. Papa and Mama’s husband…</p><p>“I wonder how my papa’s Papa and your papa’s Uncle Levi,” he mused to Oruo, who now had his finger up his nose and was making a face. Oruo kicked a lot during the night. Armin kind of hoped they wouldn’t share a bed forever. “Well, Inga says that when a Mama wants a baby, she prays to a dove. Then the dove comes down and lays an egg in her tummy, and the baby hatches.” He frowned. “But I don’t get where the papas fit into it.”</p><p>“They have sex,” Oruo said. Armin stared at his brother.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Mamas and Papas have sex. That’s how they get babies. My sitter told me once to make me stop asking.” He took out a booger and wiped it on Armin’s sleeve. Armin whimpered and got it off. Oruo was real gross sometimes.</p><p>“So…can anyone have sex?”</p><p>Oruo shrugged. “I guess. But I think it’s just for grown ups.”</p><p>Armin thought. “What <em>is</em> sex?”</p><p>Oruo rolled his eyes; apparently Armin was a real dummy. “It’s like they go to a store and they ask for sex, and then they have it together.”</p><p>“Like cake?”</p><p>“Yeah, but I don’t think sex is a cake. It’s like a drink. Like wine or something. That’s why only grown ups can have it.”</p><p>“Okay.” Armin nodded, very solemn. Wow, Oruo sure knew a lot.</p><p>Kuchel came over when Papa and Mama left. She did a handstand in her pajamas first; she sure was strong. Oruo always looked grumpy when she showed off.</p><p>“What’re you guys talking about?” she asked.</p><p>“Sex!” Armin answered cheerily.</p><p>Kuchel made a really weird face.</p><p>***</p><p>Connie adjusted his tie, looking in the mirror. He bared his teeth to make sure he didn’t have spinach stuck or anything.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Inga approached him from down the hall. Connie beamed.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>They kissed quickly. Then he kissed her fire-scarred cheek. He liked it when she blushed. It made him feel real smooth. When they first got together, she’d been so shy about her face. But he didn’t think it mattered at all.</p><p>“How’re the kids?” he asked. He frowned. “Oruo?”</p><p>“Nothing’s happened yet.” She hugged him.</p><p>They stayed like that a minute. He liked holding her. She really made Connie feel rooted to the earth. So many bad things had happened to this woman, but they’d only made her steadier and kinder. She was a jewel.</p><p>“It’s going to happen soon now,” he said softly.</p><p>She stiffened in his embrace.</p><p>“Yeah. I know.” When she released him, he saw her try to hide the sad look on her face. “You sure it’ll be all right?”</p><p>“I only know what Eren let me see.” He took her hands. “And I know this is the last chance we have.” He winced. “Or everything ends. Everything.”</p><p>Inga took a sharp breath.</p><p>“I’ll do my part.” Connie kissed her once again.</p><p>“Hey. Uh. I know I’m just some dumb guy, but…” He muttered at the ground. “Iloveyou.”</p><p>“Huh?” She perked up. “Did you say…?”</p><p>“I love you. Just…yeah. Wanted you to know.”</p><p>She kissed him again, and this time she laughed. It was a good sound, one she rarely made. Connie held her close, grateful to have given her that.</p><p>Because if he failed, she would have nothing. Be nothing.</p><p>***</p><p>Erwin entered with Petra by his side, and glanced around. Zackley was here, drooling out the side of his mouth after that stroke. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer man. It gave Erwin satisfaction to see the old bastard being wheeled around by a nurse. Zackley was still there enough that it was humiliating for him, with that slack face and withered hand.</p><p>Pixis and Anka had also arrived, as had Rico. He noticed the women look directly at Petra; likely she’d find sympathy in that corner. They wouldn’t dare help her, of course. No one would.</p><p>Connie, Brigitta, and Floch made up the last of the official party members. A small, informal dinner. The real celebration would be held after the end of the war.</p><p>“Remind me again what I’m doing here?” Petra muttered.</p><p>“You’re proof that I have Levi Ackerman where I want him,” he answered. Erwin’s hand rested on the small of her back. Petra maneuvered herself to escape him. “You may as well get used to it. At our wedding, it’ll look odd if you avoid me.”</p><p>“One of us will be dead before that day comes.”</p><p>“It won’t be me. Therefore, in the interests of your children, I’d suggest going along with it all.” He snaked an arm around her waist. He turned her to face him. Petra’s amber eyes were fiery in her anger. Erwin lifted her chin and forced her lips to his for a brief moment. When he released her, she bared her teeth.</p><p>“Do that again and I’ll bite.”</p><p>“I’ll heal.”</p><p>He let her go to her sister and the other women. They immediately clustered into a knot, one that Connie soon joined. Erwin watched his Armor carefully. Connie was a good lad, but too sympathetic to Petra. She had been his lieutenant once.</p><p>At least Floch properly despised her. And everyone else.</p><p>“The sparkling wine is being poured.” Pixis approached. “We should think up some reason for a toast. A bad one, especially.”</p><p>“I have just the thing.” Erwin waited for everyone to receive a glass, then lifted his. “To the new Eldian Empire. To the next thousand years of peace and prosperity.” He gestured at Petra with his glass. “And to the future empress, mother to a future emperor.”</p><p>Brigitta pursed her lips. Rico’s eyes were half-lidded. Anka placed a hand of support on Petra’s shoulder.</p><p>His “fiancée” looked murderous. Everyone started to toast.</p><p>“One more.” Petra raised her glass higher. “To the king of Eldia. May he crush his enemies.” She gave a bitter smile.</p><p>Clever bitch. Everyone drank.</p><p>Dinner was served moments later. They sat at the formal long table, Petra at the opposite end from him. She spoke to Pixis, showing genuine warmth. The old man squeezed her hand briefly. She would do well here, after the war. He knew Petra missed her home. Erwin would be a good husband to her.</p><p>And Levi?</p><p>He could not bear to have Levi anywhere near them. Also, he could not stand the thought of Levi’s absence. Once more, the captain tore Erwin down the center.</p><p>As he watched Petra, Levi continued to flit across his thoughts.</p><p>When would he make his move? Because he would not be stay out of the fighting. Erwin wanted the Marleyan attack on their shores to come. The missiles were prepped; he needed only an excuse. A few cities gone, and then…</p><p>They enjoyed their fish, their duck, their dessert. Petra looked tired. Perhaps he would send her and the children out of the city tomorrow. Somewhere the kids wouldn’t be so near the fighting. Somewhere she could be kept out of trouble. Perhaps he’d send them to Candlemoor, though he himself would never go back there. The place was haunted by personal ghosts.</p><p>Marie…</p><p>He imagined for one moment that she was by his side, laughing. That made him think of Nile, still out in that pit after all these years. Erwin knew it would be mercy to kill him, but he just couldn’t quite bear the idea. He was a coward.</p><p>“Majesty?” Floch finished drinking his port. “I wanted to talk to you about a Level Five threat.”</p><p>Erwin was tired of discussing this with Floch.</p><p>“I’ve told you before. Devastating three cities with hyperfusion will frighten the world and make them consider suing for peace. Three cities also does not release enough radiation to harm the planet itself. However, if we unload half our arsenal in one go, we’d not only increase the amount of radiation that Paradis would absorb over the next twenty years, we’d make our enemies believe it was the end. They’d retaliate, having nothing left to lose. Paradis would be gone. So would every country on earth. And the combined fallout of all that hyperfusion radiation would kill whatever was left on the planet over the next ten years.” He sipped his coffee. “So no, Floch. Level Five was only ever created as a hypothetical. What not to do.”</p><p>“If they find a way to kill Paradis,” the young man said, “then everyone else should die, too. If Eldians can’t live in this world, no one can.”</p><p>Erwin could not bring himself to think that way. Even with all his atrocities, he wanted to remember the beautiful cities of Nambia, the shorelines of Hizuru, the fields of Hybernia. He had loved the world, even though it hated him. His only real wish was to spend his life learning its many wonders, reading its histories. He didn’t want this butchery.</p><p>But he had it. No other way out.</p><p>“The bombs won’t enter our airspace while Petra and the children reside on this island. They’re an insurance policy.”</p><p>“I told you my idea before.” Floch spoke quickly, knowing he’d be shut down fast. “Rig the missiles to all launch if a bomb is detected heading for our island. Maybe if we let Levi and Willy know that’d happen, it’d be another deterrant. Isn’t that smart?”</p><p>“And if anything triggers it, the world will end. I don’t want anyone’s finger on that button. Not even my own.” Erwin let the servants clear.</p><p>“There’s another thought.” Floch cleared his throat. “Oruo Ackerman.” He spoke low. “Turn him into a titan now and leave him in a pit. If the Founder ever makes an appearance, you can nab it and—”</p><p>“Enough of this.” Erwin spoke low, but terrifying. Talk of the kid seemed to genuinely piss him off. “If you care to talk about anything else, join us in the library for a brandy. Otherwise, this is good night.”</p><p>“But sir—”</p><p>“Good night, Floch. Go home.”</p><p>The younger man looked drawn and pissy as he got up, bowed, and left. Floch was a petty nationalist; if his country did not exist, he felt none should. And to think of using Oruo…disgusting man. Erwin wearily got up from the table.</p><p>“My dear,” he said to Petra. “Shall we?”</p><p>She looked like she’d swallowed something bitter, but decided to go along without a fuss. Erwin had her under his control.</p><p>That was good.</p><p>***</p><p>Son of a <em>bitch.</em></p><p>Floch stormed down the palace hallways, teeth gritted, fists clenched. King Erwin had gotten too soft. Floch had followed him without question when the king was strong, but now things were worse than ever. Erwin had turned the world’s hatred up to the boiling point, and just when he needed to go in for th kill he started weakening.</p><p>Floch would not let Paradis fall. The king was getting older. Fifty-one now. He wasn’t the daring young man he’d been thirteen years ago.</p><p>Someone had to save this place. Damn the consequences.</p><p>Floch paused when images fluttered before his eyes. Shit, he hated this part. Porco Galliard and the Tybur kid were in his mind now, taking up room like guests who won’t leave. Were these memories Porco’s, or Cassius’s? Either way, when a ‘memory flash’ came upon him, there was no way to stop it. Just had to ride it through.</p><p>He saw Willy Tybur’s face in perfect detail. The man was smiling with affection. Okay, so this one was the kid’s.</p><p>And then—</p><p>“<em>Let’s look at it again.</em>” Willy pointed to a sheet of paper. Names and faces were printed upon it. “<em>Levi Ackerman is the true king of Paradis.</em>”</p><p>“<em>And Kuchel’s the real princess.</em>” Cassius sounded kinda shy. Aww, a crush. How disgusting.</p><p>“<em>Yes. Petra and Oruo are the queen and prince. Hange Zoe oversees our hyperfusion program. On Paradis, you know of Erwin Smith.</em>” He pointed to the man’s picture. “<em>He’s the usurper. And this is Floch Forster, considered his right hand man.</em>”</p><p>Yeah. Good. Floch <em>should</em> be noted.</p><p>“<em>Our allies on the island are few, but there are some. Queen Historia, obviously. There are some members of Levi’s former squad who might want to help us, but we can’t know at this moment. And here, the most important.</em>” He tapped on Connie Springer’s picture.</p><p>How in the name of fuck did that meathead Springer become the most important anything?</p><p>“<em>The one thing Erwin doesn’t know is that Connie Springer ate Eren Jaeger almost six years ago. He’s got the Founding Titan. As long as he keeps it secret, Erwin can’t ever use the full power of the titans. Now—</em>”</p><p>The memory faded abruptly, but Floch had seen more than enough. He put a hand to the wall, his thoughts scattering. Connie. Somehow, it actually made sense. Who else would inherit the power of a god and then sit around for years doing nothing with it? The fucking traitor. How could they not have ignored the possibility?</p><p>Who knew the meathead was a good actor?</p><p>The first impulse was to run and tell Erwin. Floch would receive promotion and praise. But…</p><p>If Floch ate Connie and took the Founding Titan, and if he turned either Historia or Oruo into a titan and then touched them, he could control the full power. He could start the Rumbling. He could unleash a worldwide wave of titans, bringing the planet to its knees in seconds.</p><p>He could save his country. His people.</p><p>First things first. He had to get Connie alone, out in the grounds. Far away enough that the others couldn’t see. Then he’d transform fast and eat the guy before he had the opportunity to fight back. After that, if Floch could be quiet, he’d get into the children’s room, nab the kid while he slept, and take him to the pits for a quick trip to titan land. Floch knew Historia still had her uses, and one less royal Ackerman was good in his opinion. Touch the boy, save the world. Easy.</p><p>But first things first.</p><p>He made his way to the library, where everyone had gathered before the fire. Pixis was a little easier going now, probably because he’d had a few drinks. Petra sat rigid in a chair, the king standing directly behind her. She’d always been a nice piece of ass, but Floch didn’t quite see why Levi and Erwin were so obsessive about her. Maybe she was good in bed. Probably.</p><p>Anka couldn’t help rolling her eyes when she saw him. Floch had tried asking her out once, and she’d responded in the bitchiest way possible. Rico, meanwhile, looked like she had all evening: annoyed. Brigitta just looked drained.</p><p>Zackley drooled in his wheelchair. Honestly, it was creepy that the king had wheeled him out of the hospital for this. Floch wondered if Zackley was aware of everything going on around him.</p><p>And there was Connie, leaning against the wall by the fireplace. Floch went over to him.</p><p>“Psst.” He kept his voice casual. “I’m going for a smoke. Want one?”</p><p>“Okay.” Connie smiled brightly. What a fucking idiot. Connie didn’t smoke as much as Floch, but he liked it once in a while. Said he wanted to deepen his voice. They were already in the shadows, and so slipped out of the room pretty natural. They walked to the nearest exit and headed out across the lawn. The trees and titan pits were a few hundred yards ahead. Floch walked alongside the other man, trying to focus.</p><p>If he tried assuming his Jaws form, Connie would have enough time to take his titan shape. Jaws could try beating Armored, but unless he jumped real good Connie would trounce him.</p><p>But Floch had the War Hammer. The last one to hold it before the kid had been able to manifest shit without transforming into a titan. Floch had been practicing, as if in waiting for this moment.</p><p>“Oi, Floch?” They stopped over near a hedgerow. Floch took out a cigarette, lit up, and passed Connie one. “Did the king talk it over with you? What happens in case…”</p><p>“It’s impossible the king won’t survive,” Floch said smoothly. “I know I’m on the final list of successors, but the idea is just to hold the throne until the boy’s old enough to rule.”</p><p>If there was anything to rule by then. If the world didn’t end. Or at least, Paradis could end…and after that, what did the world matter?</p><p>
  <em>I’m going to be a hero. I’ll save everyone.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah. Guess I didn’t make the cut.” Connie shrugged, puffed. Probably on account of how fucking stupid he was. “You and Jean are the top two.”</p><p>“Kirschtein doesn’t have the stomach.” The ambition, sure, but that was why Floch was here in Mitras and Jean up north. Kirschtein was valuable, but he wasn’t a natural killer. Slowly, Floch reached his hand into his pocket. He fingered the little spiked ball he kept on him at all times. Just in case. He checked the windows of the palace. None of them faced him and Connie directly. This was his chance. “You know what I think?” Floch asked, taking a few steps forward and piercing his finger. He felt the blood flow, the power vibrate in his blood.</p><p>“What?” Connie asked.</p><p>Floch was far enough away. His hair stood on end, like static electricity.</p><p>“I think you’ve got secrets.”</p><p>He envisioned a line of crystal running across the ground, snaking towards Connie. Immediately, the material streaked towards the boy.</p><p><em>I want a blade.</em> Floch smiled. <em>A sharp one.</em></p><p>Before Connie could even react, a protrusion of sharpened crystal erupted out of the earth and sliced both his legs off at the knee. The Springer guy wailed as he fell to earth. He huffed, groaned, but Floch had taken off too much. Connie’s body needed to heal itself before he could transform.</p><p>Floch had the upper hand.</p><p>“You bastard! What the fuck?” Connie bellowed. He dragged himself along the ground, the stumps of his legs tracking blood on the grass. It was like a snail’s trail. Gross.</p><p>“Can’t believe I had to find out you’re the Founder by looking at a dead kid’s thoughts.”</p><p>Connie gaped up at him.</p><p>“N-No. What the— Floch, you’re out of your fucking mind.”</p><p>“No. I can trust my mind. And my memories.” Floch lifted his bleeding hand from his pocket. “And before anyone can ask, I’ll eat you.”</p><p>“What? Fuck! Stop!” Connie cringed, trying to take his titan form. But the mutilation was too extensive. Floch stepped backwards, the lightning starting to crackle around him. He summoned the Jaws, and—</p><p>“<em>What the hell are you doing?</em>”</p><p>Floch only just managed to stop the transformation as Pixis and Erwin came racing at him from over the lawn. Oh <em>shit.</em> What were they doing out here? Probably wandering around to look at gardens like the old men they were.</p><p>“I…”</p><p>Connie froze at the sight of the king, and that was how Floch knew he’d been correct. If he were innocent, Connie would be screaming for help.</p><p>He was guilty.</p><p>“Explain this,” Erwin snarled. He gripped Floch by his shirt and almost yanked him off the ground. “What were you doing to him?”</p><p>“Trying to help you, Majesty.” Floch nodded. “Cassius Tybur’s memories showed me a meeting he had with his father. Willy showed him pictures of the main players on Paradis and in Marley. Connie was on that list. Willy said that Connie ate Eren Jaeger years ago, the night Eren attacked Kuchel Ackerman. He’s been the Founding Titan ever since. Hiding in plain sight.”</p><p>The blood drained from Erwin’s face. The king looked especially haggard as he released Floch and looked down at Connie.</p><p>“Did you…?” He seemed to answer his own question. He murmured, “You were in titan form when we arrived. But Petra said—”</p><p>Then Erwin completely shut up. His eyes hardened.</p><p>“You…bastard,” he growled. He grabbed Connie by the throat and hauled him into the air. Connie choked and flailed in the king’s grasp. His wounds were already steaming shut, but he was still too weak to fight.</p><p>“I realized I had to capture him for you.” Floch bowed.</p><p>“Hmm. The young man’s legs were already off when we arrived.” Pixis watched him with those twinkling eyes of his. Floch hated that shit. “If Connie was already incapacitated, why transform into a titan?”</p><p>Shit. Erwin glanced at Floch, interested in that reply.</p><p>“I wanted to carry him back to the palace. It’s easier as a titan. Less heavy.”</p><p>“Mm hmm.” Pixis nodded. So did Erwin.</p><p>“Very well. Thank you, Floch. You’ve given me a great prize tonight.” Floch could tell in that moment that Erwin didn’t trust him for shit. But Floch could still prove useful to the king, so Erwin kept him around. His stomach knotted up. He’d have to be very, very careful from now on.</p><p>“Will you transform here, Erwin?” Pixis looked grim. Connie struggled in his grasp, screaming bloody murder.</p><p>“Even a half transformation could damage the palace. We’ll grab Historia now, along with some serum. Then we’ll ride out into the forest, two miles north. It’ll be safe there. I’ll transform, eat Connie, reemerge, and then if I feel I’m prepared we titanize Historia. And then it’s over.” His eyes shone with a flat yet mad light. “I can end this war, this trauma, in an instant. The power will be mine. Between the Founder and hyperfusion, the rest of the world will bow peacefully to me. No more bloodshed.”</p><p>“I’ll alert the guards.” Pixis sighed and trudged off towards the bunker. Floch smirked in Connie’s face.</p><p>“You stood there by my side, and you watched me murder all of those children.” Erwin spoke very softly. “You knew all I wanted was the Founder; you knew I hated doing it. And you waited to betray me.” He squeezed tighter. Connie choked a minute. “I don’t know where the PATHs lead dead Eldians, but I pray there is some eternal misery out there. And I pray that you’re swallowed by it.”</p><p>That, Floch realized, was what seemed to hurt the king most. Not the personal betrayal, but the kids. This was why Erwin had been losing his touch lately. Fatherhood had made him soft.</p><p>“Floch. Go and prepare a car. We need to leave immediately. Have a servant tell my guests that—”</p><p>“Majesty!”</p><p>Several guards were racing across the lawn, terror on their faces. Pixis came up behind them, and even that unflappable prick looked scared. What had happened?</p><p>“Pixis? What?”</p><p>“The bunker.” One of the soldiers came to a halt with a quick salute. “The guards on duty are all dead. Someone shot them.”</p><p>“<em>What?</em>”</p><p>“There’s more. The queen…” The guard winced, like expecting a blow. “Majesty, the queen has vanished. Whoever killed the guards took her.”</p><p>Erwin actually dropped Connie.</p><p>“No,” Erwin hissed. “<em>No.</em> Not when I’m this close. She can’t…”</p><p>Floch fought against a smile.</p><p>“Sir?” he asked. “We don’t have to stall the plan. There’s another source of royal blood just inside the palace.”</p><p>Erwin didn’t look at Floch. He merely shuddered.</p><p>“Send as many as you can to check the perimeter. Search the woods and underground. Search the city. Find her. Do it fast. Do it now.” He grabbed Connie by the shirt and hauled him up again. “Pixis, go inside and tell my guests to depart. But have the guards escort Petra back to her room, and lock the door.”</p><p>***</p><p>When they locked the door, Petra’s mind spun with ideas. Levi was here; Mikasa was here; or, worst of all…Erwin had lulled her into a false sense of security and was now moving to take Oruo.</p><p>She went ballistic. She managed to kick until the lock broke on the door, and the soldiers had to physically restrain her inside the room.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Erwin shouted when he entered.</p><p>“Not my son. You bastard, leave my children alone!”</p><p>“Oruo is not in danger yet.” Erwin pointed an accusatory finger at her. “But you, madame, are being given a new room. One that suits you better.”</p><p>They carried her down to the palace jail, Petra fighting all the way. They kept special cages on hand for political prisoners. The cell was furnished with only a cot, a sink, and a toilet. They thrust her inside and locked the door. Erwin glared at her through the bars, as though she were a zoo animal.</p><p>“My son,” she gasped.</p><p>“Oruo, as I said, will not be harmed if I can help it.”</p><p>
  <em>Not yet. If I can help it.</em>
</p><p>“You swore you’d give him back. You wouldn’t touch him!”</p><p>“And if I must use him, it will be because you concealed Connie’s secret from me.”</p><p>It was a bomb going off in her mind. Petra clung to the bars.</p><p>“How?” she croaked. There was no use bullshitting him now. She could see in Erwin’s eyes that he was certain.</p><p>“Cassius Tybur was a great help.”</p><p>Floch. That monster. That fucking cunt. Petra let out a long, furious scream.</p><p>“As I told Connie, thousands of children could have been spared if you had told me what you saw that night in the warehouse. I should have suspected Connie. I would have, but some part of me trusted your word. Perhaps because you’d been victimized by Eren in the cruelest way. Why on earth would you defend him?”</p><p>“I’m not the one who killed thousands of children. Neither is Connie.” She rested her forehead against the bars. “You’re a demon.”</p><p>“Yes. I know.”</p><p>“He’s just a baby.” Petra was beyond tears; she was primal now. She slammed against the bars. “I’ll tear out your heart with my bare hands if you—”</p><p>“If you have any idea where Historia is or who has taken her, you can help me save Oruo.” Erwin sounded desperate. “Someone killed the guards and took her. We don’t know where they’ve gone.”</p><p>Historia. Of course, Erwin had probably intended to use Historia right away. What timing. Even though it meant delaying the king holding the Founder, the queen’s absence had placed Oruo in grave danger. Petra knew the damn world was at stake, but her baby…</p><p>He’d nursed at her breast. He gave her smiles where he gave others none. He liked making jam pies, which was just jam on top of jam. He liked it when she sang to him.</p><p>She had almost lost Kuchel this way. She would not lose her son.</p><p>“I will avoid using Oruo as long as possible.” Erwin looked miserable. Oh, good. Glad he was so affected. Petra sneered. “But Marley and the rest of the world has bombs pointed at this island. The war can’t continue much longer; someone will unleash hyperfusion and take humanity down a dark path. I can avoid that by using the Founder. I will use Historia if given the choice, but I can only hold out a day or two at most. The time for Paradis—and for me—has almost run out.”</p><p>“I’ll kill you.” It was all she could say. The only promise she could make. “Levi will rip you to pieces.”</p><p>“If he has a counterattack planned, he’d better hurry.” Erwin glowered at her. “One way or another, this will end.”</p><p>Petra felt dizzy. She wanted to throw up.</p><p>“Have you…eaten Connie yet?”</p><p>“No.” Erwin frowned. “He’ll stay alive until I find Historia. We’ll torture her location out of him. There’s no way in hell he he didn’t aide her.” <em>You could eat him and see his memories.</em> She kept silent, though. As if reading her thoughts, Erwin said, “Shifters rarely see any memories in the first few weeks after consuming a titan. Even when the memories come, you have no control over them. It’s too big a gamble at the moment. Connie won’t transform, either.” Erwin looked at the ground, his gaze filled with disgust. “If you insert metal rods into a shifter’s severed limb, the flesh can’t finish growing back around the foreign object. He’ll be in agony, but he’ll be impotent as long as I need him to be.”</p><p>Floch. It was all down to fucking Floch. If he hadn’t seen that stupid memory…</p><p>“Meanwhile,” Erwin continued. “You’ll reside here until I receive the Founder, one way or another.”</p><p>“The children aren’t going to like the fact I’m in a cage,” she growled. “Kuchel will kick your ass.”</p><p>“She won’t. She loves me, as I love her. Her mother required a time out, that’s all. But Mama will be released.” Erwin sighed. “If you want to see them, you’ll need to swear not to breathe a word about any of this. The moment you do, well. I’ll be forced to take extreme measures to ensure Oruo’s security if I have to.”</p><p>Her babies were asleep upstairs, snuggled up in bed and so vulnerable. Petra wanted to bash her head against the bars. <em>Levi. Mikasa. Please get here.</em></p><p>“Again, Petra. If you have any idea where Historia is, tell me. For your son.” What was worse was he sounded sincerely pained. “At most, I can give him forty eight hours. And if the attack arrives, the timetable may need to be moved up. Drastically.”</p><p>“If you touch my son, I’ll send you to hell. Even if I have to go down there and stay with you.”</p><p>“The fury in your eyes could melt steel.” Erwin bowed his head. “You’ve always been as fiery as you were gentle. It’s a rare combination.”</p><p>“I’m not playing.”</p><p>“Neither am I. So do your son a favor and help me.”</p><p>Either the world was destroyed, or Paradis was destroyed, or Erwin obtained the full Founder and became a kind of god on earth. There didn’t seem to be any good option left.</p><p>“You weren’t always like this.” She felt hollow.</p><p>“I can’t find the place where it started.” He sounded distant. “When there was no turning back. Was it Hybernia? Or before? When Armin was born? Every choice was the best one I felt I could make at the time. I have always said not to regret choices like that.” He winced. “But I have such regrets.”</p><p>“If you want me to feel sorry for you, you failed,” she muttered.</p><p>“I don’t want your pity.” He looked on her with tired eyes. “I think I want your hate now more than your love.”</p><p>“Well, good news. It’s yours.”</p><p>“I can’t let Paradis fall, though.” Erwin became calm again. “That’s the one thing I can’t do. I gave up my soul to save Eldians and this island in particular. I won’t have all this hideous death be in vain.”</p><p>Oruo. She could only think of holding him. Why had she left him alone? Please, let Kuchel protect him. Let Levi get here.</p><p>“You’ve always been a monster.” Petra fought tears. “I just didn’t see it.”</p><p>“Would you like to know two of the reasons you hate me?” he asked softly.</p><p>“No.” But he told her.</p><p>“One, you hate me because Levi chose me for your sake alone. The world could end because of his selfish devotion to you.”</p><p>“You bastard—”</p><p>“And two. Because any of the choices I’ve made, you could have made, too. I’m not some special being like people say, Petra. I’m only a man. And what I’ve done? So much of it, anyone could do if properly motivated. It could come down to the world or Oruo, you know. Yet I don’t think you’d hesitate to damn humanity. You’re capable of it, and I’ve reminded you of that fact.”</p><p>Her stomach grew cold. He left her then, reeling in how he was correct again. That hateful bastard, he was right.</p><p>Oruo. She could never, ever, ever…</p><p>
  <em>Mikasa. Damn it, where are you?</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>The barracks was a party, the last gasp of happiness before the long march on Mitras the next day.</p><p>Mikasa had been right. The sight of the Azumabito warriors plus the promise of an end to Erwin’s tyranny won over almost all the soldiers. Those who wouldn’t go along were locked in the brig and being guarded.</p><p>But up here, officers were pouring foaming kegs of beer and roasting sausages. They were going through all of the perishables. It was a feast to celebrate King Levi.</p><p>Mikasa smiled and drank.</p><p>“Can’t believe it took you this long to come and see us.” Beside her, Sasha scuffed her shoes in the dirt. They’d caught her before she left for the train, and even the promise of her family couldn’t make her abandon her duty.</p><p>“I would’ve been hanged if I came back.”</p><p>Sasha blushed. “Oh. Right.”</p><p>Mikasa wasn’t much of a hugger, but she put an arm around Sasha. Her hair was shorter now, and she was more muscular from years as a soldier.</p><p>“I’m sorry you didn’t see your children.”</p><p>“They’re okay. Luca’s a sweetie. Li’l Mikasa, though? She’s started walking.” Sasha shook her head, eyes pained. “I’m worried, ‘cause she’s as dumb as I was at that age.”</p><p>Mikasa choked on a quiet laugh. “When this is all over, I’d like to see her.”</p><p>“Yeah!” Sasha brightened considerably. Then she sniffed the air, and her eyes turned saucer wide. “Uhhh, the sausages are almost done. Mind if I…?”</p><p>“Go ahead.” Mikasa left and wandered the edges of the party, hands in the pockets of the coat Sasha had lent her. She watched the soldiers dance around, cry, hug, laugh, shout with vindictive rage about Erwin.</p><p>Would Levi be a good king to these people? She had come to like him, even love him in her own way, but these people needed someone to do more than take care of them. They needed someone to guide them towards something big.</p><p>Erwin at least could do that.</p><p>“Hey.” Jean appeared at her side, a half empty bottle of beer in his hand. “Had anything to eat?”</p><p>“I’m not hungry.” She gave him a quiet smile. “I’m restless, though.”</p><p>“Then let me show you around. It’s my barracks, after all.” He sounded proud as he led her away from the party. They entered the echoing halls, now dark and empty; everyone was outside, or in the brig. Jean showed her his office, the mess hall. He sounded the same as ever, a bit cocky and braggy, but there was also a gleam of pride in his eyes when he spoke of his soldiers. Mikasa felt at home for the first time in years.</p><p>She had missed those days. The days of them all together. Jean brought it back for her.</p><p>Mikasa thought while they walked. He showed her the upstairs, the supply rooms. Then they were wandering the dormitory halls.</p><p>“Which one is your room?” she asked.</p><p>“Uh, here. I get one all to myself.” He opened a door and gestured. Inside were the simple furnishings of a soldier’s room. A bed, a desk and chair, a table. Some black and white photos of Sasha, Connie, Jean’s mother.</p><p>A dark haired girl.</p><p>Mikasa went to the dresser and picked that one up. Something familiar about her face…</p><p>“Uh. That’s Una.” Jean took the picture and placed it facedown on the dresser. Mikasa wasn't hugely intuitive, but in that instant she knew everything. Why Una’s picture was here. Why he so easily put it down.</p><p>Why Una looked like her.</p><p>“So. Er, how’s life in Marley? Always wanted to go there for a long vacation.” Jean sounded smooth again. She almost started laughing. “Uh. You okay?”</p><p>“I’m fine. Marley is fine.”</p><p>“Good. So. Friends back there?” So casually it was easy to spot: “Boyfriends?”</p><p>“No. I tried dating a few times, but I didn’t feel anything.” She looked at the floor. “I’ve only felt that way…about Eren.”</p><p>“Yeah.” He sounded resigned. “Yeah, I know. Hey, let’s get back to the party.”</p><p>Mikasa thought. She decided.</p><p>“But Eren isn’t coming back. I’ve missed…having family. I’ve felt empty for years. I’ve had the Ackermans, and my warriors, but they’re not the 104<sup>th</sup>. I always want to go home, but I never can.”</p><p>“Because Eren’s gone.”</p><p>“Because of all of you. I’ve missed you.” She looked into his eyes. Jean swallowed loudly.</p><p>“Um. Am I…?” he said. She didn’t really know much about how to do this. She just looked in his eyes for what seemed like several minutes until he drew nearer. She was tall, but he’d shot up well beyond six feet. She had to lift her chin to kiss him. Mikasa shut her eyes. The wild, hot throbbing didn’t start in her body as it had when she thought of Eren at night. It wasn’t like Petra’s romance novels, filled with stars and fire. But it was different from the men in Marley, the few she’d kissed. That had felt like standing in an empty room with a locked door, waiting patiently to be let out.</p><p>This felt like a cozy hearth fire. It was warm, and good. It was comfortable.</p><p>Jean broke off the kiss. “Are you okay?” he whispered.</p><p>“What about Una?”</p><p>“We’re not official. On a break. Ah, Mikasa.” His hands trailed up and down her back. She saw such a powerful need in his eyes. Mikasa had always wanted Eren to have overwhelming desire for her. Just for one night, it would be nice to experience what it was like to be kissed by someone who burned for her.</p><p>“I…don’t know how to say this.” She looked down, could feel heat creep up her face and neck. “I’ve never done anything.”</p><p>“Oh.” He sounded surprised. Maybe a little happy.</p><p>“We could die tomorrow. I’d like to try it.” She looked back in his eyes. “Do you—”</p><p>His mouth found hers. He kissed her well and thoroughly. Jean was good at it, better than the boys in Marley. She began to throb between her legs. She felt almost sore; Petra called that wanting. It wasn’t intense passion, but Mikasa’s body wanted more of this.</p><p>“Are you sure?” he whispered. She saw in his eyes the ecstasy of a man in a dream. Mikasa shrugged off the coat, hung it over the chair, and then carefully unbuttoned the blouse Sasha had gifted her—warrior clothes were not comfortable as civvies. Jean took her hands, his touch begging her to let him. She held her breath as he finished, slipped off the shirt. She was only in her bra.</p><p>Mikasa was…well, less than ideal. She’d seen enough magazines to know.</p><p>She had toned, muscular arms and defined abs. Her shoulders were a bit broader than the average woman. Her hair was also cut boyishly short, though some long bits fell into her eyes. She liked her body, was proud of its strength. But this was all so new, and she was so uncertain.</p><p>She tried not to show her nerves.</p><p>Jean pulled her close.</p><p>“You’re perfect.” He sounded utterly serious as he raked his gaze over her body. “God, I never thought I’d have this.”</p><p>He undid her bra. Then he undressed the rest of her, and removed his own clothing. Mikasa bit her lip when she saw him…free. She knew what to expect, but seeing it first hand was different.</p><p>She got on the bed and he got on top of her. For a while, they only kissed. She held her breath when his erection brushed against her. Jean’s hand slipped between her thighs.</p><p>Mikasa hugged him tightly around the neck. He made her come so easily. It was different, having someone else do it for you. It felt more freeing. It tickled more, in a way. Jean asked her to touch him. She did, surprised at how smooth it felt, almost velvety. She knew she was blushing.</p><p>“This is every fantasy I’ve had since I was thirteen,” he gasped, watching her stroke him. His hips bucked, and he stopped her. “I’m going to finish before we even get started.” He kissed her, then kissed her breasts. She didn’t feel the passionate frenzy Petra had described, but she had a comfortable curiosity as she watched him kiss and play with her body. Seeing someone in the middle of lovemaking, you discovered a new side. Jean was so animated now. So utterly uninhibited. He was very handsome as well. His long face was suited to a light beard, and his hair was wild. She laughed a little when the beard tickled her. Jean trailed the tip of his tongue along her stomach, across the defined abs she’d been so uncertain about. She groaned softly. He slid down the bed, then spread her legs and kissed her between her thighs.</p><p>At first, she almost died of embarrassment. But soon, his tongue made her forget every inhibition. Mikasa cried out twice, three times. When he crawled back up to her, she felt so relaxed.</p><p>“Are you ready?” he asked. She nodded dreamily. She smiled as he pulled open a bedside drawer, took out a foil packet and ripped it. As he fitted a rubber along his length, she thought of the way he’d stared at her in the mess that first night of training. A gangly boy of twelve or thirteen, flustered. Stammering. He’d liked her hair.</p><p>Boys had crushes all the time. But Jean’s had lasted long past the expiration date for a normal infatuation.</p><p>In his eyes, she saw the same need she’d felt when she was around Eren.</p><p>But she had to try to move forward.</p><p>Jean lay down on top of her and adjusted himself between her legs. They kissed, and the tip of his cock began to open her. The next few minutes were slow, and painful. She tried to breathe deeply and relax, but she cried out as she felt herself tear. It was agony. But he was gentle, and stopped whenever she whimpered. He kissed her, whispered that she was a goddess. She was better than his fantasy.</p><p>Finally, he slid himself all the way inside and allowed her time to adjust. Mikasa felt him track his thumb along her cheek to catch the tears she must’ve shed.</p><p>“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” His voice was low, but it wasn’t the silken tones of a seducer. He sounded like he was praying. “I know you can’t feel for me what I feel for you. But if all I ever get is this one night, I’m going to die happy.”</p><p>She looked up at him. She felt him heavy on top of her, and hard inside of her. She gently kissed his mouth.</p><p>“I’d like you to…” She couldn’t say it.</p><p>Mikasa gripped his back as he moved. His hips rocked against her. Now she understood why Petra called it ‘being ridden.’ After a few minutes, the pain lessened. She marveled at how it felt. Something was moving within her body. Another person was inside her. Nothing could be more intimate. It was so nice to feel someone’s naked skin warm hers. She’d never experienced it before. She smiled as he made faces of rapture. If she couldn’t have ecstasy, she had something she never thought she could experience again.</p><p>Contentment.</p><p>Mikasa did as he asked her, tightened her legs around his waist, moved her body to meet his thrusts. Soon, the tickling began between her thighs again. She called out his name as she climaxed, and soon after he followed. He sped up, making the springs shriek, and then thrust deep a few times, moaning softly. He lay in her arms. She touched his damp back.</p><p>“Any regrets?” Jean whispered in her ear.</p><p>“No.” She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”</p><p>“I love you, Mikasa.” He sighed. “I always have. You don’t have to feel the same. But I love you so damn much.”</p><p>She hugged him, warmed her body against his. He didn’t expect her answer. She didn’t give one. But she kissed him again.</p><p>If she died tomorrow, she had known passionate desire with Eren, and full, warm happiness with Jean.</p><p>And that would and should be enough for any life.</p><p>***</p><p>When Kuchel opened her eyes, she thought about Aunt Hange. Every morning she woke up fine and normal, and then one second later she remembered that Aunt Hange was gone forever. And she wanted to cry.</p><p>She didn’t, because her brothers were still asleep. She got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She brushed her tangled hair; it got so many knots while she slept. Mama said she was like a flopping fish at night. Kuchel liked to move. She always had.</p><p>When she came out of the bathroom, Oruo was yawning and Armin was up.</p><p>“Morning!” He beamed at her. Kuchel gave him a big hug. She’d loved him from the moment he was born. She had missed him every day.</p><p>And then there was Oruo.</p><p>“I’m hungryyyy.” He sounded like an angry frog in the morning. His wild hair looked even wilder, but he never brushed it unless someone made him. He rolled out of bed and immediately did that weird thing where he wandered along the room, checking the walls.</p><p>“Why are you such a psycho?” Kuchel asked.</p><p>“I am not a psycho!”</p><p>“Uncle Kenny was.”</p><p>“Well, okay then.” Oruo sounded pleased by that. Papa had told Oruo that he had a lot in common with Uncle Kenny. Mama always looked kind of worried when he said that.</p><p>“What’re you doing?”</p><p>“Checking to see if there’s a way out if they lock us in.” He gave her a contemptuous look. Like she wasn’t taking this seriously.</p><p>“Oruo, Uncle Erwin won’t do that. He’s being nice to Mama, and when Papa gets here they’ll all talk.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Armin said. “My Papa wouldn’t do that.”</p><p>Oruo, sensing he was only going to make them mad, finally quit and grumbled as Kuchel started pulling things for them to wear out of the dresser. Uncle Erwin had moved the three of them into this room so they could all stay together, and had the maids buy lots of clothes for her and Oruo. Kuchel picked a swishy blue skirt and a white top. She shook her head a little when she saw the frillier dresses Uncle Erwin had given her. They were too “little girl.” Kuchel wasn’t little anymore.</p><p>She gave Armin a pair of trousers and a blue shirt, which he accepted. Kuchel sighed when she saw Oruo sliding open drawers and pulling clothing out before flinging it over his shoulder. The floor behind him was littered with shorts and shirts.</p><p>“Just wear this.” She gave him denim trousers.</p><p>“No.” He picked out his own clothes, which were completely black. “I like it my way.”</p><p>“Why are you such a brat?” Kuchel’s patience was already gone. Armin stood by quietly.</p><p>“I am not a brat! You’re a dick!”</p><p>Ugh, that was his new favorite word from Papa. Kuchel had had enough. She picked Oruo up under one arm and easily carried him to the bathroom. Her brother shrieked and spat and flailed, but he was no more than a doll to her as she put him inside and flung the clothes she’d picked after him.</p><p>“Stop being difficult, and clean up those clothes when you’re done getting dressed.”</p><p>Oruo huffed and puffed. His face was red, and to her surprise there were tears on his cheeks.</p><p>“You don’t pick me up! I don’t like that!” he howled. It was so startling that Kuchel shrank away.</p><p>“Okay. I’m sorry. I won’t again.”</p><p>Oruo pouted, then shut his eyes. His face turned tomato red, and he bunched his fists. It looked like he was trying to go to the bathroom; it was pretty scary. Finally, he took a deep breath.</p><p>“Why can’t I just do it?” he muttered.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What you do.” He sulked.</p><p>The Ackerman “gift.” Kuchel barely remembered the night it happened. But she remembered being scared.</p><p>“It’s better not to have it turned on,” she said softly. Then she closed the door and gave him privacy. When she turned, Armin was already dressed.</p><p>“Um…do you like pancakes or waffles better?” he asked softly. Kuchel smiled. He was a sweet boy.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Papa!” Armin rushed ahead into the dining room. Uncle Erwin looked kind of tired. His eyes were red. But he smiled when the kids came in.</p><p>“Good morning, children.” He kissed Armin and Kuchel and nodded at Oruo, who had gone straight to the buffet on the side of the room and now had a danish jammed in his mouth. Kuchel looked at the other end of the table. She frowned.</p><p>“Where’s Mama?”</p><p>Uncle Erwin made a weird face, like he’d accidentally swallowed something bad. It was gone pretty quick, though.</p><p>“She’s not having breakfast here this morning.” He ate a piece of grapefruit.</p><p>“Is she sick?” Kuchel felt nervous. Armin tugged Uncle Erwin’s sleeve.</p><p>“Can we see her?”</p><p>“<em>What’s wrong with Mama?</em>” Oruo shot over to them, raspberry jam smeared all over his face.</p><p>“She’s absolutely fine. It’s sort of like a time out. You’ve all had time outs before.”</p><p>Armin and Oruo nodded. Kuchel frowned deeper. That was true, but Mama was an adult.</p><p>“So she’s sitting in her room for a while. But you can see her soon.”</p><p>“Okay.” Armin was satisfied with that. But Kuchel wasn’t satisfied at all.</p><p>“What’d she do?” Kuchel asked.</p><p>“She lied to me about something very important.” Uncle Erwin looked tired. “And because she did, some bad things happened.”</p><p>“What things?”</p><p>“It’s really not something you need to worry about, sweetheart. It’s all taken care of now. Everything is all right, and your mother will be fine. Even grown ups need to be punished from time to time.”</p><p>Kuchel thought Uncle Erwin was the smartest man in the world. But this made her stomach feel sick.</p><p>“But grown ups don’t punish each other.”</p><p>“They do.” Uncle Erwin got that blank look that he got when he thought hard. “They punish each other a lot. And usually, it’s never something as temporary as a time out.”</p><p>He talked to Armin, who had some blueberry pancakes. Oruo crammed a muffin into his mouth. Kuchel had a bowl of cereal, but the sick feeling didn’t leave her. Something felt wrong.</p><p>She wished very badly that Papa would come.</p><p>***</p><p>“Is there any way I can persuade you not to do this?” Willy asked. He sounded defeated. Good. They were outside on the Liberian airstrip as the afternoon sun lowered in the sky. The world was painted like fire.</p><p>“I took care of the ‘babysitters’ Erwin gave us,” Levi said, checking the straps on his gear as he did so. He’d knocked all those pricks out, then dumped them in a prison cell. Wouldn’t kill them if he didn’t have to. He was sick of killing. “I can’t wait for Mikasa to signal us from Mitras. Hold the rest of the troops back, but I’m doing this.”</p><p>The plane was waiting, an old bomber that could fly high over the capital. Levi would parachute out, hopefully avoiding death on the way down. But he couldn’t wait. It wasn’t possible. His instincts told him Mikasa would make it in time to help him, but he could not sit here one more second and think of Petra and the kids. It wasn’t possible.</p><p>He was a man who took action and did what was needed. He was a husband and a father. His duty was clear.</p><p>“I won’t try to fight.” Willy sighed. “I know there’s no use.”</p><p>“Good. Smart man.” Levi turned back to Willy. “And you’re going to Valle.”</p><p>“Yes. Central command is down there. The generals have requested my presence.”</p><p>“In case you need to fire on Paradis.” His voice was flat.</p><p>“I will not make that decision unless there is no other choice,” Willy said. “But I can’t let the world die to save your family.”</p><p>“At least if you fire, you kill all of us together. That’s one mercy.” Levi put a hand on the hilt of one of his blades. “But if you kill us, I’ll haunt your ass. See how this PATHs shit works.”</p><p>Willy’s mouth twitched. It was almost a smile.</p><p>“If I die,” Levi said, “then it’s up to you. Be good to them all.”</p><p>“The Eldians?”</p><p>“Yeah, and the non-Eldians, too. Don’t be a fancy diplomat going to parties all the time. Do the rough stuff. It’s your job.”</p><p>Willy did smile now. “I can honestly say you are the most unique man I’ve ever known.” Willy put out his hand. “I hope we meet again.”</p><p>Levi shook. “Yeah. Me too. I hope the world’s still here in a few days.”</p><p>
  <em>Reality will unravel.</em>
</p><p>Levi remembered what Petra told him that Eren said. He picked over it as he got into the plane and it took off, headed across the sea for Paradis. That had to be nonsense. Years had gone by, and nothing had happened. Feeling better, Levi shut down and only thought of the mission ahead. Hopefully, they wouldn’t get shot down. Hopefully, Levi would make it to his wife and children.</p><p>Hopefully, he’d have no regrets.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Chapter 49</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Falco stood shoulder to shoulder with Gabi, nervously waiting to board the airships. They had been in the Liberian army for a year now, deployed mostly to fighting in the Mid-East and off the coast of Hizuru. But this was the big push. It was the direct attack on Paradis.</p>
<p>Gabi had never looked so excited. She seemed to be a kid again, her eyes glowing with fevered light.</p>
<p>Falco looked away, feeling his heart beat a little too fast. He sighed. He’d still never found the time or the courage to tell her how he felt.</p>
<p>“I’m going to take down Erwin Smith himself,” Gabi said. She lifted her chin as their line began to march, heading into the bowels of the airship. They’d stand there, waiting for the moment the doors opened and they launched themselves into the air, parachuting into the capital.</p>
<p>Their battalions were supposed to descend once Mikasa Ackerman had given the signal that the missile program had been stalled. There would be attacks on the coastal fronts, but the main bulk would go to Mitras.</p>
<p>“The king will probably be in his palace,” Falco said. “We’re going to be fighting the Guard.”</p>
<p>“You’ll see.” That was Gabi all over. ‘You’ll see.’ ‘I’ll do it.’ He’d never met anyone as determined. It wearied him as much as it excited him.</p>
<p>Why couldn’t she just want a happy life with him? Maybe because he couldn’t excite her in the same way…</p>
<p>“What’s wrong? You look sad,” Gabi said. She frowned at him. Falco shouldered his rifle as they began to march.</p>
<p>“Just ready for the fight,” Falco said, resigned.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Mikasa awoke to the sound of gentle snoring. She opened her eyes, finding Jean’s face on the pillow beside hers. Sometime in the night they’d moved out of their positions, him spooning her, and now she was draped over his body, Jean’s hand soft on her lower back. She froze, unsure what to do. Wake him? Kiss him? Neither?</p>
<p>Mikasa wasn’t the type to enjoy making a fuss, and she blushed to remember the previous night. They’d had sex one more time, this time with her on top. That had felt even better. He’d said hushed, ecstatic words to her, and she’d spoken some back.</p>
<p>They’d been passionate. She was so embarrassed.</p>
<p>Gently, she slid out of the bed. Jean grumbled once, but slept on. Naked, Mikasa hurried for her clothes. She halted.</p>
<p>Sasha’s clothes were gone. Mikasa’s warrior uniform was cleaned and draped over the back of the chair. Someone had been in this room and seen them.</p>
<p>Mikasa winced as she pulled on her uniform. She should have anticipated the deep ache between her thighs. She’d have to find some pain medication before they left. It was funny to think how lovemaking had injured her more than battle thus far.</p>
<p>If that was the only time she ever had sex, it had been enjoyable. That was more than she’d hoped for. Mikasa cast a last glance back at Jean naked in the bed. He was a handsome man. He’d grown muscled, and his face had filled out, alleviating the bony horseishness of his adolescence. While she had no one to compare him to, she thought he’d introduced her to sex pretty damn well.</p>
<p>Eren…</p>
<p>There would always be sadness that her first time hadn’t been with him. She couldn’t imagine the ecstasy she would have felt.</p>
<p>But pleasure was good enough.</p>
<p>Mikasa went to wash up and prepare for the long journey ahead.</p>
<p>In the courtyard, people loaded artillery and other weapons onto the trucks. They were using camouflage to enter Mitras. Jean would be able to get his convoy through the gates, and then when they arrived at the Tower the attack would begin. They’d overthrow the missile system and signal to Marley.</p>
<p>Hopefully there wouldn’t be too many casualties.</p>
<p>“Heyyyyy.” Sasha approached Mikasa, wearing a sly expression. She smirked. “How was your night?”</p>
<p>Mikasa sighed. “You saw.”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t find you to give you the uniform. I took a guess and went to Jean’s room.” Sasha waggled her eyebrows. “Heh. You both looked cozy.”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm.” Mikasa was a private person, and turned her face away.</p>
<p>“Aw c’mon, Mikasa. I’m just teasin’.”</p>
<p>“It was just the one time,” she said. After all, her life wasn’t here. Not anymore. Sasha sighed.</p>
<p>“Well. If that’s what you want.”</p>
<p>She left before Mikasa could argue. She went through the motions of preparing her troops, getting the warriors into formation, and while she did all that and oiled her ODM and prepped her blades and guns, Mikasa felt strange, hot tears at the corners of her eyes. Why? She’d wanted to sleep with Jean. Nothing had been dirty or bad about it.</p>
<p>Or maybe it was the sly look on Sasha’s face. The anticipation that Mikasa would make a home and a family with Jean if this war ended well, that she’d put Eren in the past and—</p>
<p>It made her so angry she wanted to break something.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Jean said behind her. Mikasa hid her face.</p>
<p>“Good morning.” She didn’t turn around. He was silent a moment.</p>
<p>“Can we talk?”</p>
<p>“Can it wait?”</p>
<p>He sighed. “I guess it’ll have to.”</p>
<p>She heard him trudge off. Mikasa felt a guilty pang.</p>
<p>“Wait.” She went to him. “Sorry. Sasha kind of put me in a mood.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” He guided her over to the side of the building, where there was some privacy. “So. Last night.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” She didn’t want to do this. She was angry now that he’d seen her naked, passionate, free. For the rest of their lives, he’d always have had her. He’d beaten Eren; she knew he had to have thought of that at some point during sex. He knew Mikasa had wanted Eren, but she’d given herself to Jean instead. There was no faerie tale ending. Her ideal of happiness hadn’t come true. She didn’t get the kind of story that Petra and Levi did, and some part of her resented that.</p>
<p>Jean looked away. “If I took advantage, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Huh? I’m the one who asked for it.”</p>
<p>“But…” He shrugged helplessly. “Now it’s weird between us. I’m sorry for that.”</p>
<p>“It’ll be all right again.” She just needed time.</p>
<p>“Back to the way it was.” He nodded once, a hard, accepting expression on his face. “Okay. I’m gonna get my team in order.” He strode away.</p>
<p>“Jean.” He stopped. Mikasa hated this. She was a loving person, but no good with navigating intricate emotions. She was nothing like Petra, who could feel everything and express all of it. “I enjoyed last night. I’m just…sad.”</p>
<p>He gazed down at her. There was nothing upset about his demeanor. “Because I wasn’t Eren.”</p>
<p>He said it with no resentment or surprise. She stared at the ground and nodded. “The way I feel about him isn’t going away.”</p>
<p>“I know what you mean.” Her cheeks burned.</p>
<p>“I don’t…I don’t know what I want.” That was honesty. She gazed up at him, wanting him to put his arms around her and hating the thought at the same time. “I don’t know if I want more of last night.” She hesitated. “But maybe I do.”</p>
<p>His eyebrows lifted. “Really?”</p>
<p>“Listen. Jean, I don’t know what the future will hold if we win this war.” Mikasa took his hand, felt its roughness. He stroked her palm with his thumb. His touch sent a small ripple of electricity through her. That was promising. “I don’t know if I want to be with you like last night. I can’t promise I do. But…” She bit her lip. “I want to be home again. Hizuru wasn’t home. Neither was Marley. The Ackermans are family, but they’re not home.” She looked into his eyes. “You’re my home. So is Sasha. And Connie. So is Paradis. I want to come back here.”</p>
<p>He swallowed. “Okay. Whatever you want from me, you can have.”</p>
<p>“Even if it’s just friendship?”</p>
<p>“Mikasa.” His eyes grew weary. “Last night proved that there’s no one else. There’s no Una. There’s no Katya, or Rose, or…” He hesitated. Maybe he didn’t want to list all his conquests. “There’s you. It’s always just been you. So long as you’re here, that’ll be enough for me.”</p>
<p>He meant it. There was no entitlement in him. He left everything up to her to choose.</p>
<p>Immediately, she got on her toes and kissed him.</p>
<p>Jean muttered in surprise, then held her and kissed her in return. She shut her eyes, savored it. Thought. She was not the type to want to live her life alone. She wanted a family of her own. Eren and Armin were gone, but she could make one. This time, she’d protect it with all her strength.</p>
<p>Was Jean who she’d make that family with? Or was he already part of her family?</p>
<p>“Let’s talk about this more when the fighting’s done,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
<p>They kissed one more time, then went their separate ways to prepare for battle.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Kuchel sat beneath a shady tree with her knees hugged to her chest. She watched her brothers playing in the field. Well, Armin was playing tag; Oruo seemed to be playing ‘search and destroy.’ She smiled weakly, but picked at a scab on her knee.</p>
<p>None of this felt right.</p>
<p>Mama shouldn’t be kept in her room like a misbehaving child. Uncle Erwin was at war with her parents because of misunderstandings. Now that she was twelve and knew a little more, Kuchel knew her mother had slept with Uncle Erwin and made Armin. Kuchel understood when that would’ve happened and why, and she wasn’t angry with either of them. Papa wasn’t. At least, he wasn’t angry with Mama.</p>
<p>Kuchel understood that Armin’s birth had made everything go crazy. She remembered the soldiers taking Mama and the baby away. Uncle Erwin had done that. But now that the kids were all older, Kuchel hoped that tempers had cooled.</p>
<p>She knew that Uncle Erwin had done bad things. But still…</p>
<p>The adults thought Kuchel didn’t remember much of the week they thought Papa had died, but Kuchel remembered. She still woke up crying all these years later, convinced it had happened. That she was three again, and her Papa was gone forever. She remembered how mad Mama had been, and how sad Grandma had been.</p>
<p>But Uncle Erwin had taken care of her. He’d hugged her and promised he’d always look after her. He loved her; Kuchel knew he did.</p>
<p>A man like that wasn’t all bad. He just didn’t know how to be calm. And neither did Papa. They were all too angry at each other, which was why Kuchel thought she could come here and make them all sit down and talk.</p>
<p>But now Mama wasn’t allowed out? That wasn’t right.</p>
<p>Kuchel began to have a sick feeling. Her eyes burned with tears. Aunt Hange had died because Kuchel came here. And now she worried it had been the wrong thing to do.</p>
<p>What if Kuchel had made everything much, much worse?</p>
<p>She pressed her face to her knees and forced herself not to cry. She had to be okay for Armin and Oruo.</p>
<p>“Uh, Kuchel?” Armin trotted over. His eyes were very wide. “You okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” She opened her arms and gave him a big hug. “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>Armin happily snuggled with her. He was the cuddliest little bug. She’d only known him a few weeks before they met again when he was seven, but she’d missed him every single day. He was her dolly, after all. Oruo as a baby had cried and screamed and growled; Armin had just loved hugs and naps. Kuchel’s eyes watered a bit when she thought of all the things she’d missed. Armin’s first words and steps, his first midwinter.</p>
<p>
  <em>Because Uncle Erwin wouldn’t let Mama come see him.</em>
</p>
<p>Kuchel had spent a lot of time explaining to herself that Uncle Erwin had just tried to do what was right. But it was getting harder to believe.</p>
<p>“I wanna see Mama,” Armin said.</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>“Oi.” Oruo came over to them. He was scowling. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“We just want to see Mama.” Kuchel looked away, and found Uncle Erwin coming over to them. Her stomach felt queasy. That hadn’t happened before.</p>
<p>“Papa!” Armin ran over, and Uncle Erwin picked him up. “Can we see Mama? Please?”</p>
<p>“Of course. In about fifteen minutes. Does that sound good?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Why can’t we just go now? Why fifteen minutes?</em>
</p>
<p>Kuchel noticed Oruo staring at her. He was paying close attention. “What?” she snapped.</p>
<p>“You look weird.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, jerkface.” Her cheeks flushed. Oruo stomped with indignation.</p>
<p>“Not like that, yah dumbass!” He snorted and walked off to kick at the grass. Armin went over to probably give him a hug while Kuchel sat there and gazed at the earth. A shadow fell over her.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart. Is something wrong?” Uncle Erwin asked.</p>
<p>“Um. No.” She hugged her knees tight. The king sat down next to her, grunting a little.</p>
<p>“My bones are old. Not like yours.” He looked at her closely. “You can say anything. I won’t be mad.”</p>
<p>“Uh.” She felt herself ready to start crying again. “I don’t think it’s okay for you to punish Mama. I want to know when Papa’s getting here.”</p>
<p>“Soon.”</p>
<p>Kuchel glared at him. “That just means ‘whenever you want’, doesn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Kuchel.” He sighed and tried to stroke her hair. She moved away, and saw it hurt him. “You’re one of the most important people to me. One of those who count the most.”</p>
<p>“If you love me so much, why’d you keep me from seeing Armin?”</p>
<p>“It was complicated. Your parents and I—”</p>
<p>“I know you and Mama had sex,” she said bluntly. He looked stunned. She rolled her eyes. “I’m old enough to know about sex, Uncle Erwin.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Of course.”</p>
<p>“So. Is that why Mama and Papa hated you?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Then he looked down and frowned. He frowned deeply. “Well. No.”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Kuchel paid close attention. It felt for the first time in a long time that her uncle wasn’t trying to pretend to be someone else in front of her.</p>
<p>“Your Papa and Mama wanted to be friendly again after Armin was born. We were discussing how he would split time between your mother and me. They were open to spending holidays at the palace, and having me at your farm whenever I wished. They wanted to share all responsiblities with me.”</p>
<p>Kuchel felt dumbfounded. She’d known that Uncle Erwin stole Mama and Armin, but had always assumed it’d been because her parents weren’t friends with her uncle anymore. That he’d gotten mad about it and taken them so he could see his son.</p>
<p>“Then why’d you take them?” she murmured.</p>
<p>“Kuchel.” He rubbed his face. “There’s so much you can’t understand when you’re a child. It’s not because you aren’t smart enough. You certainly are. It’s because…” He shook his head. “There comes a certain point when you’re an adult where you realize you don’t have as many choices as you once did. You come to see that your chances for certain things are dwindling. When you’re twelve, everything is before you. But when you’re an adult, you can lose things and have no way of replacing them. It can make you depressed. I was very alone after your parents took you to that farm. I was unhappy. When Armin was born, he made me happy. Happier than anything ever had.” He tried to stroke her cheek, but she pulled away. He looked even sadder. “But your parents didn’t want to move to Mitras. That meant they’d have more time with Armin than I would.”</p>
<p>“But you still would’ve <em>had</em> time.”</p>
<p>He sighed. “This is the part where you’re simply too young to understand. No, you’re too young to feel what I’m saying. One day, you’ll feel it.”</p>
<p>This all sounded very confusing, but Kuchel was still processing the idea that her parents had wanted to be friends with Uncle Erwin again. She knew that Uncle Erwin had done the wrong thing when he took Mama, but it was a wrong thing she could understand. If her parents took Armin away, Uncle Erwin wanted him back.</p>
<p>But now it all got a lot less clear. She couldn’t understand adults.</p>
<p>She didn’t want to. They seemed so confused and unhappy.</p>
<p>“How’s this war going to stop?” She sniffed. “Why can’t you all just talk to each other?”</p>
<p>“When your Papa gets here, we can talk.”</p>
<p>“<em>When?</em> When does he get here?” She knew she was whining now, and she hated it because she sounded like a baby. But she wished Papa were here. She didn’t feel safe without him, even though she was one of the most dangerous people in the palace. Just because she was an Ackerman.</p>
<p>“Soon.” Uncle Erwin stood. Kuchel knew that it was the End of the Talk. “Now come. Let’s see your mother.”</p>
<p>Kuchel and the boys followed Uncle Erwin to Petra’s room. Kuchel held her breath for some reason when Uncle Erwin knocked.</p>
<p>“Come in.” That was Mama’s voice. Kuchel let out a big, relieved sigh. They opened the door and Armin and Oruo raced inside.</p>
<p>“Mama! Mama!” They sounded so excited. Oruo even lightly shoved Armin to get to Petra first, but their mother gathered the two boys close. Petra saw that Mama looked fine. She was wearing a pretty silk dress and make up. She didn’t look hurt or anything.</p>
<p>Her stomach began to unclench. Maybe it would be okay.</p>
<p>“Oruo. Let me look at you.” Mama cradled her brother’s face. She picked him up onto her lap and hugged him hard. “My good little boy.”</p>
<p>Oruo beamed. Armin stood patiently waiting his turn, but Kuchel saw that he was sad.</p>
<p>Then Mama put Oruo down and cuddled Armin. He giggled as she lifted him onto her lap with an ‘oof.’</p>
<p>“Oh, you are going to be a big, strong man. Like your Papa.” She petted his hair. Armin snuggled up in her arms.</p>
<p>Oruo looked dead inside. Kuchel sighed. He wasn’t used to sharing Mama with another little boy. This would take some time.</p>
<p>“Mama?” Armin whispered.</p>
<p>“Yeah, baby?” She kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“You’re my favorite person in the whole world.” He giggled with delight as she rubbed noses with him.</p>
<p>Kuchel heard a weird noise, like someone was hurt. Uncle Erwin was standing in the doorway, but the noise hadn’t come from him.</p>
<p>Aunt Brigitta was there, beside Kuchel. She must have come in a minute ago. Kuchel frowned; her aunt looked like she was going to cry. Kuchel wrapped her arms around Aunt Brigitta. Her aunt flinched, then hugged and kissed Kuchel back.</p>
<p>But her aunt still trembled.</p>
<p>“Well, you’re my little angel. When the midwife delivered you, she said that. You looked just like a beautiful angel.”</p>
<p>“What about me?” Oruo climbed up the back of the chair and thrust his face between Armin and Mama’s. Mama kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>“You are just like your Papa. You’re perfect.”</p>
<p>Oruo looked insanely proud.</p>
<p>“Perhaps we should let your mother rest some more, boys. You can see her after dinner.”</p>
<p>Aunt Brigitta stiffened. Kuchel got that sick feeling in her stomach again. Why did Mama need to rest? Why couldn’t she just come with them?</p>
<p>Why did she look kind of strange? She clutched Oruo hard, rocked him and kissed him. Uncle Erwin looked upset about that.</p>
<p>“Petra.”</p>
<p>“Come on, Siegfried.” Aunt Brigitta took Armin’s hand. He let her lead him out the door. “Why don’t we play a game? A favorite game?”</p>
<p>“Um, okay,” Armin said. Mama let Oruo go, then opened her arms.</p>
<p>“Kuchel, come here. I need a big hug from my big girl.”</p>
<p>Kuchel was a little old for this, but she dutifully hugged her mother. Mama smelled like faded roses and…</p>
<p>There was a musty scent as well. Like she’d spent time underground, with dampness and no sun.</p>
<p>“You’ll always be my baby,” Petra whispered. She hugged Kuchel tight. “No matter how grown up you get, you’re always my baby. I remember the minute I held you in my arms the first time. It was the best moment of my life.”</p>
<p>Kuchel had to fight not to cry. “Mama, I’m sorry,” she whispered. Mama kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“It’s all right, baby. Everything will be fine.”</p>
<p>Then Mama kissed her cheek hard, and whispered two words right into Kuchel’s ear.</p>
<p>“<em>Protect Oruo.</em>”</p>
<p>Then Mama let go and waved Kuchel out of the room, smiling as Uncle Erwin shut the door. The boys seemed more or less fine with the visit.</p>
<p>Kuchel felt like the walls were falling down around her. What did Mama mean? Why Oruo? Why not Armin as well?</p>
<p>“Kuchel?” Uncle Erwin patted her head. “Are you ready to go back outside, sweetheart? Why don’t you go with Auntie Brigitta? I’ll catch up soon.”</p>
<p>Kuchel gave a small smile, the best she could do. “Okay, Uncle Erwin.”</p>
<p>She walked back outside with her aunt and brothers, but for the rest of the afternoon Kuchel never took her eyes off of Oruo.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra sat calmly as Erwin shut the door to her room.</p>
<p>“You did well,” he said. She didn't get up or face him. She wouldn’t do him that courtesy.</p>
<p>“You’re still going to take me back below, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Until, one way or another, this Historia situation resolves itself.”</p>
<p>Oruo. Anger throbbed behind her eyes, but she remained utterly still.</p>
<p>“I suppose I should thank you for letting the kids see me here, like nothing was wrong.” She smirked. “But you need to keep them quiet, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Kuchel had to have understood. Please let her daughter have understood. But Kuchel worshipped Erwin so much, Petra feared it wouldn’t be enough.</p>
<p>“I could very well turn Oruo back to human form with the power of the Founder.”</p>
<p>“I won’t let you take the opportunity to find out,” she growled, clutching her skirt as he approached. Petra kept the king in her peripheral vision. She remembered being nineteen and in awe of this man. Any person who held Captain Levi’s respect and admiration had to be close to a god. And she recalled seeing the two men side by side on top of a crumbling castle wall, gazing out at the sunset. The amusing height difference between them, but also the unspoken sense of closeness. Sometimes Petra would look at the two of them and almost feel jealousy.</p>
<p>She had never felt a moment’s jealousy with Levi and any other woman. But Erwin Smith had threatened her somehow. In her naïve, schoolgirl way, she hadn’t understood then.</p>
<p>But she knew better now. She had given Levi his children. He had chosen their family. And yet she knew that, when he came for her, the blow he struck to kill Erwin would kill some part inside of him.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking now?” he murmured. He was very close.</p>
<p>“That Levi’s going to kill you.”</p>
<p>“There’s more.” It wasn’t a question. Fuck, how was he this perceptive?</p>
<p>Petra looked levelly into Erwin’s face when he crouched before her. She made herself a statue. Untouchable.</p>
<p>“I’ve never understood what was between you,” she whispered. Her mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “I mean, I think I understand <em>you</em> better now. After what Brigitta told me.”</p>
<p>He did not look away or frown. He seemed, in some sense, relieved.</p>
<p>“And what do you think about that?”</p>
<p>“I think if you’d been honest about wanting to fuck him, we wouldn’t be here right now.”</p>
<p>Erwin shook his head.</p>
<p>“I told you before that it isn’t about that. Didn’t I? Yet a pedestrian mind can only ever reduce these ineluctable things to the simple exchange of bodies. Fluids. Is that what you think has driven me all these years? Hmm? Wanting him in my bed?”</p>
<p>“You can’t tell me that’s not part of it.” She pulled away.</p>
<p>“And if that were the case, can you be so certain it’s entirely one-sided?”</p>
<p>“Levi isn’t…”</p>
<p>“He likes <em>you</em>, Petra. Does he hunger for women in general? Is he a man who casts lustful gazes across crowded rooms? Do you ever fear that he will stray from your side into the arms of another woman?”</p>
<p>No. The answer was a simple no.</p>
<p>“Levi loves you, not women. He has always been a man of particular tastes. He’s picky. He loves you because you are what he loves. As am I.”</p>
<p>“But…not like that.”</p>
<p>“Why not? Can you assure me the thought’s never crossed his mind?” Erwin cocked an eyebrow. “Growing up in the underground with a man like Kenny Ackerman, Levi likely had neither the time nor inclination to examine himself in such a way. Perhaps he doesn’t even know his own truest nature.”</p>
<p>“You’re trying to manipulate me.” She set her jaw. “This is what you do. You’re trying to throw me off balance.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need to try.” He stood slowly, looming over her. Petra stayed perfectly still, refusing to yield an inch. “Because you’ve already entertained these thoughts.”</p>
<p>She’d been nineteen, watching the two of them on top of that wall. There had been closeness there, even without movement or touch. She had felt so isolated. Cut out from their world.</p>
<p>She still felt that alienation to this day.</p>
<p>“You don’t understand.” She sniffed. “I wouldn’t give a shit if Levi liked both women and men. If he liked neither. No matter what he wanted, he chose me. He wants to sleep with me, not with you.”</p>
<p>“And I don’t care if he ever sleeps with me or not. Perhaps in a way it’s something I want from him, but it’s not what I need from him. Nor is it what he truly needs from me.” Erwin narrowed his eyes. “Which begs the question, why are you still jealous?”</p>
<p>“I’m…” But she couldn’t give voice to the lie. Over and over she had worshipped Erwin, trusted Erwin, feared Erwin, and envied Erwin. She had never loved Erwin, but there had been a few brief, horrible moments when she’d wanted him. And even on the night when they were in bed together, she’d pictured Levi on top of her, or alongside them. She’d imagined Levi enmeshed in their passion, living in the space between their bodies.</p>
<p>She’d fucked Erwin to summon Levi…because she knew Levi would come wherever Erwin called. In a way he would not come even for Petra.</p>
<p>God, her head hurt. She wanted to go to sleep.</p>
<p>“Because,” she said. The words stuck in her throat, but it was like ridding her body of poison. She had to get the words out; she had to free herself. “Because I know that your death would haunt him more than mine. Even now, after two children and years together, I can’t get rid of you.”</p>
<p>Erwin sighed gently.</p>
<p>“At last,” he whispered. “You know exactly how I feel.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The original plan hadn’t worked, so the plane dropped Levi several miles away from Mitras’s borders. He landed in an orchard and quickly removed his parachute. The late afternoon was slanting towards evening, and Levi watched the skies. At some point the airships would arrive. If Mikasa did her job properly.</p>
<p>Right now, Levi needed to make it to the capital and find Erwin. He was going to do what he did best: focus on a single task.</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi. Thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>He pictured Erwin sitting on that box in Shiganshina, smiling at him with tears in his eyes. Even as Levi’s heart had been breaking to say goodbye, he had been filled with pride. Joy, even. He had given this person he loved so deeply a gift.</p>
<p>And then he’d taken it away for his own selfish purposes.</p>
<p><em>Erwin. It’s your fault, and it’s mine.</em> He made his way through the orchard as the sun was going down. He kept Petra and the kids at the back of his mind, tucked away like a treasure. But Erwin Smith dominated his thoughts as Levi moved forward.<em> I made you a promise that day. Give up on your dreams and die, and I’ll kill the Beast Titan.</em></p>
<p><em>I fulfilled only half of that vow. I’m sorry.</em> He clenched the hilt of his blade. <em>Just a little longer.</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You may as well talk. This can’t be an easy thing to bear,” Erwin said as he stood before Connie. The young man had those iron rods thrust into the stumps of his legs. Blood kept flowing, as he was unable to fully heal. Connie’s whole face and naked chest were soaked in sweat.</p>
<p>“What makes you think…I know where she is?” Connie gritted his teeth.</p>
<p>“Either way, it doesn’t matter.” Erwin remained pleasant and calm. “I’ve had an idea. If Historia isn’t with us by the evening, I’ll eat you, titanize Oruo Ackerman, access the Founder, and if it’s impossible to revert the boy back to his original form I’ll feed your mother to him.”</p>
<p>Connie’s eyes widened. Erwin saw the whites entire.</p>
<p>“No. Don’t,” he croaked.</p>
<p>“Well, I have no desire to kill the boy. Especially not if I’ll need access to royal blood again. And your mother, kind woman though she is, simply is not of much use to the military. This is a war.”</p>
<p>Connie turned his face away. He winced; the pain had to be killing him. Erwin knew that a shifter felt the pain, all of it. And never the mercy of death at the end.</p>
<p>“Why haven’t you eaten me yet?” Connie hissed.</p>
<p>“Because I might still have use for you in this form.”</p>
<p>Connie screwed up his face and glared at the king. Connie had always been simple, but there was a rudimentary wisdom in that simplicity. It was low, animal cunning, the way Sasha had. They could sense what more sophisticated minds could not.</p>
<p>Erwin saw some shards of wisdom in those eyes.</p>
<p>“You don’t want to do it,” Connie muttered.</p>
<p>“Do what?” Erwin was terse.</p>
<p>“Kill me. Hurt the kid. Rule the world. I don’t know you the way the captain or lieutenant do, or Eren did.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t you Eren?” Erwin wondered if he could see the young man’s iron will in Connie now.</p>
<p>“I haven’t seen too many memories of you. But I know they’re there. Point is you don’t really want this.” The man’s face slackened a bit, and in that instant Erwin believed he really could see Eren Jaeger. That Eren Jaeger spoke the next words: “But you don’t know how to let go of your obsession. You’ve never been able to let go. That’s why you need Captain Levi to make the choice.”</p>
<p>Erwin hurtled back across the years to that crate in Shiganshina with Levi kneeling at his feet. Ironic, the rightful king bending the knee. Yet Levi was not and never would be a king, nor landed gentry. No, he was a knight. A hero of old, terrible and beautiful in his single-mindedness. His refusal to bend his principles.</p>
<p>Yes. Erwin needed Levi to make the choice…</p>
<p>“Enough.” Erwin sneered. “An hour before sundown. You live until then. Prepare yourself.”</p>
<p>“See you, king.” That rueful, sulky glance was Connie now. Eren Jaeger had vanished as soon as he’d appeared.</p>
<p>Erwin was in a foul mood as he strode back to the palace. He was supposed to spend time with the children, but he didn’t want to bring dourness to their play. To collect himself, he called for his car and set out for the Tower.</p>
<p>Behind these impenetrable walls, his scientists were readying the hyperfusion assault. Erwin entered the large chamber, watched the Hizuran engineers and scientists as they calibrated the controls, Paradisian Guards standing watcg all around them.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think to see you again.” Kanada Azumabito had his coat off and his sleeves rolled. Nearing fifty now, wasn’t he? They had met when the man was young. Time wore everything down. “Come to gloat over your triumph?”</p>
<p>Erwin could not kill Kanada for two reasons: as an Azumabito he commanded the engineers’ loyalty, and he spoke fluent Hizuran. He was a much-needed translator for the hyperfusion team. But no one was so useful as to be invincible.</p>
<p>“Run me through the program again.” Erwin ignored the jab. For now.</p>
<p>“Takeoff is set for Valle, Lundun, and Medre at 23:00 hours. Impact should be within five minutes of launch.”</p>
<p>“And the ships are in position?” he asked.</p>
<p>Kanada sighed. “Yes. If required, all of them.”</p>
<p>“Excellent.”</p>
<p>The tragedy and comedy of it all was that Levi probably believed the hyperfusion arsenal was here, on Paradis. In reality, Erwin’s battlecruisers had sailed off to different points around the globe over a week ago. To the untrained eye, they appeared to be normal ships of war. But they carried enough hyperfusion to decimate the planet in mere moments.</p>
<p>Paradis was the only safe place to be any longer. Provided Marley et al did not fire first.</p>
<p>Erwin didn't think Willy Tybur was ready to take that chance. Besides, even if he did, Paradis’s destruction would signal the ships. They would deploy their cargo.</p>
<p>Not all of it. No, not even at Paradis’s destruction. Erwin did not want a barren world of ashes as his legacy. But enough to make them feel the impact of what they’d done.</p>
<p>Willy likely knew that Erwin would not be so easy to defeat. He would not make a move like that.</p>
<p>So long as they remained in control of this chamber, they controlled the fate of the world.</p>
<p>
  <em>Three cities, and tomorrow they will sue for peace. It will be over.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin also held hope that it would not even come to the bombs.</p>
<p>Once he had the Founder, he could try to make the world bend without further violence. What if he could summon titans from every corner of the globe, control them perfectly so that they did not rampage…but only if the enemy sued for peace at once.</p>
<p>Erwin would not let his titans harm anyone if Willy and the others surrendered. Erwin would have the power of a god, then come here and tell them to shut off the countdown. No one else needed to die.</p>
<p>The hyperfusion was the last ditch effort. Erwin really shouldn’t be wasting his time with Connie; he should just eat the young man. Unless Connie had been right that…</p>
<p>Connie was wrong.</p>
<p>“It may not come to all this, Kanada,” Erwin said. “Hope and believe in a miracle, and it may yet come to pass.”</p>
<p>“I have seen much that defies all natural law,” Kanada replied. “But I do not believe anything miraculous can come from this island, or from you.”</p>
<p>“The unbeliever is always thus,” Erwin whispered. He laid a hand on Kanada’s shoulder; the man flinched in evident disgust. “You are blind now. But soon you shall see.”</p>
<p>Erwin left with everything in preparation and returned to the palace. When he found the children, they were outside on the south lawn. Kuchel was helping Siegfried turn cartwheels. Erwin smiled, the first touch of warmth he had felt all day. The children loved each other so much.</p>
<p>Kuchel’s Ackerman instincts might very well cause her to cling to Siegfried. To defend him with her life, as her father had done for Erwin. That would be wonderful.</p>
<p>“How are these wild animals getting on?” Erwin asked, laughing as Siegfried took a tumble at the sound of his father’s voice.</p>
<p>“Papa!” He flung himself into Erwin’s arms. Erwin hugged his son close, and noticed Brigitta seated nearby. She had a book open but was reading the interaction between father and son. Erwin turned away from her.</p>
<p>“Um. I’m gonna show Oruo how to do a somersault,” Kuchel said, then hurried away. Erwin sighed as he watched the child flee across the lawn. She was still unsettled by all this, and that was only natural. Tonight would be hard on her, but tomorrow she would see that everything Erwin did was in some part done for her. Her world would be truly at peace. She’d be a princess, given a kingdom to rule when she was grown up. Siegfried could not run the entire world, after all.</p>
<p>“Papa, can I talk to you?”</p>
<p>“Certainly.” Erwin walked towards a nearby fountain, a hand on Siegfried’s back. “What is it?”</p>
<p>“Is Mama still in trouble?” The boy looked at Erwin with Petra’s soft amber eyes, and Erwin found real uncertainty in them.</p>
<p>“Of course not.” He hugged the boy to his side. “She just needs to think a few things through.”</p>
<p>“Will Uncle Levi really come here to live with us?” Truly, the child was too perceptive. In that way, he reminded Erwin of himself at that age.</p>
<p>“I’d like that.”</p>
<p>“But it may not happen?”</p>
<p>“Not if Uncle Levi refuses to accept that I am king.” Erwin ruffled Siegfried’s hair. “But don’t worry. Sooner or later, he will.”</p>
<p>“Is something bad going to happen tonight?”</p>
<p>Siegfried stopped walking. Now his words were not curious. They were accusatory. It took Erwin aback.</p>
<p>“Who told you that would happen?”</p>
<p>“Um.” Siegfried scuffed his shoe in the dirt. “I don’t remember.”</p>
<p>“Siegfried Smith…” The boy flinched at his father’s tone. Erwin would never scream at or hit the child, but he knew he had to maintain respect in the boy’s eyes. “Did Mama tell you that?”</p>
<p>“No!” Siegfried was shocked at that. Erwin believed him. “Uh…will you be mad?”</p>
<p>“No.” Perhaps.</p>
<p>“Auntie Brigitta said that you were going to do a lot of things tonight. Uh. That some of it would be real dangerous. That’s all. Papa, are you gonna hurt people?”</p>
<p>After seeing the child with his mother, Erwin had realized something. Siegfried looked weightless and joyous in Petra’s arms. His smile became brilliant, his laughter effortless. Erwin had never once seen Siegfried like that with him. Sometimes it was close, but never the same. The realization struck that Erwin’s son…feared him. Even the way he looked at Erwin now was edged in wariness.</p>
<p>“I…” God, it hurt. Somehow it was a deep wound, deeper than if Siegfried had hated him. Why did his son fear him? Erwin had done everything he could for this little boy. Had it not been enough? Why not?</p>
<p>
  <em>Even my son. I lost even him.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin bottled his emotions, afraid he would lash out and confirm all Siegfried’s worst expectations. He shut himself off from his son.</p>
<p>“I’m going to protect our home and family and friends. That’s all. All right?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Oh, Erwin and “Auntie Brigitta” would have words soon. Erwin clenched his jaw.</p>
<p>More than ever, he wished Marie were here at his side. She would have a sophisticate’s understanding of the situation. She could have helped him.</p>
<p>
  <em>But I killed her. I kill everyone I love, sooner or later.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin realized then that it was better for Siegfried to be with his mother. Petra nurtured life; Erwin broke it.</p>
<p>He knelt before his son and hugged the child close. A lump formed in Erwin’s throat.</p>
<p>“I love you, Siegfried. Always know that.”</p>
<p>Siegfried mumbled something.</p>
<p>“What?” Erwin said. His son wore a strange expression: a frown.</p>
<p>“I said I want to be called Armin. I keep asking you and Auntie.”</p>
<p>“Your name is Siegfried.” Erwin was not going to deal with this horseshit. But his son pulled away. Never before had Siegfried appeared angry. It was shocking.</p>
<p>“That’s what Mama named me.”</p>
<p>“Your mother didn’t have the right.”</p>
<p>“Yes she did.” Armin’s chin quivered. “Kuchel says I lived with her and Mama and Uncle Levi up on a farm when I was born. Then you took me away!”</p>
<p>Fuck. He’d known this would come up sooner or later.</p>
<p>“Because they wanted to keep you away from me.”</p>
<p>“Uh uh.” His son’s cheeks reddened with fury. “Kuchel told me you said they wanted to split time. They wanted to share me. Why didn’t you let them?” Unhappy tears welled in the boy’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Because…” But there was nothing he could say.</p>
<p>“I didn’t get to see my Mama for so long, and I could have! You wouldn’t let me! Why not?” Siegfried was shouting now. Erwin stood, looming over the boy, but Siegfried did not crumble. Perhaps there was some strength there after all.</p>
<p>“You do not speak to your father that way. If you do, you’ll be separated from Kuchel and Oruo and you won’t see your mother tonight.” Siegfried paled at that suggestion. All his anger went away. He was on the verge of tears. “Now. Apologize, and it will all be forgiven.”</p>
<p>Siegfried screwed up his mouth, and Erwin wondered for a minute if he would fight. But the child wasn’t like his younger brother.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Papa.” He stared at the ground.</p>
<p>“It’s all right.” Erwin ruffled his hair. “Why don’t you go play with Kuchel?”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Siegfried hugged Erwin, but it was out of duty. He was a boy who didn’t want to upset the world’s order. But that didn’t mean he liked it.</p>
<p>Erwin watched his son walk away. His heart hurt.</p>
<p><em>Levi is a better father than I am. He’ll be a better father to Arm…</em>” His eyes widened. “<em>To </em>Siegfried<em> than I could ever be.</em>”</p>
<p>But Erwin was self aware enough to recognize what had just happened.</p>
<p>Even after all these years, he knew who his son truly was. And who he was not.</p>
<p>And that was the worst part of all.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Willy entered his Valle office feeling exhausted. So he was surprised when he found Giulia seated upon his couch, looking entirely sober and properly dressed.</p>
<p>“Oh. What are you doing here?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I sent the children to the interior, along with your mother.” She regarded him coolly. “I don’t think any large city is safe right now.”</p>
<p>“Wise.” He loosened his tie and removed his coat. Willy went to the drink cart he kept, the one he used with increasing frequency. “Can I make you something?”</p>
<p>“I’m tryin’ to cut back.” She had one leg crossed over the other, and bounced her foot idly. Her high-heeled shoe dangled from her toes. Willy sat behind his desk with a whiskey.</p>
<p>“I’m glad.”</p>
<p>“It’s not for you. This isn’t the best time to be sloshed, is it? With all the air raid sirens, the tanks, the battle cruisers.” Giulia looked at him with real curiosity. “Tell me. How bad is it?”</p>
<p>He slumped in his seat. Right now, he was debating whether to fire on Paradis. What stopped him was the certainty that Erwin Smith had a terrible plan to counterattack. That, and the fear of losing Levi and Petra. They unified the Eldians in a way Willy could not. Their family and love was real. People responded to that.</p>
<p>He looked again at Giulia. Once again, Willy remembered the night he saw her. She’d been all of twenty-two, dressed in a gown of white silk with a flower in her hair. She’d hung on the arm of some swarthy nothing of a young man.</p>
<p>Willy had been spellbound by her.</p>
<p>He had danced with the young bride-to-be. Willy entirely forgot her sister, Serena, his intended. The girl, Giulia, had been so lively. So clever. So quick. Charming, funny, beautiful, everything he had ever wanted. His father had told Willy he would marry Serena in order to gain an alliance with her family, and Willy had accepted.</p>
<p>But now here was a woman he craved. A woman who would maintain the alliance his father sought.</p>
<p>Willy had walked home that night as if drunk and in a dream. His blood seemed to fizz in his veins. She was all he could think of. It was impossible to love this deeply and have it not be fate. Willy was, in every way that mattered, a prince. He was handsome, rich, deeply clever, and he flattered himself he was a good lover. Giulia could have a faerie tale, or she could marry a man who worked in a shoe shop. Willy was not just giving himself what he wanted. He was saving that girl from a lifetime of unhappiness.</p>
<p>He told his father of his decision. The girl’s family had been hesitant to break her engagement, and apparently Serena had been devastated at such a clear rejection. Willy had formally apologized to her. It wasn’t as if she’d loved him, though. Nor did Giulia, but he would make her love him.</p>
<p>With status, wealth, looks, charm, and sensual experience, he had every tool required to make her love him as he loved her.</p>
<p>The only moment he hesitated was when he received her letter begging him not to make her do this. Willy had sat up most of the night considering. No man ever wants to force a woman, but he also knew that she was too young to understand. He’d been twenty-seven at the time, convinced of his own age and experience.</p>
<p>He would make her unhappy now and give her ecstasy later.</p>
<p>He remembered their wedding night. Giulia in those days had been witty and vivacious but also dutiful. She trembled but didn’t deny him when he took off her clothes. She didn’t look too frightened when he removed his own robe. She and that boy Michel hadn’t taken the final step together, which made Willy perhaps uncomfortably happy.</p>
<p>He’d taken his time, made her climax over and over until he finally entered her. They discovered that night that they were very sexually compatible. In fact for several years, until their fourth child was born and Giulia made plain she wouldn’t give him any more ‘Eldian beasts’, their lovemaking was sensational. Willy had been assured he’d made the right choice. When people had good sex, love was certain to follow.</p>
<p>Even when she hated him—especially when she hated him—they fucked like wild animals.</p>
<p>Over the two weeks of their honeymoon, he’d lavished presents on her. Every morning at breakfast he presented her with a new piece of jewelry. She had as many gowns as she wanted. He bought horses and carriages, shining automobiles, anything and everything she set her eyes upon and liked. He wanted to win her heart, and believed that this was the way. This, affection, and good sex would make her love him in return. And for a while, he thought it was working. For the first two years of their marriage, Giulia was always a bit unsure around him, but willing to please.</p>
<p>Then they returned to her hometown, and she went out to see that Michel fellow. When she came home, she wailed in absolute dismay and wouldn’t look at Willy for two full days.</p>
<p>That was when he learned she’d been biding her time, waiting to find her true love again and run away with him. And Giulia had learned that her Michel hadn’t been as true in his heart as she’d been.</p>
<p>She had never once even thought of loving Willy.</p>
<p>In fact, he learned then just how much she hated him.</p>
<p>That was the first time they had sex when they both were furious. They discovered it was pleasant, but she kicked him out of the room as soon as they were done.</p>
<p>After that, Willy learned to tolerate being in a marriage with a woman who openly despised him. Sex was the only intimacy they shared. And during her third pregnancy, she started taking lovers. As many as she could get. Giulia taught him to fear and loathe the sight of her.</p>
<p>She said it made them even.</p>
<p>Willy had hated her then, because how could she take and take from him and feel nothing? She was simply an idiot. A bitch. Cruel.</p>
<p>And then one night, after a ball when he’d been putting her to bed in her room, she’d wept and called for Michel.</p>
<p>She’d thrown herself facedown onto the bed and sobbed, begging for Michel to come to her.</p>
<p>And Willy had understood that Giulia did indeed know how to love. She just couldn’t love him. She could never love him.</p>
<p>He’d thought that when you burned with love, as he had long ago, the other would reciprocate eventually. He’d been a fool.</p>
<p>And from then on, they’d each been a stone around the other’s neck, making each other miserable with the knowledge that their lives were such an utter waste.</p>
<p>“Willy?”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” He blinked. Giulia looked at him, concerned.</p>
<p>“I said how bad is it?”</p>
<p>He set his glass on the desk and shut his eyes.</p>
<p>“Maybe you should join the kids in the interior,” he said.</p>
<p>She didn’t respond right away. He heard her get up, and then heard her at the drink cart. He opened his eyes and saw her fill a glass with seltzer water. She sipped daintily.</p>
<p>“I think I’m tired of running away.” It sounded like she meant it.</p>
<p>“Well. I have a meeting with my generals in a few hours, but I’ll be here until then.” He looked at the ground, almost shy. Like this was their first encounter, not their millionth. “I was going to order out for lunch. Just the sandwich place around the corner. Would you like to join me?”</p>
<p>Giulia sat back down and drank her seltzer.</p>
<p>“All right,” she said.</p>
<p>And that was all they said for a while.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Jean rattled down the road to Mitras, his knees pressed against Mikasa’s. She sat opposite him, either lost in thought or speaking with Sasha. There was contentment on Mikasa’s face when she was here, he realized. She needed to be home with them all.</p>
<p>With him.</p>
<p>Until last night, he hadn’t known that you could experience ecstasy. He’d convinced himself that sleeping with Mikasa would be like sleeping with any other woman. But he’d been delightfully wrong.</p>
<p>Tasting her and touching her had felt like taking a drug. A good drug, one that gave a high but no crash. He’d liked holding her afterwards almost as much. When he’d curled around her to go to sleep, he’d drowsed for a while enjoying the warmth of her body in his arms. He knew he should rest, but this might be the only time he ever got to hold Mikasa Ackerman. He needed to make it last.</p>
<p>He was deeply in love with her. He had been for years. She was the one for him.</p>
<p>And he wasn’t the one for her.</p>
<p>Even now, her love was still with Eren. She’d never kissed the boy or touched him, but the memory of him still held her captive.</p>
<p>If they survived this and if she chose to be with Jean, he would hold her the rest of his life while knowing that she would always love someone else more. Even if she came to love Jean, it would never be like Eren.</p>
<p>Could he stand that? Was that living a lie? Or if they both knew it and both accepted it, could it work? After all, Eren wasn’t coming back. And if Jean devoted himself to her body and soul, if he gave her children, she might eventually realize Eren had been a childish infatuation. Maybe she’d come to realize that Jean had her real, deep love.</p>
<p>And maybe that would never happen.</p>
<p>But he needed her. Una was gone now, as was any other woman. Jean was an honest guy, in his own way, and he knew what he’d felt.</p>
<p>His entire world had shaken as he made love to her.</p>
<p>It was only and would only ever be Mikasa. If she wanted just his friendship, he’d live and die without taking a wife. Marrying anyone else would be torturous pretending. Sleeping with anyone else would just be a pleasant diversion.</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, if I get my brains blown out tonight it won’t matter either way.</em>
</p>
<p>“Jean?” Mikasa stared at him. Maybe she’d said his name a few times.</p>
<p>“Mmm?”</p>
<p>“We’re approaching Mitras. You’d better get up front.”</p>
<p>Ah, yeah. Jean was the head of this particular regiment. The plan was simple. Pull up to the Tower, request entry. Say the regiment had come to help defend Mitras against assault. They’d be let in, deploy, and then take over the place.</p>
<p>So easy, maybe no one would die. He’d like that.</p>
<p>Jean stared at Mikasa. He stared at that scar across her cheek. Eren had scarred her long ago, and still she’d loved him. Jean would only ever give her kindness. He had to hope that’d be enough.</p>
<p>“What?” Mikasa asked.</p>
<p>“Er. Nothing.”</p>
<p><em>I love you.</em> He’d said the words last night, several times. And when she’d been on top of him, riding his brains out, he’d said them and in reply she’d whispered <em>oh god, Jean, oh I love you. Oh.</em></p>
<p>She hadn’t said them since. He’d die to hear those words again.</p>
<p>Well. He shouldn’t be thinking about this just before it was time to go.</p>
<p>“Remember. The Tower’s hard to breach. Once we’re in control, we sit tight and wait for backup. The point is to keep those bombs from going off. It’s defense, not offense. Everyone clear?”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>“Good. Get ready.”</p>
<p>He climbed over into the front, taking the passenger’s seat. Twyla, the driver, nodded at him. He sat back as they came to the first checkpoint into Mitras. Getting through was easy.</p>
<p>He was Jean Kirschtein, for fuck sake. Number two in the running to be regent if Erwin died, until Siegfried grew up. Everyone trusted him. He’d never once gone against the king.</p>
<p>His stomach clenched as they rumbled down the streets of Mitras. There was a curfew in place, so only military vehicles were out and about.</p>
<p>
  <em>Marco. What would you think of all this?</em>
</p>
<p>Marco had believed in serving the king. In knights and heroes and all that shit. Jean wasn’t any of those things. He was practical. Afraid.</p>
<p>Human.</p>
<p>Mikasa, like Levi, was superhuman. Jean would always only be a mortal before a goddess.</p>
<p>But he didn’t mind. He flashed on the picture he’d carried in his mind for years now. Him, growing older, relaxing on the balcony of a swank apartment while Mikasa played with their children inside. He’d spoil her, see to it she never had to work if she didn’t want to. He’d give her all the ease and comfort that had long been denied her.</p>
<p>If they won, Levi would be king and he would give Jean a substantial reward. Money. Houses.</p>
<p>Mikasa. That is, if she wanted it. Levi wouldn’t deny his cousin a marriage.</p>
<p>That thought only made Jean focus more. Levi had to be king, both for the world’s sake and for Jean’s. If Erwin won, Mikasa would be killed. If Levi won, she’d live. There was only one option.</p>
<p>Jean made the decision not for the world, but for himself. He was not like Eren or Mikasa. He didn’t need to be.</p>
<p>He just needed to live.</p>
<p>“Get ready,” Twyla said. They pulled up to the iron gates of the Tower. A soldier approached them. Jean rolled down his window.</p>
<p>“Hey. We weren’t expecting you.” The man seemed wary, which was right. Though he did relax at the sight of Jean. This man trusted him.</p>
<p>Jean would kill him if he had to.</p>
<p>“Last minute change. My regiment and I are back up. Extra protection, just in case.”</p>
<p>The soldier nodded. “If Levi shows. Yeah.” He said Levi’s name like the man was a ghost. A demon. Eh, maybe that was right. “All right.” He made some hand signals, and then the gates began to open. “Pull around to the back. They’ll tell you where to go.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Jean said. The vehicle began to move forward…</p>
<p>“Whoa, hold on.” Another soldier got in front of them, arms extended to either side. He frowned. “Sorry, sir. But we can’t allow anyone through without a full inspection of the vehicles. Gotta make sure there’s no funny business.” He shrugged apologetically. “You understand.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Jean said. He really did. As the first soldier went around to the back, Jean shut his eyes.</p>
<p>“What do we do?” Twyla murmured. Jean knew exactly.</p>
<p>“Now or never, Mikasa,” he said.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi stole a hooded cloak from a farmhouse’s clothesline. He kept the hood up as he hit Mitras’s borders. He remained in the shadows, noting that the streets were damn near empty and only patrolled by soldiers. Hmm. He’d have to figure out the best way to go about this.</p>
<p>The sky was at peak twilight, a dusky shade of blue and purple. Dammit, Mikasa should’ve been here by now. What if she wasn’t? Did he go straight for the palace and Erwin, or did he try to find the launch site? Either way, a bunch of assholes were gonna die.</p>
<p>He couldn’t be among them.</p>
<p>“Tch.” He sneered at the thought of Petra and the kids seated at Erwin’s table right now. Forced to do what he wanted.</p>
<p>He thought of Erwin forcing himself on Petra, and had to refrain from going berserk right there.</p>
<p>
  <em>Find them first. Nothing else matters. Not the world. Not Marley. I need them. </em>
</p>
<p>He had allowed himself to need his family, and he could not undo that. He would let the world burn for them. He could never, ever give them up.</p>
<p>As Levi tried to assess the situation, sirens began to blare.</p>
<p>He hugged the corner of a building as multiple sirens screeched. He heard shouting, the tramp of many feet running here and there. Levi wondered if he’d been spotted. Shit.</p>
<p>But then, high above, he heard the drone of an engine.</p>
<p>Marleyan airships sailed overhead. And they would only be making a direct attack for one reason.</p>
<p>Mikasa. The brat had taken the missiles. Levi grinned.</p>
<p>Fuck, this all might actually work. Instantly, his job became easier. As chaos erupted in the streets, he effortlessly made his way towards the palace. He was stealthy, and quick.</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra. Baby. I’m almost there.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you talking about?” Erwin snarled. Floch looked uncomfortable, one of the few times he wasn’t smug.</p>
<p>“Majesty. Jean Kirschtein took the Tower. He’s barricaded himelf and his regiment inside with the Azumabito engineers. They have control of the launch chamber. And…” Floch looked like he was perspiring. “Mikasa Ackerman is there. They say she has Azumabito warriors. Maybe hundreds of them.”</p>
<p>Erwin continued to sit and think. He heard the droning of airships overhead. He knew that soldiers were currently parachuting into Mitras, and all over the island. And he could not launch his hyperfusion weapons. There was no way to do it outside of that control room.</p>
<p>Fuck. They’d probably destroy the system. He would kill Kirschtein, and Mikasa.</p>
<p>“Majesty?” Floch asked. Erwin shut his eyes. Calculations and possibilities flashed behind his eyelids.</p>
<p>“Floch. Take one hundred of the Guard and storm the Tower. Use your titan form. Whatever you have to do to regain control of the missile launch, do it. Do you understand?” He gritted his teeth. “Anything is permissible.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” Floch sounded gleeful. He saluted, then went to carry out the order. Erwin sat back and ran his hands along his face. No use. He needed the Founder now. They could not wait any longer. He signaled for a servant. “Prepare Springer for transport. Bring me a syringe kit.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir. Should we…prepare the Ackerman boy?”</p>
<p>“No.” Kuchel would only let Erwin near her brothers. He had to move quickly. “I’ll deal with that. Just do as I say.”</p>
<p>The servant left, and Erwin strode to the window. The palace grounds were still peaceful, but the sound of gunfire rattled even this exceptional calm. The sooner Erwin had the Founder, the sooner he’d turn every single one of the traitors into titans, let them loose on the Azumabito. Yes.</p>
<p>He just needed Connie. And Oruo.</p>
<p>The syringe kit arrived. Erwin took the needle and vial of spinal fluid. He prepped the shot; he didn’t want to wrestle the boy while he tried to prepare. He’d inject Oruo as soon as they arrived at the pits, then take Connie out a mile or two, transform into only half of his colossal body, and eat the young man. Then it was a quick trip back.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sorry, Oruo. Petra. Levi.</em>
</p>
<p>Erwin’s hands trembled as he finished preparations. He placed the tip of the needle in a bit of rubber, and laid it back in the case. As he closed the lid, he heard commotion in the hall outside. Brigitta charged in. Her eyes were wild.</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare.” She coughed. “You bastard!”</p>
<p>“Go away, Brigitta.” He signaled for someone to take her, but she slipped away from them and ran straight for Erwin. He caught her easily and held her off.</p>
<p>“You’re not going to do it to him! I won’t let you! I won’t!” she screamed. She kicked at Erwin, who had finally had enough. He slammed her down onto the table, the case rattling beside her head.</p>
<p>“Would you like a trip to the pits as well?” he hissed. Erwin felt the world melting all around him. A cough bubbled in his throat. He choked it back. “Stay out of my way. Be ready to look after Siegfried and Kuchel.”</p>
<p>“You can’t! He’s just a baby!” she shrieked. Brigitta tried to bite him.</p>
<p>He did not blame her for any of this. She was in the right. But he was out of time.</p>
<p>Erwin lifted her and nearly threw her into a waiting soldier. “If she keeps fighting, take her below to be with her sister.” He pocketed the case. “There’s only one way this ends well for you, Brigitta. Be wise.”</p>
<p>She glared at him but did not fight. Erwin headed for the children’s room. He had to stop in the hallway and double over as the coughing returned violently. He felt blood on his lips. It felt like his chest was on fire as he slumped against the wall. God, maybe this was it. The very end. Maybe he didn’t have to do this heinous thing after all. He could merely slip away into death…</p>
<p>No. Siegfried needed this to be done. So did the world. This was Erwin’s disaster, and he had to fix it.</p>
<p>He wiped his lips and hurried. He just needed Oruo Ackerman. And then the world was his.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra shouted and banged at the bars of her cell. She shook them until her teeth rattled. But no one came to check on her.</p>
<p>What was happening? She couldn’t hear anything this far away underground, but she knew that the guard around her had all but abandoned their watch.</p>
<p>That meant something was happening.</p>
<p><em>Levi? Are you and Mikasa here?</em> Fear seized her heart. <em>Or is Oruo…?</em></p>
<p>Petra screamed and kicked. But no one came.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Kuchel sat against the wall, Armin bunched against her. Even Oruo let her hug him, though he did his best not to snuggle. Outside, guns and sirens were going off. Kuchel was scared, but also calm. She felt like she would know exactly what to do when the time came. “Papa will be here soon.”</p>
<p>The door opened. Uncle Erwin came inside with a couple of soldiers behind him. They waited at the door while Uncle Erwin smiled at the kids.</p>
<p>“Kuchel. I’d like you and Armin to wait right here and stay out of sight.” He turned at Oruo and extended his hand. “Oruo, why don’t you come with me?”</p>
<p>“No,” Oruo growled. Uncle Erwin calmly reached anyway.</p>
<p>Kuchel shoved Oruo behind her and looked up at her uncle.</p>
<p>“Where are you taking him?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I need Oruo to help me with something. It’s a very important job. When it’s over, Oruo, you’ll be a hero.”</p>
<p>“What does he have to do?” Kuchel frowned. Uncle Erwin looked kind of anxious. Slowly, he knelt before her.</p>
<p>“You know how your grandfather was King Uri? How his family has a specific power in their blood?”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.”</p>
<p>“Because you’re an awakened Ackerman, Kuchel, your blood can’t help me. But Oruo’s still can.”</p>
<p>Her brother growled; he hated being reminded that he wasn’t as strong as Kuchel.</p>
<p>“So…what’s his blood gonna do?” she asked. Armin bundled up next to her. He hugged her arm.</p>
<p>“It will help me unlock the power of the Founding Titan. When I do that, I can end this war. All that shooting going on outside? I can make it stop in one second. Like that.” He snapped his fingers. “Everyone will be safe.”</p>
<p>“But how can his blood help?” Kuchel would not let this go. She had to understand. <em>Protect Oruo.</em> Mama had said…</p>
<p>“You know how I’m a titan shifter?” he asked. She nodded. “In order to become a shifter, I had to be a pure titan first. So that’s all I need. Oruo will be a pure titan for a few minutes—”</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>.” She had seen pictures of pure titans. They were monsters that ate people. Oruo gripped the back of her shirt. “Mama and Papa used to kill titans.”</p>
<p>“He’ll only be that way for a few minutes. Then I’ll give him a shifter’s power and restore him to normal. Wouldn’t you like that, Oruo?” Erwin spoke to her brother now. “You could have enormous power. More than anyone else in the world. Wouldn’t that be good?”</p>
<p>“Uh…” Oruo sounded uncertain.</p>
<p>“But if he’s a shifter, he’ll only live like thirteen more years. Won’t he?” Kuchel sheltered her brothers behind her. She glared at her uncle. “You can’t!”</p>
<p>“Kuchel, when I have the Founder I will take away that stupid thirteen year rule. Oruo can live to be an old man, the same as I will. He’ll save the world and gain an enormous amount of power. It just requires a few minutes. That’s all. And then you’ll both be a prince and princess, just like Siegfried.”</p>
<p>“We already <em>are</em> princes,” Oruo muttered. “Armin’s not a real one.”</p>
<p>Armin nodded helpfully. He didn’t care about prince stuff. He just hugged Kuchel’s arm. Uncle Erwin looked kind of annoyed.</p>
<p>“Your father doesn’t want to be king. He was happiest when he fought in the army with your mother and me. He was happy to follow me. It can be like the old days again. Your father will be happy, and he won’t have to fight my troops or me. Your mother will have her whole family together. You’ll be rich, and powerful, and happy for the rest of your lives. I just need Oruo to be brave for a few minutes.” He gently stroked Kuchel’s hair. She let him. “All right, sweetheart? Just give me thirty minutes and everything will be fine.”</p>
<p>Kuchel sat and thought. Oruo pushed himself against the wall when Erwin reached for him.</p>
<p>“No! Stop it!” he snarled, trying to bite Uncle Erwin’s hand. Kuchel sat there, thoughts whirling. Her parents would be happy; her brothers would be happy; Oruo would be powerful, like he wanted. The world would be saved. Everyone would live.</p>
<p><em>Protect Oruo.</em> Mama’s whisper was in her ear.</p>
<p>Oruo struggled to get away from Uncle Erwin. Kuchel stood up. She only came up to the top of her uncle’s stomach. She gazed up at him. He looked very softly at her. She knew that he loved her a lot.</p>
<p>“Kuchel, don’t let him!” Oruo shouted. Her little brother was starting to cry, a rare sight. “I don’t wanna be a titan! I don’t wanna!”</p>
<p>“Kuchel.” Armin tried protecting Oruo as the soldiers started to approach. “Kuchel!”</p>
<p>But she didn’t move.</p>
<p>Protect Oruo. Save the world.</p>
<p>She had to…</p>
<p>“Okay,” she said. Everyone stopped moving. “Okay, Uncle Erwin.”</p>
<p>She smiled. Her uncle beamed and patted her cheek.</p>
<p>“That’s my brave girl.”</p>
<p>He’d hugged her and read to her when she was a baby. He’d sent her presents. He’d taken care of her when Papa was gone. She did love him.</p>
<p>She took his hand.</p>
<p>Kuchel wrenched the arm. She heard it break at the elbow. Before Uncle Erwin could even cry out, the kicked him in the kneecap and shattered it. He fell to the floor in almost slow motion while Kuchel spun through the air and delivered kicks to his ribs and face. His bones crunched, and his teeth flew out of his mouth. He went to his knees, and Kuchel grabbed him by the busted arm and then hurled him over her shoulder. Uncle Erwin screamed as he struck the floor so hard that she heard his back break.</p>
<p>Kuchel stood over him, tears on her cheeks.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck you</em>,” she snarled.</p>
<p>What happened next took maybe three or four seconds. Maybe less. But to her, it was all slow and easy.</p>
<p>The soldiers faced her. They took out their guns, but she did a spinning kick and got rid of both weapons. With a single punch, she sent one of the men across the room. She kicked the other in the groin; he fell to the floor and passed out.</p>
<p>“Come on. Hurry!” She called for her brothers.</p>
<p>Armin and Oruo rushed to her side.</p>
<p>“Ku…chel.” Uncle Erwin gave a bloody cough. She didn’t look at him as she led the boys out of the room.</p>
<p>In the hallway, another five or six soldiers waited. They all had their guns pointed at her.</p>
<p>Kuchel yelled for the boys to get back.</p>
<p>The big pink words told her just what to do. She somersaulted across the floor and broke ankles. She kicked guns out of hands and flipped overhead, caving in someone’s ribs and demolishing someone else’s nose. Kuchel did a backflip and planted her feet right in a man’s stomach. He fell to the floor and gasped for breath. She didn’t want to kill anyone, but she was fine with hurting them a lot. She rolled, punched, kicked, flipped, and in less than a minute all the grown ups were lying in a pile around her, moaning and crying.</p>
<p>Kuchel smiled at her brothers. Armin was astounded.</p>
<p>Oruo squeezed his eyes shut, bunched his fists, and made his face turn red. When his powers didn’t awaken, he jumped up and down in fury.</p>
<p>“Oh <em>come on!</em>” he snarled.</p>
<p>“Let’s go.” Kuchel grabbed both boys’ hands. “We need to find Mama, then we need to get out of here and look for Papa.”</p>
<p>“How do you know he’s even here?” Oruo snapped as she led them away.</p>
<p>“Trust me. I know it,” she replied.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi watched Marleyans parachuting into Mitras by the dozens. He used the chaos to hurry for the palace. He didn’t stop to try and grab a gun. All he needed were his blades.</p>
<p>Close. So close. He saw the palace in the distance, smoke rising up all around it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Hold on, kids. Petra.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Erwin felt his bones knit back together. Finally, he was able to sit up. Getting to his feet was a nightmare, but doable.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Brigitta arrived. She looked horrified as she beheld him. “What the fuck…?”</p>
<p>“Stay. In. Your room,” Erwin snapped. He pushed past her and into the hall, bellowing for whatever soldiers were about. He nearly tripped over about a half dozen of them, mostly unconscious. Kuchel. That girl was incredible. But of all the times to become an angry adolescent…</p>
<p>Erwin strode forward, his bones healing with every passing second. He had the syringe. He would get Oruo one way or another. And he would win.</p>
<p>He would save this world.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi barreled up the palace steps. A couple of enemies flew at him, but they both got his blade. He pushed into the melee of the grand hall. Guns were firing, people were bleeding. He dodged the carnage.</p>
<p>“Petra? Kuchel?” he shouted. Levi used his ODM to shoot down the hall and out of the line of fire. He came upon two soldiers. Instantly, he killed one and disabled the other. Holding the guy against the wall, Levi sneered. “Queen Petra. The kids. Where?”</p>
<p>“I…I…” The man squealed when Levi started to slice off his arm. “I don’t know about the queen, but the king is taking the children to the pits! That’s all I know!”</p>
<p>The titan pits…</p>
<p>
  <em>Oruo.</em>
</p>
<p>“If I’m too late,” he growled, “I will kill you and everyone else.”</p>
<p>The man sobbed as Levi rushed to get to the palace grounds. The pits were mere moments away. He could make it…he could make it…</p>
<p>
  <em>Oruo. Please, Kuchel, protect your brother.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra’s voice had broken. She tugged at the bars uselessly.</p>
<p>“Someone! Help!” she screamed. It came out as a hoarse shout. Her babies. Were they in the fighting? Were they dead? She needed them! She’d happily die if she knew they were safe.</p>
<p>Petra straightened up when the door to the cell block opened. She clutched the bars. Levi? Please, let it be him.</p>
<p>“Hello? Levi?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Petra.” Brigitta hurried over, a ring of keys in her hand. Petra cried out in joy. Her sister fumbled with the keys, then finally slid the correct one into the lock. With a click, Petra was released.</p>
<p>“Gitta.” She hugged her sister fiercely. “I love you. Oh god, the kids…”</p>
<p>“Erwin’s taking Oruo to the pits. He’s going to transform him.” Brigitta’s eyes were bloodshot. She looked half out of her mind. She grimaced; tears fled down her cheeks. “We have to go. We have to stop him. We have to…”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Petra gripped her sister’s hand tightly. “Let’s go. Right now.”</p>
<p>They hurried past a soldier with a bullet wound in his head. As they did, Brigitta let something fall from her hand and clatter on the ground. A gun. Her sister had killed someone to free her.</p>
<p>“Oh, Gitta,” she whispered. Petra tried hugging her sister, but Brigitta fled the embrace. Okay. That was her first kill; no wonder she was so broken.</p>
<p>“We have to get to him. We have to get him,” Brigitta kept muttering.</p>
<p>The women managed to get upstairs. It was pure chaos, but that gave them an opportunity to escape. Brigitta guided Petra along the lesser known corridors in the palace. Soon, they found the doors that led to the outside. Across the lawn, Petra saw the copse of trees where the pits were located.</p>
<p>“Come on!” She dragged Brigitta, then eventually let her sister go and raced ahead. She pumped her fists, practically tore across the earth. She could not be too late. Her baby would be safe. Oruo was going to be in her arms in mere moments. He’d never leave her again.</p>
<p>She’d die first.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please, please let me be in time.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra sped into the trees until she came upon the pits. No humans were there. She slowed, listened to the guttural snarl of several titans. Frantic, she looked into one pit after another. Her heart ached when she saw Nile gazing up at her, gnashing his teeth.</p>
<p>She had to find a way to free him. But first…</p>
<p>She came upon the final pit, heart in her throat. She looked inside. It was…</p>
<p>Empty. Oruo wasn’t here. Her knees were so weak with relief she nearly pitched forward and fell into the pit. Petra backed up, laughing. She felt delirious.</p>
<p>“He isn’t here. He isn’t. He isn’t here…”</p>
<p>Then she heard a footstep behind her. Petra turned around.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Levi eventually made his way onto the lawn. Ahead, he saw the pits. He ran faster than he had run in his life, practically a blur as he sped for the trees. He would make it. He would be in time.</p>
<p>He had to make it.</p>
<p>Fuck. As he entered the trees, he heard a woman’s voice wailing. His blood iced in his veins as he barreled ahead, tearing into the clearing where the pits were.</p>
<p>Brigitta was on her knees, head in her hands. She rocked back and forth, muttering and wailing. She was tearing out fistfuls of her hair. Levi hurried over, knelt beside her.</p>
<p>“Brigitta? What’s wrong? What…?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oruo.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi went numb. Brigitta pointed ahead.</p>
<p>“Um. Um.” Then she started laughing. She laughed until she screamed. She just kept pointing dead ahead at the pit.</p>
<p>
  <em>My son.</em>
</p>
<p>Out of his mind, Levi crawled to the edge of the pit. Trembling, he looked down at the thing.</p>
<p>The titan wandered back and forth, snarling as it tore at the walls. When it heard noise, it looked up at him.</p>
<p>This titan couldn’t be Oruo. It had brown eyes. The hair was red, not black. For a wonderful instant, Levi almost laughed.</p>
<p>The titan had brown eyes. Red hair. And he realized that there was an awful familiarity about the face.</p>
<p>Levi pulled away. He shook his head once, twice. No. That was wrong. It made no sense.</p>
<p>He looked into the pit again, and the titan roared. It bared its ugly teeth, raised its stumpy arms in an attempt to climb up and rip him to pieces. It slobbered like the dumb brute beast that it was.</p>
<p>It was…</p>
<p>“No. No.” He started to pound his fist into the earth. Wake up. Just wake up. “It’s not. It’s not you. It’s not!”</p>
<p>But Petra’s titan howled and gnashed its teeth together.</p>
<p>
  <em>How?? How the fuck??</em>
</p>
<p>Levi pressed his forehead to the ground and screamed. He screamed until his body shook with it. He screamed as he thought of his wife with those beautiful doe eyes of hers, that smile. The way she kissed him, argued with him, tucked their kids into bed. The way she loved reading, and going to the beach and standing on the shore and letting the waves play around her ankles. She laughed. She made love to him.</p>
<p>And now she was that <em>thing</em>, all of her sweetness and humanity lost.</p>
<p>The titan roared again, wanting Levi to fill its belly.</p>
<p>He gripped the hilt of his blade. Thoughts flew like birds, shattered like glass. He was the world’s greatest titan killer; this was his job. Kill the thing. That was his life, kill and kill and kill…</p>
<p>“<em>How the fuck did this happen?</em>” he roared.</p>
<p>Brigitta wailed as if in answer. Levi ran over, hauled her to her feet. The woman kept babbling some insane gibberish, her eyes lolling wildly about.</p>
<p>She was completely gone.</p>
<p>“Who did this? <em>Who did this?</em>” He shook her too hard, harder than he should. But Brigitta only made horrible faces and burst into tears. He let her fall to the ground, watched her lie there and sob into the earth. “Who did this?” His voice broke. He spoke to no one. “Who did this?”</p>
<p>Levi choked back a sob. His world was ending. Let the bombs tear the place apart, what’d it matter? He should just do his wife this mercy; she wouldn’t want to live as a dumb beast. She’d want him to slice her nape. He touched his sword…</p>
<p>He snatched his hand away as though the thing had burned him. No, no, not Petra. He couldn’t kill her. He couldn’t live without her. He had to find another way. He…</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin.</em>
</p>
<p>The grief was so overwhelming that Levi’s mind snapped under the pressure. He felt himself go dead behind the eyes. His mind quieted. There would be time to scream and cry later, when she was human again and in his arms. Later.</p>
<p>The king’s term was almost up. He was the world’s enemy.</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin. I brought you back for my child’s sake. Now your death will be for my wife.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your end will have meaning. I swear.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi left Brigitta behind as she sobbed. At that moment, he didn’t care about her. He didn’t even think about his children. This task was very simple.</p>
<p>Find Erwin Smith. Maim him. Bring him here. Feed him to Petra.</p>
<p>And then, when his wife looked at him with her human eyes, a shifter’s tears on her face, only then would he grieve. Only then would he be a man instead of a monster. He would restore Petra’s humanity, and his own as well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Chapter 50</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mikasa stood beside Jean in the heart of the Tower, trying to understand what Kanada Azumabito was telling her. The machine that coordinated and guided all of Paradis’s hyperfusion attacks simply looked like a big, gray wall of lights and wires. It’d be easy just to slash the thing to pieces and annihilate the possibility of those bombs going off. But Kanada was explaining how that was impossible.</p><p>“Erwin is no fool,” the man said. His mouth twisted in bitter disdain. “He knew it was a possibility that an attack would happen, or that we would try to stop his plans from moving forward. If you destroyed the motherboard now, it would register as a signal to all of the cruisers to unload their hyperfusion at once. The world would be destroyed in mere moments.”</p><p>“Can’t you just call and tell them to stop the attack altogether?” Jean’s brow was furrowed.</p><p>“No. If anyone calls with that exact message, their orders are the same: destroy the world. If the time for launch comes and goes and no one has called, the launch continues.”</p><p>“There’s got to be a way to stop it,” Mikasa said. Her cousin wiped his brow. All around them, the chamber was in upheaval. Jean’s rebels and the Azumabito were trying desperately to communicate while they barricaded the entrances and exits.</p><p>“The only way is this. When we’re five minutes from the launch, a signal is sent from the ship to the motherboard. Here.” He pointed at the only unlit button on the computer’s face. “At that point, we can safely communicate. If the desist code is given at that time, the attack will be called off.”</p><p>“Okay!” Jean brightened. “What’s the code?”</p><p>Kanada looked weary. Mikasa understood.</p><p>“You don’t know it?” she said.</p><p>“Only one man knows the code to stop the hyperfusion attack.”</p><p>“The king.” Jean rubbed his face and stared at the motherboard with a hateful expression. “This just got more complicated.”</p><p>“Someone has to find him and get the code,” Mikasa said. She felt cool and certain. Jean gripped her arm.</p><p>“You can’t do this by yourself. I’ll go with you, at least.”</p><p>“If the Guard takes the building, they’ll have full control of the hyperfusion again. You have to hold them off,” she said. Jean scowled and wouldn’t release her. Once again, she saw the man who’d held her last night. This wasn’t about strategy with him any longer. He just didn’t want to see her hurt. “Jean.”</p><p>“I know,” he growled.</p><p>“When’s the first attack supposed to go off?” Mikasa asked.</p><p>“Twenty-three hundred hours,” Kanada said. Eleven. Shit. That was only a few hours away. No time at all. Mikasa wished they’d known this part of Erwin’s plan sooner. They’d have moved more stealthily, tried capturing the king before taking the Tower. But if they did that, the bombs might have gone off early.</p><p>Levi. If Levi was here, he was already hunting Erwin. She was certain of it. Mikasa had to find her cousin and take down the king together. They had to keep him alive to turn these bombs off.</p><p>“I’ll find Levi,” she told Jean. That seemed to calm him a little bit. “If we’re together, we can do this.”</p><p>She headed for the door, summoning ten of her warriors as she did. The men and women formed a quiet force behind her. She was their mistress; they would go and die wherever she told them to. Jean eyed the Azumabito warriors with admiration as well as a healthy dose of fear.</p><p>“I’m going to leave the rest under your command,” she told Jean. “The Tower has to hold.”</p><p>“Yeah.” He gave a grim smile. “I like this new side of you.”</p><p>She frowned. “What side?”</p><p>“You were always the best in our training class,” he said. His cheeks flamed a little as he spoke. “There was nothing you couldn’t do. But you always waited for Eren or someone else to give you a command.”</p><p>“I’ve been on my own a long time,” she said quietly. “I had to get used to it.”</p><p>But she didn’t want to be a commander. She did it because she had to, not because it was her passion. She wanted most of all to protect. It had always been her instinct to safeguard what she cherished. Eren. Armin.</p><p>Mikasa looked at the man in front of her, and realized that she also meant him. Jean. And Sasha and Connie and Levi and the kids, yes, but Jean stood out now in a way she’d never expected him to.</p><p>Without thinking, she grabbed and kissed him. He kissed her back, wouldn’t let her go.</p><p>“Come back to me,” he whispered, his lips tracing hers.</p><p>“Mmm.” Her face felt hot as she led the way out of the room, past the soldiers hurrying down the halls. Sasha should be on one of the higher levels, sniping enemies as they tried to crash the gate. Mikasa took out her blades when they got to the Tower’s front entrance. Across the lawn, she could see soldiers with guns aiming their weapons at the Tower. She saw a large, grotesque figure prowling across the green.</p><p>Floch in his Jaws form. Mikasa narrowed her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>He’s mine.</em>
</p><p>“Take them down, but the goal is to get away. We head for the palace,” she said.</p><p>Her warriors assented, and prepared. Mikasa led them out the door and across the lawn, towards the high iron gate. As she jettisoned away from the gunfire, she saw Floch wheel about and snarl as he charged at her.</p><p>An idiot to the last.</p><p>Mikasa shouted and went into the spinning blade technique Levi had taught her as the titan reared up out of the night.</p><p>***</p><p>Kuchel was a little sweaty now, but she was doing pretty good. A bunch of guards lay knocked out at her feet. Armin stumbled around, looking at all the damage with big, wide eyes. Oruo kicked one guard that had passed out, and made his trying-to-poop face as he attempted to summon his Ackerman powers. It didn’t work.</p><p>“Where are we going?” Armin asked. Kuchel chewed her lip. She was pretty sure of herself, but she didn’t want to get into a fight with more than eight or ten people at a time. She didn’t know if they’d kill her, but they might be able to take Oruo away in all the chaos.</p><p>“We need to get out of the palace. But the front’s probably got a lotta soldiers.” The pink letters told her what to do. “Follow me.”</p><p>She picked up one of the guards and threw him through a hall window. She lifted Armin and Oruo outside, then they set off across the eastern lawn, headed for the gate. Kuchel would find a way to get the boys over it. That was her biggest concern. After they were outside the palace, they’d find some Marleyan soldiers and then everything would be okay. Or at least, it’d be better. Kuchel gaped at the airships as they zoomed overhead, the blinking lights on their undersides drawing her attention. Even here, in the quiet park, she could hear the rattle of gunfire in the distance.</p><p>Somehow she wasn’t scared. Her Ackerman instincts guided her, told her what to do. It was like sitting down in a cool bath, when her instincts flipped ‘on.’ She just felt different all over.</p><p>“Come here.” She ushered the boys toward some topiary animals. They hid behind an elephant as a troop of soldiers raced by. Kuchel could tell they were the Guard. She frowned. If only the Marleyans would get here…</p><p>Armin whimpered and clung to her arm. Kuchel hugged her little brother. Oruo, meanwhile, kept making the angry poop face.</p><p>“It doesn’t work like that,” Kuchel hissed.</p><p>“Stop tellin’ me what to do!” he snapped. Ugh, that little brat.</p><p>“You should be more worried about Mama and Papa right now. If we get captured again, everything’s going to be terrible. I’m doing this to help <em>you</em>, Oruo.”</p><p>“Stop talking like you’re a grown up!” He sneered. “If we’d gone to camp, none of this would’ve happened!”</p><p>Kuchel felt like she’d been shot. He was right, of course. She’d doomed them all by coming here.</p><p>“And if you hadn’t forced me to take you to Paradis, everything would be okay right now! You’d be okay!”</p><p>Oruo growled. He was such a <em>brat</em>.</p><p>“We should go, shouldn’t we?” Armin whispered. Kuchel hugged him tighter. Oruo’s scowl deepened.</p><p>“Fine. I’m gonna go on my own! You and Mama like Armin better ‘n me anyway! I’ll just go live with another family!”</p><p>“Sometimes I wish you would!” Kuchel snapped. Armin gasped, and looked at her with his big, sad eyes.</p><p>“You don’t mean that, Kuchel.”</p><p>“She does.” Oruo’s lip quivered. She saw his eyes were shining with tears. “Screw you! I can take care of myself!” With that, he raced off across the lawn, charging towards the gate. Kuchel rolled her eyes. He was such a baby.</p><p>“Come on.” She hoisted Armin up and chased after Oruo. Kuchel squinted. It was hard to see Oruo in the dark up ahead. Ugh, he was such a jerk. “When we get home, I’m gonna tell Papa what a creep he is,” she muttered.</p><p>Armin only whimpered.</p><p>And then Oruo screamed. Kuchel came to a sudden halt.</p><p>“What the…?”</p><p>Oruo screamed again, louder this time. Kuchel let go of Armin and put on a burst of speed. Her heart began beating frantically as she saw an adult standing up ahead, tucking Oruo under his arm. Kuchel could see her little brother squirmin.</p><p>“Let him go!” she yelled.</p><p>The man turned. Kuchel stopped out of complete surprise.</p><p>It was that Floch guy. The one who’d eaten Cassius. He looked pretty beat up. One of his eyes was gone and steaming as it healed. His whole front was covered in blood. When he saw her, he bared his teeth.</p><p>“Little brat bitch,” he snapped. Oruo flailed and tried biting Floch.</p><p>“Give him back!” Kuchel yelled.</p><p>“Don’t make me kill you.” He sounded ugly and mean. He sounded like he was talking to a grown up. Kuchel sneered and attacked, spinning through the air before she delivered a hard kick to the man’s stomach. He shot backwards, clutching Oruo when he landed. Oruo wailed and kicked. Floch got up quickly, but she wasn’t afraid. His injuries meant he couldn’t take his titan form. “Shut up, you fucking idiot,” he snarled at Oruo. Her brother screamed and shrieked. Kuchel’s stomach tightened.</p><p>“Give my brother back!” She charged again.</p><p>That Floch guy held up his left hand and made it into a fist.</p><p>Kuchel shrieked as she felt crystal harden around her legs, all the way up to her waist. Oh no. Even when he was injured, Floch could use the War Hammer crystal powers. That only reminded her of the day he ate Cassius, and tears of rage filled her eyes. Kuchel bellowed as she tried climbing out of her crystal prison, but it didn’t work. She was locked in too tight.</p><p>Floch grinned as he formed a crystal sword in his hand.</p><p>“Fuck it. I got Erwin’s key.” He tossed Oruo aside like trash. “I got his kid back.” Armin cried as he came up to them and saw Kuchel encased in crystal. Floch neared Kuchel, sword at his side. “Too many Ackermans running around tonight. Gotta thin the herd.”</p><p>Kuchel realized he was going to kill her. The pink letters abandoned her. They just kept telling her to get free, but she couldn’t.</p><p>Armin charged forward and tried pushing Floch away. Floch responded by gripping Armin’s collar and tossing him to the ground. Armin began to cry.</p><p>“Leave them alone!” Kuchel’s chin wobbled. She felt something fierce in her heart. “You’re a coward. You just hurt little boys!”</p><p>“And girls, too.” Floch sneered as he came up to her. He was going to take off her head.</p><p>Kuchel was never going to see Mama or Papa again. She didn’t want to die. She was stunned as she realized in two seconds she’d be gone forever. No more sleepovers, no more ice cream, no more family game nights. And Floch didn’t seem sad that he was taking all that from her. In fact, he looked pretty happy.</p><p>“Papa,” she whispered, but he didn’t come. Floch lifted the blade.</p><p>Then he went flying. His crystal sword whirled through the air, landing in the ground. Kuchel gaped. Floch rolled around, clutching his side.</p><p>Oruo stood in front of her. The little boy’s fists were balled. She saw that certain glint in his eye. That old, fearsome glint.</p><p>Holy <em>shit.</em></p><p>“You little—” Floch tried to rise, but Oruo ran at an insane speed, somersaulted through the air, and kicked the man right in his mouth. Teeth sprayed through the night. Floch started screaming, tried to rise, but Oruo kicked and broke both of his knees. When Floch went down, Oruo pummeled every bone in his body.</p><p>“Don’t. Touch. My. Sister!” he shouted. He punctuated every word with the snap of another bone. Floch tried crawling away, his body utterly mangled now. It was like watching a worm trying to outrun a robin. Oruo spun through the air like a dervish, his awakened Ackerman instincts guiding him to victory.</p><p>“Kuchel!” Armin tugged at her arm. She wiggled her body by degrees, until she felt herself working loose. A minute later she managed to push herself out of the prison, even though she cut her leg on the way out. She hissed with the pain.</p><p>Meanwhile, Oruo jumped up and down on Floch’s back, stomping the guy into the ground.</p><p>“Oruo!”</p><p>Her brother stopped crushing Floch.</p><p>His smile was enormous.</p><p>“Raaaar!” He leapt off the mangled body and pumped his little fists in the air. He took a knee and shouted his victory to the stars. “This’s <em>amazing</em>!”</p><p>Before Kuchel could hug him or tell him to follow her, Oruo got up and charged back in the direction of the palace, pumping his fists and leaping high into the air. Man, he was going super fast now. He might even be faster than she was.</p><p>Ugh.</p><p>Kuchel cast a last look at Floch, but he seemed pretty dead. Oruo must have shattered his spine a bunch of times. That was something.</p><p>Oruo had saved her.</p><p>But the little butt could still get himself killed.</p><p>“He’s just doing this ‘cause he wants to fight,” she muttered, scooping up Armin and chasing after her other brother.</p><p>Kuchel got the feeling that trying to get Oruo to stop fighting would be like trying to get him to leave a candy store. In other words, impossible.</p><p>***</p><p>Was he dead yet? Shockingly, the answer was no. By degrees, Floch Forster began to return to himself. That little bastard had almost killed him, but while he’d broken the vertebrae he hadn’t actually severed the spine. It was the only reason Floch was alive. After a few minutes, he was reassembled enough to get up and stagger towards the palace like a living corpse.</p><p>The kid was awakened now. Shit. What was the king going to do?</p><p>Floch entered the palace to find absolute anarchy. Windows had been smashed, shards of glass littering the carpet. Dead and injured soldiers were strewn all around the place. He picked his way over the fallen as people raced past with guns or swords. Outside, he still heard the distant hum and boom of airships and tanks. The air smelled acrid with smoke now, no matter where you went.</p><p>“Where’s…the king?” he asked. No one seemed to know. Finally, Floch entered the main hallway and found the king. There was a look in the man’s eyes Floch hadn’t seen before. He seemed even more haunted than usual. “Majesty!”</p><p>“What?” Erwin snapped. He barely even noticed Floch’s injuries. “I need to get another syringe prepared,” he snapped.</p><p>“Eh?”</p><p>“I need one!” Erwin shouted. He didn’t seem to notice Floch or anyone else. The king waved some of his soldiers on. “Prep another syringe. Now! Move!”</p><p>So he still intended to use the Ackerman boy. Shit.</p><p>“Sire, I have bad news,” Floch said. He was not the cowering type, but he almost fouled his pants when Erwin glared.</p><p>“Of course it’s bad news,” he grumbled. “Well? What?”</p><p>“I found the Ackerman boy outside. I was bringing him back to the palace when—”</p><p>“His sister did this to you?” Erwin sneered, like Floch disgusted him. Well. Now Floch felt less inclined to preserve the king’s feelings.</p><p>“No, sire. The boy’s Ackerman genes activated. He has that insane power now.”</p><p>Erwin’s whole face fell. His eyes became hollow.</p><p>“That means I can’t…” The king bared his teeth. His eyes grew flinty with anger. “Dammit!”</p><p>“We can keep looking for Queen Historia.”</p><p>“There’s no time. Damn everything, there’s no time!” Erwin put a hand to his face. He’d never seemed as old as he did now. Floch remembered the cruisers out on the seas, waiting to unload their hyperfusion arsenal. He knew Erwin had wanted to avoid that death if at all possible, but how else were they supposed to reign supreme and in peace for generations to come?</p><p>“So the bombs will have to go off, then?” Floch made sure not to smile. Erwin shook for a moment, the reaction violent. “Sire. It’s our only offense now.” Floch drew nearer, whispered even as the world burned around them. “We have to save Eldia and Paradis. It’s our homeland. Just a few cities, and then they’ll sue for peace. Like you said they would.”</p><p>“I…” Erwin gritted his teeth. Some silent war began and ended behind his eyes while Floch watched. “I…” His brow furrowed. “I can’t do it.”</p><p>Floch said nothing. His rage would cause him to scream if he opened his mouth now.</p><p>“I believed I’d gain the Founder in time to call off the attack.” Erwin shook his head over and over. “I can’t do it. I can’t do it again.”</p><p>“Paradis needs you to, sire.” Floch’s voice came out strained. “They’ll kill us all if you don’t. The enemy is already in the capital.”</p><p>Erwin put a hand to his mouth. He had never looked this weak before. Floch felt the sudden, hideous stab of disdain.</p><p>“If I gave myself up…” He sounded like he was in the middle of a dream. “After everything I’ve done, it should be only me who pays…”</p><p>Floch could have slapped the shit out of the man. Here the king was, falling down on the job when all of his soldiers and citizens were dying for him and his war. The war for their perpetual independence.</p><p>“After everything that’s been done, we can’t go back. They’ll kill all of us, Majesty. It was always going to come down to this. No other way around it.”</p><p>Erwin squeezed his eyes shut. “Hange,” he whispered. “You could have found a way.”</p><p>“Hange’s dead.” Floch made his voice cold. There wasn’t a shred of mercy. “These bombs are her legacy. Don’t let her death have been in vain.”</p><p>Erwin looked upon him then with such glowering resentment that Floch almost wanted to run. But Erwin said nothing.</p><p>The fleeting warmth and pain he’d found in the king’s eyes vanished. The stoic god returned. Thank fuck.</p><p>“Keep attacking the Tower. I want those traitors dead,” Erwin said lifelessly.</p><p>“Of course, sire.”</p><p>“We’ll let the clock run down. At eleven, it will be over.” Erwin smirked. “There’s nothing they can do. None of them knows the four-digit code to call it off, anyway.”</p><p>Floch smiled. Good. He had pride in his king once more. “What should we do then, sire?”</p><p>“The northern air battalion should be flying in soon. The airships will be blown out of the sky. I know we have two more regiments moving up here from Wall Rose. We’ll crush the insurrection in the capital, and then the bombs will drop. They’ll sue for peace. All of them will.” Erwin looked at Floch again, as if he’d seen the man for the first time just now. “Do you think you can avoid any Ackermans?”</p><p>“Mikasa’s headed this way. The children are running around the park. We don’t know where Levi is yet.” Floch nodded. “We’ll find out.”</p><p>“I’m going to take my private guard and grab Connie. We’ll travel a safe distance away, and I’ll eat him. At the very least, I’ll have the Founder’s power inside of me.” Erwin winced. “I will make this up to them all. I <em>will</em> rule this world peacefully.”</p><p>“Yes, sire.”</p><p>Just then, a troop of soldiers ran past them, charging ahead like the demons of hell were at their heels.</p><p>“What are you doing? Stop!” Erwin bellowed. He grabbed one soldier and threw him to the floor. Erwin aimed a pistol at the man’s forehead. “How dare you retreat?” he snarled.</p><p>“Majesty! Levi Ackerman!” The man was pale. “He’s here.”</p><p>Erwin lowered his weapon. He looked down the hall. The king was not a man to appear joyful, but right now he wore an almost giddy expression. It was fucking weird.</p><p>“Where?” Erwin croaked.</p><p>“The front hall. He’s fighting the palace’s vanguard.”</p><p>“Go.” Erwin turned from the man. “Safeguard the perimeter.” The soldier ran away. “Floch. Change of plans. Go to the pits, take Connie, and bring him to the rendezvous deeper in the forest. I’ll join you as soon as I’m able.”</p><p>“Shouldn’t we go now, sire? Get away from Ackerman?” Floch’s pulse thudded. The children were terrifying, but their father was a true devil.</p><p>“I will not run any longer.” It was almost like Erwin was looking forward to this. Disturbing. “I’ll have him first. Then I’ll join you. Floch. Go.”</p><p>With that, Erwin strode down the hall.</p><p>“You can’t defeat him in combat!” Floch cried.</p><p>“Preparation, Floch.” Erwin grinned as he turned the corner. “Preparation is the key.”</p><p>***</p><p>Levi felt the soldier die under his blade. Blood splattered along the tiled floor and dotted his boots. Fuck it. He didn’t even stop to consider wiping them down.</p><p>“Erwin!” he shouted, trudging farther into the hall. Soldiers attacked from right and left, and he cut them down with ease. Blood warmed his neck and face. He would kill them all if he had to. Even as his heart shattered in his chest, he would kill until he had his wife restored to him.</p><p>Soldiers backed up now, trying to coordinate an attack on the Ackerman king.</p><p>“<em>Erwin! Come out here!</em>” Levi bellowed. For a small man he had an unusually deep voice. More and more of the Guard pissed themselves as Levi continued his forward march.</p><p>“So. Levi.”</p><p>He looked right. The king of Paradis stood there in his armored glory, a gun in one hand. The other hand rested atop the hilt of a blade. Erwin was fully gray now, the barrel-chested old king. The handsome young adventurer was truly gone.</p><p>Erwin smiled. When he smiled like that, those blue eyes shone. He looked thirty-five again, alive with a grand inner vision.</p><p>“It’s been too long,” Erwin said.</p><p>Levi drew his second blade.</p><p>“ERWIIIIIN!”</p><p>He threw one sword so quickly that even he could barely track its progress. A young soldier hurled herself in the weapon’s path, saving Erwin from injury. The blade cut her down the middle. Levi hated the sight, but he could feel no regret or sadness. Not while Erwin lived and Petra was in that pit.</p><p>“Come, then.” Erwin drew his own blade.</p><p>Levi bolted ahead. It was as if he could see everything around him happening in the slowest motion possible. So easy to evade the weapons. So easy to kill those in his path. Soon, Levi had cut his way through six more women and men.</p><p>He hurtled through the air, ready to take the king.</p><p>Erwin moved quickly. The two kings clashed, their blades singing against each other. Sparks flew through the air.</p><p>“It takes me back,” Erwin hissed. “When we first met.”</p><p>They had faced off in the underground. Mike had just knocked Levi down, and then Erwin and he had crossed blades. Even though he’d angled to get caught, Levi had been stunned by the power of the other man’s blow. Erwin had moved so quickly. For an ordinary man, not a superhuman like Mike or Levi, he was extraordinary.</p><p>Erwin had thrown Levi against a wall, blade to the man’s throat. The two enemies had stared deep into each other’s eyes.</p><p>It had been the most infuriating moment of Levi’s life. And the most electrifying.</p><p>“I let you win then,” Levi growled. He reached around for the knife tucked into the back of his belt. “Won’t do that shit now.”</p><p>He snarled as he unfurled himself and sliced Erwin across the stomach. If the king hadn’t been wearing armor, it would have incapacitated him. Erwin sprang backwards. He moved down the hall, disappearing into the bowels of his palace.</p><p>“Come and see what I’ve done,” Erwin called.</p><p>It was a trap. Levi could sense it, the weight of the air, the taste of the other man’s elated fear on his tongue. Erwin wanted to trap him.</p><p>For Petra, he would allow it. For now.</p><p>Screaming in rage, Levi followed the other king. He bounded off of walls, off of the ceiling, lunging down to slice Erwin’s arm from his shoulder.</p><p>Erwin ducked and moved. He spun down the hall with a dancer’s grace, then readied himself for another parry.</p><p>“I know how you fight, Levi.” Those blue eyes blazed. “I know you.”</p><p>“And I know you. You gray-haired <em>cunt.</em>”</p><p>Levi advanced, then at the last possible instant he ducked and shot out his leg. Erwin bellowed as he fell backwards, rolled out of the way of Levi’s attack. They turned the corner…directly into a firing squad of ten soldiers.</p><p>Erwin had anticpated Levi’s attack, the leg sweep. He’d readied the soldiers so that they could fire when the two men came into view. Erwin was still on the floor, smug with his victory.</p><p>Damn. Levi had never met anyone like this king.</p><p>The yellow lightning sent him up to the ceiling where he grabbed onto a chandelier and swung overhead. He landed directly behind the squad, and with a single swipe took half of their heads. When the other half began to turn, he took them as well. Erwin stood as Levi stepped back from the bodies. Blood reeked on his face and clothes. Erwin bared his teeth.</p><p>“How many more innocents will you kill before the night is out?” Erwin hissed.</p><p>“That’s up to you.” Levi readied his blade. “Just come over here and let me take you.”</p><p>“Kill me?”</p><p>“Not yet.” Levi’s vision shivered. “Not yet.”</p><p>He had to take Erwin to the pit and give him to Petra. <em>How could you have done it to her? Why did you do it, you bastard?</em></p><p>Levi advanced on Erwin, and Erwin ducked down a hallway. Levi followed, moving just in time to see a wall panel shut. Fuck. Erwin was using the palace’s servant entrances and exits. Levi didn’t know those places nearly as well as the king did, but there was no time to be shy. He kicked open the wall, shattering it into pieces, and followed.</p><p>The hallway was dimly lit and echoed. Levi kept his back to the wall, both blades out, eyes all around. He strained his ears to pick up Erwin’s breath.</p><p>A game of hide and seek. The two of them together again.</p><p>Why was he so <em>happy?</em></p><p>“I’ve dreamed of this moment,” Erwin said. His voice echoed along the corridor. Levi couldn’t tell which direction it came from.</p><p>“The moment I take your balls off?”</p><p>“When we’d face off against one another again. Just the two of us.” For a second, it seemed to Levi that Erwin’s voice came directly behind. “The intimacy of it all.”</p><p>He spun and slashed. He punctured a wall, and no one was there. Then he felt the other man sidle up behind him—</p><p>Levi thrust a blade.</p><p>Nothing. Fuck. Was Erwin doing some bullshit magician thing? Or was Levi so primed for the man’s presence that every moment seemed to unite them?</p><p>“Enemies again,” Levi hissed, stalking further down the hall. Erwin laughed ahead, the rumbling sound like thunder. Levi followed, his heart beating faster.</p><p>“I almost missed the intensity of your hate,” Erwin said. “It was the purest emotion I have ever witnessed. The most passionate.”</p><p>Only two people had ever received Levi’s passion. One was here. The other was in a pit.</p><p>“Good news. You have more of my hate than you ever did before. It’s real <em>passionate,</em>” Levi hissed. A shadow flickered at the corner of his eye. He slashed and cut through air. Fuck. He had to be careful. His sense of direction was exceptional, but there was no substitution for familiarity with terrain. Erwin had the upper hand here. Levi had to finish him quickly, that or get them both back onto the palace’s main corridors.</p><p>“We don’t have to do this, of course.”</p><p>It seemed like the voice came right by his ear. Levi spun, and found no one. He bared his teeth.</p><p>“How’d you wanna finish this, then? Game of checkers? Foot race?”</p><p>“Why finish this? What about this needs to end?”</p><p>“I’m not gonna spend the rest of my life wandering around looking for you, Blondie. Everything ends.”</p><p>
  <em>Including you.</em>
</p><p>“Levi, this war ends tonight. When everything is finished, I will be the head of an empire that will last over a thousand years. You can join me, sit at my side with your family. Or—”</p><p>
  <em>Petra.</em>
</p><p>“Don’t you fucking talk about my family!” he roared. Levi charged ahead, a blur of motion towards the source of Erwin’s voice.</p><p>A door slammed to his left. Levi turned on instinct and broke through the obstacle. He found himself in a great stone room. The kitchens. All the ovens were dark. The servants had abandoned the place.</p><p>There was movement to the back of the room. A door swung on its hinges. Fuck. Erwin was outside.</p><p>Levi had to make sure the king didn’t get too far from the palace. If he got far enough away, he might feel inclined to explode into his titan form.</p><p>At that point, no one would be able to stop him.</p><p>Not even Levi.</p><p>Growling, Levi raced across the kitchen and hurtled out into the night.</p><p>***</p><p>“Oruo! Stop!” Kuchel chased after Oruo, while the boy gleefully pumped his fists in the air. Armin raced behind them, though he wasn’t nearly as fast as his siblings. Wow, Oruo was really having a good time. He sure loved hitting people.</p><p>“<em>I’m the beeeeest!</em>” Oruo roared before rolling along the ground and knocking over a soldier. The man lost his gun as he fell. Oruo kicked him in the penis, and the man curled into a little ball. Armin’s little brother did a flip through the air and darted back and forth across the hall before throwing himself into another soldier as she entered. The woman fell backwards and went through a window. A lot of glass shattered.</p><p>“Oruo Eld Gunther Ackerman! Come back here!” Kuchel hollered. Armin clung to the wall and watched his brother and sister as they attacked a whole other group of soldiers. So many of Papa’s soldiers kept showing up and then getting knocked down by the Ackerman kids. Armin could never be as strong as they were.</p><p>They were close to his nursery room. All the banging and shouting was making Armin want to cry. He hated loud noises like this.</p><p>And he missed Toby.</p><p>He checked and saw Kuchel and Oruo arguing while Oruo bounced up and down on the body of some soldier he’d knocked out. Armin would only have one chance. He hurried to his nursery and rushed inside. At least his toys were okay. Toby sat on the foot of his bed. Armin grabbed the tiger and cuddled him to his chest.</p><p>“It’s okay, Toby,” he whispered.</p><p>The door swung open. Armin turned, expecting to find Kuchel. Instead, he saw two of the maids who were always mean to him. One of them, the blonde one, looked like she’d been crying. She gave Armin the most hateful look.</p><p>“You little fucking brat,” she hissed.</p><p>“Let’s go. Let’s go!” the other, frizzy-haired maid said. But the blonde stormed towards Armin. He hugged Toby to his chest, wishing that his tiger would be a real tiger and roar at the woman. But Toby stayed quiet.</p><p>“Please,” Armin whimpered. But the maid slapped him hard across his face. Armin sat down hard, bursting into tears. “Please go away!”</p><p>“Little piece of shit!” The woman grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked. Armin hollered but didn’t fight back. Tears streamed down his cheeks. “If only you’d never been born. It’s your fault! It’s your fucking fault!”</p><p>“Stop!” the other maid yelled. Armin wished Inga were here. Where oh where <em>was</em> Inga?</p><p>“Oww, stop! Mamaaaa!” Armin sobbed as the maid slapped him, and then kicked him in the belly. Armin almost threw up as he dropped Toby. The maid picked the tiger up and looked like she was about to rip his head off. Armin sobbed.</p><p>The maid just looked down on him with a look of pure hate. She wished he’d never been born. Everyone wished it.</p><p>Then, like a miracle, Kuchel appeared in the air directly behind the maid. Her whole face was scary. She’d never looked so angry before.</p><p>Kuchel pummeled the maid, who dropped Toby. Armin snatched up his tiger while Kuchel picked the woman up above her head.</p><p>“Leave my brother <em>alone!</em>” Kuchel screamed. She threw the woman out the window. Glass shattered. The maid with the frizzy hair screamed, turned, and then got knocked down by Oruo. Armin’s little brother looked pleased with himself. Kuchel helped Armin to his feet. “You okay?”</p><p>Kuchel gave him a big hug. She loved him.</p><p>But she shouldn’t. No one should.</p><p>“Y-Yeah,” he whispered.</p><p>“Come on. We gotta find Mama.”</p><p>Kuchel led him out of the room. Oruo pranced ahead, shouting and trying to get other soldiers to attack so he could beat them up.</p><p>Fat tears rolled down Armin’s cheeks.</p><p>If only Mama had never had him. The world would be a better place.</p><p>***</p><p>Jean left Sasha and the other snipers on the fifth floor. He went back down to the control room, already numb to the rattling of the gunfire and the scream of air raid sirens. Jean tried to remain focused on the mission ahead of him, maintaining the Tower until Mikasa returned. But he could only think of Mikasa herself.</p><p>He knew that she would be safe. The only person alive who was stronger than her was Captain Levi. King Levi. If Jean could keep the woman he loved alive and return the throne to her cousin, his dreams would come true. There’d be a house in Mitras, children, a life of sloth and privilege.</p><p>Mikasa.</p><p>
  <em>Come back to me. Mikasa. Please.</em>
</p><p>Unfortunately, there was no peace to be found in the control room. Jean discovered Kanada, looking grimmer than usual. The Azumabito spoke with a man in Marleyan uniform. King Willy’s reinforcements. Nice. The Marleyan captain had some younger troops with him. Jean frowned as he approached. There was one young woman with them who, frankly, looked the image of Eren Jaeger.</p><p>Jean didn’t need more suicidal blockheads right now.</p><p>“Kanada. What is it?” Jean asked.</p><p>“This is Theo Magath,” Kanada said. He rubbed his face, looking exhausted. “He has bad news.”</p><p>Was there any other kind?</p><p>“Commander Kirschtein?” Magath frowned. “How certain are you that you can find the code to abort the missile launch program?”</p><p>“Pretty sure.” Jean tried not to snap. “We have an elite warrior tasked with finding King Erwin.”</p><p>“I think you have to understand what’s at stake here.”</p><p>“Besides millions of lives?” Jean failed the ‘don’t snap’ test. Magath frowned deeper.</p><p>“Marley and the other Allied nations have a launch program of their own. If a single hyperfusion bomb attacks a single Allied city, Marley and the rest of the world intend to wipe Paradis Island off the map entirely.”</p><p>Great. Fucking great.</p><p>“They’ll bomb us,” Jean muttered.</p><p>“Yes. Simply put, if one Allied city is struck, eight million tons of hyperfusion weaponry will be concentrated on this island. No living creature or blade of grass will be left. The island itself will cease to exist.”</p><p>“The plan is to wipe out the rest of the hyperfusion arsenal,” Kanada said. He sighed. “Unfortunately, as I’ve just explained to Commander Magath, the hyperfusion arsenal isn’t on Paradis. And it’s a guarantee that a single attack on Paradis Island will set phase two of the plan into operation. Namely, the wholesale destruction of the entire hemisphere. And in time, it will mean the world’s devastation. End of days.”</p><p>“Call and tell the Allies that,” Jean snapped.</p><p>“Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to communicate with anyone outside of the capital city,” Magath said. “Speaking plainly, the one chance you have to spare the island and all of our lives is to call off the hyperfusion attack before eleven.”</p><p>“All we need is the code,” Jean said. His vision blurred. Mikasa would not fail. She had never failed yet. “But to be extra safe, why don’t you redirect some of your troops to head to the palace and capture King Erwin alive?”</p><p>“Already done. In the meantime, we’ll help defend the Tower against invasion.” Magath nodded to the Eren-looking girl. “Braun. You and Grice oversee the sniper division on level six.”</p><p>“Yes, sir.” The girl smiled. She looked utterly fierce. Something about her made Jean uncomfortable.</p><p>“Gabi,” the blond young man whispered as he followed the girl off. Jean stared at the wall of computers and ran a hand through his hair. If one bomb went off, he and everyone in this room would be irradiated ash in a handful of minutes.</p><p>
  <em>Mikasa. Where are you?</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Mikasa howled with rage as another bullet got one of her warriors through the throat. The Azumabito soldier fell, dead in an instant.</p><p>Mikasa’s heart broke, but she couldn’t afford to stop and grieve. There was no time. Erwin. She had to find the king.</p><p>And Levi, if possible. She charged ahead down the palace hallway, eyes open.</p><p>Where were the two men?</p><p>***</p><p>Levi prowled into the forest, searching through the dark for a telltale flash of white, or a glint of moonlight on armor. Already the sounds of combat were growing fainter in the distance.</p><p>“Erwin,” he whispered. The yellow lightning was silent. Levi felt suspended in a great blackness, waiting for sound and sensation. Waiting to live again.</p><p><em>You’ll live on in her, Erwin. At last, I’ll have the both of you at the same place at the same time.</em> A bitter, desperate thought.</p><p>“Levi.”</p><p>The voice was too close, yet too far away. Levi propelled himself through the night air, bounding off a tree trunk before rolling away. He crouched there, breathing in the scent of the forest.</p><p>There was no time, and yet this was all the time he’d ever have.</p><p>“It wasn’t just about the kid. Was it?” Levi whispered. Erwin didn’t respond. Somewhere above, an owl hooted. Kind of amazing how even while war tore the island apart, there were still nocturnal animals flying around, hunting for their evening meal. Just living. No matter what horrors occurred on this planet, you could be sure that somewhere else everything was fine and normal.</p><p>Levi sometimes thought that would be the most painful thought as you were murdered, beaten to death, shot through the stomach. As you lay dying, the knowledge that somewhere else out there people were happy. Celebrating a wedding or a birthday. Making love. Reading a good book, or laughing with friends.</p><p>The shattering of your own world, and most people at that moment were laughing over their own good fortune. Life was shit sometimes.</p><p>“Erwin. The kid was just an excuse,” Levi hissed. He gripped the hilt of his sword, strained to catch an errant breath on the wind. “You never wanted to die, but you couldn’t make yourself be brave enough to wreck the world searching for a cure. Armin gave you the courage to be selfish.”</p><p>Nothing. Somewhere, a cricket chirped. Levi glanced all around.</p><p>Erwin wasn’t taking the bait. Hell, he wasn’t moving or even breathing.</p><p>“If that little boy dies,” Levi said, shifting tactics, “it’ll be your fault. The world’s gonna fucking end because of your war. Your son’ll die because of it. Unless I save him.”</p><p>And without the boy’s mother, would Levi continue to feel warmth and affection towards Armin? He just wasn’t sure he had that much strength inside.</p><p>“And will you save him?” Erwin whispered, the voice coming almost directly behind Levi. Almost like Erwin asked himself the same question.</p><p>Levi spun around. No one was there. The yellow lightning pointed directly up. But Erwin wasn’t wearing ODM. He wouldn’t be in the trees.</p><p>No. But Levi should be.</p><p>He rappelled up as the night exploded in a blast of fire and steam. Levi howled as his cable pulled him up, up to the top of a tree. The heat of Erwin’s partial transformation scalded his ass. Levi crouched on a branch, eyes watering with the pain. Erwin had been too close to the palace to fully transform, but a skinless, colossal arm had appeared out of nothing. Levi couldn’t see how Erwin was attached to the thing, but it didn’t matter.</p><p>The hand opened and reached for him. Levi darted away, flitting from branch to branch. Light as the air, fast as the wind, he made himself forget the pain.</p><p>Erwin’s colossal arm swung his direction, splintering trees as it tried to get to Levi. He’d had enough. Levi turned and sliced through three fingers. They collapsed to the forest floor. New digits would grow in a minute or two, but that was all the time Levi needed. He latched onto the wrist and quickly sliced the tendons, causing Erwin’s limb to become useless. Levi ran down the slick, steaming surface of the arm until he somersaulted through the air and landed on the ground. He pressed his back to a trunk and watched Erwin’s titanic arm begin to disintegrate.</p><p>
  <em>Gotta get him fast.</em>
</p><p>“Stop fighting, Levi.” Erwin’s voice boomed. He sounded angry. Good. Levi wiped blood and sweat from his brow. “I know what you want.”</p><p>“What’s that, bitch?” Levi whispered to himself. Erwin heard.</p><p>“To submit to me. It’s what you’ve wanted ever since the moment we met.”</p><p>“When I tried to kill your ass?” Levi growled, inching away deeper into the forest. Where the fuck was the king?</p><p>“You think I couldn’t understand you?” Erwin sounded bitter. “You aren’t a complex person, Levi. Time spent watching you and listening to you gave me all the information I required. Your longing for Kenny, for a strong man to give you his approval. You may be the strongest man alive, but you are not meant to be a leader. To give your strength to a great man—to yield to him—is your true desire. Is it exhausting?” Erwin sounded genuinely curious now. “To be an utter contradiction, I mean. To fight for your own independence, refusing to bow, and yet to desire submission above all other things?” Something about that word, submission, raised the hair on Levi’s neck and the small of his back. It wasn’t fear. It was something worse; wanting.</p><p>
  <em>I want to be ruled by only one man. A world without him is meaningless.</em>
</p><p>But without Erwin’s death, Petra would not live. Levi’s hand shook. Why had this bastard forced him to this agonizing point of no return?</p><p>“Give yourself to me, Levi.” Erwin was close now. His voice took on a husky tenderness that made Levi clench his jaw.</p><p>Give yourself. To kneel at this man’s feet would be ecstasy. To be near Erwin, his warmth, his strength, was to be near a father and a brother and a god and a beloved—</p><p>The last word shook Levi, but he couldn’t stop considering it. Now, here in this forest, cloaked by night and at the very end, he felt unease settle behind his breastbone. Even with his wife, his true love, even with her waiting for him in that pit, he couldn’t help wondering how it would feel to have Erwin’s large hand in his hair.</p><p>The man’s breath on the back of his neck. His weight pressing on Levi, pinning him to the earth. Leaving him helpless.</p><p>Levi had never desired men before. But he’d never really desired women, either. He just wanted what he wanted. Who he wanted.</p><p>He squeezed his eyes shut. This was confusing, but it wasn’t frightening. He wanted to feel Erwin near in order to feel controlled. Only two people on this planet had the power to control him.</p><p>If he…if he wanted Erwin’s body right now, it was because he wanted to feel connected to something greater than he was or could be. To submit. To give all of himself to a cause.</p><p>He hadn’t always felt this way. At least, he hadn’t always felt his need to submit in such a physical way. But now, at the end of their time together, being joined would be the surest way to keep Erwin with him. For years, the increasing distance had ignited a fire inside of Levi. <em>Don’t go away. Stay with me. Be with me.</em></p><p>He was so fucked up. A tear tracked along his cheek, and then he shut his tears away.</p><p>He had to save his wife. His love. The mother of his children.</p><p>“You made that impossible,” Levi croaked.</p><p>“No. It’s never too late.”</p><p>The way Erwin said it, that absolute assurance, caused Levi to see red. He whipped around the tree and shot his hooks. Erwin darted away; Levi only just missed getting him through the side.</p><p>“It’s too late now and forever,” Levi snarled. “You turned my wife into a titan, you bastard! You can’t come back from that shit!”</p><p>He raced forward and slashed, but Erwin evaded him yet again. The king backed up. As moonlight slanted across Erwin’s face, Levi froze.</p><p>The confusion—the horror—in those blue eyes was real.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Erwin whispered.</p><p>***</p><p>Brigitta hummed as she rubbed her eyes and listened to the titan roaring in the pit.</p><p>
  <em>Roses and hollyhock, violets and posies…</em>
</p><p>It was the first line of a children’s song, and Brigitta had forgotten the rest. She pressed her thumbs into her eyes so that rainbow colors exploded against the blackness.</p><p>Roses. Hollyhock. Violets and posies.</p><p>She sang that to Siegfried when he was a baby. Armin had loved it.</p><p>Siegfried. Armin. She couldn’t see which he was. Whose baby he was.</p><p>Brigitta moaned and yanked out a fistful of hair. If only she hadn’t talked to him. If only she hadn’t…</p><p>Earlier that day, she’d just tried to get Siegfried to say he loved her better than Petra. Didn’t his auntie love him so much? Wasn’t she the best auntie? But Siegfried kept trying to get away, the little brat, the little angel, and he’d hurt her so badly.</p><p>Brigitta shouldn’t have hit him. She shouldn’t have made him cry. But he hurt her so much. She loved him more than the world, and he didn’t love her. No one loved her.</p><p>Then Erwin had entered and found the boy crying. Erwin sent Siegfried-Armin to play with his siblings. And the king towered above Brigitta. She was certain he’d kill her.</p><p>It had been worse.</p><p>‘I will not restore your womb’, he’d said. His voice was so calm and cold that she knew there’d be no argument.</p><p>She’d sat in a huddle after that, rocking back and forth. Petra was sitting in a prison cell, crying because she was going to be forced to be an empress and a mother. The spoiled bitch. So spoiled. Always had been.</p><p>Brigitta loved her sister, but she’d never hated anyone as much as she hated Petra in that moment.</p><p>Brigitta had pulled herself together. She’d tried to act like things were normal with Erwin. She’d tried to save Oruo. She loved Oruo and Kuchel, too. Of course she did. But Erwin wouldn’t listen. He’d walked away from her with that titan shot. Brigitta had gone to the kids’ room to find him, and there she’d discovered Erwin sprawled out on the ground. His back had been broken. She’d asked what had happened.</p><p>He’d snapped at her. Left. And that’s when she noticed the syringe.</p><p>The box had fallen out of his pocket. Brigitta had nabbed it in order to save Oruo. To keep Erwin from using the injection. She’d gone down to rescue her sister to reunite her with the children.</p><p>Brigitta had taken a gun from one of the downed guards and killed the man standing watch outside the prison. When she pulled the trigger, she realized then exactly what she was going to do. Where this was going.</p><p>There was nothing she could do to stop herself. At that point it was like watching a film play out. She could shout at the screen, but she couldn’t force the characters to move or speak differently.</p><p>She lied to Petra. Told her that Erwin had Oruo.</p><p>As they’d crossed the lawn to the pits, Brigitta had told herself that there was still time to stop. She wouldn’t go through with this. The course she was on would change. She just needed to be patient.</p><p>But the way Petra sprinted ahead, desperate to get to her babies—her three babies, all of whom loved her more than they loved their Aunt Brigitta—made Brigitta want to die. Or scream.</p><p>Or kill.</p><p><em>You’re not going to do this</em> she thought as Petra stood at the lip of the pit and Brigitta snapped open the case. As she removed the syringe, Brigitta waited for herself to drop it. She waited to stop. But she didn’t stop.</p><p>Petra turned back to her sister. The soft relief in her eyes spoke volumes. Oruo wasn’t there. He wasn’t a titan.</p><p>
  <em>I won’t let him be a titan. I’ll protect him. I’ll be a mother to all three of them.</em>
</p><p>“Gitta. It’s okay.” Petra had smiled. Then there was some hesitation in the corners of her mouth. Petra cocked her head, that gesture a question in and of itself. “Oruo’s not here. Let’s go look for him.”</p><p><em>Let’s go look for him</em>. It was like the magic words, a spell that turned Brigitta into a demon. Why those words? Because it sounded like an order? Because it was a reminder that Petra had a son and Brigitta never would?</p><p>Or was it just because Petra had everything and Brigitta had nothing?</p><p>Brigitta felt all love leach out of her heart. Hatred burned in her throat.</p><p>“Gitta. What are you doing?” Petra shook her head. “No.”</p><p>She knew. Oh, she knew.</p><p>“He’s mine,” Brigitta snapped. She gave a broken sob. “He’s mine! He’s not yours, he’s mine!”</p><p>“Okay. Let’s talk about this.” Petra held up her hands. “Please put that down.”</p><p>Oh, Petra thought Brigitta was stupid. Her big sister was a trained soldier; she was just trying to find a moment to break Brigitta’s wrist and take the syringe. Maybe she’d even inject Brigitta and toss her into the pit instead. Then she’d leave and marry Erwin and Siegfried would adore her, and they would leave the barren, miserable aunt out here to rot as a monster for all eternity.</p><p>No. <em>No.</em></p><p>“No!” Brigitta screamed. She rushed forward, and Petra tried knocking the syringe from her hand. In fact, she succeeded. The syringe fell to the earth, and the two women lunged for it.</p><p>Brigitta had never beaten Petra at anything before. Petra won every foot race. She jumped every hurdle.</p><p>But this one time, Brigitta won.</p><p>She grabbed the syringe. Petra’s eyes widened with terror.</p><p>“Gitta, please!”</p><p>Brigitta didn’t listen. She jammed the needle into her sister’s neck and pushed the plunger.</p><p>For two seconds, they stared at one another.</p><p>Petra…</p><p>“Gitta?” Her sister’s eyes filled with tears. Her lip quivered. She clasped a hand to the side of her neck, where the worst injury she’d ever receive had been given. “Why?”</p><p>Why? Why why why did she ask that stupid fucking question? Why? <em>Why had any of Brigitta’s life turned out this way?</em></p><p>Brigitta screamed in fury and shoved Petra. Her big sister tumbled into the pit. A mere half a second after, the night became brilliant with orange lightning. When Brigitta crawled on her hands and knees to the edge of the pit, she saw—</p><p>Petra’s face, her monstrous teeth, her insane, giant eyes.</p><p>Gone. Her sister was gone. Something had taken her place.</p><p>Petra was gone.</p><p>She and Petra had whispered stories in the dark when they were children. They’d played dolls together. They’d set the table for dinner, giggling about boys.</p><p>Her sister was gone.</p><p>Brigitta’s mind went blank. She screamed. Then she had to get up and walk around in circles and start tugging at her hair and clawing at her face to feel pain, just so she didn’t feel that great hollow void that was eating out her insides.</p><p>She didn’t know how long she’d been like that when Levi found her. She tried to tell him what she’d done; at least then he’d kill her and she’d be beyond this hell. But she couldn’t remember how to speak. She could only laugh, and scream.</p><p>Now minutes or maybe hours or maybe years had passed. She remained alone, hunched over the edge of the pit. Sirens screamed outside, and guns boomed, and Brigitta also felt her mind tearing apart under the weight of her own private war.</p><p>Her life was ruined. Her life was stupid. She didn’t deserve life. Or love. Or comfort.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” She sobbed as her tears dropped into the pit. Her sister’s titan reached for her. Petra gnashed her teeth. Brigitta rocked back and forth, clutching her arms. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Did she slip? Did she want to slip? Either way, she tumbled forward into the darkness and cried out in pain as she landed upon a hill of sand. She rolled down until she was at the titan’s feet. Brigitta looked up in terror as Petra reached down. She grabbed Brigitta around the waist and hoisted her into the air.</p><p>“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she sobbed as Petra opened her mouth wide.</p><p>Brigitta remembered a rainy day when she’d had the measles. Petra had brought her soup and sat by the bed and read her a story as the rain pattered on the window. Petra had brought Brigitta a posy from outside, raindrops iridescent on the pink petals.</p><p>Roses. Hollyhocks. Violets and posies.</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry. I’m sorry.</em>
</p><p>Brigitta wanted to go back to childhood and that room, with the bowl of soup and the flower.</p><p>“Petra!” she sobbed, as if trying to rouse her big sister from a nightmare.</p><p>She screamed until the titan bit through her back. Then, finally, everything was dark and silent.</p><p>***</p><p>Holy fuck. What a freak show.</p><p>Floch stood at the edge of the pit, looking down at the titan as it finished devouring Brigitta. Petra Ackerman made a damn ugly titan. No question.</p><p>Floch smirked. The king would hate to see the woman like this. Too bad.</p><p>Humming, he wended his way out of the pits and towards the bunker. He had to grab Connie like Erwin said.</p><p>But Floch was going to devour the stupid kid himself. Then he’d snap the king in half when the moment arrived.</p><p>Enough of this weakness. Floch was gonna end this shit tonight. The world needed a true king. A real emperor. He’d rise to the challenge.</p><p>And then he would take both those Ackerman brats and grind them into paste. He’d keep the Siegfried kid around so long as the brat knew his place. Or maybe Floch would just kill him, too. No sense leaving any loose ends.</p><p>Up ahead, he saw the lights around the bunker. The building was a squat, rectangular concrete structure with a metal door. You wouldn’t know by looking that the thing went almost six stories underground. Connie was on the second floor. It wouldn’t be too difficult to get the guards to hand the shifter over. After all, Floch was a big deal around here.</p><p>As he reached the entrance, Floch heard something just behind him.</p><p>It sounded like a gun being loaded.</p><p>The fuck?</p><p>As he turned, a bullet ripped directly through his throat. It felt like fire going through his spine as Floch collapsed to the earth. He clutched the gushing wound and tried to scream, but could only make a series of choked noises. His legs jerked. His lungs began to fill with blood as he heard footsteps approach.</p><p>An enemy soldier?</p><p>No. A maid.</p><p>It was the maid with the fucked up face, Connie’s girlfriend. Ingrid or something. Inga. She stood above Floch, her gun aimed at the center of his forehead. His mouth was too full of blood to even allow him to speak.</p><p>This bitch. How the fuck had she…?</p><p>“Hello, Floch.”</p><p>Another woman approached. This one was tiny, bone-thin. Her golden hair had all been cut away. She wore a cloth bandage over her missing eye.</p><p>Queen Historia sneered at him. He could only lie there, choke, and try to understand.</p><p>“You know something?” the queen said. She narrowed her remaining eye. “I remember back when Erwin wanted to force me to have a baby. You wanted to be the father. You told the king I was ‘your type.’ Hmm? Isn’t that right?”</p><p>He clenched his teeth. That stupid—</p><p>“Well I’m sorry, Floch.” The queen smirked. “But you’re definitely not <em>my</em> type.”</p><p>He tried to roar with anger, but that Inga woman pulled the trigger and splattered his head like a ripe melon.</p><p>What a stupid fucking way to go.</p><p>***</p><p>Connie hung there, trying to remain conscious. By this point, his wrists were so chafed that the steam of their healing was barely there. He knew that a shifter could get to a point where their body stopped healing. He didn’t think he’d even get to die then; he’d just hang here in solid agony.</p><p>They’d put a plastic tray beneath him so that his blood could drip off the floor. Connie felt himself falling into unconsciousness. He had to wrestle to stay awake.</p><p>“Piece of shit,” one of the guards said. The guy spat some tobacco juice into the pan of Connie’s blood. This place was gross.</p><p>At least Erwin hadn’t done anything to his mom. Yet.</p><p><em>Eren, why’d you have to pick me for this shit?</em> Connie winced. <em>You always knew I was an idiot.</em></p><p>But Eren hadn’t chosen Connie. Connie had agreed to eat Reiner. But if he hadn’t, his mother would never have come home. These last few years he’d at least been able to make her comfortable. They’d both grieved his dad and siblings, but at least they’d been together.</p><p>Besides, it didn’t matter if his mom was alive or not if they couldn’t…</p><p>“Hey! You’re not supposed to be here,” the guard snapped. Connie opened his eyes wide.</p><p>Inga was in the doorway, one hand in her coat pocket.</p><p>She smiled at him. Even though his whole body was in agony, he weakly smiled back.</p><p>Just the sight of her soothed him.</p><p>“Bitch, you heard me? You don’t have clearance for down here,” the second guard sneered.</p><p>Bitch? Connie would teach those two fuckers…</p><p>“What about me?” Historia asked as she came through the door and stood beside Inga.</p><p>“Wh-What the f—?” The guard didn’t get to finish his thought before Inga shot him through the mouth. Before the other soldier could fumble for his weapon, Connie’s girlfriend killed him, too. Connie slumped forward, all his weight dangling from his wrists. It really hurt.</p><p>But at least she was here.</p><p>“Hurry.” Historia snagged a ring of keys from one of the dead men, passed it to Inga, then swept out of the room. Inga quickly pocketed her gun and then unlocked Connie. He sagged against her, but she managed to hold him well enough. She sat him in a chair, knelt, and finally helped pull those goddamn metal bars out of his legs. Connie cried in relief as the wounds finally began to heal.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Inga petted his cheek. Tears shone in her eyes. “I’m sorry we’re so late.”</p><p>“I’m okay now.” Connie grinned, leaned forward, and kissed her. He held her close. “We’re gonna be okay.”</p><p>“Yes. We are.” She kissed his cheek, held him as she cried. Connie ran his fingers through her hair. At least she was okay.</p><p>That and his mom were all that mattered anymore.</p><p>“Connie? Inga.” Historia reappeared in the doorway. It was real good to see her out of a cage. “Are you ready to go? We need to move. Soldiers are on the way here.”</p><p>Shit. Connie hissed as he hooked an arm around Inga’s shoulders. She hoisted him up. Historia found him a makeshift crutch, and he hobbled alongside the women out the door and up the stairs. They had to hurry.</p><p>He had a journey ahead of him.</p><p>***</p><p>Levi stilled. He frowned.</p><p>“What the fuck do you mean what’m I talking about? My wife! You turned her into a titan, you fucking—”</p><p>“<em>Petra?</em>” Erwin couldn’t seem to contain the astonished horror. “A… No. No, that’s impossible.” Then Erwin backed further up, sneered. “You’d lie about something like that to unmoor me, you son of a bitch?”</p><p>“You think I’d ever lie about shit like that?” Levi barked. He curled his lip, put his left foot behind his right. He flipped the blade in his hand, and felt as he had when sighting a titan through the forest of giant trees. “For that alone, I’d fucking kill you.”</p><p>Levi whirled through the air as Erwin raised a hand to defend himself. Probably the king had wanted to turn another arm colossal, to try roasting Levi whole. But Levi spun like a dervish, restoring himself to the man he’d once been. The hard, cold man he’d been before love and a family had changed him.</p><p>He would not have love any longer if he kept Erwin alive.</p><p>Levi roared as he felt his blades slice through a limb. Erwin howled, collapsing to the ground as Levi rebounded off a tree and dug both his blades through the other man’s torso. He heard Erwin splutter, saw blood on the ground, but he hadn’t gotten the spine. The king would live. Levi stood behind Erwin. He stared at the tall, muscled back of his best friend. His commander.</p><p>The man he loved. Levi winced in agony as he yanked the blades out. Erwin tumbled to his knees and Levi lopped off the other arm. The king cried out in agony as Levi wiped off his blades and sheathed them. There’d be no transformations now. Erwin couldn’t get away.</p><p>Levi’s pulse steadied. His vision cooled. He’d won.</p><p>He gripped the other man’s shoulder and spun Erwin to face him. Blood was slick on the increasingly wrinkled face. Blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth and into his gray beard.</p><p>
  <em>We’re so old, Erwin.</em>
</p><p>“But I have to keep you alive,” Levi rasped. “So you can save her.”</p><p>With that, he kicked and shattered Erwin’s kneecaps and thigh bones. The king screamed in pain as Levi dragged his helpless ass across the forest floor. Overhead, Levi saw the flash of lights as airplanes droned in. Shit. Paradisian fighters from the north.</p><p>“If my kids die, I’ll kill you twice.”</p><p>“Levi…”</p><p>Erwin could barely speak for the pain. Levi dragged the man out of the forest and across the lawn, one hand always on his blade’s hilt in case they were confronted. But no one was out in the gardens at this point. All the fighting was closer to the palace. Levi knew his way to the pits. Hange had drawn them a map, walked them over it again and again until he was sure he’d find his way while sleepwalking.</p><p>Levi finally recognized the path they were on. He paused then, and frowned. The pits were ahead, but he didn’t hear any titan roars. Why?</p><p>But he did hear voices. Human voices. And the whizz of ODM cables.</p><p>His eyes snapped wide.</p><p>
  <em>No. No!</em>
</p><p>With a cry of terror, Levi raced down the path, dumping Erwin’s shattered body off to the side as he came to the pits. Ahead of him, he saw Marleyan uniforms. His allies had invaded, found the titan pits.</p><p>And…they had set the titans “free.” As Levi watched, mouth agape, a young soldier swooped down and sliced a titan’s nape. Nile’s titan. With a roar, the thing collapsed and died a merciful death. Nile Dok was finally free.</p><p>But…</p><p>“Petra!” he screamed. Levi ran, heart a hammer against his ribs. Soldiers turned on him, raised guns, and Levi heard someone scream that it was King Levi. Hold your fire.</p><p>But his wife. No, no, not her…</p><p>Levi fell down and crawled to the pit that had contained Petra’s titan.</p><p>He stared down into it, and found the disintegrating remains of a titan’s corpse.</p><p>She was gone.</p><p>She was gone.</p><p>
  <em>She’s gone.</em>
</p><p>“Petra?” Erwin whispered behind him. The world buzzed, became static and fog.</p><p>“Hey! You!” One of the Marleyan soldiers raced over, gun drawn, but then lowered his weapon when he saw the two kings. “Holy shit. Majesty! Fuck, and Erwin Smith. Guys! Get over here, it’s the ki—”</p><p>Levi roared. He stood and gripped the man by the front of his collar and smashed him to the ground. Levi broke the guy’s nose and teeth beneath his boot. When the two other soldiers came at him, Levi hurt them. He threw one all the way into a pit; wasn’t sure if the guy survived or not. But after a minute he found himself and Erwin alone. Levi fell to his knees beside Petra’s empty pit.</p><p>The last traces of his wife were disintegrating.</p><p>His throat swelled shut.</p><p>He saw her through the years. Pregnant with Kuchel and Oruo. Hanging stockings for the children before the midwinter hearth. Walking hand in hand with him down a lane, despite his hesitancy about cuddling and shit in public. Kissing him. Reading on the beach, chuckling at the best bits. Drinking tea with him on the couch in the evening, her head resting upon his shoulder.</p><p>He had lost her. Not in thirteen years, a grief he’d already been preparing for. Right now.</p><p>She wouldn’t see their children grow up. He would never hold her again.</p><p>He couldn’t do this.</p><p>They would never kiss or make love. He would never listen to her talk, the sweet melody of her voice. Her laughter was silver and rain. The mere joy of seeing her in the morning and evening had been a tonic.</p><p>He couldn’t do this.</p><p>His heart was gone. He couldn’t—</p><p>Levi wailed.</p><p>He had not cried like this since he was a child. He had not wailed since the day he woke and found his mother dead. Not even when Isabel and Furlan had died, not even when his squad had been killed, nothing compared to this.</p><p>Levi cried and sobbed like a child. He kept shouting his wife’s name, but she would not answer back. She’d never answer him again.</p><p>
  <em>Please don’t do this to me. Please. Please take me instead of her.</em>
</p><p>His children were motherless.</p><p>He had lost his world.</p><p>Levi lifted his face to the night sky and screamed. The grief came out of him, an endless torrent.</p><p>
  <em>Please god, please god, no, fuck you, please no…</em>
</p><p>He wished there was even one titan left in these pits. Just one to devour him and end this hell.</p><p>But…</p><p>
  <em>No. The kids.</em>
</p><p>He could never leave them, not after this. He had to endure however long he had left without her. He’d once been so inured to violence and death. Love had made him weak, a soft piece of shit. If only he’d never known her or loved her. Then none of this would have happened. The world was ending because he had loved her.</p><p>He was the real devil here.</p><p>Levi slumped over and sobbed. He was lost in his pain, an island in the middle of a dark sea.</p><p>Until that voice.</p><p>“Levi.” Erwin sounded quiet. Broken. Tears streaming down his face, Levi stared at the other king. Steam hissed from Erwin’s stumped arms as they healed.</p><p>And Levi saw marks tracking down Erwin’s cheeks in the moonlight. But they weren’t his shifter lines. They were tears.</p><p>“Levi, I’m so sorry,” he gasped.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>What have I done?</em>
</p><p>Erwin sat there and stared at the empty pit. He didn’t doubt Levi that Petra had become a titan; the man would never make such a thing up. Darkly, Erwin recalled the moment he’d realized the syringe had fallen out of his pocket. He’d never even suspected…</p><p>Brigitta? Had she…?</p><p>She was the one left behind in the children’s room. Erwin didn’t know where the woman had gone, but he believed he now understood everything.</p><p>And Petra was dead.</p><p>And Siegfried was motherless.</p><p>And Levi…</p><p>The man Erwin loved, his best friend, his greatest enemy, lay broken on the earth. Erwin could never have felled Levi in combat. But love had destroyed him.</p><p>No. Love’s loss.</p><p>Levi had only lost Petra because of what Erwin had done. Erwin gazed at those disintegrating bits, all that remained of the mother of his son. The woman he’d made love to. His faithful subordinate. <em>Levi brought me back to safeguard you.</em></p><p>It was the one reason Levi had picked Erwin over Armin on that rooftop so long ago.</p><p>
  <em>I failed you both.</em>
</p><p>“Levi, I’m so sorry.” Erwin wept. The two men gazed at each other, wretched. Then Levi crawled over and gripped Erwin’s hair. He tilted the king’s head back, laid his blade across Erwin’s throat.</p><p>“I’m going…to kill you,” Levi rasped. His face was a nightmare of rage and grief. His hands shook. These were the same words as he’d uttered nearly twenty years ago, right after Isabel and Furlan died. The same words delivered in the same way.</p><p>“Yes,” Erwin whispered. “Do it.”</p><p>“Don’t try to fucking stop me!” Levi roared. “Enough of your stupid fucking mind games!”</p><p>“I want you to.” Erwin felt dizzy. In a sick way, he was relieved. Connie, or Eren, or both had been right; Erwin was too weak to make the choice to take what he really wanted. He relied on better, stronger men like Levi to see his wishes through. “You brought me back to protect her, and I failed.”</p><p>“Yes.” Levi sounded choked. His eyes were blue fire. When he pressed the blade, blood dribbled down Erwin’s neck.</p><p>“I don’t deserve to be alive when Petra is gone.”</p><p>“<em>No, you don’t.</em>”</p><p>Erwin shut his eyes. The world was on fire all around them. He had ruined the place, and now he was glad to be leaving it, but…</p><p>Siegfried. No. Armin. His mother had named him Armin.</p><p>“Do me one favor,” Erwin rasped.</p><p>“Fuck your favors.”</p><p>“Please. My son.” Erwin looked into Levi’s eyes. “Armin. I beg you, for Petra’s sake. Take care of him.”</p><p>Levi clenched his jaw, bared his teeth. Veins throbbed at his temples and along his forehead. He wrestled down his rage.</p><p>It was, Erwin knew, one last cruelty inflicted upon this man. Asking him to raise Erwin’s child. The boy he’d gotten on the woman Levi adored. The boy who would wear Erwin’s face, and look at the world with Petra’s eyes. It was, Erwin realized, too much to ask of even a good man, now that his wife was gone.</p><p>“I hate you.” The words hissed out of Levi. His face screwed up in mounting fury.</p><p>“I know. I deserve it.”</p><p>Levi raised his blade, and Erwin winced. He waited for oblivion. But Levi thrust the blade deep into the earth, then gripped Erwin by his collar. Levi stood, dragging the kneeling king’s face up to his.</p><p>“Why should you get an easy death, huh? Why shouldn’t I take my time with you?” Levi began to choke Erwin. But Erwin did not struggle. He let it happen. “Look at everything you did. You killed children!” he barked. Levi pressed his forehead to Erwin’s, and it was too much comfort to be this near to the man again. To share his breath. “You killed Hange.”</p><p>“No,” Erwin whispered. But the tears fell again, because… “Yes.”</p><p>He was supposed to save Hange, too. Everyone he loved, he’d destroyed.</p><p>“You kidnapped my wife. You split up my family. You threw me out of my home.” Levi’s voice trembled with feeling. “You started a war. Twice! You bombed millions You traumatized my kids! You betrayed your own people!”</p><p>“Yes!” Erwin shouted. He crumpled when Levi let go. Erwin lay at the man’s feet, head resting upon Levi’s boots. Let this be the end, then. He closed his eyes. Let him die like this. Hated. It was only what he deserved.</p><p>But Armin…</p><p>“Please.” Erwin swallowed. He could not die without knowing. “Please spare my son.”</p><p>“Why should I?” Levi kicked Erwin in the face. His teeth cracked, his nose split. But he didn’t scream or fight; he took it all. “You fucked my wife! And when that brat was born, you ruined all our lives! You destroyed the whole fucking world for that little bastard!” This was hatred as Erwin had never yet heard in Levi’s voice. The smaller man knelt beside him on the earth and snarled into his ear. “She wanted to abort him. She chose me over your stupid fucking kid.” Erwin shut his eyes; he wished he would die now. “I’m the idiot. I told her to have the baby. But that <em>thing</em> should never have drawn breath. I should’ve killed it when I had the chance, after she gave birth!”</p><p>“No!” Erwin sobbed. He shook in terror; he could not let Levi hurt his son. Not the last human part of him. He forced his face into Levi’s. “He’s a good boy. You can’t blame him for what I did!”</p><p>“I think we both know this world would be a better place today if that little son of a bitch had never been born!”</p><p>Erwin shook his head. “I have no right to ask for mercy for myself,” he choked. “But my son is innocent!”</p><p>“My kids are innocent, too, and now they lost their mother!”</p><p>“<em>So has Armin!</em>”</p><p>Levi choked Erwin again. He dragged the other king over to Petra’s empty pit, dangled him over the drop.</p><p>“I doubt the fall’d kill you. But it’d hurt. Maybe we should experiment, Majesty.” Levi sneered. “Hange loved to experiment. See if a shifter can starve to death. How many days or weeks or months would it take for you to die of hunger and thirst? Hmm?” There was nothing human in Levi’s eyes now. This is what he became without her; his soul was malformed now. With neither Petra nor Erwin to guide him, he grew devilish.</p><p>“You can do that if you want. But my son—”</p><p>“What if I killed you, and then went and killed that fucking kid, too?” Levi flung Erwin to the ground and kicked him in the side again and again. “His mother’s dead because of you both. Even if you didn’t inject her—”</p><p>“It was Brigitta.” Erwin gasped as Levi stopped kicking. He crouched beside the fallen king.</p><p>“You know that?”</p><p>“No. But I lost a syringe with titan serum. She had the opportunity to grab it. Petra would have gone with her. Trusted her.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. His side was a wall of pain. “It would make sense.”</p><p>Levi pondered this. “Fucking cunt,” he snarled. He pounded his fist into the earth. “Why the fuck would she do that?”</p><p>Erwin froze. <em>Because Armin loved his mother more.</em></p><p>He said nothing, but could see the thought light upon Levi as well. The malevolence in the man’s eyes grew even more feverish.</p><p>“It all comes back to that shitty kid. And you.” Levi took up his blade, lifted it into the air. Erwin realized death was a mere second off. Time slowed to a crawl; this was all the time he would ever have, here in this instant. “And me. We’re all three devils. We should all die for it.”</p><p>“Only me,” Erwin whispered. “Please. Just take me and spare the boy.” He saw Levi hesitate. “You don’t murder the innocent. You never have.”</p><p>Levi’s look hardened once more.</p><p>“No one’s innocent anymore.”</p><p>And he brought down the sword, ready to take off Erwin’s head.</p><p>***</p><p>As Levi watched himself lower the weapon, half a heartbeat away from killing Erwin, he felt the world stop around him.</p><p>The yellow lightning crawled all along his arm.</p><p>DON’T. That’s all it kept saying. DON’T.</p><p>
  <em>Because he’s my liege? My king? My commander? Why the fuck should that matter anymore?</em>
</p><p>Levi had sworn all those years ago to Furlan and Isabel that he would kill Erwin Smith, and now the day was finally here. He just had to complete the arc, and it would all be done.</p><p>He had to—</p><p>
  <em>Levi.</em>
</p><p>He heard that voice. Erwin’s voice. When they’d been young men together, on that crate in Shiganshina.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you.</em>
</p><p>The look of trust. The look of love. The knowledge that he, Levi, had granted this great man the only gift he’d ever truly wanted.</p><p>Then he’d taken it away.</p><p>
  <em>Levi!</em>
</p><p>At the last possible second, Levi guided his blade off course. It lodged in the earth directly beside Erwin’s head, and Levi howled his impotent rage. And relief.</p><p>“Levi!”</p><p>That wasn’t Erwin. It was Mikasa’s voice. Levi was stunned as his cousin came at him out of the night, landing on her knee beside him and the prostrate king. To his shock, Mikasa placed herself before Erwin, protecting him.</p><p>“The fuck?” he growled.</p><p>“You can’t kill him.” She took out a blade, prepared to defend Erwin to the death. Her gray eyes were bright, her jaw set. “Don’t make me fight you.”</p><p>Can’t kill him? Who the fuck had the right to tell Levi not to kill this asshole?</p><p>“Get out of my way.” He yanked his blade from the earth and prepared to fight.</p><p>“If you kill him, we can’t stop the hyperfusion attack!” she snapped. “And if we can’t stop the bombs, the entire world will attack Paradis at once.”</p><p>Levi froze. He shook his head. No.</p><p>“You’re saying…?”</p><p>“The bombs go off at eleven. The only way to stop the launch is with a four digit code. He’s the only one who has it.” She jerked her head at Erwin, who lay on the ground looking stunned. “Please.</p><p>Levi hovered there, then dropped his sword. He sank to his knees. Of course Erwin was needed. Of course Levi had to let him go. And then Erwin would use this information to his own advantage, like he always did. They could negotiate now; in return for saving Valle and the other cities, he’d talk it out with Willy. He’d escape this noose. He always did.</p><p>Levi had lost. Again. Teeth bared, he slammed his fists to the earth and shouted his rage. Mikasa put her blade away. She knew him; she knew he wouldn’t attack now. But he clawed furrows into the damp ground, turning animal with the fury. He was getting dirty, but he no longer cared. The sheer cruelty of it all. The unfairness. He was supposed to finally take his fucking revenge, and even now, even after everything—</p><p>“5179,” Erwin said softly.</p><p>Both Mikasa and Levi looked at the king.</p><p>“What?” Levi whispered.</p><p>“The code to stop the hyperfusion bombs is 5179,” he repeated. Erwin lay there and gazed at them both. “Take me in and radio to Marley. Tell Willy I surrender. Unequivocally.”</p><p>“You…what?” Mikasa stood, absolutely stunned into silence.</p><p>“I surrender. This war ends now.” Erwin shut his eyes. He looked, for the first time in years, as if a weight had been lifted from him. He struggled to sit up. Levi and Mikasa helped him. Erwin looked older than ever now, covered in blood and dirt. He seemed flat. Almost small.</p><p>He’d given up that big, bullshit king attitude.</p><p>“Liar,” Levi muttered.</p><p>“Take me with you. Surrender me. They can put me on trial before the world, then hang me. Or they can just wait a couple more weeks.” As if to illustrate, Erwin coughed. Phlegm and blood spat onto the earth. Levi curled his lip in disgust.</p><p>“Why would you change, huh? Just because Petra’s dead?” Levi was still ready to get past Mikasa and kill this fucking prick.</p><p>“I told her that we were bound together. You bound us when you brought me back.” Erwin spoke to himself more than to the others. “Like a magic spell. A curse. She’s gone, so I should be as well. I…” He looked bone weary. “I would have let her eat me. I would have given my life to bring her back to you, and I’m sorry I can’t.”</p><p>Levi fought the impulse to scream. He’d been so close to having her again. So close.</p><p>“Why?” he snapped.</p><p>“Because Armin loves her.” Erwin shivered. His face fell in pain. “He loved her. I claimed that I did all of this for him, but I’ve taken everything from him instead. I drove his mother away. I turned the world against us. I started the events that killed her. I…” Erwin bowed his head. “I’m useless to him. But he has a brother and sister that love him.”</p><p>Levi understood. Fuck. Erwin was ready to die to give Armin what he needed. So long as Erwin Smith lived, the siblings couldn’t be together. Their fathers would war over them eternally. But Erwin could’ve killed Levi and kept the kids for himself. He adored Kuchel, after all. Except that they both knew, in their hearts, that Levi was the better father.</p><p>Erwin was finally, finally being a good parent. He was removing himself from the equation.</p><p>But even though this was everything Levi had wanted, he was so mad. He felt worse than ever. Because his wife was dead. The cost of this shit had been too high.</p><p>Because…</p><p>He hadn’t wanted to see Erwin small like this. Beaten down. He’d wanted to kill Erwin in the heat of battle, full of fury and passion. Hatred.</p><p>“You’re such a piece of shit,” Levi rasped.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“<em>Shit</em>,” Mikasa hissed. She stood and turned. Honestly, it was kinda disconcerting to hear her swear. But Levi understood the problem as the city bells tolled. For a heart-stopping moment, he thought it was eleven. But the bells called the three-quarter hour.</p><p>Fifteen minutes to launch.</p><p>“Mikasa. Go,” Levi said. “Get to the Tower and turn off the hyperfusion program.”</p><p>“And you?” She looked at the two men. Levi gazed down at Erwin.</p><p>“I’ll hand him over.”</p><p>He didn’t need to say another word. She was gone into the night, and as Levi stood there he could hear the approach of stamping boots. He turned, hand on his hilt, ready to go at them if it turned out to be a bunch of Paradisian soldiers. But he recognized the round helmets and puff-legged trousers. It was Marley.</p><p>He’d hand Erwin over to them. Do his duty. Go find his children. Become king.</p><p>Him, king, while Erwin Smith would be put in a cage and mocked, spat upon. Reviled. Put on a show trial, dragged around the world so people could leer at him and thumb their noses.</p><p>It’s what Erwin deserved after everything he’d done. It was right.</p><p>“You deserve all of this,” Levi said.</p><p>“Yes.” Erwin did not sound afraid. Merely resigned. Levi knelt on the ground before the king. He forced Erwin to look him in the eyes.</p><p>“I…” There was so much to say. How much he hated this man. What a monster Erwin had become. How the king’s cruelty and inhumanity had caused utter degradation, brought the world to the brink of annihilation, and killed the only woman Levi’d ever loved. Would ever love. He said, “I wanted to say thank you.”</p><p>Erwin appeared baffled. Levi couldn’t even believe the words that’d left his mouth. But he continued.</p><p>“A long time ago in Shiganshina…I knew you only made yourself a devil to save us all.” They looked deep into each other’s eyes now. The sight of Erwin’s blue eyes, the pain leaving them and the wonder entering, took Levi back to his youth. “I know you did most of what you did for me. And her. And all of us.”</p><p>“You’ve said this before. I’ve agreed.”</p><p>“Yeah. But Hange told me something. She said that once, when you took her to the pits and showed her Nile’s titan, you said that none of us had had any patience with you.”</p><p>“Yes.” He winced. “It was a self indulgent thing to say.”</p><p>“It was true.” Levi drew closer, felt the world reduce itself to him and this man. The two of them alone together for the first time in years. Truly alone. “We asked you to do miracles in order to save us. You did, and then we hated you for them.”</p><p>“You had every right. It wasn’t Hange’s fault I abused her trust.”</p><p>“No. But it was my fault for never trying to be the bigger man. You know what I mean. If I hadn’t shoved you outta our lives, I don’t think you would’ve gone ballistic like you did once Armin was born.”</p><p>“I…” Erwin’s brow relaxed. “No. I don’t think I would have.” It was a soft, almost shy admission.</p><p>“This whole war was because of your son.” Levi shut his eyes, and felt Erwin’s presence. The warmth and completeness of it. “But you clung to him…because I pushed you away.”</p><p>“It’s not your fault,” Erwin said. “I wanted my son to myself. It had nothing to do with you, Levi. It—”</p><p>“Of course it was about him. But if we’d moved to Mitras when you asked, would you have tried to marry Petra like you said you would?”</p><p>Erwin couldn’t answer. Levi had been the one constant pull for him, the two bodies hurtling through space to orbit each other in an endless dance. Erwin had noticed Petra because of Levi; he had yearned for family because Levi had abandoned him. His love for his son was real, like his desire for Petra had been. But it all began and ended with Levi Ackerman. As it always would.</p><p>Levi’s life had truly begun the day Erwin cornered him in the underground, but in a way, so had Erwin’s. Meeting Levi hadn’t given him a goal; he’d had it always. But it had made his dreams that much more real. And it had given Erwin the truest friendship of his life; the one relationship he could never hide away from.</p><p>Erwin shut his eyes. Levi could hear the Marleyan soldiers drawing nearer. Soon they’d take the king from him.</p><p>
  <em>It’s what he deserves. After everything he’s done.</em>
</p><p>“For whatever it’s worth, I’m truly sorry.” A single tear slid down Erwin’s cheek. “An apology can never make up for what I’ve taken from you.”</p><p>Levi clenched his jaw. “You gave me my entire fucking life. Petra was only possible because of you.”</p><p>He leaned in then, and pressed his forehead against the other man’s. Erwin gave a muffled sob as Levi rested an arm upon his shoulder, snaked it around his neck. Erwin still lacked arms, so Levi held him. He shut his eyes and felt the warmth of this man. His enemy. His friend. The person he’d loved first and longest.</p><p>Levi would not fucking cry. He pressed his lips to Erwin’s forehead. He held there for a moment, refusing to end the kiss. When he did, he rested the point of his chin upon the top of Erwin’s head. Erwin pressed his face to Levi’s chest, probably listening to his trammeling heart.</p><p>“If the bombs go off…” Erwin gulped. “The bunker. It’s six floors down behind a steel door. Take your children there. They’ll be safe no matter what happens.</p><p>“Oi,” Levi rasped. “I’ll take all three of them.” Armin. “I’ll look after him. I’ll raise him like my own.”</p><p>Erwin deflated.</p><p>“Thank you. I’m sorry. Levi. I…”</p><p>Levi squeezed his eyes shut. They both of them knew the words Erwin would’ve spoken. The three little words. The truth. Levi felt the same, but he didn’t speak, either. There was no need.</p><p>He wasn’t a guy for talking. He showed what he felt in action.</p><p>“It’s Erwin!” someone behind Levi shouted. It sounded like a triumphant jeer. “Fuck yeah, let’s get ‘im.”</p><p>Levi released his friend, his commander, his love, and stood over him. Erwin, still on his knees, gazed up at Levi.</p><p>Almost twenty years ago, Levi had knelt and Erwin had stood and passed judgment.</p><p>“Erwin,” he said.</p><p>The king understood. Once again, tears filled his eyes. Once again, he smiled.</p><p>“Levi,” he whispered. “Thank you.”</p><p>Too fast to see, too fast to comprehend, Levi unsheathed his sword and sliced Erwin Smith’s head off. It landed at Levi’s feet, and the body slumped over.</p><p>“Holy shit! Shit!” The Marleyan soldiers came rushing at Levi, whooping and hollering. They thought he had done this for them; but it had been for Erwin.</p><p>Levi’s last gift. His last token of love.</p><p><em>I’m going to kill you!</em> He had screamed those words, blade crossed with Erwin’s on the field that day.</p><p>
  <em>I expect you to come with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Levi. Thank you.</em>
</p><p>He’d made a promise. He’d kept it. Levi Ackerman always kept his promises to this man.</p><p><em>Goodbye, Erwin.</em> He looked at the empty pit. The last of his wife was gone. He clenched his jaw. <em>Goodbye, Petra.</em></p><p>Levi walked away from the soldiers and the dead. He left the Tower to Mikasa. He had to find his children. And Armin.</p><p>He had to save them all.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Five minutes left.</em>
</p><p>Mikasa hurtled through the dark, cutting and killing as many as she had to in order to reach the Tower.</p>
<ol>
<li>
<em> 5179. </em>She could not misremember. If she’d had even a moment more, she would have found a way to write it down. But they were too close as it was.</li>
</ol><p>Jean would know what to do when she gave it to him. For the first time in too long, Mikasa felt comfortable in her own skin. She had a mission to complete, and someone who would put her work to good use.</p><p>She was like Levi. Ironically, they were both heirs to thrones, but neither was suited to leadership. They longed to serve.</p><p>Even though Jean was in awe of her, she needed him to lead.</p><p>The thought of him brought an unexpected flush to her cheeks. Mikasa realized that at the back of her mind the past few hours, she’d thought of him. Worried that he was all right. Longed to see him again.</p><p>Once they turned off the bombs, she’d be with him. He’d hold her. Mikasa hadn’t realized how much she needed to be held until she experienced it. She hadn’t expected to like being kissed so much.</p><p>She had a future now. Not merely one constructed from minutes and years and heartbeats, but a person. A home. A community.</p><p>If she could get there in time she’d preserve all of it.</p><p>
  <em>Jean. Wait for me.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>The mania had spread into the streets. Levi trudged through the palace’s empty hallways, his boots squelching blood and shattered glass into the carpet.</p><p>If he hadn’t had those children, he would have lain down beside Erwin and Petra’s empty tomb. He had loved and lost twice tonight.</p><p><em>She’s gone.</em> His fist clenched. At least he got to say goodbye to Erwin. At least he gave his friend a gift. But Levi would never see his wife again. She was plucked out of him, torn from the root of his soul.</p><p>He had kissed her on the flight to Liberio, held and kissed her so that if he lost her he would have no regrets. But a minute without Petra Ral was a regret. A lifetime…how could he manage a lifetime?</p><p>The children.</p><p>He’d watch Kuchel grow into a woman. He’d teach Oruo and Armin. He’d help them all remember their mother.</p><p>If only one of them had resembled Petra.</p><p>Levi’s instincts flared as he turned the corner, and he took out his blade as someone barreled down the hall at him.</p><p>“<em>Papa!</em>”</p><p>“Oruo!”</p><p>He sheathed the sword and fell to his knees, grabbing the child tight. Levi pressed the boy to his heart, and though he wasn’t much of a demonstrative guy in public he kissed his son’s cheek over and over. Fuck, his whole body shook. Anything could’ve happened to this fragile little guy.</p><p>“Papa, look! I knocked ‘em all flat out!” Oruo beamed, gesturing around. Levi saw a whole hallway littered with incapacitated bodies. “I also killed that Floch guy.”</p><p>Levi blinked. Shit. The Ackerman power.</p><p>“You did all this?”</p><p>“Well. Kuchel helped some.” Oruo put his chin in the air, obviously proud. He grinned. “Where’s Mama?”</p><p>Levi had planned to wait until he had the children together and in that bunker. But he could not hide the way his face constricted for the briefest moment. The way his eyes tightened with pain. Oruo was a sharp kid. He saw that this was bad.</p><p>“Uh. Where’s Mama?” he muttered.</p><p>“Oruo. I…” Where was Kuchel? Levi shook his head; later. “Oi. Gotta get your sister and—”</p><p>“Is Mama dead?”</p><p>Oruo said it like he was daring Levi to contradict him. Like if he spoke the worst thing he could think of, it wouldn’t come true.</p><p>“We gotta go. We’ll talk later.”</p><p>Oruo’s eyes widened. His mouth fell open. Levi had never seen his son look so innocent before. He’d never seen Oruo truly wounded.</p><p>“No. M-Mama?” Oruo’s face screwed up. He began to heave and sob. “Wh-where’s Mama? Where is she?”</p><p>Oruo was behaving like a true little boy for the first time Levi could recall.</p><p>He couldn’t do this. Not now. Levi held Oruo tight against him, felt the kid’s frantic heartbeat. Oruo cried into his father’s shoulder.</p><p>“Listen to me,” he whispered. He stared straight ahead, trapped in his own private hell. “You’re the strong one, kid. I need you and your brother and sister to come with me somewhere safe. When you’re safe, we’ll talk about Mama.”</p><p>“She’s dead.” It wasn’t a question.</p><p>“She is. I’m sorry.” Levi choked, his world shattering all around him. Oruo wailed, and Levi kissed his head. “Please. I need you to keep it together for me until we get Armin and Kuchel somewhere safe. I know it’s a lot to ask of a little boy. But you’re the tough one. I need you on this.” He fought against a sob. “I need help.”</p><p>He had never spoken those words like that to anyone, and it was shit to ask this of his son. No seven-year-old should have to endure it. But to Levi’s shock, he felt Oruo’s wiry little arms around his chest.</p><p>“Okay, Papa.” Oruo sniffed, pulled away. His face was bright red. His eyes shone with tears. No one had loved Petra like Oruo; Levi knew what losing a mother felt like to a small boy. His own heart shattered to see it.</p><p>But Oruo stopped crying. He screwed up his mouth and stayed strong.</p><p>He’d do what was needed.</p><p>
  <em>He’s Kenny. But he’s also me.</em>
</p><p>It hurt. It was also one of the proudest moments of his life. He kissed his son once more.</p><p>“Good boy. I love you.”</p><p>Oruo nodded.</p><p>“Papa!”</p><p>His relief was almost too much as Kuchel raced over. He grabbed her, hugged her so tight. His little baby girl. His angel.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Papa. I’m so sorry.” She was sobbing. “I was bad. I should never have left. I’m so so sorry.”</p><p>“Baby, it’s okay,” he whispered. Levi jolted when he heard the city bells chime again. Shit, eleven. Hopefully Mikasa had made it in time, but if she hadn’t they had less than five minutes before the counterattack. And Levi didn’t have it in him to go out and look after anyone else right now. He was no king, wasn’t much of a hero. He was a father. A widower. Right now, his whole world was here in his arms.</p><p>And his world was also standing behind Kuchel, hugging a stuffed tiger and sniffling.</p><p>“Oi. Armin.” Levi reached for the kid. “Come on. We gotta go somewhere safe.” But the little blond boy only tucked his face into the tiger and cried harder. Shit, this really was not the time. Levi kept himself under control as he knelt before the kid. “Oi. Hear what I said? We gotta go.”</p><p>“I’m s-sorry.” The boy sobbed like his heart would break. Levi frowned.</p><p>“What? You got nothing to be sorry for. Let’s go.”</p><p>But Armin pulled away.</p><p>“I wish I’d never been born!” The words came out as a guttural wail. The little boy huddled into a ball on the floor, weeping into his stuffed animal. “This’s all my fault! I’m sorry!”</p><p>Levi was stunned. “No. It’s not.”</p><p>Armin looked up with Erwin’s face and Petra’s eyes. The sight of the boy’s pain stung Levi. Fuck, he had only seen devastation like that in the children of the underground.</p><p>He’d seen it in the mirror as a boy. The pain of wanting to just not exist. Better never to live than to feel like this. Be trapped in it.</p><p>“Armin,” he whispered.</p><p>“I-I know this’s all my fault.” He gasped, bawled. Tears and snot ran down his face. “I’m the r-reason Papa’s mad. I’m the reason everyone’s unhappy. Everyone h-hates me!” He cuddled the toy, looked away from Levi as if in shame. “I’m s-sorry! Auntie said Mama loved you more’n me, and that I made you sad! I didn’t mean to!” Armin leaned against the wall and hid his face. “I w-wish I never been born! I’m sorryyyyy!”</p><p>Levi sat there in stupefied horror.</p><p><em>Little bastard should never have been born.</em> He’d said those words to Erwin. He’d hated this boy when he was an infant, wished he could stab him in the heart. Levi had wanted the boy dead too many times to count.</p><p>Because all he had been able to see was his own pain. Petra’s mistake.</p><p>But that ‘mistake’ had a mind and feelings of its own. Levi had thought of this innocent kid as being less worthy of life because, what? His existence made Levi feel shitty?</p><p><em>I’m as bad as Marley ever was. </em>Not because Levi had committed genocide or anything, but because he’d seen another human being and thought that he, that Levi, was more real than the kid. More worthy of life and happiness.</p><p>He reached out and hugged Armin tight. The boy squirmed a bit, desperate to not be touched because he didn’t think he deserved it.</p><p>“Listen to me right now,” Levi hissed. He swallowed the pain. “You’ve got as much right to live as anybody else. You’re a good boy. You’re kind, and you’re smart, and you make a lot of people happy. You’re not responsible for shit other people do. Okay?” Armin said nothing. “The world is a better place with you in it. Never, ever think otherwise. Okay?”</p><p>Armin pulled back and wiped his face. His eyes shone. “R-Really?”</p><p>They were Petra’s eyes. The last physical bit of her Levi had. He could have broken down just looking into them. Erwin’s face, Petra’s eyes. He had them both. The kid was a gift to him. What a shitty jerk he’d been not to see it.</p><p>“I loved your parents more than anyone else in the world,” he said. Levi ruffled the boy’s fine golden hair. “I’m always going to take care of you.” He blinked, realized it was true. “I love you.”</p><p>Armin whimpered and then gave Levi a big hug. Levi rocked the boy, fighting against the pain. For Petra’s sake, he’d love this boy. He’d see to it that every bit of her that existed thrived and flourished in whatever kind of new world they were facing.</p><p>“Love you too, Uncle Levi.” Armin sniffed. Precious damn kid.</p><p>“Papa, where’s Mama?” Kuchel was hugging Oruo, who kept his eyes to the floor. The kid didn’t break. Brave, strong boy.</p><p>“First we gotta get you all someplace safe.” Levi stood, Armin’s hand tight in his. “Come on.”</p><p>He led them all away.</p><p>***</p><p>“Get out of my way!” Mikasa sliced another soldier down as she came upon the gates surrounding the Tower. She saw puffs of fire and smoke as snipers fired from the upper levels, taking down the Paradisian soldiers as they tried to advance. At least Floch wasn’t here, thank god. Mikasa spun and took down an entire row of men, finally clearing the path for herself. She raced through the gate and into the yard.</p><p>Up ahead, she saw the door to the Tower open. And Jean was there.</p><p>“Mikasa!” he shouted. Even from this distance, she could read the relief in his eyes. The joy that she was alive.</p><p>
  <em>Only a few more yards. It’ll be over.</em>
</p><p>Then Mikasa saw Jean’s face shift. His eyes widened, his mouth opened. He began to shout out of fear as he lifted a gun.</p><p>She could feel the soldier behind her in the fine hairs on the back of her neck. Mikasa spun around and stabbed him through the heart. The gun went off, so loud that she lost hearing in her left ear for a moment, but the bullet didn’t strike her. She watched life depart from the man’s eyes as she yanked the blade out of his chest. He crumpled to the ground. Mikasa stood, turned, and saw Jean smiling as he lowered his gun. She was safe.</p><p>She wanted to hold him. It was the most incredible certainty she’d ever felt, at least since Eren died. Mikasa wanted to kiss him, kiss Jean. She wanted to be loved by him. And in her own way, as much as she could, love him in return. It was the most freeing realization of all.</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>Then she felt the bullet explode through her chest.</p><p>Mikasa halted, blinking in shock as she felt her whole chest grow warm, and wet, and then as she felt herself grow horribly cold.</p><p>She heard nothing. She only saw Jean screaming in horror as she collapsed to the ground.</p><p>***</p><p>“Shit,” Gabi hissed. She looked down the barrel of her rifle. She’d been aiming for the Paradisian soldier, but that woman in the dark clothing had been way too fast. Too fast for her own good. By the time Gabi had squeezed the trigger, the woman had killed the other soldier and accidentally taken his place in the line of fire.</p><p>“Gabi. What is it?” Falco looked up from next to her. She winced.</p><p>“Shit. Shit,” she hissed.</p><p>***</p><p>He couldn’t remember getting out there or picking her up. Jean didn’t recall how they’d made it back inside the Tower, but now he was here, crouched on the floor with Mikasa in his arms. Her blood was everywhere. It smeared the side of her face, dribbled from the corner of her mouth.</p><p><em>She’s dying.</em> The voice in his head was dull and cold. Jean wanted to scream. He held her close.</p><p>“Mikasa,” he whispered. “Hold on. Baby, please.”</p><p>She looked at him with those luminous gray eyes. A bloody bubble formed on her lips as she tried to speak. He kept pressure on her wound, heard people running around and screaming as they tried to find a medic. Like it would do any good.</p><p>She was going to die. The fact she was hanging on by a thread at this point was probably due to the freaky Ackerman strength. But even Ackermans couldn’t cheat death.</p><p>This time yesterday, they’d been in bed together. She’d been so warm and young and alive. And now this…</p><p>“I love you.” Jean fought the tears. He kissed her forehead. She didn’t love him, he knew that. He knew she’d always love Eren first, foremost, forever. But she needed to hear it as she went away. “I’ve always loved you. I’m sorry. Oh, god.”</p><p>“Jean,” she hissed. Mikasa took a rattling breath. “Code,” she wheezed.</p><p>For a second he had no idea what she meant, but then… “The code?”</p><p>Fuck, she’d done it? She’d found Erwin? But where was the king? Fuck all that, what was the code?</p><p>“Five,” she choked. Her eyes began to flutter shut.</p><p>“Hold on. Please. Medic, help!” he screamed. Five. The first number was five. He pressed his lips to her forehead. “Okay, Mikasa. Five. Then?”</p><p>“One.” She gave a glugging cough. He could feel the life leaving her. Jean wanted to go out there and shoot every last one of those sons of bitches. He should have been holding her and loving her as she died, not trying to pump her for information. He hated them. If he made it out of this, he’d kill every last one of them himself. He wasn’t a hero, but he could be a petty bitch. He was good at that shit.</p><p>“One. Okay.” He kissed her temple. He cradled her in his arms. This was the strongest woman he’d ever known. The strongest person. How could she be going when he was left behind? Why did the good ones like Marco, Armin, and Mikasa have to go away and leave him behind? “Two left. Come on.”</p><p>“S…sev…”</p><p>“Seven? Okay, seven. Mikasa? Baby, come on!”</p><p>But Jean burst into tears then, because he was now shaking a corpse. Her eyes lost their focus, and her whole body slackened in his arms.</p><p>She’d left him again. At least now she could be with Eren, he thought bitterly. He kissed her forehead, sobbed into her hair. It was unprofessional, indulgent, but what had been the point of getting her, loving her, only for this…?</p><p>“Commander!”</p><p>Then hands hauled him up. Jean almost started swinging, wildly trying to keep them from touching Mikasa or taking her away from him.</p><p>“Sir! The code!”</p><p>Fuck. It was mere minutes to eleven. The bombs were about to go off.</p><p>Jean had to let the remaining Azumabito warriors take her away from him. They were stoic and silent to a fault, but they roared in anguish as they took their leader away. Shaking, Jean went to the control room. There he found Kanada, sweating, and the flashing button that indicated it was time to radio out with the code.</p><p>“Five one seven,” Jean muttered.</p><p>“And?” Kanada urged.</p><p>“She died before she could give me the last number.” He glowered at the other man. Mikasa had just died, Jean’s world had just disintegrated, and yet life and war went on.</p><p>“That means we have a one in ten chance to get it right. Shit. Shit!” Kanada banged his fist on the side of the machine. “We’ve got a minute…no, forty-seven seconds, <em>shit!</em>”</p><p>There was no time. No time to find out the last number. The world now had a one in ten chance for survival.</p><p>“We need to pick one.” Jean felt dead inside already. What did it matter now? Her blood was still all over him. Last night she’d been soft and alive in his arms, and now… <em>Pick a number and end it.</em> “Choose.”</p><p>“I can’t!”</p><p>He almost punched Kanada. What was his lucky number? Did he even have one?</p><p>Zero. Five. Nine. Pick any of them.</p><p>“I think it’s nine,” Jean croaked. He shrugged. “Just feels like a good number.”</p><p>“Okay,” Kanada said as he began punching in buttons. Time to give their code to the ships. Time to hopefully stop the missile launch.</p><p>“No.” Jean frowned. “Zero. I don’t know, it just feels like…”</p><p>“I don’t have time for this shit!” Kanada barked. It was stupid to be mad at the man, but Jean felt like being stupid right now. He’d lost the great love of his life. He couldn’t care about anything else right now. Not even his own survival. Not even the world.</p><p>“Pick. Zero or nine.” Jean slumped down on the floor. “Your choice.”</p><p>Kanada sweated as he stared at the controls. A microphone whined to life.</p><p>“<em>Missile launch to Paradis Island. Do you have the code?</em>” a static voice asked.</p><p>Kanada took a deep breath, and spoke four numbers.</p><p>***</p><p>Ingrid was shocked to find the lights turned off when she and Pieter walked back into the apartment. Usually Levi was still up at this hour.</p><p>“Hello?” She flipped on the lights, but no one answered. Well, of course the children wouldn’t be here. They were at that camp. Maybe Petra and Levi were out, either having some time for themselves or with King Willy. They worked too hard. She sighed and shook her head.</p><p>“I’ll put on some water for tea,” Pieter said as he dragged the bags to the staircase. Ingrid took off her coat and hat. She wandered into the living room, gazing out at Valle’s glittering skyline.</p><p>She’d have to unpack the presents. Kuchel would love the little earrings, and Oruo would probably try to take the head off the teddy bear. She’d also brought a couple of lovely bottles of wine back for the adults, though Levi would insist on being difficult. He’d ask why they hadn’t brought any tea back. From a vineyard.</p><p>Ingrid smiled. Hard to believe she’d come to like having him in the family. But miracles were achieved daily, it seemed.</p><p>She heard Pieter rattling around in the kitchen, filling up the kettle. Ingrid looked up, and frowned.</p><p>“Pieter? Is this the right time of the year for comets?”</p><p>“Uh, I think so,” he called. “Why?”</p><p>“Something bright in the sky.” She shrugged and went to sit on the couch.</p><p>***</p><p>Giulia hadn’t taken a single drink, but Willy had downed five scotches already. He sat behind his desk, and she perched on the sofa. They hadn’t turned on the lights. There was something pleasant about sitting in the dark. You didn’t have to be anything you weren’t. You didn’t have to pretend.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he whispered. It was the first either of them had spoken in half an hour.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>Willy stood, wobbled a bit, and then came around the desk. He didn’t go to her.</p><p>“I’m sorry. For Cassius.”</p><p>She said nothing. Only made a noise.</p><p>He frowned. “No. There’s more. I’m sorry for more.”</p><p>“For what?” She sounded tired. Willy shrugged.</p><p>“For everything.” He lowered his gaze, tucked his chin to his chest. He felt the hot, absurd pressure of tears. He swallowed, but his voice was thick. “I shouldn’t have made you marry me.”</p><p>“Willy…”</p><p>“I ruined your whole life. You’ll never get the life you wanted because of me. Because I loved you.” He looked at her. In the dark, he couldn’t read her expression. “But I did the wrong thing, and you paid the price. I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean anything now, I know.” He hadn’t cried in front of her since Cassius died. He rarely cried in front of anyone. But he wept now, openly and fully. The drink released him. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I am truly sorry for what I’ve done to you.”</p><p>He stood there, crying. Alone.</p><p>Then he heard her get up. Willy was shocked as she came to him and put her arms around him. It was a warm hug. A friendly hug.</p><p>“That’s all I ever wanted you to say,” she whispered.</p><p>Willy cried, and he hugged her in return. She shushed him as she might a child. She was a good mother, she always had been. They embraced with mutual affection for the first time in their entire marriage.</p><p>Willy smiled a little. It felt good.</p><p>It was the last thing he felt as the hyperfusion bomb exploded, obliterating Valle, Willy, and Giulia in the span of half a heartbeat.</p><p>***</p><p>Onyankopon entered the council chamber. The other chiefs of staff were there, as was Abioye. He looked especially tired.</p><p>“Three cities have been destroyed simultaneously,” General Idowu said. “Valle, Lundun, and Medre.”</p><p>“Valle?” Onyankopon almost sat down. Impossible. The greatest city in Marley couldn’t be gone. Erwin Smith couldn’t be that insane.</p><p>“Liberio is retaliating. That means the rest of the Allies, including Nambia, will as well.”</p><p>“Are we certain this is correct?” Hadiza, the Vice President, looked exceedingly grim. “We don’t know what plans Erwin Smith has in place for retaliation,” she said.</p><p>“King Willy Tybur is dead,” Onyankopon muttered. He winced. “But this was his plan. If he were still alive, he’d tell us to see it through.”</p><p>Even though the pit of his stomach felt chilled. Even though Onyankopon was a man who had always loathed violence, especially against civilians. But this was the agreement.</p><p>He had never thought Erwin would bring them to such a place. The king had seemed a good man back when Onyankopon had known him.</p><p>But good men fell. Angels became devils. It was an old story.</p><p>“You know what to do, then,” President Ime said. He lifted his eyes to the ceiling, and the heavens beyond. As if asking for forgiveness. “Proceed.”</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>Levi and the kids were hurrying across the grounds when sirens began to wail. Levi paused, his whole life appearing and vanishing before his eyes. Even though he’d never heard those sirens before, he understood them. They weren’t warning of attack, at least not by an airship or a battalion.</p><p>It was a warning. A warning that missiles were imminent.</p><p>“Papa, what is it?” Kuchel asked. Levi picked Armin up.</p><p>“Both of you, run as fast as you can. Follow me,” he said to the others. Oruo and Kuchel raced after him as Levi ran through the night. His heart was too loud in his ears.</p><p>Petra’s children were not going to die. He was not going to let the last piece of her vanish from this earth.</p><p>But he recalled what Mikasa had said. If the bombs began to fly, the dominoes to fall, then soon the entire world would be nothing but irradiated smoke and ash. Even if his children survived the night, how were they supposed to live?</p><p>The yellow lightning told him.</p><p>RUN NOW. THINK LATER.</p><p>They couldn’t find a way to survive if they died in the blast. Fucking obviously.</p><p>But as Levi led the way, hurrying for the bunker and some modicum of safety, he knew in his gut that it was over.</p><p>The world was going to vanish into nothingness.</p><p>But he had to keep going. For Kuchel, and Oruo, and Armin, he had to find a way.</p><p>***</p><p>Petra opened her eyes.</p><p>She lay on her back, gazing up at the night’s sky. Her temples throbbed, and she felt nauseated.</p><p>
  <em>It’s like I was stuck in a nightmare that wouldn’t end.</em>
</p><p>She couldn’t remember how she got here. The last thing she recalled was Brigitta helping her out of the prison cell. Levi, and the children. Where were they?</p><p>Panicked, Petra sat up. She shivered; her skin was sticky. The summer wind chilled her. All around her, telltale curls of steam rose up into the air. She patted her head. Her hair was tacky.</p><p>What the…?</p><p>Slowly, Petra laid her hands upon her cheeks. She felt furrows, grooves in her flesh.</p><p>Marks. Shifter marks. She didn’t need to look in a mirror to know.</p><p>“Oh my god,” she whispered. She…</p><p>A nightmare that wouldn’t end. When Petra tried to stand, she collapsed.</p><p>“You’re not strong enough yet,” Historia said.</p><p>Petra blinked up at the queen as she walked over. Historia looked down with her one good eye. She seemed so old. So self assured.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Petra croaked. “My children. Where are they?”</p><p>“You’ll see them soon. If you do this right.” With that, Historia knelt upon the ground. She took something out of her coat’s pocket. She opened the case to reveal a syringe and a vial of purple liquid. Petra began to shake uncontrollably. The sight of that made her want to scream. “Don’t worry. It can’t hurt you any longer.”</p><p>Petra jumped when someone laid a coat around her shoulders. She looked up to find Inga standing above.</p><p>“Inga?” Petra said.</p><p>“You’ll be okay.” Inga smiled, though tears tracked along her cheeks. The girl wandered off, a gun in one hand. Petra seized up.</p><p>“Are you going to shoot me?”</p><p>“No. It’s a precaution for her,” Historia said calmly as she readied the injection. “Petra. You need to focus. I’m sorry, but there’s no time to let you adjust to this. You have to make it work right now, or everything’s lost.”</p><p>“What the hell are you talking about?” Petra snapped.</p><p>“The bombs are falling.” Historia shut the case and stood, looking at the injection in her hand. “In a few minutes, the entire world will be obliterated. And once you and I are gone, and there’s no other chance, then reality itself is going to end.” Historia took a deep breath. “Unless you succeed.”</p><p>“What the…?”</p><p>Eren. He’d told her once. Reality would unravel unless…</p><p>He’d said she was going to suffer worst of all.</p><p>“No. No!” Petra tried to stand, but was too weak.</p><p>“You only have to touch me. When you do, ask to go to PATHs. You can do this, Petra. We all need you to do this.”</p><p>PATHs? What?</p><p>“Historia, what are you doing?” she shouted.</p><p>“The Founder needs to connect with a titan of royal blood.” Historia’s hand shook only once as she pressed the injection’s point to her skin.</p><p>The Founder? But she wasn’t…</p><p>Oh. <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>Petra screamed as Historia injected herself. In a flash of light, the queen was gone. A thirty-foot beast stood in her place, its long, blonde hair hanging down its back. The titan roared as it reached for Petra. In fear and agony, she threw herself towards it while Inga shouted.</p><p>Petra touched Historia’s hand.</p><p><em>Take me to PATHs</em> she thought as the titan began to grab her.</p><p>And then white and blue lightning snaked all around her.</p><p> </p><p>Petra opened her eyes.</p><p>She lay on her back, gazing up at the night’s sky. A dream? A nightmare? Groaning, she sat up…and gasped.</p><p>She was surrounded by sand. It was a desert more endless than anything she’d ever seen before. Dunes and undulating hills of pale sand stretched off in every direction. Above her, billions of stars danced in the dark tapestry of the night.</p><p>Petra saw no moon. She doubted this place had ever seen a sun. Shaking, she got to her feet.</p><p>There was nothing. It was a barren, endless world of night.</p><p>Except that there <em>was</em> something. Far off in the distance, an enormous tree of light sprouted towards the heavens. The branches snaked off in every direction. Petra gazed ahead at that tree, trying to wrap her brain around what this was. Where she was.</p><p>How this was happening.</p><p>“You made it,” Historia said.</p><p>Petra spun around. Historia sat on the sand behind her. Petra gasped when she saw the girl. Historia was not a girl any longer. She was an old woman, with pale white hair and a lined, papery face. Historia touched a hand to her withered cheek.</p><p>“It’s so strange. I’ve only been here for half a second, but it also feels like I’ve been waiting here for centuries until you arrived. I can’t describe it otherwise.”</p><p>Petra knelt in the sand before the wizened Historia.</p><p>“Where are we?” She trembled. “Is this hell?”</p><p>“It’s not hell, and it’s not heaven. It’s not even the afterlife; it’s more like pre-life.” Historia looked tired. “Just like Eren said.”</p><p>Eren. Why hadn’t he explained anything? Petra wanted to scream.</p><p>“I don’t understand.”</p><p>“Neither do I, really. That’s why she’s helping us.” Historia pointed off to the right. Petra turned and found a small girl dressed in rags. The child was on her knees, building in the sand. She was sculpting something, a long figure.</p><p>“Who the fuck—?”</p><p>“That’s the Founder Ymir,” Historia said, watching sadly as the girl continued her work. The child never smiled, or spoke. She only gazed blankly at the task as she completed it. “She’s the first titan. The first real Eldian.”</p><p>“She can’t be alive.” Petra felt dazed. Where was Levi? How was she ever going to get out of this place?</p><p>“It’s not really a life. But she creates all of us in this place.” Historia nodded. “And she can recreate us.”</p><p>Yes. Eren had said something like that, so long ago.</p><p>“What’s she making?”</p><p>“Not what,” Historia said. “Who.”</p><p>At that moment, Ymir stood and dusted sand from her fingers. She must have completed her task. As Petra watched, the sand figure the girl had built began to shift. It became flesh. Living, breathing flesh. The creature stood, shaking sand out of his long hair. Brushing it off of his arms.</p><p>“No,” Petra choked.</p><p>Eren Jaeger turned around.</p><p>“Hello, Petra,” he said. “This is where things get complicated.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So sorry this took so long to come out. It's a beast of a chapter, and life has been a hassle. I doubt there'll be another wait this long.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Chapter 51</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What are those sirens for?” Kuchel yelled. The Ackermans ran through the night, Armin hugging Levi’s neck as they went. The poor kid snuggled his stuffed tiger extra close.</p>
<p>“The city’s under attack.” That was the closest he could get to the truth without scaring them to death. “I want to get you all to safety.”</p>
<p>“Then you’ll go get Mama, right?” Kuchel sounded pained. Levi flicked a glance to Oruo, who ran straight ahead. Somehow, the seven-year-old didn’t crack. This kid was tougher than Levi ever had been.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Levi croaked. “I’ll get Mama.”</p>
<p>He wanted Kuchel and Armin to have just a few more minutes before their entire worlds ended. Literally and figuratively.</p>
<p><em>Petra.</em> He fought against a swell of emotion. <em>Baby, wherever you are, I hope you can see us.</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra looked away when Eren Jaeger approached. The boy was completely naked.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe I’m asking this, but can you make some clothes out of this sand?” she snapped.</p>
<p>“Oh. Right. Sorry.” Then Eren coughed.</p>
<p>“Ah. Ymir, please make Eren some clothes,” Historia said. Then she shrugged at Petra, almost sheepish. “If you want her to make somebody, you just need to ask me. I’m the one with Reiss blood, so she’ll obey.”</p>
<p>“I’m… You’re…” Petra felt numb. As Ymir handed Eren a pair of trousers, Petra also felt pissed. “Okay. Where the hell are we? What the hell is going on?”</p>
<p>“We’re in PATHs,” he said, buttoning his fly as Ymir started sculping a button up shirt. This place was a freak show.</p>
<p>“Fine. Now what exactly does that mean?”</p>
<p>“This is the coordinate. It’s where the path of every single Eldian meets. That,” Eren said, pointing at the great tree of light, “is the heart of our civilization.”</p>
<p>A freaky tree-thing. Sure. If only Levi were here, he’d bluntly tell Eren to get to the point.</p>
<p>Levi…</p>
<p><em>Wait.</em> Petra flung herself at Eren as Ymir handed him a shirt.</p>
<p>“How do I get my children here? Or Levi?” She began shaking him. “Historia said the bombs were about to go off, we have to move fast!”</p>
<p>“You can summon them.” Eren sounded fucking calm. Screw him. He’d been dead for years and now he was acting like <em>she</em> was the crazy one?</p>
<p>“How the hell do I do that?”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to worry. The bombs won’t kill them so long as we’re here.” Eren looked around the endless desert. His eyes seemed older than eternity. “Historia told you that decades passed for her in the span of half a heartbeat. Two million years would have to pass in PATHs time before the bombs went off in reality.” Eren took Petra’s wrists in a gentle grip. “Call your husband and children. Everything else can wait.”</p>
<p>“<em>How do I call them?</em>” She couldn’t do this. She was a titan, she was the Founder, Eren was dead and then he was alive, it was all insanity. “How do I know you’re even really you? How do I know this isn’t some trick?”</p>
<p>Eren tightened his mouth.</p>
<p>“Erwin sent Kuchel a rocking horse for her fifth birthday. She cried when you told her you had to send it back, so you let her put a unicorn onesie on her brother to make her feel better.”</p>
<p>Petra gaped. “What? How did you…?”</p>
<p>“You spent your thirtieth birthday on top of the Amalfia hotel in Valle. Your favorite romance author is Eugenie Ottavia. You only discovered her two years ago.”</p>
<p>Petra stepped away. “You’ve been dead.”</p>
<p>“I have.”</p>
<p>“So how the hell did you know?”</p>
<p>“Because I saw it years ago. The Attack Titan can see the future memories of its inheritors.” Eren’s face took on a kind of sympathetic tenderness. “It’s how I knew so much of what was going to happen to you. I knew you’d sleep with Erwin. I knew Armin’s birth would turn him insane. I saw all that in the future memories you passed down to me. You hold the Founder and the Attack Titan now, Petra. I told you once that I could trust you more than anyone else. That’s how.” He sighed. “I saw your memories.”</p>
<p>Her knees threatened to give out.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell me then? How much of this could’ve been avoided if you just said?”</p>
<p>“Because I knew that this world could only survive with the future you’d create, and all three of your children.” Eren knelt and picked up a handful of sand. He let it sift through his fingers as he stared. “Kuchel came to Paradis, which brought you. Oruo’s ability to take the Founder meant that Erwin prepared the serum shot. And Armin.” Eren gazed at her. “Her love for him drove Brigitta insane, and made her inject you. If those things hadn’t happened, you couldn’t have eaten Connie, and you couldn’t have come here to me. To finish this job and save the world.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t and wouldn’t cry. Petra had gone past tears.</p>
<p>“We’re not going another step until my husband and children are brought here.” She glared. “Tell me what to do.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Jean stood in the hallway as people rushed around him. Sirens were going off. Some were trying to get to the lower levels, hoping they’d shield against a hyperfusion explosion. But he just stood there.</p>
<p>What was the point? The world was ending, and she was gone.</p>
<p>When Kanada gave the code and it was rejected, the poor Hizuran man had crumpled to the floor. Then he stood, grabbed a pistol from a nearby soldier’s holster, and blew his own brains out. Jean had stood there all the while, blinking above the corpse.</p>
<p>What was the point? She was gone.</p>
<p>He gave orders to his officers. He told them to begin evacuating the city. The time for warring had passed. They needed to get as many people to safety as possible. But Jean knew that safety no longer existed. It was all a way to disguise the naked horror of what was about to happen.</p>
<p>“Jean!” Sasha raced down the stairs and over to him. She shouldered her rifle. “What is it?”</p>
<p>Jean swallowed; his throat was dry. “The hyperfusion bombs went off. We obliterated Valle, along with a couple other cities. The rest of the world is coming for us.”</p>
<p>Sasha froze, her wide brown eyes like saucers. Jean waited for her to say something funny, or irritated. He wanted her to pray for a last meal, something like the old Sasha. But all she said was, “My…my kids. Niccolo.”</p>
<p>Yeah. She had grown up, too.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” He squared his jaw. “I should’ve sent you home. I’m truly sorry.”</p>
<p>Shouts came from the control room. Shiganshina was gone. Trost was next. Mitras would follow.</p>
<p>They had maybe two minutes left to live.</p>
<p>“And Mikasa?” Sasha whispered.</p>
<p>His face almost broke. “She’s gone.”</p>
<p>Sasha put her arms around him. She buried her face in his shoulder. Jean hugged her back. They could have gone through the motions, pretended a last minute plan was still possible. Jean was good at getting people motivated. But he had no motivation left for himself.</p>
<p>She was gone.</p>
<p>And even though he’d join her soon, Jean was miserable. Because if there was an afterlife, she would be at Eren’s side. Forever and always. Jean and Mikasa were never meant to be. Their lovemaking had been an aberration in destiny’s plan.</p>
<p>One night was all he’d ever get.</p>
<p>He made his peace with that, and hugged Sasha tighter.</p>
<p>“Mikasa,” he whispered, just to have her name on his lips one last time. Sasha gave a guttural sob.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“When Mommy gets home, she’s going to put you both in time out.” Niccolo wrangled little Mika as she toddled towards the stove. She always wanted to eat; she was her mother’s daughter. “Luca! Not on the furniture!”</p>
<p>He swiped his son in the other arm. The two children babbled at each other as Niccolo gazed out the living room window. Where the hell was Sasha? She’d called to tell him she was stuck at the barracks another couple days. But Niccolo had called this afternoon, and no one had answered.</p>
<p>His gut felt wrong. He saw a light in the sky, and frowned. Pretty bright for a star.</p>
<p>“You two.” He kissed Mika’s cheek and slung Luca over his shoulder. “Let’s get ready for—”</p>
<p>In half a second, the three of them were gone. As was their house, and their city.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Levi snarled. He ran as fast as he could go while letting his kids stay near him. At least Oruo’s awakening had given him the Ackerman speed. They raced across the lawn towards the titan pits, but…</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>The lightning flared all around him.</p>
<p>IN THE SKY.</p>
<p>He glanced upwards, and saw a bright light.</p>
<p>They had less than thirty seconds.</p>
<p>The bunker door was almost a minute away.</p>
<p><em>I will not let them die. I will </em>not let them fucking die.</p>
<p>“<em>Run!</em>” he bellowed. “<em>Kuchel, Oruo, run as fast as you can!</em>”</p>
<p>The three of them put on a burst of speed. The wind stung his cheeks as he fled through the forest. His heart pounded. His breath was strained. Almost there. Almost. Almost.</p>
<p>But the yellow lightning nestled at the base of his neck.</p>
<p>TOO LATE.</p>
<p>It was calm. Almost cold.</p>
<p>“No!” Levi screamed as the—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He fell into a pile of sand. Gasping, Levi sat up and found himself in a world of night. Sand was everywhere. He looked around in shock.</p>
<p>“Kids?”</p>
<p>“Papa!” Kuchel bounded over to him, as did Oruo. Armin cuddled against Levi, whimpering. They were all here. Thank fuck.</p>
<p>Levi shut his eyes.</p>
<p>They were dead. In PATHs. At least it’d been quick. No pain. Though this seemed more hell than heaven. He tried to imagine an eternity in this sterile place.</p>
<p>And then…</p>
<p>“Levi!”</p>
<p>It was her voice.</p>
<p>Levi turned to see Petra racing towards him across the starlit dunes.</p>
<p>The purgatory became a paradise.</p>
<p>“Mommy!” Oruo shrieked. He ran to her, sobbing his heart out. Petra caught up her son and hushed him, devoured his face with kisses. Levi had never seen Oruo weep like this. He hugged his mother and squashed his tear-stained cheek against hers. He sobbed as much out of relief as fear.</p>
<p>“Mama!” Kuchel went to her, as did Armin. Levi could only stand there and stare.</p>
<p>This was heaven. An eternity with Petra and their children could only be a good thing. He adored her with his eyes. But he was also so damn ashamed; she’d entrusted him with their kids, and he’d been unable to save them. He almost turned away.</p>
<p>“Levi!”</p>
<p>Petra put down Oruo, though he clung to her dress, and rushed over to her husband. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him deep and full on the lips. Levi’s hands trembled as he touched her waist. She was real; she had substance. He tasted her strawberry lip gloss. He felt her breath.</p>
<p>“Pet. I…” he whispered when they pulled apart.</p>
<p>Petra looked horrified as his vision blurred. He did not believe in fucking crying, but between the guilt over the kids and the rapture of seeing her again when he believed they’d parted for a lifetime, he wept. Not big gasping sobs or anything. Just silent tears.</p>
<p>“Fuck, baby. Oh fuck,” he said, capturing her mouth again. She responded eagerly, and he saw that she was on the verge of tears, too.</p>
<p>“I love you so much.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”</p>
<p>He looked down. “You shouldn’t be. It’s my fault.”</p>
<p>She frowned. “What is?”</p>
<p>“I failed you. I failed the kids. I tried to save them from the bomb, but it got us.” He winced in pain at revealing his own ineptitude. “I’m sorry. Fuck.”</p>
<p>“Levi, we’re not dead.”</p>
<p>Now he was confused. Seriously confused. “Hell do you mean? We’re in PATHs.”</p>
<p>“Because I summoned us all here with the Founder’s power,” she replied.</p>
<p>Levi blinked slowly. “Uh. What?”</p>
<p>“When I was a pure titan, Historia and Inga fed Connie to me. I’m the Founding Titan now.” She gave a weak smile. “Along with the Attack and Armor. So. Don’t mess with me.” He felt dizzy. Maybe he needed to sit down. Lie down. “Then Historia transformed into a pure titan. We touched, and I brought us all here.”</p>
<p>“That’s about all of it,” Eren Jaeger said <em>what the fucking fuck was Eren Jaeger doing here?</em></p>
<p>“Fuck!” Levi instinctively pulled his family away from the calm young man. Eren hadn’t changed in the years he’d been dead. What a fucking statement. He still looked smooth and world weary. Goddamn teenagers. Or twenty-somethings. The resurrected young man stood with hands in his coat pockets, his long hair lying against his shoulders. There was no night breeze in this dead world. The air was still. “Where did you…? How did you…?”</p>
<p>“I asked Ymir the Founder to rebuild him,” Historia said. She was seated on the ground and looked about eighty years old.</p>
<p>“Okay. What?” Levi kept blinking. He looked between elderly Historia and newly not-dead Eren. “In the… What?”</p>
<p>“Baby.” Petra kissed him. “We’ll explain. I promise.”</p>
<p>“Ymir the Founder?” He felt hollow. Levi stared as a ragged little girl wandered past like a zombie. She just circled around and around, paying attention to nothing and no one.</p>
<p>“How about Historia stays with the kids and you, Eren, and I have a quick talk,” Petra whispered. Yeah. The children looked pretty weirded out by all this. Which was fair.</p>
<p>“Think it’ll have to be more than quick,” Levi muttered. They were going to have a lot of shit to talk about.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra had been afraid that being in PATHs meant Levi would be a ghostly projection, but he was warm flesh and blood in her embrace. She could smell the night air and the forest on his skin. She kissed his cheek and ran the bridge of her nose up and down his jaw, just to feel the reality of him.</p>
<p>“Tch. Brat.” He kissed her forehead. She, Levi, and Eren stood a good distance away. Petra saw Armin seated beside Historia, showing her his tiger. Oruo trotted after Ymir, asking her questions that she did not answer. Kuchel tried wrangling her brother.</p>
<p>Her babies were safe. They were all together. That was enough.</p>
<p>“Okay.” She hugged Levi around the waist. “Eren. What do we do now?”</p>
<p>“We stop the hyperfusion bombs,” he said, “and finish the time loop.”</p>
<p>“The what?” Levi’s brow cleared. “Oh, shit. You mean that fruity time and space stuff Petra told me about was real?”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid so.”</p>
<p>Petra nodded. If Eren didn’t find his father and convince him to steal the Founder, reality itself would fall apart. “So how do we do this? Do I touch you?”</p>
<p>Eren just gazed flatly at them. He stared at his feet, which were bare against the sand. He sighed.</p>
<p>“What?” Levi was sharp and to the point. “Spit it out. I don’t wanna hang around here longer than I have to.”</p>
<p>“Right now, the time loop isn’t the main issue. It’s the world.”</p>
<p>“The hyperfusion attack?” Petra asked. “How can we stop it?”</p>
<p>“That’s it.” Eren shrugged. “You can’t. The world is ending.”</p>
<p>She waited for him to continue, to say ‘unless we…’ But that was all Eren would give her.</p>
<p>“So. How do we save it?” She tried not to sound irritated.</p>
<p>“We can’t. That is, we can’t save this version of it.” Eren gazed back at the tree of light. “By now, most of Paradis has been destroyed. The bomb will touch down in Mitras in under two seconds. Erwin’s cruisers are unloading their cargo and torching as much of the world as they can. It’s the apocalypse. The world is over.”</p>
<p>Petra began to sink to the ground. Levi held her up.</p>
<p>“Then what the fuck do you want us to do?” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“Something that only the two of you can do,” Eren replied. “We need to reset the timeline.”</p>
<p>“Reset the…?” Petra felt dizzy. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Eren took a deep breath. He shut his eyes. “I mean that this current timeline leads to total annihilation. We need to go back to the original timeline. When you died in the forest, Petra. When Levi chose Erwin in Shiganshina.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Kuchel jumped when Papa lunge punched Eren in the face. She rushed for the grown ups.</p>
<p>“Mama? Papa?” she called.</p>
<p>“Stay back!” Mama came over, shaking her head. “It’s okay, sweetie. Papa’s just a little scared right now. It’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>But Papa never got scared. Kuchel was worried as she saw Eren shove her Papa off. Papa sank to his knees. Kuchel didn’t want to cry, but this was freaky.</p>
<p>“What’re you guys talking about?” she asked.</p>
<p>Mama hugged and kissed her. “We’re just working out what to do. That’s all.”</p>
<p>Mama wouldn’t let her go. She just squeezed tighter. Kuchel wriggled, uncomfortable with all the soppy baby stuff.</p>
<p>“Mamaaaa, come on.”</p>
<p>Petra kissed her cheek again. “I’m just so glad to be your Mama,” she whispered. “You are everything to me.”</p>
<p>Kuchel frowned. Mama sounded kind of upset.</p>
<p>Then Mama turned and went back to Eren and Papa. Kuchel wanted to follow, but she backed away to sit with Historia and her brothers.</p>
<p>She found that in some dark, frightened part of her, she didn’t want to know what they were discussing.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“No,” Levi growled. He breathed heavily; it felt like a titan was sitting on his chest. Petra put her arms around him, and he held her tight. He would not let her go. Never. “Find some other way.”</p>
<p>“It’s gone too far.” Eren looked exhausted, despite having been dead for years. “There’s no way to save yourselves, or anyone else.”</p>
<p>“I am not going to erase my own children from <em>fucking existence</em>.” Levi felt spittle fleck his lips. He was a mad dog. He would defend his wife and children from anything. Everything. He was an Ackerman; he could do whatever it took.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Petra whispered his name, kissed him. He could feel it in her kiss, the hesitation.</p>
<p>The acceptance.</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare,” he growled. He pressed her tight to him. “You’re mine. You and the kids are all I’ve got left.” He felt himself begin to choke, but shoved the emotion down. “Eren, figure out some of that PATHs magic bullshit. Just take the Founder powers and fix everything!”</p>
<p>“I can’t do that,” he said. “Petra’s the Founder now. I can help guide you, but I can’t change anything.”</p>
<p>“I remember when you were a snot-nosed brat who was ready to fight the whole fuckin’ world,” Levi snarled. He grabbed the young man by his collar. Eren was almost a foot taller than him at this point, but Levi pulled him down to eye level. “Now you tell me you give up?”</p>
<p>“The other timeline’s going to be rough.” Eren looked at him with a lot of compassion. Like he had sympathy. Fuck him. “But the world will still be there at the end. It’s an improvement.”</p>
<p>“You just want that fucking friend of yours back,” Levi croaked.</p>
<p>Eren curled his lip in anger. “I’m not ending the fucking world to save Armin. But you’re ready to end everything for your family.”</p>
<p>Levi wanted to kick him in the face, break his jaw for old time’s sake.</p>
<p>“Stop!” Petra cried. “I can’t think with all this. Fuck.” She covered her eyes with her hands. Levi held her tight. She was warm. Her hair smelled of lavender. He heard the shaky hush of her breathing. She was a real, living woman, and he’d keep her that way.</p>
<p>“I can show you,” Eren said. “Prove it.”</p>
<p>“How?” Levi growled.</p>
<p>“Give me a minute.”</p>
<p>Eren walked away and spoke with Historia. A few minutes later, they both came over to the Ackermans.</p>
<p>“The kids—” Petra said.</p>
<p>“They can’t get hurt or go anywhere.” Historia looked weary. Then again, she also looked old. “Petra and I need to make contact. Eren and Levi, you touch both of us.”</p>
<p>“What are we doing?” Petra asked.</p>
<p>“We’re going into your memories, Petra.” The four of them grouped close together. “Just clear your mind.”</p>
<p>None of this made any fucking sense. But then, Historia had spent eons here, supposedly. She knew how this shit worked by now.</p>
<p>Together, Historia touched her forehead to Petra’s. And—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck?” Levi croaked. The four of them were cramped in a tinyass room.</p>
<p>And they weren’t the only ones who were here.</p>
<p>Levi stared at himself, over a decade younger. He was wearing a kerchief over his hair for cleaning, and in his arms he held Kuchel. Newborn Kuchel.</p>
<p>Levi stood right next to his old self while he adored his tiny daughter. Levi gazed down at the bundle and saw Kuchel’s little face with her adorable furrowed brow. Her little grunts.</p>
<p>He lost his heart all over again.</p>
<p><em>My little baby.</em> Unthinking, he reached to touch her. His fingertips melted through her skin.</p>
<p>“You can’t touch anyone here,” Eren said. He and Historia were pressed against the bedroom wall, watching Ilsa wash Petra and put her nightgown back on. “These are memories. Petra’s memories.”</p>
<p>“I thought you said we could interact with them.” Petra sounded dazed. She was also staring at her younger self. Just a girl, rosy-cheeked, a new mother. Levi took his wife in his arms, held her close as they watched young Levi sit on the bed with Petra as Kuchel nursed. His heart fractured. This had been one of the few perfect moments of his life. He couldn’t give it up. Ever.</p>
<p>“I was able to interact with my father,” Eren said to her. “But that took enormous amounts of effort. The best you can do otherwise is to seem like a stray thought in somebody’s mind. Watch.” Eren leaned close to young Levi’s ear and spoke. “She was supposed to die,” he hissed. “You fucked up the future.”</p>
<p>Levi felt like he’d been punched in the mouth. He stared at his younger self, oblivious to Eren’s comment. Levi remembered “thinking” those words in Eren’s voice so long ago.</p>
<p>And now…</p>
<p>“It was you,” he whispered, feeling dizzy.</p>
<p>Levi realized that right now, as his younger self lay on the bed with his wife and daughter twelve years in the past, his older self had been watching, invisible. A ghost.</p>
<p>Eren looked dead. His extraordinary green eyes were flat. Historia came forward, took Petra’s wrist.</p>
<p>“Come on,” the queen said. “Where would you like to go next?”</p>
<p>Levi couldn’t stop staring at baby Kuchel asleep. He wanted to pick her up all over again. He wanted to stay in this room forever, adoring the infant. He could not bear to be parted from even the memory of this moment.</p>
<p>Give it up altogether? Fuck that.</p>
<p>“Wait a minute,” Petra said. She looked almost frantic. “You said I could visit other Attack holders’ memories, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Eren said.</p>
<p>“Then take me to that moment with Grisha in the Reiss cavern. The moment when you told him to steal the Founder.” His wife looked dizzy. Levi held her tight. “That way, I can at least close this stupid time loop.”</p>
<p>Eren and Historia exchanged glances. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” she snapped.</p>
<p>“I just don’t think it’ll work,” Historia said. “In the original timeline, Grisha saw Eren. His son. Eren was guiding him. Ordering him to do things. Grisha has no idea who you are. It’ll be easy for him to ignore you.”</p>
<p>“Can’t we at least try?” Levi growled. “You two like walking around talking doom and gloom bullshit. Why can’t we just try?”</p>
<p>Eren shrugged. “I suppose you’re right.”</p>
<p>“Damn right I’m right.” But Levi didn’t take his eyes off of Kuchel until the moment that the room around them disappeared. Historia and Eren led them both out of the bedroom door. But they didn’t emerge into the farmhouse.</p>
<p>They entered a titanic, glowing chamber Levi had seen once before.</p>
<p>It was the Reiss family underground cathedral, several stories high, upheld by the most indescribably beautiful pillars of crystal and light. This had been where Kenny sustained his mortal injuries. Where Eren had used his hardening power for the first time.</p>
<p>Unlike the last time he’d seen it, the ‘chapel’ was intact. And they had company.</p>
<p>Directly ahead stood Rod Reiss, that fucker, along with a woman and a bunch of kids. A young black-hared girl with violet eyes stood protectively in front of her family.</p>
<p>Frieda Reiss. The Founding Titan.</p>
<p>She’d eaten King Uri. Levi’s father. Levi wondered if he could see his old man in the woman’s eyes, then realized he didn’t give a shit one way or the other.</p>
<p>And standing before the family, wearing a panicked expression was Grisha Jaeger. The doctor looked more like Zeke than Eren, poor guy. He had longish dark hair and a wispy goatee. Levi realized also that Grisha’s eyes were more mournful than either of his son’s.</p>
<p>“King of the Walls!” Grisha cried, speaking to Frieda. “You must kill the attacking titans at once!”</p>
<p>Right. Shit. This was the day Wall Maria fell. Levi winced. <em>Your wife’s probably already dead, you poor bastard.</em> He glanced at Petra, slipped his arm around her. She was in his arms, where she’d stay.</p>
<p>Frieda Reiss, meanwhile, looked a little sad. But then a cold deadness appeared in her eyes.</p>
<p>“We cannot escape our sins,” the Founder said. “The time has come for the Subjects of Ymir to face judgment.”</p>
<p>Eren made a noise. His face was twisted in an expression of cold fury.</p>
<p>Historia, meanwhile, gazed at the black-haired girl with tears rolling down her withered cheeks.</p>
<p>Frieda and Grisha kept yelling at each other for a few minutes, Grisha arguing that the royals had done a shit thing to other Paradisians by removing their memories, Frieda claiming that Eldians should die in order to atone for their sins. In his heart, Levi felt himself growing furious with the Founder. He knew Eldians had done terrible things in the past. They’d conquered other nations, forced them to adopt their culture and breed with them. They’d murdered millions in their quest for power. But the people who lived behind these walls had never done any of that shit. It was reasonable to ask Eldians to acknowledge their civilization’s past and to accept the darkness in their history. It was completely unreasonable to insist that they debase themselves and live in perpetual guilt and shame for crimes they never committed.</p>
<p>This factioned bullshit, this slotting everyone into categories based on their birth instead of their choices, would only ever lead to misery and destruction. As it had already done.</p>
<p>Levi watched as Frieda continued to deny Grisha’s request. Then he watched Grisha pull his ‘Attack Titan’ card. Explain its drive for freedom and its ability to see the future.</p>
<p>“I will eat the Founder here!” Grisha pulled out a scalpel. “And end the royal bloodline!”</p>
<p>Levi’s heart seized as he watched the kids start to scream in fear and scatter. A couple of them were only a little older than Oruo.</p>
<p>Petra noticed as well. She winced. Grisha raised his scalpel to cut his hand and transform…</p>
<p>“Here we go,” Eren whispered.</p>
<p>Petra tensed.</p>
<p>Grisha dropped the scalpel, which pinged on the crystal floor. He slumped to his knees.</p>
<p>“I can’t,” the doctor croaked. “I could never kill children. I…” The man’s voice was choked with tears. “I am a doctor. I save lives…”</p>
<p>Levi looked at Eren, who regarded his father’s memory with hooded eyes. Even now, even after he’d renounced all thought of the Rumbling, this Eren still sneered at his old man’s weakness.</p>
<p>Levi loved Eren, but in that moment he hated him a little. Damn it, he wanted to put a hand on Grisha’s shoulder and tell him it was all right. No one should murder a child.</p>
<p>But… But they needed Grisha to murder all these kids, didn’t they?</p>
<p>Levi felt paralyzed.</p>
<p>“You’re up,” Eren said to Petra. He ushered her towards Grisha’s slumped figure. Meanwhile, the family was shouting at Frieda to transform and kill Grisha, but she hesitated. The girl was delicate and beautiful, and in her heart she was gentle. She had to know, even if the Founder was controlling her, that Grisha had a point. “Tell him now,” Eren said to Petra. He had her kneel beside Grisha. “Tell him to kill them.”</p>
<p>“I…” Petra’s voice faltered. “Dr. Jaeger? Please…”</p>
<p>“Harder,” Eren snapped. Levi started to go for the boy, but Historia stopped him. She was crying hard now, face turned away from Frieda. Yes. Frieda had been Historia’s only comfort in her childhood. God, why was everything so fucked up?</p>
<p>“You have to kill them.” Petra struggled to make her voice tough. “You…you have to do this. For Eren. Please.”</p>
<p>“Hmm?” Grisha blinked, glanced Petra’s way. He seemed to forget her in the next moment.</p>
<p>“Listen to me!” Petra shouted. “You have to kill them and take the Founder! If you don’t, the world will end! Hey!”</p>
<p>But even as her voice pitched higher and angrier, Grisha didn’t seem to hear her. Levi winced as lightning flashed up ahead, and Frieda took on her titan’s form. Growling, the monster moved to eat Grisha.</p>
<p>“Let’s go,” Eren said dully. “It didn’t work.”</p>
<p>“But…” Petra looked stupefied as Levi held her close, and the crystal cavern melted around them.</p>
<p>Next, they tried one of Eren’s memories.</p>
<p>Levi was back in Shiganshina, standing atop the roof alongside Eren and Mikasa and the other kids. In the distance, Levi saw himself preparing the titan injection. Getting ready to give it to Erwin.</p>
<p>He froze as he saw the Commander, lying there in his death throes. Erwin, mumbling nonsense at the sky, at peace. Finally, at peace.</p>
<p>And then Levi took it from him.</p>
<p>Petra pointed at Levi. “If I can convince Levi to inject Armin instead, I can fix it all. Can’t I?” She sounded desperate. “Eren, can’t I? Then you’ll eventually touch Zeke and I don’t have to…”</p>
<p>Levi almost screamed with insane joy at the thought. He would not have to lose her. Levi clutched his wife to his chest. He would never let her go.</p>
<p>“Understand, Petra. Even if you could alter this moment in time, it’d be like a pebble thrown in a pond. The water will ripple, changing things.” Eren sounded tired. “It’s almost impossible that you and Levi will have Kuchel and Oruo again. Any change in timing, and you’ll have different children altogether. Or not at all.”</p>
<p>“No,” Levi growled. He stomped past teenage Eren and nearly threw adult Eren off the roof. The young man regarded Levi with those old, old eyes. “How do we fix that?”</p>
<p>“We don’t,” Historia said softly.</p>
<p>Petra sobbed and fell to her knees. She shook her head over and over.</p>
<p>“I can’t. I can’t,” she whispered. Levi sat with her, held her close. “I can’t live without my babies.”</p>
<p><em>I can’t live without you.</em> Levi felt like he was being eaten in small bites by some invisible demon.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to be alive without them,” she said. Levi kissed her, pressed her close. He had to find a way around this.</p>
<p>“So that’s it?” he croaked. “I’m supposed to lose all three of you?”</p>
<p>“You won’t remember us,” she murmured. Now that really scared the shit out of him, because it sounded like she’d accepted this nonsense.</p>
<p>“You think that’ll make me happy?” he barked.</p>
<p>“We weren’t supposed to be happy,” she whispered.</p>
<p>No. <em>He</em> wasn’t supposed to be happy. Taking Petra for his wife, becoming a father, living with in laws and birthday parties and sex and family photos was meant for other men. Not Levi Ackerman.</p>
<p>“So that’s it? I’m supposed to be some used-up, shitty husk of a man?”</p>
<p>Without Petra or Erwin, without his children, what would he become in a post-Shiganshina world? He could see it already. A man of violence, with nothing to go home to. A man filled with hate, and regret.</p>
<p>No. Levi bared his teeth. Better the world end and the universe rip apart.</p>
<p>He had given everything. He had given his blood and his sweat to humanity and to Paradis. He was tired of giving.</p>
<p>The world could not ask this sacrifice of him.</p>
<p><em>The bill’s due.</em> He recalled that dream he’d had with Kenny and Zeke in the kitchen. The warning they’d imparted. What had Kenny said? <em>Be a man. Do what you have to.</em></p>
<p>No. Fuck that. It’d just been a shitty dream. After all, what could he himself do? He wasn’t the Founder?</p>
<p>“What’s even the point of this? Huh?” Levi stood and faced Eren. He gestured to the burning world around them. “We can’t change anything here! You said it yourself, Petra doesn’t have the force of will for this.”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t,” Eren said. “But you do.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra should have thought of it herself. She sat on the roof amid the ghosts of crying children and looked back at her husband and at Eren. Levi stuttered, trying to piece together an argument.</p>
<p>“Bullshit,” was all he came up with. “How would that even work? I’m not the Founder. I can’t even become a titan. Maybe I have Reiss blood in me, but it’s useless with the awakened Ackerman genes or whatever.”</p>
<p>“Yes. You’re an Ackerman.” Eren put his hands in his pockets. He looked disarmingly young when he did that. “The Founder can’t control you. You make your own way.”</p>
<p>Yes. Petra understood. The Attack Titan and the Ackermans were the two types of Eldian life that the Founder had no power over. She looked again at Levi’s younger self on that rooftop, readying the injection. Preparing to decide the fate of the universe.</p>
<p>“So he can order any of us around?” she asked dully.</p>
<p>“No. But Ackermans have full control of themselves.” Eren came to stand beside her, pushing past a flustered Levi. “Not to mention the fact that the captain has the strongest will of any of us. Maybe even me.” Petra noted Eren slipping back into addressing Levi by his role. Some instincts never left, no matter how much older or wiser we became.</p>
<p>“Could he change his own mind?” She pointed at the scene of Levi, Armin, Erwin, and Bertholdt.</p>
<p>“If I do, the kids could vanish. Who knows what the fuck the world’ll look like,” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>“If you don’t,” Eren said, “the kids <em>will</em> vanish. And the world won’t look like anything. Because it won’t exist. None of us will.”</p>
<p>Petra was already trying to resolve it inside her head.</p>
<p>She could not have it all. There was no way to win back everything they’d lost.</p>
<p>She looked up and saw that Levi and Eren had somehow materialized on the other roof. Levi was crouched next to his old self, shouting in the younger man’s ear. She stared at her husband as he had been. Petra hadn’t gone to Shiganshina. She couldn’t have imagined the devastation all around her, the houses blown to cinder and debris.</p>
<p>She hadn’t imagined how tired Levi might look.</p>
<p>He sat there, deciding between an innocent boy and his best friend. This was where he had changed his decision to save Armin.</p>
<p>He’d altered history for Petra and their baby.</p>
<p>Petra sank down to the roof. Historia sat beside her.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know what it’d be like,” the queen said softly.</p>
<p>Petra gazed at the weeping kids around her, the shades of memory. “Me neither.”</p>
<p>Then she heard a furious cry echo over the rooftops. Petra looked up to find her Levi suddenly standing next to her again, bent over, hands on his knees. He swore as, in the distance, a bolt of orange lightning crackled and Erwin’s titan manifested. Petra winced as she watched Erwin pick up a screaming Bertholdt. She looked away when the titan bit the boy’s head, cracking his skull like an egg.</p>
<p>“I can’t,” Levi rasped. “I’m too much of a stubborn son of a bitch. I can’t do it.”</p>
<p>“That’s partly right,” Eren said. He’d also materialized over here. Being phantoms of themselves, they could go anywhere and everywhere. “Right now, you’re in love with Petra. You’re expecting a baby with her. Nothing on earth can change your mind. You have to do it sooner.”</p>
<p>“I gotta tell my old self to choose Armin, when? Right after we fucked for the first time?”</p>
<p>“No.” Petra felt truly numb as she sidled close to him. The whole, ugly truth laid itself out before her. “We have to stop the relationship altogether. Don’t we, Eren?”</p>
<p>“Like I said.” The boy sounded weary. “I’ve seen it all.”</p>
<p>“<em>No.</em>”</p>
<p>Levi stood, but now they weren’t on the roof in Shiganshina. Petra gasped.</p>
<p>They were outside of Lord Morgentsern’s mansion. Snow fell, blanketing the ground. Carriages pulled up, and women in ball gowns descended onto the ground.</p>
<p>“It’s the midwinter ball,” Petra said. She felt so distant from her body.</p>
<p>Levi grunted as he watched his former self catch a younger Petra when she stepped out of the coach. Even now, she could recall the way the touch of his hand had burned her. She’d felt so light and airy from a mere moment in his arms.</p>
<p>“It’s the night we got together.” He sounded disbelieving.</p>
<p>“This,” Eren said, “is the time to stop yourself from going forward.”</p>
<p>Levi shook his head, paced back and forth across the snow. He left no footprints. It was eerie.</p>
<p>“The whole night’s a blur,” he snapped. Petra could tell instantly that wasn’t true. Like her, he recalled every detail.</p>
<p>“The moment in the trees,” she said. To Eren and Historia, “We were running from the Military Police—it’s a long story. The cap—Levi had ODM, and he took us into a tree to wait until the soldiers passed.” Even now, she could feel how her heart had raced when he began to tell her how special she was to him. His favorite subordinate. It had been like midwinter morning and the beginning of summer break all in one. It had been like awakening into a perfect dream. The only moments that could match it were the births of her children. “We talked. He told me how he felt. We kissed.”</p>
<p>Historia stood beside Levi, a sympathetic hand on his arm. Petra recalled talk of a girl, Ymir. The girl Historia had loved and lost.</p>
<p>Yes. Historia would understand this better than anyone.</p>
<p>“That’s it.” Eren had never sounded quite so gentle. “You need to stop that moment from happening. If you do, the rest of the original timeline slips into place.”</p>
<p>“And she dies.” Levi sneered. “And we’re never together.”</p>
<p>“You have a few weeks. When you took me to that remote castle? That’s where you came together for a little while.”</p>
<p>“But the kids are never born.” Levi moved sluggishly now. The weight and reality of all this was pressing down upon him. “Kuchel. And Oruo. My babies are never born.”</p>
<p>“No.” Eren did not try to touch Levi. He was smart enough not to. “And Petra as you know her here will vanish as well.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to do it.”</p>
<p>“Levi,” Petra whispered. She tried to touch his face, but he pulled away from her.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me you’re buying into this bullshit.” He looked betrayed.</p>
<p>“What else are we supposed to do?” Petra didn’t wail or cry or scream. He was being too emotional now; she had to be the stronger person, even as it killed her. Literally and figuratively. “Tell me, sweetheart. How do we stop the bombs from going off and time from unraveling without this?”</p>
<p>“We figure it out,” he snarled. “We’ve got all the time in the world in this place. We can figure it out!”</p>
<p>“But we can’t. Can we?” She turned back to Eren.</p>
<p>“I spent almost a year searching the past and future with Historia,” the boy said. “In all that time, only a few scenarios offered humanity a way forward. If there was another way, I’d have found it.”</p>
<p>“Look again.” Levi grabbed the tall young man by his collar and threw him to the ground. “Find a way!”</p>
<p>“Why do you think I spent a year looking?” Rage glittered in Eren’s eyes. At last, his façade was starting to crack. “I didn’t want this to be! God help me, Petra, but if you’d let me inject Kuchel that night none of this would have happened.”</p>
<p>“<em>I’ll fucking kill you.</em>” Levi put his hands to Eren’s throat and tried to choke the life out of him. Her husband was a beast, the monster he’d been underground. Eren didn’t panic; he wasn’t in pain. They couldn’t physically hurt in this place.</p>
<p>“Levi.” Petra touched his wrist; she swore she could feel him trembling. “Let’s take a walk.”</p>
<p>“Where?” He glowered at her. “I’m not doing this, Petra.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” She kissed his cheek. She had to soothe him first, or it would never work. “We can go anywhere, can’t we?” She looked to Historia.</p>
<p>“Anywhere in your memories, Petra. Now that I’ve brought you here, you can do it yourself. Eren and I can wait right here for you.”</p>
<p>“Okay?” Petra whispered.</p>
<p>Slowly, Levi eased his grip. He let Eren go.</p>
<p>“Where do we go, then?” he muttered.</p>
<p>Petra thought about it.</p>
<p>“Come with me.” She took his hand in hers. Even though Historia didn’t explain it, an instinct told Petra to simply move and the scenery would change. She and her husband walked off, and the snow disappeared.</p>
<p>The streets of Calaneth materialized around them. The crowds were packed close together, but she and Levi made their way through with ease. This was the place of Petra’s youth. The outfits were different, long dresses and skirts, roughspun shirts and wool jackets. The crowd watched as a procession strolled through the main boulevard.</p>
<p>“What’s this?” Levi asked. Petra pointed.</p>
<p>“There.”</p>
<p>She smiled when her husband saw himself. It was him as a young man, still in his twenties. His face was smoother than ever, his frown intractable. Older Levi scoffed to see his younger counterpart.</p>
<p>“Damn. I really do have a shitty baby face.” He sulked. Petra giggled and nuzzled his cheek. That brought a smile to his lips. They wrapped their arms about each other and watched Humanity’s Strongest ride by on his horse. Here in Levi’s arms, her happiness was complete. “Why’re we here?”</p>
<p>“This is the first time I saw you. There.” She looked to the left and found herself as a young girl. God, she really had been a child, only fifteen. A moon-faced adolescent with big, bright eyes and no bad memories. Petra smiled to watch her child self regard Captain Levi with adoring rapture.</p>
<p>“That you?” he croaked. Levi watched the girl she’d been with softness. “Fuck, Pet. You were always so beautiful.”</p>
<p>“This was the moment my whole life changed.” She’d been prepared to work at her father’s stall, to eventually marry Oruo, to raise a family in Calaneth. And then… “I saw the most gorgeous man I’d ever laid eyes on.”</p>
<p>“Tch. No accounting for taste.” But he looked so gentle and even joyful as he watched teenage her. The girl clasped her hands to her chest, the picture of youthful infatuation. A light blush tinged his cheeks.</p>
<p>“You were all I could think about the rest of the day. Not just how handsome you were. I dreamed about riding alongside you, wearing the Wings of Freedom, too. It seemed like adventure would always find me if I was with you.” She kissed his cheek. “I was right.”</p>
<p>“I given you a good life, brat?” He spoke softly, so shy that her heart melted.</p>
<p>“You’ve given me the best of everything.” They kissed as the crowds disappeared. Petra took his hand and led him forward into the living room of her childhood house. “I don’t think any woman’s ever been happier.”</p>
<p>“Liar.” But he adored her with his eyes. “You’re the perfect woman. It’s easy to be good to the perfect woman.”</p>
<p>She was the one person he melted for. His icy façade could never hold for long when she was with him. Petra touched his cheek. She saw the weathered lines in his face, but they only made her love him more. Young or old, sick or well, strong or weak, she would love him forever because he was Levi. Everything about him was worth loving, both good and bad things.</p>
<p>“I knew that I could never go back to the girl I was before I saw you.” She looked down at her younger self laid out upon the floor, gazing at the ceiling with a smile on her lips. Petra remembered how she’d spent all afternoon alone in the house, thinking of him over and over again. “I’ve had everything I ever wanted. Not many people get to say the same.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to give it up.” He looked down at her teenage self and avoided her eyes.</p>
<p>“Levi.” She held his cheek, kissed him. “You know I do.”</p>
<p>“I’m tired of this shit. I want to go back to the kids.” He paced away from her, but he could not move around in this world. Only she could do that.</p>
<p>So Petra took him to another memory.</p>
<p>He looked around in slight shock as the scene changed to a beach in Valle. This was a recent memory, only last summer. The sky was bright blue, and seagulls cawed amid the crash of waves on the shore. Petra swore she could smell the salt and the nearby cotton candy. Tears pricked her eyes. This was one of her happiest memories.</p>
<p>The last normal beach day they’d had as a family.</p>
<p>She watched Kuchel chase Oruo across the surf, giggling when she caught her little brother and spun him around. Oruo kicked and snarled, irritated as always to be flung around like a doll.</p>
<p>“Last July,” Levi said dreamily. She put an arm through his.</p>
<p>“A few days later, we took the boat to Paradis.” And then the war began soon after. Their lives had been thrown into turmoil. “But all that was in the future.”</p>
<p>She and Levi, a year younger, were seated beneath an umbrella. Petra was in a beach chair happily reading a book; Levi kept applying more sunscreen to his face and arms, scowling at a seagull as it tried to snag a sandwich from their basket. Older Petra sat on the ground with Levi beside her, and they watched their memories. Her husband’s face lit up when the children came running over, laughing freely. A dripping Kuchel sat down and laid some seashells on the blanket. Oruo grabbed one of his toy soldiers and began shooting at a gull. The bird regarded him with blank eyes.</p>
<p>“This was perfect,” Levi said softly.</p>
<p>Oruo laughed when Petra grabbed him and pulled him onto her lap. He cuddled against her. Levi and Kuchel sorted the shells.</p>
<p>Petra stared at herself and her children. Her happy, relaxed husband.</p>
<p>She had to give them all up.</p>
<p>The pain threatened to rupture her. She put her hands over her eyes and fought the tears.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why? What did we do that was so wrong? We just loved each other. We just wanted a family. Was that evil?</em>
</p>
<p>But in this world, love itself was an act of defiance. A world that held titans had no mercy for soft, fragile things.</p>
<p>“You brought me here to make me change my mind?” Levi muttered. “Bad idea. I’ll never change.”</p>
<p>“Levi…”</p>
<p>“No. Almost from the second I was born, I was miserable. My mother died. Kenny beat the shit out of me and abandoned me. I starved, I fought, I killed. I lost my friends. I lost my comrades. I lost Erwin, and Hange. The only good thing I ever had was you and the kids.” He scowled. “You’re not even asking me to lose you. That’d be bad enough. But you want me to forget you ever existed. If we change the timeline, you and the kids and everyone else these last thirteen years, they all vanish like smoke. Erased from existence. I couldn’t…” His voice sounded choked. “Even if there’s something after death, you wouldn’t be there. I could never find you again.” She kissed his cheek again and again. She let him hold her close. His words cut her like knives. “I can’t spend an eternity without you all. I’d rather be erased, too. And even if the me I am now—fuck, this is complicated—even if the me now got erased, too, I don’t want to be anything else!” He sneered. “I’m a soft fuck. I’m not the bruiser I was. I got a family. I got you. The man who could do anything without regret died a long time ago.”</p>
<p>“I…” She openly wept now, but didn’t stop herself. “I need you to be that man again.”</p>
<p>“I can’t. I won’t,” he growled. He gripped her by the arms. “How can you even say this? Huh? How can you be like this?”</p>
<p>He was starting to shout. The memories continued around them, oblivious of their presence.</p>
<p>“Look around,” she whispered. She took them all in, the children playing, the people at the hot dog stand, the birds and the lovers cuddling beneath umbrellas, the teenagers laughing as they played a game and danced to music. “If we don’t do this, they all stop existing. The world as we know it goes away forever. I don’t even understand how it would work, but there would just be…nothing.”</p>
<p>“Then let it all end.” That was not Levi’s voice. Those miserable, rabid eyes were not his. “Why do I have to be the one who gives everything up? Who loses everything for them?”</p>
<p>“Levi.” She felt dizzy.</p>
<p>“I’m tired of being the one in the shit. I’m tired of putting everyone else before my family! Before myself!” He got up and looked at the people around him with something she’d never seen from him before. Pure, acidic disdain. “Fuck all these people. Fuck this world!”</p>
<p>“Levi, stop!”</p>
<p>She got up and threw her arms around him. Seeing him like this, consumed by his anger and hatred, it broke her. She hugged him so tight. Gradually, he returned her embrace.</p>
<p>“Petra. Don’t make me do this.”</p>
<p>His voice was now so soft. So lost. She felt him tremble. She kissed him and kissed him.</p>
<p>“Think about the people just like us with families. The ones who love each other and their children so much.” She kissed his forehead. “They’d all stop existing, too. They’d be gone forever, too. It’s not fair.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t have to be. This is my choice, and I won’t do it,” Levi snapped.</p>
<p>She pressed her forehead to his. They breathed together for a minute.</p>
<p>“You have made me the happiest woman in the world,” she whispered. Her lips trembled, but she got the next sentence out. “If you do this, though, you’ll break my heart.”</p>
<p>“Don’t pull that shit.” He stepped away from her. “This is so much easier for you, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>She exploded.</p>
<p>“How the hell can you say that?” she barked. The intensity took him by surprise. “Do you have any idea how scared I am? My whole heart is breaking! Every piece of me is in pain! I want to die, but I’m terrified to! And my babies…and you…” She suppressed a wail. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I hate everyone here so, so much! Because I don’t want to think about them! Only you. You and the kids are the only people I can’t live without. I’m breaking apart.” She sank to her knees in the sand, bent over. Surrounded by all the happiness she could never have again, Petra felt herself going insane.</p>
<p>Levi knelt before her. He held her close.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, baby.” He kissed her. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“No. I’m sorry.” She wept. “I’m sorry you have to do this. I’m sorry that everything keeps falling on you.”</p>
<p>They stared into each other’s eyes. Finally, his stony expression melted. Tears formed in his eyes. He fought them back, but lost.</p>
<p>“I love you so fucking much,” he choked.</p>
<p>God, she adored him. Every inch of him. She kissed the tip of his nose, his forehead. She pressed him close to her heart.</p>
<p>“We had our time together.” Petra stifled a sob; she had to get through this. “We weren’t supposed to have that time, but we got it. I guess nothing perfect can last.”</p>
<p>Levi gave a low, moaning wail. He roared his pain, her clinging to him. They rocked back and forth in the sand. Petra felt all the ugliness inside of her splinter apart, and she sobbed. There was no one around to see them. They were alone in a memory. Together, they wept. They cried and held each other. Levi was finally, utterly free. She had never seen him this undone. They kissed, and cried, and held each other.</p>
<p>Hours passed. Eventually they both calmed down. Eventually they lay in the sand holding each other. He didn’t even care about getting dirty. Well, nothing here could touch them, after all.</p>
<p>It was a world of make believe.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to do it right away,” she whispered. “We have a lot of time. We can take it.”</p>
<p>“The kids, though.”</p>
<p>“I think…this’ll sound strange, but I think that in the PATHs world, we haven’t been gone that long.”</p>
<p>“How do you know?”</p>
<p>“A feeling. The Founder tells me that, I guess.” She sniffed. “All this time we’ve been here has only been a few seconds in PATHs.”</p>
<p>“Sort of like how PATHS works in the real world? Shit, this is complicated,” he grumbled. She stood, and took his hand.</p>
<p>“We have time.” She hugged him tightly when he stood. “We can go anywhere.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” He sniffed. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>Hand in hand, she took him to their wedding day. They laughed at his bumbling, how clearly adoration had been written on his face. Levi gazed at her in her pure white dress, and looked lost.</p>
<p>They returned to their Valle apartment and watched the family gather at Petra’s bedside when Oruo was born. Levi smiled at the squashed, irritable face of his baby son. They revisited the Amalfia rooftop on the night of Petra’s birthday. They looked in on family vacations to Liberio and the mountains. Levi was even fine with revisiting the farmhouse in the first week or so after Armin’s birth.</p>
<p>“He was such a cute, sweet little kid.” Her husband looked on her son with real tenderness. Petra had the world’s most wonderful man.</p>
<p>And she would be forever parted from him. She would be gone. Her children would be gone. Erased from existence.</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s no hope of seeing him again.</em>
</p>
<p>How could she bear this? What kind of sick reality would deny her this good, loving man?</p>
<p>She cried again, and Levi held her. This time, he was gentle. Resigned.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, baby.” He kissed her.</p>
<p>They spent a few hours snuggled before the fire, watching the 104<sup>th</sup> kids playing with toddler Kuchel. Petra gazed at her happy memories, and knew that she was the luckiest woman who had ever lived.</p>
<p>And Levi would not even have these memories to keep him going.</p>
<p>She shivered.</p>
<p>But he didn’t try to escape the inevitable now, and she didn’t ask him to.</p>
<p>They spent half a day like this, wandering from golden memory to golden memory. Finally, they returned to the night of the midwinter ball.</p>
<p>Eren and Historia had patiently waited, like they said they would.</p>
<p>“Well?” Eren looked at them.</p>
<p>“I want to say goodbye to the kids first,” Levi muttered.</p>
<p>Historia exhaled in relief. Eren nodded.</p>
<p>“Not just yet, though.” Petra took her husband’s hand. “One last stop.”</p>
<p>“Take your time,” Eren said.</p>
<p>She and her husand wandered into Morgenstern’s bright halls. Petra gazed at the ballroom floor where couples waltzed. The glorious days of her youth.</p>
<p>“I never got to dance with you at one of these,” she murmured.</p>
<p>He understood her. Levi led her onto the floor, where ghosts of the past waltzed.</p>
<p>“It’s not the Marian,” he said. “But it’s something.”</p>
<p>They danced, holding each other close as they did so. They danced to the cheery lilt of violins, and Petra gazed deep into Levi’s eyes. They turned around the ballroom, barely noting the dead faces of friends, Hange and the squad Levi guys and Nifa and Erwin. Tonight, for the last time, she only had eyes for Levi Ackerman.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she whispered. “I want you to know…”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I love you more than anything in the world.” She would not have sacrificed their family or love for anything other than the entire world itself. “I don’t think I can love you this much and have it all just go away forever.” She would not cry. “So. I believe that somewhere out there, I’ll be waiting for you. So will the kids. And I don’t care how long it takes; somehow, someday, I’m going to see you again.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t stop the tears. They stopped dancing and he held her close, kissed her a thousand times. The others waltzed past, oblivious.</p>
<p>“I don’t know a lot. I’m shit at big, sweet words,” he said. “But I’ve loved you more than any man’s ever loved a woman. Pretty sure that’s accurate.” He devoured her lips. “And I’m a stubborn son of a bitch.” His blue-gray eyes burned into hers. “I <em>will</em> find you again. If it takes the rest of time, I’ll find you. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”</p>
<p>She laughed. She brushed her nose against his once more. That old, affectionate gesture.</p>
<p>“Only you, Levi Ackerman, would consider any of this easy,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Tch. What can I say?” He kissed her. “I’m no ordinary guy.”</p>
<p>On that, they were forever agreed.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Petra had been right. It seemed they’d only been gone from the PATHs world for a few seconds, tops. The kids were in the same place they’d been when he’d left. Kuchel skipped over. His baby was skipping.</p>
<p>He would forget her. He would never see her again.</p>
<p>Levi made himself stone and ice. He would not cry or sob or get uncontrollable in front of the kids. He would not give them fear and misery in their last moments.</p>
<p>He and Petra had agreed that they’d keep quiet. Let the kids blip out of existence without pain or fear.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why does it have to come down to this? Why do I have to hurt like this?</em>
</p>
<p>At this point, Levi wasn’t sure which would be worse: forgetting, or remembering.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?” Kuchel asked.</p>
<p>“Yes, sweetie.” Petra hugged the girl. She hugged Kuchel so tight.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p>
<p>“Can we go home now?” Oruo asked. He clung to Petra’s hand. Armin came over and hugged Levi, which startled him. The little boy looked up with Erwin’s face and Petra’s eyes. He beamed.</p>
<p>
  <em>He trusts me. Loves me. It’s so natural for him to love people.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi crouched down and hugged Armin tightly. To think he’d wanted the kid dead. To think he’d hated him.</p>
<p>
  <em>I wish I could’ve gotten the chance to spend real time with you. I’d have taken care of you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Everything okay, Uncle Levi?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Fine.” He ruffled the boy’s hair. Petra came over to Armin, who threw himself into his mother’s arms with joy. At least he would not have to exist anymore, not have to miss her.</p>
<p>Fuck. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Papa? What’s wrong?” Oruo frowned up at him. God, Oruo had his face and Kenny’s irate expression. His tough little guy. Levi picked his son up and bounced him a bit.</p>
<p>“You’re the toughest little man in the world.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I am.” Oruo looked pleased. He wasn’t much of a huggy kid—except with Petra, of course—but Levi’s son hugged him. “Papa? When’re we goin’ home?”</p>
<p>Levi realized that Valle was gone. Oruo’s home and toys were gone. Shit, his grandparents might be dead by now, too.</p>
<p>“Soon. Mama and I’ve gotta take care of one more thing with Historia, then we can go.”</p>
<p>“And it’s all gonna be fixed?”</p>
<p>Levi took a deep breath. “Yeah. It’ll all be fixed.”</p>
<p>
  <em>You and your sister and Armin will be gone. The problem will fix itself.</em>
</p>
<p>He looked into his little son’s face. The moment he’d held Oruo for the first time, he’d felt such fierce pride. Such a little baby had already looked so ready to take on the world. If only he could’ve had time to teach Oruo how to fight. And Levi would not have been like Kenny. He would not have abused or derided the boy.</p>
<p>You didn’t need to mutilate someone to make him stronger.</p>
<p>Levi had learned that lesson well.</p>
<p>“Oi.” Levi kissed the boy’s cheek. “I’m so damn proud of you. Love you.”</p>
<p>Oruo beamed. Levi set him down and he hurried over to his mother, probably ready to knock Armin aside and be cuddled. Tch. Levi smiled.</p>
<p>“Papa?”</p>
<p>Kuchel stood before him. Little girl was almost as tall as him now.</p>
<p>Levi pulled her close and hugged her because otherwise he’d lose it.</p>
<p>“Yeah, baby?”</p>
<p>“Are you sad about Uncle Erwin?”</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m sad about you. I’m sad about me.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yeah. But it’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>At least this version of Erwin would be erased from memory and history. There was some comfort there.</p>
<p>Not much.</p>
<p>“I love you, Papa.”</p>
<p>He wanted to say, <em>You are my baby and will always be my baby. </em>He wanted to say, <em>I hated being alive. I didn’t understand why I was. But the moment you were born, I realized that I wanted to live. I wanted to live so I could be your Papa.</em></p>
<p>But all he said was, “Love you, too.”</p>
<p>“Ready?” Eren called. Levi hated him in that moment.</p>
<p>“You can take your time,” he heard Historia murmur.</p>
<p>Any more time spent here and he might lose it. And then the children would be frightened.</p>
<p>“Yeah, coming.” Levi kissed Kuchel’s cheek. She smiled at him with his mother’s face.</p>
<p>For the last time, he looked at his little girl.</p>
<p>Then he turned and walked away from her. Levi refused to look back.</p>
<p>Petra was next to him. She’d kept in control, too, but she was about to cry.</p>
<p>Historia touched them both.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Petra and Levi stood alone at the edge of the Morgenstern forest. They watched as the younger versions of themselves raced across the snow, headed for the trees and their destiny.</p>
<p>“Do you remember?” she whispered.</p>
<p>Levi took her hand.</p>
<p>“Every moment.”</p>
<p>He knew the precise instant they had passed beyond the point of no return. They’d been in that tree, Levi talking about why he’d gone after Karl Morgenstern so hard. Because no one messed with his subordinates.</p>
<p>‘You are all special to me,’ he’d said. Then. ‘But…’ And then the fatal words, ‘But of all my subordinates…you are my favorite.’</p>
<p>And then a long speech had come out of him, telling Petra how she was the sun in his world. And they had known then how they loved each other.</p>
<p>“This was one of the best moments of my life,” she breathed. A tear streaked down her face.</p>
<p>“Me, too.” He kissed her lips once more. “Let’s go destroy it.”</p>
<p>His heart was a lump of lead. He found himself hovering fifty feet above the ground, Petra at his side. They faced their young selves, holding each other tight above the endless fall.</p>
<p>Levi studied his old face. God, he’d been so in love. It was written in every gesture and emotion. How could he stop the confession from happening? How could he keep from telling Petra Ral she was his sun and earth and stars?</p>
<p>‘You are all,’ his old self said, ‘special to me.’</p>
<p>Levi watched young Petra’s face fall. She nodded, bangs falling into her eyes. She believed he meant to put her with the rest of them. Make her not special.</p>
<p>‘Yes, sir.’</p>
<p>‘But…’</p>
<p>Levi’s chest seized as he watched himself on the precipice of ecstatic love. Young Petra looked quizzical. No; hopeful.</p>
<p>“You have to stop,” his Petra whispered. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks. She looked as if life were already draining out of her. But she did not break. She was steel, this one.</p>
<p>
  <em>But of all my subordinates…you…are my favorite.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi had to stop those words from passing his lips. The best words of his life. The words that had given him joy and meaning and love and family.</p>
<p>
  <em>Kill it. Stop it.</em>
</p>
<p>His young self opened his mouth to speak.</p>
<p>Levi had no idea how to do this, but he stuck his face next to his own ear and hissed.</p>
<p>“Don’t you fucking dare. You piece of shit. Keep your fucking mouth shut.”</p>
<p>His old self blinked; had he even heard? Maybe this was impossible. Levi felt a surge of hope at that. Then the world would end, and he would not have to be alone in his misery.</p>
<p>But…</p>
<p>‘Captain?’ Young Petra blinked, hope and concern clashing in her expression.</p>
<p>Levi’s young self prepared to speak again.</p>
<p>
  <em>Let him. Let him do it. Give him that happiness.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi clenched his jaw.</p>
<p>“You fucking scumbag!” he roared. All the bitterness in his heart, all the self-hatred, he unloaded all of it. “She’s too young for you! She’s too good for you! You ugly freak, who are you to think you can touch her? You’ll ruin her life! You’ll break up the squad! Is that what you want? Think about Erwin. Humanity needs your team to stay together. If you break this up, you can’t protect her anymore!” The fucking irony, knowing that Petra would die precisely because she remained on Levi’s squad. But the tears flowed, and the bile poured out. “Leave her alone! You hear me, you piece of shit? Leave! Her! Alone!”</p>
<p>His voice echoed in his ears. Levi watched his younger self shut down.</p>
<p>Yes. He had heard.</p>
<p>He had listened.</p>
<p>‘Captain?’ Young Petra tried once more.</p>
<p>Levi settled back into himself. ‘Tch. Nothing, Ral. Lost my train of thought.’</p>
<p>She nodded, and they went back to waiting for the guys to signal for them in Morgenstern’s house.</p>
<p>Petra, his Petra, sobbed as the memory vanished.</p>
<p>It was over. No turning back now.</p>
<p>He had done it. Restored order. Saved the universe.</p>
<p>Lost everything.</p>
<p>“How long?” he whispered. He took his wife into his arms, gazed into her eyes. Such beautiful amber eyes. The sun.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” She held him close. “Kiss me, Levi. I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you,” he growled, and kissed her. He kissed the sunlight on her lips and all the years they’d had together. He held her so close, tried to make it so that they melded into one person. He loved her. He loved her. He—</p>
<p>Levi opened his eyes. He was alone.</p>
<p>Where did she—?</p>
<p>Levi cried out when the world around him changed to blackness.</p>
<p>He fell. He tumbled into an endless void.</p>
<p>Tears streamed from his eyes as the memories flashed before him, burned away like moth wings lit by a candle flame.</p>
<p>And as he fell, the memories of love and children, of family and joy, were replaced by new ones.</p>
<p>
  <em>He stood in his room at the castle. It was two in the morning, Eren and the others asleep. Petra stood before him with a tray of tea.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Um.” She held up the tray. “I brought you tea? Sir.”</em>
</p>
<p>Levi fell through darkness. He recalled making love to his subordinate for the first time on that spring evening, when she’d brought him tea.</p>
<p>He recalled the few fleeting weeks of pleasure.</p>
<p>And then…</p>
<p>
  <em>He flew through the titan forest, past Gunther’s body and Eld’s, past poor Oruo’s. He found her smashed up against that tree.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He stopped and hung above her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Petra’s bloody corpse gazed up at him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He blinked.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi fell through the memories, each of them wrapping themselves about him like a spiderweb, ensaring him.</p>
<p>
  <em>He looked down at Erwin as he lay on that rooftop. His friend was two breaths away from dying. Levi had the shot; he could save him. He could…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Teacher… How do we know… All gone?” Erwin muttered.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi remembered Kenny, and Armin’s wide, excited eyes. He remembered the joy in Erwin’s face as he was released rom his dream.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi looked to Armin’s charred, breathing body.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He made his decision.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi hurtled at terminal velocity towards a hard, hard crash.</p>
<p>
  <em>“We should let him have a good rest,” he said, seated beside Erwin’s body as Armin’s titan reared up and ate Bertholdt. “Erwin. I’m sorry. I’m going to have to wait on fulfilling my promise.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hange checked the commander’s eyes. “He’s dead,” she whispered.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi felt the most overwhelming wave of grief. It threatened to crush him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He gazed at the body of Erwin Smith, the greatest man who had ever lived. A true hero. A good man. A friend.</em>
</p>
<p>Levi’s head tilted back. He could feel the memories filling him, a dark, viscous liquid that turned him into a dark, viscious man.</p>
<p>He could not recall ever feeling otherwise.</p>
<p>
  <em>He trailed Zeke Jaeger through the forest. Levi was still covered in the evaporating titan blood of his comrades. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That fucking monkey. Zeke screamed as he transformed into his titanic body. But Levi hung above him in the forest canopy, thunder spears at the ready.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Zeke had killed Levi’s subordinates. At long last, it was time to return the favor.</em>
</p>
<p>Pain blinded him, fractured his skull and boiled his heart. Levi fell, and fell.</p>
<p>
  <em>Shit. He hadn’t imagined that Zeke would be so fucking desperate.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mr. Xavier! I hope you’re watching now!” the monkey screamed as he yanked his head back and detonated the thunder spear sticking out of his abdomen.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi’s eyes widened.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He had half an instant, and curled into a ball, his sword placed beneath his feet.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then the world turned into fire around him…</em>
</p>
<p>Levi grunted as he came to a sudden halt. He lay in darkness, and burning stripes of pain lay across his flesh like lashes.</p>
<p>He remained there, hovering in nothingness. Was it death? Was this how it all ended?</p>
<p>Voices summoned him. He rose towards the sounds of people talking. Arguing.</p>
<p>He felt the night air around him. The blanket that lay on top of him.</p>
<p>The bandages that itched on his face.</p>
<p>Fuck. His insides felt like a bruised pile of meat.</p>
<p>He could only open one eye.</p>
<p>Levi was lying on the back of a wagon. Ahead of him, a campfire crackled. He could smell stew. He heard some brats shrieking—yeah, that Gabi kid was on her knees and crying. Annie was on the ground tending to Reiner’s face—looked like the guy had got the shit kicked out of him. In the distance, he saw Jean stomping away into the trees.</p>
<p>Yeah. He’d heard Jean yelling.</p>
<p>Right. It was the end of the world. The last alliance, all of them together, all of them planning to stop Eren’s crazy fucking rumbling.</p>
<p>Hange looked over at him, concern on her face. Maybe he shouldn’t be up right now, but dammit, those stupid brats…</p>
<p>“Will they shut up?” Levi croaked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this took so long. Long story short, I lost one of my jobs and money's a little tight at the moment. But don't worry, I'll finish. We're heading into the grand finale.</p>
<p>Also I swear to God this has a happy ending, please believe me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Chapter 52</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>How the hell was she still alive?</p>
<p>Petra knelt in the sand with the eternity of stars overhead and tried to work out how she was still here, in PATHS. How she could still think and feel.</p>
<p>Where the hell her husband had gone.</p>
<p>“What the <em>fuck?</em>” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Mama!”</p>
<p>Armin and Oruo came bounding over to her, launching themselves into her arms. Petra just sat there, numb and astonished, as her children squeezed and kissed her. Armin especially seemed blissful, snuggling right up to her and closing his eyes with a happy smile on his lips. She remembered him as a baby, cuddling up in just that way. Tears burned her eyes.</p>
<p>Her babies were still here.</p>
<p>But where the fuck was Levi?</p>
<p>“Mama?”</p>
<p>Kuchel stood over her, looking concerned. Behind her daughter, Petra saw Eren and Historia whispering together. They both looked beyond confused. That was the last thing in the world she wanted to see: Eren Jaeger unsure of what was going on.</p>
<p>“Hold on.” Petra kissed the boys and stood, hugged Kuchel. “Hold on, sweeties.”</p>
<p>“Where’d Papa go?” Kuchel demanded as Petra inserted herself into the adults’ conversation.</p>
<p>“What the hell is happening?” Petra whispered. Historia and Eren shared a troubled glance. She would tear both their heads off if they didn’t speak up soon.</p>
<p>“I…I’m not sure,” Eren replied. It took all of Petra’s power not to knock him to the ground and stomp him to nothingness. Her fists clenched at her sides.</p>
<p>“Where is my husband?” she snapped. Petra yanked Eren and Historia away, guiding them off to where the zombie-like Ymir wandered about, staring off into the void with no apparent interest in anyone or anything. Petra couldn’t believe that this was where the power of the titans came from: a detached child, a ghost. She forced herself not to start screaming.</p>
<p>“I think I know what this is,” Historia said. She knelt and took a handful of sand, let the grains sift through her fingers. It was almost like she was getting information from the PATHS themselves, through touch. “The change has been made. The old world and universe are gone.”</p>
<p>“So.” Petra felt numb inside. Her parents, her friends, her home: all gone. She and her children were stranded.</p>
<p>But how were they still alive? Were they…?</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell me I’m trapped here forever,” she choked. An eternity in this airless place without Levi? What had she done to deserve such a fate?</p>
<p>Levi…</p>
<p><em>He’s gone.</em> The man he’d been with her, the man she’d loved for so long had vanished from reality itself. They could never be together again. You could not find what had never existed. Petra hunched over. Please let her die. Let her and her children vanish like smoke in the wind. Better that, better oblivion than life without hope of him.</p>
<p>“The entire universe was gone in a fraction of a second,” Historia continued. She looked up at Petra. “But time works differently in PATHS.”</p>
<p>Oh. Oh, fuck. That was right.</p>
<p>“So how long…?” She felt dizzy. Eren seemed to understand what Historia meant, too.</p>
<p>“I think,” Historia said slowly, “that this little bubble can only last a day or two at most.”</p>
<p>So. She had another couple of days here, waiting for oblivion to swallow her and her children. Petra began to shake her head, grit her teeth. She could endure many things, but not this sadistic fuckery. It wasn’t fair. She had to sit here waiting, like sitting on the shore anticipating a giant wave that would drown her and her children.</p>
<p>“Mama, where’d Papa go?” Kuchel was at her side, more demanding than ever. How was Petra going to keep this secret for two days?</p>
<p>
  <em>You can’t. You have to tell them the truth.</em>
</p>
<p>Petra wanted to scream. She’d done the right thing, and all she got in return was more agony. More terror.</p>
<p>“Mama?” Kuchel’s voice started to quaver. “I’m scared.”</p>
<p>“I know, baby.” Petra kissed Kuchel’s cheek. The boys trotted over, regarding their mother with frightened eyes. “Listen. Let’s sit down. There’s something I need to tell you all.”</p>
<p>She did not tell them that they would all vanish into oblivion; no child needed that. She said simply that they were all going to die and join Levi in heaven. The children didn’t understand what she was saying. Petra had to repeat it slowly and carefully a couple of times before they began to comprehend. Armin hugged his stuffed tiger tightly and didn’t otherwise move. He seemed to be stunned. Oruo got to his feet and began to demand answers to increasingly terrified questions.</p>
<p>Kuchel…</p>
<p>She just sat there hugging her knees.</p>
<p>“Papa doesn’t exist anymore,” she muttered. She was able to comprehend the magnitude of what Petra had said.</p>
<p>“He’s just gone on to heaven,” Petra repeated. “We’re going to go meet him soon.”</p>
<p>Kuchel stood. She had a look of such ferocity in her eyes that it stunned Petra. She recalled when Kuchel was three and Levi had ‘died.’ The anger in the little girl had been astronomical.</p>
<p>“He doesn’t exist anymore!” Kuchel shouted. Her face screwed up. “And we’re not gonna exist, either.”</p>
<p>Armin let out a terrified scream and buried his face in his tiger. He clung to Petra, and Oruo plucked at her tearfully, begging her to let them go home. He wanted to see his grandparents. His friends.</p>
<p>It was all gone. All of it. All of them.</p>
<p>Petra held her boys close. She motioned for Kuchel, but her daughter wouldn’t sit. She glared at Petra like she’d been betrayed.</p>
<p>“There was no other way.” Petra felt a million years old as her children sobbed. “If Papa and I hadn’t done it, the whole world would have gone away. Everyone would have died.”</p>
<p>“Why us?” Kuchel’s lip quivered. “We weren’t supposed to be born. Were we?”</p>
<p>No. But Petra couldn’t say that.</p>
<p>“You are the most precious and important things in the world to me. And to Papa.” Petra wished that oblivion would hurry up and get here. “Any world is better for having you in it.”</p>
<p>Armin wailed. Oruo buried his face in her shoulder.</p>
<p>Eren and Historia were talking together with great animation. Historia wiped some tears away. Eren ran hands through his long hair. They looked agitated.</p>
<p>She couldn’t stand this shit anymore.</p>
<p>“Hold on, babies.” She kissed her boys and went to the adults. “Whatever you’re discussing, tell me.”</p>
<p>“There…” Eren clenched his jaw. Historia gestured angrily, spurring him on. “There might be one way.”</p>
<p>“One way for what?” Petra’s heart stopped.</p>
<p>“To save all of you.”</p>
<p>Eren cried out when she grabbed him and flipped him over her shoulder. The young man lay there, stunned, as Petra gripped a fistful of shirt and lifted his face to hers.</p>
<p>“Why the <em>fuck</em> didn’t you say anything before?” she bellowed. The kids squealed in fear.</p>
<p>“Nothing like it’s ever been attempted.” Historia sounded truly frightened. “If it goes wrong, more than one universe could be warped. Or even worse, disappear.”</p>
<p>“Hold on. Universes? More than one?” Petra let go of Eren. “How many…?”</p>
<p>“No one really knows.” Historia pointed to the great tree of light. “But the PATHS don’t just link all Eldians. They also link us to many different places. Time works differently there.” She looked more scared the more she spoke. “Ten years could pass in our world, while only five seconds passed there. Or the other way around. No one’s ever tried moving from one world or universe to the next.”</p>
<p>“But it’s possible?” Petra’s fingertips buzzed.</p>
<p>Historia nodded. “Like I said. I’ve been here a long, long time. I’ve learned a lot. But Petra, no one’s ever done this before. I don’t even know if it’s really possible.”</p>
<p>But if this worked…</p>
<p>“We could live somewhere else?” She felt dizzy. “The kids and I, and Levi. We could go somewhere?”</p>
<p>“You and the kids can’t be alive in this universe,” Eren said quietly. “If you were, reality would rip apart. But you could start over somewhere else.”</p>
<p>“How?” She wanted to throw up. “By just walking into the tree?”</p>
<p>“Only the Founder can create a new PATH,” Eren said slowly. He stood. “The way Historia explained it to me—”</p>
<p>“It’s pretty complicated.” Historia chewed her lip. “But I try to think of it as like ODM. When you need to get from one place to the other, you shoot a hook and cable, attach it, and then pull yourself over.”</p>
<p>Petra began to understand. “The Founder is the only one who can shoot a hook, attach it—”</p>
<p>“And then, once the PATH is created, Eldians can walk down it. Like a cable. Like a bridge.” Eren rubbed his nose. “That’s the idea, anyway.”</p>
<p>Think. She just needed to think.</p>
<p>“What do I have to do?”</p>
<p>“You have to walk into that.” Historia pointed at the giant tree of light. The thing looked like some monstrous crack in the heavens. Instinctively, Petra pulled away.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Then there’s nothing else to do but wait.”</p>
<p>She glanced at her children, all of them miserable. Her babies deserved to live.</p>
<p>“I can…make a place for us all? In some other world?” Her stomach contracted. It sounded like madness.</p>
<p>“It’s the only chance. If you can’t do this, you’ll blink out of existence,” Eren said. He appeared strained.</p>
<p>“You’ll vanish, too,” she said. “This version of you, anyway.”</p>
<p>He made a dismissive noise. “Yes. I’ll have to go back to being a genocidal maniac.”</p>
<p>Petra’s mouth fell open in horror. “What?”</p>
<p>“The Rumbling. Remember?” He looked down at his hands, hatred burning in his eyes. Self-hatred. “It’s complicated, but it all comes down to Mikasa.” He winced. “And Armin. My Armin. But yes. In this other timeline, I’ll become the greatest mass murderer in history.”</p>
<p>How horrible must it be, to allow the better version of yourself to be erased? To know that you’re going to murder millions, even billions of innocent people? Petra felt sorry for Eren, even though she didn’t want to. She wanted to stay angry.</p>
<p>But she wasn’t the angry type.</p>
<p>“I wish you had a chance,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well.” Eren shrugged. “Come on. I’ll go with you.”</p>
<p>Petra hugged the kids one last time, promised to be right back, and then began to walk towards the tree across the sands. Behind her, Petra heard the boys crying and calling her name. She looked back once, and saw Kuchel managing them.</p>
<p>Her little girl was being so brave. Petra had to be brave, too.</p>
<p>When they were ten feet from the tree, Petra felt as if she’d go blind. The world around her seemed to be made of light. She winced, holding a hand to her eyes to block out the glare. The tree made some kind of thrumming noise. Her eardrums pulsated in time with it.</p>
<p>“I can’t go in. Only the Founder can do this,” Eren said.</p>
<p>“How do I do this?”</p>
<p>“No one’s ever done it before. You have to be the first. Find a world. Make the PATH.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Petra whispered. That was the Survey Corps way, wasn’t it? To go forth into the unknown and try your best, even if it meant your life. To bring humanity forward. Holding her breath, she stepped into the light.</p>
<p>She became the light. It whispered loudly in her ears, crept into every pore of her body. She forgot what it was to have a head or hands. Petra began to feel herself unraveling; she could live here, in this light. Swim in it. Let it devour her. She could…</p>
<p>
  <em>Levi.</em>
</p>
<p>His sacrifice couldn’t be in vain. He deserved to live out a real life, free from all this hell. Petra gritted her teeth. She had to save him, too.</p>
<p>
  <em>How do I do this? How?</em>
</p>
<p>Petra began to panic and flail, but steadied herself. She tried speaking, though she wasn’t sure if she was speaking with her mouth or just her mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>Show me the other worlds.</em>
</p>
<p>A flood of images crashed over her. At first, it was like a cacophony of sound, except the sound was pictures. But over time, Petra was able to get control of herself. She began to discern individual places. Petra skimmed through a selection of realities, choosing universes as if shopping with a catalogue. She saw mountains and meadows, lakes and rivers. She saw cities and small towns. She saw worlds without walls. She saw wars, and poverty, and peace and plenty. She picked through them one by one. Petra hunted for hours, for decades, for a mere moment. She wanted the right place. The perfect place for her family.</p>
<p>
  <em>There.</em>
</p>
<p>Instinctively, Petra reached out for the chosen image. It looked like a broken shard of mirror. Her hands couldn’t grab hold; it wasn’t physical. Petra had to use her mind. She had to let instinct guide her. Like an ODM hook, she latched herself to it, and then whispered, <em>Build a PATH.</em></p>
<p>And before her, there stretched a golden road. It led into that shard.</p>
<p>And…</p>
<p>She was back. Petra was seated outside of the tree, back under the starry sky in her own PATHS dimension. Eren helped her to stand.</p>
<p>“You did it.” He sounded awed. “Holy shit.”</p>
<p>The golden path snaked out of the tree. At the end of the path, that broken window beckoned her towards another universe. A safer one.</p>
<p>“Kids!” Petra shouted. She was shaking with hope and fear. What if they could not survive in this new place? What if they died soon after going through the portal, like fish flopping on land? But it was a chance. Better to die while taking a chance than enter oblivion willingly.</p>
<p>“Mama?” Oruo clung to her left hand, Armin to her right. Her little black-haired boy regarded the path with wary eyes. He very rarely appeared frightened, but now he looked terrified. “Mama, what is that?”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, babies.” She knelt and hugged and kissed her sons. “That path is going to lead us to a new home.”</p>
<p>“Huh? You mean we don’t hafta go away?” Armin sounded amazed.</p>
<p>“That’s right.” She blinked back tears. “We can live there together. You and me and Papa.”</p>
<p>“Without Grandma and Grandpa?” Kuchel’s lip quivered. Petra’s heart broke to see it, and broke to think of never seeing her parents again. They wouldn’t exist in this new world. She picked up a handful of sand, let it run through her fingers. If only…</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>“Eren? The PATHS store every Eldian, don’t they?”</p>
<p>“They do.” He looked neutral as he spoke. “But again, I don’t know what will happen if—”</p>
<p>But Petra took Historia aside. She told the queen an order to give to Ymir.</p>
<p>“That may not work,” Historia said. But she looked impressed. Astonished.</p>
<p>“We have to try. Please.”</p>
<p>So Historia went to Ymir and told her what to do.</p>
<p>Petra was afraid that the little girl would have to rebuild all of them out of sand, but that didn’t seem to be the case. As she watched, shadowy figures emerged from out of the darkness. PATHS ghosts, Eren called them. They passed Petra and the children without a single look, and walked the glowing path up into the crack in the sky. Petra shivered when she saw her mother and father. Even Willem. And Brigitta.</p>
<p>She couldn’t bring a million people with her, but she asked for everyone she could think of, every Eldian she knew. The 104<sup>th</sup>. Mikasa. Armin Arlert.</p>
<p>Erwin. She watched as his PATHS ghost came out of the dark and stepped onto the bridge of light. Armin whimpered to see his father. Petra hugged her child. <em>Erwin was a good man who became a monster for our sake. He deserves the chance to live in peace with his son.</em></p>
<p>Rico and Anka and Pixis and Nile and Marie and on and on. By the time she was done, nearly three hundred souls had crossed the divide from one world into the next. Petra shook, still unsure what exactly she’d created. Who knew how this would work? She’d selected a world that had looked hospitable, even kindly. Quiet, and tranquil. But when she and the others stepped into that world, would they blend seamlessly? Or would it be a nightmare?</p>
<p>Well. Between this or oblivion, she would choose this every time.</p>
<p>“Mama. Can we go now?” Kuchel clung to Petra’s arm. She understood what was happening, and was so excited she’d started to cry. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>Yes. They would go.</p>
<p>Except that one ghost had not walked the path. Petra had kept a lookout for him, but he hadn’t appeared.</p>
<p>“Where is he?” She looked at Eren. “Where’s Levi?”</p>
<p>Both Eren and Historia seemed baffled.</p>
<p>Oh, fuck.</p>
<p>“Where’s Papa?” Kuchel started to get agitated. Petra grabbed Eren by the front of his shirt again; screw being nice.</p>
<p>“He’s not… I don’t know.” Eren made a pained face. “I’m sorry. I have no idea.”</p>
<p>Petra roared. So close, and yet she could not have him. After all this. She hauled back, ready to punch Eren.</p>
<p>“I think I can explain!” Historia got between them. “Hopefully I can. Look. When Levi altered the future, the universe we were living in disappeared. Right now, this PATHS dimension is all that remains of it. It’s like a little bubble.”</p>
<p>“Okay. And?” Petra gritted her teeth.</p>
<p>“I think when Levi altered that future, the him from this timeline merged with the him from the alternate one.”</p>
<p>What the fuck? It took Petra a minute to parse that out. But to her horror, it made some sense. Levi’s action had changed the timeline. He hadn’t disappeared so much as he had changed.</p>
<p>Was he a completely different person now? Or was any of him left?</p>
<p>Kuchel sat down and started wailing. The poor baby was so tired, so scared. Armin hugged her. Oruo clung to Petra’s leg. Petra stroked his hair and clenched a fist. She had not dragged her children through hell only for them to lose their father.</p>
<p>“So he’s not in this PATHS,” Petra said slowly, “because he’s in this other universe.”</p>
<p>“Otherwise he’d be here,” Historia said.</p>
<p>“Then how do I get him back?”</p>
<p>Eren was silent. So was the queen.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said. Historia turned down her eyes.</p>
<p>There was no way. No hope. No chance.</p>
<p>“Fuck your sorry.” Petra felt nothing. In fact, she almost smiled as she spoke. She had never felt so free. So hateful. “Fuck everything you’ve done to me and my family. You both had the power to stop this from happening, and you didn’t. I hate you both.” Her teeth chattered with rage. “I hate you both so fucking much.”</p>
<p>“There were only a couple of choices that didn’t lead to the universe’s annihilation,” Eren said, but Petra held up her hand.</p>
<p>“I don’t give a shit. You’ve taken my husband from me.” Her chin trembled. There would be no Levi in this other world. They would be parted forever, no way to bridge that divide. “You’ve tortured my children. Both of you can go to hell.”</p>
<p>Petra walked away, just walked away from all of them. Oruo yelled for her to come back, but she wouldn’t go far. Petra needed a moment to fucking grieve. She needed to be alone.</p>
<p>She fell to her knees and finally gave in to the misery. She hugged herself and cried and cried. She had opened up the universe, altered reality, summoned the dead, and yet this? This was where she could go no further.</p>
<p>She would never see his face or hear his voice again. Not even in the afterlife, if there was one. They would be universes apart, and there would be no Founder to bring them together.</p>
<p>But she…<em>was</em> the Founder. For now.</p>
<p>Petra sat down hard on the ground. The tears dried up. She stared straight ahead, doing nothing but picking up handfuls of sand and letting them slip away. Think. She had to think.</p>
<p>She picked over the idea again and again, twisting it this way and that, looking for a way. Maybe. Maybe she could…</p>
<p>But she couldn’t take the kids. They’d have to go to their new home alone; she’d have to catch up. A real leap of faith. Could she do that? Leave them alone in a strange new world, even for a moment? What if she failed and lost them forever?</p>
<p>But it was this, or never see Levi again. She got up and returned.</p>
<p>“I have an idea,” Petra announced. “I’m going after him.”</p>
<p>She must have looked scary in that moment, because Historia flinched.</p>
<p>“What are you saying?” Eren asked.</p>
<p>“Listen.” Her mind was twisting and turning. She wanted to find Hange, then remembered she’d already sent the woman across the bridge. Fuck. Petra was no use with this theoretical nonsense. She was a practical woman. But she had to try to explain, or she would lose him forever. “It’s like you said, like ODM. I’ll ‘hook’ the bridge that leads to the new world, and then zoom down, um, into the old…timeline…” Even as she said it, Petra felt how hopeless it was. It didn’t even make sense.</p>
<p>“You want to create a path for yourself that connects to the alternate timeline, and use it to bring Levi back?” Eren looked blank. “I mean…it could work. Or it could absolutely fail.”</p>
<p>“So what?”</p>
<p>“So if you fail, the balance between universes could upend again and we could wind up just as fucked as before.”</p>
<p>Petra looked at her weeping children. Kuchel was cuddling her brothers, but she was still such a little girl. She wailed for her father.</p>
<p>“Levi’s only ever sacrificed,” Petra said, not taking her eyes from Kuchel. “He gave up everything he loved to save a world that will never thank him for it. Right now he’s trapped in war and suffering. I can’t let that be where it ends for him.” Her throat closed up. “I’m going to get him back. And honestly, I don’t give a shit what happens because of it.”</p>
<p>Eren and Historia conferred together quietly. Historia knelt in the sand.</p>
<p>“Here’s the idea.” She started drawing as she spoke, creating a diagram of sorts. “We’re here.” She drew a circle. “Right now, the bridge is open to the new world.” She drew an arrow going east. “But you want to open another path.” She drew one going west.</p>
<p>“I’m the Founder. I can do anything.”</p>
<p>Historia worried her lip. “But once you leave this ‘bubble’, this PATHS dimension is gone.” She scribbled out both arrows. “You could end up stranded in the alternate timeline, and we already know what happens when impossible things show up. Reality could be in trouble.”</p>
<p>Fuck. Fuck, that was right. There was no reason for the PATHS to remain once the Founder left. Petra sat beside Historia, staring at the circle and its arrows. She put her face in her hands. The queen rubbed her back; Petra shoved her off. She didn’t want these people’s comfort.</p>
<p>She just sat there and stared and stared, prolonging the moments until she’d have to take the children and cross the bridge and leave this reality behind forever.</p>
<p><em>It’s like ODM.</em> She sat there with her eyes shut. <em>It’s like ODM.</em></p>
<p>To work the ODM, you needed a hook. But you also needed a cable.</p>
<p>Petra’s eyes snapped open.</p>
<p>“I need a cable,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Historia looked surprised as Petra got back up and walked in a circle, hands shielding her face on either side. She thought harder than she ever had in her life.</p>
<p>“If I have something like a cable that tethers me to this PATHS world, I can go and come back here with Levi. It won’t break the connection, so the bubble won’t disappear. Then when I bring him here, we can cross the bridge together.”</p>
<p>“But…there isn’t a cable that exists that could let you do that.” Historia sounded mystified.</p>
<p>But now Eren was thinking as well.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t need to be an actual cable.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “Yes. Shit, that might actually work.”</p>
<p>Petra’s heart sped up. She could find Levi. She could bring him home.</p>
<p>“What could she use?” Historia asked.</p>
<p>“Something with a limit,” Eren said. “ODM cable only stretches so far. There needs to be some kind of limit on it…”</p>
<p>“A watch?” Petra shrugged. “A watch counting down the amount of time I could be there. Fuck, even going there for a little while will completely change the universe.” She dug the heels of her palms into her eyes. She wished Hange were here.</p>
<p>“If you’re a visitor from another reality, everything may go back to normal once you’re gone. Like you never existed.” Eren frowned. “Or maybe not. I have no idea.”</p>
<p>“There’s a lot we don’t know about this.” Historia sounded stressed. “We could make everything so much worse than it was.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter. This is the only shot in hell I have of finding Levi and bringing him home, so I’m doing it.”</p>
<p>Petra asked Historia, who told Ymir to fashion a watch. It was a stopwatch, which clearly ticked out twenty-four hours. Yes. One full day. It would be enough time to find him and bring him back. Petra hoped it would be. He would grow old with her and see their children and their grandchildren live and play. He would be happy. She would not let anything else stand in their way.</p>
<p>Except…</p>
<p>“The kids,” Petra whispered. The children had kept huddled in a group all the while the adults drew up their plans. She couldn’t have them wait here. If something went wrong with this plan, and it almost certainly would, they could be erased. There was only one option. Petra gathered the kids in a circle. “Now listen. I’m going to get Papa back.”</p>
<p>“Uncle Levi?” Armin brightened up. She kissed the little angel.</p>
<p>“That’s right.”</p>
<p>“R-Really?” Kuchel looked tearily relieved. It broke Petra’s heart.</p>
<p>“But here’s the thing. I need you all to be safe while I go get Papa. That means you have to cross the bridge into the other world. Without me.”</p>
<p>Oruo began to fuss and cry. Her poor baby. Petra cradled him against her chest as he began to melt down. He was a stoic little boy, but he was also only seven years old. He screamed ‘No, Mama!’ and tore at her clothes. She hugged him tight.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back, sweetheart. It’s just for a little while.”</p>
<p>But she couldn’t promise that, could she? They’d already acknowledged that time worked differently in the different spheres. Twenty-four hours for her might be the blink of an eye for them. Or it might be eighty years. There was no guarantee she’d be reunited with her children.</p>
<p>A good mother would give up Levi as a lost cause and take care of the kids. But Petra couldn’t leave her husband. They’d carried the universe on their shoulders; that kind of sacrifice demanded a reward.</p>
<p>“What if you don’t come back?” Armin’s chin quivered, and he burst into tears as well. He clutched her. “Stay! Mama, stay!”</p>
<p>Oruo took a few huffing breaths and sobbed his heart out. Petra held her sons tight.</p>
<p>“If I don’t do this, we’ll never see Papa ever again,” she whispered. The boys were still inconsolable. But Kuchel stood up.</p>
<p>“Never?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Never. I’m sorry.” Petra hugged her teary little boys. “You’ve all had to go through so much, and you don’t deserve any of it.” A lump formed in her throat, but now that her children were panicking she faltered. If she messed up, they would be stranded in a potentially hostile new world. Alone. “Listen. Maybe I should come with you.” The boys stopped sniffling. She wiped their cheeks even as her heart shattered. “Maybe there’s no way to get Papa back.”</p>
<p>Saying the words made her want to die. But Levi would never forgive her for abandoning the children.</p>
<p>Kuchel calmly walked over and took her brothers’ hands.</p>
<p>“I can take care of them,” she said. Her little girl wore a fierce but steady gaze. “Go get Papa.”</p>
<p>Oruo kept whimpering, but Armin hugged Kuchel’s arm. He looked miserable, but he saw what Petra was saying.</p>
<p>“Okay.” His voice sounded small. “Please, Mama. I don’t want to keep saying goodbye.”</p>
<p>She fell to her knees and hugged him. She buried her face in his hair. Her little boy. She’d dreamed of him for years, felt the agony of their separation every single second. Why couldn’t she stop fighting? She just wanted to be his mother.</p>
<p>“I’ll come back, my darling.” She kissed his little face. “And I’ll never leave you again. I promise. We’ll have birthdays and holidays and bedtime stories. I love you so much.”</p>
<p>Armin nodded. His eyes were wide and teary, but he trusted her. Kuchel hugged her mother. There was desperation in her embrace.</p>
<p>“Please find Papa.” Kuchel didn’t sound frightened at all now. Only determined.</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>Oruo was inconsolable as Petra kissed and hugged him goodbye. She took the children to the bridge and watched as they began to walk up it. When they were halfway there, Oruo pulled out of Kuchel’s grip and launched himself back into Petra’s arms.</p>
<p>“No! No, no, noooo!” He screeched himself hoarse. Petra sat down and hugged and rocked her baby.</p>
<p>“You are the light of my life,” she whispered. “I’ll come and find you with Papa. We’ll never be parted again. Just be my brave little guy a little while longer.”</p>
<p>Oruo squeezed Petra tight. Whenever she thought he was loosening his hold, he panicked and hugged her again. Finally, she managed to give him to Kuchel, who gently led him up the bridge. Before the kids walked into the light of a new world, Oruo looked back one last time with an expression of misery.</p>
<p>His face was Levi’s. Petra choked on a sob.</p>
<p>Then the children were gone. She wrapped her arms around herself, shook. She could just go. Even if she found Levi, how could she separate the two versions of him? Just thinking it made her feel insane.</p>
<p>But she had held him in her arms. She’d soothed his nightmares. Petra couldn’t believe that much love was meant to evaporate. They were destined to be together. She’d always felt it in the pit of her stomach. She needed to believe that, despite whatever common sense told her.</p>
<p>She could bring him back.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s like ODM. I have to attach the hook and pull him along.</em>
</p>
<p>It was the only thing that made sense.</p>
<p>“Are you ready?” Eren asked. “If you’re going to do this, you need to do it now.”</p>
<p>Petra got up and dusted the sand from her knees. Her babies were safe. They would survive now, not blink out of existence. Anything else was extra.</p>
<p>“Ready,” she said.</p>
<p>Before she went, he gave a brief summary of the alternate timeline, as much as he’d seen of it. As much as she could expect. She learned who was in the ‘Alliance’, where they would go, how they would defeat him.</p>
<p>When Petra had all the information she could hold, it was time.</p>
<p>She returned to the tree and shut her eyes. This time, her control was better. It didn’t take long to find the reality that had replaced her own. She tore it open in the sky, and extended a bridge down for herself. Historia and Eren stood by her side.</p>
<p>“You two should go,” Petra said. “Cross into the other world. Mikasa and Armin won’t want to be without you, Eren.”</p>
<p>“Let me stay,” Historia said. “I can help control the Founder.”</p>
<p>“But if I can’t do this, you could disappear.”</p>
<p>“I know that I survive and have a family in this other timeline. That can be enough.” Historia smiled softly. “Both of you, go. Before it’s too late.”</p>
<p>Petra looked at Eren. He still appeared fierce and feral, twenty years old.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if I’ll change on the other side,” he said.</p>
<p>“Me neither. If you do keep yourself, I mean, if you remember, please—”</p>
<p>“I’ll take care of them.” He was earnest. For that, she gave him a brief hug. Then Eren walked up the bridge into the other world, and vanished.</p>
<p>“Go,” Historia whispered. “Now.”</p>
<p>Petra’s heart pounded in her chest as she walked up the other bridge of light and gazed into the torn window of another reality. She clutched the watch. It had to be enough. Ymir had ‘linked’ the PATH to the watch. When time ran out, Petra would be pulled back here. Like on a cable.</p>
<p>
  <em>Please work. Please let me find him.</em>
</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, she plunged into the white hot void and fell. She fell for a long time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Petra opened her eyes, the sky was blue and the ground was rumbling.</p>
<p>“What the—?” Groggy, she sat up and looked around. Her vision was blurry to begin with, but gradually she began to recognize the streets around her. She’d been here before. Yes. It was… “Shiganshina.”</p>
<p>But it looked different. It wasn’t as ‘modern’ as the Shiganshina she’d known. Marleyan technology hadn’t completely taken over Paradis yet.</p>
<p>But the ground was rumbling…</p>
<p>Fuck. It was as Eren had said.</p>
<p>Petra got up, her legs shaky. She remembered.</p>
<p>
  <em>In this timeline, I start the Rumbling. I do it to save my friends and what remains of humanity after it’s all over.</em>
</p>
<p><em>That sounds terrible,</em> she’d said. He’d shrugged.</p>
<p>
  <em>The point is Levi will be traveling to fight me along with the others. They’ll be headed to the southern port in order to steal a boat and go to Ohida. You have to find him before he leaves on that boat. You’ll never catch up otherwise.</em>
</p>
<p>Why couldn’t she just have been dumped wherever Levi was? Why did everything have to be hard?</p>
<p>“It’s the Survey Corps way,” she muttered.</p>
<p>As Petra stumbled through the streets, she realized something else was off.</p>
<p>She knew Shiganshina had been restored after the war against Zeke and the other shifters, but now several of the buildings were smashed up. Debris lay scattered in the cobblestone streets.</p>
<p>It looked like titans had been here, but none were around. Had the wall titans caused it when they awakened to start the Rumbling?</p>
<p>And where the hell was everybody? The streets were deserted, the houses and shops empty. Petra came to the central square, the military HQ straight ahead. She halted when she saw soldiers marching. She didn’t know them; she wouldn’t, would she? Most of the Survey Corps had died during the return to Shiganshina. It was one of the things that hadn’t changed between her timeline and this one.</p>
<p>Petra frowned when she noticed something tied around the soldiers’ arms. White bandanas.</p>
<p>Eren hadn’t mentioned anything about that. What did they mean?</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” She walked into the square.</p>
<p>The soldiers turned as one. Within instants, they had their guns trained upon her.</p>
<p>“Don’t move!” one of them shouted. Petra instantly put her hands in the air. She knew the drill well. “Who are you? What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“I’m…” Her brain just spun aimlessly. She was too stunned by the sight of Survey Corps soldiers turning their weapons on her.</p>
<p>“All civilians were cleared out.” The soldier approached her, still aiming his gun. “Again, who are you? Answer, or I’ll shoot!”</p>
<p>Shit.</p>
<p>“Are you a Jaegerist?” the soldier asked.</p>
<p>“She doesn't have an armband,” someone else said.</p>
<p>“I…” Petra had to think fast. If they killed her in this timeline, she might be truly dead. Who knew what would happen to the fabric of reality then. “I had to come back to get someone. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was that wrong!”</p>
<p>“You were ordered to remain outside of the city until further notice!”</p>
<p>“Who are you looking for?” The first soldier approached. “Where’s your house?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Think, damn you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Let’s shoot her.” The second soldier lifted his gun, and Petra froze.</p>
<p>“Wait!” The first made them all stand down. “She could be a civilian or a spy. Either way, the Commander will want to be told.”</p>
<p>The Commander? Petra allowed the men to grab her by the arms and haul her away. Her feet were clumsy. Her brain was still addled from her strange journey. Petra looked about. Where was Levi? If this was truly the Rumbling, then her husband was an enemy of the state now. And, according to Eren, severely wounded.</p>
<p>
  <em>He’ll survive. Eren said Levi survived to the end.</em>
</p>
<p>But he had to be in so much pain.</p>
<p>She needed to get out of here. She had to find her way to the southern port. That was the only place she knew for certain Levi would be. If the ground was still rumbling, he probably hadn’t left yet. She hoped.</p>
<p>But every minute that passed, her ‘cable’ length grew a little shorter. She had to go.</p>
<p>The men dragged her into the HQ building. The place was half demolished, with shards of window glass strewn across the floor. Bits of wall were missing here and there. They pulled her up the main staircase to the second floor, then hauled her down to the station commander’s office.</p>
<p>Petra recalled Erwin’s office back in Trost. Even after she’d begun to fear him, the Commander’s office had always felt safe. A place of protection. The soldiers opened the door and shoved her through. Petra collapsed to her hands and knees on the rug.</p>
<p>“This woman says she’s a civilian. She was wandering around the streets. Sir? What should we do?”</p>
<p>A pair of black boots stopped just before Petra.</p>
<p>“She’s pretty hot. A little old, but still cute.”</p>
<p>Old? She was thirty-fucking-four. And that voice… Of course it would be him.</p>
<p>Floch Forster crouched before her. The little shithead was the Commander now. Petra’s vision blurred. Eren had prepared her for much of this new timeline, but not everything. She wished she’d known this.</p>
<p>“You,” she breathed without thinking. Floch lifted a brow.</p>
<p>“We know each other?” He curled his lip. “Let me guess. You’re one of the volunteers.”</p>
<p>“Who?” She was genuinely baffled, until she realized he meant the Marleyans. Shit.</p>
<p>“Don’t be cute, sweetheart.” Floch stood and unholstered a gun. Standing there in his black Survey Corps outfit, his ODM straps fitted to his body, he looked like some villain out of a matinee film. Floch aimed the gun at her head. “You Marleyans all think you’re so fucking smart.”</p>
<p>“I’m not Marleyan.” Her heart beat faster. “I’m Eldian.”</p>
<p>“Kinda hard to make sure.” He thumbed the hammer back. Petra felt rage surge in her veins. She had not torn apart the reality of time itself to be killed by a worm like Floch Forster.</p>
<p>“I’m looking for my husband!” she shouted. It was the truth, and that registered. Floch hesitated. “When we were evacuated, I lost track of him. He has our daughter. I need to find them!”</p>
<p>The frustration lent a rough edge to her voice. Floch furrowed his brow.</p>
<p>“We don’t kill fellow Paradisians,” he said. He knelt before her again. “What’s your husband’s name?”</p>
<p>“Blomquist. Edvard Blomquist.” She swallowed. “My daughter’s Brigitta.”</p>
<p>A weird mash up of Petra’s actual life, but they were the first names that sprang to mind.</p>
<p>“When did you lose them?” Floch sounded reasonable, but he looked at her with the eyes of a snake. She was still on trial, and had to make her case.</p>
<p>“Not too long after the Rumbling started.”</p>
<p>“You support the Rumbling, don’t you?” A fanatic light kindled in Floch’s eyes. Yes, he was the ultimate follower. In her time, it had been Erwin. Now it was Eren.</p>
<p>To Petra, nothing in this world could be more evil than the idea of systematically stomping entire civilizations to death. But she had to be released.</p>
<p>“Of course,” she whispered. “Those devils kept us caged on this island for generations. I want their heads!”</p>
<p>She shouted that last bit. Floch appeared more subdued. He stood and put his gun away.</p>
<p>“Maybe you’re telling the truth,” he said. He narrowed his eyes. “You probably are. But right now, enemies are all around. My men will take you down to the cell block.”</p>
<p>“No!” she cried. Shit, Petra needed to continue her search. She couldn’t waste time!</p>
<p>“I’ll have a few of my guys look for your husband and daughter. Right now, though, I need to make a little…presentation.” Floch gave a cruel smile. His eyes glittered with malice. “After it’s all done, I’ll come down and maybe we can talk some more.”</p>
<p>From the way he leered at her, Petra got the feeling he might want more than talk. He might tell her that she could walk out of the cell if she paid a certain price.</p>
<p>“Bastard,” she hissed, unthinking. Floch’s expression soured.</p>
<p>“Take her away,” he snapped. Petra struggled, but was still too weak. As the soldiers pulled her from the room, she saw another troop leading a black-suited pair towards the Commander’s office.</p>
<p>Shit. It was Yelena and Onyankopon. They both looked miserable. Petra almost shouted for them, until she remembered that in this timeline they had never met. In fact, the one thing currently saving her was that none of these soldiers had ever known her or seen her face.</p>
<p>Before they pulled her down the stairs, Petra felt the hairs on her nape bristle. It felt like someone was watching her. She looked up, but found no one else there. The soldiers strongarmed her down the stairs and into the dungeon. She gritted her teeth when they unlocked a cell and shoved her inside.</p>
<p>“Be nice, and we’ll let you out later.” One of them winked at her. Petra made an obscene gesture, which only made him laugh. The soldiers walked away, their chatter echoing. The heavy prison door closed, and Petra was alone.</p>
<p>“Fuck. Fuck,” she hissed, pulling the watch from her pocket again. Almost an hour had passed; twenty-three to go. Who knew how many of them she was going to waste sitting in this stupid fucking cell? Every second that slipped away was another step towards a world where she would never see Levi ever again. Petra paced back and forth, attempting to kick the door down a couple of times. No luck. The locks on these cells were obviously stronger than the lock on a simple door. She screamed in frustration and crouched on the floor, hands pressed to the sides of her head.</p>
<p>Who knew if her children were safe? God, hadn’t Historia said that time moved differently in the separate worlds? What if every second she spent here was a decade for them? What if they were already dead and buried? Her entire body shivered.</p>
<p>She had to stay focused. If she wanted her family whole again, she had to be strong.</p>
<p>For twenty minutes, she cursed, kicked, shouted, and got nowhere. Petra leaned against the wall, unable to tear her eyes from the watch. Time was running out. Levi…</p>
<p>She started when the prison door yawned open. Petra clutched at the bars. Maybe it was Floch. Damn it, if it meant saving Levi she might even let the little weasel do whatever he wanted with her…</p>
<p>“Who is it?” she croaked. A figure stepped into view.</p>
<p>Petra’s jaw dropped. She wasn’t the only one in a state of shock.</p>
<p>“It can’t be you.” Keith Shadis stared like he’d seen a ghost. Well, he actually had. “Can it?”</p>
<p>Petra hadn’t seen him in a while, but he never seemed to change. He still had those small, hollow eyes. That patch of beard. He was bald in this timeline, too, though he also looked excessively bruised. Someone had beaten the shit out of him, and recently. Petra was dumbstruck for a minute.</p>
<p>“Instructor Shadis,” she breathed.</p>
<p>“When I saw you out there, I couldn’t believe it. For a moment I didn’t.” He stepped nearer. “But it’s got to be a trick. You’re older than she ever was.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Petra Ral died when she was twenty-one.”</p>
<p>“How the fuck is this possible?”</p>
<p>“Sir. I don’t have time to explain everything,” she said. “But here are the basic facts: I’m not a ghost. I <em>am</em> Petra Ral. I’ve come here from a different timeline, one where I didn’t die in the titan forest.”</p>
<p>“What the fuck?”</p>
<p>“Please, listen! I’m only here for twenty-four hours. No. Twenty-two.” She held up the watch, panic freezing her blood. “There’s someone from my timeline who’s stuck here. I need to find him. If I don’t before the time runs out, I’ll lose him forever.” Shadis looked increasingly concerned. She pushed ahead. “I can prove who I am. You came to the southern training grounds after giving up your command post in the Survey Corps. I was in the same class as Oruo Bossad and Nifa Weber. I placed fifth in my entire class, but chose the Survey Corps over the Military Police.” Her heart beat faster. “The day I made that choice, you came up to me afterwards. You said—”</p>
<p>“No,” he murmured.</p>
<p>“You said ‘you’re an idiot, Ral, but I’m proud of you. Well, maybe Erwin can keep you alive. I hope he does.’”</p>
<p>Shadis wove his fingers behind his head. He stared at the floor, trying to wrap his mind around this.</p>
<p>“How…?”</p>
<p>“I don’t have time to tell you the whole story. There’s a good chance that when I leave, you’ll forget I was ever here. Please trust that I am who I say I am. I need you to help me find Levi.” Her voice broke.</p>
<p>“Levi?” He looked up at her. “Ackerman.”</p>
<p>“He’s my husband.” A tear streaked down her face. She wiped it away. “He’s the father of my children. We literally gave up our timeline and reality to go back to this one.”</p>
<p>“Where Eren destroys the world?” Shadis had fire in his eyes.</p>
<p>“In my world, everything was fully destroyed.” She felt miserable just saying it. “At least in this one, there’s a future. The Alliance saves what they can. This is the best of all possible choices.”</p>
<p>“What a sad fucking universe,” Shadis muttered.</p>
<p>
  <em>I sent another you to a whole different universe. Hopefully you’ll be happy there.</em>
</p>
<p>But saying that would have only confused him further.</p>
<p>“The Alliance,” Shadis said. He frowned. “With Annie Leonhardt?”</p>
<p>Lightning rippled through her body. Yes, Eren had mentioned that Reiner and Annie teamed up with the Alliance to save the world. Even if it was true that Annie Leonhardt became a better person—even if it was true she’d had a torturous upbringing—Petra could never forgive what she’d done to Oruo and the others.</p>
<p>Or, in this world, what Annie had done to her.</p>
<p>But it didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter.</p>
<p>“Yes. Have you seen them?” Her heart beat faster.</p>
<p>“I just saw them pulling out of here in wagons. Annie was with them.”</p>
<p>“They’re heading out to save the world.” Her mind spun. If Annie and Mikasa and the others had just left, that meant Levi was still on Paradis. He probably would be until at least tomorrow morning. She had time. “And I know where they’re going.”</p>
<p>“You do?”</p>
<p>“The southern port. Tomorrow they’re going to steal a boat and head to Ohida. But Floch and the Jaegerists will already be there, waiting for them.”</p>
<p>“How the fuck do you know this?”</p>
<p>“Please. I don’t have time to explain.” Her voice broke. “Just trust me.”</p>
<p>“After this week, I don’t trust anyone.” Shadis’s eyes were even more sunken than they had been before. He looked haunted. Enraged. Tired.</p>
<p>She considered the bruises he wore.</p>
<p>“Levi gave up everything to save this world,” she whispered. Her voice trembled. “He gave up me and his children, and all of his memories. He always sacrifices for others. Please. Help me save him. He deserves to be with his family.”</p>
<p>Shadis looked her in the eyes. He drew nearer.</p>
<p>“The Cart Titan just ate Jean and some of those volunteers. Floch’s out of his mind about it. The place is in an uproar.”</p>
<p>The pieces were moving. The game was being played to its bitter end.</p>
<p>“Then this might be the perfect time to slip out.” She extended her hand through the bars. “Sir. Please help me.”</p>
<p>“The southern port.” He mulled it over, then unholstered a gun at his side. Petra shied back. “Cover your ears.” He aimed at the lock, and fired. Petra winced, but the cell door swung open easily. She stepped out. “Now. Follow me, and do whatever I tell you.”</p>
<p>It was like being back at the training grounds. Standing alongside Oruo as Shadis chewed him out. Laughing with Nifa in the mess hall.</p>
<p>It was a little like home.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir,” Petra said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shadis was right; the chaos allowed them to slip away pretty easily. He found them a couple of horses, and they galloped out of Shiganshina. Normally it would be a straight shot down to the southern port, but Jaegerist factions were still on the prowl. They had to take several detours, winding through towns and forests. It had been afternoon by the time Petra was released, so as the evening came on they had to stop.</p>
<p>She wanted to keep going, but traveling in the dark was an invitation to danger.</p>
<p>“There.” Shadis pointed up the road to a few flickering lights. “We can probably get a hot meal and a place to stay.”</p>
<p>“Do you think they’re Jaegerists?” Petra asked. Shadis took off his military jacket and shoved it into the horse’s saddlebag.</p>
<p>“If anyone asks, we’re trying to get back to our village down south. Don’t be too happy about the Rumbling, but don’t condemn it, either. Take a cue from them on how to behave.”</p>
<p>She nodded. It was so incredibly strange to be riding alongside her old instructor, strategizing together. Levi had told her about Shadis’s life. His frustrated love for Carla Jaeger; his frustrated desires to be a great man. His feelings of worthlessness. She looked on the man with compassion. One of the saddest existences had to be someone who never achieved any of their goals. A life of frustration was a tragic one.</p>
<p>“Thank you for helping me.”</p>
<p>“Eh. The Jaegerists knocked the shit out of me,” Shadis grumbled. “They’ll kill me if they find me. Honestly, traveling without me might be safer for you.”</p>
<p>“No.” She knew that Shadis believed himself to be incompetent. “I trust you, sir.”</p>
<p>She could have sworn she caught the hint of a pleased smile. Then he resumed his customary scowl and told her to keep her eyes on the road.</p>
<p>They rode in to the village as the sun had fully set. Really, it was barely a village; there were a few houses lining the streets, a few closed shops, and nothing else for as far as the eye could see.</p>
<p>“Smaller communities have been sprouting up now that we’ve got Wall Maria back,” Shadis murmured. They hitched their horses to a post, trying to avoid people’s stares. No one else was out in the street, but many peered at them through windows. It felt like being on display at a zoo. “It doesn’t surprise me everything’s closed. The Rumbling’s got most people scared.”</p>
<p>“Not as scared as those people across the sea,” Petra murmured. Had the titans made landfall yet? The earth had stopped rumbling a little while ago. They were all off the island now. All Petra knew was that most of the world’s population would die in forty-eight hours. It was preferable to the hundred percent mortality rate of her own timeline, but it still sickened her.</p>
<p>She had to believe that there was another world out there without titans. One where people could live free and easy. Or at least easier.</p>
<p>“I think we might need to set up camp in the woods,” Petra murmured. No one was coming outside to speak with them, but everyone was keeping watch on their movements. “I don’t like how jumpy they are.”</p>
<p>“You may be right.”</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>A woman opened the door to her house and stepped onto the porch. She wrapped a shawl about her against the night chill.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Petra said cautiously.</p>
<p>“Would you both like to come inside? I’ve got soup going and, well, my husband’s up in Trost right now. I hate to eat alone.”</p>
<p>Petra froze. Her body began to shake as she recognized that voice.</p>
<p>“Something wrong?” Shadis said.</p>
<p>“It’s…my sister.”</p>
<p>Brigitta smiled on that porch. She was younger than the last time Petra had seen her, still in her early twenties. She was as fresh-faced and sweet as Petra remembered from their youth.</p>
<p>It would be best to go. But Petra knew that, as a titan, she had eaten her sister. In the old timeline, they had never reconciled. It was bitter to the end.</p>
<p>She couldn’t bear it. If that was the last time…</p>
<p>“Are you both all right?” Brigitta stepped off the porch.</p>
<p>“Thank you, ma’am. I think we’ll be moving on. We don’t want to abuse your hospitality,” Shadis said gruffly.</p>
<p>“Please. It gets cold here at night. At least sit by the fire for a few minutes.”</p>
<p>Petra turned to mount her horse. Her heart was shattering, but she had to get out of here. She’d come too far to get caught now. She—</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>Petra felt Brigitta’s hand on her arm. Petra tried to keep her face turned away, but she heard Brigitta gasp. She knew.</p>
<p>“What?” her sister whispered. In the dim street lighting, Brigitta had gone utterly blank with fear. “How…?”</p>
<p>Her eyes filled with tears.</p>
<p>“I’ll explain,” Petra murmured. “But don’t scream. Gitta.” She licked her lips. “Please.”</p>
<p>“You’re dead. You’re…” Brigitta’s face began to crumple.</p>
<p>“I’ll explain. Please.” Petra gripped her hands. “It’s me, Gitta. It’s me.”</p>
<p>Brigitta whimpered, but she kept her head. She hurried back into her house, Petra and Shadis following.</p>
<p>Brigitta’s house was warm and snug. It was a single room with a large bed, a chest of drawers, a table and chairs, a stove, and a hearth. Cozy and domestic; the very qualities Brigitta most loved. Petra’s sister staggered over to the fire, fumbling for a poker. She turned then, brandishing it like a weapon.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” she rasped as Petra shut the door. “How are you…?” She began to hyperventilate. “Y-You’re dead! You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re—”</p>
<p>Petra crossed the room and grabbed her sister tight. Brigitta dropped the poker and clutched Petra back, sobbing hysterically. Petra cried as well, while Shadis kept uncomfortable watch by the window.</p>
<p>“Both of you keep it down,” he murmured. But he sounded somewhat gentle.</p>
<p>Brigitta slumped to the floor, and Petra held and rocked her. The sisters cried themselves out. When they’d both finally calmed, Brigitta wiped her cheeks and held Petra’s face in her hands.</p>
<p>“But I don’t understand. You’re older. I mean, older than you’d be now if you’d lived. How?”</p>
<p>“I’m going to explain.” Petra held Brigitta’s hands. “Please just listen until the end.”</p>
<p>She told the story as quickly as she could. Petra avoided as much of alternate Brigitta’s sad fate as possible. Her sister became really confused when they got to the PATHS and alternate timelines, which was fair. Petra barely understood it herself. But her sister was more receptive than Petra had imagined.</p>
<p>“PATHS. Yes.” Brigitta sniffed. “Eren Jaeger pulled all of us into the PATHS yesterday to tell us about the Rumbling.”</p>
<p>“Right. And that’s why I’m heading to the southern port. I only have so long that I can be in this timeline. Then I have to go back.”</p>
<p>“No, no. You can’t leave me again.” Brigitta burst into ugly tears. Petra held her tight.</p>
<p>“You’ll forget me when I go. Everything will go back to the way it was,” she whispered. Petra wasn’t totally sure of that, but she needed to comfort Brigitta. After her sister calmed, she asked, “What about Mama and Papa? And Willem?”</p>
<p>The soup had bubbled by then, so Brigitta got bowls and spoons and served them. Shadis ate at the table while the sisters sat before the fire and talked.</p>
<p>“Papa’s gone,” Brigitta said. “Two years after you…” She shut her eyes. “He just couldn’t take it anymore. He died in his sleep.”</p>
<p>“And Mama?”</p>
<p>“She lives with Willem and his wife in Calaneth. They have a baby on the way.”</p>
<p>Baby. Petra looked around the room. There was no sign of a child anywhere.</p>
<p>“Edvard and I’ve given up.” Brigitta sighed. “We’re thinking of adopting. There are plenty of children who need a home.”</p>
<p>Petra startled. “That’s…”</p>
<p>“What? Different to how I was in the other world?” Brigitta frowned. “What happened to me there?”</p>
<p>“You fought to find a way to conceive naturally,” Petra said, very careful. “You were pretty desperate about it.”</p>
<p>“I <em>was</em> desperate for a while. But I managed. I guess after you died, I realized that life isn’t fair. I didn’t take it personally.” Brigitta studied the bowl of soup in her hands. “God, this is so insane. How am I talking with you? How?”</p>
<p>“You know how,” Petra said gently.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Brigitta wiped her eyes. “Anyway. You died on that mission and I realized that bad things happen all the time. No one gets everything they want. It hurts, not having a baby, but lots of people hurt. What makes me any different?”</p>
<p>A chill walked down Petra’s spine. She realized then that the faerie tale of her life—the career she wanted, the man she wanted, the perfect love and the perfect family—had helped drive Brigitta insane. It wasn’t Petra’s fault, but it was one thing to understand that life was unfair. It was another thing to watch someone get everything while you were left with only crumbs.</p>
<p>“Did I have a baby? In this other timeline?”</p>
<p>“Yes. You did.”</p>
<p>Brigitta’s face lit up. Petra didn’t tell her the rest. It wouldn’t have been kind. Just like she wouldn’t tell Brigitta that she was the reason Petra had become the Founder in the first place. That she had betrayed Petra.</p>
<p>“Gitta. I missed you so much.” Her chin quivered.</p>
<p>“I missed you, too.” Brigitta hugged her again. “I wish I’d told you that one more time.”</p>
<p>The last they had spoken had been just before midwinter of that year, when Petra had gone home for a visit. She’d agreed to be in Brigitta’s wedding come May. She hadn’t survived to see it.</p>
<p>“I had no regrets.” Petra sniffed. “In this life or the other one.”</p>
<p>“I just wish Mama could see you.”</p>
<p>“Me, too.” She kissed Brigitta’s cheek. Her heart fractured to see the love in her sister’s eyes. “Gitta…I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Hmm? About what?” She frowned.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I left you with so much responsibility at home. I’m sorry I joined the military. I’m sorry I got killed and you lost Papa. I…I just want you to know that I love you and I’m sorry. For everything.”</p>
<p>She wept then, and Brigitta rocked her back and forth a bit. Petra smelled soap and fresh grass, clean air and country living. That was Brigitta at her best. She was just fine without her older sister.</p>
<p>Brigitta had gone mad because of Petra. That realization killed her.</p>
<p>“Did something bad happen between us?” Brigitta asked softly. “In that other life?”</p>
<p>Petra shivered, unsure of what to say or how to say it.</p>
<p>“I’m just really sorry,” she said at last.</p>
<p>“Me, too. For whatever happened between us.” Brigitta kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>Shadis had been staring into his bowl the whole time, studiously ignoring the two women.</p>
<p>Petra told Brigitta where she and Shadis were headed and why. Brigitta nodded along as Petra spoke.</p>
<p>“I don’t know how everyone else feels, but I hate it. The Rumbling,” she said, getting Shadis another bowl of soup.</p>
<p>“I’m just here to get my husband,” Petra said, “but I wish I could do something about it.”</p>
<p>“I’ve seen some people cheering. Yesterday several of the men got drunk and rode around and around in the fields, cheering Eren Jaeger. They beat up Mr. Muller when he told them they were supporting a monster.” She curled her lip in disgust. “This is really the better reality?”</p>
<p>“At least in this one, there’ll be a world left at the end.” Petra sighed.</p>
<p>Shadis just ate in silence.</p>
<p>They put out the lights soon after and took turns guarding the door. Brigitta and Petra curled up on top of the bed while Shadis took first watch. It was like when they were little and Brigitta would crawl into Petra’s bed for storytime.</p>
<p>“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Brigitta whispered.</p>
<p>“Me, too. But my kids are waiting.” Please, let them be waiting. “Don’t worry. It’ll be like this whole evening never happened. You won’t remember this conversation.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t want that.” Brigitta’s voice broke. “I want my sister back.”</p>
<p>Petra bit back a sob and hugged Brigitta. In this reality, Petra was dead and would never return. Brigitta had to move forward with her life.</p>
<p>“I know there’s something out there after we die,” she whispered. “Maybe even beyond PATHS. You’ll find Petra agian there someday.” Brigitta and this world’s Petra, that is. God, the whole thing hurt her brain to think about.</p>
<p>“But not you.”</p>
<p>“I’m your sister, but I’m not. I’m a different version of her.” Petra’s throat hurt. “We were never supposed to meet. But I promise everything will be right in the end.”</p>
<p>Brigitta was silent in the moonlight. Petra could see the shine of tears on her cheek.</p>
<p>“Can I ask for something stupid?”</p>
<p>“Anything.”</p>
<p>“Do you remember that fish song from when we were little?”</p>
<p>Petra’s mouth quirked in a smile. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Sing it. I know it’s dumb—”</p>
<p>“It’s not.” She held Brigitta’s hand and sang. “<em>There was a young girl, and she had but one wish, to marry a man with the tail of a fish. She went to the riverbank to find such a groom crying ‘come home to me, my love, swim to me soon</em>.’</p>
<p>Brigitta smiled at the silly lyrics. She hummed along with the chorus, and by the time Petra had finished Brigitta’s eyes had fluttered shut. Just like they were little girls again. When Brigitta was fast asleep, Petra lay on her back and stared at the darkened ceiling. Her stomach roiled.</p>
<p>“It isn’t fair,” Shadis said. First he’d spoken in a long while. “None of it.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“The two of you should never have been separated.”</p>
<p>“It was my choice to join the military.”</p>
<p>“It was Marley. It was the Fritz king who took our memories.” He sounded grim. “They made the world this way.”</p>
<p>Yes, and left everyone else to suffer.</p>
<p>Petra dreamed of Levi, of having a picnic on the riverbank with him and Brigitta. Edvard swam over to them and flopped on the ground; he had a fish tail. The women laughed and laughed, and then Shadis woke her for watch duty.</p>
<p>She stared out into the blackness of the early morning and thought of Levi. She checked her watch in the dim moonlight. Her time was more than halfway gone.</p>
<p>Her heart pounded. She heard the blood in her ears.</p>
<p>For him, she risked reality itself tearing apart. She risked her children. She risked her life and existence itself.</p>
<p>For him, she’d risk it all again. Mournfully, she gazed at her sister asleep.</p>
<p>
  <em>For Levi Ackerman, I’d break your heart all over again.</em>
</p>
<p>What kind of person did that make her?</p>
<p>When the sky began to grow gray, it was time to leave. Petra nudged Shadis awake. They got their stuff together quietly. Before heading out, she looked back at Brigitta one last time.</p>
<p>Petra stood over her sister. Brigitta had a peaceful smile as she slept. She looked healthy. Contented.</p>
<p>Everything she hadn’t been before.</p>
<p>
  <em>Did I make you that sick?</em>
</p>
<p>If Petra saw Brigitta again, her Brigitta in the next world, she would make it better. Heart heavy, she kissed her sister’s cheek.</p>
<p>“I love you forever,” she whispered. “And I don’t blame you at all.”</p>
<p>With that, she hurried out the door and didn’t speak another word until she and Shadis were a mile outside of town. The man didn’t try to force conversation. It was one of the things she most liked about him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that the place?” Shadis asked.</p>
<p>They were a few hundred yards outside of the port. Petra scanned the hills around them, looking for any sign of the Alliance. Her heart hammered. She had only a couple of hours left. At least the boat was still there, so Levi hadn’t left yet, but she’d had no idea it would come down to this. So close to the finish line. To an eternity with or without him.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said quietly. “The Alliance should be here soon.”</p>
<p>Maybe she could try sneaking aboard the ship right now. Petra strained her eyes trying to see what was happening at the buildings up ahead.</p>
<p>“That rail,” Shadis said. Yes, the railway was directly in front of them. “Think they’ll be coming down by train?”</p>
<p>“No. Eren said they try to sneak in. I don’t think it works out well.”</p>
<p>Shadis grunted. He didn’t like to get into the nitty gritty of two Eren Jaegers and the multiple dimensions. It confused him. Confused Petra, too.</p>
<p>“Then the Jaegerists could have reinforcements coming down at any time? Or more supplies,” Shadis said.</p>
<p>“Yes. I suppose they could.”</p>
<p>The man grunted. “Stay here, Ral.”</p>
<p>He hurried away, keeping low to the ground as he went. Petra and the instructor had never been close, but he’d liked her well enough when she was a trainee. Their relationship now was still terse and somewhat formal, but it was funny to think of the odd couple they made on the road. The way he’d let her have some time with Brigitta, and the genuine sympathy and sorrow he felt on their behalf. Shadis was and had always been a good man.</p>
<p>She hoped he knew that.</p>
<p>Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of orange lightning just outside of the military headquarters. She flinched as a second flash went off as well. Then she saw them, the two titans. The Female and the Armored were rampaging around, trying to fight off the Jaegerists.</p>
<p><em>Levi.</em> She began to run straight in the direction of the explosions. He was there. Her husband was there.</p>
<p>She had to get to him.</p>
<p>“Ral!”</p>
<p>Shadis blocked her path and forced her down. In the background, they heard the rat-a-tat of gunfire. Screams. The titans roaring.</p>
<p>“He’s here. Levi’s here! I have to get to him!”</p>
<p>“I know. Here.” Shadis handed over a handgun. “You know how to use this model?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She blinked at him, and saw that he was carrying another gun. And… “Is that…dynamite?”</p>
<p>“Relieved a few of our friends back there,” Shadis growled. He studied the railroad tracks. “I’ll find a place to lay them in case they try bringing more Jaegerists to the party.” He glared at her. “Go. Find Levi.”</p>
<p>This would be the last she saw of him. He’d probably forget her in the next hour or so, but she would always remember.</p>
<p>“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it. Thank you, sir,” she whispered. “You’re a hero.”</p>
<p>Shadis scowled deeper, but she saw the way his face reddened slightly.</p>
<p>“Get out of here. Go!” he snapped.</p>
<p>Petra went. She had to keep dodging behind rocks as more gunfire shattered the air. She saw the flash of thunder spears going off. Shit. The Jaegerists were fighting back hard against Annie and Reiner.</p>
<p>What a world. She was praying for Annie Leonhardt’s success. Petra hated that a little.</p>
<p>Her heart pounded louder and louder as she headed for the buildings. She had to make it. Please, don’t let the ship leave without her.</p>
<p>Petra jumped in the air when a large explosion went off behind her.</p>
<p>The tracks had been obliterated, and a steam engine was lying on its side. Probably a train carrying supplies or reinforcements. Shadis had done his duty.</p>
<p>Petra could make out people flying through the air on ODM, taking shots at one another. God, was that Mikasa? Jean? Petra fought the urge to run sceaming for them.</p>
<p>In this world, she was dead and they had barely met her before.</p>
<p>A third titan flash went off to the right. More screams.</p>
<p>A third titan?</p>
<p>Right. Falco. Eren had told her.</p>
<p>Petra reached the buildings and hugged a wall, holding up her gun and trying to figure out a way forward.</p>
<p>She held her breath as a Jaegerist landed just ahead of her. He had his back to Petra, and was looking for the Alliance.</p>
<p>She sneered, aimed her gun, and blew his brains out.</p>
<p>She felt dead inside as the bastard hit the ground. There was nothing left in her to feel pity. These bastards supported genocide, the annihilation of anyone who wasn’t them. She felt only contempt.</p>
<p>Petra rushed over and unstrapped the ODM from the man’s corpse. She kept low to the ground, wincing as more explosions and roars sounded behind her. Once Petra was strapped in, she peered around the corner.</p>
<p>The dock was straight ahead, as was the ship. As she watched, a red-haired Jaegerist flew into the air, aiming a thunder spear at the boat.</p>
<p><em>Floch.</em> Petra snarled.</p>
<p>She almost cheered when the piece of shit got blown out of the sky and fell into the ocean. Whoever had shot him deserved a reward.</p>
<p>
  <em>I have to go now.</em>
</p>
<p>Smoke billowed out of the ship’s stack. They were leaving. She saw Alliance members rushing up the plank. Petra shot her hooks and took off, but had to make a hard detour when two Jaegerists opened fire on her. They were shooting anything that wasn’t them at this point. Petra remained on her knees behind some rubble, waiting for them to get into range.</p>
<p>The moment they appeared, she killed them both. She wondered if this was how Levi felt when he killed. Apathetic. Irritated.</p>
<p>No. He felt everything. Petra was the one who didn’t give a shit anymore.</p>
<p>She cried out when the boat began to pull away from the dock. Fuck!</p>
<p>If Petra sped out into the open right now, they might kill her. But if she let that boat leave, she might as well be dead.</p>
<p>Screaming, Petra shot her hooks. She ricocheted from building to building, zig zagging so no one could get a clear shot of her. Remembering the sharpshooter who took down Floch, Petra kept low as she hit the dock and ran. Bullets narrowly missed her.</p>
<p>With a final great cry, she shot her hooks as far as they could go.</p>
<p>Please. Please.</p>
<p>They were not going to reach the boat. They—</p>
<p>She almost sobbed with relief when she felt the hooks latch on to the ship’s side. Petra pulled herself in, her feet skating atop the ocean. It was almost thrilling. Until, of course, she lost her balance and fell into the water. The ODM hauled her up like a fish. Petra hung from the side of the ship, swinging as she readied her next move. Using the ODM, she climbed up and up to the railing, then leapt over it and onto the deck.</p>
<p>“Don’t shoot! Please!” she shouted preemptively. Petra kept her hands over her head, and bent low to the floor. Whoever was here might want to shoot first and ask questions never. “I’m not a Jaegerist!”</p>
<p>“What the fuck is this?” someone snapped. It sounded like a woman.</p>
<p>Yelena.</p>
<p>Petra looked up as the enormous woman glared down at her. Yelena had her arm in a sling, and appeared the worse for wear. Onyankopon stepped in front of her.</p>
<p>“Put down the gun,” he said. Petra obeyed immediately.</p>
<p>“Please,” she croaked. “I need to—”</p>
<p>“Quiet.” Jean walked over to her, looking down the barrel of a gun. His eyes were strained and haunted. He must have killed many of his old comrades. Friends. Petra shivered. “Who the hell are you?”</p>
<p>He couldn’t hide his surprise, though. After all, she was dressed in civilian clothes, soaking wet, and wearing ODM.</p>
<p>“I’m P-Petra Ral,” she whispered. “I used to be on Squad Levi. Four years ago.”</p>
<p>“Survey Corps?” Jean relaxed his arm, but looked even more confused. “I’ve never met you before. And…” He frowned. “If you were the original Squad Levi…they were all wiped out in the titan forest.”</p>
<p>“Yes. Oruo. Eld. Gunther. I died, too.” She cursed herself. Petra pulled the watch from her pocket. Thankfully, the water hadn’t broken it. Fuck, there were literal minutes left. “I know this sounds crazy, but I’m telling the truth! I’m from another timeline. Another PATH,” she said quickly. They knew about PATHS at this point.</p>
<p>Jean looked only more confused.</p>
<p>“Out of the way.” A woman moved past Jean. The gangly creature stopped directly before Petra and stood with her hands on her hips, a quizzical expression in her one eye.</p>
<p>“Hange!” Petra cried.</p>
<p>It was absolutely her, much younger than she had been. Petra’s friend stopped moving. She stared in total shock. Thank god; Hange recognized her.</p>
<p>“What the…?”</p>
<p>“It’s me. I’m real. You know me!” she sobbed.</p>
<p>“Everyone put your guns down. Now!” Hange snapped. Jean obeyed, and Yelena sulked. Hange came over and knelt before Petra. She studied her like Petra was some fascinating piece of titan anatomy. “This is impossible. How…?”</p>
<p>“I don’t have time to explain. I have ten minutes! Please!” She had to get her breath. She had to do this now, or it would be too late. “I’m from a different timeline. Another PATH. I need to see Levi.”</p>
<p>“You need to see Levi.” Hange looked ready to fall over. The wheels turned in her head, the effort visible as she tried to understand.</p>
<p>“Levi’s my husband in this other timeline.” Petra gasped for breath. Please, she was so close. “It’s too hard to explain. If I can’t see him, and…that is…”</p>
<p>What the fuck was the plan, anyway? Bring him with her? Could she even do that?</p>
<p>This wasn’t the time. She had to act.</p>
<p>“What?” Hange said.</p>
<p>“Basically, my Levi is inside of your Levi. I think. I…I’m the Founder. I came here with this!” She waved the watch in Hange’s face. Every minute that passed, the woman appeared more confused. And wary. “I know it makes no sense, but I need your help!” Petra screamed. She had to convince the Commander. “You… Moblit pushed you into a well back in Shiganshina. It’s where you lost your eye. It’s how you survived!”</p>
<p>Hange paled. “How could you know that?”</p>
<p>“Because it happened that way in my timeline! Ugh, this is so hard. The world shifted in my timeline because Levi and I fell in love. I survived the titan forest, I got pregnant, he chose Erwin in Shiganshina instead of Armin. But that decision led to the world ending, so we had to go to PATHS and restore this timeline.” She spoke faster and faster. “But my Levi is trapped in this world, and if I don’t get to him I’ll never see him again. I have eight minutes! Then I’m leaving this timeline and going back…to…” She couldn’t wrap her head around that right now. “Hange, I’m begging you. For everything we went through together. It’s me. Petra! I need you to trust me right now!” She fought against frenzied tears. “My children will never see their father again if I can’t do this! Please!”</p>
<p>Petra breathed heavily while Hange just stared at her face. Seconds crawled by. There was no fucking time—</p>
<p>“Come with me.” Hange stood and helped Petra to her feet.</p>
<p>“You believe me?” She gasped.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. But these past twenty-four hours, I’ve seen things I never would’ve believed possible.” She gave a strange smile. “And I can imagine almost anything.”</p>
<p>“Like the titan masher in Trost. The one you used to clear the titans out of Wall Maria.”</p>
<p>Hange looked taken aback. But this time, there was a spark of recognition in her eye.</p>
<p>“Come on. Hurry.”</p>
<p>Five minutes left. Petra raced down the hall, guided by Hange.</p>
<p>“I’m going to stay with you,” Hange warned. “Sorry, but I’m a little low on trust at the moment.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” Petra almost screamed with impatience, relieved when Hange finally opened a door and gestured her in.</p>
<p>Petra entered and saw him lying on a cot.</p>
<p>He was bandaged and asleep. But she saw his chest rise and fall. He was alive.</p>
<p>“Levi!”</p>
<p>She ran to his side and sat next to him on the bed.</p>
<p>“He’s still very weak.” Hange looked uncertain as Petra kissed the man’s bandaged forehead, smoothed what hair she could find.</p>
<p>“Wake up. My love, wake up.” Petra kissed his cheek over and over. God, she could feel how frail he was under her hands.</p>
<p>He wouldn’t wake up. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Levi, wake up. Look at me!” Petra dug her fingers into his shoulders. Panicked, she shook him.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Hange yanked Petra back roughly. “Don’t you touch him like that! He’s in bad shape!”</p>
<p>“Hmmmf?” Levi muttered. The women froze.</p>
<p>“Baby?” Petra fell to his side again. She kissed his face, his bandages. “Wake up. It’s Petra.”</p>
<p>“Hmmmf.”</p>
<p>His one eye opened. Petra beamed at the sight of his blue-gray iris, and kissed his bandaged mouth. She imagined her lips touched his.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart, it’s me. It’s Petra.”</p>
<p>“Hmmf.”</p>
<p>She froze. The way he was looking at her…wasn’t Levi.</p>
<p>Her Levi was gruff but tender. She hadn’t noticed the change in the years they’d been together, but now she realized how much she’d altered him. The man she’d known gave infrequent but real smiles. His eyes twinkled when he beheld her.</p>
<p>This man looked at her with dull anger. Apathy. There was nothing of tenderness or love in him now.</p>
<p>Without her and Erwin, Levi had become an empty shell of his former self.</p>
<p>Petra burst into tears at the sight, which made him wince.</p>
<p>“Baby. It’s me. Please, recognize me.” She took his bandaged hand and kissed it. God, she could feel where he had fingers missing. “I know you’re still in there. I know you can hear me. Please.” She stroked his cheek. “I know you remember Kuchel. Your daughter. And Oruo, your son. You remember our apartment in Valle. You remember taking me to the roof of the Amalfia hotel for my thirtieth birthday. You remember our wedding day in the chapel in Trost. I was wearing a crown of yellow roses. You were dressed in your uniform. Hange was your best man.” She sniffed, grinned. “She wore a matching cravat, which pissed you off.”</p>
<p>Beside her, Hange made a noise. Petra saw a wondering expression on the woman’s face. Yes. She believed. Even if she didn’t understand, Hange believed. It spurred Petra on.</p>
<p>Levi just looked at her with those flat, affectless eyes. Did he even know who she was? Had the explosion knocked everything from his memory?</p>
<p>Petra wept. Two of her tears dropped onto his bandaged face.</p>
<p>Less than one minute left.</p>
<p>She didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t physically take him with her, she saw that now. Her Levi was truly fused with this one.</p>
<p>She had to attach a hook. And reel him in.</p>
<p>“Listen to me.” She cradled his face in her hands. “There is a path out there waiting for you. It’s waiting to bring you home to me, and to Kuchel and Oruo. Whenever you’re finished here,” she said, now sobbing, “you find that path and you follow it home. I’ll wait forever, Levi Ackerman.” She pressed her face to his, kissed every inch of his cheeks and forehead. “If I have to wait two lifetimes to find you again, I will. Just remember me. Remember who you are. If you forget, you’ll be gone forever. Please.”</p>
<p>He grunted again. But she felt him studying her face. Then she watched as his eye widened slightly.</p>
<p>The icy expression fled. And she felt <em>him</em> looking back at her. He was still there.</p>
<p>He had not disappeared.</p>
<p>“Come home to me when you can, Levi.” She kissed his bandaged mouth again. They gazed into each other’s eyes. “Don’t forget. Even if PATHS disappears, I’ll keep one waiting for you. Think of it like an ODM cable.” She shrugged, helpless. Hopeful. “I’ll pull you back home.”</p>
<p>“Pet…ra,” he whispered. She could hear it, then. It was his voice. Not just Levi’s voice, but her husband’s.</p>
<p>“Levi.” She gazed at him in adoration. “I love you.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He sat up, felt dizzy, and laid back down again. Levi blinked a few times, rubbed his forehead. He felt drugged up.</p>
<p>“Hmmf?” he muttered.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Hange stood over him, looking her usual cheerful ass self. “Good news. We got away from the Jaegerists. We’re headed to Ohida now.” She looked a bit sad. “Though Magath sacrificed himself to let us get away.”</p>
<p>“Mmm.” Levi blinked, glanced around the room. “Was someone else here?”</p>
<p>“Who?” Hange looked puzzled.</p>
<p>“I thought…she…”</p>
<p>He blinked. Kuchel. Oruo. Petra.</p>
<p>He sighed. A dream. A dream of a different life. One where the Rumbling didn’t exist.</p>
<p>Petra Ral was long since dead, and the dead didn’t come back.</p>
<p>“I think you need more rest.” Hange pulled the blanket up to his chin. Tch. Damn nursemaid.</p>
<p>“Just a dream,” he croaked.</p>
<p>Hange went to check up on Armin. Poor kid was healing a gunshot to the face. That’d put anyone out of commission.</p>
<p>Levi closed his eyes. Well. Eye.</p>
<p>
  <em>There will be a path…</em>
</p>
<p>He woke again and frowned. Just a dream. A stupid dream.</p>
<p>So why the fuck was he crying?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! A few things. </p><p>One, the updates on this really are going to be further between than they've been in the past. I can't promise when this will be finished, but I will finish it eventually. FYI, it could take a while.</p><p>Two, this is the final installment in the FLBAM/LR trilogy. If this goes where I'm thinking, it'll take us right up to the end of the manga, so I may need to stop a while to let the canon story itself progress. We'll see.</p><p>Three, this isn't going to be as neatly contained as the first two stories. Things may get strange.</p><p>Four, the title comes from the line "There are more tears shed over answered prayers than over unanswered prayers."</p></blockquote></div></div>
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